VCU - Issue 6 - 9/26/2013 by The Black Sheep

The Black Sheep

fre e is IT ...like FO R t h e , WA ric LT? in f WH or. O IS ..W IT F HO OR?

Vol. 5, Issue 6

The College Newspaper That's Actually About College

9/26/13 - 10/2/13

are you getting ramfished? BY: Joseph Miller We’ve all been there — sitting in front of Shafer, alleviating the nausea while casually people-watching, when you spot the most gorgeous student you’ve ever seen walking across the Compass, and begin to drool. And because it’s 2013 and no person has the social ability to say hi to one another, you’ve probably planned your wedding by the time they reach Starbucks. But luckily for us at VCU, we’ve adapted a way to let that special student know, anonymously, you’re gushing emotions for them. VCU Crush, the prominent Twitter handle, has been helping stalkers get one stalk closer to their prey since February. Students feel renowned and aroused when they are featured in a tweet by VCU Crush; they retweet and gush over the fact that somewhere in this world, they are thought of as flat out gorgeous, if only by an anonymous tweeter. While those of us fortunate enough to be represented on the “Hot List” of VCU (that only people on the Hot List know about), we tend to take these shout-outs as compliments and think no further. But who is the face behind the masked figure posting such obsessed comments? We’ve all seen the movie-made-television show Catfish. MTV allowed Nev Schulman to film his expert stalker dexterities and help young men and women track down their hopefully not-so-anonymous lovers. But most of the time, the end results turn out to be a failure, and instead of a 6 foot, 8-packed model, the Catfisher turns out to be a lonely engineering major, cooped up in Brandt Hall and stroking his… ego. So, who is actually submitting names to VCU Crush? When you receive a tweet written about yourself, claiming that you can “get it anytime,” you most likely think it’s that hottie from the Nao and Zen line you saw yesterday evening. But in reality not TV, but actual reality these students may just wanna get you stabbed. Stabbed with a knife. Now let’s pretend you’ve found your secret admirer, inevitably Facebook stalk them, message them in a completely non-threatening way, and eventually decide to meet. You’ll fantasize all day about your debonair counterpart, making this the best date of your life. But let’s do the math — this blossomed from an anonymous tweet, at a university with over thirty thousand students, transforming into an online relationship, no doubt tailored to your interests, and finally perusing a “meet and greet.” In reality, this person will probably not be who you’re looking for. It’ll be awkward, you’ll find out why all his or her Facebook pictures are taken from an angle, and you’ll have to do an awkward hug/ handshake deal at the end. VCU Crush has become an entertaining phenomenon on our college campus, but acting upon these tweets would be embarrassing and potentially harmful. No one wants a sob story about online dating, and you don’t want to be humiliated afterwards. Well, unless you’re into being humiliated. Keep it light, and let the anonymous love affairs stay in your late night daydreams.

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Step Tectonics: Fall Block 2013

Top 10: Substitues for the pumpkin spice latte

Indigo and the Folks Talks the Illuminati

The year little girls in ladybug costumes owned everyone.

try to Cure your PSL addiction with a $5 footlong.

We chat with the local band who can’t decide between 40s and cases.

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Step Tectonics: Fall Block 2013 VCU recently held the 28th annual Fall Block, and in case you missed this year’s ankle shattering competition, The Black Sheep is here to attempt a recap of the exceptionally RAMbunctious event. It all started on that fateful Saturday afternoon, when the audience entered the Siegel Center expecting to witness a competition that would shake the shit out of them. The first competitors began making their angry faces and yelling as loud as they could, but they could hardly be heard. The first leg lift was made, some very impressive knee-highs by the way, but as they lowered their legs and connected with the stage the entire city felt a reverberation. Lonely boys and girls to cried out as their knees weakened. No one knew what had happened until the dust cleared away to reveal the floor of the Siegel Center was no longer in existence. The crowd was underground, yet no Odd Future members were in sight. Before the audience could settle down, a fierce voice filled the darkness saying “Welcome VCU Steppers.” A spotlight directed to the stage revealed a little girl, pigtails and all. Almost in harmony, the entirety of the audience shrieked, “Dah Fuck?!”

