UAD August 2012

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

.com

GET YOUR DIGEST ON!

New Patients Always Welcome!

Preventative dentistry cleanings and fillings

FREE AUGUST 2012

Complete, comprehensive dentistry for ages 3 to 103

Cosmetic dentistry whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more We accept most insurances Financing available TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES

EXPERIENCED STAFF Doctors: 56 years combined Hygenists: 151 years combined Assistants: 98 years combined Office staff: 89 years combined

Armandsab@aol.com

27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN • 784-1577 TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM Shown: One-of-a-kind Watermelon Tourmaline

Maine Gemstone Headquarters Always buying Gold, Silver & Coins!

138 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com

RATES ARE LOW Call for your purchases or to refinance today!

Conventional ★ FHA ★ VA ★ MSHA ★ RD

A local lender you can trust!

Debbie Bodwell, Vice President NMLS# 280336

Residential Mortgage Service, Inc. 777.1551

181 Center St.; Auburn, Maine 04210 www.rmsmortgage.com • dbodwell@rmsmortgage.com

This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions.

Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537

Bear Hunting Submitted by Richard Collins

An 80 year old man was having his annual check up and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.

“Never been better,” he boasted. “I’ve got an eighteen year old bride who’s pregnant and having my child.”

“How about that?” The doctor considered this for a moment then said, “Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.” The doctor continued. “So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared. He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle.

And do you know what happened?" the doctor asked?

Dumfounded, the old man answered, “No.” The doctor continued, “The bear dropped dead in front of him.”

“That’s impossible!” exclaimed the old man.

“Someone else must have shot that bear.”

“That’s kind of what was getting at,” replied the doctor.

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Whenever I eat Nerds and Dum Dums, I always follow up with a few packs of Smarties.

That way everything evens out.

Testimonial

“We wanted to thank you for the positive experience we had when we purchased red oak hardwood flooring from your company. The staff, including Todd, was friendly and, more important, knowledgeable about the products available. Having compared prices for flooring and installation from other companies, we found that your company offered a better package.

It was a good experience to watch Hardt’s Construction Company install the flooring on June 7. Justin Hardt and Matt never wasted a moment in their work! It was obvious that Justin knew exactly how to set up, plan, measure and lay out the flooring efficiently. Their finish work, from working around angles and finishing edges, was most impressive. It was obvious that they took pride in their work. Justin gave us practical advice about floor care as well. They were consummate professionals!

So we thank you again. We are happy that we dealt with Sherm Arnold’s and Hardt Construction!”

– Priscilla & Michael Delehanty Otisfield, Maine

Dad & Grampy are getting ready for our 5th anniversary in September. We have all kinds of unbelievable specials going on

NOW!

Corrine Lebel

shrmarnold@megalink.net

550 Lisbon Street, Lewiston, ME • 782-0831

Hours: Monday 8-7pm Tues - Fri. 8-5pm Closed Saturdays in August

www.shermarnolds.com More than 50% of adults surveyed said that children should not be paid money for getting good grades in school.

More than 45,000 pieces of plastic debris float on every square mile of ocean.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA AUGUST 2012 Tuesday, August 7th Sam’s Noon – 7pm (Chapter 12907) Market Place Mall, Lewiston $3.50 Member $4 Guest Tuesday, August 14th Taber’s 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 10589) Lakeshore Drive, Auburn $4.50 Member $5.00 Guest Wednesday, August 15th Dairy Joy 3pm – 7pm (Chapter 14346) Campus Ave, Lewiston or Spring St., Auburn $1.00 per Tix Tuesday, August 21st Roy’s Breakfast 7am – 10am (Chapter 14437) Washington St, Auburn $1.50 Member $2.00 Guest Thursday, August 23rd Lewiston Mandarin Restaurant 11am – 1pm (Chapter 8609) 750 Sabattus St, Lewiston $5.00 Member $6.00 Guest Tuesday, August 28th Dairy Queen 4pm -7pm (Chapter 12749) 661 Minot Ave, Auburn $4.50 Member $5.50 Guest Wednesday, August 29th Ari’s Pizza 11:30 – 1pm (Chapter 10929) 457 Main St, Norway $5.00 Member $6.00 Guest Aquaboggan $13.50/member; $15/guest Combo Fun/Splash $25.50 member; $27 guest Funtown $19 member; $20 guest Splashtown $18.50 member; $20 guest StoryLand $24 member; $25 guest WaterCountry $24 member; $26 guest York Animal Kingdom $10 member; $11 guest TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED

Please Note: Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed. **************************

If you are classified as a POSSLQ by the Census Bureau, you are a "Person of Opposite Sex, Sharing Living Quarters."

Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

If you stacked one million $1 dollar bills, the pile of money would weigh 2,040.8 pounds.

If you used $100 dollar bills, the stack would weigh only 20.4 pounds.

QUALITY CUSTOM DENTURE WORK Affordable Dentures

www.UncleAndys.com

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

AUGUST 2012

FREE CONSULTATIONS

Staff JIMBO Spectator

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

Most Dental Insurances Accepted • We also accept Credit & Debit Cards

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

TRAVIS

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

Life’s a Beach

514-0660

UNCLE ANDY

www.smileagaindentures.com

Everyday is like Sunday Morning

See us for: • Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures

MAGGIE

• Rebases • Relines • Repairs

Stepping up to the Plate If you scatter thorns, don't go barefoot. – Italian Proverb

MARTY Fore Score and 7 Rounds Ago

ANGIE ANGIE’S ‘growing’ LIST

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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PETS & OWNERS OF THE MONTH Doggone Fun is the ideal place if you want socialized and healthy dogs. Our dogs, Dewey and Moxie can’t wait to get there for daycare and it is awesome to know that we always have a safe place to board them when we go away. Our youngest dog is a shelter dog who was in need of rehabilitation for shyness and Doggone Fun has been an invaluable part of her growth into a well-adjusted pet. Our dogs receive structure, full-time supervision, and affection from the staff and come home exhausted and happy.

Melissa & Jamie with their dogs Dewey & Moxie

Daycare & 24/7 Licensed Boarding Facility

528 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

786-2794 DogGoneFunDoggyDayCare.com

The most popular topic of public speakers is motivation at 23%, followed by leadership at 17%.

Ten books on a shelf can be arranged in 3,628,800 different ways.

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

You’ve got the whole world in your hands...

Patti Gagne All State Insurance

Debbie Cornish

Paul Gardner & Linda Nadeau Nadeau’s Refrigeration

The New York stock exchange had its first million-share trading day in 1886.

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A little Police Humor

The odds against a person being struck by a celestial stone--a meteorite--are 10 trillion to one.

FUN. WITH A SPLASH OF CONFIDENCE The day he made up his mind to become a police officer

Youth Swim Lessons (Ages 6mo. & up) Session (1) Sept. 4th - Oct. 27th Member Registration August 13th Open Registration August 15th

OLWEUS BULLYING PREVENTION PROGRAM e 1st Y in th state to t implemen OBPP!

Kick-off Event Friday, Sept. 7th, 6-8 pm at the Y. 6:00 Welcome & OBPP Kick-off 6:30-8:00pm Family Swim & Children’s Activities

FREE EVENT Pre-register at the Y

You better be scared

LEARN, GROW AND THRIVE 3rd Annual NAPA Golf Tournament • PLAY • SPONSOR • VOLUNTEER

September 20th at Martindale Country Club JOIN US!

ENSURE A BRIGHTER FUTURE He’s cool and he knows it

Make a charitable donation to the Y’s Annual Giving Campaign and Strengthen our Community.

Go to ALYMCA.ORG and click on

Auburn-Lewiston YMCA • Next to County Building in Auburn 795 4095 • www.alymca.org Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The odds against flipping a coin head's up 10 times in a row are 1,023 to 1.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a trip to the ATM.

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

If you ain’t havin’ fun, you ain’t doin’ it right!

Most American-made car horns beep in the tone of "F."

Family owned & operated local area business for over 10 years.

Archery lessons, lanes, rentals, sales, service, & custom strings.

Callie Gallant shoots in CMA’s youth archery program, JOAD. She is recognized by the National Archery Association for her Olympic Gold status. She is a 2011 indoor JOAD National Champion.

Sensei Rich Pelletier Pelletier Karate

A photograph of a photographer, I’m down with that!

Handguns Rifles Shotguns Ammo

213 Washington St. • Auburn • 783-3060 centralmainearchery.com ZIP code 12345 is assigned to General Electric in Schenectady, New York.

Yoel Sherwood LG Sherwood Communications

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Why are there 5,280 feet to a mile?

The measurement known as a mile is a vestige of the Roman Empire's rule over Britain. At this time, the Romans had a measurement known as mille pasuum (ME-lay PA-sooem), or a thousand paces. A pace comprised five, possibly sandal shod, Roman feet. Using a simple mathematical calculation, we arrive at 5,000 feet per mile.

The demise of the Roman Empire left the Britons in a quandary. They now had a mile, consisting of 5,000 feet, and their own agricultural measurement, the furlong, used to measure the farmers' fields for the purpose of property deeds, etc. Instead of using the Roman foot in calculating the measure of a furlong, they used the distance a horse could pull a plow, in a linear fashion, before the nag needed a nap.

They agreed that this measurement consisted 660 feet.

Now came the dilemma.

The British wished to marry the furlong to the mile, but, as they wanted a mile to comprise eight furlongs, totaling 5,280 feet, instead of the Roman 5,000 feet per mile, they had no choice but to select one of the two. Not surprisingly, they chose their measurement over the Roman measurement because, as property deeds at the time were measured in furlongs, or 660 feet, a change to the Roman measurement would short the farmer or landowner.

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When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred. – Thomas Jefferson

COMPREHENSIVE FAMILY DENTAL CARE IN A RELAXING, COMFORTABLE ATMOSPHERE

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D.

Dr. Connelly has served Greater Lewiston/Auburn for the past 11 years.

He is proud to now offer comprehensive and caring dental treatment at his new office.

Now Accepting New Patients Financing options available

Same Day Emergency Care

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D.

1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston (lower level)

376-4977 www.kevinconnellydmd.com Mon. - Fri. 8:00am - 4:30pm

More wool comes from the state of Texas than any other state in the United States.

The average American spends about 3,500 hours shaving in a lifetime.

One Stop Shop for Catering... Dad’s does it all!

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering

Weddings

Indoor or Outdoor

Summer BBQ Corporate Functions

Reunions

Professional service at an affordable price

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!

Ask us about Tents, Tables, Chairs, Dance Floor, etc. for your event re’s The e...

E lik C A O PL

N

Dad’s Place Catering Division • 345-9009

www.dadsplace.info

The average-size hot tub or spa – about 4 by 5 feet – holds about 475 gallons of water.

FRESH Made to order when you order it!

$ .00

1

Subs • Sandwiches • Wraps Burgers • Italians Daily Specials • Breakfast items Cold beer • Agency Liquor Store and so much more!

OFF our famous Bog Hooter

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • www.dadsplace.info

Must present coupon Cannot be combined with any other offers UAD

The average salinity of the world's oceans is 34.7 parts per thousand.

Expires 8.31.12

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Opportunistic Youngsters

HAM AND EGGS: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Submitted by Richard Collins

A policeman had a perfect place to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting any. Then he discovered the problem. A 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read SPEED TRAP AHEAD. The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading TIPS and a bucket full of change.

Chuck Norris is just a dumb actor because if he were some sort of superbeing he'd come to my house and smash my face into my keyboa4egwsdvc8 ohuiblj4g evda zcg 9ob, jlmevda zhoph

Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com The tallest sand dunes in the world are in the Sahara desert. The dunes have enough sand in them to bury the Great Pyramids of Egypt and the Eiffel Tower.

Benefit Softball Tournament Mechanic Falls Firefighter/EMT-I Jon Damon suffers from Keratoconus which means, Lieutenant Damon’s corneas are thinning causing blisters to form. This is painful and will eventually result in him going blind, if they are not fixed. The only cure is a corneal transplant which will cost about $22,000 for both eyes!

TOURNAMENT INFORMATION • September 15th • $200 Entry Fee • One Pitch Tournament • Location: Mechanic Falls Rec Fields

• Start Time: 8am • Double Elimination • Spaces Are Limited, Sign Up Now!!

• Rain Date: Sept 22nd

LET’S PLAY BALL! To sign up or request more information please feel free to email us at: eyes4jon@hotmail.com

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The average raindrop falls at seven miles per hour.

The average person will take in 5 pints of water per day. Three pints of that water comes from drinking and 2 pints comes from food.

A little Police Humor

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

Call us today!

NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required, please call first • Fully warranteed & certified • $55/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto

License, registration, proof of insurance.

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364

Brad Johnson

LOBSTER & CLAM BAKE Includes: 1 Ear of Corn 1-1/4 lb. Lobster 2 Red Potatoes 1 lb. Clams Side of butter

All cooked!

(Please call one hour before pickup)

$

13 $ 16

soft shell hard shell

Balloon Festival

Specials all month!

Always Fresh LaRochelle’s Seafood

“If we were any fresher you’d have to slap us!”

We ship anywhere in the US

22 Mill St., New Auburn • 782-3150 • Open daily 9am-6pm Knock, Knock.

Mens & Boys CUTS for

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

$

12

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

Who's there?

Norma Lee. Norma Lee who?

Normally I don't tell knock-knock jokes.

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

Trivia

783-3444

Q: What's the definition of a happy Roman?

OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

The average person takes 8,000 to 10,000 steps a day and may walk up to 115,000 miles in their lifetime.

A: Gladiator!

WOW!

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

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Crawford Joins Panache

The sun is 330,300 times larger than Earth.

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Heather Crawford Cosmetologist & Nail Tech

Heather Crawford, Cosmetologist & Nail Technician, of Lewiston has recently joined the team at Panache, Studio for Hair Nails & Massage, located at 72 Coburn Street (Off Center St., across from D'Angelo's in Auburn).

Mrs. Crawford is a graduate of Spa Tech and, formerly of Paradise Salon in Auburn.

She brings to the team 9 years of experience in hair & nail services.

