The Black Sheep
FR EE ... Lik in e w th ea e l rin ibr g ar dia y! per s
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 12 11/29/12 -12/5/12
theblacksheeponline.com @BlackSheepWVU
facing failure (of our sports teams) tiffany benson wrote this The West Virginia University football team started out having a great season: five straight wins, Geno was heading for Heisman, and a sold out stadium every game. After a rough stretch that saw the Mountaineers endure five straight losses, fans started to disappear. Not only are fans not watching our beloved Mountaineers play anymore, they’re making fun of the players. Facebook statuses say hurtful things like “Tavon’s new name is Buttercup because you build me up, Buttercup, just to let me down,” “We’re like that nice neighbor that moves in next door and brings YOU cookies” and “Our team sucks so badly that it makes watching a Honey Boo Boo marathon seem like a decent Friday night. We suck.” Sadly, our basketball team is starting out just as poorly as the football is ending, losing their first game to Gonzaga. One can hear students tear down the basketball team as well, saying, “Well, I thought I could get a break from our shitty football team losing but basketball is the same way” and “If Kilicli is our best player this year we’re in trouble.” Students need to realize that once you’re a Mountaineer fan, you’re always a Mountaineer fan. Going to this school is kind of like being in the Mafia, only with more guns and more relatives. You’re nothing but a bandwagon fan if all you do is follow winning teams. Does it strike you as entertaining to be a fan of a team like Alabama? Fans of perennial powerhouses get pissy when the teams they cheer for don’t have a large enough margin of victory. Imagine that super-rich kid you loathed growing up—the one that would go home and cry to daddy when his Transformer got dirt in the hinges—you hated his spoiled ass. Students pay too much money, spend too much time, and dedicate too much of their lives to this school. If you’re going to put so much effort into something, why would you walk away when things around Morgantown get a little rough? We’re not even begging you to look on the bright side. Feel free to crack a joke about WVU to cover up the pain of losing. Go out and burn a couch to take out your frustration, but avoid being caught by the police with the match and beer in your hand. Find a fan from the other team and pummel
How the Mitt Sold Christmas A political twist on a Dr. Seuss classic.
page 4
their stupid face to make yourself feel better. Make a drinking game with other fans so that every time the other team gets a touchdown or basket, someone takes a shot. Even if we lose, at least you’ll be drunk.
what’s inside
Top 10: Ways to Blow Off Studying
It’s as simple as just not opening up a damn book.
page 5
Don’t give up on WVU. Have faith in what our teams are capable of. Just be a true and proud Mountaineer. No matter what way you decide to cope with the pain of a loss, realize that you’re still going to be drunk and in a trashcan on High Street before the weekend is up, anyway.
bartender of the week Ashley from Chic ‘N Bones just wants to teleport, is it really that hard?
page 11
contents
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 5
page 5: The Ugly Sweater of your Dreams
There’s a gem inside all those lice-infested thrift store racks.
page 6: from the streets
what’s your favorite party about wvu?
Table of
page 7: The Black Sheep Christmas Wishlist
You, like, really like us (well, at least pretend to).
page 10: New Mel Gibson Movie: White Basketball Team Overcomes Odds in Predominately Black League
Coming soon to a middle-class theater near you.
page 13: We Interview: Nick Waterhouse
California boy makes “old school” rhythm and blues cool again.
page 13
FRIDAY AND SATURDAY:
STEAL THE SKY, PLAYING LIVE! FRIDAY: $0.25 PINTS & $2 MIXED DRINKS
SATURDAY: 2-4-1 EVERYTHING!
BOOK YOUR PRIVATE PARTIES NOW! 304-685-9163 345 HIGH ST. | MORGANTOWN, WV
JOE.MAMASMOTOWN
@JOEMAMASMOTOWN
page three p e e h S k The Blaicle App Mob
BAR SPECIALS
| PARTY
SCAN TO DOWNLOAD
THE iPHONE APP
PICS | DRINKING
! k e e W e h t f o c i P
GAMES
SCAN TO DOWNLOAD
THE ANDROID APP
Sexy Anagrams
BLITZEN GETTIN’ BLITZED!!!!!!!!!!! #HE OLO’d!!!!! (Want to be famous next week? Awesome.)
Send us your pic of the week at pics@theblacksheeponline.com
Gas Has Rye
Synch Keen Yen
Do you know who these celebrity hotties are?
Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com First five right answers get a prize!
word of the week quipster:
A person who uses outdated phrases in an attempt to be amusingly ironic.
“What do you mean you think I sound like an idiot? Well how ‘bout you just go talk to the hand, ‘cuz this face don’t wanna hear it?”
page 4
theblacksheeponline.com
How the Mitt Sold Christmas Alex Everard wrote this Mr. Romney sat atop Mount Mitt, with his iPhone 6 and tightly-knit polo sweater Staring down at America, those dimwits and forty-seven percenters He plotted real hard, he plotted with malice—just how to avenge those who cast the wrong ballot He could buy all their businesses, flip them, and sell ‘em for profit! He could drown the whole country with his Marvelous Money Faucet! Alas, it struck him—an idea of pure gold Mitt would steal all their toys and sell China the molds! Yes that would surely ruin this holiday season For all the middle-class kids and blue-color heathens He strapped his dog to the roof of his Porsche Down Mount Mitt he flew, screaming, “Romney SELLS Christmas, of course!” He broke into the houses with their measly two stories And stole the twerps’ toys to reap all the glory He was almost finished, just one more house to rob ‘Twas a house in Detroit, and Mitt laughed ‘til he sobbed “HA! This place; what a terrible city! Would have gone bankrupt underneath Ole Mitty!” He waltzed right in, without even having to knock And said under his breath, “LAWL, too poor to buy locks!” He took all the toys, but as he readied to dash Little Billy Bluecollar appeared, covered in trash “What are you doing, mister? Aren’t those my toys?”
