The Black Sheep
Fr ee ... lik do e th ct e or su ’s ck off er ice s at th . e
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 2, Issue 4 • 2/28/13 - 3/6/13
theblacksheeponline.com @BlackSheepWVU
The Doctor Is In Allyson Parrish wrote this
College students watch TV all the time. You know, when they aren’t busy doing all that important homework. Wink. Wink. Well, if you thought your TV addiction was crippling your academic career, think again! TV may actually save your life. Don’t believe us? We asked this guy who said he was a doctor, and that he got his degree in a 10-minute online class, but he still seemed pretty legit. Anyway, The Black Sheep decided to pass the doctor’s prescription onto you, because we care about your health and wellbeing. The Walking Dead: 150ml a day: That is equivalent to at least one episode a day. “Why do I need this?” you may ask. Well for those of you who don’t live in the 21st century, we’ll tell you. The world will end by a zombie apocalypse any second now, and The Walking Dead will help you figure out which Morgantowners are just fuzzy-headed hungover students, and which are actual eat-your-face-off zombies. Workaholics: 400ml a week: You better be getting four doses a week of Workaholics. The doctor said this show is used as an anxiety medicine. Watch an episode of Workaholics, and every time they drink or smoke some weed, you should join in. By the end of one episode, you’ll feel like a new man or woman, a great, high, drunk human being. You’ll also feel good blowing off all that homework that’s due tomorrow. Buckwild: use when needed: Everyone needs a self-esteem boost every once in awhile. The doctor said that this is the perfect medicine for that. For some, this may be one episode a day, one episode a week, or maybe even one episode once a month. Whatever the case, watching this show makes you feel so much better about yourself and your miniscule problems at the moment. Warning: If you do act like the people in this show, then this medicine may cause suicidal thoughts. Family Guy or American Dad!: 200ml a day: Two episodes of either, before bed, each day. According to this guy, these shows are for those who need a reality check. You know those people who take themselves too seriously? Point them towards one (or both) of these shows. Seth MacFarlane makes a point to make fun of everything, and these shows will bash on something that this person (or you) does. Watching this at least two times a day keeps you in check. It reminds you that you are human and everything you do is NOT all that serious. Chill out. How I Met Your Mother: 700ml a week: This is equivalent to seven episodes a week. The doctor made it clear that this medicine is one of the most important medicines that you can take; it’s a very important vitamin. This vitamin is good for the heart, rejuvenating brain cells,
and increasing thinking skills. Every episode has at least one scene that tugs at the heartstrings and makes you remember that you’re still human. It’s also great for the brain because you are constantly trying to find clues as to who Ted’s wife really is. Really Ted? You aren’t just holding your children in suspense! House of Lies: 200ml a week: Watch a couple times a week, when you’re feeling overly mischievous. The doctor recommends this as conscience medication. House of Lies will teach you every way to scam, lie and manipulate your way out of things, or how to climb your way to the top. The doctor says watching this is perfect for people who no longer wish to have a conscience. Taking this is perfect for any interview you go to: you’ll be lying your way into a job like a champ. The doctor is very adamant about you strictly sticking to your medications, and so are we. We love healthy students at WVU, and watching television is the perfect way to stay healthy.
what'’s inside PRE-Spring Break Basics Grab some friends, buy some booze, and don’t forget to lie to your parents!
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Thanks for Playing: Black History Month!
We Interview: Big Gigantic
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Monumental steps forward during this past month.
Check out the acclaimed electronic jam band on tour this summer!
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Do you know who these celebrity hotties are?
Cellos In Mow last week’s answers
Bria Murphy & Justin Theroux
Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com First five right answers get a prize!
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Creep Like Kill
(Want to become famous next week?)
Sexy Anagrams
Pic of the Week!
Grinding your girl into a pole is funny for everyone but the girl hitting the pole.