By: Kalsey Hanrat ty

The little girl was soon joined by a number of little followers in ladybug costumes, who looked like that they hadn’t napped in ages. “For years our people have heard of the greatness that is the VCU step community” she said, “but tonight will determine your greatness. We are the Angry Toddlers and we challenge you to a battle!” The fierceness of the children would have seemed laughable had they not looked so serious. The VCU step community quickly took the challenge, because they could obviously beat a pack of babies, anyone can (not literally) beat babies! VCU chose to collaborate and combine their best steppers into one team. A coin was flipped and grunts were exchanged.

erly voice spoke over the loudspeaker and said “Oh honey, you can’t have a cookie before dinner.”

VCU went first in this unexpected and completely outrageous battle. HAVOC ensued. The Angry Toddlers stood beside the stage, laughing the entire time VCU stepped their hearts out. Nothing had ever been seen like the routine they came up with, and the costumes were so in style. When the performance was finished, the crowd went bananas like Gwen Stefani. It looked like the tots were finished, until one of them pressed a button on the floor... Suddenly, a harsh ringing sound took over the arena and everyone was silenced. A sweet and moth-

The audience was baffled and looked around for the source of the voice, but all eyes soon returned to the stage when a parade of screaming children stormed on. In unison and as loud as human ears can handle, the children screamed “BUT I WANT A COOKIE!” DROP THE BASS! The stomping that ensued blew away the audience. This pack of babies could stomp a thousand times harder than the VCU steppers. It looked as chaotic as a whirlwind of angry toddlers would look, but the sound that emerged was harmonious in a way that stepping

had never been before. It looked like they weren’t even trying to work in unison; they were just running from one end of the stage to another in a fit of anger. And so, after the dust cleared, the baby squad bested the VCU step teams. It was raw, it was unexpected, it was... infantile, but in a good way. Dusty and defeated, the VCU crews wiped their boots off and climbed back to the surface. Never mind the gaping hole on Broad Street, the steppers stepped home to polish their moves for next year… ‘cause you never known when an underground civilization of children will show and try to take yo spot.

What are We

Really Eating? By: VCU staff

We were all stoked freshman year standing in the Commons, looking out at all the deliciously greasy options for meal swipes at VCU. Our school has tons of places to eat — Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, Chick-fil-A, and even Wendy’s (buried somewhere down on MCV campus). But, when you think about what you’re really eating, you might munch less enthusiastically. Why do you crave Pizza Hut buffet like it’s Heisenberg’s blue? And why are you hungry again an hour later after eating a 600 calorie meal? Well, there’s a long and short answer to these questions: GMOs, or Genetically Modified Organisms.

Fry from Futurama, “There’s a party in [your] mouth... and everyone’s throwing up.” Why are we being served this crap, you ask? Because we’re starving college students! We have Hogwartsstyle dining halls; as soon as one plate is cleared, more food is Apparated in front of our eyes. Since the university would rather spend big bucks to stock up on Nooks and iPads in the library and more parking garages, we get this mass-produced slop on the cheap.

On the other hand, if we can get all this grub for a swipe, who cares if there are a few thousand live sea This is no coinkydink, french-fried friends, that monkeys in the soup? Haven’t you always wanted after a month into your to strike up a conversation freshman year, you start “Genetically modified organisms with your hummus pita to notice something pocket? We opt for “cheap are throwing a coked-out rager and filling” rather than about all of the food on campus — after eating, in Shafer’s top notch cuisine.” “semi- expensive and you wanna unbutton real.” We’ll be eating pills your pants, and not to make whoopie. Genetically for meals in the future, so who cares if we can’t modified organisms are throwing a coked-out pronounce half the ingredients that make up a rager in Shafer’s top notch cuisine. For those of you “tomato.” who don’t know what GMOs are and continue to chew like hungry dogs on a leather couch, GMOs We’re young; our bodies can process anything. And are cheaper substitutes for actual food products. anyway, GMOs are so damn delicious! No one can According to the smart nerds and a few of the tin foil- say they don’t enjoy a good Crunchwrap Gangrene capped basement nerds, GMOs could be the cause from Taco Bell, or a salmonella-sauced chicken of the spike of food allergies in children (particularly sandwich from Chick-fil-A. Even at the most “local” of corn), autism, gastrointestinal problems, etc, etc — places you can find GMOs in the vegetables, chicken, it’s basically the Riff Raff of the ingredient world. In busboys, you name it. So please, VCU, watch your one fancy French study that tested the long-term food. Get learned up on GMOs and decide if you’re effects of Monsanto’s Roundup Ready Corn on rats, pro genetically modified super foods to feed the it ironically gave them ear-o’-corn sized tumors — masses, or pro corporate agriculture and pesticides OMG, you’re still eating? In the immortal words of BECAUSE IT’S ONE OR THE OTHER.

