WMU - 12/14/11 - v03i08 by The Black Sheep

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1) Play fun games from The Black Sheep when you're procrastinating studying. 2) Try not to get too wasted before your finals. 3) Don't cheat. Or, don't get caught. 4) Enjoy multiple spirits after your last final.

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The Fun and Games Finals Issue

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Are you Smarter Than?

The scoreboard:

4 dana's score

dana's answers

Dana Borzea the black sheep editor 1) How many Stanley Cups have the red wings won? 2) What former GOP Prsidential candidate is in the news for cheating on their wife with multiple women? 3) How many elements are in the Periodic Table of Elements?

4) What former Miss USA was recently arrested for drunk driving? 5) Which female hip-hop artist was recently on Rolling Stone’s “King of Hip Hop” list? 6) Name the four main boys in South Park.

your score

7) How many shots are in a fifth? 8) How much money did Kim Kardashian make from her wedding? 9) What is the name of the dictator that was just ousted in Libya? 10) What date was the attack on Pearl Harbor?

1) 11 2) Probably half of them 3) I’m a Comm. major 4) The one from Michigan 5) Nicki Minaj

6) Eric, Kyle, Kenny, Stan 7) Like 25 8) A few million 9) Something Gandalf… 10) December 7th

correct answers: 1) 11 2) Herman Cain 3) 118 4) 2010 Miss USA Rima Fikah 5) Nicki Minaj

6) Kyle, Stan, Eric, Kenny 7) 17 8) 18 million 9) Moammer Gadhafi 10) December 7, 1941

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Definition: A set of boobs used to acquire goods and services from men. “Of course Katie’s sugar daddy bought her a Benz, have you seen those generoustitties?”

THe top ten holiday dranks It is officially the holiday season, and we all know what that means: presents, ugly sweaters, and most importantly the seasonal alcoholic drinks that we all love to indulge in every year. For many of us broke-ass college kids, some of the ingredients in these drinks exceed our usual Burnett’s purchase, but worry not fellow Wasterners. Since we’re so poor, we assume that we can only pound nasty shots or drink terrible beer, but that’s not true. You can go H.A.M. with your friends and not cringe every time you take a sip! Here’s a list to help keep your season’s drinking as cheap and tasty as possible. 10) Apple Sparkler (non-alcoholic) The combo of sparkling apple cider and raspberry juice with orange wedges tastes amazing. This drink is for those of us who don’t care for drinking, just want a night in without the worry of a hangover, or if you’re just a wimp. Regardless, you’ll enjoy this holiday drink just for fun.

Going Inside the Mind of a Procrastinator sam howard wrote this Most of us wait until the last second to catch up with work, this is what happens…. Oh god, it’s cold outside, I wish I’d bought a coat instead of spending my money on peppermint schnapps and hot chocolate. Oh well, that party was the shit, that kid in the red sweater was bomb. Battery-operated lights? Yep, totally gettin’ that fo’ sho next year. Oh shit, the parking lot is so packed! I wonder if I could park in the tow zone, it’s already 11 p.m., wish I hadn’t spent all of that time talking about freakin’ sledding with her, there isn’t even an inch of snow yet and I’m going home before there will be any. Hello, there. Damn…sexy, I love leggings season. Outlet, outlet, why are there never any outlets?! You, with the rabbi beard! Do you really need to sit at that table alone with your paper and pencil right next to an outlet? Finally, a spot with an outlet! Great, now I have to pee - go figure - as soon as I set up my stuff. “Hey man, can you watch my stuff? Thanks,” what a douche. You could have just said “yes” instead of giving me that stupid Oscar the Grouch face. Go back to your trashcan and die. I should’ve read to those laminated notes on the desks that say not to leave your belongings unattended, dammit. God, these bathrooms smell, and who decided to buy these pieceof-shit automatic faucets; Oh wow, there’s actually one new one that works. I wonder how many people just sit here to get away from studying for a while. “For a good time call…,” how stupid, why can’t there be any original graffiti? We’re at a public university and they can’t even draw a giant octopus inking a school bus that crashes into the school and we don’t have to take finals, or something clever like that?

