The Black Sheep
FR EE ... lik e 4/2 sign 0 p in et g a iti on sto ner . ’s
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 2, Issue 13 • 4/18/13 - 4/24/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepUTK
Orange and White Game: Up the Ante, Butch Davy Crockett wrote this
On April 20th UT Nation will get the chance to sneak a peek at our 2013 Vols football team, now under new management. Fooley is finally out of the picture, and everyone is anxious to see how Butch Jones is handling the team. So far, so good, as we’re ranked #4 in recruiting, according to Rivals.com. But rankings mean nothing if you can’t deliver, and that’s why the Orange and White game is such a big deal. Vol fans have been salivating at the mouth to see some football since the last disappointing season ended. We want action. We want glory. We want a game. Even though this scrimmage is just us playing (with) ourselves, we still need a good showing to feed our Vol football addiction and tide us over, in the same way we “tide ourselves over” every weeknight until the weekend comes. Butch needs to up the ante. Last year, Dooley’s only encouragement for one side to win was that the winning team got treated to a steak dinner while the losers ate hot dogs and chips. Really? The losers lost and still ate better than half this campus? No, we’re calling bullshit. They need real incentive to perform at full capacity and prove to us they won’t repeat the utter letdown that was last season. We want to see bloodlust in their eyes and fire in their balls. The losing team shouldn’t be fed at all, for one. They should have to look on while the winners feast on steak. They should also have to wear dresses and wigs, and dance while the winners eat so that they’re fully humiliated. They need to be trained to hunger for glory and fear loss. The Orange and White game should teach them that losing is not an option, and losers will be treated like losers. Seem harsh? Well too freakin’ bad! We’re not done yet; after what us fans have been through, no amount of weak punishment can match our level of humiliation and frustration. The losing team should promptly be enrolled in the hardest classes UT has to offer, with the worst teachers, not get to take Comm classes and have tutors every step of the way. They should have to trim the field in Neyland Stadium – with just nail clippers! Naked! With pigs poopi – ok that’s enough.
A Rocky Top Graduation We’re hoping graduation ceremonies go a little something like this.
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We’re not evil. We just want what we’re due – a return to glory for the UT football program. We have faith in Butch, but he has to go beyond creating a football team, he has to create warriors. What are football players if not the champions that represent our school, those sent out defeat our rivals? Spartan warriors were sent to boot camp at the age of 7, so we’re not asking for much, comparatively -- just a little toughness, and to not be fed fucking hot dogs when they lose.
what'’s inside
The Orange and White game sends a message to not only the fans, but also the rivals. We want Bama and Florida to be thinking “Oh… shit.” after they watch our scrimmage. We want them to think we will not only beat them, but pillage their campus and keep their women. Butch, make these Volboys into Volmen! Nay, VOLWARRIORS!
Top 10: Things to Do Besides Study
Bartender of the week
Finals on the way? You should study? Well, don’t. Any one of these things is a thousand times better.
Ben from Sunspot is on the prowl, ladies, and may give you a free drink if you make him think his telepathic powers work.
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contents
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 6: 420 blaze it
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Your first time hitting that blunt? Oh, to be that young again!
page 7: from the streets what’s the best thing to do in spring weather?
page 10: NBA on TNT Blows Up
Table of
The announcers yukkin’ it up take it too far one night.
page 11: We Interview: A Colorado Budtender It turns out you can’t be high all the time to run this business.
page 12: Drinking Game and Recipe for disaster Booze and Balls? Grilled Cheese and Pizza? Oh yeah, we’re livin’ large.
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word of the week Kartography:
The memorization of all maps in the entire Mario Kart franchise. “Tilda’s kartography was so sound she knew the secret jumps at Wario Stadium and Wario’s Gold Mine.”
