Vol. 5, Issue 10
The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
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10/31/13 - 11/6/13
SHAKA RANKS BY: Lorenzo Simpson Sha-Shaka Ranks, Sha-Sha-Shaka Ranks! / NC-Double-A like he’s Sha-Shaka Ranks! / 10 bad swishes like he’s Sha-Shaka Ranks! / All black and gold like he’s ShaShaka Ranks! It’s that time again, Ram Nation! Busting through the gates of the Siegel Center clad in black and gold is none other than the coach with most, the bald-headed b-ball boss, the golden demigod of Richmond, Shaka Smart! He’s back with a new team, a new ferociousness, and a shiny new bag of Shaka swag! You can hear it in the voices of the rowdy Rams as they shatter the windows with their cheers, and you can see it in the way they jam out to the theme song, stomping a crater in the ground on game day; Shaka Smart’s got an iced-out Shabba Ranks groove that makes the A$AP Mob look like Steve Jobs in a ski shop wearing flip-flops.
forget the confetti! We need a monsoon of dazzling colored papers to rain from the heavens onto the streets as the Ram fans gallop through the Fan, screaming VCU chants like it’s the apocalypse and only Shaka can save us. Shaka Ranks and his crew of ballers (decked out in thick gold chains) need to cruise through the town in a handful of ass-thumpin’ half-dozens, blasting Beastie Boys and B.I.G like it’s 1993! Yeah, we know such a celebration would break, like, 18 safety violations and would be a bitch to clean up, but who cares? This is our basketball team we’re talking about! They need to know that we pay an uncomfortable amount of close attention to them, and they need all the hype they can get. And if our school ends up on ESPN just for celebrating our basketball team, more power to us!
Shaka be coachin’ all day / he’s why we’re winnin’ those games / he don’t give a damn what you say, his whole team like a parade!
Sha-Shaka Ranks, Sha-Sha-Shaka Ranks! / NC-Double-A like he’s Sha-Shaka Ranks! / 10 bad swishes like he’s Sha-Shaka Ranks! / All black and gold like he’s ShaShaka Ranks!
Speaking of parades, why don’t we kick off the season with a black and gold bangarang!? Our game against California U should be preceded by an hour-long procession down Broad Street. Cheerleaders and the Gold Rush Dancers doing backflips, handstands, handflips and backstands for the entire parade! And don’t
That’s what we’ll be chanting as Shakmeister and the Broad Street Ballers walk through the building on Nov. 2nd. When it comes to team spirit, Shaka’s got it covered like we did to this A$AP Ferg track. Now, we all know and love his famous team warm-up ritual of darting across the court with his crew, but let’s
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Rodney’s Remodeling
Nude New Moon Mondays? Check.
add some more flavor to it. Shaka Ranks and the team should Cupid Shuffle from baseline to baseline before they stomp out the Vulcans.
a foul shot. If they miss (which they will), let em’ rip! Let them know that putting fire near the Rams is like lighting a wet cigar: WE’RE UNMATCHABLE!
Here’s a perfect way to stick it to the “fire gods.” During the game, every Ram fan needs to pull out a fire extinguisher when the opposing team is about to take
And at the end of the game, when we’ve sent the opposing team home with their dignity between their legs, the Rowdy Rams will stand tall and chant the new
theme song of the VCU Rams, celebrating our beloved b-ball coach: Sha-Shaka Ranks, Sha-Sha-Shaka Ranks! / NC-Double-A like he’s Sha-Shaka Ranks! / 10 bad swishes like he’s Sha-Shaka Ranks! / HAVOC in yo FACE like he’s ShaShaka Ranks!
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Don’t be the Rowdiest Ram
an Intervention for your anti-technology professor
How to TURN UP without turning people off.
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peel your eyes away from your computer to say some words to that old man.