Volume 5, Issue 7 | 10/12/11 -10/19/11 | theblacksheeponline.com
Fre
e... l youike b nge eing r b th rot e h her ott e .
r
The
Black Sheep
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
trading places: msu and u of m black betty wrote this The annual MSU/U of M football game is one that can make every Spartan and Wolverine football fan piss their jorts. Despite the sheer awesomeness that this game is guaranteed to display each year, I’ve never witnessed a game where the Wolverines have done anything spectacular besides crap on their own faces. To be fair, I’ve certainly seen and experienced a fair share of tailgating in my many years as a Michigander. Whether it’s at MSU (or a different, less superior school), there is no telling what will happen at a rowdy tailgate. One thing I can always appreciate from the Michigan/Michigan State rivalry is the intelligent and soul-stinging discourse that occurs between a Spartan and a Wolverine. They murder one another with words that cut deeper than Denard Robinson’s butt hole. But what if, by some magical lightening bolt striking from the mysterious twilight zone in the sky, the whole campus of MSU and U of M switched identities a la Freaky Friday. Except not for a Friday, but for a whole week (Freaky Week-y?) How scared would you be to leave your beloved city in the hands of thousands of dweebs who hold the worst delusions of grandeur the world has ever known? Your professors would attempt to teach students who believe they’re too smart to be taught. Your beloved Harpers' would be infiltrated with 90-pound sorority girls who think “handling your liquor” means not puking on their dresses after the first shot of Peach Schnapps. They would rage (or what they believe is raging) hard during the week because “the course-load is so easy,” but they’d soon realize their faults and fail miserably. (Time to call daddy and get the professor fired!)Let’s not even get started on the amount of ear-ringing whining that is bound to occur because of the commute to their MSU classes… And on the other hand, imagine MSU Spartans living in Ann Arbor for a week—attending Michigan classes, navigating the hilly roads, the expensive bars, and the
Other stuff
Inside
05: Future of detroit
holy crap, the lions don't suck. we're gonna be okay!
air of cockiness that’s constantly permeating through the air and clinging to every strand of hair and article of clothing. Imagine smelling and tasting Ann Arbor. As much as I hate U of M and everything it stands for, I think as Spartans one of our biggest difficulties would lie in acclimating to their school colors. My god, they are atrocious. Maize? Seriously? In 1867, their original colors were described as “Azure blue” and “Maize.” It’s not even the colors themselves that irk me, but the principle that lies in their history. A simple yellow and blue would have sufficed, but like anything else, the fine people of the University of Michigan felt something superior should represent them—something more sophisticated. And so, many decades ago, the choad who would eventually create Crayola was inspired to coin the Maize color after seeing the contents of his most impressive dump to date. His fellow turd colleagues marveled at the idea and a circle jerk ensued soon after. However, it really should come as no shock that Spartans and Wolverines would not easily adapt to the very dissimilar environments they inhabit. We are and always have been inherently different species. Wolverines are innately unattractive while Spartans are naturally beautiful. Wolverines are hostile animals that don’t openly welcome others into their habitat, and frankly, Spartans have no desire to be part of it. Would we survive? Yes. Would we come equipped with torches and gasoline to burn everything in sight? I wouldn’t be surprised. Would we prove everyone wrong by 4.0’ing every class and teach the city a thing or two about drinking like a winner? Well, most definitely the latter. I’m sure, being the better people that we are, we’d find a way to enjoy ourselves, (as we always do), but I’m just going to hope that lightening bolt never strikes. Long live East Lansing!
07: breaking up is easy
just use our prewritten note and you'll be single in no time.
14: evil dead
teddy saw this musical in detroit, and it kicked ass
02
Table of
contents
Page 4: tour de east lansing Page 10: Bartender of the We take your fine ass around week town. Toby from BDubs is fittin' to find a girl who digs whistling.
04
07 05
page 5: how to sign a lease You may be signing your life away, but you can do it in style.
11
page 11: Jersey boys review Ziev saw this musical and thought it was faaabulous!
page 12: Movie Review Page 7: Girl code vs guy code We saw 50/50 and thought it The top five rules for the fellas was a 100. and the ladies. Page 14: the football quiz Pages 8 & 9: the bar grid What emotion are you of our We know you like to drink for beloved coach? cheap, so here's our gift to you.
Page Pic three
of the
Week!
think your caption is good enough for page four? Prove it: caption@theblacksheeponline.com
Download Our App! Now that's taking planking
iPhone
Android
to the extreme!
SEND IN YOUR PARTY PICTURES
For iPhone and Android Search Black Sheep Mobile
pics@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com
seach black sheep mobile
! s m a r g a n A Sexy
Can you guess these hotties?
Send your answers to celebs@theblacksheeponline.com The first 5 right answers win prizes!
Word of the week Internshit:
Air Citric Chins
A Relaxed Drags Narks
Submit your own word! word@theblacksheeponline.com
Definition: Any internship in which the primary responsibility of the intern is to get coffee. Sentence: “I hate this internshit, the guy at Starbucks knows my name better than my boss does.�
04
From 'da Streets "What are you going to do when State beats U of M this weekend?"
“I’m going to get a Spartan helmet tattooed on my bum….well not really, but it’s a good idea. I’ll actually get a temporary tattoo and drink myself silly.” -Jenna, Senior
tour de east lansing: Part 1 Bailey walsh wrote this On the banks of the Red Cedar, there’s a school that’s known to all— it has a shit ton of buildings and our trees look nice in the fall… Throughout every summer, gaggles of baby Spartans infiltrate East Lansing for a couple days at a time for freshmen orientation. They’re welcomed to the university with banners hanging over every building in an attempt to alleviate confusion, complimentary cookies at the local caf, and a grand tour of this massive clusterfuck we call campus. However, like most everything at orientation, this tour is a total letdown. Because the tour guide is hungover and making minimum wage, you end up walking around behind him/her as they take you around campus (in no logical order) and spit out random, useless “facts” that aren’t really true. The freshmen don’t think much of the tour’s inadequacy until they get their schedules and realize that all of their classes are on different corners of campus and they don’t have a goddamn clue where they’re going. Anyway, the point is, a tour of this campus should showcase the things most important to student life. And as this publication is known for its contributions to the MSU community, we thought an updated tour was in order… Beginning in the last goddamn place anyone ever wants to go, we have MSU’s Main Library. Here at the main library, you’ll find specimens of all different shapes and sizes with several different floors to accommodate their varying needs. Also located within the library and not a crowd favorite—Sparty’s Café. Though there are Sparty’s in many different buildings around campus, this particular location is guaranteed to leave you baffled and disappointed like your last one night stand. “I didn’t want that much cream.” “I can’t believe I paid for this.” Moving northward, you’ll cross Adams Field (where people are often LARPing and doing other nerdy things), and eventually reach the MSU Union. The Union is also a primary study spot with several different floors, but it does
have a few features that the library lacks. The Union is home to one of the highly coveted Dairy Stores—a place where you can get ice cream with enough fat in every serving that it’s not approved by the FDA. (Ah, Pure Michigan). The Union also has a women’s lounge that is exclusive to women only (what is this, Jane Crow?) and is dead silent at all times. If your phone exudes even the faintest noise, your food wrapper crumples, or your papers are shuffled audibly, you'll be pierced by every pair of eyes in that place. They might as well hang a sign that says, "Don't make a sound. We're not fucking around."