Mitt relied on debate strategy to remain calm and coy “Oh no, little boy, I’m getting them fixed! Only the Chinese can mend this PlayStation disc!” Billy seemed suspicious, but Mitt said, “Blame Obama!” Then he drove his Porsche home and prepared for the drama Christmas Day he awoke early, laughing and stumbling “Oh boy, I can’t wait to watch the middle-class crumbling!” But that didn’t happen, much to Mitt’s confusion Americans seemed sad, but not disillusioned “Oh well,” they all sighed, “Looks like another recession.” “We lost all the toys, but we won’t lose the lesson.” They gathered around the tree in Rockefeller Center And began to sing songs with cheer and great splendor Just then, they say, while we ignored the worst for the best Something strange happened beneath Mitt’s money vest His heart began beating, and beating quite fast His heart beat so much it began to gain mass! It grew and it grew until it could grow no more! Then Mitt shouted, with a tear, “It’s not your fault that you’re poor!” He jumped in his Porsche and down Mount Mitt he shot Throwing toys and wads of money at every spot The kids began yelling, “It’s Ole Mitt, he’s back! I knew he’d fix our toys without any flack!” “Yes, kids, your Ole Mitt saved the day! And I fixed all these toys the American way!”
He made it rain in New York, Chicago, and Tennessee He made it rain on ‘dem kids from sea to shining sea But he made sure to stop in Detroit before he left To see Billy Bluecollar and give him the rest “Here you go, Billy, enough for a billion new games,” And Mitt handed little Billy all the money from Bain “Wow, Mister Romney, that’s millions of dollars!” “Just say thank you, Little Billy, and fix your blue collar.” And with that, he was gone, back up to Mount Mitt Where he still lives lavishly, but learned quite a bit Yes, as the story goes, as all the history books say Mitt Romney’s small heart grew six sizes that day.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 17TH
at THE RAMADA INN & CONFERENCE CENTER
20 SCOTT AVE., MORGANTOWN, WV | BELL TIME 7PM
6PLUSgreat matches! WATCH MONDAY NIGHT RAW ON 2 HUGE SCREEN TVS and enjoy wing and drink specials
GET YOUR TICKETS NOW! CALL 304-276-5336
$15 in Advance, $20 at the Door, Children Under 10 Only $5
WWE LEGEND “MR. USA” TONY ATLAS
WWE STAR & SON OF THE LEGEND “THE BRITISH BULLDOG” DAVID HART SMITH
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
The Top 10
page 13
Ways to blow off Studying Finals week is coming up. No one wants to study, but if you fail chemistry again your mom is making you use your own money for beer. For those of you who aren’t super anal about your grades, here are some great ways to procrastinate. 10.) Pick up an old hobby: You used to be an amazing underwater basket weaver? Quick, now is your chance to pick that useful hobby up once again. Anything is better than studying, right? Anyway, college is meant for hands-on learning. 9.) Work: All college students need extra cash. What better way is there to get it? Take more hours at work instead of studying for your ridiculous calc final; who needs calculus anyway?
The Ugly Sweater of Your Dreams Lea Ann Butcher wrote this So you ate too much at Thanksgiving dinner, your jeans barely buckle, and your shirt is a little too tight. Don’t fret, fatty.
of other college students looking to out-ridiculous one another. Rumors is pretty much a warzone this time of the year.
There’s no use in stressing over how much you weigh right now, people. We have exams coming up, and these academic exercises provide us with far more important means by which we can waste our time than slaving away over the treadmill. With Christmas break nearing, we have to use every last minute of our free time to have fun. Remember, December always has the best parties. And really, what student doesn’t love the traditional ugly Christmas sweater party? And who doesn’t love winning? You love both, so think of what your kindergarten teacher wore around the holidays, multiply that by ten, and you’ll have something to aim for.
If you really want to take things to the next level, recruit your friends and pick a Christmas theme. Each of you could dress as a reindeer. Rudolph on Ritalin. Dasher and Dancer on dope. Comet on coke. Tailor your outfit to be the most messed up reindeer you can slap together. You could try the same concept with the elves, snowmen, or any of your favorite Christmas characters. If you’re really looking to be avant-garde in Christmas regalia, find a way to incorporate other religious beliefs into your sweater. A big ole’ menorah in the back of Santa’s sleigh will earn you major brownie points amongst the other menschs in the crowd.
If you’ve never attended an ugly Christmas sweater party before, start by looking at pictures of Christmas parties past. Here you will find embarrassing photos of friends and family wearing sweaters that they thought were cute at the time. Ha, no. Conjure up some ideas by making a list of what you want your sweater to have: working bells, mentally challenged reindeer with googly eyes, dandruff snowflakes collected from your hippie neighbor, and felt decorations are all musts. Great, you have your inspiration, which, by the old axiom, means you’re 90% of the way there. Good thing this is only 10% physical, too. If you’re getting winded on your trip to Salvation Army or Goodwill…soon you’ll be going to the big ugly Christmas sweater in the sky. Both of these locations stock ridiculous attire year-round. Remember to keep your choices Christmas-oriented though, because if you can stay focused there are some seriously repugnant holiday sweaters out there that’ll get you noticed. The only issue here is that there are racks and racks of clothing at these stores making it nearly impossible to find a good score without fighting tooth and nail against the hordes
8.) Go to sporting events: WVU is always having some sort of sporting event. We have a rifle team and a women’s basketball team? Might as well get wasted and cheer them on. Even those sports can’t be as boring as staring at history notes all night. 7.) Exercise: To all of you new students battling the dreaded freshman 15, here is your excuse to put your Fat Bitch down and witness the beauty of the rec center. Once you get there, though, don’t be surprised to see every other student running around on the track or on the treadmills. Even those commute students will be taking advantage of it. 6.) Sleep: We all want more sleep, right? We make our classes later in the day so we can sleep. Now, instead of studying, we can sleep too! The only thing that would ruin this is having nightmares of failing those finals that you aren’t studying for. 5.) Social Networking: This is a given. Being on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and whatever else these kids are coming up with are constantly distracting us. Hence, it’s a perfect procrastinating tool. Just think; you could be learning statistic rules, or you could be seeing whom Julie just hooked up with. Which one is more important, really? 4.) Play video games: Most girls don’t play video games (cough, cough) so this is for all the guys. Video games are a great way to waste hours of your time. Why not kill some Nazi zombies for five hours? What better way could you possibly spend your time? 3.) Hang out with friends/significant other: If you have a roommate, then this will be super easy; they distract you anyway. College time is meant to gain friends that you will keep forever. You don’t want to possibly lose them while your nose is stuck in the books for a whole week. 2.) Watch TV: Television has been a tool of distraction for many, many years now. Help that tradition stay. Watch some Family Guy or South Park. They both teach you some really great life lessons, a whole lot more than history. Who cares what happened during that civil war between the east and the west when you can watch what’s happening on the final episode of Jersey Shore?
