MAGAZINE ®
VOLUME 1 ISSUE 7 JANUARY 2010
Pennsylvania
Happy New Year From Thunder Roads! FREE
TAKE ONE
Photo by Kathy Smith
AMERICA’S FASTEST GROWING BIKER PUBLICATION
Noodle’s Tips For The Road Pedestrians have the right of way! So again, we are a little behind here in most parts of Pa. Let’s start on our own before the law takes place. It really is common sense, of which there is little sometimes. It makes perfect sense, especially with our crappy weather. How many times have you been trying to cross the street or in a shopping area and it is raining or snowing and some Ahole flies by you instead of stopping for a second and giving you the right a way? Sometimes, minutes can pass before you can cross, because several inconsiderate people go by. While you are getting drenched or freezing, they are in their nice and toasty, dry car. Be thoughtful!!! That’s all I am saying. No one likes a soggy Noodle!
Editor / Owner Robin Montgomery Lapp 717-682-7529 thunderrdspa@yahoo.com Sales Staff Robin Keys 717-286-4689 reller65@aol.com Tony Montgomery 717-431-4551 tmonty22@comcast.net Jason Shiflet 717-201-7675 teufelheunden@hotmail.com Territory Manager Paul Yeater 717-635-5830 Cowboy6370@gmail.com Layout and Design Warren Ells, Art Director Thunder Publishing Warrenlayout@yahoo.com Distribution and Article Contributions Michelle and J.D. Johnson NATIONAL FOUNDERS Toni McCoy Shearon & Brian Shearon 1421 Chapmansboro Road Chapmansboro, TN 37035 Office: (615) 792-0040 Fax: (615) 792-7580 Email: thunderroadscharter@charter.net
© THUNDER ROADS MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY THUNDER PUBLISHING. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. NO PART OF ITS CONTENT MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION. PUBLISHER ASSUMES NO RESPONSIBILITY AND IS NOT TO BE HELD LIABLE FOR ERRORS BEYOND THE COST OF THE SPACE OCCUPIED BY THE ERROR, SLANDER OF ANY GROUP OR INDIVIDUAL, FAILURE TO PRODUCE ANY ISSUE AS SCHEDULED DUE TO REASONS BEYOND OUR CONTROL, ANY AND ALL SUITS FOR LIABLE, PLAGIARISM, COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT AND UNAUTHORIZED USE OF A PERSON’S NAME OR PHOTOGRAPH. OPINIONS AND CLAIMS MADE BY ADVERTISERS AND AUTHORS ARE THEIR OWN, AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT THE POLICY OF THUNDER ROADS MAGAZINE OR THUNDER PUBLISHING. PUBLISHER DOES NOT PROMOTE THE ABUSE OF ALCOHOL OR OTHER DRUGS.
Wow~ What a year! It has been a tremendous year of both personal and professional growth. As I reflect, I am aware of how quickly life can change. Some old friends and acquaintances have left this world and some beautiful children have entered. I have met a lot of new and interesting people and some I am happy to call friends. I am really looking forward to an amazing, exciting year ahead. I have made resolutions in past years. Some I have kept and some I am certain I failed to carry out. This year I decided to skip the diet and all of the things I should do. I decided I want to laugh more, bitch less and enjoy my life to the fullest. Imagine how much we could all accomplish if we stopped looking for reasons why and who to blame and instead skipped all of that and just forged ahead and made it happen! I am planning to get my cycle license(after spring safety classes). Hopefully get my own bike, visit with my son more. He just arrived safely after being in Iraq for 14 months. Take my dog for more walks, eat more pasta( if that is possible), focus on the present and not let any opportunity pass to tell my friends and loved ones how much I care about them. I hope everyone is starting to dream about the new riding season ahead. It is just around the corner! So, Here is to a happy, prosperous, sun in your face kind of year! Don’t forget to send in stories and photos for us to share, and as always…if you have a charity event we are always happy to add it to our events at no charge! 2010 gives us 365 opportunities to do something positive, fun and different. What are you waiting for? I would love to hear your ideas!! Ride Safe, Ride Friendly and Feel The Thunder! Robin Montgomery Lapp
marine recon
Scorpions, Chiggers And Sand Fleas From a Recon Marine in Afghanistan . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From the Sand Pit It’s freezing here. I’m sitting on hard, cold dirt between rocks and shrubs at the base of the Hindu Kush Mountains , along the Dar ‘yoi Pomir River , watching a hole that leads to a tunnel that leads to a cave. Stake out, my friend, and no pizza delivery for thousands of miles. I also glance at the area around my ass every ten to fifteen seconds to avoid another scorpion sting. I’ve actually given up battling the chiggers and sand fleas, but them scorpions give a jolt like a cattle prod. Hurts like a bastard. The antidote tastes like transmission fluid, but God bless the Marine Corps for the five vials of it in my pack. The one truth the Taliban cannot escape is that, believe it or not, they are human beings, which means they have to eat food and drink water.. That requires couriers and that’s where an old bounty hunter like me comes in handy. I track the couriers, locate the tunnel entrances and storage facilities, type the info into the handheld, shoot the coordinates up to the satellite link that tells the air commanders where to drop the hardware. We bash some heads for a while, then I track and record the new movement.. It’s all about intelligence. We haven’t even brought in the snipers yet. These scurrying rats have no idea what they’re in for. We are but days away from cutting off supply lines and allowing the eradication to begin. I dream of bin Laden waking up to find me standing over him with my boot on his throat as I spit into his face and plunge my nickel-plated Bowie knife through his frontal lobe. But you know me, I’m a romantic. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: This country blows, man. It’s not even a country. There are no roads, there’s no infrastructure, there’s no government. This is an inhospitable, rock pit shit hole ruled by eleventh century warring tribes. There are no jobs here like we know jobs. Afghanistan offers two ways for a man to support his family: join the opium trade or join the army. That’s it. Those are your options. Oh, I forgot, you can also live in a refugee camp and eat plum-sweetened, crushed beetle paste and squirt mud like a goose with stomach flu, if that’s your idea of a party. But the smell alone of those ‘tent cities of the walking dead’ is enough to hurl you into the poppy fields to cheerfully scrape bulbs for eighteen hours a day. I’ve been living with these Tajiks and Uzbeks, and Turkmen and even a couple of Pushtuns, for over a month-and-a-half now, and this much I can say for sure: These guys, all of ‘em, are Huns... Actual, living Huns.. They LIVE to fight. It’s what they do. It’s ALL
