The Black Sheep
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 8 10/11/12 -10/17/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepusc
Drunken Parents Attend Georgia Game mel gaddy wrote this
COLUMBIA - Under the sweltering Palmetto State sun, parents relive their glory days at South Carolina tailgates, alongside their equally intoxicated children who now share in the sacred Gamecock tradition. Nearly one hundred thousand people were estimated by a local police officer to have attended, many of whom consumed alcoholic beverages. Of those who consumed alcoholic beverages, a majority were “binge drinking,” or consuming more than five drinks in one sitting. Officer Bubba Whitetrash noted that morning “Yup, ‘bout a halfa these here football fans ‘r gunna go in dis stadium drunk off dere’ asses.” He added “and I’ma arrest them fer drinkin’ and drivin’ at da checkpoint later when da’ game is over.” When asked why he had to spoil the festivities, his only response was “It’s my job ta’ keep the streets of Columbia free of drunks and other minorities.” After commenting, Officer Whitetrash promptly departed to investigate a group of Indian students who had formed what he described as a “tribe” of “potential criminal activity.” The Black Sheep has independently confirmed that the group of students was, in fact, a service fraternity who were promoting environmentally friendly tailgating practices. Carolina fans in sum, however, suffered the most during the Georgia game as the grounds surrounding Williams-Brice stadium was surrounded by Bulldog fans, who are nationally renowned for drunkenness and belligerency. A Gamecock parent, holding a Budweiser bottle said “we’ll host ‘em, but we’ll sure be happy when they go back home where they came from. This is Gamecock country, baby! Not the dog crate!” However, he took pride in the fact that he could share a beer with his nineteen year-old son, despite national drinking ordinances. “Yeah, me and my boy are gonna hit up Five Points tonight too! I got him a fake ID and everything! Man, this reminds me of the good ‘ole days!” He said as he took another sip of his beer. While many students were arrested for alcohol violations, parents stood out more profoundly in their misuse of alcohol, which has prompted university officials to expand the university’s online drinking education program to all parents who purchase tickets to South Carolina football games. One university official commented on the condition of anonymity “for many years [the University of South Carolina] has speculated that ir-
INTRAMURAL T-SHIRTS MORE IMPORTANT THAN GRADUATING
responsible choices pertaining to alcohol were attributable to a lack of parental supervision, but observation of parent-child tailgate sites suggests that destructive decisions begin in the home.” Alcoholism and binge drinking, the official continued “could be a learned behavior within the Carolina community.” He suggested that to combat this, making tailgates “dry” was an option to be considered. Another administrator, also under the condition of anonymity, stated plainly that “the Carolina community has seen historic blights on its record. The Woodlands party legacy cannot continue at USC tailgates.”
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Parents and students, when told that the University of South Carolina was considering banning the consumption of alcohol at tailgates vehemently objected. One parent commented “I’ve been commin’ to this damn city all my life to get trashed before goin’ into the games. Shit, it just wouldn’t be the same without booze!” Another parent at an adjacent tailgate expressed similar sentiments, and added “There is no way they would ever pull that bullshit off though. Too many of them are alcoholics too.” Students at both tailgates agreed, and continued “the only time my dad and I get along is when we’re both shitfaced.” He raised his beer to a toast, shouting “Go Gamecocks, baby!”
espn gameday: a blurry retrospective
who needs a high GPA when you’ve got a high OBP?
We’re like, always hungry. Stop looking at us like that. WE love FOOD.
so was that not erin andrews i made out with?
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