The Black Sheep
fre con e...lik d o m e yo s. A ur r nd o too omm thb ate rus ’s h.
Vol. 3, Issue 3
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
9/5/13 - 9/11/13
uc robbed:
the black sheep on the case BY: Austin McLaurine The University Center became the center of attention on early Tuesday afternoon when a male dressed in scrubs and a mask robbed the Tennessee Federal Credit Union and left a suspicious package behind, thought to be a bomb. Students were quickly escorted out of the building, one forcefully, when he claimed “I’m not leaving, I literally just sold my kidney for this sandwich.” In an effort to keep people safe from a potential explosion, students were allowed to gather around the UC and watch the spectacle from a very safe 10-foot distance. One student on the scene said “I don’t know why the police were called, UT robs us every day and nobody calls the police on them.” While fascinating, our concern doesn’t lie with the event but the perpetrator. We are determined to get behind the reason of this robbery. The following are our potential culprits. Since the suspect was wearing scrubs, let’s assume it was someone from in the UT medical program. After being screwed over for four years as an undergraduate, and then dicked even harder in medical school, the pressure of being an extremely broke student finally crushed the will of this criminal and forced him to rob UT of their funds (although it wasn’t UT who was robbed, it’s fun to think so). Being a broke student himself, he should have known that there wouldn’t have been any money at a bank housed in a building full of broke students, so this was pretty bad planning on his part. As for the “bomb” left at the scene, maybe he wanted to mail a package and decided to rob the bank instead. Hey, people can be forgetful. One of the more outrageous ideas we have is that it was The Joker of Batman fame. Yes, we know that sounds crazy, we don’t know what he’s doing in Knoxville either. But, he has been seen wearing scrubs before, so he has that going against him. He doesn’t care about money either, which would explain why he robbed a collection of college students’ “savings.” Despite the evidence stacked so high against him, it would be hard to prove he did it since he’s been dead for a few years. Can you believe that Christopher Nolan actually convinced him to be in a movie? The surest suspect shouldn’t be a surprise to any of you. He is a mas-
ter criminal, one who steals in broad daylight and tells everyone via his campus-wide emails. This man is no other than Jimmy Cheek. His motives for robbing a bank housed on his own campus are pretty obvious: he felt like taking more money from us than he already does. Mr. Cheek has been contacted since the incident and was asked whether he was a part of the robbery or not. After dancing around the question, he said, “They don’t call me Jimmy ‘Spread Those’ Cheek(s) for nothing!” An even more
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page 6
The Black Sheep Interviews: A Moped Bro
Tennessee Volunteers’ Gameday Schedule
Well, it was more like an interrogation, but we needed some answers.
devilish idea has formed since the robbery occurred: we believe that the robbery itself was a distraction job for Mr. Cheek to skip all of the lines at Chick-fil-A. He simply could not be bothered to wait with the peasants. News headlines will not report the truth of this incident to the public. As these stories hit the front pages of all the major news outlets, just remember: Jimmy Cheek is exactly who you think he is, a crook.
There is an art to being a Vol fan, and this schedule is a picasso.
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Bartender of the week Chantelle of Sunspot is um, um, um, cute and awkward.
>> Table of Contents << page 6: Top 10: Reasons why fall at UT is the best >> Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still pretty damn sweet during the other seasons, though.
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page 7: on the streets >> If we had to pick a new fight song, what should it be?
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page 10: Saints Row IV: A Keith David Story >> We address Keith David about playing his biggest role yet: Keith David, in Saints Row IV. page 11: We Interview: Kevin Viner - A Magician! >> No matter what you learn from this, always remember that a trick is something a whore does for money. page 12: Drinking game and recipe for disaster >> We play dice (or do we?) and make you some Big Boy Chili.
