The Black Sheep
F gr REE ou ... L nd ike s“ aw ca mp edg us ie f ”y o ou r c r f all irs in ty g ea r
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 1 9/6/12 - 9/12/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepUVA
Protestus Prospectus Pierce Bishop wrote this
In the past, UVA is not what you would have called a “protest-saturated” university. As a matter of fact, the only protest anyone could find was a half-hearted, half-drunken plea to extend happy hour for just one more round. Yet, in the last year, UVA students caught a dissent disease that stuck. They have put their combined weight behind an array of issues from saving magnolias, to Trayvon Martin, to Living Wage, to Occupy Charlottesville and, most recently, anger over the departure of President Sullivan. With this swell of civil discourse and disobedience, the question becomes, what’s next? Well, here is a primer, four things that may get their blazers in a bunch this year as classes recommence: Who to thank when painting Beta Bridge? Part of these protests will include painting the bridge, and the obligatory “THX ____” on the painted statement. Issues arise as some groups still post “DU” instead of “Beta” (not thinking about who resides in the adjacent fraternity house) or, to throw everyone through a loop, they thank both. In the heat of the moment, expect rival groups to finally break as they argue over proper recognition. Prepare for the next morning’s headline to read, “Paint War Finishes Flat, But the Mark May Be Indelible.” Bring Back Easters. What better way to reflect on change than to throw a party – a BIG one? At this point, the hearty protesters have no fear, so bringing back the (in)famous Easters is the logical move. This would be the strongest campaign for the burgeoning masters of discourse, as they would get backing from the Greek system, partying international students, and reminiscent alumni who may, or may not still be drunk from the original festivities. Easters left for a reason the first time, but with the roll the protesters is on, they could surely bring it back. Katie Couric as the next UVA President. Sure, she’s getting paid $40 million dollars for her new daytime talk show, but what are the chances that money will stand in the way of the bleeding hearts on Grounds? Couric certainly knows how to get the dollars rolling in, and it would be hard to find a better face for the university than America’s Sweetheart. As opposed to some penthouse in Manhattan or beach house in Malibu, the protesters would easily be able to sell her on the sweet sounds serenading Carr’s Hill from Sigma Nu and DKE. The power of these
Survival Guide: Clemons Library
khaki-clad crooners is undeniable, and the proud alumna will surely fold. The Humane Treatment of Animals. At some point in the spring, it will occur to this dissident group that the inhumane treatment of animals is…like… terrible. In turn, they will put down their mint juleps, pull up their sundresses, and run to the Lawn to denounce these heinous crimes. They could even bring the protest to a head at Foxfield… that is if they remember what they are protesting once they get there. This is the same group who takes pride in seeing ONE horse at the race even though the mass
what’s inside
First Year Faux Pas
In Clemons, they can even hear you think.
You must be new here. Welcome to campus. Ground! Ah! We mean Grounds!
page 4
page 5
of their bourbon-breathed peers missed a horse being put down on the track two years ago. The time is ripe, though, to jockey for a change. This would have them achieving the entire establishment, culture, and nature plane of successful protesting. The final frontier will be championed and they can toss aside their degrees to claim themselves true professionals of the cause... now someone increase the limit. Virginia’s ripe for topics of protest, from babies, to gays to gay babies. This year let’s see what they have to complain about.
Worrying About Waking Up
Yeah, you’re going to die, like, tomorrow.
page 6
contents page 4: Survival Guide: Clemons Library
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 4
In Clemons, they can even hear you think.
page 5: First Year Faux Pas
Table of
You must be new here. Welcome to campus. Ground! Ah! We mean Grounds!
page 6: Worrying About Waking Up Yeah, you’re going to die, like, tomorrow.
page 9: School Year’s resolutions It’s a new day in Charlottesville, try to be better for like, a day.
page 12: Bartender of the Week
page 6
Jessie at the Baja Bean serves up some serious anecdotes.
editorial • sales • pr marketing • distribution weekly newspapers. daily website. mobile apps. regional and national expansion.
now hiring fall interns
this is some of the stuff we're working on... how 'bout you?
apply online at theblacksheeponline.com email us at jobs@theblacksheeponline.com
page three d a o l n w Do heep Mobile App S The Black ! e e r f y l e m o s e w a o s s ’ it
! k e e W e h t f o c Pi
n’t xcept you do e , d n e k e e w st t that party la Download our app to stay a t o g u o y p u he free c bathroom. s ’ ir a t games, share s p g u in k e Kind of like t n h t ri d in t t s u te e la our app o ecials, get th ous articles. p s ri a r il a h b have to wash r s u u o p f m o a all ll the best c , catch up on e rs u o c f updated on a o , d y pictures an and send part
roid d n A d n a one h P i r o obile f m e l p b e e a l h i s a ack Av search bl
Sexy Anagrams
If that’s his “send ‘em back” face, we’re a little scared to see his O-face... (Want to be famous next week? Awesome.)