Heather looks forward to seeing all of her clients and to also meeting & helping new clients achieve their desired look and gain confidence in knowing they look their best.

Heather is available Tuesday - Saturday. To make an appointment with her contact Panache at 782-9009, or stop by the Salon at 20 Coburn Street in Auburn.

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

The atmosphere is great here. Rolly’s is a fabulous place to reconnect with people while enjoying some delicious crepes, creton & more!

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)

ut Check o ew n Rolly’s ! u n me

Alice & Johanna Stacey of Auburn

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

The Sun is estimated to be 20 to 21 cosmic years old.

NO ORDER TOO SMALL And no minimum purchases! Call us for a FREE quote!!

Textile & Paper Wipes

• Sorbents & Safety Supplies • Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners • Breakroom & Food Service • Chemicals & Cleaners • Packaging • Skin Care • And More!

Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A!

See the Panache ad on page 61.

120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

A cosmic year is the amount of time it takes the sun to revolve around the center of the Milky Way, about 225 million years.

12

& Jimbo

AUGUST 2012 783-7039

The average person blinks 25 times per minute, which works out to about 13,140,000 blinks each year.

Useful Household Tips

Get your snacks, wine & ice cold beer here during the Balloon Festival!

All your salt water tank needs right here!

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies 272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372

Use a dustpan to fill a container that doesn’t fit in the sink.

Out ’n About at Egg-ceptional Restaurant

I can’t believe that boy of yours makes you buy breakfast everyday! Wait till I see him...

Yeah, his good friend, Big Gare told me Andy was a freeloader. Said he used to just show up at dinner time, eat and leave.

Can you believe it?

Place a rubber band around your paint can to wipe your brush on.

Doreen Petitt & Jack Marsh (Jack is Uncle Andy’s dad)

Assisted Home Care II “Our Family Assisting Your Family.”

Assisting Families since 1997

Who we are...

• • • •

Registered home health care service agency 24 hour personal care and response team Guarantee continuity of caregivers Assist with independent living at home

550 College St., Lewiston • 783-7375 • www.assistedhomecare.org The steel industry in 1943 introduced the 5-day, 40-hour work week.

Henry Ford adopted it in 1926.

Use a staple remover to save your fingernails when trying to add things to your key ring!

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Actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald’s Submitted by Richard Collins

NAME: Greg Bulmash

Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly. – Robert F. Kennedy

NEW LUNCH MENU STARTING AT $4.99 $ .00 August is Barbeque month

Check out our new outdoor patio!

Sex: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options, and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

Wed. Open Mic Nite Sunday Brunch 10-2pm

Bean Suppah Every Saturday Large “Andy’s Baked Bean” special

Happy Hour Mon-Thur 2-6pm

$

7.50

47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959 thefirehousegrille.biz

Gun Salute for Ray Cote

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of pens and stolen post-it-notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

OFF Any purchase of $5.00 or more (food only) with coupon cannot be combined with any other offers

Expires 8/31/12

Classic Car Show Cruise Nite, 6-8pm every Friday night in August

Karaoke

Saturday, Aug. 18th • 1pm

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

1

Order your Andy’s Baked Beans early!

New Auburn Social Club

every Thursday & Saturday

with DJ

2nd Annual Lewiston Eagles #618 “Support Our Own” Motorcycle run for men & women serving overseas

7 Second Street, Auburn 782-9039

Saturday, August 11 Call David Veinott at 440-3565 or Gail Pelletier at 212-2905 for schedule of events

GREATER L/A’s SOURCE FOR: Tactical Weapons • Rifles & Shotguns Hand Guns • Personal & Concealed Carry Guns Ammo & Targets • Special Orders

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER: If I had one, would I be here? (continued on next page)

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32 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-6569 Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm • Sat 9am - 2pm Ostriches are often not taken seriously. They can run faster than horses, and the males can roar like lions.

(continued from previous page)

2030 Headlines: Fidel Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING 50 POUNDS? 50 lbs of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR: I think the more appropriate question would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE: On the job - no. On my breaks - yes.

Despite being a nine-inch-tall bird, the roadrunner can run as fast as a human sprinter.

Out ’n About at the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth at the 2012 B2B Tradeshow

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN 5 YEARS: Living in the Bahamas with an fabulously wealthy blonde sexy supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OR YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Absolutely!

SIGN HERE: ARIES He got the job.

Photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

There’s no getting over this smokin’ summer deal!

BUY ANY T-SHIRT, GET ANY IN-STOCK TEE FREE! enter promo code: FREEINSTOCK at checkout

at our website:

Sarah Kyllonen, Ed Ford Sr & Katie Coolidge Sarah Jeanne’s Family Hair, Tanning & Day Spa

www.fauxnettricks.com

207-754-0415 info@fauxnettricks.com

2030 Headlines: Thirty-five year study proclaims diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

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Useful Household Tips

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." – Marilyn Monroe

Tell us what you think!

Uncle Andy’s Digest wants to know.

Visit: uncleandys.com/take-our-survey

Why?

Put wooden spoon across boiling pot of water to keep from boiling over.

• It will help Uncle Andy’s Digest get better • It only takes a minute • You could WIN! (YOU will be entered into a drawing to win a $50 gift card to Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine)

Don’t wait another minute, do it NOW!

Amazing Photography Use bread clips to save flip-flops with split holes.

Both the young girl and the manatee seemed enchanted with each other.

Separated only by a sheet of glass, it was like first contact between two species.

Photographer: Christopher Wright

How to put shoes in the dryer and cut down on the noise.

1,000 SF of Professional Office Space Available Immediately

Everything Included in Rent: Heat, hot water, sewer, electricity, internet, plowing, trash removal & off-street parking.

Call 576-4844 FMI Ask about getting first month FREE! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Two Parrots are on a perch. One says: "Can you smell fish?"

The porpoise is second to man as the most intelligent animal on the planet.

SPECIAL

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow Photos by Port City Photography

Kids 12 & under

pay their age!

Bring in a donation of school supplies for the Auburn school department and receive

$ (Back, l to r) Heather Heckbert, Erica Bolduc, RaeAnne Latouche, Angie Lenhert. (Front) Linda Thompson (owner)

chemical 10 OFF anyservice expires 8/31/12

Now offering 1117 Center Street • Auburn (in MetLife Plaza)

784-3522

urbanedgehairstudio.com

Caitlyn & Jacob Lewis LAEGC

–Independent Contracting–

Outsource your print design needs here.

Magazine/Newspaper Layout Brochures • Print Display Ads Newspaper Special Sections Placemat Advertising Menus • Flyers • Editing

See my portfolio at:

23 Years Experience

moonridgedesigns.webs.com moonridgegraphics@myfairpoint.net

Most work is done remotely from my office, or I can travel to yours.

AUGUST SPECIAL TRUXEDO LO-PRO $

449

933-2493

Diana Pena

The Best Selling Tonneau Cover In North America!

Tiny’s Castle Day Spa

Proudly Made In the U.S.A.

Plus $30 Install Fee

980 Pond Rd. • Wales, ME

I brought my own props, thank you very much!

TRUCK CAPS & TONNEAU COVERS NEW & USED TRUCK CAPS & MORE!

14,000 tons of solid waste are disposed at the Fresh Kills Landfill in Staten Island, New York.

Louise Robert & Joyce McCabe Austin Associates Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Dance, Dance, Dancing at the Moxie Festival Zumba with SPRQ Studio

The state of Maine produces 98 percent of the nation's low-bush blueberries.

Mike Morin’s

Auto Center “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

VOTED BEST OF THE BEST 13 YEARS RUNNING (Market Surveys of America)

FRONT END ALIGNMENT

OIL CHANGE

$75.95 Most Vehicles

$24.95

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

Don’t forget to have your college kids vehicle checked out before they head back to school.

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.

Zumba...

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 OUR TIRES

Rod Cameron & Ben Britton

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections

60 Minot Ave • Auburn

782-6666 or 783-2026 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

The sound of a snore (up to 69 decibels) can be almost as loud as a pneumatic drill (70-90 decibels).

How valuable is the penny you found laying on the ground? If it takes just a second to pick it up, a person could make $36.00 per hour just picking up pennies.

Out ’n About at Emily’s Run

CHECK OUT OUR 2 DEALERSHIPS

The second leg of the Triple Crown series

AT 1298 & 1317 SABATTUS ST. LEWISTON

Inventory 04 Audi A6, Wagon, Auto, 114K, Grey ..............................$8795 03 Audi A6, 4.2L, Auto, AWD, White..................................$8495 02 Audi A4, 1.8T, 5-speed, 110K, Silver ...........................$7995 07 BAJA Outlaw, 23’, 496 Magnum, every option........$44995 06 Cadillac STS, Northstar, V8, Auto, White ..................$13995 81 Chevy Camaro, Z28, 377 Strokes, 5-speed ..............$14000 70 Chevy Nova, New 355 Stroke Motor ........................$17000 50 Chevy Deluxe, Black, 2-Door.......................................$14000 07 Dodge Nitro, 90K, Black, Auto ......................................$9990 06 GMC Envoy, Black, 105K .............................................$11995 04 GMC Yukon, Charcoal....................................................$10000 96 GMC Sierra 2500, Maroon, 115K ................................$6000 05 Honda CRV EX, 5-speed, 111K, Black .........................$9500 98 Honda Accord, Red, 107K ..............................................$5000 06 Hyundai Sonata, Burgundy............................................$6485 03 Jeep Liberty, Blue .............................................................$6295 08 Mazda 3, Electric Blue, Manual.....................................$9995 03 Mercedes ML500, Black, AWD......................................$9995 69 Plymouth Roadrunner, Red .........................................$30000 04 Saab 9-5, Black, Auto......................................................$6400 04 Saab 9-3, Brown, 92K.....................................................$8995 03 Saab 9-5, Brown, 102K, Auto........................................$6495 99 Saab 9-3, Blue ..................................................................$2495

New Inventory Arriving Daily!

07 Toyota Corolla, Silver.......................................................$8495 08 VW Rabbit, Black, Manual .............................................$8500 06 VW Jetta, Silver, 119K, Manual ....................................$8995 05 VW Jetta, Silver, 115K, Auto..........................................$8885 05 VW GTI, 109k, Silver, 5-Speed......................................$8000 04 VW Passat, Turbo, Green, Manual................................$6495 04 VW Passat, White, 104K, Manual.................................$5795 04 VW Golf GLS, Auto, 133K, Blue ....................................$6495 03 VW Passat GLX, 136K, Green, Auto.............................$6200 03 VW Passat GLX, 4motion, Auto, 101K.........................$7495 03 VW Jetta, Silver, 95K, Manual.......................................$5295 03 VW Jetta GLS, 5-speed, 119K, Silver...........................$5995 02 VW Jetta 98K, Green .......................................................$5000 02 VW Jetta, Blue, Manual, 113K ......................................$5995 02 VW New Beetle, Green, 86K, Manual..........................$6000 01 VW Golf GL, 5-Speed, 102k, Silver ..............................$5000 01 VW Passat GLX, 5-speed, 124K, Black........................$5495 00 W Jetta GLS, 5-speed, 121K, Maroon..........................$4995 00 VW Passat GLS, Auto, Silver, 135K ..............................$5000 00 VW Passat GLX, 5-speed, 114K, Silver........................$5795

Back: Rachel Doane & Nichole Oberlander Front: Nancy Morrow & Beth Heath

Sara Martel, April Joyce & Janine Giroux

786-7744

1298 Sabattus St. & 1317 Sabattus St. • www.independentauto.me The names of the two stone lions in front of the New York Public Library are Patience and Fortitude. They were named by then-mayor Fiorello LaGuardia.

Jane Clavet & Kara Murphy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

AUGUST 2012 U NCLE A NDYS . COM

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The largest crossword puzzle ever published had 2631 clues across and 2922 clues down.

It took up 16 sq. feet of space.

KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!

SAM’S BODY SHOP Custom Trailer Hitches Sold & Installed Trailer Repairs 886 Main St. Lewiston • 784-0015 • Open Mon. Wed. Fri. 8:00-4:00

LOWER HOME HEATING COSTS! Energy Audits • Infrared Imaging • Blown-in Cellulose Insulation

Be prepared this winter. An energy audit now could save you money later!

HomeEnergyTechs.com

Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery

Contact Rudy 576-0847

A parrots beak can close with a force close to 350 pounds per square inch.

Zumba with SPRQ Studio at the Moxie Festival

Take the Uncle Andy’s Digest

Survey Go to: uncleandys.com/take-our-survey You could WIN a great prize! Check it out!!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The Statue of Liberty's mouth is 3 feet wide.

Success magazine recently declared bankruptcy.

10% OFF with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

• Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

Ron Moon, Manager

207-657-5000

JVC. KW, AV, In-Dash, DVD, Radio for the magnificently low price of

$

www.soundeffectsmaine.com

329

• Complete resprays starting at $500 • Paint touchups • Collision repairs • Full spray booth 845 Washington St. North Auburn

"Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras."

Double Dipping

777-3339

24 Hr. Towing State Inspections

So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."

"Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"

COMPLETE AUTO REPAIR FACILITY Body Work

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring.

"Wow!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!"

Next to Republic Jewelry Parking in back of building

216 Center Street, Auburn

Medical Options

Mechanical Repair Brakes • Engine Suspension • Tuneups Diagnostics & More

782-5500

The average ice berg weighs 20,000,000 tons.

Scientist: I can take this ice cream and make an exact duplicate of it.

Little boy: Oh boy! Ice cream clones for all of us.

"I say, I say, I say. Why did the fridge salesman go bankrupt?"

"I don't know. But no doubt you're going to tell me."

"Business wasn't so hot."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

AUGUST 2012 U NCLE A NDYS . COM

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The Faces of Skydiving with Lynn Norris & Christine Robichaud of Panache

If you had enough water to fill one million goldfish bowls, you could fill an entire stadium.

Truck Caps

NEVER A DOC FEE!!

Used Fisher Plows

‘01 TOY TACOMAO4TA X4

SPECIAL$

5,995

Established in 1984

– PARTIAL LISTING –

New inventory arriving daily!!

