UAD January 2011

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

.com

The Most Unusual Digest in America

FREE JANUARY 2011

TAKE CHARGE OF A

WHOLE HOME GENERATOR PACKAGES INDUSTRIAL GENERATOR SYSTEMS We are also full service Industrial, Commercial or Residential Electrical Contractors

ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS 1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

www.electricalsystemsofmaine.com Armandsab@aol.com

138 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com

How the Media Would Cover the Apocalypse

"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing." – Mark Twain Uncle Andy concurs.

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER Wired: THE LAST NEW THING

ou love and care for your child, providing them with many opportunities to grow into the best person they can be. Look to martial arts to be your partner in building the foundation of their lives.

Our Little Ninjas program has been carefully developed for children, ages 3 to 6, to introduce and reinforce the important life lessons you want them to learn. We start with fun, promote teamwork and friendship and help to create strong individuality and the self-esteem necessary to succeed.

Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

You can give your child many things, but few of them will kick-start their lives better than martial arts. Call or visit our school today to enroll your little one into our special Little Ninjas preschool program.

Readers Digest: 'BYE

Anti-Bully Seminar

Wed. Jan. 19th 4:30-5:15 • 5:30-6:15

Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS? TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR! Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET! Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

Wed. Jan. 26th Free Women’s Self Defense Seminar 7:30-8:30pm

SPECIAL OF THE MONTH 1st Class $49.95 includes free uniform

New Morning Classes for Adults Mon. thru Sat. Call for Details

MEMBER: NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF PROFESSIONAL MARTIAL ARTISTS

Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: pelledojo@aol.com • www.pelletierskarate.com Some people like raw meat on rare occasions.

786-3731

“How can the world end in 2012 when I have yogurt that expires in 2013?”

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA JANUARY 2011 Activities for members and their guests Tuesday, Jan 4 Luiggi’s (Camp 10589) 63 Sabattus St., Lewiston 4:00pm – 7:00pm $3.50/Member; $4.50/Guest Saturday, Jan 8 Holy Cross KC Bean Supper (Camp 12907) 607 Lisbon St, Lewiston 4:30pm – 6:00pm $5.50/Member; $7.00/Guest Tuesday, Jan 11 Trolley House Restaurant LUNCH (Camp 10929) 237 Main St, Norway 11:30am – 1:00pm $5.00/Member; $6.00/Guest Wednesday, Jan 12 Pop Shoppe BREAKFAST (Camp 8609) 413 Main St., Lewiston 7am – 10am $3/Member; $4/Guest Wednesday, Jan 19 GridIron (Camp 14437) 1567 Lisbon St. Lewiston 4:00pm – 7:00pm $8.00/Member; $8.50/Guest Sunday, Jan 23 KC Breakfast (Camp 7938) Columbus Drive, Brunswick 7:30am – 9:30am $4.00/Member $5.00/Guest Child under 10 free Tuesday, Jan 25 Dairy Queen (Chapter 12749) 661 Minot Ave, Auburn 4:00pm – 7:00pm $4.00/Member $4.50/Guest Please Note: Prices and Menu are Subject to Change.

******************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm and Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holiday’s). FMI call 782-1833. __________________________

Auburn Activities Monday, Jan 31 (3 events) 800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

Breakfast 7-9am Roy’s Allsteak Hamburgers, Auburn $2.00 per ticket Lunch 11am-1pm Georgio’s, Auburn $2.50 off your menu choice Dinner 5-7pm Polly’s Oasis, 115 King St., Oxford $2.50 off your menu choice Tickets must be picked up @ MWA – 67 Minot Ave. Auburn or you may call Mon-Thurs, 9:00am to 5:00pm; at 207-783-8804 or 1-800-561-8506

"A free lunch is only found in mousetraps." – John Capozzi

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Uncle Andy’s Digest

Don't regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. – Unknown

MAILING ADDRESS:

PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL:

editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 FAX: 207

783-7039 777-3898

www.UncleAndys.com

JANUARY 2011

Staff UNCLE ANDY

Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted

Smile Again Dentures

The Original Warrior

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

JIMBO

514-0660

Sandbox Wisdom Seeker

Travis Dow

www.smileagaindentures.com smileagaindentures@gmail.com

Joe & Mike Adkins

Second Generation Warrior Hem your day with prayer and it will be less apt to unravel at the edges.

Maggie Joyce Playground Manager

Marty Dow Club Polisher

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

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Voted Best Breakfast Spot in 2010 for the 4th year in a row!

Voted #1 Catering Service in 2010 for the 7th year in a row!

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, 'I'm with you kid. Let's go.' – Maya Angelou

You're only as old as you feel ... the next day.

Out & About at a recent cheering competition

Getting off the ground is half the battle.

At least that’s what my daddy says...

Chelsea Major shows off her super jump

Chelsea Major, Kali, Megan & McKenna with Mr. Ted E. Bear Gigi & Papa, you guys make excellent bases. I’m gonna ask coach if we can get you on our cheering team...

(207) 333-3210

Gigi & Papa Edgerly strike a pose with Chelsea He who buys what he does not need steals from himself.

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Out & About on Veteran's Day at

After the wild game dinner, the taxidermist felt stuffed.

The Meadow's Senior Living Center in Greene

FREE

Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...

I was in the 250th Maintenance Ordinance Company in the Army during WWII. We were in Northern France at the time, we had Patton on one side of us and Monty on the other. We could fix anything. I remember one day my higher up, who was a no non-sense guy, told me there was a unexploded shell stuck in one of the 105 millimeter Howitzers. We were trying to decide what we were going to do to get it out, and he said he decided he need the smallest person in the unit because they were the only one who we would be able to be fit in the barrel and be lowered in head first to retrieve the unexploded shell.

I was that smallest person.

We need ya to get out that shell, he said,...I stuttered back with fear...is that an order sir. He stared at me for what seemed like an eternity then finally said... no, that's a joke! There was no shell stuck in the Howitzer!

Child Watch with all membership types!

TRY THE Y JANUARY MONTH-LONG OPEN HOUSE

Your family can try the Y for FREE during any 2 weeks in January.

Expanded Yoga schedule!

Harry Dixon Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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AUBURN-LEWISTON YMCA 62 TURNER STREET, AUBURN

207 795 4095

www.alymca.org As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.

Affordable! Really!

Three meals a day Plus snacks Weekly housekeeping - 24 hour call buttons Transportation to doctors appointments & shopping

All for $1,300 per month!

Openings Available Now! Call for a tour today!!

#433 Rt. 202, PO Box 629, Greene

946-3007 “Maine’s Most Affordable Senior Living Center”

www.mainemeadows.com

Life Lessons

Sarah Proulx joins Vinny and Rose Goulette for some fine mexican food at Hacienda Del Patron

Out & About on Veteran's Day at

The Meadow's Senior Living Center in Greene Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...

I remember the horrific Cocoanut Grove Fire where a number of soldiers died at home during WWII. I also served in England with the 20th Fighter Group Medical Faction, after being there for two years I was awarded the title of Honorary Brit.

I love you, Grampy!

Paul & Kathy Attwood with granddaughter Allie

Wally Dixon A woman called the dean of the college that her freshman son was going to. "I'm worried. I don't know who my son can hang out with. He doesn't have the kind of money all the other students have."

The dean replied, "He can hang out with the faculty."

A mind in the gutter is a life down the drain.

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Texas covers 275,416 square miles.

Out & About with the YMCA for Breakfast with Santa at Applebee始s in Auburn It was great seeing so many families from our community come out for this years Breakfast with Santa, and also having my family be a part of this great event as well.

The Dubois Family

What a great event the Y put on for the kids, a great breakfast and photo with Santa, what else could you ask for?

Abby, Suzanne, Ally & Bob

Four pounds of fresh grapes yield one pound of raisins.

The ideal attitude is to be physically loose and mentally tight. – Arthur Ashe

Out & About with the YMCA for Breakfast with Santa at Applebeeʼs

$

99 Patient Exam

Cindy Sloat with her granddaughter, Ceceila

Includes Cleaning & X-rays New patients only. Through January 31, 2011.

This offer cannot be used with any other offers.

David Greenwood Applebeeʼs manager

It’s true, our remote starters will start your car with the push of a button from up to a 1/4 mile away!

Mazie filling in as receptionist at Sound Effects

The tip of a 1/3 inch long hour-hand on a wristwatch travels at 0.00000275 mph.

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The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds!

THE SHOP AUTO SERVICE AND CLASSIC CAR RESTORATION

Eye Exams & Contact Lenses!

Mike Smith, owner

for the whole family

304 Lisbon St., Lisbon • 353-6100 www.theshopclassicrestoration.net theshop@roadrunner.com

Auburn Mall Eye Care 550 Center Street, Auburn (inside the Auburn Mall)

How can you save money without sacrificing quality?

Is your New Year’s Resolution to look & feel your best?

By calling Wyman’s Collision today!

From dings & dents to complete overhauls and custom paint jobs.

Then call Diane & Friends Today!

Dan Wyman, Owner

See us for a FREE ESTIMATE and $AVE!

Diane and Friends

Phone: 333-3231

75 Crest Ave., Auburn

Family Hair Design

376.4246

My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a 15-year-old male patient. The bedside phone rang, and the boy's mother reached over to pick it up.

After talking for a few minutes, the mother held the phone aside and said, "Your father wants to know if you have any cute nurses."

The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised above his arm, ready for insertion.

"Tell him," he replied, "they're absolutely gorgeous."

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DR. MICHAEL METAYER, O.D.

(207) 782-5030

1164 Minot Ave., Auburn (behind Dealer Worx)

Diane Bryant

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobiacs is the term for people who fear the number 666.

$5,995

$5,495

$5,595

‘03 Suzuki Vitara

‘01 Ford Escape XLS

‘97 Chevy Tahoe LT

4WD, Auto, Roof Rack

V6, 4x4

4x4, 91k, V8, Tow pkg.

Our Inventory 06 Mercedes E350 Sport, Florida Car, 44k . . . .$22,700 05 Ford Taurus SEL, V6, Automatic, 98k . . . . . . .$6,995 05 Dodge Caravan SE, Automatic, 96k . . . . . . . .$6,495 05 Chrysler Pacifica Touring, AWD, Loaded . . . . .$8,900 04 Cadillac Deville DHS, Automatic, Leather . . . .$6,900 04 Jeep Wrangler SE 74k, 5-Speed, 4x4 . . . . . . .$8,995 04 Dodges Stratus SE, 96k, Automatic . . . . . . . .$4,490 04 Dodge Stratus SXT, 95k, Automatic . . . . . . . .$5,995 03 GMC Yukon SLT, 99k, 4x4, Automatic . . . . . .$11,800 02 Ford Explorer XLT, 4x4, 105k . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995

01 VW Beetle GLX Turbo, 5-Speed, 96k . . . . . . .$5,495 01 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo, Automatic . . . .$6,995 00 Nissan Maxima SE V6, 5-Speed . . . . . . . . . . .$4,500 99 Pontiac Sunfire SE, Gold, Automatic, 67k . . . .$3,995 99 Pontiac Sunfire SE, Red, 53k, Automatic . . . .$3,995 99 Saab 9-5 SE, Auto, 71k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,995 97 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT, 4x4, 94k, Auto . . . . . . .$6,295 87 Mercedes 560SL Roadster, V8, Convertible, Automatic, 1-Owner......$12,500

We accept 138 Gardiner Rd. (Rte. 126) in Wales (about 1/2 mile from the Sabattus town line)

375-4823 • www.horselesscarriagesme.com

Larry Godin

A horses height is measured in hands. One hand equals about four inches.

AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE

Diamond Snowplows Morrison & Sylvester, Inc.

Out & About at Holly’s Own Deli & Restaurant Chad Porter, Uncle Andyʼs Digestʼs vote for the next American Idol

Chad Porter

1175 Minot Ave. • Auburn, ME 04210 207-783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net

Darren Finnegan Smokey the Bear has his own zip code because he receives so much mail: Smokey the Bear Headquarters, Washington, D.C., 20252

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Out & About at Holly’s Own Deli & Restaurant

Cat Ice is very thin ice from which the water has receded, which canʼt bear hardly any weight, even that of a cat.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 26 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems

OUR TIRES

I wasn’t impressed with Uncle Andy’s ability to take photos and standing on our table was over the top...

Rod & Beth Cameron, owners

60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210

782-6666 or 783-2026

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

Q: How much weight is saved by not painting an MD-11 Jumbo Jet? A: 300 pounds.

I think it was because he liked the egg nog a little too much...

We just thought he was part of the entertainment.

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The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

The caterpillar of the monarch butterfly will eventually multiply its original weight by 2,700 times.