Once you have your sweater, have your D.D. bring you to the local craft supply store and pick out the most outrageous decorations that you can still see clearly through one open eye, and start hotgluing them upon your sweater until you have a Frankenstein-esque creation that would have Mary Shelley shitting her pants in terror. This is the best part of the adventure, letting your creative side run free. Make your own naughty Christmas scenes, throw a Kwanzaa mixer on there, or just have Santa as a shotgun-toting lunatic—it’ll happen once he gets tired of those damn ungrateful kids. And when you roll up to the crowd in your fuzzy regalia, be sure to own it. No one’s going to find you funny if you’re staring at a corner and people can’t see Mrs. Claus being bent over the workshop table by her hubby. Think of your sweater as your inner child’s refrigerator art—it may look shitty, but you love the little scamp for his gusto, so you show it off. Good luck, and may the most horrendous sweater win! Oh, yeah, you may want to pay for that hideous article of clothing before you start Scotch Taping fuzzy balls to it.
1.) Party: Um, hello? We go to the number one party school. This shouldn’t even be on the list; it should be a given. But for those of you who need reminding, we have the wildest downtown scene, so get down there and get bar-hopping.
Allyson Parrish wrote this
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
What’s your favorite part about WVU? “The football games. The fans are awesome.” - Nick S., Freshman
“I love my boxing team here. We all have a blast.” - Sarah L., Freshman
“I love that this is a college town. Instead of it being just a university in a city, we’re all Mountaineers.”- Olivia P., Sophomore
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
page 7
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
The Black Sheep Christmas Wishlist Dillon McLaughlin wrote this For the next month greed takes hold and we demand that our loved ones supply us with material possessions. We call this “holiday cheer.” Since we’re human (mostly) on The Black Sheep staff, we too are susceptible to holiday cheer. Which means that you, dear reader, are going to have to pick up the slack on what our parents and grandparents can’t provide. It’s a short list, so don’t worry, you shouldn’t be any more in debt than, say, the feds. 1.) The iPhone 5: We’re busy, like all the time. So when we need to get some emailing done, ain’t nothing better than an iPhone. The big screens really help with procrastination, like when our deadlines are coming at us like a freight train and we decide to download Angry Birds: Star Wars instead. 2.) Chocolate: Preferably Cadbury. Most of our meetings focus on analyzing the consistency of a bar of chocolate. What a lot of people don’t know is that density and melting point vary from bar to bar. The only reason that the melting point is listed as 98.6°F is because that’s the average temperature. In reality, the melting point can range from 96° to 99°. We have literally dozens of spreadsheets from this semester alone. As it happens, our stockpiles are quickly running out and we’re getting desperate. Two hundred pounds should do the trick. 3) Cash: We’re broke here. This isn’t exactly a paying gig, and, while we’re having a good time doing it, it’s not sustainable. We’ve had quite the memorable run-in with financial misunderstandings. So your donation could go a long way to preserving the life of a The Black Sheep writer. For only $20 a day, our lifestyles of whoring, drinking, gambling, and occasional writing can go uninterrupted. For $25 a day, you’ll cover our rent. We’ve fallen on hard times, so every little bit counts. 4.) All expenses paid trip to London: Across the pond is where satire really took off, and we’d love to get back to our roots. You’ve probably heard of guys like Chaucer, Shakespeare, and Rochester, and we’re big fans of theirs. Problem is, we haven’t got the cash (see number 3) to fund the trip we want. But here at The Black Sheep, we’re big believers in the generosity of man, so we’re sure you
can pick up the tab on this one. It’s not that much. We’ve got a staff of roughly fifteen and if you figure it’d cost about three grand for each one, that’s only about $45,000. If each reader throws in maybe $250, we’d be leavin’ on a jet plane and not sure when we’d be back again. 5.) Shopping spree at Dick’s: All our writers love exercise. Or, more specifically, being really into it for three weeks before abruptly stopping and playing video games for hours at a time. If there’s one thing we’re really good at here at The Black Sheep, it’s making resolutions. A shopping spree at Dick’s would do wonders for us. We’d never run out of impulsively-bought exercise equipment to ignore. Hopefully you can find it in your heart to not be a selfish bastard this holiday season. So come on, fork it over, we have to go exploit grandma in an hour.
BAR SPECIALS ON YOUR PHONE. Download
THE BLACK SHEEP MOBILE APP
YEAH!
SCAN FOR THE iPHONE APP SCAN FOR THE ANDROID APP Or Search Black Sheep Mobile
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS WANT MORE Download our Mobile App! DOWNLOAD FOR iPHONE DOWNLOAD FOR ANDROID
The Grid SPECIAL NIGHT
Watch the Game and Win a Trip to Vegas Every Sunday! Check out bentwilleys.com or Facebook for more details.
Friday: “Happy Hour” (5-8pm) $5 Buffet $2 Domestic Drafts $3 Rail $6 Domestic Pitchers
THUR. 11/29
9-11 Beer and Champagne $5 Pizzas & $4.50 L. I. T. Party with DJ Lacy Neff Upstairs 11-cl: $2 Bottles and $3 Call Drinks $1 Flavored Vodka Drinks for Ladies 11-Close
FRI. 11/30
5-8 Happy Hour in the Red Zone: 1/2 Price Apps & 2-4-1 Drinks Willey’s 9-11: $2 Bottles and $3 Call Drinks No cover before 10.
$0.25 Cent Pitchers 9-11 Everyday!
Friday & Saturday: Steal the Sky, Playing Live!
