Vol. 5, Issue 10
The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
f Wh ree...l en I si ike ba p, y ou ckwa sip sh. we sip !
10/31/13 - 11/6/13
SHAKA RANKS BY: Lorenzo Simpson Sha-Shaka Ranks, Sha-Sha-Shaka Ranks! / NC-Double-A like he’s Sha-Shaka Ranks! / 10 bad swishes like he’s Sha-Shaka Ranks! / All black and gold like he’s ShaShaka Ranks! It’s that time again, Ram Nation! Busting through the gates of the Siegel Center clad in black and gold is none other than the coach with most, the bald-headed b-ball boss, the golden demigod of Richmond, Shaka Smart! He’s back with a new team, a new ferociousness, and a shiny new bag of Shaka swag! You can hear it in the voices of the rowdy Rams as they shatter the windows with their cheers, and you can see it in the way they jam out to the theme song, stomping a crater in the ground on game day; Shaka Smart’s got an iced-out Shabba Ranks groove that makes the A$AP Mob look like Steve Jobs in a ski shop wearing flip-flops.
forget the confetti! We need a monsoon of dazzling colored papers to rain from the heavens onto the streets as the Ram fans gallop through the Fan, screaming VCU chants like it’s the apocalypse and only Shaka can save us. Shaka Ranks and his crew of ballers (decked out in thick gold chains) need to cruise through the town in a handful of ass-thumpin’ half-dozens, blasting Beastie Boys and B.I.G like it’s 1993! Yeah, we know such a celebration would break, like, 18 safety violations and would be a bitch to clean up, but who cares? This is our basketball team we’re talking about! They need to know that we pay an uncomfortable amount of close attention to them, and they need all the hype they can get. And if our school ends up on ESPN just for celebrating our basketball team, more power to us!
Shaka be coachin’ all day / he’s why we’re winnin’ those games / he don’t give a damn what you say, his whole team like a parade!
Sha-Shaka Ranks, Sha-Sha-Shaka Ranks! / NC-Double-A like he’s Sha-Shaka Ranks! / 10 bad swishes like he’s Sha-Shaka Ranks! / All black and gold like he’s ShaShaka Ranks!
Speaking of parades, why don’t we kick off the season with a black and gold bangarang!? Our game against California U should be preceded by an hour-long procession down Broad Street. Cheerleaders and the Gold Rush Dancers doing backflips, handstands, handflips and backstands for the entire parade! And don’t
That’s what we’ll be chanting as Shakmeister and the Broad Street Ballers walk through the building on Nov. 2nd. When it comes to team spirit, Shaka’s got it covered like we did to this A$AP Ferg track. Now, we all know and love his famous team warm-up ritual of darting across the court with his crew, but let’s
page 5
Rodney’s Remodeling
Nude New Moon Mondays? Check.
add some more flavor to it. Shaka Ranks and the team should Cupid Shuffle from baseline to baseline before they stomp out the Vulcans.
a foul shot. If they miss (which they will), let em’ rip! Let them know that putting fire near the Rams is like lighting a wet cigar: WE’RE UNMATCHABLE!
Here’s a perfect way to stick it to the “fire gods.” During the game, every Ram fan needs to pull out a fire extinguisher when the opposing team is about to take
And at the end of the game, when we’ve sent the opposing team home with their dignity between their legs, the Rowdy Rams will stand tall and chant the new
theme song of the VCU Rams, celebrating our beloved b-ball coach: Sha-Shaka Ranks, Sha-Sha-Shaka Ranks! / NC-Double-A like he’s Sha-Shaka Ranks! / 10 bad swishes like he’s Sha-Shaka Ranks! / HAVOC in yo FACE like he’s ShaShaka Ranks!
page 9
page 13
Don’t be the Rowdiest Ram
an Intervention for your anti-technology professor
How to TURN UP without turning people off.
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peel your eyes away from your computer to say some words to that old man.
>> campus manager Kenneth Jordan
Marketing TEAM Selamawit Tadesse, Brian Guerrero Kelsey Knight, Taylor Parker, Lul Hussein Margo Maier, Olivia Walthall
Editorial manager Lorenzo Simpson Advertising ManagerS Tyler Harvey, Lul Hussein, Margo Maier Writers Lorenzo Simpson, Julie Gassaway Nathan Heintschel, Kalsey Hanratty Sabrina Fuller, Elena Correa Social media manager Nathan Heintschel
Meet the Staff <<
campus director Quinn Myers owner Atish Doshi Founders Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers
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Miraculush
Word
A man or woman who can hold their liquor beyond any reasonably human level. “The group knew Dino was a miraculush when he crushed a case of PBR before spending the rest of the night ripping shots at a bar.”
of the
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Seriously?
