Uncle Andy's Digest - February 2013

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST THE MOST UNUSUAL DIGEST IN AMERICA

.com

FREE February 2013

Complete, comprehensive dentistry for ages 3 to 103 Preventative dentistry cleanings and fillings

NEW s Alway s t n e Pati me!

Welco

Cosmetic dentistry whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more We accept most insurances Financing available

TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES

Armandsab@aol.com

27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN • 784-1577 TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM

Jewelry to fall in love with

145 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com

YOU’RE GOING TO

WORKING WITH US!

Fixed Rate Loans • Conventional • FHA • VA MSHA • RD • Purchases • Refinancing Debbie Bodwell Bodwell, Debbie Vice VicePresident President NMLS# 280336 NMLS# 280336

Residential Mortgage Service, Inc.

777.1551 181 Center St., Auburn • www.rmsmortgage.com • dbodwell@rmsmortgage.com This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions.

Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537

A Pirate’s Life

I need a life. Where can I download one?

Submitted by Richard Collins

An able - bodied-seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea.

Noting the pirate’s pegleg, hook, and eye patch, the seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the pegleg?"

The pirate replies, "We was caught in a monster storm off the Cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin’ me out, a shark appeared and bit me leg off.

"Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"

"Ah...," mused the pirate. "We were boardin’ a trader ship, pistols blastin’ and swords swingin’ this way and that. In the fracas, me hand got chopped off."

Valentine’s Special Event

50% OFF entire stock of jewelry February 11th - 14th We buy gold!

“Friends tell friends about us!”

Guaranteed lowest prices on new & estate jewelry • Family owned and operated • In-house repairs • Gift Certificates available

"Zounds!" remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by the eye patch?"

A seagull droppin’ fell into me eye," answered the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well," said the pirate.

"It was me first day with the hook."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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FEBRUARY 2013

783-7039

33 Center Street in Auburn

782-7575 Mon-Tue-Wed 9-5 • Thu-Fri 9-6 • Sat 9-5

The other line moves faster until you get in it.

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA FEBRUARY 2013 Saturday, Feb 2nd Holy Cross KC Bean Supper 4pm – 6:30pm (Chapter 10589) 607 Lisbon St, Lewiston $4.50 Member $6 Guest Wednesday, Feb 6th Grid Iron 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 14437) 1567 Lisbon St, Lewiston $8 Member $9 Guest Thursday, Feb 14th Lewiston Mandarin Restaurant 11:30am – 1pm (Chapter 8609) 750 Sabattus St, Lewiston $4 Member $5 Guest Sunday, Feb 17th Portland Pirates vs St. John’s Ice Caps 4pm (Chapter 12907) Androscoggin Colisee $10 Members $8 Child/12 Tuesday Feb 19th Sam’s Noon – 7pm (Chapter 14346) Market Place Mall – Lewiston $3.50 Member $4.50 Guest Tuesday, Feb 26th Pizza Hut 11:30am- 1pm (Chapter 10929) Rt #26 Oxford $5 Person Thursday, Feb 28th The Green Ladle Noon (Chapter 12907) 156 East Ave – Lewiston HS $8 Member $8.50 Guest Flagship Cinema (Chapter 12749) Lewiston/Auburn $4 Member $5.50 Guest Sunday, March 3rd Red Claws vs Erie BayHawks 1 pm Portland Expo $7.50 Member

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed. ************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

The chance of the bread falling butter side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

QUALITY CUSTOM DENTURE WORK Affordable Dentures

www.UncleAndys.com

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

February 2013 Staff

FREE CONSULTATIONS

JIMBO FAFSA... Again

TRAVIS

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

Most Dental Insurances Accepted • We also accept Credit & Debit Cards

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 801 Webster Street, Lewiston

Auditing

514-0660

UNCLE ANDY Opening New Doors

www.smileagaindentures.com See us for: • Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures

MAGGIE

• Rebases • Relines • Repairs

Woah is Taxes

MARTY

Why do women love won ton? Spell it backwards.

Rank & File

ANGIE We’re a local business, family owned & operated for over 10 years.

Wedding Planner

TOM

We offer archery lessons, lanes, rentals, sales, service, & custom strings.

Lord of the Web

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212 While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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FEBRUARY 2013

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State championships for the National Field Archery Association will be hosted here the weekend of March 9th. Call to reserve your spot or come to watch the best archers in Maine at our 8,000 square foot archery center.

Handguns Rifles Shotguns Ammo

213 Washington St. • Auburn • 783-3060 centralmainearchery.com "Do it big, do it right, and do it with style." – Fred Astaire

If you arent going to go all the way, why go at all? – Joe Namath

The Results Are In! The baby photo contest we ran on our Facebook page was a huge hit! Here are the top 5 vote getters...

1st PLACE

Mackenzie Kurt & Rachel Campbell’s granddaughter with 687 votes!

2nd PLACE

Lilyana submitted by Rina Billings with 657 votes!

Keep reading to see more top vote getters...

You must get involved to have an impact. No one is impressed with the won-lost record of the referee. – John Holcomb

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Parenting Idea

Sign on a lawyer’s door: REASONABLE DOUBT FOR A REASONABLE FEE

Submitted by Jimbo

I was with a friend in a cafe' when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation.

"What good are car alarms when no one pays any attention to them?" I wondered aloud.

"Some are quite effective," my friend corrected me.

"Last summer, my teenager spent a lot of time at the neighbors'.

Whenever I wanted him home, I'd go out to the driveway and jostle his car."

Family Pressure Submitted by Jimbo

Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes towards leftovers: "It gets rough," one said. "My husband is a movie producer and he calls them reruns."

"You think you have it bad," was the reply.

"Mine is a quality control engineer and he calls them rejects!"

"That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady. "My husband is a mortician. He calls them remains!"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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When in doubt, mumble. – Uncle Andy

If you scatter thorns, don't go barefoot. – Italian Proverb

The Results Are In! The baby photo contest we ran on our Facebook page was a huge hit! Here are the top 5 vote getters...

3rd PLACE

Green Means Go! submitted by Chelsea Blood with 206 votes!

4th PLACE

Don’t Touch My Cookie submitted by Lacey Elliott Barcelou with 124 votes!

The footprints left by the Apollo astronauts will not erode since there is no wind or water on the Moon.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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The Results Are In!

To prevent sagging skin eat 'til the wrinkles fill out.

The baby photo contest we ran on our Facebook page was a huge hit! Here are the top 5 vote getters...

Comprehensive Family Dental Care in a relaxing, comfortable atmosphere

5th PLACE

Zoey Smiles submitted by Alicia Marie Regan with 101 votes!

Keep reading to see more great baby photo submissions...

New Patients Always Welcome

Communion

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D.

Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion.

When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johnny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating... "If I can't eat, I won't pay!"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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FEBRUARY 2013

783-7039

1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston (lower level)

376-4977 Same Day Financing Options Emergency Care Available www.kevinconnellydmd.com Massachusetts Puritans passed America's first law against gambling in 1638.

CELEBRATING OUR ANNIVERSARY All month!

Our January specials were so popular we are doing it again in February!

Your Choice

$ly

On

10

Giant 1-topping pizza or 2 Large Boghooters or 3 Large Italians or 2 Small Appetizers (Ham, Pepperoni, Veggie or Salami)

(Breaded Mushrooms, Broccoli & Cheese, Jalapeno Poppers or Mozzarella Sticks)

FREE COF FE FRID E AY! Free

Larry & Diana in 2003

Larry & Diana in 2012

20 oz .c with purch offee Break ase every fast Sand of w Frida y in J ich anua ry!

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

Banging your head against a wall can burn up to 150 calories per hour.

Out ’n About We’re thinking Chris either lost a bet or stole his daughter’s hat?

We are now an official UPS shipper.

All your salt water tank needs right here!

T ROP I CAL

HAR MONY We have live bait for all you ice fishing fans!

Marine Marine Fish Fish • • Coral Coral • • Supplies Supplies

272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372 How come you never see Cupid with a girlfriend?

I know how to weather these cold days...

New Contest

Chris Shea at The Y in Auburn

Kicks off February 10th

Did You Know?

Permanent hearing loss can result from prolonged exposure to sounds at 85 decibels (0 decibels is the threshold for hearing).

For comparison, a busy street corner is about 80 decibels, a subway train from 20 feet is 100 decibels, a jet plane from 500 feet is 110 decibels and loud thunder is 120 decibels. A rock band amplified at close range is 140 decibels, which is 100 trillion times threshold and more than 100,000 times as loud as the level that will produce permanent hearing loss.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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FEBRUARY 2013

783-7039

an d

Dad’s Place

have teamed up to give YOU a chance to win a...

www.dadsplace.info

$

100 Gift Card to Mac’s Grill

Go to our Facebook page starting 2.10.13 www.Facebook.com/UncleAndysDigest or scan this QR code with your smart phone Contest runs from 2.10.13 thru 3.12.13 - the winner will be published in our April edition.

The average human eyelash lives about 150 days.

L/A’S NEWEST HOTSPOT FOR WEEKEND ENTERTAINMENT Happy Hour Mon-Fri 2-7pm

Sunday, Feb. 3rd

Super Bowl Party

ep glass buy Stella & ke

Drinks & Beer Specials

Tues.

Open Mic Fri. Ladies Night Sun. Sports

Feb. 16th Feb. 8th, 15th & 22nd

Veayo Twins

Chad Porter

Weekends: LIVE ENTERTAINMENT

Bean Suppa h Every Saturd Large “And ay y’s Baked Bean ” special

47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959

$

7.50

thefirehousegrille.biz

NO ORDER TOO SMALL And no minimum purchases! Call us for a FREE quote!!

Textile & Paper Wipes

• Sorbents & Safety Supplies • Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners • Breakroom & Food Service • Chemicals & Cleaners • Packaging • Skin Care • And More!

Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A!

Optimism Submitted by Jimbo

As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was. "We're behind 14 to nothing," he answered with a smile.

"Really," I said. "I have to say you don't look very discouraged."

"Discouraged?" the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet."

Uncle Andy on his life: I usually don’t get sick...

120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com

Roller Skating = Family Fun Skate Schedule

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940

www.rollodrome.com

Thursday Night

Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Night

All Skating 7:30 - 10:00

Sat. & Sun.

1:30 - 4:00pm

Saturday Night

Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night

All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

...but when I do I like to post about it every hour on Facebook.

Find us on Facebook Dan Larrivee & Rachel Potvin, Owner/Operators

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Verbal Tirade

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Submitted by Richard Collins

I went into the store the other day, and I was only in there for about five minutes. When I came out, there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a girl a break?"

YOUR TACTICAL WEAPON HEADQUARTERS SIGHTS, SCOPES & LASERS, GRIPS & MORE AMMO OF ALL TYPES, CALIBERS & QUANTITIES

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-neck geek.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a piece of horse manure.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about twenty minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It’s important.

The origin of coffee can be traced back to East Africa. Legend has it that an Ethiopian shepherd noticed that his sheep stayed awake all night after grazing on coffee cherries. When the shepherd ate them, they had the same effect on him.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

12

& Jimbo

FEBRUARY 2013 783-7039

AK’s & AR15 RIFLES

PISTOLS & SHOTGUNS

Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com

Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old - squash their toes with your rocker.

Those 4 Letter Words These EMT’s look pretty impressed, don’t they?

This guy is an idiot, but he has great taste in golf clubs...

This unknown golfer was playing a round on a desert golf course in Scottsdale, Arizona. He was trying to hit a shot with a less than desirable lie, he instead fell backwards into the cacti.

It took paramedics over three hours to pull cactus quills out before he could go in an ambulance to the hospital.

He should have taken a drop. We’re sure there were many other 4 letter words spoken on this day.

They say kids brighten the home - that's because they never turn the lights off.

The Three Bears Minus Goldilocks Submitted by Richard Collins

It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl and sees that it’s empty! "Who’s been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Poppa bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it’s also empty. "Who’s been eating my porridge?" he roars.

Just then, Momma Bear is walking into the kitchen and yells, "For Pete’s sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was 'Momma Bear' who got up first. It was 'Momma Bear' who woke up everybody in the house up. It was 'Momma Bear' who made the coffee. It was 'Momma Bear' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was 'Momma Bear' who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was 'Momma Bear' who set the table. It was 'Momma Bear who put the cat out, cleaned, the litter box, and filled the cat’s (continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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FEBRUARY 2013

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Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to.

WOW!

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

$

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

12

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

February Valentine’s Dance 2013

Friday, Feb. 15th

New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn 782-9039

LIVE MUSIC!

Members’ Meeting Sunday, Feb. 24th 3:00pm

Reminder: St. Patty’s Day is Sun., March 17th!

Don’t forget membership dues by March

• Fresh Fried Baskets Shrimp, Haddock, Scallops, Clams includes French Fries, Coleslaw & Dinner Roll

• Fish Chowders • Lobster Stew • Clam & Seafood Chowders

Everything we do here is made fresh and homemade!

“If we were any fresher you’d have to slap us!”

We ship anywhere in the US

22 Mill St., New Auburn • 782-3150 • Open daily 9am-6pm

"Each year a healthy adult male consumes one and one-half times his weight in other peoples patience." – John Updike

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

FEBRUARY SPECIAL and Undercover Lux

100 OFF

$

933-2493 980 Pond Rd. • Wales

We sell new and used truck caps and tonneau covers.

Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path.

SEE US FOR YOUR SNOWMOBILE LOAN

(continued from previous page)

water and food dish.

And now you’ve decided to come downstairs and grace 'Momma Bear with your presence.

Listen good 'cause I’m only going to say this one time...I HAVEN’T MADE THE DAMN PORRIDGE YET!"

Uncle Andy ‘Prepping’ Being abducted by aliens back in his early years is how Uncle Andy became a forward thinker. To pass the many, many hours of free time he has on his hands, Andy enjoys walking the corn fields near his house to clear his head and thought he better have a plan when he can’t walk so steady any longer.

So, Uncle Andy, in his vast alien knowledge and wisdom invented a new all terrain four-wheeler. Below is a picture of Uncle Andy and how he might look when he retires in about five years.

• Low Rates • Fast Approval • Great Terms

A pig is a hog — but a hog is not a pig. "Hog" is a generic name for all swine. Per hog-raising terminology, a pig is a baby hog less than ten weeks old.

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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The Results Are In! The baby photo contest we ran on our Facebook page was a huge hit! Here’s some great entries... (unfortunately we couldn’t publish all of them)

The police have stopped my husband so many times for speeding, they decided to just give him a season ticket.

Attention Landsc apers & Contractors!

We sell bulk san d/salt and straig ht salt.

Call us for yo ur snow removal needs!

Bella’s Hat submitted by Diane Jack

Commercial Plowing, Sanding, Salting & Snow Removal Me & My Sunglasses

Call us for a FREE Quote • Fully Insured • EOE

submitted by Brenda Lee Parent

Locally owned and operated since 1970!

Merry Christmas submitted by Crystal Harnden Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston 784-7944 • stlaurentandson.com Do you think chickens find a rubber human funny?

Carbohydrates: The stuff that makes food taste good.

The Results Are In! The baby photo contest we ran on our Facebook page was a huge hit! Here’s some great entries... (unfortunately we couldn’t publish all of them)

www.eastcoastsigndesign.com

We specialize in arena signage, rink board ads, in-ice logos, and zamboni wraps.

Winter Fun!

Ellis Slover 6, of Lewiston

at Lost Valley in Auburn

Baby, it’s cold outside submitted by Angela Goodwin

Dominic submitted by Hillary Groves

February Special $ RaeAnne

Erica

Angie

Heather

Desiree

Stacy

Linda

10 off

Your highlight or lowlight

• Hair • Nails • Massage • Organic Spray Tanning

for any new client

urbanedgehairstudio.com Amy

Michael

Angelina

1117 Center Street • Auburn • 784-3522 (in MetLife Plaza)

The main problem with mental notes is the ink fades so fast.

Ha, Gotcha!! submitted by Jamie Hersom Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Urban Edge Addition

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

Mike Morin’s

Auto Center “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

VOTED BEST OF THE BEST 13 YEARS RUNNING (Market Surveys of America)

FRONT END ALIGNMENT Michael Gahagan Urban Edge Hair Studio is happy to announce the addition of Michael Gahagan to their team of stylists. Located at 1117 Center Street in Auburn.

They can be reached at 784-3522 or online at urbanedgehairstudio.com Michael graduated from Bernard’s in 1998.

He has continued his education over the years including advanced color classes from Logics & Wella, advanced cutting from Matrix, the John Santini Salon in Boston & Rusk in New York.

Working at various salons in L/A and Portland, Michael has continued advancing his career with many classes through Redkin, Socolor, Abba, Rusk, Sebastian updo, Trucco and MAC makeup and more.

Gahagan considers himself a perfectionist.

Where his client’s satisfaction is his number one priority. Visit him and he’ll bring your dream look to life.

See Urban Edge’s ad on page 17.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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FEBRUARY 2013

783-7039

OIL CHANGE

$75.95 Most Vehicles

$24.95

Love your car for Valentines!

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 www.autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

I’ve been hiding from exercise: I’m in the fitness protection program.

Why Teachers have to have a sense of humor Actual test answers

Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture.

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

Centipede: An ant built to government specifications.

ENGINE FOR LIFE*

who is battling brain cancer

WITH ANY PURCHASED VEHICLE! $8,250

$6,995

3rd Row, 129K

Auto, AWD, 89K, 2.7T

‘02 Audi Allroad

$6,995

‘05 Dodge Durango

$13,995 Aaron Bardier Range Rover HSE, 115K

2.0T, Auto 137K

‘07 Saab 9-3 06 Audi A6, AWD,120K, Black, 3.2L. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $11,995 04 Audi A4, Maroon, Auto., AWD, 1.8T. . . . . . . . . . . . . $8495 04 Audi A6, 97K, Gray, 2.7T, S-Line, AWD . . . . . . . . . . $9995 03 Audi A4, Blue, 6-speed, 3.0L, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995 03 Audi A4, Black, 1.8T, AWD, 5-speed. . . . . . . . . . . . . $7295 02 Audi Allroad, Auto, AWD, 89K, Green, 2.7T . . . . . . $8,250 01 Audi A4, AWD, 5-Speed, 123K, Maroon. 1.8T . . . . $5,495 99 Audi A4, Auto, AWD, 132K Gray, 2.8L. . . . . . . . . . . $4,795 98 Audi A6, Auto, AWD, 102K, White, 2.8L . . . . . . . . . $5,500 02 BMW 3 Series, AWD, 130K, Gray, 5-speed . . . . . . . $7,250 05 Dodge Durango, 3rd Row, 129K, Blue . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 03 Dodge Neon, 130K, Gray, 5-speed . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3,495 00 Ford F150, 4WD, 95K, White. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 00 Ford F250, 4WD, 63K, Blue/Gold. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,000 00 GMC Sierra 2500, 4WD, 134K, Pewter . . . . . . . . $16,500 10 Harley Davidson Fat Boy, FLSTFB, 41K, Black . . . $16,500 05 Jeep Liberty, Black, 4WD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,495 04 Jeep Liberty, 4WD, 127K, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,795 04 Land Rover Range Rover HSE, 115K, Green . . . . $13,995 02 Lincoln Town Car, 90K, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,495 04 Mercedes-B M-Class, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10,495 03 Mercedes ML500, Black, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9995 06 Nissan Altima, Auto, 110k , Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7295 04 Nissan Pathfinder, Gray, 4WD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8795

demonstrates some Karate moves

‘04 Land Rover 04 Nissan Xterra, Green, 4WD, 108K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995 03 Nissan Maxima, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,500 03 Oldsmobile Alero, 71K, Red . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,795 04 Pontiac Montana Extended, 107K, White . . . . . . . . $5,495 07 Saab 9-3, 2.OT, 137K, Black, Auto. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 04 Saab 9-5 Aero, Gray, 102K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6795 04 Saab 9-3, 2.OT, 140K, Gray, 5-Speed . . . . . . . . . . . $5,295 00 Saab 9-3 Convertible, 127K, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,295 04 Saturn VUE, AWD, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6995 05 Scion TC, Auto, 79k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8295 04 Scion xA, 5-Speed, 126K, Black. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,295 06 VW Jetta, Silver, 2.5L, 5-speed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995 06 VW Golf TDI, 112K, Gry, Diesel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10,995 04 VW Passat, Black, 2.8L, 5-speed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6995 04 VW Jetta, Blue, 2.0L, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6495 04 VW Jetta, Silver, Waggon, 2.0L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5995 04 VW Golf, 2.0L, 120K, Black, 5-Speed . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 03 VW Passat, 114K, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,295 03 VW Golf, Black, 2.0L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5995

Alex Reblin

23’ Baja Outlaw Boat 2007, 496 Magnum, Loaded - $37,995

786-7744 1298 Sabattus St. & 1317 Sabattus St. • www.independentauto.me The most enjoyable way to follow a vegetable diet is to let the cow eat it, and then eat the cow.

Axel Favreau Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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TEAMWORK

Cliches are a dime a dozen.

When you don't have a lot of time between clients to get your hair done, you find a way to work together to make it happen.

Linda Jordan & Taylor-Paige Harrison Stylists at Hair by Gregory’s in Auburn

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles visit our website:

www.donovansauto.com Stop by, call or click today!

946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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783-7039

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.

"Buffet" is a French term that means, "Get up and get it yourself."

Medical Filter Submitted by Jimbo

10% OFF with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

• Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

Ron Moon, Manager

207-657-5000

Remote Heated Starters & Seats

As a premed student at Washington University in St. Louis, I had to take a difficult class in physics. One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.

A student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.

216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry Parking in back of building

777-3339

Did You Know?

www.soundeffectsmaine.com

James Dean was to star in the 1956 film Somebody Up There Likes Me -- his untimely death in a car accident in 1955 sent studio bosses scrambling.

After an exhaustive search for the "new James Dean," littleknown actor Paul Newman was cast in the film's lead role. Film executives felt Newman looked more like Dean than any of the other actors considered.

Dean's death was a fortuitous event in young Newman's film career.

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

Call us today!

NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required, please call first • Fully warranteed & certified • $55/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto Brad Johnson

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: Take naps and stretch before rising.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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The Results Are In! The baby photo contest we ran on our Facebook page was a huge hit! Here’s some great entries... (unfortunately we couldn’t publish all of them)

The average elephant produces 50 pounds of dung each day.

‘02 CADILLAC LIMO

‘97 JEEP WRANGLER 4X4 29K

$ Truck Caps

One Owner Hardtop

$

8,995

$ submitted by Tom Schultz

10,995

– PARTIAL LISTING – CARS

Isaac submitted by Shawn Leone Sr

‘07 Ford Crown Vic Police Pkg 103K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘07 Chevy Cobalt LS 4 Dr., AT, A/C, 99K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘07 Ford Taurus SE, Alloys, 82K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘06 Chevy Impala, LS, Loaded, 1 Owner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘06 Pontiac Grand Prix SE, Loaded, 108K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘06 Volkswagen Jetta, Roof, Leather, 119k. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘06 Hyundai Sonata, St., Loaded, 117K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘05 Dodge Neon SXT, One Owner, 76K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘04 Toyota Camry, LE, One Owner, 109K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘04 Mitsubishi, Ralli EDT., Loaded, Sharp . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘04 Chevy Monte Carlo SS, Yellow, 78K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘04 Chevy Aveo, LS, Sunroof, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Only $3,995 ‘03 Toyota Camry LE, Black, Remote Start . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘03 Toyota Corolla LE, Loaded, One Owner, 116K . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘03 Mazda Protege 5, Roof, Loaded, 79K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘02 Ford Mustang Convertible, Only 54K! LOADED . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘02 Chevy Cavalier, 2 Dr., Automatic, Only 48K. . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘01 Buick Ultra, Supercharged, Only 75K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,295 ‘01 Toyota Camry LE, Loaded, One Owner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘01 Pontiac Grand Prix, Loaded, One Owner . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995

TRUCKS

‘09 Chevy Silverado 1500 XCab, 4X4, 157K . . . . . . . . . . . . $9,995 ‘07 GMC SL 1500 Crew 4X4, Sharp, 120K . . . . . . . . . . . . $15,995 ‘06 Chevy Silverado 1500 XCab 4X4, 91K . . . . . . . . . . . . $12,995 ‘05 Ford F-150, STX, XCab 4X4, 1 Owner, 82K . . . . . . . . $11,995 ‘04 Dodge Quad Cab, Hemi, 1500 4X4, 1 Owner, 76K . . . $12,995 ‘04 Chevy K2500 4X4, Fisher Plow, 84K . . . . . . . . . . . . . $12,995

Riley & Hayden submitted by Linda Ploof Gagne Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Established in 1984

‘90 TOYOTA XCAB 4X4

TRUCK RACKS

79K One Owner

4X4

14,500

NEVER A DOC FEE!!

