Volume 4
The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
FRE som E! Lik e sl e sna eep gg in c ing lass ...
Issue 6
PROS AND CONS OF BEING IN LIBERAL ARTS
Katy Martin wrote this
The battle between liberal arts and STEM majors has been a long one. Purdue is well-known for its engineering and science programs, but The Black Sheep is here to explain why it’s worthwhile to get a degree in liberal arts from Purdue. Pro: We have more time to go out and socialize. Unlike most engineering or science majors, we aren’t stuck in the lab for hours on end (plus the basement of Lawson gets, like, no cell reception). Liberal arts students don’t have as many huge projects to do, thus opening up our schedules for something far more enjoyable, like actually having fun in college (think fountain runs and After School Club). And we can still pass our classes, no problem. Con: We won’t make as high of a salary when we graduate. This is sort of inevitable. Most engineers are going to start earning a fairly high salary right out of school (think near 6-digit salary). People with liberal arts degrees have the opportunities to earn that much, it will just take longer. Top Tip: Just marry an engineer. Pro: We have more time to sleep. Ah, sleep. You know that cursed college triangle people always talk about? Between sleep, good grades, and a social life, it’s said that a college student can only pick two. But liberal arts students can have it all! Con: We have to hear all the engineers brag about being in engineering. Actually, that’s not just liberal arts students. Everyone outside of engineering has to hear this stuff, and we all get tired of it real quick. Top Tip: Steer clear of the engineering portion of campus. Feel free to hang out on the mall by Engineering Fountain, but don’t venture into any of the buildings. Pro: There’s a much better gender balance in liberal arts. If you’re a dude looking to meet chicks, engineering is not the way to go. The ratio of girls to guys is much more equal in liberal arts.
PAGE 5 SIX RULES REGARDING YOUR REMAINING ABSENCES OUR GUIDE TO MAKING IT THE REST OF THE WAY.
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Con: We’re less likely to be hired right out of school. Ever heard the term “starving artist”? Well, it’s a very real thing. It’s hard to find a job with a liberal arts degree, but we also don’t have to limit ourselves to what we studied. The job market is very competitive and in far less demand for people with our degree, but it’s not impossible. Top Tip: NETWORK! Go to as many CLA events they have where alums will be speaking. One of them may be looking to hire interns!
Pro: The classes are way MORE fun and way LESS stressful. We would much rather take Sports Broadcasting (COM 495) than Statistical Thermodynamics (ME 501). We would also rather take Archaeology and Materials Science (ANTH 589) and live like Indiana Jones, than suffer through Introduction to the Analysis of Algorithms (CS 381). While engineers are pulling their hair out over big projects, my communication friends and I will be ringing in this spring weather with day drinking. Grand Prix is fast approaching, and a quick survey of the people sitting in Harry’s will show who is having the most fun in college.
PAGE 11
PAGES 12-13
BARTENDER OF THE WEEK
THE QUIZ: WHAT SHOULD YOU CHANGE YOUR MAJOR TO NEXT YEAR?
IF YOU WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN, GIVE JORDAN FROM JAKE’S A LOT OF NICKELS AND TAKE HIM TO A STRIP CLUB.
APRIL 8TH, 2015 - APRIL 21ST, 2015
WE ANALYZE EVERY PART OF YOUR LIFE AND HELP YOU DECIDE!
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PAGE THREE THE BLACK SHEEP’S LEGENDARY
WORD OF THE WEEK
80s CARTOON CHARACTER PORN STAR NAME?
PARAPHONAL When your phone phantom vibrates, the screen freaks out for no reason, and in general doesn’t work correctly.
JYNX MAZE
My phone phantom vibrated in class like ten times, and I didn’t get a single text! Something paraphonal is going on, I need to go to the Apple Store.
CAN YOU GUESS THE CELEBRITY BACK?