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An Ode to The Deviated Septum

The

Top

Ten

Substitutes For the pumpkin spice latte By: Nathan Heintschel

As many of you Black Sheepers already know, fall approaching means Starbucks to start serving the Pumpkin Spice Latte once again. The Pumpkin Spice phenomenon cannot be understated because girls (and some guys) go fucking nuts over it. We here at The Black Sheep aren’t immune to the PSL’s charms, in fact, we’ve got tread marks on our arms from injecting PSL into our arms as deadlines approach. At this point, we’re convinced Breaking Bad is ending because Walter White was the PSL creator, and Starbucks is taking him off the air before he can show the world how to make it.

By: VCU Staff Recently VCU has been experiencing an uprising of sorts. No, this isn’t about the random (or coincidental?) boners you get in class while playing Candy Crush. There is a much more profound erection emerging from the face of VCU: The Nose Piercing. It seems that our Rams and Ramettes have “double-tapped” one too many selfies on Instagram. What was once a unique and admirable choice has become something of an RVA staple. On top of the mermaid tattoos, faux-hawks, and Vonnegut quotes, we’re now adding facial piercings to the “Quirks of the Compass” list. The three most common reasons for getting a nose piercing can be broken down in order of acceptability: If you got a nose ring because your friends did it or you thought it would “look really cute”, please turn down. If you got the piercing because your favorite band member has one, honey badger might care enough to give you a thumbs up. If you got your nose pierced because you’re trying to reinvent yourself, we’re putting the gavels away, ‘cause we can’t judge! If at this stage in the semester you’re considering a nose piercing just to stay in your network of friends, we say too soon! Don’t do it! Reconsider! Read some literature on the subject! Instead of a nostril piercing, bring something new to the table. How about a dermal near the outer corner of your eye. Now that’s pretty original. Or how about a couple of nipple piercings? People will only know about those if you want them to!

If you’ve made it this far and your intentions for a nose piercing are pure, congratulations, hugs and butterfly kisses! If this formerly underground fad is going to walk the earth, you deserve to have your day. If you truly believe that your body is a canvas, then sculpt, mold, scrape, and pierce it into something unique. Because Lord knows your face, eyes, and fingerprints are just as boring as everyone else’s. In college it’s really easy to want to conform to whatever the perceived standard is. Whether it’s tattoos, piercings, purp, or veganism, we’re all looking for a little taste of rebellion. We all want to prove to those d-bags back home that we can be cool and different and special. However, when everyone tries to do the same different and special thing it loses its cool factor. Just think back to the 2005 exposed-ballsack fad. Remember that? Everyone thought they were being all revolutionary with their sacks hangin’ out in plain sight, and now no one wants to talk about that era in their lives, let alone show people pictures. Don’t be ashamed if you really did get a piercing to be trendy. Just make up a cool backstory to cover yourself. Find out a little bit more about the culture behind the piercing you want to get. Or maybe just look so tough and BA that no one would dare approach you and ask about your facial bling. Either way if this thing gets completely out of control, we might have to consider making our mascot Maxwell Minotaur instead of Rodney Ram. And do we really want to have to make that call?