posts a status about their workout, like I care how many sit-ups you did, why is this worthy of public announcement? Oh, shit! I forgot about that party this weekend, let’s click photo. Nice, you still got it, me.” Oh, Fuck. How has it already been an hour? Ahh, why Facebook?! Why?! TEE EFF ELL ENN Dot CEE OHH EMM. “Blacking out and having meaningless sex is one thing, but when you're considered a regular at White Castle...” White Castle sounds so good right now, I wonder how much I’d have to pay someone to go get me some sliders. Dammit, focus! Okay, Bio, Bio, Bio, where the hell is that Bio book? Oh, okay, found it. What a stupid picture on the front, if I’m spending $180 on a textbook, the least they could do is put something sweet like a giant Venus Flytrap eating the head off a bear on the front. What the hell is Bioass, anyway? “Material from living organisms” Oh, yeah I guess that makes sense. Why does Biomass need its own separate term? Could that be used for anything like, could there be a cameomass? Like the amount of useless cameos in a Family Guy episode or some stupid made-for-T.V. movie with Chuck Norris?

“i wonder how many people just sit here to get away from studying for a while."

“Thanks man,” Not. Good thing my stuff is still here, I wonder how much I’d care if my laptop was gone. At least, I wouldn’t have to do anything tonight. Hmmmm EFF AY CEE EE BEE OHH OHH KAY Dot CEE OHH EMM. “Workout was hard today, blah blah blah,” Who the hell

Fuck, I’m so tired, I bet I could wake up early and do this and I would actually get shit done. Ah, why did I drink those Keystones? What a bad idea before studying, beer just makes me tired. Shut down, stupid computer! Why are you taking so long? Jacket, phone, laptop; okay, do I have all of my stuff? Again, why is it so cold outside?! I swear I’m moving somewhere warm after I graduate. I hope that creepy guy doesn’t jump me. So glad the desk person never talks…awkward walking in, thank God I can just walk out without making eye contact. Ugh, I’m exhausted. I wonder how much time can I sleep for in order to still be to class on time? Next time I really shouldn’t wait until last minute like this….”

9) Ginger Snap Made from spiced rum, eggnog, and one ginger snap cookie, this beverage really makes the taste perfect for the holiday season, but it still won’t make a dent in your spring break fund. 8) Snowy Pooh A little more upscale for some of us, but still fairly cheap. Pomegranate juice, red wine, brandy, sugar, cinnamon sticks and a few teaspoons of cane (or white) sugar, equal parts the first 3 ingredients, and then add the others as needed. It’ll be interesting at first, but like wine, coffee, and Four Loko, most grow accustomed to it. 7) XXX-Mas Punch Mix cranberry and pineapple juice, soda water and vodka to create a great seasonal, blended drink that will make you and all your friends temporarily forget about finals. 6) Chocolate Milk Whip Fill a tall glass with ice, add 4 ounces of chocolate milk and some cold Bailey’s, top it off with some whipped cream and chocolate shavings. You’ll have a classy holiday drink to share for a girls’ night, or if you just want to pretend you’re classier than the Burnett’s you usually consume. 5) Snowflake Mix a few ounces of Admiral Nelson Spiced Rum and hot chocolate with a peppermint stick and let it soak a bit then drink...it’s a kick, but definitely worth the flavor. 4) Snow Bunny Pour some Potter’s Triple Sec into a festive mug with hot chocolate and top it with whipped cream and sprinkles of nutmeg. Add a cinnamon stick or plain candy cane as a stirrer and enjoy that hot drink on a cold-ass day. 3) Irish Hot Chocolate Grab that special glass of yours, add Bailey’s Original Irish Cream and some hot cocoa and drink up. You can feel like a kid again by adding marshmallows, or be more Wasternlike and add some alcohol-infused whipped cream for some real fun. 2) Christmas White Russian Get an 8-ounce glass, fill with ice and add 1.5 ounces of plain vodka and 1.5 ounces of Kahlua. Then add 4 ounces of egg nog (or half & half cream if egg nog isn’t your thing stir it up and enjoy! 1) Christmas Cheer Grab a shot glass and stir some peppermint schnapps and eggnog together...voila! For a similar concoction, replace the eggnog with hot chocolate and it’s a Peppermint Patty! This actually tastes pretty good and, depending on your tolerance, you can have the Schnapps all on its own. Score!

lulu lemon wrote this

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the ultimate at-home drinking game

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One of the worst things about being at home is the inability to booze whenever you please. But have no fear, for obviously The Black Sheep is here to give you an entertaining and easy way to get your drink on during any of the many awkward times you spend at home. So grab a fifth and a flask, because you're about to get drunk (again).

on the car ride home

when decorating for the holidays...