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5 Steps to Bullshiting Your Term Paper in 1 Hour
So you’ve put off doing your paper again. Only this time, it’s a semester-long term paper that there's no possible way you could finish an hour before a 9 a.m. class, right? Wrong! Before you get white-hot anxiety and contemplate cutting off your arm for a doctor’s note, work your way through this how-to guide to finish your long-ass paper in just one hour. Step 1: Throw away all your standards Before you sit down to start an hour of this shit show, prepare yourself to be disappointed. If you expect your fingers to magically pour out the next New York Times bestseller and still have time to stop in Starbucks before class, you’re going fail. Your main focus should be typing words that form a semi-comprehensible sentence while keeping expectations for yourself as low as possible. Step 2: Answer the main question With over 100 papers to read at a time, the chances your professor is going to over analyze your introduction are slim. An introduction is basically a bunch of fluff that frames the ultimate purpose of your paper. Start off with a quote by someone famous in the field to hook your professor’s interest. After babbling on about the importance of this issue/research/book, state your opinion as bluntly as possible so your professor knows you mean business. Your false sense of confidence will come off as impressive, trust us. Step 3: Befriend Wikipedia And no, you’re not going to blindly copy passages, dumbass. Take a gander all the way at the bottom of the Wikipedia pages. Two words: free bibliography. It can technically be argued that Wikipedia is a series of “peer-reviewed articles,” but all you have to do is reap the rewards of their hard work.
Step 4: Composing the body Click on one of the Wikipedia references. That’s your first paragraph. Read the first sentence or two and copy it down as the beginning of your first paragraph. To avoid plagiarism, quote the author of the article as much as possible. To seem like you’re truly researching the topic, make sure you restate the quote in your own words in the following sentence, even if you only change one or two words. As long as your professor believes you know what the hell you’re talking about, you’re golden. Repeat this process for 3-4 more paragraphs, depending on how fast you can click COMMAND+C and COMMAND+V. Step 5: Wrap it up Like the intro, your conclusion is just there to appease the powers that be and because your 5th grade teacher told you it was necessary. Like you, your professor just wants to get the gist of your paper and the conclusion is your place to show you did your “research.” Start by restating the purpose of your paper from the introduction. Then simply copy and paste the first sentence from each body paragraph to bring all the ideas together. Your last sentence should be the money maker. Spend the most time on this one killer sentence that will show how all of these ideas connect to the larger world. If you did it all correctly, you should have 40 minutes to focus on this sentence. Before you Kanye-shrug and deem this paper “good enough,” run through it with a rather wide-toothed comb. Agree with whatever spellcheck tells you to do and polish up the the formatting with proper font, heading, margins, all the shit that really doesn’t matter. Once that’s done, you’ve successfully bullshitted your way through a huge paper. Print it out and give yourself a gold star. You did it!
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THE TOP TEN
Things to Do in the Library The staff at The Black Sheep has recently discovered that our campus contains a real library in which there are thousands of books and millions of things to do. Here’s our take on the best ways to spend time in the Purdue library (other than inconspicuously drink or have sex, as those are totally obvious). 10.) Study: That’s what this library is technically for, so why not do what your parents think you do in college for once? 9.) Don’t Study: There are some comfortable couches right next electrical outlets. Take off your shoes, open your laptop, and catch up on all of your Netflix shows in the perfect peaceful setting.
Six Rules Regarding Your Remaining Absences Staff wrote this
By this time in the semester you’ve already spent most of your excused absences on things like being hungover, cleaning up before a parent visits, or stuck on a bad trip where you refuse to come down from the fridge until someone stabs that cat in the throat. Well good job, that’s what they’re for. For all you who still have a couple left, or those goodie-goodies who hoard them until the end, here’s a quick list on how to spend your remaining free skips. Rule 1: No More Sick Days Sure, you may not feel up to attending class in your current condition. Yes, you’re vomiting and oozing from every orifice on your body, but at this point in the semester you’ll really regret using your skips like this. Drag yourself out of bed and stick that butt to a chair—don’t even bother getting dressed or showering. You’ll look so bad you professors won’t expect you to participate. They’ll even let you take naps in class. Really they’ll just be glad you stopped vomiting.
8.) Search for Potential Sexual Partners: If you’re not into West Lafayette nightlife, your future life partner is probably somewhere in this labyrinth of a building. Walk around innocently, and “accidentally” drop all of your books every once in a while. Eventually, your personal Prince Charming will come to your aid and you’ll live happily ever after. 7.) Distract People: Everyone in the library works excessively hard, but you know they’d all rather be at Brother’s. Walk around until you see someone attractive, and incessantly poke him or her in the back of the head until they agree to go to the bar with you. After all, the worst night with a beer is better than the best night with a textbook.
Rule 2: Sometimes Clemson Rains Like It’s Trying to Drown Everyone On those days you can just stay in and get cozy with some Netflix. Don’t even get out of bed. Binge-watch whatever Netflix show all your friends have already finished so you don’t have to feel left out anymore.
