The Black Sheep FR
EE bo ... li tt ke om th of e gu yo m ur on se th at e .
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 1 9/6/12 - 9/12/12
theblacksheeponline.com @BlackSheepWVU
SURVIVING YOUR FIRST GAME DAY Hannah Borland wrote this
Every fall Mountaineers across the state – nay, the nation - billow en masse into the beer can-littered hills of Morgantown to partake in the sweet glory that is West Virginia football. Fanatical parents of current students begin dropping hints that they too would like join in the festivities; “When are you going to request your guest tickets, honey? You know you really should do that.” You do, after all, owe them at least that much after they dropped a pretty penny for you to ascend to yet another four grueling years of academia. Game day is a lot of fun if you execute it correctly. Certainly, there are rules. There are things you wish you would have known prior your first experience, and honestly there will be some moments where you wished you would have just stayed home and watched SpongeBob in your jammies. Your first game day may seem daunting, but fear not, below is the knowledge you require to execute a game day like a true champ. - When we score, there will be females thrown into the air wearing their Mountaineer baby gear – this is normal. If you are sitting in a crowd with attractive girls, you may very well get a heel to the back of your head at some point. This is also normal. - There will be fans with slurred speech and lack of body control. Nevertheless, if you hear one muster up a loud “Let’s Go!” you better follow it up with an equally loud, if not louder, “Mountaineers!” If you fail to do this, you will be dubbed a traitor and a fan of the opposing team. This will yield beer cans to the dome. - If we lose, avoid eye contact with everyone. Keep your head down and keep walking until you reach the safety of your locked bathroom. - BRING HAND SANITIZER! Porta-potties. That is all.
- Leave everything important at home. If games aren’t your thing, don’t go. You will become increasingly frustrated in your attempts to maintain rigid sobriety.
- Be sure to bring your Student ID. No amount of cajoling the event staff will help you in your futile endeavors to crash the game.
- Be prepared to stand for hours at a time in the student’s section. It is always a not-so-pleasant shock to discover that the previously stumbling Mountaineer fans who have tailgated all day suddenly don't feel the need for chairs or physical support.
- For the love of god, do not wear the opposing team’s colors, even if you “don’t really care about that stuff.” This is not acceptable under any circumstances.
- Refrain from becoming so intoxicated with alcohol or ecumenical good cheer that you cannot legally or
Oh, the Mountains You'll Climb It's a great calf exercise for the freshmen.
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what’s inside
the top ten: reasons to pick up yoga
physically occupy the stadium with your sloppy self. It happens more often than you’d expect, and it’s not exactly fun to be puking up your Cheerios and Diet Coke before high noon. Once again, do not fear. As soon as you become acquainted with the plethora of species that inhabit the arena, all of this will become incapable of scaring and/ or inspiring you, because jungle juice and that fantastic face paint will ensure your transformation into your Mountaineer counterpart before you pass out during half time.
Your First College Facebook Album
because being extremely flexible never hurt anyone.
what the title of it says about youuuuuu!!!!
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contents
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
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page 4: Our Guide to the Apocalypse The Robot Uprising Edition.
page 6: from the streets Why do you think WVU deserves the #1 Party school spot?
Table of
page 11: Bartender of the Week Lexi from Joe Mama's, show us those pearly whites.
page 12: 6 fall films that probably won't suck emphasis on the "probably."
page 13: the black sheep interviews our chat with Baltimore DJ Dan Deacon.
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ARE YOU “THE FUZZ” READY FOR PLAYING SATURDAY? LIVE! 2-4-1 EVERYTHING!
BOOK YOUR PRIVATE PARTIES NOW! 304-685-7732 345 HIGH ST. | MORGANTOWN, WV
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Topless Tuesdays just took an awkward turn... (Want to be humiliated next week? Awesome.) Send us your pic of the week at pics@theblacksheeponline.com
word of the week Blognosis:
Any self-categorized illness one gives him or herself after researching symptoms of diseases on the internet.
“Toby gave himself a spinal meningitis blognosis after researching neck pain on WebMD.”
