UAD August 2013

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

.com

GET YOUR DIGEST ON!

FREE August 2013

Lock in Your LOW Rate Now! Call for your purchases or to refinance today!

Conventional ★ FHA ★ VA ★ MSHA ★ RD

A local lender you can trust!

Debbie Bodwell, Vice President NMLS# 280336

Residential Mortgage Service, Inc. 777.1551

181 Center St.; Auburn, Maine 04210 www.rmsmortgage.com •dbodwell@rmsmortgage.com

This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions.

Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537

Complete, comprehensive dentistry for ages 3 to 103 NEW lways A s t Patien me!

Welco

Preventative dentistry cleanings and fillings Cosmetic dentistry whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more We accept most insurances Financing available

TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES Jewelry to fall in love with

145 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com

27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN • 784-1577 TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM Armandsab@aol.com

Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else. – Ann Landers

DBJ DESIGNS • Kitchen Designing • Custom Cabinets • Granite Counter Tops What a great night for an outdoor party!

Rodney Crowley These shades will throw people off that we’re in the Digest twice. No one will ever know...

• Custom Trim Work and much more!

JERIMIAH MORRISSETTE

ve We ha ! d up e m a e t

DBJ Designs &

Huston Brothers Mill Work Custom Cabinets Doing both Residential and Commercial Installs Call for your one-on-one appointment

240-4237 DBJhomedesigns@gmail.com Donna & Mike Easter Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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568 Lisbon Rd. • Lisbon Falls I slept like a baby last night. Waking up every 2 hours crying for food.

A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA AUGUST 2013 Wednesday, August 7th Grid Iron 4 – 7pm (Chapter 10589) 1567 Lisbon St, Lewiston $8 Member; $8.50 Guest Tuesday, August 13th Taber’s 4 – 7pm (Chapter 14346) Lakeshore Drive, Auburn $4.50 Member; $5 Guest Saturday, August 17th Bailey Island Cruise (Chapter 12907) Cooks Landing, Bailey Island Need to be there by 11:30 am $13.50 age 10-64; $11 age 65+; $5 age 5-9

Wednesday, August 21st Dairy Joy 3 – 7pm (Chapter 8228) Campus Ave, Lewiston or Spring St. Auburn. $1 per person Thursday, August 22nd Lewiston Mandarin Restaurant 11:30am – 1:30 pm (Chapter 14437)

750 Sabattus St, Lewiston $4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest Tuesday, August 27th Roy’s Breakfast 7 – 10am (Chapter 14437) Washington St, Auburn $2.50 Member; $3.50 Guest Tuesday, August 27th Norway Soft Serve 5:30 – 7pm (Chapter 10929) Main St, So Paris. $1 Person Wednesday, August 28th Chick-a-Dee Lewiston 4 – 7pm (Chapter 14437) 1472 Lisbon Street, Lewiston $8 Member; $9 Guest PARK TICKETS Aquaboggan $13 member; $15 guest Combo Fun/Splash $25.50 member; $27 guest Funtown $19 member; $20 guest Splashtown $18.50 member; $20 guest Storyland $28 member; $29 guest WaterCountry $27 member; $29 guest York Animal Kingdom $10 member; $11 guest TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change.

If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed. ************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays).

Call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

QUALITY CUSTOM DENTURE WORK Affordable Dentures

www.UncleAndys.com

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

Staff

FREE CONSULTATIONS

JIMBO Financial Aid

TRAVIS On the Disabled List

UNCLE ANDY On Vacation Again

MAGGIE Calling Dr. Joyce...

MARTY

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

Most Dental Insurances Accepted • We also accept Credit & Debit Cards

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660 www.smileagaindentures.com See us for: • Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures

To the Market Everybody repeat after me: “We are all individuals.”

ANGIE Two Tickets to Paradise

TOM She Doesn’t Wear Wings

PAM Up for the Challenge

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212 While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Whenever I see a broken elevator I tend to stair.

• Rebases • Relines • Repairs

You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to. – Unknown

Moses in the 21st Century Submitted by Richard Collins

KITCHENSolutions DESIGN & SALES CENTER

995 Center St. Auburn Next to Appliance Warehouse and Gamache & Lessard Window Decorators

784-3100 Visit our brand new showroom Specials on Cabinets & Granite Countertops 10x12 OAK KITCHEN WITH COUNTERTOP Bruce

$1,999

Stacy

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com At latitude 60 degrees south you can sail all the way around the world.

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. He used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge, and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey,” said his mom, “is that really what your teacher taught you?"

"Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it."

Little Known Fact The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.

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Wisdom for the Ages Submitted by Marty Dow

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world...

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A Chinese checkerboard has 121 holes.

47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959 thefirehousegrille.biz

Under the Tent Parties Weddings, Private Parties

Up to 200 people Call for details

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.

Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

AUGUST SCHEDULE

MONDAYS

Fri. Aug. 9th . . . . . . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg

Hospitality Night 20% OFF Food & Spirits

Dancing & Ladies Night

Sat. Aug. 10th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .TBA Fri. Aug. 16th . . . . . . .Chad Porter Band Ladies Night 7-11pm

Sat. Aug. 17th . . . . . .Pop Rocks 2-5pm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Veayo Twins 8-10:30 Fri. Aug. 23rd . . . . .Veggies Full Band 9pm Ladies Night

Sat. Aug. 24 . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg 9pm Fri. Aug. 30th . . . . . . .Chad Porter Band Ladies Night 7-11pm

Little Known Fact The Belmont Stakes horse race was first run on June 19, 1867, at the Jerome Park Racecourse. A filly, Ruthless, won the first Belmont's $1,850 winner's purse. The race has been run ever since, with the exception of 1911 and 1912, and the Belmont has established itself as the ultimate test of championship stamina in this country.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Sat. Aug. 31st . . . . . . . . . . . Veayo Twins Fri. Sept. 6th . . . . . . . .Pop Rocks 4-7pm Chad Porter Band 8-11

TUESDAYS Open Mic Whiskey

WEDNESDAYS $1 off Selected Whiskey

THURSDAYS Happy Hour 2pm-closing

FRIDAYS Sat. Sept 7th: Lewiston HS Class of 1983 30th Class Reunion Sat. Sept 8th: MDA Event fundraiser Pigs and Pints $25/per person with live music by the Veggies

Ladies Night

SATURDAYS All Day $3.50 Allagash Drafts

Great daily food specials • Lunches starting at $3.99 The hyoid bone, in your throat, is the only bone in the body not attached to another bone.

Sunbeams that shine down through the clouds are called Crepuscular Rays.

Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

Steak and Eggs – A day’s work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a cow.

Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party Motor Booty kicked some major booty!

The beach sand dance floor really did it for me!

Speaking of beach sand, Alex and I are pumped to hit the beach in Mexico for our honeymoon in September!

George & Nancy Mancine, Tim & Chris Lafrance, Angie Lafrance & Alex Jacobsohn "Always give without remembering; always receive without forgetting."

– William Barclay

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Back in the Day

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

Submitted by Jim Benson

ONE LUCKY PERSON

An older couple were lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

Will WIN a pair of Balloon Ride tickets courtesy of

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST!

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting.."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me.."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..."

Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

Sputnik 5, carrying two dogs (Belka and Strelka), was launched into space on August 19, 1960. The next day these two dogs became the first living organisms to be retrieved from space.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Enter this contest before it’s too late!

Contest ends August 8th Winner drawn 8.9.13

Go to our Facebook page: facebook.com/UncleAndysDigest Click on tab that says “Enter to Win”

He’s a graduate of The Uncle Fester and Keith Moon School of hair styling.

I’ve learned (Andy Rooney)... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

CELEBRATING FREE FEE FRID Free AY! 20 oz . co w

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ith p ffee Break urchase o every fast Sand f w Frida y in A ich ugus t!

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Giant 1-topping pizza or 2 Large Boghooters or 3 Large Italians or 2 Small Appetizers (Ham, Pepperoni, Veggie or Salami)

There’s NO PLACE like...

(Breaded Mushrooms, Broccoli & Cheese, Jalapeno Poppers or Mozzarella Sticks)

Dad’s Place

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked at work.

One Stop Shop for Catering... Dad’s does it all!

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering

Weddings Summer BBQ Corporate Functions

Reunions

Indoor or Outdoor Professional service at an affordable price

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!

Ask us about Tents, Tables, Chairs, Dance Floor, etc. for your event re’s ...

The like E C A O PL

N

Dad’s Place Catering Division • 345-9009

www.dadsplace.info

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered: When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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What’s on Your Bucket List?

When a coffee seed is planted, it takes five years to yield it's first consumable fruit.

NuImage

How about portaledge camping at Yosemite

UPHOLSTERY • • • • • •

Custom Custom Custom Custom Custom Repairs

Auto Upholstery Marine Upholstery Canvas Work Auto Fabrication Boat Canvas

NuImage UPHOLSTERY 41 Millett Rd. Auburn, Maine 04210

783-5600

You're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

Living Life with

MOXIE

Sky walking in the Alps

Lisbon Community Federal Credit Union won "Best Overall" float this year.

Shown here is their crew and their float.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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I had amnesia once – maybe twice. – Uncle Andy

Out ’n About with the Class of 1972 from ELHS

Of all 50 states, Alaska has the longest border with Canada.

GREATER L/A’s SOURCE FOR:

At Poland Spring Inn for a fun weekend of golf, dancing & good memories

Tactical Weapons • Rifles & Shotguns Hand Guns • Personal & Concealed Carry Guns Ammo & Targets • Special Orders

Tom Gilberti & Gail Johnson

32 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-6569 Tues - Fri 9am - 5pm • Sat 9am - 2pm

WOW!

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

Doesn’t she look fantastic?!

$

12

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

e m o r d l o l Ro

Cindy Sloat & Karen Nichols All in all it’s just another brick in the wall...

Since 1954

Where Good Skaters Meet

Open Evenings Only 20+ Thursday 7:30-10pm nday Friday - Saturday - Su es ag l 7:30-10pm al

Available for private parties Ask about our summer camps

Jeff Taber 12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940

www.rollodrome.com I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don’t know y.

Q. What often falls but never gets hurt?

A. Rain

Summer Schedule

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

Every two thousand frowns creates one wrinkle.

Yeah, I’ve still got it!

What’s on Your Bucket List?

How about jumping on Trolltunga Rock in Norway?

Thomas Hill with a few of his fans

Give Someone a Lift with a bouquet of flowers

Toi Lindsay & Jim Banville Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish?

A. Because it has its own scales.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457 www.annsflower.com

Flowers for every occassion!

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

Bird Brain Submitted by Tom Hill

Auburn Plaza Family Dentistry

One day a man strolled in to the paint section of a hardware store and walked up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary colored paint," he says.

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.

"Sure" the clerk replies.

"Mind if I ask what it's for?"

"My parakeet, "the man said. "See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so beautifully he is sure to win."

"Well, you can't do that!" the assistant says. "The chemicals in the paint will surely kill the poor thing!"

"No they won't," says the customer.

"Listen, buddy, I'll bet you twenty bucks your parakeet dies if you try to paint him."

Visit us at our newly renovated state of the art office at:

730 Center Street Mon.-Fri. 7am - 5pm

Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351 auburnplazafamilydentistry.com We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

The Hudson River along the island of Manhattan flows in either direction depending upon the tide.

"You're on" said the customer. Two days later the man walks back in the store and very sheepishly lays $20 on the counter.

"So the paint killed him?" asked the clerk.

