Volume 3
The Black Sheep
FR PRO EE! LI BAB KE A LY S TAT HOU TOO L D N YO U ’T G ET.
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
Issue 2
Pervy Purdue Pete Peeks at Yik Yak Josh H. wrote this Yo, Petey here. Are you on Yik Yak yet, bruh? If not, allow me to explain. Yik Yak is like the Wild West of social media. Anonymous posts that are specific to your geographical area show up on a timeline. You don’t know who made these posts or why, but you do know how popular each post is thanks to a karma system. Since Yik Yak is specific to your area, I decided to find some of the sexiest Purdue Yaks, and share them with to Purdue’s uninitiated. “To whoever left the dildo in the laundry room: you left your dildo in the laundry room.” Wow. So many questions here. Was this a dorm laundry room? If so, I need to head back to Owen to do some laundry ASAP. Was this a lady’s dildo? Was this lady attractive? WAS THE DILDO USED? WHO IS USING A DILDO IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM TWO WEEKS INTO CLASSES? I’d like to imagine an awkward freshman engineering student found said dildo, and the above Yak was all he could process. “I stare at the bell tower from my bedroom window and press my bare nipples against the cold glass. I am one with the campus.” DAMN! Girl, can I get your number?! Oh, shit, what if this is a guy? Eh, I still want his number. “Just had sex!!!” CONGRATS! God, am I the only one on this campus who isn’t getting laid? Hey freshmen girls, LET ME HOLLA AT YAH! I’ve got a studio apartment, beer, and semi-promising career prospects. Wait, where was I? “Thought about going home this weekend but then I remembered I like alcohol and half-naked girls.” A few things here from ole’ Pete: Why stop at half-naked? Is that some newfangled fetish freshmen have these days? Is this bro spying on the track team while they run? Does he bring girls home but stops when they’re half-naked? Where is the source of half-naked girls? Bro, if you are reading this please get in contact with me and fill me in on these semi-naked women! “Question of the day…Do I tell me [sic] English teacher I f***ed his sister at the end of the semester?” Hold up. First, get a lesson in pronouns and elementary spelling from said teacher. Unless you’re from Ireland. Then keep referring to yourself as “me.” Secondly how hot was said sister? Sister banging is always a dicey subject, but If I was your TA, I would understand if I had like, a BANGING sister. Seriously, how hot was she? “PUSH thinks it’s doing Purdue a service by handing out free condoms. If they really wanted to help they would pass out free deodorant.”
Awful joke here, shame on whoever wrote this. But, I went into PUSH last week to get some ‘doms for my Friday night, and they tried to charge me! Yeah, it now costs me five points to get my Magnums. FIVE POINTS. HOW DO I EVEN GET POINTS?! I RARELY REMEMBER TO PAY MY BILLS ON TIME HOW AM I GOING TO REMEMBER TO BUY POINTS TO GET CONDOMS? Shame on you Indiana, for simultaneously limiting my easy access to birth control, and yet having a state full of such beautiful people. What do you want me to do, be abstinent?
“THIS IS A PSA: THE AVERAGE PURDUE GIRL DOES NOT HAVE THE ASS TO WEAR HIGH-WAISTED SHORTS. ACKNOWLEDGE THIS.” To whoever wrote this, THANK YOU. Girls, high-wasted shorts are dead. The fashionable amongst you have already moved on to bigger and better things. High-wasted shorts now are in the territory of Aeropostale and Target-tier ladies. STOP. “Will exchange blowjobs for text book money” In all likelihood a dude probably wrote this. BUT IF A LADY DID HIT ME UP. PLEASE.
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PAGES 12-13
STUDENT WHO BROUGHT GUITAR TO PARTY DIES FROM TOO MUCH SEX
FRESHMAN “HELLA STOKED” FOR $40 FIGHT CLUB POSTER
THE BLACK SHEEP INTERVIEWS: SARAH JAFFE
AND AFTER ALL, YOU’RE MY WONDERWALL.
SHOULD LOOK REEEALLL NICE NEXT TO HIS V FOR VENDETTA POSTER.
WE CHAT WITH THE SINGER/SONGWRITER ABOUT HER TOUR AND LATEST ALBUM.
FOLLOW US @BLACKSHEEP_PU SEPTEMBER 11th, 2014 - SEPTEMBER 24th, 2014 THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM