The Black Sheep • a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 7 11/15/12 - 11/29/12
ser F mo REE ns ... L th ike at th gu e c y g ra ive zy s i rel n th igio e C us om pa ss !
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“Joys” of Thanksgiving Break J.T Stockton wrote this
Sure, your parents seem excited to have you home for a week. Sure, your younger sibling seems to be overjoyed at the thought of arguing with you again, just like old times. And sure, you respond with an equally overenthusiastic look of bliss. But deep down, the mutual feelings of disgust and inconvenience rests on everyone’s stomach bile like a pile of cow dung on a muddy plain. We don’t want to hate our families, but we hate our families. Thanksgiving is just an excuse to eat our loathsome feelings away and repress our violently un-cheerful thoughts. Of course, everyone loves a good break from the horrors of classroom life, but at what cost? At least at school we have the option of checking out of reality. But at home we’re constantly bombarded by relatives wanting to know everything about our mundane existences. We are constantly having to “get it together” in order to come off as some sane, educated collegiate to show all that money isn’t just going to late night munchies and cases of PBR. Coming back from college, relatives expect us to talk intellectually – something not done in the wee hours after a drinking binge. We can’t casually bring up the time we shit on the walls of the dorm bathrooms “just for kicks,” we have to pretend like we care about Aunt Hairy Upper Lip and her infected big toe. Half of our talking points are thrown out the window because they involve sex and/or drugs, the other half is just “I was in the library for a long time.” Boring, let’s just eat in silence and watch football. Don’t ask about our future plans, because that is just a slippery slope to talking about the economy, then grandma asking if a communist is still running the country.
people who know everything about us and its pregnant ex-girlfriends. There’s only one reason come home, and that reason is to squeeze money out of our blindly optimistic relatives.
As we drag our feet through our old stomping grounds for a week, we have the opportunity to be reacquainted with high school friends, only to realize we have to get reacquainted with them because we despise these people. Soon after realizing how far apart we’ve grown from our high school pals, we realize we hate this place with every fiber of our bodies. We couldn’t wait to get as far away as possible from this little corner of the world, with its
There’s another side to the coin as well - we may hate coming home, but our parents despise it just as much. They were just getting comfortable, having a little bit more peace and quiet around the house, and getting used to not having to worry about our drunken, depressing asses bursting into the house at 3 a.m. complaining about our old friends and this stupid town. It’s a mutual annoyance for all parties: we love our family but once were out of the
How to Fix Heartbreak over the Holidays
what’s inside
Raise Grades, Lower Rent, Here’s How
You know what sucks? Relationships. You know what doesn’t? Presents.
And no, it does not involve “working harder” or “living sensibly”.
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house, it’s best to just stay the hell out. If there is anything about coming home from break, it’s that it makes us appreciate the independence and freeflowing booze of campus. That, and being surrounded by young people. We forget what it’s like to see old people everywhere, until we go home. Don’t expect anything fantastic out of Thanksgiving break this year, and you won’t be disappointed. So take this break for what it’s worth: free food, free sleep, and maybe, just maybe, some free money.
Decoding the Drinks: What Does Your Drink Say About You?
This shot of Everclear says, “I hate my stomach”
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