WMU - Issue 3 - 9/26/2013 by The Black Sheep

fr e IS I e....lik T FOR e t , W he r ALT icin ?W f HO or.. IS I .WH T FOR O ?

Vol. 7, Issue 3

The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College

9/26/13 - 10/9/13

FAQ: Homecoming and You BY: Hannah Weyer Homecoming Week is fast approaching, and from October 7th to the 12th, Kalamazoo will be decked out in festive brown and gold to celebrate this year’s homecoming theme, “Fight On for Western.” Just which part of that sentence are you supposed to care about? Trick question — no part of that sentence is a part you should care about. We love Western just as much as the next paper, don’t get us wrong. We just love not being in high school anymore more. And yet, despite the freedom of college life, despite the lack of cliques and bullies, despite the fact that they are adults now, some people are just not comfortable existing in a world not driven by popularity and peer pressure. It is because of these people that we have to pretend that homecoming means something or get called out for having no school spirit. What the goddamn ever. Let’s just get this over with. When is Homecoming? Not a great start, Frequently Asked Question. If you look up a couple paragraphs, you’ll see that Homecoming Week runs from October 7th12th, culminating in the football game on Saturday. What are the events? There’s a carnival to kick it off. We assume that means some Central students are visiting. There’s a basketball tournament, a cheering competition, some football, some hockey, a Greek life circlejerk, a 5K and a Soap Box Derby, but that sounds exclusive to political science and philosophy majors. Who should I vote for as Homecoming Queen and King? The only people who are concerned enough with any form of popularity contest this far out of high school to run are either trying to relive their glory days of varsity letters and curfews, or so desperate for attention and approval that they will do anything you want, if you just love them — ANYTHING! That said, vote for me. What should I wear? Seriously? Are you a human being or a bear trying to blend into human culture? Wear a shirt to cover your chest, underwear to support your boobs and/or balls, shoes and something to cover your legs and butt. Maybe a jacket. It’s getting cold. Maybe wear school colors if you have energy. Who are we playing for the Homecoming Game? We will be playing University at Buffalo, who you might know as “not Central.” So it’s okay to not really care.

page 5 The Three People You Avoid We're cool without getting bed bugs, thanks.

What does the homecoming theme mean? “Fight On for Western” is the first line of our fight song. But what does it mean? It means we’re about to sing the rest of the song. But how can that be a theme? Ah, there’s the tricky part. Themes like “Red Carpet,” “Beach Party” and “Zombie Apocalypse” are very easy to incorporate into homecoming events. But making a “Fight On for Western” soapbox car is harder because it’s so vague. We recommend screaming “FIGHT ON FIGHT ON FOR WESTERN” at anyone who asks you how you fit into this year’s theme. How do I show my classmates that I’m better than them?

page 6 10 Ways to Spend three Hours Waiting for the ios 7.0 update Well you can't play Candy Crush, that's for sure.

Participate in all of the homecoming events with your RSO to win the Spirit Cup Competition, get your RSO to nominate you for homecoming royalty and dress every day like Buster Bronco’s wet dream. Will there be a dance? What are you, twelve? Grow up and hit one of the six dozen keggers right after the game, like an adult. These were our most frequently asked questions, from readers who for some reason believe we have hold some sort of authority on campus. If you’ve got more questions, you might be better off loudly repeating the same question over and over until someone finally answers you. In the meantime, please don’t email us, we’re preparing our float which certainly won’t be an ’91 Honda Civic blaring Now That’s What I Call Music III.

page 14 We Interview: Flux Pavilion We got to chat with the english dj/ producer, playing this friday in detroit!

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the three people You Avoid at Western One of the more enjoyable aspects of any college student’s life is the time we spend meeting new people and exploring new places. It’s a no-brainer reason to attend college in the first place — to break out of our own little Jurassic Park raptor shells and experience life in all its diversity. But sadly, not everyone we are going to meet will be as eccentric and welcoming as Dr. Grant, his lady or the veteran that hangs out at the flagpoles. Some people are just not worth our time (or anybody’s, for that matter). And if you’re new here to Kalamazoo, you’ll learn that these people tend to linger the hard way. After all, it was only a month ago when you met Jerry at some party; the guy you listened to brag (for forty minutes) about his debut fight in amateur MMA. Sure it was only inconspicuous chit-chat then, but now he sits next to you every other day in a lecture hall. The bastard thinks he’s your friend! How pathetic. In order to keep you from replicating this tediously stupid mistake, we at The Black Sheep have compiled a profile of three of Western’s more pervasive and repugnant people. Hopefully it’ll help you to identify and avoid silly folk, while you explore and enjoy the rest of Western’s wonderful world with confidence. The Student Ghetto Hipster: The indigenous species of the internet Vine community is easily identified by its signature black frame glasses an a disapproval of anything with more than six fans. The Student Ghetto Hipster that inhabits the outernet Vine community has