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The Black Sheep Guide to the Apocalypse:
Robot Uprising Edition
phil mccracken wrote this
Ever since the Mayans completed their calendar, the world has more or less accepted that humanity will not see 2013. Even the initially skeptical among us are now almost totally convinced as doomsday predictions come true left and right. Devastating natural disasters. Pestilence. War. A TV show starring the Stained One and her mentally handicapped friend. Even the most optimistic will wonder if we don’t deserve oblivion for allowing Snooki and JWoww to exist. Yes, the Apocalypse is upon us. All that is left to find out is how. There are millions of Apocalypse theories, ranging from global epidemics to zombie outbreaks to mutated killer Shark Bees. All of those are stupid and wrong. The world is going to end in a Robot Uprising a la Terminator. The bad news is robots famously have zero empathy for human life and will find the most efficient way to destroy humanity. The good news is that we can get through this. Together. PREPARATION: Now that you know how technology is plotting your demise, you can take steps to soften the blow. The entire world communicates through Internetting, making us vulnerable to our computers and anything else with a WiFi signal. It’s tempting to swear off the web if it’s just going to use everything it knows about you to kill you, but it’s too late for that now. They already know too much. But! If they’re collecting data on humans by quantity rather than quality, we may yet have a chance. Instead of Googling “How to make a homemade bomb,” look up “butt porn.” Instead of researching the CIA website’s security systems for your computer class,
look at panda videos for hours. If we overload the internet with pictures of cake and anti-Semitic Youtube comments, the computers won’t know what to do. When they design the Terminator units to destroy us, we’ll be left with giant breasted Arnold Schwarzeneggers drinking gallons of milk and calling us “n00bs,” which is much more manageable. THE BATTLE: Assuming our Pinterest Terminators aren’t an issue anymore, we still have a long battle ahead of us. Cars connected with OnStar technology will reenact the worst Stephen King novel. Satellites will take a vacation from benevolence and beam us only death. Your Kindle will download 50 Shades of Gray. Dealing with suicide bomber toasters and sweet military drones blowing your neighborhood into the next dimension will be discouraging. Even after we take batteries out of our phones and unplug the refrigerator, we still won’t feel that safe. But it’s important to fight on and not give into your cowardly urge to get to some place that doesn’t have technology like Iowa, wherever the hell that is, and abstain from technology completely. Because robots now have the most important weapon we have, and Iowa is an acceptable atomic casualty. The safest place to be during the Uprising is right inside those military bases, hitting bloodthirsty Roombas with broom handles. Robots are very logical, and will not destroy themselves with our nukes. Once we’re safely in the base, we’ll enlist the hackers to play Tic Tac Toe with the military computers. THE AFTERMATH: The Robot Uprising will be a devastating blow to humanity, but only to the extent that losing everyone too stupid to not live in Iowa can be considered devastating.
Communication will be limited to talking and carrier pigeon. We’ll be back to farming crap by hand and we’ll have to get used to the taste of radiation poisoning, but we’ll survive. The hardest part will probably be the crash of society. When the world is plunged into chaos, nothing will stop your neighbor from crowning himself King Emperor Overlord Dennis and demanding your shoes as a tax for living on his land. But periodic drone attacks should encourage villages to stick together and sacrifice Dennis to the Robot Gods. Oh, yeah. There are Robot Gods now, based on humanity’s innate superstition and the hope that appeasing bodacious murder bots with death will spare our own lives. The Robot End Times are coming, my friend. We have abused our technology for centuries and we’ve had this coming since we invented and encouraged the use of autotune. This reckoning is well deserved, but there’s hope yet for humanity if we act quickly. If we can stop Stained One, the SmooshSmoosh, the one the Old Ones named Snooki before she decides to make a music album, we can keep the Mayan prophesies from being fulfilled. Superibimus, bellum autpax!
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Oh, the Mountains You’ll Climb (As a Freshman) wvu staff wrote this
The Top ten
Reasons to Pick Up Yoga this Semester You’re in class trying to listen to lecture, and the girl to your right is all “Oh my god, Joe totally didn’t call me back after I called him twice and left three texts stating my explicit emotional status.” The teacher is prattling on about theory and practice; rhetoric permeates your essence and you may just fucking die from being a really awesome person in a really shitty place. You think “Maybe I should search the library floor for Adderall…” Yoga is commonplace and well known to many, but a large percent of people never try it. Trying Yoga at the Recreational Center is completely invigorating and can be beneficial to one’s health. Here is a list to help get you on the mat. 10. It’s FREE: Okay, so it’s not really free. You’re promising your first born child to the university in exchange for knowledge and cheap food, but it is included with that sacrifice. As long as you have your Student ID, you can walk into the studio at the scheduled times, grab a mat, and figure out how the hell to sit in a pretzel-like manner. 9. Breathing: Releasing oxygen into your brain is probably the best thing you can do for your studious self aside from pretending to like soy milk. 8. Blood Pressure: Remember that bitch that stepped on you with her heel as she drunkenly crawled out of Subway? Now would be a great time to know that you won’t have a heart attack on top of a red hand. Yoga positions that encourage twisting and bending help your system strengthen and pump blood through your body with vigor.
