Western Michigan - Issue 3 - 2/6/2013

The Black Sheep

Fr ee . ra .. lik nd e f om al s d lin ur g il in l f g fl rom u se kis as sin on g

• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •

Volume 6, Issue 3 • 2/7/13 - 2/20/13

theblacksheeponline.com @black_sheep_wmu

The Cyclical Nature of Relationships during Valentine’s Day wmu staff wrote this Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. No matter where you find yourself regarding your relationship status, seek comfort in the fact that other people don’t have it any better, no matter how good they make it look. We all came into this world alone, and we’ll all die alone. Enjoy the day as much as you can even if that means you will regret your actions afterward.

“Single” Phase: Do you hate Valentine’s Day? Do you believe that it is no more than a Hallmark induced conspiracy rather than a bona fide holiday? So you will probably eat a ton of chocolates and end up watching sappy chick flicks or dress up in a scantily clad outfit and go out with friends hoping for a last minute hook-up, or at least a pity screw. Despite your disdain for the holiday you’ll still check your mail box for valentines, finding only a card with a kitten on it from Grandma. Every time the doorbell rings you’ll still run to the door, desperately hoping for some last minute glint of hope in the form of flowers, edible arrangement, or even a singing telegram.

“Crushing” Phase: Whether you have been on a few dates or you are still trying to catch that special person’s eye, you’ll check every text message in hopes for a romantic gesture, or at least a naked picture. You’ll look forward to the possibility of receiving a gift and hope that the gift is from that person and not some other schmuck attempting to win your favor. Or maybe you’ll send a gift, hoping that the receiver didn’t wish it was from someone else.

“Honeymoon” Phase: After spending an exorbitant amount of money, time and effort on an outfit, gifts, making big plans and reservations for an expensive dinner, then trailing rose petals from the front door to the boudoir and carefully spreading them in the shape of a heart on the bed, you’ll light candles. As the wax gets hot, chill the champagne, wrap the box of chocolates, and shave your legs or face (or both?) with expectations that you are getting some. Breakfast in bed would not only be icing on the cake, but also lead to Round 2 of the boot-knocking.

“Established Relationship” Phase: While you desperately desire a token of appreciation and a gesture that even hints at romance, the wave of prior obligations in your life have somehow blindsided you from making any preparations regarding this “so-called” holiday. A gas station rose, a king-sized candy bar, and a case of your favorite beer or a box of your favorite wine would make the day complete and a quickie on the couch would cinch this day as the best in a while.

“I Hate You” Phase: Every relationship has an expiration date.

Yours is roughly two months, six days and four hours past that, when you found out she liked dubstep. Unfortunately, that delicate

What They Mean:

It's just a nice way of saying that they're waiting for spring break to dump your sorry ass.

page 7

quality you fell in love with translates to weeping, hardcore emotional blackmail and mind-blowing hate sex. But you’re still not getting her the earrings she’s been hinting at for the past two weeks.

“After the Break Up” Phase: Back to square one of being single but with more things to ignite, none of them being passion. More watching sappy movies than when you were single and still gorging yourself with a ton of chocolates, but this time followed with the

what'’s inside

Valentine's Day red flags

ceremonial fire in which all artifacts obtained in the past relationship must be relinquished to flames. Every kiss-ass, sentimental love letter goes up in flames as well as any other flammable gifts, such as stuffed animals and birthday cards. Even non-flammable items meet their demise by throwing, smashing, or in some cases (outside the city limits) by shotgun. Whence closure is found, the cycle starts anew, back to the single phase once again.

Clearance candy day!

Don't let "all my homeless friends love long john silver's" pass as an excuse for a bad dinner.

Or, the day the toned legs you worked so hard for, died.

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Presumptwous:

A college student’s mistaken belief that a spontaneous threesome will occur during his or her college career. “‘It may have been presumptwous of me to think that I was going to have a threesome with those two girls who sat next to me at Arby’s,” Teddy uttered.

The

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Top 10

theblacksheeponline.com

Single Things to Do on Valentine's Day

10.) Eat: One of the perks of being single on Valentine’s Day is there’s no one to judge you when you order and eat an entire pineapple pizza by folding it in half like a taco, wash it down with a cheap bottle of wine, and polish off a heart shaped box of chocolates the Walgreens clerk thought was for your girlfriend.