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The Joy of Hissing at Cats black sheep staff wrote this Does your disgust for felines cause you to wake up in the middle of the night with a case of rage sweats, bellowing obscenities? Have you ever gotten so angry at a cat rubbing up against you that you threw up? Then welcome, friend, to “The Joy of Hissing at Cats”—the column the New York Times raved is “definitely written in English.” This week we will delve into the most effective ways to inflict maximum physical and psychological harm onto cats. We’ll begin by clearing up a common misconception, cats aren’t quirky and independent—they’re just ignorant little fur goblins that are astonishingly unaware of their surroundings. Luckily, you can exploit their soul-crushing stupidity, which brings us to our first suggestion: traps. It doesn’t take much to trick a cat. With everyday household items, some know-how, plus a pinch of psychotic resentment you can have Mr. Meow-gies everywhere experiencing PTSD in no time. Of course, there are old standbys like the classic “Put cat food in garbage can, wait for cat to enter garbage can, subsequently roll garbage can down rocky hill” technique. And who can forget the ever-reliable “Point laser gun towards edge of a rocky hill, have cat approach edge of rocky hill, push cat down rocky hill” maneuver. These golden oldies never lose their shine! But these old methods might have PETA and everyone on the Internet breaking down your door. Feel free to try out new things, there’s plenty of rocky hills out there and more than one way to push your cat down them. Really, there’s opportunities abound, so get creative! Those creeps are supposed to have nine lives anyways, so swing for the fences, you crazy kids! Don’t limit yourself to physical abuse, you can do more than Chris Brown cats. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel when you’re terrorizing Garfield, and, if done properly, an old fashioned hiss can instill just as much terror in the cold ugly heart of a cat as any trip down a rocky hill. A personal favorite is to give em’ the Clockwork Orange treatment and associate their favorite things with terror to turn that horrible shallow world of theirs upside down. For this one, hide underneath and blanket and leave a cat treat in front of you. When the greedy slob invariably goes for it, burst out of your hate cocoon, like the vengeful butterfly you are, for a vicious hiss that will leave even the most uppity of cats fearing for their life. For you more experienced cat harassers out there, take things to the next level and wildly flail at the cat with T-Rex arms to really convey that predator feeling. In no time at all, your cat will be experiencing Deer Hunter levels of mental scarring.
You can inflict emotional damage outside the home as well! Taking cats to the zoo can be as traumatic for them as it is delightful for you. A great, family-friendly Sunday tradition of ours is to round up stray cats and bring them to the zoo where we force the lil’ fart suckers to watch and listen as we hurl insults and old fruits (not the George Takei kind) at the lions and tigers. The shame the cats will feel watching their feline kings and queens get pelted with moldy kiwis does quite a number on their self-esteem. Take away any pride they have and be sure to really chastise those big ol’ pussies because nothing quite says, “eat shit and die” like public humiliation. That’s it for now, but make sure to pick up a copy next week as we look into the do’s and don’ts of waterboarding your cat. *Disclaimer: This article is not meant to actually promote human-on-cat violence, so cool your jets, animal rights groups. Go eat more granola, or whatever it is you people do. As exhilarating and emotionally rewarding as these techniques are, sometimes it takes a little more to fully break a cat’s spirit. For the particularly bold and insolent cat in your life, we recommend giving Mr. or Mrs. Kitty a nice kick to their tender little cat ribs. Me-ouch! The Joy of Hissing at Cats is brought to you by PETA.
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The
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Things to Remember To Be a Better Sexter
In a world of ever-growing smart phone technology, staying connected has never been easier... or kinkier. Yup, we’re talking about sexting: the Western Frontier of subtle seduction. And we, the chosen generation of the 21st century, are its pioneers. Many will fail and only a few succeed. Worry not! Here are ten tips to remember for sexier sexting. 10.) Remember the Context: Imagine coming home from class and receiving this text: “Hey baby, what are you wearing?” Like foreplay, sexting must not be random. It has to follow a specific mood or event to be triggered. Initiating sexting is preferred after several rounds of romantic flirting (and sighing). 9.) Stay Cryptic: There’s something about being completely mysterious in art and form which teases the human mind. That said, getting metaphorical on the shape of your woman’s waist is appealing in cheap smut, but cliched in practice. Instead, a small glimpse of all the naughty and not-so-nice fetishes running free in your mind can unlock your own Cave of Wonders. 8.) Don’t Demand or Beg: Regardless of how dire your hard-on is, nobody likes aggression, least of all in sext form. None of that SMS guilt tripping, either.
