The Black Sheep
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Vol. 3, Issue 9
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
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10/24/13 - 10/30/13
Hau nted tennessee BY: Harry Twatter There’s more to look out for on this campus than just the construction chaos and persnickety professors — every day while in class/walking to class/passed out in the grass there’s a chance for you to happen upon someone… some thing… lurking in the shadows. With a campus dating back to 1794 and some Civil War shit going down in the area, it’s no wonder Rocky Top is frequented by ghouls and haunts. Some of the buildings we live and study in have enough paranormal activity to spark a 4th Paranormal Activity (5th maybe? We lost count.) Here, The Black Sheep gives you the low-down of what may be coming for you this Halloween. And before you think we’re making this up, we used the internet to find these stories. The internet, you guys. Reese Hall, according to our sources, was built on a Native American burial ground that was never moved before the dorms were built. Because what would ghost stories be without at least one building in the area not sitting atop ancient Native American burial grounds? So if you’re hooking up with a hottie in Reese and feel like someone else is watching, it’s not your “sleeping” roommate, it’s definitely the dead (and let’s face it, probably horny) Native ghosts who are still buried underneath the dorms. Hess Hall, says an actual book called Halls of Ivy: Ghosts of Southern Colleges and Universities, is home to another ghost — that of a student who committed suicide in the 70s. If you listen closely, you can
still hear his cries of anguish from failing a chemistry exam… oh yeah, and killing himself. Makes you wonder the real reason this hall that hasn’t had residents in it for five years. Strong Hall, also mention in Halls of Ivy, is named after Sophronia Strong, whose house used to be where the dorm stands until the land was donated to serve as a women’s dormitory. While in use, residents would see Sophie, an apparition in white, appear in their mirrors and show up whenever drama was getting heated or there were fights among the girls — apparently Sophie disapproves of unwomanly behavior and would always look sternly at the students causing the ruckus. C’mon Sophie, they came to college to get away from parental disapproval! She’s also been known to do more mischievous pranks, such as lock girls out of their dorms or bathrooms. Now that her legacy is not being used for a girls’ dormitory anymore, Sophie might get really angry and we may have a real poltergeist on our hands! Call in Tangina/ Zelda Rubinstein! The Hill is known as one of the most haunted places on this campus. While you’re trudging up those multiple flights of vertical steps, you’re probably looking down at your feet to make sure you don’t fall backwards. But if you were to look to the side of you, you just might see a ghostly apparition in a bowler hat walking beside you. The forlorn ghost of a student who took his own life after his girlfriend left him in
the ‘30s, the poor soul uses a bowler hat to hide the gaping bullet wound in his head. Not to mention the Hill being the location of several key Civil War battles. So as you complain about all the stairs or your awkward hookup the night before, know that there are hundreds of ghosts nodding in disapproval before they trip you up and fall all the way back down. But wait, there’s more! Ghosts, we mean. Have you ever looked out of the windows of Perkins Hall and seen pale figures in a circle, discussing over papers? Well, it may be engineering students stuck on a particularly hard calculus problem, but it may also be the ghosts of Union soldiers! It is said that graves of the soldiers were discovered when the former building Blount Hall was being constructed in 1900. They reburied the unidentified soldiers, but their spirits remain, haunting the area around their unmarked
graves and conferring around maps, still trying to take out those Confederate sons a’bitches. McClung Museum is also built above sealed Indian grave, whose souls wander the museum at night, bored out of their minds no less. The Genereral Counsling Center is home to Dr. Thackston’s ghost, the old Dean of Education who locks doors and paces the halls at night. It turns out there are actually a lot of haunted places on this campus — and old university built on a Civil War site? Who’da thunk? But before we get ahead of ourselves, we’d prefer that you go out this Halloween and find your own ghost stories. We don’t mean go kill people, we mean the infrared cameras and recordings of nonexistent noises… you know Ghosts ‘n Bros or whatever that shows called. Happy Knoxoween!
page 6
pages 10-11
page 13
How to Lose a Guy On Halloween
The Black Sheep Interviews: Steve-O
Congress Debate Over annual Halloween Party
UNfortunately, your costume isn’t that much of a disguise.
We chat with the infamous funny man about nut shots and Youtube.
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Will the constituents ever reach a consensus?
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Ventitillate To arouse a sexual partner by blowing. With air. “Patrick ventitillated Mary by blowing in her ear; after, she was his for the taking.”
of the
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...because you look dead sexy.”
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The Black Sheep
Celebrity Before & After Just like Jeopardy!, our before and after asks you to pair two unlike things, sharing only a word. Because we’re as vapid as the rest of you, a celebrity name will always be involved. Tweet your answer @BlackSheepUTK and use #goodtimes for a chance to win a prize!