“Bathe in Wolverine tears.” Amanda, Junior
Honorable Union mentions: Spartan Lanes, the Campus Barbershop, and the computer lab that is always 1,000 degrees. Leaving the Union and heading west, you'll travel down Michigan Ave. before reaching Brody Complex. Formerly known as "The Brojects" for its prison-like dormitories and overall mediocre living conditions, Brody complex is currently experiencing several renovations in an attempt to make it more appealing to the underclassmen who want to move off-campus after one year of living in the dorms. After what seemed like several years of construction, Brody finally unveiled its state of the art cafeteria last year. To put it simply, that place blew my fucking mind. You're presented with so many options that you end up with six different things on your plate and no idea how they got there. I'm pretty sure having a quesadilla, sushi, mashed potatoes, salad, cookies, and a Diet Coke is what nutritionists mean when they say "a well-balanced diet." Unfortunately, the Brody caf is really the only part of the complex worth mentioning, but its food is worth the walk alone. And now that you're hypothetically stuffed, you’ll probably need a nap before you explore the rest of campus. For the next portion of our tour, we'll discuss the ins and outs of lecture halls, divulge shortcut secrets, and find out where the rape trail begins and ends. Happy travels!
I’m going to rage! That means I will not be responsible for my actions, and I will not remember said actions. I will probably be making out with most girls I meet due to my lack of inhibitions. This will be an extra special night for the women of East Lansing!” David, Senior
05
www.theblacksheeponline.com
the future of detroit frank sorise wrote this
As many are aware, the Lions are off to a 5-0 start this year, which obviously means that they are going to win the Super Bowl. With this kind of promise, many residents are worried that the city of Detroit will riot and burn like the streets of Vancouver and Cairo did earlier this year. However, I believe that times have changed. The Lions have changed. The team has greater role models and better attitudes influencing their fans than ever before, and only good things will ensue after a most certain Super Bowl victory over the Buffalo Bills. For those of you pessimistic readers out there, here are the reasons why only good things will come out of a victorious Lions team: Race Boundaries: One of the Detroit Lions’ Pro-StarAll-Bowl players is defensive tackle, Ndamukong Suh. The name Ndamukong is an African name whose origin comes from the country of Cameroon and means “house of spears.” And as we all know, “house of spears” also translates to “I’m a fucking hoss.” Due to Suh’s suh-perior playing, the name Ndamukong is guaranteed to spread all over the Metro-Detroit area (primarily in white kids who hope the name will bring them the talent they don’t have). With more white kids taking the name Ndamukong, they are more prone to respect African heritage, thus easing any and all racial tensions that exist in the city of Detroit. Zoo Visits: In 2006, the Detroit Zoo was in major jeopardy of being completely shut down. This upset and outraged many Michiganders. The zoo survived, but it still doesn’t receive the proper funding and attention it deserves. When the Lions enter the playoffs, the Detroit Zoo will start holding “Detroit Lions Nights.” As you can probably predict, these events will showcase the lions in all of their glory. However, in order to really demonstrate their glory and dominance over the rest of the animal kingdom, there will be a live cage match between one of our beloved lions and whichever weakling animal
is the mascot for the opposing team that Detroit will play on that night. Detroit Lions nights will provide fun and excitement for the whole family as the audience will get a firsthand glimpse of Darwin’s theory in action—two animals fighting to survive. And like any football game, the best opponent will end victorious. Unlike any football game, the loser of this game will most likely die. Go Lions! And, uh, good luck to the rest of you. The Automobile Industry: As the United States is slowing making its way out of a recession (kind of), so is the automobile industry (not really), which is largely based in Detroit. With Ndamukong Suh already starring in the highly acclaimed Chrysler commercials, it’s very likely that every player will soon obtain a car and commercial of their own, ultimately resulting in a Chrysler craze across the state. Realizing their newfound starstatus in the industry, Chrysler will make the first model school bus and revolutionize the schooling system in Michigan by donating them to every school in the state. Children from all over Michigan will suddenly be excited for their education, waking up voluntarily to ride to school in style like their favorite players. As a result of booming automobile sales and perfect attendance at Detroit public schools, Detroit will ultimately become the richest and smartest city in the world. Once word spreads and everyone sees what a wonderful place the city has become, the Olympic Committee will revoke London’s spot for the 2012 Summer Olympics and give it to the much deserving Detroit. Now that you understand the potential that this team holds, the only question at this point is… are you, the fan, ready for this tidal wave of awesome? If you’re not, you better hop on the bandwagon quick because this train ain’t stoppin’ anytime soon. Restore the roar, bitches!
Signing Your Life Away in Style leanne johnson wrote this It’s that time of year again. The time when you tour some of East Lansing’s finest living facilities in hopes of finding the perfect one to sign your life away to. An old man or asshole DTN employee will lure you into some of the shittiest and most appalling apartment buildings, duplexes, and ranch style homes where you will be expected to pay top dollar. You will be offered several “deals,” such as, “sign now and get one month free (because that month we will still be installing the windows),” “free heat (because we don’t have a working heater),” and “no application fee needed (we are so sketchy that you don’t even need a background check to live here).” Along with all of these enticing deals, you will also have the joy of deciding who to share 100 to 300 square feet with every day. So, you better decide quickly, you wouldn’t want to have all the good roommates and apartments scooped up. Here are some tips to find the perfect living situation, (and by that I mean something that is only slightly better than the dumpster behind Rick’s with all the other local bums). First and foremost, you need to find some roommates. Find someone who you won’t want to kill after three days, or at least someone who won’t make you feel too badly if you do. You’ll also need to consider if you want to live with just one other person (it’s easier to hide one body in an accidental murder), or with several (you could most likely frame one of those suckers. I hear murder is pretty easy to get away with these days). Another thing to keep in mind when choosing a roommate is finding someone who isn’t likely to get pregnant in the next year. Because you are signing months in advance, you don’t want August 1st to roll around only to find out that you have four new roommates instead of three. There are also several other things to consider, like someone who wouldn’t trigger your gag reflex if you accidently saw them naked, or someone who likes the same T.V. shows as you. God forbid you miss new episodes of Jersey Shore just because they want to watch bad syndicated T.V. on Lifetime.