If a 7-pound newborn human gained weight at the same rate, as an adult, it would weigh well over 9 tons.

www.MandPautosales.com

2001 Chevy 2500 HD 60k, 4x4, Xtra Cab, Loaded, BRAND NEW 8’ BOSS PLOW

$

15,500

2002 Chevy Silverado 1994 Chevy Rack Body 4x4, Ext. Cab

$

8,500

2WD, 6.5 Diesel, 87K

$

8,500

2007 Chevy Equinox, 90K, AWD, Loaded, leather . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,800 2006 Dodge Caravan, 40k, runs good . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,500 2005 Chevy Cobalt, 87k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 2003 Chevy Trailblazer, 4x4, 3rd Seat, Loaded, 75K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,995 2001 Volvo V70, Black, 119k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 1999 F350 Superduty, 230K, 7.3 Diesel, Previous Ambulance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$2,995

M & P AUTO SALES Roosevelt Trail, North Windham • Call Scott Rioux at 892-0932 or 754-4867 The biggest butterfly in the world is the Queen Alexandraʼs Birdwing.

It lives in Papua New Guinea, and has a wingspan greater than 11 inches.

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One has to eat 11 pounds of potatoes to put on 1 pound of weight. A potato has no more calories than an apple.

Quality Service at an Affordable Price!

• Diagnostic Specialists • State Inspections • Much, much • Tires & Tire Service more!

• Full Brake Service • Complete A/C Service • Alignments

We make owning Audi, VW, BMW’s & Mercedes more affordable!

Rick

Ron

Jeremy

Joshua

Don Gilks

Owner

Adv. Master Tech

Technician

Technician

Operations Manager

NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 • www.majorauto.net

Did You Know?

Color can be described as cool or warm depending on its position in the color spectrum and the hues of its nearest neighboring color.

Warm colors project the hot hues of sunlight and promote a feeling of warmth in a room.

Cool colors can increase the perception of space and are used to make walls appear closer. Cool colors are violets and blues.

Red, orange and yellow are warm colors, while violet and blue are cool colors. Green is said to be a neutral color.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Polar bears are the only mammal with hair on the soles of its feet.

Beat the cold with a remote starter!

Up to 1000’ Range

Start Only or Start & Keyless Entry includes 2 remotes

Call for price Model CS-600 Lifetime Guarantee

1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston

754-7873 8% of all potatoes in the United States are used for Potato chips.

In the 1985 Boise, Idaho mayoral election, there were four write-in votes for Mr. Potato Head.

Top 10 reasons to choose Mike Morin’s

10) Best of the best 12 years running for automotive service 9) Full service garage, no problem too big or too small 8) Fair & honest quotes 7) Accurate diagnosis of problems 6) Expert service & highest quality 5) Great customer service with a smile 4) We service all makes and models 3) State of the art equipment 2) Complimentary Coffee & Donuts 1) Free shuttle service in L/A

Start the New Year off right and have your vehicle serviced here at Mike Morin’s!

MEN Submitted by Maggie Joyce who keeps all the MEN at the Uncle Andyʼs office in line

Woman has Man in it; Mrs. has Mr. in it; Female has Male in it; She has He in it; Madam has Adam in it; Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...

I never looked at it this way before: Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

Just one of the many compliments we receive: “By far the most friendliest, honest and dependable auto shop in town! Also like their new waiting area with the leather couches and Keurig coffee machine. Keep up the good work!!”

Mike Morin’s Auto Center “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433

Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery

from all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest!

Time Square was originally called Long Acre Square.

MENtal illness!

MENstrual cramps MENtal breakdown MENopause GUYnecologist AND when we have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy.

Remember you don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.

Q: In a pond there are ten fish, one of them dies, and the water level of the pond increases. How? A: The other nine fish are crying.

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Out & About with the YMCA for Breakfast with Santa at Applebeeʼs

Bugs Bunny was originally called “Happy Rabbit.”

ITʼS NEVER TOO LATE TO ASK SANTA FOR WHAT YOU WANT!

Breakfast with Mommy and Santa was lots of fun!

Ava & Tarah Thank you to everyone who came out to support this event, to Applebees, to Santa and most of all to the volunteers who helped put this event on.

JEANNETTE FREVE of Lewiston turned 90 years young in December. She stopped by the Uncle Andyʼs office to share a photo and a little bit about herself. “I may be 90, but I donʼt feel it.”