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The black sheep interviews:
a moped bro
By: black sheep staff The Black Sheep recently had the chance to cover a very serious issue. An issue you may not have been aware of. It’s Moped Bros. They’ve had it with societal condemnation. A young man should be able to have a totally sweet time on the back of his bro’s sick moped without fear of being judged. But nothing’s being done to quell this aforementioned judgment, and one brave, young man has had enough. He agreed to an interview with The Black Sheep to make aware the plight of the Moped Bros., and we couldn’t be more thrilled. In this interview, he will remain anonymous, of course. But we will say his name rhymes with…Bravis. The Black Sheep: Hey, [redacted]. How’ve you been? Anonymous Moped Bro: I’ve been doing pretty good. Really, just a great week all around. This room smells kinda funny, though. TBS: That’s great. So, [redacted], let’s get to brass tacks. What exactly is a “Moped Bro” to you? AMB: Excuse me? TBS: The term “Moped Bro.” Does it resonate with you? AMB: I mean, like, sometimes my friend, [redacted], gives me a ride to school on his moped, if that’s what you mean. He drives; I ride in the back. We do it to save on a bit of gas. What are we doing here?
TBS: Uh-huh. And how does that make you feel? AMB: Huh? TBS: Do you feel subjugated? Patronized by society? You must be so ashamed. AMB: What? TBS: It’s okay. You have nothing to be afraid of. You’re not alone anymore. AMB: Guy, I don’t know what you’re talking about. TBS: Well, I can see that the subject is a bit…personal for you. That’s fine. It’s perfectly normal to be defensive at a time like this. Let’s move on. When did you realize you were a Moped Bro? AMB: I’m still not totally sure what that means. TBS: It means the injustice being directed towards you is pungent. We’re not going to stand for that. We’re here to help. AMB: I don’t want your help. I want to get out of here. Get this light out of my face. TBS: Wait, [redacted]! We need you for this. There are so many out there just like you. They need you; someone to stand up for them! If you don’t stop this madness, who will? AMB: Again, I’m still not clear on what the “madness” is.
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TBS: Why, the subjugation and objectification of Moped Bros.! Surely that’s why you agreed to this interview. To help put a stop to it. AMB: I thought this was a sleep study. TBS: We’ll get to that later. AMB: I just want to go home. TBS: I think you’ll find that quite difficult with the thrice locked door. AMB: What? TBS: And the room being windowless and all. AMB: Oh, my god. You’re actually insane.
TBS: I will flay you! AMB: Jesus, man!
TBS: Hey! Don’t you judge me! I bust my ass trying to help you and your kind and this is the thanks I get? The goddamn stink-eye? AMB: Dude, you’re scaring me.
TBS: Sorry, went back to Bad way too quickly. AMB: Really, I just want to go home. TBS: But…I can’t go back to HQ with nothing. They might actually flay me. AMB: Well, I’m really sorry man –
TBS: You’re damn right I am. This is Bad Cop. Want me to go back to Good? AMB: Look, guy, I’m sure you’re super chill and all, but…I think there’s a bit of a misunderstanding here.
TBS: Just… give me a quote. Give me something! AMB: Uh, leave the Moped Bros. alone?
TBS: What’s to misunderstand? You’re a bro and also you ride on a moped with your bro. You’re a Moped Bro. AMB: Yeah, but…I guess I didn’t really think about –
There you have it folks, right from the mouth of our anonymous source. Your assortment of apathy and contempt for the Moped Bros. is literally killing them. This problem ends with you. Please, let the Moped Bros. go.
m o c . e n i l n O p e e h S k c a l B e G GAMES Th IN K IN R D | PECIALS | BAR S ARTICLES
tennessee volunteers’ gameday schedule
The
Top
Ten
Reasons Why Fall at UT is the Best By: Simbuh
10.) Freshman girls: Those naive little ones walking around as if the sky was never brighter and the grass has never been so green. They need the upperclassmen to show them the way but will believe pretty much anything, which just makes the game so much easier, now doesn’t it, you horny and kind of creepy junior males? 9.) Football: A time to show that your blood is not in fact red, but orange. This is UT friends, and here orange is the new red. And if for some odd, inexplicable reason you don’t like orange, well then we suggest you move out or blind yourself. Because it’s everywhere. There is no hiding from it, or escaping it. Deal with it. 8.) No more baseball: Who wants to sit around watching baseball? No one. The only people who like baseball are the ones who play. Er... *cough* Go Vols! But seriously. No more baseball. No more surprise extra innings, like “free baseball” is supposed to make us happy? The game is already too long for its own good anyway.
