The Black Sheep
FR EE ... lik e yo th u, at th hu at g on you et r im ex ga e ve
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 2, Issue 5 • 2/7/13 - 2/13/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepUTK
Valentine’s Day, Solo tbs staff wrote this
Romance is for the birds. At least they go gather twigs and shit together after creepy bird sex – if you’ve never seen birds do it, YouTube it and be prepared to cry after. If you’re in a relationship for this Valentine’s Day, you’re gross and no one else will want to see you for the 24-hour duration of the holiday. So keep that love malarkey out of sight. Being single on this day can lead to some pretty sad sights. Tears and chocolate make you look even more disgusting as you eat the pain away. Jerking off on this day, compared to any other day, has the possibility to make you feel even more alone, and no one needs to get desperate enough to delve into that dangerous David Carradine freak shit. Find other people who aren’t disillusioned into thinking their life is a Nicholas Sparks novel and paint the town black. Go after some chicks or adventure after the D if you want to share that vulnerable lonely vibe with someone just as pathetic as you, but know that the morning after may consist of too much cuddling and seasonal sobbing. Otherwise, avoid lametown by causing shenanigans and keep a light spirit as you take shots in honor of not having to worry about baggage, drama, and pregnancy. Try playing some games instead. Keeping it competitive without worrying about getting laid is a nice change of pace, and you can drink for every pin you don’t hit. Go bowling. No couples will be going bowling except those people who only come out from under their rocks for the county fair. Go watch someone’s sad rendition of a James Blunt song at the karaoke bar and take a drink every time they get too emotional or choke up on the words. Everything can be a game if you pray on people’s emotions. Sure, the fact that your laughing and drinking at the trainwreck singing “My Heart Will Go On,” might be a sign that you’re a bitter, cynical asshole – which might be the reason you’re drinking alone in a karaoke bar on Valentines Day – but look at her up there, with her stupid tears and mopey voice. What a loser! If you’re staying in and getting plastered alone, make sure to S.O.L.O. (Sext Only Lonely Others). But even then, sending
Dear Blonde Girl Who Sits in the Front Row of Physics
I love you so much, it’s not weird.
page 4
nudie pics are a red flag of desperation on this blasted holiday. Don’t hit up your fuck-up ex and don’t drunk dial your parents asking why they created you. Want to keep your mind off of all that? Have a Tarantino marathon. It’s a guaranteed good time that won’t leave you with regret, and will instead remind you of the important things in life, like justice, badass soundtracks, and ten minute long bloodbaths. The horror section on Netflix is another good choice if you’re filled with bitterness, but we always advise that a positive drunk is less annoying than a bel-
what'’s inside
ligerent one. Also, making horror films a Valentine’s Day tradition could lead to some questionable behavior, as well as make other people afraid of you. Just keep in mind that even though you may be alone, you don’t have to be lonely. You should always love yourself more than anyone else, so make sure you do that in the best way possible this Valentines Day. Take a shot for you. Actually, take four. FOUR FOR YOU, GLEN COCO.
Top 10: Things to do with valentine’s gifts from exes
bartender of the week
page 5
page 12
Throwing them away is just too easy.
Sabrina from Barley’s wants to make you a liquid mary jane.
contents
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 6: Partying the St. Valentine Way
page 64
Thanks to one saintly sinner, we have yet another holiday that allows us to do what we do best.
page 7: From the Streets what’s the worst valentine’s gift?
pages 10: How I met your mother… on Facebook graph search
Table of
Ted Mosby gets his creep on.
page 11: We Interview: Justin Grant Wade Aka, Steve Holt from Arrested Development.
page 12: Drinking Game and Recipe for Disaster Pregaming with puck and geting a cavity from vodka, all in a day’s work.