Take a drink when you get a text from a high school buddy asking about your plans over break. Take a drink every time you hit repeat on your iPod. Take a drink every time you check Twitter on your phone. Take two drinks every time your parents ask you about your GPA this semester. Take two drinks every time your mom comments on your appearance. Take two drinks for every half-hour you're in the car. Take three drinks for every awkward silence. Take five drinks when you realize you left your phone at school.

Take a drink every time your cat starts eating the tinsel. Take a drink for every ornament you break. Take two drinks for every stocking you hang. Take three drinks every time you untangle a string of lights. Take three drinks every time you get on a ladder. Take three drinks for every time your dad drops an f-bomb while putting up the Christmas lights. Take five drinks every time your mom tears up during "Little Drummer Boy." Take ten drinks if you put up a huge inflatable decoration.

while celebrating the holidays with your family Take a drink for every gift you guess incorrectly. Take a drink for every pair of socks or underwear you get. Take a drink every time someone tells a story starting with "When I was in college..." Take a drink every time you catch someone feeding the dog. Take a drink for every National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation reference your dad makes. Take two drinks every time you catch the cat messing around in the Christmas tree. Take two drinks every time grandma notes how old you look. Take three drinks every time someone asks you how the service you didn't go to was. Take three drinks for every gift you receive that still has the clearance price tag on it. Take four drinks every time a relative retells a story. Take four drinks every time your 17-year-old cousin successfully sneaks wine. Take four drinks every time your parents jokingly mention Santa and think you're still amused. Take five drinks for every time your mom raises her voice. Take five drinks every time a new course is served. Take ten drinks every time someone mentions that you're single or asks when you're going to start having babies. Take ten drinks if grandpa passes out before 2 p.m.

while last minute shopping Take a drink for every drunk Salvation Army bell-ringer you see. Take a drink for every time you move a space in any given line. Take a drink every time you buy something for yourself. Take two drinks for every time an overweight woman nudges you then glares at you. Take two drinks every time you start sweating. Take three drinks when you see an elf touch himself wrongly. Take three drinks for every item you're looking for that's out of stock. Take five drinks for every screaming, crying and generally unhappy baby you see on Santa's lap.

On new year's day Take a drink for every bad decision you made. Take a drink for every episode of a T.V. marathon you watch. Take a drink for every tagged picture from last night. Take a drink for every butt slap or fist pound you see during the football games. Take two drinks every time you choke back vomit. Take two drinks every time you actually get off the couch. Take three drinks every time you get a glass of water. Take eight drinks every time you change your resolution.

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From 'da Streets How do you plan on celebrating the end of the semester? “I’m going to go home and play with all my kitties! Yes, I do have friends and have a social life - it’s crazy cat lady status if you have 4. I only have 3.” - Julianne O., Junior

'Twas a Jewish Christmas Mitch Barnett wrote this It’s Christmas Day. I’ve been waiting for this day all year. I race down the stairs in my polar bear onesie, I see that there are no cookies or milk on the counter, I can’t wait to open my gifts and jut as I’m about to tear open gifts under the Christmas tree, I remember that I’m Jewish. I know what you’ve been asking yourself. “If he’s Jewish, then what the hell does he do on Christmas? Everything is closed; the banks, the grocery stores, Taco Bell, and even the 24-hour Walgreens. What does this kid do on December 25th?” Well, let me tell you pal, everyone’s favorite Chinese restaurant and the movie theater are the only two places in the country that are open. These two things are what make my tradition better than you would imagine. It combines two of my favorite things, food and movies. Plus, Christmas is the only holiday we do anything for that doesn’t involve people actively trying to kill the Jews. That’s a major plus.

all the other Jews in the restaurant. And yes, there awkward moments when there’s people in attendance there that your family knows, but you don’t see regularly, so no one knows what the hell to talk about. After brunch my family and I head over to the movie theatre to see whatever big blockbuster hit or sappy holiday family flick was released that day. Similar to making a reservation, we have to pick up the movie tickets in advance because everyone heads there after Chinese lunch. Like we were saying, there really isn’t much else to do. Most Jews spend their holiday like this. There are some that spend their time volunteering at various soup kitchens in the area. Others serve Christmas dinner at the homeless shelter to help those in need. According to my tradition, this is called a mitzvah, or good deed in Hebrew. My family always talks about doing those things, but we never actually end up doing it. We’re not really mensches, you see.