Classic college party icon actor covers fun-filled long johns with this keep-fresh tin foil.
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Surviving in a Post-Government Shutdown America By: Austin McLaurine These past few weeks have been full of chaos. No one has known what to do in the wake of Congress throwing up their hands in the same way you do when you fail to prepare for your chemistry exam, and therefore refuse to take it. Fortunately, however, the government has decided that doing their job is important to the wellbeing of this country. After weeks of navigating a lawless wasteland similar to Detroit (Detroit might as well have no government all the time), this is excellent news. But The Black Sheep needs to know: How does living in a post government shutdown affect your life at UT? Remember how you went about your daily routine before the shutdown? During? Are you now confusing the two? Therein lies your answer. So far it may seem like your life won’t change much, right? Wrong. Remember those times when the government wasn’t there to provide you comfort and you weren’t able to afford that extra case of beer? What about when you wanted to smoke weed in the mountains, but those mountains were closed? Or when Jimmy Cheek wasn’t able to keep his basement hot tub just below boiling? Still, these activities were unavailable without a functioning government, and although those talking heads up in DC managed to figure things out for the moment, don’t think for a second this won’t happen again. Washington remains as volatile as ever, and now that we know that our government can and will shut down, how are we to trust that it won’t shut down for even the most menial of disagreements? Imagine if your everyday life involved not going to pick up your check that paid for your ‘Merican brewed beer. Things would quickly fall apart, and things will be much worse if the government decides to close its doors again. Allow us to set the scene for you: You’re walking down the Strip, going nowhere in particular. You step in to Jimmy John’s to get one of those “free smells” they advertise on their window. A tear rolls down your face as you smell the succulent dough and the hand sliced deli meats and you step back outside. The brisk October air practically carries you along without your help. Suddenly, a large explosion occurs at that very same Jimmy John’s. Glass shards propel into the street and sorority girls scream in horror as a shirtless Jimmy Cheek walks out of the restaurant with a large flamethrower, yelling something about tuition hikes and calling himself King Cheek. He blazes everything in sight while onlookers cry out into the sky, claiming he has seized ultimate control since the government can’t seem to stay in business. The Ayres’s Tower Bell rings ominously, ushering the Armageddon. Reader, that’s exactly what will happen if the government shuts down again, and it will. For now we’ve avoided the free-for-all, Running Man type situation where dining dollars are somehow worth less than they already are,
tuition skyrockets, and Jimmy Cheek reigns as King of Tennessee. Some of you might be a little disappointed you won’t get to live out your “end of the world” scenarios that involve riding around on horseback, holding a flaming pumpkin head and a sawd-off shotgun, but just wait a few years. It all happens, The Black Sheep recently spent all our money on a DeLorean. Despite how you feel about our present government, they managed to come to an agreement that kept us from destroying ourselves. For now, you can go back to watching football in the nude on your couch peacefully. At least until they debate raising the debt ceiling again next year.
The
Top
Ten
Tennessee Costumes By: UTK staff
Still don’t have a costume planned out? Are you sick of being an ambiguous “cat” every year? Are you tired of people confusing you for Hagrid? If you truly desire to try a little harder this year, then we’ve got a list for you to show your school spirit while amping up the sex appeal. 10.) Sexy Smokey: Bordering the unoriginality of being a cat, but at least you’re not a cat. Substitute the cat ears and tail for ones similar to a Bluetick Coonhound and you can be a spirited bitch or dawg. Complete the ensemble with the checkered overalls and a bondage leash, and you’ll have the best excuse to hump people’s legs all night. 9.) Sexy Ghost of Neyland: Bring back “Neylanding” and strike your sexiest Neyland pose whenever you enter a room. Throw on a white polo along with an old-timey fedora, and don’t say much. Proper Neyland homage.
How to Lose a Guy
on halloween By: UTk staff When us women need male attention in order to fill our brains and vaginas with alcohol, but also want talk to a man worth our time, shit can get dicey. There are plenty of ways to get free drinks, but what our friends/sisters/fabulous mothers don’t teach us is how to get rid of the bastard after he’s given us a drink. Though you may be practiced in the art of ditching your booze benefactor on a normal night, Halloween adds in some tricky obstacles. Here are a few less-than-honorable ways to lose a man on Halloween. First is the most traditional way to lose a man — using the bathroom. Now, with Halloween on the mind this excuse is even stronger. The second you get the drink in hand, you make slight conversation about costumes or how you “don’t get the hype around Halloween” then make up some excuse to go to the bathroom. On a normal weekend this would be a blatant ditch, but this weekend, a “sorry the spandex on the sexy cat suit is digging into my thigh, be right back” is a perfectly acceptable excuse. Guys get super uncomfortable around two topics: menstrual cycles and crying women. Menstrual cycle excuses usually don’t work at bars, but on Halloween… you guessed it — a mere gesture towards your bloody getup with the “it’s that time of the month” look will send men crying to their bros. Even if on some level they know you’re lying, the fact that you entered the blood and vagina equation into their brain will send them fleeting. Crying, drunk best friend drama always does the
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trick on normal nights too, especially if you’ve got the mascara running. After anonymous male Miley #3 buys you a drink, turn around with makeup running down your face and start blabbing about how your roommate’s best friend’s sister that’s visiting for the weekend is being a total bitch. He will tell you to go take care of it so he doesn’t have to hear one more minute about it, and you can easily escape to haphazardly slap some more face paint on in the bathroom.