9.) Masturbate: The difference between this and any other Thursday is that you can make it special. Treat your hand to ice cream. Sensuously lick it clean. Splurge on a fancy lotion. No more of that amateur stuff - watch one of those classy porns that have title credits. Make it a night to remember for the both of you.

8.) Hang out: Believe it or not, you are probably not the only single person you know.

This Valentine’s Day, find all the single people in your contact list and go bowling with them (after everybody is done masturbating).

7.) “Jokingly” suggest to your single friend that since you’re both single, maybe you should date: Haha, you’re totally right, Greg, that would be so weird! I was just joking, that would be too weird! I think of you as a little sister too, that’s why it would be weird!

Weird, right? Weird!

Valentine’s Fashion Erica Brazelton wrote this Ah! It’s the time of the year for chocolates and teddies. Not just teddy bears, but that sexy little number you’ve been waiting months to premiere.

Valentine’s Day is a day for couples to become nauseating and a day for single folks to cry into their pillows. But how do we make the right decision when it comes to that sexy outfit for the special day? Here are some fashion dos and don’ts for this year’s Valentine’s Day. DON’T attempt the “tame stripper” look. It’s ohso-90’s in the first place. Clear 5-inch pumps are a definite no-no when out in public with that special guy. Ginger Spice is not your Valentine’s heroine.

While we’re at it, let’s agree that all 90’s Spice Girls wear is irrevocably inappropriate. No one wants to see your panties while you pretend to have manners. We’re also sure platforms, crop-tops, animal prints, and red spandex are all paths to quick goodnights, or embarrassing good-mornings.

4.) Go out: If you’re single or like stuffed bears wearing top hats, look no further. This Valentine’s Day, Kalamazoo’s hottest club is “Cїrclê.” Located between four train tracks and a meth lab, this place has everything: egg rolls filled with goldfish, a statue of Zoe Saldana made out of Twizzlers and a shaved cat that looks like Jon Stewart. There’s no cover charge. Just answer the bouncer’s riddle, “What have I got in my pocket?”

DO take the time to fold that little number carefully and hide it in the bottom of your purse or if you know you’ll be taking him home, strategically place your delicates in the bathroom.

3. Have a Skype date with your fake girlfriend: She gets lonely, you’ll tell your friends.

Super-Hot Modeling/Astronaut Academy in Manchester is so exclusive it’s pretty much just her and her professors, Heidi Klum and Marilyn Monroe’s ghost.

DON’T wear body altering undergarments. We spit on the idea that all women should try for the body of a Victoria’s Secret model. Most doctors frown on adults being less than 120lbs, so why the entire spandex wrap around? Best case scenario, you’ll have a lot of explaining to do when you get home from dinner. We don’t see the need for Spanx, and a corset, and “shape holding” tights. You might as well be preparing for battle, what with all the protective gear.

2.) Masturbate (again): Oh God. I should not have eaten an entire pineapple pizza and six boxes of candy hearts before doing this. Why am I so lonely!

DO wear something that shows off your curves.

Pointy hip bones count, ladies, it’s that sexy WOW factor. If you put on a sexy dress, you’ll feel like you’re wearing a sexy dress. When you feel like you’re wearing a sexy dress. You. Feel. Sexy. So work! Show him what the good lord gave ya.

DON’T cover your entire body in knock-off Chanel No. 5. It’s upsetting to everyone. Your date won’t be able to stomach dinner, let alone a goodnight kiss. Perfume should be a hint of pleasant, not a drowning in scent.

DON’T slather your face in makeup like some trashy orange horse beast. You are not Gollum.

There is nothing on your face that you can possibly need to cover up with a pound of concealer and blue eye shadow.

DO selectively put perfume on the erogonous zones. Neck, ear, wrist. Any more than that, resort to “don’t” number 2.

DO wear your hair and makeup as naturally as possible. A touch of lipstick and a little rouge go way further in convincing your date you’re naturally beautiful than a factory made pancake on your face.

DO wash it.