‘03 FORD F-250 XLT XCAB

Anistastia

34K

Jeff & Rick Roy

353-2538

Only 78K

$

5,995

‘03 Ford F-250 XLT XCab, 4X4, 1 Owner, 79K . . . . . . . . . $10,995 ‘02 Chevy Silverado, XCab, 1 Owner, Loaded. . . . . . . . . . . . $3,995 ‘01 GMC 1500 XCab SLT 4X4, Fisher Plow, 64K . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘01 GMC Sonoma SLS XCab, 4X4, Fisher Plow, 57K . . . . . . $7,995 ‘99 Ford F250 XCab 4X4, Lariat, Loaded!!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘98 Ford F250 XCab 4X4, Fisher Plow, 1 Owner. . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘90 Toyota Cab 4X4, No Rust, 78K, Nice! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995

SUV’S & VANS

‘09 Jeep Patriot Sport 4X4, 78K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10,995 ‘07 Chevy Suburban LT, DVDs, Loaded, 87K . . . . . . . . . . . $21,995 ‘06 Chevy Equinox LT, AWD, Like New . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘06 Ford Escape XLT, Loaded, Sharp!!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘05 Chrysler Pacifica AWD Touring, One Owner. . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘05 Ford Explorer XLT, 3rd Seat, 115K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘04 Chevy Trailblazer LT, Loaded, 97K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘01 Jeep Wrangler, 6 Cyl., Automatic!! 70K . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘97 Jeep Wrangler, 29K!! One Owner!!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘05 Dodge Grand Caravan SXT, Stow N Go, 81K . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘05 Buick Terraza CX, Loaded,One Owner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘04 Honda Odyssey, Loaded, One Owner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995

Harley Davidsons

‘10 Street Bob, 1500 Miles, One Owner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9,250 ‘07 883L, Black, Xtras, 16K, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Only $4,950 ‘06 1200 Sportster, Some Extras . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,950 ‘06 Road King Sport, Mint, 17K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $13,500 ‘06 Streetglide, One Owner, N.O.S.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $15,000 ‘95 Fat Boy, Must See!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,500

All come with new Inspection, 14-Day Plate and Warranty

If we don’t have it,we can get it!!

28 Soper Road, Durham

The largest snowflake on record measured 8 inches in width.

The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.

ALWAYS BE THE “FOLLOW ME” GUY

AMES SPORT SHOP 84 Littlefield Road Auburn

Little Known Fact

782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

We Insure ALL Your WINTER TOYS 9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls (207) 345-8711 or 1-800-339-0414 www.CummingsAgency.com

Jeff & Nora Cummings Diane Morissette Leanne Cram

207-353-9862

Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!

Clean Your Fuel Injectors Once a Year

    183 Lisbon St., Lisbon, ME 04350

My life is often a volume of grief, your help is needed to turn a new leaf. Stiff is my spine and my body is pale, but I'm always ready to tell a tale. What am I? A Book

SHARE OUR PASSION

Riddle Me This

Save money at the pump Improve performance Help the environment $84.95 includes chemicals

SAVE $20 WITH THIS COUPON Expires 2-28-13. Not to be combined with any other offers.

www.qualitycareautorepair.com It is the impurities in gemstones which give them their color.

The Winchester Mystery House, California Historic Landmark #868, is the former home of Sarah L. Winchester, heiress to the Winchester Rifle fortune. Located in San José, California, this 160-room Victorian mansion is filled with stained glass windows, ornate parquet floors, rich wall coverings, and stairs that lead to nowhere. Built to confuse the spirits of those killed by the Winchester rifle, the eccentric Mrs. Winchester kept carpenters busy for 38 years (1884-1922).

The historic Winchester mansion is listed on the National Register of Historic Places, and tours are offered year round.

The custom of serving a slice of lemon with fish dates back to the Middle Ages. It was believed that if a person accidentally swallowed a fish bone, the lemon juice would dissolve it.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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New Addition at Sarah Jeanne’s

As many as 50 gallons of maple sap are needed to make a single gallon of maple sugar.

Amanda Keene-Ryan Sarah Jeanne’s would like to welcome Amanda as a new member to their staff.

Amanda has been working in the field of cosmetology for the past 17 years. She graduated from Mr. Bernard’s School of Hair Fashion in 1994. Amanda spent two and a half years in Connecticut shadowing highly trained stylists working with ethnic hair.

She specializes in colors, foiling, cutting (women, men & children styles), pedicures, manicures, perming, facials, acrylic nails, hair extensions, waxing, as well as styling for all your special occasions.

Amanda has had on-going training and holds certificates in acrylic nail sculpting through Creative’s, as well as waxing. She has worked with CHI Color, Socolor, Paul Mitchel, Kenra and has a wide variety of product knowledge.

Keene-Ryan has extensive experience in cosmetology and continues to further her education with advanced classes. She takes pride in her work, loves to learn and is always up for the challenge to give her client what their looking for.

Amanda welcomes all new and existing clients to visit her at Sarah Jeanne’s. Check them out at 77 Sabattus St, Lewiston or online at sarahjeannes.com.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Squirrels can climb trees faster than they can run on the ground.

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser who is battling brain cancer

I’ll be a black belt one day.

Bryce Strout

Chris & Shannon Ward

Grandchildren are God's reward for you not killing your own children.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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The worst thing about censorship is ****** ** ********!

$

FIND US ON FACEBOOK

Exceptional Customer Service

Any Color Service

5 OFF

Twisted Scissors

begins with listening...

9 Acadia Ave, Lewiston (off Lisbon St.)

Call us today at 225-3000 for creative energy solutions!

312-5478 Tues, Thurs, Fri. 9am-5pm • Wed. & Sat. 8am-noon

Cosmetologist Brittany Legare

Walk-ins welcome

Don't fix the blame - fix the problem.

FOUR SEASON SERVICE

Visit us online:

Downeast Sharpening Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment

WOOD & PELLET STOVES

ON SALE NOW

Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel

7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond

DOLMAR

myselco.com

1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4

shindaiwa

655-4635

www.downeastsharpening.com

HARRIS BROTHERS

NOW Serving

BUBBLE TEA

PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Call us!

No Separating Required!

743-3891

Mango & Strawberry

HARRIS BROS.

65 College Street, Lewiston

10% any one dinner OFF

376-4852

purethaikitchen.com

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

GOT HEAT?? FREE Winter Checkup With Ad

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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FEBRUARY 2013

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UAD Expires 2.28.13

Mon - Thurs 11 AM - 9 PM • Fri - Sat 11 AM - 10 PM • Sun 12 PM - 9 PM

Roadies Chicken... it is good to go!

Free 2-Liter of soda with purchase of any Large Fresh Dough Pizza* *

Sales tax & deposit not included

There are more important things in life than money but they won't go out with you if you're broke.

"There aren't enough days in the weekend." – Steven Wright

Check out our New Location Featured Vehicle INVENTORY Trucks & SUV’s

‘05 GMC Sierra 2500 HD SLE 4X4, 75K . . . . . $16,995 ‘05 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, 107K. . . . $11,995 ‘05 Ford Explorer XLT, 82K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘04 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 94K . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘04 Nissan X-Terra SE, 4X4, 109K. . . . . . . . . . . . $8,495 ‘03 Chevy Trailblazer LT, 100K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,495 ‘03 Jeep Liberty Sport 4X4, 114K . . . . . . . . . . . $7,495

The Results Are In! The baby photo contest we ran on our Facebook page was a huge hit! Here’s some great entries... (unfortunately we couldn’t publish all of them)

Vans

‘02 Chrysler Town & Country LX, 127K . . . . . . $4,995

Cars

$

10,995

2003 GMC Yukon Denali AWD, 3rd Row

‘07 VW Passat 2.0T, 107K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10,495 ‘05 Volvo S40, T5 Turbo, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10,495 ‘05 Volkswagen Jetta GL, 5 spd., 126K . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘04 Audi A4 1.8t Quattro, 89K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10,995 ‘04 BMW M3, 6 spd., 143K . . . . . . . CALL FOR PRICE ‘03 Acura 3.2 TL, 133K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘03 Saab 93, 2.0T, 102K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,495 ‘03 Honda Accord EX Coupe, 91K . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘00 Volvo S40 1.9t, 101K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995

797 Sabattus St. • Lewiston (Across from Roopers)

207.784.0747 www.AutoProAutoSalesMe.com

Adele submitted by Sharma Breau

It was King Edward II of England (1324) who decreed the inch to be equal to three barleycorns end to end.

Oops! submitted by Kelly Stevens

Winter Baby submitted by Nicole Nason

There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Eclipse Memos

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone.

Submitted by Jimbo

TIME TO CASH IN!

Memo from Director General to Manager: Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the parking lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information.

Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head: Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the parking lot. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information.

This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager: The Director General will today deliver a (continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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SPECIAL PRICING FOR ALUMINUM

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Automobile & Truck Batteries $11 or more Die Cast Alloy Rims #1 Steel Prepared/better grading/better payout Starters & Alternators $5 Catalytic Converters Cell Phone Scrap Computer Towers Stainless Electronic Scrap Mother Boards • Cores Brass • Alternators • Starters • Motors • Pumps Computer Board Scraps Copper • Aluminum • Insulated Wire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

NOW OPEN SATURDAYS

Always paying the best prices! (prices subject to market changes)

We appreciate your business!

Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm

My job is to write YOU a big check!

Nobody pays higher prices then us. Stop by and see for yourself.

15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

615-7057 or 795-8887

Bev & Peter

I hope that after I die, people will say of me, "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."

– Uncle Andy

FREE ONE DOLLAR BILLS! Please send $4.95 to cover postage & handling - limit 1 per order.

2008 Mitsubishi Eclipse GS

2008 Subaru Legacy 2.5i

$9,950

$9,950 92K, Red, Standard Trans., 6-CD Changer, MP3, Moonroof

Special Edition, AWD, Silver, 133K, Standard Trans.

2008 Subaru Legacy 2.5 GT

2006 Subaru B9 Tribeca

$14,950

$12,950

Limited Edition, 106K, Standard Trans., Black, MP3, Moonroof

7-Passenger, Auto., Maroon, 6 Cyl., CD/MP3, Moonroof

2004 Honda Pilot EX

2006 Subaru Outback 2.5i

$9,950

$7,950 4X4, 168K, 6 Cyl., Auto., Silver, Alloys, 3rd Seat Rear, ABS

(continued from previous page)

short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the parking lot at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor: Ten or eleven staff are to go to the parking lot, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes.

This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff: Some staff will go to the parking lot today to see the Director general disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.

AWD, 122K, White, Auto., Pwr Doors/Windows, ABS

Little Known Fact

2005 Subaru Impreza WRX

$11,950

All Subarus Come With: • 12-month/12,000 miles Warranty on all Head Gasket Issues • Vehicles fully serviced and maintained in-house • In-house direct lending available

Red, 123K, Standard Trans., Rear Spoiler, 6-CD, Power Moonroof

www.rjbandson.com Growing old has one advantage - you never have to do it over again.

