Volume 6
The Black Sheep UT’S SEX WEEK:
FRE som E! Lik e sl e sna eep gg in c ing lass ...
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
Issue 7
“AN ABOMINATION IN THE EYES OF GOD” Zeke the Street-Preacher wrote this
The Lord rightly spake, “The fires of hell await all those whom participate in UT’s Sex Week.” Students, can you not see that your very souls are in danger? With the unholiest of intentions, your fellow students have invited the serpent to UT. SEAT (Sexual Empowerment and Awareness at Tennessee) has planned an entire week of satanic rituals, Bible burnings, and gay orgies with the sole purpose of corrupting your souls and preparing them for the fiery pits of Hell. Don’t you get it? SEAT wishes to remove God from your hearts to make a place, a SEAT if you will, for Satan. I have received word from the highest authority, our almighty God (who took time out of his busy schedule addressing war and famine across the Earth to speak to me), that one event, “Getting Wordy and Talking Dirty: Consent and Communication in the Bedroom,” provides students with a basic outline for consenting to those wretched relations. Don’t let them fool you! It’s for performing satanic ceremonies while fornicating outside of wedlock. Oh, children! I would tear out my eyes so as not to bear witness to next week’s perverse celebration of evil. To the faithful, I would ask you do the same. If God wanted a drag show to be part of your education, he would have made at least one of the apostles a queer-mo-sexual. Read the Bible! There’s not a thing in there that says it’s okay to be sexually aware and educated! I would stake my life that the leaders of Sex Week are mostly women. Jezebels! Whores of Babylon! Daughters of the first sinner Eve! Is it not enough that we were cast out of Eden because you listened to the unholiest of serpents and then decided to eat some fruit? Must you now destroy the new paradise we have built for God on this campus – Holy Land 2.0?
right to defend those souls with handguns in public parks. And this is how you repay them? These are the men that should be educating our children on sexual relations, not the lesser gender with their whimsical and empty minds. And when I say “educating our children on sexual relations,” I mean locking our children away from the devil’s work (the internet) and real world in order to keep them from ever discovering that sex exists.
that says otherwise. Now we have to have some godless “experts” tell you that AIDS is some common medical disease and not the righteous vengeance of our almighty Father for you monkey worshippers! In the name of our almighty Father, we ask all of you to help us bring the righteous hand of God down on the perverted queerfest that is UT’s Sex Week. Help me stop Satan from building a SEAT of power on UT’s campus, and help save the souls of your misguided peers.
Right now your state legislature, made up mostly of old men (and rightly so!), are fighting not only for your souls, but for the
I have heard SEAT is offering a class on AIDS titled, “Symptoms of Stigma: HIV/AIDS.” Why is this needed? Our former State Senator (who only lost his seat because his district’s voters decided to endorse Satan), the great Stacey Campfield, has already told y’all that AIDS came from men having queer sex with monkeys. And I think that’s all that needs to be said. Damn your scientific research
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APHRODISIACS ON A COLLEGE BUDGET
TOP 10: WAYS YOU’LL GET BIG ORANGE SCREWED
THE QUIZ: WHAT SHOULD YOU CHANGE YOUR MAJOR TO NEXT YEAR?
BROKE BUT WANT TO SPICE IT UP DURING SEX WEEK? WE CAN HELP.
FROM BLACKBOARD TO THE BUS, THERE’S JUST NO WAY TO WIN.
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APRIL 8TH, 2015 - APRIL 21ST, 2015
In His name, we pray. Our Father, who hates the gays, hallowed be thy name.
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