8.) Sexy Amplifier: No time for a quick stop at Goodwill? The Amplifier newspapers only cost whatever you can give, and can be found on every corner of campus. So gather up enough nickels to cover only the parts you feel necessary, and maybe partygoers, in assuming you are actually homeless, will toss you a few whiskey shots. 7.) Sexy Butch Jones: Buzz cut. Top button of polo buttoned. Pants bulged and/or optional. 6.) Sexy Jimmy Cheek: Maybe it’s finally time to bring out those assless chaps you’ve been hiding in the back of your closet. Paint the name “Jimmy” on your back, and leave your ass uncovered. This one may require some explaining, but it’’ll be worth it — especially when nature calls. 5.) Sexy ConeZone: Gather a couple of the cones around campus and find suggestive ways to cover your junk with them (hint: cone boobs). Perfect for corny pick up lines like, “I’m under construction, so I’ve got plenty of wood,” “You ever felt the big orange screw?” and “My boobs are under these cones.” 4.) Sexy UTAlert: Find a poster board that you can tie to your neck and let it hang down, describing in text format something along the lines of: “UTAlert! Sex panther spotted prowling the Fort. Approx [your height, your ethnicity, your hair color], last seen taking shots on Laurel.” 3.) Sexy UTPD: Just be a sexy cop and somehow tag on a UTPD logo/nametag. Remember to be a dick all night and issue out underage citations and random absurd parking violations. People will definitely not hate your dedication, and if they get too out of hand, don’t be afraid to use your handcuffs.
This last method begins like this: Your friends start motioning to you that they’re about to follow their friend Master Chief to a different party. You have to get rid of “slacker 80s dude” ASAP (and not because he sucks at costumes) without him following you! So you begin to act suddenly more drunk than he expected you are. Take it up a notch, start losing your mind, act really sleepy, get really into character and talk in a British pirate accent and refuse to know what any kind of technology is. Just get weird enough to make sure he doesn’t want anything to do with you. Then make your daring escape to follow Master Chief to victory. On a normal night you’d look like a crazy drunk broad, but on Halloween, you’re just dedicated to your character. So there you have it ladies — have fun this Halloween with a new arsenal of excuses to flee from those creepy dudes who buy you double Red Bull vodkas instead of the Bud Light you asked for. That being said, if you meet a cool dude dressed up as a member of Devo who says he writes for The Black Sheep, maybe you should give him a chance.
2.) Sexy Davy Crockett: Grab your coon-skin hat and sexiest animal skins and head out to “volunteer” yourself in every way you see fit. 1.) Sexy “T”: Find a big box and cut out a giant T. Paint it orange, drape it over your naked body and you’re done! What? What do you mean “Why do you have to be naked?” YOU JUST DO OKAY?!
Around campus Send us your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
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The Grid
BLACKSTOCK Tuesday: Ladies Night! Drinks are $3.85-$4.50 Tequila Tasting with Reservation
FRIDAY: 90.3 Funhouse Presents Shiffty and The Headmasters, 10pm
Saturday: Heaven and Hell Knoxville’s Largest Indoor Halloween Party, 7pm, 10pm
Everyday: Happy Hour! 11AM - 8PM $1 off beer & wine, $1.25 off mixed drinks
Thursday 10/24
Live Music
The Rock-afire Explosion, 10pm Half-Off Bottles of Wine Until 10 pm
For tickets and more info: blackstocklive.com facebook.com/blackstocklive
Happy Hour 11-8 Ladies Night Specials 4pm-10pm: $2 Mich Ultra Drafts & Bottle, $2 Blue Moon Drafts & Bottle, Half Price Glasses of Wine, Half Price Margaritas, Half Price Pinnacle Flavored Vodka 4pm-close: Half Price Apps for Ladies Only
Friday 10/25
Live Music
90.3 Funhouse Presents Shiffty and The Headmasters, 10pm
For tickets and more info: blackstocklive.com facebook.com/blackstocklive
Happy Hour 11-8 TGIF: 11-8pm Fish & Chips for $9.99
The Farewell Drifters, 10pm
Heaven and Hell Knoxville’s Largest Indoor Halloween Party, 7pm, 10pm
Happy Hour 11-8 11-8 pm: $7.50 Domestic Pitchers, $10 Specialty Pizza, $5.99 Nachos, $5.99 Burger & Fries, $0.75 Wings
SPECIAL NIGHT
Saturday 10/26 Sunday 10/27
Karaoke until 3am!
