The Black Sheep
F ab REE ou ... l t h ike an th dg e U un T a as ler sa ul ts y t a ou tZ g ax et by ’s.
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 2, Issue 3 • 1/24/13 - 1/30/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepUTK
the umbrella wars lindsey fleck wrote this
A rainy day in Knoxville means having to suit up from head to toe in a rubbery human condom, because protection in the rain is equally as important as it is during sex. But just like sex, you don’t want to head into the rain empty-handed. Your weapon of choice? The umbrella. It’s a war out there, people! Raindrops are falling on people’s heads, and getting across campus without getting wet is about as likely as the Pope getting a venereal disease. But umbrellas aren’t all dry clothes and sunshine: there’s a dark side to these rain defenders that poses a threat to fellow pedestrians. Pair students rushing to make it to their next class in time for the grade-destroying clicker attendance with the constant construction on campus, and you have what we in the walkin’ business call a “clusterfuck.” Walkways have shrunk significantly and the harsh journey to classes is longer than it used to be, there is limited space to walk between people, and it gets a little tricky when all these students are trying to avoid the downpour while holding umbrellas, and so the mighty clash of umbrella warfare begins. While at the canopy level umbrella wires clash and spur, below are vagrants performing “umbrella sneaks.” The scavengers of the walkway take advantage of the crowd and umbrellahop their way to class. These people are typically on the shorter side, and prey on those umbrella holders whose backpack isn’t so bulky they are pushed aside. The Umbrella Sneak is a dangerous method and should only be attempted by the best of the best. Not just any student can pull it off, and those who can’t are the ones pushed into giant puddles. In addition to umbrella sneaking, the short bastards on campus can navigate campus worry-free from being poked in the eye. Tall people, who typically have the genetic upper hand, are not awarded such a lucky fate. Instead, they’re poked in the side, temple, shoulder, and worst of all, the eyeball. A tall umbrella-holder will usually gather two or three short scavengers, like pilot fish to a shark. This doesn’t save tall people from being prodded, however, the only thing that could save them is to revolutionize the blunt umbrella or make it be sunny all the time – and the Earth will be a hot fiery hellhole before people start using blunt umbrellas.
If you make it to class dry and free of eye gouges, there is always the biggest problems with umbrellas: getting in and out of buildings. Superstition dictates you close the blasted thing before you get into the building, but while you’re trying to close your umbrella and get into the warm building you have to avoid the people leaving the building trying to open their own umbrellas. This produced a weird little dance, a battle of wits. One of you will be getting wet, and the better in/out umbrella dancer will prevail.
Basically you have three choices next time rain is on the forecast: 1) bring your umbrella everywhere and engage in umbrella warfare, 2) take your chances and see if you’re short and fast enough to dodge from one umbrella to the next, or 3) just say “screw it, I’m staying in bed.” The Black Sheep likes to sleep the rain off, we’re pacifists – when it comes to class AND umbrella warfare.
what'’s inside The price of a textbook is too damn high
Bar Star’s Manifesto
bartender of the week
Every man’s gots to have a code...
Trevor at The Hill is just like the rest of us - loves Flip Cup, the Vols, and The Walking Dead.
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page 12
We all complain about it, so lets all apathetically find a way to fix it!
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contents
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 5: Top 10: Ways to enjoy winter on campus
page 5
with our help, you can make it so the cold weather doesn’t have you wanting to jump off the McClung Tower.
page 7: From the Streets
Table of
What’s the worst adjective for your professors?
pages 10: passing the bar How many of these blank beer labels do you know?
page 11: We Interview: Bear in Heaven Our chat with the Brooklyn band got kind of deep, then jet skiing with Michelle Obama came up.
page 12: drinking game and recipe for disaster It’s a tit explosion! No, that’s not right...
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page three p e e h S k The Blaicle App
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When it’s freezing outside, might as well have a pool party inside!