PRE-Spring Break basics Tiffany Benson wrote this Spring break is on its way in three short weeks. In the meantime, students will be frantically trying to get their crap together so they won’t have any homework to do on the road trip, while trying to throw together whatever last-minute vacation with what little money still exists in their dwindling bank accounts. With the chaos of school and traveling it’s easy to forget some things. We’re here to help. The first thing to do is pick a location. If you want to go all-out and hit the beaches, then Myrtle Beach and South Beach are the places to be for some fun-in-the-sun debauchery. If you want to go foreign, drink some dirty water, and deal with a week of diarrhea, get a passport and head to somewhere in Mexico. If you don‘t want to leave the state, there’s Charleston. You can stay in a hotel, go shopping, and visit historical places in West Virginia! Sounds like tits-galore! Party central! Woo. Hoo.
7.) Remember the Small Things: Every person works hard for their image. Whether it’s something they say or wear, it shapes who they are, and recognition of that will help your lusting. A quick quip on how sexy that skirt looked on her can do the trick. 6.) No Sex Euphemisms: We know you’re a big fan of literary smut, but sex euphemisms suck. We don’t care how often George R.R. Martin uses “member” to mean penis in his otherwise epic fantasy saga. It doesn’t work in sexting (or in real life, if you think about it). 5.) No Overused Sayings: Though it worked perfectly as an example, “What are you wearing?” is one of the must-avoid cliches in cyber foreplay. Though seduction needs to appear seamless, you don’t want to look indifferent by recycling overused phrases. 4.) Determine Your Role: Both in sex and relationships, there will almost always be one person being more dominant than the other. It’s a delicate balance that must be maintained to prevent a clash mid-sext. This is NOT the same as coercion and its counterpart, blind submission. Sexting is a tango, and based on the mood and rhythm, you might have to lead or you might have to follow.
Now that you have the perfect location, you need to find the right friends to take with you. Make sure you stock up on true partiers while leaving those who cause drama at home with mommy and daddy. Don’t take couples, that girl who cries when she’s drunk, or that guy who wants to fight everyone. Take your best buds… and that ancillary friend with the SUV. Hey, he serves a noble purpose. You have the locations, you have the friends, and you’ve scraped up enough cash to make it somewhere. Next, you need to figure out what you’re going to tell your parents. Unless you’re one of the lucky ones, most parents aren’t going to just say “Cool bro, go get shitfaced for the next week!” Tell them you have a new internship and the company needs you to stay over break, or that you got a new job and they won’t let you have any days off yet. Sure, they’ll know you’re lying, but they’ll appreciate the effort, as you don’t simply dangle your week of excess in front of their tuition-paying faces. If you want to prepare for spring break by “losing weight,” don’t even waste your time. A couple of weeks or a few days aren’t going to give you that perfect beach body that you see on late night workout commercials. It’s going to have you sore from pushing yourself too hard at the gym 48 hours before you leave, and starving because you’ve barely eaten anything in the past week. You know how you made that mistake hook-up with a four who looked like a ten after a couple (dozen) drinks? Everyone on spring break will be like that. Your front muffin is no biggie to someone trying to get it in. Of course, don’t forget your sunscreen! “Thanks, Mom,” you say to us, dripping with sarcasm. But remember, packing the right gear is essential to making a spring break enjoyable. When your body’s one big blister on Tuesday, who is going to want to stay in to rub aloe on your tortured skin? No one. They’ll just want to smack the shit out of you when you’re asleep. And because you’re planning a week-long bender somewhere warm, try to stock up on the beer before you leave. Nothing is worse than when you get into a foreign city and they’re out of your favorite beer, or you have to pay $60 for a bottle of Jack. Pack some coolers and buy your liquor before you go. For anything else you take, make sure it’s nothing too important because you will just end up losing it on one of your drunken excursions. Pick your destination, collect your money, grab some friends, buy some booze, lie to your parents, pack your stuff, and get the hell out of here!