Starting college is an extremely exciting time in a teenager’s life. Right after getting your license, and learning how to make out without licking the face of your drunk best friend, the anticipation of eating military-grade buffet food while trying to figure out what your professor meant by “Come to class and you will be fine,” can give one a healthy dose of anxiety. Here are some tips from a fifth year student to quell your worries:
the Student Union at one a.m. You will get thrown out of a disgusting club for sipping on some drank without a wrist band on. You will puke on your way to get pizza at the end of the night, and you will eat the pizza regardless. It is objectively hilarious. There’s your self-affirmation. Now please, save it for your Tumblr and refrain from telling everyone in your communications class how fucking drunk you were (or are).
Dorms: You will live in one. You will also have a roommate that you will grow to hate. That’s the bad news. The good news? You don’t have to care. It’s common to be scared of the masses of overdressed girls and dudes with broshades, but having a roommate that you’d like to smother in their sleep is the perfect excuse to get out of the room. Enjoy parties, branch out and meet new people from different walks of life. Just remember, you can only afford a week’s worth of after-party meth faced midnight appearances before your R.A. decides that maybe you need an extra room check or maybe your music is a little too loud…all of the time.
Parties: The beacon of light in a dim, shaded area. Remember how you wanted to tell everyone how drunk you were last night? Now is a good time to tell everyone, because their brains are Swiss fucking cheese and they are drunk enough to think you’re awesome. Be sure you have a way of getting back to your room or have a place to stay that night; shit can get bad. A collective mind fuck, rando-drugs floating around, and stupid frat boys are just the recipe for complete disaster if cooked at the right temperature.
Classes: “Dude, I can just schedule all of my classes around three or four, that way we can party all night and still be good students!” Shut up. Please, this is a horrible idea and you should know this. Why? Because you know your ass isn’t doing homework from six-to-nine p.m. after class. And you sure as hell aren’t going to do it hung over at two in the afternoon. By scheduling your classes earlier, you still have room to sleep in a bit. No one needs to know if it was because of Calculus or Shock Top. Alcohol: I’ve been drunk. This guy over here was drunk last Saturday. Maybe I’m high right now. No one cares. You and your friends will drink copious amounts of liquid courage and you will do stupid shit. You will pee in front of
Food: Unless you are counting calories (including the wings and beer that you had while shitfaced last night) you will gain weight. It happens to even those who actively strive to negate the “freshman fifteen.” It’s more like the freshman twenty-five, and it will happen if you party often. Do your best to show restraint when the jaded cook dumps corn meal in the feeding troughs, and take advantage of the Rec Center to offset the vast amounts of Natty Light and Doritos. But look at you, you already have this figured out, don’t you? You don’t need this advice, because holy shit, you’re the exception that proves the rule. You’ll party all night, screw all day, make class, get a 4.0 and keep thinner than a bulimic with a twitchy gag reflex. Well, the world always needs more janitors.
7. Flexibility: Aside from obvious and ostensible benefits, flexibility is a wonderful thing to have. 6. De-stress: What a wonderful joy yoga is. A negative person can and will find a shift of energy in the studio, and those people in your class can suck it, because you just did Downward Facing Dog like a boss. 5. Patience: “The PRT is down again? No way, that’s unusual and completely unexpected.” Yeah, okay. But it’s whatevs, you just did yoga so maybe you will just sit down and read a book while the other students harass the intercom and shake their Student IDs at the security cameras. 4. Positive Thinking: The glory that is positive thinking is all encompassing. Someone cut you off in traffic? They’re probably late for something and they need to get there quickly, so let them go. Your professor didn’t respond to you and you think that means they secretly hate you and want you to fail? Nah, they probably just didn’t see it yet. Being able to let go of the negativity that pervades our culture is not easily done, but yoga always allows one to feel forgiving. 3. Strength: Have you seen what a Dragonfly pose is? 2. Mental Clarity: Being inundated with information is both expected and encouraged by most academic leaders. Taking an hour of your time three days a week is fulfilling enough to enable you to see through the hectic haze. 1. Bangin’ Figure: Yeah. Give it about two months, and you will be buying those Victoria’s Secret yoga panties up the yang, and who the hell needs pants when you actually have a yoga body?