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A Rocky Top Graduation UTK Gossip Girl wrote this It’s the day of graduation. Thompson-Boling Arena is filled to the brim with parents, extended family members, family friends, family pets, and a few scattered hobos eager to observe the commencement ceremonies at the University of Tennessee. One can hardly see over the camera flashes and the mass of handmade signs saying “Mommy Loves You Pumpkin!” Suddenly, a hush falls over the crowd as students process in, led by none other than Chancellor Cheek in a Smokey costume, desperate to show his allegiance to the university. In radiantly neon orange robes, the students file onto the basketball court and solemnly take their seats in those miserable folding chairs that nearly constitute torture when forced to sit in them through an entire graduation ceremony. The smart students sneak in books hidden in the sleeves of their robes; the brilliant (or desperate) students sneak in flasks. The venerable Chancellor, still in full costume, opens the ceremony by congratulating the students who have successfully completed their tenure at UT without being involved in any assassination plots against him. He goes on, however, to note that the legislature has removed any funding for the graduation ceremony because they fear the possible ramifications of having too many sweaty college students in such tight quarters. Luckily, his recent increase in tuition has more than covered the cost, while he has even managed to scrape together $100 out of his own paycheck to donate to the cause. He takes his seat on stage to deathly silence. Next, a student “elected” by his “classmates” stands up to give a speech from the perspective of a graduating senior. In lieu of a
speech, he sings a heart-rending a cappella rendition of “Rocky Top,” gives costumed Chancellor Cheek a hug that lasts a few moments too long, and invites the entire senior class and their parents to his frat house tonight for a kegger. Chancellor Cheek then begins to read off the graduates names, inviting each of them to come up onto the stage to shake his big fuzzy paw and receive their diplomas, along with a coupon for 25% off a meal at the re-opening Krystal’s on the strip. After accidentally beginning with “Z” because he’s holding the list upside down, Chancellor Cheek reads off every senior’s name, only mispronouncing those with Asian, Indian, and upper-middleclass white hippie names. Reading through the list of graduating students takes approximately three days. The Chancellor completes the list of names and begins to lead everyone in a closing prayer, when a lawyer from the ACLU storms in shouting about the First Amendment and the establishment clause, causing several parents to leap out of their seats and beat him with their pocket Bibles. Near midcourt on the visitor’s side, another mother screams and faints, having seen an anonymous brown paper bag placed surreptitiously underneath one of the rows of bleacher. After vacating the arena and calling in the bomb squad, an investigation of the mysterious bag reveals that it was nothing more than some father’s ham and cheese sandwich that he had been saving for lunch, although to be on the safe side, the bomb squad blows it up anyway.
When all of the excitement simmers down, Chancellor Cheek tries to say a few words in closing. At that point, however, the seniors tear off their orange robes and race off campus as fast as they can, brandishing their diplomas and shouting “FREEDOM!” at the top of their soon-to-be-slurred voices. The parties rage late into the evening, and the police don’t even try to send out UT Alerts in response to every incident that occurred in the Fort that night. And the next day, all was quiet on the Big Orange front. Just another graduation day on Rocky Top.
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The
Top 10
Things to do Besides Study
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10.) Go get some sun: You might not be able to answer any of the questions that are on your finals, but hell, you might as well have nice skin. The logic here is, if everyone is jealous of your tan, they won’t notice that you hand in a blank answer sheet. They’ll be too confused by your beauty to fail you! 9.) Start playing W.o.W.: World of Warcraft sucks you in, and days go by without you knowing. One day you are a level-one Night Elf Druid, and the next day you are a 30-year-old woman with broken dreams, a stomach rivaling Shamu’s and living with your parents. 8.) Decide to become an alcoholic: The great thing about this is, most nights you won’t even remember your failed dreams due to the healing powers of alcohol. You can party instead of study all you want, you’ll be learning to live, man, not learning to… read… books. 7.) Read “Missed Connections” on Craigslist: With the realization that you will most likely fail out of school, a good pick-me-up is always welcome! Maybe you’ll get the courage to post one about the crush you’ve had for a few semesters, or maybe you can write one about yourself, and then “find it” a few days later! Your joy of not being alone will block out the despair of failing everything. 6.) Facebook stalk your ex’s new partner(s): She is a horrible person and completely deserves all your hatred. Dissect every profile pic, and figure out why that whore ex would go to them instead of you, because who can study when she looks so happy with this complete bag of dicks? 5.) Real life stalk your ex’s new partner(s): After realizing they are somehow better than you, virtual stalking isn’t enough. Make sure you pack some antibiotic ointment -- sitting up in a tree all night can leave some pretty nasty cuts. And remember, it’s them with the problem. Not you.