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Dear Blonde Girl Who Sits in the Front Row of Physics
dolf wrote this
I’m a senior who sits three rows behind you in class, and I think that you have the most beautiful back of the head that I’ve ever seen. This one time in lecture you saw me staring at you and awkwardly smiled, and I knew from that moment on that we were meant to be together for forever. No girl has ever acknowledged me before. I was wondering, would you be my valentine? Frankly, I don’t think I could survive another year with my mother as my valentine. I think that 25 is a bit old for that, don’t you? I was held back several years in grade school because I used to have fits where I would scream and bite any person who came near me, but the psychiatrist has prescribed medication so I generally don’t do that anymore. Last year I only bit four people. I think that we would be a great fit as valentines because you have interests, and I am willing to change every single thing about my personality to please you. For example, when I looked on your Facebook and saw that The Notebook was your favorite movie, I immediately went and bought it, and now I watch it every day. Speaking of Facebook, why haven’t you added me as a friend? I’ve asked you about 138 times. Even though we haven’t met, I feel like I know every bit of your life. Your best friend Karen will absolutely love my collection of dolls with the eyes removed, and I can’t wait to meet your parents, Bob and Carol, so I can show them my vast collection of Nazi memorabilia. That jerk Aaron doesn’t even seem to appreciate you. I mean, he goes to Memphis. How can you possibly love someone when you don’t spend every single minute of the day with them? Speaking of which, we should probably start planning our classes together now so we don’t have to spend a moment apart.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I work at the Knox County Humane Society, which is pretty boring, but sometimes I get to put down dogs, which is pretty cool. Not a single one of my coworkers can remember my name though. The only girlfriend I ever had was when I was 14, and she was from Canada. She asked me to send naked pictures of myself, and when I did, she revealed she was actually a 45-year-old man. We dated for three more months but eventually lost touch and decided to end it. I think our relationship could last longer because you’re a real person and a girl. I have an excellent date planned for Valentine’s Day. First, we will go to my apartment, where I can show you my scale model of bin Laden’s house being invaded by Seal Team 6. I like to reenact it with my action figures. Then we can go to dinner, but I may very well be unable to talk to you, seeing as how women tend me to make me incoherent and profusely sweaty. The director’s cut version of Star Wars: Episode II is playing in theaters, and I figured since it’s the best movie ever you would want to see that after dinner. Finally, our night can culminate with the joining of our genitals in a beautiful ritual so we can have our first child together. I am a virgin, but don’t worry. I have watched lots porn so I have a pretty good idea what to do. I want you to meet my cat Mittens as well. He died when I was six, but we had him perfectly stuffed so it is like nothing ever happened. I really hope you consider going on this date with me. My mother really seems to look forward to driving down to Knoxville, which greatly concerns me. I feel that we could really have something special as long as you learn to deal with my glandular problem. I have already bought the six-pack of Smirnoff Ice Mango for us to
drink and am planning on making a Tombstone pizza, my specialty, in hopes to impress you. Just know that your Valentine’s Day could be perfect if you choose to spend it with my mother and I. Sincerely, Thurston Willingham VII P.S. I got your restraining order in the mail yesterday. There’s no reason to play hard to get, silly!