By: Katie Vaughn It’s that time again ladies and gentlemen, that time of year when day drinking, shouting obscenities at nobody, and starting bar fights with opposing fans is celebrated. Yay football. UT fans are dedicated to their full participation in the day’s activities leading up to the game. There is an art to being a Vol fan, and this is the full schedule students stick to every game day. 9 a.m.: You wake up feeling like an asshole from the night before. Begin making a breakfast of champions with lots of starch to soak up the SoCo floating around in your stomach. Drink water and immediately shower, because supporting the Vols means looking good while doing so. 10 a.m.: Open a beer while putting on your game day outfit on. Girls, wear either a jersey with short shorts or an orange dress with wedges. Boys have no standard outfits — whatever is on the floor will do, as long as it’s as orange as possible. Get all your roommates in the living room, turn up the “Rocky Top” playlist and commence drinking. 11 a.m.: Walk outside into the blistering, disgusting heat to get to your friend’s tailgate party. No matter, you’re drinking and therefore impervious to heat stroke. The walk to the tailgate seemed far too long — are you sure that you’re only going from Highland Terrace to Lake Plaza? But, no fear, you will arrive! And they have beer... and also happen to be playing “Rocky Top.” (We sense a theme forming.) 12 p.m.: Socialize with friends/friends of friends/ friends of friends of friends/literally anyone. Shout “I said it’s great to be a Tennessee Vol,” because some dude just started the chant next to you. If you don’t join in, you’re a blasphemer and shall be condemned by the True Vols. Go inside the house and pee for the thousandth time. You have opened the floodgates. 1 p.m.: When did you start playing corn hole? That’s strange, you just won! It seems that lots of cheap beer gives you unholy corn hole powers. You begin to feel sleepy as well as bloated. You sit down on the couch and contemplate a short nap before the game. No, that will be a waste of time, just keep drinking. 2 p.m.: You get a text about another tailgate you were invited to. You tell your posse, but they’re too busy singing along to “Rocky Top.” You drag one of them
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away from the group and start walking. Where are you walking right now? It’s hot, and you’ve sweat through your shirt. Do you smell? Probably, but so will every other person in Neyland. 3 p.m.: You aren’t sure whose house this is but you’re using their bathroom. My, you look horrible, go outside and make new friends. Make purposeless conversation with a dumb drunk man who thinks you’re the most interesting person in the world. 4 p.m.: You have been told the game is in an hour and a friend insists that you leave immediately. 4:30 p.m.: You have not left. 4:45 p.m.: SHIT YOU REALLY NEED TO LEAVE. YOU LEAVE. 5 p.m.: Anonymous screaming and swearing floats through your head. You have sung “Rocky Top” at least thirty times. By the way, who is winning? The scoreboard is too far away. Oh my god, your ass is sticking to the bench. It’s too hot, you should leave, you did your part. 5:30 p.m.: Zombie your way to Jimmy John’s. You drank all day and you just want to sleep, but thankfully, Jimmy and his Turkey Tom are always there for you. Begin yelling back at opposing fans walking along the strip. You believe you have won the fight. 7 p.m.: Back to your apartment to get more beverages, you are starting to wind down. Only one way to fix that... KEG STAND. 7 p.m. - 3 a.m.: Somewhere in between going to four more bars, losing all your friends and confessing to your love to a complete stranger, you became much more intoxicated than you originally intended. But all in all, you had a great game day and made it home safely. If you follow this overwhelming schedule you are guaranteed to have a fabulous and memorable game day. It may require you to dedicate an entire day to regrouping and possibly force you to re-evaluate your priorities, but don’t fret, everyone is in the same boat as you. It’s all apart of the beautiful game day tradition that is UT.