‘10 Mazda GI, Roof, Loaded, 11K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $19,995 ‘08 Ford Focus SE, Loaded!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘06 Dodge Shorty 4X4 Hemi Sport . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $14,995 ‘06 Dodge Stratus, 75k, ONE OWNER! . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘06 Kia RW LX, Auto, 96K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘05 Ford Explorer XLT, 3rd Seat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘05 Subaru Outback Limited . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘05 GMC K1500 Crew 4X4 Z-71 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $12,995 ‘05 Chevy Trailblazer LT, DVD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘04 Toyota Avalon, Leather, Roof. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘04 Mercury Mountaineer, ONE OWNER! . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘04 Ford F-150 XL, XCab, 4X4, 106K . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘03 BMW 325XI, AWD, Loaded. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘03 Monte Carlo SS, Leather . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘03 Jeep Liberty Sport, ONLY 78K!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘03 Chevy Astro Cargo, Air . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ONLY $2,995 ‘02 Kia Sedona, Leather, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘02 Chevy Trailblazer LS, LIKE NEW!!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995

‘02 Chevy K1500, Reg. Cab, 4X4, 67K . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘02 Chevy S-10 Crew 4X4, ONLY 69K!! . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘02 Saturn L200, 4 Dr., Loaded. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘01 Toyota Sienna Van, ONE OWNER!!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘01 Chrysler PT Cruiser Limited, 60K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘01 Chevy Impala, ONLY 83K!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘01 Toyota Tacoma 4X4, Air . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘01 Chevy Tahoe LT, Roof, Loaded. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3,995 ‘00 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘00 Volvo S40, 4-Door, Loaded, 101K . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘01 Toyota Avalon, LIKE NEW!! ONE OWNER!!. . . . . . . $5,995 ‘99 Toyota Corolla, Auto., A/C. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘85 Harley Davidson XLCH 1000 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $2,500 ‘03 Buell Blast 500 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ONLY $1,295

TRUCK RACKS

28 Soper Road, Durham Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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If we don’t have it, we can get it!!

Jeff & Rick Roy

353-2538

The external tank on the space shuttle is not painted.

Dance, Dance, Dancing at the Moxie Festival

203 million dollars is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.

HIT THE TRAILS IN YOUR NEW ARCTIC CAT ATV!

SHARE OUR PASSION

Zumba with SPRQ Studio

AMES SPORT SHOP, Inc 84 Littlefield Road, Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

Your One Stop Shop for Motorcycle Insurance

We SPRQ gals have got a whole lot of MOXIE!

9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls (207) 345-8711 or 1-800-339-0414 www.CummingsAgency.com

Jeff & Nora Cummings Diane Morissette Leanne Cram

Hey, I don’t wait on tables...

I work on cars!!

Ron Major

Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!

Ask about our Customer Loyalty Program

Get 4 Oil Changes & the 5th is FREE! 183 Lisbon St., Lisbon

Trivia

Tony Girourd (Service Manager)

Tony Doyon (Owner)

353-9862 qualitycareautorepair.com

It took Leo Tolstoy six years to write "War & Peace".

Q: What do you call a cow with only its two right legs?

A: Lean beef

We’re here to serve you!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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The Faces of Skydiving with Lynn Norris & Christine Robichaud of Panache

The diameter of the wire in a standard paper clip is 1 millimeter - or about 0.04 inch.

Wee Willie Winkie ran through the town, Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown, Along came a policeman and put him under arrest.

So never go out at night - unless you're fully dressed.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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In the kingdom of Bhutan, all citizens officially become a year older on New Year's Day.

On average, there are 333 squares of toilet paper on a roll.

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for 5 minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.

The Faces of Skydiving with Lynn Norris & Christine Robichaud of Panache

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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25

The St. Louis Gateway Arch had a projected death toll while it was being built.

No one died.

SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ Don’s DBA...

MORRIS AUTO PARTS

Weeding the Garden

E CL CY RE

RE DU C E

RE-USE

940 Washington St. • Auburn • 784-4619

Call us if you are broken down.

We now offer Roadside Assistance, such as tire changes and lockouts.

We carry 60 new Interstate batteries, air compressor, and tools to fix small problems.

SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ Mice, whales, elephants, giraffes, and humans all have seven neck vertebra.

Yvon’s Car Wash n’ Lube Tuesday: Seniors’ Day Wednesday: Ladies’ Day Thursday: Veterans’ Day

And up came some weeds,

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In-stock auto & truck parts

Ask for Don or Debbie for all your towing needs

"I put in some seeds,

Uncle Andy’s Digest

OFF

DON’S NO PREFERENCE TOWING CO.

How does your garden grow?

...with s & Travi Jimbo

20

%

TOGETHER LET’S THINK GREEN AND RECYCLE!

Mary, Mary quite contrary

With dandelions all in a row."

One coupon per customer

940 Washington St. North • 784-7374 or 800-730-7374 • Mon. - Fri. 8 - 5 • Sat. 8 - 12

SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$

SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$

Dance, Dance, Dancing at the Moxie Festival

Yvon’s Car Care Centers

Receive FREE

Automatic Car Wash

$

3 OFF

Basic Oil Change

$

5 OFF

Premium Oil Change

with Oil Change

698 Main Street • Lewiston • 777-3600 (Between ROOPER’s and BURGER KING) Hours: Mon-Fri: 8am - 5pm • Sat. 8am - 2pm

Limit one coupon per customer.

Expires 8.31.12

There are about 5,000 species of coral known. Only about half of them build reefs.

Great Rates & Terms, Fast Approvals too!

I got my loan with Great Falls Credit Union!

The Faces of Skydiving with Lynn Norris & Christine Robichaud of Panache

Call Us Today

Great Falls Federal Credit Union 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 760 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 753-0500 www.greatfallsfcu.com *Restrictions & qualification apply

The average American will eat 35,000 cookies during their life span.

BATTERY CORES PLUS We come to you! Full Pickup Service We’ll pay you top dollar for your : • Cars, Trucks, Vans & SUVs • Catalytic Converters • Radiators • Busses • Batteries • Copper & Brass • Tractors • Aluminum Rims • Starters • Alternators CALL

240-8798 Fast, Friendly Service • Open 7 Days a Week There are 1,600 known species of starfishes in the world.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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The pumpkin has been known to develop roots whose total length reached 82,000 feet--more than 15 miles.

✂

Wagemann Achieves Round Table Status

FREE 30-Point Preventative Maintenance Inspection Complete Auto Repair, Body & Rust Repairs ANY MAKE * OR MODEL

10% OFF

COMPLETE CLASSIC CAR RESTORATION AVAILABLE

YOUR ENTIRE BILL with this ad *Any bill over $250. Expires 8.31.12

THE SHOP

Deborah J. Wagemann, a financial representative for Modem Woodmen of America. Deb is one of a small percentage of life insurance agents worldwide to achieve membership in the prestigious Million Dollar Round Table (MDRT) this year.

MDRT is an international, independent association of more than 35,000 members, or less than 1 percent, of the world's best life insurance and financial services professionals.

Membership is one of the highest professional honors a life insurance representative can obtain. MDRT members demonstrate high-level client service and production.

Founded in 1883, Modern Woodmen of America touches lives and secures futures. The fraternal financial services organization offers financial products and fraternal member benefits to individuals and families throughout the United States.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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✂

Mike Smith, owner

• Tune-ups • Mechanical & Electrical Repairs • Suspension & Brakes • Body Work & Resprays • Free Inspection Sticker

304 Lisbon St., Lisbon • 353-6100

www.theshopclassicrestoration.net • theshop@roadrunner.com

WE’VE MOVED!!!

We are now 1/4 mile from the NEW OXFORD CASINO, same side.

CARS & TRUCKS ARRIVING DAILY!

Old and new friends are welcome to visit our new state-of-the-art facility.

HART’S CLASSIC AUTO

inc.

334 Maine St., Oxford / 740-1938 • 777-4847 828 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME • 795-6666 / Fax: 795-8983

We do: State Inspections • Minor Repairs

$

5

Labor Rate $48/hr

Offering Services Oil Change New • Complete Engine Flush

OFF

5 Quarts, Full Service with Mobil Oil & Filter (Made in USA)

Most cars. Cannot be combined with any other coupon or discount. Expires 8.31.12

OWNER BILL ROY

• Deluxe Oil Change Package Oil system and fuel system cleaned • Fuel Filters

Mon.-Fri. 8am-6pm • Sat. 8am-3pm

The state with the most automobile miles driven per capita is Delaware, racking up an average of 10,165 miles average annually per person.

Eskimos never gamble.

Out ’n About at Harvest Hill Farm with Motor Booty Photos by TimPro Photography

We got the feelin’ at the car wash...

Come party at the farm...

Harvest Hill Farm!

These guys are my idols...

Oh my god...

It’s Superfly!

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles visit our website:

www.donovansauto.com Stop by, call or click today!

946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856 The average bra size sold at Frederick's of Hollywood in 1966 was a 34B. Today, it's a 36C.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

The bones of a pigeon weigh less than its feathers.

ANXIETY-FREE DENTISTRY Fear doesn’t have to keep you from getting the dentistry you need and deserve.

Salat Hussan & Fuad Addi

• Option of conscious oral sedation or IV sedation

• 0% Financing available

SAME DAY EMERGENCY CARE Sandy Bennett & Robin Plourd Ouellette & Associates

THE CENTER FOR ADVANCED DENTISTRY 220 Main Street, Auburn

Breanah Gagnier & Gada

784-7355 or 866-716-6128 Dr. Robert D. Limoges D.M.D. & Dr. Jonathan A. Bernstein D.D.S.

www.AuburnDental.com Ronda Carboneau, Sydney & Dan

Like us on Facebook! We often post coupons and special offers on our page.

Victoria Seekers Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Flamingoes live remarkably long lives: up to 80 years.

The average American wedding costs from $15,000 to $20,000 and includes approximately 188 guests.

BRING IN YOUR PHOTOS FOR FRAMING &

GET 25% OFF (Must mention this ad for discount)

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333 • www.DandRFraming.com

Bolster Monumental Works Monuments & Markers Cemetery Lettering & Cleaning Since 1877

1278 Main Street, Oxford • 743-2673

David J. Pratt Over 30 years experience

Bring some sunshine into the lives of others this summer!

WE HAVE OPENINGS IN CENTRAL MAINE

Benefits Include: • Time-off program • PAID TRAINING • Medical, dental & vision

• Employee Assistance Program • And more!

Contact Kim Dionne kdionne@supportsolutions.org The mission of Support Solutions is to inspire and support a culture of possibilities.

We are an Equal Opportunity Employer

124 Canal St., Lewiston • 207-795-0672 ext. 2108

The population of the entire world in 5000 B.C., according to the National Population Council, was 5 million.

Delicious Cupcakes Submitted by Jimbo

A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law and was surprised to find his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake the cupcakes. After they were done, his sisterin-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on.

When he had finished, he brought them to the table.

"The cupcakes look delicious, Tim." his uncle said. And he took a bite while looking at the other cupcakes.

"Timmy these are so good."

As he finished one and took another he again complimented his little nephew. "The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his uncle said.

"How did you get them iced so evenly?" And he took a large bite while waiting for the answer.

His nephew replied, "I licked them."

100 grams of cricket contains: 121 calories, 12.9 grams of protein, 5.5 grams of fat, 5.1 grams of carbohydrates, 75.8 milligrams of calcium, 185.3 of phosphorous, 9.5 milligrams of iron, 0.36 milligrams of thiamin, 1.09 milligrams of riboflavin, and 3.10 milligrams of niacin.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Useful Household Tips

Nearly 100% of the dirt in the average home originated from outside – 80% of that comes in on people, stuck to their clothes and their feet.

Featuring Donuts by John Frost

Use sunglasses or a convex mirror to avoid people sneaking up on you while wearing headphones at work

• Now offering 36 varieties of donuts, 7 days a week!

• Hand-cut, freshly made on-site • 5 different types of jelly donuts: blueberry, lemon, strawberry, apple & raspberry • Twist donuts & cinnamon swirl buns • 3 different flavored cakes: blueberry, apple crisp & pumpkin

John Frost

Also featuring: Pastries • Pies • Breads • Wicked Joe Coffee Over 500 Labels of Wine

Bakery

72 Lisbon Road Lisbon, Maine

WineCellar 353-7552 &

How to keep the straw from rising out of your soda can.

Coming Soon!

Live Lobsters, Clams and also offering Lobster & Clam Bakes Call FMI

Fresh Native Produce Use a microfiber cloth to prevent frost from forming on the windshield.

Fresh Native Corn, Potatoes & More Grab dessert in the bakery!

FRESH FRUIT Fruits • Cheeses • Milks & More Use a Comb to Keep a Nail Steady for Hammering.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Everything you need in your pantry & fridge!

FRESH VEGETABLES

Little birdie in the sky, dropped a poopie in my eye. I didn't scream, I didn't cry, I'm just happy cows can't fly!

A 1991 Gallup survey indicated that 49% of Americans didn't know that white bread is made from wheat.

Useful Household Tips

Use a post-it-note to catch drilling debris.

Actual letter from South Carolina Department of Social Services Submitted by Richard Collins

A "hairbreadth away" is 1/48 of an inch.

Madison Avenue Salon

Makeover Contest Nominate any deserving individual!

Contest Details • Nominee must be at least 18 years old • Submit a brief summary of why they need a makeover, via email, Facebook message, or regular mail • Include nominee’s name, address, telephone number and photo • Deadline for submissions is August 31, 2012 • Winners announced September 15, 2012

Top 5 submissions win FREE cut, color, makeup and mani-pedi!

170 Main Street • Auburn

782-5920 The New York Post, established in 1803, is the country’s oldest running newspaper.

Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 2012 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.

Catnip Catnip was originally made, using nepetalactone as a natural bug repellant, but roaming cats would rip up the plants before they could be put to their intended task.

The "Calabash" pipe, most often associated with Sherlock Holmes, was not used by him until William Gillette (an American) portrayed Holmes on stage. Gillette needed a pipe he could keep in his mouth while he spoke his lines.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Fournier Achieves Round Table Status

The Pentagon in Washington, D.C., has five sides, five stories, and five acres in the middle.

