Vol. 5, Issue 9
The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
No free fli ...li ght ke s to DEATH Fra nce ! , ok ?
10/24/13 - 10/30/13
Places at VCU (we Think) Are Haunted BY: Sabrina Fuller Everyone’s heard rumors on campus about certain local hot spots being haunted. From GRC to MCV, there’s a rich history of spooky spirits at VCU, so The Black Sheep has compiled a few under-the-radar locations for you to check out. Some places on the list may surprise you, some not, since you may be the ones who killed and buried people there. JuSt KidDiNg!~!
Cabell Basement
The “HelpIT” IT desk is run by legitimate zombies with glazed expressions, hands constantly scrolling through the computer and a propensity to sit in the cold, dark basement all day. Their brains stopped making neural connections a long time ago. Make sure they don’t bite you if you approach them with a question, lest you get zombified. Hey - if you do, at least you’ll have a solid job. If you make it past the IT desk you may encounter another scary sight: the ghosts of rejected VCU professors. They haunt the Cabell basement constantly. They teach 3-hour-long classes once a week in forgotten basement classrooms, making students read and write essays on research that never made it into scholarly journals. Nightmare, much?
Shafer Dining Bathroom
Rumor has it that if you say “Fried Chicken Mondays” in the restroom mirror three times, a worker’s ghost will cackle in your ear. We dare you to go try it the next time you’re in Shafer. Also make sure you listen out for the moans and groans of the spirit who went back for seconds. It will give you chills, if you aren’t getting them from the food already. Some serious disasters have gone down in this wretched place, so don’t stay long unless you have to.
Barnes and Noble
Not too many people know about the B&N Banshee. Her soul wails away in the textbook section. Moaning Myrtle has nothing on this girl. If you happen to be around, you might hear her scream “$600 for textbooks?! Whyyyyy!!!” Before you judge her, you should know she died as a freshman. No one told her about Amazon or book torrents. Take pity on this tortured soul. As you browse aisles of books you might start to
hear her whisper things like “you’re going to fail Bio” or “you’re down to ten swipes, you’re going to starve to death,” but do your best to ignore her negative energy.
Cary Street Parking Deck
Remember that movie Christine? Yeah. Only someone in a creepy relationship with their car would pay VCU’s parking fees. There are all kinds of lore about jealous sedans running over new girlfriends in this very parking lot. Think back for a moment… remember that time you could have sworn you parked your car on the second level but it somehow ended up on the first level? Kind of eerie isn’t it?
There are car alarms that spontaneously go off at odd hours of the night, the elevator stops abruptly and in a creepy manner, and sometimes you think you see someone behind you, but when you turn around no one’s there. All of this evidence can be traced back to the Cary Street parking deck being haunted. So just in case you weren’t paranoid enough about stab happy thugs, you now have to watch out for evil spirits blowing curses up your ass. Hey, we don’t make this stuff up, we’re just telling you to watch your back.
page 5
page 6
pages 10-11
Destroy townie Freshman At Your Halloween Party
The Compass’ Halloween Spooky Spectacles
The Black Sheep Interviews: Steve-O
Can’t have teenybopping if cops come a-knocking.
Pranks will be pulled. Screw the innocent.
We chat with the infamous funny man about nut shots and Youtube.
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Meet the Staff <<
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Celebrity Before & After Just like Jeopardy!, our before and after asks you to pair two unlike things, sharing only a word. Because we’re as vapid as the rest of you, a celebrity name will always be involved. Tweet your answer @BlackSheep_VCU and use #goodtimes for a chance to win a prize!
Classic college party icon actor covers fun-filled long johns with this keep-fresh tin foil.
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Grand Theft Auto VI: River City By: Nathan Heintschel Rockstar Games recently announced that they have 45 years’ worth of new ideas for their enormously popular Grand Theft Auto series; so lace up your wingtips and get ready to press the “Y” or “Triangle” button next to a bunch of fixed gear bikes or passenger busses because The Black Sheep has learned that Richmond, Va. will be the inspiration for their new game. Rockstar told TBS that they were really excited to use the river city as the backdrop for their next game. “Richmond, Va. is the perfect setting for a clash of cultures and mayhem,” Rockstar Games President Sam Houser said. “Our writing teams are chomping at the bit to make sure we rip a satirical new asshole for a city that is being strangled by backwards political and social legislation, while still being a cultural and artistic mecca.”
Rockstar promises that player activities will be greatly expanded from GTA V. Players will find extra challenge in base-jumping off of bike racks, find their creative side in spray painting murals, and for the first time ever, Rockstar has provided a latte making simulation. Another new activity for players will be an expansion of the liquor and convenience store robberies systems in GTA V, which will allow players to hold up organic food stores (expensive prices, more cash!).