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VALE AIM DEN last week’s answers
Sarah Shahi & Darren Criss
word of the week Highrant:
A person who is like, really stingy with letting someone borrow a bowl, man. “Pat, don’t be such a highrant, I just need to smoke a little so I can catch some z’s tonight, dude.”
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theblacksheeponline.com
The Price of a Textbook is Too Damn High
Merry Go’Round wrote this
Bitches aren’t in short supply in college unless you’re a total creeper, so naturally a bitch is nowhere to be found in the list of your ninety-nine problems. At least eighty of those problems, on the other hand, deal with finances. Akon beautifully said that cash rules everything around him (which is the only way we can all relate to someone like Akon) and it’s one of the truest of truths stated in a radio hit. Cash money is what rules the world, whether we like it or not. The biggest problem about this sad fact is that money rules our world while people with money rule the universities, creating a greedy power chain that leaves students at the bottom of this empty beer barrel. Why can’t we get some trickle down effect going on with that golden keg up there, emperor? This greediness surrounds the dealings with publishing corporations, and leaves the people in power content to let the price of a textbook be comically higher than necessary. Ain’t nobody got the money for that! Upperclassmen know which books to buy and which they can get away with not buying. But, they’ll learn publishers have caught onto their game, making the most important books the most expensive ones. Obviously this is an evil plot to make
sure students are unable to buy books in their final years, and thus have to stick around longer and take out more loans that get siphoned right back into the university. It all makes perfect sense when you think about it. Perfect cents. So this will continue until the end of time, unless enough people find a loophole in the system. Even renting books can cost a thousand dollars. Kids don’t want to throw down a G for books that will be opened a maximum of two times. That is perfectly wasted money that could have been spent on getting perfectly wasted!
Teachers will be all, “Why don’t you have the textbook required for this class?” All you have to reply is, “I’m not buying it, I’m paying you to teach me, not book publishers. Bitch.” They’ll get the message if this is repeated with every student, and something will surely come of it. You’ll feel united with your fellow fed-up classmates. You’ll never feel more alive.
What do you do? Never buy a textbook again.
Next semester, let’s all try this out. No books. The worst that can come from this would be those fat bastards getting a little pissy because their paychecks were a couple thousand less than usual. Maybe everyone would fail – but if we all fail the university fails, right? Let’s Titanic this bitch!
Just don’t do it. Think about everyone making this decision, and every professor will be forced to deal with no one in class having a book, making our statement be loud and clear to the administration - clear to the man. If a student body could collectively agree on anything, it’s that football tickets should be free again and the prices of textbooks are too damn high. The least we could do would be to “share” the book as a class. Everything is better when you work together.
We are the future. We should have the power, right? So next time you have to fork over a couple hundred bucks for some unnecessary textbooks, remember what many rappers, movies, and The Black Sheep has taught you: stick it to the man.