By: ryan shek

much in common with other breeds of hipster, but is set apart by its bedbug-infested clothing and bona fide friendliness. No doubt this gentle creature will invite you onto its porch to smoke a spliff. But watch out! It’s been known to engage in medieval methods of bartering; often offering up its petty goods, like cigarette butts and weed roaches, in exchange for cases of beer, or even “a place to crash.” Some ecofriendly hipsters have also been reported to skip the use of deodorant – this is usually attributed to their superstitious fear of toxins and bad hygiene. The Student-Ghetto Hipster can be found in creative writing workshops across Brown Hall and is recognized academically for its bad poetry. The Fat Frat-Ville Frat Boy: This obnoxious reptilian spew of lobster shit is most easily identified on the second week of class. He will be the one apologizing to the professor for having missed the first week of class. Off campus, this slimy otter dog can be found somewhere among the deafening subwoofers of Frat Village, shouting over the noise “Bro I love Whiz Khalifa. He’s so chill.” The fat Frat-Ville Frat Boy’s lexicon is dominated by the word chill and other castaway adjectives of the hip-hop community (tight, fresh). The fat Frat-Ville Frat Boy can often be found on campus frequenting communication classes, and is recognized academically for his intellectually bankrupt ideas, as well as for arriving ten to fifteen minutes late for class.

The Arboretum Drop-Out: The Arboretum Drop-Out is one of the hardest people to identify; you’ll have to pay close attention to context clues when speaking to anyone from the Arboretum Apartments. The only thing that gives the Arboretum Drop-Out away is that he’s just a little too collegy for college. Many times you’ll wake up on a floor of an Arb apartment after a nice kegger and see him washing his hangover down with un-chased pulls of Burnett’s. You’ll ask him what the hell he’s doing and he’ll just hand you the bottle. The Arboretum drop-out doesn’t have class, work, or a life to go to — he’s in college; not legally, or technically speaking. But delusionally. His one-fourth semester spent at KVCC was just enough excuse to make his sharp descent into alcoholism seem justifiable. He tells

you he simply wasn’t ready for the fall semester. He’s gonna sit one out, you know, hit the bullpen. But don’t worry he’ll be back for the spring semester. He guarantees it. The Arboretum Drop-Out is unlike all the others and can only be found on campus during homecoming week, football games, and other popular public events. The Arboretum drop-out is not known academically – except for selling Adderall. Sure, you might run into some people in Kalamazoo that are less than awesome. That's numbers, baby. But the fact of the matter is, for every asshole in a toga you run into, there's a thousand more awesome people who will join you in laughing at him. And one thing's for damn sure — you're not gonna run into any Chips.

College, a Spandex-Based Industry

The

Ways to Spend Three Hours Waiting for the iOS 7.0 Update

Top

Ten

By: black sheep staff The iOS 7.0 update leaves us stranded from our precious phones for what seems like an eternity. So before you crumple into a ball of confusion and loneliness, here are ten things us human beings can do while our phones evolve into faster, stronger machines. 10.) Play Candy Crush: Oh, wait. Shit. 9.) Check your email: Damn it! 8.) Update your Facebook status to let your friends know how much waiting for the update sucks: “It sucks harder than a Thai transvestite hooker trying to save up money for college #Idontrememberhowtodothisonacomputer #YOLO.” 7.) Homework: Ugh, this is BULLSHIT! What part of “school” means you have to do homework? This update needs to HURRY ITS ASS UP so you can Instagram sad-faced selfies and the world can feel your pain. 6.) Read or some shit: When’s the last time you picked up a novel and read until there were no more pages left in the novel? You’ve got the time now- time to earn your collegiate intellectual status. 5.) Watch two rom-coms: To get the full effect of a Katherine Heigl movie, shoot yourself in the face.