Send us your pic of the week at pics@theblacksheeponline.com
Rare Ham Bed
Scholar Kitty
Do you know who these
celebrity hotties are? Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com First five right answers get a prize!
word of the week
Blognosis: Any self-categorized illness one gives him or herself after researching symptoms of diseases on the internet. “Toby gave himself a spinal meningitis blognosis after researching neck pain on WebMD.”
page 4
theblacksheeponline.com
Survival Guide: Clemons Library spencer schloss wrote this At the University of Virginia we pride ourselves in abiding by the motto “work hard, play hard.” Oftentimes, being the intelligent UVa students that we are, we must forgo that epic frat foam party. Instead of a friendly hangover banging on your skull to wake you up in the morning, you find yourself groggily rousing to the deadly silence of your cubicle beneath that gorgeous Clemons sunrise. If you find yourself puzzled by this so-called “Clemons sunrise” then you are most decidedly not a first floor Clem-goer. Complex personality of Clemons stems from the four floors that are developed and defined by their inhabitants. The fourth floor is appropriate for group projects and soft chatter, while the second floor is for those who mainly come to the library to socialize or watch Netflix on their laptops. The third floor, or media center, is a territory that most students avoid, for lack of knowledge of what it really contains…and the infamous first floor develops a love-hate relationship among the majority of students. Even hinting at the idea of the first floor can strike fear in the hearts of many: “Hey, I’m gonna head to Clemons now if you wanna come.” “Sure, lemme grab my things.” “Okay, but I’m probably going down to the—” “OKAY. I’ll just see you when you get back…”
It’s true, the first floor can be a scary place if you are not educated about appropriate first floor etiquette. If you want to survive the first floor, there are a few things you must know. Snacks: a necessity. As ungodly hours are often spent here, proper nutritional fuel is necessary to survive to tell the tale of an epic all-nighter. Sure, you may think carrots are the perfect healthy snack to keep you sustained, but boy did you think wrong. As your teeth chomp down and snap off a piece of that orange noisestick, there is an ever-growing mass of first floor inhabitants that want to see your head chopped off instead of that last bit of carrot. In short, anything crunchy or extremely potent smelling is absolutely forbidden. Sneezing is a natural bodily function, but an activity that is frowned upon. If you sense a cold coming on, forget it. You are better off staying in your dorm and risking failure rather than chance eternal banishment from the first floor. Flip-flops are a university staple, but a definite library no-no. If you must wear your oh-so-sratty Jack Rogers then be prepared to remove your shoes as you cross the floor in silence and place them on your feet when you are safely in your chair. Clemons is the library that welcomes everyone 24 hours a day, but only if you come early. If you make the trek at 10p.m. and think you’re going to get a seat near an outlet, let alone a seat, think again. The regulars usually leave well before dinner time, set up their space and head out for a leisurely meal before returning to their carefully preserved space—the wonders of the honor
code. Oh look! There’s your friend Kim sitting all the way across the library! You had no idea she was coming. You should probably get her attention to say, “Hi.” Again, this is a perfect example of what not to do. If you see your friend on the first floor, do not acknowledge them. If you happen to make eye contact, you exchange a look of sympathy and acknowledge that you are both silently suffering. Alas, to find out the rest, check out the first floor for yourself. Hopefully, we will see each other there and can exchange looks of sympathy as we participate in proper library etiquette.
Download Our App!
iPhone
Android
For iPhone and Android Search Black Sheep Mobile
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
freshman First Year Faux Pas
The Top ten
Things to Pin Now
spencer schloss wrote this Pinterest is one of the fastest growing sites on the Internet. Recently, Pinterest has released their rudimentary Android app and updated their iOS app, so it can now be supported on the iPad. In addition to the new developments, Pinterest is now invite-free, meaning that everybody and their sister can post quirky margarita recipes without having to be invited first. In light of Pinterest expanding, here are the top 10 boards every person should have: 10. Hotties: Guys can have their posters, girls will have their pins. Ryan Gosling, Cristiano Ronaldo, Tom Daley, Channing Tatum, Robert Pattinson, Alex Pettyfer... who really needs 50 Shades of Grey when you have a board dedicated to gorgeous men? 9. **Love and Mine: Whether you’re a KayDee or a DeeGee its okay to flaunt some sorority pride on a board. This board helps you come up with Big/Little ideas, new t-shirt designs or just knock off what other chapters across the country are up to.
First year awkward moments are unavoidable. We all must endure them as a result of the adjustment from life with “the ‘rents” and the comfort of high school. Despite the friendliness of Grounds, your professors will not be so forgiving when you miss that pop quiz due to a necessary Bodo’s run. The Black Sheep is confident that you will bear some blunders, but the least we can do is offer some hard-earned pearls of wisdom so that you can avoid making typical first year mistakes. Let’s start with the basics - sitting down in the wrong class. Here’s the play by play: You will confidently stride into your calc class in Cabell Hall the first week, set down your bag, take out your notebook, and realize that you are surrounded by unfamiliar faces. Your heart will begin to flutter while your mind simultaneously works overtime to rationalize that you can’t be expected to register everyone’s face after only one day. You will start to look around hoping to find sanctuary in a recognizable face just as the teacher walks in. Oh no, wrong professor! By now, panic and perspiration are setting in, and you pray that the first year gods have allowed you to remember deodorant this morning. You turn to your neighbor and sheepishly whisper the question you already know the answer to: “Is this Applied Calc?” Your neighbor responds with a smug look that says: Congratulations you’re about to take part in your first college walk of shame, only no one is getting lucky beforehand. As the embarrassment burns your ears and rushes to your face, you grab your things and slink out as quickly as possible. In your first year it can be difficult to get to know people in such a large student body. This can pose an interesting problem for the neophyte (look it up) college fun-seeker. For some reason, prospective first year partygoers adopt a herd mentality, seeking safety in numbers as they traipse up and down Rugby Road in search of dubstep and drinks. The flock eventually meanders their way to a frat house, but much to their dismay, there are a few polo-clad frat bros standing at the gates of college fun. Their expression
reads: here we go again, more dipshit first years. Frat bro: Who do you know here? Fearless first year: I know a ton of brothers, they told me to stop by. Frat bro: Okay, how many brothers can you name? The first years will now pool whatever intellectual and social capital they possess to list out common boy names that they pray have chosen to join this particular fraternity. Predictably, they always lose. Once you’ve cracked the code, college parties are way cooler than high school parties, or so the average first year thinks. As a result, many first years live it up every chance they get as if that oh-so-catchy YOLO phrase is unironically playing on repeat in their brains. Eventually Monday nights will become a regular night to go out … and Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and then it’s the weekend! However, at this point first years have yet to learn that going out on that fifth Monday night in a row initiates an insidious chain of events. They start with an ever-futile attempt to wake up early and finish a paper, only to unavoidably sleep in, miss writing the paper, and miss class. But hey, it happens to the best of us, so when it does, don’t sweat it - unless this continues throughout the entire semester. This was but a chunky discharge in what will be the vomit of your first year. The fire alarm will wake you up at some ungodly hour when you have an 8a.m. class, you will sing the wrong words to The Good Ole Song at football games, you will mistake “Grounds” for “campus,” and you will get made fun of by your friends from home for calling yourself a “first year.” Of course, these are merely observations compiled by the braintrust that is The Black Sheep. Being extremely a capable, savvy, and extremely good looking writing staff, we have not suffered any of these uncomfortable situations. But we assure you, you will, so to all you first years, best of luck and don’t get lost on campus Grounds.