"Indirectly, He seemed to handle the paint okay, but I think the sanding between coats did him in."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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All About You Hires Thompson

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered: The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

DRIVING RANGE

RESTAURANT

MINI-GOLF

Burgers • Dogs L/A’s Best Onion Rings Fries • Ice Cream

Aug. 3rd Sock Hop 7pm DJ, Dancing & Roll Back Pricing

All About You is excited to announce that Linda Thompson has joined their team. You can find her and the rest of the team at 41 Broad Street in Auburn.

Linda recently graduated from Bernard’s School of Hair Fashion.

She has also received advanced education with Paul Mitchell Northern New England, and has exceeded all expectations.

Thompson specializes in advanced cutting techniques and color design. Her passion includes formal styling, where she won the top prize in a recent bridal competition.

Linda is giving 20% OFF to first time color clients and 10% OFF all haircuts for the month of August.

She will work hard to make your experience unique, and it will truly be ALL ABOUT YOU! Please call 784-5407 to book an appointment with Linda. See their ad on page 89.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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TABERS

Lake Shore Drive, (first left after the lake) Off Rt. 4 in Auburn

www.tabersgolf.com

Inhale

Exhale

Kitten Yoga

Linda Thompson

Open 7 days a week!

New Auburn Texas Hold ‘em Friday, August 16th & Saturday, August 17th Social Balloon Festival Club Saturday, August 10th & Saturday August 24th Starts at 11 am • Doors Open at 10 am

The Band 4-Play (both Nights) Starting at 6pm Outside Functions

7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

Last Tuesday of every month Officers meeting at 6pm sharp at Rolly’s

I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet. – Uncle Andy

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered: My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

We specialize in vehicle wraps and lettering.

After

Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

SAVE 20% on your next order!

Go to: eastcoastsigndesign.com Before

August Only

Fill out our new quote page and SAVE!!

Chris & Corrinna Soucy

www.eastcoastsigndesign.com

Your What’s on t?

Bucket Lis

I normally wear my sunglasses at night.

How about tree camping in Germany?

Diana & Larry Roy

Stock Frames FRAMES 8x10 up to 12x16

FRAMES 14x18 up to 24x30

OVER 50

OVER 25

to choose from

to choose from

$

ONLY 10

ONLY $20

each

each

75% OFF Ready made metal frames

Expert Custom Framing & Quality Personal Service!

786-4333

Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.

23 Cross Street, Auburn

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Kim & Jim Verville

The Laws of Golf: LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come.

This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.

Mike & Amy Doherty

Missy & Chris Moreau A rare night out for us. What a good time!

Earl & Angie St. Hilaire "The best way to get started is to get started.

Life rewards action... not reaction. Wait for nothing. Attack life."

– Dave Kekich Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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I’ve learned (Andy Rooney)... That just one person saying to me, "You’ve made my day!" makes my day.

The Definition of Microsoft Windows Update: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

Pitching Rotation Submitted by Tom Hill

We have the loan for you!

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."

The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies.

A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice.

Low Rates • Fast Approvals Call Michele or Dane today!

Great Falls Federal Credit Union 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 • 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 *Restrictions & qualification apply

GreatFallsfcu.com THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: Gravity is a pulling type of thing that makes sure that the planets don’t fall or hurt anything.

The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news.

The good news is that there's baseball in heaven."

"What's the bad news?"

"You're pitching on Wednesday."

"I think happiness is what makes you pretty.

Period. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect that happiness."

– Drew Barrymore Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About with the Class of 1972 from ELHS

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered: If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

Mike Morin’s

At Poland Spring Inn for a fun weekend of golf, dancing & good memories

Auto Center

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon The hot days of summer are here!

Time to get a complete air conditioning performance check on your vehicle.

Jim Nutting

OIL CHANGE

(and his grandfather looking over his shoulder) A remarkable resemblance

Is that Sir Nutting above us?

Mike Morin

LIKE us on Facebook Receive

$10.00 Discount!

$24.95

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

FRONT END ALIGNMENTS $79.95

GET YOURS TODAY! The new phoneless cord: For people who like peace and quiet.

NO ORDER TOO SMALL And no minimum purchases! Call us for a FREE quote!!

Textile & Paper Wipes

Cindy Sloat & Peter Manders Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say: Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car.

Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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• Sorbents & Safety Supplies • Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners • Breakroom & Food Service • Chemicals & Cleaners • Packaging • Skin Care • And More!

Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A! 120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered: It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

Any month that starts on a Sunday will have a Friday the 13th in it.

Check out our newest location 686 Sabattus St., Lewiston

Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party Who has two thumbs up and loves Sea 40... This girl!

Featured Inventory 2004 Nissan Altima

2007 Volvo XC90

2006 VW Passat

111K, Silver $6,495

113K, Silver $11,995

Mocha, 77K $10,495

2005 Audi A4, 110k, White . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9995 2005 BMW X3, 3.0L In-Line 6, AWD, Silver . . . . .$12495 2004 BMW 325i, white . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9395 2002 BMW X5 Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8995 2006 Ford Freestyle, 3.0L V6, 129k, Gray . . . . . . . . .$7600 2005 Ford Expedition, 5.8L V8, Black, 93k . . . . . . .$12995 2005 Honda Element, 118k, Orange . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9495 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4.0L, 96k, Blue . . . . . . .$7995 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 96k, 4.0L, Blue . . . . . . .$7995 2003 Mitsubishi Lancer, 105k, Graphite color . . . . .$5250 1997 Mitsubishi Eclipse, 136k, 4 cylinder . . . . . . . .$3825 2004 Nissan Altima, 111k, Silver (pictured) . . . . . . .$6495 2002 Nissan Maxima, 115k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6495

2003 Olds Alero, 72k, Red . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5495 2006 Saab 9-5, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6995 2004 Scion xA, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995 2007 Volvo XC90, 113k, Silver (pictured) . . . . . . . .$11995 2006 VW Passat, Mocha, 77k (pictured) . . . . . . . . .$10495 2005 VW Passat 1.8L 4 cyl, 131k, Gray . . . . . . . . . .$5995 2005 VW Jetta, 91k, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7495 2004 VW Passat. Light Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5895 2003 VW Passat, 2.8L V6, Black, 117k . . . . . . . . . . .$6995 2003 VW Passat, 120k, Light Blue, V6, 120k . . . . . $6395 2003 VW New Beetle, 109k, Dark Blue . . . . . . . . . .$6495 2003 VW Passat 79k, 1.8L, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6995

520-0028

Call 520-0028 • 686 Sabattus St. • Lewiston View our entire inventory online @

www.IndependentAuto.Me The hummingbird is the only bird that can fly backwards.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About with the Class of 1972 from ELHS

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. – Phyllis Diller

At Poland Spring Inn for a fun weekend of golf, dancing & good memories.

Uncle Andy, I could beat you in a round of golf using this cane as my only golf club.

Uncle Andy’s classmates were tired of hearing his self-proclamation about his great golf game. Steve single-handedly trounced Andy Marsh in their golf match. You can see the classmates cheering in the background. Uncle Andy was speechless for maybe 5 minutes. A new record.

Steve Jordan Out ’n About at Patti Gagne’s Allstate Insurance office

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles visit our website:

www.donovansauto.com Tammy Bernier Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Stop by, call or click today!

946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered: Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.

Cheerios cereal was originally called Cheerioats.

JVC. KW, AV, In-Dash, DVD, Radio for the $ magnificently low price of...

WOW!

329

Isaac Feldman, future owner

216 Center Street, Auburn

777-3339

2013 Lisbon Community Credit Union Scholarship Winners Congratulations to the 2013 Recipients of the Rochel “Russ” Livernois Memorial Scholarship! The Scholarship was named in honor of Mr. Livernois, Treasurer/Manager of the Lisbon Community Federal Credit Union from their beginning in 1959 through 1985. All recipients will receive $1,000 towards their second semester.

Congratulations!

Next to Republic Jewelry Parking in back of building soundeffectsmaine.com

SAVE GAS - RIDE A GOLF CART • Campers • Senior Citizens • Campground and RV Owners • Free Delivery - 40 mile radius • Conversion Lift Kits • 4 passenger cars

HUGE SALE

497 Washington St. Auburn • 783-3232

Daniel Fortier is a graduate of Lewiston High School. He will be attending the University of Maine in Orono and plans to major in Mechanical Engineering, with a Minor in Business. He wishes to open up his own business after college.

Little Known Fact

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

Call us today!

NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required, please call first • Fully warranteed & certified • $58/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto Brad Johnson

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered: I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

Each unit on the Richter Scale has a shaking amplitude 10 times larger than a preceding number and an energy release factor of 31.6.

An earthquake measuring 6 on the Richter Scale is almost 32 times more powerful than a 5.2 is the smallest that can be felt unaided.

Though the scale goes to 10, 9 is estimated to be the point of total tectonic destruction.

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Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

I’ve learned (Andy Rooney)... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

August “Back to S chool” Special

Bring in this Ad and Receive

$500

(Not to be combined with any other discount)

Established in 1984

All Come With New Inspection, 14-Day Plate and Warranty

off your vehicle purchase (1per vehicle)

Exp. 8.31.13

NEVER A DOC FEE!!

Truck Caps

Over 60 Cars, Trucks, and SUVs From $2,995 to $29,995!

353-2538 28 Soper Road, Durham

Always a couple of Harley Davidsons for sale!

jandrautodurham.com

The smallest fish in the world are the pygmy goby and the Luzon goby, from the Philippines, which are only one-half-inch long when they are full grown.

Motor Booty Affair rocked the house at the Sea Bash outdoor party!

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Chewing gum was patented in 1869 by William Semple.

THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: Before Galileo, no one could see the moon.

HIT THE TRAILS THIS SUMMER IN YOUR NEW ARCTIC CAT ATV!

Affordable Massage

SHARE OUR PASSION

AMES

SPORT SHOP, Inc 84 Littlefield Road, Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

Mariah White

We Insure ALL of Your SUMMER TOYS Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!

9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls

(207) 345-8711

CummingsAgency.com

25TH ANNIVERSARY BBQ GRILL GIVE-A-WAY

ENTRY FORM - BBQ GRILL GIVEAWAY: (VALUE $250) NAME: ____________________________________________ ADDRESS: ________________________________________ PHONE: ___________________________________________ E-MAIL: ___________________________________________ One entry per household - Drawing date: August 22, 2013

TIRE SALE 20% OFF

ON UNIROYAL OR SUMITOMO TIRES. Tax and shop supplies additional. Coupon must be presented at time of service.

Limit 2 coupons per visit. Not to be combined with any other offer. Offer expires: 08-31-2013

183 Lisbon Street • Lisbon

353-9862

qualitycareautorepair.com

I have got two reasons for success and I'm standing on both of them. – Betty Grable

Mariah is a 32 year old mother of three and is the ower/operator of Mariah's Massage Therapy located at 81 Main Street, Suite 104 in Auburn. She graduated from New Hampshire Institute of Therapeutic Arts in 2009.

Since graduation Mariah has been working with a great group of mentally handicapped adults. She provides low cost massages to them so that they may enjoy the benefits of massage.

“I must say working with this great bunch of people has been the most rewarding part of my career,” she told UAD. Wanting to expand her client base, she opened an office in Auburn. Mariah made a pledge to improve the quality of life to as many people as she can. We asked her how she planned to do that. She said, “I accept insurance, have a prepaid program, a referral program, and a fixed income discount plan so that many may enjoy massage. My motto is to provide low cost massage so that it's no longer a luxury but a convenience.”