DON’T MESS AROUND WITH
#BADTIMESMAN
Tweet us your creepiest, most hilarious, most perverted, most raunchy (or all of the above) pick-up lines to @BlackSheep_VCU #BadTimesMan If yours proves to be the weirdest, you’ll win a prize and be featured in next week’s issue!
Last Week’s Answer: Oklahoma State’s Pistol Pete
The Black Sheep
Celebrity Before & After Just like Jeopardy!, our before and after asks you to pair two unlike things, sharing only a word. Because we’re as vapid as the rest of you, a celebrity name will always be involved. Tweet your answer @BlackSheep_VCU and use #goodtimes for a chance to win a prize!
Nose, eyes and mouth absent, this 36th chamber member meets Atlanta rapper with a 36-inch chain.
Last Week’s Answer: Ryan Reynolds Wrap
read more online TheBlackSheepOnline.com
The Thirsty Games: Catching Mates We’ve noticed that a lot of you folks on Twitter have been complaining about “thirsty bitches.” We thought it was weird that so many “bitches” were “thirsty,” because VCU has provided a vast array of water fountains, restaurants, convenience stores, and Starbucks to cure our thirst. So, after a quick rendezvous on the internet, we now we understand that these people are just trying to make whoopee. And since most of you think broadcasting out to the world how much sex you’re not having is the best way to get sex, we created guide on how to quench that sexual thirst for the rest of fall semester, and then dump that person after finals week to avoid having to buy that person holiday gifts. Clothing: Firstly, you need to advertise your thirst to the other thirsty people on campus. No, you don’t need to set up a table in the Compass and create a signup sheet for thirsty applicants. Girls rocking short skirts and fishnet stock-
ings, despite the fact that we’re in the middle of fall and closing in on winter are sure to gain the attention of thirsty dudes. Ladies can also leave their jackets at home and let the parched fellas know that Richmond, Va. should be renamed from the River City to Hard-Nip City. Speaking of dudes, you guys need to extend your tank top-wearing season to let the dehydrated ladies know that even if the sun isn’t out, the guns still out — guns that are ready and willing to hold them in a loving embrace. Literal Thirst Quenching: Next time you’re at Jorge’s Cantina, ask every member of the opposite sex to buy you a drink. This implies that you’re thirstier than a vampire in a graveyard. On a packed Saturday night in your favorite watering hole, this is definitely possible. Though guys may have a harder time with this, they might get lucky and find a cougar looking for a hairless pool boy.
By: Nathan Heintschel As for the girls, sure every guy at the bar may eventually catch on to your game, but by then you’ll at least have four or five drinks, and who really cares at that point. One in four guys is kind of decent right? Sealing the Deal: Girls, invite your guy over for dinner for the first date. In seeing a girl’s apartment, dorm, or house on the first date, no man has ever insinuated sexual relations ever in the history of human existence, ever. Guys love it when you text them immediately after you call them asking, “Did you see that I called you?” This is guaranteed to keep your man around. Men love commitment, and they love knowing you’re always, always, ALWAYS thinking about them . Guys if the girl you just met at Jorge’s doesn’t answer your first call, you should immediately inquire, “Yo, you screwin’ some other guy now?!” Girls love a guy
who holds them up on a pedestal, even if you’ve never met them. Girls also love it when you use the “L word (no, not lesbians) when you don’t mean it, just as much as Chris Christie loves it when you use the word “pizza” when you don’t mean it. At the end of the day, if you’re not emotionally ready to have a normal rela-
tionship and you suffer from the thirst, incinerate your Nothing Was The Same album, keep a bottle of water on you at all times, and for heavens’ sake, join a VCU club. And if that doesn’t work, many of our favorite websites advertise local, easy hookups in YOUR HOME TOWN, that AREN’T LIKE CRAIGSLIST, and JUST NEED YOUR CREDIT CARD. So, do that!