GTA VI, like the rest of the series, will feature a wealth of zany characters that are exaggerated caricatures of the city’s inhabitants. Players will find River City’s university, RCU, in constant battle between overzealous Christians and enraged feminists. Players can also join a biker gang where they wear cut-off jean-shorts and Tom’s shoes while cutting in front of traffic and running over students’ toes, all in the name of promoting important things like emphasized physical fitness and pedestrian agitation. You know, edgy stuff.
Driving mechanics are being revamped again to emphasize greater realism. Players will overcome the inability to find parking spaces, parallel park in tight spaces because no one else knows how to parallel park in the city, and dodge parking tickets from the enemy parking attendants. Rockstar also promises that players will have to deal with the frustration of bikers taking up the whole street, while also dodging jaywalkers who are texting and otherwise completely unaware of their surroundings. Street races through the city and outlying areas also promise a greater challenge as players race down highways clogged by aggressive truck drivers and dodge gaping potholes. Learning from the exploits of GTA V, Rockstar also hints that players will need to evade the police NPCs in Arrestafield County. Be warned, players will generate wanted levels just by driving four miles-per-hour over the speed limit, or having their window tint too dark.
Other character archetypes will include hipsters who hijack third world country clothes shipments because thrift shops are too mainstream. Another type will be people convinced they are still fighting a “war of northern aggression” that ended over 150 years ago. The polar opposite of these people will be their combatants who maintain that the “war of southern temper tantrum repression” is over.
We’re pretty confident that the developer of some of the best obnoxiously violent games ever created can splatter the Richmond scene with an accurate portrayal of its more colorful residents. With Whole Foods heists, pop-a-wheelies to the face, and peer-to-peer falafel sharing, GTA VI has all the edgy features of its predecessors. Hipster or not, grab a 49ers 2013 championship shirt and hit the sticks as soon as it drops!
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How to: Seek and Destroy Townie Freshman At Your Halloween Party By: Lorenzo simpson Ah, Halloween. It’s basically Pedophile Christmas. But this is Richmond, and because there’s at least 4 cops on each block, the kid grabbers know to keep the chloroform out of the candy bowl... at least for one night. However, there is a Halloween phenomenon that worries the RVAPD just as much: Underage Party Crashing. Every year, millions of ballsy teenagers put on their best adult costumes and Harlem Shake their way into cramped apartment buildings to get straight up wasted, instead of getting chocolate-wasted in their parents’ den. This problem relates even more to VCU, since so many pimply kids live near campus. All they have to do is dress up and scream “Shaka Smart is JESUS!” and they’ll rampage any rager. We know it’s not entirely your fault (it is): with 50+ hipsters in your studio apartment dressed up like Cirque Du Soleil performers and gyrating everywhere, no one’s really paying attention to a bunch of Beliebers sneaking
some pumpkin vodka punch. However, if the feds come a-knocking, and the loudest person at your party screaming “RAM THIS BITCH!” was just crowned James River High Homecoming Queen, your night’s gonna be scary. And not the shitty, Paranormal Activity kind of scary. So, we’ve got some tips on how to spot a teenybopper and drop kick them out of your party.
tion of freshmen, the typical college student should be able to down three shots without batting an eye. If you notice someone projectile vomiting after a measly sip of Burnett’s, you might have a Capri Sun sucker on your hands. After wrenching them from off the toilet, show them the cold side of the door.
General Conversation: College apartment parties are like jokes at Drake’s expense; one pops up every 5 seconds. So, if you see someone at your party that’s a little too hyped to be there, like they’ve never been to one before, chew the fat with them. Bait them with a question like, “Who caught that new iCarly last night!?” If the person’s eyes light up, or they respond with something like, “iCarly ended like six months ago!” then you have yourself a teenybopper. Tell em’ to make like a bad weave and split.
ID THEM! DUH!: If their sunny disposition looks like they do covers of Taylor Swift songs for shits and giggles, ask for their ID. If it’s holographic like a rare Pokémon card, and it has a name like Rip Torn, you’re in the presence of an Ugg wearing, file sharing, unnecessarily swearing teenager. Snip the fake ID in half, then just stare at them uncomfortably until they walk out. If it turns out they’re actually a VCU student, give them the ol’ young looking compliment, and make it clear you were checking their ID to kick them out, not have sex with a 17 year old. Make that very clear.
Sicker With Liquor: With the excep-
Say you’ve called BS on some high
schoolers’ Halloween masquerade charade. You’re trying to kick them out, but they won’t leave! Either they have better comebacks than you, they keep disappearing in the mosh pit, or they’re super jacked because they still go to gym class five days a week while you have 5 3-hour classes a day. Here’s how to kick them out of your crib with your dignity intact. ANGRY MOB!: Get everyone’s attention for minute. Make up some story, like all the booze is gone and do the classic record scratch. Then point right at the annoying kid and blame it on him. Give him a 30-second head start, then release your hoard of drunken partygoers on that azz. The ‘Rents: If they’re dumb enough to put their actual name on their fake ID, then give their parents a ring. Tell them all about how their idiot child is partying with people 6 years their senior, and drinking like prohibition ended yesterday. Be sure to put the call on speakerphone, so everyone
in the place can hear them give their know-it-all son/daughter the tongue lashing of their short life. Just Call The Police, Dude: Nothing says “your life is over” like getting thrown in the backseat of a police car while college freshman who knew you in high school are snapping Twit pics from every angle possible. You don’t have to be strong enough to emasculate Mr. Muscle Milkhead; VCU Police will do it for you.