they do.. They have no respect for anything, not for their families, nor for each other, nor for themselves. They claw at one another as a way of life. They play polo with dead calves and force their five-year-old sons into human cockfights to defend the family honor. Huns, roaming packs of savage, heartless beasts who feed on each other’s barbarism. Cavemen with AK47’s. Then again, maybe I’m just cranky. I’m freezing my ass off on this stupid hill because my lap warmer is running out of juice, and I can’t recharge it until the sun comes up in a few hours. Oh yeah! You like to write letters, right? Do me a favor, Bizarre. Write a letter to CNN and tell Wolf and Anderson and that awful, sneering, pompous Aaron Brown to stop calling the Taliban ‘smart..’ They are not smart. I suggest CNN invest in a dictionary because the word they are looking for is ‘cunning.’ The Taliban are cunning, like jackals and hyenas and wolverines..They are sneaky and ruthless, and when confronted, cowardly. They are hateful, malevolent parasites who create nothing and destroy everything else. Smart.. Pfft. Yeah, they’re real smart. They’ve spent their entire lives reading only one book (and not a very good one, as books go) and consider hygiene and indoor plumbing to be products of the devil. They’re still figuring out how to work a Bic lighter. Talking to a Taliban warrior about improving his quality of life is like trying to teach an ape how to hold a pen; eventually he just gets frustrated and sticks you in the eye with it. OK, enough. Snuffle will be up soon, so I have to get back to my hole. Covering my tracks in the snow takes a lot of practice, but I’m good at it. Please, I tell you and my fellow Americans to turn off the TV sets and move on with your lives. The story line you are getting from CNN and other news agencies is utter bullshit and designed not to deliver truth but rather to keep you glued to the screen through the commercials. We’ve got this one under control The worst thing you guys can do right now is sit around analyzing what we’re doing over here, because you have no idea what we’re doing, and really, you don’t want to know. We are your military, and we are doing what you sent us here to do. You wanna help? Buy Bonds America .
whether anyone was injured, whether minor children were present in your vehicle, and many others. Suffice it to say that Pennsylvania’s DUI law is designed to hit hard and by Attorney Steve Stambaugh Since many riders there are many factors that the District Attorney can use to escalate your charges and thus your penalties. Because park their bikes Pennsylvania’s DUI law is so complex I can not go into all over the winter I the permutations in this article so I will limit my discussion thought I would to first time offenders and the Accelerated Rehabilitation take a moment Program (“ARD”), jail time, license suspension and how and talk to you long you are on probation. All first time offenders are eligible about Pennsylto apply for acceptance into the ARD Program. If you are vania’s DUI law. accepted into the ARD Program and successfully complete Space limitations ARD there is no jail time and no conviction record. You are make this summary VERY short. on probation for six months. Tier 1 BACs have no license The most important factor in a DUI case is your BAC (blood suspension, Tier 2 BACs have a 30 day license suspension, and Tier 3 BACs have a 60 day license suspension. If you alcohol content). BACs are broken down into 3 tiers. Tier are NOT admitted into the ARD Program or were admitted 1 is the “lowest” rate and covers BAC’s of .08% to .099%. but violate your probation and get removed from the ARD Tier 2 is called a “high”” rate and covers BACs of .10% to .159%. Tier 3 is the “highest” rate and covers BACs of .16% Program, then the following apply. Tier 1 BACs still do not have a license suspension. Tier 2 BACs have a minimum and above. District Attorneys, Judges and newspapers sentence of 48 consecutive hours imprisonment but can be like to note that people in the “highest” tier are “more than sentenced to up to 6 months and also receive a 12 month twice the legal limit”. For perspective, a 12 oz. can of beer license suspension. Tier 3 BACs have a minimum sentence (4-4.5% alcohol), a 4 oz. glass of wine (15-20% alcohol) of 72 consecutive hours imprisonment but likewise can be or a 1.5 oz. shot (30-50% alcohol) each = .04%. Another sentenced to up to 6 months and also receive a 12 month important factor in Pennsylvania’s DUI law is whether the license suspension. charged offense is your first, second, third, fourth or more offense. The more you repeat offend, the harder the law will Ride Safe. hit you in terms of mandatory minimum license suspensions Steven D. Stambaugh, Esquire 2121 South Queen Street , York, PA 17403 and mandatory minimum periods of imprisonment. Other (717) 846-1400 important factors are whether you caused an accident,
KNOW THE LAW
Saucy Jack Recon Marine in Afghanistan Semper Fi “Freedom is not free...but the U.S. Marine Corps will pay most of your share
Thunder Roads Magazine 4
Thunder Roads Magazine 5
S K I N A R T
The Brice Street Squirrel Neighborhood hazard, or why the cops won’t patrol Brice Street anymore I never dreamed slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown, furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close. I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me. I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves! Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his little beady eyes. His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, ‘Bonzai!’ or maybe, ‘Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!’ The leap was nothing short of spectacular ... as he shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the chest. Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage! Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel. And losing ... I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there. It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH! Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my back and resumed his rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result. Torque. This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it. The engine roared and the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in ... well ... I just plain screamed. Thunder Roads Magazine 6
Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel on his back. The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder. With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike. This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody’s tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle ... my brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser. About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. The RPMs on the Dragon maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment), so her front end started to drop. Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel’s tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse. Finally I got the upper hand ... I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked ... sort of. Spectacularly sort-of ... so to speak. Picture a new scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car. I heard screams. They weren’t mine ... I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to ‘fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really... Except for two things. First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody’s front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver’s seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car. So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to ‘let the professionals handle it’ anyway. That was one thing. The other? Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me. That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car. A somewhat shredded patrol car ... but it was all his. I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And a whole lot of Band-Aids.