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Rodney’s Remodeling By: Sabrina Fuller Rodney’s on the first floor of Shafer is pretty underwhelming. How can a section named after the best mascot ever be so boring and dull? Our best guess is budget cuts, but that’s not really an excuse — who needs money to do things? What Rodney’s really needs is an extreme makeover. What would happen if VCU’s creative students channeled some Ty Pennington in Shafer court? First thing’s first: open bar. Do you ever just really need a drink after sitting through a calculus lecture? We’re guessing yes. Richmond is full of aspiring bartenders, which means VCU could hire someone mediocre for cheap. It wouldn’t be the worst thing the board’s spent money on. It would also draw a larger crowd to Shafer in general, and according to the business class we didn’t sleep through, supply and demand is… good. In fact, add booze to anything and more people will be interested, for example baseball, cooking, and babysitting are all much, much more fun when alcohol is involved. The actual structure of Rodney’s could use some botox as well. We’re thinking a VIP section for the Rowdy Rams. Black and gold booth chairs, Gold Rush Dancers as bottle girls, specialty HAVOC shots, the whole nine yards! And for the peasants who weren’t able to become Rowdy Rams, well it won’t be a total loss. Rodney’s could use an air hockey table, a pool table a la Break Point, and why not a real pool with a floating air hockey table, just to mix things up. How else can Rodney’s draw a bigger crowd? Lots and lots of events. The place has to stay solidly booked in order to get more buzz. The Black Sheep is thinking replace boring student organization meetings and hold real organization meetings. How exciting would it be if people could come to Rodney’s and watch 2Chainz and his crew smoke weed and discuss their next album? Or think about Chef Ramsey meeting with Bear Grylls to plan their next reality show that is literally about making shit taste good. It might be hard to get
people to hold personal meetings there, but once one famous meeting goes down, Rodney’s will be the next Abbey Road Studios. In partnership with Rodney’s, Shafer definitely needs to convert a RamSafe shuttle into a Rodney’s Party Shuttle. For anyone who doesn’t feel like walking, a party shuttle is the perfect way to arrive in style on Friday nights. Why go to a dirty house party or a dirty club when you can go to a semi-disinfected Shafer, get drunk, and watch the G12 Summit? It’s only logical! By this point you should be totally convinced that 15-ish percent of your tuition next semester should go into revamping Rodney’s. Try to picture yourself turning up on thirsty Thursdays right here on campus. Rodney’s has never been a super popular spot at Shafer, but it has a ton of potential, and we think it’s time to thrust it into glory. Guts. Glory. Rodney’s.
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HAVOC UNCHAINED:
Rams on a Plane
The
Top
Ten
Ways to Send VCU to the Championship! By: Julie Gassaway
Here are ten surefire ways to ensure that our men in black and gold ride their talent and the superstition good luck of their fans into the championship! 10.) Heckle the enemy: Bring Raid when playing the Richmond Spiders, muzzles to shake around at ODU and Wofford fans, and make a ward-against-evil sign be that creepy-ass St. Louis mascot. 9.) Keep the PDA away: It’s the worst of luck for everyone to be singing, “You don’t want to go to warrrrr” except that one couple who is too busy groping in the back row of the student section. Please, for all of our sakes, keep it calm down south, at least until the game is over. 8.) Respect the Rowdy Rams: They are the team’s right hand fans. No cutting them in the snack or bathroom lines, or you’ll risk messing with the positive juju they spend so much time (and money) conjuring up. 7.) Pre-Game: Black and Gold style: Keep your trigger finger on some VCU shot glasses or chug beer out of a classy Rams mug. Or, if you’re too broke to get any university-branded merch from the bookstores, grab some food coloring from the back of your pantry. Use yellow or a combo of all the colors to turn your liquor of choice black as night.