"there's nothing like a delicious egg roll with some beef lo mein to celebrate the birth of a rival religion's lord and savior." Preparation for a Jewish Christmas starts on December 22nd with a phone call to my favorite Chinese restaurant. It’s important to make a reservation early, because the entire Jewish community is trying to eat at the same time and place. Every year it’s like an extended rejewnion, everybody and their bubbe is in the restaurant.

When Christmas day arrives my family usually gets to the restaurant around 11 a.m. That’s when the lunch buffet opens up. It gets so busy that waiting at other sit-down places would take forever, so the buffet is definitely the way to go. There’s nothing like a delicious egg roll with some beef lo mein to celebrate the birth of a rival religion’s lord and savior. A Jew’s time here consists of eating and doing what our people do best, gossiping with

Besides for these things, there isn’t anything else we can do besides sit around, smoke, drink, and feast on leftovers from brunch. Maybe play some video games and watch TV. Christmas is my favorite holiday because it’s the only day of the year that I’m actually forced to do nothing. No one can yell at me for doing nothing. My parents can’t make me go out to do anything because everything is closed. It’s amazing. Merry Christmas everybody, Happy Hannukah, Happy whatever you celebrate and lastly, Happy New Year. (I don’t know anyone who celebrates Kwanzaa and I’m not sure that anyone else does either.)

“I’ll probably head over to the Vu for some intellectual conversation with women of the highest class.” - Joesph P., Sophomore

“The first thing is sell my books back and tell my parents I only got half of the money then I really did. Those funds will be put towards rocking out with and chopping down trees with my hometown girlfriends. “ - Katelyn O., Junior

holiday gift guide 2011 Under $25Gift Packages! The Party Person

MotorolaA

For the person who deadpans “What do you mean you can’t go out? It’s Monday!" Coconut Water ($3) - If you don’t drink when you wake up, how are you supposed to drink all day? Sleep Mask ($6) - For when you forget to turn off the strobe light. Glitter ($0.77) - It’s important to look faaaaaaaaabulous. 6 Custom Beer Pong Balls ($14) - People are going to know you mean business.

The Designated Driver

Also known as your own personal guardian angel. Febreeze ($4) - Yes, there’s puke. But also sweat and pee and blood. This car is more disgusting than an army hospital. Barf Bag 5pk ($6.50) - They just cleaned their carpets, dude. C’mon! Compass ($5) and Road Atlas ($10) - For the most ghetto GPS imaginable. No asshole, there’s no Penis Boulevard.

Mr. Super Broke

What do you mean you’re going to be a little late on August rent? Ramen 12pk ($5.99) - Once they’ve eaten the noodles, they can use the cup to beg for change. 6 Shares of Ford stock ($1.81 x 5) - Sometimes it’s important to feel like a CEO. Windex ($3.99) and Paper towel roll ($1.50 x 2) - Get a job, deadbeat!

trix 2 Phone PRICE: $99 (for AT&T, $499.99 without contract) notable features: Android 2.3 network, built-in FM radio, 8 GB internal memory, plus an 8MP front and rear facing camera. (wireless.att.com) why it rocks: This phone is really nice. It has 4G speed, a pretty sweet camera that takes crisp photos and videos. And while many phones have a learning curve that rests somewhere between “rage inducing” and “fuck this, I’ll just use a telegraph,” the Atrix 2 is actually pretty intuitive in its use. Zumocast-- a program that allows you to access files and information stored on your computer’s hard drive—is one of the phone’s best features. Did we mention that this telephone even makes calls and sends texts? Crazy!