Thunder Roads Magazine 7
Brandon Lee Robinson Well it’s been a little over three
75%. I still have some weight to
prayers and well wishes through
months since my accident. A
put back on and I need to con-
my trying times. I have to give a
few weeks ago I had a check
tinue to strengthen my entire
shout out to my girl friend for all
up at my sports doctor in Lan-
right leg. My doctor has been
of her support and continuing to
caster and was given some really amazed with my recovery rate as good news. It seems that all of
I’m walking already when they
friends, family, sponsors, and my
my fractures and breaks have
all told me I would only be start-
therapist Jen and every one else
completely healed. I have been
ing to put weight on my leg now.
at Maximum Fitness of Oxford for
officially released to do anything
I guess if I learned one valuable
helping me to get better.
at the gym, pain restricting. Also
lesson through all of this I have
Thanks,
I have been given permission to
to say hard work does pay off,
Brandon Robinson 44
hop back on to a motorcycle to
where there is a will to get better
ride very casual. I still don’t feel
there is a way. That’s about all I
www.BRobinson44.com
up to riding just yet, as I sat on a
have for now. Thanks again to all
www.Twitter.com/BLRobinson44
motorcycle for the first time since
my followers and for every ones
the accident just two days ago at Lancaster H-D’s Christmas Open House. The final part of the great news was that Daytona is looking like a very realistic possibility. I have no plans on competing on any TT’s next year due to the jumps, but hopefully I will be able to make my debut at the Daytona short track. As you can imagine I have been super happy over the last few weeks. I’m still continuing physical therapy for three days a week for three hours each day. On top of that I go the gym every evening I can to continue to push myself in my recuperation. Despite feeling ten times better than what I did and I still feel like my body is running at Thunder Roads Magazine 8
push me. Also a shout out to my
Thunder Roads Magazine 9
Military Rules Marine Corps Rules:
WHERE IS THIS? December’s winner of A Thunder Roads Pa T-shirt and koozie was : Dan Roten of Oxford, Pa. It was The Betsey Ross House in Philadelphia
Guess Where T Burk is this month and win a Thunder Roads Pa Tshirt and Koozie! As always, He is somewhere in Pa. This time, he is up a long and winding road! AWESOME, bike ride! If you haven’t done it, you should! Can you guess? Email us at: thunderrdspa@yahoo.com
US Army Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. 2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough. 3. Have a plan. 4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won’t work. 5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. 6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a ‘4.’ 7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive. 8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.) 9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. 10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours. 11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. 12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived. 13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot. Navy SEAL’s Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order. 2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee. 3. Curse bitterly. 4. Curse bitterly. 5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed. 6. Curse bitterly. US Air Force Rules: 1. Have a ****tail. 2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner. 3. See what’s on HBO. 4. Ask ‘What is a gunfight?’ 5. Request more funding from Congress with a ‘killer’ Power Point presentation. 6. Wine & dine ‘’key’ Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives. 7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets. 8. Declare the assets ‘strategic’ and never deploy them operationally. 9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time. 10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption. ( And I Love This Next One)
1. Look very cool in sunglasses. 2. Kill every living thing within view. 3. Adjust Speedo. 4. Check hair in mirror.
US Navy Rules: 1. Go to Sea. 2. Drink Coffee. 3. Deploy Marines
US Army Rangers Rules: 1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving. 2. Locate individuals requiring killing. 3. Request permission via radio from ‘Higher’ to perform killing. Thunder Roads Magazine 10
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted. 5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
Go Navy !
Thunder Roads Magazine 11
Cory TexTer Hey everyone, It seems like I haven’t wrote a column in a while, so here is a new one for you guys to check out. I enjoy getting feedback on these, whether it’s good or bad. I don’t have the best grammar and I probably make a lot of spelling errors, so I apologize for all you english majors out there. You probably grit your teeth reading anything written by a motorcycle racer, but I try my best! All kidding aside, I have been really busy since the season ended. We raced our season finale in Pomona, CA. Even with some of the bad luck we had this year with a rain out in South Dakota and having a mechanical and dropping out of the final in Springfield, I was still in the top 20 in points which would of been a big accomplishment in my first full year as a GNC rider. However, I struggled greatly in Pomona and I didn’t make the main. I was a couple spots short in the semi. I think a combination of the 3 day drive, weather change and everything else had me a little under the weather and I didn’t feel in tune all day. I qualified “OK” but just couldn’t hack it and I feel like I let my sponsors, family and mechanic down, but that’s how it goes. I was hoping to learn alot this year and make more nationals then I did the previous and I made 4x more then the previous year and with everything going on, it made it even better. It was alot of weight on my shoulders this year as a 21 year old racer, trying to put on his game face every weekend against some of the world’s best when your dad is sitting back home in the hospital and not feeling up to snuff. We did our best and I can’t thank my dad & grandfather enough for getting me where I am and continuing to help me out along the way. All the hard work will pay off in years soon to come, I can promise I will continue to work hard and improve every season. Since the season ended, I have been working out at the gym alot doing both cardio and strength training. My trainer has me on a 9 week program that I can already feel is making a difference. I have been making trips down south for some races since the weather here is so crappy and doing alot of Motocross riding as well. I was never a big MX rider but since the season ended, I have a ton of laps put in and I feel like a more complete rider. Now I am waiting for the lakes to freeze over so I can stud up my tires and go ice riding! Besides racing, riding and training I have been busy working with sponsors developing packages to promote them as best as I can. I want to thank some new sponsors I have inked deals with such as Spectro Oils, Fluidyne, Mechanix Wear, Tag Metals and also to all my existing sponsors who are staying on board and a shout out to Invisible Glass & Rod Lake for stepping up and helping out huge next year. Anyone interested in being apart of the team and getting
More From The SMOKERS During the summer of 2009 my father, Glen Smoker, our friend Mike King, and myself, Sheldon Smoker, went on a two week motorcycle trip out west. We trailered our bikes to Rapid City, South Dakota, parked the truck and trailer, and headed out on an unbelievable vacation through parts of South Dakota, Montana, and Wyoming . We rode by day and camped by night. We rode some of the most scenic roads like needles highway, Chief Joseph’s higway, through Yellowstone National Park, around the Teton Mountains, through the Big Horn Mountians, and visited Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse, Sturgis, and the list goes on. It was a trip full of memories and scenery I will remember for the rest of my life…it That is one cool looking dude!!! doesn’t get any better!!!
