The Black Sheep
Fr ee ... li fr ke c es hm onv an ers at ati a p on ar wi ty th . a
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepUVA
Volume 2, Issue 5 4/3/13 - 4/17/13
party friend etiquette Oliver Cross wrote this
In life, as in a Jane Austen novel, etiquette is very important. Unlike the world of Austen, however, real life situational etiquette can be confusing and obtuse. What’s that? That’s exactly like a Jane Austen novel? Sorry, we Sparknoted Pride and Prejudice in 10th grade, sue us. In college especially, etiquette can be particularly challenging, as the rules of decorum we are inundated with from an early age give way to new, exciting encounters and newer, more exciting foreign substances. The most universal of these situations is undoubtedly the college party. Everyone loves a good party, whether it’s in your suitemate’s dorm room, surreptitiously undertaken in the company of their hideous Rastafarian tapestry or at a fraternity house surrounded by two hundred vessels of questionable action. The most appealing aspect of parties is the opportunity to make new friends. Or to get hammered, but usually the two go hand in hand. The only problem with becoming best buds with the bro holding your ankles as you keg stand, or the kind soul holding your hair back as you simultaneously ruin your Frye boots and enamel, is that after the party is done and you part ways, there is a murky, nebulous realm into which your relationship has transcended. You are no longer strangers, capable of ignoring each other as you stroll through grounds; you are now acquaintances, and each individual has differing and widely varying expectations for their newly-minted buds. Making friends when you’re out can be an incredibly fulfilling experience. Meeting someone while inslopsicated is like skipping all the boring formative years you and your closest friends have shared. Heart-to-hearts proceed almost immediately following introductions, male bonding occurs at an exponential rate, and pretty soon it’s like you’ve been going to school together for 12 years, except your new buddy wasn’t there when you peed you pants at the 4th grade talent show. After a few hours (or a few more drinks, whichever comes first) it’s hard to remember that, until tonight, you had literally never spoken to this person in your life.
anecdotes deftly exchanged, and interactions proceed pleasantly. The next day you might exchange a quick smile, a knowing nod, or a deft handshake. As the days march on, the smiles narrow. The nods come with minimal, harried eye contact. The handshakes cease altogether. Pretty soon, you are actively ignoring a person you recently shared your keys with for the purposes of shotgunning, and you might as well have never met. And that’s if you’re lucky.
But how close are you really? The issue of etiquette rears its ugly, Elizabethan head each time you and one of your new buddies merge paths. The morning after is easy. Names are easily retrieved,
If you aren’t so lucky, you might end up trading pleasantries with someone who doesn’t even recognize you. Now you’re embarrassed, questioning your social skills and wondering if there’s some-
Post-Big Sis Week Depression If you’re finding glitter in place you didn’t know existed, you might be suffering from PBSWD.
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what'’s inside
thing stuck in your teeth. And even if they do recognize you, what if they’ve forgotten your name? How is that supposed to make you feel? Like shit. That’s how. But even that isn’t the worst-case scenario. No, the worst is if, in your drunken exuberance, you’ve latched onto a real scrub that has been acknowledging you like Ray Lewis greets his pharmacist. If that is the case, we bid you luck, and may the good Lord have mercy on your soul, because you may be in for a much longer relationship than you bargained for. The lesson, as always: never talk to strangers.
oh the weather outside is weather
bartender of the week
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page 12
Ah yes, bipolar spring weather, we meet again.
Will from Michael’s Bistro would totally be a badass dragon.