Happy Hour 11-8
$2.50 Kids Meals
Monday 10/28
Tequila Tasting with Reservation
Tuesday 10/29
Ladies Night! Drinks are $3.85-$4.50 Tequila Tasting with Reservation
Wednesday 10/30
Taco Night! $1.75 Tacos Tequila Tasting with Reservation
3-Star Jubilee Presents Kelsey’s Woods, 8pm
The Dirty Heads, 7pm, $18
Marbin, 10pm Half Price Pint Night
For tickets and more info: blackstocklive.com facebook.com/blackstocklive
Carolina Story, 10pm Half Price Pint Night
For tickets and more info: blackstocklive.com facebook.com/blackstocklive
Live Team Trivia - 8pm
For tickets and more info: blackstocklive.com facebook.com/blackstocklive
College Night: Valid all day w/ student id
$10 One (2/4) Topping Pizza, $.75 Wings & $5.99 nachos, $5.99 Burger and Fries, $2 Domestic Drafts, $5 Domestic Pitchers $4 Vol & Cherry bombs, Grape Shooters $5 Cosmos
Happy Hour 11-8 Greek Night! Show Your Letters!
$10 One (2/4) Topping Pizza, $.75 Wings & $5.99 nachos, $5.99 Burger and Fries, $2 Domestic Drafts, $5 Domestic Pitchers, $4 Vol & Cherry Bombs, Grape Shooters $5 Cosmos
Happy Hour 11-8 8pm-Close: $2 Domestic Drafts $5.99 Cheese Quesadilla ALL DAY 10pm-Close: 50% Off Apps Wine Down Wednesday
Happy Hour 11-8, 9pm-Close: $2.50 Domestic Bottles, Half Price Wine Bottles, & 2 for 1 Glass of Wine, 4pmClose: Half Price Specialty Pizza 10pm-close: Half Price Apps
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TUESDAYs and Wednesdays: All You Can Eat Buffet 11am - 2pm, $6.99
$4 Martini Mondays! $4 Martinis and cocktails made with Deep Eddy Vodka Last Monday of Every Month: 5 Course Beer Dinner
Large 3 Topping Pizza $11.99 + Tax
Half Off Drafts after 9pm
Sunday Best, 8pm Midnight to Close: $2 Domestics, $3 Craft Beers, $4 Shots, $5 Margaritas, Half-Price Food
10% off any meal combos
11am-7pm: $1.50 Budlight, Miller Lite and Yuengling draft, $1 off bottles and 25% off Wine bottles
Large Supreme or Veggie Supreme Pizza $14.99 + Tax
Try any of our 30 craft beers on tap!
Rocky Top Comedy Contest, 7:30pm Ned Van Go with January Gray 10pm, Drink Specials!
10% off any meal combos
Game Day Specials: $2 Vol Drafts - Drink the beer, keep the cup until 5 or when game ends! $6 Domestic Pitchers until 5pm
Large Meatzaria or Veggie Pizza $12.99 + Tax
Come in and watch the game on our big screens!
Salome Cabaret Burlesque Theatre, 10pm $4 Shots!
Saturday 10/26
Closed
All Day! $12 Domestic Buckets, $3 16oz Aluminum Bottles, 35 Cent Wings
Large 2 Topping Pizza $11.99 + Tax
Brunch 10:30am - 3pm
Off With Their Heads and More!, 8pm 2nd Annual Stay True Halloween show at The Well!
Sunday 10/27
Free Hotdog with Draft Purchase (limited 1 per person)
DURING NFL GAMES: $12 Domestic Buckets, $3 16OZ Aluminum Bottles, 35 Cent Wings
Large 1 Topping Pizza + Breadsticks $10.99 + Tax
Comedy Con Queso Open Mic Comedy, 9pm, FREE Midnight to Close: $2 Domestics, $3 Craft Beers, $4 Shots, $5 Margaritas, Half-Price Food
Monday 10/28
$5 36oz PBRs
Wine Tasting Tuesdays! For $9.99 come take a tour through our hand-picked White or Red Wine selection Plus Wednesday is half priced btls. of wine!