Margaret Tobin was born in 1867 in Hannibal, Missouri. She later got married to a rich silver miner before earning her name as the Unsinkable Molly Brown when she survived the sinking of the Titanic. Trivia fans: By the time Carpathia reached New York harbor, Margaret had helped establish the Survivor's Committee, been elected as chair, and raised almost $10,000 for destitute survivors.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Winter Fun! Local Restaurants & Entertainment at Lost Valley in Auburn

All Month Long

Enter to win CA$H, Gift Certificates, a TV & More!

LIKE us on Facebook for our daily specials & upcoming events!

Orrin Slover

1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston 376-3870

Disetoen AL-ew Chick-of You’re gonna love it!

4, of Lewiston

Cozy Couch I refuse to leave this couch.

I just don’t feel like selling ads for the Digest today.

Molly Uncle Andy’s partner in crime Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug.

"The other day I nearly succumbed to a bout of narcissism: seriously, I just don't know what's come over me, me, me, me." – Uncle Andy

Riddle Me This

Rolly’s Diner

Light as a feather, there is nothing in it; the strongest man can't hold it for much more than a minute?

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)

Rolly’s is quick & delicious!

L to r: Bayley Scott, Lisa Keene, Brittany & Everett Carville

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 OUR TIRES

Rod Cameron & Ben Britton

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections

60 Minot Ave • Auburn

782-6666 or 783-2026

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: Run, romp, and play daily.

Mother Quotes GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

Did You Know?

The flesh of the puffer fish (fugu) is considered a delicacy in Japan. It is prepared by chefs specially trained and certified by the government to prepare the flesh free of the toxic liver, gonads, and skin. Despite these precautions, many cases of tetrodotoxin poisoning are reported each year in patients ingesting fugu. Poisonings usually occur after eating fish caught and prepared by uncertified handlers. The end result, in most cases, is death.

Riddle Me This What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps?

A river

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

Breath

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

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The Results Are In!

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

The baby photo contest we ran on our Facebook page was a huge hit! Here’s some great entries... (unfortunately we couldn’t publish all of them)

18+ Open Mic and Karaoke Competition Join us Wednesday, Feb. 6th for week 1 of our 8-week talent competition for your shot at the grand prize of:

$500

February schedule (weeks 1-4 of 8): Wed. Feb. 6th Wed. Feb. 20th Wed. Feb. 13th Wed. Feb. 27th

Do What? submitted by Sarabeth Latulippe

Located @ Ramada Inn 490 Pleasant St. Lewiston

www.FusionLewiston.com

LADIES NIGHT DRINK SPECIALS $4 Well Drinks • $5 Pinnacle ($5 Cover for anyone under 21)

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Christmas x2 submitted by Shani Smith

Japanese Cuisine

is celebrating their

ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY Sunday, February 24th BUY ONE DINNER, GET ONE 1/2 OFF! (One coupon per party. Present coupon at time of order. Minimum 4 people in your party.)

If You have a birthday or anniversary between 2/24 and 2/28,

You receive a FREE dinner!

40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888

Eva submitted by Karen Whalen Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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www.sea40me.com A sign in the window: "Any faulty merchandise will be cheerfully replaced with merchandise of equal quality."

The Bureau of Incomplete Statistics reports that one out of three.

Winter Fun! at Lost Valley in Auburn

Nothing to it, dad!

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

MONDAY The Fergy

TUESDAY Meatball Subs

WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners 1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

THURSDAY Mini Pizza

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians

Alright, I might have fallen once or twice...

with 1.5 Liter Drink

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99 The first myth of management is that it exists.

Ellis Slover 6, of Lewiston

Japanese Cuisine

for Valentine’s Day

Mother Quotes

Choose Sea 40 for a night of entertainment...

One lucky couple will win

FREE DINNER FOR TWO! (reservations must be made on or before 2.13.13)

40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888

What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in?

A keyboard

Bring Your Sweetheart to

Riddle Me This

Live

by F Music anta Sea 40

www.sea40me.com Voted best New Restaurant by Market Surveys of America

The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to ..... to ........ uh ..........

SUPERMAN'S MOTHER: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"

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Riddle Me This It has no top or bottom but it can hold flesh, bones and blood all at the same time. What is this object?

A ring

The Incredible Brain Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn`t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a tatol mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm, Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe and the biran fguiers it out aynawy.

– Submitted by Richard Collins

Did You Know?

Opened in 1927, the Holland Tunnel, connecting New York City with Jersey City, was the first U.S. automobile tunnel to be built under water. Trivia buffs: Unusual for an American public works project, it is not named for a government official, politician, a local hero or a person of historical interest but for its first chief engineer, Clifford Milburn Holland.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Local Restaurants & Entertainment 89

Tr y a pint of Gipper ’s 89!

89

IPA ♥2 for 1 Valentine’s Day Specials♥

89

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight

VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant, Best Waitstaff, & Best Burgers in L/A area

89

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com A magazine recently published that in the last census 1.6 percent of the people were not counted... how can they know that?

CASINO BOUND? You’ll have better luck on a full stomach...

Guaranteed! ant restaur ch e l y t s lun Family kfast & no! a e r b g e casi servin ay to th w e h t on Home of the Double Yolker

Wall of Fame Inductees!

Lauren Higgens & Derrick Perreault of Gorham & Gray

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road (Route 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Get your Valentine cookies, cupcakes, truffles, fresh chocolate covered strawberries & more

The Results Are In! The baby photo contest we ran on our Facebook page was a huge hit! Here’s some great entries... (unfortunately we couldn’t publish all of them)

Come on, Ma submitted by Stephanie Turmenne

Don’t forget to check out our wine cellar too, with over 500 different labels to choose from

y r e k a B

Glamorous Life submitted by Nichole Major

r a l l e C e n i W &

72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine • 353-7552

www.benoitsbakery.com Beware of buying anything when the manuals are bigger than the equipment.

Ring Bearer submitted by Cindy Hagar Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Little Known Fact

Roses are red, violets are blue, wait till you see the next concoction I come up with for you.

Barking Sands Beach on the Hawaiian island of Kauai is known for its unusual sand that squeaks or "barks like a dog." The dry sand grains emit an eerie sound when rubbed with bare feet.

Call us today, for marketing you’ll love, we’ve got it rockin’ and if you’re on the fence we can give you a shove.

The greatest thing since sliced bread, and sugar plums dancing in your head, Call Chef Tom, cuz he is the bomb!

Mother Quotes THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"

Thomas Hill The chef du jour at Uncle Andy’s Digest, who is always cooking up some kind of internet concoction.

Out ’n About with Jack Marsh Certainly no stranger to the Digest, Jack never passes up an opportunity for a photo with a beautiful young lady.

Thank you, Dr. Wolf!

Jen Reynolds & Jack

And now that I had my laser surgery done at Wolf Eye Associates life looks real good again!

Beth Dow & Jack

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down.

The Party is Here All Month Long ENTERTAINMENT LINE-UP Sat. Feb. 2nd Sat. Feb. 9th COLD BLUE STEEL EMPTYHEAD Wed. Feb. 13th ALL AGES SHOW Ascent to Power Screaming For Closure with special guest

Ascent to Power

Doors open at 7pm

Sat. Feb. 16th Fri. Feb. 15th ALL AGES SHOW Leaving Eden 5 Band Show: Element & Friends Doors open at 8pm • Tickets $4 each

13 HigH Heart Shaped Rock

Sat. Feb. 23rd

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.

When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday.

"A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk.

Uncle Jack Beyond the Fall Clubber Lang Left on the Outside Doors open at 8pm Tickets $10/door

Marriage Secret

"You bet," answered the customer.

Fri. & Sat. Mar. 1 & 2 50 Shades of Men, Take 2 Large Groups Welcome General Admission $12 VIP $20 Call to reserve your tickets now!

150 Center St. Auburn 784-7785

ClubTexas.info

"She's expecting a cruise."

Translation Please A French guest, staying in a American hotel called room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!

For others who may not know this: When the preacher says, You may now kiss the bride, he's only speaking to the groom.

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Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Broken pencils are pointless.

2-Fer Specials Available Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday

www.villageinnmaine.com Things We Can Learn From A Dog: Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: Be loyal.

Earlybird Special

$

5 OFF

Make your reservations for

Valentine’s Day 1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

any two entrees Monday-Friday 2-4pm

✁Expires 2.28.13

Brunch is Back 10am-2pm every Sunday

www.macsgrill.com 783-6885 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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UAD

Camel's-hair brushes are not made of camel's hair. They were invented by a man named Mr. Camel.

Of the 206 bones in the average adult human body, 106 are found in the hands and feet (54 are in the hands; 52 are in the feet).

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser who is battling brain cancer

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am (All breakfast specials include coffee)

$

5 Washington Street, Auburn • 783-4304 Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome

1 OFF 00

Any Purchase of $500 or more

Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

1 coupon per order

The Lollipop Kids

✁

Expires 2.28.13

Why Teachers have to have a sense of humor Actual test answers

Luke, Melissa & Clara Wilson

Uncle Andy says: O.M.G., I'm rich!

Silver In The Hair Gold In The Teeth Crystals In The Kidneys Sugar In The Blood Lead In The Buttocks

LIVE ENTERTAINMENT EVERY THURSDAY - SATURDAY Tuesdays: Open Mic Night Hosted by Chad Porter

Wednesdays: Karaoke

NO COVER

Irish Twins Pub

Iron In The Arteries And An Inexhaustible Supply Of Natural Gas.

Bee Gees first big hit was MASSACHUSETTS which was strange because none of the brothers had ever been there.

According to Barry, they didn’t even know how to spell it.

Hours: Tues.-Thurs. 3pm-close • Fri. Noon-close • Sat. 4pm-close

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s) The longest recorded Monopoly game was 1,680 hours. That's over 70 days.

– Submitted by Richard Collins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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The Results Are In! The baby photo contest we ran on our Facebook page was a huge hit! Here’s some great entries... (unfortunately we couldn’t publish all of them)

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET 2 Main Street, Sabattus, ME 04280 • 207-375-8502 MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

Ham Italians

Chicken Salad

Small $1.59 Large $2.59

Small 1-Topping 10” Pizza $3.99

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

1 Pint Chili $3.99 BLT Sm. $1.99 Lg. $3.49

Small $1.99 Large $3.49

SUNDAY $2.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

Awestruck

Small $1.99 Large $3.49

SATURDAY Baked Beans

Tuna Italian

Pint $2.59 • Quart $3.59

LIVE BAIT NOW AVAILABLE! Open 7 Days a Week • 6am-8pm

Qrt w/Cole Slaw $4.59 Qrt w/CS & hot dogs (6) $7.59

Breakfast Sandwich $1.99 Hash Browns 2/$1.00 • Coffee All Sizes $.99

We accept cash, checks, major credit/debit cards & EBT

When released in China, the James Bond film From Russia with Love was retitled 007 Averted the Spy Plot.

submitted by Laurie Danforth

Washington Nationals outfielder Jayson Werth hit a home run in an exhibition game in 2012. The ball went out of the park, and hit Werth's own truck in the parking lot.

Voltaire considered Shakespeare's works so deplorable that he referred to the Bard as "that drunken fool."

Make your Valentine’s Day Reservations Now!

essert Free eD ry couple!

Memé’s Boys submitted by Brenda Lee Henry

for ev

Japanese Korean jasminecafemaine.com 730 Center Street, Auburn Plaza

Little James

(Next to Flagship Cinema) •

376-4855

Thai Sushi

submitted by Amber Fournier Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The income tax form has been simplified beyond all understanding.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

: U O Y G N I T PROTEC .

Is W hat We Do

The Results Are In! The baby photo contest we ran on our Facebook page was a huge hit! Here’s some great entries... (unfortunately we couldn’t publish all of them)

232 Center St., Auburn

786-0417 VarneyAgency.com Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm

commercial

home

auto

recreational

umbrella

life

health

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser who is battling brain cancer

Pelletier’s Karate Family

Playing submitted by Meagan Dube

Oops!! submitted by Candace Snowe Gooch

Moose Monty the ogan & Chase H

Sensei Sadie Landry & Sensei Ferdinand Torres with Shihan Rich Pelletier

The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is spilled coffee.

