The Black Sheep
FR EE ... mi like nu te tha un t p der enc ne il y at ou hy f ou oun rd d es las k. t-
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_vcu
Volume 4, Issue 5 • 2/14/13 - 2/20/13
career fair translations black sheep staff wrote this
It’s career fair season here at the UK. For many of us, this can be a stressful time, presenting the working world’s most frustrating conundrum: You need an internship so you can get job experience, but you need job experience to get an internship. There’s often a disconnect between what actually happens at a career fair and how the recruiter responds. Sometimes they’re impressed, sometimes they’re disinterested, and sometimes they find a polite way to say, “Not in a million elevator pitches.” Here’s a guide that will help you interpret the strange happenings at your career fair and if a successful career is in your future. NO EYE CONTACT: What It Actually Means: You’re terrified. Everyone’s told you how important this moment is, and you’re just about ready to shit your pants in terror. What the Recruiter Thinks: You lack confidence and you’ll never be a leader in this industry. some eye contact: What It Actually Means: You’re off to a good start. Just remember to smile, and the person will probably think you’re friendly and trusthworthy. What the Recruiter Thinks: You haven’t blown it… yet. And get that dumb smile off your face. You look stupid. unbreakable stare: What It Actually Means: You’re overcompensating because you’re terrified. This isn’t the bedroom; you’re not trying to make up for lack of penis length. Relax. What the Recruiter Thinks: You have a sex dungeon, and I am completely unaroused. gpa lower than 3.0: What It Actually Means: Your grades aren’t bad. It’s good that you have the confidence to talk to recruiters and battle against other students who are way out of your league. What the Recruiter Thinks: You’re not qualified. Transfer to art school while you still have time. gpa between 3.0 and 3.5: What It Actually Means: Your grades are good.
You’re average, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. What the Recruiter Thinks: You’re not qualified. Do you even want to be here? gpa between 3.5 and 4.0: What It Actually Means: Your grades are great, and you should be proud of your accomplishments. What the Recruiter Thinks: You’re not qualified… and you’re a nerd. Don’t you have any other hobbies? dressed in sweatpants and bedhead: What It Actually Means: You’re sleepwalking again. Go see a doctor. What the Recruiter Thinks: You’d fit right in at Google. When can you start? dressed in suit and tie: What It Actually Means: You’ve got your shit together, and you’re ready to work. What the Recruiter Thinks: You lack a unique sense of individuality, and you’ll never be a leader in this industry. dressed in Pink tux with matching cane, monocle, gloves, and top hat: What It Actually Means: You’re an escaped mental patient and need to return this all to Salvation Army right away. What the Recruiter Thinks: You’re an escaped mental patient or attempting to channel your inner Prince. Either way, no. missing the phone interview: What It Actually Means: You were up all night celebrating the fact that you landed a phone interview. What the Recruiter Thinks: Drat, you would’ven been a perfect fit. CONVEYING EXCITEMENT, AMBITION AND EXPERIENCE DURING THE PHONE INTERVIEW: What It Actually Means: You conveyed the ability to hold a conversation without making a sexist, racist, or otherwise inappropriate comment. What the Recruiter Thinks: You still haven’t blown
coping with the End of a Series
it … yet. Maybe I’ll check your Facebook page to dig up some dirt.
experience with Java, C, C++, and PHP. Don’t expect to hear from us.
losing connection halfway through phone interview: What It Actually Means: You’re screwed. Unreliable phone conection in the 21st century? What the hell is your problem? What the Recruiter Thinks: Did you just hang up? You’re going to be a leader in this industry. When can you start?
taking 5 shots to relax before the inperson interview: What It Actually Means: You’re an alcoholic who follows advice from your dumbest friend. You better pray it doesn’t smell or that you don’t slur your words. What the Recruiter Thinks: You were so unphased by my rigorous questioning, I would’ve given you the job if you didn’t puke on my shoes.
giving thoughtful and intelligent answers during in-person interview: What It Actually Means: You just crushed it. There’s nothing else you can do now but sit and wait for the job offer. What the Recruiter Thinks: You don’t have
what'’s inside
calling the male interviewer “dad” during the in-person interview: What It Actually Means: You blew it. What the Recruiter Thinks: Ha! I knew you would blow it!
the top 10
bartender of the week
Just like any good, loving relationship, your favorite TV show will ultimately come to a screeching halt.
Things You Should Consider Giving Up for Lent.
Britt from Bogart’s thinks your pants look better on the floor.
page 4
page 6
page 12