This is a picture of camp one night….living large!!!
This is my adorable niece Brooklyn looking so cute on the bike before we headed out for our vacation.
national exposure to your company, please contact me from my website or my marketing lady, Cynthia @ wideopenpress@gmail.com. We’d be happy to send a resume & proposal. I am excited to spend some quality time with my family for the holidays. I have 2 younger siblings besides from Shayna who I don’t get to see too often during the race season that I love to hang out. They are 11 and 9 years old and they definitely keep me entertained. God bless my mom for putting up with all 4 of us kids. Also, thanks to everyone for their prayers and thoughts with my dad. He is hanging tough like he always does and we are hoping he can be back to normal sooner then later.
This is a picture of Mike on his bike. Mike was in a motorcycle accident when he was younger and has become a paraplegic from the accident. He has not let that slow him down in his life and continues to ride. He is an inspiration to me in my life, and I’m sure to many others as well. He rides a Road King with a side car and puts his wheel chair in the side car when he rides…it is a pretty Pop in front of the Teton Mountains. impressive system.
We rode on Needles Highway and pulled off for a moment to enjoy our surroundings. This is a picture of me and pop. If you look closely you can see Mount Rushmore in the background.
Til next time, go fast & take chances.. -CT65 Cory Texter AMA Grand National #65 717-330-8408 CoryTexter.com Twitter.com/CoryTexter This picture pretty much sums upwhat my eyes saw most of the trip…amazing scenery and winding roads that seemed to be made for motorcycles.
“Three bad-a$$es in the bad-lands”….nice shirt too!! Thunder Roads Magazine 13
Pennsylvania
Jeff Carr’s Custom Summers were spent with my friends racing down the street on pedal bikes, then came weekends with my dad, loading up our dirt bikes in search of new trails to ride. But throughout my childhood, I can’t remember there not being a motorcycle in the garage. When the time came to buy my first bike I had to look no further than my dad. I bought his 1994 Dyna Glide. We took many trips together that brought back memories of the old days of dodging tree limbs and plowing through creek beds. I rode the Dyna for a few years until I decided to make some changes of my own to it: new tins, seat redesign, a wider front end and a new paint job. With the Harley complete I decided to try my hand at completely customizing a bike from the ground up, with some help along the way. I bought a roller and cut off unwanted parts to meet my specs. From there it was a matter of finding parts at local swap meets or saving up the money to buy them. Along the way I ran into problems, including electrical issues during the final assembly. Using the internet and calling local shops like Vicious Cycles and Hellion Custom Cycles, the problems were solved. When it came time to paint, my parent’s neighbor was generous enough to show me the process and give me pointers. I was even lucky enough to use the auto body shop on weekends that he worked at to make the process less painful. I wanted to be involved in every process of the build. When it came time for the seat to be covered, I went to Neil Choquette Upholstery in Harrisburg for the custom work. Neil took me to the leather dealer where I was able to pick out my hide. When the seat was complete Neil gave me the remaining hide and I was able to wrap parts of the bike with the technique I learned by watching him. Final assembly went fairly smooth. All in all the process took 3 years, a process that I was involved in every step of the way. It didn’t stop there. A few months later a friend e-mailed me and asked if I had any pictures of my bike. He is a designer at Tommy Hilfiger and they were looking for a motorcycle to use on some apparel pieces. I sent him a picture and he took the image and came up with a shirt. Tommy Hilfiger ended up producing the shirts and men’s boxers and selling them at Macy’s department stores across the U.S. During that same time, my friend showed the picture of my bike to his friend that works at Street Chopper. I was contacted a few weeks later and asked to send in some photos. I ended up getting my bike on the cover of Street Chopper for the winter 2008 issue. It definitely pays to have friends in the right places. The whole experience of building this bike has been great. There were times when I wanted to give up. I couldn’t tell you how many times I had the bike apart. I think I built it four or five times until I finally got it right. From the beginning I said I wanted to be a part of the entire process I feel like I accomplished that. A lot of people helped me along the road for this build. It’s great to have family and friends that want to help you see your dream through. A special thanks to Bill at Hellion Custom Cycles for taking time out of his busy schedule and letting me use his shop as the backdrop for the photo shoot. Thanks everybody. Bike number two is already on the lift!