Austin submitted by Diane Lapointe Hayes Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Wheels Go Round Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. “In ten years,” I said, “you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.”

A rat can fall from a 5-story building without injury.

SELF PRIMING.

For over 115 years, Muralo Paints has engineered innovative products to satisfy the most discriminating customers.

Muralo’s Breathe Safe™ line is no different.

Carolyn shrugged. “In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.”

Mother Quotes MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

The Right Answer Submitted by Jimbo

On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, “Dad, I know babies come from mommies tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?”

After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, “You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer.”

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Pipsqueaks Children’s Boutique

PS 01242013 *$5 off any purchase of $25 or more Expires 2.28.13

120 Center Street, Auburn • 212-0770 • Mon-Sat 9-7 • Sun 11-5

pipsqueakschildrensboutique.com

96 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • 375-7100 • Mon-Fri 10:30 - 5:30 • Sat 10-5

S T R E T C H YOUR TAX REFUND!

$35 OFF

any purchase of $299 or more Expires 2.28.13 • Limit 1

120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn Hours: Mon.-Wed. 10am-6pm Thurs.-Sat. 10am-7pm • Sun. by appointment

mymusicianshub.com • 333-6700 Find us on Facebook facebook.com/mymusicanshub Don't bother me; I'm living happily ever after.

The sandwich dates back to the time man discovered he could not live by bread alone.

Riddle Me This

ELDER LAW ATTORNEY

What common English verb becomes its own past tense by rearranging its letters?

John Whalen with Rylee

Eat or Ate

Planning solutions to protect your family & investments

Mother Quotes BATMAN'S MOTHER: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"

The Law Offices of John Whalen, P.A. 207-786-0346 184 Webster Street, Lewiston They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

Running two children's stores is a lot of fun!

Ride over and see all our great stuff.... but you can't have my trike!

Amy Desmarais owner of Pipsqueaks Children Boutique located in both Sabattus & Auburn DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID; think about it.

Did You Know?

Nearly four decades after he became the first American to orbit the Earth, Senator John Hershel Glenn, Jr., was launched into space again as a payload specialist aboard the space shuttle Discovery. At 77 years of age, Glenn was the oldest human ever to travel in space. During the nine-day mission, he served as part of a NASA study on health problems associated with aging.

Little Known Fact In a 1988 Las Vegas fight, super-middleweight Sugar Ray Leonard defeated lightheavyweight champion Donny Lalonde, thus becoming the first boxer to win titles in five weight classes. He had previously won welterweight, super-welterweight, and middleweight.

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That Perfect Moment

The only time a windshield wiper seems to work properly is when it's holding a parking ticket.

Auburn Exchange Club’s 37th Annual Twin Cities

GUN SHOW SAT. MARCH 23rd 9-4 SUN. MARCH 24th 9-3 at the

Lewiston Armory Central Ave., Lewiston

Dealers from throughout d New Englan

OPEN TO THE PUBLIC • 250 Tables of Guns & Related Items • Firearm Laws Will Be Observed • CONTEMPORARY & ANTIQUE GUNS OF ALL KINDS • KNIVES & OTHER RELATED ITEMS

Admission: Adults: $8 Children under 12: Free with adult Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Chickens should learn to talk because nobody ever said let's go get a bucket of parrot.

The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

That Perfect Moment

DON’S NO PREFERENCE TOWING CO. 940 Washington St., Auburn • 784-4619

Place this ad in your glove compartment for emergencies.

Make us your first call us if you are broken down.

We now offer Roadside Assistance, such as tire changes, lockouts, boosts and more! We always carry Interstate batteries, an air compressor, and tools to fix small problems.

Visit us online: www.donstowingco.com

Don’s DBA...

MORRIS AUTO PARTS 940 Washington St. North • Mon. - Fri. 8 - 5 • Sat. 8 - 12

We sell both new and used auto parts for all makes and models.

Q. Why buy new when used will do?

LE

RE DU CE

RE-USE C CY RE

784-7374 or 800-730-7374

One coupon per customer

A. Because all cars and trucks run on used parts!

20

% OFF

In-stock auto & truck parts

Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?

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New Addition at Sarah Jeanne’s

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."

– Dave Barry

Harvey Metals Superior Grading & Pricing Jason Jalbert Sarah Jeanne’s would like to welcome Jason Jalbert as a new member to their staff.

Jason is highly educated in his craft and specializes in color and freestyle cuts. He is a 1999 graduate from Mr. Bernard’s School of Hair Fashion and has been working in the Lewiston/Auburn area for 13 years.

Jalbert is currently taking classes at Mr. Bernard’s to become an educator in the hair fashion field.

Jason welcomes all new and existing clients to visit him at Sarah Jeanne’s. Check them out at 77 Sabattus St, Lewiston to see their totally remodeled salon or online at sarahjeannes.com. See their ad on page 49.

Maine’s Largest Catalytic Converter Buyer

Family Owned & Operated

TOP PRICES PAID! We buy: Aluminum Wheels $15/each Batteries $10/each Brass • Copper • Radiators Catalytic Converters Cell Phones • Tin And More!

My momma loves me and brings me to work everyday!!

Hours: Monday - Friday 8-4; Saturday 9-3 Other times by appointment

41 Capital Avenue, Lisbon Falls (off Rt. 196, near Rite Aid)

353-JUNK (5865) • HarveyMetals.com

Jake Mascot at Sarah Jeanne’s Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Things We Can Learn From A Dog: Never pretend to be something you’re not.

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

That Perfect Moment

Beach Body Bootcamp 11 week program starting Feb. 25th Register now for only $50 Call for more info.

We offer a variety of classes including:

ZUMBA®!! • KettleBells • Burlesque Strength & Circuit Training Tabata • Kids Programs NEW Wellness Options available for CLIENTS at our Sabattus location!

Come check it out!

Our Instructors are certified, knowledgeable and will be the motivator to reach your goals!

Come see us at our Primary Location!!

20 Main Street, Sabattus (2nd floor) 754-9411 • www.SPRQstudio.com

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

In World War II Navy slang, an "airdale" was a naval aviation recruit.

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Riddle Me This A word I know, Six letters it contains, Subtract just one, And twelve is what remains.

What is the word?

Dozens

Mother Quotes PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"

"Diddle for the middle" is a slang expression used for the start of a darts game. Opposing players each throw a single dart at the bull's eye. The person who is closest starts the game.

Investment Funnies... YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.

Just in for Valentine’s Day Brand new Zable beads!

Zable beads are the perfect Valentine’s Day gift that will last a lifetime.

Open Sunday, Feb. 10th 10am-3pm

Mindy

1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford • 739-2300 Mon-Fri 9-5; Sat. 9-3 • diamondcutjewelers.com

Tanya

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

Winter Fun! at Lost Valley in Auburn

Did You Know?

In 1998, the Fish & Wildlife Service placed the Virginia sneezeweed on the threatened list. A yellow-flowered plant used to make snuff, the plant is found in only two counties of Virginia. Only 25 populations are known to still exist!

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Nathalie Grobe, Ellis Slover, Veronica Grobe & Orrin Slover A claque is a group of people hired to applaud an act or performer.

The fortune cookie was invented in 1916 by George Jung, a Los Angeles noodlemaker.

TUXEDO RENTALS

at prices You can afford!

Jimbo told me Uncle Andy was pretty funny looking, that was enough to make me smile...

S&J Tuxedos & Limo Service LIMO RENTALS

76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

Just added to our Limo Fleet: A 14-passenger Lincoln Navigator!

333-3737

Use this or one of our other three 10-passenger Limos for your night out on the town, or special event.

Nijay son of Jason Jalbert who works at Sarah Jeanne’s

Did You Know?

• Updos • Hair Services • Manicures • Pedicures • Hot Tub • Sauna • Massage • Tanning

Come check e us out, you’ll b glad you did!

• Body Waxing • Body Wraps • Facials • Eyelashes • Limos • Tuxedos • And More!

g party in d d e w r u o y r fo p A one-stop sho d proms! an

Sarah Jeanne’s Family Hair Care

Tanning & Day Spa

77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 795-6778 • sarahjeannes.com "Hagiology" is the branch of literature dealing with the lives and legends of saints.

Westminster Abbey, one of the most famous churches and burial grounds in the world, opened in 1066. A treasure house of paintings, stained glass, pavements, textiles and other artifacts, Westminster Abbey is also the place where some of the most significant people in England's history are buried or commemorated.

When he was in his 80’s Groucho Marx was asked what he thought of posterity.

"Why should I care about posterity," said Groucho. "What has posterity ever done for me?"

Submitted by Richard Collins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Basketball is the most popular sport among college women, followed by volleyball and tennis.

Authorized Service Center

INSTRUMENT REPAIR, SERVICE & SALES Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair

Also offering lessons in: • Guitar • Piano • Bass • Voice • Banjo • Mandolin • Violin • Ukulele • Brass & Woodwinds • Cello • Music theory

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com • 376-3376

134 Main Street, Auburn

That Perfect Moment

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In 1912 in Stockholm, the first electric timing devices and public address system was used at the Olympics.

The song "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling" was written by George Graff, a German who had never visited Ireland in his life.

Out ’n About The many faces of Michael Peppe...

A thousand tons of meteor dust fall to Earth every day.

Do’s & Dont’s for Valentine’s Day

By Natasha Piirainen

For those of you struggling to plan a special Valentine’s Day for your loved one, here are some tips on what to do and not to do this February 14th:

will cost less money than a fancy restaurant.

DO NOT burn the food. Plus, if you cook your own meal, you will also have to wash the dishes. Alright, let’s just say that if you are a bad cook, or hate doing dishes, you probably should just stick with splurging on a restaurant.

DO NOT eat all of the chocolates before you give your Valentine the gift. I know it is tempting, but an empty box of chocolates will probably just be the start of a fight, not the start of a romantic evening.

DO write your loved-one a romantic note or card. If it comes from your heart, it will surely win over their heart.

DO buy flowers. Something colorful to brighten up the cold winter days will surely put a smile on your Valentine’s face!

That’s my boy!

DO NOT use the ‘roses are red, violets are blue’ poem. Everybody knows you didn’t come up with that on your own, and most violets aren’t even blue.

DO NOT buy flowers if your date is prone to bad allergies. The sneezing, itchy eyes, and runny nose may subtract from the gift.

Adding a box of tissues and some Claritin D isn’t all too romantic.

DO prepare a nice meal. A homemade dinner is thoughtful, shows how much you care, and probably

day of the year.

DO buy your Valentine chocolates.

Everybody wants to receive something sweet on the most romantic

Good luck, & Happy Valentine’s Day!

In 1893, Milwaukee's Pabst beer won a blue ribbon at the Chicago Fair, and was sold thereafter as Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

Shannon Wilson and her son, Michael Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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That Perfect Moment

Of 103.4 million American men, 22.5 million wear a mustache.

CONGRATULATIONS to our very own

Travis Dow

who was awarded the YPLAA (Young Professionals of L/A Area) award at the 125th annual Chamber Awards Dinner for his ongoing effort at becoming a first class sales person for Uncle Andy’s Digest, the Maine Home Show and menusinLA.com

Dr. Rose Sheline from Center Street Dental presented the YPLAA award to Travis Dow

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John Travolta’s famous white suit from the film Saturday Night Fever (1977) sold at auction for an incredible $145,500 in 1995.

The only cast member of the hit rock musical Hair to refuse to shed her clothes in the closing number was Diane Keaton.

BUILD YOUR BRAND

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser who is battling brain cancer

Call the guys who use print & social media marketing better than any other company out there!

Not convinced?

How does 3,244,000 impressions sound?

How about 4,900 entries in a contest for your company?

Learn more today!

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

Sensei Ferdinand Torres

Standing out from the crowd since 1996!

UncleAndysDigest.com • 783-7039

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser who is battling brain cancer

Sensei Jane Mitchell & Robyn Holman

Sensei Jane Mitchell

Aaron Bardier, Myke Rojas & Zach Guimond From 1941 until 1950, violet was part of the color mixture for "M&M's" Plain Chocolate Candies. Violet was replaced by tan.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

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Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.

who is battling brain cancer

Tsssssssss.

