THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
.com
The Most Unusual Digest in America
$
FREE DECEMBER 2010
OFF 100
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Normally $2,150
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ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS
1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126
www.electricalsystemsofmaine.com
31 Blake St. Lewiston
782-7113 Call Dan Dumont for your FREE Estimate!
138 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com
LOOKING TO REFINANCE? Look No Further!
Fixed Rate
Loans
• Conventional • FHA • VA • MSHA • RD Debbie Bodwell, Vice President NMLS# 280336
Residential Mortgage Service, Inc. 777.1551
181 Center St., Auburn • www.rmsmortgage.com • dbodwell@rmsmortgage.com This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions. Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537
Department of Redundancy Department
On the Twelve Days of "Catmas" My Humans Gave To Me… Submitted by Maggie Joyce
Twelve human hugs and kisses Eleven minutes of scratching Ten balls of twine Nine humans dancing Eight hair ball toys Seven pet food covers Six floppy stuffed Beanie Dalmatians Five small lattice balls
10% Discount
Four furry mice Three nuggets of Pounce Two catnip toys And a carpeted cheesy home-made cat tree!!
A Christmas Commandment When thou bakest the holiday goodies, thou will treat thyself to some of the goodly ones and not just to the slightly burnt ones that ye would be too embarrassed to giveth unto others. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
2
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039
KARATE FOR ADULTS AND KIDS AGES 3-6 & 7-12
Friends & Family Bring in a friend or family member and BOTH receive a 10% discount! MEMBER: NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF PROFESSIONAL MARTIAL ARTISTS
Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: pelledojo@aol.com • www.pelletierskarate.com "If the shoe fits, buy it." – Imelda Marcos
786-3731
MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".
DECEMBER 2010 Activities for members and their guests Saturday, Dec. 4 Holy Cross KC Bean Supper (Chapter 12907) 607 Lisbon St, Lewiston 4pm – 6pm $5.50/Member; $7/Guest Sunday, Dec. 5 Flagship Cinemas (Chapter 10589) Lisbon St, Lewiston Center St. Auburn $3.50/Member $5/Guest TICKETS ARE LIMITED Friday, Dec. 10 The Green Ladle Culinary Arts LUNCH (Chapter 14437) 156 East Ave (Lewiston HS), Lewiston, NOON --SHARP $7/Member $8/Guest Wednesday, Dec 15 Rolly’s Diner BREAKFAST (Chapter 12749) Mill St, Auburn 7am – 10am $2/Member $3.50/Guest Sunday, Dec. 19 Regal Cinema (Chapter 7938) 19 Garnet Rd, Brunswick $4.50/Member Tuesday, Dec. 21 Sam’s (Chapter 8609) Market Place Mall, Lewiston Noon – 7:00pm $2/Member $3/Guest Wednesday, Dec. 29 Roy’s (Chapter 14346) 5 Washington St., Auburn 4:00pm – 7:00pm $2/Member $3/Guest Please Note: Prices and Menu are Subject to Change. ******************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm and Friday 9am Noon (excluding Holiday’s). FMI call 7821833.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!! _____________________
Auburn Activities
800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn
Friday, Dec. 3 Polly’s - Breakfast 115 King, Oxford; 7am-9am $2.50 off your menu choice Saturday, Dec. 4 The Public Theatre A Very Ida Xmas 2:00pm 31 Maple Street, Lewiston $11 Adults $1 Children, 18 and under Tickets must be picked up at MWA 67 Minot Ave. Auburn, or you may call Mon-Thurs, 9:00am to 5:00pm; at 7838804 or 1-800-561-8506
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039
3
Uncle Andy’s Digest
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
MAILING ADDRESS:
PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL:
editor@UncleAndys.com
Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS
PHONE: 207 FAX: 207
783-7039 777-3898
Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!
www.UncleAndys.com
DECEMBER 2010
Staff UNCLE ANDY
Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted
Smile Again Dentures
Meditating
801 Webster Street, Lewiston
JIMBO
514-0660 www.smileagaindentures.com smileagaindentures@gmail.com
Mediating
Joe & Mike Adkins
Travis Dow Mitigating
An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.
Maggie Joyce Monitoring
Marty Dow Mobilizing
Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily
Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212
Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
4
& Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039
• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu Rolly’s is the best! There’s a reason we’re here every week...
You’ve gotta try this place!!
(l to r) Crystal & Diana Olsen
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out) Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon
Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.
Kutters Korner team grows
Your one-stop Jewelry Store In-house Jewelry Repair u Exceptional Quality Jewelry u Maine Gemstones u Layaway Options Available u Instant Approval Financing
15% off all Estate Jewelry now through Dec. 18th
DiamondCut
Jewelers
1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford • 739-2300 Mon-Fri 9-6; Sat. 9-3 • diamondcutjewelers.com
Tanya, Mindy & Lisa
Jacinta Labbe (formerly of Sarah Jeanne’s)
If you can still do at 60 what you did at 20, it means you weren't doing much at 20.
Sandra called the Uncle Andyʼs office to request Digests to put in the care packages going out for the holidays to our great service people away from home. Jimbo said, “Absolutely! Come on by...” Well as Sandra found out, you canʼt come to our office without getting your picture taken. Just saying... Thank you for thinking of us! Weʼre honored to be part of your care packages!!
Our service men and women love Uncle Andy’s. We’re going to put one in every care package we send!
Sandra Haley Friction can be a drag sometimes.
Jacinta recently joined Kutters Korner, located at 14 Highland Springs Road (off Sabattus St.) in Lewiston. She has five years experience and specializes in foils, cuts, colors, perms, up-do’s and kids cuts. Jacinta also does manicures and pedicures. She is passionate about her career and enjoys meeting new clients and building long term relationships with all of her clientele. Jacinta graduated from Bernard’s School of Hair Fashion and continues her education by attending hair shows and taking classes to stay abreast of the most trendy, up-todate styles. She welcomes all previous clients and new clients. She lives in Lewiston with her two daughters. Jacinta wants everyone to know that for the month of December she is offering a foil for $65 (cut not included). Call 786-4311 to make an appointment. See the Kutters Korner ad on page 63 for more info. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
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5
Subscription Prescription June visited the UAD office to buy a friend a subscription while he was in South Carolina for the winter. Jimbo said he had to get her photo before she left. She said:
It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.
OUR GIFT TO YOU!
I love Uncle Andy’s! It’s good for what ails ya!!
These gifts = great savings for you! OIL & FILTER CHANGE
BATTERY REPLACEMENT
$
$
June McGinley As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my text?"
A Christmas Commandment I say unto you: No holiday decoration may be put up sooner than two weeks before the Great Day, and all must be taken down before the next Thanksgiving. Verily. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
6
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039
$
10 OFF
20 OFF
Expires 12/31/10
Expires 12/31/10
One coupon per customer
One coupon per customer
May not be combined with any other offers.
May not be combined with any other offers.
50 OFF Purchase of 4 tires & alignment Expires 12/31/10 One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.
BODY SHOP SPECIAL $
100 OFF
Can be used for any collision or paint repair that exceeds $500 Expires 12/31/10 One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.
It's not the big failures I mind so much. It's the constant pitter patter of little defeats.
"Trouble with grammar have I, yes." – Yoda
Plenty of Parking! 777-1911 Open daily 11am – 9pm
Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours
On Sabattus St. & Sylvan Ave. Over 30 spaces!!
365 Sabattus St., Lewiston
Carol Richardson, Buster Downing
Affordable! Really! Three meals a day Plus snacks Weekly housekeeping - 24 hour call buttons Transportation to doctors appointments & shopping
All for $1,300 per month!
Openings Available Now! Call for a tour today!!
Rene Minnis
#433 Rt. 202, PO Box 629, Greene
946-3007 “Maine’s Most Affordable Senior Living Center”
www.mainemeadows.com
Betsy Sibley Real Christmas trees are an all-American product, grown in all 50 states, including Alaska and Hawaii. Studying economics may not give you the answers to serious economic problems, but at least you'll learn to avoid being deceived by economists.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039
7
Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours
For some reason I just feel like picking up a hockey stick...
Steve Austin Austin Associatesʼ President
Power plays sure make the game exciting. Especially when you’ve got Austin Associates with you all the way!
Hillary Eaton Austin Associatesʼ Marketing & Business Development Director
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a committee.
Jimbo to Uncle Andy: When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.
Celebrating
Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary We have the best customers and great co-workers here at Heidi’s!
Brenda & Courtney
Charlotte, Melissa & Colby
I really LOVE Heidi’s bread!
Austin, Jenny & Dylan Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039
9
In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
Eye Exams & Contact Lenses!
THE SHOP AUTO SERVICE AND CLASSIC CAR RESTORATION Mike Smith, owner
for the whole family
304 Lisbon St., Lisbon • 353-6100
Auburn Mall Eye Care
www.theshopclassicrestoration.net theshop@roadrunner.com
Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours
550 Center Street, Auburn (inside the Auburn Mall)
(207) 782-5030
DR. MICHAEL METAYER, O.D.
Recently Banned by Government: Eggnog Hideously fattening; leads to coronary artery disease. When "spiked" it incites the drinker to turn to more dangerous holiday beverages, including mulled wine, hard cider and schnapps.
"The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action." – John Dewey
LIVE BANDS
Free Wi fi
Upcoming Entertainment Donna Steckino Community Credit Union
Thursdayss Open Blue
Sat. Sat. Sat. Fri.
Dec. 4th Dec. 11th Dec. 18th Dec. 31st
Live Entertainment Ascend to Power Matt & the Barnburners Celebrate New Years Live music
Watch some football on our big screen TV!
Peter Rinck
97 Ash St., Lewiston • 783-0668
Happy Holidays!
Rinck Advertising Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
10 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE
Diamond Snowplows Morrison & Sylvester, Inc.
A Christmas Commandment When thy child's school doth gear up for another fund-raising sale of holiday wrapping paper, think ye of the thirty-seven unused rolls hiding in your closet - and buy another five rolls as thou always dost.
Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours
1175 Minot Ave. • Auburn, ME 04210 207-783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net Geof Bray
Jennifer Gendron Carleton “He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.” – Henry David Thoreau
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 11
Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours
I believe that good things come to those who work. – Wilt Chamberlain
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 26 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems
OUR TIRES
Yvonne and Roger Bouffard Racquetball is my first, second, third love. Right after my beautiful wife and tennis.
Rod & Beth Cameron, owners
60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210
782-6666 or 783-2026
A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM
Kris Kringle is the German words for "Christ's Child"
Kathy and Mayor Dick Gleason
$8,900
$5,995
$6,295
‘04 Dodge Durango SLT
‘02 Chevy Tracker ZR-2
‘97 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT,
4WD, 3rd Row
V6, 4x4, Auto, 1 Owner
4x4, 94k, Auto
Our Inventory 06 Mercedes E350 Sport, Florida Car, 44k . . . .$22,700 05 Ford Taurus SEL, V6, Automatic, 98k . . . . . . .$6,995 05 Dodge Caravan SE, Automatic, 96k . . . . . . . .$6,495 04 Cadillac Deville DHS, Automatic, Leather . . . .$6,900 04 Jeep Wrangler SE 74k, 5-Speed, 4x4 . . . . . . .$8,995 04 Dodges Stratus SE, 96k, Automatic . . . . . . . .$4,490 04 Dodge Stratus SXT, 95k, Automatic . . . . . . . .$5,995 03 GMC Yukon SLT, 99k, 4x4, Automatic . . . . . .$11,800 02 Ford F150 XL 78k, 5-Speed, V6 . . . . . . . . . . .$5,750 01 VW Beetle GLX Turbo, 5-Speed, 96k . . . . . . .$5,495
01 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo, Automatic . . . .$6,995 00 Nissan Maxima SE V6, 5-Speed . . . . . . . . . . .$4,500 00 Ford Ranger XLT Auto, 4x4, V6 . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,495 99 Pontiac Sunfire SE, Gold, Automatic, 67k . . . .$3,995 99 Pontiac Sunfire SE, Red, 53k, Automatic . . . .$3,995 99 Saab 9-5 SE, Auto, 71k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,995 98 Lincoln Continental, 75k, Automatic, V8 . . . . .$4,995 95 Ford Taurus GL, V6, Automatic . . . . . . . . . . . .$1,995 87 Mercedes 560SL Roadster, V8, Convertible, Automatic, 1-Owner......$12,500
We accept 138 Gardiner Rd. (Rte. 126) in Wales
Joyce McCabe, David Thistle Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
12
& Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Larry Godin
(about 1/2 mile from the Sabattus town line)
375-4823 • www.horselesscarriagesme.com Uncle Andy wants to know: Why does rain drop, but snow fall?
Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.
www.MandPautosales.com
2001 Chevy 2500 HD
2001 Ford Ranger
1994 Chevy Rack Body
60k, 4x4, Xtra Cab, Loaded, BRAND NEW 8’ BOSS PLOW
4x4, Xtra Cab
2WD, 6.5 Diesel, 87K
$
15,500
$
5,995
$
8,500
2007 Chevy Equinox, 90K, AWD, Loaded, leather . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,800 2006 Dodge Caravan, 40k, runs good . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,500 2005 Chevy Cobalt, 87k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 2003 Chevy Trailblazer, 4x4, 3rd Seat, Loaded, 75K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,995 2002 Chevy Silverado, 4X4, Extended Cab . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,500 1999 F350 Superduty, 230K, 7.3 Diesel, Previous Ambulance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,500
M & P AUTO SALES Roosevelt Trail, North Windham • Call Scott Rioux at 892-0932 or 754-4867 "From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." – Groucho Marx
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 13
Hallmark introduced its first Christmas cards in 1915, five years after the founding of the company.
Quality Service at an Affordable Price! • Diagnostic Specialists • State Inspections • Much, much • Tires & Tire Service more! • Full Brake Service • Complete A/C Service • Alignments
We make owning Audi, VW, BMW’s & Mercedes more affordable!
Rick
Ron
Jeremy
Joshua
Don Gilks
Owner
Adv. Master Tech
Technician
Technician
Operations Manager
NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 • www.majorauto.net
Christmas Shepard
A Christmas shopperʼs complaint is one of long-standing.
Submitted by Jimbo
One Christmas, Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side. “Look at that,” remarked Peter to Joe, “That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
14 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Winter is coming... Call us for your FREE plowing quote Residential & Commercial
TWIN
CONSTRUCTION
Call 345-TWIN or 576-5494 or 740-0040
Letʼs approach Christmas with an expectant hush, rather than a last-minute rush.
Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas? A: Forty feet of track - all straight!
All for Mom Submitted by Jimbo
Top 6 reasons to choose Mike Morin’s
The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty-five years old walked up and sat on his lap.
The Farmer’s • Expert service & highest quality Almanac predicts a very cold winter... • Accurate diagnosis of problems Get your FREE • Fair & honest quotes winterization • Great customer service check here! • Full service garage, no problem too big or too small • Best of the best 10 years running for automotive service
FOR SALE AT MIKE MORIN’S 2006 Harley-Davidson Ultra Classic
ONLY $18,500 Cobalt blue & silver, air ride seat, GPS, AM/FM stereo, extra chrome, 2 windshields
Complimentary Coffee & Donuts while you wait • FREE Shuttle Service In L/A
Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?" "Something for my mother, please." said the young lady. "Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you," smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her?" Without blinking, the young lady replied, "A son-in-law!"
Mike Morin’s Auto Center 1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”
VW & AUDI SERVICE Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery
Winter Checkup Special
$
Includes: Antifreeze Check, Tire Check, All Suspension Check, Heating Systems Check
45
459 Washington Street in Auburn • 878-9088 • www.rennen.us
According to tradition, giving a lump of coal in the stockings of naughty children comes from Italy.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 15
Celebrating
“There has been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries.” – W.J. Cameron
Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary Come try my favorite... a pastrami and cheese sandwich warmed up. YUM!
WINTER’S COMING... 2007 Chevrolet 3500 4x4 6.6L Duramax Diesel with automatic transmission. Hydraulic dual-dump bed. Hydraulic Sander. Boss V-plow.
$
34,500
Heidi’s soups are great to warm up with on a cold day.
June & Jake Caron I came all the way from Providence, RI for one of my mom’s perfect sandwiches.
One Owner!
Only 65K miles!
Mike & Natalie Tribou
A Christmas Commandment Yes, though ye walk through the mall on December 24, ye shall not buy any singing fish, nor any pull-my-finger gags, no matter how desperate thou art to find something for thy brother-in-law. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
16 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
200 Auburn Road in Turner • 225-2694 • 4 miles north of Auto Mile
www.kryauto.com Louis Prang created the first American Christmas cards at his Boston factory in 1874.
Q: What kind of music did Pilgrims listen to? A: Plymouth Rock, of course.
Celebrating
Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary
GIVE THE GIFT OF HEALTH
ALL-INCLUSIVE MEMBERSHIPS
Craig Johnson
• No Joiner Fee • No Long-term Commitment
BREAKFAST WITH SANTA December 12th, 8-10am at Applebee’s Pancake Breakfast. $5 pp. includes meal & child’s picture with Santa
I’m dreaming of the day I can get my first sandwich from Heidi’s... one with avocado on it like my mumma.
SAVE THE DATE! YOUTH SWIM LESSONS 6 mos. & up Member Registration: December 13th Open Registration: December 20th 8-week session begins January 3rd
Nora & Amanda Johnson
SAVE THE DATE! OPEN HOUSE
January 10th-15th See what we have to offer! FREE 2-week Trial Family Membership
AUBURN-LEWISTON YMCA 62 TURNER STREET, AUBURN (Next to the county building)
795 4095 • www.alymca.org
GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE
Like the Auburn-Lewiston YMCA on Facebook!
My Uncle Mort was a REAL salesman -- he made a living selling wealthy Eskimo's igloos with fire escapes!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 17
Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours
AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE
ALWAYS BE THE “FOLLOW ME” GUY SHARE OUR PASSION
Heidi Ann Charlton
AMES AMES
SPORT SHOP, SHOP, Inc Inc SPORT
84 Littlefield Road • Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)
Saint Nicholas of Myra, the original Santa Claus, was the patron saint of children, thieves and pawnbrokers.
Sharon & Steve Bryant
12/31/10
Laura & Chip Kibort Problems that go away by themselves usually come back by themselves. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
18 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
53% of Americans plan to "re-gift" this year.
1 in 3 men will wait until Christmas Eve to finish their shopping.
Celebrating
Heidi’s
al December Speci41K
2005 Subaru Legacy, Auto, 104K . . . . . . . .$7,995 2005 Subaru Legacy, Std., 140K, 1 owner . .$7495 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, 80K . .$9,995 2003 GMC Yukon XL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,495 2002 Volkswagen Jetta, 1 Owner, 50K . . .$6,495
Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary Come be part of the fun any day of the year at Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli.
2002 Volkswagen Jetta, 80K, Red . . . . . . .$5,495 2001 Volkswagen Jetta, Silver, 90K . . . . . .$4,995
$14,900
2001 Audi A4, 2 to choose from . . . . . .$4,995/up
2004 TOYOTA TACOMA 4x4, Remote Starter
2006 FORD RANGER XLT 82K
2007 GMC SIERRA 80K
Beckie General Manager
One Owner
One Owner
Extended Cab, Black, 4x4
4x4
$11,995
$15,900
2005 JEEP WRANGLER 90K
Realal e D AUTO
One Owner
SALES
$10,995
275 Washington Ave • Auburn
2009 JEEP PATRIOT 77K
A Christmas Commandment
DUKE & KEVIN 2005 CHEVY TRAIL BLAZER LS 61K
BLOW OUT SPECIAL
784-5114
$10,995
2005 HONDA CIVIC
2004 SUBARU OUTBACK
88K
63K
One Owner 4x4
$14,995
$7,495
LL Bean Edition
$10,995
www.realdealmaine.com 1 in 6 men would like to get rid of all the "gift-giving nonsense."
When I regift unto you, and it turns out to be something you gave unto me, lo, these many years ago, just put it away to give unto me again next year. Have faith in this most venerable truth: I will never remember.
Interesting Christmas Facts: Although many believe that the Friday after Thanksgiving is the busiest shopping day of the year, it is not. It is the fifth to tenth busiest day. The Friday and Saturday before Christmas are the two busiest shopping days of the year. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 19
AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE Got Volvo Problems? Call Foreign Car Service today!
GOT HEAT?? FREE Winter Checkup With Ad
FOREIGN CAR SERVICE CO. 140 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-9300 VolvoSpecialist.net • David Sheloske, Owner Christmas Gift Suggestions:
EXPERIENCED QUALITY SERVICE QUALITY REPAIRS SINCE 1979
To your enemy, forgiveness.
CARS • LT. TRUCKS • SUVs – We service them all
To an opponent, tolerance.
We perform manufacturer’s vehicle maintenance and scheduled services
To a friend, your heart.
• Transmission Flushes
• Chassis, alignment
• Fuel systems
To a customer, service.
• Shocks, struts
• Engine performance
• And more!
• Brakes, exhaust
• State Inspection
To all, charity. To every child, a good example.
HORSEPOWER AUTOCARE, INC.
To yourself, respect.
44 Roosevelt Trail, Rt. 302 • Windham • 892-9420 • 1-800-339-9420 Monday - Friday 8am-5pm • www.horsepowerautocare.com
– Oren Arnold
Indian Pudding This scrumptious recipe -- molasses, cornmeal, milk, butter, spices, eggs, and sometimes apples -- was
Maineʼs AAA Approved Repair Facility since 1990!
Bob & Bonnie Merrill, owners
first created by the colonists, who dreamed of the plum puddings of England but didn't have the correct ingredients to make it. They substituted Indian cornmeal for wheat flower, thus creating the first Indian pudding.
"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." – John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Any Make, Any Model Any Problem… Full recons available. Call for an appointment
NO PROBLEM!
$
55/hr. LABOR RATE Fully Warranteed & Certified
Steve Dubois Owner
865 Sabattus Street, Lewiston 333-3004
liquidsunshinecarwash.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
20 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Brad Johnson
Brad’s Precision Auto 333-0364 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn
There are 1.76 billion candy canes produced every year.
Based on a 1999 estimated population count of North America and Europe, on Christmas Eve of that year Santa Claus had to visit 42,466,666 homes in a 12-hour period -- that's 983 homes per second.
At Grandma’s Submitted by Jimbo
Give the gift of a Remote Start this Holiday Season Start Only or Start & Keyless entry includes 2 remotes
Call for price Model CS-600
Lifetime Guarantee
Up to 5000’ Range, Start Only, 2 remotes
$249 Installed* Model PIB-SS
Lifetime Guarantee
Up to 1 Mile Range, Start & Keyless Entry with Trunk Release, 2 remotes
$299 Installed* Lifetime Guarantee Model P1WG4SS
Up to 3,000’ Range, 2-way Remote,
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO Wii... I PRAY FOR A NEW BLU-RAY PLAYER..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"
Start, Keyless Entry & Trunk Release
$299 Installed* Lifetime Guarantee Model 2WG5SH
Up to 1 Mile Range, 2-way w/LCD Display, Spare 1-way Remote, Start, Keyless Entry w/Trunk
$399 Installed* Model P2W9000-SS Lifetime Guarantee
* Some vehicles may require an additional charge for bypass module
1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston
754-7873 Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Interesting Christmas Facts: The first American Christmas carol was written in 1649 by a minister named John de Brebeur and is called “Jesus is Born.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 21
A Christmas Commandment:
$4,995
Self Reliant In his younger days our golden retriever, Catcher, often ran away when he had the chance. His veterinarian's office was about a mile down the road, and Catcher would usually go there. The office staff knew him and would call me to come pick him up.
$4,495
$12,995 ‘01 Ford Focus SE
‘04 Chevy Silverado 2500
‘01 Chevy Monte Carlo
Auto, Gas Saver
4x4, Auto, V8
CD, V6, Auto
03 Ford Escape XLS . . . .V6, Auto 4x4 . . . . . $7995 03 Chrysler Sebring . . . .V6, Auto . . . . . . . . . $5995 02 Hyundai Elantra GLS .Auto, CD . . . . . . . . $3995 02 Hyundai Elantra . . . . .5-Speed . . . . . . . . . $3995 02 Pontiac Grand Prix . . .V6, Auto . . . . . . . . . $4995 02 Hyundai Accent . . . .5-Speed, CD . . . . . $3295 01 Honda Civic . . . . . . . .Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . $4995 01 Ford Escape XLT . . . .V6, Auto, 4x4 . . . . . $5995
One day I called the vet to make an appointment for Catcher's yearly vaccine. "Will you bring him," asked the receptionist, "or will he come on his own?"
Bruce Poulin & Sherrianne Poulin
Under New Management
Thou shalt gain weight over the holidays. It is the way of all flesh. Go thee over it.