WED: College Night! 18 to party, 21 to drink $0.25 Drafts $.50 Mixed Drinks $2 Bottles
“Mug Night” $1 32oz Mugs $2.50 Mixed Drinks
$2 Italian Ice Shots $2 Domestic Bottles $2 Mix Drinks $0.25 Cent Pitchers 9-11
Beer & Champagne Special 9pm - 11pm $2 Bottles & Mixed Drinks, $3 Bombs After 11
Ladies Night! FREE Cover for Girls 2 x 1 Mixed Drinks $2 Shot of the Night $1 Drafts
“Happy Hour” (5-8pm) $5 Buffet $2 Domestic Drafts $3 Rail $6 Domestic Pitchers
$0.25 Cent Pitchers 9-11 $3 Mix Drinks $2 Dom Bottles $1 Italian Ice Shots 9-Midnight
Steal the Sky, Playing Live! $0.25 Cent Pints $2 Mixed Drinks
$3 Night! Applesauce, Grape Bombs, Long Island Iced Tea, Jack Daniels, Jager Bombs and Washington Apples!
SAT. 12/1
Tailgate before the game in the Red Zone! $1 Drafts and $0.50 Wings
$4 LI Trashcans $3 Rail, Bombs $2 Domestic Drafts
$0.25 Cent Pitchers 9-11 $4 Bombs $3 Mix Drinks $2 Dom Bottles $1 Italian Ice Shots 9-Midnight
Steal the Sky, Playing Live!
Miami EDM Night! $2 Bottles, $2 Shot of the Night, $3 Liquid Cocaine, Ecstasy Red Bull and Vodkas, Purple Haze
SUN. 12/2
Sunday Football Funday in the Red Zone! Every NFL Game in HD! $5 Pitchers and Homemade BBQ Food Specials
$2 Domestic Drafts and $7 Pitchers After 8pm: $3.75 Jim, Jack, Captain, Absolut, Jameson $1 Drafts, $5 Domestic Pitchers, 35¢ Wings
Closed
2-4-1 Everything!
Closed Check Us out on Facebook!
MON. 12/3
Monday Night Football in HD! 5 for $10 Buckets of Beer and $0.35 Wings
$1.50 Domestic Drafts 25¢ Wings
Closed
Closed
Closed Check Us out on Facebook!
TUES. 12/4
5-11: $2 Captain, Jack, Smirnoff, Clique, Bacardi and $1 Miller Pints in the Red Zone
“Taco Tuesday” $1 Tacos $1.50 Domestic Drafts $2 Coronas $2 Margaritas
Closed
Closed
Closed Check Us out on Facebook!
WED. 12/5
BOGO! Buy One, Get One Drinks and $5 Nacho Grandes in the Red zone
“Ladies Night” $3 Jim, Jack, Captain, Absolut, Jameson, $5 Domestic Pitchers $3.50 32oz Steins of Long Islands 25¢ Wings Ladies: $1 Drafts & Mixed Drinks All Night
Wonder Wheel Wednesdays: Let the Wheel Decide! $0.25 Cent Pitchers 9-11
9pm - 11pm: Jack, Jim, Captain, and Absolut Specials $5 Cover
College Night! 18 to party, 21 to drink $0.25 Drafts $.50 Mixed Drinks $2 Bottles
The
HOTTEST & NEWEST GENTLEMAN’S CLUB IN MORGANTOWN!
EARN TREMENDOUS (OR GOOD) MONEY! NOW HIRING DANCERS!
SEXY LADIES, PRIVATE DANCES, VIP’S
BOOK YOUR PARTY NOW!
18 TO JAM, 21 TO SLAM
$500 AMATEUR CONTEST EVERY THURSDAY NIGHT!
ELITE GENTLEMEN’S CLUB
593 Blue Horizon Drive ^ Morgantown ^ 304-598-7200
EAST COAST MALE REVIEW! CLUB OWNERS - INQUIRE ABOUT MAGIC MIKE NIGHT FEATURING EAST COAST MOST WANTED MALE REVIEW! CALL NOW TO BOOK YOUR PRIVATE PARTY OR EVENT! (304) 276-5336
page 10
theblacksheeponline.com
New Mel Gibson Movie: White Basketball Team Overcomes Odds in Predominately Black League John McHoneyCombs wrote this Director Mel Gibson is reportedly trying to break new ground in his undergoing project, Snowball: The Story of Overcoming Adversity in the City. The story revolves around the high school St. Paul’s Catholic Academy in inner-city Detroit, as their all-white basketball team tries to make a name for themselves against the other, primarily African American, schools in the heart of Detroit. Mr. Gibson explained his vision in further detail, “Well I got the idea after watching Remember the Titans and Coach Carter. Those movies were so inspiring, but I just couldn’t identify myself with many of the characters. I knew I had to make my own movie that would deal with many of the same issues young white boys deal with growing up in the city.” The movie features Elijah Wood and Tobey Maguire who play best friends dealing with the trials and tribulations that an all-white team might face in a predominately African American league. “My character’s name is Oscar,” Mr. Wood started. “He knows that there’s more to life than just good grades and the chess club. Oscar fights hard to escape the same classroom that had claimed his father, who started his own company immediately following graduation from an Ivy League school.” Tobey Maguire elaborated on his character as well. “My character, James, has two parents that are always there for him, encouraging him, and it just seems like the whole world wants to lift him up, but what about lifting him up on the court?” As the cast list started to come in, it was revealed that acting legend John Goodman would be playing the role of Coach Cory. “My character
faces a lot of scrutiny from the public who says that these kids should be preparing for their successful futures, not playing a game in a league they’re clearly not cut out for. That’s where my character shines; he wants to show these kids that it’s not just about talent, but also establishing fundamentals.” In one heartwarming scene (leaked early to the press), Coach Cory drills his team on the importance of passing, free throws, and three pointers. Just when it becomes clear the team is one win away from making it into the playoffs, tragedy strikes, and Wood’s character gets accepted to Brown on an academic scholarship. “There’s a truly gut-wrenching scene when I’m in the counselor’s office and am told that my scholarship does not allow me to play on the basketball team,” Mr. Wood explained. “We suspect this may be the Oscar-winning moment right here.” However, the team finds some much needed advice and support from an unexpected cameo. Initially, the studio tried to get Larry Bird to come in for the role, but after he deemed the whole project “distasteful” they were able to settle on former Chicago Bulls player, Toni Kukoc. “I was so excited for this role. I haven’t done squats since I played with Jordan, but hey, at least I got a ring out of proximity. In the movie I draw on real life examples and tell the kids that the Bulls probably would’ve lost five more games had I not boxed out, sat in the post, and cleared the way for Jordan or Pippen.” The film has met some backlash by the NAACP and several other Hollywood actors, including Denzel Washington, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Samuel L. Jackson. “These motherfuckers must’ve lost their mother-
fucking minds,” Mr. Jackson commented after reading over parts of the script. Denzel Washington also had a few choice words, “So they just took my movie, turned it into basketball, and put John Goodman in it? Who the hell chooses John Goodman for an inspiring sports role anyway? The man couldn’t coach a tee ball league. No athlete likes being bossed around by a guy who’s on the line for obesity. It’s a bit hypocritical.” Morgan Freeman plainly remarked, “This movie is more racist than the first half of American History X.” While there are naysayers out there, we at The Black Sheep expect this film to be a resounding success. It may be a bit premature in saying so, but we’re going to do it anyway: Oscar, anyone?