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The
Top 10
Things to Do with Valentine’s Gifts from Exes
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10.) Perform Voodoo on Them: This may be difficult, but for those exes that you really really hate, you can go to one of those nice, not at all sketchy-looking psychic shops and find a good tutorial for the best way to torture a lost love. You already got something that was his, just add a drop of blood, some candles and get chanting. 9.) Tear Them Apart: You know you are still pissed off at that bastard/bitch that broke your heart, and what better way to get out your aggression than by breaking the present given to you on love day? An old card, rip it! A teddy bear? Rip it’s head off! A really generous ex gave you an expensive piece of jewelry? Well… wear it to remind you of your loathing. 8.) Re-gift Them to Current Love Interest: It may sound rude, but come on, you haven’t been with the new person long enough to spend a shit ton, so do yourself a favor and save some money, Everyone is doing it so no guilt is needed, and if you do owe them a legit gift - Snickers Hearts are 2 for a dollar at Kroger. 7.) Donate Them to a Retirement Home: Think of how sweet it will be when all these little elderlies are walking around the retirement home with a cute heart-shaped present they think was meant for them. You can turn around your heartbreak by sharing the love. At the very least you should get some karma points to use for next year (not redeemable on Reddit). 6.) Keep Them for Comfort: Resentfully keep them hidden away for those sad moments when you see your ex and his new attractive lover parading around campus. Then you return to your dorm and cry while you hold onto that fluffy animal that cost $10 at Wal-Mart. 5.) Sell Them: This is one way you can benefit from the unfortunate breakup. You can put it on eBay and watch as people bid on the stupid thing. How much are people willing to pay to allow you to put resentment against a bad ex behind you? Probably no more than $5, but hey, better than feeling empty inside right? RIGHT? 4.) Return Them to Your Significant Other in Pieces: How fun does it sound to act like a psycho and deliver different parts of your giant stuffed animal to your ex? You could start out simple by leaving an ear at the doorstep, then get creepier by leaving an arm outside of their class, or worse, leave the body in the driver’s seat of their car piece-by-piece. 3.) Use Them to Sabotage Ex’s Current relationship: “Oh he gave you those cheap looking earrings for Valentine’s Day? Well when I was his girlfriend I got a box of chocolates, a Pandora bracelet, roses, and a homemade dinner.” That will make your boyfriend look like an asshole, and allow you to have something to enjoy about spending V-Day all alone, you bitter bitch. 2.) Burn Them: Burning is so cliché. Come on people, we’re better than that. However, you hold on to the notion that if you go this route you might burn the apartment down and then a hot firefighter would appear, just like on Friends.
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1.) Burn Them Again: Burning is so awesome it just has to be mentioned twice, and the fact that we couldn’t think of anything else doesn’t matter. There isn’t a better way to get over someone then by watching the evidence of their supposed undying love burn before your eyes.
Lindsey Fleck wrote this
APARTMENTS ! 0 2 6 $ T A G N I T R STA
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theblacksheeponline.com
Partying the St. Valentine Way Tbs wrote this We all know that Valentine’s Day is a day for love and for single women to feel bitter and for the overconsumption of chocolates, yada yada yada. But the main thing for college students is that it provides yet another reason to party, especially at red, pink, and heart-themed socials. Valentine’s Day has been celebrated since the 5th century, and you better believe the ancient Romans and Greeks used it as an excuse to hold ready-made toga parties and drink red wine from grapes they squashed themselves. One story behind the St. Valentine is that while in jail under persecution for his religion, he sent note to his beloved and signed it, “from your Valentine,” and so it became the first Valentine. Yes, in elementary school Valentine’s Day meant that you picked out your favorite cartoon-character themed Valentines, stuck some candy on them, and put one in everybody’s handmade heart-themed boxes, which was awesome and a vague euphemism for sex we would never understand. But we all know that St. Valentine invented the day to party too, and here is what would happen if he were alive today.
day. There is no historical evidence backing this assumption.) Valentine and his crew proceed to go to a club, where there is heart-shaped confetti and glitter everywhere, red lights are flashing, and booze flowing like a very pissed-off Eminem. Valentine spits some game with the shawties: “Damn girl, you must be the reason for global warming ‘cause you are HOT!” He gets few numbers, but sends them his signature line: “Girl, will you be my Valentine? (; Love, Valentine” hoping that his namesake and the wide net he cast would at least get him a few sext-backs. As the night progresses and Valentine takes more and more shots of candy heart-flavored vodka, he hits on every girl he sees, telling them, “I may be a saint, but you can make me into a sinner tonight, baby.” Valentine does a keg stand, dedicating it to “his homie, Cupid” and passes out for a bit on a couch, where his friends draw heart shaped penises on his face.
