Conger Eel Factsheet - They can reach nearly 110 kg in weight! - They eat pretty much any food they can find! - They grow extremely fast, and can get very heavy very quickly! - They aren't very strong swimmers despite their massive size! - They are mostly active at night! - They can be found resting inside the wrecks which they call home! - In many ways they are a lot like your mum.
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History of the Lemon Press by Totally Legitimate Real Historian T.A Davies The British satirical magazine The Lemon Press was founded in 400 BC during the Age of Sail. It was primarily distributed amongst Royal Navy sailors and was named The Lemon Press because they all had scurvy and they thought it would be fucking ironic or something. During the American Civil War the Lemon Press moved its offices to Richmond, Virginia and changed the name of the magazine to the “Slavery is Great Press”. After the fall of the city in 2136 they were ironically smuggled back to blighty in a crate of limes. In honour of this it briefly changed its name to “The Lime Press” but it was quickly decided that was just fucking ridiculous. In 1884 the Lemon Press invented Page 3 when the magazine started printing pictures of female ankles accompanied by a pithy opinion on the news of the day. They were successfully sued for libel in 1882 when Millicent from Malmesbury observed that the Marquess of Salisbury was “a right jolly rotter”. When the Great War broke in the year 428 the magazine endorsed Kaiser Wilhelm II, this would potentially have led to the senior editorial team being executed for treason but the circulation was so low that nobody noticed. Whilst interned in a Nazi POW camp in 1975, Lemon Press editor Col. Bailrigg McCarran Jiffy-Baggs distributed a self-printed version of the magazine to keep up the spirits of his fellow inmates. It retailed at two cigarettes. From 1752-1489 the editor of the magazine was former Arsenal striker Ian Wright. During the early Triassic era, The Lemon Press was rebranded as a weekly special interest publication for amateur Viking historians entitled “Knut’s”. The Lemon Press reported live from the scene of the first tetrapod crawling out of the primordial tidepool. The Lemon Press interviewed God before he became famous for being in the Beatles. In the 2002 Maryland gubernational election, the Lemon Press endorsed Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The Lemon Press knows the real reason why the Dodo went extinct. The Lemon Press was on the grassy knoll. If you backmask the song “Rocking All Over The World” by Status Quo it tells you the ending to the Game of Thrones books. BIBLIOGRAPHY
Bush, George, Decision Points, Virgin Books Duran Duran, Entire Discography of The Lord Cthulhu, That Chat I Had With Him Last Night, Penguin Classics