8. Happy Holidays!: Preparing for Christmas in the middle of the summer? By the time Christmas actually rolls around we’ll be dutifully prepared with marshmallow candy canes, Christmas tree brownies, and snowman shots. 7. Crafts on crafts on crafts: DIY projects are very popular on this site due to the very nature of its name. Whether you can actually create what you’ve pinned is a different story altogether as Pintester.com and Craftfail.com have hilariously proven. 6. Dare to Wear: This board makes you feel as if you’re shopping without having to spend the actual money. Here you can create your ideal virtual wardrobe and be the fashionista you always wanted to be. Just make sure to keep your virtual wardrobe and real world wardrobe separate. Wearing sweats to a bar, then saying “It’s fine, I posted a really cute outfit on Pinterest earlier,” just won’t fly. 5. Favorite Places & Spaces: Even though we can’t all be like Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love we can pretend from the comfort of our sofas. Barcelona, Paris, Sydney, you name it we’ll pin it. 4. Home Sweet Home: According to Mashable.com, pins for the home make up 17% of re-pins - a sizeable portion. If you are living off-grounds for the first time and are overenthusiastic about decorating, this board has plenty of ideas on arrangement, furniture and color schemes! 3. Nom Nom Nom: Chocolate truffles, chocolate mint Oreo cupcakes, chocolate mousse cake, chocolate crepes, etc. You can never have enough chocolate-infused recipes at your disposal! 2. P(inspiration): Everyone has their words to live by, and this board does just that. You can pretty much determine the emotional state of the pinner based on their pins. Our editor, for example, pinned this the other day: “How sweet life can be when the misery of one’s existence is blurred by slight intoxication – August Strindberg” he seems in high spirits! Currently on my board, however, is “Keep Calm and Wahoowa.” 1. Repeat After Me: Even though this board tends to scare all potential husbands away, ladies are allowed to fantasize. Everything from wedding cakes to dresses, there are enough pins to plan your wedding to the last detail. Patience until the big day ladies! Try not to reveal this board until, well, never… unless you can pawn it off as planning someone else’s wedding.
Ana Saragoza wrote this
page 6
worrying about waking up
theblacksheeponline.com
lauren bryant wrote this Do you have that fuzzy feeling in your brain? That feeling like you’re not exactly sure who you are and what’s going on around you, but you just want to lay down and shut your eyes for a couple dozen hours? Thinking about skipping your only class of the day so you can stay in bed? Do you force yourself to read at a desk because sitting on the couch would be the end of your study session? Are your eyelids slowly drooping to a closed position right now? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are suffering from the common college affliction of sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation is a stealthy villain. It can sneak up on you when you least expect it (like after the first two days of classes). It preys on every aspect of your life: school work, social life, work life, life life. You can be perfectly on top of things and then accidentally spend three hours perusing the status of your high school classmates on Facebook, simply because you’ve had four hours of sleep each of the past three nights. Not only does sleep deprivation attack you the day after you pull an all-nighter, but it will keep following you like a crazed stalker in Wal-Mart through the rest of the week— or worse, weeks. It figures out how to rearrange everything in your life so that even when you plan on going to bed early to catch up on sleep, something happens to prevent you from doing it. Your professor just posted a new assignment at 9pm, and it’s due at 12am. Everyone in the world --including your grandma, who just got her first computer
at the ripe old age of 93- thought it would be a good idea to send you emails. Your long-lost cousin from another marriage decided to call and reconnect? You can thank sleep deprivation. Then, because sleep deprivation is a chronic overachiever, it will try its hardest ruin everything you do the very next day. It will make you oversleep, because hey, who cares about being late for class. Need to go run some errands? Sleep deprivation will make sure that you forget where you’re going at least 4.5 times, and force you to take the least efficient route to every place. Starting a new job? Sleep deprivation will erase your memory of everything you learn, so that your coworkers think you are secretly a zombie and gossip about you in the break room. Not to mention that when you finally come home from your long, stressful day, and all you want to do is eat dinner and watch TV before going to bed, sleep deprivation will possess you to forget about the food you just put on the stove until the blaring smoke alarm and orange flames in your kitchen remind you. Of course, this is sleep deprivation’s plan, because now you’ll have to spend another night doing everything except sleeping. Sleep deprivation spins a web that you fall into just like a fly that’s
willing to embrace the sweet blackness of death. So, next time you feel your head start to drop in the middle of a lecture, or you notice that your handwriting becomes illegible and runs off the page, thank your good buddy sleep deprivation. While it may seem like your fate is sealed, remember that the weekend, which was invented by FDR in 1939 specifically to combat sleep deprivation, is coming to save you. All you need to do to get rid of it is to sleep until one o’clock in the afternoon at least one day of the weekend. The trick is not letting it get to you again. So just hang in there and don’t let that evil beast sleep deprivation win.