Wvu staff wrote this
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
Why do you think WVU deserves the #1 party school spot? “Have you ever seen the “I’m Shmacked” videos? Not to mention we have the best house parties, bar scene, and Greek life.” - Bethany A. Junior
“The ranking is too often associated with some sort of failure. However, I embrace this ranking. Number 1 party school? It shows our unprecedented social aptitude. The leaders who embrace this balance between class and extracurriculars emerge from WVU as the best.” - Ryan C.
“Because it grows drastically every year for that reason. And we have some of the best sports teams.” - Tara T. Senior
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
HEADLINING ENTERTAIMENT AT THE ROCK TOP BAR AND GRILL Bad Boy Bill Sat. Aug. 25th
Dave Aude Fri. Aug. 31st
DJ Diamond Fri. Sept. 21st
Launch Party Fri. Sept. 28th
Chris Higbee Fri. Oct. 19th
Red Halloween Wed. Oct. 31st
A stylish rooftop retreat by day transforming into a vibrant nightspot after-dark, it’s pure Las Vegas-style with none of the attitude. The Rocktop Bar & Grill offers guests a 9,000+ sq/ft outdoor ultra-lounge with party-pools, outdoor fireplaces, pool-side cabana bar and cutting-edge entertainment that captures the industry’s hottest new trends.
www.rocktopnights.com facebook.com/rocktopnights twitter.com/rocktopnights
341 Chestnut Street, Morgantown, WV 26505
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS WANT MORE Download our MOBILE APP! DOWNLOAD FOR iPHONE DOWNLOAD FOR ANDROID
The Bar Grid SPECIAL NIGHT
wednesday BOGO night on the patio! Buy One, Get One on All Drinks until 12 No Cover All Night!
SATURDAY! Upstairs: $0.99 Italian Ice Shots Downstairs: $3 Jager Bombs, $3 Rum and Coke Pitchers
Saturday and Sunday: 2-4-1 Everything!
FRIDAY & SATURDAY $3 Wells, $2 Can Beer No Cover Before 10pm
SATURDAY! Miami EDM Night! $2 Bottles, $2 Shot of the Night, $3 Liquid Cocaine, Ecstasy Red Bull and Vodkas, Purple Haze
thurs.
4TH Annual Belvedere Experience! Deck party with Lacy Neff and the Willey Girls Games, Giveaways and Belvedere Specials All Night!
Upstairs: $2 Mixed Drinks Downstairs: $0.99 Draft Milwaukee's Best, $0.99 Tequila Shots, $3 L.I.T. Pitchers
Beer & Champagne Special 9pm - 11pm $2 Bottles & Mixed Drinks, $3 Bombs After 11
2 for 1’s All Night (Including Premiums) No Cover
Ladies Night! FREE Cover for Girls 2 x 1 Mixed Drinks $2 Shot of the Night $1 Drafts
Fri.
The Belvedere Experience Continues with the White Dress Party! D.C.'s #1 Party DJ, Geometrix Spinning All the Hot Jams!
Upstairs: $2 You-Call-It Downstairs: $0.99 Rum Punch, $0.99 Yuengling Prem. Drafts
$3 Wells, $2 Can Beer No Cover Before 10pm
$3 Night! Applesauce, Grape Bombs, Long Island Iced Tea, Jack Daniels, Jager Bombs and Washington Apples!
Sat.
Catch every NCAA game in HD at the Red Zone! Great Food and Drink Specials All Day!
Upstairs: $0.99 Italian Ice Shots Downstairs: $3 Jager Bombs, $3 Rum and Coke Pitchers
2-4-1 Everything!
$3 Wells, $2 Can Beer No Cover Before 10pm
Miami EDM Night! $2 Bottles, $2 Shot of the Night, $3 Liquid Cocaine, Ecstasy Red Bull and Vodkas, Purple Haze
sun.
NFL Gameday at the Red Zone! Every game in HD, including the game of the week on the 80" big screen. $5 Pitchers and BBQ Food Specials All Day
Closed
2-4-1 Everything!
Rehab Sunday's Coming Soon!
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MNF in HD! Buckets of Beer and $0.35 Wings
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9pm -11pm: Jack, Captain, Smirnoff, Bacardi and Miller Lite 11pm - Close: $2 Same Liquors and $1 Miller Lite
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BOGO night on the patio! Buy One, Get One on All Drinks until 12 No Cover All Night!
Downstairs: $0.99 Rum Punch Shots, $1.50 Domestic Bottles Upstairs: $0.99 Drafts, $0.99 Tequila Shots, $3 L.I.T. Pitchers
9pm - 11pm: Jack, Jim, Captain, and Absolut Specials $5 Cover
$1 Shot Wheel Specials No Cover
COLLEGE NIGHT! 18 to Party, 21 to Drink $2 Bottles, $1 Drafts $2 Shot of the Night
tues. wed.