However, if you’re looking to get clean, or just want to ease the PSL tremors, we’ve put together a list of lastminute subs for your annually programmed pumpkin vice. These should hold you over until Starbucks stops laughing at your incessant squirming and decides to unpack the rest of the syrup bottles. 10.) McDonald’s Pumpkin Pie Milkshakes: These creamy milkshakes will provide you all the flavor of the PSL with the added bonus of a potential brain freeze. However, let us extend our condolences if this milkshake isn’t the creamiest thing that enters your mouth this fall. 9.) Crystal Meth: How ‘bout trying Walter White’s most famous recipe? You’ll get a boost of energy better than caffeine, and you won’t have to worry about going to the dentist because you won’t have any teeth! 8.) $5 Footlong: Obviously, you’ll be very upset when the PSL is no longer in season and you’ll turn to eating your feelings away. Your disdain shouldn’t be coupled with increased food expenses, but avoid getting a $5 footlong from dudes in trench coats because the footlong they’re offering is usually only about three to four inches. What a rip off! 7.) Pumpkin Beer: Pumpkin beer is all the rage, it’s the yin to PSL’s yang. Use this fall flavor counterpart to come down after a 4-PSLs-in-one-day anxiety-fueled rage. 6.) Grand Theft Auto V: More addicting than crack, and the value lasts longer than a constantly reincarnating auto-erotic asphyxiating Kama Sutra master (whew!). For the price of 12 PSL’s you can buy the best game of this generation. 5.) Your Own Pumpkin Spice Latte: Look up recipes online and cook up your own batch… your own batch of PSL, that is. A little spice here, a little latte there, and soon you’ll be setting up shop in the basement of Oliver Hall and selling cheaper PSL to thousands of desperate VCU students. 4.) Syrup: Sip on some sizzurp and forget about the PSL. Unfortunately, you’ll probably forget everything else too, and stop at nothing to siphon the syrup from S-bucks’ back door. Keep something to put in your mouth in case of seizure, too. 3.) Your Normal Starbucks Order: The PSL isn’t the only thing on the menu in the fall, so you can just tweak on your usual overpriced coffee order from Starbucks. We all know Pumpkin Spice Latte is just a marketing scheme right? Yeah! Fight the man by still going to Starbucks but buying something else! You’re your own man! 2.) Go-Go Juice: You know that mysterious liquid Honey Boo-Boo Child drinks? Well it’s basically liquid bath salts. So while you run around butt ass nekkid, you can go eat the face of the Starbucks executive who made the PSL seasonal. 1.) 7-Eleven’s Pumpkin Spice Latte: 7-Eleven serves it longer than Starbucks, and it’s $3 cheaper. Also, your nasal passages are already screwed from fall allergies (and not snorting dried up PSL leftover in your cup), so you won’t even taste the difference.

Around campus Send us your party pics from around campus to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

on the Streets What’s the hardest you’ve ever laughed at someone else’s misfortune?

r Elliott, Senio

“This kid ran into a lamp post at a marathon. That kid nailed that lamp post.”

ior Jessie, Sen

“There’s a professor who walks with a walker and my friend and I were playing ‘they’re on your team.’ She put him on my team.”

p h o m o re Mikiyas, So

“At Universal, my friend and I were trying to find our group and he was waving his hands and slapped this old lady right in the face.”

He knows the cheapest drinks in town and more drinking games than you could ever play.

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SPECIAL NIGHT

Thur. 9/26

$2 Taco Night Mike Gales & The Warriors (Reggae/Funk/Soul) 10pm

Happy Hour! 4:30 – 7:00 Killer Beverage and Food Specials

Low Tide (4-8): $2 Off Select Apps RVA Pong! Cash prizes! Signups at 9pm

Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm

Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!

Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine

Fri. 9/27

Doc & The Keynotes 9PM

Live DJ 9pm - Midnight Happy Hour! 4:30 – 7:00 Killer Beverage and Food Specials

Low Tide (4-8): $2 Off Select Apps Live Music & DJs Every Weekend! NO COVER!

No Cover! Live Music at 9:30pm Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm

Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!

Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine

Sat. 9/28

Divine Profitz (Hip Hop) 10pm

Live DJ 9pm - Midnight Happy Hour! 4:30 – 7:00 Killer Beverage and Food Specials

Live Music & DJ’s Every Saturday Night!

Check Us Out During the Week for Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm

Come in on Sunday for $1 Tacos!

Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine

Sun. 9/29

Andres Santamaria & Friends(Soul/Funk) 9pm

Happy Hour! 4:30 – 7:00 Killer Beverage and Food Specials

Pitcher of Bud Lt., Coors Lt. or Miller Lt. AND a Plate of Jumbo Wings for $11.99 We have Sunday Ticket! Every NFL Game, Every Sunday

Check Us Out During the Week for Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm

$1 Tacos!!!

Piano Brunch!

Mon. 9/30

Open Mic Night w/ Stretch & The Elastics 9pm Sign-up, 10pm Start

Happy Hour! 4:30 – 7:00 Killer Beverage and Food Specials

Low Tide 4-8 pm: $2 OFF Select Apps

Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm

Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!

Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm

Tues. 10/1

Salsa Night w/ Dj Steve Greene

1/2 Off Growler Night! Happy Hour! 4:30 – 7:00 Killer Beverage and Food Specials

Low Tide (4-8) $2 Off Select Apps Burger Special Buy One, Get One free Te-quil-ya Tuesdays

1/2 Price Burger Night! 4-11pm, Dine-in Only Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm

Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!

Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine

Wed. 10/2

SUNDAY:

SATURDAY: Divine Profitz (Hip Hop) 10pm

Shortstop vs. Android (Dj/Downbeat/House)

Happy Hour! 4:30 – 7:00 Killer Beverage and Food Specials

Low Tide (4-8) $2 Off Select Apps College Night! Show Your ID For Great Specials

Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm

Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!

Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine

Incredible Cantonese, giant craft beer list, chic atmosphere and fantastic service! Chinese

Chinese

Kitchen

and

Bar

Pitcher of Bud Lt., Coors Lt. or Miller Lt. AND a Plate of Jumbo Wings for $11.99 We have Sunday Ticket! Every NFL Game, Every Sunday

Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm

Sunday: $1 Tacos

Tuesday-Saturday! Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine

Indigo and the Folks talks the Illuminati Richmond is no stranger to musicians; they’re practically crawling everywhere with their tubas and oboes and the occasional banjoleles. The band we interviewed this week calls themselves “Indigo and the Folks,” a group of hoodlums, with Coleman O’Neil on guitar with a little bit of vocal work, Marissa Porcelli as the lead vocalist, as well as guitar, Ryan Hatcher also on guitar, Taylor Dunnivans their bassist, and Jake Smith shredding the drums. Truly starting from the bottom, they used to play in Monroe Park with a quaint group of friends drunkenly (trying) to sing along. However, that humble, drunk fan base has had the pleasure of watching them grow and flourish in the music business. Since that day in Monroe Park, they’ve recorded an LP with Yellow House studios on Main, and played at venues around Richmond like Strange Matter and the Canal Club. But their biggest achievement thus far has been booking a show at

the National. That’s right, Indigo and the Folks just opened for Mammoth Indigo this past Saturday. With a little swag under their belts, The Black Sheep picked the brains of this blue man group. The Black Sheep: What inspired the name of your band? Coleman: Well, me, Ryan and Marissa were looking to change the name from “The Eastern Royals” to something less baseball team sounding. I thought of the indigo children concept, then how we were kinda folk-y but different at the time, and then BAM, Indigo and the Folks. We don’t really know who indigo is, maybe Marissa? But yeah... TBS: What brought you guys all together? Coleman: Well, Marissa and Ryan started making music by themselves and they had some cool stuff. I saw Ryan at Shafer one day and decided to say what’s

By: Elena Correa

up, so we talked, he showed me a new recording of theirs and I was interested ‘cause they were good. We went back to Marissa’s dorm and I played them some of my stuff, and when I played them the guitar riff for one of our songs, “Going Nowhere,” they said I was in. Then we started playing Monroe Park every Friday or Saturday. People seemed to like us so we kept going and decided to get a bassist, Jake, who is now our drummer and his fiance Taylor took over on bass. TBS: What’s the craziest thing you guys have done together as a band? Coleman: Ha, that’s funny as shit...Don’t put that in there. Uhmm, I don’t know, I guess drink together? Play a show? TBS: One word to describe your sound. Coleman: Fresh. TBS: Who’s one band member that

you could imagine smashing their guitar? Coleman: I’d say either me or Ryan, probably more Ryan cuz I think he could actually afford a new guitar, if I did that I’d be fucked... screwed? Whatever you gotta put in there.

The Illuminati has gotten too big and it’s lost its ideals and/or strayed from its ideals that it originated from so, no. The Illuminati killed itself.

TBS: If asked, would you guys ever join the Illuminati? Coleman: No, at least I know I wouldn’t.

So, there you have it — these guys are on the rise. Be sure to look out for them in the sky, right next to the color violet.

TBS: 40s or cases? Coleman: 40s AND cases.

the black sheep interviews:

Flux Pavilion English DJ-slash-producer Joshua Steele, better known as Flux Pavilion, was kind enough to give us a solid fifteen minutes to talk about music, because like us, he likes music. The Black Sheep: How does the songwriting process for electronic music differ when you’re working alone versus with a person? Flux Pavilion: I prefer like to do a lot of work on my own. For a collaboration it depends on who I work with, and their creative process. Getting on the same page of music, often we’ll sit for a couple of hours talking before we work on the music, which allows you to know where they’re coming from so you can approach the music from a certain way. I was just did a session with these guys, Anamanaguchi, who are a four-piece group, who do video game-style music. I sat on my computer as they got their Game Boys out, they’d make music and they’d send it over by email. I ended up with 30 email cuts and I’d take those cuts and see where they’d take me. It was like I was producing a song with people in the room where we’d just say, “how about that there and that there?” TBS: Someone like that, with such a distinct sound, does that provide you with any kind of challenges? FP: Their sound is quite similar to mine, actually. I wanted to work with them because I could tell that we think in the same way about music and chord structure and melodies. I wanted to work with them because we have similar ideas that we can approach in different directions. There was no problem there.

