The Black Sheep FR
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 4 9/13/12 -9/19/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepusc
NO WHITE T-SHIRTS ON BID DAY John Cocksman wrote this
The heavens poured down on the Horseshoe, the skies fell and a whole lot of other poetic shit about the sorority girls finding their new best friends forever. Rain poured down on campus as the sorority girls of South Carolina chanted and cheered for their new “babies” to run across the Horseshoe into their loving arms. The spirit was high amongst the ladies, even as they got soaking wet in the storm. No rain could stop the spirit of a sorority girl, especially after two weeks of “no booze, no boys.” The only thing on the minds of the men of USC, on the other hand, was simple: why were there no white t-shirts on this glorious day of girls in the rain?! The University of South Carolina is a school that prides itself on sexual banter. Our mascot is an angry cock and South Carolina’s flagship institution proudly flaunts girls wearing revealing gym shorts with “COCKS” written on their booties. Only at USC will half of Williams-Brice Stadium shout “COCKS” in the aggrandized orgy of athleticism that is Carolina football. Only at South Carolina will you find a running of the bulls-style ho run. The point is simple: whenever rain is forecast for future sorority bid days, white t-shirts are a must. It’s only appropriate - since our mascot is a chicken, shouldn’t we see some breasts? Of the 1,377 girls to rush, 1,103 received bids. The Black Sheep offers our most sincere condolences to the 274 girls who stood in the rain only to experience the most profoundly sad moment possible. Let’s face it: standing in the rain with girls who didn’t want you in their sorority cheering...it’s sadder than a ‘90s music video. One rejected girl observed that “this is just bullshit anyway. I don’t need to pay for friends.” The Black Sheep is on record: we do not condone such an attitude, although we are inclined to agree that a good purchase of friends might be in order. A USCPD bike cop watched the event from a distance, and when asked about his experience he told The Black Sheep that “I’m just here to make sure that that guy we found pleasuring himself the other day doesn’t make another appearance. He’s on the sex-offender registry now, but we’re still on the lookout. We have some suspects, and we expect to find him somewhere in a tree or gutted van.” When asked why so much effort was being afforded by the university to protect the student body from the public
Beautiful, wonderful maria sharapova
masturbator, the bike cop remarked “it’s not like we don’t all go home and beat off to the thought of freshman sorority girls, but you can’t be doing that in public. That’s when you cross the line!” The Black Sheep, was stunned by the police officer’s honesty, and his creepy smile. “It’s just not fair to the rest of us, all these young girls running by, I’m just trying to remember the good ones so I can um…uh… help them later when they’re drunk downtown.” The creepy cop slowly biked off closer to the Horseshoe, we had no more questions.
what’s inside
the top 10: best sec towns to visit
The rain ended with the actual running of the bids, and boy it was an emotional point. The intensity of the cheering reached a tipping point when one sorority girl was sent to the hospital for a heart attack caused by too much spirit. Other injuries included the dignity of everyone involved, four broken ankles, and the hearts of the 274 girls who remained bid less. What slutty, sketchy things these 274 girls did in high school to be denied by every house, we will never know, but trust us, we’d like to.
we interview: abx from the hood internet
she smiles, and grunts, smiles, and grunts.
because our very own, of course.
he has the best idea for a pizza topping ever!
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