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The
Top 10
Ways to Enjoy Winter on Campus
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10.) Wear shitty clothes: Winter provides the opportunity to wear clothes you otherwise would never admit to owning, all in the name of layers. Put that “My Sixth Sense is Sarcasm” novelty shirt your Grandma got you for Christmas underneath a coat, and no one will ever be the wiser. 9.) Take advantage of campus events: Usually you feel like campus-sponsored events are too lame for you, but when you’re super bored and need to get out of your dorm/apartment/hot shower, these concerts, guest talks, movie screenings, and occasional magic shows can be a good alternative to napping and eating all day. But never, NEVER, submit yourself to beginner-level improv. Yikes. 8.) Explore indoors: If you get stuck in a building on campus while waiting for a storm to pass or if you just deem it to cold to venture outside, use this opportunity to look at places on campus you usually wouldn’t. Stranded in Circle Park? Stop by and intelligently nod at some the McClung Museum exhibits. On the Hill? Warm up and pack on some winter fluff at Ray’s. 7.) Go to the gym: Once the TREC starts thinning out due to people giving up on their New Year’s resolutions, going to the gym can be a great way to take up time, warm up, and maybe even trick yourself into staying in shape. 6.) Join an intramural sports team: While it’s hard to jog outside (what with the ice and cold and all), grabbing a couple friends and joining a winter intramural team can be a “fun,” “social,” “sober,” thing to avoid the weather. Spring sports include basketball, floor hockey, bowling, and even extreme dodgeball, whatever that means. Hey, if you can dodge going to class everyday, you can dodge a ball, right? 5.) Venture outside: Bundle up and stop being a pussy. Go for a walk around Market Square or play in the snow, the few times we get any. Then come inside and make hot chocolate for your own damn self, because your mom isn’t here to make some for you, and you deserve it, champ. 4.) Plan indoor activities: We all love being able to run around outside with our friends in the summer, but in the meantime create fun indoors. Game nights, movie nights, learn-a-new-drinkinggame nights, oil up and play night crawler nights -- whatever floats your boat and keeps you warm. 3.) Motivate yourself to get up in the morning: We know, we know, it’s cold and you don’t want to go to class – leaving your blanket cocoon isn’t worth going to class because class is for chumps. But try giving yourself reasons to get out of the house and into the cold, like planning to meet up with a friend for coffee before class, or just promising you’ll go right back to sleep once you get into the warm lecture hall. 2.) Do outdoor activities indoors: Sometimes this is hard to accomplish, but try to do your favorite activities inside. Get a small basketball hoop and have a competition with your friends, play sardines in the library, or build a bonfire in your apartment! Winter can be fun too, guys!
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1.) Drink hot chocolate and eat cookies: C’mon, this is what winter has been about since we’ve been kids. If you don’t fatten up now, you’ll have nothing to work for come spring. And Tennessee weather is bipolar as shit anyway, so enjoy what little winter we get while we get it!
Emily Hagenburger wrote this
APARTMENTS ! 0 2 6 $ T A G N I T R STA
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theblacksheeponline.com
The Bar Star’s Manifesto
Thomas Stewart wrote this
So you wanna be a Bar Star? Well grab your snapback and hold the hell onto it because you’re about to get a crash course in being a Boss-Hog-Alpha-Male-Snatch-Wrangler. Follow this guide and you’ll be King of NV in no time. That’s right, welcome to the big leagues, bro. First, make sure you’re looking like a boss. Does your Affliction t-shirt have at least eight skulls floating around some SICK barbed wire iron crucifix on it? Check. Do your $300 blue jeans inexplicably have fleur-de-lis on the butt pockets? Chickety-check. White Pumas for the gentleman who refuses to compromise, and demands a shoe that screams both style and androgyny? Check and mate! Now, have you used an entire bottle of gel to make your hair into a unicorn horn? Oh, you better believe that’s a check! Now that you look like a million bucks, it’s time to spend that much at the bar. A true Bar Star drinks nothing but top shelf liquor. No way would a baaawse like Ricky Rozay lead you wrong. Plus, if there’s any honeys around it’s important to really shout the top shelf part because, you know, chicks love that ca-lassy shit. This next one goes without saying: order shots. You secretly think alcohol tastes icky, and shots get it down the hatch pronto, Tonto. Take that shot and let everyone know you’re counting down the days until Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy is back by making a face so uncomfortable it’s like a shirtless Steve Buscemi just hugged you from behind. But don’t chase it, only weak women chase things. Then, slam that glass down and roar like you’re Mufasa on Pride Rock, you big beautiful lion. Roaring is key. It intimidates the lesser men (i.e. everyone) and lets the broads know you mean business, loud and over-compensating business. For good measure, scream out something cool that will