7.) You actually care about your classes: This is the semester when you finally give a shit. Your grades will be higher, and your ego will flourish. Come spring it’s going to be the “Oh, I can miss this class” every day. So enjoy the praise from your parents while it lasts! 6.) Halloween: It’s that one time of the year where girls and guys get to dress up in whatever their hearts desire. And although that’s usually something that barely covers the private areas, you can’t say sexy Teletubbies don’t tickle your fancy. 5.) The weather: It’s warm. It’s sunny. Come spring, it’s gonna be chillier, your tan will fade, and your clothes will be heavier. Enjoy the accompanying stares of admiration before you’re bundled up in so many layers walking to class that no one can even tell your gender. 4.) Forgetfulness is adorable: You have mostly forgotten about how much you studied last semester, and how hangovers aren’t fun when you have a test the next day. So when you walk into those tests just remember you’ve done it once, and you can do it again. Just give it that ole’ college try! But next time eliminate the Everclear and Franzia from the night before. 3.) Frat parties: Every year they try to top themselves, so there will be raging this semester. For PDM alone there were thousands on the strip and in the bars tearing it up. Thank those frats for renting them out and making sure you have a good time, but the party is just beginning. 2.) No more parents: Who cares if you stumble home at 5 a.m. or even 11 a.m.? No one! You had an awesome night and now there is no one you need to lie to about an “all-girls sleepover.” You’re free! 1.) FOOTBALL!: This IS the University of Tennessee! We have the best fans in the world, a great stadium, and screw the other schools who think they can beat our spirit! We may not be the best team, but we’re the best supporters out there! GO VOLS!
Around campus Send us your party pics from around campus to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
on the Streets If we had to pick a new fight song, what should it be? Alison
“Wagon Wheel.”
Steven
“Welcome to the Jungle.”
M a tt
“What is our official fight song?”
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The Grid
BLACKSTOCK Tuesday: Ladies Night! Drinks are $3.85-$4.50 Tequila Tasting with Reservation
FRIDAY: The Busdriver Tour, 10pm
SATURDAY: Zoso - The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience, 7pm Juicy J with Kwamane, Lil rhed, and Chris Bengston, 9pm
Thursday 9/5
Live Music
Sol Driven Train, 10pm Half-Off Bottles of Wine Until 10 pm
For tickets and more info: blackstocklive.com facebook.com/blackstocklive
$2 Domestic Bottles, $0.50 Wings Thursday Night Football Package
Friday 9/6
Live Music
The Busdriver Tour, 10pm
For tickets and more info: blackstocklive.com facebook.com/blackstocklive
$2.50 20oz Miller Lite and Shiner Bock Drafts
Rollin’ In The Hay, 10pm
Zoso - The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience, 7pm Juicy J with Kwamane, Lil rhed, and Chris Bengston, 9pm
It’s Football Time!! $2.50 20oz Yuengling and Bud Light Drafts NFL Football Package! Watch your favorite team here and enjoy $0.50 wings all day, $2 bottles and drafts all day and $5 double wells!
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Saturday 9/7
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SUN: NFL Football Package! Watch your favorite team here and enjoy $0.50 wings all day, $2 bottles and drafts all day and $5 double wells!
Sunday 9/8
$2.50 Kids Meals
Come join us for lunch and dinner!
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Monday 9/9
Tequila Tasting with Reservation
Keith Brown and The New Jazz Fourtet, 10pm Half Price Pint Night
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$5.50 Domestic Pitchers, $0.50 Wings Monday Night Football Drink Specials!
