The Black Sheep
Fr ee ... lik yo e th ur at la fe st el fin ing al af . te r
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 6, Issue 7 • 4/11/13 - 4/24/13
theblacksheeponline.com @black_sheep_wmu
summer adventure on a budget Hannah Weyer wrote this Michigan has finally defrosted into something resembling spring (no, don’t look out your window. Don’t you trust us?) and we only have a couple precious weeks of it before the end of the semester thrusts summer in our faces. Why does that suck? Because soon, everyone you know will be asking you what your plans are for summer. You can’t tell them you‘re moving back home for a couple months, cleaning out your parents’ garage and getting a job at your uncle’s landscaping company. That sounds lame! They will laugh at you and judge your lameness! But what’s the alternative? Lie? No, you’re terrible at that. You’re going to have to have a summer adventure. “Summer adventure?” you ask all innocent, like you don’t know where this is going. “Gosh, I can’t afford meeting a stranger in an airport, catching the next plane out of town together, and pretending to be married to him to get a discount on that room in the Irish B&B right on the lake like a romantic comedy, even if he is Robert Pattinson and super rich.” Maybe not, but with some careful budgeting, you can have an adventure this summer to brag about come fall! Hitch a Lift Cost: Petty cash Hitchhiking isn’t just for axe murderers and buddy comedy flicks anymore. With a couple bucks, a backpack and a tolerance for sexual assault, you too can live the American dream! Have fun challenging other hitching friends to see who can get the farthest while being rape-murdered the least amount of times. And always, always, ALWAYS know where your towel is. Spread Freedom Cost: $14, some legal fees After finals, you feel so liberated you could just burst. Why isn’t the entire world free like you? Take a small step toward fixing the injustices of the world at the Detroit Zoo. Not even caged animals that don’t know any better should be trapped in Detroit. You’ll want to free the monkeys first -- they have opposable thumbs and if you teach them how to break out, they’ll be thrilled to help your crusade. BONUS: If you succeed, you’ll get to utter the sentence, “And then my elephant army annihilated our mutual foe.” Fall in Love Cost: Priceless Within certain legal parameters, it doesn’t really matter who you fall in love with -- or what. Imagine the fights you’ll have with your family about wanting to marry the neighbor’s melon garden after only dating for a month! But they’ll never understand true love, not like you! Like tragic heroes in a romantic movie, you’ll have to fight for your love. “Fine,” you’ll shout tearfully. “We’ll run away together and get married and start a family of little melon headed children!” Your parents will glare. “Stop,” they’ll say. “You cantaloupe.”
the week of the BODY DUMPSTER
Go Insane Cost: Free There are those who say adventure is merely a state of mind. Prove them right by thinking you’re a knight of the round table and slay a lake that thinks it’s a dragon. Nerd It Cost: Free, pizza/chips Worried about getting sun on your delicate, milky skin? The adventures of D&D were made for you. You can get free character sheets for you and your friends online, as well as adventure templates. And you don’t even need a dice set because nerds like you know how to use the randInt(1,20)function on your calculator, nerd! Blair Witch Hunting Cost: $40-$140 The whole upper half of the Mitten might as well be wilderness,
what'’s inside
Top 10: Trivia That Could Save Your Life
Calories don't count on Finals Week. Everyone knows that.
Avoiding the lion's mane jellyfish could save your life, too.
page 4
page 6
and let’s not even start on the UP. It’s all empty woods and farms, so it’s ripe for abuse. If you have eight friends, statistically you have at least one stupidly gullible friend and one asshole friend that has it coming. Pick which one you want to make suffer, a couple other friends that are in on it and start driving. Whether you decide to bunk up in a burned down barn a few miles from the highway, or in a legal or illegal campground, when the sun goes down, your fun begins. Budget will go to gas, snacks and, for the truly dedicated, fake blood and other props. You only have a few summers left before adulthood takes breaks away for the rest of your miserable life. If you’re not spending this one doing something regrettable with someone regrettable somewhere regrettable, then by golly, you are a waste of joy and we do not care to know you, sir.
Finals Destination
Finals week is one way street, my friend.
page 9