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NTOWN! W O D D N A T U M O FR S 5 MINUTE 4.) Practice your already superior air guitar skills: If you can play air guitar you can play a real guitar. It’s not like real guitar is a skill that takes years of training and practice. Go downtown and jam out with your air guitar. Everyone will think you’re so talented and definitely not weird at all. And you could even earn a few bucks, which you’ll need when your chemistry professor sees you emotionally air guitar-ing “Stairway to Heaven” instead of taking his final. 3.) Learn to pole dance: Pole dancing classes are available at a few different places here in Knoxville, so why not give them a go? It’s a hard workout, filled with good people, and also, you’re going to need a trade to fall back on. Classes are cheap but remember, you’re not. 2.) Have Sex!: When you have nothing to do, just do someone. Sex is a great activity because you get to burn calories while transforming a friend into an awkward acquaintance. 1.) Cry yourself to sleep: It’s a lot harder than it seems. You might have to cry for hours on end, but most of you could manage. Just remember that life sucks, but it get’s better, then it gets way worse, then you die.
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420 blaze it: An 8th Grader’s First Time Getting High Tbs staff wrote this hey guys whuddup my names tyler and i just wanna say i cannot WAIT for the best holiday on earth next to christmas (i wonder if santa ever smoked the ganj lol) to roll in. anyway, 420 is upon us once again and id just like to share with all of my fellow “advocates of the green” out there my first experience getting high last year, which was waaaaay too late if you ask me. seriously, if any1 offered me a spliff at like, age 6 id light dat shit up faster than my man mr. marley (my idol btw). i just figured id do my job as a reborn ENT and spread the good word of the day i went to heaven (when i first smoked basically lol). also, i need to kill some time on my moms laptop while my new video “how to roll a fatty w/o your hands” uploads to youtube. ok so me and my buddies tommy and david (tommy is the chill one and davids the pussy aha) were tearing it up at the skate park after ditching gym class cuz idgaf if i get expelled, wearing gym clothes is dumb as hell. so me and the guys were skating and all of a sudden this high school kid came up to us wearing a sublime shirt, so he was totally ok. then he was like “hey do you guys smoke?” and then tommy was like “yeah” and i was like “a little bit” (even though i had only tried to smoke a sheet of spiral paper in 6th grade) and david said “no thats lame” and me and tommy were like “stfu david” and we all laughed. so then the high school guy (he must have been at least 20 cuz he had a moustache) asked us if we wanted to buy some pot. at this point a choir of angels said “hallelujah” in my ears…lol jk but i was seriously so stoked to be able to trip out finally. the guy said he would sell us a pound of purple strand kush straight from columbia (which is some bufu part of mexico i think, idk) for 60 bucks. like, he would sell us the WHOLE bag. and he said that we would get higher than cheech and chong on holiday in hampsterdam (the original stoners lol love you guys), so there
was no way i could turn this down. so me and tommy put in 20 bucks each and we told david wed beat the shit out of him if he didn’t pitch in (hed probably be a bitch about it anyway like when me and tommy totally had the chance to bang this one freshman chick but hung out with david instead because he needed support because his dad died or some shit). we went back to tommys house with the weed because his parents dgaf because their divorced and they let him do whatever he wants (i wish my mom and dad would do that too, itd be awesome haha) and we sat in his basement while he got his lighter and rolling paper that he printed from the internet (word of advice to all my potheads reading this: google images “rolling paper” and thank me later). david opened the bag and said something stupid like “this smells like my moms spice rack” and then i was like “my dick smells like your moms rack” and me and tommy laughed so hard. then david, because hes such an idiot, tastes a little bit of it and says “no really it tastes like it too” and so i was like “youre obviously high now you dumbass, you cant just eat mary-j like that, right tommy?” tommy agreed with me and we kicked out david for being an asshole lol. so then tommy lit the blunt and took a monster hit but he didn’t puff out any smoke (i think hes just a vet you know) and then he passed it to me. i breathed in like id be doing this all my life and i starting coughing and shit and it was so awful but i blew out the smoke immediately because thats how the weed starts working. after one hit i was in complete nirvana (good band too RIP kurt) and i was seeing colors all over and i was laughing so hard and i was tripping balls at that point. tommy kept saying he wasnt high. light weight lol. needless to say, after the high was gone after like 5 hours, i went back and bought more of the wonder drug from that high school kid. he always laughs whenever i buy from him,
so hes probably stoned out of his mind too aha. so thats my story and shit i hope you guys like it since my videos done and my bitch mom is telling me to get off the computer. peace guys. legalize don’t criticize. smoke weed everyday. highest regards, tyler “cloud 9”
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
What's the best thing to do in spring weather? “Go hiking!” - Kathleen H.