Jimbo asked what her secret was. Jeannette said, “I go to the gym four times a week and I walk three miles a day.” Jimbo said he was only 46 but felt about 60. She added, “Well, Jimbo, sitting behind that computer thing all day doesnʼt help.” Jimbo is thinking of working out with Jeannette, but heʼs not sure he can keep up with her.

Lisa, Amanda & Jess all of The Y in Auburn

When filming summer scenes in winter, actors suck on ice cubes just before the camera rolls - it cools their mouths so their breath doesn't condense in the cold air.

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Jeannette shared that her son, Wayne Galarneau graduated from high school with Uncle Andy and Big Gare. Then she told Jimbo a few facts that he hadnʼt heard before. Jeannette said, “They put my photo in the Digest a few times. But I can remember when Uncle Andy and Big Gare were trying to make a go of this Digest business 15 years ago. The were looking for donations, ads, anything people would give. I remember those two boys sitting outside of the old Ames promoting their business and looking like they hadnʼt eaten in days. I went up to them and gave them a donation.”

“Thatʼs a great story, Jeannette.”

“Well, Jimbo, you look like you could use some help, too. Take this two dollar bill and this Abe Lincoln gold dollar coin.”

“No, maʼam. I canʼt take your money.”

“Jimbo, that is an order! Take it!!”

“Ah, yes maʼam!”

“I helped Uncle Andy and Big Gare, now I want to help you, Jimbo.”

“Well, thank you very much. You drive a hard bargain. Thank you for stopping by and sharing, Jeannette. It was a pleasure.”

One inch of rain over one square mile is 17,378,700 gallons of water.

The banana is a female fruit. The male flowers on a banana tree turn into flowers, but not fruit.

Take an additional

Out & About with the YMCA for Breakfast with Santa at Applebeeʼs in Auburn

$

2,500 OFF

WITH THIS AD ONLY!

2007 Chevrolet 3500 4x4 6.6L Duramax Diesel with automatic transmission.

Hydraulic dual-dump bed. Hydraulic Sander. Boss V-plow.

$

34,500 One Owner!

Cameron Critchlow Lewiston MAINEiacs

You can always count on two leftwingers to Assist the kids in Scoring a photo with Santa.

Only 65K miles!

Chris Lalonde Lewiston MAINEiacs

Numbers Fun Fact

200 Auburn Road in Turner • 225-2694 • 4 miles north of Auto Mile

Multiply 37,037 by any single number (1-9), then multiply that number by 3. Every digit in the answer will be the same as that first single number.

www.kryauto.com

For example: 37,037 x 5= 185,185.

185,185 x 3 = 555,555.

Sound moves through the air at 768 mph or approximately one mile in five seconds.

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Out & About at Holly’s Own Deli & Restaurant

AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE

ALWAYS BE THE “FOLLOW ME” GUY SHARE OUR PASSION

AMES AMES SPORT SHOP, SHOP, Inc Inc SPORT

84 Littlefield Road • Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

Q: How fast does the sound of thunder travel?

A: 1100 feet per second.

Hey, there’s Chad Porter!

1/31/11

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Hypersonic is 5 times the speed of sound or above Mach 5.

Sound above 130 decibels is painful.

Out & About with the YMCA for Breakfast with Santa at Applebeeʼs

My Dad means business!

DUKE & KEVIN

In January take

$500 OFF

Mike Spaulding & Jane Brodsky Two of the many great volunteers who served breakfast & made the event run smoothly.

I think I'll ask Santa for a Play Along Barney this year...

any vehicle on my lot!!!

Stop by or visit us on the web

www.realdealmaine.com

Real Deal

AUTO SALES

Jessie & Lauren Bolduc

Cool Trick Open a blank Word document and type exactly the following: =rand(200,99)

275 Washington Ave • Auburn • 784-5114

Press 'Enter' afterwards... Wait 5 seconds! Foxy huh!?

In the movie “The Wizard Of Oz,” Toto the dogʼs salary was $125 a week, while Judy Garland was $500 a week.

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AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE Got Volvo Problems?

Call Foreign Car Service today!

