The Black Sheep
Fr ee ... lik ec we red e! it c ar ds !
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 2, Issue 5 • 3/7/13 - 3/13/13
theblacksheeponline.com @BlackSheepWVU
the most measly of mascots Allyson Parrish wrote this Mascots are creepy. Like a parent’s worst nightmare, they’re life-sized dolls that walk around and touch drunk college co-eds and amazed small children. Not cool, man. However, sometimes mascots are just so ridiculous you can’t help but make fun of them. We have a lot of those in the Big 12. Baylor Bears: Their mascot is Bruiser the Bear. You may be thinking, “Well shit, bears are scary. Bears will eat your face off, then laugh manically after doing so.” Yeah, real bears, maybe. Real bears with fangs of doom, not fangs of foam. Bruiser looks like something that would be sitting on your little sister’s bed. No one finds a stuffed bear intimidating, Baylor. Iowa State Cyclones: Ah, Cy the Cardinal. Someone please explain to us why Iowa State chose a cardinal to represent a cyclone. It would be much more badass to have a tornado be your mascot than a bright red bird. Even, like, the Wicked Witch of the West, or a really big DVD of Twister. Something, anything. The whole university is nothing but one giant identity crisis. Kansas Jayhawks: Big Jay, a smiling, possibly insane bird. It looks like Colonel Sanders in bird form, but again, it’s a bird. A fake bird. A Jayhawk isn’t even a real thing -- they had to make something up to feel special. Go home guys. Kansas State Wildcats: Willie the Wildcat rings in games for Kansas State. The wildcat might have been intimidating back before the 21st century, but now because of High School Musical, everyone just associates wildcats with jazz hands and corrupted youth. Sucks to be you. Plus if you don’t automatically think of a tiny penis when you here “Willie,” then we’re not sure what depraved society you grew up in. Oklahoma Sooners: Boomer and Sooner are their mascots. Two lovable horses… or asses. We can’t really tell. Horses portray a hardworking personality, but beneath the tough façade all horses scare rather easily; are they trying to tell us something?
Texas Longhorns: Their mascot is Bevo; Bevo the wonderful longhorn. Have you seen an actual longhorn? Those things are terrifying. Their depiction of one, however, is not. It just looks like a fuzzy cow that stepped out of a cartoon on Nick Jr.
Oklahoma State Cowboys: Pistol Pete is the scariest fucking mascot ever to walk the earth. Why the hell doesn’t Oklahoma State just get an actual person instead of that creepy-ass plastic thing?! Here’s why: At night, he rides into opponents’ dreams on a hairless, firebreathing horse to bury fear deep into their unconscious.
Texas Christian Horned Frogs: Pumping up the not-so-horny Horned Frogss at TCU is the Super Frog. The Super. Frog. Guys, guys, it’s like, totally like, a frog, but better! Could Super Frog get any lamer? Does it have the super power to strangle a whole football team with its mighty tongue? TCU, you have an alien creature running around your school and the government is doing nothing about it.
Texas Tech Red Raiders: Their mascot is the Red Raider. He looks like Yosemite Sam. No one took that guy seriously, so nobody takes this guy seriously either. They might as well give their mascot to Oklahoma State, because this cowboy looks more cuddle-you-inyour-dreams and less eat-your-limbs-in-your-dreams. For however much the Big 12 touts athletic prowess, the mascots sure do make big-name athletics at Oklahoma and Texas feel like they’re grade school girls basketball, bricking layup after layup as dutiful parents nod off in the stands. Not to mention all the horns and willies sprinkled about – envy much, Big 12?
what'’s inside The Taylor Swift Effect And Other Pop Culture Phenomena
Which Morgantown Bar is the right place for you?
Career fair ends early when student offered every job
Maybe it’s time you take control of your guilty pleasure addictions.
You can’t just drink beer in any ole’ bar!
talk about an overachiever!
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