6.) Switch Around All the Books: If you’re not feeling studying, then nobody should be feeling studying. Switch around all the books so anyone trying to study is turned away empty handed and forced to use their time more wisely, doing like, literally anything.
Rule 3: Don’t Waste Your Skips on Rainy Days If, on the other hand, you’re a sunbather instead of a Netflixer, don’t waste your skips on rainy days. It’s starting to warm up and you want to be embracing the sun and letting its warmth burn your skin just long enough to get sexy. So head out to the pool at your apartment complex, or to the Quad for you shameless freshmen.
5.) Shush Everyone You Hear Talking and Remind Them it’s a Library: If someone is bothering you for any illogical reason, wait for them to talk, whisper, or even sigh. As soon as you have a chance, stroll over and let them know that this is a library, for God’s sake, and that if they insist on being loud and obnoxious that they might as well leave.
Rule 4: Sleep If you have any skips left for classes between 8 a.m. and 11 a.m.—really anything before noon—just sleep. But who are we kidding? There’s no way you haven’t already done this, you lazy sack of genius. Turn over and go back to solving which of the passengers on the USSR Flying Whale is trying to sabotage UFC Champion Jon Bones Jones before his fight tonight! Rule 5: Do Something with Your Skips Don’t just lounge around and eat Bagel Bites, do something memorable! Maybe steal your friend’s dad’s Ferrari and drive it around; have lunch someplace expensive like McGraw’s and then skip out on the bill. All this before performing a rousing rendition of The Beatles’“Twist and Shout” at a parade downtown that gets the whole crowd dancing… Or something similarly exciting, but not necessarily from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Rule 6: Ride the Lightning Go crazy. Run around in the sewers and grab people’s ankles. Drive to the nearest dairy farm and put funny hats on the cows. Challenge the Hicks bully who steals three desks in the library and won’t share study space. He stole the desk you and Diane were using to study and you didn’t do anything. You got punked and now Diane won’t even look at you! But tackling past demons you didn’t know you would encounter and getting the girl is what skip days are all about. Now go and have fun. The day you use your sweet, sweet absences will put Max Keeble’s Big Move to shame.
4.) Reserve a Private Study Room and Hotbox it: Make sure you do this under someone else’s name; otherwise, people may catch on to you as soon as you open the door and let out the sweet aroma within. 3.) Play Hide-and-Go-Seek: The library is actually ideal for this, as it’s a huge space filled with innumerable nooks and crannies. During finals week, be productive and bring your notes to actually study while your friends look for you. 2.) Set Up a New Home: Take over a corner, and just move in. Plug in a television and a coffeemaker, turn some couches into beds, and hide a cooler full of Nattys behind a bookshelf. Rent will be a hell of a lot cheaper when it’s included in your tuition. 1.) Write Erotica Short Stories in a Notebook and Casually Place them on the Shelves: Write a short anecdote about the wild threesome you had after Neon Cactus that one time sophomore year. Use extra details, and don’t be afraid to embellish or draw pictures. Be as creative as you can, and then place your creation on the shelf to surprise an unsuspecting reader.
Staff wrote this
PARTY PICS
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ON THE STREETS WHAT’S THE MOST UNUSUAL THING EVER TO HAPPEN TO YOU AT AN OUTDOOR PARTY? JACOB W.
“We were having a Quaker meeting, and we were all sitting around drinking. At one point, a guy was riding a cow naked, in a cowboy hat.”
ALYSSA L.
“My swim team had a camp out at the pool when I was younger, and one of the kids woke us up in the middle of the night screaming. He jumped off the diving board, naked.”
SKYE C.
“At an outdoor reception, the father of the groom decided to strip! We were all talking in a group, and we just saw the groom’s face go white. I looked over and saw his pants drop and then the mother ran in and whisked him away.”
06
Your Degree Shouldn’t Cost As Much As Your Housing!
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Waterfront Apartments • 320 Brown St., W. Lafayette CHECK US OUT ONLINE! WATERFRONTAPARTMENTSWL.COM
MEXICAN GRILL & BAR
Bar Open Late Every Night! Catering Now Available! DAILY FOOD & DRINK SPECIALS: CHECK THE BAR GRID!