Once you’ve finally chosen the lucky people who will live with you, the next step is scoping out a location. Do you want to live next to campus and pay more than your parent’s mortgage every month? Or do you want to live in Chandler’s, which is basically in Ohio? Whichever location you pick, be sure it’s next to a sheltered bus stop. This way if you do get sick of your roommates, you have a place to sleep. Also, regardless of how close it is to campus, you’ll definitely want to live somewhere that’s within walking distance of a 24hour food place and a liquor store. After all, food and alcohol will be useful to drown all the rage you have pent up toward your pregnant roommates. Whatever you decide to do, just remember, no matter how bad your living situation is, it is only temporary. It’s only one year of your life that you’ll never get back…you can tough it out. If all else fails, you can always dropout and move back home with your parents.
the best s c i p y t r in pa
Send in your pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com
View AND Send Pics from our App!
SHOUT OUTS! Dear guy that fell in someone else's puke at the Library, thank you for the best laugh of my life. Dear Everyone Who Wants To Be A Librarian, Sorry about the whole internet thing. Dave - I told you the table couldn't hold your fat ass. You're covering the damages and buying a new table -Tom Girl in the blue bra and nose ring at the Vesta Co-Op underwear and overalls party, you're sexy as shit. Wish I could dance with you again. The cute redheaded girl Warning to my teachers- If we beat Michigan, I may not sober up until Spring semester. Hood, enter in the rap contest! You can't lose if you're the only participant! Amanda, there's no way you had sex that quick. If so, you two have issues. -Sarah To Zack F for having the best shaved ballsack that Bower has ever known - the Bros Steve, Next time you get wasted and decide to sleep in my bed, try to make it to the bathroom when you have to pee. Thanks! Love ya, Sarah
SEND INYOUR BEST SHOUT OUT TO SHOUT@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com
THe top ten rules girl code vs. guy code
www.theblacksheeponline.com
Girl Code: 5) Chicks before dicks “Unless you haven’t gotten dick in a while…then it’s whatever.” –One of our beloved Twitter followers. This is more of an expression than an actual rule because if it were a rule, just about everyone would be guilty of breaking it. Here’s the scenario: You can have yet another wine night with da girliez, or you can be escorted to poundtown with that slampiece from your study group. Yep, I chose the latter too. 4) If you're asked to go to the bathroom, you go As children who couldn't be trusted to go anywhere alone, we were always taught to use the "buddy system." Many women have held onto this advice, particularly when it comes to visiting the restroom. Females may have a number of reasons for doing this: they want to gossip, they want to, uh, okay... that's actually all I got. Women fucking love talking. 3) Whoever finds the accessory/outfit first, gets it "ZOMG, we should totally go shopping and find outfits to wear tonight!!" said the annoying and slightly overweight girl. Not so fast, fatty... we're only going to go shopping together if you quit trying to replicate my wardrobe. Unlike the days of middle school, wearing matching outfits is no longer acceptable.
breaking up is not hard to do justin gawel wrote this Yup, it’s October. Time for those leaves to change colors, tailgate season to get into full swing, and most importantly, time for all those high school romances to fail the test of college. It can be a sticky situation when dealing with relationships that you thought would last, especially if the other person is still delusional. However, fear not my readers, this letter contains everything you need to have a potentially clean-ish break-up. Really, all you need to do is cut this bad boy out, circle the right words, and mail that shit out, yo. Hey there, current girlfriend/ boyfriend),
table for me! This letter may come as a (shock / relief /reason to relapse back onto prescription pain-killers) to you, but I think I have moved on with my (life / therapy /fetishes) and because of that, I am feeling (better / hungry / aroused) right now. I do need to come clean about one thing with you though. Last Friday night, when we were still together, I was drinking with some (people from my floor / some homeless freaks / some cool dudes from my new cult) and after a few beers, one of them broke out the (booger sugar / Xanax / Mexican Midol with codeine) and by the end of the night, I found that my mouth was filled with (more drugs / a dick / two dicks) and I decided that (I like drugs more than I like you / I want to bang other people / I’m gay).
"I decided that (I like drugs more than I like you / I want to bang other people / I'm gay)."
I hope this letter finds you well, I‘ve just gotta say it’s been a pretty (crazy / awkward / crazy awkward) time since I went away to college at Michigan State. I know we haven’t had as much time to (talk / Skype / threaten each other’s lives) as much now that I’m up here and you’re busy (selling weed to sixth graders / slipping into a deep depression / masturbating to the local news), but I can honestly say that I think the distance between us has become a roadblock in our relationship.
I know, it’s cliché, but this time it’s not you, it’s (me / you / definitely you). I can’t keep acting like it’s the past. We’re not (high-schoolers / pregnant / the only teens in AA) anymore and I think it’s time that we both move on. We had some great times together and I’ll never forget that time we (got high together / first had sex / watched Death Race with Jason Statham) and you (cried the whole time / laughed the whole time / drank away that memory the next day). Seriously unforget-
(I’m sorry/ I’m not sorry. ) I had to get this off my chest. In the future, whenever I (awkwardly have sex / dry hump / exchange tough handjobs) with a high school kid, I’ll be sure to think of the times we had together. (Fondly / Sincerely / Fart), [sign your name here] P.S.- Please don’t commit (suicide / murder / yourself to a mental institution) over this. I know you have a tendency for that sort of thing because you’ve always been kind of (a drama queen / mentally unstable / an attention whore). I hope you find a way to (forgive me/ forget me).
2) Don’t be the sloppy seconds This one’s pretty simple; if the female in question has any type of “past” with the guy of your interest, stay the hell away. There are at least 16,000 other men within a few mile radius, find another fish. 1) Be a watchful wingwoman Rick’s and The Landshark have a few things in common: they’re underground, they’re poorly lit, and 1 in every 5 of their male patrons is a sexual predator. I mean, come on, even Rick’s refers to itself as “Uncle Richard’s” and 75% of its customers are under 21. The point is, when your friend is getting over-the-clothes butt fucked, sometimes you need to check in and make sure she’s cool with it. More often than not, you’ll need to save her. My personal suggestion is doing the tag-team spin move, which allows both of you to escape into the dark abyss safely, leaving the proposed predator alone and fully erect. Guy Code: 5) Bros before hos According to the official bro code, the bond between bros is stronger than any other bond because, on average, men are stronger than women. That's just science. "C'mon dude, you're really going to miss the game to watch The Bachelor Pad?" "I'm sorry man, I promised Lindsey we could watch what she wanted." "Oh, okay, dude. I thought it was bros before hos, but I guess you can just call me if you find your balls." 4) Be a good wingman As a wingman, your purposes are simple; you want to help your buddy take someone home and get laid. However, as any good wingman will tell you, friends don't let friends fuck ugly chicks. (Butterfaces being the occasional exceptions). 3) Respect your Eskimo brothers Unlike most women, many men are able to remain on good terms when they have knowingly hooked up with the same female. As Urban Dictionary has so delicately put it, "The men are now bonded having shared the same igloo at one time or another." 2) If balls touch, it's gay If your balls come in direct contact with another man's balls, it's never an accident. End of story. 1) Moms are off limits "Moms are off limits sexually... unless it's a step mom wearing at least one leopard print article of clothing and she initiates it." -Another one of our beloved Twitter followers. As much as it's every guy's dream to get with a MILF, it's also every guy's worst nightmare to find out that "your mom's vagina is like throwing a hotdog down a hallway" from your "best friend."