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
Which part of the Corner is cooler- Elliewood Avenue or 14th St? “I have to say 14th St., since I used to live on 15th.”
“If we’re comparing commercial areas, I think Elliewood’s cooler.”
“As a part of the Corner? I have to say 14th.”
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
The Grid THURS. SPECIAL 9/06 NIGHT
Friday: Happy Hour Specials $1 Tacos | Late Night Drink Specials | $2.50 Rails/ Green Card Member Deals
FRIDAY 9/07
Happy Hour Specials $1 Tacos | Late Night Drink Specials | $2.50 Rails/ Green Card Member Deals
SAT. 9/08
Rapture
$5 Big BurritosLate Night Drink Specials: $10 Mexican Beer Buckets $5 Malibu Long Islands
We have Felix and Awesome T-Shirts
4-7 $2 Drafts
Enjoy a happy hour whilst kicking your friends’ butt in Connect 4 (other games available)
Freaky Friday Free Garlic Knots with any 18’’ Large Pizza
Happy Hour Specials: 1/2 Priced Draft Beers & $3 Rails Every day from 3 until 7
College Football Day!
Grab a bucket of beer and hang out on the balcony.
Gameday Show your game ticket and get $4 off any order
Happy Hour Specials: 1/2 Priced Draft Beers & $3 Rails Every day from 3 until 7
$3 Pitchers
Date Night - $35 gets you either 1 appetizer or 1 dessert, 2 entrees and a pitcher of beer or a bottle of wine. Limited Menu
SUNDAY 9/09
Grad School Night! $2 Drafts & $2 Bourbon
Closed
MON. 9/10
Happy Hours Specials $3 Apps/$3 Margaritas Late Night Drink Specials $2 VA Gentleman
Happy Hour Specials $5 pitchers w/Any App! Late Night Drink Specials: $3 Sauza Tequila
TUES. 9/11
Sunday Date Night - $35 gets you either 1 appetizer or 1 dessert, 2 entrees and a pitcher of beer or a bottle of wine. Limited Menu
Happy Hour Specials: $6 fajitas Late Night Drink Specials - $2.50 BL 16 oz.
WED. 9/12
MONDAY: 4-7 $2 Drafts $9 Buckets
Happy Hour Specials All you can eat tacos Late Night Drink Specials $3 Pitchers of Baja Gold
4-7 $2 Drafts $9 Buckets
4-7 $2 Drafts $2 Rails
Boylan Dance Night 10pm
Over 80 Bottled Beers
Monday Madness Large Pie with 1 Topping and 2 Liter Soda for $15
Happy Hour Specials: 1/2 Priced Draft Beers & $3 Rails Every day from 3 until 7
Happy Hour Specials: 1/2 Priced Draft Beers & $3 Rails Every day from 3 until 7 Salsa Night lesson at 7, dance party at 8
Monday Madness Large Pie with 1 Topping and 2 Liter Soda for $15
Happy Hour Specials: 1/2 Priced Draft Beers & $3 Rails Every day from 3 until 7 Dane Alderson & Friends 10:00 PM (Free) Happy Hour Specials: 1/2 Priced Draft Beers & $3 Rails Every day from 3 until 7
10 Constantly Changing Taps
Locally sourced food from sustainable farms
Every Day: Happy Hour Specials: 1/2 Priced Draft Beers & $3 Rails from 3 Until 7
UmlautGoth & Industrial Dance Party 10:00 PM
Wahoo Wednesday
$10 XL Cheese Pizza All Day
Happy Hour Specials: 1/2 Priced Draft Beers & $3 Rails Every day from 3 until 7 Charlottesville Music Showcase 10:00 PM (FREE)
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
School Year’s Resolutions
page 9
lauren bryant wrote this No, don’t throw out your calendars—it’s not January 1st. Normal people (by normal, being people who don’t regularly pull all-nighters and carry backpacks) make resolutions for the new calendar year. Yet students’ calendars start in August, so we make new school year resolutions. In typical student fashion, however, these resolutions don’t stick for various reasons. Perhaps the reason is that humans are creatures of habit, and we easily fall into our old ways because they’re comfortable. Maybe it’s that our lives get so busy that we forget about them. Or maybe, it’s just that the calorie-saturated bacon cheeseburger at Five Guys smells so mouth-wateringly irresistible. For one reason or another those resolutions tend to fly out the window about ten seconds after we think them out loud. Lucky for you, we at The Black Sheep have a few ideas for how to keep up your school year resolutions. People generally have similar goals in school, so hopefully our tips will help out some other selfdescribed slackers. An easy resolution to start the year off is to get straight A’s (and to be honest, that probably means mostly A minuses). It’s going to be difficult to keep up this resolution once school starts for a couple of reasons... one being, WE HAVE LIVES. The other reason is the Internet, which was invented to distract all organisms with fully-formed frontal lobes from
completing any work that requires concentration and sustained effort. To counterbalance these opposing forces that attempt to assassinate students’ GPAs, make hard deadlines for schoolwork to be done before you go out for Thirsty Thursdays (…or pint night…or $2 PBRs…). Use your best imitation of your mother’s voice and say (probably out loud), “Hey, ya little shit, did you finish your homework?” If the answer is “Nope,” then ground yourself in your apartment to have a party with your good friends, Calc and Econ. If the answer is “Yes, self! You’re so annoying!” then go out. Simple as that. To counteract the effects of the Internet, spend more time studying in a library. Yes, you should feel guiltier about being on Facebook when taking up a chair in the library. We know what it’s like to be that person looking for a seat in a crowded library and give the evil eye to someone sitting in the perfect spot with their computer screen filled with pictures of last Thursday’s neon foam party (or whatever the kids are doing these days). You could also change your Facebook password to something you can’t remember (What is wrong with you?), but that still might be setting yourself up for failure. If you make an effort to follow your own rules, these little changes will help keep your GPA from tanking this year.