make everyone like and respect you, like “Turnt up!” (in a 2 Chainz voice, naturally). At this point someone might throw a bottle at your head saying, “It’s one in the afternoon on a Wednesday. Shut up, spazz.” Don’t let it stop you; brush off the haters and shine on like the bedazzles on your shirt, you crazy little diamond; they’re just threatened by your steez. Speaking of steez, having the right attitude is important if you want to be the big dog. Having a conversation isn’t cool -- a bunch of blow and wearing Oakleys indoors is cool. Cut out that lame getting to know people stuff and stick to leaning against the bar shouting out random onomatopoeias, “Boom blakow!” is a personal favorite. Now, if some jabroni eyeballs you the wrong way, or you run out of onomatopoeias, simply start a fight. If there’s one thing that establishes Bar Stardom and gets ladies falling all over you it’s getting your Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out on over some real petty stuff. It’ll show the bitties you’re even more spontaneous, dangerous, and exciting than your barbed wire tat already leads on. This should also go without saying, but when you’re looking for some mouth-breather cruising for a bruising make sure he is much smaller than you and cannot defend himself. If this joker’s big and scary, then avoid actually fighting and just shout, “Hold me back!” a lot to your party posse. Then after the chump walks away you can all safely call him a pussy. Yeah, you know the drill. “But why’s a boozing, babe-slaying pirate king like yourself sharing all your secrets?” you’re surely asking yourself in a less masculine voice than mine. Well, maybe I’m getting sentimental about my legacy in my ninth year of college, maybe my liver has finally quit on me, or maybe I’m just not allowed in the majority of Knoxville bars
anymore. They say they’ll take me out back and beat me with a tube sock full of pennies, but I can fend off like, eight of those bitches. My reasons aren’t important. What is important is that you go be the Bar Star this city needs. Wherever a butt is creepily pinched, you’ll be there. Wherever someone takes a bump off a filthy toilet seat in a bar, you’ll be there. Wherever someone is throwing up inside a bar but denies it immediately after and keeps violently dancing, you’ll be there. Godspeed, dawg.
[PartyPics]
From the Streets Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
Describe this semester's worst professor in one word. “Pretentious.” - Fern C., Freshman
“Apathetic.” - Savannah C., Freshman
“Gassy.” - Nate A., Sophomore
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
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The Grid SPECIAL NIGHT
Friday - 5th Annual Snowday! A CAC Beardsley Farm Benefit feat. live music, beard pageant, infamous soup off and silent auction.
thursday 1/24
The Kernal with Carsie Blanton, 8pm, All Ages Half-Off Bottles of Wine Until 10pm
FRIday 1/25
5th Annual Snowday! A CAC Beardsley Farm Benefit feat. live music, beard pageant, infamous soup off and silent auction.
saturday 1/26
Ami Saraiya with Shortwave Society, 10pm
Games on the Big Screens All Day!
tuesday: Trivia! $2 Domestic Drafts
SATURDAY! Dance Night with Ray Funk @ Southbound 21+ | 9pm Ladies free, Gents $ 5
FRIDAY: SAVOY (Live with Lasers) Paul Basic | Boss Awesome @ NV Nightclub 18+ 9PM | $12 Adv., $15 Door
$2 Domestic Bottles
Boogie Nights Hip Hop Throw-Down Sir ILL | Roo-N | Flex @ 90 Proof 18+ | 8PM | $5 Jessta James @ Southbound 18+ | 8PM | $5, Ladies Free
Check out carleoentertainment.com for upcoming events!
$2.50 Blue Moon Drafts
Dance Night with DJ Eric B @ Southbound 21+ | 9pm | Ladies free, Gents $ 5 Scent Of Remains | Serene Scream A Soul Disowned | Rot Iron @ 90 Proof
SAVOY (Live with Lasers) Paul Basic | Boss Awesome @ NV Nightclub 18+ 9PM | $12 Adv., $15 Door
Catch all the Games Here!
Dance Night with Ray Funk @ Southbound 21+ | 9pm Ladies free, Gents $5
Dance Night with DJ Eric B @ NV Nightclub 18+ | 9pm Ladies free, Gents $5
Check out CarleoEntertainment.com for Upcoming Events!