GOT HEAT?? FREE Winter Checkup With Ad

FOREIGN CAR SERVICE CO. 140 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-9300 VolvoSpecialist.net • David Sheloske, Owner

EXPERIENCED QUALITY SERVICE

Eat Your Veggies

QUALITY REPAIRS SINCE 1979

I put some turnips, my eleven-year-old son's least-favorite vegetable, on his dinner plate and instructed him to eat everything.

He cleaned his plate, except for the turnip.

I pointed out to him that if he'd eaten it earlier, he wouldn't have been left with its taste in his mouth at the end of the meal.

CARS • LT. TRUCKS • SUVs – We service them all We perform manufacturer’s vehicle maintenance and scheduled services • Transmission Flushes

• Chassis, alignment

• Fuel systems

• Shocks, struts

• Engine performance

• And more!

• Brakes, exhaust

• State Inspection

Maineʼs AAA Approved Repair Facility since 1990!

HORSEPOWER AUTOCARE, INC. 44 Roosevelt Trail, Rt. 302 • Windham • 892-9420 • 1-800-339-9420 Monday - Friday 8am-5pm • www.horsepowerautocare.com

Bob & Bonnie Merrill, owners

Thoughtfully, he replied, "I guess I was just trying to delay the inedible."

Any Make, Any Model Any Problem…

Full recons available. Call for an appointment

NO PROBLEM!

$

55/hr. LABOR RATE Fully Warranteed & Certified

865 Sabattus Street, Lewiston 333-3004

Steve Dubois Owner

liquidsunshinecarwash.com

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Brad Johnson

Brad’s Precision Auto 333-0364 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

Royal Crown Cola was the first soda company to use aluminum cans for their soda.

A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR Now doing Maine State Inspections!

$

34

Includes vacuum & clean interior & exterior wash

786-0522 41 Millett Drive, Auburn Located in the former Hebert’s Auto Building

The X's that people sometimes put at the end of letters or notes to mean a kiss, actually started back in the 1000's when Lords would sign their names at the end of documents to other important people. It was originally a cross that they would kiss after signing to signify that they were faithful to God and their King. Over the years though, it slanted into the X.

Chance

In 1982, a snowplow helped the New England Patriots beat the Miami Dolphins 3-0.

In a scoreless tie played in a heavy snowstorm, a snowplow was allowed to clear an area which allowed the Patriots kicker John Smith to make the field goal to win the game.

Q: Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg *are* white" or "The yolk of the egg *is* white"?

A: Neither, the yolk is yellow.

Out & About at Blackie’s Farm Stand

Does Uncle Andy think he’s getting a free Christmas tree just because he’s taking our picture?

Submitted by Jimbo

Outside a small Macedonian village a lone Catholic nun keeps a quiet watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of this site of significant historical developments, spanning more than 2,000 years.

At A-Plus Auto… we are there for you!

Simple Recons

95

2000 Years of History

Just smile, Nick. Uncle Andy always pays more than the going rate. He just doesn’t know it...

Nick & Mike Labbe

When Sister Maria Cyrilla of the Order of the Perpetual Watch dies, the convent of St. Elias will be closed by the Eastern Orthodox Patriarch of Macedonia. However, that isn't likely to happen soon, as Sister Maria, 53, enjoys excellent health.

By her own estimate, she walks 10 miles daily about the grounds of the convent, which once served as a base for the army of Attila the Hun. In more ancient times, a Greek temple to Eros, the god of love, occupied the hilltop site. Historians say that Attila took over the old temple in 439 A.D., and used it as a base for his marauding army.

The Huns are believed to have first collected and then destroyed a large gathering of Greek legal writs at the site. It is believed that Attila wanted to study the Greek legal system and had the writs and other documents (continued on page 23)

Q: The Ford Motor Company manufactured 1,000,000 cars for the first time in what year?

A: 1922

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

783-7039 21

Out & About with the YMCA for Breakfast with Santa

AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE

at Applebeeʼs in Auburn I'm glad I got involved and volunteered my time for this event. It was a very rewarding experience!

Go to The Y's website, ALYMCA.ORG and click on VOLUNTEER to find ways that you can give back too!