DON’T wear your lingerie out to dinner! It’s uncomfortable for one thing, and you’re certain to get crazy lines under your V-day outfit. The big-

5.) Invent a new kind of fun: Combining cupcake eating with trampoline-ing is a nice start. Why don’t you drink a bottle of NyQuil and a pot of coffee and just see where the night takes you? Bonus points if you record it and send it to The Black Sheep.

gest issue would be the cleanliness factor. Remember those old timey movies where the lady friend goes to “freshen up,” before she turned down the sheets? Lingerie shouldn’t smell like the dinner you just had. Gross.

DO wear something comfortable and cute. There is nothing wrong with leggings and a low cut sweater! (Avoid moth holes, or bulky grandma favorites.)

When you wear something you feel confident in, your date will melt before the butter on your lobster will (hopefully he took you to Red Lobster or somewhere else equally fancy, like Denny's).

DON’T tease your hair.

6.) Hook up: Being single and attractive on Valentine’s Day is like being in a candy shop while the store clerk is on a smoke break. Sure, you know it’s wrong to take advantage of that sweetie’s sudden vulnerability, but come on: her best friend just got engaged.

They may seem like common sense, but these fashion tips will have you feeling sexy, confident, and glad you didn’t stay in your apartment to cry and eat ice cream all night.

1.) Take up a hobby: More to keep your hands busy than anything else. Devil’s playthings and all that. A cool bonus is you can give your traitor friends weirdly passive aggressive embroidered doilies. “You might be her ‘Punkin’ now, but you’ll always be my ‘Tsunami Ass.’” “Sometimes I think of how we used to be.” “Slut.”

@Black_Sheep_wmu wrote this

page 7

the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android

Valentine's Day Red Flags Sara Czarnecki wrote this “Aw, a macaroni picture of our love. At least he tried, right?” No. Shut up. Valentine’s Day is one of those Yoda things: “Do it right, or home alone you will go.

There is no try.” If you have a sweetheart, being original and creative is one way to show you care. But it has limits, and these limits are festively red flags to your new love.

Here are some red flags we’ve gathered for Valentine’s Day that should make you stop and think if you’re being desperate by putting up with their nonsense, or you really like lazy people: If you’re given Christmas candy in place of Valentine’s Day candy, that’s a red flag: Not only are they giving you month and a half old candy, but chances are that that Christmas candy was a gift from grandma that she picked up while buying crackers from the dollar store.

This can also be a subtle attempt to poison you.

If your date takes you to Long John Silver’s instead of a fancy sushi place, that’s a red flag: Wait, Long John Silver’s is open when it’s not Lent?

If your date talks about hypoallergenic cats at dinner, that’s a red flag: Not only are cat-obsessed people weird, but people who are allergic to cats, and still want a loving flea bag and are willing to spend over a grand on a special cat, created by science, are weirder.

If your date forgets his wallet and can't pay for dinner, that’s ONLY an orange flag: We’ve done it, and it can be forgiven with sex appeal.

If your date forgets his wallet for the second time, that’s a red flag: Twice is unforgivable. Does he even have a job? No? Deal breaker.

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"Who is your Valentine this year and how will you be spending Valentine's Day? "My boyfriend Bruce. We'll maybe do dinner and a movie. Nothing special."

- Lynn, Grad Student

Being blinded by a new love interest is typical. We at The Black Sheep often find ourselves blinded by a great beard or a confident mustache. We all fall victim to ignoring whatever it is he/she does that in the real world, would annoy the shit out of us, but because we are getting attention while making single people jealous, we couldn't care less that they listen to crappy music. (Actually, scratch that. If you listen to Taylor Swift, you are dead to us forever.)

What constitutes as a red flag during Valentine’s Day? And why can’t it be enough if they even remembered the holiday in the first place? Because it can’t. Halfassing Valentine’s Day is like going to the gym to watch people work out, but you still want that bragging right of telling people, “I was there, but the machines were full.” It doesn’t work. The people who half-ass Valentine’s Day are the same people who know that there’s an exam, yet still never have a pencil.

From the Streets

If your date is overdressed for your date, that’s a red flag: The last thing you want is to be out in public with a chick in a ball gown and opera gloves while you’re wearing grease-stained jeans and a Sex Pistols tee.

If your date only talks about frat parties while you’re on a date, that’s a red flag: We understand these are your golden years, but that black light party was three years ago.

"My boyfriend. Valentine's Day is a Thursday, so we'll do something that weekend."