Hah, you don't need to answer that. Whether you've been naughty or just down right nasty this year, we've got plenty of gifts that you'll be begging to receive. You do know it's better to give than to receive, though, right? Of course you do... you're not on the nice list for a few very good reasons.

Lululemon

Destined for Greatness Duffel

Timbuk 2M

PRICE: $140 notable features: Weatherproof, industrial strength Velcro, buckle can also double as a bottle opener! (chromebagsstore.com) Why it rocks: This bag is waterproof and roomy enough to put your supplies for the whole day inside of it. If you depend on your bike for transportation, the bag has clips that could hold lights, a U-lock, or your dignity, for when you accidentally run into a car. Not to mention it has adjustable straps to ensure a perfect fit to your bod. Just strap it on and go! If this bag weren't cool enough already… the buckle can double as a bottle opener, making grabbing a beer right as you walk in the door from work or class that much easier. Oh, and it comes with a lifetime guarantee, which already makes it better than marriage.

Are You on the Naughty List?

PRICE: $128 notable features: Goofy labeled pockets-galore to keep your junk organized, stow-able nylon straps to fit any size yoga mat, water-resistant fabric, and can hold up to 50lbs! (lululemon.com) why it rocks: This workout bag is perfect for the gym, or any other onthe-go occasion that suggests you would have to carry a ton of shit. Not to mention it’s actually cute! Its super sturdy straps let you carry gobs of “necessities” with confidence. The bag also features tons of easily accessible pockets (most of which are labeled with quirky suggestions of what to put in them, sadly there’s nothing to hold your shattered dreams) for all your organizational needs. It even has a pocket that is designed to slide your laptop in to keep it safe, because you know how shifty those yogis can be.

essenger Bag PRICE: $120 notable features: 50 different iconic celebrity faces staring back at you, waterproof exterior, lifetime guarantee and pockets on pockets. (timbuk2.com) why it rocks: This bag is really functional. It’s waterproof, spacious and can be adjusted to fit your frame. Padded straps make lugging around too much crap a little bit less awful. And with tons of pockets with different colored zippers, maybe you can actually find your keys or wallet without dumping all of the contents of the whole bag out. The lconoclast version of this classic Timbuk2 messenger bag is limited edition and is made with fabric that has the faces of 50 different cultural icons printed on it. Each is unique, depending on what swatch of fabric was used, which is cool. Anyone you get this for will use it everyday. Except for Sunday, that’s the Lord’s day.

Lap Dock 100 Motorola

Chrome

Citizen Buckle Messenger Bag

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PRICE: $249.99 notable features: High resolution, bright 10.1 screen, can be hooked up to a variety of phones (best paired with the Atrix 2), Motoprint application makes printing easy. (motorola.com) why it rocks: The lapdock makes using the web on the go easy and convenient, without having to lug around a heavy laptop (that would most likely only connect to wifi anyway). Just connect your phone to the port on the back of the device and you instantly have a bigger screen and a keyboard. It’s so much better than trying to use a tiny touch screen with your stubby sausage fingers. Hell, it’s so good it made us forget they aired those annoying commercials during the NCAA tournament last year.

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eer Making Starter Kit

Homebrewers OutpostB

Short's Brewery

PRICE: $7.99 - $9.99 for a six pack (includes Bellaire Brown, Black Cheery Porter, Chocolate Wheat, Pandemonium Pale Ale, Autumn Ale, Huma Lupa Licious IPA) Notable features: Delicious, high quality ingredients make this micro-brew delicious. (shortsbrewing.com) WHY IT RULES: All of these beers are rid-donk-licious, and can be considered a special treat for anyone (21 and up) on your holiday list. Shorts Brewing Company consciously only uses the finest ingredients and it shows. They really know what they’re doing when it comes to creating tasty brewskies. Not to mention that all of these beers have an ABV% of at least 5? If getting drunk in a warm, Keystone-free cocoon of smiles is your aim, Shorts will definitely do the trick.