$0.25 Cent Pints $2 Mixed Drinks
Bring on Tuesday on the Patio!
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What Your First College Facebook Album Title Says About You kevin hanes wrote this A picture may be worth 1,000 words, but a title is made up of, like, four words, and they’re worth something too. Not only is the album title as personal and unique as giving or receiving your first OTPHJ, but it’s quite an important feat in your 18 years of life. Breaking into college Facebook album territory is like fresh sex; it’s all moist and exciting, and then you get to brag about how good it was later on. All the high school kids back home are going to be so jealous seeing you stuff your face with pizza at 2:30 in the morning in your brand new “college bitches!!!!!” album. The first album title is crucial. Just hope that your title doesn’t translate to a lonely, sexless college life. Morgantownnnnn We get it, you’re excited for college. We see that with your extra twenty n’s. You’re a bit dramatic, especially when you’re wasted after two Keystones. You’ll enjoy getting real sloshed on Wednesdays, and you’re always seeking a good jam to sing along with at the bar. Unfortunately, you're very clingy, which prevents you from getting anything but random hookups. Bummer. “Young, Wild, and Free” Cool! You are like, so original with that lyric you got from your favorite song. “It’s just perfect,” you tell yourself as
you confidently click “Create New Album.” But seriously, who are you trying to impress? You’re not proving to anyone you have amazing taste in music, that’s for sure. You love following people. You will dabble in some drugs, and you’re almost always down to drink and fuck. You’re a typical college student, and you will always be this way. Days of Our Later Adolescent Lives Really? Who do you think you are with your “deep” abstract bullshit? Just because you smoke pot and peruse Pitchfork doesn’t mean you’re different –It means you’re cripplingly lonely. In college you will struggle with everything that doesn’t have to do with school. You will fill this album with lots of sober dorm nights and music sessions. WVU Freshman Year!!!!! Pretty classic but also pretty boring. It’s sad to say, but you’re the gross chick that wants to take as many pictures as humanly possible simply to show that you’re blossoming into the social butterfly you so desperately want to be. You got lucky and became friends with attractive people, and because of this you tag along to their cooler functions without problems. Fortunately, you’ll get a lot of sloppy blacked-out hookups purely for
having a boobs. Unfortunately, you will compensate for your insecurities by heavily drinking and will find yourself blacked out and friendless in the bathroom of a bar, face in toilet, an hour past close. After you’ve filled your album with 200 unnecessary pictures of you and your gal pals posing before each night out, there comes a time to make a decision: Will there be a part one? A part two? Should you go back and delete a few where you didn’t look that good? Well you can’t delete that one because Kelsey looks really hot in it. Ugh, why can’t we all just go back to Polaroids?
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the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
bartender of the week lexi g joe mama’s Name: Lexi George
bar one night and lost my shoe.
Bar: Joe Mama’s Major: Secondary English Education
Any advice to girls trying to get free drinks?: Find the biggest creeper in the bar and talk to him.
Relationship status: Single
Favorite drink to make?: Mind Eraser
What is the best part about working at Joe Mama’s?: Having a good time with all of my coworkers. They’re crazy and I love them all.
Biggest pet peeve?: Waiting on people, I have zero patience.
What’s your favorite liquor to drink straight: American Honey What’s the worst night to bartend?: The night before a noon football game. No bueno. Most embarrassing bartending story: I tripped and fell behind the
the drinking game
Candyland So maybe we’re trying to hold onto our childhood, or maybe we just find pleasure in corrupting childhood games. Either way, this game is bitchin’. What You’ll Need: Candyland board game, alcohol of your choice, beer. Number of Players: 4 Level of Intoxication: You’ll be trying to get Princess Lolly and Queen Frostine to skinny dip in the Ice Cream Sea. How to Play: - Set up your Candyland board game and stack your shuffled cards together in a pile. - Set up four shot glasses and four cups of beer. - Players must choose a color that will remain theirs for the rest of the game. - First player must draw a card and move to the closest corresponding color. - If the color on the card matches the player’s color, they can move ahead to the closest square of that color. This player also chooses one other player to chug a beer, one second for each square the piece moves forward. - If the color on the card is not their color, they must move backward on the board to that color and chug beer for one second for each square the piece moves backward. - The player then sits on that color until they pull their color, taking a shot every turn they don’t. The Game Ends When: Someone reaches Candyland or someone gets Gloppy all over the board.
download our app for all of our drinking games!
