The Black Sheep • a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 2, Issue 7 • 4/3/13 - 4/17/13
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how to bs your way through a Summer Résumé Gwen Wygal wrote this
With bank account balances struggling to stay in the double digits, every student here at WVU is itching for a summer job. There’s only one problem:most of our résumés are blank. While MIX accounts are filled with “résumé building workshop” reminders, students would just rather BS a résumé than actually find real substance to put on one. Luckily for you, The Black Sheep has some quick tips to dazzle your future employers without having to do anything at all. Do you own a computer? Congratulations, you’re a skilled typist: Let’s be honest, we’re a generation that sees working a keyboard as second nature. Thanks to instant messengers, social networking, and texting, we’ve all put our typing to the test, punching at keys like wildfire. Not to mention, after all of those seemingly endless philosophy papers we have all become typing phenoms, so why not boast about our talents? After all of those years of constructing break-up texts and Facebook statuses, you deserve it. That one time in 8th grade when you became CPR certified: Remember locking lips with the plastic mannequin, punching them in the sternum, and yelling for help? It was one of the most horrifying moments of middle school, right after the time that your parents decided to sit you down and discuss penises and vaginas. For years, that little certification card has collected dust in your wallet. Having never put the skill to use, what can you do with it now? While you could resuscitate the drunkard you found on High Street, using it as résumé filler will work just as well. Great communication skills (on Xbox LIVE): This one is for all of the wallflowers. By day, you sit in the back of the lecture hall, confine yourself to a corner in the Lair, and speak to no one on the PRT. However, by night, you’re swearing up a storm on your headset, working with your team to blow everyone else to smithereens. You shouldn’t be punished for being socially awkward, so go ahead and say you’re great at communicating; no one has to know you mean in video games. Capable of working with both Apple and Windows…sort of: If you study on the ground floor of the library, you’re a Mac user. If
How to Tell if Your Landlord is Actually An Evil Overlord
you study on the 4th floor, you’re a Windows user. When Club Lib is bumping, though, you have to learn to work with something that isn’t your preference. In this way, WVU has subconsciously equipped us to be well-rounded when it comes to using different Internet browsers. Yay, technology! Experience is experience, so go ahead and slap that one on there. Use references who will praise your greatness: Overachievers have a long list of references that are willing and able to boost them into respectable and well-paying jobs. Unfortunately, that’s not you.
what'’s inside
Five types of annoying men at Wvu
with our tips, you’ll be able to figure out if your next landlord is the antichrist.
unlike women, most men are annoying and not perfect.
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Instead, you’re going to need to use blackmail. For example, you’re the only one who knows your neighbor is hooking up with their best friend’s boyfriend. She may loathe your existence, but if it means you keeping quiet about their twosome, she should have wonderful things to say about you. A résumé is the first thing an employer sees about you, and if you’re not prepared it’ll be hard to set yourself apart from all the rest. Just remember, if your résumé is bare, exaggerating and telling a white lie are both skills, and in this instance, you should use them.
The rats you’ll find in the gym Hopefully not actual rats, but more like the grunting d-bag rat.
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