Thunder Roads Magazine 16
SPEC SHEET Bike Owner: Year/make/model: Fabrication: Assembly: Build Time:
Jeff Carr 2008 custom Jeff Carr Jeff Carr 3 years
ENGINE Year/Manufacturer: Size: Builder: Cases: Cylinders: Heads: Carburetor: Exhaust:
05/RevTech 110ci RevTech RevTech RevTech RevTech Mukini Paughco
TRANSMISSION Year/Manufacturer: Case: Clutch: Primary Drive:
06/RevTech RevTech RevTech Ultima
FRAME Year/Manufacturer: Rake: Down tube: Stretch:
05/Ultima 34 degree 4” 2” over
SUSPENSION Manufacturer Front: Type: Length: Rear:
Midwest Springer 2” over none
WHEELS/TIRES/BRAKES Manufacturer: Type: Tire Size Front: Tire Size Rear: Calipers: Rotors:
Ultima 60 spoke Avon/90x21 Avon/200x18 Ultima Ultima
FINISH/PAINT Color: Type: Painter: Graphics: Chromer: Mfg. Leather seat: Leather Accessories:
Subaru/Frost Pearl Diamont Mike Hutsky/Bob Carr/ Jeff Carr Jeff Carr Labrandi’s Plating, Machining & Rack Neil Choquette Jeff Carr
ACCESSORIES Rear fender: Front fender: Fender struts: Oil tank: Gas tank: Starter: Bars: Risers: Speedo: Mirror: Shifter Knob: Hand Controls: Foot Controls: Headlight: Taillight: License Mount: Wiring: Battery:
Ultima none Jeff Carr Ultima Indian Larry Legacy Ultima 12” apes/Krome Werks 3” Pro Cycle Swap meet MACK Truck Bulldog GMA RPM Midwest Arlen Ness Kuryakyn Ultima Braille
MEDIA Photographer :
Kathy Smith
Thunder Roads Magazine 17
Helmet Laws By State
THUNDER BALLS ....... 2010 PARTY STYLE 1 - 14oz. Can Jellied Cranberry Sauce 1 - 12oz. Bottle Heinz Chili Sauce 1 - 2 Pound Bag of Frozen, Cocktail-Size Meatballs
HUNGARIAN-STYLE CHILI w/POLENTA compliments of: Rachel Ray website * Perfect for a Cold or Rainy Day 2 Tbls. Extra Virgin Olive Oil 2 Pounds Coarse Ground Sirloin Combine sauces in a large saucepan. Cook over medium- 1 Red Chili Pepper; Seeded & Finely Chopped low heat, stirring until smooth. Add meatballs. Cover and 1 Red Bell Pepper; Chopped cook for 15 mins. or until meatballs are heated through. 1 Large Onion; Chopped You can also make these in a crock-pot: Place meatballs 4 Cloves Garlic; Finely Chopped in pot, combine sauces and pour over top, cook 4 hours on Salt & Pepper to Taste High, then switch to Low or Warm. These taste fantastic! 1-1/2 Tbls. Chili Powder and are great on a bun with melted cheese also. 1-1/2 Tbls. Smoked Sweet Paprika 1 tsp. Dried Marjoram or Oregano BELOW ARE VARIOUS STYLES OF SPREADS TO JAZZ 1/4 Cup Tomato Paste IT UP FOR 2010! 1 Quart Beef Stock 1-1/2 Cups Chicken Stock CRANBERRY MUSTARD 1-1/2 Cups Whole Milk Stir together 1 Cup or 1 Can of Whole Berry Cranberry 1 Cup Quick-Cooking Polenta Sauce, 1/3 Cup of Dijon Mustard and 1/4 tsp. Dried 2 Tbls. Butter Crushed Red Pepper. 1 Cup Shredded Smoked Gouda Cheese *Great served on New Year’s leftover ham sandwiches with 1 Cup Sour Cream White Cheddar Cheese. Finely Chopped Fresh Dill, Parsley & Chives for Garnish. CREOLE APPLE BUTTER MUSTARD Stir together 1 Cup of Apple Butter (in Peanut Butter & Jelly section of grocer’s), 1/4 Cup Creole Mustard. *Great served over pan-fried pork chops.
Heat a large pot over medium-high heat. Add the beef and brown, apprx. 8 mins. Add the hot pepper, bell pepper, onion & garlic and season with salt & pepper. Cook to soften the vegetables, 8 mins. more. Stir in the chili powder, sweet paprika and oregano, Add the tomato paste to LEMON-RASBERRY MAYO pot and stir all to combine, 1 minute. Add the stock to the Stir together 2 Cups Mayonnaise, 2 Tbls. Chopped Fresh pot and bring the chili to a boil. Reduce the heat to simRosemary, 1-1/2 Tbl. Lemon Zest and 1 Garlic Clove; mer and cook for 15 minutes more. Minced. In a separate pot, bring the chicken stock and milk to a * Serve on Roast Turkey Sandwiches. boil; whisk in the polenta and cook for 2-3 minutes until thickened, but not too thick. Stir in the butter and cheese CRANBERRY CREAM CHEESE SPREAD and season with salt & pepper. Stir together 1 Pkg. Softened Cream Cheese, 2/3 Cup To serve; fill large, shallow bowls with polenta, making a Sweetened Dried Cranberries, 1/3 Cup Orange Marmalade well in the center. Fill up the well with delicious, hot chili. and 1/2 Cup Finely Chopped Walnuts. Mix your finely chopped fresh dill, parsley & chives into Chill at least 3 hours. your sour cream and add a big fat dollop of this on top of * Great on Ciabatta Bread or English Muffin, as it seeps your chili to melt down into it. Serve w/ hot, crusty bread down into all the nooks & crannies. Add turkey, lettuce & and honey butter. OMG! This is killer! tomato and you’ve got it made.
Thunder Roads Magazine 18
Thunder Roads Magazine 19
Jan 1, 2010
19 THINGS
Polar Bear Ride-
1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Washington, Pa
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
January 29-30
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font!!
Greater Reading Expo
5. How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive writing really necessary?
Center-Reading Pa
7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
January 30 Earlybird Swapmeet-
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
Perryopolis, Pa
10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
February 26
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection..... again.
Army Fisher House
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page document that I swear I did not make any changes to.
Benefit-Allentown, Pa
14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this -- ever.
March 20 3rd Annual Motorcycle Expo
15. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
Philly-Oaks, Pa
16. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 17. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day, “Hey, what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How am I supposed to respond to that?
Lehigh Valley MC Extravaganza-Allentown, Pa
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
Thunder Roads Magazine 20
Hi. My name is Robin Keys and I am part of the sales team for this great magazine. I have always loved riding motorcycles with someone but never had the desire to ride on my own until I started working with the Thunder Roads, PA Magazine. I recently got my permit and will be taking the Rider’s Safety Course in the Spring. I am very excited about it. I wanted to practice riding by myself so I got on a dirt bike. I wiped out 10 rows of a cornfield and then went down. I got a little nervous and accelerated when I should have braked. I got back up (and pulled the corn stalks out of the dirt bike), and tried again... successfully the second time. I didn’t let it discourage me. I am excited for warmer weather so I can practice some more before I take the course. So the next time you hear from me I will have my motorcycle license and hopefully my own motorcycle. Have fun and ride safe!