By: The Bearded Shady He stared at his players; they were soaked in sweat with their hands on their knees. He knew he could motivate them with the right line. So he yelled, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERUCKING TURNOVERS IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING GAME! EVERYBODY STRAP IN! WE’RE ABOUT TO OPEN SOME HAVOC!” That’s right, Samuel L. Jackson was recently hired as an assistant coach for VCU’s men’s basketball team. Before the press conference began, our microphones picked up Jackson yelling at his assistant, “WHERE’S MY SUPER SUIT?! YOU TELL ME WHERE MY SUIT IS, WOMAN!” Jackson sat down with The Black Sheep to explain the unexpected move to become a basketball coach. He said he was hired to bring motivation and an alternative view to handling basketball games. “LOOK, I’M HERE TO MAKE SURE THE RAMS KICK ASS,” Jackson said. “WHEN THE GUYS AREN’T PLAYING WELL, I TELL EM YA NEED TO COOL THAT SHIT OUT! AND THAT’S THE DOUBLE TRUTH, RUTH! WHEN I KNOW WE’RE GOING INTO A BIG GAME, I TELL THE GUYS HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS!” While seen as a controversial hire considering Jackson’s lack of real life coaching experience, the decision to hire Jackson was based on his role in Coach Carter. VCU’s student section in the Siegel Center has reflected their admiration of Jackson. The Peppas wore greasy Jheri curls and suits while fans held up signs that said, “SAY WHAT AGAIN!” and “THIS IS A TASTY BURGER!” We asked Jackson what was his favorite part of being a coach. Jackson said, “YOU KNOW ME. IT’S MY DUTY TO PLEASE THAT BOOTY!”
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We then had to ask Jackson what booty he was talking about, and he became hostile towards our questioning. “SAY WHAT AGAIN,” Jackson said. “SAY WHAT AGAIN, I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” We excused ourselves and apologized to Jackson for assuming that he wanted to answer multiple questions. But we needed to know how comfortable Samuel would be in his new coaching position, since Coach Carter was only a movie, in which the best player on his team was Cousin Skeeter.
6.) Take a shot: Couldn’t make it inside the Siegel Center and you’re stuck at the closest bar? Take a shot every time our team makes a shot... actually that’s a bad idea. Our team makes A LOT of shots. 5.) Kiss him if you can: Grab that sweaty guy in the Rodney suit and tongue that bastard down like a newborn puppy! Get ready for good luck, screams of joy, and a restraining order. 4.) Wear your VCU outfit all game day: Blast your hair with some gold streaks! If anyone asks, tell them it’s for the game. Even if the Rams play multiple games in a week and you only have on HAVOC shirt, you still need to do this. You may begin to smell eventually, but you’ll smell of success and defense.
“DOES COACH CARTER LOOK LIKE A BITCH?” he said. “DOES COACH CARTER LOOK… LIKE A BITCH?” We tried asserting that he does not look like a bitch, and in fact might be the exact opposite of what we imagine a “bitch” to look like, but he was already wound up into a fury. You see, you may not have heard about this story because Jackson was forced to resign shortly after being hired because of his controversial comments about referees’ and their poor calls during the Black and Gold game. “YES THEY DESERVED TO DIE, AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!” Jackson said to reporters. “IF THEY HADN’T SHOT MY DICK OFF IN ‘NAM, I’D WHIP IT OUT AND PISS IN [the referees’] FACE[s]!” We asked Jackson if he would ever forgive the referees that ultimately led to his resignation.
3.) Shave your head: The team (and the Smart one) will most definitely get hyped up when they look into the crowd and see a bunch of pimped-out chromedomes.
He said, “KISS MY ASS! JUST ‘CAUSE YOU POUR SYRUP ON SOMETHING DOESN’T MAKE IT PANCAKES!”
2.) Ghostwrite VCU phrases on cars: Sneak “Ballin’ like the Rugrats” on windshields all over Richmond. The Rams’ luck will be especially high if you manage to tag a fan of the opposing team’s car.
Before we could ask a follow up to explain what he meant by that gibberish, Jackson walked away into the sunset, never to be seen again lest it be in a bloody Quentin Tarantino film.
1.) Break a world record: Every student should take an elective class for basketball tricks. During halftime of every game, we need to break a world record! Most people spinning a ball in a building, most people making consecutive half court shots, most bald fans in one stadium… something that will hype up the team and will them to victory.
Around campus Send us your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
on the Streets If you could be in any movie scene ever, what scene would it be and who would you replace?
r Dante, Junio
“Avengers; I would replace Iron Man in the scene where all the aliens are attacking New York.”
r Mark, Junio
“Knocked Up; I would replace Seth Rogen in the scene where he knocked up Katherine Heigl.”
Vera, Senior
“Spider-Man; I would like to replace Mary Jane in the scene where Spider-Man kisses her hanging upside-down.”
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He knows the cheapest drinks in town and more drinking games than you could ever play.