Call Mariah White today at 299-0534 to see what a massage can do for you.

See her ad on page 46.

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Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered: It's hard to make a comeback if you haven't been anywhere.

BACK TO SCHO

The Back Forty Used

She’s my bunny...

SUPERCREW FX4

2011 Toyota Camry LE

2011 Honda Pilot EX-L 4x4

1.8L 4 Cyl, Blue, 44K, 2 Door Coupe

5.4L V8 Auto 4-speed 4WD, 60k, 4dr

White, 2.5L 4 Cyl., 32K, Auto. 6-Spd.

3.5L V6, Auto. 5 speed, Maroon, 32k, 4WD

our price

our price

our price

our price

$16,995

$29,995

2010 Ford Focus SES

2012 Chevrolet Malibu 1LT

2007 Honda Civic EX Coupe

2008 Ford F150

$12,995 $25,995 2012 Hyandai Veloster

White, 1.6L 4 cyl, 6 Speed EcoShift Dual Clutch, 11K

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2011 Toyota Camry SE

34K, 2.5L 4cyl, Auto. Black, 2.0L 4cyl., Auto. 2.4L 4cyl, Automatic 4-Spd., 31K, 4dr.

6-Spd. Blue, 4dr 6 Spd., 38k, 4dr

our price

our price

our price

our price

$19,995

$17,995

$15,995

$16,995

Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison were all 27 years old when they died.

In the United States, a pound of potato chips costs two hundred times more than a pound of potatoes.

OOL SAVINGS!!

What’s on Your Bucket List?

How about ice climbing a frozen waterfall

d Car & Truck Center 2007 Lexus ES 350

2008 Toyota Yaris

3.5L V6, Automatic Red, 1.5L 4cyl., Manual 5 Spd. 51k, 4dr 6 Spd., Gray, 75k

2010 Toyota Tacoma TRD Sport

2010 Nissan Altima 2.5 S

Silver, 4.0L V6, Auto 5 Spd. 41k, 4dr Double Cab

Blue, 2.5L 4cyl., CVT, 20k, 4dr. Sedan

our price

our price

our price

our price

$17,995

$10,995

$27,995

$16,995 Extreme picnicking

2011 Honda CRV EX-L 4X4

2011 Ford Fusion SE

2010 Jeep Liberty Sport

2010 Toyota Corolla LE

Extreme skiing at Grand Targhee, Wyoming

Tan, 2.4L 4 Cyl., Auto.

4WD, 40K, Nav. sys.

Blue, 2.5L 4cyl., 33k, 4dr

Silver, Auto, 4 Spd. 48k, 4WD, SUV

Red, 1.8L 4cyl. Auto 4 Spd. 36k, 4dr Sedan

our price

our price

our price

our price

$24,995

$14,995

$16,995

$15,995

Fortune cookies were invented in 1916 by George Jung, a Los Angeles noodle maker.

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"It's not true I had nothing on, I had the radio on." — Marilyn Monroe

$4.95 10” 2-topping Fresh Dough Pizza $6.50 Roadies 9-pc Chicken Tender Snack $10.50

Bookkeeping Plus

Lg Roast Beef & Cheese Sub

QuickBooks Classes Offered Bookkeeping Services 9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124

Only two states' names begin with double consonants: Florida and Rhode Island.

The BEST

BANG

for your buck!

Route 4 • Livermore 897-4343 Route 202 • Monmouth 933-3041

patriotfireworksmaine.com

1525 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 MySelco.com

S A N I PLUS

ADD A NEW BATHROOM FOR YOUR CELLAR No Need for Chiseling or Building Up a Floor Base

The S A N I PLUS is the answer for most toilet and bathroom situations.

It can be installed up to 15 feet below the sewer level and/or 150 feet away from a soil stack. The S A N I PLUS is simple to install, pumps away waste water from a toilet, hand basin, bathtub and shower, and is connected to a low consumption toilet.

Blackie’s Farm Fresh Produce

Open Year Round

Quality Used Furniture at affordable prices!

Buying Single Items or Entire Estates!

386 Minot Avenue • Auburn 312-9139 • past2presentfurniture@gmail.com

996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 783-7020 Hours: 6am - 8pm

966 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005

BUDGET PLAN AVAILABLE!

KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!

Looking for Integrity, Stability & Solutions for Your Energy Needs??

Call us today for creative energy solutions!

225-3000 Comfort You Can Count On!

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The state with the longest coastline in the US is Michigan.

A honey bee must tap two million flowers to make one pound of honey.

Out ’n About at Patti Gagne’s office

Our calculations show it’s always a great time to stop into Heidi’s, especially when you’re out Back to School shopping!

Locally Owned & Operated

Caeleb & Kadence Reynolds

600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434

www.heidisauburn.com

HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm Sun 10am-8pm Hi, I’m Mayhem.

Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.

Hamsters love to eat crickets.

Jennifer SavardJohnson

Derrick Lacasse & Patti Gagne Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered: I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

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The Hole

The largest city in the United States with a one syllable name is Flint, Michigan.

Submitted by Tom Hill

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.

2009 Subaru Forester 2.5X

2008 Outback 2.5i Wagon

"Wow... that looks deep."

"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

$14,950

$9,950

104K, Black, Auto., Alloy Wheels, AWD

62K, Brown, Auto., Alloy Wheels, AWD

2008 Subaru Impreza Outback Sport

2006 Subaru Impreza 2.5i

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.

"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here, throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise."

They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement.

One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here.

When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise."

$9,950

$14,450 Black, Auto., 72K, Alloy Wheels, Power Windows

Black, 124K, Auto., ABS Brakes, Alloy Wheels

2008 Subaru Legacy 2.5i

2006 Nissan Xterra SE 4WD

$9,950

$14,950

Special Edition, 131k, Blue, 5 Speed Manual

AWD, 142K, Bronze, Auto., 6-Cyl 4.0L V6 DOHC 24V

2006 Mitsubishi Eclipse GT

All Subarus Come With:

$10,950

• 12-month/12,000 miles Warranty on all Head Gasket Issues • Vehicles fully serviced and maintained in-house • In-house direct lending available

Red, 92K, 6 Speed Manual Transmission, 2dr

The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in.

Not a sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the (continued on next page)

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www.rjbandson.com Some clockmakers are normal, but others are a little cuckoo.

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered: Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

Cigars are back!

Check out our great selection

J.T. REID’S GUNS We buy, sell & trade

Call for the next N.R.A. Pistol Course

Full Line Gunsmith Service Jamie Pelletier, Manager

jtreidsgunshop.com

86 Court St., Auburn 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat John Reid, Owner 777-3579

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!

(continued from previous page)

nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.

The two men are astonished with what they've just seen.

Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. "Hey, you two guys seen my goat out here?"

"You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever saw. It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!"

"Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie."

Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

2 for 1

Monday Night Scrambles 5:00PM Shotgun Start - Every Monday Singles or full teams are accepted

Must present this coupon to receive

ONE FREE GREEN FEE for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thru Thursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play.

WEEKEND 9 HOLE SPECIAL Play 9 holes with cart

✃Expires 8.31.13

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

for $25 before 7am & after 2pm

Saturdays & Sundays in August.

GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Luke, I am Your Father David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.

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What’s on Your Bucket List?

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

How about extreme glacier boarding

Stop by during the Balloon Festival for L/A’s Best Seafood!

Large Groups Welcomed

- Call Ahead

Private Function Rooms Lounge and Dining Room Full Bar Plenty of FREE Parking

Lounge • Dining Room • Private Function Rooms Bike trail on the Cliffs of Moher

Extreme rock climbing in South Africa

“Best Seafood Restaurant” Ten years in a row.

Award Winning Chowder Family Owned for 3 Generations

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday

villageinnmaine.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The soprano was very optimistic and always left her friends on a high note.

The world's largest four-faced clock sits atop the Allen-Bradley plant in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Sunday School Lesson

80-person Private Banquet Room Available for your Function

Submitted by Richard Collins

Shipyard Pumpkinhead on tap as of Aug. 1st Also check us out Tuesdays - Champion Margaritas $4.99 Voted LADIES NIGHT Wednesdays 5pm-Close #1 Casual 1/2 price mixed drinks for the ladies Restaurant

#1 Waitstaff #1 Burgers

A man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.

"Does anyone have a question?" asked the teacher.

"Yes, Miss," said Bobby, “What happened to the flea?"

Little Known Fact Home of the Gippers 89 Draft Beer

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com The Statue of Liberty's tablet is two feet thick.

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

C’est tres bon!

John & Bea Mathieu

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu On e pla fabu ce lou goo t s d f o eat o goo od, ... dp a eop nd le!

87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out) Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

Tribeca in Manhattan stands for TRIangle BElow CAnal street.

Not all of West Virginia voted to go with the North. When the State of West Virginia was formed from Virginia in 1863 the three western counties in Virginia voted to go with West Virginia, but West Virginia didn't take them because they were poor. Instead they took three counties that voted to stay with Virginia, because they were richer and they had the B&O railroad.

Those counties since split and are 5 Jefferson, Hampshire, Berkley, Mineral, and Morgan.

All the dirt from the foundation to build the World Trade Center in NYC was dumped into the Hudson River to form the community now known as Battery City Park.

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Out ’n About at the Rockin’ Out Cancer Fundraiser at the Colisee Responding to the Dempsey Challenge, the team "Pink Angels' hosted a killer 10 band extravaganza of New England talent all gathered together in one of Maine's most popular Live Music Venues; The Baxter Lounge at The Colisee' in Lewiston. ALL net proceeds will go to the Patrick Dempsey Cancer Center

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

U.F.O. SIGHTING Get your own U.F.O. for an unbelievable price!

Big enough to share with a friend!

Or get its little brother, the “Satellite”

Unbelievably Filling Object!

Made on our own fresh baked bread!

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 Hours: Mon-Sun 5am-9pm • www.mygeorgios.com

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

"I'd love to help you out. Which way did you come in?" – Groucho Marx

Andy Jean Baxter Lounge bartender

Accomplishing the impossible means the boss will add it to your regular duties.

– Doug Larson

What’s Going on in August at the Chick!

Want us to cater your next event?

Food & Beverage – WE DO IT. Buffet style or plated dinners or lunches – WE GOT IT. Platters for 15 or 30 people – WE DO IT.

Linda Tardif Q. What happened when the wheel was invented?

A. It caused a revolution.

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• Boiled or Baked Stuffed Lobsters • Fresh Steamer Clams • Stews & Chowders • Loaded Lobster Rolls • Fried, Baked or Broiled Seafood • Prime Rib Au Jus

Call us and we will fax you our options.

Fully Stocked Bar Take-out Available Air Conditioned on our Full Menu

y Loaded Crust The Best Hot round!

1472 Lobster Roll A slaw le Co & s ng Ri with 0

of Lewiston

You’re gonna love it!

Lisbon St, Lewiston • 376-3870

$12 .5 Our new website is up and running... ChickadeeLewiston.com

"Freelance" comes from a knight whose lance was free for hire, i.e. not pledged to one master.

1492: Native Americans discover Columbus lost at sea.

BUBBLE TEA

Out ’n About at the Rockin’ Out Cancer Fundraiser at the Colisee

ASIAN FUSION & LOUNGE

Japanese • Korean Thai • Sushi 730 Center Street, Auburn Auburn Plaza NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA

376-4855

Try it ! today

jasminecafemaine.com

Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital without a McDonalds.