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The Grid
BLACKSTOCK
SPECIAL NIGHT
SATURDAY: 90.3 The Rock Presents: Sub Blue Collar, 10pm
Coming in May: Rock4Revival Featuring Hurt, Smile Empty Soul, SSS, and Skytown Riot Get your tickets now at blackstocklive.com!
SATURDAY! 420 Reggae House Party with Rasta Dog and Ever G, 10pm $3 Shiner Bock & Yuengling
FRIDAY! Farewell to Kings | Scent of Remains | Psychosystem | A Soul Disowned @ 90 Proof Nightclub 18+ | 8:30 PM
SATURDAY! 4/20 Throwdown: HalfDeaf | Tom Ato | Owl Squad | Subsurgence @The Bowery 18+ | 9 PM
thursday 4/18
The Wilhelm Brothers with Laura Cortese, 10pm Half-Off Bottles of Wine Until 10 pm
Throwdown Thursday! Freq Mods, PaerBaer, Boltaction, DeFynce 18+ $8 | 21+ $5
Henry Gibson, Joey English and Josh Manis 9pm, FREE! $2.50 Yuengling Drafts
Check out carleoentertainment.com for upcoming events!
Check out carleoentertainment.com for upcoming events!
FRIday 4/19
90.3 The Rock Presents: Marina Orchestra with Madre, 10 pm
Temple - Gothic, Industrial, retro-goth dance night 18 and up, $1 cover
The Folk You Buddies, Knox County Jug Stompers + Michael Davis and the Teleplows, 10pm Drink Specials!
Farewell to Kings | Scent of Remains | Psychosystem | A Soul Disowned @ 90 Proof Nightclub 18+ | 8:30 PM Dance Night with DJ Eric B @ Southbound | 21+ | 9pm
Griz | Mansions On The Moon | Carousel | 5683 @ NV 18+ | 9 PM $12 Adv | $15 Door
saturday 4/20
90.3 The Rock Presents: Sub Blue Collar, 10pm
DJs and Dance in the Exchange, Orange and White After party with Yung L.A. in the Auditorium
420 Reggae House Party with Rasta Dog and Ever G, 10pm $3 Shiner Bock & Yuengling
Dance Night with Ray Funk @ Southbound 21+ | 9pm | Ladies free, Gents $5 after 11pm
4/20 Throwdown: HalfDeaf | Tom Ato | Owl Squad | Subsurgence @The Bowery 18+ | 9 PM | $5 Door
sunday 4/21
Come join us for lunch and dinner!
Check out blackstocklive.com for upcoming shows and special events!
Come hang out at The Well!
Call (865) 414-6050 to set up your private party!
Call (865) 414-6050 to set up your private party!
monday 4/22
Doc Marshalls, 10 pm Half Price Pint Night
Follow Us on Twitter! @blackstocklive
$2 Drafts, $4 Shots, Free Queso
Check out carleoentertainment.com for upcoming events!
Check out carleoentertainment.com for upcoming events!
tuesday 4/23
Miss Tess and The Talkbacks, 10pm Half Price Pint Night
Email jay@blackstocklive.com to set up private events and parties!
Einstein Simplified Improv Troop 8pm, FREE England in 1812, 10pm, FREE $5 Burgers
Call (865) 414-6050 to set up your private party!
Call (865) 414-6050 to set up your private party!
WED. 4/24
Live Team Trivia - 8pm
Locals Only: January Avenue, Calico Theory 8pm Doors, Always Free!
Patrick Sweany, 9pm, $5 $5 Nachos, $5 Dickel Tickles
Check out carleoentertainment.com for upcoming events!
Check out carleoentertainment.com for upcoming events!
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The Grid TUESDAY:
WEDNESDAY: Half Price Bottles of Wine All Day Until 10PM
SPECIAL NIGHT
Large 3 Topping Pizza $11.99 + Tax Happy Hour 3-7pm: 50 cents off any beer; draft or bottle
Half Off Drafts after 9pm
thursday 4/18
FREE BEER! $5 Liquor Pitcher ($3 Add Another Shot) $3 Wells, $3 Apple Pie Moonshine, $3 24oz Natty & Keystone $2 PBR & Highlife Tallboys
Large Supreme or Veggie Supreme Pizza $14.99 + Tax Happy Hour 3-7pm: 50 cents off any beer; draft or bottle
Try any of our 30 craft beers on tap!