Jean C. Fournier, a financial representative for Modem Woodmen of America. Jean is one of a small percentage of life insurance agents worldwide to achieve membership in the prestigious Million Dollar Round Table (MDRT) this year.

MDRT is an international, independent association of more than 35,000 members, or less than 1 percent, of the world's best life insurance and financial services professionals.

Membership is one of the highest professional honors a life insurance representative can obtain. MDRT members demonstrate high-level client service and production.

Founded in 1883, Modern Woodmen of America touches lives and secures futures. The fraternal financial services organization offers financial products and fraternal member benefits to individuals and families throughout the United States.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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PARTS • SALES • SERVICE WE FEATURE: • Service For All Makes • Parts For All Makes • Sales of New International Trucks • Sales Of Used Trucks Of All Makes

Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net More than half of the world's animal groups are found only in the sea.

The oldest city in Britain is Ripon, which received its original charter in 886.

BUY 1 GET 1 FREE!!

Out ’n About at Emily’s Run The second leg of the Triple Crown series

Candles, Tarts & Greeting Cards (Select items)

Frankie’s Pawn @ We have our federal firearms license

Did your beach day get rained out? Come by and check us out!

PAWN • BUY • SELL • TRADE Music Equipment • Tools • Electronics • Gifts & Collectibles

128 Lewiston Street, Mechanic Falls • 346-3588 Tues. - Sat. 10-6 • Closed Sun. & Mon.

Will Bolduc, Barbara Girardin & Leighton Girardin

Kimberly, Randi & Kelly Plummer

Paul & Max Nelson

–NOW OPEN!–

L/A’s Full-line Instrument Store!

Grand Opening Celebration August 18th

Gear & Merchandise Giveaways • Lots of items on Sale!

Find us on Facebook - facebook.com/mymusicanshub 120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn • Open 7 Days a Week • mymusicianshub.com • 333-6700 The Alaskan island of Little Diomede is only 2 ½ miles away from the Russian coast.

Danielle and Madi Bumann & Barbara Violette Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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TIME TO CASH IN! Special pricing for quantities and contractors!

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Automobile & Truck Batteries Die Cast Alloy Rims #1 Steel Prepared/better grading/better payout Catalytic Converters d e close We’ll b th 4 1 Cell Phone Scrap 0th Sept. 1 vacation! mily for a fa Computer Towers Stainless Electronic Scrap Mother Boards • Core’s Brass • Alternators • Starters • Motors • Pumps Computer Board Scraps Copper • Aluminum • Insulated Wire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

Always paying the best prices!

We’ll help you unload.

We look forward to seeing you!

(prices subject to market changes)

Nobody pays higher prices My job then us. Stop by is to write YOU and see for a big check! yourself.

15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm Gary McCraw (L) Lennie Shanahan (R)

615-7057 or 795-8887

Bev & Peter

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

BOATS!!!

The second leg of the Triple Crown series I’m controlling my urge to freestyle rap right now about Uncle Andy’s...

Full Service & Repairs

• Engine work/replacement • Drive/lower unit repair • Installing all accessories

FULLY STOCKED SHOWROOM • Safety gear • Fish finders • Watersport toys • Batteries • Marine radio • Authorized Venture • Tons of trailer parts & trailer dealer accessories And much more!

Out ’n About at Emily’s Run

30% OFF ALL IN-STOCK WATER TOYS & ACCESSORIES Water Skis, Tow Ropes, Wakeboards, Tubes & More

STOP BY TODAY! Mark Turcotte DJ Extraordinaire

65 North River Rd., Auburn Open 7 days a week: M-S 8-7; S 9-4

784-3888 www.auburnmarineandsmallengine.com

SMALL ENGINE & OUTDOOR POWER EQUIPMENT TANAKA Outdoor Power Equipment • Weedwackers • Leaf blowers • Chainsaws & more

7 YEAR WARRANTY ON NEW TANAKAS

Goldie Edwards & Abbie Niemi

We service all major brands John Deere® Master Technician Frances, Elizabeth & Hannah Stauffer

Noah Francis, Wendy Tardif & Elise Francis "Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something." – Mitch Hedberg

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

We closed on two properties before noon. What can we say? We have some pretty good teachers!

"Sliced bread: The best thing since ripped up bread."

POOL BUILDERS OF MAINE QUALITY WORKMANSHIP, OUTSTANDING SERVICE.

25 Years Experience William & Matthew Fletcher Golf in NY I’m sure is good. But golf in Maine is the Life!

NEW PRODUCT LINE! Shawn Holt NY Life

25% OFF All EZ Color Products

Schedule your inground or above ground now!

BEST PRICES GUARANTEED!!

NEW LOCATION (across from Coleman’s Collision) Kayla May & Ashlee Marston Community Credit Union Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Mon-Sat 9-5 • Sunday 10-3

1525 Minot Ave. Auburn

795-7222

www.poolbuildersofmaine.com We will continue having meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done.

I start everyday with a sit up - I've done over 19,000 so far.

New Shampoo Submitted by Jimbo

I finally figured out why I am so "full-figured"!

As I was conditioning my hair in the shower this morning, I took time to read my shampoo bottle. I am in shock! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my entire body says "for extra volume and body"! Seriously, why have I not noticed this before?

Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm

If you hang a map in your room to put pins where you've been, first travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

Tomorrow I am going to start using "Dawn" dish soap! It says right on the bottle, "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

It pays to read the warning labels my friends.

Kids Version of Old My 12 year old daughter asked me, "Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself? I need it for a school project." I gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was.

A few days later I was in her classroom for a parent-teacher meeting when I noticed my face pinned to a mural the students had created.

The title of their project was: "The oldest thing in my house."

“Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.” – G.K. Chesterton

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Out ’n About at Emily’s Run

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

The second leg of the Triple Crown series

Ann Martin & Greg Sherman We’re going Rogue!

Mark & Debbie Rodrigue

Julia, Caroline & Aaron Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall." – Mitch Hedberg

Local Restaurants & Entertainment VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

NF L Tic k e

t

e as o s l l a e m er y ga v e g n i w Sh o HD ! lo ng ... i n

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62.

My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

n

Follow us on Twitter @gipperssportsgr

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm • Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com Piñata Store: "You buy it, you break it."

Urban Edge Softball

Grandparent Funnies

Jeanette Rankin from Montana was the first female elected to congress. She served in the house of representatives from 1917 to 1943.

She was the only member of congress to have voted against the entrance of the Unites States into both World War I in 1917 and World War II in 1941.

Submitted by Richard Collins

Winner - Winner, Chicken Dinner!

Well, not really a chicken dinner, but a winner none-the-less!

Team Urban Edge (representing Urban Edge Salon) recently played in a fundraiser softball tournament for Amy Adams of Buckfield who is battling cancer. The tournament was played in Buckfield. Team Urban Edge placed 3rd!

Scott Moore of Sparetime Lewiston with contest winner, Tim Dillmuth. Tim was the latest winner in the Uncle Team members: Drew Leavitt, Sarah Ellen Clark, Butch Keene, Nick Harrington, Brian Craig, Russel Buswell, Beth Witas, Eddie Morissette, Dan & Raeanne Latouche

Andy’s Facebook page contests! He was the lucky winner of Glow Bowling for 6 people including pizza and soda.

Congratulations, Tim!

LIKE Uncle Andy’s Digest on Facebook to learn about the next contest. You could be the next big winner!!

I'm trying to find myself, but to make it interesting I'm wearing camouflage.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Realtor of the Year Award Dinner

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Congratulations to Harriet Cummings, winner of the prestigious “Realtor of the Year” award.

Awarded by the Androscoggin Valley Board or Realtors.

Enjoy a flavorful lunch for under $10.00 Classic Sushi Rolls • Lunch Boxes • Hibachi Dinners

Harriet Cummings & Brenda Fontaine

Reserve your business luncheon today!

Hibachi and private tables available

of The Fontaine Family, The Real Estate Leader Harriet started her Real Estate career in 1996 in Orono where she worked for eight years. She then moved to the Auburn area to be closer to her children. A little of two years ago, Harriet joined the Fontaine Family team.

She is a breast cancer survivor and is active in supporting cancer research. She has participated in Relay for Life and also the Dempsey Challenge each year since its start.

Harriet’s volunteer spirit does not end there. She has taken part in Rebuilding Together in Auburn, has served on the AVBOR board of directors, served as its president for a year and served on the affordable housing committee and scholarship committee.

Harriet has two children and their spouses - Joel & Michelle Cummings and Lori & David Gile. She also has two granddaughters, Kayla and Jordan who keep her busy following their activities! And, let's not forget her "granddogs", Fenway and Yawkey.

We can't think of anyone more deserving of the Realtor of the Year!

Congratulations Harriet!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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795-6888 Dinner reservations 40 East Ave., Lewiston Mall Shopping Center) start at 4pm daily (Lewiston www.sea40me.com

Sea40 Japanese Cuisine

Japanese Cuisine

The average life span of London residents in the middle of the 19th century was 27 years. For members of the working class, that number dropped to 22 years.

More than one-third, 38%, of adults have lied about what something cost.

Monday & Tuesday 3:30-6PM Friday & Saturday 9:00-11PM Specialty Drinks & $3 Sushi Specials

The place to be for Happy Hour!

Out ’n About at Emily’s Run The second leg of the Triple Crown series You can call me Cece if you want...

Japanese Cuisine

nge is a Our lou start lace to p t a e r g ht! your nig d n e r o

40 East Ave., Lewiston

Sea40 Japanese Cuisine

(Lewiston Mall Shopping Center) www.sea40me.com

Brad & Cindy Sloat

795-6888

Cecilia

with their granddaughter,

Introducing...

s y a d s e n d e W y z Cra $3 Crazy Sushi Rolls from 4-7pm and starting August 15th

Tracy Hall & Ann Marie Kayashima

Open Mic Night from 7-10pm

COLLEGE NIGHT Welcome Back Party!!

Show your student I.D. and receive

20% OFF in the Lounge Thursday, Sept. 13th 5pm-close

MUSIC & ES! BAR GAM

With 980-plus species, bats make up more than 23% of all known mammals by species.

Connie Lecompte & Jeanne Collins "If you treat an individual as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be."

– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Who is it?

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Submitted by Jimbo

One day, two old men from a retirement home were sitting on the front porch retirement home.

One man says to the other, "Ya know, Bill, if you think about it, we are not that old. I mean, my memory is still very good." As the man said this, he knocked on the wood chair beside him."Actually, sharp as ever."

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am (All breakfast specials include coffee)

$

5 Washington Street, Auburn • 783-4304 Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome

1 OFF

Any Purchase of $500 or more 1 coupon per order

Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

After a couple minutes of silence, the first man started to talk again, "So, is anyone going to get the door or do I have to do it?"

00

✁

Expires 8.31.12

Cats can run slightly more than 30 miles per hour.

Out ’n About at Relay for Life

Trivia Q: Walk on the living, they don't even mumble. Walk on the dead, they mutter and crumble. What are they?

A: Fallen leaves They call it puppy love: An American Animal Hospital Association poll showed that 33 percent of dog owners admit that they talk to their dogs on the phone or leave messages on an answering machine while away.

Trivia Q: What goes "Ha-ha, bonk"?

A: Someone laughing their head off. :) Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Cathy’s Crew Front row kneeling (l to r): Rebbecca Fogg, Ethan LaChance, Nathan Moody, Natalie Moody & Anne LaChance. 2nd row: Madeline Dinsmore, Krystal Whitmore, Laurie Whitmore, Emma Fogg, Cathy Holt, Brian Holt, Angela Beaucage Verrill, Megan Moody & Darin Moody. Back Row: David Fogg, Kevin Fogg, Nicholas Whitmore w/Jayden Whitmore, Bradley Krog, & Dawn Rossignol.

!klat kcab ruoy dna uoy nmaD

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

y r a s r e v i n n A r a e Y h 4t PARTY! Saturday August 11th

out tent dpoaortry

8pm - Close LIVE MUSIC Come join the fun! from The Veggies

LIVE ENTERTAINMENT EVERY WED. THURS. & FRI.

Irish Twins Pub Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s)

“The Nutcracker” ballet has inspired many other artists. Thousands of live productions, over 300 recordings, 40 videos, and 200 books have dealt with the ballet.

Even Nancy Drew paid homage to the ballet in Mystery #110, “The Nutcracker Ballet Mystery.”

New York City has 155 museums and 400 art galleries. The most prestigious museums in New York are The Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Guggenheim Museum, The Frick Collection, The Museum of the City of New York, and The National Academy of Design.

A bird sees everything at once in total focus. Whereas the human eye is globular and must adjust to varying distances, the bird's eye is flat and can take in everything at once in a single glance.

2-Fer Specials Available Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday

2 Fer $14.95

2 Fer $16.95

Chicken Cordon Bleu *Chicken Tenders *Clam Cakes Liver & Onions Roast Stuffed Turkey Virginia Baked Ham Steak Chopped Sirloin Steak **Manicotti w/ garlic bread

Village Inn Baked Scrod *Fish & Chips *Fried Maine Shrimp Baked Haddock Special Baked Stuffed Haddock

You may mix meal choices at the 2 Fer $16.95 price

**Shrimp Salad or **Chef Salad

w/ shrimp stuffing

Broiled Haddock Steak Tips

Outdoor Patio

w/onions (plain or teriyaki)

All meals served with choice of potato & vegetable with the following exceptions: *served with french fries & cole slaw • **served as is (no sides) All meals served with rolls & butter

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com The odds against hitting the jackpot on a slot machine are 889 to 1.

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Did You Know?

The average 6-month accumulation of barnacles on the hull of a ship can produce enough drag to force the vessel to burn 40% more fuel than normal when cruising.

When the temperature drops in the autumn the chlorophyll inside the leaves starts to break down which reveals the color pigments that also exist naturally within the plant. Some example pigments include carotenoids and xanthophylls which usually give a yellow and or orange color to the leaves. The sugars within the leaf also break down into anthocyanin which can give leaves that dark red color.

DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCH

Lawyer Laughs

5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577

Actual questions asked by lawyers taken from official records nationwide:

The population of the American colonies in 1610 was 350.

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Lawyer Laughs Actual questions asked by lawyers taken from official records nationwide:

Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?

Wall of Fame Inductees!

Now offering beer & wine.

And – A New Dinner Menu!

That’s right... we both did it!

Open from 7am - 2pm every morning, and also 3 - 8pm on Fridays & Saturdays.

Whitney Linindoll & Sidney Edwards

Join us for dinner!

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery

Back To School Single Vision Basic Prescriptions Frames, Polycarbonate Lenses, Anti-reflective Coating* *Specialty lenses & lens enhancements are extra.

Limitations may apply. Not to be combined with any other offer. See associate for details.

MUST PRESENT COUPON. • Expires 8/31/12

$

79

Now accepting most major insurances

120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn Mon - Fri 9:30 AM - 6:00 PM Sat 10 AM - 3:00 PM

A: That's me.

Vision at a Value

Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Search VIPEyes Auburn

783-4226

The “Cereal Bowl of America” is in Battle Creek, Michigan, where the most cereal in the United States is produced.

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

Four things you can't recover: - The Stone after the throw.

- The Word after it's said.

- The Occasion after it's missed.

- The Time after it's gone.

Carpet Complaints

MONDAY The Fergy

TUESDAY Meatball Subs

WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners 1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

THURSDAY Mini Pizza

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians

My mother is always complaining about how dirty the carpet in my room is.

I can't help it - it's my nature to abhor a vacuum.

with 1.5 Liter Drink

$

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink 4.99 The smallest book in the Library of Congress is Old King Cole. It is 1/25 of an inch by 1/25 of an inch. The pages can only be turned with the use of a needle.

beer special $ 50

2 Pints

Every Monday throughout August!

783-6885 www.macsgrill.com

try our new menu items

Gorillas do not know how to swim.

✁Expires 8.31.12

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

$

A flea and a fly in a flue were imprisoned so what could they do?

Said the flea "let us fly" said the fly" let us flee" so they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Call us for your catering needs!

Try us for Lunch!

2 OFF

Any Lunch Special with this coupon Cannot be combined with any other special. One coupon per person.

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Amazing Photography

Thomas Crapper, a 19th century English plumber, holds 9 patents: 4 for drains, 3 for water closets and 1 each for manhole covers and pipe joints.

15% OFF ENTIRE BILL Excludes Beer Special • Limit 1 coupon per order • Expires 8.31.12

A seahorse inspecting a diver’s watch

2 FOR 1 An illuminated snow tunnel in Russia

All Month Long!

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting

Japanese • Korean Thai • Sushi A honey bee’s final sting

730 Center Street, Auburn • Auburn Plaza • NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA Mount Rainier casting a shadow on clouds Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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376-4855

jasminecafemaine.com

When all you have is an axe, every problem seems like hours of fun.

The first American chess tournament was held in New York in 1843.

Golf 101 Submitted by Jimbo

BACKGROUND CHECKS Pre-Employment Local, State, National and Federal Criminal History

includes: • SSN Verification/Address Verification • InstaNational Criminal History • Federal Criminal History • Maine SBI Criminal History • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list

$45.00

Tenant Screening

$49.99

State and National Criminal History

includes: • SSN verification/Address verification • InstaNational criminal History • Maine SBI criminal history • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list • Trans Union Credit Report w/ credit score • National Eviction Check (Civil courts, all states)

A La Carte Pricing National Criminal History including Sex Offender all states ................................$18.99 SSN Address Verification.................................................2.75 Employment Credit report ...............................................9.00 Tenant Credit Report w/ score ........................................9.00 State of Maine SBI check...............................................24.00 State of ME drivers license history .................................9.00

Personal and professional reference checks ..............$10.00 Education verification....................................................15.00 Prior Employment verification......................................10.00 Professional License verifications.................................10.00 Single state Eviction check...............................7.00 per state National Eviction Check ................................................11.00

Other verification and Private Investigator services are available.

All searches are conducted and filtered by a licensed private investigator to meet FCRA regulations to reduce your liability.

Pre-adverse and adverse action letters and consumer copies provided at no extra charge to help you stay compliant with current FCRA regulations.

Volume pricing is available. Volume customers can be set up to run reports right from their own office for their convenience.

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com Toy company Mattel’s first product: a picture frame.

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them.

Naturally, the guys all agreed.

Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, "Look, fellas, I work in a bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore.

If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell offcolor stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots."

With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.

All eyes were fastened on her shapely figure as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.

The father's mouth was agape. "That was beautiful," he said. (continued on next page)

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(continued from previous page)

The blonde put her driver away and said, "I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little."

After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. (She was closest to the pin.)

The son said, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly."

The blonde frowned and said, "It was a little weak, but even an easy seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt." She then tapped in the fivefooter for a birdie.

Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway.

For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

The most popular Crayola crayon color is America: Blue. Least popular: White.

What’s Going On In August at the Chick?

Super $5.95 Lunch Specials served 10:30-4 (except Sunday & Monday)

Awesome $7.95 & $8.95 After Church Specials Served every Sunday

Businesses – For sizeable takeout orders we will DELIVER FREE OF CHARGE We also have large or small platters available –call for a fax menu

3 Great Specials During August 1. Mariner’s Platter: Scallops, Haddock, Shrimp, Fries & Coleslaw . . $11.95 2. Baked Stuffed Lobster w/our own stuffing, potato & salad. . . . . . . $14.95 3. Large Fried Haddock Sandwich Shore Dinner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9.95 (Haddock Sandwich, Cup Of Haddock Chowder, French Fries & Coleslaw)

Disetoen Gotta Love the Chick!

AL-ew Chick-of 376-3870 You’re gonna like it! 1472 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

In the 1930s, Pepsi had an advertising campaign starring two cartoon cops called “Pepsi & Pete.”

Join us!

Sign up today!

When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.

She turned to the three guys and said, "I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course.

If any one of you can tell (continued on next page)

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visit sparetimerec.com for details The crew of the Apollo XI have moons instead of stars on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame.

(continued from previous page)

Both John & Sean Lennon were born on October 9th.

It’s Summer...

Let’s get to work!

MARK YOUR CALENDAR!

August 17 – 19

2012 Balloon Launches 6am & 6pm Daily Activities Entertainment Food Booths Craft & Trade Carnival

me how to make par on this hole I'll take him out for the best steak dinner money can buy, we’ll sip some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill Scotch as we spend the evening getting to know each other.”

The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, "Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup."

The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. "Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."

The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up and handed it to her and said, "That's a gimme, sweetheart."

www.greatfallsballoonfestival.org

The blonde smiled and said, "What’s your favorite steak house?"

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote!

“The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

In the U.S., peanuts account for 66% of all snack nuts.

Clap On In 1992, Vanna White, of Wheel of Fortune fame, was recognized in The Guinness Book of World Records as "Television's Most Frequent Clapper."

Averaging 720 claps per episode, she puts her hands together more than 28,800 times per season!

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Yahoo was originally named “Jerry’s Guide to the World Wide Web.”

WILD NIGHT OUT!

Out ’n About on Aubrey Fortin’s Birthday...

Arrr!

It’s hot out there...

I'm going to make myself walk the plank!

Aubrey Fortin

This was a bachelorette party for Ashley Doyon. They all dressed up like “Motor Booty Affair” and went wild at Fusion inside the Ramada Inn. Ashley is now safe at home, living with her new hubby. They also make sure they have the latest issue of Uncle Andy’s Digest for home entertainment as seen above.

as the Pirate Princess on her 3rd Birthday.

Aubrey’s mom is Mindy of Diamond Cut Jewelers.

Ready...

Set...

North American oysters do not make pearls of any value.

You can cut up a starfish into pieces and each piece will grow into a completely new starfish.

Willow Run Dental Association

willowrundental.com

n Dent Ru

Walking the plank is fun. I think I’ll do it again!

• Family cosmetic dentistry • Emergency same-day care • Most insurance plans accepted

soc.

As al

Now accepting new patients

Willo w

Geraldine Schneider, DMD Scott Beckerman, DMD Jeffrey Sloan, DDS

783-0261 One Willow Run Unit 1-B Auburn, ME

Weird eBay item: Water left in a cup Elvis Presley once drank from. It sold for $455.

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Lawyer Laughs

The first Social Security Number: 055-09-0001 was issued in November 1936.

Actual questions asked by lawyers taken from official records nationwide:

Q: What happened then?

A: He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”

Q: Did he kill you?

Life in the 1500's

For All Your Salon & Spa Needs AUGUST SPECIAL

$

10 OFF

Ashlee, Shannon, Hannah, Kelley, Mel & Darcy

All Massages & Facials

to get updates on special services & promotions

—Now Hiring Stylists & LMT’s—

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1611

Tues. 10am-7pm Wed.-Fri. 10am-6pm • Sat. 9am-2pm

Submitted by Jim Collins

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon."

We Buy, Sell & Trade Full Line Gunsmith Service Check out our website for weekly specials!

JTReidgunshop.com

J.T. REID’S GUNS

They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

DID YOU KNOW? In 1928, the Binkley Brothers' Clodhoppers made the first commercial recording in Nashville, Tennessee.

It was the beginning of the music recording center in Nashville that earned it the reputation as Music City USA. Today, Nashville attracts over 11 million visitors every year.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager jtreidsgunshop.com

DRIVING RANGE

RESTAURANT

Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

MINI-GOLF

Burgers • Dogs L-A’s Be st Onion Rings Frie s • Ice Cre am 8th Annual Sock Hop August 4th

THIS MONTH AT TABER’S Class Night e ver y Mon. & Wed. in August, 5-7pm.

Call 784-2521 for de tails

TABERS

Open 7 days a week!

Lake Shore Drive, (first left after the lake) Off Rt. 4 in Auburn

www.tabersgolf.com

Disney once sold a retired Monorail train on eBay for $20,000.

The Harry Potter brand name is worth $15 billion.

Amazing Photography

The Irish Sky Garden crater

The Capilano suspension bridge in Vancouver

World’s edge

Gásadalur Village in the Faroe Islands

A Yarn bus in Mexico City

"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve and middle age is when you're forced to." – Bill Vaughn

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow

90% of U.S. households have at lease one remote control for the television; 8 out of 10 report losing it.

All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Terry Clavet & Sofia Bourgoin

Anne Ryan & Matt Cote Kaplan University

Senator Margaret Craven Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Despite being a nine-inch-tall bird, the roadrunner can run as fast as a human sprinter.

At birth a panda is smaller than a mouse and weighs about four ounces.

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Alyssa & Heather Verizon Wireless

Claudette Gaudette Century 21 Advantage

Maria Pete & Tracey Angello Gorillas beat their chests when they get nervous.

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Out ’n About at Roy’s Allsteak Hamburgers I can’t speak for everyone, but I’d say we’re all thrilled to finally appear in the Digest...

The average American uses 12.4 gallons of water to take a shower which lasts, on the average, 10.4 minutes at an average temperature of 105 degrees Fahrenheit.

The Margaret Murphy Center for Children Presents...

2nd Annual

y l i m a F r o o d Out

t h g i N e i v o M

David Pepin

Saturday, August 4th at 8pm Pettengill Park Softball Field

s Concession ts e Raffle Tick Dawn Chadburne

$ .00

1 donation

(per person) Jennifer Carlin Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Donations Greatly Appreciated!

Inclement weather: Hasty Community Center (also located at Pettengill Park)

10% of frequent fliers say they never check their luggage when flying.

MOBBED!

Deer can't eat hay.

Western Maine Cash Mob strikes in Norway...

PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING? Ask about our signature models!

CALL FOR PRICING

G.A. DOWNING 782.4508 or 800.924.4500

Service Rental Sales

What an amazing experience!

We were “mobbed” by about 135 people. They all came “armed” with $20 bills. Support like this is a major “shot” in the arm for local business.

Thank you!

111 Woodman Hill Road, Minot www.gadowning.com

Skunks can accurately spray their smelly fluid as far as ten feet.

Kim Davis of Oxford Federal Credit Union, Erica Jed of Books N Things & Michael Newsom of W.J. Wheeler Insurance For more info about Cash Mobs, visit www.westernmainecashmob.com or www.facebook.com/LACashMob 2030 Headlines: Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

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Out ’n About at Roy’s Allsteak Hamburgers

2030 Headlines: Colorado motorist arrested for not driving SUV.

Top prices paid for gold, silver, diamonds, jewelry & coins!!

Deanna Jack Uncle Andy, come stick your head in this meat grinder

“Friends tell friends about us!”

Family owned and operated • In-house repairs • Guaranteed lowest prices on new & estate jewelry • Gift Certificates available • Mon - Wed 9-5 • Thurs & Fri 9-6 • Sat 9-3

Ivy Laliberte

HUGE ESTATE COLLECTION! Joe Paul Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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33 Center Street in Auburn

782-7575

You can't take it with you, but if you are clever, you can stash it where no one else can find it.

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and explain or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" – Kurt Vonnegut

Lynn

Heather

Michelle

Elizabeth Emily & Christine, Co-owners

Panache is... Confidence.

Micaela

studio for hair, nails & massage

Feel the power of looking your best.

Call today for an appointment.

20 Coburn Street, Auburn (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday

782-9009

www.panacheauburn.com

Kathy

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

Wood Products e n i F

& Stove Sales

Over 30 years experience

224-7239 2742 Auburn Rd., Turner (1 mile north of intersection of Rt. 4 and 219)

Stove Service & Installation

Time to start thinking about

Wood Heating Season!

Oil and Gas prices will be going UP!!

The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words. More than 2 billion pencils are manufactured in the U.S. annually. If these were laid end to end, they would circle the earth nine times.

Pellet Stoves Wood Stoves Gas Stoves Take a short drive up Route 4 and SAVE BIG $$$

www.finewoodproducts.net robm@finewoodproducts.net Anyone who says an onion is the only vegetable that will make you cry has never been hit in the face with a pumpkin.