Tuesday 9/10
Ladies Night! Drinks are $3.85-$4.50 Tequila Tasting with Reservation
The Shilohs, 10pm Half Price Pint Night
For tickets and more info: blackstocklive.com facebook.com/blackstocklive
$2 Domestic Drafts, Team Trivia at 9pm, Drink Specials During and After
Wednesday 9/11
Taco Night! $1.75 Tacos Tequila Tasting with Reservation
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Pint Night! $2 All Drafts, Whiskey Wednesday Specials
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Large Windy City Pizza $11.99 + Tax All You Can Eat Buffet 11am - 2pm, $6.99
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Tuesday 9/10
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Friday 9/6
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Saints Row IV: A Keith David Story By: Kevin Wise Keith David has been a hero in the American eye for quite some time now. Whether it be from his motion picture debut in Disco Godfather, to his more modern portrayal of a hard-boiled cop in My Mom’s New Boyfriend, David has made audiences laugh and cry worldwide. But, truly, dear reader, Keith David has outdone himself this time. His more recent outing in the realm of entertainment has been in the recently-released Saints Row IV. Starring Keith David. As Keith David. Hey reader, sorry, this isn’t for you. Yeah, we know you picked up the paper and all, and this is in the paper, but we were hoping a copy would float Keith David’s way, and you are most certainly not Keith David. We just want to talk to Keith for a minute. Just a second. Go play with your Pogs or something. Keith, hi, it’s The Black Sheep. How’ve you been? Good, we hope. We’ve been doing alright ourselves, trying to be funny and stuff. Yeah, the kids are great, thanks for asking. Uh, but also, we were wondering: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? It’s not going to get better than this, Keith! You’ve single-handedly doomed your career. What’s that smell, Keith? What does that smell like to you? Yeah, that’s unemployment! Get used to it. That’s going to be wafting around for a while now. You consciously decided to play the part of yourself as vice president to a president that was a former thug. That’s the role of a lifetime! And that’s just ignoring how badass your character, you, is in the first place. “Keith David: Vice President who has super powers and likes to tear shit up but also has a sensitive side and flaws just like everyone else.” It doesn’t roll of the tongue, but by God, Keith! You can’t just sit here and think you’re going to get away with this. Fans will never want a follow-up to this part; it would be blasphemous. You appeal to every facet of the emotional spectrum here, Keith! It’s like, in getting this role, all of the planets aligned and every single one of them has your face painted on it. No one’s going to give you the disservice of even trying to follow that shit up.
“You consciously decided to play the part of yourself as vice president to a president that was a former thug. That’s the role of a lifetime!” Let’s make this perfectly clear: You’ve done good. You play yourself really, really well in Saints Row IV. There is literally no one else we’d rather have play Keith David but you, Keith David. But this is the end of the road, friend. This is the peak. You’ve upped yourself in every single way. Now, it’s totally possible that you’d think that’s a good thing; that you’re pushing your limits. Well, you have. All the way. Nobody’s going to want any more Keith David because there’s nothing else to get. You’ve done it all, and Saints Row IV was the straw that broke that damn camel. And, honestly
Keith, you’ve been skirting this for quite some time; the attainment of the quintessential Keith David performance, we mean. Some thought you might have pulled it off as the Flame King in Adventure Time, but they were all stoned. Others claimed that your performance as Not-Riddick in The Chronicles of Riddick was your swan song, but then Vin Diesel snapped all of their necks. You never did thank Vincent for that, did you? You should probably do that. Get in touch with him before the darkness of anonymity sets in. Look, Keith, you’re a great guy. You’ve got a winning smile and a dulcet, golden voice. God, that voice. But that’s precisely the problem. By playing yourself in what is arguably the Citizen Kane of videogames… where do you go from there? America (and everywhere else) doesn’t want a more perfect piece. They’re happy with what they got. And, boy, you cut it close before. Remember Mass Effect? How hard that was? People loved Captain Anderson. Your portrayal of the beloved captain and the bacchanal of alien sex in the games made the series a near classic. Just one problem: BioWare made it impossible for the player to get busy with Captain Anderson. Yes, we know, that was extremely upsetting. Seriously, Mass Effect! We’re pretty sure you could have sex with a jellyfish in that game. The injustice on the part of the developers was inexcusable in the eyes of series fans, and the resulting outcry was palpable. We both know what happened to BioWare afterwards. It’s best not to talk about it. Then Volition, the creator of the Saints Row series, picked up the slack in the fourth iteration of their game and allowed the player to woo you, Keith “Motherfuckin’” David. Of course, you refuse the player’s advances, but at least the option is presented. Unfortunately, this means you’ve got nothing left. Once you’ve been offered virtual sex by a player who is most likely some amalgamation of animal cruelty and weird-smelling alcohol, your career has nowhere to go but down. Or, in your case, nowhere at all. It’s like you think people liked Cloud Atlas! Keith, you can’t fall back on that. Tell us, how many dildo bats did Cloud Atlas have? Huh? None of us saw Cloud Atlas, but we’re going to guess very few at best. Saints Row has that in spades. Dildo bats are, like, its hobby. Every punch line in that game is a dildo bat. And it’s that kind of Grade-A humor that made yours a household name, and then immediately banished it into obscurity.