EXICAN GRILL & BAR
$5 Double Wells WINGS & BEER 2P-9P $13 Boneless Wings & 60oz Bud Lite or Coors Light Tower
Everyday: $0.69 Bud Light $0.99 Shocktop $1.20 Johnny Appleseed $1.99 Peoples Drafts
TUESDAY: 5 for $15 Blue Moon and Red Stripe Buckets $13 Sangria Pitcher $3.75 Well Drinks
TUESDAY! Euchre at 9pm $1 Off All Crafts & Microbrews, $2.50 Bacardi and Bacardi Oakheart
$1.50 Double Well Mixers $1 Sharkbite Shots $1 Wounded Turtle Shots $2.50 Domestic Drafts $2.50 Fireball Shots
$10.99 Steak Night! $0.69 Bud Light $0.99 Shocktop $1.20 Johnny Appleseed $1.99 Peoples Drafts
5 for $15 312 and Sam Adams Buckets $13 Margaritas and Mojito Pitchers $2.50 Well Tequila Shots $5 Long Islands
Free Hotdogs, Popcorn and Peanuts $2.25 Domestic Bottles, $4.25 Fishbowls, Well Drinks
$0.69 Bud Light $0.99 Shocktop $1.20 Johnny Appleseed $1.99 Peoples Drafts
$5 Double Wells, $3.50 Well Shots $4 Bombs, $14 Well Pitchers 5 for $12 Miller Lite and Coors Light 5 for $17 Heineken Buckets
$3.75 Captain Morgan, $3.25 Miller/Coors 24oz Drafts, $4.25 Blue Moon 24oz Drafts $3 Bazooka Joe & Cherry Bombs, Free Hotdogs, Popcorn and Peanuts!
SAT.
$5 Double Bacardi Specialty Drinks SWAMP WATER • SOUTH BEACH • CHERRY LEMONADE $5 Double Wells
$0.69 Bud Light $0.99 Shocktop $1.20 Johnny Appleseed $1.99 Peoples Drafts
$5 Long Islands, $3.50 Well Shots $4 Bombs, $14 Well Pitchers 5 for $12 Miller Lite and Coors Light 5 for $17 Corona Buckets
Brex Club! $4.25 Jack Daniels, $3.25 Bud, Bud Light and Rolling Rock 24oz Drafts, $4.25 Goose Island 312 24oz Drafts, $3 Jager Bombs | Breakfast Club Specials: $2.25 Screwdrivers and Bloody Marys, $3 Fireball Breakfast Shots
SUN.
$2 Double Wells $3 U-Call-It Shots $5 Double U-Call-It Mixers $5 3 Olives Long Islands
$10.99 Steak Night! $0.69 Bud Light $0.99 Shocktop $1.20 Johnny Appleseed $1.99 Peoples Drafts
$4.25 Double Well Drinks, Margaritas, and Mojitos
MON.
FRI: $5 Dbl Three Olives Vodka Drinks
50¢ Rolling Rock Cans $1 Double Wells $1.25 18oz Bud Light Bottles* $3 U Call It Shots $5 14oz Three Olives L.I.T.’S
$0.69 Bud Light $0.99 Shocktop $1.20 Johnny Appleseed $1.99 Peoples Drafts
5 for $10 Bud Light, Miller Light, and Coors Light
TUES.
THURS. SPECIAL NIGHT
BAR GRID
$2 Double Wells $2 Any Draft $2 Hot Shot of the Day $5 14oz Three Olives L.I.T.’S
$0.69 Bud Light $0.99 Shocktop $1.20 Johnny Appleseed $1.99 Peoples Drafts
5 for $15 Blue Moon and Red Stripe Buckets $13 Sangria Pitcher $3.75 Well Drinks
Euchre at 9pm $1 Off All Crafts & Microbrews, $2.50 Bacardi and Bacardi Oakheart
$0.69 Bud Light $0.99 Shocktop $1.20 Johnny Appleseed $1.99 Peoples Drafts
5 for $15 Angry Orchard and Sierra Nevada Buckets $4.50 Daiquiris & Pina Coladas $14 Well Pitchers.
Team Trivia at 9:30pm $2.25 Wells, $1.50 Retro Miller Lite Bottles
ORANGE KRUSH • GRAPE APE • BLUE LEMON DROP
WED.
FRI.