PRICE: $134.99 (includes ingredients) Notable features: Everything you need to brew your own divine beers while still being cost effective. (homebrewers.com) WHY IT RockS: With this kit you’re able create your own beer at a fraction of the cost of buying delicious high-gravity craft beers elsewhere. Once you have the equipment, it’s easy to order ingredients. The process is easy enough, too (check back in the first issue of the 2nd semester as we try to make our own beer). Brewing is the ultimate bragging right, it makes you superior to all your friends, because you’re getting tipsy off of your own hard work. What else could a beer guru dream of?

Peligroso Reposado

42 Tequila PRICE: $44.99 Notable features: Smooth, wonderful and full of the promise of a magnificent time. (peligrosotequila.com) WHY IT RockS: Everyone loves tequila, right? Well, Peligoros Reposado 42 is perfect for any holiday party. While all of your kind of trashy, lame friends from home are throwing down shot after shot of Burnett’s or Jose Cuervo, you’ll look like the epitome of class when you whip this bad boy bottle out. And since this tequila is still pretty new, you can be really vague as to where you got it. “Oh, I just know a guy…” will have your friends thinking you know someone in the cartel. Don’t forget the salt and limes!

Samsung

Galaxy Tablet 10.1

Variety Pack

PRICE: $499.99 (for 16 GB) notable features: Includes Adobe flash, brilliantly crisp widescreen display, and weighs only 1.25 pounds. (samsung.com) Why it rocks: This tablet is awesome. The highresolution screen is really crisp and the tablet itself has so. many. features. Even before you start downloading different apps like crazy. It has all the amenities of a laptop, but is incredibly easy to take on the go, and with 16 gigs of memory and almost 10 hours of battery life, using adult movies to weird out the guy sitting next to you on the airplane has never been easier. Also, it makes it easy to keep track of your plethora of social engagements… erm, exams and deadlines… with the agenda calendar right at your fingertips. It runs on the new and improved Android 3.1 Honeycomb network, which is still pretty similar to previous versions—making the conversion really easy. Check one of these out soon!

Under $25 Gift Packages! For the Lusty Lover

Their spare hole fits your round peg surprisingly well. Bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill ($3.99) - If they’re actually excited about this, make sure you card them. Hard. Whipped Cream ($2.99) - If nothing else, it gives you an excuse to shower together. Tea Lights ($5.99) - Really set the mood, until you start your apartment on fire. Redbox Flick ($0.99) - If you play your cards right, you’ll be flickin’ their red box.

FOR THE Super Greek

He’s totally your best brah that happens to be a brah in a house, brah. Knock-off Wayfarers ($4.99) - Because the sun never sets on cool. Collegiate sweat band ($3.99) - I go hard for my school, what, do you go to State or somethin’? Beer Bong ($12.99) - Not chug-alug house! Leather Cleaner ($3.49) - It’s always important to keep those Sperry's fresh.

for the Study Buddy

Friends don’t let friends go into tests unprepared. 30 Adderall ($3.25) - If they don’t study all the info, how are they supposed to make sure you pass your test? Daily Planner ($9.99) - After you lost your syllabus, they let you know when the tests occur. Ambient Music Mix ($0.00) They’ve got to focus all night if you’re going to learn trigonometry. Quiet Library Snacks ($4.49) - You wouldn't want them to be the douche eating Sun Chips, would you?)

Price: $89 (large, 38' diameter) NOTABLE FEATURES: Party tricks, potential of abs and popularity, did we mention it lights the f up? (moodhoops.com) why it rocks: Uh, how would a LED light-up hula hoop not rock? With one push of a button the whole thing goes apeshit with internal LED lights that dance and move on their own. When being used, the hooper is completely enveloped in bright, colorful lights! By default this will attract anyone cool in your path and will make you extremely popular in no time! Hula hooping has also become very popular as a way of working out, so you could get a spring break ready body WHILE entertaining the drunken masses. It would be irresponsible NOT to get this for someone on your list (or just keep for yourself instead).

holiday gift guide 2011

quiz:

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what does your grandma think about you?

1) You are a… a. Boy b. Gay boy c. Girl

2) What type of Christmas lights do you prefer? a. The old school, multi-colored ones like your parents’ house always has! b. You could really care less. It’s not like you’ve ever put them up or taken them down. c. PINK LIGHTS! 3) It’s the night before Christmas. You are… a. Plastered with your high school crew for a night, just like the old days! b. Hanging at the local dive bar wondering why it’s so packed. c. At home with your parents. Come on, it’s been forever since you’ve seen them! 4) Your car is… a. Littered with books, papers and other school supplies. It’s the one place where you can be a true slob. b. Big enough to fit a keg! You know from experience… c. Car? What car? I take the bus everywhere.