bailey walsh wrote this
THE L O D G E S OF E A S T L A N S I N G .COM TEXT “LODGES” TO 313131 FOR MORE INFORMATION
RIDE OUR LATE NIGHT SHUTTLE THURSDAY, FRIDAY & SATURDAY NIGHTS!
The Bar Grid
January 2010
Happy Hour: Monday – Friday 3-6pm. $2.00: Domestic Pints $2.50: Well Drinks ½ Off: Potato Skins, Onion Rings, and Hush Puppies.
SPECIAL NIGHT
WED, 10/12 THURS, 10/13 FRI, 10/14
THURSDAY: 4 - 8PM: Burger Bash! Half Off All Drinks, $1 Burgers, $1 Waffle Fries
Happy Hour Mon - Thurs 4pm – 8pm $3 Well Drinks $4 Tall Domestic Drafts $1 Off All Wines & All Appetizers
1/2 OFF Wednesday Half-off all food, ALL DAY!
4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour Bar Pong Night! Win Cash & Prizes! 8pm – 2am $3 Double Wells, $4 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze
1/2 OFF Wednesday Half-off all food, ALL DAY!
$3 Domestic Lites $3 Wells Cheap Dates & DJ Beats
4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour $4.99 Burger Combo! 8pm – 2am $3 Double Wells $4 23oz Domestics $3 Two Choice, $2 Kamikaze
BURGERAMA! 3pm-9pm BURGERS $1.50
$3.50 Domestic Lites $3.50 Wells Avon Bomb & DJ Donny D
4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour FREE TACO BAR $3 Corona, Sol, Land Shark Bottles $2 Rolling Rock Bottles $4 Loaded Land Shark Bottles $4 Dirty Corona Bottles $3 Shot Of Well Tequila $3 Soco Limes
Friday Fish Fry $7.50 All you can eat fish fry!
SATURDAY: MSU vs. UofM at NOON! Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Daily Specials: $3.50 Domestic Lites 2 31 1 Monday 9pm-Close After 8PM: $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) Global Village $2.50 - Pints $3.50 Wells DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $2.50 – Call Drinks Light, Rolling Rock Bottles
$4 Smirnoff Flavors Tuesday 9pm-Close Call Drinks, SoCo Lime 6 and 7 8 $2.00$2.50 – Well Drinks Starfarm and DJ Beats 10PM9 The Whirly Birds Islands DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) $3.00 –Kamikazes! Premium Drafts $3.50 Long DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $4.00 - Irish Car Bombs Wednesday 9pm-Close 13 14 1/2 Off Wednesday 15 16 $2.00 – Domestic Drafts DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) 1/2 Off Everything $2.50 – Well Drinks DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) The Ice Boxers $3.00 – Bombs except premiums Thursday 9pm-Close $2.50 – Pints 20 21 $3.99 Basket 22 of Wings 23 $2.50 – Call Drinks from 4pm-9pm DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) STAR FARM Friday 9pm-Close DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $3.50 – All Pints DJ Juan 10PM $3.00 – Well Drinks Saturday 9pm-Close 4 - 8PM: Burger Bash! 27 28 29 30 $3.50 – All Pints DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) Half Off All Drinks, $3.00 – Well Drinks DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Beats Sunday All Day $1 Burgers, $1 Waffle Fries $3.00 –Bloody Mary & Mimosas After 8PM: $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors $3.00 – Pints Light, Rolling Bottles $8.00 – Burger, Fries & Pint Rock Every Day Call Drinks, SoCo $2.50 Lime and $3.00 – Kamikaze Shots Islands Kamikazes! $3.50 Long Dublin Square Irish Pub $4.00 – Pinnacle Bombs 327 Abbott Rd East Lansing MI 48823 9pm – Close Every Day
$3 Domestic Pints $3 White Gummy Bear Shots $5 Doubles
4 - 8PM: 1/2 Off All Drinks All you can eat nachos! After 8PM: $3 Jack Daniels, All Pints andThursday! Drafts, SoCo Lime, *Ladies Night~ Every and Kamikazes ½ Off – Potato Skins Hush Puppies & Onion Rings
For More Information Contact Us: (517) 3512222 www.dublinsquare.net Or Text: “Dublin Square” to 839863 for specials & updates.
$3.50 Captain Morgan $3.50 Flavored Vodkas $3 SoCo Lime and Kamikazes $3 Domestic Bottles
$3.50 Domestic Lites $3.50 Wells $4 Smirnoff Flavors Starfarm and DJ Beats 10PM
4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour $4 Domestic Pitchers $1 Off All Wines, $2 Single Wells 8pm – 2am: $6 Mini Pitchers, $1 Off Beer $3 Vodka Bombs, $3 Soco Limes $3 Washington Apple
$4 Burgers and Fries 12pm-5pm
SUN, 10/16
Closed for Detroit Lions Football!
$3 Pints, Calls, and Bacardi Bombs $3 Bloody Mary’s and Mimosas $8 Burger & Fries with a Pint
$1 Off Beer $4 23oz Domestics Half Off Appetizers Bloody Mary Bar!
6:00pm - 10:00pm Taco Trio with drink purchase 3 beef tacos $2.75 3 chicken tacos $2.75
MON, 10/17
$5 Premium Pitchers $4.50 Labbatt's Pitchers $4 Domestic Pitchers
Moo Monday $3.99 Burger and Fries $2 Domestic Lites $2 Well Drinks
4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour $3 Well Drinks $4 Tall Domestic Drafts $1 Off All Wines & All Appetizers 8pm – 2am $3 Double Wells, $4 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze
Half-off all food, ALL DAY
TUES, 10/18
$2.50 Miller Lite, Coors Light, Rolling Rock Bottles $2.50 Call Drinks, SoCo Lime and Kamikazes! $3.50 Long Islands
SAT, 10/15
WED, 10/19
$3 Domestic Pints $3 White Gummy Bear Shots $5 Doubles
Giveaway Tuesday 4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour Win great prizes every week! Karaoke Night! 8pm – 2am $2 Domestic Lites $3 Double Wells, $4 23oz Domestics $2 Well drinks $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze DJ Juan 10PM 1/2 Off Wednesday 1/2 Off Everything except premiums $3.99 Basket of Wings from 4pm-9pm DJ Juan 10PM
4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour Bar Pong Night! Win Cash & Prizes! 8pm – 2am $3 Double Wells, $4 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze
Taco Tuesday Taco Trio with drink purchase, ALL DAY!