$5 Double Three Olives Vodka Drinks ORANGE KRUSH • GRAPE APE • BLUE LEMON DROP
$5 Double Wells WINGS & BEER 2P-9P $13 Boneless Wings & 60oz Bud Lite or Coors Light Tower
Wing Night (Mild, Ass-Burner, Spicy Garlic & Hawaiian BBQ)
25¢ Wings 9pm ‘til gone $1.25 Miller High Life bottles $1.50 double wells $2 Hot Shot of the Day $5 Three Olives Long Islands
5 for $12 Miller Light, Bud Light, and Coors Light $4.25 Double Well Drinks
$15 Domestic Pitcher & Pie, $6.50 Domestic Pitchers, $2.25 Wells, $3 Fireball $1.50 Bud/Bud Light Bottles, $2 Coronas, $3 Jager Bomb Cups, $15 Domestic Pitcher + Pie, $4 220z Well Drinks, $5 Red Bull Mixers
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FRIDAY & SATURDAY: Bruce in the Piano Bar 9pm, Live DJ main room
FRIDAY & SATURDAY: $3.99 32oz Domestic Drafts
SPECIAL
THREE DOLLAR THREE OLIVES THURSDAY $1 Coors, $2 Wells and $3 Three Olives $3.75 Long Islands
$3.99 Cactus Margaritas
THURS.
$2 Bud/Bud Light Drafts, $15 100oz beer tubes, $12 Bud/Bud Light buckets, $3 Titos, $4 Jacks and $4 Bacardi Bruce in Piano Bar 9pm, Live DJs main room
$3.99 32oz Domestic Drafts
FRI.
$3.50 Smirnoff and Captain Morgan, $4 Jacks, $12 Buckets Miller/ Coors, $15 100oz Beer Tube of Miller/Coors Bruce in the Piano Bar 9pm, Live DJ main room
$3.99 32oz Domestic Drafts
SAT.
Check out your pics on our galleries @ neoncactus.biz
$15.99 House Margarita Pitchers
SUN
Margarita Monday! $2.99 12oz Margaritas
MON.
Check out your pics on our galleries @ neoncactus.biz
$1.99 16oz Domestic Drafts
TUES.
RESERVE TABLES, PRIVATE PARTIES and MORE! Go to neoncactus.biz and CONTACT US to send a message to make your night even more special!
$2.25 16oz Import Drafts
WED.
SOCIAL MEDIA IS YOUR VIP TICKET!!
Follow us on Twitter or FB: Neon Cactus or Neon Cactus Country. Free passes, VIP tables, tickets and contests! Plus up to date info on all events!
Check out your pics on our galleries @ neoncactus.biz
BARTENDER OF THE WEEK
JORDAN V. AT JAKE’S
Relationship Status: Single Major: Graduated Favorite Drink: Jack and Coke Favorite Shot: Black Pussy ;) Disgusting Drink: Gin and tonic What prank would you like to pull on someone who didn’t tip you?: I’d tell them their mom died. What’s the best drink to suck down in a beer garden?: God’s Nectar. How would you spend $100 in nickels?: Strip club. Make it hail. Which two vulgarities don’t pair as a very good insult?: Cocky cock.
Give us the down-low on the birds and the bees: Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. What famous animal name would you name your firstborn?: King Louie, from The Jungle Book. Combine two fast food items from different chains to produce something delicious: Frisco melt inside Junior Bacon Cheeseburger. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: Because you can’t read pornography.
THE DRINKING GAME
RECIPE FOR DISASTER
POST-LENT DISASTER
KOSHER CORN DOGS
So you gave up drinking for Lent like an idiot, eh? This week’s going to be one hell of a ride for your gut and your roommates. But tonight it’s time to take out your 40-day frustration on the place that put you in this bind to begin with. You’re going back to church to show them the mess they’ve created.
Oy vey! We’re in the midst of Passover and you’ve got a taste for corn dogs? Lucky enough, you’ve got The Black Sheep to help you out in making those bad boys kosher. They may not end up being corn dogs, but we guarantee you’ll have something in your dogs.
What You’ll Need: 30-rack of God’s greatest creation: beer, and penance for what’s about to happen. Number of Players: The father, the son, and your case of holy spirits.
What You’ll Need: Your favorite kosher food, corn meal, flour, sugar, baking powder, milk, salt, pepper and eggs, hot oil, tasteful imagination. Fatty Factor: It’s better than eating grandma’s matzo ball soup!
The Game Ends When: You cut the communion line and chug all the wine, burp, and yell, “ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME” then leave.