01 Ford Focus SE . . . . . .Silver, Auto. . . . . . . $3995 00 Chevy Impala . . . . . . .V6, Auto . . . . . . . . . $4595 00 GMC CK 1500 . . . . . .V8, 4x4, Auto . . . . . $7995 00 Ford Taurus . . . . . . . .V6, Auto . . . . . . . . . $3995 00 Ford Explorer . . . . . . .4x4, Auto . . . . . . . . $3995 99 Oldsmobile Intrigue . .Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . $3995 99 Nissan Altima . . . . . . .Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . $4995 98 Toyota Camry . . . . . . .Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . $4395
791 Sabattus Street • Lewiston • 344-6650
FINALLY!
Happy Holidays!
gets her photo in Uncle Andy’s. When Diane told Jimbo that she was at the Cage’s annual pig roast and someone, we won’t mention any names (Uncle Andy) failed to get her picture. Jimbo told Diane that he’d get to the bottom of it and someone’s head was gonna roll... Luckily, Jimbo had his camera with him and told Diane that she would be famous. Well, at least for a month. Diane works at Thatcher’s in the Auburn Mall.
12 pc Roadies Chicken Tender Snack $
11.99
Your choice regular-buffalo or BBQ Great for Holiday entertaining!
Large 1-topping Fresh Dough Pizza $
9.25
Merry Christmas to All!
Diane Cote Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
22 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
The first Animal Crackers were not made for eating… they were made as Christmas tree decorations!
AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE 10% OFF with this ad
Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups
• Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries
Ron Moon, Manager
207-657-5000
35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039
THE CUMMINGS AGENCY, INC. INSURANCE 9 South Main Street Mechanic Falls, ME •
(207) 345-8711 • 1-800-339-0414
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Boo
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AUTOS • HOMEOWNERS MOTORCYCLES • BUSINESS
CHECK OUT www.secondchanceboxer.com
A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR At A-Plus Auto… we are there for you!
Winterization Check-up Special Check All fluids Check Tires & tire pressure Check Wiper blades Check Battery charge level
$
19
99
Santa Stats
There are currently 78 people named S. Claus living in the U.S. - and one Kriss Kringle. __________ Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons. __________ Number of reindeer required to pull a 333,333-ton sleigh: 214,206 -- plus Rudolph. __________ Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour. With real beard: $20. __________ To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times the speed of sound. At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flame instantaneously.
plus tax
Mom, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
786-0522 41 Millett Drive, Auburn Located in the former Hebert’s Auto Building
Chance
Jimbo says Uncle Andy is not the brightest bulb on the tree.
No you can have turkey like everyone else! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 23
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
www.emerso The Back Forty D
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
24 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
I'd gladly participate in any experiment to test the effect of sudden wealth on an individual.
Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? A: Santa caught in a revolving door!
ontoyota.com
ecember Specials
The first restaurant on the moon will never do very well. It might have great food, but will never have any atmosphere.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 25
What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney? Pour Santa flush on him.
How to Tell if You're a Grinch Submitted by WEP • You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. • You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply. • You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. If you dressed an endangered species, that’s even better! • You put out last year's stale candy canes for children. • You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in an L.L. Bean or other prestige box to impress your friends.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to Everyone! Thank you for 7 great years of business!!
Gift Certificates Available
If you’ve been a good boy or girl this year, Santa might bring you a remote starter!
• You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day. • At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home.
777-3339 • 625 Washington St., Auburn
• After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as home made.
www.soundeffectsmaine.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
Based on previous surveys, 17% of you will embarrass yourselves in some way at your office Christmas party.
& Jimbo
26 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. – Erin Majors
Thanks for a great year! We wish everyone a safe and happy holiday, from all of us at Rowe Auburn.
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event
Timmy Dean’s the name and bean counting is the game... Jake Anderson General Sales Manager
Scott Rodrigue Sales Manager
Jason Standley Sales Manager
Ron Bussierre Used Car Manager
Chenoa Sullivan F & I Manager
Charlie Burns F & I Manager
Tom Mooney Lease/Fleet Manager
Dean Swindler Business Development Manager
Dan Brissette Heavy Truck/Fleet Sales
Gary Travaglini Sales Consultant
Steve Entrott Sales Consultant
Dave Hart Sales Consultant
Cleve Rines Sales Consultant
Jamie Reynolds Sales Consultant
Kim Daellenbach Sales Consultant
Marc Mailhot Sales Consultant
Dave Warford Sales Consultant
Don Hamel Sales Consultant
Dale Cunningham Sales Consultant
Dave Sardella Sales Consultant
Jake Turner Sales Consultant
Bruce Weld Wholesale Sales
Kris Pulkkinen Wholesale Sales
Deb Hodgman Sales Receptionist
Ford V Hyundai V Lincoln V Mercury V VW V Mazda V Kia
Rowe Auburn Rt. 4, Center Street, Auburn 784-2321 V 1-800-339-7693 V roweauburn.com Here's a joke for all you mind readers out there...
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 27
Celebrating Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary
A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
Venka, Matt, Ryan & Andrew
Hey, we forgot Justin! Meaghan, Ali, Isaiah, Ryan, Brenda & Courtney
Hey, we forgot Ali! Meaghan, Brenda, Justin, Isaiah, Ryan & Courtney From my family to yours, thank you so much for supporting Heidi’s in our first 3 years of business! We look forward to many more great years!!
I™ To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website
www.donovansauto.com Mike, Michele & Natalie Tribou Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
28 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
"Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece." – Ralph Charell
LOCALLY OWNED & OPERATED
HOLIDAY PARTY PLATTERS! Gift Cards Available
• • • • •
Breakfast Platters
Salads Wraps Sandwiches Dessert Platters 24 hour notice appreciated
600 Turner Street, Auburn
784-3434 • www.heidisauburn.com
HOURS: Mon.-Sat. 7am-9pm • Sun. 10am-8pm Christmas Eve 7am-4pm; Closed Christmas; New Years Eve 7am-6pm; New Years Day 10am-6pm
The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized.
yesterday."
"It's bad," said the proprietor, "but it's not as bad as it could have been if he'd robbed me
"Because today everything was on sale."
"Why is that?" the detective asked.
Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel? Its true....Comet cleans sinks!
Projected Opening Date: Dec. 17th Ski & Ride Card is back! Learn to ski or ride at Lost Valley, then go to Sugarloaf or Sunday River.
$
89
SKI BUCK$ make great stocking stuffers!
Rentals included.
Julie Parisien wil be teaching the JP race program this year. Still time to sign up!
Lost Valley has partne Mechanics red with Savings learn to sk Bank for January i or ride mon th. Open a chec king accoun Mechanics t at Savings, an d receive a voucher go od for one 5 hour ski snowboar or d lesson, pl us 3 additi all day lift onal tickets an d rentals. A $350.00 value…
You pay ju st
$75.00.
Sign up no w! Package go od fo r the 2010/2011 winter seas on.
200 Lost Valley Road • Auburn 784-1561 • www.lostvalleyski.com What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
Dude! Happy Holidays.
And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. – Dr. Seuss
Interesting Christmas Facts: Gingerbread has been a holiday tradition for thousands of years. It was originally eaten during Winter Solstice Festivals, but the tradition of the house made of Gingerbread originated in Germany.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 29
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event
Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
The words "Do It Yourself" or "Self-Help" are really code for "The Way Chuck Norris Does It."
& Jimbo
30 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours
"Happiness can't buy money." – Bob Hope
HUGE INVENTORY! TOGETHER LET’S THINK GREEN AND RECYCLE!
E CL CY RE
RE DU CE
RE-USE
We specialize in new/used auto & truck parts. Offering almost any part for any year, make or model. Foreign or Domestic, Auto or Truck.
NO GRINCHES HERE!
Because recycling saves more than just money!
Earl & Althea Austin
20% OFF One coupon per customer Happy Holidays from
Steve Austin & Cindy Sloat
Don’s DBA...
MORRIS AUTO PARTS 940 Washington St. North • 784-7374 or 800-730-7374 • Mon. - Fri. 8 - 5 • Sat. 8 - 12
TIME TO START PLANNING YOUR WINTER VACATION Call NOW for a great price!
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
NOW OPEN!
Irish • Mexican • American Lunch & Dinner Open 7 Days a Week HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
134 Main Street, Lewiston IT’S TIME. KICK BACK. RELAX.
783-6200
Go to some really cool places!
www.dragonflytrips.com • 1-888-222-6846
Also visit our Brunswick location at One Center St., Brunswick
“Unless you can create the whole universe in 5 days, then perhaps giving ʻadviceʼ to God isn't such a good idea.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 31
5 Night Caribbean Cruise aboard the Radiance of the Seas
February 27 to March 5, 2011
Cruise to Costa Maya & Cozumel, Mexico Pricing from $1,224 per person Prices are based on double occupancy. 3rd & 4th person available upon request Pricing includes: Round trip air from Portland to Tampa • Pre-night Tampa w/hotel • 5 night cruise onboard the beautiful Radiance of the Seas • Shipboard gratuities • All port charges and taxes • All transfers
For itinerary info or to reserve your space contact:
250 Center Street, Auburn • 784-2916 or 1-800-879-3823 or email: tcarpentier@dubetravel.com
“There are two words in a person's life that will open a lot of doors for them... PULL and PUSH”
The holiday season is a great time to get or give a salt water tank!
Gift cards make a great gift for that someone special!
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event
Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies •
272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372
We at Georgio’s want to thank each and every one of our customers for your support throughout the year! May you give us the opportunity to do so in the coming year!! Margaret Hackett & the crew:
Breakfast Sandwich
$
100
Richard Todd Dez David Mike
Lenny Ginelle Peter Andy Chris
740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 Hours: Mon-Sun 5am-9pm • www.mygeorgios.com
ATTENTION BUSINESS & COMMERCIAL PROPERTY OWNERS I love Uncle Andy’s and I love Ladies Night!
Call K+L Green Clean to help save the Earth + your budget in 2011
Go Green! All Natural Cleaning Products
www.KandLGreenClean.com Happy Holidays!
K+L GREEN CLEAN, INC 577-8725 "Helping the environment one job at a time"
OWNERS: KRISTIE MORIN & LAUREN SIMPSON California smog test: Can UCLA?
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 33
Interesting Christmas Facts: A wreath with holly, red berries and other decorations began from at least the 17th century. Holly, with its sharply pointed leaves, symbolized the thorns in Christ's crown-ofthorns. Red berries symbolized the drops of Christ's blood. A wreath at Christmas signified a home that celebrated the birth of Christ.
When you have a choice between stupidity and ignorance, pick ignorance. It's curable.
2001 BMW 330xi
2004 Audi A4
$
10,995 $12,995
AWD, Automatic, Leather, 81k
Automatic, 56K
2003 Honda Element
2004 Nissan Murano SL
Uncle Andy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. After hearing about this extravagant gift, Jimbo said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles." "She did," Uncle Andy replied. "But where was I going to find a fake SUV?"
Interesting Christmas Facts: Oliver Cromwell, in England banned Christmas Carols between 1649 and 1660. Cromwell thought that Christmas should be a very solemn day so he banned carols and parties. The only celebration was by a sermon and a prayer service. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
34 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
$
7,995
$
12,495 AWD
Other Inventory 05 Nissan Altima, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,495 05 Audi Ültra Sport, RARE, 75K, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$14,500 04 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, V8, AWD, Leather, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,496 03 Audi A6 Sport, 6-speed, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,495 03 Saab 9-3 Convertible, 5-Spd, Leather, 88K, 1-Owner . . . . .WINTER . . . . .BLOWOUT! . . . . . . . .$6,995 02 Subaru Legacy Wagon, 5-Speed, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,295 02 Volvo S60, Auto, Loaded, Leather . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6,495 02 Chevy Cavalier, 76K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,495 01 Saab 9-5, Loaded, Leather, Roof . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$2,995 01 Saab 9-5 , Loaded, Turbo . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,495 01 Volvo S60 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 01 Audi A4, Automatic, Like New . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,795 01 Audi A4, 1.8T, Auto, 18” Wheels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 01 Audi A4 Sport, 2.8L, 5-Speed, New Timing Belt, 96K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6,995 01 Audi A4 Wagon, 5-Speed, Leather, Loaded, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,495 01 Audi A6 Wagon, 3rd Row Seat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 01 BMW 330xi AWD, Leather, 81K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,995 01 Ford F250, Low Miles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for price 00 VW Passat GLX, VR6, 5-Speed, Leather, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,495 00 VW Jetta . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,995 00 Jeep Cherokee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 99 Audi A4, 2.8L, 5-speed, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,795 99 Audi A4, Black, AWD, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,995 99 Saab 9-3 Convertible, 108K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3,995
99 Audi A4 1.8T, parts car . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for price 99 Audi A4 2.8T Wagon, parts car . . . . . . . . . . .Call for price 98 Audi A4, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3,995 97 Acura CL Coupe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$1,995 97 Audi A6 Quattro Wagon, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$2,995 97 Audi A6 Wagon, parts car . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for price Mille Miglia 18” Rims . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$500 New Wheel & Tire Packages . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for pricing
Tim Bellmore
INDEPENDENTAuto 1298 Sabattus St. Lewiston
786-7744
As soon as I get some grip on reality, I'm going to choke it.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
Mall Trainer Submitted by Jimbo While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. "If you get a train," I would tell each one, "you know your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that okay?" The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet. Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him. He promptly replied, "Another train.
Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours
George Richardson, CPA Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
36 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
THURSDAYS Line Dancing Lessons 6pm Karaoke 8pm Beer Pong Sign-ups 9pm
Action-packed Thursdays with DJ B-Set at 9:30pm
FRIDAYS
SATURDAYS
LADIES Night Drink Specials
DJ & your favorites in Tribute Bands, Comedy Acts & More!
DJ & Live Local Entertainment
ENTERTAINMENT LINE-UP Fri Dec. 3rd Sat. Dec 4th Sat Dec 11th Sat Dec 18th
FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS ALWAYS A DJ IN THE PUB !
Side Car Radio Twyce Shy Tickle; Pinnacle Whipped Vodka Promo Party Crash Road
Friday Dec 24th & Sat Dec 25th Open Christmas Eve & Christmas Night! DJ & Dancing
New Years Eve Bash!! Friday, December 31st
$
15 per person
Happy Holidays from all of us at Club Texas!
Purchase Tickets at Club Texas in advance or at the door Live Music from Veggies By Day Complimentary Party Favors Champagne Toast at Midnight Balloon Drop Lots of Prizes & Cash Giveaways
150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info
Out & About at the Marston/Jarman Commitment Ceremony on Halloween
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Crystal Harnden The photographer
Jimbo’s buying... what better reason to crash the party?
Tiny Tom Hill
Cheryl & Paige Piper Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
38 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Smart young folks know all the rules. Smart old folks know the exceptions.
Drum Lessons Make Great Gifts
Blackie’s Farm
Learn to play THE RIGHT WAY
Fresh Produce
Mention this ad and your first drum lesson is FREE*
Open Year Round
*with your first month of lessons
DICK DEMERS SCHOOL OF DRUMMING
We’ve got Christmas trees & wreaths Hours: 6am - 8pm
25 Mary Street, Lewiston • 786-6861 dickdemersdrums@hotmail.com
966 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005
Dick Demers
How do you like me now?
Be different: conform.
DECEMBER SPECIALS
Last year I entered the New York City Marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing.
Buy a Gift Card Online Printable or Emailable
Buy Buy 22 Get Get 11 FREE FREE
Free Extension Consultation BLOWOUT! $
99
Introductory Massage
$ Hair v Nails v Massage Studio 1117 Center Street, Auburn
The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"
45
/hr Alicia - Stylist, Christine, Owner; Tiffany - LMT
I replied: "You really want to know?"
782-3848 • www.shearmadnesshair-studio.com
Then I dropped out of the race.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. – Herm Albright
GIVE THE GIFT OF MUSIC! We also sell and service all types of instruments Offering lessons in: • Guitar
• Piano • Banjo • Music theory
• Voice • Violin
Authorized Service Center
• Bass • Mandolin • Brass & woodwinds
Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair
376-3376
134 Main Street, Auburn www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com
Observations on Growing Older: Your kids are becoming you... and you don't like them, but your grandchildren are perfect!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 39
Out & About on the first annual Pub Crawl with stops at Irish Twins Pub, Buddy T's, Little Joeʼs, The Cage & Schemenge's
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
CONGRATULATIONS TO LEROY WALKER Retiring January 13, 2011 after working 39 years for the city of Auburn
Wow, me and everyone else in Auburn are all going to miss you old man
Does this mean I am officially a senior citizen?
Andy’s Baked Beans wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and
Mike Bolduc & Leroy Walker
a Happy New Year!
ANDY’s Baked Beans & Tavern 47 Broad Street, Auburn • 782-9044 HOURS: Tues. & Wed. 10am-8pm Thurs. & Fri.10am-Close • Sat. 8am-Close
Every Saturday
“Love at first bite!” Andy’s Baked Bean Specials… Don’t Miss Out!
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
I wish we could have a pub crawl every month...
Skøsh Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
40 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
New Year's Day is every man's birthday.
We at Buddy T’s were proud to be part of the first annual pub crawl.
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.
Out & About on the first annual Pub Crawl with stops at Irish Twins Pub, Buddy T's, Little Joeʼs, The Cage & Schemenge's
L/A’S NEWEST CORPORATE & RESIDENTIAL STORAGE FACILITY IS NOW OPEN! BEST RATES AROUND!! Currently we are stocking up on new and used furniture with plenty of cubicles! Coming soon in addition to storage, we have started to stock our new showroom with items like clothing, bedding, tools, carpeting and everything else we used to sell. The old Barn is back just in a new location...
We’re now at 179 High Street at the Railroad Station in Auburn
CALL DAN AT 229-4508 OR 782-8733 FOR MORE INFORMATION Dan says, “Don’t be fooled by imitators, there’s only one BARN!” Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to everyone!! Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 41
Observations on Growing Older: Going out is good. Coming home is better!
New Executive Director
Check out our new food menu! Darts & Pool Free Wi-Fi Big screen TV
We have 2 courtesy vans at Big Daddy’s! FREE Pick-up and drop off available within a 10 mile radius
Check out our covered partially heated deck!
Saturda y Special 3pm - 8 pm
Santa and all of his little helpers like to hang out at Big Daddy’s!
Steven Johndro The Healthy Androscoggin Board of Directors is pleased to announce that Steven Johndro has joined the Healthy Androscoggin staff as their new Executive Director. Steven brings many years of public health and community coalition experience to Androscoggin County. Previously, Steven served as Program Director for the Healthy Maine Partnership of Greater Waterville. In this role, he managed the physical activity, nutrition, tobacco, and chronic disease activities for the 11 towns in Northern Kennebec County.
All Cann ed Beer $
1.00
Plenty of parking out back with Handicap ramp to bar & deck
5 North Main Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-3782 A Christmas Commandment
A Christmas Commandment
Thou shalt not wear holiday-themed sweaters. Verily, no Santas, Rudolphs, snowmen, nor elves. Especially elves.
Thou shalt have health, grace, and peace in the New Year. Even if thou knowest Uncle Andy or be related.
Ignorance might be bliss to you, but it's agony to everyone around you.
Steven has also served as Infectious Disease Coordinator for the Northeastern Maine Regional Resource Center, Public Health Educator for the State of Maine Immunization Program, and Community Health Specialist for Union River Healthy Communities in Hancock County. Steven holds Masters Degrees in Public Health, Health Administration and Geriatric Health from A.T. Still University at the Kirksville School of Osteopathic Medicine. He is a graduate of the University of Maine at Farmington with a Bachelors of Science degree in Community Health Education. In addition, he is certified as a Community Health Education Specialist (CHES). Steven enjoys spending time with his family at his parents’ house on Swan Lake in Swanville; reading; and traveling with his wife, Shelly and their 3 year old Standard Poodle, Tek. He is an avid Boston sports fan with a specific fandom of the Boston Red Sox. Steven can be contact by telephone at (207) 795-5991 or by email at johndrst@cmhc.org. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
42 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Observations on Growing Older: When people say you look "Great"... They add "for your age!"
Observations on Growing Older: When you needed the discount, you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything...Movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.
Out & About at the Marston/Jarman Commitment Ceremony on Halloween
HOLIDAY PARTY? CALL LUIGGI’S Fergy Platter - Ham - 24 pieces . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$30 Fergy Platter - Chicken, Tuna or Turkey - 24 pieces . . . . . . . . . . .$36 Italian Sandwich Platter - Ham, Salami or Veggie - 24 pieces . . .$30 Italian Sandwiches Platter - Chicken, Turkey or Tuna - 24 pieces . .$36 Pan of Cheese Lasagna (serves 12-24) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$46 Pan of Meat Lasagna (serves 12-24) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$56 Pan of Chicken Alfredo (serves 12-24) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$46 Pan of Veggie Alfredo (serves 12-24) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$36 1 Bucket of Party-sized Meatballs (3 doz.) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$15
Buy 3 meatballs get 1 FREE! It’s our gift to you!
Adon Shaw The Human Wedgie
www.LuiggisPizzeria.com Observations on Growing Older: You forget names ... But it's okay
because other people forgot they even knew you! “Life is filled with so many exciting twists and turns. Hop off the straight and narrow whenever you can and take the winding paths. Experience the exhilaration of the view from the edge. Because the moments spent there, that take your breath away, are what make you feel truly alive.” – Stacey Charter
The Cunliffeʼs on a roller coaster at Disney
Jamie Marston & Adon Shaw
Jamie, Jimbo & Kayla Marston
(back) Corey & Cody (front) Courtney & Caitlin
The Maid of honor, the proud Dad & the Bride
Observations on Growing Older: Your spouse is counting on you to remember things
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis
you don't remember.
&T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 43
Observations on Growing Older: Remember when your mother said, "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"? Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!
HOLIDAY BEER, WINE & LIQUOR GIFT PACKS
Winter Brews are in! Open all day on Christmas Eve, Christmas day and New Year’s Eve A Redneck's "Twelve Days of Christmas" Submitted by WEP
On the 12 days of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Champagne ’s for New Year
Call the deli on Christmas for your dinner plates!!
Hot Soups are on... Grab a bowl today!
Call us for commercial & residential bottle pickup
Find us on Facebook & Foursquare
F~lorian’s Market ~
301 Main St., Auburn 783-9098 / Open 7 Days a Week
12 pack of Bud 11 rasslin' tickets 10 tins of Copenhagen
Bring your next framing job to D&R Framing and get
9 years probation 8 table dancers 7 packs of Red Man 6 cans of Spam
Expert Custom Framing! Quality Personal Service!!
FREE Glass
*
*Regular glass - up to 24”x30”
5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires
Merry Christmas, everyone!
3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs
Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.
23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333
Dan Williams, owner
…and a muffler for a Mustang GT.
A Christmas Commandment Not will ye tie onto thy animals reindeer antlers or bells that doth jingle. Thine husband, however, art fair game.
Catering for the holidays Home-cooked, all orders made from scratch, all delicious… Buffet-style or in-your-home catering. Personalized, using your ideas. Call today or stop by… let’s create a memorable event! What a nice stocking stuffer idea! Give a gift certificate for someone to eat out!
BREAKFAST SERVED ALL DAY! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
44 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Open 7 Days a Week
786-0667
1485 Lisbon St., Lewiston
Observations on Growing Older: Your husband has a night out with the guys, but he's home by 9:00pm.
"What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours
We can ship anything... Anywhere! (well, almost anything)
• UPS, FedEx & DHL shipping • Packaging Services • eBay • Mailboxes and more!
120 Center Street, Auburn
www.AuburnGoinPostal.com
784-9900
Mary Mendes, EA, Rita James, Mark Overhaug, EA Scott, take a look at that Goin’ Postal ad right up there.
Jeremy, right now it’s time to strike a pose and look this way at the camera...
We want to be the easiest part of your week! Your local option for outsourcing your payroll... Payroll Management has been serving the payroll needs for small and mid size companies since 1989.
PAYROLL MANAGEMENT, INC.
100 Manley Road, Auburn 783-6880 or 800-734-6880 • www.payrollmgt.com
Jeremy Marchessault, CPA, Scott Booker, CPA
Observations on Growing Older: What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 45
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event
Observations on Growing Older: Now that your husband has retired... You'd give anything if he'd find a job!
22 Albison Way, Auburn
784-5788 or 1-800-377-9433
What we must decide is how we are valuable rather than how valuable we are. – Edgar Z. Friedenberg Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
46 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
It's never crowded along the extra mile. – Wayne Dyer
"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." – Alfred Hitchcock
Earn
CHECK OUT 20% MORE Earn OUR NEW 10% MORE LOCATION! with $20 or more in bottles
Expires 12/31/10
with any amount of bottles with this coupon
We’re across from the car wash, just down from Future Foods. And definitely worth the trip!
Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm
Richard Conway, owner
If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the whatchamacallit!
DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCH I can’t believe I ate the whole thing!
Ritchie Dan
Mon-Fri 7am to 2pm Sat & Sun 6am to 2pm
Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame! Home of the Double Yolker
Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere
Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 Some people are making such thorough preparations for a rainy day that they completely miss today's sunshine.