1/2 OFF Wednesday Half-off all food, ALL DAY!
t ' n s e o d y t r a The p ! t n i o j s ' a n stop at men EAST LANSING - ORDER ONLINE
MENNASJOINT.COM
OPEN LATE FOR THE MUNCHIES YOU JUST CAN’T KICK, AND open early
FOR ALL THE RECOVERY YOU NEED
GO M SU
BEAT MICH IGAN !
TRY THE FASTEST DELIVERY IN TOWN!
115 Albert Ave | 517-351-DUBS 4790 Hagadorn Rd | 517-324-DUBS
HOME OF THE DUB Obscenely Delicious
Wildly Addictive
The Bar Grid Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close Sunday - Friday: $1.00 off ALL tall Drafts, $3 Smirnoff® flavors, Crown Royal®, Captain Morgan®, Jack Daniel’s®, SoCo®, Jameson Irish Whiskey® & $2 Select Shots PLUS $3 select appetizers
HAPPY HOUR! Mon - Fri, 4-7 1/2 Off Drinks and Drafts
WE DELIVER! 517-351-3294 Lunch Delivery Mon-Fri 11A-2P Late Night Delivery Mon-Wed 8P-12A Late Night Delivery Thurs-Sat 8P-2A
SUNDAY: $6 Oasis Margarita Pitchers $3.50 Oasis Margarita Glasses $3 Oasis Bloody Mary's $3 Oasis Mimosas $2 Well Whiskey Drinks
SPECIAL NIGHT
Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close Tigers play at 4:19 pm!
Wipeout Wednesday 1/2 Off Food 1/2 Off Drinks 1/2 Off Beers 1/2 Off Bottles of Wine
$2 Domestics 11AM to 6pm $1 Pints 8PM-12AM $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm - 12am
Taste of the Mediterranean $3 Arak & Ouzo Shots $3 Bottles of Almaza & Peroni $6 Sangria Pitchers $3 French Kamikazes (w/ Ciroc) $5 16oz Sicilian Long Islands
WED, 10/12
Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close 55-cent boneless wings Join us for Happy Hour!
Thirstygirl Thursday DJ EC3 – NO Cover $1.95 You Call It Wells, Calls & Beers
“Thirsty Thursday” $0.75 Cans of Faygo $1.75 Pints of Badass Beer $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm - 12am
$2 Domestic Pints $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Pints $2 Wells
THURS, 10/13
Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Enjoy $3 select appetizers starting at 9pm.
TGIF $2.50 Pints & Bombs $2.50 Captain Drinks $2.50 Jack Drinks No Cover Before 9
$2 Domestic Pints $3 Captain & Bacardi Drinks (All Flavors) $2 Washington Apple Shots $4 Bombs $11 Dom/$13 Prem Cheeseburger/ Falafurger Combo w/ Pitcher
FRI, 10/14
$6 Spartan Spirit Drinks $4 Michigan-to-Lose Shots All other game-day drink and food specials
SAT, 10/15
Fry-Day
Buy one dawg and drink (soda/beer/ juice) and ask for a free small fry!
$1.50 Miller High Life 10pm - 12am
Spartans and Wolverines at NOON! GO GREEN!
$2 Pints $3 Calls
OPEN At 10AM Go Green! Kill the Wolverines! $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm - 12am
Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close Lions vs. San Francisco at 1pm
SUNDAY SCHOOL NO Cover $1.75 Pints, 1/2 Off Pizza Until 7PM 1/2 Off Adult Beverages 7 - Close
Watch the Lions Destroy SF While Enjoying $2 DOMESTICS ALL DAY $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm - 12am
$6 Oasis Margarita Pitchers $3.50 Oasis Margarita Glasses $3 Oasis Bloody Mary's $3 Oasis Mimosas $2 Well Whiskey Drinks
SUN, 10/16
Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close 55- cent boneless wings Monday Night Football! Come catch all the game action on our big screen TVs!
Monday Night Football $3 Burgers Until 4PM $1.75 Pints $3.50 Pitchers No Cover
“Slider Specials” $1 singles/$2 doubles 100% ground angus (toppings extra) $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm to 12am
$2 Domestic Bottles $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Bottles $4 Featured Martinis $2.50 Glasses of House Wine $6 Cheeseburger Combo
MON, 10/17
Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close 45-cent traditional wings Stop in for lunch combos starting at $6.99 served in 15 minutes or less!
Taco Tuesdays FREE Taco Buffet 7PM – 10PM $1.75 Wells $3.00 Well Doubles $2.50 Margaritas $8.50 Buckets of Coronas
Twos-day! 11am - 10:30pm 2 Special Coneys for $2 24oz Keystone for $2 $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm to 12am
$3 Made-in-Michigan Beers (Bottles and Pints) $6 Pitchers of Oasis Mai Tai's $3.50 Glasses of Oasis Mai Tai's $3 Select Appetizers
TUES, 10/18
Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close Join us for FREE trivia starting at 10pm!
Wipeout Wednesday 1/2 Off Food 1/2 Off Drinks 1/2 Off Beers 1/2 Off Bottles of Wine
$2 Domestics 11AM to 6pm $1 Pints 8PM-12AM $1.50 Miller High Life 10pm - 12am
Taste of the Mediterranean $3 Arak & Ouzo Shots $3 Bottles of Almaza & Peroni $6 Sangria Pitchers $3 French Kamikazes (w/ Ciroc) $5 16oz Sicilian Long Islands
WED, 10/19
10
Bartender
of the
www.theblacksheeponline.com
Week
Toby
s
d wing il w o l a f f BU
Major: Family & Community Services Relationship Status: Single Shot: Buttercrown Drink: Bushmills Whiskey and Coke Dare: Smoker’s Cough What’s your dream job? Sports Agent What’s your party essential? Girls What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done drunk? I got lost in Lansing, slept under a porch, and ended up in St. Andrew’s Hospital. If you could bang any celebrity, who would it be? Minka Kelly
What’s your biggest pet peeve? Having to wear a name tag at work. What do you look for in a girlfriend? That she’s younger than me. On a scale of 1-10, how good are you at picking up chicks? 8.5 Where’s the craziest place you’ve ever hooked up? MSU Greenhouse Do you have any hidden talents? I’m a really good whistler. What’s the best part about working at B Dubs? Getting to watch every sporting event, and everyone I work with. Any Shout-outs? Go Tigers!
recipe for disaster:
drinking game:
Kill Man
Snickers Toast
Having a tarp on hand might be helpful for this game, but there won’t be any need to dispose of evidence...unless something goes horribly wrong, no one dies in this game.