Robin Thunder Roads Magazine 21
News Bytes UNITED NATIONS LAUNCHES ROAD SAFETY EFFORTS With traffic accidents causing the deaths of more than one million people worldwide every year, more than malaria or diabetes, United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon told participants at the First Global Ministerial Conference on Road Safety in Moscow that more must be done to tackle the global “crisis” of road traffic fatalities. In addition, some 50 million people are severely injured, costing governments 1 to 3 per cent of their gross national products. Opening the conference, the President of Russia Dmitry Medvedev called for action on a worldwide crisis running at 1.27 million road deaths every year, with about half of those deaths occurring among vulnerable road users such as cyclists, motorcyclists, and pedestrians. The conference culminated with ministers of more than 70 countries around the world approving the Moscow Declaration, which calls for a “Decade of Action for Road Safety” and to begin to set out plans for global coordination of the unprecedented effort to reduce road traffic injuries by 50% by 2020. The Safe Systems strategy advocated in the Moscow Directive requires the entire road–traffic management system to be designed around compensating for the errors of road users, so that people can survive the consequences of their mistakes. “Simple measures such as introducing and enforcing compulsory helmet and seat belt laws can make a large difference in the trauma that comes with motorization,” write risk management researchers from Australia . Only 40% of countries currently have motorcycle laws that stipulate helmet use for the rider and passenger, according to the World Health Organization (WHO), and fewer than 60% of countries have laws in place that require all car occupants to wear seat-belts. The four page Decade of Action declaration includes specific action on vulnerable road users. It reads: “Make particular efforts to develop and implement policies and infrastructure solutions to protect all road users in particular those who are most vulnerable such as pedestrians, cyclists, motorcyclists and users of unsafe public transport, as well as children, the elderly and people living with disabilities.” On signing the declaration, governments, United Nations agencies, civil society organizations and private companies will agree to set “ambitious yet feasible” targets for reducing traffic casualties in each country. CONGRESSIONAL ACTION SOUGHT TO PROTECT YOUTH CYCLE SALES Because the Consumer Product Safety Commission has refused to lift a ban against the sale of kids’ dirt bikes and ATVs due to lead content of some parts, although the CPSC agreed to stay the ban until May 1, 2011, the U.S. House of Representatives passed an appropriations bill on July 16th that would prohibit funding for the ban. An amendment by Representative Denny Rehberg (R-MT) to the House fiscal year 2010 Financial Services Appropriations bill prohibits the use of funds by the CPSC to implement or enforce section 101(b) of the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008 regarding banning the sale of off-highway motorcycles and allterrain vehicles intended for use by children 12 and under. The CPSIA as intended to limit the lead content of children’s toys made in China, but as an unintended consequence resulted in motorcycle manufacturers ordering dealers nationwide to stop selling youth-oriented vehicles and parts. Similar legislation introduced in the Senate does not contain the Rehberg Amendment language, and has not reached the Senate floor for a vote. Help protect access to youth-model off-road vehicles and parts by contacting your federal legislators and ask them to support language in the final appropriations bill that excludes children’s motorcycles and ATVs from the CPSIA.
PENNSYLVANIA NOISE LEGISLATION COULD EMPOWER NOSEY NEIGHBORS House Bill 2104 on noise control was introduced in the Pennsylvania legislature on November 18 and referred to the House Committee on Transportation to consider allowing citizens to report loud vehicles and noisy mufflers to authorities for further action. As introduced, HB 2104 reads; Exhaust systems, mufflers and noise control. (f) Enforcement for violations - (1) A person who reasonably believes that a motor vehicle is in violation of this section may file a complaint, containing the registration plate number, with a magisterial district judge. (2) Based on the information in the complaint, the magisterial district justice may issue a search warrant for the vehicle and shall forward the search warrant and information contained in the complaint to the Pennsylvania State Police for investigation. (3) Upon receipt of the search warrant, the Pennsylvania State Police shall investigate whether the vehicle is in violation of this section and shall take appropriate action to enforce the provisions of this section. (4) A person who files more than one complaint under this section which, after investigation by the Pennsylvania State Police, are determined not to support a violation of this section shall be prohibited from filing any additional complaint under this section for a period of 12 months. ALWAYS-ON HEADLIGHT LAW PROPOSED IN ILLINOIS A state lawmaker has introduced legislation requiring Illinois motorists to turn on their headlights even during daylight hours to make it easier for motorists to see each other, thus reducing accidents. “It would enhance safety,” Rep. Dan Brady said. It also would put Illinois alone in the U.S. Although day-time running lights are required in some European countries, the only other state where it is even being considered is Alaska . In Juneau , state lawmakers say long twilight periods and low sun angles there produce shadows and make it difficult to see vehicles. Most motorcycles are already required to have a headlamp on at all times for increased conspicuity, and many riders feel they would lose their visibility and be lost in a sea of headlight beams if all vehicles were to run with their lights on. If House Bill 4701 is approved, someone caught for not turning on their lights could face a fine of $75. Brady said he wants to study the issue more before he asks his colleagues to vote on the matter. S.C. SUPREME COURT COULD RULE ON MYRTLE BEACH HELMET LAWSUITS Two lawsuits against Myrtle Beach over the city’s helmet law could be heard by the state’s high court in the new year. The S.C. Supreme Court clerk sent a letter to Myrtle Beach and the plaintiffs saying the lawsuits filed by business owners and a group of motorcyclists might be heard in the February session. The plaintiffs are suing the city to stop it from enforcing the motorcycle helmet law it imposed last year as part of a package of 15 new ordinances designed to deflect the May motorcycle rallies from the city. Attorneys for the city, BOOST (Business Owners Organized to Support Tourism) and the 49 riders who protested the city’s helmet ordinance on the day it became effective and were ticketed have filed their briefs with the high court, allowing judges to read the issues that will be argued orally if the hearing is slated. Lawyers representing BOOST have filed more than 30 pages of briefs containing multiple sections, contending among other issues: The city is overstepping its bounds by making such a law; The General Assembly intended people older than 21 to have freedom of choice on wearing helmets; The hel-