FRIday 4/19
$12 pizza and pitcher til midnight$3 Hanna shooter, $4 High Gravity Beers and $5 Walk Me Downs
Beer Bust Saturday! Free Drafts $5 Liquor Pitchers 35 cent Wings & Shrimp
Large Meatzaria or Veggie Pizza $12.99 + Tax
Come in and watch the game on our big screens!
saturday 4/20
$2 Domestic Bottles and Drafts, $5.50 Pitchers and Happy Hour Wells All Day. $0.50 Wings, $3.99 Cheeseburgers and Fries
Closed Check out the facebook page!
Book Your Private Parties Here! 865-525-0004 rumorz@charter.net
Large 2 Topping Pizza $10.99 + Tax
Triva Starts at 8pm Brunch 10:30am - 3pm
sunday 4/21
$5.50 Domestic Pitchers $0.50 Wings, Pitchers and Happy Hour Wells All Day
Closed But be sure to come back tomorrow night!
Book Your Private Parties Here! 865-525-0004 rumorz@charter.net
Large 1 Topping Pizza + Breadsticks $10.99 + Tax Happy Hour 3-7pm: 50 cents off any beer; draft or bottle
Last Monday of Every Month: 5 Course Beer Dinner
monday 4/22
Trivia! $2 Domestic Drafts
$5.99 Burgers and Sandwiches $2.50 Imports and Craft Beers $4.00 flavored vodka
Book Your Private Parties Here! 865-525-0004 rumorz@charter.net
Large Windy City Pizza $11.99 + Tax Happy Hour 3-7pm: 50 cents off any beer; draft or bottle
$2 Drafts
tuesday 4/23
$1.50 PBR Tall Boys
$12 Pizza and Pitcher, $4 Jack Daniels
Book Your Private Parties Here! 865-525-0004 rumorz@charter.net
Any Medium Pizza $10.99 + Tax Happy Hour 3-7pm: 50 cents off any beer; draft or bottle
Half Price Bottles of Wine All Day Until 10PM
WED. 4/24
WEDNESDAY: $1.50 PBR Tall Boys
THURSDAY! Mexican Night! $1 tacos, $2.50 Mexican Beer, $4 Margaritas and $4 Patron
Beer Bust Saturday! Free Drafts $5 Liquor Pitchers 35 cent Wings & Shrimp
$2 Domestic Bottles
Mexican Night! $1 tacos, $2.50 Mexican Beer, $4 Margaritas and $4 Patron
College Night Thursday! $5 Pitcher of Beer and Free Buffet till 11, Karaoke Starts at 11 All new $5 Margarita Liquor Pitcher $1 Wells, $2 PBR tallboy Beer Pong Tourney!
$2.50 Blue Moon Drafts
$12 pizza and pitcher til midnight, $3 Hanna shooter, $4 High Gravity Beers and $5 Walk Me Downs
Catch all the Sports Action Here!
Large Windy City Pizza $11.99 + Tax Happy Hour 3-7pm: 50 cents off any beer; draft or bottle
Blows up The NBA playoffs begin April 18th, and we couldn’t be more excited. Two months of professional playoff basketball? Fantastic. But we’re more excited for two months of the NBA on TNT frat house yukkin’ it up and slapping Charles Barkley’s face on obese lady-folk. Never in sports history has a studio analyst crew gotten away with 30 seconds of analyzing, followed by 20 minutes of grab-assery. However, their hijinks came to a screeching halt one night, while broadcasting a relatively meaningless Hawks-Nets game. TNT pulled the broadcast from the air, but The Black Sheep DVR’d it, and recorded it on paper for you to witness. By: Quinn
(The camera glides in to focus on the crew, all sitting at the NBA on TNT table. Shaquille O’Neal on the far left, then moving right to Ernie Johnson, Kenny “The Jet” Smith, and finally Charles Barkley. Ernie shuffles paper and looks up into the camera, while the others glance at each other from the corners of their eyes, giggling and taking sips from their mugs.)