By: Sara Czarnecki We get it; leggings and yoga pants are comfy. Probably too comfy to pass up, but let’s be real: there is more spandex on college campuses now than there was in all of the 1980s. But in the 1980s big hair and shoulder-padded college turds wore them because that was the style, rather than because they lacked the motivation to find real pants and act like a respectable human. The tight fitting, spandex based butt-covering has evolved into what chicks put on when they have realized they have to wear pants out in public. It’s been overheard that yoga pants may not be allowed at certain jobs on WMU’s campus, and to that we say, “NO SHIT! THEY AREN’T EVEN REAL PANTS!” No one can proudly say, “Why yes, I did get hired because I wore stretchy pants to an interview, and by the way, I made that PowerPoint my bitch!” You can’t call just anything that covers your legs and butt “pants.” There’s supposed to be more to that definition. Leggings and yoga pants are less “pants” and more “Skin II: The Reckoning.” These form hugging, rarely figure-flattering piece of apparel has evolved, through the advancement of Collegiate Lazy American Syndrome (also known as CLAS ) have become a natural part of college life. But the idea of spandex being figure-flattering is not just a misnomer, it has been disproven time and time again with the spandex wearing patrons of the plus size department of Walmart. “Screw off, The Black Sheep,” you say. “My ass looks great in yoga pants.” Fine reader, yours does. But that chick over there reading the Herald does NOT. That’s our favorite/least favorite part of spandex pants: They might show off your best ASSets (you all saw that coming), but they also show EVERY imperfection and cottage cheese resembling part of a girl’s ass. So if you think spandex leggings are the right choice for you,

opt to take the stairs — not just for your health, but because ain’t nobody wants to see your flabby rump. Sir Mix-a-Lot may like big butts, but he, along with everyone who has working eyes doesn’t want to see the panty line in a pair of stretched-to-the-brink leggings. These imposter pants cause problems everywhere. Boyfriends can’t help but to check out the butt-less chicky that walks by while on a lunch date with their lovely girlfriends. Alternatively, when you decide to live a lifestyle of tight cotton freedom, you can’t control who is checking you out. Like your crypt keeper of a professor that hates to see you leave, but loves to watch you go.

4.) Watch one Lord of the Rings movie: Get the extended version, dude, don’t pussy out. Are those the trolls from The Hobbit? YES. Did Middle Earth even know about nervous systems? Who cares, bit joke! Did you see that significant look Pippin and Gandalf shared during the drinking song? Fanfiction sagas have been written on less. 3.) Make eye contact with a stranger: About 60% of the time we use our phones in public is to avoid interaction with strangers, which robs us of a very human experience. Take advantage of the forced tech break by communicating with people you don’t know. And if you HAVE to, well, have some fun with it. “BRAH! BRRRAH! Ronald Reagan! Reagan! Reagan! Must tell, BRUBRUBRUUUUH, must tell Clint Eastwood! Pancakes and ice cream!”

Though the yoga pant or legging pant are tight enough to see your granny panties peeking through, most of us aren’t “tight,” if you catch our drift. But who’s behind this fake pant epidemic? Are these leggings and yoga pants just looking for a sense of belonging? Are they sad because they don’t fit in with any other type of clothing? Wait. Yes they do. It’s called ATHLETIC WEAR! Yoga pants are rarely ever used for yoga or yogarelated activities. Leggings are used as tights by about 25% of its wearers. (Statistics brought to you by students with CLAS.) Yoga pants, be who you are. Live up to your wildest dreams of actually being used in physical activity rather than having your owners scarf down Cheetos while complaining about their relationship status and watching reality TV. There’s only one occasion where tighter is better, and it’s not this situation. Who knows about these so-called “pants” anymore? One minute they are a girls’ best friend and another they are all but reason of the problems. Let’s stop being lazy, and let’s give real pants (khakis, jeans, pants without a stretch) another try.

2.) Bake something: Lemon bars! Not done yet? Chocolate cake! Not done yet? Blueberry muffins! Not done yet? Chocolate chip cookies! Not done yet? Crème brûlée! Not done yet? Strawberry shortcake! Not done yet? Pumpkin pie! Not done yet…? 1.) Call a friend: Technology makes it easy to keep our relationships with minimal effort, but texting can be so impersonal. Take this opportunity to call a friend you haven’t seen in a while and… wait, no! Goddamit!

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How to Deal With a Summer Affair That Won’t Take a Hint

By: Elizabeth Raffa When those summer nights turn cold, so do our hearts. When our favorite places to inconspicuously have sex start to get frosty, our thighs start to chafe and it just doesn’t seem worth the trouble to keep the passion alive. We can try to make a clean break but there’s always that one summer romance that just cannot end well. Which side were you on? The overlyclingy “I can’t live without you!” side? Or the side that has to deal with the incessant proclamations of love and threats of suicide? As the saying goes, there are three sides to every story, and whether or not your side has a psycho stalker on it or not defines what you do about the situation. If that’s the case, listen up; you’ll want to take notes. Run Away: So, you think that changing your phone number and moving to a new apartment is going to be good enough? You’re wrong. The thing about people in love (no matter how one-sided it is) is that they don’t give up that easily. They. Will. Find. You. They’ll find you and they will beg you to tell them what they did wrong and how they can change, and what you want, and how you want them to do it for you. Save your money, honey, ‘cause you might have to book a flight to Europe and stay there until he clings onto some other clueless idiot.