What do you think is your most attractive attribute?: My smile Which female celebrity would you get with?: Megan Fox If you had a theme song what would it be?: “Weekend Warriors” by A Change of Pace
Recipe for Disaster
cereal fruit pie It’s hard getting away with eating dessert for breakfast, but lucky for you we’ve come up with an airtight recipe that will have you cramming sugar down your gullet on a daily basis. What You’ll Need: Fruity Pebbles, strawberries, cool whip, butter, plastic bag, 9 inch pie pan. Cook Time: 30 minutes. Fatty Factor: You’re basically eating a stick of butter, so take that for what it’s worth. Let’s Get Baked: - Fill a large plastic bag with Fruity Pebbles. Smash the bag until all the cereal is crushed to little pieces. - Combine ½ cup of butter with the cereal in a bowl and microwave until the butter is melted. - Stir until all the butter and cereal is one hot primordial soup. - Take your “pie crust” and lay it down on your buttered or non-stick pan. - Place in a 350 degree oven for about 10 minutes, take it out and let it sit for another 10 minutes. - Once cooled, fill the crust with cool whip. - Pop in some cut-up strawberries. - Dig in! You might think because it has the word “pie” in it that it must be a dessert. Well, it also has the word “cereal,” and therefore you can eat it for breakfast!
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
6 Fall Films That Probably Won't Suck
Sadly, summer is over, spelling the end of the summer blockbuster. The Avengers, Amazing Spider-Man, The Dark Knight Rises - and other non-superhero films that people cared about all came out this summer. Sadly, there are no more huge hype machines screaming at us from every conceivable media outlet about what to go see. Gone are guaranteed action, adventure, and intrigue, now the threeminute trailers for movies coming out now may contain the only entertaining moments of the entire film. That doesn’t mean everything will be crap. Here we have a list of six flicks that look to be worth the time this coming autumn. By: Michael Mattucci
Dredd 3D - September 21
Frankenweenie - october 5
pitch perfect - october 5
Based on the 2000 AD comic-book character, Dredd is a member of a police force of the future called Judges who have the authority to act as judge, jury and executioner. They are the law. After the 1995 Sylvester Stallone catastrophe known as Judge Dredd, this movie should easily hurdle the low-set bar left by Mr. Sly’s goofy turn as a roided-out future Rambo. However, while it will undoubtedly be an improvement from its 90s counterpart, on its own merits it could still fail to impress. It's a simple story, and for it to work the direction and performances need to be on point, lest it turn out to be a Michael Bay-esque action orgy.
Tim Burton remakes his own 1984 short film, this time going for the stop-motion he's so famous for (even if he didn't actually direct The Nightmare Before Christmas). The main character, Victor, loves his dog so much that he finds a way to bring him back to life! Shenanigans ensue as he tries to keep his creation a secret from the rest of the neighborhood. And no, he doesn’t have sex with the dog, why would you even think that?
A musical comedy about a group of misfits who form an all-girl a capella group to compete against the boys? Clearly it's a Glee/ girl power! cash-in, but could the student surpass its master? Glee has always been a "you love it or you hate it" program, but many Gleeks are losing faith in the show. Pitch Perfect looks to plummet down the forgettable movie musical hole, joining the ranks of Hairspray and From Justin to Kelly. If it doesn’t, we’ll sing its greatness from the mountaintops, because who doesn’t need more ridiculous musicals full of singing teenagers? It’s just like real life, minus the social awkwardness and bacne!
By reworking one of his earliest concepts, Burton has the opportunity to get back into form with a dark but family-friendly comedy that also tugs at your heartstrings. Remember the emotional rollercoaster that was Dark Shadows? No? Well, neither do we. Oh well, at least he's not bringing his wife, Johnny Depp, and his mistress, Helena Bonham Carter down with him this time.
Paranormal Activity 4 october 19
The Man with the Iron Fists november 2
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 | november 16
The exact plot is being kept under wraps (probably because it’s the exact same plot as the other three films), but Katy and her nephew Hunter, both missing since the events of the first two films, are now living next door to an unsuspecting family. These movies certainly stick to what Edgar Allen Poe called a "singular effect.” But just as Saw through Saw XXVI proved, many consumers love being force-fed the same scare tactics. And while they do try and change the game a little with each installment, overall we can't imagine this film will change your tune if you disliked the first three. And if you disliked the first three, why do you keep coming back? PHONY!
