Vol. 5, Issue 8
The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
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10/10/13 - 10/16/13
Attention VCU:
Beware the Common Cold and a Bunch of Other Ailments BY: Sabrina Fuller In light of the recent tuberculosis scare on campus, The Black Sheep compiled a list of public service announcements for other illnesses circulating around town.
Havoc Hives:
getting a car or getting a knee brace. On the bright side, with all that walking, you have nicely toned calf muscles.
Monroe Park Mumps:
Everyone on campus is at least a little excited about the return of basketball season. However, some people just can’t handle the wait. For these people, the Black and Gold Game on October 13 won’t be enough to hold them over. Those affected will begin to experience severe symptoms. The first sign is itchy skin. Infected persons may write off the itch as a prank, but no shower or Cortizone-10 will cure this! Acute Havoc Hives often result in black and gold patches forming on the skin. Optimal treatment would be going to see a VCU home game, stat. But since the season hasn’t started yet there is one other top-secret cure: direct contact with Rodney the Ram. Apply some of that sweet mascot love to your wounds and watch them heal.
The homeless people in the park may seem harmless enough. Hell, most of us have given them food at one point in our budding college careers. But you must take precautions this season, lest you end up with one giant “bum bump,” as Kevin Hart would say. The key to prevention is to stay clear of any physical contact. Hopefully, you already take this precaution when frolicking through Monroe. Keep five feet away from other. It’s also not a bad idea to wear a face mask. On the off chance that you do contract this particularly devastating virus, make an appointment at Student Health. Just make sure that you’re willing to pay an arm and a leg for your medication.
MCV Walker’s Knee:
Did you know that using public showers and locker room increases your chance of getting “the itch”? One of the most unpleasant parts of living in an underclassmen residence hall is the central bathroom. Even with your shower shoes and nice, clean toiletry tote, you are at risk. If you aren’t careful you may find fungus growing in every moist, warm crevice of your body. Symptoms of Johnson Hall Jock Itch include a STD-like rash in the infected area. Steal some of your roommate’s antifungal cream and get to work. And please, use a clean towel next time to prevent relapse.
It’s hard being a student who commutes between VCU campuses. The early mornings and late nights tend to take a toll both mentally and emotionally. What sucks even more is that once you finally make it downtown you are putting yourself in direct risk of Walker’s Knee. The downtown pace means that you already have to speed walk at every crosswalk. To top that off, Richmond’s roads and sidewalks are bumpy, uneven, and just gross. Your professor is not going to accept “acute Walker’s Knee” as an excuse to miss your biology test next week. Your only two options for treatment are
Johnson Hall Jock Itch:
Live Music Laryngitis:
This illness is especially dangerous for those who frequently visit local bands. Seeing multiple performances in a week is a great way to have fun and meet new people, that is until you realize you have a class presentation on Monday, but you can’t talk. Symptoms of LML include a raspy voice and a sore, scratchy throat. In extreme cases you may not be able to verbalize any sound whatsoever. For a quick fix you
could buy an insanely expensive pack of lozenges from the Rite Aid on Broad Street. But if you’re a reasonable or broke consumer, visit one of the local tea shops around Richmond. Equipped with this guide to campus illnesses, you should be able to breeze through the semester. Just because you told your prof that you were in bed with strep, who says you actually have to get sick this year? Stay healthy VCU!
page 5
page 6
page 9
Richmond Murals: An Interpretative Story
Interview: Brother Pillar of Hot Spot
Burnt Rubber Smelling Bicycle Gang Comes to Town
Who’s that guy who sells bajas? You’re about to find out!
Sons of Anarchy, meet the Sons of Meta-Chic.
We’ll see what’s so jar-ring about the Strawberry Lady.
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