A young man approaches a dilapidated house, case of bargainbasement beer in tow:
Coming to several hours later, and in a rally of boner-fueled energy, the bro crew leads the way to the nearest 18+ bar in a last-call whore-huzzah. A few grind sessions later Val is well on his way to a sloppy hookup that will be just good enough to beat being lonely on his own holiday.
“Yo, Val!” his homies cry out as Valentine rolls up to his friend’s house to pre-game. “You ready to get waaaasted?” To which Valentine replies, “Hellz yeah, you know I created this holiday just so the bitches would feel desperate.” (Ed. Note: For some reason we imagine St. Valentine being a gangsta in present
The night comes to a sudden halt when Valentine and his boys are caught spray painting the side of a building with sayings like “love is all you need” and “I want to stick my love pole in your heart-shaped box.” The crew is packed into a cop car to spend the night in jail. From there, St. V. composes what he believes to
be his last love letter to send to his lady-love via text: “Heyyyy girl, you want the D? – From Your Valentine ;) 8======D.” What saint wouldn’t want to be remembered for cheap candy and drunk mistakes, with a sprinkle of true love from the high school relationships and really old couples that actually made it? So this Valentine’s Day, remember to honor the holiday’s namesake by partying like our zero minutes of research makes us believe he did.
[PartyPics]
From the Streets Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
What's the worst Valentine's gift? “A cat, because they suck your soul.” - Emily S.
“Chocolate – too cheesy.” - Alexa M.
“A membership to a gym.” - Merry-Reid S.
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
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how i met your mother
... on facebook graph search.
Kids, it was winter of 2013, when I met your mother. After a rough night spent at Cindy’s apartment, I knew the girl I was after, but only had a few clues to track her down. Something about the mystery behind your mom enticed me, we were so compatible, yet I had never met her. I knew she lived in New York, and hoped she was single, but nothing else. It’s an impossible feeling to describe – knowing the love of your life is so close, but impossibly far at the same time. Marshall and Lily were blessed to find each other in their youth, but I was growing older and lonelier by the second. While preparing for yet another night of futile Google and Facebook searches for “Where is the one I love,” “How to avoid being alone forever,” and “I’m all out of love, I’m so lost with out you” Facebook alerted to me to their newest feature: Graph Search. It told me I could find just about anyone based on their interests, who they’re loosely associated with, and where they have been. Kids, there was a light at the end of the tunnel! All I had to do was let Facebook find all the single girls in New York. So, let me tell you how I met your mother…
laptop dimmed as did my hopes of finding my future wife. Should I stop here, give up my search, and dig out the naked pictures of Robin I stashed away so many years ago? No! This is the quest for true love. This is the woman I love, the woman who will give me two children, raise them with me until they’re roughly teenagers, then make herself scarce for the next eight years as I tell those children the story of how I met her. She won’t have kids to weigh her down, or an exhusband who will steal her away from me at the altar, and she won’t dress up like a slutty pumpkin and leave me hanging at the same damn Halloween party year after year. I’ve silently waited around for girls my whole life, been the nice guy, done incredibly creepy things for them that seem romantic because I emphasize words like “future” and “fate.” I had to dig into my inner-Mosby mole. I had to find my one true love. That’s it! I know what I should do! I should just search what I like, because my future wife will like all the things I expect her to! Females in New York who are 28, college educated, likes dogs, North Carolina, bass guitar, the New York Times crossword, tennis, old movies, lasagna, Love in the Time of Cholera, Otis Redding, and wants a boy and a girl in the near future.
After sifting through hours worth of girls who just didn’t seem to be the right fit – didn’t feel right in my heart -- I decided I had to narrow it down. But how? How was I ever to find my future wife in the largest city in the world? Then I remembered the three objects I had picked up in Cindy’s apartment in a futile attempt to show her how compatible we were. No longer did I have to find out a person’s interests through actual conversation! No need to hang around local bookstores waiting for a girl to show up and miraculously start proclaiming her love for T.C. Boyle, no need to plan elaborate two minute dates with some girl just to see if they like Star Wars as much as me! All I had to do was lock myself in my room, pop on the perfect song to make an otherwise meaningless moment meaningful, and find my future wife on the computer!