Kellyann Rawson has joined the crew at Gregory’s Hair & Nails, located at the Shaw’s Plaza on Center Street in Auburn. Kellyann graduated from Mr. Bernard’s School of Hair Fashion in 1986. She is licensed with the State of Maine to provide manicure, pedicure and artificial nail services. Kellyann states, “Although I am familiar with many different artificial nail enhancement products, I am most adept with Creative Nail’s acrylic products and Creative Nail’s Shellac; a gel-like color coat for natural nails that lasts for two weeks without chipping or peeling. I am also familiar with OPI acrylic nail products and Elegant Glass fiberglass and silk nail wraps. I’ve been to many R.G. Shakour nail shows and C.B. Sullivan hair and nail shows over the years, where I’ve learned the art of free-hand nail art.” For an appointment with Kellyann call Gregory’s Hair & Nails at 786-0112.
In 1732, Louis Timothee was hired in Philadelphia as the first professional librarian in the United States. Trivia fans: Louis was a prominent printer in the Colony of Pennsylvania and worked for Benjamin Franklin. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 47
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have - the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
Hey guys, come into Day’s Jewelers and buy your honey something nice for Christmas!
Travis to Uncle Andy: I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
48 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Listening to background music while on hold made him long for a chord-less phone.
If coffee were blood, I'd be Count Draculatte.
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event
Day’s Jewelers is head and shoulders above the rest!
A Christmas Commandment When thou deck the halls, I say unto you, the tinsel must be placed one strand at a time. Except when thine wife turns her back, then ye may throw it on in clumps and no shame shall be upon ye. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 49
Russian Rain Submitted by Jimbo
There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Red. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife, "Look honey. It’s raining."
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Winter is coming... Are you ready?
She, being the obstinate type, responded, "I don't think so, dear. I think it’s snowing." But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, "Let's step outside and we'll find out." Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain.
$
899
So Rudolph turns to his wife and replies," I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
$
1199
Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of someone else. – Judy Garland Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
50 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Jimbo to Uncle Andy: If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event
You know you are broke when you canʼt even pay attention. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 51
Interesting Christmas Facts: In 1836, Alabama became the first state in the USA to declare Christmas a legal holiday. In 1907, Oklahoma became the last state to declare Christmas a legal holiday.
Recently Banned by Government:
We Are Now A Full Services Salon & Spa!! • Massages • Facials • Body Treatments • Body Waxing • Manicures/Pedicures • State-of-the-art Back, L to R: Shannon Lord, Mel Cote, Hannah Hair Services Greene. Front: Ashley Farrell, Darcy Ames
Give the Gift of Relaxation… Gift Certificates & Spa Packages Available
Mistletoe The number of unwanted pregnancies resulting from the placement of mistletoe on the ceiling and over doorways has never been properly calculated, but is surely astronomical. Tongues are a choking hazard.
Interesting Christmas Facts: An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
52 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
NOW HIRING Aesthetician Massage Therapist Nail Technician Stylist
336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611
Merry Christmas from our family to yours!
Ann’s Flowers Family owned and operated for over 50 years
$
5 OFF
any order of $35 or more Not valid with any other offers or on wire service orders Expires 12/20/10
14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457 • www.annsflower.com Visit our web site for many other options!
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area
Out & About on the first annual Pub Crawl with stops at Irish Twins Pub, Buddy T's, Little Joeʼs, The Cage & Schemenge's
s a m t s i r h C n o n e p t We’re o midnigh ls! 4pm -
pecia s s a m t Chris s u l p u n Full me
Some time slots still available for our 80-seat private function room. Call FMI 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
BREAKFAST SPECIALS “All breakfast specials include coffee.”
Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am You asked… we listened! A new brand of coffee!
Fresh steak cut and ground daily. Open Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm
5 Washington St.,
MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast.............$3.75 TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast.....................$3.75 WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes ........................$3.75 THURSDAY: French Toast .....$3.75
Auburn
FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette..$3.75
783-4304
SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage ......$3.75
Phone Orders Are Welcome
SUNDAY: French Crepes .......$3.75
!
Expires 12/31/10
It seems like my photo is in the Digest a lot...
$
1 OFF Any Purchase of $500 or more 1 coupon per order
Prices do not include tax.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 53
A scrapbook page from Andy Jarman & Kayla Marston’s Commitment Ceremony & Reception on October 31, 2010 Photos by Crystal Harnden
Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door. – Emily Dickinson
Live Entertainment Fri. Dec. 10th Sat. Dec. 11th Fri. Dec. 17th Sat. Dec. 18th Fri. Dec. 24th Fri. Dec. 31st Sat. Jan. 1st
OPEN HOUSE with L/A Magazine Chad Porter Private Party TBA Closing at 4pm New Years Eve Party, details TBA Closed
Out & About on the first annual Pub Crawl with stops at Irish Twins Pub, Buddy T's, Little Joeʼs, The Cage & Schemenge's
Dec. 11 Chad Porter Don’t miss this great singer!
Now serving 4 different Soups every day. Nice warm soup after work or to take home.
Catering
for the holidays Let us plan and do the work! Most menu items available
Stocking Stuffers Gift certificates, coffee mugs with coffee packets, gift assortments, etc.
Where was Uncle Andy for the first annual Pub Crawl?
Deli Downstairs Dining Room Upstairs Call ahead for company holiday parties and all your catering needs
84 Court St, Auburn
333-3041
www.hollysown.com
Mon-Tues. 7:30-4:00 Wed-Fri 7:30-10:00 • Sat. 11:00-10:00
Everything is practice. – Pele
Holly Mireault, Owner
He probably crawled under a rock where he belongs... Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 55
Leap, and the net will appear. – Julie Cameron
BRIGHTEN UP THE HOLIDAY S
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
56 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
SEASON WITH A GREAT SMILE Your source for cosmetic and preventative dentistry
Dr. Elizabeth Franco, D.M.D.
v v v v v v v
Dr. Daniel Penan, D.M.D.
Dr. Thomas Hall, D.D.S.
Dr. Brian Beasley, D.M.D.
Preventive Dentistry - Cleaning and Checkups Cosmetic Dentistry - Veneers, Bonding, Bleaching Crowns, Bridges, Dentures (Complete or Partial) Extractions Periodontics - Treatment of Gum Disease Root Canal Therapy Surgical Placement / Restoration of Dental Implants Now Accepting New Patients
784-1577 TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES
27 Millett Drive, Auburn TaylorBrookDental.com Not a Medicare or MaineCare Provider
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 57
Out & About at Cassiel's Day Spa for the Pretty in Pink Survivors of Breast Cancer Prize Drawing (PIPS)
A backward poet writes inverse.
THANKING YOU ds! Gift Car
Visa tivation fee No ac ber in Dece
PIPS Basket Giveaway I started PIPS along with my good friend Carlene Sperry (not pictured) to be a support group to other women who are fighting, and who have fought breast cancer. Without the help of Cassiel's Day Spa we would not be able to help as many women as we have. We are truly grateful to have people like Diane in our community.
m
with low rates Rates as low as
2.99%
APR*
for up to 60 months
New Vehicles - Used Vehicles - Refinances**
COMMUNITY CREDIT UNION Claudette Caron co-founder of PIPS & Diane Dubois, owner of Cassiel's Day Spa
All people smile in the same language. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
58 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
144 Pine Street, Lewiston - 40 Stanley Street, Auburn Phone 207.783.2096 • Fax 207.783.2093 www.communitycreditunion.com *APR=Annual Percentage Rate. Rates are as low as 2.99% APR for vehicles financed up to 5 years or 60 months. Payments per $1,000 on 60 months = $17.97. Rates subject to change without notice. Rate is available from November 1, 2010 – December 31, 2010 . Loan must be closed during that promotional period to be eligible for special rate. **No in-house refinancing. Refinancing from other financial institutions welcome. Subject to credit approval. Member eligibility required. Some restrictions may apply. It isn't hard to be good from time to time. What's tough is being good every day. – Willie Mays
"Keep the other person's well being in mind when you feel an attack of soul-purging truth coming on." – Betty White
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event
Our Own Green Guard Fuel 24/7 Emergency Service. Will Call customers welcome.
"Delivering Comfort you can count on!"
I think Bill Gates is so rich because he got his wish when he said, "I wish I had a nickel for every time this PC rebooted!" – Chris Caswell I wish the chemists who successfully removed the lead from gasoline would try the same with our politicians.
Blake Dow rocks the baby model community!
Blakeʼs photo was selected to be the face of the Harold Alfond College Challenge baby bill advertising campaign. These baby bills are distributed all over the state of Maine at stores, restaurants, salons, gyms and other places where parents and grandparents will see this adorable baby bill.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 59
Your vote Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 16th Best Nail Salon:
Best Chinese Restaurant:
Chopsticks
16
Le Gala Nails
37 Park St., Lewiston • 783-6300
730 Auburn Plaza, Auburn • 786-7411
#1 Jeweler in the area:
Best Casual Restaurant:
Day’s Fine Jewelers
15
Gipper’s Sports Grill
600 Center St., Auburn • 784-6766
120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715
#1 in Dining Excellence:
Best Pizza:
Rolandeau’s
14
House of Pizza
775 Washington St., Auburn • 784-2110
95 Lincoln St., Lewiston • 786-2020
Best Auto Body Shop in the area: Coleman’s Collision Center, Inc. 13
Best Landscape Company:
Davis Landscape Co., Inc.
1524 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-6121
78 Lisbon Rd., Lisbon • 353-4848
Best Real Estate Company:
#1 Catering Service:
ERA Worden Realty
13
Rolly’s Diner
473 Center St., Auburn • 784-0159
87 Mill St., Auburn • 753-0171
Best Automotive Service:
Best Thai Restaurant:
Mike Morin’s Auto Center
12
Pepper and Spice Thai
1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433
875 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 782-7526
Best Dry Cleaner:
Best Pool & Spa Company:
Auburndale Cleaning Center 786 Center St., Auburn (782-9389) 14 Millet Dr., Auburn (783-1280)
11
10
9
8
7
6
5
1975 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 783-0858
Best Auto Dealership:
Best Dance Studio:
Mary Jane’s School of Dance 461 Rte. 202, Greene • 946-7302
ABC Pool & Spa Center
10
Lee Auto Mall
4
777 Center St., Auburn • 784-5441
11
#
Indicates number of years as winner.
Market Surveys of America, an independent survey company, is proud to announce the w The above winners are the result of public ballots and intern
es are in! Annual Best Businesses for 2010 Best Sports Pub:
Gipper’s Sports Grill
4
Best Chiropractor:
Dr. Gerald Nadeau
120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715
336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1104
Best Insurance Agency:
Best Facial/Skin Car Salon:
Champoux Insurance
4
Healthy Beauty Wellness Spa
416 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-2246
643 Main St., Lewiston • 333-3235
Best Spot for Breakfast:
Best Heating Oil Service
Rolly’s Diner
4
87 Mill St., Auburn • 753-0171
4
775 Washington St., Auburn • 784-2110
3
99 Spring Street, Lewiston • 784-1819 stroofcont@myfairpoint.net
Dan Allard Photography
3
Cassiel’s Day Spa
1
Best Fried Clams: (New Category)
The Village Inn
541 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 786-0651
1
Best Electrologist: (New Category) 711 East Ave., Lewiston • 783-3321 www.cassiels.com
Best Financial Planners:
Poirier Associates
1
Best Photographer: 1727 Hotel Rd., Auburn • 212-2089 www.danallardphotograhy.com
Best Roofing Contractor:
St. Hilaire Contractors
Blanchard’s Cash Fuel, Inc.
1
3 Conant Rd., Turner • 225-3588
Best Prime Rib:
Rolandeau’s
2
1
165 High St., Auburn • 782-7796
Best Community Bank/Credit Union:
Rainbow Federal Credit Union 391 Main St., Lewiston • 784-5435
2
Best Convenience Store:
Paid for by Market Surveys of America
2
1
Hardy, Wolf & Downing, P.A. 186 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston (784-1589)
Best Eye Care Professionals:
J&S Oil/Convenience Store Center St., Auburn • 622-1609
Best Attorneys:
Optometric Associates
1
Dr. Beale, Dr. Henry, Dr. Ebersole 168 East Ave., Lewiston (784-3564)
Vote online at: BESTOFSURVEYS.COM
winners of the 16th annual Greater Lewiston/ Auburn’s Best Businesses for 2010 Survey. et voting for the Lewiston/Auburn small business community.
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event Travis Dow caught moonlighting again...