Unless you’re taking Orgo—then you’re on your own. The main ingredient in maintaining these resolutions is selfdiscipline. Fellow slackers are thinking: “What is this selfdiscipline thing they’re talking about, and why do they think that I have it if they just said this sentence was for ‘fellow slackers’?” The reason we say this is that we have faith that the slackers can do whatever they want if they put their minds to it (nineties child, Barney-watching self coming out now). So as the new school year begins, don’t get discouraged by the difficulty of self-discipline. You’ve got The Black Sheep on your side.
6 Fall Films That Probably Won't Suck
Summer is sadly over. This spells the end of the summer blockbuster. The Avengers, Amazing Spider-Man, The Dark Knight Rises, and other non-superhero films that people probably cared about all came out this summer. There are no more huge hype machines screaming at us from every conceivable media outlet what to go see. That three minute trailer could contain the only entertaining three minutes out of the entire film. Here we have a list of six good looking flicks coming this autumn. We give you the basic gist of their plots, what you can expect if it's a hit and what you can expect if it's a stinker. By: Michael Mattucci
Dredd 3D - September 21
Frankenweenie - october 5
pitch perfect - october 5
Based on the 2000 AD comic-book character, Dredd is a member of a police force of the future called Judges who have the authority to act as judge, jury and executioner. They are the law. After the 1995 Sylvester Stallone catastrophe known as Judge Dredd, this movie should easily hurdle the low-set bar left by Mr. Sly’s goofy turn as a roided-out future Rambo. However, while it will undoubtedly be an improvement from its 90s counterpart, on its own merits it could still fail to impress. It’s a simple story, and for it to work the direction and performances need to be on point, lest it turn out to be a Michael Bay-esque action orgy.
Tim Burton remakes his own 1984 short film, this time going for the stop-motion he’s so famous for (even if he didn’t actually direct The Nightmare Before Christmas). The main character, Victor, loves his dog so much that he finds a way to bring him back to life! Shenanigans ensue as he tries to keep his creation a secret from the rest of the neighborhood. And no, he doesn’t have sex with the dog, why would you even think that?
A musical comedy about a group of misfits who form an all-girl a capella group to compete against the boys? Clearly it’s a Glee/ girl power! cash-in, but could the student surpass its master? Glee has always been a “you love it or you hate it” program, but many Gleeks are losing faith in the show. Pitch Perfect looks to plummet down the forgettable movie musical hole, joining the ranks of Hairspray and From Justin to Kelly. If it doesn’t, we’ll sing its greatness from the mountaintops, because who doesn’t need more ridiculous musicals full of singing teenagers? It’s just like real life, minus the social awkwardness and bacne!
By reworking one of his earliest concepts, Burton has the opportunity to get back into form with a dark but family-friendly comedy that also tugs at your heartstrings. Remember the emotional rollercoaster that was Dark Shadows? No? Well, neither do we. Oh well, at least he’s not bringing his wife, Johnny Depp, and his mistress, Helena Bonham Carter down with him this time.
Paranormal Activity 4 october 19
The Man with the Iron Fists november 2
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 | november 16
The exact plot is being kept under wraps (probably because it’s the exact same plot as the other three films), but Katy and her nephew Hunter, both missing since the events of the first two films, are now living next door to an unsuspecting family. These movies certainly stick to what Edgar Allen Poe called a “singular effect.” But just as Saw through Saw XXVI proved, many consumers love being force-fed the same scare tactics. And while they do try and change the game a little with each installment, overall we can’t imagine this film will change your tune if you disliked the first three. And if you disliked the first three, why do you keep coming back? PHONY!
This is a story of a village in nineteenth-century China banding together to fight off a larger threat. Don’t come to the theater expecting any level of historical accuracy. The Man with the Iron Fists looks to be a crazy over-the-top kung-fu action film with its own unique style brought to you by RZA, one of the most prominent members of the Wu-Tang Clan. However, he only co-wrote the film. His partner in this endeavor? Eli Roth, whose writing experience centers around the teenagers he brutally tortures in his gore-porn films. So let’s hope he didn’t help with the dialogue this time around. Here is a Rothian gem from Cabin Fever, in case you’re not familiar with his genius: Paul – “Why would you wanna kill squirrels?” Bert - “‘cause they’re gay.”
This made it on the list because regardless of the hate it gets, the franchise has a huge fanbase that throws its parent’s/boyfriend’s money at it. A success is a success. It’s Twilight - no further introductions needed. If you’re a Twilight fan there’s pretty much nothing I can say to make you want to go see this any more or less than you already do. As for the people being dragged to this by their significant other, one can only hope that the film comes full-circle from terrible to terribly entertaining. Otherwise, constant remind your partner of the sexual courtesies they owe you for actually seeing this.