page 11
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
bartender of the week ashley Chic ‘n Bones What is the best part about Chic ‘n Bones: It’s chill, not rowdy, and a great place to hangout. Favorite part about bartending: The atmosphere and the quick money. Most popular drink on a busy night: Red Bull and vodka. Best night to work: Friday nights. The craziest thing to happen while bartending: Some guy tried to get me fired for not giving his credit card back when it was in his pocket the whole time. Best way to get a bartender’s attention: Just be patient and make eye contact. Drink of choice: Vegas Bombs. If you could have any super power what would it be and why: Teleporting. I hate travelling and love the beach.
the drinking game
The Name Game Sure, you may know a guy named Jeff or Dan or Bill, but who cares? They’re not famous. This game is a veritable who’s who of fame and fortune. So, yeah, you should know some celebs stepping into this. Or Jack Daniels. He’s nice too. Number of Players: As many Jane and John Does as you can fit at the table. What You Need: Beer, access to a celebrity gossip website. Intoxication Level: Robert Downey Jr., Danny DeVito drunk. How to Play: - The game begins with one player saying the name of a famous person. - The player to go next must say the name of a different famous person whose name begins with the first letter of the last name of the famous person just said. - While a person is thinking of a name they must be drinking, but if they are unable to think of a name they must finish the drink. To save yourself from this, bluff names can be made up, and if no one notices then the game continues. - Aliases may not be used. For example, “Ghostface Killah” would not be an acceptable answer, but “Dennis Coles” would. - Play goes on until beer runs out. - Below are additional rules added to spice up the game: - If a name is said that has the same letter for the first and last names then the direction of the game changes. - If someone says a single word name such as Usher or Raewkon then the next person is skipped. - If someone says a triple name, such as Sarah Jessica Parker, then everyone must drink. The Game Ends When: You start naming cast members from Weekend at Bernie’s II. (Terry Kiser!)
download our app for all of our drinking games!
Recipe for Disaster
Ooey Gooey Chocolate chief Brownies There’s nothing better than the good old-fashioned brownies that grandma used to make. Well, unless you mix some pot in it, too! Don’t let your conscience or DEA relative stop you from deliciousness. Waking and baking has never been so easy or tasty. What You’ll Need: 1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, 2 cups of pot butter, 2 cups white sugar, 3 eggs, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, and 1 cup all-purpose flour. Cook Time: 35 minutes. Fatty Factor: Eating these might cause you to eat more brownies, you fatty fat. Let’s Get Baked: - Preheat oven to 350 degrees. - Microwave chocolate and pot butter in large bowl on high for 2 minutes or until butter is melted. - Stir until chocolate is melted. - Stir in sugar, eggs, vanilla, and flour. - Spread in greased 9 x 13 inch pan. - Bake for 35 minutes. You should bring these to your family’s Christmas dinner. Wouldn’t you love to see grandma ripped out of her mind? Sure, your mom would be upset, but seriously, can’t we, like, all just chill and get along?
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
A Party, Carol
(Apologies to Charles Dickens) By: Brendan
T
he show was dead to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The DJ spun haplessly while the security looked onto the vacant dance floor happily. Carol had been to shows like this before, and she knew this one was dead in the water. Oh! But she was a pill-addled sound hound, Carol. She would chase MDMA with ketamine, washing down her cocktail with simultaneous hits from a nitrous tank and a bong. For this Carol was well-known in the rave scene, notorious for her love of intoxicants. Bros and hoes alike would recoil at the ghastly visage of dilated pupils and an ear-to-ear grin. But what did Carol care! It was the very thing she liked. To thrust herself into a crowded pit, with all human reckoning at a distance. She had a dozen hits of acid in her back pocket, a hitter rod, a gram of pure molly, a few bumps of coke and all the beer she could convince these loser boys to buy her. Just then Rob Crotchitch—a freshman whom Carol regularly saw at these events—scampered up. “You holding?” He asked, hopefully. “I suppose you’re not.” Carol uttered out of the side of her mouth. “If you have a hit—anything, I’ll take it.” “I don’t.” Crotchitch looked despondent, “Well, if anything does turn up, don’t forget about ole’ Robbie.” “Right,” Carol said as Rob scampered back into the fog-heavy darkness. When Carol was certain Rob could no longer see her she dashed to the restroom, set on getting her fix. Locking the stall door behind her, Carol fished in her pockets for her stash. “Get my drugs, will you, Rob?” she muttered under angry breath, “Not on my watch.” With that she swallowed everything in her possession, certain to enjoy her night alone. As she exited the bathroom Carol was shocked to see Rob Crotchitch. “What were you doing in there, Carol?” It was more accusation than question. “None of your business, Rob.” The interrogation continued, “Well then, what’s that white stuff under your nose?” Carol knew she was had. Choosing to drop any pretence of innocence, she came clean. “Yeah, so what? They’re mine. My drugs, my body.” “I’ve—I’ve,” he stammered, jaw on the floor, “I want to take psychoactives and go on adventures in my mind. I want to dance with pink elephants and talk to toad princes, and you, Carol, you’ve taken that away! A bad trip, that’s what I hope you have!” Rob danced back into the darkness. Carol stood for a moment in silence before letting out a cackle, certain to stare at a wall while contemplating the universe’s deepest secrets.