3.) Good Grammar: Not everyone is a grammar Nazi, but every person would like to know they’re banging someone intelligent enough not to confuse “your” with “you’re” or worse... “ur.” For the polyamorous: just remember the differences between “there,” “their,” and “they’re.” 2.) Tease, Tease, Oh, and Tease: If sex is the birthday present, think of sexting as the beautiful gift wrap which conceals it. A present without any of that flashy wrapping paper isn’t as awesome. Snapchat, get on it. 1.) “Fight Club Rule #1 There Are No Rules”: Though it’s helpful to have a guideline in case you’re completely clueless, it’s better to just go with the flow. Different strokes for different folks. What could be socially unacceptable can be the hottest thing you whispered to your lover’s ear all night. Remember that when having some sextual delight.
black sheep staff wrote this
[PartyPics]
From the Streets Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
What's Your Favorite Drinking Game? “Apples to Apples, because everyone gets drunk and has a good time.” - Jordan P.
“Kings, because it never gets old.” - Mikella B.
“Up the River, Down the River because it’s a simple game for 4-6 people to get drunk in an hour.” - Adam H.
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
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The Grid SPECIAL NIGHT
FRIDAY! Happy Hour 5-8pm: 2 for 1 everything Food buffet! Featuring wings, pizza, pasta, meatballs, corndogs and more!
Friday: $5 Happy Hour Buffet (5 - 8pm) $2 Domestic Drafts $3 Mixed Drinks $6 Domestic Pitchers Team Trivia @ 8pm
Saturday: 3AM, Live on Stage! 2-4-1 Drinks
Everyday Specials! $2 Cans, $2 Shot Special $2.50 Bud Light Bottles $3 Rail Drinks $5 Glass of House Wine
THUR. 2/28
BRING IT ON THURSDAY! 10-12: Jack, Captain, Smirnoff, Bacardi and Miller Lite 12-cl: $3 Jack, Captain, Smirnoff, Bacardi and $2 Bottles
“Live Music Thursdays” $2 Bud Light Mug Night $3 Quesadillas Buy One Get One Shots
Beer & Champagne Special 9pm - 11pm $2 Bottles & Mixed Drinks, $3 Bombs After 11
$1 Vodka Drinks $1 Drafts
FRI. 3/1
Happy Hour 5-8pm: 2 for 1 everything Food buffet! Featuring wings, pizza, pasta, meatballs, corndogs and more!
$5 Happy Hour Buffet (5 - 8pm) $2 Domestic Drafts $3 Mixed Drinks $6 Domestic Pitchers Team Trivia @ 8pm
$0.25 Cent Pints $2 Mixed Drinks
Ladies Night! $5 Select Martinis $1 Rail for Ladies after 9pm
SAT. 3/2
7-10: Team Trivia $5 pizzas and pitchers Play to win great prizes! Watch all you UFC PPV here!
“Ladies Night” Ladies: $1 Mixed Drinks (9 - Close) $2 Domestic Drafts $3 Shots, $3 Bombs
3AM, Live on Stage! 2-4-1 Drinks
Happy Hour 4-8pm $3 Jameson $5 Select Martinis
SUN. 3/3
Sunday Funday! $2 Bottles, $3 Drinks, $3 Any Shot, $4 Redbull Bombs all day! Karaoke 9-1
$5 Family Style Sunday Buffet $2 Domestic Drafts $6 Domestic Pitchers $3.50 Jack, Jameson, Captain, Honey, & Fireball
2-4-1 Everything!