We know, teenagers are getting even more daring every day; Jaden Smith gives his parents a curfew. It might just be easier and more fun to chill with some of your closest friends, while everyone pretends not to shit themselves during Sinister. So if you’re gonna throw a Halloween party, make sure you know who’s gonna be there. You don’t want to be the focus of next year’s Law & Order: RVA’s Halloween episode.
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The Compass’ Halloween Spooky Spectacles
The
Top
Ten
VCU Mash-Up Costumes By: Kalsey Hanratty
10.) Shakobama: Shaka the world with this costume. Or just VCU. It’s a great mix up of a great leader and our president. Anyone would love to see this mix-up, and you can elicit confused chants of “USA!” and “RAMPAGE” all night! 9.) Rodney the Fox: What the fox say? You don’t wanna go to war with the Rams! Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit! What the fox say? V! C! U! Wa pa pa pa pa pa pow! Wa pa pa pa pa pa pow! 8.) VCU Policeman/Richmond Policeman: The rival police forces come together to form one badass cop. Make out a bunch of parking tickets and hand them out at the party, then turn around and tackle a potential meth head to the ground. 7.) VCU Football Player: Make sure to talk trash about all the D1 teams we’ll whoop on once we finally get a team. People will either have a good laugh at your irony, or be utterly disappointed at the reminder that they are lacking the college football experience. Hey, where’d that Shakobama guy go? We need to talk basketball before we cry. 6.) Miley Cyrus the Gold Rush Dancer: We all know Miley is the Lord of Dance. Don’t forget your foam finger and make sure to touch everyone’s crotch with it. That’s what you do with foam fingers, right? 5.) VCU Mom/UR Dad: Rival parents make a great couples costume as long as you don’t get too drunk and forget that it’s just a costume. It’s all fun and games until the costume digs up some deep seated problems in the relationship.
By: Sabrina Fuller By now you’ve probably annoyed your roommates to death with your Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack. In preparation of the most cherished holiday of the year, The Black Sheep had to ask itself one question. What kinds of spook-tecles will we see in the Compass this year? VCU’s very animated, very virgin, and very passionate theater majors will conduct the first and most obvious spectacle. Think props, screaming, and fake blood… all for your entertainment. Martha from Midlothian has big dreams of being on Broadway someday. She never gets the lead in anything, so she sees the Compass as her stage this time around. Try not to heckle her dramatic monologue as her leading male comes to kill her. If you can manage to seem interested in the production, then your acting is ten times better than Martha’s. Next will be the religious radicals with a sense of humor. Yes, those Christian extremists in the Compass final realized that more people might accept their hate-speech if they make it witty, proven when the church’s committee voted on a super catchy sign this year: “The Bible only supports marriage between guys and ghouls. Happy Halloween!” How hilarious it is to be bigoted! (But really though, feel free to toss an egg or 28 in their general direction.) If you happen to be loitering in the Compass before class, try to spot the Grad Student Ghost. Messy hair, dingy business suit, dark circles under the eyes, and a hopeless, haunting expression? Wow! That costume is super legit… until you realize this
06
generally disheveled appearance is the real deal and not an act at all. The real spooktacle begins when they start moaning about too much work and the bleak future of academia. Yikes!
4.) Howdy Ram: A cowboy Rowdy Ram, because the city is exactly where country people belong. Just slap on some boots, a cowboy hat, and force conversation onto everyone about how “country music is good” and “farmers are the backbone of this country.” Ok guy, it’s hard to hate Rodney in any costume, but you’re pushing it. 3.) The Cabell Guy: Slap on a fake toupee, a sports jacket, and a twisted Jim Carrey smile, and you’ve just become the ultimate eccentric librarian. Be sure to babble manically about the Dewey Decimal System. Your clever costume will make every sexy scholar grabbing at your bookworm.
Readers beware; sneak attacks after dark may be a real prank this year, and by “real prank” we of course mean “not a prank at all.” You know RamSafe will take forever and two days to pick you up from Cabell so you foolishly decide to walk alone. A welllit shortcut through the Compass is a no-brainer, but what you didn’t expect was for someone in a Scream mask to jump out at you. If this does happen, let it be a lesson. Last but not least, a “good fun” a Student Health volunteer decides to spread the all-important “smokers are jokers” message this Halloween. Sure she could just picket VCU with pictures of emphysema, but that would be in bad taste. Instead she decides to approach smokers in the Compass dressed as the Grim Reaper himself. She poses for a few pictures, attempts to pass out informative pamphlets, and even chomps down on some candy cigarettes for dramatic affect. To her dismay, the solicitation ends up being even more frightening than her actual message, and the poor Grim Reaper ends up getting avoided all night. If you see any of these Compass spooktacles this week, or find anymore of your own, make sure to get pictures and tweet them to @BlackSheep_VCU! We’ll be sure to send non-razor laden candy to the best ones! And overall, just be sure to enjoy yourself without showing off your Hallowee-wee this Halloweeneen.