Call (865) 414-6050 to set up your private party!
sunday 1/27
Jordan Burris, 8pm Free Pool All Day
$2 Domestic Bottles and Drafts, $5.50 Pitchers and Happy Hour Wells All Day. $0.50 Wings, $3.99 Cheeseburgers and Fries
monday 1/28
The Stray Birds, 8pm Half Price Pint Night
$5.50 Domestic Pitchers $0.50 Wings, Pitchers and Happy Hour Wells All Day
Call (865) 414-6050 to set up your private party!
Check out carleoentertainment.com for upcoming events!
tuesday 1/29
Half Price Pint Night
Trivia! $2 Domestic Drafts
Call (865) 414-6050 to set up your private party!
Call (865) 414-6050 to set up your private party!
WED. 1/30
Live Team Trivia - 8pm Humming House after!
$1.50 PBR Tall Boys
Scott H. Biram | Tuff T*ts @ Southbound 18+ | 8PM | $8Adv/$10 Door
Check out carleoentertainment.com for upcoming events!
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS WANT MORE Download our Mobile App! DOWNLOAD FOR iPHONE DOWNLOAD FOR ANDROID
The Grid Beer Bust Saturday! Free Drafts $5 Liquor Pitchers 35 cent Wings & Shrimp
Thursday: Large 3 Topping Pizza $11.99 + Tax Happy Hour 3-7pm: 50 cents off any beer; draft or bottle
WEDNESDAY! Half Price Bottles of Wine All Day Until 10PM
WEDNESDAY! Fifth on the Floor w/ Kay Walker and the Marble City 3, 9pm FREE tacos with cover charge.
SPECIAL NIGHT
College Night Thursday! $5 Pitcher of Beer and Free Buffet till 11 Karaoke Starts at 11 All new $5 Margarita Liquor Pitcher $3 Wells, $2 PBR tallboy Beer Pong Tourney!
Large 3 Topping Pizza $11.99 + Tax Happy Hour 3-7pm: 50 cents off any beer; draft or bottle
Half Off Drafts after 9pm
Rickett Pass with Greg Horne and Christopher Scum, 8pm $2.50 Yuengling Drafts
thursday 1/24
FREE BEER! $5 Liquor Pitcher ($3 Add Another Shot) $3 Wells, $3 Apple Pie Moonshine, $3 24oz Natty & Keystone $2 PBR & Highlife Tallboys
Large Supreme or Veggie Supreme Pizza $14.99 + Tax Happy Hour 3-7pm: 50 cents off any beer; draft or bottle
Try any of our 30 craft beers on tap!
Amanda Shires with Troy Suggs & the Delinquency, 9pm Drink Specials!
FRIday 1/25
Beer Bust Saturday! Free Drafts $5 Liquor Pitchers 35 cent Wings & Shrimp
Large Meatzaria or Veggie Pizza $12.99 + Tax
Come in and watch the game on our big screens!
Salome Cabaret Burlesque Revue, 10pm Drink Specials!
saturday 1/26
Book Your Private Parties Here! 865-525-0004 rumorz@charter.net
Large 2 Topping Pizza $10.99 + Tax
Triva Starts at 8pm Brunch 10:30am - 3pm
Knoxville Poetry Slam, 7pm ,FREE Boom Box and Strings Hip Hop Show, 10pm Half Price Food All Day!
sunday 1/27
Book Your Private Parties Here! 865-525-0004 rumorz@charter.net
Large 1 Topping Pizza + Breadsticks $10.99 + Tax Happy Hour 3-7pm: 50 cents off any beer; draft or bottle
Last Monday of Every Month: 5 Course Beer Dinner
Open Mic Comedy, 9pm, FREE! Free queso or salsa with a tab.