WE’RE BETTING You’ll LOVE our food!

We’re right on the way to the casino, stop in for a bite.

Family-style restaurant serving breakfast & lunch every day!

Everett Tilton I may be having a ‘midlife krisis’, but one thing I know is cancer sucks!

Buddy Bangs Totally committed to rockin’ out cancer!

Wall of Fame Inductee!

Home of the Double Yolker

I only took one bite...

Egg-ceptional Restaurant 5 Pigeon Hill Road (Route 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577

Chris Carter of McFalls

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

If cows could fly, you'd appreciate seagulls

Paul Englehart Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

COLLEGE NIGHT Welcome Back Party!!

Wednesday, Sept. 18th Joanne Arnoldy with her daughter, Nicky Perry

This was a Sea Blast!

Bernice & Gerry Proulx

5pm-close MUSIC & ES! BAR GAM

$3 Crazy Sushi Rolls 4-7pm Live Music 7pm Bar Games!

20% OFF

Valid on College Night Only 9/18/13 5pm-close

food in the lounge when you present your student or faculty ID

Sea40 Japanese Cuisine

40 East Ave., Lewiston Nancy & George Mancine Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Japanese Cuisine

795-6888 www.sea40me.com

The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.

Gone Fishin’ with Uncle Andy

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast.................$4.25

1 OFF Any

WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes...................$4.25

Purchase

THURSDAY: French Toast.............................................$4.25

of $500 or more

All breakfast specials include coffee

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast .........$4.25

FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette.........................................$4.25 5 Washington Street, Auburn

783-4304 Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome

$

SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage............$4.25 SUNDAY: French Crepes...............................................$4.25

Prices do not include tax.

Never seen images of actual fishing trips

Uncle Andy’s Jeep

1 coupon per order Please, no reproduction of coupons

✁

Expires 8.31.13

Out ’n About at the Rockin’ Out Cancer Fundraiser at the Colisee

Uncle Andy’s navigational fail

Linda Tardif, Kellie Jordan, Trisha Marston & Pamela Hecker

Cotton Candy & Popcorn Fundraising Earn up to 40% of the proceeds!

Yummo Carts 241-3169 YummoCarts.com Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs harder.

Uncle Andy really liked that Jeep The Beatles held the Top Five spots on the April 4th, 1964 Billboard singles chart. To date, they're the only band that has ever accomplished that.

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What’s on Your Bucket List?

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

How about extreme kayaking at Victoria Falls

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET 2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502

Extreme high diving

Open 7 Days a Week 6am-8pm

Come in and Cel e Great S brate with pecials Month! all

Climbing Mt. Wellington

*

GET 1 FREE ✂ Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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✂

BUY 1 LARGE PIZZA

UAD Expires 8/31/13

Try our fresh hot pizza today!

Limit 1 per customer

*equal or lesser value

At the bottom of the application where it says “sign here,” Uncle Andy put Sagittarius.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

Old Friends Submitted by Jim Benson

p u e n i L t n e m n i a t r Ente . . . . . . .Brazen Cane

Aug. 2nd otty Dawg Aug. 3rd . . . . . . .DJ Sc side Band ok ro .B . . . . . . th 9 . g Au ty Dawg ot Aug 16 Sc J .D . . . . . th 10 . g Au th s u ck u .R . . . .

Aug. 16th . der n e g aw D ty B ot Aug. 17th . . . . . .DJ Sc Dawg Fender otty Aug. 23rd . . . . . .DJ Sc erBender Aug. 24th . . . . . .Fend Dawg h otty ug 24t Aug. 30th . . . . . .DJ Sc A Aug. 31st . . . . . . .Gypsy

Happy Hour 4-7pm

• Pool Tables • Dart Boards • Video Games • Pub-style food • Full bar available

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name.. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

Little Known Fact

128 Lewiston Street, Mechanic Falls Chad & Roxanne Pearl, owners

I'm inclined to be laid back.

345-7040

In 1934, the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad inaugurated the U.S.'s first dieselpowered train as its Pioneer Zephyr made its first run from Denver, Colorado to Chicago, Illinois. It made a 1,015-mile non-stop "Dawn-to-Dusk" dash in 13 hours 5 minutes at an average speed of 77 mph.

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Gone Fishin’ with Uncle Andy

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Never seen images of actual fishing trips

August 10th

L-A Harley-Davidson Summer FUN Ride

$20

price includes; Poker Run, Cover charge, Food & Entertainment

Poker Run 11am - 5pm Best Hand: $1,000 L-A Harley Gift Card 2nd Best Hand: $500 L-A Harley Gift Card Worst Hand: $250 L-A Harley Gift Card

Action Packed Thursdays Looks like Uncle Andy put the bait on wrong

Beer Pong Karaoke Line Dancing

Trip for 2 to Miami to see New England’s Football Team on 12/15/13 No Purchase Necessary Proceeds to benefit Saint Dominic Academy Scholarship Fund

Aug. 30th

AUGUST 16TH Candy Striper Death Orgy Every Thursday

Register to Win the Grand Prize Trip!

Social Hour at Club Texas 5pm BBQ Dinner 6pm Comedian Juston McKinney 7pm L-A Harley Band 8:30

Iliijah & Hot Nikk Showdown 8:30 - 11:30 pm $5pp 18+, 21+ to drink

Like us on Facebook to get updates on what’s happenin’

No Cover

Saturdays Happy Hour 7-9pm $

1 Drafts 3 Wells

$

w/ DJ Bset Pubside

ZUMBA w/ Adrian Kramer Every Wednesday 6-7pm You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info Lenny Kravitz's mother played the part of "Helen" on "The Jeffersons."

Mayonnaise was invented by the chef of the Duc de Richelieu in 1756.

Earlybird Special

$

5 OFF any two entrees

Monday-Friday • 2-4pm

✁Expires 8.31.13

End of Season

L/A’s Best Steaks

Deck Party

Excellent new menu items including chicken, fish, & pasta entreé

Thursday, September 5th, 6-9pm Live music by Work Truck, beer specials & giveaways!

Call us for your catering needs

macsgrill.com

UAD

783-6885

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

The "wild" horses of western North America are actually feral, not wild.

Out ’n About at the Blush Boutique Trade your tools event

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

MONDAY The Fergy

TUESDAY Meatball Subs

WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners 1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

THURSDAY Mini Pizza

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians with 1.5 Liter Drink

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99 Erica Roy The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Say What?

Camel's milk does not curdle.

Submitted by Tom Hill

There was an elderly man visiting a doctor for his check-up. As he was leaving he asked the doctor if he could recommend a specialist for his wife.

"What's wrong with her?" asked the doctor.

The old man explained that her hearing was getting so bad that it was almost embarrassing. The doctor said he knew of several specialists that could help but he wanted the old man to do a little test when he got home to help the doctor determine the severity of her hearing loss. The doctor said, "When you get home, make sure your wife's back is turned to you and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond walk closer and ask her again.

Keep doing this until she answers and let me know the results."

That night when the old man opened the door of his home he could see his wife in the kitchen preparing dinner. She was at the counter with her back to the door.

"What's for dinner?" the old man asked.

His wife did not respond so he walks to the doorway of the kitchen and asked the (continued on next page)

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A backward poet writes inverse.

(continued from previous page)

Missing a car payment or two, is a great way to get back on your feet.

question again.

Still, he was greeted with silence. This time he walks up just behind her and asks once again, "What's for dinner?"

His wife spins around a bit agitated and says "For the third time, Fried Chicken!!"

Out ’n About at the Blush Boutique Trade your tools event

Terri Meader

Desirae Beaule Mr. Spock's (of Star Trek) blood type was T-Negative.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Dentist Visit

Is it possible that oysters don't give to charities because they are shellfish?

Submitted by Tom Hill

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want any pain killers because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said.

"Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."

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The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said.

"Which tooth is it?"

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The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

The pollen count... Now that's a difficult job.

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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"The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away." – Tom Waits

Definition of a pickle: A cucumber soured by a jarring experience.

2013 Lisbon Community Credit Union Scholarship Winners Congratulations to the 2013 Recipients of the Rochel “Russ” Livernois Memorial Scholarship! The Scholarship was named in honor of Mr. Livernois, Treasurer/Manager of the Lisbon Community Federal Credit Union from their beginning in 1959 through 1985. All recipients will receive $1,000 towards their second semester.

Congratulations!

indham •

Located

orth W . 115 in N

0

892-822

on Rt

For the love of food...

When an octopus gets angry, it shoots a stream of black "ink".

Miranda Carroll is a graduate of Lisbon High School. She will be attending Thomas College in Waterville, working towards a Masters degree in Accounting. She wishes to become a Certified Public Accountant.

You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!

Q. Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today?

A. Because he is dead.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

So what if I can't spell armageddon? It's not the end of the world.

OVER 70 VEHICLES IN STOCK New Inventory Arriving Daily Check out www.IndependentAuto.me

1298 & 1317 Sabattus St. Inventory 2004 Audi A6

2006 VW Jetta

2005 Subaru Forester

Bob & Nancy Boilard

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6250 2.7L V6, Silver

Motor Booty Affair rocked!

Gary & Suzanne Boilard

Paul & Deb Fedorczyk Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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$

7495 Silver, 119K

2004 Audi A6, Silver (pictured) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6250 2004 Audi A6, Gray 97k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9495 2004 Audi A6, 2.7L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6995 2007 Chevy Trailblazer 4.2L, Grey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8495 2005 Chevy Equinox, 116k, 3.4L, V6, Silver . . . . . . .$8495 2004 Chevy Suburban, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6995 2002 Chrysler Sebring, 93k, 3.0L V6, Silver . . . . . . . . .$Call 2003 Dodge Neon, 4 cyl, 58k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5295 2005 Ford Escape, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995 2000 Honda Civic, 1.6L 4 Cyl., 116k, Blue . . . . . . . . .$4795 2006 Jeep Liberty, 4WD,3.7L, V6, 92k, Blue . . . . . . .$9495 2002 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4.7L V8, Silver, 87k . .Call For Price 2003 Kia Sedona, V6, 62k, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995 2005 Nissan Altima . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6395 2006 Volvo S60, Green, 123k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9495 2005 Volvo V50, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8495 2004 Volvo XC70, 125k, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7995 2003 Volvo S60, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6495

8495 3.7L V6, Blue, 92K

2006 VW Jetta, Silver, 119k (pictured) . . . . . . . . . . . .$7495 2005 VW Passat Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6295 2003 VW Passat, 108k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6495 2002 VW Passat, 140k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5400 2008 Saab 9-3, 114k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9995 2006 Saab 9-3, 128k, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995 2004 Saab 9-3, 190k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$Call 2002 Saab 9-3, 139k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$Call 2001 Saab 9-5 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3995 2004 Saturn Ion, 119k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5495 2005 Subaru Forester, 115k, Black (pictured) . . . . . .$8495 2002 Volvo S60, 101k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$Call 2001 Volvo XC70 Cross Country, AWD, Gold . . . . . . .$5795

www.independentauto.me • 786-7744 686 Sabattus St. • 1298 Sabattus St. • 1317 Sabattus St. Lewiston A balanced diet is a chocolate cupcake in each hand.

The Madagascan hissing cockroach is one of the few insects who give birth to live young, rather than laying eggs.

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Taking in the views at Yosemite

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I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I didn't like being spoken to in that tone of voice.

Did You Know?

The dirt road that General Washington and his soldiers took to fight off General Clinton during the Battle of Monmouth was called the Burlington Path.