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Thur. 10/31
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Sat. 11/2
Roger Carroll Quartet, Live at 10PM
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Sun. 11/3
Emilio’s Brunch Starting at Noon! Plus 1/2 Off Wings Radio Rubber Room Presents: Fool’s Errand with Goldtooth, 10PM
Pitcher of Bud Lt., Coors Lt. or Miller Lt. AND a Plate of Jumbo Wings for $11.99 We have Sunday Ticket! Every NFL Game, Every Sunday
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Don’t Be
the Rowdiest Ram By: Tightbuttholed McBoringfan
It’s basketball season! You know what that means… get your ass to Barnes & Noble to cop that $50 VCU hoodie you’ve been eyeing since freshman year. And grab one of those tacky yellow afros as well, who cares if they’re $25 bucks? Oh yeah, can’t forget the black and yellow face paint. You might as well take your last jab at Miley Cyrus’ VMA performance too and buy yourself a foam finger. Hell, depending on how drunk you get before the game, chances are you’ll need something to dry hump through the night anyway. Your extravagant spending on groupie props is all fine and dandy, just make sure not to piss off your fellow classmates with an almost too-obnoxious celebration. Sometimes the most excited fans are too engorged with rage/excitement/ Shaka-lust that they don’t realize they’re getting the stink eye from everyone around them. Firstly, don’t leave your opened soda on the ground right beside you. You’ll end up knocking it over mid-fist bump, and no one likes to wade through sticky syrup just to go take that leak they’ve been waiting on since half time. Jumping around after our HAVOC defense leads to a fast break is one of the greatest feelings in the world, but having to step around the puddle of PowerAde like we’re at a 7th grade dance is just the worst. Long story short, if you’re gonna get food and drink at a game, make sure everything makes it in your mouth, not on everyone’s feet. It’s completely understandable that you’re super pumped about the game, but you might not wanna get so loud and sloppy that you start drawing unwanted attention from the po-po and/or ref-refs. Everyone loves a good chant, but if you aren’t sober enough to properly pronounce your words, do yourself a favor and chug some water. “DE-FENSE” is a good chant that everyone can get behind, “REBBIRDS HAS TINY LITTLE
SHITTYSTUPID BUTTHOLES” is both complicated and absurd, not to mention you look like a drunk asshole when you try to apply a cadence to it. You definitely don’t want to show up to the game too wasted from the pre-game; you never know when a VCU police officer is gonna creep up and give you the pen test. Also, be careful in painting your face. That’s always fun, but if you come looking like a clown, some fans around you might have flashbacks to the movie IT and be extremely horrified. Clowns are scary, guys, people will freak out if they see you. And leave the props at home! The last thing someone wants is to get hit in the face with a pom pom or smacked on the head with a vuvuzela. Speaking of which, ditch the do-it-yourself Ram Horns too. Eyeball impaling is not a good look, especially if the dude next to you can’t look. And last but not least, we know it’s you and your significant other’s two month anniversary, but do you have to be stroking each other incessantly during the entire game? Always know when your PDA is a little bit too much. Hint: If the Kiss Cam skips you because you’re using each other’s knickers as dental floss, you’ve gone too far. Plus, how can you even get comfortable on those plastic seats? You might want to bring a cushion to avoid bruises on your buttcheeks for the next week for even attempting to cuddle on those seats. We heartily encourage everyone in Ram Nation to get crazy at basketball games — our crowd is an instrumental part to HAVOC! It’s just sometimes, our craziness can send us into a blind rage, causing everyone around to half watch the game, half keep an eye on the dude who may or may not puke on ref’s shiny black shoes.
The Black Sheep’s Guide to the 2014
By :B & r qu e in nd n an
it
Yo H h e er a u e rd
fi rs t!