Large Windy City Pizza $11.99 + Tax All You Can Eat Buffet 11am - 2pm, $6.99
$2 Drafts
Buy one, get one free hotdogs!
Wine Down with us! 1/2 off bottles of wine WED 865Dnb, Starting at 9pm, 18+
Any Medium Pizza $10.99 + Tax All You Can Eat Buffet 11am - 2pm, $6.99
Half Price Bottles of Wine All Day Until 10PM
$4 Martini Mondays! $4 Martinis and cocktails made with Deep Eddy Vodka Last Monday of Every Month: 5 Course Beer Dinner
Service Industry Night! Every Tuesday starting at 10pm
$1.50 Domestics including Yuengling and Shiner Drafts, $2.50 Craft Beers $4 Shots, $5 Nachos and $3 Queso
Wednesday 10/30
Einstein Simplified, 8pm, FREE Dead Bundy and the Neat Neat Neats, 10pm, FREE
Tuesday 10/29
$10 all you can play arcade games from 8pm-close
$2 Pinnacle Vodka, $2 Domestic bottles and drafts, $4 Jack and Jim NFL Thursday Nights: $12 Domestic Buckets, $3 16oz Aluminum Bottles, 35 Cent Wings
Friday 10/25
WELL SPENT NIGHTS: Midnight to Close, Sunday through Thursday $2 Domestics, $3 Craft Beers, $4 Shots, $5 Margaritas Half-Price Food
Thursday 10/24
Friday (11/01): Giving Away Green Man Pint Glasses
Thursday, Oct. 31st Rocky Horror Picture Show Halloween Party 8 pm Great specials and prizes
SPECIAL NIGHT
Thursday (10/24): Buy a Pint and Get FREE Pint Glass and T-shirt
The Grid
JACKSON AVE. MARKET
The Black Sheep Interviews
Steve-O
“I don’t know that one guy stands out when it comes to nut shots.”
By: Tim Mackey The Black Sheep recently caught up with Steve-O on his national standup tour. Channeling our eighth-grade selves jumping off garages and lighting tennis balls on fire, we asked him every question we could possibly think of while holding back the strange urge to have him smash something over our crotch. He’s reinvigorated and risen from the ashes, so make sure to check out his new Youtube channel and follow him on Twitter, @SteveO.
The Black Sheep: How’d you originally end up working with the guys from Jackass? Steve-O: There was a skateboarding magazine back in the day called Big Brother, which was little more than a bad influence on kids. I loved it; it was really just the greatest magazine ever. I was in the magazine and the videos. The guy in charge of the operation reached out to Spike Jonze at one point and said “Hey man, everybody loves our videos, but no one cares about the skateboarding. I think if we subtract all of the skateboarding then what’s leftover would be a great TV show.” And when you took out the skateboarding, what you had left was me and Knoxville, and Wee Man, and Chris Pontius — and Bam was making a similar kind of video on the east coast — so we kinda merged camps, the Big Brother guys and the CKY guys and that was sort of how we all came together. TBS: For Jackass 3D you were completely sober. Is there a stunt from the past that you couldn’t have done sober? S: I should say I don’t know if I ever did stunts because I was wasted. I think I’ve always done stunts because I’m an attention whore. Getting sober hasn’t really changed that at all. But there was some particularly reckless stuff, one that comes to mind was being strangled unconscious six times in a row. TBS: By who? S: Ryan Dunn did that. We were on tour in England back in 2003, and Ryan Dunn choked me out six times in a row. Yeah, it was all on camera if you just go on Youtube and type “Steve-O Chokes” you can find it. Another one was on a three-day bender when I jumped out of an airplane with no parachute into the ocean. That one wasn’t so easy.
TBS: How many years until Johnny looks like Irving Zisman? S: I don’t know man, (laughs) I don’t know. TBS: How do you feel about having popularized the national phenomenon of butt-chugging? S: Oh man, that is… I am incredibly honored for that. It’s incredible. Knoxville sent me this video about a press conference. There were some college frat kids butt-chugging and there was some kind of outrage about it. It was the funniest fucking thing ever. I think they even called it “buttchugging,” I’m pretty sure I coined that term itself. TBS: You’re known as one of the guys who does the most intense stunts, but which member of the Jackass crew grew the most in their willingness to do horrible things to their body over time? S: I don’t know, man. We all seem to have our different strengths, it’s kind of a “apples and oranges” question. Whenever no one is willing to do something at all, then the idea trickles down to Danger Ehren. He would be at the top of the pile when it comes to willingness, that’s kinda due to his exceptionally low IQ. TBS: In Wildboyz you got a hotdog whipped from your butt with a bull whip and got your ass stung multiple times by an African emperor scorpion, with that in mind, what is the most painful stunt you’ve done? S: Oh god, I hate that question. It’s all just so subjective, man. Pain just has different criteria, the duration of the pain is an issue. While electrocution hurts more than other stuff, it’s quicker. I hate that question.