Let’s Get Baked: -Combine 1 cup corn meal, 1 cup flour, ¼ cup sugar, 4 tablespoons of baking powder and a dash of salt and pepper. -Add one cup milk and an egg to the above mix. You now have your batter. - Take your favorite foods (mine is pizza, so we’ll go with that) and prepare them as usual. - Once your pizza sauce and cheese are warmed up, mix them together. - Dip your pizza in the batter. -Place it in hot oil for about 3 minutes. - Let it cool down and eat away, guilt free (imagine that what you just made is not a pizza roll, but a corn dog instead.)
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Level of Intoxication: Your stomach will need its own salvation tomorrow morning. How to Play: - It’s been a few weeks, so start off with a cool 10 beers at home before you leave. - Make the pilgrimage to the nearest church and have your own tailgate on the front steps. - Drink twice for every sucker who walks inside. - By the time someone asks you to leave, you should be drunk enough to make them think you’re speaking in tongues. - Astonished, they will invite you inside. Drink every time someone yells out amen.
THE QUIZ:
WHAT SHOULD YOU CHANGE YOUR MAJOR TO NEXT YEAR? Take this quiz to find out what you should change your major to next semester. At the end of the quiz, tally up your points and head to the registrar’s office with your new major that you’re sure to enjoy a lot more than the one you have now. - Katelin Howell
Question 1: How often do you attend class each week? A. Every day! Why would I skip class? B. I think I attended class once, two weeks ago. C. Sometimes I’ll skip my morning class. D. All my professors take attendance, so I have to go every day. E. I go to most classes, but I’m usually hungover.
Question 8: What’s the longest you’ve gone without taking a shower? A. Maybe two days B. Two weeks C. A full month D. 12 minutes E. 24 hours
Question 2: What’s your favorite subject?
Question 10: How many times have you gotten drunk this semester?
A. Art B. Musical Studies C. Business D. Engineering E. Journalism
A. Too many to count. B. I’ve never tasted alcohol. C. Like… four times. D. At least once a week. E. An acceptable amount of times.
Question 4: What makes you the happiest? A. Shoe sales B. Happy hour C. Netflix D. Sunshine and fresh-cut grass E. Free food
Question 11: Who would be the best professor? A. Kanye West B. Robert Downey Jr. C. Helen Keller D. Napoleon Dynamite E. Coco Chanel
Question 5: What’s your biggest goal in life? A. Getting a job right out of college B. Marrying rich C. Pass my classes this semester D. Get into law school E. Show up to class sober, for once
A. Dazed and Confused B. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs C. Sideways D. Mean Girls E. The Devil Wears Prada
A. The Internet and Wifi B. My favorite pair of shoes C. My mom D. Nachos E. A mimosa to get me through the day
Question 13: Whom would you rather marry?
Question 7: What’s your favorite method of transportation?
A. Albert Einstein B. The Most Interesting Man in the World C. Jennifer Lawrence D. Your hot professor E. George Clooney
A. Walking B. Biking C. Riding a unicorn D. Driving E. Teleportation
1. A=1 B=5 C=3 D=4 E=2 2. A=5 B=3 C=4 D=2 E=1 3. A=5 B=3 C=4 D=2 E=1 4. A=3 B=2 C=1 D=4 E=5
20-36 Points: You Should Major In Popular Culture:
This is actually a major where you learn about movies, celebrities and anything and everything pop culture. Who wouldn’t want this major as a daily “effort”? When you change your major next semester you’ll be watching movies and TMZ every day.
5. A=1 B=5 C=3 D=4 E=2 6. A=1 B=3 C=4 D=5 E=2 7. A=2 B=3 C=4 D=5 E=1 8. A=5 B=2 C=4 D=3 E=1
37-52 Points: You Should Major In Fermentation Sciences:
A major in learning how to make beer. You get to make the beer, you get to drink the beer. Basically, next semester you’ll have buzz every day in class and that’s totally acceptable. You’re one of the lucky ones. You actually learn a lot about science and biology, so it’ll be super beneficial.
Question 16: What do you wear to class? A. Workout clothes B. Pajamas C. My cutest outfit D. Whatever is clean E. Sperrys, short shorts and Greek t-shirts
Question 17: What job do you want after you graduate? A. Working at an atelier B. Manager at Chipotle C. Bartender D. Actor E. Living at my parents’ house for free
Question 18: What’s your favorite TV show?