Then, kids, I had a stroke of genius! I added another filter – I’m friends with Cindy and she must be too! So I searched that those girls should be friends, or friends of friends, with Cindy! So there she was, kids. Facebook had led me to your mother. What was going to be another night of dry-pumping and subsequent crying, turned into the night Facebook found me the perfect woman – one who meets and exceeds my excruciatingly high standards. A woman who won’t like me for me, but will like me because she is me.
How am I supposed to find true love in such a wide pool? I must be able to narrow it down, I must dig deeper. There must be more to my true love than these three simple interests. Surely I’ve been interested in people with personalities that take more than three words to describe? If only I had snapped a picture of her ankle then done a reverse image search - No! Get your head straight Mosby! The glow of my
we interview: justin grant wade We caught up with STEVE HOLT!... er, Justin Grant Wade, the actor who play(s/ed?) Steve Holt in the greatest show in history, Arrested Development. We had a few cocktails and the interview ran long, so be sure to check out the extended version online to see who he thinks is funnier: David Cross or Will Arnett, what the set of Greek was like, and if he ever banged Maeby. By: Quinn The Black Sheep: How long were you an actor before you got the role of Steve Holt? Justin Grant Wade: I started acting after my mom and dad were notified by my baseball coaches (and noticed themselves) how much I was a knucklehead on AND off the baseball field growing up. My mom decided to sign me up for acting class around the age of twelve. It was a summer kids course at the South Coast Repertory. I was terrified at first but then quickly adapted and continued to take classes there for many years. After that, I attended the Orange County High School of the Arts in California. That’s where I began to grow and appreciate the arts. I didn’t start “professionally” acting, though, until the age of 14 or 15. And by that I mean going out for TV shows and movies, having a manager and agent and whatnot. TBS: What was the audition process? Did they just ask you to say “Steve Holt!” Or did you have more lines? JGW: Funny story. Life comes around, man. I got the call from the casting director from Arrested. They were having trouble casting the role. A casting director that had worked with the casting of Frasier and many other shows I had auditioned for mentioned my name. She had seen me in a production at South Coast Repertory (that’s why I never knock theater!). They had already had four or five audition rounds when I showed up. It came down to a short brown haired kid with a mop top, about a 6’5” Asian fellow in a varsity jacket, and me. You could hear everyone’s reading through the walls but of course couldn’t see. Pretty much everything you see in “Bringing Up Buster” from season one was read. It seemed as though there wasn’t a lot of laughing. I went last. Six people looking at me. Never met ‘em before that day. All of a sudden I’m doing my read and they’re laughing - even after the audition. We said our goodbyes and a LONG 3 days of anticipation later, I had the part. The industry’s funny like that. TBS: What are some projects you’re working on right now? JGW: Right now I’m continuing to audition and keep on acting. I’ve been working on some writing stuff with some buddies of mine. They’re in the industry, and kind of all over the place so it’s fun to have actors, writers, dp’s, directors and producers all coming together to write and they all have something else to bring to the table. But until then, the new Arrested project is a big goal and that’s fine with me. TBS: How did the Save Steve Holt campaign begin, and where has it gone since? Has it been successful? JGW: I guess I have to start with the latter of the questions. I do know what will be going on with Steve Holt. UNFORTUNATELY, myself, and you included my dear friend Quinn, will be kept from knowing. Think of it as we’re the rubber suit guys from American Horror Story and we can’t unzip our creepy fetish shit until May. The SSH campaign pretty much began as a joke with my buddy Robert Adamson. He’s a fantastic visual/artistic designer and fan of Arrested. He REALLY wanted to get me back on the show at all costs, so he designed the site with our buddy Nick Blancharte. I pretty much sat in the wings while they created t-shirt