TBS: Which Jackass team member is most willing to take blows to the nuts? S: I don’t know that any of us are really psyched about it… We each have our own separate strengths when it comes to doing stupid things. But I don’t know that one guy stands out when it comes to nut shots.
have no delusions about that. I love the saying you know “the alcohol bones connected to the weed bone, the weed bone’s connected to the cocaine bone” and so on…
any half-assed ideas. So my immediate response to him was “Oh yeah, how about if I get me tattooed on me, larger than me?” My face on my back is way bigger than my face.
TBS: Did you like being on Dancing with the Stars and hosting Killer Karaoke? Or was it just something to do? S: I, uh, Dancing with the Stars I really did enjoy a lot, Killer Karaoke had its moments. I, uh… but yeah neither of those two were my favorite.
TBS: You got a tattoo in January of Santa Claus crucified on your arm. Do you have a favorite tattoo? S: I like ShitFuck on my knuckles. I really do. Really because I’m quite proud of having carved out a place in my life that having profanities tattooed on my knuckles doesn’t hold me back. I’ve had ‘em… It’s been about exactly 10 years since I got ShitFuck tattooed on my hands.
TBS: Either in your career or not, what was the best moment in your life so far? S: I’m so jazzed about my new Youtube channel. I would say that the Youtube channel is the exact opposite of Dancing with the Stars and Killer Karaoke. I get to do what I think is fucking awesome and it’s such a treat and a joy. TBS: How long did it take you to heal from the mighty fist of Mike Tyson? S: Eh, pretty quick. I had two black eyes for a while there. I didn’t notice how long it took my nose to heal because this weird kung fu instructor guy set it straight right after it happened. I’d say like three weeks I was in pretty good shape.
TBS: Is there anyone that won’t ever do them? S: No, we all do them, but we have considerable… I don’t want to say reluctance because we all do it. I mean we all do it, but we dread it.
TBS: What can people expect to see on your tour this year? S: It’s filthy comedy and silly physical tricks. I think what makes my comedy unique and worthwhile is A: I’m absolutely shameless. And B: I’m rigorously honest. So if I tell a story you can damn well believe that it happened. And just judging by how shameless I am you can expect the stories to be incredibly juicy and revealing. You know I’ve been doing stand up for a long time and I’m really finding my voice and that’s exciting. People are really coming out and enjoying the show and that means a lot to me.
TBS: A lot of the guys, if they were afraid of snakes or spiders, then that’s the stunt they would do. What was your ‘phobia’? S: I hate roller coasters, which is why I was the perfect candidate for the poo potty. I mean I hate snakes too, I really do, but uh I don’t know if... Yeah like that one thing, I mean certainly rollercoasters are a big thing.
TBS: Looking at Johnny Knoxville, he seems to have aged more in the last 10 years than most people age in 30. How do you think you’ve managed to stay young-looking? S: (Laughs) Wow, I’ll take that as a compliment. I feel like I’ve aged pretty heavily as well, but if I guess if I were to agree with you then I’d have to blame that on healthy living. I quit smoking cigarettes and stopped doing drugs and drinking alcohol and I became a vegan. I exercise and stuff, surfing’s a big one.
TBS: Is it that falling feeling? S: It’s more like not being in control, like I can jump off of shit pretty easily. It’s like with bungee jumping when I’m looking off a bridge, I spent my life kinda jumping off of stuff so much, so I know heights pretty well. I don’t care what’s tied to me, when I look off something that’s 300 feet high, I usually know not to jump so it’s hard to get past that instinct. I mean I had no problem jumping off the tower of London, which is like the tallest thing I’ve ever jumped off of. TBS: You’ve been sober now for five and a half years, no drugs, no alcohol, nothing. So what’s you’re favorite drug to not do? S: I mean… I don’t know how to answer that. I uh… I mean the reality is that if I pick up any drink or drug in short order I’ll be on everything again. I
TBS: I’m telling readers to subscribe immediately to your blog because it’s honestly awesome. What can they expect to see you do on it in the future? S: I don’t know, I don’t want to give up any ideas, but I’m finishing up a lie detector bit. I don’t even know how it’s gonna come out. I got Knoxville to come up a list of hilarious and uncomfortable questions for me to answer while attached to a lie detector test. I don’t know what the questions are, but I imagine they’re gonna be pretty fucking terrible.