- Isa, Grad Student

If your date invites you back for wine and cheese, but the wine is out of a box and the cheese is in a stick form, that’s a red flag: Hanging out with your friends and drinking boxed wine is more than an acceptable way to pass the time, and cheese sticks are a great source of calcium, but when put together after a romantic evening, it begs the question, “Do they even care about getting into my pants? Or do they enjoy an obnoxious amount of wine and care about my future fighting osteoporosis?”

If your date stops for condoms before he takes you home, that’s a red flag: There’s nothing more classy than having a deep conversation with a guy as he pulls into The Den and comes out with a box of Trojans and no Den Pop. That douchebag just stole your entire night and you’ll never get it back.

Remember, having a date for Valentine’s Day is all great and grand, but don’t settle for any chump off the streets. Is wasting two hours at Long John Silver’s with a pervert that likes Taylor Swift really that much worse than being single?

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What They Really Mean on Valentine’s Day wmu staff wrote this

Can we do that special thing?

Men: Anal Women: Oral Do you have a restaurant in mind?

Men: I haven’t planned that far in advance.

Women: I have already decided where we’re going.

I didn’t get you anything.

Men: Didn’t think we’d still be together.

Women: Unless… you got me something. Then I do have a gift for you.

I don’t want to have sex tonight.

Men: I’m still waiting on those STD results.

Women: I’m on my period.

I hope you like the gift…

Men: This is my ex’s…

Women: I spent next semester’s tuition on this…

I love you.

Men: I have commitment issues.

Women: I have issues about your commitment.

I told my friends we’d stop by the party just to say hello.

Men: I’m ditching you at the first opportunity.

Women: I want you to meet all of my friends, coworkers, exes, and my sister.

I’m not drunk.

Men: I’m wasted.

Women: Fajkslad;i Sorry, I have to cancel our date.

Something big came up…

Men: I found a hotter date.

Women: My dog died.

Want to lay low tonight?

Men: Halo and bong rips?

Women: Eat me out for more than 2 minutes?

Want to order in?

Men: My roommate is ordering pizza.

Women: I’m naked and waiting.

We need to talk.

Men: I can’t pay for dinner.

Women: I’m pregnant.

You clean up nicely.

Men: Better than I expected…

Women: You look like you’re paying for dinner.

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the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android

bartender of the week whitney s. the grotto Age: 23

can joke around with you.

Nickname: Whit

Least Favorite Type of Customer: People that come in and think they’ll get free shit just because they know my name.

Favorite Drink Recipe: Grotto pink lemonade: Bacardi Razz, lemon, lemonade, and grenadine.

Favorite Beer: Lollipop: Cherry wheat and Woodchuck mixed.

Favorite Shot Recipe: Green tea: Jameson, peach schnapps, Sprite, and sour mix

Favorite Night to Work: Any night, but I like when it’s busier.

Favorite “I Dare You” Shot: The bar mat shot after a long, busy night!

Favorite Event at The Grotto: St. Patty’s Day or homecoming

Best Thing You’ve Ever Seen On the Job: Someone threw up under the bar after a bear fight shot.

Favorite Quote: Anything from Tommy Boy, it’s a classic.

Favorite Drink Special: $4 bloodys on Sunday Favorite Type of Customer: Regulars that

Favorite Food: Turkey sandwiches, I could eat them every meal of the day.

Least Favorite Drink to Make: Probably martinis, I love drinking them though.

the drinking game:

recipe for disaster:

Hockey fans everywhere are boozing hard and celebrating the end of the lockout. At the same time, the bandwagon fans are still asking what a lockout is. Pregaming with some puck guarantees a great night.

Everyone has experienced that awful moment at the pregame when you realize you brought the booze but forgot the chaser. Forget the two liter of Sprite and add some sweet flavor to your cheap, crappy vodka in a different way. Cavity vodka is a great way to get rid of that Burnett’s laying in your freezer you have yet to have the desire to drink or even look at.

What You’ll Need: A fifth and a case for every 2-3 players.

Number of Players: As many as you can find who truly like hockey.

So, not many.

Level of Intoxication: You’ll have a nice buzz on before the last one sounds.

What You’ll Need: A handle of plain Burnett’s or any cheap vodka and a bag of your favorite kind of fruity or sour candies (Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, Mike and Ikes, Starburst).