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Gone Fishin’ with Uncle Andy

I sat up all night wondering where the sun went... Then it dawned on me.

Never seen images of actual fishing trips

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These cutting edge products provide durable quality and a wide color selection. Select form 100% acrylic latex, acrylic oil or alkyd oil formulas.

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Uncle Andy is planning his next fishing trip...

Wanna join him?

You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...

Licensed Massage Therapist

Back to School Specials $35/1 hour massages $55/1.5 hour massage

You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

Book your appointment today Smartchoice2@live.com Facebook.com/mariahsmassagetherapy

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?

Mariah White A. Liquid.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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81 Main St., Suite 104 Auburn, Maine

299-0534

The geographical center of North America is near Rugby, North Dakota.

Madrid is the only European capital city not situated on a river.

Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

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Ben & Johanne Watson

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Laurie Ouellette with her daughter, Taryn

FITNESS 20 Main Street,Sabattus (2nd floor)

754-9411 • SPRQStudio.com How come wrong numbers are never busy?

The company that provided the liability insurance for the Republican National Convention in San Diego is the same firm that insured the maiden voyage of the RMS Titanic.

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The Border

If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the whatchamacallit!

Submitted by Tom Hill

A customs officer at the Mexican border noticed a man coming across one day on a bicycle with two small sacks tied to the handlebars.

He naturally got suspicious and asked him to open the sacks, but when he did he found nothing but sand.

This went on every day for the nest month.

Each time he'd stop the bicycle and open the sacks, and he'd find only sand.

A few years later, he ran into the biker in a restaurant in Tijuana.

After some small talk he said, "Come on. I know you were smuggling something all that time. I won't tell. I'm just curious. What was it?"

The other man said, "Bicycles."

The smallest mushroom's name is "Hop-low."

A rose between two thorns.

Little Known Fact Martha's Vineyard once had its own dialect of Sign Language. One deaf person arrived in 1692 and after that there was a relatively large genetically deaf population that had their own particular dialect of sign language. From 1692-1910 nearly all hearing people on the island were bilingual in sign language and English.

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Hey, watch it Birdy Boy, I know where you work.

Paul Roy, Bill Hird & Fred Hammond Whenever my wife is cooking I like to walk up to her, stroke her hair & whisper into her ear whilst kissing her neck.... "Let's order pizza."

Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor: Mint Oreo.

Authorized Service Center

INSTRUMENT REPAIR, SERVICE & SALES Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair

Also offering lessons in: • Guitar • Piano • Bass • Voice • Banjo • Mandolin • Violin • Ukulele • Brass & Woodwinds • Cello • Music theory

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com • 376-3376

134 Main Street, Auburn

Some of the crew at Hair by Gregory's got tired of waiting for Travis, who was late as usual, for their photo shoot. This is the photo Travis snapped when he finally showed up.

The fun-loving crew at Hair by Gregory’s: Back: Taylor, Cory, Kelly, Terry & Linda Front: Jennifer, Michael, Kathy, Tina & Nuria

2013 Lisbon Community Credit Union Scholarship Winners Congratulations to the 2013 Recipients of the Rochel “Russ” Livernois Memorial Scholarship! The Scholarship was named in honor of Mr. Livernois, Treasurer/Manager of the Lisbon Community Federal Credit Union from their beginning in 1959 through 1985. All recipients will receive $1,000 towards their second semester. Congratulations!

$90,000

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Taylor Pond 99 Willard Rd.

Auburn 533 Washington St.

$129,000

Seller will pay $2,000 toward buyers closing costs.

Contact Bruce today to learn more!

Each office is independently owned & operated

195 Center St., Auburn • 553-2447 bbickford@kw.com • Auburnmehome.com

Did you know? Jimbo once manufactured clown shoes.....which was no small feat.

Jaymi Thibault is a graduate of Lisbon High School. She will be attending the University of Maine in Orono to pursue a degree in Political Science. Jaymi plans to work for the state of Maine, and wishes to make a positive, lasting impact on her community and Maine as a whole.

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Out ’n About at the Blush Boutique Trade your tools event

Nick Benoit Flow Armstrong

A fool is a 37th floor window washer who steps backs to see his work.

y r e k a B &

r a l l e C Wine

FREE

Donut or Small Coffee with coupon Limit one per customer Exp. 08/31/2013

❧ Huge Wine Selection Iman Pooraatmadja Benoit’s Bakery

You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!

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❧ Freshly Baked Breads ❧ Freshly Made Pastries & Donuts ❧ Soups & Sandwiches ❧ Wine Tasting Events Mon.- Sat. 6am - 6pm; Sun. 6am - 3pm

Like us on Facebook To see all of our specials when they happen!

353-7552 • 72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine

www.benoitsbakery.com Jimbo to Uncle Andy: It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Middle age is when broadness of mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Mallory Mallory

Jane

Sarah Sarah

Submitted by Tom Hill

Sarah Jeanne’s Family Hair Care

Tanning & Day Spa

77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 795-6778 sarahjeannes.com

Tammy Tammy

Hair styles that make you look your best!

Kendra Kendra

Tiffanie

Great Back to School Looks Start Here!

50% OFF Salon Products for Students with any hair service!

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A peanut is not a nut; it is a legume.

From 2-button to 3-button to double breasted suits, we have what you need to dress to impress!

Dress to Impress

Little Known Fact

available for purchase

199

Does not include tailoring.

One day three golfers were playing a round of golf. They were on the ninth hole near the highway getting ready to tee off. One of the golfers had his club in mid swing when he noticed a funeral procession coming up the highway. He lowered his club and took off his hat as he stood there reverently waiting for it to pass. The other two golfers followed suit and all three stood quietly until the last car was out of sight. The first golfer then made a beautiful drive right down the middle of the fairway. "You know Jack?" One of the other golfers said.

"That was really nice the way you waited for that funeral procession to pass."

Well I felt it was the least I could do." Jack responded. "After all she did give me 30 of the best years of her life."

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S&J Tuxedos & Limo Service 76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 333-3737 www.sjtuxedos.com

Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.

Female orcas live twice as long as male orcas.

The larger numbers of female orcas in a pod are because of the female's longer lifespan, not because the males have collected a harem.

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2013 Lisbon Community Credit Union Scholarship Winners

Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.

Congratulations to the 2013 Recipients of the Rochel “Russ” Livernois Memorial Scholarship! The Scholarship was named in honor of Mr. Livernois, Treasurer/Manager of the Lisbon Community Federal Credit Union from their beginning in 1959 through 1985. All recipients will receive $1,000 towards their second semester.

Congratulations!

REGGIE’S SALES & SERVICE Your Local Four Season Power Equipment Dealer Where the Pros shop!

1334 Minot Ave, Auburn • 783-0558 Hours: Monday, Wednesday, Friday 7:00 am - 6:00 pm • Tuesday & Thursday 7:00 am - 5:00 pm • Saturday 8:00 am - 1:00 pm

Ryan Brewer is a graduate of Lisbon High School.

He will be attending Norwich University in Northfield, VT and plans on graduating with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Computer Security. Ryan looks forward to serving our country proudly, in the US Air Force.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard's (Star Trek) fish was named Livingston.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 OUR TIRES

The Laws of Golf: LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group.

Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Rod Cameron & Ben Britton

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections

60 Minot Ave • Auburn

782-6666 or 783-2026

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

Spot, Data's cat on Star Trek: The Next Generation, was played by six different cats.

I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

Great party, Michelle!

I’ve got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.

Technology, baby!

I’m running this whole light & sound show wirelessly right from this iPad.

us join d n er a geth o t Team r u o Y Get Mark Your Calendar!

Friday, September 20th Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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for

! golf f o y at da e r g a

Route 202 in Leeds

The Andy Griffith Show was the first spin-off in TV history. It was a spin-off of the Danny Thomas Show.

... And there were plagues of locusts, and frogs, and Politicians.

Augusta Golf Park

Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

• Disc Golf • Batting Cages • Driving Range

DISC PRO SHOP

18-HOLE COURSE

225 Hospital St. Augusta, Maine

623-0859 discgolfmaine.com

“The epicenter of disc golf in Central Maine”

Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

Rainbow

Check out our closeout inventory

and

$AVE!!

Log on to RainbowBike.com

Bicycle

We service all brands & types of bikes

97 Lisbon St. • Lewiston • 784-7576 In the Wizard of Oz Dorothy's last name is Gail - you can see it on the mail box.

The Sea Bash gets two thumbs up!

The Laws of Golf: LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Blush Boutique Trade your tools event

Immortality Jokes: They never get old!

Amanda Carlson

Steve Kessler Pine State

Honey-Moon

THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: The wind is like the air, only pushier.

* MONTH OF AUGUST SPECIAL *

ON EVERY

to Grid Iron Restaurant!

New Kitchen Cabinet Sold Receive $100 Gift Card

783-7039

“ You relax while we do all the work!”

August 2013

* MONTH OF AUGUST SPECIAL *

& Jimbo

58

to Grid Iron Restaurant!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

ANY NEW Kitchen Counter Top Sold Receive $50 Gift Card

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

“ You enjoy a nice meal on us while we do the work!”

The word honeymoon has associations with summer. The Pagans used that name for the first full moon in June because they drank fermented honey (mead) as part of summer wedding celebrations.

I’ve learned (Andy Rooney)... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while climbing it.

Longevity Submitted by Tom Hill

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once.'

We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot the mule dead.

I started to yell at her for her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, 'That's once.”

Enjoy the 21st annual Great Falls Balloon Festival August 16-18, 2013 Lewiston-Auburn

All right... Who set the phasers to deep fry?

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Out ’n About at the Mac’s Grill Deck Party

THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.

SHEILA ’S SHEILA’S HAIR SALON

5 South Main St • Mechanic Falls

HOURS:

Tues. - Fri. 9am-7pm Sat. 9-2 Diane Jambard & Nancy Boucher

345-3819 Ally

Angie

Nicole

Sheila

Look Your Best!

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Come get your hair done at Sheila’s for School Scott Schmitz, Wendy Bourget & Tony York What a great night for a party on the deck!

You can tell Monopoly is an old game - the banker can still go to jail.

: U O Y G N I T C PROTE s What We Do. I

Michelle Gagne & Katie Camire

Proud supporters of the 21st Annual Great Falls Balloon Festival

s Kerrie Robbin Specialist

232 Center St., Auburn

nce

Commercial Insura

"Quisling" is the only word in the English language to start with "quis."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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August 2013

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Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm

commercial

home

VarneyAgency.com

auto

recreational

umbrella

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THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

health

You can’t tell us the sky’s the limit when we've put footprints on the moon.

P OOL BUILDERS OF MAINE Q W ,O S .

UALITY

ORKMANSHIP

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Out ’n About at the Mac’s Grill Deck Party Like us on Facebook to hear about our next deck party in August.

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Elisabeth Holland & Gerry Gagne Finally... I get to be the top of the human pyramid!

COMING IN SEPTEMBER! Mike Ouellette, Lynne Gray, Burt Gray & Pete Theriault

WOOD, PELLET AND GAS STOVES! 1525 Minot Ave. Auburn • 795-7222 www.poolbuildersofmaine.com Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.

Today, it's called golf.

Stacey & John Morin J&S Utilities Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Dismal first-year sales of now famous products:

In the event of an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal.