"I say, I say, I say.

Have you heard about the plastic surgeon who sat by the fire?"

"Yes, he melted."

Trivia Q: What do cars do at the disco?

A: Brake dance.

Cindy

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BIRTHDAY th

BASH 6All0August Long! ✂

ENTER OUR FREE GIVEAWAY WIN GAS CARDS, DRY CLEANING CERTIFICATES, PRE-LOADED EASY CARDS & MORE!

Name: Phone: Email:

Drawing 60 prizes throughout the month Drawing held each Friday

✂

August 10th, 17th, 24th & 31st

LAUNDROMAT • CLEANERS • COIN-OP

each wash load all month!!

Who says size doesn’t matter?

COMING SOON IN SEPTEMBER

New 80 lb Capacity Washers LARGEST WASHERS IN L/A! Don’t forget to enter our FREE DRAWING! Please drop off form at the laundromat!

Search: Beal’s Laundromat & Cleaners Mon.-Fri 7am-9pm • Sat. & Sun. 8am-9pm

LAUNDROMAT • CLEANERS • COIN-OP

2030 Headlines: Typed messages, like this one, now charged at $5 per word. Please remit.

Check out our:

Quilters & Kni tters!

• 2000+ bolts of contemporary quilt fabrics

BUDGET PLANS AVAILABLE

• Custom cut jelly rolls, layer cakes & charm packs • Lots of batiks, brights, polka dots & stripes • Huge selection of sock yarn & Maine yarns

Exceptional Customer Service begins with listening...

• Basketry supplies Hours: Mon-Fri 10 to 5; Sat 10 to 4; Tues ‘til 8

Call us today at 225-3000 for creative energy solutions!

909 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-4486 Quilt-Essentials.com

NOW LEASING - Healy Terrace 81 Ash Street, Lewiston Spacious, contemporary 1 and 2 bedroom units in newly renovated historic building. Elderly 55 plus, non-smoking, Section 8 assisted, elevator, laundry, free parking on site. Fully applianced, heat, hot water, wireless internet included. Accessible units available.

Apply at Lewiston Housing Authority 1 College Street, Lewiston

207-783-1423 8:00am - 5:00pm, Monday - Friday

HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Call us!

No Separating Required!

743-3891

1525 Lisbon Street • Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 www.myselco.com Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4

S A N I PLUS

ADD A NEW BATHROOM FOR YOUR CELLAR No Need for Chiseling or Building Up a Floor Base

The S A N I PLUS is the answer for most toilet and bathroom situations.

It can be installed up to 15 feet below the sewer level and/or 150 feet away from a soil stack. The S A N I PLUS is simple to install, pumps away waste water from a toilet, hand basin, bathtub and shower, and is connected to a low consumption toilet.

FOUR SEASON SERVICE

Downeast Sharpening Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment

HARRIS BROS.

Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

DOLMAR

7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond

Walk-ins welcome

Try our Chicken... it’s good to go!

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shindaiwa

655-4635

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1 OFF Any Cut Men’s, Women’s & Children’s

Large Large Cheeseburger Sub 2-Topping Pizza $3.99 $11.25 3-pc. Roadies Bone-in Chicken Snack...........................$2.99

(Reg. $10)

That Little Barber Shop 9 Acadia Ave., Lewiston (off Lisbon St.) Cosmetologist Brittany Legare

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312-5478 Hours: Tues, Thurs, Fri. 9am-5pm • Wed. & Sat. 8am-noon

A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if Cowboy Architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.

Dog Grooming Daycare & Boutique 65 Washington St., Auburn, ME 04210 • (207) 333-3640

Est. 2008

thedoggzinn@gmail.com • facebook.com/thedoggzinn

http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com

Welcome to the family!

Jessica comes to our professional grooming salon with many years of experience in dog grooming and handling. She began her career with animals working in a veterinary clinic and started grooming dogs in 2006. Her love for dogs, grooming skills and attention to detail are exactly what we have been looking for in a groomer.

Our focus has always been and will always be the dogs’ needs first! That is why our facility is 100% cage free and crate free. This is true of our grooming salon as well. We take our time with your dog, and our attention to detail is unlike any other facility around. We hand-dry all of our dogs and they can relax in our comfy cubbies while they wait for you to return.

We have very flexible and friendly scheduling, and we look forward to serving you! Feel free to give us a call and set up your grooming appointment today and treat your dog to a day at the spa!

Willow 25% OFF grooming services for the month of August!

Jessica Kennagh

Good luck to Willow and family in their new home in Massachusetts!!

We will all miss you so much and hope you come back to visit soon!!

The only fully-staffed, cage-free, one-stop shop doggy daycare facility that offers 6,000 sq. ft. of climate-controlled indoor play area, and 20,000 sq. ft. of outdoor play area for small, medium and large dogs!

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

OUT ’N ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE

Digesters, I hope the summer is treating you all well and the mosquitoes are minding their own business.

Now come to think of it, their business is biting you, so maybe on second thought the mosquitoes should go find a nice place to land between a hard surface and a fly swatter.

I can imagine the weather has been glorious and your vacations spectacular. The weather down here in Miami has been, well, sweltering, which equals sweaty – which equals stinky – which equals my daily routine.

Now I have a real important Digest advertiser to tell y’all about. Yes I said y’all… it means you all or all of you and yes it is southern and no, I did not forget my roots, but a hint of the south has rubbed off on me after a decade. It is summer but before you know it the holidays will be upon us and that means family pictures for the holidays that the Mrs. wants to send to a slew of people that really don’t want to look at your face, regardless of the fact it was pleasant to receive something in the mail other than a bill. Now if you are in your golden years, ate too many sweets as a kid or are a hockey player, you may need to visit our Digesting friends at Smile Again Dentures to fill the gap, and I do mean gap literally. The only time you can get away with a picture in which you are missing a pearly white or two is when you are 5 and the nickel the tooth fairy left you seemed like a lot of money. You are well over five and trust me it’s not a good look, so fill ya grill and get a set of dentures from Smile Again Dentures… your smile will thank you.

Now also around the corner is fall. which brings about hunting season and we all know that 7.3 times out of 10 if you are missing teeth you may love to hunt or know someone who does or know someone who knows someone who has seen a hunting show on television. Now I have been hunting many times in my life and I have to admit I have never

A group of twelve or more cows is called a flink.

August 31, 2012

(continued on next page)

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You can tell the sex of a horse by its teeth. Most males have 40, females have 36.

I live every day trying to not disappoint the guy who wrote "stay cool" in my jr. high school yearbook.

We’ve Moved!

Check out our new salon located at 392 Center St., next to Dunkin’ Donuts. e Open Hous h!

August 17t

(continued from previous page)

bagged a trophy buck or anything for that matter. Now I know you point the skinny end of the gun towards whatever you are trying to hit and squeeze the trigger. Now let me tell you within 8 feet I am dead on but further than that all bets are off and unless you are aiming at the neighbor’s cat, you are not going to be within 8 feet. So if you are like me or just want to fire off a few rounds, you have to try out Top Gun Shooting Range in Poland. No, you won’t meet Maverick or Goose there or get to shoot stuff sitting in the cockpit of an F-14 Tomcat, but you will be able to hone your marksmanship and hopefully be able to hit something smaller than the broadside of a barn… maybe even that ten point buck that has eluded you for the past few seasons.

On a final note Digesters I will be in town for one night only this month and would love for you to come join me for dinner at the place that started it all, the Village Inn! I will be enjoying dinner at the Village Inn at 165 High St. Auburn on Tuesday August 28 around 6:30. Pop in and say hello! I would love to see ya! As always follow me on twitter at uadmiamimike and feel free to email me at uncleandysdigestmiamimike@aol.com.

Until next month, Happy Uncle Andy’s Digesting!!

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography

Plenty of parking Same great staff, pricing & service

392 Center Street • 786-0112

Samantha & Gada Gagnier

Jill Spear & Suzanne Annear Verizon Wireless

"I see you're admiring my striped vest," said no one ever.

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Amazing Photography

"You know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show." – Mitch Hedberg

Street artist Sainer goes big in Poland

Felix Baumgartner jumps from 71,580 feet

Meditating monks at Pongour Falls

Trivia Q: What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

A: A hoarse horse.

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The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

WORDS OF WISDOM

Gorillas sleep as much as fourteen hours per day.

Submitted by Richard Collins

Do not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just bug off and leave me alone.

O

ur Little Ninjas program has been carefully developed for children, ages 3 to 6, to introduce and reinforce the important life lessons you want them to learn.

We start with fun, promote teamwork and friendship and help to create strong individuality and the selfesteem necessary to succeed.

Call or visit our school today to enroll your little one!

FREE UNIFORM 1ST MONTH We are the only Certified OKINAWAN KENPO SCHOOL in the Twin Cities

• Karate for Kids & Adults • Self Defense for Men & Women • Yoga • Fitness Kickboxing

Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: pelledojo@aol.com • www.pelletierskarate.com

786-3731

There are more than fifty different kinds of kangaroos.

The nematode Caenorhabditis elegans ages the equivalent of five human years for every day they live, so they usually die after about fourteen days. When stressed, though, the worm goes into a comatose state that can last for two or more months. The human equivalent would be to sleep for about two hundred years.

Get Your Back-To-School Look Here!

Pedicures • Manicures • Waxing • Eyelash Tinting Colors • Cuts • Foils

Ann Dumais

Get Your Hair Done Before Work!

We’re open at 6:00am 4 days a week!!

We are a full service salon!

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

786-4311

The female lion does ninety percent of the hunting.

Kelly Giambra

Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Because porcupines have hollow quills, they are great swimmers.

Out ’n About at Egg-Ceptional Restaurant Finally, the Easterling’s get their own column in Uncle Andy’s Digest!

indham •

Located

orth W . 115 in N

0

892-822

on Rt

Dora Easterling

A biological reserve has been made for golden toads because they are so rare.

“Feels Like Home!”

Our 2012 Donations to date: $

Over 7,000

Mike Easterling

Sunday at 6:00PM • Monday thru Friday at 6:30PM $

10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $50 - $100

Fridays: 1/2 of all packages goes to W.T.A.

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394 www.LYAFBingo.com If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

Steven Easterling Jr Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Roy’s Allsteak Hamburgers

Uncle Andy, you may have never gotten an “A” on any report card or were ever “top choice” for any ball team... but Grade A Top Choice is all we do around here.

Jeff Roy Elizabeth Custer (Libby) outlived her husband by 57 years.

General George Custer graduated last in his class at West Point.

Submitted by Richard Collins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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“Beginning Traditions”

Josh Belanger

Small Groups: Waiting for the ambience to take me to the hospitable.

Tired of renting?

Outgrowing your home?

Ready for a change?

From Biddeford to Bangor... we can show you any listing you desire!

Give us a call to sell your home and to view any property in Maine.

Brian & Tracie Vye 207.713.1618

Legacy Realty 681 Sabattus St, Lewiston 207.376.4830 Email: Brian-Tracie@Legacy-Realty.net

Amazing Photography Mount Kilimanjaro from above

Let us do what we do BEST So you can do what you do BEST Call us today for a no obligation consultation to see if we can help you do business better!

RCC Business Services, Inc. Financial & Advisory Services for Small Businesses 143 First Flight Drive, Auburn • 795-0663 www.RCCmaine.com

 QuickBooks Consulting  QuickBooks Hosting  Bookkeeping  MaineCare Billing  Accounts Receivable Management  Financial Reporting

Proadvisors, for confidence Certified Staff, for training Hosting, for virtual support

I enjoy your company most when I am by myself.

It's a good thing your car can't travel at the speed of light - your headlights wouldn't work.

Amazing Photography

RV DUMP STATION 747 Minot Ave. Auburn

Fractal patterns in dried out desert rivers

(behind Fastenal)

OPEN 24/7 SELF SERVE The first Times Square New Year’s Eve “ball” fell in 1906.

Zsa Zsa Gabor is the great aunt of Paris Hilton.

The amazing strength of an ant

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America the Beautiful

Sandra Bullock’s mom is a European opera singer.

The original poem for the song "America the Beautiful" was written by Katherine Lee Bates on July 22, 1893. She was inspired to write the poem after seeing the beauty of the mountains in Colorado. The song was published two years later on July 4, 1895.

Trivia fans: When Richard Nixon visited China in 1972, this song was played as the welcome music.

CHECK OUT OUR STORE ON YOUR WAY TO THE COAST Womans & Childrens pre-loved clothing

Vintage Clothing • China • Crystal Pottery • Collectibles & Much More!

Maine Vintage & Consignment Quality Clothing & Home Goods

353-2216 Just off Rt. 196 @ 18 Main Street in Lisbon Falls Wed-Fri 12pm - 5pm • Sat 10am - 4pm

Parking Meters The first automatic parking meters were installed in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, in 1935. Despite much opposition, the first meters were installed by the Dual Parking Meter Company; they cost a nickel an hour, and were placed at 20-foot intervals along the curb that corresponded to spaces painted on the pavement. And they've been a fixture ever since!

Useless Fact #1498 Submitted by Richard Collins

The most northern WAL-MART is located in the city of Yellowknife (population 19,234) which is the capital city of the Northwest Territories.

Yellowknife is 250 miles south of the Arctic Circle.

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ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413

DO YOU LOVE THE DIGEST? Do you have a family member living away who also loves it?

Buy yourself or them a subscription to Uncle Andy’s Digest!

Only $30 for the whole year (12 editions).

We’ll mail it directly to their residence each and every month! Perfect any time of the year...

Birthday, Anniversary, Christmas or just because!

Give us a call!

Uncle Andy’s Digest, PO Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212 • (207) 783-7039 Actor Richard Gere attended the University of Massachusetts on a gymnastics scholarship.

Of the $25 billion fragrance industry, about $1 billion comes from celebrity endorsed scents.

Out ’n About at Egg-Ceptional Restaurant

Michael Jursa

Doreen Petitt I always have the last laugh Uncle Andy.

Tammy Gary First rock band to play at the Grand Ole Opry: The Byrds, in 1968.

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NEXT Level Business Coaching Go Home On Time – Sleep Well At Night

What is business coaching?