monday 1/28
Book Your Private Parties Here! 865-525-0004 rumorz@charter.net
Large Windy City Pizza $11.99 + Tax Happy Hour 3-7pm: 50 cents off any beer; draft or bottle
$2 Drafts
Einstein Simplified Improv Troop 8pm, FREE Mike Snodgrass, 10pm, FREE $5 Burger Night
tuesday 1/29
Book Your Private Parties Here! 865-525-0004 rumorz@charter.net
Any Medium Pizza $10.99 + Tax Happy Hour 3-7pm: 50 cents off any beer; draft or bottle
Half Price Bottles of Wine All Day Until 10PM
Fifth on the Floor w/ Kay Walker and the Marble City 3, 9pm FREE TACOS with cover charge.
WED. 1/30
passing the bar
If you're too cool for Keystone or stopped bonging Busch Lights months ago, well ladi-dah. Test your knowledge on these blank beer labels to see how well you know your stuff. Send your answers to labels@theblacksheeponline.com and if you're right, you'll win a prize.
we interview:
bear in heaven
Brooklyn-based band Bear in Heaven has a sound that you can’t quite put your finger on. A bit of rock and a bit of electronic noise with a psychedelic undertone gives these guys a totally unique sound. Their music might not be so easily definable, but when we got to chat with head honcho Jon Philpot, it was clear that cool dudes make cool music. We go to chat with Philpot about a whole range of things, from the meaning of the band name to ridin’ jet skis. You know it’s a good chat when jet skiing comes up. The Black Sheep: How’d you get started playing music? Jon Philpot: I went to college and bought a guitar and basically it just went from there, I just kept playing music. I didn’t know what I was doing, and then I started making noise music and trance, and then went into more normal music. I played piano when I was a little kid but I hated it. I hate piano lessons, like having to learn something. Kids were outside playing and you were inside trying to play this stupid song that you didn’t like. TBS: You never get to play cool songs during piano lessons. JP: Yeah! I wanted to learn, like, Prince songs, or something like that. TBS: Where’d you grow up? JP: I grew up in Marietta, Georgia. It was good, it was peaceful. There were trees and creeks and dirt bike jumps and that kind of shit. But living there, you hit a wall, and you want to be a punk-rock kid and you just look like an idiot because you’re out in the sticks. TBS: Did growing up Georgia have any influence on the music you play now? JP: Oh, definitely. There was a lot of strange, one-thing-leads-to-another kind of situations. I had an internship with this record label called Table of Elements, this minimal, experimental label. They specialized in early minimalism, just some freaking-ass art. For some unknown reason to me, they moved their offices to Georgia. I thought it’d be a good idea to intern at this record label, and I learned a great deal about not just art music, but art itself, from these folks, and that kind of set my sail in that direction. It was eye opening, and I think if I lived somewhere else where there was a multitude of options instead of just this one, weird group of people, then I would’ve done something else. TBS: Is there an explanation behind the name Bear in Heaven? JP: There’s a constellation with a bear in it, and there’s also the philosophy that everything that you do and everything you take here on Earth is what you’ll bear in heaven. TBS: Could you compare Bear in Heaven to any other bands? JP: Comparing is a hard one. I’m not even going to toot my own horn, and to say that we’re “unique” is out of naivety. We approach music in sort of a non-standard way. Our music starts in many different ways, but the one thing we’ve always done is made sure that we’re not doing anything that sounds like something that’s happening, we try to stay away from that. We steer clear of the pop music form, but we’re sort of opening our doors up to all different forms. TBS: Is there a story behind your latest album title, I Love You, It’s Cool? It seems kind of sad, or something. JP: It’s a little loaded, that one. It embodies a lot of emotions that were happening with us at that time. It was oddly given to us by one of our ex-bandmates, he wrote these notes and he wrote one to me, and hid it underneath some of my gear. It said “Dear Jon, I love you, it’s cool.” The reality of it that there’s this kind of double meaning, you can sense the lament but also the actual positivity that I think all of us were feeling at that time. It’s nice, it’s a nice sentiment. TBS: If you weren’t making music for a living, what do you think you’d be doing? JP: Editing television and film, that’s what I do now when I’m not making music, so I’d just be doing a lot more of that. If I wasn’t doing that, I’d probably be chillin’, maybe boating? Maybe some jet skis? I’d be doing that. TBS: Would you rather: Michelle Obama or Sarah Palin? TBS: Michelle Obama. Well, depends what the spin on it is. If it was go hunting, I’d say Sarah Palin. If it was to have a party, I’d invite Michelle Obama. TBS: Who would you rather go jet skiing with? JP: Can I pick both of them? Sandwiched in-between them? That’d be amazing. TBS: What’s your spirit animal? JP: I’d say a dog. An American mutt, you know? A cross between a beagle and a golden retriever, like a fast frisbee dog. TBS: What your drink of choice? JP: Mescal.