The Agency

1. VW Beetle (U.S.) sold 330 first year.

Assisting families since 1997 Assisted Home Care is a registered home health services agency that provides:

2. Liquid Paper sold 1,200 bottles its first year

• Registered Nurse • Licensed Practical Nurse • Certified Nurses Aides • Certified Medical Technicians • Certified Residential Medication Aides • Personal Care Assistants

3. Cuisinart sold 200 units its first year.

4. Remington typewriter sold 8 its first year.

Our highly qualified and experienced staff are supervised by a Registered Nurse.

5. Scrabble sold 532 board games its first year.

6. Coca-Cola sold 25 bottles its first year.

(For total of $50; supplies and advertising ran $70.)

World Records

The Family We see ourselves as a family - a family that wants to assist you and your family with:

Once the call has been made, we can provide services in as little as 4 hours.

Home C d e t ar sis s e A 550 College St., Lewiston

France had the first supermarket in the world.

It was started by relatives of the people who started the Texas Big Bear supermarket chain.

783-7375

In your time of need.

We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

Now Hiring CNA’s

Fish Years One way to tell the age of a fish is by looking at its scales. They have growth rings just like trees. These are called circuli. Clusters of them are called annuli. Each annuli show one year.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.

– Uncle Andy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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• Personal Care • Medication Reminders • Meal Preparation • Feeding • Light Housekeeping • Laundry • Errands • Companionship • Respite Care

Let’s see how the paparazzi likes this facial expression...

Geno, don’t look now, the Uncle Andy’s paparazzi is here.

Mac’s Grill Rocks!

Politics Definition: Poli = Many; Tics = Blood sucking parasites

I’ve learned (Andy Rooney)... That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

Don’s DBA...

MORRIS AUTO PARTS

What’s on Your Bucket List?

How about climbing Redwoods

940 Washington St. North • 784-7374 or 800-730-7374 • Mon. - Fri. 8 - 5 • Sat. 8 - 12

Why buy new, when used will do AND save money?

We recycle 99% of all our products, offering almost any year, make, or model, foreign or domestic, auto or truck.

One coupon per customer

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Together Let’s Think Green and Recycle!

Sitting on the Trolltunga rock in Norway

DON’S NO PREFERENCE TOWING CO.

24/7 WRECKER SERVICE

Call us if you are broken down.

Ask for Don or Debbie for all your towing needs

940 Washington St. • Auburn • 784-4619 Extreme rock climbing

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. – Groucho Marx

Out ’n About at the Blush Boutique Trade your tools event Jane Morrison of Safe Voices, Ashley Alexander & Elizabeth Betsch of Blush Beauty Boutique

Elizabeth & Joline Betsch, Amy Richard & Brittanie Betsch

Creditors have better memories than debtors.

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Out ’n About at the Mac’s Grill Deck Party

An argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.

Tired of how your old deck looks?

Need a new deck?

I think I’m gonna kiss my man right now...

CALL THE DECK DOCTORS! Stephen Adamczyk, Deck Repair Expert

Call 713-9090 for your FREE estimate!

Facelift Your Property

www.setwright.com Out ’n About at the Mac’s Grill Deck Party

Christopher & Melanie Rounds

Mac’s Grill is for lovers!

What do barbed wire and a thong have in common?

For the answer find me at Foxridge Golf Course on Mondays.

Oh Mike, you’re so bad.

Mike Kelly, Joline Blanchette, Kendra Labonte & Maria Labonte

FIRESIDE STOVE SHOP

WOOD • COAL • GAS • PELLET Quiet, clean, elegant stoves.

Several styles to choose from.

1220 Center Street, Auburn Denise & Robert Higgins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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784-9249 www.firesidestoveshop.com I’ve learned (Andy Rooney)... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

Est. 2008

Dog Grooming Daycare & Boutique

Akia Since May 5, 2011

Since Feb. 5, 2013

Buddy

65 Washington St., Auburn • 333-3640 We have 6,000 sq. ft. of indoor heated comfortable play area. We are the only facility in the state that offers everything for your pup, from daycare to grooming, transportation, dog food and supplies all under one roof!

No payment contracts! If your dog doesn't come to play, you don't pay!!

Since9, 1 Apr. 3 201

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT thedoggzinn@gmail.com• www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn

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$16 PER DAY!

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Sydney

Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

Liberty Bell Fact In 1835, while tolling the death of Chief Justice John Marshall, the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, cracked.

Trivia buffs: The Bell is made of 70% copper, 25% tin and small amounts of lead, zinc, arsenic, gold and silver, and it weighs around 2,080 lbs. and measures 12 ft. in circumference around the lip and 3 ft. from lip to crown.

"You cannot convince someone to see something that they do not want to see, no matter how much you know it would improve their lives. You have to love and accept them exactly as they are today. If you cannot do that, you have to let them go and find their own way, in their own time, if they ever choose to do so.

Otherwise, you'll be giving them the power over your happiness, too."

– Doe Zantamata In 1787, the U.S. Constitution was completed and signed by delegates from 12 states attending the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The U.S. Constitution is the oldest working constitution in the world.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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If the grass is always greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!

DAILY SPECIALS

Monday 2 Crabmeat Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99 w/salad & chips

Tuesday Chicken Parmesan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99 w/salad or cole slaw

Tues. Wed. & Thurs.

Fried Clams sm. $11.99 . . . . . . . .lg. $15.79 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . . . .$6.99 w/potato & rolls

Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm

Thursday 2 Lobster Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99 w/salad & chips

Friday & Saturday

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After 4:00 PM

Fried Haddock* $11.99

Prime Rib Au Jus* Small $13.99 • Large $16.79

Grilled/Baked Salmon* $12.99

*with potato, choice of salad, coleslaw or vegetable & rolls

64 Lewiston Road, Gray 657-4714 www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

This is a fast paced job and all this hard work makes me hungry! I think I’ll order up some fried clams.

Marc St.Pierre of Auburn Kitchen Crew Member

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote!

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Not being able to iron out all of his problems made the dry cleaner very depressed.

THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: A vibration is a motion that can’t make up its mind which way to go.

Back to School time!

Stop in for your new styles & colors!

The Cab Driver Submitted by Jimbo

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look man, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

Back from L to R: Taylor, Cori, Kelly, Terry & Linda Front from L to R: Jennifer, Michael, Kathy, Tina & Nuria

392 Center Street, Auburn

786-0112 HairByGregorys.com "I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate." — George Burns

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap on the shoulder would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

Trenchless Sewer and Drain Rehabilitation Call today to have a Clear Drains of Maine technician perform a site evaluation and provide you with a detailed estimate for rehabilitating your failing sewer or drain line with our

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Seals broken areas in Cast Iron, PVC, Orangeburg, Clay Pipes & More!

521 Federal Road, Livermore • 207.320.2177 The Western-most point in the contiguous United States is Cape Alava, Washington.

The world's largest mammal, the blue whale, weighs 50 tons at birth. Fully grown, it weighs as much as 150 tons.

In the 1700s, European women achieved a pale complexion by eating "Arsenic Complexion Wafers" actually made with the poison.

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Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Thank you to everyone who made this a fun, successful event!

PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING? Ask about our signature models!

CALL FOR PRICING

G.A. DOWNING Service Rental Sales

782.4508 or 800.924.4500

111 Woodman Hill Road, Minot www.gadowning.com

Fall is coming, get your vehicle ready!

Auto Repair Brakes • Engines • Suspension & More

Body Work Discounted towing w/ shop repairs

Collision Repairs • Complete Re-sprays Custom Paint & More

782-5500 845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn

Tri County Auto Sales $

$

4,900 ‘06 Mazda 3 5 Speed, Runs Great, Clean

5,500

‘02 Mercedes ML500 Fully Loaded w/Navigation

TriCounty.HasYourCar.Com Inspections • Walk-ins Welcome 1885 Federal Road • Livermore, Maine See full list at:

Full Time Auto Mechanic 207-897-3323 • 207-576-4321 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find that there are twice as many Hs as Os.

A walla-walla scene is one where extras pretend to be talking in the background, when they say "walla-walla" it looks like they are actually talking.

Andy Carrier Catching Pickerel on Taylor Pond

You know what they say... a good day of fishing is better than almost anything else.

Main Street Market would like to recognize and thank the 2013 Sabattus Rec Main Street Market team on all their hard work and dedication this season!

Jim Mathon

Almonds are members of the peach family.

Catching Bass on Taylor Pond

Super Summer Specials with Angella & Camille!

2 for 1 (2 people for the price of 1)

either a full color or a partial foil

only $80

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

with Angella or Camille

✃

Get Your Back-To-School Look Here!

786-4311 Pedicures • Manicures • Waxing Eyelash Tinting • Colors • Cuts • Foils

Ann Dumais

Kelly Giambra

Expires 8.31.13

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch Angella Brissette

Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw Camille Cloutier

Get Your Hair Done Before Work!

We’re open at 6:00am 4 days a week!!

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

– Jerry Seinfeld

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Out ’n About at the Rodeo in Mystique, Texas

The successful man is the one who finds out what is the matter with his business before his competitors do. – Roy Smith

If I didn’t have to pay so much for my ad I could spend more time here...

“Your One-Stop Solution for Pest Control!”

Protect Your Family From Lyme Disease and West Nile Virus

Apryl & Beau of RJB & Son Auto Sales in Turner

Professional Pest Control Services Include: • • • • •

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with tick and mosquito treatments on your property

Fully Licensed & Insured Locally Owned & Operated

10% OFF One-time or initial treatment

COMMERCIAL & RESIDENTIAL Dustin Carrier of Carrier Lawn and Landscape got a new toy!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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mainepest.com 795-1100 A.D. actually stands for "Anno Domini" - the Medieval Latin for "In the year of the Lord."

B.C. stands for "Before Christ."

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. – Carl Gustav Jung

Major League Snacks Submitted by Jimbo

Back To School Single Vision Basic Prescriptions Frames, Polycarbonate Lenses, Anti-reflective Coating* *Specialty lenses & lens enhancements are extra.

Limitations may apply. Not to be combined with any other offer. See associate for details.

MUST PRESENT COUPON. • Expires 8/31/13

$

79

Now accepting most major insurances

WIN School Supplies for your school.

Call for details

120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn Mon - Fri 9:30 AM - 6:00 PM Sat 10 AM - 3:00 PM

Vision at a Value Search VIPEyes Auburn

783-4226

"Strengths" is the longest word in the English language with just one vowel.

We love Poland Spring Inn. Thank you, Cyndi Robbins!

Out ’n About at Poland Spring Inn

Class Act of 1972

An albatross can sleep while it flies. It apparently dozes while cruising at 25 mph.

I took my son to his first Major League baseball game when he was four.

The game was delayed, so we spent our time talking and eating everything the concession had to offer: Hot dogs, pretzels, nachos, pizza, soda, peanuts, ice cream, and cotton candy.

About a year later, I asked my son if he'd like to go to another game.

He thought about it for a moment and then replied, "No, thanks, Dad. I'm really not that hungry."

Taxing Submitted by Jimbo

There are about 50 million American children enrolled in elementary school and high school. They are taught by a little over 6 million teachers, who earn an average salary of about $42,000 a year.

If each child brings an apple to the teacher once a week, by how much would the average teacher’s after-tax income be decreased as a result of gift taxes on the fruit?

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Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

Celebrating

61 Years in Business All Month Long!!

GET $1 BEAL’S BUCKS EVERY TIME YOU USE OUR 80LB MEGA WASHER Valid 8/1/2013 - 8/31/2013

L/A’s Largest Washers 80lb Capacity Washers “Like” Us on Facebook Search: Beal’s Laundromat & Cleaners Mon.-Fri 7am-9pm Sat. & Sun. 8am-9pm The longest English word consisting entirely of consonants (and not including "y" as a vowel) is the word "crwth" which is from the fourteenth century and means crowd.