2.) VCU NCAA Player: Three years ago VCU made it into the final four, but has come up short since. For this costume to really hit home and get people motivated, just don’t show up. Get everyone excited that you’ll be going to the big dance (party), then stay home. It’ll be hilarious, and true! 1.) VCU Black Sheep Chic: Throw on a cheap, all black tux and a pair of Ram Horns, and you’ll be stylin’ like one of the The Black Sheep staff members. We only come outside to do street teams and our writers are locked in the basement all week, so throwing on all black and horns will easily pass for a soulless demon when people inevitably don’t get the reference.
Around campus Send us your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
on the Streets If you were sent back to 1700, what modern-day thing would you bring with you?
man Adam, Fresh
“I would bring some Twinkies because I know they didn’t have processed food yet. I’d be the one to start that problem.”
n Ed, Freshma
“An iPhone to freak the people out and show people how far we’ve come.”
shman Enrique, Fre
“A Polaroid camera, to show how instant everything is.”
07
He knows the cheapest drinks in town and more drinking games than you could ever play.
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The Food and Event Grid SPECIAL NIGHT
FRIDAY: Doc & The Keynotes
Thur. 10/24
$2 Taco Night Mike Gales & The Warriorz
SUNDAY:
Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
Sunday: $1 Tacos
Tuesday-Saturday! Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine
Low Tide (4-8): $2 Off Select Apps RVA Pong! Cash prizes! Signups at 9pm
Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!
Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine
Fri. 10/25
Doc & The Keynotes
Low Tide (4-8): $2 Off Select Apps Live Music & DJs Every Weekend! NO COVER!
No Cover! Live Music at 9:30pm Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!
Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine
Sat. 10/26
6pm - 8:30pm: Matt Blanton
Live Music & DJ’s Every Saturday Night!
Check Us Out During the Week for Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
Come in on Sunday for $1 Tacos!
Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine
Sun. 10/27
Emilio’s Brunch Starting at Noon! Plus 1/2 Off Wings The Andres Santamaria Experience
Pitcher of Bud Lt., Coors Lt. or Miller Lt. AND a Plate of Jumbo Wings for $11.99 We have Sunday Ticket! Every NFL Game, Every Sunday
Check Us Out During the Week for Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
$1 Tacos!!!
Piano Brunch!
Mon. 10/28
Open Mic Night w/ Stretch & The Elastics 9pm Sign-up, 10pm Start
Low Tide 4-8 pm: $2 OFF Select Apps
Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!
Closed
Salsa Night w/ Dj Steve Greene
Low Tide (4-8) $2 Off Select Apps Burger Special Buy One, Get One free Te-quil-ya Tuesdays
1/2 Price Burger Night! 4-11pm, Dine-in Only Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!
Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine
Low Tide (4-8) $2 Off Select Apps College Night! Show Your ID For Great Specials
Happy Hour: Monday – Friday, 4-7pm
Happy Hour 4pm-7pm, 2 Tacos for $3, 11 Styles to choose from!