A moment of fame, finally!

Tssssssssss...

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Christmas -- when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but ten extra pounds on hip, thigh and rear!

"The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office."

– Will Rogers

Cotton Candy Parties!

That Perfect Moment

Customized containe rs for any occasion

Starting at $50 Call for details

241-3169

Doctor: You’ll live to be sixty.

Yummo Carts

www.YummoCarts.com

SANDING & SALTING Commercial or Residential Call for your FREE quote!

We also offer snowplowing & removal services

Morin ating excav Inc.

Andy Morin 207.784.8293 cell: 207.576.4714

Patient: I am sixty.

Doctor: See. What did I tell you?

– Submitted by Richard Collins

Mother Quotes MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY'S MOTHER: "I don't mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"

Riddle Me This

amorinexc@roadrunner.com I have holes on the top and bottom. I have holes on my left and on my right. And I have holes in the middle, yet I still hold water. What am I? A sponge

Mother Quotes Building Packages starting at

$149,900 • Custom Homes & Remodeling • Energy Efficient Homes & Projects • Energy Audits The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

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Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

Don't tell God how big your problems are - tell your problems how big your God is.

who is battling brain cancer

Jimbo, I’m done trying to teach Uncle Andy how to take a decent photograph...

Di Carman & Delia Rand

1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway

596 Main Street, Oxford • 539-8811

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"The older I get, the faster I was." – Uncle Andy

www.maine-lyaction.com

Russ Dillingham

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser who is battling brain cancer

Tyla Davis

Out ‘n About

A great BIG thank you to Tyla for being our roving photographer for this event!

Uncle Andy took a few pictures too, but his head is already big enough.

Grandkids always make you smile!

Abby M. & Chip Pabst

Bill Pabst gets a visit from his great granddaughter, Abby & his granddaughter, Heather at Christmastime.

THE 2ND AMENDMENT IS NOT ABOUT HUNTING

Chase & Jen Hogan

Learn how to defend yourself and your family.

NRA Certified Instruction

CC Permit • Basic • Advanced Don Mailhot NRA - Law Enforcement

576-5131

Roland Levasseur NRA-SIG Academy - Frontsight

212-0608

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

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Bamboo is not a tree. It is a wood grass.

Golfing Nun Submitted by Jimbo

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior, chatting.

"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

Do not neglect your Septic System

Service Rental Sales

For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

G.A. DOWNING

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that's hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

“Is that when you swore?”

CO., INC. We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.

That Perfect Moment

"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.

"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.

"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about a foot from the hole."

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Then Mother Superior sighed and asked, "You missed the putt, didn't you?"

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The oldest piano still in existence was built in 1720.

The star Antares is 60,000 times larger than our Sun. If our Sun were the size of a softball, the star Antares would be as large as a house.

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser who is battling brain cancer

Shihan Rich Pelletier I wonder if this little guy likes culture club?

Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon...

Victoria Desjardins & her lizard friend

A racehorse averages a weight loss of between 15 and 25 pounds during a race.

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Hot? I Guess it’s HOT!

From the smallest microprocessor to the biggest mainframe, the average American depends on more than 264 computers per day.

Submitted by Glen Gisel

BUILD YOUR BRAND Call the guys who use print & social media marketing better than any other company out there!

Not convinced?

How does 3,244,000 impressions sound?

How about 4,900 entries in a contest for your company?

Learn more today!

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST Standing out from the crowd since 1996!

UncleAndysDigest.com • 783-7039

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

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Derek Dube, center (owner of Lake City Exports) poses with the donation from his business.

The average life expectancy of a white ash tree is 275 years.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

Hot? I Guess it’s HOT!

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

Submitted by Glen Gisel

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20% OFF all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!

INVENTORY REDUCTION SALE!

20% - 75% OFF

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Featuring

131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

8 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

s Alway g n i Buy

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

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Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

Sensei Pelletier

who is battling brain cancer

DANCE BENEFIT When:

Friday, February 8th

Where:

Ramada Inn Ballroom 490 Pleasant St., Lewiston

Why: Help raise funds for Sensei Rich Pelletier of Pelletier’s Karate, who is fighting stage 3 brain cancer.

6-7pm: Social Hour 7-8pm: Darin Hall & the Motorboats 8:15-9pm: Comedian from the Gold Room in Westbrook 9:30-Midnight: L/A Harley Band

There will be a silent auction going on throughout the evening.

Tickets $15 before the event, $18 at the door.

Tickets available at Community Credit Union, Simone’s Hot Dogs, and Pelletier’s Karate

THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

Simones Hot Dogs

COMMUNITY CREDIT UNION

NEXT Level Business Coaching

Landry & Sons

Acoustics Center Street Dental

To make a cash donation send your check payable to Sensei Pelletier Benefit to: Community Credit Union, 144 Pine St, Lewiston ME 04240

For more information, contact Sadie Landry at Pelletier’s Karate: 786-3731 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The color khaki was first used in the Afghan War in 1880 — the color was considered good camouflage.

We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Fun! Classes for Adults & Kids 3 hours - $5 per class

Call now to inquire about our enrollment wait list.

Mention this ad to have your $35 enrollment fee waived

375-4500

• Clean, friendly • Centrally located, environment minutes from L/A area • Full curriculum for all ages

Great for birthday parties!

paint & brushes provided

Learn the art of creating and painting beautiful ceramic pieces.

Call for classes & details

Suzy’s Ceramics, Crafts, & Etc. 754 Washington St. • Auburn

820 Sawyer Rd., Greene

576-9450 783-6431

suzysceramicscraftsetc.weebly.com

Snorkel Packages

GAS PROBLEMS?

Snorkel, mask, fins, bag & DVD

We can help!

Starting at $49.95

Scuba classes running all winter. Call for details

Barclay s Skindivers Paradise

Gas heating system & appliance check-ups & service

784-7300 685 Washington St. Auburn

Gas Services

We also do installations & oil to gas conversions!

740-6061 FREE Estimates

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

...Our Design

WOW! 10’x12’ Oak Kitchen with countertop $1,99999 10’x12’ Birch Kitchen with countertop $2,09999

Bruce

Holly

Prince

Stacy

1822 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston

1766 Federal Rd. (Rt. 4) Livermore

784-3100

897-3400

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com More than 20% of men and 10% of women say they've forgotten their wedding anniversary at least once.

Little Known Fact Ellis Island, where over 20,000,000 immigrants were processed for entrance into the United States, opened for business on January 1, 1892. On November 12, 1954, it closed. It is now a museum.

Trivia buffs: The last person to pass through Ellis Island was a Norwegian merchant seaman by the name of Arne Petersen in 1954.

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Out ’n About with the Ann’s Flowers Family

The term “classroom” didn’t come into use in the United States until after 1865.

on a caribbean cruise vacation

I just can’t say AWESOME enough to tell you how awesome I think this is...

Kelly

Michael

Tina

Terry

Nuria

Taylor

Linda

Kathy

Cory

Kellyann

Refer a friend and earn salon credit!

Adrien & Darlene Melanson

Chillaxing!

Valentines! Don’t forget... gift certificates available

786-0112

392 Center Street I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Olivia Lare hanging out in the kids lounge on the ship

Mother Quotes NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!"

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Dogs lick you because they love you - cats lick you because you had chicken for dinner.

Est. 2008

Dog Boutique, Daycare & Grooming

Happy 5th Anniversary to the DOGGz INN!!

Its hard to believe that its been 5 years since my daughter and I sat in our basement searching the internet for dog pictures to use in our logo and writ ing out possible names for a new busines s idea. We started out in an 800 sq. ft. space on Minot Ave. in Auburn and had zero clients. Thanks to our Uncle Andy’s ad, four days prior to opening, we had our first phone call for doggie day care.

Dakota’s parents needed care eve ryday of the week. We were off and running!

Since then we have steadily grow n into what we are today and still have two dozen of those clients that started with us in the beginning.

We have come so far in 5 years!

Two expansions, additional product lines, transportation, grooming, rescues , education and much more. We are always looking for new ways to better serv e our customers and ensure we offe r the latest products and information to kee p your dog as healthy and well adju sted as possible.

Dakota (Our first client)

As with any business, it is never pos sible without the support of family, friends, a great team and loyal community!

In addition to our clients and gue sts I can't thank my team and family enough for all that they do! Jeff, Rick, Cele ste, Ashlee, Jessica, Dustin, Susie, Rya n, Jeremy and Mel, thank you for all you do throughout the year. And all the puppies thank you, too!! Waggs!

— Rebecka Campbell

Thank you to J & R Auto Sales for the Puppy Bus!!

65 Washington St., Auburn, ME 04210 • (207)

333-3640

OUT ’N ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE

Digesters, a new month has come again. That means a new volume of Uncle Andy’s Digest and, in this case, one step closer to spring. February is, as always, our shortest calendar month but it clearly does not lack in splendorous events: President’s Day, Valentine’s Day, the Super Bowl, (The Pats fell one game short) and Leap Day, (well every fourth year anyway). So, given the events I just gave all of you, I am sure you concur that although February is the shortest month, it absolutely pulls its weight.

With the Pats on the golf course due to a terribly executed AFC Championship performance, Valentine’s Day I suppose would take the cake as the highlight of the month. If you are taking him or her out to dinner on this day of love, you simply must visit Sea40 Japanese Restaurant in Lewiston. Don’t make mac n’ cheese with cut-up hot dogs for Valentine’s Day dinner, trust me and learn from my mistakes. All that special dinner got me was a case of indigestion and a night on the pullout couch. At Sea40 it’s a double whammy: dinner and a show! Well maybe it’s a hat trick because the food is spectacular, too. Throw in a rose and a box of chocolates and bow-chicka-wawa, it translates into a stupendous night for you!

Now just to add the icing on the cake, tow that tin can you call your car to Lake City Exports in Auburn to upgrade your wheels. They have a fabulous selection of used cars, trucks SUVs and even a yacht, though I don’t advise taking your sweetheart out on the yacht in February. They have great options for all budgets. So get over there and let them get you into a vehicle that doesn’t look like rubble from the apocalypse and doesn’t smell like the raccoon you hit a few weeks ago.

Ladies and gentleman, digesters one and all, until next month… digest today and digest often. (Don’t worry, I don’t even know where I was going with that one) As always feel free to email me at uncleandysdigestmiamimike@aol.com, and Tweet me at UADMiamiMike.

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Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

February 28, 2013

Things We Can Learn From A Dog: No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout...run right back and make friends.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

It is against the law to remove your shoes if your feet smell bad while you're in a theater in Winnetka, Illinois.

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! DAILY SPECIALS

– Submitted by Richard Collins

Monday - Turkey Dinner . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99 w/ potatoes, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls

Tues. Wed. & Thurs.

Fried Clams . .sm. $11.99 . . . . .lg. $15.79

Did You Know?

In 1732, Benjamin Franklin began publishing his Poor Richard's Almanack (sometimes spelled Almanac) in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The publication appeared continually from 1732 to 1758. It was a best seller for a pamphlet published in the American colonies; print runs reached 10,000 per year. Poor Richard's was popular for its extensive use of wordplay, with many examples derived from the work surviving in the contemporary American vernacular.

Little Known Fact In a 1951 "Peanuts" comic strip, Charlie Brown first attempts to kick a football. The first appearance of the gag is in the strip from November 14, 1951. In that strip Violet, not Lucy, is the one holding the ball and she only pulls it away because she is afraid Charlie Brown will kick her hand. Lucy was first shown playing the prank on Charlie Brown on November 16, 1952.

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w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . . . .$6.99 w/potato & rolls

Thursday - New England Boiled Dinner . . .$9.99 Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm w/corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls

Friday & Saturday

Friday, Saturday & Sunday

After 4:00 PM

Fried Haddock* $11.99

Prime Rib Au Jus* Small $13.99 • Large $16.79

Grilled Salmon* $11.49

*with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Whether you want blueberry pancakes or a Blueberry Ale at the new bar, Cole Farms is the place to go!

Rick & Dave Thompson 64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote!

