THE HEALTH HAZARDS OF LAW SCHOOL

HAZARDS OF LAW SCHOOL

Alright, this one is for the plucky first years in particular; let’s be honest Law school isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. This degree comes with a lot of costs **ahem…. textbooks**: the biggest cost by far though is to your health. Being a uni student is a consistent mess, everything in your life is competing for your attention, naturally, the first thing you throw to the wolves is any regard for your general wellbeing. There are’s a few things, I, a seasoned professional in disaster management

Persistent headaches: Modern science cannot yet measure the correlation between reading legal textbooks and the onset of headaches, needless to say, any good law student knows the results would be damning. Whether it’s the legalistic style almost entirely devoid of any creativity, or the repetitive use of the word reasonable, because apparently the law has no tolerance for synonyms, something in those pages makes your brain cry. At times, I’m not convinced the author knows what they’re trying to say themselves. Maybe textbook writers are just like us, clueless, and trying to cover it up by blurting out a lot of precedent. Some of the things you read in law school will make you think a cat walked across the author’s keyboard: see any Welsh case name. Look, no one does all the readings, and if your friend says they do all the readings they’re not your friend they’re a snake. slowly. Overall, reading out loud is the only trick that has prevented me from re-reading the same paragraph for hours and has averted mental breakdown more than once. Then again, talking to yourself is the first sign of madness... No ‘pattern’ to your sleep at all: Just forget sleep, your body will evolve by second year, you’ll be part of the sleepless elite and you won’t care anymore. Putting sarcasm aside, sleep is important and trying to time manage so it doesn’t end up sacrificed is a crucial skill which will help you through law school. If you’re a fitful sleeper try using essential oils like lavender to help your mind switch off. If essential oils are too hippie for you go to IKEA and drop a dime on some new bedsheets, fresh bed sheets help anyone sleep better. IKEA bed sheets in particular are designed not to stick to you in summer so you can have a good night’s sleep.

Anyway, on the off chance you’re actually giving the ol’ readings a stab here’s a top tip: read them out loud. Any self-respecting human being wants to claw their ears off at the sound of their own voice, so acclimate yourself to this one

Slow transition into Quasimodo:

Sitting, sitting for hours straight in lectures, sitting in tutes, sitting at your desk when you get home: we sit at desks for hours on end. Eventually, the law student’s spine morphs into a graceful semicircle, ideal for computer work as your face is inevitably closer to your computer screen. You’ll end up besties with your physio, this neck and back pain reverberates throughout your body and the physio is your only healer. Oh, and when the physio says needles will help- just cop the needles! A simple option is the Chrome extension PostureMinder, this app lets out a groovy little sound to remind you to sit up straight and helps to combat the source of the issue: bad posture. If that’s too annoying, remember that exercise is an important part of pain management and doing simple stretches or using a foam roller can really help your suffering back.

Caffeine overdose:

According to a highly un-reputable source I found on google it would take approximately 70 cups of coffee to overdose, fatally, on caffeine. It is safe to say this is an achievable metric for any law student. Bluntly, I don’t have the audacity to provide a recommendation as to how to decrease your caffeine intake- that’s just unrealistic… Instead, my top tip is to make sure your coffee addiction doesn’t spawn into an avocado level crisis and drive you to poverty. For the love of god, ‘invest’ in a Keep a cup of some description. (The AULSS sell some sexy keep cups!). Most coffee places will give you up to 20 cents discount per cup if you provide your own vessel, it really adds up.

Crippling self doubt:

Uni is very humbling for a lot of ‘academic types’, ultimately, at some point students have to stop basing our sense of self on our grades, that lesson has a steep learning curve. I legitimately remember thinking my first Torts grade might have been written backwards: hoping desperately for a more favourable mark. We are told over and over, Uni is more difficult than high school: I ignored that warning entirely- please do not do the same. If there’s anything you can take away from shit grades it’s a re-evaluation of your priorities, my fall from academic grace made me focus on the people in my life. Meet new people, enjoy your life for a moment: it’s a cliche, but you’ll remember a pub crawl for years, a shitty grade is fleeting.

CORONAVIRUS:

Wash your hands, you detty, detty pig!