Cook Time: At least 24 hours. Be patient.

Fatty Factor: Won’t cause you any heart attacks, but you should probably visit your dentist soon.

How To Play: - Take a shot of beer for every offside or icing call.

- Beer bong or shotgun a beer for every fight.

- Chug five seconds for every minute of penalty.

- Take a shot at the end of every period.

- Take a shot of beer for every shot on goal.

- Take a shot for every goal.

- Take two shots for every time the goalie accidentally knocks the puck in.

- Take a shot for every goal your team won or lost by.

Let’s Get Baked: - Place the candy at the bottom of a large container or sort out evenly into smaller containers.

- Pour vodka into the containers over the candy, leaving at least three inches at the top.

- Shake the container well.

- Let the container sit for at least a day; however, you will get better results if you let it sit longer, but no longer than one week.

- Shake the container once in awhile so the candies’ flavors can continue to mix well with the vodka.

- Drink up!

Pregame With Some Puck

The Game Ends When: When the game ends. Duh.

download our app for all of our drinking games!

Cavity Vodka

The only restriction is not to use any chocolate candies.

That’s just gross, man.

Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com

how i met your mother ...on facebook graph search.

Kids, it was winter of 2013, when I met your mother. After a rough night spent at Cindy’s apartment, I knew the girl I was after, but only had a few clues to track her down. Something about the mystery behind your mom enticed me, we were so compatible, yet I had never met her. I knew she lived in New York, and hoped she was single, but nothing else. It’s an impossible feeling to describe – knowing the love of your life is so close, but impossibly far at the same time. Marshall and Lily were blessed to find each other in their youth, but I was growing older and lonelier by the second.

While preparing for yet another night of futile Google and Facebook searches for “Where is the one I love,” “How to avoid being alone forever,” and “I’m all out of love, I’m so lost with out you” Facebook alerted to me to their newest feature: Graph Search. It told me I could find just about anyone based on their interests, who they’re loosely associated with, and where they have been.

Kids, there was a light at the end of the tunnel! All I had to do was let Facebook find all the single girls in New York. So, let me tell you how I met your mother…

The glow of my laptop dimmed as did my hopes of finding my future wife. Should I stop here, give up my search, and dig out the naked pictures of Robin I stashed away so many years ago?

No! This is the quest for true love. This is the woman I love, the woman who will give me two children, raise them with me until they’re roughly teenagers, then make herself scarce for the next eight years as I tell those children the story of how I met her. She won’t have kids to weigh her down, or an exhusband who will steal her away from me at the altar, and she won’t dress up like a slutty pumpkin and leave me hanging at the same damn Halloween party year after year.

I’ve silently waited around for girls my whole life, been the nice guy, done incredibly creepy things for them that seem romantic because I emphasize words like “future” and “fate.” I had to dig into my inner-Mosby mole. I had to find my one true love.

That’s it! I know what I should do! I should just search what I like, because my future wife will like all the things I expect her to!

Females in New York who are 28, college educated, likes dogs, North Carolina, bass guitar, the New York Times crossword, tennis, old movies, lasagna, Love in the Time of Cholera, Otis Redding, and wants a boy and a girl in the near future.

After sifting through hours worth of girls who just didn’t seem to be the right fit – didn’t feel right in my heart -- I decided I had to narrow it down. But how? How was I ever to find my future wife in the largest city in the world? Then I remembered the three objects I had picked up in Cindy’s apartment in a futile attempt to show her how compatible we were. No longer did I have to find out a person’s interests through actual conversation! No need to hang around local bookstores waiting for a girl to show up and miraculously start proclaiming her love for T.C. Boyle, no need to plan elaborate two minute dates with some girl just to see if they like Star Wars as much as me! All I had to do was lock myself in my room, pop on the perfect song to make an otherwise meaningless moment meaningful, and find my future wife on the computer!

Then, kids, I had a stroke of genius! I added another filter – I’m friends with Cindy and she must be too! So I searched that those girls should be friends, or friends of friends, with Cindy!

So there she was, kids. Facebook had led me to your mother. What was going to be another night of dry-pumping and subsequent crying, turned into the night Facebook found me the perfect woman – one who meets and exceeds my excruciatingly high standards. A woman who won’t like me for me, but will like me because she is me.