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LAUNDROMAT • CLEANERS • COIN-OP "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."

— Winston Churchill

An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.

Prepare now to save later with our air sealing special!

Guerrilla Marketing at its best!

Is your heating bill getting out of hand?

Call to find out how you can SAVE $300 per year on your heating bill with no cost out of your pocket!

SPECIAL DAVE IRELAND BUILDERS, LLC

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290.2115

www.DaveIrelandBuilders.com Other than humans, black lemurs are the only primates that may have blue eyes.

We hope to see you at the Redneck Blank (Olympics). We still have a few tickets available!

Harold Brooks Redneck “Blank” organizer

The Holland and Lincoln Tunnels under the Hudson River connecting New Jersey and New York are an engineering feat. The air circulators in the tunnels circulate fresh air completely every ninety seconds.

"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."

— Marty Feldman

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Boss Man Submitted by Jimbo

At an annual Bosses Night dinner for Helena, Montana, lawyers, sponsored by legal secretaries, it was time to announce the Boss of the Year.

The master of ceremonies began: "First of all, our winner is a graduate of the University of Montana. So that already eliminates some of you as candidates."

"Our winner also is a partner in a downtown Helena law firm. That eliminates some more of you. "Our nominee is honest, upright, dedicated..."

A voice from the audience cut in: "Well, there go the rest of us!"

"There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva."

— Josh Groban

GRAND OPENING

AUGUST 10TH 10AM

850 Lisbon St. • Lewiston (next to Papa John’s))

Lingerie

Jewelry

•

Wed. - Sat. 10 - 7 Sunday 11 - 6

•

Shoes

320-1165

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President What’s on Your Bucket List?

(207) 784-6413

How about sky walking on Mount Nimbus in Canada?

Styling Dog Professional Grooming Boutique

NOW OPEN $

5.00 OFF

Your first appointment

Call for appointment

513-1454 Lewiston

stylingdogs.wix.com/stylingdog Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Chocolate manufacturers currently use 40% of the world's almonds and 20% of the world's peanuts.

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily."

— Zig Ziglar

Generators Dealer!

We are a licensed If your power goes out, your generator goes on – automatically.

STANDBY UNITS

It’s really that simple.

Portable units available • Reliability • Easily Accessible Controls • Framed for Durability • Easy to make effortless electric start, battery included

FULL INSTALLATION AVAILABLE! CALL FOR MORE INFO ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS

1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

ElectricalSystemsOfMaine.com

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

Addictive Advertising Specialties

Lease and Property Management

A cure for all of your promotional product needs!

Pens, wearables, drinkware, calendars & more!

786-0725 addictivead@aol.com

Lease

Property

Referral

207.784.2011 www.yourleasingoffice.com

Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

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Flush It Submitted by Jimbo

The showers in my daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would yell out, "Flushing!" each time they flushed the toilets.

During one of my daughter's visits home, a friend stopped by to chat for a while. I was explaining how my daughter was acting more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn't tell me all about her life the way she used to.

"I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone." — Tommy Cooper

KARATE at

Women’s Self Defense Saturdays or Sundays

$10 per class Learn the Okinawan system of Isshin-Ryu Karate.

We have classes for everyone from ages 7 to 97 • Self defense classes for women, men, and seniors • Traditional martial art classes which include weapons such as the bo, sai, tonfa, and Nunchaku

Come in and watch a class! Join anytime! Classes are $45 per month

420-0139

to see class details

1000 Minot Ave. • Auburn

Suddenly we heard my daughter call out from the bathroom, "Flushing!"

"Wow!" said my friend, "How much more do you want to know?"

Charming Submitted by Jimbo

At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant.

She said, "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you."

Then, returning to reality, she added, "But, if man is in the restaurant ordering his steak, don't wait any longer."

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Seattle, Washington, like Rome, was built on seven hills.

CWP Courses: $100 per person 8 hrs -lunch, refreshments included. Need a pistol and 100 rounds of ammo plus eye and ear protection.

See you there!

Upcoming CWP Classes 8am–4pm:

Sunday, August 18th

481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806 Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm Fitchburg, Massachusetts is the second hilliest city in the US.

An animal epidemic is called an epizootic.

Brass Tax Submitted by Jimbo

Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies.

One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better. He said "If this church is to become better, it must take up it's bed, and walk." The congregation said "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."

www.wolfeye.com "I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food." — W. C. Fields

Jim’s Rent It

• Car Rentals • Passenger Vans with • Pickup Truck Rentals 7,8,12,15 Seating Capacity • Convertibles

Lowest priced car rental in the area!

Car accidents, no problem!

We offer insurance-paid car rentals

Call 784-5438 for details 1097 Center St., Auburn Hummingbirds are the only animals able to fly backwards.

Encouraged by their response, he went further. "If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside it's hindrances and run!" The congregation replied, "Let it run, preacher, let it run!"

Now really into his message, he spoke stronger. "If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up it's wings and fly!" "Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!" the congregation shouts.

The Preacher gets louder. "If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!"

The congregation replied. "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."

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Out ’n About at the Battle of the Boats Bass Fishing Tournament on Sabattus Pond I can’t believe that little punk beat me...

A kind of tortoise in the Galapagos Islands has an upturned shell at its neck so it can reach its head up to eat cactus branches.

Tired of Vacuuming Your Pool?

With re bates u p to

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Bruce Wood

www.abcpool.com

We’re heading to the weigh in and I have easily beat Bruce with his wimpy little fish...

"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." — Mark Twain

Brendon Wood

FREE Kids Haircut Mom, book a cut and color and get a Kid’s Cut Absolutely Free!

Kerry Wood & Keith Poulin Kerry is CEO of Community Credit Union.

Keith was the winner of the “Guess Your Weight” competition and his team also came in 3rd place.

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Call for an appointment!

71 East Avenue • Lewiston

783-3321

www.cassiels.com "Creativity is intelligence having fun." — Albert Einstein

THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: With the naked eye, you can only observe what you see.

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20% OFF all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!

INVENTORY REDUCTION SALE!

20% - 75% OFF

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Proud Grandmother Submitted by Jimbo

An elderly, wealthy woman in Florida was boring fellow beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two remarkable grandchildren.

Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted her.

"Tell me, how old are your grandsons?"

The grandmother gave a grateful smile and replied, "The doctor is four and the lawyer is six."

Wrong Answer Submitted by Jimbo

On a chilly winter evening, my husband and I were snuggled together on the floor watching television.

During a commercial break, he reached over and gave my foot a gentle squeeze.

"Mmmmm," I said.

"That's so sweet."

Featuring

131Vendors "Actually," he admitted sheepishly, "I thought that was the remote."

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Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

All of the cobble stones that used to line the streets in New York were originally weighting stones put in the hulls of Belgian ships to keep an even keel.

Electric Christmas tree lights were first used in 1895. The idea for using electric Christmas lights came from an American, Ralph E. Morris. The new lights proved safer than the traditional candles.

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Summer FUN! Can we go tubing today?

Libya has the only flag which is all one color with no writing or decoration on it.

Now Enrolling!

yrs.

Ages 6 wks. - 12

We offer preschool & toddler programs, separate rooms for each age group, and a large outdoor play area!

Rylee, Moxie & Phoenix Let’s finish this chapter, Mariah.

Then I’ll let you go tubing.

Early Learning Center

301 Sawyer Rd. • Greene

946-KIDS Ask about our multi-child discount and family vacation benefit

The only "real" food that U.S. Astronauts are allowed to take into space is pecan nuts.

Lion whiskers are unique - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.

You don’t expect me to touch that thing, do you?

Otis oversees Mariah Carrier, making sure she does her summer reading

Summertime ROCKS!

Mariah Carrier, Moxie, Morgan Copp, Devin Carrier & Rylee tubing on Taylor Pond Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Aubrey Fortin Daughter of Mindy Fortin of Diamond Cut Jewelers in Oxford

"You are you. Now, isn't that pleasant?" — Dr. Seuss

Lifestyle loan line of credit... for life’s unexpected expenses

831 Minot Avenue, Auburn 555 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

207-783-2071

www.mainefamilyfcu.com

"I don't know what weapons will be used in world war three, but in world war four people will use sticks and stones." — Albert Einstein

Baseball, Simply Put Submitted by Jimbo

BATTERY & CORE Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Automobile & Truck Batteries Die Cast Alloy Rims #1 Steel Prepared/better grading/ better payout Starters & Alternators Catalytic Converters Cell Phone Scrap Computer Towers Stainless

Electronic Scrap Mother Boards • Cores Brass • Alternators Starters • Motors • Pumps Computer Board Scraps Copper • Aluminum • Insulated Wire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

Paying TOP prices for computer scraps! “ You are always treated fairly and with respect!”

We pay EXTRA for copper & brass from LARGE businesses with LARGE quantities!

Always paying the best prices! (prices subject to market changes) Mon - Fri 7am - 7pm

15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. • Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

6 1 5 - 7 0 57 o r

795-8887

“My doctor tells me I can’t play golf man!”, “Oh, So he’s played with you, too.”

This is a game played by two teams, one out the other in. The one that's in, sends players out one at a time, to see if they can get in before they get out. If they get out before they get in, they come in, but it doesn't count.

If they get in before they get out it does count.

When the ones out get three outs from the ones in before they get in without being out, the team that's out comes in and the team in goes out to get those going in out before they get in without being out.

When both teams have been in and out nine times the game is over.

The team with the most in without being out before coming in wins unless the ones in are equal. In which case, the last ones in go out to get the ones in out before they get in without being out.

The game will end when each team has the same number of ins out but one team has more in without being out before coming in.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About with Miami Mike

It’s already August Uncle Andy’s Digesters! That means the downhill journey to the end of the summer has begun. In the blink of an eye, the flutter of a butterfly’s wings, you will be school shopping with the kids dealing with 5 alarm meltdowns in the middle of the store because little Johnny and tiny Tina don’t want to try on the clothes you are preparing to spend a small fortune on, just so they do not look like a couple of ragamuffins for the first week. After the first week the new wardrobe will fit right in with the old. Stains you did not see until you leave the kids at the bus stop alongside a rip or small tear. If you are the parent that does not buy new school cloths for the kids, either because you don’t feel as though it is an adequate usage of time, don’t have the cash flow, or have a mound of hand-medowns that makes Mt. Kilimanjaro look like a foothill, I applaud you. You are the population that has figured it out. If it is relatively clean and covers the kid by at least 87% they are good to go. So rather than spending the time school shopping, do a big load of laundry, find a place with free pens and grab about a dozen while the kids occupy the receptionist then head to the Great Falls Balloon Festival for some great summer fun!

The balloon fest is absolutely one of my favorite local events. I can remember many a groggy morning rushing down to great falls plaza to set up the good old Pepsi balloon. I was but a mere boy about the age of 12 and mornings were not where I was at my prime. It was not until many years later when I discovered coffee and was I able to endure the brutal fury of the early A.M. The balloons all ascending swiftly, silently into the air on a foggy morning are strictly amazing. Take some pictures.