Thunder Roads Magazine 22
News Bytes met ordinance violates the state’s Uniform Traffic Act; The ordinance should be voided because it is vague and ambiguous; The ordinance is arbitrary, capricious and unreasonable; And ending a motorcycle rally isn’t a legitimate government purpose. But Tom McGrath, Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (AIM) attorney for Virginia who is representing the protesters filed a much shorter brief, saying among other things that most of the arguments don’t matter because the city’s ordinance is at odds with state law, and for that reason alone it should be tossed out. “The gist of the city’s arguments is that it has the right to do whatever it wants to do as long as it declares something to be a public nuisance and decides to abate it,” McGrath’s brief begins. “...If the ordinances conflict with state law, the ordinances are void. If the ordinances are void, their underlying merits are irrelevant.” ARIZONA BIKERS PROTEST DISCRIMINATION AND POLICE HARASSMENT As a state highway patrol helicopter circled low over head and the state gang task force took photos from across the street, several hundred bikers from 40 motorcycle clubs throughout Arizona assembled after their regularly scheduled Arizona Confederation of Motorcycle Clubs meeting on November 7th for a protest ride past four Kingman bars that recently adopted a “NO COLORS” policy. ACMC advocates for biker rights and meets twice a month, discussing issues like helmet or emission laws or pushing for biker-friendly legislation. Dan Balentine, president of the Desert Road Riders Motorcycle Club and secretary for the ACMC told the Daily News that the confederation of clubs is in the process of hiring a third lobbyist to work on the no colors policy initiated by some bars and restaurants in Kingman. Balentine said ACMC’s mission statement is to educate the public of the positive aspects of motorcycle clubs and lawfully oppose intrusion to biker rights. One of the ACMC lobbyists, Skypilot, is based at the state capital in Phoenix and works with the legislators while a second lobbyist works on federal issues in Washington , D.C. Skypilot reported that he is talking with state legislators on motorcycle issues such as right of ways, emissions, discrimination by law enforcement, correctly fastening license plates and extended yellow lights. ACMC’s president Ray “Still Ray” Fitzgerald, said the object of the protest ride was to draw attention to the way the gang task force illegally forces bars to adopt the no colors policy or face having their liquor licenses pulled. Riders wearing their club colors on the protest ride arrived armed with discrimination forms to document people who were turned away for a possible class-action lawsuit. “Why would they turn us away?” said Steve Musgrave, a member of the Desert Thunder MC and a registered motorcycle rights lobbyist for eight years. “Our money should be as good as everyone else’s.” Musgrave, who also serves on the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM) board of directors said it is unfair for police to label motorcycle clubs as gangs. “We are a club, not a gang. We have regular meetings and pay dues,” he said. “Almost everybody here is a law-abiding citizen who has a job and pays their taxes, just like everyone else.” AUSTRALIAN BIKERS THREATEN TO SUE PUBS OVER COLOR DISCRIMINATION Members of at least 21 of the state’s “bikie gangs” are preparing to sue the 53 pubs, clubs, hotels and cocktail bars from Wollongong to The Entrance where they are banned if they turn up for a drink wearing club colors or their trademark bikie jewelry. They claim the bars are breaching the Anti-discrimination Act, the Human Rights Com-
mission Act and probably the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights which has been adopted by Australia . After gauging reaction from the bars, the United Motorcycle Council NSW plans to take action on behalf of all the clubs. The council was formed earlier this year as a reaction to government efforts to ban motorcycle clubs through the strictest anti-gang laws in the world. JAPANESE MOTORCYCLE EXPORTS DOWN OVER 50% Motorcycle exports from Japan have slumped by over 50%, according to shocking new figures released by the industry watchdog. In October 2009 global exports of motorcycle from Japan were recorded at 41,143 units, compared with the 90,702 units total recorded for the same month of the previous year. The 54.6% export decrease is the twenty-fifth consecutive month that export figures have dropped, according to a recent JAMA report. The total value of motorcycles exported for October was 334.12 million U.S. dollars including 229.94 million U.S. dollars for vehicles and 14.18 million U.S. dollars for parts. This is a decrease of 263.09 million U.S. dollars or 44.1 percent, as compared with 597.21 million U.S. dollars recorded for the same month of the previous year, the report stated. WEIRD NEWS: HOG VS. HORSE ACCIDENTS In a landmark 1985 study, Dr. J.L. Firth estimated that while “a serious incident can be expected at the rate of 1 per 7,000 hours of motorcycle riding, serious injury rates exceeding one per 350 horse riding hours have been described, making horseback riding 20 times more dangerous than motorcycling.” As far as injuries go, horseback riding leads to more spills on average than motorcycling. According to www.bookofodds.com, the odds a person will visit an emergency department due to a horseback riding accident in a year are 1 in 3,837. Most of these accidents are caused when a horse bucks or bolts, throwing the rider, and female injury rates are typically higher. The odds a motorcyclist will be injured in an accident in a year are 1 in 82.55. The odds a motorcyclist will be killed in an accident in a year are 1 in 1,488, about the same odds a person will be diagnosed with breast cancer in a year (1 in 1,506). And the odds a rider killed in a motorcycle accident in a year was not wearing a helmet are 1 in 2.39. Ultimately, while motorcycles and horses occupy different spheres of injury-influence, history reveals how risky either can be. Horseback riding has resulted in the deaths of such historical figures as Mongol emperor Genghis Khan, Ellen Church (the first airline stewardess), and, arguably, actor Christopher Reeve. Motorcycle accidents, meanwhile, have claimed the lives of astronaut Charles “Pete” Conrad (the third man to walk on the moon), rock guitarist Duane Allman, and British military officer T.E. Lawrence “of Arabia .” Ironically, after treating T.E. Lawrence’s fatal head wounds, neurosurgeon Hugh Cairns, deeply moved by the experience, pioneered research that ultimately led to the widespread use of motorcycle helmets. QUOTABLE QUOTE: “Too bad that all the people who really know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.” George Burns, comedian (1896 – 1996)
Thunder Roads Magazine 23