Sure, there’s probably something open at this hour that’ll have a magical aisle full of potent, sugar-laden treats. It’s a block away though, and it’s stupid to walk that far.
What You Need: Some beers and some bros. Number of Players: At least three, but not more than five hundred. Intoxication Level: Not quite “alcohol poisoning” dead.
What You’ll Need: Bread, Nutella, crunchy peanut butter. Cook Time: There’s not really any cooking involved. Fatty Factor: Not great, but it could seriously be worse.
How to Play: -Before each round begins, make sure each player has a beer can. -The game begins with all players opening their beer can at the same time. -All players begin chugging their beer. The first person to finish their beer becomes the “Kill Man.” -Each player opens a new beer, players are not allowed to drink these beers. -At this point, the Kill Man can point to any player at any time, making them drink any amount of beer. -Whichever player finishes their beer first (per Kill Man orders) becomes the Kill Man for the next round.
Let’s Get Baked: -Um, get out all of the ingredients. -Apply the crunchy peanut butter to the bread. -Do the same thing with the Nutella. -You’re done here, unless… -Let’s get freaky with it. Do you want a Snickers ice cream sandwich? Slap some ice cream on that bitch. -Want a Snickers Almond? Chop up some almonds and put them on that bread. -Oh man, enjoy.
The Game Ends When: Someone decides to be a buzzkill, man.
thirsty for more? theblacksheeponline.com/drinkage
Sometimes you just gotta enjoy the simple things in life. Nothing big here, unless you’re big on flavor. Am I right?
11
www.theblacksheeponline.com
Jersey Boys review Last weekend I had a jolly good time as I swayed along to the music at Jersey Boys. The on-the-road Broadway production recently came to the Wharton Center and it was like going into a time machine. One, because of the largely geriatric makeup of the audience that I weaved through to get to my seat, and two, because watching the actors in this play was like watching and hearing the 1960s in person. The production certainly measured up to Broadway standards. Jersey Boys musically tells the story of rock and pop band, Franki Valli and the Four Seasons. With singers of Italian heritage crooning to the working class crowd of the 1950s-1970s along with the flawless and angelic falsetto of Franki Valli, Jersey Boys didn’t disappoint. Different members of the Four Seasons took turns talking to the audience—narrating the story and offering their perspective, which made the play a musical memoir of sorts. It worked to a great effect because it felt like we were watching a biography in action. These are the play’s strengths, (as there were not many weaknesses). The music was live and all the cast members were actually playing their instruments, dancing, and singing; this made the actors a band in themselves. The actor who played Franki Valli’s character, in particular, had a great voice and really channeled Franki. Each of the Four Seasons members was a fast-talking greaser type, and the dialogue shot
ziev beresh wrote this out of their mouths like a rocket. At one point, it was a bit too fast and I didn’t quite catch the lines, but the accents were spot on for what you would expect from a Jersey Boy during the 1950s. The unconventional spots in the musical’s production were the introduction and the set. It began with the cast members playing the role in the music video of a contemporary French rapper rhyming to the Four Seasons. I think this was to try to show how the music is still around today, but I think this could have been left out. The stage, on the other hand, was terrific. A twotiered stage with all manner of lights and signs sliding on the floor or popping down from the ceiling, different locations were made apparent easily. The costumes and lighting were all aesthetically linked to the 1950s, giving the whole play a very throwback vibe. Particularly interesting was the inclusion of real cameras on stage in scenes to depict the band being filmed on TV while the cast was projected onto screens above the stage. Signs denoting the seasons of the year popped out to set up the different acts, and this was a very nice effect. The play is definitely worth seeing. It’s a great story set to great tunes that anyone will enjoy, even if they’re not a fan of oldies. Speaking of oldies, it would be great if there were more young people like myself in the crowd of grandparents. See you at the next show!
BEST SPORTS BAR IN EAST LANSING! Specials every
MondayThursday!
4pm -8pm | Happy hour! $3 Well Drinks $4 Tall Domestic Drafts $1 Off All Wines $1 Off All Appetizers
8pm -2am $3 Double Wells $4 23oz Domestics $3 Two Shots $2 Kamikaze
new n! o i t a c o l 16800 Chandler Road
East lansing, mi | 517.351.0899 louandharryssportsbar.com
12
www.theblacksheeponline.com
the movie page Based on the Trailer
50/50 benson saw this and gave it a...
Director:
Jonathan Levine
Paranormal Activity 3 Oct. 21 Starring: Katie Featherston What you need to know: Katie Featherson plays a mother living in a haunted house with her family. In an attempt to logically explain the eerie happenings around the house, she puts video cameras all over the house to monitor what happens at night. This reveals their kids doing creepy things—such as jumping off the banister only to climb back up the stairs and talking to an “imaginary” friend. Horror ensues. What we think: I mean, if you liked Paranormal 1 and 2 then you would probably like this one as well. After all, it does seem to have the exact same creepy plot as the past two films...and was probably shot at the same time...
The Rum Diary
Oct. 21
Starring: Johnny Depp, Amber Heard What you need to know: Paul Kemp is a journalist who’s sick of his chaotic lifestyle in New York City, so he moves to 'chill' Puerto Rico to work for the local paper. Once there, Kemp goes absolutely nuts— ingesting any type of liquor he can get his hands on and becoming obsessed with a corrupt American entrepreneur’s fiancé. When said entrepreneur recruits Kemp to write an article portraying him in a good light, Kemp needs to make the choice between helping him continue with his illegitimate business or destroying him. What we think: This movie is the brainchild of the one and only Hunter S. Thompson and has Johnny Depp in it, so you know it must be wild.