Ernie Johnson: Welcome back to the Sprint Halftime Report. I’m Ernie Johnson and with me as always are Shaq, Kenny, and Charles. So if you were watching last week, and we know you weren’t, Charles was having a little bit of fun at LeBron’s expense, talking about his receding hairline and the fact that the headband had been inching backward through the years. And who knows where it will be-Charles: Come on home. Ernie: And basically you were encouraging him to shave, to come on home... Charles: Come on home, shave your head like every other balding black guy. Kenny Smith: (waving at camera) Ay LeBron this ain’t me. This ain’t me LeBron! Ernie: (laughs uneasily) Well, we decided we couldn’t let that go alone, and so we decided to ma-Shaquille O’Neal: ERNIE YOU OFF THE CHAIN! Charles Barkley: If he keep denying his hairline is receding
it’d be like a dead terrorist denying he ain’t in heaven. Shaq: (pulls tie up in the air to resemble a noose) OOOOOOO! Ernie: (snarkily) Even though we’re in the south I don’t think any racists will be hanging you any time soon, Shaq. Shaq: (stares angrily at Ernie) Kenny: (stares angrily at Ernie) Charles: (stares angrily at Ernie) Ernie: (worryingly looks off-screen at the producer) Kenny: (walking off the set) Yo Ern, let’s talk about basketball. Let’s talk about basketball. Shaq: Look when I drink water like this (takes long drink of water, bulges his eyes at Ernie) it mean that water too hot! Charles: If LeBron’s headband keep moving back further and further, and eventuallyKenny: Not me LeBron! I got no part in this! Charles: Eventually that headband gunna pull his eyes back and he’ll look Asian. Like he got a Mandarin hat on, practicin’ tai chi instead of basketball.
(Kenny is off camera, but his mic broadcasts him taking “heavy polls” of Cognac in the green room)
Shaq: (stares angrily at Ernie) Kenny: (off stage) The fuck Ernie? Charles: (stares angrily at Ernie) Kenny: (runs back in impersonating a “jet” with a Jeremy Lin jersey on) Rook at me! I’rm ReBron James! I have tiny penis! (A photoshopped picture of Charles Barkley and Asianlooking LeBron James kissing in a dojo appears on the screen.)
Ernie: (his bowtie spinning) Can we go to commercial! I don’t know what the hell is going on!? Shaq: YO THE ONLY WAY WE CAN STOP THE HEAT IS TO DROP CHARLES AKA A “FAT MAN” MIAMI LOL.
(Sound guy plays stereotypical Asian chimes)
(A picture of Charles Barkley-looking atomic bomb dropping over Miami appears on screen. The room falls silent. All the panelists look shocked, except Shaq, who is spinning in his chair)
Ernie: Guys, hold on, let’s take it down a notch... Shaq: What Ern, you gonna lynch me?
Ernie: ... Ok, well, with that we will bring you back to the action. Hawks lead the Nets 51-43.
Shaq: (putting papers on his head) REBRON JAMES!
we interview: A Colorado budtender Now that recreational use and sale of marijuana is legal in Colorado, weed dispensaries have been popping up everywhere. All you need to legally grow and sell weed is a measly little piece of paper from the government, it’s that easy! We sat down with one such self made man, “BlaisOne,” who went from regular old, cereal-eatin’, Netflix watchin’, maybe occasionally illegally weed growin’ stoner, to a savvy, suit-wearing, legally growing and selling weed business man. By Quinn The Black Sheep: How did you get involved in this business? What were the stages from having the idea to sitting in the store and making a living? “BlaiseOne” the Budtender: I’ve been close to the business my whole life. I started growing around 13. With the medical legalities popping up I came to Denver about three years ago, and started working for local dispensaries. I can’t say there was much transition from seeing the doors open to where I am now. I guess as of now most of us are kind of in limbo, just waiting for recreational to take over. It will take the ceiling off all our businesses and allow us to operate like everyone else. TBS: If you own the business, do you recruit new workers? And what do you look for in an applicant? BlaiseOne: I don’t own it. Don’t really want to yet either. We hire from within, either good friends or quality patients. We look for a true enthusiasm in the industry, as long as you have the ability to learn and as long as you’re enthusiastic about it. TBS: What’s the most-untrue stereotype of a budtender? BlaiseOne: Contrary to what most people think, most of the time we are not medicated when at work. TBS: In light of recent marijuana legalization in other states, do you think it will take long for the rest of the country to follow suit? What is your opinion on current legalization laws? BlaiseOne: I think it will be many years before the federal government overturns this one. There’s too much money in the pharmaceutical companies. Plain and simple. Oh, and god forbid we make some gasoline out of hemp... Fuck our government. TBS: Does your business cook the edibles in house, or do you buy them from a bakery? And how does a marijuana bakery start up? BlaiseOne: To start up you have