Call 207-376-3239 for a confidential 90 minute consultation on any two business issues you are facing – no charge.

Guaranteed to provide you with strategies you can put to use right away.

Buying stuff online gives me a reason to live for another 5-7 business days.

Brotherly Love Submitted by Richard Collins

STRENGTH, INTEGRITY & ENDURANCE THRU ZUMBA®

754-9411

SPRQ FITNESS STUDIO - COMMUNITY

ROLLING BED RACE! Saturday, Sept. 8th Gather your Main Street, team of 6 and Sabattus MAKE YOUR BED! EARLY BIRD Registration (by Aug. 22) $150

Regular Registration (after Aug. 22) $200

Register at www.SPQRBedRace.Eventzilla.net First 5 teams registered get SPRQ RACE T-SHIRTS from Varsity Lettering REQUIREMENTS: • Teams of 6 (3 push 3 on bed): 1 Min. Swap!

• Full or Queen size beds ONLY! • Beds must produce noise!

• Beds must be able to spin in full circle!

LOCAL SPONSORS: STEVEN’S HARDWARE (start line) MAIN ST. MARKET (finish line) MIXERS NIGHTCLUB (beer garden) AMERICAN LEGION POST #135 (staging area)

CHECK-IN/QUALITY CONTROL: From 8-9am at Stevens Hardware side parking lot 1st Race: 10am • 2nd Race: 11:30am • TOP 6 TEAMS: Race at 1:30pm

BBQ at Sabattus Fire Dept.

MIXERS BEER GARDEN 11am-3pm

Live Music rages Snacks/Beve Q Gear T-Shirts/SPR r sale! available fo

Building Teamwork • Leadership • Physical Strength

10% OF ALL PROCEEDS GOES TO OAK HILL BOOSTERS Contact: Kelli Gilzow at (207) 754-9411 or Kelli@SPRQStudio.com The origin of “calling dibs”: the game of “dib stones” that dates back to the 1600s.

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender tells him, "You know a pint goes flat after I draw it. They would taste better if you ordered one at a time."

The Irishman replies," Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m in Dublin. We promised that we would drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each of me brothers and one for me self."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular at the bar and always drinks the same way.

One day, he comes in and just orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." (continued on next page)

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The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a minute, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh no, everybody’s just fine," he explains.

"It’s just since I married me girlfriend, to keep her happy, I had to join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. It hasn’t affected me brothers though.

Norman Mailer coined the term “factoid” in his 1973 biography of Marilyn Monroe.

513-1130

Out ’n About at Egg-Ceptional Restaurant I’m kinda new at this “out ‘n about” stuff.

Whadda ya mean I’m gonna be famous?

Seth Keene

Trivia Q: I have a neck, but no head. I have two arms, but no hands.

What am I? A: I am a shirt Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Hans Christian Anderson wrote 156 fairy tales.

The figure created by the pins in ten-pin bowling is called a tetraktys.

Join us at our new location as of August 27, 2012 1220 Lisbon Street in Lewiston

784-5085 Mon-Fri 8am-5pm • 24 HOUR ON CALL

Fortier Security Center Residential • Commercial • Sales • Locks & Keys • Access Control

Sweet Pea Designs Wedding Planner & Flower Shoppe 777-1520 or 577-2130

Free Delivery in L/A

sweetpeafloraldesignsme.com

563 Painters Primer • The Original Painters Primer • Adheres to glossy surfaces • High hiding formula • Use it inside or out

r i a

Q: How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in the group?

A: Just look for the grey hares.

Little Benjamin came running into the kitchen where is mother was working.

"Mom, can I please change my name right now?" he asked.

"But why would you want to do that?" replied his mom.

"Because Dad said he's going to spank me as sure as my name's Benjamin!"

Loose Clothing April teaches many aerobic classes. She told a lady who was looking to sign up for the class to just wear loose fitting clothing to the class.

"Honey," the lady replied, "if I had any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't be signing up for an exercise class."

Company Time Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.

Susie: It grew on company time.

516 Sabattus Street • Lewiston • 784-1993 • M-F 7am-5pm, Sat. 7:30am-1pm

www.lewistonpaint.com First move to cost $100 million: Terminator 2: Judgement Day, in 1991.

Boss: Not all that hair.

Susie: I didn't get it all cut.

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow

The first Marvel superhero: The Human Torch.

All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Black Jack, baby! I’m heading to Oxford...

Jeff Allen Selco

ET

ED

L MP

Judy Lamoureaux & Lisa Laliberte

CO

D

E ET

PL

M CO

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

Taylor & Nicholas Hemenway Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Suburbia is where they tear out the trees and name streets after them.

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow

Walt Disney won 35 Oscars in 38 years.

All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

These guys will never get our names right...

Trenchless Sewer and Drain Rehabilitation Call today to have a Clear Drains of Maine technician perform a site evaluation and provide you with a detailed estimate for rehabilitating your failing sewer or drain line with our

PERMA-LATERAL

TM

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NO DIG TRENCHLESS TECHNOLOGY! Visit us online:

ClearDrainsofMaine.com

Seals broken areas in Cast Iron, PVC, Orangeburg, Clay Pipes & More!

521 Federal Road, Livermore • 207.320.2177

Mike Beaulieu & Paula

There is only one correct answer for a Rubik’s Cube–and 43 quintillion wrong ones.

FREE BULLY PREVENTION/ STRANGER DANGER SEMINAR OPEN TO THE PUBLIC

Friday, August 31st, 5-5:45 pm at our location Kids ages 5-12 Xtreme Fit ◆ Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Kempo Karate ◆ Private Lessons

Abigayle & Heather

Is it supposed to rain?

Adult Classes • 3 Different Child Age Groups

XTREME ATHLETICS

www.xtremeathleticsmaine.com 18 Highland Spring Rd. • Lewiston Phone: 786-9100

Tom Cruise took up acting after losing his place on the high school wrestling team.

Angela Verrill Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Shoe Cover-Up

There are 21 pips on a die.

Submitted by Jimbo

One day a man drove his secretary home after she fell quite ill at work. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.

Later, that night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant.

Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot.

That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat.

"Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

Did You Know? acetwothreefourfivesixseveneightninetenjackqueenking... Excluding the joker, if you add up the letters in all the names of the cards in the deck (Ace, two, three, four,...,king). the total number of letters is 52, the same as the number of cards in the deck.

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Handy Hardware 9 Depot Square, Mechanic Falls Hours: M-F 7am-5pm; Sat/ 8am-5pm; Sun 9am-1pm

345-2091

Mike Wallace hosted seven TV game shows before landing 60 Minutes.

Traffic jams of New York, San Francisco and Paris are well known – beaten only by those in Seattle where a driver annually spends an average of 59 hours stuck in traffic.

1,000 SF of Professional Office Space Available Immediately

Everything Included in Rent: Heat, hot water, sewer, electricity, internet, plowing, trash removal & off-street parking.

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography

No, I don’t have a Queen of Spades...

Go FISH!

Call 576-4844 FMI Ask about getting first month FREE!

Amazing Photography

That’s okay, I’m still the King of Queens!

Aurora Australis (southern lights) from space. A natural light display in the sky particularly in the high latitude (Arctic and Antarctic) regions, caused by the collision of energetic charged particles with atoms in the high altitude atmosphere.

Matt & Ben Gosselin

Tell us what you think!

Uncle Andy’s Digest wants to know.

Visit: uncleandys.com/take-our-survey

Why? • It will help Uncle Andy’s Digest get better • It only takes a minute • You could WIN! (YOU will be entered into a drawing to win a $50 gift card to Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine)

Don’t wait another minute, do it NOW! The southern most city in the United States is Na'alehu, Hawaii.

Chelsea Janelle LMT at Cassiel’s Day Spa Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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First Dates

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.

It's syncing now.

Submitted by Ricard Collins

We have all had bad dates, but this takes the cake. This appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.

The winner described her worst first date experience.

There was absolutely no question why her tale took the prize. She said it was mid-winter... snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before that day. The outing was fun and relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon when she gradually began to realize that she shouldn’t have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anything with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere. Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, she told him that he had better stop because she couldn’t hold it any longer.

They stopped, and she quickly crawled out beside the car to finally relieve herself. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think was

ATTENTION WE ARE GOING TO BE

MOVING NOT CLOSING

As of September 1, 2012 we will be relocating to our final home.

300 Cressey Road • Monmouth, ME To Winthrop/ Manchester

Highmoor Farm

Leo’s Reggie’s

Springbrook Golf Course

To Lewiston/ Auburn

For All Your Custom Upholstery Needs

Leo Beaudin

CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY

782-3822 • cell: 713-5491

28 Riverside Drive, Auburn

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Fishing for Compliments: Standing in the kitchen next to the toaster with my glass raised.

Nothing.

Cigarettes are pretty much like cats: perfectly harmless unless you put one in your mouth and try to set fire to it.

ARE YOU IN THE MARKET TO BUY A NEW CAR? Rainbow Federal Credit Union is here to help. Come in today to apply or apply online at: RainbowFCU.com

Federally insured

by NCUA Main, Rainbow FCU Office 381-391 Main St. Lewiston 207-784-5435 Fax: 207-795-6238

Mechanic Falls Branch 1 Lewiston Street, McFalls 207-346-3001 Fax: 207-346-3012

South Paris Branch 172 Pine Street, So. Paris 207-743-5410 Fax: 207-743-9331

Auburn Office 20 Washington St., Auburn 207-783-0351 Fax: 207-786-0523

Things Mom Would Never Say: "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

Your Concept...

...Our Design

10’x12’ Oak Kitchen with countertop $1,99999 10’x12’ Birch Kitchen with countertop $2,09999 1766 Federal Rd. (Rt. 4) Livermore

897-3400 or 1822 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston

784-3100

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

(continued from previous page)

the relief she felt in spite of the situation.

As she began to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered that her buttocks were firmly glued to the cars fender. The thoughts of tongues firmly frozen to schoolyard pipes came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about, "What’s taking so long?", with a reply that she was freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance. He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater, and then, as she looked imploring into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed the situation. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they were faced with a real dilemma.

Both agreed that it would take something hot to free her cheeks from the grip of the icy metal.

So, as she looked the other way her first-time date proceeded to unzip his fly and pee to free her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show hands down, ...or perhaps that should be pants down.

And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay commented, “This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.”

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Human birth control pills work on gorillas.

Give Someone a Lift with a bouquet of flowers

Ann’s Flowers

Flowers for every occasion!

14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457 www.annsflower.com

Pete Smith & Tony Jessen

Tell us what you think!

Uncle Andy’s Digest wants to know.

Morgan Stanley Smith Barney

Visit: uncleandys.com/take-our-survey

Why? • It will help Uncle Andy’s Digest get better • It only takes a minute • You could WIN! (YOU will be entered into a drawing to win a $50 gift card to Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine)

Don’t wait another minute, do it NOW! Jennifer Campbell & Gladys Jones

Susan Beane Museum L.A. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The duckbill platypus can store as many as six hundred worms in the pouches of its cheeks.

Open Mic

Elephants can smell water from as far away as three miles.

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20% OFF all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!

INVENTORY REDUCTION

SALE! 20% - 75% OFF

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Featuring

131Vendors

While my son was on the Navy carrier USS George Washington, the air wing was busy with training missions.

After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd."

The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by announcing: "Be vewy, vewy quiet.

We aw hunting submawines."

Bed Making My wife and I are teachers, and our jobs often spill over into our family life. One morning as our eight-yearold Maggie was getting ready for school, I peeked into her room to be sure she had tidied it up.

"You call THAT a made bed?" I asked.

Open 7 Days a Week

9 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

Some species of dinosaur were the size of chickens.

s Alway g n i Buy

No Dad," Maggie replied. "It's just a rough draft."

God gave us memories so that we might have roses in December.

– James M. Barrie Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Emily’s Run

"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography." – Steven Wright

The second leg of the Triple Crown series

DISPLAY MODEL

BLOWOUT!!

Brian Dubois, Chris Shea & Martha Levasseur

Reg. $33,000

SALE! $24,999 SAVE $9,000

Dave Murphy

Full line of Viking Fiberglass In-Grounds!

All shapes & sizes

Mary Murphy

From 14' x 9' to 16' x 44'

Stop by and check out our new models at our showroom

We also carry a full line of Radiant above-ground, semi-above ground, and in-grounds.

Above-ground pools installed within 5 days of your order!

Glamour Pool and Spa 2 Lisbon St., Lisbon • (207) 784-6538 glamourpools@glamourpools.com

Christina Cifelli Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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www.glamourpools.com "Some parents have a hard time deciding on a name for the new baby, but others have rich relatives." – Don McElroy

Androscoggin Habitat For Humanity 2012 Annual

Friday, Sept. 21, 2012 Each tournament team entry at $240 includes: • 18-hole green fees and carts • Player gifts at registration and on the course • Lunch • Awards ceremony

Springbrook Golf Course Route 202, Leeds

Lunch will be provided to players at the club house between 11am and 1pm.

Snacks wil be served on the course

Register today!

Schedule: 8:00 - 8:45am 8:45am 9:00am

Registration Briefing & Rules Shotgun Start

Androscoggin Habitat for Humanity 207-786-2598 Call Now!

Proceeds benefit Androscoggin Habitat for Humanity and its continuing effort to eliminate substandard housing in Androscoggin County

Out ’n About at the Legends Tour at the Falmouth Country Club Photos by Sue Fracker

If you think my puns are bad... just wait 'til they're full groan.

Need it gone?

WE DO THAT! Construction Site Waste • Apartment Building Clean outs • Rental Property Clean outs Old Junk • Old furniture • Old appliances • And More!

(l to r) Patty Sheehan (LPGA Hall of Fame), Stephanie Rodrigue & Donna Caponi (World Golf Hall of Fame)

Got a project and need some help? Give us a call. From clean outs, to carpentry, painting, roofing and more!

Call Home Improvement Rick for a free quote...