the big three
entertainment-y things to keep your eye out for.
winter x games January 24th - 27th on ESPN
The winter X Games are upon us once again, starting Thursday afternoon and lasting through Sunday night. Indulge in insane winter sports like men’s and women’s superpipe or big air. If you have the luxury of a 3D TV, prepare to have your mind blown watching athletes flip around in your face.
movie 43 out January 25th
A series of 12 short films follow three kids as they scour the wild wild west that is the internet to find the most banned, offensive movie in the world. This film stars one of the biggest ensemble casts ever, from Kate Winslet to Richard Gere and every level of celebrity in between. Let’s hope the plot doesn’t rely too heavily on that.
local natives - hummingbird out January 27th
It’s about damn time the geniuses in Local Natives released another studio album, their second, Hummingbird. After coming off an impressive debut album from early 2010, these guys don’t seem to stray much from their heartfelt sound of folk-rock in their latest album. Check out their singles “Heavy Feet” and “Breakers.”
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theblacksheeponline.com
bartender of the week trevor the hill Relationship Status: Single Favorite Drunk Munchie: Doritos Favorite TV Show: The Walking Dead Favorite Movie: Top Gun Favorite Book: I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell Favorite Videogame: Tiger Woods Favorite Beer: Lagunitas Favorite Drinking Game: Flip cup Favorite Sports Team: The Vols Dreamjob: Powerball Winner Best Part of Bartending: The girls Worst Pet Peeve: Lazy people Signature Drink: Cape Cod (Vodka & Cranberry Juice) Best Night for Drink Specials: Taco Tuesdays
the drinking game:
recipe for disaster:
Tits and beer! Can you think of a better combination? This game will now give you an excuse to check out some boobs without having to worry about looking like a creep, all while getting drunk. Sounds like a win-win to us.
You might hear a lot of talk about chips being drunk food, but that does not have to be the case. With a little ingenuity and elbow-grease, chips can be utilized to create a cheap and delicious main course for any drunken occasion.
What You’ll Need: 13 cups, beer pong table, 2 ping pong balls Number of Players: 4 Level of Intoxication: Depends on the size of your tits, and how well you can use them.
What You’ll Need: Chips of many kind, cheese, sour cream, beef, and anything else you would like to add. Cook Time: 20 minutes. Fatty Factor: Depends on if you include Cool Ranch Doritos or not.
tits
How to Play: - Divide the players up into two teams of two players. - Each team sets up on either with players on opposite corners of the table. For example, Team A would have one player on the right near corner of the table, and one player on the far left corner of the table. - In front of each player is a three-cup pyramid. Place a cup filled with beer in the center of the table. - In order to sink a cup, a team member must bounce the ball once on the table, bounce off the tits or chest of the other teammate, and fall in one of the three cups. - When this happens the opponent on the same side must drink the sunk cup and “flip cup” it before s/he may shoot again. - When a team no longer has any of their opponents’ cups in front of them, they may shoot for the middle cup. - A team can only win when they double bounce the ping pong ball into the middle cup. - The losing team then has to drink the final cup. Next time you’re with some girls or guys and you want an excuse to check out or be checked out, this game is a winner! Just make sure to compliment the girl on her skills; girls love the compliment.