designs, an entire website, art pieces, business cards, etc... It was crazy. All of a sudden, I wake up one morning and he’s texting me that we’ve already been in the Huffington Post, CNN, and a bunch others. Our Facebook fans shot from 60 or so to 2,000. The web can be nutty sometimes. None of us expected that. Next thing you know we’re shipping t-shirts from AZ to NY to Australia. TBS: I imagine people constantly shout “Steve Holt” at you, what’s the most awkward encounter you’ve had with a “STEVE HOLT!” fan? JGW: The funniest would have to be on a treadmill at the gym one time with my gal pal, Brooke. We were finishing up a good work out and we hear something. She said, “Did someone just yell?” Then we hear it more clearly, “STEVE HOLT!!!!” We turned near the door and there were two dudes with shocked faces that were giggling like little girls. I laughed and waved. They gave me the obligatory “Right on, man!” and quickly bounced. Brooke then turned to me and asked, “Do you know who that was?!” I said, “I don’t know. Obviously a big fan of the show!” She laughed and said, “Yeah! But that was (some guy I can’t remember his name). He’s the one that was obsessed with me and asked me to homecoming like 3 years in a row!” I did remember then, and we had a good laugh. Seeing how we went to high school together. TBS: What was your most memorable on-set moment? JGW: A few good ones – too many to count though. Definitely having the conversation with Alia [Shawkat]’s mom and Michael Cera’s mom before I kissed her daughter. Ali’s first kiss EVER was Michael. I was 19 or so at the time, and was watching from the back of the auditorium we were filming in, unbeknownst to me that the lovely parents were sitting in the row directly in front of me. They asked, “And who do you play?” I said, “STEVE HOLT!” They laughed and said, “Oh wow. So YOU’RE the one that’ll be kissing my little girl! I’m keepin’ an eye on you!” She was of course kidding (but not really) [laughs]. It went off without a hitch and we all know how the kissing cousins ended up... until the new season. See his second favorite moment on theblacksheeponline.com! It has to do with David Cross!
the big three
entertainment-y things to keep your eye out for.
community Thursday, February 7th at 8pm on NBC
In the 4th season premiere of the cult show that's on the perpetual verge of cancellation, Community is friggin' back! Dean Pelton (Jim Rash) devises a way for students to compete for class space, while Abed (Danny Pudi) stresses about the study group breaking up after graduation. And lucky for us, Chevy Chase is still in the season (save for two episodes)! #SaveCommunity
Side Effects In theaters february 8th
Life is hard, but prescription drugs make it a lot better. When a woman (Rooney Mara) starts taking them to deal with the anxiety of her sexy husband (Channing Tatum) getting released from jail, she realizes that the side effects of said prescription drugs aren't so much fun. Directed by Steven Soderbergh, this film also stars sexy Jude Law and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Sexy, sexy, sexy.
Azealia Banks - Broke with Expensive Taste Out February 12th
Miss Azealia Banks blew up on the Internet last winter with her single "212," making her memorable with her big smile, pearly whites and slick-witted rhymes. She had been relatively silent since then, but is now breaking out with her debut studio album Broke with Expensive Taste. This'll be the test to see if she's more than just a cute girl in a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt spitting raunchy lyrics.
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bartender of the week Sabrina barley's Relationship Status: In a Relationship
Favorite Drinking Game: Flip Cup
Favorite Drunk Munch Food: Taco Bell Favorite Show: How I Met Your Mother Favorite Movie: Black Swan Favorite Book: Where the Red Fern Grows Favorite Videogame: DragonVale – on my phone Favorite Beer: Pumpkin ale
Favorite Sports Team: Celtics and the Braves Dreamjob: To not have one Best part of bartending: Cool people Pet Peeve: When people tell me to smile. Signature Drink: Liquid Mary Jane Best Night for drink specials: Monday and Tuesdays half price pints
the drinking game:
recipe for disaster:
Hockey fans everywhere are boozing hard and celebrating the end of the lockout. At the same time, the bandwagon fans are still asking what a lockout is. Pregaming with some puck guarantees a great night.