Happy Hour: 4:30pm-7pm $2 off Bar Menu, 1/2 off select bottles of wine
Tues. 10/29 Wed. 10/30
7-8:30pm - Comedy w/ April Dowdy 10pm - TBD
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Halloween costumes
You Should Probably Avoid This Year By: Nathan Heintschel
In the gooey wake of Miley Cyrus, The Black Sheep has noticed that society thinks outfits shouldn’t continue to push the limits of good taste. That’s right readers, society’s puritanical views think that you, at age 21 wearing the Princess Jasmine costume you got in 1999, is in bad taste. However, we don’t really care, because you have boobies now and your costume is really small. On the flipside, men have taken to sporting costumes that often require being shirtless, which often leads to people’s eyes being offended by men who sport the furriness of Burt Reynolds combined with the fluffiness of Jack Black. The Black Sheep would like to provide some examples of costumes that should not be worn so that poor Rodney doesn’t have to completely cover his virginal plastic eyes. One outfit for the ladies to stay away from is trying to do anything sexy with Duck Dynasty. No one, we repeat no one, wants to see the ladies wearing a mini skirt and camo tube top in conjunction with a bandana and ZZ Top beard. Let’s face it, no matter how plunging your cleavage is, no one is gonna be able to enjoy the sight of said boobies because your attempt to look like Uncle Si means your fake beard is covering up the goods. Also chicks with beards = erecticide. Guys need to be careful with trying to sex up their costumes, too. Current events are a great way to find costumes, but despite his constant press releases including pictures of him shirtless, we’re pretty sure it’s a bad call to go as Stripper Vladimir Putin. Dressing up as the former KGB officer will be a turnoff to most exchange students from former Soviet satellites. Another thing to consider is the possibility of Russian spies catching wind of your costume and kidnapping you for impersonating the man who is known to hunt tigers shirtless. Therefore, avoid the Russian Gulags, and be Stripper DJ Five-0 instead. No one would expect a rendition of the VCU officer rocking tribal tats and pierced nips. This may be a futile attempt, but another costume we urge the
ladies to avoid is VMA’s Miley Cyrus. This costume is going to run rampant at VCU parties, and we can’t stand the thought of being reminded of those two chicken cutlets being awkwardly and poorly covered up by the nude colored spandex. Seriously, the only pancakes involved with this year’s Halloween should come from IHOP after a night of scuba diving in vodka. However, ladies, if you want to wear ram horns, foam fingers and nothing else, don’t let us stop you. This next costume’s level of avoidance should be measured by the wearer’s confidence and the weather report. We all love that iconic shot from the pilot episode of Breaking Bad when Walter White is standing in the middle of the desert brandishing a pistol in his tighty-whities. However, it was about 30 degrees last Halloween, and unless you want to be a dong late and a dangle short, you need to worry about potential shrinkage. It’s gonna be hard (puns) for the Walter Whites to woo the slutty Disney princesses when their bulge is more like a blip. Another thing to avoid is trying to be like The Red Hot Chili Peppers circa 1990, because it’s gonna be hard keeping that VCU sock on your frizzled little peepee. Lastly, we need to mention a couples costume that should be avoided. Game of Thrones is awesome and wickedly popular, and the show provides endlessly cool costumes. But no, and we mean NO, attending parties as Cersei and Jaime Lannister. Nothing screams awkward more than pretending to be incestual twins with the person you bang regularly. Also if anyone thinks it’s a good idea to be that fuckboy Joffrey, STOP THINKING THAT. Please take these suggestions to heart. The right costume can make or break your week of Halloween parties, and we want everyone to have fun. It doesn’t matter if your birth canal can be seen from across the room while you bob for apples, so long as you’re stylish with it! Remember when picking out your costumes to be appropriately scandalous, because even though you can un-tag yourself from the pictures on Facebook, people will still know it’s you that is wearing a Bane mask and a banana hammock.
The Black Sheep Interviews
Steve-O
“I don’t know that one guy stands out when it comes to nut shots.”
By: Tim Mackey The Black Sheep recently caught up with Steve-O on his national standup tour. Channeling our eighth-grade selves jumping off garages and lighting tennis balls on fire, we asked him every question we could possibly think of while holding back the strange urge to have him smash something over our crotch. He’s reinvigorated and risen from the ashes, so make sure to check out his new Youtube channel and follow him on Twitter, @SteveO.
The Black Sheep: How’d you originally end up working with the guys from Jackass? Steve-O: There was a skateboarding magazine back in the day called Big Brother, which was little more than a bad influence on kids. I loved it; it was really just the greatest magazine ever. I was in the magazine and the videos. The guy in charge of the operation reached out to Spike Jonze at one point and said “Hey man, everybody loves our videos, but no one cares about the skateboarding. I think if we subtract all of the skateboarding then what’s leftover would be a great TV show.” And when you took out the skateboarding, what you had left was me and Knoxville, and Wee Man, and Chris Pontius — and Bam was making a similar kind of video on the east coast — so we kinda merged camps, the Big Brother guys and the CKY guys and that was sort of how we all came together. TBS: For Jackass 3D you were completely sober. Is there a stunt from the past that you couldn’t have done sober? S: I should say I don’t know if I ever did stunts because I was wasted. I think I’ve always done stunts because I’m an attention whore. Getting sober hasn’t really changed that at all. But there was some particularly reckless stuff, one that comes to mind was being strangled unconscious six times in a row. TBS: By who? S: Ryan Dunn did that. We were on tour in England back in 2003, and Ryan Dunn choked me out six times in a row. Yeah, it was all on camera if you just go on Youtube and type “Steve-O Chokes” you can find it. Another one was on a three-day bender when I jumped out of an airplane with no parachute into the ocean. That one wasn’t so easy.