S
ome hours had passed by, loud music crawling over Carol’s body as she danced, blissfully unaware of
her surroundings. Then, in a moment her vision began to tunnel to a pinpoint. “Stay calm,” Carol thought to herself, “Keep breathing, you’ve been through this before.” Sure enough, the darkness retreated from her vision. Standing before her now was a small girl. Carol was concerned, muttering, “Little girl, what are you doing here?” “What are you doing here?” said the girl. Carol was growing suspicious. “I’m allowed to be here, you, on the other hand, it must be past your bedtime. Let’s go find a sec—“ “No Carol,” the little girl said, “what are you doing here? I’d guess a fair amount of MDMA, definitely some cocaine, and…acid?” Astonished, Carol replied, “How…what?” “Carol, I’m not a child. I’m the Ghost of Parties Past. I’d like to show you something.” Before she knew it, Carol’s vision was again narrowing, pulling back to reveal a sunny day in the back yard of her parents’ house. “Is this - ?” “Yes Carol, it is,” the ghost assured her. “And this isn’t just any old day. It’s July 30th, 1999.” “My seventh birthday?”
or something?” Carol snapped her head back at the Ghost of Parties Present saying, “That’s me!” before hearing it echo behind her moments later. “It most certainly is, but look again.” Carol did, and her shock slowly turned to embarrassment. She was staring blankly into the distance, muttering nonsense to an illusion no one else could see. Behind her were boys and girls pointing, sniggering, mocking a girl destined for YouTube shame.
“Like I said, two hours. I’m not going to let this wedding go to shit because you can’t get your head out of your own ass.” Carol’s mind started racing. She’d like to have gotten married a little earlier in life, but she couldn’t object to this. “Yes, the name’s Robert Crotchitch.” Her heart sank. She spun around to confront the Ghost of Parties Future.
The Ghost of Parties Present whispered, “This is what you defend?”
“Just what in the hell is this? There’s no way I’m marrying fuckin’ Rob Crotchitch.”
“I don’t have to answer to anyone, get me out of—“ Just then her vision began to go dim before snapping back. She turned her head intending to confront those standing behind her laughing. Instead, there stood a withered old woman taking a drag off of a cigarette.
“I know you’re not, just watch.” Soon enough out strolled a young 20-something woman. Beautiful, tall, lithe, she walked up to Robert and kissed him softly. Rob looked mildly distressed.
Just then a small girl ran outside, flitting left and right giggling, smiling, with cake frosting covering her face.
“A
“Baby, I’m not supposed to see you until the ceremony.”
“Mom, look! Butterflies!” The young girl squealed.
“I’d have thought you’d have this figured out by now,” the woman ashed her cigarette on the floor.
“I know,” the model said, “but I just wanted to say again…”
“Well, can you just do the vision thing so we can get this over with?”
“I know.”
The ghost looked sadly at Carol. “Yes, your seventh birthday. Look at how carefree you are. Hopped up on nothing more than sugar and irrational love of butterflies, you’re enjoying life. No drugs, no beer, no vague nihilistic sense that everything is for naught.”
nd who the hell are you?”
“Certainly.”
Tears were welling up in Carol’s eyes but she fought them back, defending herself. “Yeah, but things are different now. Life’s different—it’s harder, I have class and work and things are just…different now.”
Moments later Carol found herself at the doorstep of a large mansion. Perfectly-manicured shrubs nestled up against an ark of a house. She turned around to see a driveway lined with unpronounceable Italian cars.
“Yes Carol, they are,” the Ghost of Parties Past said as Carol’s vision again began to tunnel.
“This doesn’t seem so bad.”
A
The Ghost of Parties Future agreed, “You’re right, let’s head inside.”
s Carol regained her vision there was a boy of her age dressed in a white collared shirt and black dress slacks standing in front of her. “And you are?” she asked flatly. She was getting the hang of this. “I’m the Ghost of Parties Present.” “I supposed you’re taking me to see some more butterflies or something, right?” Carol was getting annoyed. “Show me that everything’s still wonderful if you’re willing to just…I don’t know, be a moron who lets out her inner child, or something?” The Ghost of Parties Present remained calmly distant, “No Carol, I’d just like you to turn around.” She did, just in time to see an oddly familiar face saying, “…know, be a moron who lets out her inner child,
Carol and the apparition winded through endless hallways for what seemed like hours, never running into another soul. Finally, Carol heard some conversation in the distance.
Carol looked at the ghost, “What is the meaning of all this?” The Ghost of Parties Future lit up another menthol, sucking in a lungful of smoke. “Earlier tonight you denied Rob Crotchitch anything. Hurt, he left. Walking home he had an idea—a way to improve distribution models for pharmaceutical companies the world over. He threw himself into the idea. By the time he was 25 he was already worth hundreds of millions of dollars. He sold, retired early, and lives his dreams, all because you chose not to give him a hit of acid.” “But—“
“What? No. I said I needed you to make sure the roses were delivered this morning.”
“There’s no buts about it, Carol. While you burn out, he burns bright. You helped him get to where he is, no doubt, but he doesn’t owe you a damn thing.”
Carol smiled, she loved roses.
Carol was beginning to panic, “And what about me?”
“Listen, they need to be here in two hours or I’m simply not paying for them.”
“Not a damn thing…” the words rung in Carol’s ears as her vision again narrowed. When she came to she was lying in her bed. It was morning.
And he’s assertive. Carol looked at the ghost and smiled. The ghost looked grim. “Let’s keep walking,” she said. Soon they turned a corner. A man in his late forties continued to argue over the phone.