If the Avoid the Situation Approach just isn’t in your budget, then you may want to consider setting them up with someone else. Deflect Their Love: This is simple, elegant, and exactly what you need: to get them away from you. The only problem with this tactic is getting the poor soul you set them up with to go along with this master plan. You can tell your buddies what a good lay she is. Ladies, you know that friend you have that’s always complaining about how lonely they are? Ding ding ding, you’ve found your ex-summer lover a new target! Now both parties are happy and you look like the wonderful matchmaker who set them up, and not the conniving soul-less asshole who can’t deal with commitment! It’s a win-win! Blatant Honesty: We assume, for the love of all that is good, that you’ve already told them that you don’t want a relationship and you definitely don’t want to be “friends.” But since they didn’t get the blatant suggestion, the only thing left is brutal honesty. Tell them the honest to God truth about why you don’t want to sleep with them.

“It isn’t that you aren’t hot, it’s that you’re bat-shit crazy,” works wonders. When they know what you want, they can have a better gauge on what they want. Remember, they’re people too. Maybe a little desperate, but who isn’t when it comes to making love in the club. Ultimately, though, the best cure is prevention. For

flings, stay away from guys who sing Justin Bieber songs to you, girls who ask you to “save” them and any other form of desperate commitment-seeking language. But if you do make the mistake of banging one of these commitment advocates, be prepared for the post-break up stalker signals… you may have to start sleeping with the light on and a knife under your pillow.

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Thursday

LADIES NIGHT HALF-PRICE DRINKS

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$2.50 Wells $2.50 All Bottles $4 Johnny Vegas

$3 U-Call-It $5.99 Chicken and Perch Baskets

Friday

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Saturday

After 9pm: HALF-PRICE DRINKS

$4 Long Islands 3pm - 6pm & 10pm - Close: $1 off all pints and 22ozs.

Sunday

Evening: $2 Well Drinks $4 Double Wells

$1.75 16oz PBR Cans, $4 Bloody Mary's 3pm - 6pm & 10pm - Close: $1 off all pints and 22ozs.

Monday

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3.00 Premium Pints $3.25 Super Premium Pints $2 Wells, $4.00 Dbl Wells Service Industry 1/2 Price on Everything w/ Pay Stub!

$12 Mystery Bucket of 4 Beers 10pm - Close: $1 off all mixed drinks 3pm - 6pm & 10pm - Close: $1 off all pints and 22ozs.

Tuesday

$3 Quarts Bilbo & Domestic $4 Premiums Qts. $4.25 Super Prem Qts. $3.75 Long Islands

Wednesday

$2.25 Bilbo & Domestic Pints $3 Premium Pints $3.25 Super Prem Pints $2.00 Well Drinks $4.00 Double Wells

SUNDAY FUNDAY! 1/2 Off Everything

$2.50 U Call Its (Mixed Drinks & Beers) $3 U Call It Shots 1/2 Off Food and Drinks (Noon - 11PM) $3 All Pints and $2.50 Wells (11PM - Close)

1/2 off Food and Drinks NOON-MIDNIGHT D.J. MT FOOTBALL IS HERE GO BRONCOS!!! $4 Pitchers of Beer, $0.35 Naked Wings, $0.40 Breaded Wings, $0.45 Boneless Wings, $5 Bloody Mary bar, $6 for Top Shelf, $4 Mimosas Open at NOON FOR ALL NFL GAMES

$1 PBR $2.50 Wells $3 Manager Shots $4 DELUXE Burger Baskets

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The Bar Grid

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PBR Thursday! $7 60oz pitchers, $1.50 pints

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$7 Domestic Pitchers $3.50 Long Islands, Jacks, Jims $0.59 Boneless Wings

Thursday

Glow Bowl (9pm-Close) $10/person for 2 hours of Bowling $2 Shoe Rental

All Day: $3 Crazy Sangrias, $3 BOM and $4 MOM

5-9pm $0.40 Wings (dine in only) Happy Hour all night! $2.50 well/call drinks

$2 16oz PBR & Rolling Rock Mugs $3.50 34oz Schooners

Friday

Glow Bowl (9pm-Close) $10/person for 2 hours of Bowling $2 Shoe Rental

All Day: $4 Long Islands, $3 BOM and $4 MOM

EVERY SATURDAY TAILGATE SPECIALS FOR WMU GAMES!