Disco Godfather
We’re sorry, Keith, but you really did this to yourself. By accepting and successfully playing such a perfect role, you’ve ruined the rest of your life. Movies can’t take you back. Video games certainly won’t take you back. Really, they’re doing you a favor. Better to be snuffed out as a brilliant flame than as a dying spark.
My Mom’s New Boyfriend
The Black Sheep Interviews
A Magician! The Black Sheep: How did you first get interested in magic, and what led to it becoming your career? Kevin Viner: From the time I was five years old I knew the direction I wanted to go. By the time I was eight or nine it was still what I wanted to do, so as far as I can remember it's been a passion of mine. TBS: What did you focus on when you were in school, knowing all you wanted to be was a magician? Kevin: Sports and everything came really easy to me because I realized that if I studied and worked hard it freed up time to do other things. I went to UC Irvine and studied math, because even though I'm in entertainment, I do a lot of corporate events. People have this misconception about being a magician, magic’s going to get you all the girls, magic’s going to be amazing and all this stuff. In corporate America people hear I’m a magician and think I do magic because it was my only choice, instead of thinking about how I do magic because I enjoy it. I knew I needed an education, because if you're performing for a room full of executives and can't hold your own, it's really detrimental. TBS: Did you start as an apprentice, or did you read books? How did you learn the trade? Kevin: I read a lot of books. My parents would take me down to the magic shop and pick up a lot of books when I was a kid, and I would study them front to back. And as my reading level increased, the more books I read. I didn't have a "mentor" until a few years ago. The guy works with Harvard and MIT doing lectures, but his day job is a magician. He's been really helpful these last few years in refining my act, but other than that it was really self-taught. TBS: Is there some sort of magician union, or is it every man for himself? Kevin: There’s a place in Hollywood called the Magic Castle, which is sort of a mecca for magicians. I started going to the Magic Castle when I was probably fifteen for classes and performing. I would go up there once month and meet with a young fraternity of other magicians who were interested in the same things. I met a lot of friends and learned from other people, but at the same time, I almost felt a little ostracized from the group because we didn’t share a whole lot of interests outside of magic. I tend to rely on myself now, because I've been doing it long enough that I don't need to learn any new grand ideas, since I know my base routines and can improvise off that. I used to hang out with a lot of magicians, but now I really hang out with five to ten really close friends who are in the magic community. TBS: Are there things you want to do in your act that you might not have the financial backing for? Kevin: It's very similar to any start-up company because you have to spend money to make money. So you could sit down with an idea and know you can do the trick, but will a corporation pay for you to do the extra trick? So if I have an idea that I know people would spend another $10,000 for, then sure I'd spend that money to get a return on that investment.
This week we interviewed Kevin Viner, a magician, because outside of Gob we really don’t know what it’s like to be a full-time magic man. Kevin primarily performs at corporate events, does some college mind-reading tours, and can be reached on Twitter at @KevinViner and OfficialKevinViner on Facebook. No matter what you learn from this, always remember that a trick is something a whore does for money.