TBS: How many years until Johnny looks like Irving Zisman? S: I don’t know man, (laughs) I don’t know. TBS: How do you feel about having popularized the national phenomenon of butt-chugging? S: Oh man, that is… I am incredibly honored for that. It’s incredible. Knoxville sent me this video about a press conference. There were some college frat kids butt-chugging and there was some kind of outrage about it. It was the funniest fucking thing ever. I think they even called it “buttchugging,” I’m pretty sure I coined that term itself. TBS: You’re known as one of the guys who does the most intense stunts, but which member of the Jackass crew grew the most in their willingness to do horrible things to their body over time? S: I don’t know, man. We all seem to have our different strengths, it’s kind of a “apples and oranges” question. Whenever no one is willing to do something at all, then the idea trickles down to Danger Ehren. He would be at the top of the pile when it comes to willingness, that’s kinda due to his exceptionally low IQ. TBS: In Wildboyz you got a hotdog whipped from your butt with a bull whip and got your ass stung multiple times by an African emperor scorpion, with that in mind, what is the most painful stunt you’ve done? S: Oh god, I hate that question. It’s all just so subjective, man. Pain just has different criteria, the duration of the pain is an issue. While electrocution hurts more than other stuff, it’s quicker. I hate that question.
TBS: Which Jackass team member is most willing to take blows to the nuts? S: I don’t know that any of us are really psyched about it… We each have our own separate strengths when it comes to doing stupid things. But I don’t know that one guy stands out when it comes to nut shots.
have no delusions about that. I love the saying you know “the alcohol bones connected to the weed bone, the weed bone’s connected to the cocaine bone” and so on…
any half-assed ideas. So my immediate response to him was “Oh yeah, how about if I get me tattooed on me, larger than me?” My face on my back is way bigger than my face.
TBS: Did you like being on Dancing with the Stars and hosting Killer Karaoke? Or was it just something to do? S: I, uh, Dancing with the Stars I really did enjoy a lot, Killer Karaoke had its moments. I, uh… but yeah neither of those two were my favorite.
TBS: You got a tattoo in January of Santa Claus crucified on your arm. Do you have a favorite tattoo? S: I like ShitFuck on my knuckles. I really do. Really because I’m quite proud of having carved out a place in my life that having profanities tattooed on my knuckles doesn’t hold me back. I’ve had ‘em… It’s been about exactly 10 years since I got ShitFuck tattooed on my hands.
TBS: Either in your career or not, what was the best moment in your life so far? S: I’m so jazzed about my new Youtube channel. I would say that the Youtube channel is the exact opposite of Dancing with the Stars and Killer Karaoke. I get to do what I think is fucking awesome and it’s such a treat and a joy. TBS: How long did it take you to heal from the mighty fist of Mike Tyson? S: Eh, pretty quick. I had two black eyes for a while there. I didn’t notice how long it took my nose to heal because this weird kung fu instructor guy set it straight right after it happened. I’d say like three weeks I was in pretty good shape.
TBS: Is there anyone that won’t ever do them? S: No, we all do them, but we have considerable… I don’t want to say reluctance because we all do it. I mean we all do it, but we dread it.
TBS: What can people expect to see on your tour this year? S: It’s filthy comedy and silly physical tricks. I think what makes my comedy unique and worthwhile is A: I’m absolutely shameless. And B: I’m rigorously honest. So if I tell a story you can damn well believe that it happened. And just judging by how shameless I am you can expect the stories to be incredibly juicy and revealing. You know I’ve been doing stand up for a long time and I’m really finding my voice and that’s exciting. People are really coming out and enjoying the show and that means a lot to me.
TBS: A lot of the guys, if they were afraid of snakes or spiders, then that’s the stunt they would do. What was your ‘phobia’? S: I hate roller coasters, which is why I was the perfect candidate for the poo potty. I mean I hate snakes too, I really do, but uh I don’t know if... Yeah like that one thing, I mean certainly rollercoasters are a big thing.
TBS: Looking at Johnny Knoxville, he seems to have aged more in the last 10 years than most people age in 30. How do you think you’ve managed to stay young-looking? S: (Laughs) Wow, I’ll take that as a compliment. I feel like I’ve aged pretty heavily as well, but if I guess if I were to agree with you then I’d have to blame that on healthy living. I quit smoking cigarettes and stopped doing drugs and drinking alcohol and I became a vegan. I exercise and stuff, surfing’s a big one.
TBS: Is it that falling feeling? S: It’s more like not being in control, like I can jump off of shit pretty easily. It’s like with bungee jumping when I’m looking off a bridge, I spent my life kinda jumping off of stuff so much, so I know heights pretty well. I don’t care what’s tied to me, when I look off something that’s 300 feet high, I usually know not to jump so it’s hard to get past that instinct. I mean I had no problem jumping off the tower of London, which is like the tallest thing I’ve ever jumped off of. TBS: You’ve been sober now for five and a half years, no drugs, no alcohol, nothing. So what’s you’re favorite drug to not do? S: I mean… I don’t know how to answer that. I uh… I mean the reality is that if I pick up any drink or drug in short order I’ll be on everything again. I
TBS: I’m telling readers to subscribe immediately to your blog because it’s honestly awesome. What can they expect to see you do on it in the future? S: I don’t know, I don’t want to give up any ideas, but I’m finishing up a lie detector bit. I don’t even know how it’s gonna come out. I got Knoxville to come up a list of hilarious and uncomfortable questions for me to answer while attached to a lie detector test. I don’t know what the questions are, but I imagine they’re gonna be pretty fucking terrible.