“I’m never doing drugs again,” she thought to herself. Moments later she sucked a hit of weed from a bowl, intent on napping away last night’s nightmare. “Well, no more drugs, starting tomorrow.”
the interview
nick waterhouse
Nick Waterhouse, a self-described California rhythm and blues man, knows his roots, and he funks the fuck out of them. On tour in Europe, he happily answered some of our questions about his breed of music. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: When it comes to songwriting, how do you approach it? Nick Waterhouse: I’ve found that some songs begin as larger, vague conceptions, like a fog, where I have this blob of rhythm and sounds, as well as concept or theme. Then I have to squint harder through the fog to figure it out. It’s almost like attempting to “remember” the parts, like I’m remembering something I never knew. It’s very close to the feeling of waking and trying to recall specifics of a dream. Once I’ve sorted that out, I find it’s often the rhythms that come about. I’ll have a rhythm or drum part with notes that often follow those in my mind. It’s the same with fragments of words. Some songs have lines that are years old that I’ve scratched somewhere that take on a different dimension. The material on Time’s All Gone, much of it was being prepared for live performance while I was developing it, so I would approach my musicians and say, “Drums, repeat this bit.” Then I’m having the bass do a figure that makes sense, or giving people chords to fall under. It’s really adding layers and layers after that, and following the changes I had mapped out before involving other people. TBS: When you’re recording a song does it have to be perfect before you’re happy with it, or do little flaws add a certain amount of honesty to the music? NW: Strangers tell me I make really over-perfect music, and strangers tell me I make really flawed music. What I will say is that I refuse to do anything until I feel it’s right, and only I know what that is. I really believe in an organic approach to performance and recording, but having high standards. TBS: You obviously have a lot of R&B/soul influences, how did you get interested in that kind of music? NW: People talk about how language works in the brain, and what your “native” inner voice is thinking in. I always heard things like Van Morrison, BB King, John Lee Hooker, Aretha Franklin, soul or R&B, whatever you’d like to call it, growing up. I also heard a lot of those sounds reflected in things that were rock and roll, whether it was Elvis Costello, Tom Petty, Kinks, Stones, whatever. You know, when you are 15 and you are fantasizing about performing “Daddy Rolling Stone” in a sweaty club, and not about winning a baseball game, or shredding guitar, or driving off in a new Mercedes with a babe, it’s the sort of a personal truth that might tell you where your heart is. TBS: Do you ever worry that your music may be -- for lack of a better term -- too old school for modern listeners? NW: I only worry about it when people want to talk to me about it. I really didn’t care when I made all the music you hear on the record. I really, really didn’t care because I am a modern person and I was making something that made absolute sense to me in the present -- which really had nothing to do with eras, and had a lot more to do with combination of personality, artistry, and craftsmanship. TBS: The “Some Place” video looked like it was a riot to make; any good stories come out of it? NW: The best part of that video was the fact that we ran out of fake champagne bottles in the rental limo scene, and had to do take after take of me with the real deal. By the end of that shoot it was definitely beyond method. TBS: For something like that video, is it actually fun to do, or is it work making it look like that much fun? NW: It is work unless you’re getting drunk. But then you’re drunk on champagne, not my favorite feeling, and having to continue shooting as your buzz wears off and the headache sets in. TBS: Your brand of music translates really well to a live show, but what’s your approach to live music? NW: Every song is a case-by-case basis, and should be performed as such. To me, one disconnect I have noticed is that I cut much of my album very live, so people are thrown by how much I manage to get the same sound in a live setting, almost as if they’ve been conditioned to expect less. The thing is, all the recordings were sung and played 110%, so if you get that live feeling, you shouldn’t feel cheated. TBS: What do you think is the best thing to happen to music in the last 10 years? NW: The internet. TBS: The worst? NW: What everyone did with the internet. The continued perpetuation of the same methods under the guise of liberation. Pitchfork is essentially the Castro regime of music culture -- they represent the largest potential promise of a new kind of society that became a dictatorship as bad as or worse than the one it replaced. TBS: What band did you like as a child that that today you’re like, “Really, Nick? Them?” NW: Reggie and the Full Effect. Adolescence was very confusing. TBS: If you could have a mythological creature as a pet, what would you choose and why? NW: Easy. Mermaid. It would be like I had Bimbo’s 365 club floor in my living room. Slightly erotic, not much cleanup. I’m really an ocean person at heart.
the big three
entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.
Killing Them Softly In Theaters November 30th Based off the 1974 novel Cogan’s Trade, this gangster crime film stars impossibly sexy Brad Pitt as a professional enforcer who investigates a heist that occurs during a high-stakes, mob-protected poker game. Assumedly lots of crime and shady business happens in-between the all star cast, featuring actors continuing to get rich off of Italian stereotypes, James Gandolfini and Ray Liotta. Award season, here they come!
Catfish: The TV Show Monday, December 3rd at 11pm on MTV Nev Shulman’s TV show brain-child (inspired by his own online relationship gone awry) showcases yet another couple who’ve developed a supposedly very real online relationship and are mad in love. In this episode, two young people are fittin’ to meet IRL after two years of hot and heaving texting. Will it be a catfish, or will it be true love?
Ke$ha - Warrior Out December 4th The glittery passed-out Princess of Pop seems to be turning a new leaf on her second studio album, Warrior. Coming off of a spiritual journey where she “just needed to play with animals,” Ke$ha came back to record a magical album that finally shows her relatively decent pipes. Listen to her lead single “Die Young,” and check out her Bob Dylan cover of “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright” to hear those impressive vocals.
All nighter l i brary Drinking game You’ll be stuck in the library for the better part of this week. And if you’re not stuck in the library, you’ll be thinking about how you should be in the library studying instead of “taking a break before the next exam” by taking shots of absinthe up the keister. Never fear, with The Black Sheep’s Library Drinking Game, you can pull an all-nighter in the library while taking a booze break at the same time! No more guilt for you, it’s all good grades from here on out!
8 p.m. – 11 p.m.
3 a.m. – 5 a.m.
Take a drink for every fleeting feeling of confidence you have. Take a drink every time you think “I’ve got plenty of time!” Take drink when you think about regulating your caffeine intake. Take two drinks for every video you catch yourself watching instead of studying. Take two drinks every time you catch yourself deep in the random acquaintance area of Facebook. Take five drinks when you realize you’ve been here three hours and haven’t even opened your book.
