The Black Sheep
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 1 9/6/12 - 9/12/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepUVA
Protestus Prospectus Pierce Bishop wrote this
In the past, UVA is not what you would have called a “protest-saturated” university. As a matter of fact, the only protest anyone could find was a half-hearted, half-drunken plea to extend happy hour for just one more round. Yet, in the last year, UVA students caught a dissent disease that stuck. They have put their combined weight behind an array of issues from saving magnolias, to Trayvon Martin, to Living Wage, to Occupy Charlottesville and, most recently, anger over the departure of President Sullivan. With this swell of civil discourse and disobedience, the question becomes, what’s next? Well, here is a primer, four things that may get their blazers in a bunch this year as classes recommence: Who to thank when painting Beta Bridge? Part of these protests will include painting the bridge, and the obligatory “THX ____” on the painted statement. Issues arise as some groups still post “DU” instead of “Beta” (not thinking about who resides in the adjacent fraternity house) or, to throw everyone through a loop, they thank both. In the heat of the moment, expect rival groups to finally break as they argue over proper recognition. Prepare for the next morning’s headline to read, “Paint War Finishes Flat, But the Mark May Be Indelible.” Bring Back Easters. What better way to reflect on change than to throw a party – a BIG one? At this point, the hearty protesters have no fear, so bringing back the (in)famous Easters is the logical move. This would be the strongest campaign for the burgeoning masters of discourse, as they would get backing from the Greek system, partying international students, and reminiscent alumni who may, or may not still be drunk from the original festivities. Easters left for a reason the first time, but with the roll the protesters is on, they could surely bring it back. Katie Couric as the next UVA President. Sure, she’s getting paid $40 million dollars for her new daytime talk show, but what are the chances that money will stand in the way of the bleeding hearts on Grounds? Couric certainly knows how to get the dollars rolling in, and it would be hard to find a better face for the university than America’s Sweetheart. As opposed to some penthouse in Manhattan or beach house in Malibu, the protesters would easily be able to sell her on the sweet sounds serenading Carr’s Hill from Sigma Nu and DKE. The power of these
Survival Guide: Clemons Library
khaki-clad crooners is undeniable, and the proud alumna will surely fold. The Humane Treatment of Animals. At some point in the spring, it will occur to this dissident group that the inhumane treatment of animals is…like… terrible. In turn, they will put down their mint juleps, pull up their sundresses, and run to the Lawn to denounce these heinous crimes. They could even bring the protest to a head at Foxfield… that is if they remember what they are protesting once they get there. This is the same group who takes pride in seeing ONE horse at the race even though the mass
what’s inside
First Year Faux Pas
In Clemons, they can even hear you think.
You must be new here. Welcome to campus. Ground! Ah! We mean Grounds!
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of their bourbon-breathed peers missed a horse being put down on the track two years ago. The time is ripe, though, to jockey for a change. This would have them achieving the entire establishment, culture, and nature plane of successful protesting. The final frontier will be championed and they can toss aside their degrees to claim themselves true professionals of the cause... now someone increase the limit. Virginia’s ripe for topics of protest, from babies, to gays to gay babies. This year let’s see what they have to complain about.
Worrying About Waking Up
Yeah, you’re going to die, like, tomorrow.
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