How am I supposed to find true love in such a wide pool? I must be able to narrow it down, I must dig deeper. There must be more to my true love than these three simple interests. Surely I’ve been interested in people with personalities that take more than three words to describe? If only I had snapped a picture of her ankle then done a reverse image search - No! Get your head straight Mosby!

we interview: justin grant wade We caught up with STEVE HOLT!... er, Justin Grant Wade, the actor who play(s/ed?) Steve Holt in the greatest show in history, Arrested Development. We had a few cocktails and the interview ran long, so be sure to check out the extended version online to see who he thinks is funnier: David Cross or Will Arnett, what the set of Greek was like, and if he ever banged Maeby. By: Quinn The Black Sheep: How long were you an actor before you got the role of Steve Holt?

Justin Grant Wade: I started acting after my mom and dad were notified by my baseball coaches (and noticed themselves) how much I was a knucklehead on AND off the baseball field growing up. My mom decided to sign me up for acting class around the age of twelve. It was a summer kids course at the South Coast Repertory. I was terrified at first but then quickly adapted and continued to take classes there for many years. After that, I attended the Orange County High School of the Arts in California. That's where I began to grow and appreciate the arts. I didn't start "professionally" acting, though, until the age of 14 or 15. And by that I mean going out for TV shows and movies, having a manager and agent and whatnot.

TBS: What was the audition process? Did they just ask you to say “Steve Holt!” Or did you have more lines?

JGW: Funny story. Life comes around, man. I got the call from the casting director from Arrested. They were having trouble casting the role. A casting director that had worked with the casting of Frasier and many other shows I had auditioned for mentioned my name. She had seen me in a production at South Coast Repertory (that's why I never knock theater!). They had already had four or five audition rounds when I showed up. It came down to a short brown haired kid with a mop top, about a 6'5" Asian fellow in a varsity jacket, and me. You could hear everyone’s reading through the walls but of course couldn't see. Pretty much everything you see in “Bringing Up Buster” from season one was read. It seemed as though there wasn't a lot of laughing. I went last. Six people looking at me. Never met ‘em before that day. All of a sudden I'm doing my read and they're laughing - even after the audition. We said our goodbyes and a LONG 3 days of anticipation later, I had the part. The industry's funny like that.

TBS: What are some projects you're working on right now?

JGW: Right now I'm continuing to audition and keep on acting. I’ve been working on some writing stuff with some buddies of mine. They're in the industry, and kind of all over the place so it's fun to have actors, writers, dp's, directors and producers all coming together to write and they all have something else to bring to the table. But until then, the new Arrested project is a big goal and that's fine with me.

TBS: How did the Save Steve Holt campaign begin, and where has it gone since? Has it been successful?

JGW: I guess I have to start with the latter of the questions. I do know what will be going on with Steve Holt. UNFORTUNATELY, myself, and you included my dear friend Quinn, will be kept from knowing. Think of it as we're the rubber suit guys from American Horror Story and we can't unzip our creepy fetish shit until May. The SSH campaign pretty much began as a joke with my buddy Robert Adamson. He's a fantastic visual/artistic designer and fan of Arrested.

He REALLY wanted to get me back on the show at all costs, so he designed the site with our buddy Nick Blancharte. I pretty much sat in the wings while they created t-shirt designs, an entire website, art pieces, business cards, etc... It was crazy. All of a sudden, I wake up one morning and he's texting me that we've already been in the Huffington Post, CNN, and a bunch others. Our Facebook fans shot from 60 or so to 2,000. The web can be nutty sometimes. None of us expected that.

Next thing you know we're shipping t-shirts from AZ to NY to Australia.

TBS: I imagine people constantly shout "Steve Holt" at you, what's the most awkward encounter you've had with a "STEVE HOLT!" fan?

JGW: The funniest would have to be on a treadmill at the gym one time with my gal pal, Brooke. We were finishing up a good work out and we hear something. She said, "Did someone just yell?" Then we hear it more clearly, “STEVE HOLT!!!!" We turned near the door and there were two dudes with shocked faces that were giggling like little girls.

I laughed and waved. They gave me the obligatory "Right on, man!" and quickly bounced.