Take a drink after “one chapter down, nine to go!” Take a drink when you realize you’re the only person in the library. Take a drink when it’s time to get another coffee. Take a drink when you have to “Just get up and walk around a little bit.” Take two drinks when you forlornly look out the window for twenty minutes. Take three drinks while having acidic, molten coffee craps. Finish your drink when you start heading home, then turn around and GET BACK IN THE GOD DAMN LIBRARY.
11 p.m. – 1 a.m.
5 a.m. – 8 a.m.
Take a drink when you finally open your book. Take a drink every time someone comes and goes from your table. Take two drinks if you decide you’ll concentrate better in one of those cube things. Take two drinks every time library security walks by. Take two drinks when you spend 10 minutes organizing iTunes. Finish your drink if you start spending more time asking around for Adderall than actually studying.
Take a drink when you decide it’s nap time, again. Take a drink when you hit snooze, then flip everyone off for glaring at you because your phone just blew up. Take two drinks when you write a “Genius sentence, the real kicker to this paper, the one that solidifies an A” but it’s the only sentence you’ve written so far. Take two drinks when a librarian tells you not to lean back in your chair. Finish your drink when you think “I studied drunk so that means I have to take the test drunk. Because science.”
1 a.m. – 3 a.m.
8 a.m. – test time
Take a drink when you think “Being drunk in the library is actually pretty fun!” Take a drink when you wake up with the pages of your book stuck you your face. Take a drink for every other person sleeping in the library. Take two drinks to wash down the third bag of Hot Cheetos you just bought from the vending machine. Take two drinks every time you start sweating. Take three drinks when you “accidentally” start looking at porn. Finish your drink when you start crafting a sob-story excuseemail to your professor.
Take a drink when you think “fuck school, man, life is for livin’”. Take a drink when the sun comes up. Take two drinks when an overwhelming, albeit false sense of accomplishment washes over you. Take two drinks when you realize there have been other students soberly plugging away for three straight days. Take three drinks when you see someone else from your class. (Four if they’re drunk too.) Take five drinks when you start walking to the wrong final. Finish your drink when your professor grants you permission to miss the final. Really finish your drink when you realize you now have to kill your grandma.
the crossword
in the year 2000
Across 3) One of the official Olympic mascots was a native bird. 7) He lost to George W. 8) 2000 marked the start of a new this. 9) Sean Parker’s website that got sued by Metallica. 12) The fastest selling rap album of all time happened this year, by this white boy. 14) John Mellencamp received a Doctorate of Music from this university. 19) N*SYNC set a first-week sales record with this album. 20) This show gave us a glimpse into some ballin’ pads.
10) These Olympics were down under. 11) This country got second at the Olympics. 13) This pop princess won Best New Artist. 15) The Academy Award for Best Picture. 16) The Razz for Worst Film, starring Will, Will Smith. 17) Had the sketch “In The Year 2000.” 18) This artist changed his name back from his former unpronounceable symbol.
Down 1) This team won their third straight World Series championship. 2) This city won the Super Bowl. 4) This lady-focused TV channel launched in February. 5) Cory’s universe ended this year. 6) This artist won a record 8 Grammy’s in one night, tying Michael Jackson’s 1984 record.
Answers
Meet The Staff
Find Us At...
campus manager Jacob Lash
campus director Brendan Bonham
Editorial manager Meagan O’Day
owner Atish Doshi
Advertising Managers Alison Burns, Elizabeth Sokolosky Maggie Kelley
Founders Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers,
Writers Allyson Parrish, Tiffany Benson Harry Strack, Lea Ann Butcher photographer You? Come on... distribution manager Danielle Dorris social media manager Manny Debra, Michael Mozer
Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com Advertising? ads@theblacksheeponline.com Hate Us? lame@theblacksheeponline.com
123 Pleasant Street 4th & Goal Anthony’s Pizza Ashbrooke Liquor Outlet Bent Willeys Big Times Black Bear Blue Moose Cafe Book Exchange BookHolders Brick Yard Pub Café Mojo Campus Canteen Casa D’Amici
Chic-N-Bones Chico’s Fat Chill Berry Club Slevin Coaches Cold Stone Creamery Crockett’s Damien Lee’s Hot Dogs D.P. Dough Don Patron Fat Daddy’s Five Guys Gibbies Glasshouse Grille
Golden Finch Great Wall High Street Tatto Jay’s Daily Grind Jimmy Johns Joe Mama’s Karma Keglers Ky’s Lounge Lavender Cafe Ledo’s Lira Lounge Los Mariachi’s Lux
Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
Mario’s Fishbowl McClafferty’s Mediterranean Market Morgantown Brewing Company Munchies Mutt’s Naticake’s Ogawa Oliverio’s Market Place Panera Bread Pathfinder PeppeBroni’s Pizza Pita Pit
Puglioni’s Rocktop Rusted Musket Sandwich U Shooters Side Pocket South Beach Sun Starbucks Subway Sunshack Sweet Frog Tailpipes Tazikis The Back Door
The Cellar The Cupcakerie The Shop The Sports Page Thinkin’ Ink Town Hill Tudor’s Biscuit World Tutto Gelato Vintage Room Volcano Wild Mountain Bakery Wing’s Ole Greek Houses!!! Apartments!!!
Owned & Operated By: Black Card Media, LLC 2130 W. Potomac Ave. Suite 1, Chicago, IL 60622 Corporate: 217.390-1747 Advertising: 608.712.0900
the classtime
six degrees of separation
4
2 1
3
5
Think you know how Lindsay Lohan and Kevin Bacon are connected? Send us your answer at classtime@theblacksheeponline.com for your chance to win a pretty awesome prize!
Biggest Happy Hour in Town! WINGS, BONELESS WINGS, MEATBALLS, CORN DOGS, BAKED ZITI, CHICKEN HOAGIES AND SO MUCH MORE...
ALL FOR $5! Plus!
$2 DOMESTIC DRAFTS, $3 RAIL, $6 DOMESTIC PITCHERS
444B CHESTNUT STREET • MORGANTOWN, WV • FATDADDYSWV.COM
m o c . e n i l n O p e e h S k c a l B e h G GAMES T IN K IN R D | ECIALS | BAR SP S E L IC T R A