TBS: Your giant back tattoo, what was the situation where that was done? Did you wake up and it was there or what? S: We were preparing to shoot the first Jackass movie and Jeff Tremaine said “Hey, don’t waste our time with any half-assed ideas because now this isn’t a TV show anymore, it’s a movie.” And I kinda took offense to the notion that I would suggest
TBS: Anything else we should know? S: At the end of every one of my shows, when I walk off stage I never do anything or go anywhere until I take a photo with anyone who wants one, and lots of times people have things they want to ask me or show me. And everybody gets a chance to do that. I stick around until the bitter end, ‘til everyone who wants one gets a photo. I don’t really know of anybody who does that. And it proves to me to be a lot harder of a job to do that than the show itself. I stay committed to that though, because I want to make it a special experience for the fans who are committed to that. Make sure to read the extended interview online at theblacksheeponline.com!
Bartender of the Week Relationship Status: In a relationship Favorite Drink: Paulaner Oktoberfest Marzen Favorite Shot: Fireball Disgusting Drink: Cosmo What is the first Halloween costume you remember wearing as a child?: Pink Power Ranger
Cara of Casual Pint Drinking Game
What’s the most underrated Halloween candy?: Candy corn What will you name your bestselling memoir?: Dogs and Beer Where are you hiding the evidence?: I’ll never tell.
What do you think will be this year’s most overdone costume?: Walter White
Who would you invite to your threesome with Jeff Goldblum? Silent Bob
What’s the most offensive Halloween costume you’ve ever seen?: People who don’t dress up.
Why should people read The Black Sheep?: You can drink beer while you read it.
Recipe for disaster
Scary Movie Drinking
Halloween Candy Bark
One of the best parts of Halloween is the excellent selection of movies that we finally get to watch—like Hocus Pocus and Halloweentown—that would be weird to watch any other time of year. Disney classics aside, there will be plenty of horror and scary movies all over the airwaves, so grab a seat and play this game before the party gets hoppin’.
With the plethora of discounted candy this time of year, don’t try to tell us you haven’t run to the grocery store and stocked up. We’re all guilty of it. Here’s a recipe to mix all of your favorite chocolate pieces into one snack for an even bigger sugar rush.
What You’ll Need: Booze, a horror flick of your choice and a television. Number of Players: However many people can fit on the couch. Level of Intoxication: Varies via corniness and awesomeness of said horror flick.
What You’ll Need: 1 pound bittersweet chocolate chips, 3 regular-sized Butterfinger bars, 3 regular-sized Heath bars, 5 regular-sized Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, 1/2 cup honey roasted peanuts, 3 ounces of chocolate and M&Ms or Reese’s Pieces (or both!) Cook Time: About an hour and a half. Fatty Factor: Just a few cavities, that’s all.
How to Play: Pop in the movie and take a swig for the following: - Eerie music, accompanied by strings and or piano, plays for intro credits. - A character is walking painfully slowly. - When that dumb bitch who shouldn’t go down the stairs goes down the stairs. - When someone whispers “help me.” - When your favorite character dies. - When your favorite character ends up being the killer/murderer/brother of killer. - When there’s a mirror in the scene and it sets up for something scary as shit in the reflection but it ends up being like the towel rack in the background or something. - Boobs. - When a character being chased trips over their own feet as if they’re running for the first time ever. - Jennifer Love Hewitt. - When you realize the police department in your horror movie is completely and utterly useless. - When the movie ends with one more cheap “pop out” bit for good measure. The Game Ends When: The ending credits roll … or maybe it’s just time to put another DVD in and keep going.