Brooke then turned to me and asked, "Do you know who that was?!" I

The Day After Never Sounded So Sweet Sara Czarnecki wrote this

said, "I don't know. Obviously a big fan of the show!" She laughed and said, "Yeah! But that was (some guy I can't remember his name). He's the one that was obsessed with me and asked me to homecoming like 3 years in a row!" I did remember then, and we had a good laugh. Seeing how we went to high school together.

TBS: What was your most memorable on-set moment?

JGW: A few good ones – too many to count though. Definitely having the conversation with Alia [Shawkat]’s mom and Michael Cera's mom before I kissed her daughter. Ali's first kiss EVER was Michael. I was 19 or so at the time, and was watching from the back of the auditorium we were filming in, unbeknownst to me that the lovely parents were sitting in the row directly in front of me. They asked, "And who do you play?" I said, "STEVE HOLT!" They laughed and said, "Oh wow. So YOU'RE the one that'll be kissing my little girl! I'm keepin’ an eye on you!" She was of course kidding (but not really) [laughs]. It went off without a hitch and we all know how the kissing cousins ended up... until the new season.

See his second favorite moment on theblacksheeponline.com! It has to do with David Cross!

In almost all cases the term, “the day after” has negative connotations, but luckily not in this case. The day after Valentine’s Day is day designed for the cheap single person in all of us (and their sweet tooth). What’s better than taking advantage a couples-based holiday, a day later and for 75 percent off?

Candy, for some, is a touchy subject. No normal person will admit to eating an entire bag of Hershey's Kisses in one sitting. And surely, no normal person will admit to secretly planning their entire day around sneaking to Target to buy a freakishly large amount of clearance Valentine’s Day candy.

After planning a “coincidental” trip to Target, it becomes game time as one swiftly walks to where the Valentine’s candy is stationed, in hopes that only the best selection remains.

When attacking the clearance heart-shaped candies, a sense of accomplishment only seems right because at that moment, the best candy is found. You didn’t need to waste that money on buying expensive candy for someone else – you held off for 24 hours, still got the same dark chocolate M&M’s like every other girlfriend on the planet, and for a fraction of the price. You should feel nothing else but pride – certainly not a crushing feeling of loneliness.

Be sure to pick up some odds and ends to make it seem like this specific trip to Target wasn’t for a powerful afternoon sugar buzz; it was truly for a blank card, a toaster, and shoe laces. It’s like the clearance candy is just a bonus of the trip, (but really, it’s not).

There’s no shame in taking advantage in such a great opportunity as clearance candy day.

In fact, one might respect a frugal candy gift giver, we know we do. The magic in day after candy sales have both impressed us while at the same time, couldn’t have made us more proud to be Americans.

Buying Valentine’s Day candy the day after breaks all the stereotypes of typical V-Day candy, merely because A) single people still feel like a part of the holiday, but not enough to pay full price. And, B) the candy wasn’t gifted to them, rather it was gifted to them, by them. (Who knows your likes better than you?) It’s respectful to load up on bags of chocolate, when that chocolate is awesomely cheap, gives people a sense of “Oh, they had a Valentine? Who knew?”, get a sickly sugar buzz, and even more powerful post-sugar high crash nap.

Being a woman, I'm not ashamed to wish every couple a lovely Valentine’s Day, because I know my special day is close enough. The only difference between these two special days are: one is an actual, legit holiday, celebrated by many lovers all over the world. Clearance Candy Day, however, doesn’t end with a fairy tale romance. It ends with mass consumption of chocolate in a bed while exploring what the dark, deep cracks of Netflix has to offer.

Instead of rose petals leading to a bedroom for a night of hot, passionate love making, it’s a pink and red tinfoil candy wrapper graveyard a in bed, where unknowingly, the unconscious candy lover will roll over in their sleep, and the heat from their body will melt the innocent Hershey's kisses deep into the sheets. But in the end, it just comes down to what kind of hot mess you’d rather be cleaning off your stomach on the day after Valentines Day.

valentine's cards!

As a child it was hard to tell your crush that you "choo-choo-choose" him, or you want her to "bee yours," but that's why there were cheap, perforated pieces of cardboard to do your work for you. As we've grown, our tastes have changed, but our childish demeanors have remained the same.

We wanted these Valentine's Day cards to reflect that.

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