$2 16oz PBR & Rolling Rock Mugs $3.50 34oz Schooners

Saturday

Service Industry Night (8 - close) 1/2 off drinks, 1/2 off apps

All Day: $3 BOM and $4 MOM $3 Bloody Mary's until 5pm 5 to Close: $4 Vodka RedBulls AND Buy any 2 Burgers for $11

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$3.50 Margaritas and Bloody Marys

Sunday

Rolling Rock Mondays (6-close) $7 60oz pitchers, $2 bottles, $5 for 2 hours of bowling, $2 shoes

All Day! $3 Jitter Bugs, $3 BOM and $4 MOM 9-Close: Industry Night Upstairs Only - 1/2 off Everything

BELL'S BEERS! $2.50 2/$2.00 TACOS!

$2 Domestic Bottles $3.75 Smirnoff Flavored Drinks, $0.59 Wings

Monday

College Night (9-close): $2 Wells, Domestics, & Games, DJ Stoz 18 & up with college I.D., $10 Cover without college I.D.

All Day $3 Smirnoff Flavors, $3 BOM and $4 MOM 9-Midnight: $4 Long Islands and $3 Chicken Fingers and Fries

TEAM TRIVIA NIGHT and Mug Club Night Domestic Liters $3.50 Craft Liters $5.50

$12 Domestic Tankers $2 Domestic Pints $2.50 Wells $0.79 Tenders

Tuesday

Ladies Night (6pm - close) $3 Cosmos, Appletinis, Absolut & Cranberry, $2 Glasses of Wine, $1 Games, $3 Microbrew pints

All Day $3 Jumbo Margaritas, $3 BOM and $4 MOM 9-Midnight:1/2 Off all Pints of beer and $3 One Item Pizzas

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The Avengers: The College Years S.h.i.e.l.d. By: Elena McKendrick Ah, freshman year 2.0; a second chance to be really uncomfortable and awkward for a year. Who doesn’t love being stuck in a smelly half-carpeted hall with a bunch of people they have nothing in common with? Who doesn’t love sharing a tiny room with someone they’ve never met? Who doesn’t love getting up to go to the bathroom in the morning to find their suitemate on the floor by the toilet? Well, the Avengers loved it. It wasn’t too long ago when they were all hallmates at Marvel University… <Comic book style time warp> First to enter the hall was the beautiful Steve Rogers, Captain America suit in hand. After setting his five belongings on the desk, Steve hit the books. He wanted to study up for his “How to Become a Real Superhero” class (he eventually got a tutor for this class but failed anyway). Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton parkoured down the hallway. Climbing on the ceiling and slipping into doorways, Black Widow and Hawkeye were always on the lookout for their enemies (they are now institutionalized for severe paranoia). The pair slipped into the shadows as Bruce Banner struggled to carry his luggage into his room. Fortunately, his neighbor Steve Rogers heard him. Rogers had just finished the chapter “Aiding the Helpless Citizen” and

ran to Banner’s rescue. They arrived at Banner’s room to find that it was littered with little gadgets and high-tech looking equipment that didn’t actually do anything. In all his wisdom Rogers remarked, “I thought you got a super single.” Banner, sounding like sunshine personified, replied, “Really? They want me in a tiny dorm with another person?” Just then, a douche-bearded and drunk Tony Stark waltzed out of the bathroom. “Hey there, roomie!” “Oh, this is much worse.” Meanwhile, lightning struck the roof and Thor flew in through the window of his room, breaking the glass and incidentally killing innocent bystander #1. 5:30 soon arrived and their RA, Nick Fury, called for a floor meeting. The Avengers gathered in the hallway and awaited the inspirational and stirring speech only Fury could give. Fury, in his afro and suit — oops, not afro, eye patch (sorry, wrong movie), began his monologue, “There was an idea called the Avengers Initiative.” From down the hall, someone started playing dramatic music. “The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people to see if they could become something more. To see if they could be the perfect college hallmates. People

have died, still believing in that idea. In hallmates.” In the distance someone yelled “KEGGER!” and the Avengers were gone in an instant. Nick Fury shook his head. “Well, it’s an old-fashioned notion.” Life went on for the Avengers, but as time passed, things began to change. Once close hallmates, they began to grow apart as the stress of the semester wore on, until one day, shortly before Christmas break, it became too much for them. On that fateful day Bruce Banner trudged through the hall looking forward to a restful night in his warm bed. But, as usual, all he came home to was a sock on the door, Black Sabbath blasting at full volume and his pillow in the hallway. He began to tremble with rage, but remembering his “condition” he took a deep breath and sat down quietly. At that moment Barton and Romanoff could be heard yelling at each other from inside the room next door. “If I want to have girls over that’s my business, not yours!” Barton yelled, throwing his precious arrows down in anger. “Well maybe it wouldn’t have to be my business if any of those girls weren’t spies!” “You’re insane, none of them were spies, you’re just jealous!” “No, you’re insane! I think you need a