Under New Ownership

$6,495

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‘00 Nissan Maxima

‘99 Jeep Wrangler

‘03 Chrysler Sebring

V6, Auto

V6, 5-Speed, 4WD, Hard Top

V6, Auto, CD

06 Mazda Tribute . . . . . . . . .AWD, Auto, 65k . . . $11995 04 Chrysler Pacifica . . . . . .AWD, V6, Auto. . . . $10495 03 Dodge Grand Caravan SE .Auto, V6. . . . . . . . . . $5995 03 Dodge Caravan . . . . . . . .75k, Auto . . . . . . . . . $7995 03 Ford Escape XLS . . . . . .V6, Auto 4x4 . . . . . . $7995 02 Hyundai Elantra . . . . . . .5-Speed . . . . . . . . . . $3995 02 Pontiac Grand Prix . . . . .V6, Auto. . . . . . . . . . $4995 01 Chevy Monte Carlo . . . . .CD, V6, Auto . . . . . . $4495 01 Ford Taurus . . . . . . . . . .V6, Auto. . . . . . . . . . $3995 01 GMC Sierra w/Minute Man Plow . . . . . . . . . . $10995

01 Honda Civic . . . . . . . . . .Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4995 01 Ford Escape XLT . . . . . . .V6, Auto, 4x4 . . . . . . $5995 01 Ford Focus SE . . . . . . . .Silver, Auto . . . . . . . $3995 00 Ford Explorer . . . . . . . . .V6, 4x4 . . . . . . . . . . $3995 00 Chevy Impala . . . . . . . . .V6, Auto. . . . . . . . . . $4595 00 GMC CK 1500 . . . . . . . .V8, 4x4, Auto . . . . . . $7995 00 Ford Taurus . . . . . . . . . .V6, Auto. . . . . . . . . . $3995 99 Oldsmobile Intrigue . . . .Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3995 99 Nissan Altima . . . . . . . . .Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4995 98 Toyota Camry . . . . . . . . .Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4395

791 Sabattus Street • Lewiston • 344-6650 A baby in Florida was named: Truewilllaughinglifebuckyboomermanifestdestiny. His middle name is George James.

Out & About with the YMCA for Breakfast with Santa at Applebeeʼs in Auburn

6 pc Roadies Chicken Tender Snack $

6.49

Large Steak ’n Cheese Sub $ 4.99 or $5.49 loaded

Happy New Year!

Chad, Averi & Chantel Raymond Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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In a study that was done by the University of Chicago in 1907, it was concluded that the easiest color to spot is yellow.

About 20% of all vehicles stolen had the keys in them. . . DOWN! A great reason to pay a visit to Sound Effects... LOOK

“Start your New Year’s Resolutions right!

Never get in a cold car again!”

Remote Starters • Alarms • Car Audio • Boat Audio 625 Washington Street, Auburn (207) 777-3339

www.soundeffectsmaine.com 10% OFF with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

• Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

Ron Moon, Manager

207-657-5000

WINDHAM RAYMOND ADULT EDUCATION Classes and one night sessions begin in January and later in the winter and spring.

Over 150 exciting learning opportunities to choose from in Windham and Raymond! ➻ Basic Literacy/Tutoring ➻ Personal Enrichment ➻ Business Training/Planning • Arts & Crafts ➻ Career Advising • Exercise, Health and Wellness ➻ College Connections/Transitions/Placement Testing • Personal Finance ➻ Computer Classes - All Levels • Family Life ➻ English for Speakers of Other Languages • Music and Dance ➻ High School Completion/GED • Trips ➻ Job Training and Retraining ➻ Math and Reading Tutoring

Call 892-1819 FMI or check out our complete listing of courses at:

www.windham.maineadulted.org Q: 16% of Americans will receive one of these this year and it will cost them on average $150?

A: Speeding ticket

(continued from page 21)

brought to the temple.

Scholars differ on why he had the valuable documents destroyed either because he was barely literate and couldn't read them, or because they provided evidence of a democratic government that did not square with his own notion of "rule by an all-powerful tyrant”.

When the Greek church took over the site in the 15th century and the convent was built, church leaders ordered the pagan statue of Eros destroyed, so another ancient Greek treasure was lost. Today, there is only the lone sister, watching over the old Hun base. When she goes, that will be it.

Thus, that's how it ends, with . . . . No Huns, No Writs, No Eros, and Nun on base.

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"

When another person jumped in and explained that the sun rises in the east (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

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Only 38% of Americans eat breakfast everyday.

www.emerso

The Back Forty J

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2011

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The average American eats about 8 1/2 pounds butter per year.