"If we stop learning today, we stop teaching tomorrow." – Howard Hendricks
BUY ONE HOME OR BOTH! Zoned for Daycare, Lawncare Services, Church, Veterinary or Landscape Services. Great for horses, too. Located on over 8 acres of pasture land and abutts the Little Androscoggin River. Over 600’ of road frontage. Located in rural Auburn. The house has been totally renovated with new windows, siding, roof, heating system, refinished hardwood floors, freshly painted interior, new bath and updated kitchen. Includes a huge storage barn which has electricity. Just move in!
$190,000
You sales guys make pretty good bartenders... While I was shopping in the mall with my three children, a display in the window of a lingerie store caught my eye.
The double wide is a 1996 w/ 1,488 sq ft, 2 master bedrooms, one on each end, 2 baths, office or den, vaulted ceilings and deck.
$130,000 A convenient location for your business.
Go to www.mainehomesearch.com for more info and virtual tour of this well maintained property.
"Do you think Daddy would like this?" I asked the kids, as I pointed to the lacy pajamas with matching robe. "No way," my horrified six-year-old son replied. "Daddy would NEVER wear that!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
62 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Call Dawn Belisle-Marston for private showing. OFFICE: 207-553-7318 CELL: 207-939-2827 Re/Max By The Bay
EMAIL: dsb@homesinmaine.com www.mainehomesearch.com
Dawn Belisle-Marston
Women’s World: My husband says I never listen to him (at least I think that's what he said).
Uncle Andy's Definition: Dockyard: A physician's garden.
Merry Christmas Ann Dumais
Paula Tantillo
& Happy New Year to all of our clients!
Sue Poulin
December Special Kim Galgovitch
Lisa Olmstead
$
20
Pauline Guimond
per set
Dec.
Special Jacinta Labbe (formerly of Sarah Jeanne’s)
$65 FOIL with Jacinta (cut not included)
Gift Cards Available Kelly Giambra
Lysa Ronan
Valerie Kelshaw
We are a full service salon N Licensed Aesthetician N Licensed Massage Therapist N Full range of skin care including Glycolic Peels N All waxing services including Brazilian Wax N Tinting - eyelashes & brows N Mens & Womens Cuts N Children’s cuts N Colors N Foils N Perms N Manicures N Pedicures
786-4311
14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston
Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm
HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268 Call us! No Separating Required!
743-3891 HARRIS BROS.
SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD
Uncle Andy's Definition: When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 63
Book the Captain’s Room WE’RE BACK ON COURSE!
for your Holiday Parties! Up to 50 People Call FMI Gift Certificates Available Coming soon… Re-opening of
Captain Don’s Loft The Vallee family: Norm, Connie, Belinda & Mick
If you think we’re only about seafood…
Think again! We have something for everyone! Like one of these menu items…
Voted L/A’s Best Seafood Chowder 2004 - 2007
Steaks & Prime Rib
Pasta Dishes
Ham & Turkey
Chicken
Delicious Appetizers
Sandwiches
It’s like coming home for dinner. 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event
Upcoming events: March of Dimes Auction, Ladies Night & Men’s Night • Call for details!
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 65
Out & About at Cassiel's Day Spa for the Pretty in Pink Survivors of Breast Cancer Prize Drawing (PIPS)
Uncle Sam did not have a beard until the beginning of the Civil War.
dition a r T e n i a AM unt On! o C n a C u Yo
Thank you to everyone who purchased raffle tickets and made donations and supported the PIPS.
Hours: Monday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday 6am – 9:30pm; Saturday 6am – 9:30pm; Sunday 6am – 9pm
WEEKDAY LUNCH SPECIALS Served from 10:30-3:30 Monday - Maine Fried Shrimp And the first lucky winner is...
Diane Dubois & Claudette Caron
Tick Warning I hate it when people tell me about bogus scams, and I have even done it myself a couple times unintentionally... but this one is real, and it's important. So please tell everyone you know:
Tuesday - Fish & Chips Wednesday - Steak Sub Thursday - Grilled Reuben Sandwich Friday - Fried Haddock Sandwich
DAILY SPECIALS
You’ve got to try the sausage gravy here!! (l to r)
Nicole Merrill & Becky Schlegel
Monday - Turkey Dinner . . . .$9.25 w/potato, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls
Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . .$7.95 w/Carrots, Potato & Gravy, Rolls
Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie .$6.95 w/Potato & Rolls
Friday & Saturday After 4:00 PM
Thursday New England Boiled Dinner . .$9.25
If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up DO NOT DO IT! THIS IS A SCAM!
Cole Farms omelettes are perfect for breakfast!
w/corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls
Friday - Lasagna . . . . . . . . . .$8.75 w/Salad & Rolls
Sunday - Roast Pork . . . . . . .$8.75 w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls
Prime Rib Au Jus w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls
Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried or Baked Stuffed Haddock
BREAKFAST BUFFET
Adults .............$6.75 6 & under .......$3.75
SATURDAY & SUNDAY
Now open from 7am-11am
They only want to see you naked. I wish I'd heard this yesterday. I feel so stupid.
Portland-Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
Danny DeVito once studied to be a hairdresser.
& Jimbo
66 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE
Opossums do not play dead. They actually faint.
PLOW TRUCK BROKEN DOWN?
Out & About at the Sebago Lakes Chamber October Business Break
We’re in the business and know you need your plow unit fixed fast!!
Call us for your truck and snow plow repairs! “Dependable, quality service at an affordable price!”
• Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks • Licensed Inspection Station • • Hydraulic Hoses made on-site & more!
Tom Nash as Detective Crockett
20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston 333-3707 • www.MaineHeavy.com Oil from the ground is actually dark green, not black.
CONTRACTORS, LANDSCAPERS, PROPERTY OWNERS: Wigging Out
Do you have snow removal issues? Call St. Laurent & Son for your snow removal needs. WHY WE’RE MORE AFFORDABLE: • Our snow dump is located within 1 mile of downtown Lewiston/Auburn. This significantly lowers our hourly v transport cost compared to our competitors. • We sell rock salt and sand/salt mix at our facility. • We maintain our own equipment.
20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston www.stlaurentandson.com • 784-7944
Wigging Out Part Deux Locally owned and operated since 1970!
Human DNA and jellyfish DNA are 80 percent identical.
The only way to overcome is to hang in. – Dan O' Brien Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 67
The Three Southern Wise Men
The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, but in what direction we are moving. – Oliver Wendell Holmes
Submitted by WEP
I was travelling through a small Southern town when I spotted a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. I was totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar'."
Recently Banned by Government:
!
ryone
s, eve
istma ry Chr
Mer
indham •
Located
orth W . 115 in N
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892-822
on Rt
Jimbo says Uncle Andy is hunting in an empty forest.
RESTAURANT
892-9922
907 Roosevelt Trail in Windham
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year from all of us at Thatcher’s!
✹ Easy on the pocketbook ✹ Great for the whole family ✹ Full menu always available
Follow your nose to Thatchers!
Elves Ideology and political allegiance unknown.
Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm • Sun 12 - 8pm
Dave & Maggie Garry, Owners
Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
68 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
If a used car ad claims..."rough condition"... It really means: too bad to lie about.
If a used car ad claims..."stored 20 years"... It really means: (in a farmer's field)
Out & About on Veteran's Day at
The Meadow's
GIVE A LITTLE GREEN THIS HOLIDAY SEASON Toys, Shirts, Hats, Books, Videos and more!
Senior Living Center in Greene Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...
Check out our new expanded website:
www.hallimplementco.com
892-6894
HALL IMPLEMENT CO. JCT. 202 & 302 AT THE ROTARY - WINDHAM 892-6894 • Mon.-Fri. 7:00-5:00 • Sat. 7:30-12:00
You Could Be A Redneck If… You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
Christmas Time Is... A time to join together to celebrate with friends and family. Helping others less fortunate and promoting peace on Earth. Charity. Fellowship. Peace.
Merry Christmas to you and yours from all of us at Windham Automotive! Thank you from the special children and families of Camp Sunshine for your unbelievable support over the past years. We’re looking forward to many more to come!
Windham Automotive “Where quality and value still have a meaning.”
385 Roosevelt Trail, Windham
892-1212
You Could Be A Redneck If… You're considered an expert on worm beds.
Mildred Covell Mildred recalls serving in the WAVES, which stands for Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service. She was a pharmacist 1st class with the Navy for 3 years during WWII. She recently traveled to Washington D.C to see the news Women in Military Service for America Memorial, in Arlington National Cemetery. She highly recommends others visit the memorial as well, for it was a great experience.
Q: What's red and white and black all over? A: Santa Claus after he slid down the chimney. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 69
Holiday Catering From 10 people to 300… No job too small or too big!
Holiday Parties • Company Christmas Parties Buffet
Platters
Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering Professional service at an affordable price Try Dad’s Place for your next event!
Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing
345-9009 There’s NO PLACE like...
Dad’s Place Catering Division
www.dadsplace.info
You Could Be A Redneck If… The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.
Out & About on Veteran's Day at
The Meadow's
December Specials*
Senior Living Center in Greene Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...
*with Leah or Charlie only
Men’s Cuts . . . . . . .$10 Women’s Cuts . . .$19 Call Nichole for her Wednesday specials!
Proudly celebrating 10 years in business!
783-2220 9 Third Street, Auburn (Across from Rolly’s Diner)
Open Tuesday - Saturday Call for Appointment Walk-ins Welcome
Back: Nichole (Senior Stylist), Carla (Owner/Senior Stylist), Leah (Junior Stylist) Front: Charlie (Junior Stylist)
Back in my day you sometime had to take horses to where you needed to be. I'll never forget when I had to ride one to access my area in Iwo Jima, I was so sore the next day I could barely walk. I've haven't been on a horse since!
A picture may worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
ON-SITE DRUG TESTING D.O.T. Drug Screening
$
15 $ 20
Alcohol Screening
Local* After Hours & Weekends*
$
30
Includes confirmation if necessary
Paul Covell
Available 24-7, 365 days a year
"So, how are you getting along with your gorgeous new girlfriend?"
*Call for out-of-area pricing
We also perform hair follicle drug screens, paternity tests, private investigations, tenant screenings & background checks.
Testing can be performed in the privacy of your home or office. *All reports are verified by a licensed Private Investigator
MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator
577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com A Dog Thought: I guess sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "hello."
"Not so good. I asked her whether she could learn to love me." "Yeah -- and?" "She asked how much I was willing to spend on her education." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 71
Out & About at the Sebago Lakes Chamber October Business Break 80’s Retro... Why not?
Melissa McKenney O'Brien Just the facts, ma’am!
A Dog Thought: I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
WOOD PELLET
BLOWOUT
$
195/TON While supplies last!
$ave on heating costs
100% Maine Wood Pellets Laurie Noel Sgt. Joe Fridayʼs partner
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
72 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Call Today!
Environmentally Friendly
ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE
ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS
1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126
www.esmpellets.com A Dog Thought: I must remember that the garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
A Dog Thought: I will try not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
Let us pamper one of your loved ones this Holiday Season!
Out & About at the Marston/Jarman Commitment Ceremony on Halloween Okay, honey, how much is this going to cost me?
Call now and ask about our Holiday Packages or Gift Cards
~Discover the Beauty Within~ Diane Dubois Owner & Permanent Makeup
Billy Pham Nail Tech
Gail Paione Cosmetologist
Chelsea Janelle Richard Dupuis Heather Heckbert Massage Therapist Massage Therapist Cosmetologist
Karen Carey Electrologist
Jen Lafayette
Cristin Conroy Aesthetician
Paula Charette Spa Coordinator
Spa & Event Coordinator
• Hair • Body waxing • Facials • Pedicures • Spa Packages
• Massage • Electrology • Manicures • Bridal Packages • Permanent Make-up
Nikki Bramlett Cosmetologist
Ashley Goulet Aesthetician
Sonie Robinson Operations Manager
Justin Brousseau Massage Therapist
Paige & Don Piper
Linda Walker
Lori McMahon-Roy HR Manager
Paige Piper & Jim Moreau Pam Murray Spa Coordinator
Michael Watts Nail Tech
Q: Why do reindeer scratch themselves?
71 East Avenue • Lewiston, Maine
(207) 783-3321
www.cassiels.com
A Dog Thought: Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
A: Because they're the only ones who know where they itch. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 73
Out & About at Maine Oxy’s Car Show with all proceeds going to benefit Pine Tree Camps
Miles Smith
A Dog Thought: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs
BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY 2 locations to serve your needs
4 years old from Mexico, ME
Now you see him...
LEWISTON 541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029
BRUNSWICK 92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797
A Dog Thought: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
PRIVATE FUNCTION ROOM Up to 80 people • Many catering options Now you donʼt!
