are you dtf (down to flock)? 2 people, cover, thursday at joe's for $5! only at campusflock.com Volume 18, Issue 14 4/27/11-5/04/11
Free...streaking in the marathon, come on, you know you want to do it!
The Black Sheep “A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
TheBoozeNews
Other stuff
Inside The amazingly great 07
The Four Stages of a Marathon Runner:
The fifth doesn’t involve a fifth, we’ll tell you that much.
shitty beer taste test! brendan wrote this
09
Drunk Eye for the Sober Guy:
What if you did everything you did sober, drunk?
18
Where Are They Now?
Whatever happened to that famous college party guy all the ladies loved?
“I’m gonna drink a lot of beer and stay out all night!” –Homer Simpson That’s what college is all about, right? Sure, studying and getting good grades are important, but only because they’re the means towards you convincing your parents that they should pay for that oh-so-crucial seventh year of college. Therein lies the rub; if your parents are paying for everything, then what’s the point of having a job? And if you’re staying out all night, who has the time to make money, anyway? So if you’re gonna get drunk, then the booze better be cheap. If the booze is gonna be cheap, then it should suck as little as possible. That’s where we come in. Since The Black Sheep literally keeps tens of dollars in its budget for drinking experiments, the fine full-time staff decided to do all the legwork for you. On a cold, rainy Friday in Chicago we hunkered down in an apartment with a bunch of the scummiest beer we could find in an attempt to decipher which beer was least rancid. Thus, The Great Crappy Beer Taste Test was born. It’s important to note that there’s a method to our beer-tasting madness, we don’t just go about this stuff willy-nilly: The Method: • Other than appearance, the whole taste test was conducted blindly; no participant knew which beer was which. • The goal of The Great Crappy Beer Taste Test is not to discover which beer tastes best; the purpose is to discover which beer tastes least worse. It’s a subtle difference, people. • We bought every crappy canned beer we could find at the Jewel, Walgreen’s and 7-Eleven by our office. Sadly, since our office is based in Chicago’s Wicker Park, none of the stores carried two
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staple crappy beers: Keystone Light and Natural Light. Not having those beers for the taste test is disappointing, but in all reality you, dear reader, are going to buy what you want, even if it comes in last. We tried to use as many controls during the test as possible. All the beers were kept at the same temperature. Three participants drank approximately 4 ounces of each beer from similar glasses. Each participant drank the same beer at the same time. The person running the test would fill each glass at the beginning of each tasting and rinse it out at the end of each tasting.
During the tasting we asked that the participants rate the beers on a scale of 1-5 based on the following categories: • Street Credibility: If you rolled into a random house party with a case of this stuff, how embarrassed would you be to hand a can of it to an attractive member of the opposite sex? • When It Hits Your Lips: Initial flavor. When you take your first sip, does it make you wish you were licking a random hobo instead? • Bitter Beer Facability: Simply put, its aftertaste. Does it continue to go down smoothly? Or, conversely, if it tasted like a licked butt at first, does it suddenly taste like sweet ambrosia? • Please Make It Stop: A test of long-term drinkability. If you had two options-- drink this or drink nothing, how close would you be to choosing horrible, horrible sobriety? • The tally: The average of the four categories. Now, onto the results:
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