Country Night $2 24oz PBR $3 Jim Beam
MON. 3/4
Bucket Night 5 for $10 Domestic Buckets and .35 Wings
25¢ Boneless Wings 35¢ Wings $1.50 Domestic Drafts
Closed
Everyday $2 Cans, $2 Shot Special $2.50 Bud Light Bottles $3 Rail Drinks $5 Glass of House Wine
TUES. 3/5
Bud Light Fight Night! Watch the Ultimate Fighter and Enter to Win Tix to UFC 159 $2 Bud/Bud Light Bottles, $5 Bud/ Bud Light Pitchers and $3 Knockout Punch
“Tequila Tuesdays” $1 Tacos, $2 Coronas $2 Margaritas $6 Margarita Pitchers $2 Tequila Shots (All Night)
Closed
Everyday $2 Cans, $2 Shot Special $2.50 Bud Light Bottles $3 Rail Drinks $5 Glass of House Wine
2-4-1 All Night $5 Nacho Grande’s
$5 Italian Style Buffet $2.50 Jager Bombs (All Night) $6 Domestic Pitchers
9pm - 11pm: Jack, Jim, Captain, and Absolut Specials $5 Cover
Everyday $2 Cans, $2 Shot Special $2.50 Bud Light Bottles $3 Rail Drinks $5 Glass of House Wine
WED. 3/6
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Thanks for Playing: Black History Month! black sheep staff wrote this
Another February has come and gone and once again you’ve made it, white people! You can finally let go of the 28 days’ worth of guilt you’ve stored up and enjoy being yourselves again. Feel free to cross the street when a black guy in a hoodie is walking towards you or skip over BET. Go back to forgetting that every great moment in black history is also a horrible moment in white history. All the way from Rosa Parks (great moment for black commuters, terrible moment for white bus drivers) to Brown v. Board of Education (great moment for black students, terrible moment for white student athletes). However, let’s take a moment to look back on the things we learned this month. Mississippi ratifies the Thirteenth Amendment: Free at last boys and girls! Near the beginning of this month Mississippi finally became the last state to officially recognize the amendment that abolished slavery. It turns out they hadn’t ratified it because of a simple oversight made when they tried to officially ratify it … in 1995. It’s great to know that I could’ve legally been property before my fifth birthday. This wins Mississippi the longest grudge award within the United States. The whole nation got over Vietnam in roughly a decade. The Mississippi grudge ranks in the major leagues. We dropped two atomic bombs on Japan and firebombed Tokyo, but even the last Japanese soldier surrendered in the 70s probably saying, “Yeah, I figured it was time to move on and stop being a sore loser.” So thanks, Mississippi, for finally getting over it and admitting black people can’t be bought or sold, unless, of course, they’re prostitutes.
The LAPD proves it’s corrupt and brutal: Christopher Dorner wrote a manifesto about the LAPD using unnecessary force on people, and some other boring stuff we already knew. Our research team glued the story together based off what they read on Facebook statuses, and saw that he kind of proved his point. A manhunt was launched to find Dorner after he killed several LAPD police officers, and when the cops cornered him in a cabin they just proceeded to burn it down because fuck him, right? Who wants to go through due process when you can just set things on fire and mess with fate? Nation allows scariest black man alive to win the Super Bowl: Try to stare into Ray Lewis’ eyes for five seconds without puckering your butthole just once. Now tell us this isn’t a man who looks like he enjoys strangling his teammates for the fun of it in pre-game rituals. This is the man who led the Ravens to victory by the sheer terror he inflicts in his teammates. He was constantly vilified for having been involved in a murder, but he made America feel too much like a bitch to say it to his face. Just look at how uncomfortable the announcer was in the post-game interview when Lewis was only inches from his face, barking like a madman because he’s still hopped up on murderhate and rabies. He proved now that all it takes for a black man to win anything is to be too intimidating to say no to. Just looking back on all that, it can be said that this Black History Month was a huge success. Join us again next February when Jesse Jackson sues a full moon for not having a dark side!