A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas
Starring:
Joseph Gordon Levitt, Seth Rogen
Synopsis:
50% + 50% = 100%, which is the amount of this movie that was awesome! The following is a list of movies which have choked me up: My Dog Skip, The Lion King, The Fox and The Hound, 50/50. I say this with absolutely no shame. In fact, I dare any one of you to go out and see the movie 50/50 and see if you can’t help weeping like a 13-year-old girl. You could be the most hardened criminal with a mustache of beef jerky and nerves of cold iron and 50/50 will still reduce you to a sniveling pile of raw, feminine humanity. But the best part? 50/50 is also hysterical. 50/50 follows the life of Adam Lerner (Levitt), a public radio worker who, after consulting a doctor about his mysterious back pains, learns that he has Neurofibroma Sarcoma Schwannoma, a rare type of cancer which carries a 50% survival rate. Adam’s friend, Kyle (Rogen), sticks by Adam’s side every step of the way. Throughout Adam’s chemotherapy, nervous breakdowns, and afternoon medicinal marijuana bong loads, Kyle remains at Adam’s side, providing support, advice, and the core of the comedic value in the film. Also in the film is Anna Kendrick playing the role of Dr. Katie McKay, Adam’s attractive, young therapist, Bryce Howard as Rachael, Adam’s girlfriend, and Anjelica Huston as Diane, Adam’s mother.
on DVD Nov. 4
Starring: Kal Penn, John Cho What You Need to Know: Due to some freak accident, Harold and Kumar manage to shoot Santa Claus in the face, and thus, discover that he is in fact real. Then, as per the first two Harold and Kumar movies, our favorite stoned, drunk partiers go on an assload of hilarious, nonsensical adventures, and even meet up with Neil Patrick Harris along the way. What We Think: What do you think we think? It's the must-see movie of the year! No, but real, has the combination of Harold, Kumar, and NPH ever let you down? We didn't think so...
A+
As Adam undergoes the painstaking chemotherapy process, he learns what is really important in life, who your real friends are, and the importance of respecting yourself and your dignity. Based on the commercials for this movie, I assumed it was just another outrageous Seth Rogen comedy. And while Seth Rogen does provide a great amount of comic relief and the film’s script is very clever and well written, ultimately this is a movie about a man who has cancer. I was surprised at how heavy this film actually got at moments. I was never a big fan of Funny People, another film starring Seth Rogen about a man who is burdened with a life-threatening disease, and was not expecting 50/50 to be any different. I really liked the idea of having a movie about serious subject matter be treated as a comedy, without losing an effect of the drama, but I felt that Funny People tried too hard to be a serious drama, as if the filmmakers wrote a comedy and then threw the drama in after the fact. 50/50 is different in that there is really nothing funny about it. It is as morose of a subject matter as can be. However, the comedy appears not in ridiculous plot twists or wacky scenarios, but in the charm, wit, and chops of the actors.
While any film which deals with the subject of mortality is guaranteed to deliver a theme of, “Stop and smell the roses every once in a while,” 50/50 avoids the obvious message and instead shoots for deeper lessons. It remains very mature and realistic, this is no Bucket List. Instead of being a movie that inspires feelings of how great life is and how lucky we are to be alive, 50/50 is about the fact that life sucks sometimes. We get dumped, we are all depressed, we all die. However, the one shining light in our lives are the friends who are there to give us company and support us. Of any other theme, 50/50 is a movie about the importance of friendship. There is really nothing bad I can say about this movie. It is near perfect. Brilliantly acted, emotional beyond imagination, and touching. There are scenes which made me laugh harder than a great comedy, and scenes which made me choke up more than the most emotional drama. In a film climate filled with re-makes and super epic extreme computer generated super hero movies, 50/50 is a well made, greatly acted, and powerful film with a lot of genuine heart.
it's all in the numbers
answers are a few from here
october 11: Green Lantern Horrible Bosses Tree of Life The Zookeeper Workaholics: Season 1 october 18: Pirates/Caribbean: On Stranger Tide Pearl Jam Twenty Bad Teacher Red State
Joseph Gordon-Levitt also starred in this late 90s comedy with numbers in the title...
The world got to see Naomi Watts' boobs in this movie centered on multiple lives crossing paths...
This 1986 erotic thrilled starred Mickey Rourke giving it to Kim Basinger...a lot...
Edward Norton doesn't make bad movies, and this one is no exception...
13
www.theblacksheeponline.com
the review
Evil Dead: The Musical
That’s right readers, Teddy is reviewing a musical. You see, in between inhaling small mountains of cocaine, crushing half gals of Maker’s Mark, and disrespecting women, I too am a fan of the arts. So, when I was presented with the opportunity to see Evil Dead: The Musical, I called up the most elegant lady I knew and began planning our escapade to Detroit. As my readers know, I've written a little bit about dating classy women, so I walked the walk and did just that. After treating m’lady to some overpriced food and a handful of mojitos at the Hard Rock Café, we stumbled down to the City Theatre, arriving fashionably late and looking classy as fuck. Upon entering the theatre, we noticed that the writers for other newspapers all sat in the back row, diligently taking notes and looking uncomfortably sober. In the front three rows,the seats were covered with garbage bags because this section of the theatre was called the "splatter zone." Clearly, this is where we sat. Throughout the performance, whenever a character gets stabbed, shot in the face, saws off their hand, or has their heart ripped out (all of this totally happens), fake blood gets sprayed all over the crowd. Now, keep in mind that I’m not talking about a light spray that gingerly grazes the audience; I am talking about a full-fledged, fake-blood bloodbath. The first time this happened, I was hit square in the face, giving me a nice taste of blood (tasted like shit), while my date was hit in the cleavage. At that moment, I knew this play was getting a minimum of 4 stars in my book for the boob shot alone. The premise of Evil Dead: The Musical is so simple that they openly mock it in the performance. Basically, the story is about five college kids who go to a cabin to get boozed up and bang each other. You got the hero Ash and his girlfriend Linda, the classic college couple who met at some dead end job—but as we all know, paradise doesn’t last forever. Linda gets infected and turns into a psycho zombie bitch on Ash, so he does what any red-blooded American would do; he takes a chainsaw to her head. Ash’s hand gets infected too, so he goes to the well again and saws that sucker off. To add insult to injury, the decapitated head of Linda flicks its tongue around like Bree Olson in a porno while Ash’s hand motions like it’s jerking off. Genius!