“The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

The NFL granted the Cleveland Rams a franchise in Los Angeles in 1946.

Columbus had three ships on his first American exploration. On his second expedition, seventeen ships were under his command.

indham •

Located

orth W . 115 in N

Us old guys can do things those young pups only dream about... Like this little trick you’re looking at right now. I calmly get the paper every day for my human knowing I’ll get a treat for my effort. Those young whipper snappers just tear it to shreds and get scolded. Watch and learn my pupils.

0

892-822

on Rt

Copper

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR Ann Dumais

Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond

$20 OFF

Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw Angela Brissette

All Chemical Services Includes: Foils, Perms & Glycolic Peels (For new clients only) With Coupon Only • Expires 2.28.13

We are a full service salon 14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

786-4311

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out.

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About with the Ann’s Flowers Family on a caribbean cruise vacation

Keep Calm & Go on a Cruise

The human brain is a wonderful thing: it starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

One-stop shop for your sweetheart...

Flowers & chocolate!

Adrien Melanson hanging out in the kids lounge on the ship We learned that Papaya trees can grow from a seed to a fruit bearing tree in less than 18 months.

Trees are often 20 feet tall, and fruits range in weight from 1 to 20 pounds!

We now offer Maine Gourmet Chocolates in our store.

Need an idea for your sweetheart?

Call us, we’re loaded with ‘em!

We have options to fit any budget.

Darlene Melanson & Kathy Lare visiting a Papaya farm and planted a Papaya tree

Mother Quotes CUSTER'S MOTHER: "Now, George, remember what I told you-don't go biting off more than you can chew!"

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Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457

annsflower.com By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

Hot? I Guess it’s HOT!

Diets suck. Calories are delicious.

BACKGROUND CHECKS

Submitted by Glen Gisel

Pre-Employment Local, State, National and Federal Criminal History

includes: • SSN Verification/Address Verification • InstaNational Criminal History • Federal Criminal History • Maine SBI Criminal History • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list

$45.00

Tenant Screening

$49.99

State and National Criminal History

includes: • SSN verification/Address verification • InstaNational criminal History • Maine SBI criminal history • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list • Trans Union Credit Report w/ credit score • National Eviction Check (Civil courts, all states)

A La Carte Pricing National Criminal History including Sex Offender all states ................................$18.99 SSN Address Verification.................................................2.75 Employment Credit report ...............................................9.00 Tenant Credit Report w/ score ........................................9.00 State of Maine SBI check...............................................24.00 State of ME drivers license history .................................9.00

Personal and professional reference checks ..............$10.00 Education verification....................................................15.00 Prior Employment verification......................................10.00 Professional License verifications.................................10.00 Single state Eviction check...............................7.00 per state National Eviction Check ................................................11.00

Other verification and Private Investigator services are available.

All searches are conducted and filtered by a licensed private investigator to meet FCRA regulations to reduce your liability.

Pre-adverse and adverse action letters and consumer copies provided at no extra charge to help you stay compliant with current FCRA regulations.

Volume pricing is available. Volume customers can be set up to run reports right from their own office for their convenience.

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying and he said, "Canned goods and ammunition."

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Out ’n About with the Ann’s Flowers Family on a caribbean cruise vacation

Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.

Assisted Home Care II “Our Family Assisting Your Family.”

Dragons Breath zip line here I come!

Assisting Families since 1997

Who we are...

• • • •

Registered home health care service agency 24 hour personal care and response team Guarantee continuity of caregivers Assist with independent living at home

550 College St., Lewiston • 783-7375 • www.assistedhomecare.org

Cheryl Mckeone I’m gonna show my Aunt Cheryl how this is done... just watch!

Now Enrolling!

yrs.

Ages 6 wks. - 12

We offer preschool & toddler programs, separate rooms for each age group, and a large outdoor play area!

Early Learning Center

946-KIDS

301 Sawyer Rd. • Greene

Brady Lare

r webGo to ou info ale site for s

Ask about our multi-child discount and family vacation benefit

hallimplementco.com

is ready to conquer the zip line

SALE OVER Green Fever Sale ends 2/28/13

50 YEARS

HALL IMPLEMENT CO. Jct. 202 & 302 at the rotary - Windham

892-6894 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Mon.-Fri. 7:00-5:00 Sat. 7:30-12:00

Cats are smarter than dogs - you can't get eight cats to pull a sled thru snow.

Before resolving to jog five miles a day, visit a cardiologist to have your heart examined, a podiatrist to have your feet examined and a psychiatrist to have your head examined.

We’re Now A

Generators Dealer!

If your power goes out, your generator goes on – automatically.

STANDBY UNITS

It’s really that simple.

Portable units available • Reliability • Easily Accessible Controls • Framed for Durability • Easy to make effortless electric start, battery included

FULL INSTALLATION AVAILABLE! CALL FOR MORE INFO ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS

1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

ElectricalSystemsOfMaine.com

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down… You have my Word.

ICE FISHING HEADQUARTERS! Live Bait • Traps • Augers • Bait Buckets and MORE! WE HAVE MADE IN MAINE PACK BASKETS!

Tailfeathers is the outdoor sportsman’s favorite toy store!

1311 Roosevelt Trail (Rt. 302) • Raymond • 655-1030

Snow Plowing and Removal Commercial & Residential • Snow Blowing • Fully Insured • Seasonal Pre-paid Options • Basic snowplow contracts starting at $15 per push*

KERRIE ROBBINS Varney Agency

* includes the shoveling of one main walkway & door

800-318-3577

207-786-0417

232 Center St., Auburn www.varneyagency.com

creativepropertymaintenance.com

Correction -- the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: "Lunch will be gin at 12:15 p.m." Please correct to read "12 noon."

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Did You Know?

"The flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot - like anyone goes, 'Oh, he's good. I like his work.'" – David Spade

One of the original 13 states, New Jersey became the third state to ratify the U.S. Constitution on December 18, 1787. On November 20, 1789, New Jersey became the first state to ratify the Bill of Rights, the first 10 amendments.

Mother Quotes GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER: "I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"

Arthur C. Clark, in his classic story, 2001 - A SPACE ODYSSEY named the evil computer HAL. The letters HAL immediately precede the letters IBM

They are not assault rifles. They are self-defense weapons!

Roger Caldwell

481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806 Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413

– Submitted by Richard Collins

Little Known Fact In 1811, Louisiana was the first state in the U.S. to declare, by statute, English as its official language. It would be 109 years before a second state in the U.S. — Nebraska — would issue a constitutional amendment to make English the official state idiom there.

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Valentine’s Combo European Facial Manicure & Pedicure

$100 336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1611 Tuesday - Friday 9am-7pm • Sat. 9am-2pm The obituaries in the newspaper prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that people die in alphabetical order.

Christmas is weird- what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Out ’n About with the Ann’s Flowers Family on a caribbean cruise vacation

Live Healthier. Spend Less.

Are you energetic?

Are you a motivated self-starter?

Do you have the confidence to close the deal?

Do you want to determine how much you make?

Can you be assertive?

Olivia Lare & Adrien Melanson on the water trampoline at the water park in Labadee, Haiti

Doctors can be frustrating - you wait 6 weeks for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."

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Talk to Me

The world's full of apathy, but I don't care. – Uncle Andy

Submitted by Jimbo

Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies.

One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better. He said "If this church is to become better, it must take up it's bed, and walk." The congregation said "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."

Encouraged by their response, he went further. "If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside it's hindrances and run!" The congregation replied, "Let it run, preacher, let it run!"

Now really into his message, he spoke stronger. "If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up it's wings and fly!" "Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!" the congregation shouts.

The Preacher gets louder. "If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!"

You Name It, We Frame It! Custom Picture Framing you’ll treasure forever!

Our Affordable, Everyday Pricing 8x10 .........................$20 16x20 .......................$30 20x24 .......................$40 24x36 .......................$50

Sports memorabilia, artwork, family photos & so much more!

Silver, Gold or Black metal frames only.

Expert Custom Framing & Quality Personal Service!

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333

Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.

Dan Williams, owner

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

Simone’s Hot Dog crew rock the pose

Check out our new inventory!

Hats, Hoodies, Shirts, Shoes, Backpacks, Totes

& More

25 Lisbon St. • Lewiston • 795-7600 Mon.-Sat. 10am-7pm

The congregation replied. "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."

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facebook.com/Af terHoursHeadShop For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

NEXT Level Business Coaching We Will Make Your Business Better in 90 Days – Guaranteed!

Call 207-376-3239 for a free, confidential 90-minute coaching session on any two business issues you are facing.

Come experience business coaching at NO RISK.

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

Don't trust anyone over 30 who used to say 'Don't trust anyone over 30.'

who is battling brain cancer

To be held at

Poland Regional High School to benefit 2013 Project Graduation Saturday, March 2, 2013 (storm date March 3)

Doors open at 5:00 pm Show starts at 6:00 pm Tickets available at: PRHS • Poland Town Office $6/advance Mechanic Falls Town Office $10/door Minot Town Office Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Ditch the driving test for an I.Q. test.

Do the right thing because one cookie would just be afraid by itself in the dark, right?

2nd Annual

Apples for Teachers Submitted by Jimbo

Lewiston Gun Show Sponsored by JT Reid’s Gun Shop

February 9th and 10th Saturday 9-4 Sunday 9-3 $5 per person (under 12 FREE)

Buy • Sell • Trade Militaria • Ammo • Concessions • Raffles

There are about 50 million American children enrolled in elementary school and high school. They are taught by a little over 6 million teachers, who earn an average salary of about $42,000 a year.

If each child brings an apple to the teacher once a week, by how much would the average teacher’s after-tax income be decreased as a result of gift taxes on the fruit?

Elks Club

Mother Quotes

1675 Lisbon Road, Lewiston FMI: 777-3579

LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER: "Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"

Bangor Gun Show Sponsored by JT Reid’s Gun Shop

200

TAB L

ES!

April 6th & 7th Bangor Elks Lodge Applications available at JT Reid’s Gun Shop.

Concealed firearms prohibited on show grounds even with permit.

www.jtreidsgunshop.com The trouble with eating at an all-you-can-eat restaurant is that five or six days later you're hungry again.

Mother Quotes HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"

Walter Brennan started out in films as a stuntman. He began playing old men at age 32 after his teeth were knocked out in a mob scene.

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Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

who is battling brain cancer

Home Parties & Boutique We carry the finest lingerie from petite to plus sizes. Shoes size 5 to 14 Visit our boutique with this coupon

320-1165

and receive

20% OFF

*

your first order

*not to be combined with any other offers, coupon, or home party • Exp. 2.28.13

Facebook.com/rmjcollections

20 Main St., 3rd floor, Suite #1 • Sabattus, Maine

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

Frank Yocono & Keith Davis

Fred Frohardt, Donna Steckino & Kurk Lalemand

Emma Jacques

10% Off

Frames

All month long Expires 2.28.13

Buy any Gift Certificate & get an additional 10% 120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn

783-4226 Ghassan & Mutav Abdelrahim Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Vision at a Value

Mon - Fri 9:30 AM - 6:00 PM, Sat 10 AM - 3:00 PM

Do you find it strange that lemon juice is made with artificial flavor but dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser who is battling brain cancer

Kayla Provencher, Zach Gimond & Tamia Wilson

Kayla Provencher

Keith Davis I have a speech impediment... my foot.

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Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

I’m just glad it’s illegal to eat healthy during December.

who is battling brain cancer

Gabe Jacques & Jason Almquist Ya know, Karate is for self-defense, but I’d really like to try a few of my moves on Uncle Andy...

We Have Been Chosen to be Featured in the February Issue of American Salon

Jay & Alex Reblin "I prefer to sit on my own gate and whistle my own tune."

– Charles Spurgeon Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Scones are just biscuits that have studied abroad.

It costs $50 per second to operate Air Force One.

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser who is battling brain cancer

Laura & Rich Pelletier make an appearance

I didn't know anything about sculpting bronze busts: So I just forged a head.

Luke Wilson

Matt Masse & Jay Reblin Mother Quotes COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher.

You still could have written!"