the interview
Dan Deacon
Ask someone what they first think of when Baltimore comes to mind, and often the response will be one of two things: Crime or The Wire. Well, there’s also Dan Deacon, people. Part of the vibrant Wham City Collective, Deacon’s brand of music is as weird as it is catchy. His latest album, America, dropped August 27th. Be patriotic and cop that shit. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: I’m not as interested in how you started playing music, but when did it hit you that this is something you wanted to do for a living? Dan Deacon: Actually, I think the “this is it” moment came in three parts. When I was young and I first heard the trombone, I knew at that moment I was really interested in music. The second step toward my life in music occurred when I first started using MIDI files (Editor’s Note: these are used in making music on a computer.), it showed me how much one could actually toy with sounds, and those sounds became music. It wasn’t until my first tour that I was sure that this was what I wanted to do for a living. I wrapped up a tour and realized that I got paid a little bit of money to play music in parts of the world I didn’t think I was going to see. TBS: Your live shows are notoriously awesome. Do you plan ahead for them, or is it all spontaneous? Dan: When I’m playing a live show, a lot of what happens really is playing off the crowd’s energy. I’ll try to introduce one or two new ideas on each tour, but a lot of what happens are spontaneous reactions to the crowd’s energy. Like, if the crowd is going crazy, I’m having a great time up there. If the crowd doesn’t seem like it’s having a good time, I take it in one of two directions, either I’ll try harder to try to win them over, or it’ll be like, “fuck ‘em, I’m doing this anyway.” TBS: So what’s it like playing in front of a crowd that’s not into it? Dan: Oh, I mean, that rarely happens. I’d say nine out of ten times the crowd is really into it. I mean, really, I can’t even remember the last time I played a show and the crowd wasn’t having a good time. Even then, when I say, “fuck ‘em,” it’s more, “I’m going to put on the best show I can, regardless of what they may think about it.” TBS: Over the past few years electronic music has really came on the scene, though it’s music that’s very different from the stuff that you do. Does that excite you? Make you wary? Dan: I’ll just be happy when it’s not considered electronic music anymore. I may not be really into a lot of what people consider electronic music, but I’m really interested in the way artists are able to create sounds that we’ve never seen in music before. Even more than that, many “electronic” musicians add non-electronic elements to their music. What I don’t want to see is us going backward- music that sounds like music that was popular in the eighties and the nineties.
the big three
entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.
bachelorette
in theaters september 7
TBS: When you started to introduce elements like strings into your music again, was that difficult? Was there a learning curve? Dan: Well, when I started working with acoustic instruments again, it was challenging. I was rusty, having not used them in so long. Creating music isn’t like riding a bike—you don’t just pick it back up right away; it’s like speaking a language, if you don’t practice regularly, then you lose those skills. When I picked up some of the compositions that I had written when I was in college I was sitting there wondering how I had put them together back then.
Yes, it's similar to the Kristen Wiig classic Bridesmaids, but who doesn't love a good tale of a bunch of gals gettin' together and having a good time (aka, getting drunk at a wedding)? Plus it stars Rebel Wilson, the hilarious Australian lass who is definitely going to say an inappropriate thing or seven throughout the film.
TBS: What the hell is “Crystal Cat” about? Dan: [Laughs] I’ve never heard anyone ask that before. Well, on “Crystal Cat” I took the instrumental part of the song and I just started making nonsense noises that fit with how the song was progressing. After that, I worked on turning those noises into words, which fit with the music.
British indie group The XX are back with their much anticipated second album Coexist. They broke out way back in 2009 with their critically acclaimed self-titled debut, releasing great single after great single. Coexist is a danceier album then the subtle, sexy tunes that we're used to, but it's definitely still going to be awesome.
TBS: Watermelon or cantaloupe? Dan: I guess it would depend on the situation that I’m in, but nine times out of ten I’m going to choose the watermelon. TBS: If you could have any mythical creature as a pet, what animal would you choose? Dan: A dragon. TBS: What is one thing you want to see or do before you die? Dan: I’m not sure. Nothing.
The xx - coexist
out september 11
the mtv video music awards
thursday, september 6th at 8pm
It ain't The Grammys, but it's a hell of a lot more interesting. Comedian Kevin Hart hosts this year's event, and the potential shenanigans is what gets us most excited. Will Kanye propose to Kim? Will Carly Rae Jepson be recognized as a real artist? Will Skrillex flip that hair around on stage to accept the first EDM award? We're just dying of anticipation over here.
page 12
theblacksheeponline.com
bartender of the week Jessie Baja Bean How long have you been bartending at Baja Bean?: I’ve been at Baja Bean for almost two years...it’ll be two years in January. Before that I bartended at a place called the Depot Grille in Lynchburg...and restaurants all over the place. What is your favorite mixed drink?: A shot of bourbon and a Pepsi back. Now, my favorite drink to make for customers is Strawberry Limonade... it’s a frozen blended drink with Bacardi Limon with rum, and our fresh fruit strawberry mix that we make. It’s tasty. Do you go for craft beers, or do you prefer more commercial ones?: I like the Dos Equis we have on draft, it’s probably my favorite. The Breckenridge Agave Wheat is pretty tasty too, it’s infused with agave nectar. It’s kind of a light, crisp, summery beer. What’s the worst night to bartend?: Wednesday nights- 3 dollar pitchers, when people puke all over the bathroom...not good. It’s not fun, not fun at all. Do you work the karaoke shift?: Karaoke nights are fun- and interesting. There’s the guy who comes
the drinking game
Candyland So maybe we’re trying to hold onto our childhood, or maybe we just find pleasure in corrupting childhood games. Either way, this game is bitchin’. What You’ll Need: Candyland board game, alcohol of your choice, beer. Number of Players: 4 Level of Intoxication: You’ll be trying to get Princess Lolly and Queen Frostine to skinny dip in the Ice Cream Sea. How to Play: - Set up your Candyland board game and stack your shuffled cards together in a pile. - Set up four shot glasses and four cups of beer. - Players must choose a color that will remain theirs for the rest of the game. - First player must draw a card and move to the closest corresponding color. - If the color on the card matches the player’s color, they can move ahead to the closest square of that color. This player also chooses one other player to chug a beer, one second for each square the piece moves forward. - If the color on the card is not their color, they must move backward on the board to that color and chug beer for one second for each square the piece moves backward. - The player then sits on that color until they pull their color, taking a shot every turn they don’t. The Game Ends When: Someone reaches Candyland or someone gets Gloppy all over the board.