By: Brendan and Quinn
TBS: So, how much of your time is spent on working up new ideas, as opposed to performing? Kevin: That really depends on the day or week, like right now I'm in this crazy creative mode since during summer a lot of stuff tends to die down with both the corporate and college crowds. Then going into the winter things get crazy again. I've got companies booking me ahead of time for repeat business, so I don't need to focus on that side of things. A lot of the job is just a lot of reading and researching, hoping an idea will come to you, since you can get sort of a writer's block on ideas. TBS: What happens when something goes wrong? Kevin: When stuff happens — and it does, that's just a fact — there's not a lot you can do. Fortunately my style of performing lends itself well to this, but if you're David Copperfield and you're on stage and you really mess up a trick, you’re kind of shit out of luck. I do a lot of comedy on stage too, so my approach is if I can treat the audience to a good laugh after something doesn't work right, the more they're going to be on my side and they won't care. A well-placed one-liner improvised on the spot is always a pretty good cover-up. TBS: When you see other magicians do their tricks, is it easy for you to know what they're doing, or is there an aura of mystery still? Kevin: I pretty much know exactly what's going on since magicians are doing riffs on the same things. The stuff that fools me the most (and this is the same with audiences) is unexpected stuff. So if you know if a lady is going to float you're looking for strings or whatever, but if instead the lady turns into two ladies and then they disappear, you're caught off guard and it's a lot less likely that you'll figure it out. So that's an advantage magicians have in performing for regular audiences, we call them lay people, they don't know what's coming most of the time -- even with classic tricks. TBS: How often do you encounter unruly audience members? Kevin: Some people just want their voice to be heard because they're a high powered lawyer in LA, don't pay attention, and just want to be an alpha dog in the room; these guys don't really bother me, I can handle them pretty well. I've learned from a lot of different stand up comics on how to maintain character, shut the heckler up, and keep the audience on my side. So when it comes to hecklers, I’m able to get them to settle down by being really nice to them in the beginning, figure out a way to deflect or involve them, and then slowly get meaner and meaner as the situation allows, and as the audience turns against them as well. TBS: What is the hierarchy in magic, how do you go from a stage performer to having TV specials or Vegas specials, things like that? Kevin: First, it's a jump you really have to want. If you go to Vegas to do a show you'd need a talent promoter to bring you in, or you’d have to rent the theater and market it out yourself — and those shows almost always fail. If you really want to start doing TV you have to make yourself known in LA and around the Magic Castle. I have a talent agent as well as being part of different casting agencies.
You also have to realize in the big showrooms you won't necessarily be making as much money. There's two paths to take: the business approach where you go after weddings and the corporate events, that's where the money is, and you'll be able to make $5060 grand in a year and work your way up to six figures even. But if you want to make it big time, you do the Vegas night club circuit and the comedy clubs that only pay $100 a night, and it's a grind, so you've got to want it badly. That stuff doesn't really interest me as much because I like doing the corporate events, so it's doubtful you'll ever see my name on a Vegas billboard. TBS: When you see the big magicians do they have access to resources that put them on another level? Kevin: Let's take David Blaine, and look at his special — you see him do the routine where he walks up to random strangers and asks their name. Then all of a sudden a taxi cab drives by with the name painted on the side. The thing is, there's more to that picture, which I won't get into, but there's more to that picture than what you're seeing, so with that stuff I know what's going. But then there's stuff that's just like, you know what's going on, barring some CGI work I know what's going on, how it works, and sometimes it's freakin' brilliant! I take most issue when a performer is levitating, and on TV you see them go four feet off the ground, but live the spectators are only seeing them go three inches off the ground. Now the spectator's reaction is real, but for the people at home it is much different. To me, that's when it gets a little stupid. Don't do that, have a better skill set to do better magic. But then the question becomes who wouldn't do the same thing? You can't really complain about someone who has a multimillion-dollar TV contract calling the shots.
Bartender of the Week Relationship status: Single Major: Education Favorite drink: Cosmo Favorite shot: Purple Hooter Shooter Disgusting drink: Fireball Where would you rather be right now?: The beach. What drink is the biggest pain in the ass to make?: Liquid Mary Jane. If you could be any superhero, who would you be?: Cat Woman.
Chantelle of Sunspot
When and where was the last time you involuntarily saw someone naked?: Saw a picture of my best friend’s dad naked on her mom’s phone by accident.
If you could be a mythical creature, what would it be?: Those aliens from Avatar. What do you think those corporate fat cats are up to?: Controlling Miley Cyrus. Describe how you feel about yourself in five words?: Um, um, um, um, awkward. Do you think you could take a bobcat in a fight?: No, I’m allergic to cats. What TV show are you most excited to have back?: Breaking Bad. Describe this bar in hashtags: #chaotic #fun Why should people read The Black Sheep?: To get a better feel for Knoxville.
