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The Black Sheep “A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College...”
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theblacksheeponline.com Week of April 20th, 2011 | Volume 4 Issue 14
Other stuff
Inside 04
Am I the only one?
Seriously, why does the Easter Bunny exist?
05
Magazine Sex Tips
13
our Guide to Summer Superhero Movies:
Some awful advice from some awful national publications
There’s a lot of them this summer!
CONTINUED ON PAGE 11...
Amateur Adult Fiction: College Edition I
t was a Saturday night in April when they first locked eyes. In the frat, the lights flashed on the sticky dance floor just like they did on those faithful spring break nights in Cancun. Her engineering major boyfriend had just dumped her, and questioning why she ever went out with an engineering major in the first place, she had decided to grind with more dicks than…a dick grinder, I suppose. He had just beaten the new SOCOM and decided to put the Playstation away that night because he was determined to “get some poonani.” Naturally, their midsections attracted each other and began revolving like two overloaded washing machines. When the second song ended and that new Adele song came on, he looked at her with a sly grin and cleverly quipped: “So, should we roll in the deep?” “What!?” The music was very loud. “Should we roll in the deep?” “I don’t know what you’re fucking saying, but let’s get out of here…” She yelled over Adele’s silky smooth voice. Even though she didn’t get his lame contextual joke that he thought was clever but actually didn’t mean anything, they left the party to go to her house only a few blocks away. The cool night air was rife with the sounds of faint bass beats, crinkling beer cans, and the calculated voices of young collegiates. On the walk home, they talked about their hopes and dreams, their hometowns, and the fight outside the frat. As the alcohol she consumed took its full effect on her, and he finished drinking the liquid from a plastic milk carton filled with vodka and Sunny Delight labeled “Crunk Juice,” they began to want each other
Ziev Beresh wrote this
even more. Desperately, in fact. When they entered her house, she went to freshen up in the bathroom and he was left sitting there awkwardly. “Oh shit!” he thought, remembering that he would probably need a condom for the lovemaking that was sure to ensue. Checking his wallet, he found an old Durex that had been in there since his freshman year RA gave it to him. When she came out of the bathroom she was wearing nothing but her bra and panties. “Do you like?” she asked. Her breasts heaved like an asthmatic. “I like,” he replied coyly. She approached him and tripped over a biology textbook, falling gracefully onto her bed. Taking this as his cue, he slowly began to undress her. “You just broke my bra.” “Oh shit, sorry.” “No, I’m seriously pissed.” “Uh, I’ll get you a new one.” “Whatever asshole.” Finally they were naked and able to press their glistening bodies closely together. As he searched for her carnal tunnel with his throbbing member, she let out a whimper, “Ouch! That fucking hurt, you idiot!” “I’m sorry ok?” “Just fuck me you dumbshit.” They continued to make love for what seemed like the entire night, but was actually just several minutes. When it was over, they both rolled onto their backs panting. “You can go now,” she told him. “Oh shit,” he said, “I think this fucking condom broke.”