Where there was a problem, they write on a Game Boy, and that doesn’t stay in time or is necessarily in tune. They’d send me a tune and it’d be out of time because the algorithm in the Game Boy is different than a computer. TBS: When you do a live set, do you adapt things show to show? FP: I don’t actually change my set for anyone, because I think that my job on that stage as an artist is to give a performance of who I am as a musician. I’m showing what my taste is and who I am as an artist. I think of myself as a band, and if a band shows up and the crowd doesn’t like their music and they decide instead to play a lot of covers, it’s like, what’s the point of the band being there if they don’t play what makes them tick? If people hate it, then those people aren’t a fan of what I do. I don’t give a shit about that, I don’t want everyone to like me. I want to give the best impression of what I do, and I want people to love that. TBS: Has that always been your frame of mind, or has your approach to a live show changed? FP: It has changed, I guess. I’m more confident now. I never used to talk on the mic, I’d just go out there and play the music. I used to mix the tracks with my back to the audience for a few minutes. My approach has changed because I think there’s something more thrilling with being up there and connecting with people. When I get into music, I want them to get into it as well.

TBS: What can people expect in a live show going forward? FP: Next year it’s a lot more towards live singing and live stuff. I’ve always written music with the idea of it being performed live. I’m not a producer who does loads of crazy sounds or chopping and editing. I quite like natural sounds, even if it’s a ridiculous electronic track, there’s natural elements to it. I want it to sound aesthetically the same, but performed by live people, but with me singing with a guitar solo. That’s every kid’s dream, isn’t it? To be like Jimi Hendrix. TBS: You’ve said before you’re inspired by Sigur Ros and Brian Eno. This seems to be a similar theme among musicians of all genres. What’s so musically interesting about them that they’re universally loved? FP: Because they work with feelings, I guess. Their music makes me feel something. It sounds like they want it to sound. It’s a hard thing to explain, but a track’s not made for the radio with a hook or a chorus, it’s music that exists because it needs to exist. It came from their brains or their hearts and there’s something pure and natural about that. It’s untouched by nothing but the humans that created it, which is a really awesome thing. I think Dr Dre’s The Chronic is one of the best hip-hop albums because it sounds like Dr. Dre wrote all the tracks, a music representation of his brain. Pure music is a vision or a concept that an artist doesn’t have a plan, they just sit down and write a song without thinking. By: Brendan Bonham

The black sheep

interviews: Dominique Ansel Creator of the cronut By: brendan bonham Is it a croissant? A donut? No, it’s a cronut. From the mind of mad pastry chef Dominique Ansel comes something that’s as much fun to push out of your mouth as it is to shove in. Cronut, cronut, cronut. Hah, cronut. We wanted to talk about cronuts (and say cronuts) and Mr. Ansel was kind enough to indulge us.

The Black Sheep: How do you get from the idea of a cronut, to a cronut? Dominique Ansel: I create new things all the time. The creative part is very, very important; I won’t launch an item until I know it’s up to my standards. For the cronut, it took me about two months. It’s not the question rushing something quickly, it’s more finding the perfect texture and the right way to do it to make sure the product lasts in time. Really, finding a good product that could made properly without requiring too much time and unique in texture and flavor. TBS: What are some of the variables in play when you’re getting this ready? DA: A lot of little things; the ratio for the recipe. The ingredients product contains, the type of flour, the technique, the refining pricing. Everything is very, very important. If you change one thing, it’s different at the end. That’s what I test the product every day, to make sure it’s up to my standards.