B.A.D. Biker Approved Directory DEALERS Sales And Service Lancaster Harley Davidson www.lancasterhd.com 308 Beaver Valley Pike Willow St, Pa 17584 717-464-2703 Old Glory Motorcycle 820 Hershey Ave Lancaster, Pa 17603 717-509-8463 Oldglorymotorc@yahoo.com Freebyrd Custom Motorcycles 2515 Delta Rd Brogue, Pa 17309 FreebyrdCustomMotorcycles.com Motor-Vation Victory Kawasaki 7042 Wertzville Rd Mechanicsburg, Pa 17050 717-795-8604 www. motor-vation.com sales@motor-vation.com
Kerry White Hardwood Flooring 717-786-9041 717-284-2974 646 Lancaster, Pike New Providence, Pa WEBSITE DESIGNER Angela Trout Free Lance Copywriter 433 S. Ninth St Akron, Pa 17501 717-823-6871 717 517-0539 Angela@creativepluscommunications. com PHOTOGRAPHY Candy Bakey www.candybakey.smugmug.com candy.bakey@gmail.com Tom Roe Photography tomroe.photography@yahoo.com RESTAURANTS
ATTORNEYS Steven Stambaugh 717-846-1400 2121 S. Queen St York, Pa 17403 Stambaugh-Law.com INSURANCE Dan Nauman Allstate Insurance Co 1760 Columbia Ave Lancaster, Pa 17603 717-299-5400 danielnauman@allstate.com
CONSTRUCTION Eller Construction 83 Hill Road Kirkwood, Pa 717-529-1985
C.R. Lapp’s Family Restaurant 101 Fite Way Quarryville, Pa 17566 717-786-1768 www.crlappsfamilyrestaurant.com
AUTOMOTIVE Glenn’s Auto Repair 2218 Beaver Valley Pike New Providence, Pa 17560
TATTOOING Tattooing by Mee MEE35@aol.com tattooingbymee.net York, Pa Lancaster, Pa 717-394-3192 717-718-1900
APPAREL Battlefireld Leathers 1954 B York Rd Gettysburg, Pa 717-334-0657 Renegade Classics 1721 Whiteford Rd York, Pa 17402 717-755-7105
SERVICES
T. Burk & Co Rte 340 Smoketown, Pa www.tburkdeli.com
Amerigreen 100% American Fuel Oursoilouroil.com 888-423-8357
The GLAD CRAB 3086 S. Queen St. (RT. 74) Dallastown, Pa 17313 www.thegladcrab.com myspace.com/thegladcrab 717-244-7636
NOTARIES
The Rawlinsville Hotel Drytown Road Rawlinsville, Pa 717-284-3244
Thunder Roads Magazine 24
Marietta Notary 40 Old Colebrook Rd Marietta, Pa 17547 717-426-1793 mariettanotary.com mariettanotary@aol.com
Thunder Roads Magazine 25
It was down in southern Louisiana and an old man was sitting on his porch early one morning when he looks out and sees a young boy walking along the road carrying a roll of chicken wire. The old man yells out at him, “Hey boy, whatcha got there.” The boy yells back at him, “Its chicken wire.” The man asks, “Whatcha goin’ to do with that.” The boy replies, “I’m going to catch me some chickens.” The old man just shakes his head and mutters, “Damn fool, you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire.” Late that evening about sunset the old man looks out and sees the boy walking back stringing the chicken wire behind him with about 10-12 chickens caught up in it. Early the next morning the old man is back on his porch again and he sees the same boy walking up the road with a roll of tape under his arm. The old man yells out at him, “Hey boy, whatcha got there.” The boy yells back at him, “Its duck tape.” The man asks, “Whatcha goin’ to do with that.” The boy replies, “I’m going to catch me some ducks.” The old man shakes his head again and mutters, “Damn fool, you can’t catch ducks with duck tape.” Late that evening the old man looks out and sees the boy walking back up along the road with the duck tape strung out behind him dragging about a dozen ducks along with him. The next morning the old man is back on the porch and this time he sees the boy walking up the road carrying a long reed with a thistle on the end. The old man yells out at him, “Hey boy, whatcha got there.” The boy replies, “It’s a pussy willow.” The old man stands up, and says “Hold up there now, lemme’ get my hat.” A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had. The little boy replied, “This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it’s called turpentine.” The Priest said, “No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women’s belly, she’ll pass a healthy baby. The little boy replied, “Oh yeah, well, you take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat’s ass and he’ll pass a Harley-Davidson.” A few questions going into 2010 ? ? ? ? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs! Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s ass.” Do illiterate people wonder about the funny shapes in their Alphabet Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme Co. crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner for himself at a 5-star restaurant? Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed, only to sit down in front of you and see all you got to see in plain view, when they return to the room? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself with a “Nurse Ratchet” type of woman standing in front of him with her clipboard. As he was coming out of his fog, the irritated looking Nurse proceeded to ask him billing questions, regarding how he expected to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.” She then asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, “No money in the bank.” The Nurse asked, “Do you have a relative who could help you?” He said, “I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun.” The Nurse became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.” The patient replied, “Good, send the bill to my brother-in-law.” A guy out on the golf course takes a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said “How bad is it doc?.....I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way.” The doctor told him, “I’ll have to put your “willie” in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay in about a week.” He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and wired it all together; ..an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, huge, round breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She huskily proclaims, “You’re the first; no one has EVER touched these breasts.” He immediately drops his pants and exuberantly proclaims. “Look at this…...it’s still in the CRATE!”
Thunder Roads Magazine 27
On A Wing And A Prayer Life Is Short Already it is 2010. It is hard to believe that another year has passed. It says in James 4:14, “Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow, for what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.” When I was sixteen a man said to me, “Frank, life is short, so make everyday count.” I never have forgotten that and have tried to live by it. I went to a place called Vietnam and learned it even more. You don’t know how long your life will be, so make your life count. Everyday I pray and ask God to use me in some way that day. He has never disappointed me because something fresh always happens. Someone said to me one time that the Christian life is boring. I have found that it is never boring when you are purposely choosing to do good to others. Yes, life is short. If you don’t know Jesus, I want to tell you that he knows you and loves you. Ask Jesus into your life and find the love, peace and joy that He has for you. Like I said before, life is short. “Only one life, will soon be passed, only what’s done for Christ will last.” Make your life count for Jesus. He’s counting on you. Ride safe, Pastor Frank
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2010
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Thunder Roads Magazine 28
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