Now Booking Holiday Parties!
www.davinciseatery.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
74 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
782-2088 150 Mill Street, Lewiston
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. – Missy Dizick
One cat just leads to another. – Ernest Hemingway
Ray The Electrician LLC RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL
Out & About at the Marston/Jarman Commitment Ceremony on Halloween It’s true. I was the girl that said she was never getting married... How things change.
“My Prices Won’t Shock You”
Office: 225-3360 • Cell: 576-6643 rayele@roadrunner.com
Fully Insured • All Electrical Service Work • Houses • Cottages • Dormitories • Campgrounds • Schools
Kayla Marston The Bride
Piggy, piggy back
• Phone Cable • Camera Security • House Alarms • Lead Certified Renovator
PLUS: • Install all sizes of generators, from portable to stand-by generators • Install permanent line poles for new housing developments
(top to bottom) Donovan,
TJ, & Paige During the wait at the Olive Garden
We answer any emergency call 24 hours a day / 7 days a week Licensed in Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts and Vermont Financing Available • Some Restrictions Apply Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. – Anonymous
TJ, Paige & Donovan Contemplating whatʼs for dinner at the Olive Garden
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 75
Headquarter Salon marks 10th Year Anniversary
Many resist change - perhaps even fear it - but the best ones know change brings opportunities, and they seize them. – Uncle Andy
Thank you to everyone for being a part of 10 great years being in business. I sincerely appreciate all the support & patronage of my customers, family and friends.
Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market! Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping! Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More! VISIT
“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $
Carla Martin owner Headquarters Salon, located at 9 Third Street in New Auburn, is celebrating its 10th year anniversary this December. Started in December of 2000 by Carla Martin, the salon then grew in 2007 with addition of senior stylist Nichole Brooks, and has recently grown again with the addition of two new junior stylists, Leah Giambra & Charlie Simental. Owner Carla Martin states, "If it wasn't for all the support and love of my family as well as the loyalty of my clients and co-workers, I wouldn't have been able to reach this milestone. I'm excited about the future of the salon and look forward to continuing to help people look their best. This month we have some specials going on to help our new stylists grow their clientele. Come in and give them a try and we feel you'll be happy with the results. See our ad on page 71 for details on the specials with Leah & Charlie. Also call Nichole for more info on her monthly Wednesday special. Again, thank you to everyone who has been a part of our success, we couldn't have done it without you!" The salon offers the following services: Perms, Men's Women's & Kid's Cuts, Colors, Foils, Up-do's and Pedicures. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
76 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
3.50 each for most Hardcover Books
Selective Hard Covers $2
Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!
Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks
START YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING EARLY!
Pre-Read Books arriving daily
20% - 50% OFF
20 OFF %
all Audio Books (books on tape & CD)
Featuring
131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week
8 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards
s Alway g n i Buy
960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store
Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area! Although we cannot change the direction of the wind, we can adjust our sails. – Unknown
Sign at a Propane Filling Station: "Thank heaven for little grills"
CALL FOR NEXT NRA PISTOL COURSE DATES!
We Buy, Sell & Trade
Out & About at Maine Oxy’s Car Show with all proceeds going to benefit Pine Tree Camps
Full Line Gun Smith Service Buying small & large firearm collections Check us out!
J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager
Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat
John Reid, Owner
Uncle Andy stopped by trying to get a free t-shirt...
Uncle Andy, fugetaboutit! Hit the bricks!!
The Perfect Place to Dine anytime of the day! Open Sun. - Thur. 10:30am - 10pm Fri. & sat. 10:30am - 11pm
EAT IN OR TAKE OUT!
Hope Covert & Bonnie Pelletier Volunteers
784-8221 85 Center Street, Auburn
Sign at a Tire Store: "We cure baldness!"
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I called her up and asked, “Did you get my drift?” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 77
Out & About on the first annual Pub Crawl with stops at Irish Twins Pub, Buddy T's, Little Joeʼs, The Cage & Schemenge's
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
Now Accepting Snow Plowing, Snow Removal & Sanding Accounts
Also Offering: Excavating • Demolition • Yard Maintenance House Lots • Commercial/Residential Site Work & More! Thanks to everyone who came out to support this event!
Est. 1945 Adam Smith Ray Poirier Co-Owner 1331 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 782-3617 • lppoirier@myfairpoint.net Co-Owner
CALL US TODAY FOR YOUR FREE ESTIMATE!
Seen on a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
New Years Eve Party Friday, December 31st
Kaining Amy
Party starts at 9:00pm - open until 2:00am Live music by Kaining Amy
Now the pub crawl driving is done, look for me on the sequel to Driving Ms. Daisy...
CHRISTMAS EVE PARTY - Open at 11am Free mini buffet at 1pm - live music by Chad Porter 2-6pm
WEEKLY ENTERTAINMENT & SPECIALS Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Free Pool & Touch Tunes 75¢ Wings $ 1 Red Hot Dogs
KARAOKE CONTEST
Acoustic Sets
BANDS
LIVE BANDS
75¢ Tacos
$13.95 14 oz. Ribeye Steak
BOGO 10” Pizzas
1/2 price Apps
Irish Twins Pub
Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close
743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s) Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
78 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility gap.
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A subordinate claus.
GARY BAIN Leadership.
376.3007
East Coast Mortgage Group, LLC
D! FEATE UNDE
316 Center St. • Auburn
866.579.ECMG Back: Coach Ron Giroux, Sadie Pearson, Sadie Nelson, Jenna Pesce, Lauren Syphers, Anna Giroux, Ciera Berthiaume, Jillian Tolman, Coaches Bryan Brackett and Paul Cobb Middle: Sarah Rich, Ally Smith, Ali Wintle, Mary Brackett, Megan Knights, Hailey Jarvis Front: Kate Herzig, Alana Cobb, Erin Merchant and Taylor Dyke
Rainbow Federal Credit Union $500 Fuel winner for 2010
Joe Lachapelle wins $500 in heating fuel Rainbow Federal Credit Union recently held their Member Appreciation week. During the week Rainbow had raffles to different places in the area and also had giveaways to thank the members. The big drawing was the Saturday. Rainbow compiled all the raffle slips from the week and drew one name for the $500 in heating fuel. The grand prize winner was Joe Lachapelle from Turner. Sandy Demers, branch manager of the Main Street, Lewiston branch presented a check to Joe for $500. Congratulations, Joe on being Rainbow's 2010 heating fuel winner!
For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.
CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT
G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. 111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500
We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!
376.3007 A: When it's adrift.
Do not neglect your Septic System
Service Rental Sales
Determined.
Q: When is a boat like a pile of snow?
Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities
CHRIS BAIN
East Coast Mortgage Group, LLC 316 Center St. • Auburn
866.579.ECMG Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 79
Alter Call
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime? Sandy Claus!
A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.
TEST See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common? Look at each word carefully. 1) Banana 2) Dresser 3) Grammar 4) Potato 5) Revive 6) Uneven 7) Assess
Did you figure it out? No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters. Answer: In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you pass the test? Submitted by Beth Francis
Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours
(front l to r) Geof Bray, Stephanie Brushwein, Hillary Eaton, Crystal Malia, CPA, Patty Rice, Jennifer Merrill (back l to r) Steve Bosinger, Becky Adams, Philip Doucette, CPA, Jeremy Marchessault, CPA, George Richardson, CPA Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
80 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Check out the ONCE MORE STORE for your Christmas shopping. See page 82.
Kris Kringle, a man in his 40s, lives in North Pole, Alaska, and delivers pizzas for a living. He still drives a 1984 Ford Tempo.
TIME FOR A NEW ELECTRIC RANGE?
Celebrating
Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary
Diane Heidi’s sandwiches are the best because they’re made on freshly baked bread!
Get it at Gediman’s! Special Price
Many to choose from
$
Styles and colors may vary from what is shown
399
Question: Why come to Gediman’s? Answers:
1) We’re a LOCAL company! 2) Great service before & after the sale! 3) Lowest prices anywhere!
1822 Lisbon Road • Lewiston, ME (207) 786-5555 67 Centre Street • Bath, ME Local: (207) 443-4711 • Toll-free: 800-734-6963
It's "God rest ye merry, gentlemen," not "God rest ye, merry gentlemen."
Julien
At Heidi’s I learned that Bread + Corn Chowder = PERFECT!
Sam Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 81
Unique Hair Designs
The difference between chickens and turkeys is that chicken’s celebrate Thanksgiving!
(formerly D’Avanti Salon) moves to Westbrook
DECEMBER SPECIAL
Bucket of spaghetti with 4 meatballs & loaf of garlic bread
625 Bridgton Road, Rt. 302 in Westbrook
We are so excited about our new location. Come check us out!!
Homemade Chocolates for Christmas
$
11.99
of New Gloucester
Gift certificates
The Little Place with the Great Taste
available
Rt. 100 • New Gloucester
Hours: Mon-Fri 8am-10pm • Sat-Sun 7am - 10pm
Peanut Butter Balls, Needhams, Coconut Balls, Peanut Butter Fudge
$
10.95 per lb (16oz.)
926-3434
Breakfast Served until 11am
NOW OPEN Laurie Hanlon, owner
Stop in & save on your holiday shopping. Check us out today!
906-1 Lisbon St., next to Sam’s Italians
Hours: 9:30-5:30 Mon-Fri 9:30-3pm Sat
Mon - Fri 9 am - 7 pm • Sat 9 am - 3 pm
www.gregoryshairstyles.com Our new logo! 600 Center Street Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
82 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Linda
786-0112
Happy Holidays & Happy New Year, too!
Gift Certificates Available
We now do artificial nails & pedicures. Call for appointment.
Nuria
Love the new logo!
786-0224
Terry
Amy
Pat
Kathy
Tina
Cory
Michael
Kelly
Kellyann
A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard.
56% of Americans sing holiday carols to their pets.
United New Auburn Association Meeting
Last Tuesday of every month, 6pm at Rolly’s Diner New Auburn Christmas Tre e Lighting AND Parade Sunday, Dec. 12th at Raymond Park. Starts at 5pm, Lighting 5:30pm at Rolly’s Diner
New Auburn Social Club
NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY
Unique Hair Designs (formerly D’Avanti Salon) moves to Westbrook 625 Bridgton Road, Rt. 302 in Westbrook Best of luck, Laurie! I know you’ll do great!!
Friday, Dec. 31st 7pm to 1am Tickets On Sale Now
7 Second Street, Auburn
FMI Contact Leroy Walker 577-2694 • email: dmusicman5060@yahoo.com
Celebrating Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary Jonah, Jennifer & Phil I love the new location! Congratulations, Laurie!!
Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli has something for everyone!
The Creature Comforts of Home.
Here’s Santa’s own holiday wish list: Congrats!
1. Bigger windows facing south to capture heat and natural light. (This saves on your heating bill.)
2. A brand new game room. 3. Save $1500. Government rebate with blown-in insulation ends Dec. 31st. (This saves on your heating bill.) 4. A nice warm sunroom, with all the trimmings.
Sometimes the little changes make the biggest difference… “The Difference is in the Details”
Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.
Call 753-9887 or 576-8528
OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available
Christmas pudding should be stirred from east to west.
Unique Hair Designs, we love the name! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 83
Out & About at the Y’s Family Fun Night Halloween Party
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
# $
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Get $10 OFF any order! ROLL TOWELS - ALL TYPES We gotta tell mom about the Once More Store. I’m hearing they have all kinds of toys. Take a look at page 82.
Bathroom Tissue, Trash Liners, Plates, Cups, Napkins, ETC. • Cleaning Chemicals & Janitorial Supplies
NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A AREA!
Stop waiting in line at the Big Box stores for your paper and janitorial supplies! Just call in your order...it’s that SIMPLE!!
wiper & paper
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120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
84 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho.
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? Ribbon hood.
Out & About at the Y’s Family Fun Night Halloween Party
PRIVATE PAY SERVICES AVAILABLE! Caring for an elderly loved one at home can be a challenge. Let us help you. We have qualified Certified Nurses Assistants (CNA) & Personal Support Specialists (PSS) that can meet your loved ones needs. We can provide assistance whether it be the extra help they need after a hospital stay, companionship, or respite care. We can provide 24 hour care 7 days a week or we can provide as little as 4 hours a day for your reprieve. You let us know what you want. We are here to serve you. We have a 24 hour on call system that responds (after hours) usually within 15 minutes. This means during the middle of the night, if you need us, we are there for you. We can help keep your loved ones out of the nursing homes and stay in their own homes. Their quality of life will be so much better in their own familiar environment because that is where their comfort zone is.