5) What kind of cell phone do you have? a. The iPhone, duh. b. One of the Androids. You’re just happy that your parents still pay the bill. c. A Tracfone…for now. 6) Pick your favorite Christmas movie. a. The Santa Clause b. Black Christmas c. Mean Girls…there’s a Christmas scene in there, right? 7) Your typical Saturday night includes… a. Drinking with your “besties” and probably blacking out…whoops! b. Movies and homework. Lots to get done before the semester’s over. c. Lots of weed. 8) You see that your grandma is calling. You… a) Ignore the call. Can’t waste any minutes before Saturday night. b) Pick up the phone and have a nice, long chat. It’s so good to hear her voice! c) Missed the call because you were at work, but call her the next morning. It wouldn’t be polite to wake up grams!

madlib: 1) Verb ending in “ing” 2) Roommate's name 3) Writing instrument 4) Your name 5) Store name 6) Alcohol name 7) Time of day 8) Body part 9) Same as #4 10) Time 11) A roomates mom’s name

12) Dorm building 13) Same as #2 14) Verb (-ed) 15) Adjective 16) Type of animal 17) Bar's name 18) Noun 19) Same as #8 20) Verb (-ed) 21) Same as #2 22) Verb (-ed) 23) Adjective 24) Adjective

Results 8-13: Drunken Dropout College wasn’t for you. So what? You stayed at home and tried your hand at short order cooking. When it comes to family functions, you’re probably always late. You honestly don’t understand why anyone would want to be up before noon. Your grandma loves you of course because, well, she’s your grandma and your other cousins love you because you make them look better. Keep up the good work, loser! 14-19: Party Princess Hey girl! Your family loves you because you’ve always been so sweet, but they definitely know that you have a wild side. You love to have a good time with your friends, but you also like to spend quality time with the family. You somehow manage to maintain good grades, but still have a great time on the weekends. Your family probably loves you! 20-24: God’s Gift to Grandma Hello Mr. or Mrs. Perfect. You have always been the first to call grandma on her birthday and she appreciates that so much. Because you’re so busy studying, when you have free time, you like to spend it by relaxing. You’re probably your mother’s favorite because you do no wrong. When you’re home for the holidays, you do things like take your grandma out to eat, put up Christmas lights with your dad, and cook dinner with your mom. The rest of your family is probably just being polite when they laugh at your stories.

1) 2) 3) 4)

a-1, a-3, a-2, a-3,

b-2, b-1, b-1, b-2,

answers

c-3 c-2 c-3 c-1

5) 6) 7) 8)

a-2, a-3, a-2, a-1,

b-3, b-1, b-3, b-2,

c-1 c-2 c-1 c-3

a kzoo carol Twas the night before finals, and all through the dorms, all the Broncos were raging or __1__ to porn. I partied all night and in a moment of dread, woke up half naked in __2__'s bed. But there, through my bloodshot eyes saw a note, it was scribbled in __3__ and here's what he/she wrote: Yo, __4__ don't worry, went to __5__ for some snacks, been drinking __6__ since __7__ don't know when I'll be back. And then at the door came a slam with such force, 'twas my roommate, __8__ broken, and dressed like a horse. Hey sorry __9__ been out since __10__ didn't know when I'd be back, but I met __11__ from __12__and we hopped in the sack. __13__ then recounted, with all the strength he/she could muster, the tale of the night and the robbing of “Buster.” We __14__ like __15__ __16__ before riding to __17__ across town, and later tripped on a __18__ into the fountain by Brown. I shattered my __19__ and __20__ in my shoes, when our mascot showed up and carried me to Sindecuse. I stole Buster's threads and limped away in a flash, I wouldn't have done it, but wow, I was trashed. So I signed up the cast, as __21__ __22__ with delight: “__23__ finals to all, that was one __24__ night!”

SHOW US YOUR BOOZE: BOOK OF MATTHEW 2:1-12

They came from the east when they saw his star rise...