TBS: When did you decide they’re ready? Was it one of those eureka moments, or was it more “finally, this is what I was looking for”? DA: You know, it’s just something that you know. Recipe after recipe, time after time it’s a good product that you try to make better. Once I had the perfect texture, I knew it was ready to go. TBS: And when you first started selling these, was it just something in your store, then it took off? DA: Exactly. We launched the product back in may and it was just on the menu. I make new things all the time. People really liked it, and we appeared on a blog. That same night the blog called us and said it was linked over 140 times, and that we should make a few more. The next day there were people waiting outside. It was a surprise for me. TBS: The amount you make a day, where does that number come from? DA: Well, we have a small kitchen, so we do as many as we can, but we need to make the other things that we serve. We’re not a cronut shop. I don’t want the creation to kill the creativity, I want to create new things and keep people excited. Right after the cronut we launched the frozen s’more, it’s marshmallowly ice cream, we torch it to order to caramelize the outside. You only have a few minutes to eat it, and it’s a unique experience to enjoy ice cream. I’m going to do something for the fall that is nice and different, too. TBS: How busy are you right now? DA: I spend a lot of time in the bakery. I open the doors myself every day. We’ll show up 4:30, 5 in the morning. I’ll be in the kitchen until 8a.m. then opening the doors and welcoming people. It’s important to me to be close to my staff the people. TBS: Do you own the name or the idea? DA: We own the trademark to the name “cronut.” TBS: People making knock-offs, do you try them? DA: I haven’t tried any yet. To me, when you inspire people to make new things, it’s great. TBS: Do you have concerns that you’ll be Cronut Guy? DA: I want to keep making things and keep people excited. People come now and see all the other pastries we have, a fresh selection and made-to-order. People don’t just come for the cronuts, they come because we’re different.

Bartender of the Week Yoga pants: Overrated, underrated or properly rated? Why?: Underrated, I guess, because I’m a shy person.

Favorite Drink: Patron Margarita Favorite Shot: Don Julio Disgusting Drink: Bloody Mary What bargoer pet peeve would you like to wipe off the face of this earth?: When they want good drinks for a cheap price. When was the last time you danced like no one was watching, loved like you’d never be hurt, or sang like no one was listening?: One time, I was very drunk dancing at Cha Cha’s.

Jesus of Little Mexico Drinking Game Truth or Dare Just like the middle school game you played, but with more drinking involved. Hey, the “more drinking” part always works out for the best, doesn’t it? What You’ll Need: A deck of cards, some beer, and an iron will. Number of Players: 3+ Level of Intoxication: We dare you not to throw up. How to Play: -Begin the game by dealing each player four cards, face-up. -In the middle of the table, lay out two rows of five cards. One row will be “truth,” the other, “dare.” -Note which end of the rows you wish to start on. The first set of cards is worth two drinks, the second set is four, the third, six and so on. -Flip over the first card in the “truth” set. If any player has this card in their upturned set of four, then he or she must drink for two seconds or answer a question agreed upon by the group. -Flip over the first card in the “dare” set. Any player with this card in their upturned set of four may give any other player two drinks. In return, the player who takes the drinks gives a dare in return. -This escalates to four drinks or a truth, four drinks in return for a dare, etc. The Game Ends When: Everyone is naked from dares and crying because they’ve been forced to admit their darkest secrets.

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If you had a clone, what would be the weirdest thing you’d make it do?: Jackie Chan.

What nostalgic TV show do you most dislike?: Keeping Up With the Kardashians, because Marco and Karina always watch it. What’s something that sounds like a sex position, but isn’t?: Sex on the beach. If you had to have a hangover or diarrhea for a week, which is it?: I prefer a hangover. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: So they know what’s going on in Richmond.

Recipe for disaster The Old-Fashioned With Breaking Bad coming to a close, it’s time to find a different series to pour yourself into. Enter: Netflix, the Holy Grail of all things TV. Our suggestion? Mad Men. To get you in the mood, we thought it’d be a good idea to introduce you to main character Don Draper’s go-to drink, which is also the manliest cocktail you could order during a night on the town. What You’ll Need: A tumbler whiskey glass, sugar cubes, angostura bitters (flavored or not), an orange, lemon or any citrus-like fruit of your choosing, a muddler and a bottle of your favorite bourbon whiskey Cook Time: 2 Minutes Fatty Factor: Not fat, manly Let’s Get Baked, er Drunk: - Add one sugar cube to the glass and cover it with dashes of the angostura bitters - Muddle the cube until it is well dissolved - Add an orange wedge and a maraschino cherry and muddle the juices out of each - Add 2 oz. of whiskey (or a bit more if you’re feeling risky) - Add 1-2 large ice cubes and stir - Garnish with both an orange and lemon twist This drink is meant to be sipped and savored, so don’t chug this delicious concoction. It also pairs perfectly with a nice tenderloin, so order this when you’re out to dinner. This is also what Ryan Gosling’s character mixes up for Emma Stone’s in Crazy, Stupid, Love, so now you’re halfway there on landing a kick-ass chick like that.