TBS: Your giant back tattoo, what was the situation where that was done? Did you wake up and it was there or what? S: We were preparing to shoot the first Jackass movie and Jeff Tremaine said “Hey, don’t waste our time with any half-assed ideas because now this isn’t a TV show anymore, it’s a movie.” And I kinda took offense to the notion that I would suggest
TBS: Anything else we should know? S: At the end of every one of my shows, when I walk off stage I never do anything or go anywhere until I take a photo with anyone who wants one, and lots of times people have things they want to ask me or show me. And everybody gets a chance to do that. I stick around until the bitter end, ‘til everyone who wants one gets a photo. I don’t really know of anybody who does that. And it proves to me to be a lot harder of a job to do that than the show itself. I stay committed to that though, because I want to make it a special experience for the fans who are committed to that. Make sure to read the extended interview online at theblacksheeponline.com!
Bartender of the Week Relationship Status: In a relationship Major: Creative Advertising Favorite Drink: Beer, craft and IPAs Favorite Shot: Rumple Minze Disgusting Drink: Jagermeister What is the first Halloween costume you remember wearing as a child?: A lion. What do you think will be this year’s most overdone costume?: Miley Cyrus.
Lindsay of Mellow Mushroom Drinking Game
What’s the most underrated Halloween candy?: York Peppermint Patties. What will you name your best-selling memoir?: Lindsay: Uncensored Where are you hiding the evidence?: Under the bar. Who would you invite to your threesome with Jeff Goldblum?: Scarlett Johansson Why should people read The Black Sheep?: It’s awesome and tells me important stuff about RVA!
Recipe for disaster
Scary Movie Drinking
Halloween Candy Bark
One of the best parts of Halloween is the excellent selection of movies that we finally get to watch—like Hocus Pocus and Halloweentown—that would be weird to watch any other time of year. Disney classics aside, there will be plenty of horror and scary movies all over the airwaves, so grab a seat and play this game before the party gets hoppin’.
With the plethora of discounted candy this time of year, don’t try to tell us you haven’t run to the grocery store and stocked up. We’re all guilty of it. Here’s a recipe to mix all of your favorite chocolate pieces into one snack for an even bigger sugar rush.
What You’ll Need: Booze, a horror flick of your choice and a television. Number of Players: However many people can fit on the couch. Level of Intoxication: Varies via corniness and awesomeness of said horror flick.
What You’ll Need: 1 pound bittersweet chocolate chips, 3 regular-sized Butterfinger bars, 3 regular-sized Heath bars, 5 regular-sized Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, 1/2 cup honey roasted peanuts, 3 ounces of chocolate and M&Ms or Reese’s Pieces (or both!) Cook Time: About an hour and a half. Fatty Factor: Just a few cavities, that’s all.
How to Play: Pop in the movie and take a swig for the following: - Eerie music, accompanied by strings and or piano, plays for intro credits. - A character is walking painfully slowly. - When that dumb bitch who shouldn’t go down the stairs goes down the stairs. - When someone whispers “help me.” - When your favorite character dies. - When your favorite character ends up being the killer/murderer/brother of killer. - When there’s a mirror in the scene and it sets up for something scary as shit in the reflection but it ends up being like the towel rack in the background or something. - Boobs. - When a character being chased trips over their own feet as if they’re running for the first time ever. - Jennifer Love Hewitt. - When you realize the police department in your horror movie is completely and utterly useless. - When the movie ends with one more cheap “pop out” bit for good measure. The Game Ends When: The ending credits roll … or maybe it’s just time to put another DVD in and keep going.
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What’s the most offensive Halloween costume you’ve ever seen?: During the zombie walk, a dead baby hanging out of a womb.
What’s the most overrated Halloween candy?: Candy Corn, kinda plasticky.
Let’s Get Baked: - Chop up the Butterfinger and Heath bars into small bites. - Cut up the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups into quarters. - Melt the bittersweet chocolate chips in a saucepan over the stove or in the microwave and stir until smooth. Watch them closely and increase heat in small increments so the chocolate doesn’t burn. - Spread the melted chocolate onto parchment paper on a pan, leaving it about _ inch thick. - Scatter the chopped pieces of candy and peanuts over the melted chocolate. - Melt the white chocolate and drizzle it over the chocolate bark. - Sprinkle the M&Ms or Reese’s Piece on top of everything. - Let the bark cool in the fridge for 1 hour before breaking it up into pieces and chowing down. And you thought candy couldn’t get any better…
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Ghosts of
Midterms Future He’s baaaaaaaaaack When it rains so hard the books in your backpack get soaked, you can hear his snicker in the wind. When your computer short circuits just before you go to save your 6-page paper, for a second you can see his face on the screen, fangs gleaming in a smile. This is the Ghost of Midterm’s Future. Legend has it he was a VCU student once. Some say he was hit by a car biking home, too distraught about a failed test to pay attention to the road. Others swear he lived in the Fan, where he fell off his roof while smoking when he should have been studying for an exam. And some, some just believe he is a negative energy that swells in professors’ bellies when they create their midterm exams. Whatever the real story, his spirit haunts the halls and streets of VCU every October. He comes around to trick students into thinking they won’t have multiple papers and tests on the same day, and treat students into studying for an exam that will eventually be delayed. Lucky for you, The Black Sheep did an in-depth investigation of the spirit to find out what makes this ghost tick, and we’ve narrowed it down to a few do’s and don’ts when it comes to this pesky goblin of a ghoul.