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Point-Counter Point: Real Moustaches versus Fake Moustaches black sheep staff wrote this The moustache—the most distinguishing facial feature that one can possess. It comes in a variety of styles depending on the wearer’s personality and hair thickness. As college students, if you can’t grow out a decent one in a few weeks, prepare to be a baby back bitch for the rest of your life. Believe it or not, women love a little bit of scruff on a man, but when it comes down to an authentic or faux manscape, which one reigns supreme? Mad Max: The problem with real moustaches is accessibility. Few people in the prime years of their sexual escapades can grow a complete beard and moustache combo. It comes in parts over the years, and dim lighting isn’t enough to make up for the gaps. For the less patient among us, who says anyone needs to wait until after the golden years of education are over to rock this sweet piece of hair? Valuable time is being wasted as the young and foolish are ignored in favor of older counterparts who sweat mystery and allure. With a fake moustache, it allows the less fortunate to jump a few years ahead of what their gene pool was planning. Kitty Kat: Facial hair, especially moustaches, announces to the world, “Look at me. I am man.” Without it, I feel like I have to ask a guy if he’s over 18 years old before taking him home and ripping his pants off. Why make girls live with the fear of pedophilia breathing down their necks? A fake moustache may make one seem older, but it’ll end up with me in the slammer for statutory rape, and you definitely won’t be getting a second date after that. Plus, fake moustaches are way too creepy to be seductive. They look like they’re made out of black polyester fur or an art class paintbrush that is shedding whiskers and leading to a gross, hairy kiss. Mad Max: When growing a moustache out, though, there is never a perfect length. If it is too short in some areas at the beginning, it may resemble
a fairly anti-Semitic figure in history. Later on, if the moustache flows too proudly, people will begin to wonder just how deep that person is in the porn industry. Sure there are a few “sweet spot” moments in natural moustache growth that cannot be rivaled. Sadly, like fruit, moustaches aren’t always grown correctly. Americans have proven that we value reliability over quality, and if an artificial substitute needs to be brought in, glue it on. Kitty Kat: Once again, it’s all about that manliness factor. It takes a true man to know how to groom himself to look like a sexual god. If the facial hair just isn’t working for you, take a different route and shave it off. Maybe you’re a guy meant for piercings or tattoos instead—which are so much more badass anyway. Fake moustaches weird me out, dude! They get all sweaty and slimy and sometimes droop off the wearer’s face. It’s almost as disgusting as the thought of fake pubes. Do they have stick-on hair for that too? Fake ‘staches are like the breast implants of the male world. They draw people in until they jiggle and slide around inexplicably, and then shit just gets uncomfortable. Mad Max: Are you suggesting we disband the high-end international jewelry thief career? They rely on the application and removal of pencil thin moustaches to get away with their crimes. It gives them the perfect alibi since people aren’t really that observant. Let’s be straight: If someone is interested in either growing or purchasing a moustache, they are probably getting into some nefarious activities. It’s why people feel the need to shave before interviews and court hearings. And with the long, hard dick of the law stretching wider by the year, there is only one way to effectively disguise oneself during drunken debauchery or espionage: a one-stop shop to the moustache department.
Kitty Kat: C’mon, cheap disguises are so old school. Today all you need is a simple ski mask and a wiped cell phone record to get away with a crime, at least for a few weeks. Look how long Drew Peterson lasted … with a real moustache. Mad Max: What about the ladies? Maybe they would like the advantages of twirling an end of their moustache while they mull over a problem. At least the fake moustache gives them an option over your purely male dominated ideology. Kitty Kat: Ugh, trust me. Never going to happen. We have a whole head of hair to twirl for that. Conclusion: While both parties made very convincing arguments, there is no denying that a genuine, true-blue ‘stache could beat any Party City bullshit any day. The mustache is a symbol of manliness and pride, two things which cannot be artificially produced.