to have a MIP (Marijuana Infused Product) License. And a certified health inspected kitchen. We used to make our own (and they were ridiculous) but started outsourcing after they made the kitchen law. We didn’t have the means to open a real kitchen for it, so we sold the license. TBS: Do you sell the marijuana directly to customers? If so, have you ever refused to sell to someone?BlaiseOne: I personally do not – I only grow. But we refuse sale to anyone we think is reselling. TBS: Do you get any “employee benefits”? BlaiseOne: Well let’s just say everything from seed to sale is on 24hr cameras monitored by the state, so not in the way you’re thinking. And technically you cant have/give for free. So let’s just say when I purchase anything for myself from the storefront it usually only costs a penny. TBS: Are you worried about the DEA/FBI because Marijuana is illegal under federal law? How does that legal grey area work? BlaiseOne: I am not. We are currently within our legal number of plants within the state of Colorado, and are compliant on everything we do. I don’t think the feds have any interest in us. TBS: Are there routine inspections of your crop? BlaiseOne: No. TBS: What do you net from an average plant? What are the expenses you have to take care of? BlaiseOne: Average plant nets 6 oz. worth about $1200. We currently pay out about 50,000 a month in expenses. Rent, payroll, electric, soil, nutrients, bug spray, etc. TBS: How does the marijuana community decide on names for new strains? Is there any sort of advisory board or do people just smoke it and come up with something? BlaiseOne: There is an actual Swiss seed bank, and to get a phenotype listed and named you have to provide something like 500 stable seeds and some other stuff. But I doubt anyone does that. Some of the older strains have made a good name for themselves, and the newer names are usually growers crossing strains and making up new names. TBS: Funniest/weirdest name of a product? BlaiseOne: Earwax. TBS: How does the cost of legal marijuana compare to buying it illegally? BlaiseOne: Depends on your state, but equal or cheaper. TBS: Have you ever had a problem with people trying to break onto your property and steal your crops? BlaiseOne: Our dumpster gets broken into once a month. Which is silly, like we would throw the good stuff away... Other than that everything has been cool. TBS: What’s the worst part, and the best part, of your day to day workings? BlaiseOne: Worst part is moving thousands of pounds of soil up to the second floor, then back down when it’s used. Growing dope shouldn’t have to be this physical. TBS: Do you have a getting high “routine”? BlaiseOne: I only vape now. O-Pen Vape is the way of the future. If you’re still smoking weed you need to get with the times. TBS: What’s your perfect sandwich? BlaiseOne: Cheeseburger with a fried egg and French fries on it. Bam!
the big three
entertainment-y things to keep your eye out for.
The Lords of Salem Opening April 19th
The residents of a creepy apartment complex in Salem, Massachusetts are visited by a 300-year-old coven of witches. The dreadedblonde who is certain her neighbor’s apartment is haunted might just be tweaking, but you can’t deny the negative vibes she feels coming from Apartment 5. Written and directed by Rob Zombie, this film will at least give us the willies.
Pain & Gain Opening April 19th
A trio of bodybuilders in Florida get caught up in an extortion and kidnapping scheme that goes terribly wrong. Really, when do any of those things go right? Based on a true story, Pain & Gain stars Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne “Can You Smell What the Rock is Cooking?” Johnson, as well as some cute comedic relief from Rob Corddry and Rebel Wilson.
Phoenix - Bankrupt! Out April 23rd
This French alternative rock band that scored mainstream recognition with their hit 2009 album Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix, are back with their fifth studio album. Fans of their past work might be taken aback by the sounds of Bankrupt!, which the band says is something more experimental than before. Check out their first single “Entertainment” (which still sounds pretty poppy to us).
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bartender of the week Ben sunspot Favorite movie: Boogie Nights Favorite show: Californication Favorite book: Clifford the Big Red Dog Favorite beer: Hoppyum IPA Favorite liquor: Sex with an Alligator Dream job: Couch potato Pick up line: “Hey, come here.” Pet peeve: Servers Signature shot: Bulleit whisky Superpower: Telepathic bra-removal Sports team: Braves Hangover cure: Sex Best night for drink specials: Thursday, half price pints after 9
the drinking game:
recipe for disaster:
Booze Ball
Grilled Cheese Pizza
The only thing better than drinking cold beer and eating a hot dog and peanuts on a nice spring day is watching dudes spit tobacco while playing with their balls—er, baseballs. Don’t just watch the fun. Take this game outside and get drunk. It’s officially booze ball season.