Question 12: What’s your favorite movie?
Question 6: What can’t you live without?
ANSWER KEY:
A. Instagram B. Snapchat C. Twitter D. Pinterest E. Tumblr
A. Taco Bell B. Sushi C. Anything that cures a hangover D. Pizza E. Ramen
Question 3: What major are you in right now?
A. Captain Underpants B. The Harry Potter series C. Does Sports Illustrated count? D. Vogue E. I don’t reed, u dummy.
Question 15: What’s your favorite social media app?
Question 9: What’s your favorite thing to eat?
A. Eating B. History of fashion C. Sleeping D. Math E. Not going to class and watching Netflix instead
Question 14: What’s your favorite book?
9. A=5 B=3 C=2 D=1 E=4 10. A=2 B=5 C=3 D=4 E=1 11. A=1 B=2 C=4 D=5 E=3 12. A=4 B=5 C=2 D=1 E=3
53-68 Points: You Should Major In Apparel Studies:
Fashion and shopping are your favorite things in the whole wide world. Now, imagine of doing that for a living! Switching to this major next semester will get you prepared to shop for other people or design clothes for other people. But you know you’ll still be shopping for yourself, all the while getting paid to do it.
A. E! News B. Mad Men C. Cupcake Wars D. Project Runway E. Workaholics
Question 19: What do you like to do in your spare time? A. Go shopping B. Get high C. Watch movies D. Eat E. Get drunk
Question 20: What’s your favorite college holiday? A. Summer break B. Christmas break C. Martin Luther King Day D. Spring break E. Thanksgiving break
13. A=5 B=2 C=4 D=1 E=3 14. A=4 B=1 C=5 D=3 E=2 15. A=5 B=4 C=1 D=3 E=2 16. A=1 B=4 C=3 D=5 E=2
69-84 Points: You Should Major In Cannabis Cultivation:
AKA growing weed. AKA the best major ever. AKA you’ll be learning how to make your own weed. AKA never paying for marijuana ever again. Don’t be frightened if the DEA shows up to one of your classes next semester, just act natural. Be cool, man. You should be used to that.
17. A=3 B=5 C=2 D=1 E=4 18. A=1 B=2 C=5 D=3 E=4 19. A=3 B=4 C=1 D=5 E=2 20. A=1 B=3 C=4 D=2 E=5
85-100 Points: You Should Major In Food Science:
You know you love food, eating is basically the only thing you do all day anyway. After you change your major to this for next semester, you’ll get to eat to your heart’s delight, cook your own food, learn about different foods from around the world and basically get a degree in becoming a chef. Honestly, what could be better?
blacked out cartoons!
Can you identify them? If so, email us at cartoons@theblacksheeponline and win a prize!
DELECTABLE DESSERTS CROSSWORD
ACROSS: 6) This kind of cake is a traditional substitute for wedding cake in the Appalachia area of the United States. 10) This fruit salad contains, amongst other fruits, pineapple, mandarin oranges, mini marshmallows and coconut. 11) This french, frozen dessert is layered with yogurt and fruit, amongst others. 13) A small cake baked into an ice cream cone is called a what? 15) This traditional camping treat has it’s own special day in the United States, celebrated yearly on August 10. 16) This Southwestern pudding is made from ground sprouted wheat and piloncillo. 19) Gooey Butter cake is a flat and dense cake traditionally made in this midwestern city. 20) This cake is made by pouring batter into oil in a circular pattern and then deep frying. 21) Bananas Foster originated in which American city? 22) This cobbler-like dessert has sweetened crumbs in the layers between fruit, two words. DOWN: 1) A boston cream pie is
actually not a pie, but a what? 2) This type of pie is also called a black moon or gob. 3) Fried Coke was introduced in 2006 in which state? 4) Gummy worms are often added on top of this kind of dessert. 5) A king cake often has a plastic what inside? 7) This sponge cake made a comeback in the United States in the summer of 2013. 8) Devil’s food cake is darker than other chocolate cakes by the additional use of this ingredient, two words. 9) This small cake is made from ground almonds, coconut, sugar and egg white. 12) This cake gets it color from adding beetroot or food coloring, two words. 14) German chocolate cake is traditionally topped with what kind of frosting? 17) This pudding is notably mentioned in a verse in the song Yankee Doodle. 18) The most popular gelatin dessert, which also doubles as a delicious alcoholic shot.
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