download our app for all of our drinking games!
and sings “Baby Got Back” every Tuesday and Thursday. Super fly. It’s dinner, drinks and a show. It’s awesome. In Europe, they don’t have any open container laws; you can drink on the banks of the River Seine with your friends. What’s your opinion on them here?: Well in the Czech Republic the drinking age is 16 and the driving age is 18, so in Europe they’re already growing up, getting used to drinking between the ages of 16 and 21. They’re already kind of molded into not getting out of hand. Unlike here, where you go crazy once you’re legally allowed to drink. That’s not really an argument against public drinking, though. What about having a drink in a national park, and be well-behaved?: Yeah, you can’t go up to the mountains, have a picnic, and enjoy the day with some drinks...I think that’s a little ridiculous. Now walking around the corner with a Solo cup full of Natty Light-- that could get a little out of hand. There’s a big difference between drinking on secluded (public) land and walking around with beer on the corner.
Recipe for Disaster
Cereal Fruit Pie It’s hard getting away with eating dessert for breakfast, but lucky for you we’ve come up with an airtight recipe that will have you cramming sugar down your gullet on a daily basis. What You’ll Need: Fruity Pebbles, strawberries, cool whip, butter, plastic bag, 9 inch pie pan. Cook Time: 30 minutes Fatty Factor: You’re basically eating a stick of butter, so take that for what it’s worth. Let’s Get Baked: - Fill a large plastic bag with Fruity Pebbles. - Smash the bag until all the cereal is crushed to little pieces. - Combine ½ cup of butter with the cereal in a bowl and microwave until the butter is melted. - Stir until all the butter and cereal is one hot primordial soup. - Take your “pie crust” and lay it down on your buttered or non-stick pan. - Place in a 350 degree oven for about 10 minutes, take it out and let it sit for another 10 minutes. - Once cooled, fill the crust with cool whip. - Pop in some cut up strawberries or preferred fruit. - Dig in! You might think because it has the word “pie” in it that it must be a dessert. Well, it also has the word “cereal,” and therefore you can eat it for breakfast!
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
page 13
What Your First College Facebook Album Title Says About You Kevin Hanes wrote this A picture may be worth 1,000 words, but a title is made up of, like, four words, and they’re worth something, too. Not only is the album title as personal and unique as giving or receiving your first OTPHJ, but it’s quite an important feat in your 18 years of life. Breaking into college Facebook album territory is like fresh tail; it’s all moist and exciting, and then you get to brag about how good it was later on. All the high school kids back home are going to be so jealous seeing you stuff your face with pizza at 2:30 in the morning in your brand new “college bitches!!!!!” album. The first album title is crucial. Just hope that your title doesn’t translate to a lonely, sexless college life. Charlottesvillllllllleeeeee We get it, you’re excited for college. We see that with your extra twenty L’s. You’re a bit dramatic, and you’re also one of those girls that gets wasted after two Keystones. You’ll enjoy getting real sloshed on Wednesdays, and you’re always seeking a good jam to sing along with at the bar. Unfortunately, you are very clingy, which prevents you from getting anything but random hookups. Bummer. “Young, Wild, and Free” Cool! You are like, so original with that lyric you got from your favorite song. “It’s just perfect,” you tell yourself as you confidently click “Create New Album.” But seriously, who are you trying to impress? You’re not proving to anyone you have amazing taste in music, that’s for sure. You love
following people. You will dabble in some drugs, and you’re almost always down to drink and screw. You’re a typical college student, and you will always be this way. Days of Our Later Adolescent Lives Really? Who do you think you are with your “deep” abstract crap? Just because you smoke pot and peruse Pitchfork doesn’t mean you’re different –It means you’re cripplingly lonely. In college you will struggle with everything that doesn’t have to do with school. You will fill this album with lots of sober dorm nights and music sessions. UVA First Year!!!!! Pretty classic but also pretty boring. It’s sad to say, but you’re the gross chick that wants to take as many pictures as humanly possible simply to show that you’re blossoming into the social butterfly you so desperately want to be. You got lucky and became friends with attractive people, and because of this you tag along to their cooler functions without problems. Fortunately, you’ll get a lot of sloppy blacked-out hookups purely for having lady parts. Unfortunately, you will compensate for your insecurities by heavily drinking and will find yourself wasted and friendless in the bathroom of a bar, face in toilet, an hour past close. After you’ve filled your album with 200 unnecessary pictures of you and your gal pals posing before each night out, there comes a time to make a decision: Will there be a part one?
DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!
“The Freshman 15”
Ragged Mountain Running Shop AlwAyS A SPECIAL 10% STUDENT DISCOUNT AND A offeRing FREE SHIRT WITH YOUR NEXT SHOE PURCHASE! Conveniently located across from Grounds VA #3 Elliewood Where UVA students have been treating their legs and lungs as an alternate to the “Freshman 15” lifestyle since 1982! RaggedMountainRunning.com
A part two? Should you go back and delete a few where you didn’t look that good? Well you can’t delete that one because Kelsey looks really hot in it. Ugh, why can’t we all just go back to Polaroids?
the classtime
totally tailgating
Across
4) ESPN’s Saturday morning gig. 8) You can thank them for setting it all up, usually. 9) 50% of the time you don’t make it here. 12) Basically bags. 15) The OG drinking game. 17) The act of making extremely delicious things. 19) Throwing bolas. 20) A bro’s tailgating uniform. 21) A handstand with help.