Like when Robb Stark married the Frey girl, securing The Twins for the North, this is an unholy union of two unlike things. Will this work out better or worse than the wedding? Let’s hope it’s better.
What You’ll Need: Four kegs and a Wiffle ball and bat. Number of Players: At least 20. Level of Intoxication: Good luck trying to run the bases after this.
What You Need: 2 slices of bread, 4 ounces of pepper jack cheese, crappy pasta sauce, pepperoni, butter. Cook Time: 10 minutes Fatty Factor: If you can convince yourself to eat less than three, you’ll survive to see morning.
How To Play - Split up into two teams. - Set up the kegs in a baseball diamond and have each player on one team stand in the typical baseball positions. - Before any player bats they must chug a half cup of beer. - After chugging, the batter tosses up the Wiffle ball himself and tries to hit it. If he can’t hit a fair ball in three tries, he’s out and must drink for five seconds. - If the player hits a single, he must do a five-second keg stand when he gets to first base. - If the player hits a double, he must do a ten-second keg stand when he gets to second base. - If the player hits a triple, he must chug a beer when he gets to third base. - If the player hits a homerun, he must do a fifteen-second keg stand when he gets to home. - If the player gets thrown out or tagged before he makes it to a base, he must chug half a beer, and he is out. - Once three outs have been made, teams switch sides. - The game continues until nine innings have been completed or a team reaches a predetermined score. The Game Ends When: The kegs run dry or the players are as bad as the Cubs. You suck, Darwin Barney!
download our app for all of our drinking games!
Let’s Get Baked: -Place a skillet on a burner set to medium. -Butter one side of each slice of bread. -Layer the other side of one piece of bread with pizza sauce and pepperoni. -Shred the pepper jack cheese on the unbuttered side of the other piece of bread. -Place each piece of bread butter side-down onto the warmed skillet. -2-3 minutes later, place the pepperoni side of one slice onto the cheesy side of the other slice of bread. -Flip the sandwich each minute for 3-4 minutes, or until the cheese is melted. Unlike a potent mixture of sugar, carbs, protein and cheese to help you power through your day. Without it, you’d pass out from hunger, and passing out just isn’t the same as willingly taking a nap.
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
the wordsearch: Stoner lingo Baked Blazed Blunts Bong Chronic Ganja Grass
Skunk Fatty Shake Hash Spliff Heady Stoned Joint Tree Munchies Pothead Vaporizer Weed Roach Schwag
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The "how high?" flowchart
the madlib: a frolfing adventure What started out as a ___1___ ___2___ quickly turned into the weirdest day since Saturday at ___3___, when Jonah took all that/those ___4___ and found some girl in ___5___ furry boots to give him a ___6___ massage and then rode her around like a ___7___ until the sun came up. Anyway, Jonah and I went out frolfing at noon with a 6-pack of ___8___ and a bit of ___9___, I had my iPod blasting some ___10___ and we were having the time of our lives. We got to hole nine, but it wasn’t the same hole nine we’ve played since we were freshman. We squinted our already squinty eyes and saw a ___11___ wearing a ___12___and holding a glass of ___13___, gesturing for us to come closer. When we froze, he started coming closer. “Hi there,” the creature cackled, not unlike that fat chick from ___14___ who’s legit stalking me. “Why don’t we jump into my… tunnel?” Suddenly a tunnel full of ___15___-smoke and ___16___-colored confetti appeared. “A tunnel? That’s the best you could think of?” said Jonah, that ___17___. The creature was suddenly sitting on our shoulders between us. He handed us his drink, and we drank. The next thing we knew, we were dancing to ___18___ and grinding on girls wearing ___19___, but they were so sexy. We were smiling like ___20___ was giving us ___21___ and dancing our asses off. When we came to, Jonah was poking me on the shoulder and I stopped dancing for the first time in who knows how long. We were on hole nine, with a rather large crowd of ___22___ watching. “Dude, what the hell just happened! I think that weird thing slipped us some ___23___ and we just tripped out for hours!” “Bunch of ___24___, it’s only 12:30!” someone shouted, as we stepped aside to let everyone play and to drink some of our beer. “We’re going to have to get some more of that ___25___,” said Jonah, and we cheersed.
Meet The Staff campus manager Austin Owen
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campus director Quinn Myers
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owner Atish Doshi
Writers Mary Moss, Lindsey Fleck, Jessica Crowder, Katie Vaughn. Sarah Russell
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Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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