TOURNAMENT Whew! What a season it’s been! It seemed like just yesterday we were tipping off the 2013-2014 NCAA Men’s Basketball season with a November 8th slate that saw 138 games pitting the nation’s finest young men against each other. The first night’s go-round immediately became the stuff of legend. How could we forget (insert name)’s stellar performance in an unexpected victory over (insert Nov. 8th upset)? Ah, but that was just the first iconic moment in a season that’ll go down in history as one of college basketball’s best ever. And while those early-season games count, it’s important to look at the recently-ended conference tournaments when filling out your brackets in time for March 18th tip-off in bucolic Dayton, Ohio. Heading into the season sports pundits nationwide considered Michigan State the cream of the Big Ten crop, but with their narrow (win/loss) to cellar dweller (Big Ten school) last Sunday in Indianapolis, is this team coming into the Big Dance as frigid as Michigan’s recently-turned winter, or as hot as (female celebrity)’s latest antics? We say it’s safe to plug Michigan State into your elite eight, but be careful, because if things break like The Black Sheep thinks they will, they’ll be facing a hot (mid-major) team that’s been able to smell the blood in the water for these past three months. Now, we’re not saying we see (mid-major) taking down a well-equipped Spartans squad, but if (mid-major) can put up a gutsy fight midway through the second half, (small school)’s shocking upset of (top-5 team) earlier this year shows just about anything can happen in the waning seconds of a college basketball game. But with Michigan State stronger than it’s been in years, the rest of the Big Ten took a step back this year, with only (number) teams ranked in the national top 25 by season’s end. That’s why we turn to Kentucky, Kansas and surprise top-10 team Kansas State when looking at this year’s true title contenders. The KKK Klan, as The Black Sheep has begun calling them, has taken the nation by storm in different ways. John Calipari’s Wildcat krew has white washed opponents’ defense with a fast-paced offense run through (Kentucky player), while Bill Self’s Kansas squad has rallied around (Kansas player’s) season-ending (body part) injury, rattling off (number) straight wins after his year came to a close as he was carted off during the (date) game against (opponent). Yes, these teams have proven they were on a whole ‘nother level — as if they were a superior group of humans out there on the court, forcing the other players into submission.
The Black Sheep predicts the
2014 NCAA All Americans: The real surprise of the season, of course, was Bruce Weber’s Kansas State squad. Unranked at the beginning of the year, these KSU Wildcats have built a reputation as one of the nation’s nastiest teams, starting with their early-season dismantling of (ranked team) in front of a national audience. Sure, (date) and (date) missteps against soft teams (soft team) and (soft team), respectively, leave room for doubt, but no one in Manhattan, Kansas is doubting this squad. Have no hesitation when penciling them in to your sweet sixteen. And though there are clear lottery picks on stacked big-conference teams, how could we leave out the stellar performances put on by (Pacific northwest school)’s scrappy, three-point gunning, defense-savvy point guard, (name)? This (Canadian city)-born tiny tyrant’s scrappy skill set may inevitably fizzle out in the NBA, but don’t think for a second his high basketball IQ, unmatched hustle, and all-American smile won’t gutsy his team to the third weekend of the tournament. He’s dragged his team this far on sheer willpower, and there’s no reason to think he can’t do it again. While Virginia Commonwealth University has been the nation’s darling for the past several seasons, the midseason brawl between coach Shaka Smart and broadcaster (name) that left the booth man hospitalized and the coach suspended indefinitely will surely hurt the Rams’ chances at postseason success. While college basketball fans are divided as to who to blame for the fight, we’ll never forget Coach Smart’s post-fight speech in which he called (name) a “money grubbing, walking penis who knows nothing about basketball.” Barring reinstatement by the university, consider VCU a one-and-done. Of course, we’d be remiss not to mention the (date) tragedy that saw a hot (school) team lose its entire squad and coaching staff in a horrific plane crash just outside of the Charlotte Douglas International Airport. The nation watched as (team)’s plane slam dunked onto the runway instead of on the court. Just when they were playing their best basketball, too. A wracked fanbase and devastated families will never know what kind of high-flying hoopin’ the nation missed out on. National Championship chances don’t come around every day, and you’d hate to miss out on one due to something like this. The Black Sheep will be the first to tell you that a lot can change between Tournament tip-off and the National Championship trophy hoisted high by one team on April 7th in Arlington, Texas. Just know it’s going to be crazy, and you heard it here first.
First Team: G: Last Name, First (School) G: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School)-Deceased F: Last Name, First (School)
Second Team: G: Last Name, First (School) G: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School)
Third Team: G: Last Name, First (School) G: Last Name, First (School)-Deceased F: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School) F: Last Name, First (School)
Bartender of the Week What is nature’s sexiest animal?: Dolphins, apart from humans they are the only other mammal that makes love for pleasure.
Relationship Status: In a relationship Major: Mechanical engineering
What’s the stupidest thing you’ve bought off the Internet?: iPod FM transmitter, I have bought so many of them thinking that one was better than the last, but they were all terrible.