Everyone has experienced that awful moment at the pregame when you realize you brought the booze but forgot the chaser. Forget the two liter of Sprite and add some sweet flavor to your cheap, crappy vodka in a different way. Cavity vodka is a great way to get rid of that Burnett’s laying in your freezer you have yet to have the desire to drink or even look at.
What You’ll Need: A fifth and a case for every 2-3 players. Number of Players: As many as you can find who truly like hockey. So, not many. Level of Intoxication: You’ll have a nice buzz on before the last one sounds.
What You’ll Need: A handle of plain Burnett’s or any cheap vodka and a bag of your favorite kind of fruity or sour candies (Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, Mike and Ikes, Starburst). Cook Time: At least 24 hours. Be patient. Fatty Factor: Won’t cause you any heart attacks, but you should probably visit your dentist soon.
Pregame With Some Puck
How To Play: - Take a shot of beer for every offside or icing call. - Beer bong or shotgun a beer for every fight. - Chug five seconds for every minute of penalty. - Take a shot at the end of every period. - Take a shot of beer for every shot on goal. - Take a shot for every goal. - Take two shots for every time the goalie accidentally knocks the puck in. - Take a shot for every goal your team won or lost by. The Game Ends When: When the game ends. Duh.
download our app for all of our drinking games!
cavity vodka
Let’s Get Baked: - Place the candy at the bottom of a large container or sort out evenly into smaller containers. - Pour vodka into the containers over the candy, leaving at least three inches at the top. - Shake the container well. - Let the container sit for at least a day; however, you will get better results if you let it sit longer, but no longer than one week. - Shake the container once in awhile so the candies’ flavors can continue to mix well with the vodka. - Drink up! The only restriction is not to use any chocolate candies. That’s just gross, man.
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valentine's cards!
As a child it was hard to tell your crush that you "choo-choo-choose" him, or you want her to "bee yours," but that's why there were cheap, perforated pieces of cardboard to do your work for you. As we've grown, our tastes have changed, but our childish demeanors have remained the same. We wanted these Valentine's Day cards to reflect that.
the madlib: my valentine’s day I may not have a significant other today, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to have a kick-___1___ Valentine’s Day. For me, it’s just another ___2___ or whatever the hell day it even is. I have my own traditions that I don’t need no ___3___ tearin’ up my ___4___ and shit, not to mention my ___5___ . I start my day like any normal ___6___ -esque badass like myself would start a day, with a ___7___-wrapped ___8___ and a side of ___9___ chips drizzled with ___10___ , and, for dessert, ___11___ and ___12___ pie. Then I head to my favorite bar, The ___13___ ___14___ . It doesn’t take long before I down a shot or 12 of ___15___ , start groping the ___16___ bartender and shouting on about ___17___ and ___18___ ’s-rights. I end my morning over to the strip club, The ___19___ ___20___. I always get a dance from my girl ___21___ ___22___ , my precious girl. I rarely make it long at the strip club because I’ve never been good at holding my liquor. Good ole’ bouncer ___23___ who could be ___24___ ’s scarier twin gets me a cab, and I make my way home. I roll a fatty of ___25___ , put on some porn, and spend the rest of my day in heaven. I love Valentine’s Day. 7) Deli Meat 8) Cut of Steak 9) Flavor 10) Dressing 11) Exotic Fruit 12) Type of Meat
1) Body Part 2) Weekday 3) Derogatory Female Term 4) Body Part 5) Vital Organ 6) Action Star
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13) Hair Color 14) Nationality 15) Fruity Liqueur 16) Old Age 17) Controversial Political Topic 18) Group of People
19) Color 20) Ocean Animal 21) Month 22) Yoga Position 23) Simple Name 24) Famous Black Actor 25) Weed Name
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Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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