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chip explosion
Directions: - Begin by cooking up some beef on the stove. You can use any meat you want, but we’ll go with beef. “B” is for beginners. - While the beef is cooking, take all of your different kinds of chips and place them into a bowl. - Sprinkle cheese onto the chips and place it in the microwave for 2 minutes. - After ensuring that the cheese is melted, pour the beef into the bowl and add sour cream. - Add any other food you want into your very own chip casserole. The secret to making this dish extra good is to buy as many different kinds of chips as possible. With Martin Luther King, Jr. Day just behind us, remember that diversity is the key!
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page 13
Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House. Best Man: - Chris Brown - Christopher Columbus - Chris Christie - Chris Carrabba
Celebrity to Officiate Wedding: - Rev Run - Lady Gaga - Kevin Smith - Fran Drescher
Regrettable Matching Tattoo: - Lower back unicorn - Spiral staircase around thigh - Cheeseburger on back of neck - Mariah Carey’s face on wrist
MAID OF HONOR: - Kirstie Alley - Kristen Wiig - Kristen Stewart - Kristin Cavallari
First Dance Song: - “A Milli” by Lil Wayne - “Sex, Love & Money” by Mos Def - “Bitches” by Odd Future - “Paranoid Android” by Radiohead
Got Engaged At: - Taco Bell drive-thru - Applebee’s entryway - Arby’s bathroom - Dave and Buster’s air hockey table
Honeymoon Hot Spot: - Boca Raton timeshare - Basement of Grandma’s house - Gatlinburg, Tennessee - Grand Canyon motel
career path: - Porn-star turn yoga instructor - Bartender turn florist - Organic cauliflower farmer turn prisoner of war - Writer turn welfare collector
How to play
Greatest Life Accomplishment: - Meeting Honey Boo Boo - Bench-pressing 150lbs - Growing the world’s largest pumpkin - Never getting arrested
Doodle some dots on the page until a friend (or your brain) tells you to stop. Starting with M.A.S.H., go around the board crossing off whatever option corresponds with your number. Go around the board until only one of each category is left. That, my friend, is your future. Enjoy it.
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m o c . e n i l n O p e e h S k c a l B e GAMES G Th IN K IN R PECIALS | D | BAR S ARTICLES
can you
spot the difference?
Well, geesh, can you? Send us the seven differences you found to differences@ theblacksheeponline.com and if you're right, you'll get a prize.
the crossword: Games Across 3) Can you really kill someone with a candlestick? 4) You get five of a kind and you yell this. 7) Normally played on a board that comes in a faux-suitcase. 8) A jumbo-sized one can be found in bars. 11) A letter gets picked, then you go to town. 13) Learn how to be a greedy businessman. 14) A card game sometimes known as the legal drinking age. 17) Do they wear glasses?
18) If you’re good at lying, you’re great at this. 19) Classic computer card game, played solo. 20) If you suck at drawing you probably hate this game. Down 1) You’re a dick if you play a 3-letter word. 2) Try to get three of a kind, or three in a row. 5) “Hey, what’s trump again?” 6) It’s a game where you describe things without saying what it is! Everyone gets super loud! 9) Way more exciting than real fishing. 10) A type of poker game from this state, y’all. 12) Uses a particular set of cards, all colorful and stuff. 14) Also a terrible movie featuring Rihanna. 15) King me! 16) The ultimate strategy game (for nerds). 18) Every grandma plays this card game.
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owner Atish Doshi
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Founders Jessica Hill, Tanner Jenkins, Austin Owen, Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers, Evan Stone
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Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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