I know you had aspirations to spruce up the kids room before the end of summer but don’t worry I have you covered on that one too. Wait until you ship the kids back to school and the dust has settled. Then hightail it over to Lewiston Paint & Wallpaper. They will be able to set you up with all the supplies and materials you need to get the kid’s rooms looking presentable again. I am aware you are fond on the Picasso reproduction little Leticia drew on her room wall with nothing but an eight pack of crayons but the folks at Lewiston Paint & Wallpaper will help you create her revitalized canvas that you call her wall.

Happy, Safe August Fellow Uncle Andy’s Digesters!

My pet snail was too slow to win races, so I took his shell off. It just made him even more sluggish.

Mental floss prevents moral decay.

The Old English word for "sneeze" is "fneosan."

Out ’n About at the Sea 40 Outdoor ‘Sea Bash’ Summer Party

It was our duty to shake our booty!

The only planet without a ring is earth.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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The oldest exposed surface on earth is New Zealand's south island.

Grammie’s Cottage BROTHERS CONSTRUCTION

Gift Shop

24’ X 40’ RANCH ROOF

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3995

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– 576-4330 – email: roofnfools@yahoo.com

Name that Month

Open Wed.-Sun.

(207) 346-0178

11 Mechanic Falls Road Welchville Junction, ME

Is that some green in your pool?

Never fear!

Poolman is here!!

The names of the key summer months have Roman origins. June is named after Juno, who was the wife of Jupiter.

Marc Antony named July after Julius Caesar and August was named after Caesar’s nephew, known as Augustus.

Actor Gene Hackman was a counterman, director Mike Nichols was a busboy, and comedienne/actress Lily Tomlin was a waitress: all three worked at different Howard Johnson's.

• Holiday Gifts • Jewelery • Homemade Crafts • Souvenirs

All labor and materials included

Superhero George Raymond of ABC Pools

The little hole in the sink that lets the water drain out, instead of flowing over the side, is called a "porcelator".

HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Call us!

No Separating Required!

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.

R.C. Game Farm 2742 Auburn Rd. • Turner

224-7239 • Flight Ready Bob Whites • Processed Whole Quail Birds & Quail Eggs For Sale!

• Free Delivery (One Case or more)

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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RCGamefarm.com

Microchips: what's left at the bottom of the bag when it reaches you.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

2 Story House Submitted by Jimbo

Auburn Plaza Family Dentistry is giving away this great prize to one lucky winner!

Like us & Uncle Andy’s Digest on Facebook to stay in the loop.

Enter to win this

While driving to their new home, the mom was telling the children about the house; it was a big two-story house with lots of room. She told them about the big back yard with a swingset; the playroom, big enough for all their toys; and each child would finally have a room of their own.

arts t s t s e t n o C th August 12 Go to: facebook.com/UncleAndysDigest

Click on “Enter to WIN” A used car is not always what it's jacked up to be.

Is Your Website Friendly?

“72% of consumers want Mobile-Friendly websites.” – Google Research Websites that aren’t mobile-friendly annoy users and that’s bad business!

The 4-year-old piped up, "No, this is a two story house!"

Submitted by Jimbo

"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me."

GET YOUR BUSINESS THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES!

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

On their first night in their new home, the parents got the kids to bed later than usual, so they said they could only read one story.

Job Hunting

We offer...

Mobile friendly websites you can afford!

Consumers are doing more business on mobile devices, including shopping and product research. They are more likely to buy online when the site meets their mobile needs.

A young family, feeling cramped in their small apartment, went shopping for a house. The parents looked at houses for a month before deciding on a twostory house in the country.

Call TOD AY to get yo ur mobile-f riendly site!

UADwebsites.com • 783-7039 A rancher let his cows roam anywhere they wished.

He lets the chips fall where they may.

"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"

"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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The chickens have come to roast.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The youngest letters in the English language are "j," "v" and "w."

The only borough of New York City that isn't an island (or part of an island) is the Bronx.

All About You Salon 41 Broad Street, Auburn

Out ’n About at the Battle of the Boats Bass Fishing Tournament on Sabattus Pond

784-5407

BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIALS

Purchase ANY Paul Mitchell liter Duo or Trio & enter our Back to School Giveaway for free!

Includes: Back Pack & School Supply Giveaway! While Supplies Last!

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Two PM Shines or Full Colors for the Price of One! *Only Valid with qualified stylist

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$5.00

Kids Cuts with our Rising Star!

Josh Blackwood Tournament Winner

Book with Ashalie *Only valid for ages K-6

Goat's eyes have rectangular pupils. The pupils of an octopus' eyes are also rectangular.

Got a Bad Tattoo?

Prove it and remove it... FREE!

Scott Laliberty Tournament Winner

is looking for the WORST tattoo in the L/A area from now to Sept.14

Great job CCU family, your community service means everything!

One winner receives a free removal!

Message us your photo on our Facebook page, or email us at info@yourbestskinofmaine.com 34 Center St., Auburn • 333.3069 The 1957 Milwaukee Braves were the first baseball team to win the World Series after being relocated.

Tony Tringali & Jimmy Lowe 2nd Place winners with Kerry Wood of CCU Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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I'm on a 30-day diet. So far I've lost 15 days.

Cure For What Ails Ya Submitted by Jimbo

Stop in our New Location

155 Center Street • Building G

A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day.

"Doc, there's something wrong with me.

Every time I stand in a baby's high chair and face southwest, and then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that's wrapped around an acorn, I get a strange tingle in my big toe. Can you tell me what the problem is?"

ON-SITE SERVICES NOW AVAILABLE FOR: • Drug & Alcohol Testing • Hair Folicle Testing • DNA/Paternity Testing Please call ahead

WE ALSO OFFER: • Tenant Screening

• Pre-probation Drug Testing

• Background Checks

• Drug Test Kits Supplies

• Private Investigations

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MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com email: mitch@mmdrugscreening.com US tourist to Irish child: “Does it ever stop raining here?”

Child replies: “I don’t know, I’m only eight.”

"Sure!" The doctor said.

"You have way too much time on your hands!"

Brutally Honest Submitted by Jimbo

My sister and I are close, and that allows us to be honest with each other. One evening as I prepared for a date, I remarked, "I'm fat."

"No, you're not," she scolded.

"My hair is awful," I said.

"It's lovely," she encouraged.

"I've never looked worse," I whined.

And she said, "Yes, you have."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Dunnington Joins L/A’s Newest Salon

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

FROM STONE DUST TO ROC

Our Gravel Pit is located at 168 Midd mile from the Maine Turnpike. We hav gates. Pick up and delivery are availab Jenn Dunnington of Greene has joined the team at L/A's newest upscale hair salon, Escada Hair Studio, which recently opened at 746 Main Street in Lewiston, adjoining The Gym. She a former graduate of Mr. Bernard's School of Beauty, and brings 13 years of hair experience with her to the new salon. She is an independent stylist performing Mens, Womens & Kids Cuts with a specialty in foils & colors.

“I'm very excited about this fantastic opportunity at Escada Hair Studio and this next step in my career. I can't wait for all of my clients to see this beautiful Salon,” she recently told Uncle Andy's Digest.

Jenn Dunnington is available by walk-in or by appointments Tuesdays thru Fridays.

You can contact her at Escada by calling 241-0473 or message her on Facebook.

Locally owned and operated since 1970!

Our delivery area. Visit our website for pricing on all of our products.

Strange News They have officially designated bird watching a hazardous activity, using the example of the death of a bird watcher who became so wrapped up in watching a particular bird that he failed to notice his potentially dangerous surroundings and was eaten by a crocodile.

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784-7944 www.stlaurentandson.com Even if you’re on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

– Will Rogers

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.”

CK, WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!

Out ’n About at the Battle of the Boats Bass Fishing Tournament on Sabattus Pond

The Community Credit Union Volunteers – Back L to R: Andrew & Brianna Lunn, Laurie Pelletier, Janice Lare, Christina Carter, Jen Hogan and Kerry Wood. Front L to R: Betsy Sibley & Shelby Wood, Bria & Xavier Duncan.

dle Road (Rt. 9) in Sabattus. The gravel pit is conveniently located less than a half ve a large scale crushing/processing operation and offer a wide variety of aggreble. Call our office for pricing or order online at www.stlaurentandson.com.

Cat Fact Cats often rub up against people and furniture to lay their scent and mark their territory.

They do it this way, as opposed to the way dogs do it, because they have scent glands in their faces.

The ship, the Queen Elizabeth 2, should always be written as QE2.

QEII is the actual queen.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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2nd Opinion

The movie Wayne's World was filmed in two weeks.

Submitted by Jimbo

A man has not been feeling well and goes to the doctor for a check up. After the physical examination and a battery of blood tests and X-rays, he asks the doctor about his situation.

The doctor replies, "You are very sick. You might not live longer than perhaps three or four months."

The man, in despair, yet, with a glimpse of hope says, "If you don't mind, doctor, I would like to have a second opinion."

"Okay," the doctor answers, "you're ugly, too!"

Bird Fact Baby songbirds seem to learn how to sing from the adult birds of their species, and if they are raised by other species, they don't sing the same as their ancestors. They often make strange warbling noises, but may also learn the songs of other species.

In the latter case, they can pass these songs on to their offspring.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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There are more cells of bacteria in your body than there are human cells.

Chicago is closer to Moscow than to Rio de Janeiro.

Out ’n About at the Battle of the Boats Bass Fishing Tournament on Sabattus Pond

Partnering with Professionals

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a “World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

Glenda Mitchell: 514-1136 gmitchell@redlon-johnson.com

Tim Fox: 514-1137 tfox@redlon-johnson.com

Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail

3 Middle Street, Lewiston showroom.redlon-johnson.com

Showroom Hours: Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. 8AM - 4:30PM Open Thurs. until 6PM APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

Family Friendly Dentistry

Willow Run Dental Association is accepting new patients

BBQ Volunteers from Community Credit Union – L to R: Brianna, Laurie Pelletier, Marc Labonte, Bria Duncan, Chad Pelletier

The Canadian province of Newfoundland has its own time zone, which is half an hour behind Atlantic standard time.

Come meet our friendly Dentists & Staff

Scott Beckerman, DMD Geraldine Schneider, DMD Jeffrey Sloan, DDS • Family cosmetic dentistry • Emergency same-day care • Most insurance plans accepted

783-0261 One Willow Run Unit 1-B, Auburn

willowrundental.com

The movie Paris, Texas was banned in the city of Paris, Texas, shorty after its box office release.

Bird Fact The Japanese quail has many values to the people who live in the areas it habitates. They are used for their song, their eggs, for their meat, and are carried around in cold weather in South China to keep one's hands warm.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Weapon Choice Submitted by Jimbo

Nine-year-old Aaron came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

Ogdensburg, New York is the only city in the United States situated on the St. Lawrence River.

The Customer is

#

Proud of our Finance Partnership with local Credit Unions

1

Top Salesman COLIN DUBE

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost.

While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.

"Well, Dad," said Aaron, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

867 Center St. • Auburn

753-0033

BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIAL 2004 VW Passat GLS 102k, 5-Speed, 1.8T, heated seats, sunroof

"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

Taxi Grad Submitted by Jimbo

A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his future.

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He gets into a taxi and the driver says, "How are you on this lovely day?"

"I'm the Class of 2012, just graduated from Harvard and I just can't wait to go out there and see what the world has in store for me."

The driver looks back to shake the young man's hand and says, "Congratulations, I'm Mitch, Class of 1969."

UncleAndysDigest.com

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753-0033 LakeCityExports.com 867 Center St. Auburn Most spiders belong to the orb weaver spider family, Family Aranidae (pronounced "A Rainy Day.")