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A Conversation With A die-hard Quidditch Player By: Jack Harder We sat down for a chat with one of the self-proclaimed greatest athletes in Richmond: The Rams Quidditch Seeker. As she walked in the room we could tell that she was not your run-of-the-mill bookworm. Her hair was slicked back into a tight ponytail and held in place by a thick crimson and gold headband. Her black witch robe fluttered in the wind, smacking any passers-by that got too close to her. An emblazoned golden pin on her lapel read “SEEKER,” showing us that anyone who ever wants to beat her at anything would have to suck it. She had eyes like a hawk, hair like a hawk, and a moderately sharp nose. She was basically just a hawk-human hybrid. Seriously, her nails were sharpened. She pulled up a chair and downed her mug, throwing it across the room into the pile of other shattered glasses. “Butterbeer,” she said a bit too directly, “Never strong enough.” She slammed her fist down on the table and the bartender brought another. “Now let’s get this over with. I’ve got to trim my broomhairs tonight and I told my boyfriend that if he behaved I’d ride his broomstick.” Before we could speak she interrupted — “We going to the sheets so hard it’ll make finding a long term defense against the Dark Arts teacher seem easy.” Unable to actually comprehend what this hippogriff of a woman meant by that particular statement, we began with some formalities; namely, herself and her sport. “I’m a pre-med senior, I was valedictorian in high school, and my wand is nine inches, elm, with a core of dragon heartstring,” she announced. This conversation was going to be a legendary.

At this point she whipped out her wand and began attempting to levitate the beverages of other tables in the bar. It was clear she actually believed in not only magic but also thievery. Nobody said a word. There was a lingering suspicion this wasn’t the first time she had been caught attempting this. As she started to just drag other beers towards her with her wand, the bartender stepped in and said, “What the fuck are you doing, Kim? Stop.” We asked her what lead her to her sport of choice. “Quidditch is an elegant sport in which three chasers throw a ball through a hoop that is guarded by a keeper. The seeker runs around trying to catch the snitch to win an absurd amount of points that guarantees a win. In the meantime, there are two beaters that run around hitting things at people to try and make the other team lose.” This description was simple, yet quite refreshing. Here at The Black Sheep we know all about tiny gold balls and consensual beatings. Her tone lowered and she begrudgingly confessed, “You know, I was once a beater. I was one of the best there was. A master beater some would say. I took my anger out with my beating. I would beat anyone that roused my anger and before long I was beating half the school. They said I had beaten…” She rambled on and on, not necessarily proud; yet certainly not ashamed of all the master beatings she had given. “Ah but you see, at that point a professor suggested I give the beating up, master or not. When I tried to beat him off of my case, Rao came in and forbade me from beating ever again.” This statement sunk in slowly, killing any childhood that may be left within us. After making a quick Whomping Willow reference, we continued on the topic of

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the University of Richmond’s Quidditch Club. It was rumored our seeker had an issue last year playing those maize-clad peasants in which aggressive physical contact got a little out of hand. “That was an honest mistake!” she exclaims instantly. “I’ve seen the first Harry Potter movie thousands of times and that guy looked exactly like Slytherin’s captain. Not only is he the epitome of douchebag, but he also has the most hideous set of teeth I’d ever seen. Typical Spider.” Confused again, we assumed that the sons of snitches over at UR were clearly at fault. Either that or they’re way better at Harry Potter role-playing sports because they’re nerds. Our seeker rambled on until we told her that Fish Bowl’s kitchen was only open for another hour, and that is was half-off. Strangely, she nodded in understanding. She mumbled a Dumbledore quote under her breath as we texted our friends and then flew off on her broom … wait, what? Holy shit.

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Can you find the 10 differences in this gameday scene? Send your answers to classtime@theblacksheeponline.com - the first right answer gets a prize!

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m.a.s.h. Best Man: - Paul Simon - Paul Walker - Paul Wall - DJ Pauly D

Signature Entree: - Fruit Loops - Snickers ice cream - Spicy mustard - Greek yogurt

Honeymoon Destination: - Sea World - Electric Forest Music Festival - Cuba - Cleveland, OH

Maid of Honor: - Beyonce - Cher - Madonna - Ke$ha

Signature Beverage: - Warm milk - Grape Kool-Aid - Cucumber water - Cement mixer shots

Honeymoon Adventure: - Twerk-off - Drug smuggling - Ceramics class - Shoplifting

Animal of Honor: - Shamu - Geico gecko - Flipper - Ed the Horse

First Dance Song: - “Fuckin’ Problems” - “Wrecking Ball” - “Hoochie Mama” - “Blurred Lines”

You live happily ever after... - as traveling carnies. - debating politics every day. - shopping at Whole Foods. - getting into the EDM scene.

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