Favorite Drink: Raspberry kamikaze Favorite Shot: Tequila, Jose Cuervo Disgusting Drink: Jäger bomb A child’s laughter makes you…: Curious, when a child laughs they close their eyes, I’m curious of what they are imagining in the innocence of their laughter. What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?: Mars Attacks, because when I was 12 years old, I remember I thought it was a waste of time. If I hated it back then it must have been real bad. How would you spend $1 million in pennies?: I would use the pennies on toll roads and parking tickets, they accept pennies, why not use them there?
Mark of Social 52 Drinking Game
What was the most embarrassing thing you did in grade school?: During my fifth grade graduation, one of the kids pulled my pants down in front of everyone. If it wasn’t you, then who was it?: It was my dog Rufios, a German Rottweiler. He watches over the house when I’m out; if there is a mess, he probably had something to do with it. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: It keeps the content fun, stays away from politics and crime.
Recipe for disaster
Pigskins and Puke
Day of the Dead Deep Fry
With football in full swing, everyone’s weekends are filled with television and cases of Bud Light. Sometimes sitting on your ass all day can get a little boring, so here’s a game to play while watching your team of choice with your buddies.
Even if your trick-or-treating days are over, you’re still bound to stock up on candy on Halloween. After a few days of gorging on the sweet stuff, even the comfort of a Snickers bar becomes mediocre. Here’s a way to add a unique crunch to your Halloween candy.
What You’ll Need: A table, a piece of paper, 20 red cups, 4 pencils, paper and pen to keep score, and some beers (duh). Number of Players: Teams of two, and any hot female friends you have to be cheerleaders. Level of Intoxication: Men don’t puke from a few beers, jeeze.
What You’ll Need: A variety of fun-size candy bars, 1 egg, 1 cup of milk, 1 tablespoon of canola oil, 1 cup flour, 1 teaspoon baking powder, and 4 cups of bubbling oil for deep fried goodness. Cook Time: 15 minutes Fatty Factor: Your time at the gym this semester will be wasted on just one of these.
How to Play: - Two teams stand at opposite ends of the table, with your partner at your side. - Each team takes 10 cups and sets them up like a normal pong game. - Fold the piece of paper into a football like you always did every day in middle school. - One team starts by flicking the football at the cups at the other end of the table. The goal is to either land the football inside the cup or knock one off the table. Once this happens, that team is awarded 6 points. - After a touchdown is scored, the opponents lay down two pencils on the table as goalposts. They can be as close or as far apart as they want (minimum 2 inches apart to be fair). The scoring team has one chance to flick their football to land between the pencils. If they can do so, they earn another point. - The team who was just scored on now has to drink. If the extra point was missed, drink for 6 seconds. If the extra point was made, finish your beer. - Keep playing until all the cups on both sides are gone, removing cups pong-style after someone makes a cup or knocks it off the table. The Game Ends When: All the cups are gone! Add up the points to see who wins.
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If you had to have a nickname that involved a piece of fruit, what would your nickname be?: Dragon fruit, it’s a fun exotic fruit.
Let’s Get Baked: - Freeze your candy bars for a few hours. - Combine the egg, milk and canola oil in a bowl. - In another bowl, combine flour and baking powder. - Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and whisk. Cover and refrigerate for a few minutes. - Heat the 4 cups of oil to 375 degrees in a deep, heavy pot. - Dip the frozen candy bars into the batter then carefully place into the oil. - Cook until golden brown, drain on paper towels and let cool a little bit before stuffing your face. Don’t just stop at candy either. Try Oreos, Twinkies, steaks, leftover pizza. Anything you have.