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bartender of the week Jen g. sports page Where are you from: Long Island, New York
What is your major: TV Broadcast Journalism
How old are you: 22
Do you prefer serving drinks to girls or guys: Guys, because they tip more.
How long have you been bartending: 3 years Best thing about working at Sports Page: The regulars and the staff! What is your favorite night of the week to work: Saturday What is your favorite drink to make: Vegas Bombs What is your least favorite drink to make: Jagerbombs What is your craziest experience that has happened while bartending: Getting hit on by a townie.
Did you have a nickname while growing up as a kid: Jennay (In the Forrest Gump voice) Have you ever been drunk at work: Not drunk, just tipsy. A little warm and fuzzy never hurt anyone. What’s your favorite part of bartending in Morgantown: Never a dull moment, especially at a place like Sports Page. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regret: No, I try and live my life with no regrets. Have you ever had to cut a customer off: Yes, some of the townies get a little rowdy.
the drinking game:
recipe for disaster:
It’s that time again to take another classic game from your childhood and rework it into a beautiful piece of art. It’s time for Battleshots. Liam Neeson and Rihanna not included.
Sluts are easy and loved by all, except when they are screwing your significant other. These brownies won’t just bring joyous orgasms to every taste bud in your mouth, they’re also easy to make!
battleshots
What You’ll Need: 2 pizza boxes, 34 shot glasses, and various alcohol. Number of Players: Just two. Level of Intoxication: If your opponent knows the game, prepare to pass out. How to Play: - On each pizza box, draw two 10x10 grids on the inside top and bottom. Label the horizontal side A through J and the vertical side 1 through 10. - Fill all 34 shot glasses with different liquids (get those cheap plastic ones from Walgreens). They could be vodka, beer, rum, water, milk, juice, whatever you have on hand. Obviously fill more of them with alcohol than anything else. - Sit across from your opponent and open up your box. One by one, opponents select shot glasses to use on their board until both players have 17. - Each player arranges them like the ships in Battleship (one 5-shot glass aircraft carrier, one 4-shot glass battleship, one 3-shot glass submarine, one 3-shot glass destroyer, and one 2-shot glass patrol boat). - Players take turns asking if their opponent has a ship at a spot on the grid. For example, “Do you have a ship on E3?” If the player does, they must take the shot that is on that space. If not, the asking player marks on their empty 10x10 grid that they have already guessed that space and must take a sip of a side drink. - Players alternate turns. - If a player guesses a lot correctly, he does not get another turn. The Game Ends When: One player has sunk all of the other player’s ships. This game is best played when wearing cut-off t-shirts and sweatbands. Crank up some Metallica, too.
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slutty brownies
What You’ll Need: 1 package of cookie mix, 1 box of brownie mix, the ingredients those mixes require, 1 package of Double Stuf Oreos, a baking pan, and any additional add-ins you want (like chocolate chips, sprinkles, etc.). Cook Time: Just under an hour. Fatty Factor: You’ll be a big ol’ grenade when you’re done with these sweets. Let’s Get Baked: - Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. - Make the cookie dough mix in a large bowl by following the directions on the back. Make them extra gooey by adding a teaspoon or two of vegetable oil. - Spread the prepared cookie mix evenly across the bottom of your pan. - Line up the Oreos in rows over the cookie dough, covering it completely. Don’t use the cracked Oreos; just eat those gems while baking. - In another large bowl make the brownie mix by following its directions. - Pour the brownie mix evenly over the Oreos. - Bake in the oven for 35-40 minutes, and when it’s finished let it cool. - If you have any, sprinkle your extra ingredients across the top of the brownies. - Slice ‘em up and stuff your face! Sluts are like doorknobs, everyone gets a turn! So make sure you share your brownies, fatty.