Assisted Home Care means...
• More privacy - you get personal care in your own home. • Convenience - continuity of care. • Comfort - being in your own home. • Shorter Recovery Time - people recoup better at home. • Nursing care by qualified caregivers.
Home C d e t s are si s A For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston
783-7375 We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.
Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E? Because the angel had said,"No L!"
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 85
What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney? Pour Santa flush on him.
Holiday Catering
Platters Small Vegetable Platter .......................$24.60 (serves 9-12) Medium Vegetable Platter ...................$29.75 (serves 13-17) Small Meat & Cheese...........................$28.00 (serves 9-12) Medium Meat & Cheese.......................$35.30 (serves 14-16) Small Relish Tray .................................$23.35 (serves 9-12) Medium Relish Tray .............................$28.55 (serves 14-16) Dessert Platters Mini Whoopie Pies (2 doz)...................$20.00 Chocolate Chip Cookies (2 doz) .........$20.00
Finger Rolls: Tuna, Egg, Ham, Chicken, or Seafood $8.49/Dozen
More Catering Options Available CATERING DIVISION 268 Main Street, Lewiston www.samsitalian.com
782-2550 A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
86 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
STILL LOOKING FOR ME? CCURATE CCOUNTING & Tax Services, P.A. • Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes
JASON HALL
• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems
922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 (Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer)
"Men are born with two eyes, but only one tongue, in order that they should see twice as much as they say." – Charles Caleb Colton
Q: Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? A: Rude-olph
Out & About at the Y’s Family Fun Night Halloween Party
From Our Family to Yours…
If 2011 is your year for a move, call 784-3800 or email Brenda@fontaineteam.com “Our greatest privilege is serving the real estate needs of you, your family and your friends. Because of you, we are The Real Estate Leader.” – Brenda Fontaine
336 Center Street, Auburn • 784-3800 • www.brendafontaine.com Q: What reindeer has the cleanest antlers? A: Comet.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 87
Celebrating
Heidi’s
The celebration of the new year is the oldest of all holidays. It was first observed in ancient Babylon about 4000 years ago.
Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary
Eating at Heidi’s really gets me pumped up!
Kyle Sawyer
Monique The spicy Caribbean wrap is to die for!
Megan Q: How do you know Santa has to be a man? A: No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
88 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
The Tournament of Roses Parade dates back to 1886. In that year, members of the Valley Hunt Club decorated their carriages with flowers. It celebrated the ripening of the orange crop in California.
Q: Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch? A: Deery Queen.
Celebrating
Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary
studio for hair, nails & massage
Services • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Cuts, Styles Colors & Highlights Perms Extensions Manicures Pedicures Artificial Nails ys Facials Holida y p p a H Massage py New Reflexology & Hap l! Waxing r to Al a e Y Eyelash Tinting Arbonne Make-up
Back (l to r): Michelle, Emily, Cindy & Elizabeth Front: Lynn, Christine, Jen & Daniel
Gift Certificates Available
20 Coburn Street, Auburn (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday • www.panachehairandnailstudio.com
782-9009
Amanda & Juliet If you like great food, you’ve gotta try Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite
ComingOWNED Soon From FAMILY AND Cambria… OPERATED! QUARTZ
Brad The weatherman describes this as unseasonable weather.
Family Owned & Operated
786-5556 786-5556 995 Center Street, Auburn
995 Center Street, Auburn
Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm
www.granitemarblecountertops.net www.granitemarblecountertops.net Q: If you're afraid of Santa Claus, what condition do you have? A: Claustrophobia
Of course it's unseasoned -- that's why the city maintenance men put salt on it. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 89
Out & About on Veteran's Day at The Meadow's Senior Living Center in Greene Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...
I was on the CBI, I flew over the hump to China many times. Then after WWII, I was rebuilding planes during the Korean War in Newfoundland.
Sign on a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
‘10 Snow Gear Layaways thru the holidays
Gift Certificates Available
NO FEES!
all denominations
psst! Sale on All Last Year’s Products
30% to 50%
OFF
’sfers a t an tuf
Roy Nickerson I was at Pork Chop Hill and fought on the Kansas Line in Korea and also did four tours in Vietnam. If I had to do it all over again, I would still go and fight for our country.
S
ng cki
Sto We carry:
and many more!
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cks d so r a o owb • Sn nies s ea • B mp pad s o t • S rd lock a o s g • B rd ba a o • B Ds ent ipm V u q D e • g lies s unin • T te supp & Mitt a s k •S love •G d An CH MU ORE! M
1 Garfield Road, Auburn • 344-6622
ridebackwoods.com Harold Leano Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
90 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
When you blame others, you give up your power to change. - Douglas Noel Adams
Out & About on Veteran's Day at The Meadow's Senior Living Center in Greene
We must become the change we wish to see in the world. - Gandhi
Hot Air & Boiler Cleaning Special
Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...
Includes:
Oil Filter • Pump Screen • Nozzle • Efficiency Test
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95
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Save $400+ If you haven’t had your heating system cleaned in the past 12 months this is what it may be costing you… 15% efficiency loss of 1000 gallons of heating oil at $2.70/gal (.15%x1000/gals.x$2.70/gal.=$405.00) or pay $149.95 and help yourself!
Meeting your needs in Air Conditioning, Ventilation, Heat and Refrigeration. Owner Al Hamel • Lewiston, ME 782-6336 • www.alshvac-r.com Email: alshvac@gwi.net
Specialists for installing Rinnai Monitor Heaters LP, Natural Gas & K-1
Christmas tends to be a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
Eligible for up to $1,500 Federal tax rebate
ON SALE NOW
FOUR SEASON SERVICE
Downeast Sharpening Complete Sharpening Service
1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4
SARACENS MC MAINE Presents The 35th Annual Great Northern Motorcycle Swapmeet
www.smcinc1970.com
The Baker
Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment
WOOD & PELLET STOVES
Sunday, January 30th, 2011 9am - 3pm at the Augusta Civic Center
I was also on the CBI and was a baker, I remember we used to bake the food in the used oil drums because thats all we had. Amazingly I never burned anything. Many of my children have served or are currently serving in the military, we’re very proud of them.
Glen A. Gisel
7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond
DOLMAR
shindaiwa
655-4635
www.downeastsharpening.com
Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise 685 Washington St, Auburn 784-7300
BE A SPECIAL SANTA vendor info: (207) 595-1587
Give a Scuba Class for Christmas... a gift remembered forever!
It only takes one person to change your life today - you. – Dan Miller
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 91
Out & About on Veteran's Day at The Meadow's Senior Living Center in Greene Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...
One memory I have was running into my brother while we were both serving in WWII. We hadn't seen each other in two years. I also remember our camp being shelled and a antipersonnel mine landing just two feet from my head, I was very lucky... it turned out to be a dud.
You can have more, be more and do more because you can change the person you are. – Brian Tracy
Winter’s Coming Get it GONE NOW! • Any part of property cleaned – if you don’t want it, we’ll throw it away… • We bust our butts so you don’t have to! Winter is a great time to clean out attics, cellars & garages!
Over 10 years making unwanted stuff go away!! Trash & Garbage • Furniture & Appliances • Construction & Demolition Debris Boilers & Scrap Metal • Brush & Trees • Buildings Demolished & Removed
Property Services • Especially Foreclosures Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped • Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs
Farrell Enterprises Senior Discounts Joe Camillo Sr Glazing Glory My son is the manager of a glass and window company and advertised in the paper for experienced glaziers. Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job said he had over 20 years of experience. "Where have you worked as a glazier?" my son asked. The man replied, "Dunkin' Donuts." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
92 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Happy Holidays and please drive safe!
Fully Insured
782-5300 or 576-2501
CALL US FOR A FREE QUOTE!
Law of Parenting: If it's advertised on tv, it's a sure guarantee it better be under the Christmas tree.
You don't have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to be great. – Les Brown
Out & About on Veteran's Day at
The Meadow's
Commercial & Residential
Snow Plowing & Snow Removal Services
Senior Living Center in Greene
SNOW PLOWING • SNOW BLOWING • SHOVELING
Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...
WE ALSO SPECIALIZE IN COMMERCIAL & RESIDENTIAL HARDSCAPING
FULLY INSURED FREE ESTIMATES 36 Howes Corner Road, Turner • 344-5814
ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings
Bart Kelsea, President
The day I turned 18 I signed to join the military. I did well on my tests and was told I qualified to be an Intelligence Analyst (aka Spy). I spent time in Pakistan in the 60's and my main duties were to monitor Russian Communications during our U2 Flight missions so we could find the holes in their radar. When they said they lost the plane, we knew we had found a hole. I loved the unique world the military afforded me to experience. Later on in my life I served in the Peace Corps in War Zones such as Bosnia, Sierra Leone and other African Nations.
(207) 784-6413
WE’VE GOT HANDGUNS! HUGE SELECTION! FREE Bottle of Pepper Spray with any handgun purchase! Just a small sample of our inventory
Call Matt, Drew or Chris at
Rt. 4 • Turner, ME
225-3432
Just past Twitchell’s Airport
Chris Jordan, owner 577-0210
g3firearms@megalink.net
Law of Parenting: Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave.
Henry Hamilton Jr Q: Where do you find giant snails? A: On the ends of giant's fingers. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 93
Dust
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you." Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"
Submitted by Sheldon Walton
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget... this particular Sunday sermon... “Dear Lord,” the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. “Without you, we are but dust...” He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four-year-old girl voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?”
Q: What is the purpose of reindeer? A: It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
OUT ʼN ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE Happy Holidays loyal Uncle Andyʼs Digest readers! Whether you celebrate Christmas, the eight crazy nights of Chanukah, Kwanza or any other holiday, your Miami Mike wishes you and your family the best. Now if you are here or there, near or far; make sure whatever you do, you do it with an Uncle Andyʼs Digest. The digest is like the cherry on an ice cream sundae for the holidays. It is not essential however without it, itʼs just not the same. Now I realize the climate here in south Florida is not what I would call favorable for the good ole Christmas tree, but I have got to tell you these fake conifers are driving me nuts. All the retail stores have a section dedicated to these imposters. Itʼs like an exhibit of green pipe cleaner art little Timmy and Tammy worked on in daycare. Really people, tell me what is a Christmas tree with no smell and no needles everywhere that you continue to find around the living room until June? Ok now Iʼm so hot under the collar I need to get ova to Panache Day Spa for a little R & R. I know what youʼre thinking and there is nothing wrong with a man at a spa, no need to be a hater. If you donʼt believe me go check them out for yourself. Trust me fellas only real men can make it through a back or chest waxing! I should know they waxed my chest and removed all 17 hairs I had. Ok I guess I will wrap up the year on that chest hair note! Have a great holiday and ring in the New Year with the Digest… you know I will. Miami Mike Out!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
94 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Bob Hope ON GOING TO HEAVEN "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."
Out & About on Veteran's Day at
The Meadow's Senior Living Center in Greene Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...
My daughter is Rebecca Laliberte, proprietor of The Meadows. This event she puts on each year is really great and all the vets really enjoy it. I'm very proud of her!
Connie Pettis When I was young, my family was really poor.
800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn
Everything I wore socks, blouses, even handkerchiefs - had been darned over and over by my mother. I wasn't the smartest or the prettiest, but I sure was the best darned kid in the neighborhood!
She said, "When you reach your 70's you must learn to grow old with grace." He said, "That's great! Bring Grace over and let's see what she looks like."
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
DECEMBER 2010
783-7039 95
COME CHECK OUT OUR NEW TANNING SALON & WELLNESS CENTER Gift Cards Available
Law of Parenting: Toys multiply to fill any space available.
Executive Home For Sale In Auburn
NEW
See the all-new independent Fitness Center, offering a comfortable workout environment!
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Classes!
Mon. Kick-N-Cardio Tue. Zumba Wed. Kick-N-Cardio Zumba 30/30 Thur. Kick-N-Cardio Fri. Instructor’s Choice $8.00 per class or 10 classes for $65
24 Amberley Way, Auburn For Those Who Like it HOT!
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Offered for sale for the first time ever, this 4,500 sq.ft. Executive Home in a highly desireable Auburn neighborhood offers a 2-car garage, updated kitchen with granite countertops, 5 bedrooms, 2 full and
& Wellness Center
2 half-bathrooms, a fireplace, & full basement Fairview School District, and much, much more.
784-8900
Financing available. $389,000
Tanning Salon 81 Manley Road, Auburn
Find us on Facebook & Myspace!
Mon.-Sat. 9:30am-8pm Sun. 12:30-5:30pm
Call 240-6280 FMI
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
Law of Parenting: The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.
& Jimbo
96 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039