H.I. Rick

Stephanie Rodrigue A 7th grader at St. Dom’s had the opportunity to golf among the legends. She recently got to compete alongside professional women golfers at the Legend’s Tour event that was held in Falmouth. Stephanie got to golf and rub shoulders with some of the greats from the LPGA from Patty Sheehan, Donna Caponi and Nancy Lopez.

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For All General Home Repairs & Improvements

HOME IMPROVEMENT SERVICES • Carpentry • Plumbing

ra Call us today fo FREE quote!

• Flooring • Painting • Plowing & much more!

784-8922

World Coveting Championship: Looks likes this year's contest will come down to who wants it more.

➢ UNCLE ANDY’S CLASSIFIED ADS ➢ AUTOMOTIVE TOM’S AUTO PARTS Large selection of new and used auto parts.

Call for your needs.

Shipping available in USA.

Call 375-4475 Yvon’s Car Wash n’ Lube $3 OFF Basic oil change. $5 OFF Premium oil change.

See our ad on page 14 FMI 698 Main St., Lewiston • 777-3600

Armand’s Autobody Free Estimates Satisfaction Guarantee 31 Blake St., Lewiston Call Dan Dumont @ 782-7113

BOATING

CONSTRUCTION

FOR RENT

BACKGROUND CHECKS

R.L. Builders

1,000 Sq. Ft. of Prime Office Space For Rent

Mid Maine Drug Screening & Investigations

Building a new home this year?

Call about our complete home packages.

Also remodeling and additions Call Rudy at 576-0847

REMODELING

Countertops, Etc Custom built cabinets adds value! Affordable solid surface & cabinet.

Let me help save you $$$.

Over 100 referrals available.

212-3203

FIRE WOOD

This second floor office space is perfect for a professional office setting. It has 3 separate offices with waiting area, private full bath and full kitchen. Hardwood floors throughout.

EVERYTHING IS INCLUDED IN YOUR RENT: Heat, hot water, sewer, electricity, internet, plowing, trash removal & off-street parking for you and your clients.

Auburn Marine & Small Engine

Seasoned Firewood

All for $900/month

Full service & repair on all boats. Also carry water toys: skis, tow ropes, wakeboards, tubes & more.

Open 7 days a week.

65 North River Rd, Auburn 784-3888

$250/cord.

Cut, split and delivered.

Credit cards accepted.

R&S Excavation 207-946-5611

Great visibility from Center Street in Auburn.

Full service drug testing company and private investigator.

Call 577-6000

“LIKE” Uncle Andy’s Digest on Facebook to hear about upcoming events, promotions, giveaways and even get a chuckle from one of our jokes or one-liners!

Scan the QR Code below or find us on facebook @ facebook.com/ UncleAndysDigest

Ask about getting the first month FREE

Call 576-4844 FMI

Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations.

Type O blood predisposes people to make more mistakes when they type.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow

Parallel lines have got so much in common... it's a shame they'll never meet.

All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Kristen Lampron & Ashley Goulet

Hailey Bellemare & Mary Roy

Julie Poulin Northeast Bank

& Beth Favreau Fontaine Family Team

Trivia Q: What's black when it's clean and white when it's dirty?

A: A chalk board.

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Minute Waltz: Not meant to be completed in a minute.

Twenty-second Psalm... also not gonna happen.

Bakery Bliss: It's nice to be kneaded.

Harvey Metals Superior Grading & Pricing

Out ’n About at Emily’s Run The second leg of the Triple Crown series Thank you to all who participated in Emily’s Run. We hope to see you on August 26th for the L-A Bridge Run!

Maine’s Largest Catalytic Converter Buyer

Family Owned & Operated

TOP PRICES PAID! We buy: Aluminum Wheels $14/each Batteries $10/each Brass • Copper • Radiators Catalytic Converters Cell Phones • Tin And More!

Tish Caldwell I figured I could make Emily’s run before I head to London to compete!

Natalie, Mike & Michele Tribou

Hours: Tuesday - Friday 9-4; Saturday 9-3

41 Capital Avenue, Lisbon Falls (off Rt. 196, near Rite Aid)

353-JUNK (5865) • HarveyMetals.com If aliens saw us picking up after our dogs while walking in the park, who will they think is the dominant species?

Mercedes, Maverick & Mike Archer Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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New York City, named

by Americans as the most dangerous, least attractive, and rudest city in a recent poll, is also, strangely enough, Americans’ top choice as the city where they would most like to live or visit on vacation.

"All's well that ends

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! DAILY SPECIALS Monday - 2 Crabmeat Rolls . . . . . . . . .$8.95 w/salad & chips

Tues. Wed. & Thurs.

Fried Clams - sm. $11.75 . . . .lg. $15.25

Trivia

w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . . . . . . .$7.95

Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

A: Sanka.

Two brothers, ages 8 & 4, were discussing Adam and Eve. The 8year-old asked: "How did Adam and Eve die?"

w/potato, carrots, gravy & rolls

Friday & Saturday

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . .$6.95

After 4:00 PM Prime Rib Au Jus*

Thursday - 2 Lobster Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.95

w/potato & rolls

Small $13.50 • Large $16.25

Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried Haddock* $11.65 Baked Stuffed Haddock* Small $10.25 • Large $13.95

And the 4-year-old said: "They ate bad fruit."

Fried Seafood Combo* $16.95

Grilled Salmon $11.25 includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Coleslaw

Trivia

A: Lots of room.

"I say, I say, I say. Did you know it takes a dozen sheep to make a sweater?"

"Really. I didn't know they could knit."

I help keep things clean behind the scenes in the kitchen and I also help prep some of the delicious meals our customers have come to enjoy over the years.

Check out our daily specials above my photo.

Sydney Rushforth

or Vegetable & Rolls

of Auburn

Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm

64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

PAVING & SEALCOATING Residential & Commercial Call for FREE

Trivia

Estimates

Q: Deputy: Why did the sheriff put glue on his hands before the showdown?

A: Sheriff: He wanted to stick to his guns.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

AUGUST 2012

w/ salad & chips

*with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw

Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?

94

"

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MELANSON CONSTRUCTION, I NC. 84 No Name Pond Road, Lewiston • 784-5899 Bank robbers give a bad name to people who just want to deposit their check with a mask on.

We sometimes treat this world of ours as though we had a spare in the trunk.

Office Space for Rent

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Stay cool my friends!

1,000 SQ. FT. OF PROFESSIONAL OFFICE SPACE This second floor office space is perfect for any business needing professional office space. It has 3 separate offices with waiting area, private full bath and full kitchen. Hardwood floors throughout.

MUST SEE! S ONTH I M T S R I F

Brett Goggin Thayer Corporation I’ve been leaving copies of the Digest in airports for years in hopes they will entertain the world!

!

E E R F

EVERYTHING INCLUDED IN RENT:

Chris Vachon & Deb Lyons The Force is with me...

Heat, hot water, sewer, electricity, internet, plowing, trash removal & off-street parking. Signage space also available.

Located at 9 Grove Street in Auburn.

Across from Pat’s Pizza on Center Street.

This prime office space is available NOW! Call 576-4844 FMI or to set up a viewing.

Shane Plumber Target Marketing ME

Debit card goes in, cash comes out. YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN THAT.

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

I sort of feel like Yukon Cornelius, the prospector in Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer...

Emmanuel Boucher & Ed Boucher The Jingle Man

Chip Morrison & friend

Breaking News Story: Explosion at local Cheese factory... Nothing left but de Brie.

FROM STONE DUST TO ROC

St. Laurent & Son is pleased to announce the acquisition of the former Glen Dube Gra located less than a half mile from the Maine Turnpike. The gravel pit now has a la Pick up and delivery are availa

Locally owned and operated since 1970!

GRAVEL PIT IS NOW OPEN FOR SATURDAY SALES & DELIVERY 7AM - NOON

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

784-7944 Kevin Freeman Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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www.stlaurentandson.com While watching a marathon I saw one runner dressed as a chicken & another dressed as an egg . . . this could be interesting.

Whatever doesn't kill me makes me all like, "Whoa! That was close!

CK, WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

avel Pit located at 168 Middle Road (Rt. 9) in Sabattus. The gravel pit is conveniently arge scale crushing/processing operation and offers a wide variety of aggregates. able. Call our office for pricing.

You’ll never guess who I am...

Supanne Saengwong & Alex Perreault Jasmine Cafe

Cindy Rioux & Dan Pearce Red Neck Rodeo

The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick -- two women fighting over a pair of shoes.

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I am going to slap the person who told me the new iPhone could be used as a bathroom scale!

Ask and You shall Receive Submitted by Richard Collins

At the beginning of the children’s sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, he leaned over and said to the girl, "That’s a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?"

Building Packages starting at

$149,900 • Custom Homes & Remodeling • Energy Efficient Homes & Projects • Energy Audits

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HUGE SALE

The girl replied almost directly into the pastor’s clip-on mike, "Yes, and my mom says it’s a bitch to iron.

In 1946, screen goddess Marilyn Monroe was given her first screen test by 20th Century Fox Studios.

Even without sound, Marilyn made such an impact that she was given her first contract!

Buggy

497 Washington St. Auburn • 783-3232

You'll Laugh

You'll Learn

With lots of humor, Imus is joined by Imus asks tough questions of celebrities, politicians Warner, Bernie, Lou and Dagen. and media stars and they still come back for more.

Add comedians Tony Powell and Rob Combine that with our award winning local news Bartlett, starting your day is more fun. and your mornings are complete.

L-A’s

WEZR RADIO

1240

Listen to AM 1240 weekdays 6 to 10 AM

Greyhound dogs can see better than any other breed of dog.

In 2002, scientists announced the discovery of a new species in New York City's Central Park, an 82-legged centipede that had first been discovered in the park's leaf litter in 1998. The bug received its name from the Virginia scientist, Nannarrup Hoffmani, who helped to identify it.

Some 30,000,000 Americans slave over crosswords in newspaper, journals, and paperback books.

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Leroy & Madison Crockett

Penguins generally mate once and produce one egg per year.

Sarah Jeanne’s

for A one-stop shop ! rty your wedding pa

Tanning & Day Spa

Family Hair Care

77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • www.sarahjeannes.com

• Updos • Hair Services • Manicures • Pedicures • Hot Tub • Sauna • Massage • Tanning • Body Waxing • Body Wraps • Facials • Eyelashes • Limos • Tuxedos • And More!

795-6778

Wedding Day Special Rent 6 Tuxes for your wedding party and get: • Groom’s Tux FREE • Groom hair cut FREE • 60 minute Tanning Package FREE • Ring Bearer Tux 50% OFF

Come check us out, you’ll be glad you did!

TUXEDO RENTALS

at a price you can afford!

Jean Burns

L/A’s Greater oice Best Ch s! for Tuxe

Fabulous selection of tuxedo styles including vests, ties, shoes, shirts and pants.

• Weddings • Proms • Formal Events Check us out first for your next tux rental!

Chin & Neck

Tummy

Back

Upper Legs

Sides

Arms

Tightens, Tones & Firms - Get the sexy body you deserve!

Look Years Younger with hydrated, smoother skin!

Reduces appearance of cellulite!

CALL US AT 795-6778 TO LEARN MORE Host a Party & Try It

Bethany Campbell Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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S&J Tuxedos And Limo Service (Affiliated with Sarah Jeanne’s)

76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

333-3737

FREE with coupon (call for details)

The mako shark and great white shark are two of the few species of shark that are warm blooded.

FROM START TO FINISH

!

D E R E V O C U O Y WE’V E GOT Commercial • Residential • Industrial Driveway Paving • Asphalt Repair • Asphalt Removal Driveway Sealing • Parking Lot Paving • And More Call us today for your FREE quote TODAY!

Superior Paving Company

782-4010 Serving all of Maine for over 40 years!

Sermon Overtime

2030 Headlines: Authentic year 2000 Florida "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Submitted by Jimbo

The pastor was known for the clarity and brevity of his sermons.

His talks were well organized and always ended promptly at 20 minutes.

One Sunday, he seemed to wander and drift around a bit and was still preaching to the congregation after 35 minutes. His wife managed a small signal, which fortunately he recognized as a sign he should come to a close.

When they got home after the service, the wife asked the pastor why he got so muddled and why he went on speaking so long.

He answered, "Well, I've gotten into the habit of tucking a lozenge in my mouth before I stand to speak. When the lozenge has dissolved, I know it is time to stop.

This morning, unfortunately I picked up a collar button instead of a lozenge."

I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400. I said, "May I have large bills, please."

She looked at me and said, "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."

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Things Kids Say in Science Class: When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

2030 Headlines: Average height of NBA players now nine feet seven inches.

Falling Tree

By Natasha Piirainen

Glenda Mitchell: 514-1136 • gmitchell@redlon-johnson.com Tim Fox: 514-1137 • tfox@redlon-johnson.com

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a “World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

Partnering with Professionals

3 Middle Street, Lewiston

Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail

Showroom Hours: Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. 8AM - 4:30PM

showroom.redlon-johnson.com

Open Thurs. until 6PM APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

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Mindy

My dad used to practice martial arts when he was younger, Kyokushin to be exact, and growing up he taught us endless different self-defense techniques. The arm hold, the upper cut, the round-house kick, all of those are fancy, sure, but none are as effective as falling tree.

Anyone can do it. You stand next to your attacker (or, in the case of my family, your victim), and shout, “Falling tree!”, because a warning is courteous. Then you let gravity do its thing and you fall, like a tree, directly on top of the other person. For the tree, especially when it is a fullygrown 190 pound man, usually laughs hysterically. The victim, especially when it is the much smaller daughter of the tree, usually ends up being unable to breathe for a few minutes. Obviously with falling tree being large comes in handy.

We’ve been using falling tree for so long, it’s even rubbed off on our friends, including my best friend who is not afraid to greet me with an always surprising “FALLING TREE!” rather than a hug, or a handshake, or even a hello.

But hey, what is friendship if not the ability to body slam someone and still laugh about it afterwards? And family, for that matter.

So if you ever find yourself being attacked by a mugger, you should probably call the police; but, if you are bored and want to inconvenience someone for fun, try some falling tree.

Just be prepared for when your victim decides to get you back.

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