This is a story of a village in nineteenth-century China banding together to fight off a larger threat. Don't come to the theater expecting any level of historical accuracy. The Man with the Iron Fists looks to be a crazy over-the-top kung-fu action film with its own unique style brought to you by RZA, one of the most prominent members of the Wu-Tang Clan. However, he only co-wrote the film. His partner in this endeavor? Eli Roth, whose writing experience centers around the teenagers he brutally tortures in his gore-porn films. So let's hope he didn't help with the dialogue this time around. Here is a Rothian gem from Cabin Fever, in case you’re not familiar with his genius: Paul – “Why would you wanna kill squirrels?” Bert - “'cause they're gay.”
This made it on the list because regardless of the hate it gets, the franchise has a huge fanbase that throws its parent’s/boyfriend’s money at it. A success is a success. It's Twilight - no further introductions needed. If you're a Twilight fan there's pretty much nothing I can say to make you want to go see this any more or less than you already do. As for the people being dragged to this by their significant other, one can only hope that the film comes full-circle from terrible to terribly entertaining. Otherwise, constant remind your partner of the sexual courtesies they owe you for actually seeing this.
the interview
Dan Deacon
Ask someone what they first think of when Baltimore comes to mind, and often the response will be one of two things: Crime or The Wire. Well, there’s also Dan Deacon, people. Part of the vibrant Wham City Collective, Deacon’s brand of music is as weird as it is catchy. His latest album, America, dropped August 27th. Be patriotic and cop that shit. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: I’m not as interested in how you started playing music, but when did it hit you that this is something you wanted to do for a living? Dan Deacon: Actually, I think the “this is it” moment came in three parts. When I was young and I first heard the trombone, I knew at that moment I was really interested in music. The second step toward my life in music occurred when I first started using MIDI files (Editor’s Note: these are used in making music on a computer.), it showed me how much one could actually toy with sounds, and those sounds became music. It wasn’t until my first tour that I was sure that this was what I wanted to do for a living. I wrapped up a tour and realized that I got paid a little bit of money to play music in parts of the world I didn’t think I was going to see. TBS: Your live shows are notoriously awesome. Do you plan ahead for them, or is it all spontaneous? Dan: When I’m playing a live show, a lot of what happens really is playing off the crowd’s energy. I’ll try to introduce one or two new ideas on each tour, but a lot of what happens are spontaneous reactions to the crowd’s energy. Like, if the crowd is going crazy, I’m having a great time up there. If the crowd doesn’t seem like it’s having a good time, I take it in one of two directions, either I’ll try harder to try to win them over, or it’ll be like, “fuck ‘em, I’m doing this anyway.” TBS: So what’s it like playing in front of a crowd that’s not into it? Dan: Oh, I mean, that rarely happens. I’d say nine out of ten times the crowd is really into it. I mean, really, I can’t even remember the last time I played a show and the crowd wasn’t having a good time. Even then, when I say, “fuck ‘em,” it’s more, “I’m going to put on the best show I can, regardless of what they may think about it.” TBS: Over the past few years electronic music has really came on the scene, though it’s music that’s very different from the stuff that you do. Does that excite you? Make you wary? Dan: I’ll just be happy when it’s not considered electronic music anymore. I may not be really into a lot of what people consider electronic music, but I’m really interested in the way artists are able to create sounds that we’ve never seen in music before. Even more than that, many “electronic” musicians add non-electronic elements to their music. What I don’t want to see is us going backward- music that sounds like music that was popular in the eighties and the nineties. TBS: When you started to introduce elements like strings into your music again, was that difficult? Was there a learning curve? Dan: Well, when I started working with acoustic instruments again, it was challenging. I was rusty, having not used them in so long. Creating music isn’t like riding a bike—you don’t just pick it back up right away; it’s like speaking a language, if you don’t practice regularly, then you lose those skills. When I picked up some of the compositions that I had written when I was in college I was sitting there wondering how I had put them together back then. TBS: What the fuck is “Crystal Cat” about? Dan: [Laughs] I’ve never heard anyone ask that before. Well, on “Crystal Cat” I took the instrumental part of the song and I just started making nonsense noises that fit with how the song was progressing. After that, I worked on turning those noises into words, which fit with the music. TBS: Watermelon or cantaloupe? Dan: I guess it would depend on the situation that I’m in, but nine times out of ten I’m going to choose the watermelon. TBS: If you could have any mythical creature as a pet, what animal would you choose? Dan: A dragon. TBS: What is one thing you want to see or do before you die? Dan: I’m not sure. Nothing.
the big three
entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.
bachelorette in theaters september 7 Yes, it's similar to the Kristen Wiig classic Bridesmaids, but who doesn't love a good tale of a bunch of gals gettin' together and having a good time (aka, getting drunk at a wedding)? Plus it stars Rebel Wilson, the hilarious Australian lass who is definitely going to say an inappropriate thing or seven throughout the film.