little cognitive recalibration!...” Banner attempted meditation to calm himself in this ever so hostile environment. Meanwhile, Natalie Portman was walking out of a room and a roll of thunder penetrated the air. “I am Thor, son of Odin, ruler of Asgard, and I just had sex!” “AAAAAHHHH!!!!” It was all too much for Banner! He tried his hardest to control himself but his attempts were fruitless as his skin turned green and his body trembled. “Mwahahaha!” The elevator doors opened to reveal Loki! Thor turned to his brother and bellowed, “Loki! I should’ve known you were behind this. Avengers, assemble! Long shall the songs of our victory ring through the halls of Marvel University!” “I missed you too, brother.” Loki snarled that devilishly handsome smile. “But now I will take my rightful place as ruler of these halls!” Loki raised his scepter at The Aveng-

ers and — BAM! The Hulk “Hulk-smashed” Loki with all his might, sending him straight through the window and into a dumpster full of ramen wrappers, plastic spoons and Thor-condoms. In a moment of self-awareness all the Avengers quit their bickering and took a long hard look at each other. The drama major in the hall began his dramatic music again. Then, somewhere in the distance someone yelled “KEGGER” and the hall was empty in an instant. At the end of that fateful hallway Fury stood with Maria Hill. Maria leaned in toward Fury, “Sir, they've gone their separate ways. What happens when we need perfect hallmates again?” Fury, in his infinite wisdom prophesized, “They'll come back.” “What makes you say that?” “Because we’ll need them to check out before they leave. Or else we’ll fine the hell out of them.

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the black sheep interviews:

Flux Pavilion English DJ-slash-producer Joshua Steele, better known as Flux Pavilion, was kind enough to give us a solid fifteen minutes to talk about music, because like us, he likes music. Be sure to check him out, as well as Calvin Harris and a ton of other awesome artists, at the Forever Festival in Detroit, Friday, September 27th!

I wanted to work with them because we have similar ideas that we can approach in different directions. There was no problem there. Where there was a problem, they write on a Game Boy, and that doesn’t stay in time or is necessarily in tune. They’d send me a tune and it’d be out of time because the algorithm in the Game Boy is different than a computer.

The Black Sheep: How does the songwriting process for electronic music differ when you’re working alone versus with a person? Flux Pavilion: I prefer to do a lot of work on my own. For a collaboration it depends on who I work with, and their creative process. Getting on the same page of music, often we’ll sit for a couple of hours talking before we work on the music, which allows you to know where they’re coming from so you can approach the music from a certain way. I was just did a session with these guys, Anamanaguchi, who are a four-piece group, who do video game-style music. I sat on my computer as they got their Game Boys out, they’d make music and they’d send it over by email. I ended up with 30 email cuts and I’d take those cuts and see where they’d take me. It was like I was producing a song with people in the room where we’d just say, “how about that there and that there?”

TBS: When you do a live set, do you adapt things show to show? FP: I don’t actually change my set for anyone, because I think that my job on that stage as an artist is to give a performance of who I am as a musician. I’m showing what my taste is and who I am as an artist. I think of myself as a band, and if a band shows up and the crowd doesn’t like their music and they decide instead to play a lot of covers, it’s like, what’s the point of the band being there if they don’t play what makes them tick? If people hate it, then those people aren’t a fan of what I do. I don’t give a shit about that, I don’t want everyone to like me. I want to give the best impression of what I do, and I want people to love that.

TBS: Someone like that, with such a distinct sound, does that provide you with any kind of challenges? FP: Their sound is quite similar to mine, actually. I wanted to work with them because I could tell that we think in the same way about music and chord structure and melodies.

TBS: Has that always been your frame of mind, or has your approach to a live show changed? FP: It has changed, I guess. I’m more confident now. I never used to talk on the mic, I’d just go out there and play the music. I used to mix the tracks with my back to the audience for a few minutes. My approach has changed because I think there’s something more thrilling with being up there and connecting with people. When I get into music, I want them to get into it as well.