Recipe for disaster
Drinking Game Liar’s Dice
Big Boy Chili
We all lie, whether it’s to our parents as to why we’re so tired, or to our friends as to why making out with that uggo was a totally reasonable thing to do. Translate that love for deceit into a game of gambling: Liar’s Dice.
It’s football season, bitches. If you’re not out standing in the stadium, cheering on your team like a MAN, then you better be inside in front of the TV with a six pack and a tub of chili. Oh, no chili? We got you covered.
What You’ll Need: Six dice per player, one opaque cup per player, some beer. Number of Players: 2+ Level of Intoxication: You’ll be asking what’s the haps on the craps (in your pants). How to Play: • The object of the game is to be the last player with any dice left. • Each player rolls a die. The highest score will be the first person to act for the first hand. Each hand first to act rotates left of this person. • Now, each player uses the cup to shake up his or her dice. Each player places the cup top-down on the table. Each player secretly looks at his dice. Twos through sixes are worth face value. Ones are wild. • The first player to act must make a bet on the number and quantity of the set of dice on the table. For example, a bettor can claim “there are four sixes at the table.” • The player to the left of the first bettor may do one of three things: • Increase the number of total dice on the table (raising four sixes to seven sixes, for example). • Increase the dice value (Raise three twos to three threes). • Challenge (Stop play, dice are revealed to see if the most recent bettor wins or loses). • If a challenge occurs and there are equal or greater numbers of dice on the table than the last bettor (including wilds), he or she wins. If there is less than the total number of gambled dice on the table, the challenger wins. • The loser of the challenge removes a die and drinks for three seconds. The Game Ends When: Only one player has any dice left. Great, you won. Now head to confession, sinner.
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What You’ll Need: Oil, a crockpot, a frying pan, ground beef, a can of diced tomatoes, 4 cans of kidney beans, a can of tomato paste, chopped onions, a can of beef broth, chili powder, sliced hot dogs, brown sugar and garlic. Cook Time: About 3 hours, be patient. Fatty Factor: MEN DON’T COUNT CALORIES. Let’s Get Baked: • In the frying pan, break up and cook the ground beef in a little oil until it is browned. • Turn on your crockpot to medium heat and add in the beef and hot dog slices with the tomatoes, tomato paste, half of your beans and beef broth. • Cover the pot and let the chili simmer for about an hour. • Add in the remainder of ingredients (the other half of the beans, onion, chili powder, brown sugar and garlic) and continue to let the chili cook on the low setting, covered for another hour and half. • Taste test! Make sure it’s hot and flavored nicely. If not, make the adjustments. YOU BETTER HAVE YOUR WOMAN MAKE THIS FOR YOU.
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m.a.s.h. Best Man: - Rick Ross - Ricky Gervais - Rick Rubin - Ricky Martin
Topic of Speeches: - Twerking - Fracking - Vomiting - Sunbathing
Honeymoon Destination: - Dollywood - Legoland - Disney World - Six Flags Mexico
Maid of Honor: - Beyonce - Eve - Adele - Madonna
Main Entree: - Doritos Locos Tacos - McDonald’s $1 Menu - Wendy’s Frosties - $5 Footlongs
Mode of Transportation - Crab walk - Segway - Skateboard - Roller skates
Celebrity Performer: - Public Enemy - Paul Reubens - Passion Pit - Paul Simon
Type of Keg Beer: - Nitro milk stout - Natty Ice - Red Stripe - O’Douls Non-Alcoholic
Bonding Adventure: - EDM Festival - Reading 50 Shades of Grey - Freeing zoo animals - Matching Obama tattoos
Let us
predict
your future How to Play: Dash some lines until someone, or your brain, tells you to stop. Take the number of lines and go down the list, and cross off every time you get to your numbers. Where there is one left in each category, that is your future. Yeah, you remember this from elementary school - don’t pretend like you don’t.
spot the difference
Can you find the 10 differences in this tailgating scene? Send your answers to classtime@theblacksheeponline.com - the first right answer gets a prize!
wordsearch
Awesome Bang Up Dandy Fantastic Great Groovy Hot Keen Legit Neat
Synonyms for good
Nifty Peachy Slap Up Smashing Solid Superb Swell Tight Tits Wonderful
answer key
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