CD REVIEW
Out Now
Ryan adams
Ashes & Fire
Lucky number 13 doesn't crash & burn At first glance, it’d be easy to take the new Ryan Adams album, Ashes & Fire, and say, “Wow, this is so boring and so slow; what happened to the Ryan Adams from Rock N Roll? And if he’s going to be slow, why can’t it be like the Ryan Adams of 29?” It’s too easy to be critical of him when he’s not absolutely perfect, because he’s done such amazing music in the past. But with the death of The Cardinals bassist and the subsequent disbandment of the band, it’s no wonder his latest album has been quoted as, “a study in musical minimalism.” Translation: less is more, and Adams shows us that perfectly. After all, this is Ryan Adams thirteenth studio album, so it’s not like this 30-something doesn’t know what he’s doing. Even the title of the album is something interesting to ponder, preferably stoned and with other Ryan Adams’ enthusiasts; don’t ashes normally come after a fire? What does the reverse symbolize? Someone, discuss with me! But no matter what the title signifies, I personally think that Adams no longer making music with The Cardinals is a blessing in disguise. By himself, Adams is much more in control of the music and The Cardinals added a bit too much of that southern honky-tonk that I just can’t fucking stand. While this album is definitely very slow, very soft and very emotional, it’s great music. Sure, it’s not something you’d want
UPCOMING RELEASES
B
to listen to everyday, but would you want to watch The Shawshank Redemption everyday? No, but you can’t deny that it’s a great movie. This album holds its own with the music, but it’s the lyrics and themes that really take this album to a new level. The album starts off slower than the rest, and it starts to pick up midway through with “Chains of Love,” which alludes to a positive feeling of being tied to love, an awesome metaphor that shows that being attached at the hip with someone you love isn’t such a bad thing. In the song “Lucky Now,” Adams sings about growing up and forgetting his past (aw, old people), but apparently still feeling lucky and okay about it: “I don’t remember / were we wild and young / all that faded into memory.” The next song, “I Love You But I Don’t Know What to Say,” ends the album on a really soft, really honest note that you can’t help but appreciate. While Ryan Adams has taken many steps away from the upbeat, high energy rock and roll of his past, he shows us that growing up isn’t so bad. He’s just using his indoor voice more often, with fewer heavy guitar solos. But what did we learn today? That’s right, less is more. Now, shhh. Sounds Like: Sappy, sappy, sappy, but wonderful. Download: Chains of Love, Invisible Riverside, Lucky Now Listen to it When: You’re making out in the rain.
>>>
Noel Gallagher: High Flying Birds Chris Isaak: Beyond the Sun Jane's Addiction: The Great Escape Artist M83: Hurry Up, We're Dreaming
Puscifer: Conditions Of My Parole Drake: Take Care Michael Buble: Christmas Toby Keith: Clancy's Tavern
Accompanying Ash on this adventure is Ash's sister Cheryl, who is constantly called a stupid bitch throughout the musical for no reason whatsoever. The coup de grace however is Scott and his slutty fling, Shelly. Scott is a bro; he’s always pounding beers, asking for BJs, and constantly pelvic thrusting toward the crowd even when his guts are spilling out. Even on his deathbed, he cries out, "Life is a bitch. A stupid bitch!" then throws up a hand for a high five. Fuck. Yes. At this point, it is no surprise that I had a raging broner. The vulgarity of the musical combined with the low-cut shirt on my date had me on the edge of busting a Broadway nut. However, it was upon the entrance of Annie, Ed, and Jake that my Broadway balls burst like the Hoover Dam. Annie is the prissy scientist bitch of the musical, but to make up for her ear-piercing voice, she continually loses her clothes to the point of being stripped down to just her panties. Ed is the token black guy, who even does a musical number where he acknowledges the fact that he is a “Bit Part Demon” only to be killed immediately after his song ends. Ed was my date’s favorite; he was a big ass redneck who dropped the F-bomb with such a carefree attitude that it even shocked me. This musical wasn’t the first time I’d sat around and watched young people singing and dancing, but the only reason I watch Glee is in hopes of sleeping with its primary demographic (sorority girls). This musical was much more fitting to my tastes. Songs such as "What the Fuck Was That," "Stupid Bitch," "You Blew That Bitch Away," and my personal favorite, "Bit Part Demon," left me laughing hysterically. I never knew I could actually enjoy a guy tap dancing around a stage while flashing his jazz hands. To sum it all up, this musical had everything: sexual innuendos, untamed vulgarity, a girl running around in panties, blood spraying all over the audience, limbs being chopped off, and a few mild tones of racism. If you’re not already salivating at the thought of getting tickets to this, I have no idea what you’re doing with your life. Guys, grab a girl you dig, plan a fancy dinner, and watch the romance fly. The Black Sheep is known for its low brow humor, and at times childish antics, but if we ever wrote a musical, I’m sure it would be just like Evil Dead: The Musical.
teddy baum cox wrote this
( class time ) The Great Word Matching Game Thingie! Find a phrase on the right, match it to its corresponding word on the right, and brag to your friends about being smart! This week's theme: Tailgating! Sneak This In A Morning Beverage; get your vegetables in A Morning Beverage; get your Vitamin C An Afternoon Beverage; most apt for the fall Different flavors of mini, solidified liquid Opposite of Jello Shots Toss the Pork Around Wait, where are we going? Best to Make Friends with Them Oops, Didn’t Make It! Take a Big Hit of Beer Shoot That Beer Sung Loud and Proud Pure Hate Requisite Picture With Diehards Don’t Do This the Night Before Who Makes It to the Game
Movie Quiz
Answers
Pass Out Jello shots Bloody Mary Pint Diehards Mascot Football Game Police Bong Shotgun Spiked Cider Fight Song Opponent Mimosa Drink Pudding Shots Pigskin
1. 10 Things I Hate About You 2. 21 Grams 3. 9 1/2 Weeks 4. 25th Hour
Meet The Staff! Managing Editor Bailey Walsh Advertising Manager Anthony Dostal Contributing Writers Alex Everard Andrew Fleming Cristina Toscano Frank Sorise Justin Gawel Leanne Johnson Samantha Shaughnessy Ziev Beresh Alex Acton Billy Gardner photographer Jackie Cash
Distribution Annalise Stromsta (Manager) Anna Aiken (Helper) pr team Jessica Holli Chris Amrich campus director Brendan Bonham Founders Atish Doshi Brendan Bonham Questions?
info@theblacksheeponline.com Advertising?
ads@theblacksheeponline.com
Find Us At... Bin outside Espresso Royale Bin outside Union Bin outside Starbucks Ricks National Coney Beggars Banquet Conrad’s Mennas
Harpers P.T. O Mally’s The Riv The Post Blue Midnight Tony’s BWW Biggby’s (Grand River) Crunchys
Grand River Coffee Wild Side Jukebox Grille Campus Village Abbott Place Chandler (Village) Chandler (Club) Crossings Place
Mayo Hall Brody Hall* Library Snyder/Phillips International Center Wells Hall Case Hall Communication & Arts Building Dairy Store
Chemistry Building Holmes Hall Business Library Shaw (East/West) CATA Station The Union We also deliver straight to every fraternity and sorority house
Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally. Owned & Operated By: Black Card Media, LLC P.O. Box 221385 Chicago, IL 60622 217.390.1747
live close. live college.
free CATA bus pass included + fully furnished apartments + individual leases + resort-style amenities + private bedrooms
APPLY ONLINE @ ABBOTTPL.COM SCAN & LIKE
2501 ABBOT RD | 517.324.9880 | TEXT “ABBOTTPL” TO 39649 SEE OFFICE FOR DETAILS | STANDARD TEXT RATES APPLY