TBS: What can people expect in a live show going forward? FP: Next year it’s a lot more towards live singing and live stuff. I’ve always written music with the idea of it being performed live. I’m not a producer who does loads of crazy sounds or chopping and editing. I quite like natural sounds, even if it’s a ridiculous electronic track, there’s natural elements to it. I want it to sound aesthetically the same, but performed by live people, but with me singing with a guitar solo. That’s every kid’s dream, isn’t it? To be like Jimi Hendrix. TBS: You’ve said before you’re inspired by Sigur Ros and Brian Eno. This seems to be a similar theme among musicians of all genres. What’s so musically interesting about them that they’re universally loved? FP: Because they work with feelings, I guess. Their music makes me feel something. It sounds like they want it to sound. It’s a hard thing to explain, but a track’s not made for the radio with a hook or a chorus, it’s music that exists because it needs to exist. It came from their brains or their hearts and there’s something pure and natural about that. It’s untouched by nothing but the humans that created it, which is a really awesome thing. I think Dr Dre’s The Chronic is one of the best hip-hop albums because it sounds like Dr. Dre wrote all the tracks, a music representation of his brain. Pure music is a vision or a concept that an artist doesn’t have a plan, they just sit down and write a song without thinking. By: Brendan Bonham

The black sheep

interviews: Dominique Ansel Creator of the cronut By: brendan bonham Is it a croissant? A donut? No, it’s a cronut. From the mind of mad pastry chef Dominique Ansel comes something that’s as much fun to push out of your mouth as it is to shove in. Cronut, cronut, cronut. Hah, cronut. We wanted to talk about cronuts (and say cronuts) and Mr. Ansel was kind enough to indulge us.

The Black Sheep: How do you get from the idea of a cronut, to a cronut? Dominique Ansel: I create new things all the time. The creative part is very, very important; I won’t launch an item until I know it’s up to my standards. For the cronut, it took me about two months. It’s not the question rushing something quickly, it’s more finding the perfect texture and the right way to do it to make sure the product lasts in time. Really, finding a good product that could made properly without requiring too much time and unique in texture and flavor. TBS: What are some of the variables in play when you’re getting this ready? DA: A lot of little things; the ratio for the recipe, the ingredients a product contains, the type of flour, the technique, the refining pricing. Everything is very, very important. If you change one thing, it’s different at the end. That’s why I test the product every day, to make sure it’s up to my standards. TBS: When did you decide they’re ready? Was it one of those eureka moments, or was it

more “finally, this is what I was looking for”? DA: You know, it’s just something that you know. Recipe after recipe, time after time it’s a good product that you try to make better. Once I had the perfect texture, I knew it was ready to go. TBS: And when you first started selling these, was it just something in your store, then it took off? DA: Exactly. We launched the product back in May and it was just on the menu. I make new things all the time. People really liked it, and we appeared on a blog. That same night the blog called us and said it was linked over 140 times, and that we should make a few more. The next day there were people waiting outside. It was a surprise for me. TBS: The amount you make a day, where does that number come from? DA: Well, we have a small kitchen, so we do as many as we can, but we need to make the other things that we serve. We’re not a cronut shop. I don’t want the creation to kill the creativity, I want to create new things and keep people excited. Right after the cronut we launched the frozen s’more, it’s marshmallowly ice cream, we torch it to order to caramelize the outside. You only have a few minutes to eat it, and it’s a unique experience to enjoy ice cream. I’m going to do something for the fall that is nice and different, too. TBS: How busy are you right now? DA: I spend a lot of time in the bakery. I open the doors myself every day. We’ll show up 4:30, 5 in the morning. I’ll be in the kitchen until 8a.m. then opening the doors and welcoming people. It’s important to me to be close to my staff. TBS: Do you own the name or the idea? DA: We own the trademark to the name “cronut.” TBS: People making knock-offs, do you try them? DA: I haven’t tried any yet. To me, when you inspire people to make new things, it’s great. TBS: Do you have concerns that you’ll be Cronut Guy? DA: I want to keep making things and keep people excited. People come now and see all the other pastries we have, a fresh selection and made-to-order. People don’t just come for the cronuts, they come because we’re different.

Bartender of the Week Relationship Status: Just recently married! June, or July… June. June. Favorite Drink: Colorado bulldog with rootbeer Favorite Shot: Tic Tac — Rumple Minze and rootbeer Disgusting Drink: Prairie fire What bargoer pet peeve would you like to wipe off the face of this earth?: There’s so many… People who buy one drink at a time without starting a tab. Or when people shout out your name to get your attention. When was the last time you danced like no one was watching, loved like you’d never be hurt, or sang like no one was listening?: Five minutes ago!