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the riddle
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we interview:
Big Gigantic
Dominic Lalli, saxophone extraordinaire of the acclaimed electronic jam band Big Gigantic (otherwise known simply as Big G) has been playing music his whole life, but when his project with drummer Jeremy Salkin started blowing up in the past two years, all he could really say is, "Wow." Other adjectives mentioned: crazy, overwhelming, fucking crazy, wow (again), funny, wild, and crazy (again). Be sure to check these guys out on tour all summer long, at a venue near you. The Black Sheep: How did you get started with the saxophone? With Big Gigantic? Dominc Lalli: I started playing saxophone in school, in band and all that, and then I ended up going to college and getting my master's degree in, pretty much, jazz performance, classical and jazz. I moved to New York and then Colorado, and started getting into DJs and electronic music. I started getting into producing and writing music, and just sitting in with electronic bands, I just naturally wanted to mix in the saxophone. TBS: So when you were listening to this electronic music, what made you think, "I want to put a saxophone with that?" DL: I had been playing music for so long, and the saxophone is kind of just my voice. It's just what I've always done. So I was producing music and then I wanted to start playing melodies, and then I wanted to do some solo stuff and then improvise over it all. TBS: Big Gigantic's sound is clearly a mesh of many different kinds of music. Who are some of your influences? DL: In the jazz world there's a lot of saxophone players, and I've been influenced by their sound and their song writing. You know, John Coltrane, Wayne Shorter, Miles Davis, Herbie Hancock is a huge influence. I've also been influenced by a lot of hip-hop and R&B, Kanye West and Jay-Z, and I grew up listening to a lot of Run DMC and Beastie Boys. And all the way through Radiohead and more rock and electronic type of stuff. Then, of course, everyone in the electronic world; Derek from Pretty Lights, my buddy Alex from Paper Diamond, Griz, Skrillex, all of those heavyweights. I'm learning from all of those people, and I'm stirring it all up. TBS: Who would be a dream to work with? DL: Herbie Hancock, he's just an amazing piano player. In the 70s he did really funky, spaced-out music with awesome melodies and really cool solo stuff. We're really into the music he writes, in that funky, electronic vein. If you heard some of his stuff, you could definitely hear his influence. TBS: You guys play a lot of festivals. Could you put a finger on some of the craziest? DL: Electronic Forest is definitely one of my favorites, the fans are pretty wild. Ultra last year was pretty wild, too. But seriously, Electric Forest is, like, how I came up throughout this whole thing. A few years ago, when it first started in 2008, when it was called Rothbury, I was playing saxophone for the guitarist of the String Cheese Incident's side project. I was in such awe, it was one of my first times at a festival and I was like, "Wow, I can't believe I'm really here." I ended up sitting in with all these different kinds of bands; it was really epic. The next year was when Big G just kind of got started, and we played Rothbury for free and I did a DJ set in the forest when it was just some boards set up and it was barely an official stage. I had never DJ'd before and I was so nervous and it was so funny. Then we ended up coming back, and last year we closed Saturday night and it was just great.
TBS: How surreal was it, when four years ago you're playing on some janky stage to closing Saturday night on the main stage? DL: It's fucking crazy. It's just crazy! This last year, just every festival we played at, from Wakarusa to Bonnaroo, where we gave out thousands of these blow-up saxophones right before we went out, and just seeing all the fans, like, fist-pumping with these saxophones, it's just crazy shit. I've been playing music for so long and in so many different capacities, it's overwhelming in the best way possible. Just going out there and being like, "Wow." It's been a pretty wild ride. TBS: So how do you stay sane when you're touring and playing show after show? DL: I try to stay pretty focused, and keep in mind what's really real, you know, just what I'm working for. I just try to have fun and play music and stay in the moment and enjoy it, just kind of cruise through. TBS: Michelle Obama -- bangs or no bangs? DL: She seems a little emo with the bangs. It's cute though. TBS: Describe your perfect breakfast. DL: I love breakfast. You know, probably an omelette, cheddar cheese, definitely bacon, maybe some avocado. Some toast, coffee, and a large orange juice. TBS: Drink of choice? DL: Maker's Mark and ginger beer. Or ginger beer with tequila.
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