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) : a h a Jokes h An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day...... and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. 'The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.' When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs! 'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?' The Irishman nodded... 'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.' 'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor. 'No, from the f**kin' skippin'!! ------------------------------------------------------——A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with women squatters. ------------------------------------------------------——After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?" "In fact, I do." said the old man. "After I have sex, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty." After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh, that crazy old fart!" she replied. "That's because the first time is in January, and the second time is in August” ————————————————————A country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength, borne of fury, cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn. She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw. The viced up cheater was terrified, and hollered, "Stop ! Stop ! You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?" The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said "Nope ....You are! I'm gonna burn down the Barn!!!" ----------------------------------------------------——— A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.' The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?' 'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles. 'OK,' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic, but first, let me ask you a question... A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?' 'Hmmm, I have no idea...' replies the stranger. To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s**t?
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