Eric of Wayside West

Drinking Game Truth or Dare Just like the middle school game you played, but with more drinking involved. Hey, the “more drinking” part always works out for the best, doesn’t it? What You’ll Need: A deck of cards, some beer, and an iron will. Number of Players: 3+ Level of Intoxication: We dare you not to throw up. How to Play: -Begin the game by dealing each player four cards, face-up. -In the middle of the table, lay out two rows of five cards. One row will be “truth,” the other, “dare.” -Note which end of the rows you wish to start on. The first set of cards is worth two drinks, the second set is four, the third, six and so on. -Flip over the first card in the “truth” set. If any player has this card in their upturned set of four, then he or she must drink for two seconds or answer a question agreed upon by the group. -Flip over the first card in the “dare” set. Any player with this card in their upturned set of four may give any other player two drinks. In return, the player who takes the drinks gives a dare in return. -This escalates to four drinks or a truth, four drinks in return for a dare, etc. The Game Ends When: Everyone is naked from dares and crying because they’ve been forced to admit their darkest secrets.

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If you had a clone, what would be the weirdest thing you’d make it do?: Pick up my dog’s poop. Yoga pants: Overrated, underrated or properly rated?: Underrated! They look nice. I’m assuming the right people are wearing them. What TV show do you most dislike?: Any reality show. Except Duck Dynasty. What’s something that sounds like a sex position, but isn’t?: A 49ers fan. If you had to have a hangover or diarrhea for a week, which is it?: Diarrhea for a week — I HATE headaches! Why should people read The Black Sheep?: Because it’s amazing? I read it!

Recipe for disaster The Old-Fashioned With Breaking Bad coming to a close, it’s time to find a different series to pour yourself into. Enter: Netflix, the Holy Grail of all things TV. Our suggestion? Mad Men. To get you in the mood, we thought it’d be a good idea to introduce you to main character Don Draper’s go-to drink, which is also the manliest cocktail you could order during a night on the town. What You’ll Need: A tumbler whiskey glass, sugar cubes, angostura bitters (flavored or not), an orange, lemon or any citrus-like fruit of your choosing, a muddler and a bottle of your favorite bourbon whiskey Cook Time: 2 minutes Fatty Factor: Not fat, manly Let’s Get Baked, er Drunk: - Add one sugar cube to the glass and cover it with dashes of the angostura bitters - Muddle the cube until it is well dissolved - Add an orange wedge and a maraschino cherry and muddle the juices out of each - Add 2 oz. of whiskey (or a bit more if you’re feeling risky) - Add 1-2 large ice cubes and stir - Garnish with both an orange and lemon twist This drink is meant to be sipped and savored, so don’t chug this delicious concoction. It also pairs perfectly with a nice tenderloin, so order this when you’re out to dinner. This is also what Ryan Gosling’s character mixes up for Emma Stone’s in Crazy, Stupid, Love, so now you’re halfway there on landing a kick-ass chick like that.

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spot the difference

Can you find the 10 differences in this gameday scene? Send your answers to classtime@theblacksheeponline.com - the first right answer gets a prize!

madlib Spending my first year in a ___1___ apartment

is, overall, exceptionally ___2___, but there’s one thing I’m nervous about: grocery shopping. Usually ___3___ does that for me, picking up my ___4___ ___5___and bags of ___6___-flavored ___7___ patties so you can imagine how ___8___ I was when I stepped into ___9___. I was like… ___10___ is in the what section? I have to push this cart with, I can only presume, ___11___ residue all over it? Can I lick my fingers? No, I shouldn’t. I was overwhelmed and didn’t know where to start. I saw a wall of candy from across the store and ___12___ my way 1: Popular apartment complex 2: Synonym for good 3: Pushover relative 4: Meat 5: Breakfast pastry

6: Type of cheese 7: Vegetable 8: Synonym for confused 9: Local grocery store 10: Basic vegetable 11: Drug

Grocery Shopping over there faster than a ___13___ girl swallows a lemon drop. I stood in awe of the buckets of ___14___ and ___15___ and ___16___! Like a ___17___ in heat, I dived in___18___-first into one of those bins of ___19___ and nearly drowned in that sweet, sweet sugar. An employee resembling ___20___ had to yank me out, and a crowd of ___21___ were studying me with intrigue. While I was getting escorted out, I saw one dive into a bucket of ___22___ and get a concussion. Scary! So I didn’t get very far at the grocery store. Looks like it’s ___23___ for the rest of the year! 12: Verb 13: Sorority 14: Gummy candy 15: Type of nut 16: Weird grain or legume 17: Wild animal

18: Body part 19: Favorite candy 20: Old celebrity 21: Nationality 22: Hard candy 23: Crappy fast food

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