The xx - coexist out september 11 British indie group The XX are back with their much anticipated second album Coexist. They broke out way back in 2009 with their critically acclaimed self-titled debut, releasing great single after great single. Coexist is a danceier album than the subtle, sexy tunes that we're used to, but it's still going to be awesome.
the mtv video music awards thursday, september 6th at 8pm It ain't The Grammys, but it's a hell of a lot more interesting. Comedian Kevin Hart hosts this year's event, and the potential shenanigans is what gets us most excited. Will Kanye propose to Kim? Will Carly Rae Jepson be recognized as a real artist? Will Skrillex flip that hair around on stage to accept the first EDM award? We're just dying of anticipation over here.
the classtime
totally tailgating Across
4) ESPN’s Saturday morning gig. 8) You can thank them for setting it all up, usually. 9) 50% of the time you don’t make it here. 12) Basically bags. 15) The OG drinking game. 17) The act of making extremely delicious things. 19) Throwing bolas. 20) A bro’s tailgating uniform. 21) A handstand with help.
6) Pairs nicely with chips. 7) Huge, cheap, and everyone centers around it. 10) A real badass brings this RV. 11) The whole reason you do this, supposedly. 13) One shot of beer every 60 seconds. 14) Brought attention (and cameras) to tailgating. 16) A standard starting time, in the A.M. 18) Keeps that beer so kool.
Down
1) We can think of a sunny tune about this game. 2) Ladies will dawn these with their school’s logo. 3) Fat-free, but not booze free. 4) With beans, or without. 5) Burgers, hot dogs, brats... bacon...
Answers
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the classtime madlib: 1st day of freshman year I’m just reading over my ___1___ entry from yesterday, where I live-blogged my first day of college. Holy ___2___, I am awesome: 8 am: Okay, so I’m getting ready for my first “class” lol. This to-go coffee mug is so perfect for ___3___ and ___4___. Plus I’ll look so ___5___ around the guys. I hope some are wearing ___6___! 10:20 am: Thaaaat was boring. Skipping ___7___ because I don’t even know what I want to be yet. I’m thinking I could be the next ___8___ because I’m so emotional and creative. Hopefully my roommate is back, she’s from ___9___ but I can tell she’s got a wild side to her, like that bitch ___10___. Maybe she’ll want to rip the ___11___ and go H.A.M. in the caf. 11:30 am: WOW what a ___12___! She said she won’t smoke yet because she usually waits until right before dinner. I wonder if everything is okay? I found her fifth of ___13___ and I’m just going to have a sip.
1) online blog/journal
11:55am: I just Googled hiccup cure. :/
2) expletive
1:30 pm: So I went to the Caf by myself and spilled a tray of ___14___ all over this cute darkskinned boy. I said “___15___, you ain’t trippin’, I am trippin.’” Everyone laughed at me! Maybe I’ll be the next Chelsea Handler?
3) Cheap liquor 4) unusual mixer 5) adjective for smart 6) type of fabric 7) Entry-level math 8) Trendy author
2pm: I just ordered an extra-large, double ___16___ pizza, about to carry it down the hall to make some drinkin’ buddies. 4:35 PM: OH MY GOSH I just got this sophomore to buy me alcohol, but she insisted on a 6-pack of ___17___ instead of the 30 rack I hoped for. She goes, “You don’t want to end up like ___18____.” I was kind of offended, but I took them anyway. 9:30 pm: Wow, I’ve never had a nap like that before! Feels like I’ve been on ___20___ for like three years. I went to the bathroom and saw I had vomit on my ___21____ so that’s cool. Met some girls bonging ___22___ in the bathroom, so I think I’m going to meet up with them now. College is awesome!
9) foreign country 10) rowdy celebrity 11) weed smoking device 12) adjective for dork 13) expensive liquor 14) drunk food 15) slang for boy 16) meat topping 17) craft beer 18) celebrity in #10 19) Trashy mtv show 20) Planet 21) Article of clothing 22) cheap beer
WEDNESDAY College Night. 18 to party 21 to drink $2 Bottles THURSDAY Ladies Night FREE COVER FOR GIRL 2X1 mixed drinks FRIDAY $3 Night! Applesauce, grape bombs,long island iced tea, SATURDAY MIAMI EDM NIGHT $2 bottles $2 Shot of the night LOCATED BEHIND CASA D’AMICI !