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What’s the most overrated Halloween candy?: Carmel apples
Let’s Get Baked: - Chop up the Butterfinger and Heath bars into small bites. - Cut up the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups into quarters. - Melt the bittersweet chocolate chips in a saucepan over the stove or in the microwave and stir until smooth. Watch them closely and increase heat in small increments so the chocolate doesn’t burn. - Spread the melted chocolate onto parchment paper on a pan, leaving it about _ inch thick. - Scatter the chopped pieces of candy and peanuts over the melted chocolate. - Melt the white chocolate and drizzle it over the chocolate bark. - Sprinkle the M&Ms or Reese’s Piece on top of everything. - Let the bark cool in the fridge for 1 hour before breaking it up into pieces and chowing down. And you thought candy couldn’t get any better…
nomnomnomnom theblacksheeponline.com
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Recently Re-Convened Congress Faces Polarizing Debate
Over Provisions for Annual Halloween Party By: Black sheep staff
“The Republican Party would like to make clear its opinion that the giant tarantula overseeing the senate chamber is more along the lines of a ‘Creepy-Crawly’ party theme, when it was decided in January that we would proceed in a more supernatural, spooky idiom.” Such is the rhetoric being used by House Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy in debates over provisions for the House’s annual Halloween Hullabaloo, a current point of contention between the recently reconvened parties of the US House of Representatives. The issue became a major focus of debate last week when House Speaker John Boehner announced his intention to attend the party at Walter White, which was met with fierce opposition by the Democrats, spearheaded by President Obama who claimed that he made his intention of going as Walter White clear in this year’s State of the Union Address. Tensions were further heightened when Boehner suggested that Obama instead go as Gustavo Fring, to which Obama replied,
“Wait, why do I gotta be Gus?”The two have not spoken or touched legislation since. The debate then mutated into an argument over the constitutionality of having Washington state representatives select the spooky playlist for the event, a practice which has been in place since the Fred B. Norman era of 1943-1945. It was then debated whether Halloween was even a thing when the constitution was drafted. After researching for a minute on his iPhone, Illinois representative Aaron Schock announced that Halloween derived from Welsh folklore, and that the term “Halloween” was established well before the drafting of the Constitution, making its implied inclusion in the document fairly plausible. Washington state representative Doc Hastings then added that Halloween did not migrate to the Americas until the 20th century due to puritanic opposition of the holiday during the 18th and 19th centuries, implying that the hullabaloos of said holiday were not strictly regulated in the document. The case will soon go to the Supreme Court.
“The Washington representatives just play ‘The Monster Mash’ over and over,” New York representative Charles B. Rangel related to the press. “Truthfully, that’s also what I would play if I were in charge of the playlist, but it’s the principle of the matter.” Radical Republicans have even gone so far as to call the entire costume-wearing custom an affront to the lower-class representatives from Montana and Wyoming. Republican Majority leader Eric Cantor stands at the forefront of this radical movement, “The Democrats would have you believe that every representative can afford flashy Walter White costumes, but that simply isn’t the case. Forcing every person to wear a costume hurts the representatives from small constituents like Nevada, Oklahoma, and stuff like that.” Despite being a fierce opponent to the costume requirement, Cantor himself will once again be reprising his Satan costume. “Just because I don’t think the Idaho people need to wear costumes doesn’t mean I won’t be dressing up myself. My Beelzebub costume was the hit of the party last year, I can’t not go as the Dark
Lord again.” At the rate that party legislation is currently moving, it will take a small miracle for the Halloween Hullabaloo to be ready in time for Halloween, which House members predict will be sometime near the end of
October. There is a ray of hope, however, which lies with the bi-partisan members of the House, which, although having petty disagreements about food and music which should be present at the party, equally agree that there should be plenty of booze.
y r e v E ic riday! s u M Live ay and F d s r u h T
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HALLOWEEN bingo
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Friday, November 1st
madlib What was more shocking than see-
ing ___1___ dressed up as a ___2___ ’s ___3___ , whatever that means, was waking up on a ___4___ -printed futon on ___5___ at my TA’s house. Or, even more shocking, that I started the night as a sexy ___6___ and ended the night in a neon ___7___ unitard, a half-empty box of ___8___ in one hand and a fifth of ___9___ in the other. Naturally, I got the hell out of there instantly. Upon stepping into the great outdoors, I was amazed by what was before my bloodshot eyes. A group of girls dressed as members of ___10___ 1: Your best friend 2: Era 3: Wild animal 4: Cartoon character 5: Popular party street
, but a ___11___ version, were twerking on the street, clearing still intoxicated. A block down I saw a ___12___ puking in a trash can, the poor freshman. And I almost stepped over a zombie ___13___. They looked so serene in their slumber, I couldn’t dare move them.
and how it’s totally related to global warming, even though now that I think about it, it doesn’t.
When I got to my dorm, I was surprised to see my roommate making out with a ___19___. They asked me to join in and that’s when I knew they were on ___20___ still. I suggested we head to I stopped into ___14___ and noticed a ___15___ the cafeteria and they quickly obliged, comchatting with a ___16___ , and they seemed menting on how good I looked even though I like they were hitting it off. Walking towards my clearly reeked of ___21___ and fried ___22___. dorm, I bummed a cigarette from a ___17___ As I entered the caf, I took in the sights of all my , but it ended up being a joint, which was fine fellow sluggish, hungover peers and got the with me. We started talking about ___18___ chills. I love Halloween.
6: Condiment 7: Color 8: Cereal 9: Novelty liquor 10: Heavy metal band
11) Adorable animal 12: Famous TV show character 13: Very old celebrity 14: Local coffee shop
15: Famous politican 16: Offensive historical figure 17: Overdone Halloween costume
18: Current event 19: Type of athlete 20: Party drug 21: Cheap booze 22: Vegetable
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