By: Julie Gassaway
DON’T - Start kissing up to a professor just before the midterm. The Ghost of Midterms Future hates romance and especially people who use it to get ahead — many students who try this find themselves with snapped pencils and inkless pens when the Scantrons and Blue Books lay before them. - Go to the library “to study” but wind up on the second floor socializing so loud no one else within earshot can even think. You may find yourself the next morning with a “change of seasons” case of strep throat. - Order the very last pumpkin bagel at Einstein’s. Mysteriously, it almost always ends up burned to a crisp and ruins a strong study drive. It is said The Ghost of Midterms Future loved pumpkin bagels, and therefore curses those who gobble up the last one. DO - Go all out for Halloween. The Ghost of Midterms Future rewards students who put forth effort in having awesome costumes equally awesome nights out with mild hangovers for the next day of studying. Hey, The
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Ghost of Midterms Future isn’t a total prude. - Bring pumpkin-flavored beers to parties. Saluting the October-themed flavor equals saluting the Mr. October-centered Ghost himself, and he makes it so you will inevitably encounter a member of the opposite sex who gushes over all pumpkin flavored things. Don’t get too romantic though, you already know how much The Ghost of Midterms Future hates romance. - If in the Cabell Library Starbucks you hear an order for a tall Pumpkin Spice Latte from the person behind you, buy it for them! But only if you are using dining dollars. Once again, no one knows exactly why this makes the
ghost so happy, but just wait and see the good that comes your way during midterms. We’re talking true/ false, open notes stuff here, guys! There you have it, terrified student. The Ghost of Midterms Future may be a dick to you until your test — blowing wind so you lose your place in the textbook, blowing wind so you spill your pumpkin spice mocha, and making you blow wind so you blow it with the hot chick in your study group. But just follow this list of Do’s and Dont’s, and maybe you’ll have a nice, easy midterm season afterall.
HALLOWEEN bingo
wordsearch
“Sexy” Halloween costumes
Ursula Catwoman Paratrooper Ninja Dalmation Cruella Santa Baby Zebra Warrior Elf Jester
Rapunzel Unicorn Corn Stalk Sulley Uncle Sam Raver Garden Gnome Flapper Medieval Hula Girl
answer key
15
Friday, November 1st
madlib What was more shocking than see-
ing ___1___ dressed up as a ___2___ ’s ___3___ , whatever that means, was waking up on a ___4___ -printed futon on ___5___ at my TA’s house. Or, even more shocking, that I started the night as a sexy ___6___ and ended the night in a neon ___7___ unitard, a half-empty box of ___8___ in one hand and a fifth of ___9___ in the other. Naturally, I got the hell out of there instantly. Upon stepping into the great outdoors, I was amazed by what was before my bloodshot eyes. A group of girls dressed as members of ___10___ 1: Your best friend 2: Era 3: Wild animal 4: Cartoon character 5: Popular party street
, but a ___11___ version, were twerking on the street, clearing still intoxicated. A block down I saw a ___12___ puking in a trash can, the poor freshman. And I almost stepped over a zombie ___13___. They looked so serene in their slumber, I couldn’t dare move them.
and how it’s totally related to global warming, even though now that I think about it, it doesn’t.
When I got to my dorm, I was surprised to see my roommate making out with a ___19___. They asked me to join in and that’s when I knew they were on ___20___ still. I suggested we head to I stopped into ___14___ and noticed a ___15___ the cafeteria and they quickly obliged, comchatting with a ___16___ , and they seemed menting on how good I looked even though I like they were hitting it off. Walking towards my clearly reeked of ___21___ and fried ___22___. dorm, I bummed a cigarette from a ___17___ As I entered the caf, I took in the sights of all my , but it ended up being a joint, which was fine fellow sluggish, hungover peers and got the with me. We started talking about ___18___ chills. I love Halloween.
6: Condiment 7: Color 8: Cereal 9: Novelty liquor 10: Heavy metal band
11) Adorable animal 12: Famous TV show character 13: Very old celebrity 14: Local coffee shop
15: Famous politican 16: Offensive historical figure 17: Overdone Halloween costume
18: Current event 19: Type of athlete 20: Party drug 21: Cheap booze 22: Vegetable
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