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Stage an Intervention for
the Anti-Technology Professor By: Sabrina Fuller We all have that one professor who simply refuses to take time to learn how to use the interwebs. He never uses PowerPoint during lectures, and he refuses to accept anything other than hard copies of assignments. His class doesn’t even show up on your myVCU site. It’s jacking up your educational aura, and giving you carpal tunnel like a mother. Something must be done. When you stage an intervention for your stuck-in-the-sixties prof, you may notice that he goes through stages almost identical to those of grief and loss. The Black Sheep has done some “research” (read: asked our psych major roommate). Here’s how to talk your professor down from the ledge, and edge him into the 21st century. Denial: This is the stage where your professor will make the most excuses. “I don’t have time to set up Blackboard.”“My current method works just fine.” “It’s your fault if you can’t handle my class structure, and are too ingrained in shaky technology.”Your professor is going to absolutely refuse to hear you out, so your best option is to speak gently but firmly. Tell your professor that it’s expensive to print (unless you’re an English major, but don’t tell them that). Tell him that the paper grade book he’s using is taking up time that he could spend doing something else, like telling his wife he loves her before he sooner-than-later bites the dust, or just grading that quiz we took six weeks ago! Anger: At this point your professor is ready to fail you. “I learned statistics with an abacus and wooden graphite sticks, so why can’t you!” he’ll scream. You have to be extra patient because your GPA hangs in
the balance. It’s important to remember that the anger is just a defense mechanism and it’s perfectly natural. Expect to hear a lot of excuses like his poor, deflated little eyes can’t read a computer. The key is to take the non-confrontational approach. Show as much empathy as you can muster. Bargaining: So your professor has finally let go of that deep-seated rage. He wants to negotiate and you may be tempted to accept the extra credit and Rambucks he offers you to leave his office. DON’T DO IT. The class is becoming unbearable. You’ll only enable your professor if you back down now. “Please, just give me a few more years. I promise I’ll change later.” Your professor is just this side of desperate. Try to ease him into the idea by bargaining back. “Professor, what if you just have a look at Blackboard? No pressure, just click around for a bit. See how easy and organized it is. Yes, yyyessss, see? Feels good, real good huh?” Depression: Don’t be alarmed if your professor cancels your next class. He’ll be posted up in bed, wiping his tears with his tenure checks. No big deal. This is all a part of the process. You somehow managed to talk him into setting up Blackboard and now he’s hugging his old grade book to his chest. He loved that thing, and now feels like a sellout, a number. Your first assignment is a discussion board response on “why technology has ruined your life.” It’s not a very subtle but your professor is still heavily grieving. Acceptance: It’s been a few weeks and so far things seem to be okay. Your seasoned professor is coming to terms with the fact that technology
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is changing the education system that he loves. He’s even taken a liking to the polls on the myVCU page. It’s an ongoing process but at least you don’t have to borrow your roommate’s printer anymore, or worse: hand writing your assignments. Gag.
guess the logo
Do you know the brands that all these labels represent? Send us your answers to backpage@theblacksheeponline.com and if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re right, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll win a sweet prize!
Famous Daves ACROSS 3) Glam rock icon. 4) A book by Charles Dickens, also a sweet magician. 5) Guitarist for Jane’s Addiction and Chili Peppers. 6) Posh Spice’s husband 8) Late-night legend 9) The real person behind Tyrone Biggums 12) Popular techno DJ, who’s real name is Pierre. 13) Founder of Foo Fighters, two words. 14) The Dave in Lady Antebellum 17) He was Under The Table and Dreaming in 1994, two words. 18) David Sedaris’ essay, The what Diaries?
crossword
2) David is the less famous brother of which famous Franco? 4) This Dave was Uncle Joey on Full House 7) Dave Mustaine is the lead singer behind which heavy metal band? 10) This U2 memeber’s real name is David Howell Evans. 11) This David’s TV show is Curb Your what? 15) Dave Thomas founded which fast-food chain? 16) 70s teen heartthrob
Down 1) Author of Infinite Jest, two words.
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m.a.s.h. Best Man: - Louis C.K. - Tim Meadows - Andy Samberg - Nick Offerman
Signature Entree: - Chicken a la king - 7-layer salad - Tuna noodle casserole - Eggplant parmesan
Pulls a Prank by… - Making out with the bride. - Putting ecstasy in the punch. - Releasing 50 kittens onto the dance floor. - Throwing the cake out of the window.
With a Side of… - Dirt dessert - Tequila sunrises - Vegan cornbread - Xanax
Maid of Honor: - Aubrey Plaza - Ellen DeGeneres - Kristen Wiig - Fran Drescher
Cheesy Cover Band: - Dread Zeppelin - Mandonna - Nudist Priest - AC/Dshe
Highlight of her speech is… - Your threesome with a hooker. - Getting tattoos last night. - Doing coke with Bill Clinton. - Streaking in the cafeteria junior year.
Performing your first dance… - “Whatta Man” - “Frosty the Snowman” - “I Am The Walrus” - “C.R.E.A.M.”
LET US PREdict
your future How to Play: Doodle some lines on the page until someone, or your brain, tells you to stop. Take the number of lines and go down the list, and cross off every time you get to your number. Where there is one left in each catetory, that is your future. Yeah, you remember this from elementary school - don’t pretend like you don’t.
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