They came to pay homage to a new king...

The Three Wise Men.

The evil King Herod had also heard the news.

Threatened, he summoned the Three Wise Men to his court...

And demanded they find this new king...

...so Herod could destroy him.

They paid him no mind and continued their journey.

The star stopped, they arrived.

Inside, they presented the new King with three presents...

Goldschlager, the dankest scents, and beer.

Meanwhile...

For he truly was King of the Booze!

20 21

R T

M O R G A R N

7 8 12 14 15 16 19 20 21 24 25 26 27

Across The club in the clouds (2 Words) Whose House? (2 Words) The best hour Moby Dick on land (2 Words) Another name for Western Avoid unless you want to sign a petition (2 Words) Got the Munchies? Thirsty 64 oz. 65 cents (2 Words) Designated driver Round and round and round Pita Wiz remix (3 Words) Where to waste your extra spray paint (2 Words)

1 2 3 4 5 6 9 10 11 13 17 18 19 22 23

Down Grab the Campus Habitat (if you're not a freshman) Ooh ah so glad I'm not a All American good with only foreign staff Cheapest place to buy condoms Our favorite Captain Where's Waldo? Tiffany's back in the day The only legal joint in town $500 for a swim (2 Words) State located off of West Michigan Ave. If you're looking for testosterone (2 Words) Where we go to study drinks (2 Words) The "other" college in town (2 Words) It's a great day to be a

Are You A True Bronco?

DOWN: 1) Grab the

K S

Test your Western Knowledge

S U B W A Y

U 5 S K Y D E C K S E I L N U E R D B 10 11 E M M 14 13 M C W A S T E I U G N O L E S G N 16 L E I M A E E S U R S D A Y S F P O P 22 23 21 U D S K B N C R U T S O O A L N I L C W N A N D Y E L L O G T H E R O C

R 3 E C 7 H I S H O N I 8 S P O 9 S P 12 T H E W H A L E A W 15 D F L A G I 17 U C 18 19 M A R T L E H 20 I C D E F C L O E I 24 R O U N D A B N T R 25 P I T E A 26 A R B R Y

Across 5 The club in the clouds (2 Words) 7 Whose House? (2 Words) 8 The best hour 12 Moby Dick on land (2 Words) 14 Another name for Western 15 Avoid unless you want to sign a petition (2 Words) Got the Munchies? Thirsty 64 oz. 65 cents (2 Words) Designated driver Round and round and round Pita Wiz remix (3 Words) Where to waste your extra spray paint (2 Words)

2) Campus Habitat (if you're not a freshman) 3) Ooh ah so glad I'm not a 4) All American good with only foreign staff 5) Cheapest place to buy condoms 6) Our favorite Captain 9) Where's Waldo? 10) Tiffany's back in the day 11) The only legal joint in town 13) $500 for a swim (2 words) 17) State located off of West Michigan Ave. 18) If you're looking for testosterone (2 words) 19) Where we go to study drinks (w words) 22) The "other" college in town (2 words) 23) It's a great day to be a

16 19 20 21 24 25 26 27

ACROSS: 5) The club in the clouds (2 words) 7) Whose House? (2 words) 8) The best hour 12) Moby Dick on land (2 words) 14) Another name for Western 15) Avoid unless you want to sign a petition (2 words) 16) Got the Munchies? 19) Thirsty 20) 64 oz., 65 cents (2 words) 21) Designated driver 24) Round and round and round 25) Pita 26) Wiz remix (3 words) 27) Where to waste your extra spray paint (2 words)

Down 1 Grab the 2 Campus Habitat (if you're not a freshman) 3 Ooh ah so glad I'm not a 4 All American good with only foreign staff 5 Cheapest place to buy condoms 6 Our favorite Captain 9 Where's Waldo? 10 Tiffany's back in the day 11 The only legal joint in town 13 $500 for a swim (2 Words) 17 State located off of West Michigan Ave. 18 If you're looking for testosterone (2 Words) 19 Where we go to study drinks (2 Words) 22 The "other" college in town (2 Words) 23 It's a great day to be a

crossword puzzle

Test your Western Knowledge

questions:

solution:

are you a true bronco?

Are You A True Bronco?