The odds are over 1 in 3 (34%) that if you were divorced in 2011, the word "Facebook" is somewhere in the divorce filing.

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Winter Fun!

When the Hoovers did not want to be overheard by White House guests, they spoke to each other in Chinese.

This seems a little scarier than I remember...

Don’t worry, Courtney, I’ve got it under control.

Lylah gives Courtney Vincent the ride of her life

Sledding on a no school day, AWESOME!

Benjamin Vincent Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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To vacillate or not to vacillate - that is the question...or is it?

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

Everything can be filed under miscellaneous.

who is battling brain cancer

Robyn Holman & Mike Bourget

Myke Rojas

Natalie Boyd & Lorna Knight Mother Quotes ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

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To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible!

There are parts of the Atacama Desert (in Chile) where no rain has ever been recorded.

Try our new whitening system!

Family Friendly Dentistry

Out ’n About at the Androscoggin Chamber Annual Awards Dinner Cam Luu of Wei Lei Restaurant was recipient of the 2nd YPLAA award

Willow Run Dental Association is accepting new patients Come meet our friendly Dentists & Staff

Scott Beckerman, DMD Geraldine Schneider, DMD Jeffrey Sloan, DDS • Family cosmetic dentistry • Emergency same-day care • Most insurance plans accepted

783-0261 One Willow Run Unit 1-B, Auburn

Christine Bosse from Bangor Savings Bank, Cam Luu from Wei Lei Restaurant, John Edwards from Bangor Savings Bank & Michael Malloy from Brann & Isaacson

Benoit’s Bakery & Wine Cellar, recipient of the Lisbon Business Award

willowrundental.com

I got fired from a massage therapy office. I kept rubbing people the wrong way.

Greg Hird & Nick Benoit from Benoit’s Bakery and Wine Cellar, Mark Stasium from TD Bank

Mother Quotes BARNEY'S MOTHER: "I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple."

Mother Quotes ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture.

Can't you do something about your hair?

Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

How do they get the 'Do not walk on grass' signs way out in the middle of the lawn?

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Out ’n About at the Androscoggin Chamber Annual Awards Dinner

Uncle Andy’s Dating Advice: Don't wear your glasses on a blind date - you'll look better, and your date will too.

Revelations Massage recipient of the New Member of the Year award

Catherine Burtis & Ashley Wood from Revelation Massage, Betsy Libby from CMCC, Kim Jacques & Melissa Stevens from Revelation Massage

Jones Associates recipient of the Poland Business Award

Joyce Gibson from USM, Rick Jones from Jones Associates, Ray Grady from Poland Spring Bottling Company

Ricker Hill Farms recipient of the Turner Business Award

Jennifer Willey from Canteen Services, Rep. Jeffrey Timberlake, Nancy Ricker & Harry Ricker from Ricker Hill Farms

Did You Know?

Baseball's first Rookie of the Year was Brooklyn Dodger Jackie Robinson, who was given the award in 1947. Forty years later, it was officially renamed the Jackie Robinson Award.

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Home computers are the perfect thing for women who don't feel that men provide them with enough frustration.

Kurk Lalemand of NEXT Level Business Coaching

Winner of the Androscoggin Chamber Small Business Leadership Award!

Kurk has been business coaching for seven years. He has been a business owner in Maine for more than 30 years. The Small Business Leadership Award is awarded to Kurk for his commitment to helping business owners improve and grow their businesses. Helping more than 100 business owners since they began. This award recognizes Kurk’s outstanding leadership, commitment to the strength and economic health of our community, his own entrepreneurship and many hours of volunteer work on boards, committees and non-profit organizations.

Kurk also won the Business Coach of the Year Award in 2008 and again in 2011 by the Professional Business Coaches Association.

“Kurk has been widely acclaimed by his clients as one of the key reasons for their business growth. They cite him as a major force in their success.” – Androscoggin Chamber

This ad is proudly sponsored by two of his current clients!

www.cassiels.com

Carbonite, recipient of the Business Leadership Award

(l to r front - from Carbonite): Rich Surace, Barbara Dagley, Jim Puckey, Owen Aaron & Deb Morris. (back): Mary Lafontaine, Chairperson for the Chamber of Commerce; Ashley Jewell, Carbonite: Danielle Byrne, Carbonite; & Ken Zimmerman, Carbonite

Katahdin Studio Furniture, recipient of the 1st Small Business Leadership Award

Every silver lining has a cloud.

Auburn Plaza Family Dentistry Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D. Dr. Chen is now accepting new patients at his new location.

730 Center Street Robin Robbins, Androscoggin Bank; John Stass, Caleb Pine; and Steve Anderson, Katahdin Studio Furniture

Next Level Business Coaching, recipient of the 2nd Small Business Leadership Award

Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351

Mon.-Fri. 7-5pm

We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

Jen Hogan, Community Credit Union & Kurk Lalemond, Next Level Business Coaching

Rita Dube, recipient of the Community Service Leadership Award

Susan Keiler from St Mary’s Health System, Rita Dube former executive director at the Franco American Heritage Center Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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auburnplazafamilydentistry.com The odds are over 1 in 4 (27%) that Americans who keep sizable amounts of cash at home hide it in the freezer.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.

Did you drive by your dream home?

From Biddeford to Bangor... we can show you any listing you desire!

That Perfect Moment

Brian & Tracie Vye 207.577.7937

Legacy Realty 681 Sabattus St, Lewiston 207.376.4830 Brian-Tracie@Legacy-Realty.com

Out ’n About Come into Central Maine Powersports and snap your pic with our Levi LaValle standup and submit it to Polaris for a chance to win a trip for 2 to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for a snowmobile adventure with him.

Out ’n About on Valentine’s Day One of my favorite sayings: Act as if what you do makes a difference.

It does.

Yeah!

What she said.

Life should have a purpose, however meaningless.

Amy Asselin I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

You'll Laugh

of Central Maine Powersports with the a stand-up of snowmobiling, Superstar Levi LaVallee

L-A’s

1240

I kinda feel like running a 5k just to warm up from these below zero temps...

You'll Learn

With lots of humor, Imus is joined by Imus asks tough questions of celebrities, politicians Warner, Bernie, Lou and Dagen. and media stars and they still come back for more.

Add comedians Tony Powell and Rob Combine that with our award winning local news Bartlett, starting your day is more fun. and your mornings are complete.

WEZR RADIO

Andy Jarman & Kayla Marston

Listen to AM 1240 weekdays 6 to 10 AM

For the first time in United States history, neither of the two presidential electees have ever served in the military.

Adon Shaw & Jamie Marston Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Julia Sleeper & Kim Pelletier, recipients of the Community Service Leadership Award

The odds are 1 in 12 (8%) that you are colorblind, if you're a man.

Tenants Frustrating You? Property Owners:

Lose the hassle without losing the control!

Visit our website to see the advantages of Lease Management.

Stephanie Gelinas from Sandcastle Clinical and Educational Services, Julia Sleeper and Kim Sullivan from Tree Street Youth

Proctor & Gamble, recipients of the Cool Chamber Award

www.yourleasingoffice.com or call 784-2011 for more information

It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them. – Agatha Christie Clif Greim from Harriman Associates, Felicia Coney, Sherry Spencer, Brian Welker, David Bartage of Proctor & Gamble

Dick Roy, recipient of the Ken Addition Small Business Advocate Award

Chip Morrison hands Dick Roy from Mechanics Bank his award

Kevin Dean & Emile Clavet, recipients of the Presidents Award

Job Hunting Submitted by Jimbo

My brother wants me to find him a summer job. He asked me to check with my boss, my friends, my business associates.

Then he asked me to run off 100 copies of his resume, call up the employment agencies, and write an ad for the Positions Wanted section of the newspaper.

I asked him what he wanted to call himself in the ad.

He said, "A self-starter!"

Mother Quotes Chip Morrison from the Androscoggin County Chamber of Commerce, Kevin Dean and Emile Clavet from Electricity Maine, Lucien Gosselin from LAEGC Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Yeah, I’m turning the big O-N-E, but so is my Grampy Big Gare. He’s gonna be 59... that’s almost 60 ya know!

BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, how many times have I told you-quit playing ball in the house!

That's the third broken window this week!"

Zander Martin Dow turns one on 2.23.13

There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. – Roger Staubach

Reportedly, beavers mate for life.

The Vault, recipient of the President’s Award

Sweet Pea Designs Flower Shoppe

Susan Hall, right, owner of the Vault

777-1520

Larry Raymond, recipient of the Ray Geiger Award

Valentine’s Day is Thursday, February 14th FREE Delivery in L/A What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

Shelby & Kerry Wood & Amy Duquette

Mary LaFontaine from the Lewiston Career Center, Larry Raymond from Isaacson & Raymond

Congrats to all the winners!

Great job!!

Laurie Sidelinger International Paper

Thank you Lake City Exports!!

Travis Dow & Nick Benoit Marcel Gagne announces the Lake City Exports huge donation

A group of foxes is called a skulk.

Comparing hardware

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Out ’n About at the Rich Pelletier Fundraiser

Moving water rarely freezes solid.

who is battling brain cancer

Natalie & Kat of CCU make a new friend

Preston Augusta

Senpai Per Almquist Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Velcro — what a rip off!

I hate red lights at intersections: They make me cross.

Out ’n About

SHOWER OUT LOUD

A tennis ball (or two) in my mouth is just pure joy...

Partnering with Professionals

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a “World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

Bella

Introducing the new Bluetooth enabled Moxie showerhead & wireless speaker.

Available now at the Redlon & Johnson Kitchen and Bath Center.

Glenda Mitchell: 514-1136 gmitchell@redlon-johnson.com

Tim Fox: 514-1137 tfox@redlon-johnson.com

Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail

3 Middle Street, Lewiston showroom.redlon-johnson.com

Showroom Hours: Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. 8AM - 4:30PM Open Thurs. until 6PM APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

When one of its planes broke down shortly after landing, passengers of a Shandong Airlines flight were asked to push it a half mile to the gate.

✂

FREE ENTRY FORM ✂

Why does my human continue to do these things to me?

Name Phone

Marley

Email Drop entry form at our 245 Center St. location

Win a Free Swedish Massage No purchase necessary

Did You Know?

✁

February Promotion

Buy a couples massage gift card and get a FREE manicure gift card

777-3939 245 Center Street, Suite 7, Auburn www.ParadiseSalonSpa.com Employment application blanks always ask 'Who is to be notified in case of an emergency' and I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

In 1994, the Internet phenomenon Amazon.com was launched as a bookselling site. It rang up sales of $12,438 in the first week and losses close to a billion dollars in five years. Recently, Amazon.com has had an estimated worth of $83.07 million. Now that's a heck of an improvement!

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Out ’n About We were just voted best place in Maine to work and rated #1 in employee satisfaction.

"Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish." – Mark Twain

Bring us your tax return!

We’ll Double Your Down Payment!* EXAMPLE $200 down = $400 down $300 down = $600 down $400 down = $800 down 2005 VW Passat GLS

*up to $400 Limit 1 Expires 2.28.13

2006 Ford Expedition

$10,990

$6,990 SW, Auto., 4 Cyl., Power Windows, Heated Seats, 103K

Eddie Bauer Edition, 4X4, 8 Cyl., Leather, 3rd Row, Tow Pkg., CD Changer

2006 Saab 93 Aero

2005 Dodge Dakota Laramie

Keith Larrabee Cintas

Talk to the hand, cuz the face ain’t listenin’!

$8,490 2.8L, 6 Cyl., Auto., Leather, Loaded, Alloys, Heated Seats

$12,990 4X4, 82K, Auto., Leather, Crew Cab, Tow Pkg.

Join us Friday, February 8th, 6pm- midnight

Sensei Pelletier Live Auction & Dance Benefit Bid on great items like Luxury Box Seats to Bruins & Celtics Games • a Bottle of Dom Perignon • A Kindle Fire & much more!

Bert Asselin L-A Harley Davidson

867 Center Street, Auburn

753-0033

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

LakeCityExports.com

UncleAndysDigest.com

Life preservers and the lining of aviators' jackets used during World War II were made from fiber found in milkweed pods.