7) Huge, cheap, and everyone centers around it. 10) A real badass brings this RV. 11) The whole reason you do this, supposedly. 13) One shot every 60 minutes. 14) Brought attention (and cameras) to tailgating. 16) A standard starting time, in the A.M. 18) Keeps that beer so kool.
Down
1) We can think of a sunny tune about this game. 2) Ladies will dawn these with their school’s logo. 3) Fat-free, but not booze free. 4) With beans, or without. 5) Burgers, hot dogs, brats... bacon... 6) Pairs nicely with chips.
Answers
twitter trivia hicwh hosclo sha aemd hte omts soer lbow aapcneerps? Unscramble the clue above and tweet us your answer @BlackSheepUVA
Meet The Staff
Find Us At...
campus manager Jakob Scheidt
promotions manager Ruoxi Cao
Editorial manager Emily Hagenburger
campus director Brendan Bonham
copy editor Copy Editor Advertising Manager AJ Nair Writers Spencer Schloss, Ana Saragoza photographer John Soong distribution manager Peter Finocchio Social media manager Monica Mohapatra
The first 3 right answers win a sweet prize!
owner Atish Doshi Founders Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers, Jakob Scheidt, AJ Nair Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com Advertising? ads@theblacksheeponline.com
Arch’s Frozen Marco and Luca The V Virginia Blood Residences Yogurt Mellow Mushroom The Virginian Services Alderman Road Baja Bean Michael’s Bistro The Whiskey Jar Skybar Residences Boylan Heights and Tap The White Spot Blue Light Grille Residential ColBrixx Pizza No. 3 University Place X-Lounge leges CBS Rentals Qdoba Mexican Wild Wing Cafe Rapture Brown College Christian’s Pizza Grill Milan Indian Res- The Men and Boy’s IRC Christian’s Pizza Ragged Mountain taurant Shop UVA Bookstore Cinema Taco Running Shop Royal Indian ResButtz BBQ O-Hill Dining Hall Citizen Burger Bar Slice Pizza taurant Mincer’s Runk Dining Hall Coupes South Street Maharaja N-Telos Pavilion Clemons Library Dunkin’ Donuts Brewery Sun Tan City College Inn Alderman Library Grand Marc Starbucks El Jaripeo Student Book Store Brown Engineering Jimmy John’s The Biltmore Cafe Europa Panera Bread Library Marco and Luca The Pigeon Hole The Corner Grocery McCormick Road Nau/ Gibson Hall
Disclaimer
The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
Eagles Landing Apartments Real Property Inc. Veliky Apartments Grandmark Apartments Street Bins Street Teams All Greek Houses MORE!
Owned & Operated By: Black Card Media, LLC 2130 W. Potomac Ave. Suite 1 Chicago, IL 60622 217.390.1747
the classtime I’m just reading over my ___1___ entry from yesterday, where I live-blogged my first day of college. Holy ___2___, I am awesome: 8 am: Okay, so I’m getting ready for my first “class” lol. This to-go coffee mug is so perfect for ___3___ and ___4___. Plus I’ll look so ___5___ around the guys. I hope some are wearing ___6___! 10:20 am: Thaaaat was boring. Skipping ___7___ because I don’t even know what I want to be yet. I’m thinking I could be the next ___8___ because I’m so emotional and creative. Hopefully my roommate is back, she’s from ___9___ but I can tell she’s got a wild side to her, like that bitch ___10___. Maybe she’ll want to rip the ___11___ and go H.A.M. in the caf. 11:30 am: WOW what a ___12___! She said she won’t smoke yet because she usually waits until right before dinner. I wonder if everything is okay? I found her fifth of ___13___ and I’m just going to have a sip.
madlib: 1st day of first year
11:55am: I just Googled hiccup cure. :/ 1:30 pm: So I went to the Caf by myself and spilled a tray of ___14___ all over this cute dark-skinned boy. I said “___15___, you ain’t trippin’, I am trippin.’” Everyone laughed at me! Maybe I’ll be the next Chelsea Handler? 2pm: I just ordered an extra-large, double ___16___ pizza, about to carry it down the hall to make some drinkin’ buddies. 4:35 PM: OH MY GOSH I just got this sophomore to buy me alcohol, but she insisted on a 6-pack of ___17___ instead of the 30 rack I hoped for. She goes, “You don’t want to end up like ___18____.” I was kind of offended, but I took them anyway. 9:30 pm: Wow, I’ve never had a nap like that before! Feels like I’ve been on ___20___ for like three years. I went to the bathroom and saw I had vomit on my ___21____ so that’s cool. Met some girls bonging ___22___ in the bathroom, so I think I’m going to meet up with them now. College is awesome!
sign a lease within 48hrs of taking a tour and get
AUGUST FREE
1) online blog/journal 2) expletive 3) Cheap liquor 4) unusual mixer 5) adjective for smart 6) type of fabric 7) Entry-level math 8) Trendy author 9) foreign country 10) rowdy celebrity 11) weed smoking device 12) adjective for dork 13) expensive liquor 14) drunk food 15) slang for boy 16) meat topping 17) craft beer 18) celebrity in #10 19) Trashy mtv show 20) Planet 21) Article of clothing 22) cheap beer
NEW FURNITURE PACKAGE
+
$100 OFF UVA DINING MEAL PLAN when you sign a lease
+ ZERO DOWN AND NEW LOW RATES
short term leases available uvaplace.com | 434.295.5531 | 100 Wahoo Way
Rates, fees, deadlines and utilities included are subject to change | applies to new meal plans only