Volume 5, Issue 7 | 10/12/11 -10/19/11 | theblacksheeponline.com
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The
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“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
trading places: msu and u of m black betty wrote this The annual MSU/U of M football game is one that can make every Spartan and Wolverine football fan piss their jorts. Despite the sheer awesomeness that this game is guaranteed to display each year, I’ve never witnessed a game where the Wolverines have done anything spectacular besides crap on their own faces. To be fair, I’ve certainly seen and experienced a fair share of tailgating in my many years as a Michigander. Whether it’s at MSU (or a different, less superior school), there is no telling what will happen at a rowdy tailgate. One thing I can always appreciate from the Michigan/Michigan State rivalry is the intelligent and soul-stinging discourse that occurs between a Spartan and a Wolverine. They murder one another with words that cut deeper than Denard Robinson’s butt hole. But what if, by some magical lightening bolt striking from the mysterious twilight zone in the sky, the whole campus of MSU and U of M switched identities a la Freaky Friday. Except not for a Friday, but for a whole week (Freaky Week-y?) How scared would you be to leave your beloved city in the hands of thousands of dweebs who hold the worst delusions of grandeur the world has ever known? Your professors would attempt to teach students who believe they’re too smart to be taught. Your beloved Harpers' would be infiltrated with 90-pound sorority girls who think “handling your liquor” means not puking on their dresses after the first shot of Peach Schnapps. They would rage (or what they believe is raging) hard during the week because “the course-load is so easy,” but they’d soon realize their faults and fail miserably. (Time to call daddy and get the professor fired!)Let’s not even get started on the amount of ear-ringing whining that is bound to occur because of the commute to their MSU classes… And on the other hand, imagine MSU Spartans living in Ann Arbor for a week—attending Michigan classes, navigating the hilly roads, the expensive bars, and the
Other stuff
Inside
05: Future of detroit
holy crap, the lions don't suck. we're gonna be okay!
air of cockiness that’s constantly permeating through the air and clinging to every strand of hair and article of clothing. Imagine smelling and tasting Ann Arbor. As much as I hate U of M and everything it stands for, I think as Spartans one of our biggest difficulties would lie in acclimating to their school colors. My god, they are atrocious. Maize? Seriously? In 1867, their original colors were described as “Azure blue” and “Maize.” It’s not even the colors themselves that irk me, but the principle that lies in their history. A simple yellow and blue would have sufficed, but like anything else, the fine people of the University of Michigan felt something superior should represent them—something more sophisticated. And so, many decades ago, the choad who would eventually create Crayola was inspired to coin the Maize color after seeing the contents of his most impressive dump to date. His fellow turd colleagues marveled at the idea and a circle jerk ensued soon after. However, it really should come as no shock that Spartans and Wolverines would not easily adapt to the very dissimilar environments they inhabit. We are and always have been inherently different species. Wolverines are innately unattractive while Spartans are naturally beautiful. Wolverines are hostile animals that don’t openly welcome others into their habitat, and frankly, Spartans have no desire to be part of it. Would we survive? Yes. Would we come equipped with torches and gasoline to burn everything in sight? I wouldn’t be surprised. Would we prove everyone wrong by 4.0’ing every class and teach the city a thing or two about drinking like a winner? Well, most definitely the latter. I’m sure, being the better people that we are, we’d find a way to enjoy ourselves, (as we always do), but I’m just going to hope that lightening bolt never strikes. Long live East Lansing!
07: breaking up is easy
just use our prewritten note and you'll be single in no time.
14: evil dead
teddy saw this musical in detroit, and it kicked ass