Average life span of the American dollar bill is 18 months.

ontoyota.com

January Specials

According to one study, 24% of lawns have some sort of lawn ornament in their yard.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

783-7039 25

Out & About on Veteran's Day at

Vegetarians make up 25% of the worldʼs population.

The Meadow's Senior Living Center in Greene Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...

NEVER PAY RETAIL AGAIN! FINANCIN AVAILABL G E

375 CENTER ST., AUBURN • 784-8500 Barbara Nelson, who is 100 years old. It is thought that Barbara was one of the first women, if not the first, to command a company of troops.

She had 145 men serving under her on the CBI during WWII, which was the China Burma India supply Route.

She once had tea with Mao Tse Tung.

‘07 Jeep Liberty

$

What if you gave someone a gift, and they neglected to thank you for it, would you be likely to give them another? Life is the same way. In order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you must truly appreciate what you already have.

– Ralph Marston Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2011

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N.A.D.A.

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Red 74K

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‘08 Ford Focus N.A.D.A.

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‘06 Subaru Forester 2.5X

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‘07 Ford Escape

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Refer a customer, receive $100 Shop online: www.mainewholesaledirect.com The average American lawn is 1/3 of an acre.

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."

– Mark Twain

WASTE NOTHING

™

Out & About with the YMCA for Breakfast with Santa at Applebeeʼs

FREE Recycling at 145 River Rd., Lewiston • Mon-Fri. 9am-3pm (behind Dragon Concrete Plant and across road from Walmart Distribution Center) Please drive slow pass through Dragon Cement. Green Team Facility at bottom of hill. Enter through green door and ask for attendant.

ALL PLASTICS throughout the year • Clear poly bags, poly sheeting, films, wraps, mixed plastic containers • All reasonable clean cardboard (flattened) • White paper and mixed color • Newspaper separate

January is “Dump-1-Dumpster” month Call the Green Team for FREE cardboard and plastic pick-up Cut disposal cost and save valuable Maine land!

Call 513-6334 FMI

Jan. 15th thru Feb. 15th • Stretch/shrink wraps, sort all by color, bag in clear outer bag. All black bags separate.

• Intact glass containers, caps and labels ok, clean cans, all metal and plastic scraps • Computer monitors, hard drives, keyboards, printers, cell phones and CDs, All must be intact including cables, battery packs, etc.

• Waste Oil Well sealed and labeled (must bring it in) • PVC pipe, tubing, vinyl siding, plastic trim and parts • Intact auto/truck batteries

Institutional, Commercial and Business • Rolling recycle collection totes supplied and serviced.

NO CHARGE - call FMI • Tub and totes available at low prices • Ask about our buy back program

CALL US TO QUALIFY FOR FREE PICK-UP

Don’t throw it out...

Give the Green Team a shout!

782-4000 or 513-6334 Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly.

– St. Francis de Sales

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

783-7039 27

Out & About at Holly’s Own Deli & Restaurant

"I saw the man remove my ballot from the box," said Tom devotedly.

This chair would make a nice necklace for Uncle Andy don’t ya think?

Go Steelers!

This is my mom’s first time in Uncle Andy’s. Hard to believe she’s the rookie and I’m the veteran...

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website

www.donovansauto.com Louise & Kirstie Acker Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856

“Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.”

"Some people are like blisters. They don't show up until the work is done."

NIGHT AND DAY

by Red Green

LOCALLY OWNED & OPERATED

I'd like to offer an observation about mixed marriages -- a morning person should never marry a night person.

Believe me, conflicting shifts is the hardest part of any union. The difference between day people and night people is like... well, like night and day.

January Special $

1 OFF

our delicious, hot, mouthwatering HOURS: Mon.-Sat. 7am-9pm Sun. 10am-8pm

Meatball Sub (Meatballs & Melted Provolone Cheese drizzled with Marinara sauce on a Toasted Italian Hoagie or Bread of Choice)

600 Turner Street, Auburn 784-3434 • www.heidisauburn.com nel officer asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had three years experience. Now I've discovered this is the first position you've ever held."

Imagine This A few weeks after a young man had been employed, he was called into the Human Resources administrator's office.

"True," the young man answered with a smile. "In your advertisement you said you wanted a person with imagination."

"What is the meaning of this?" the person-

Bud Race Series Begins January 6th and goes Every Thursday night

Still time to sign up your team!

Lots of fun! Lots of prizes!!

Still time to open a checking account at Mechanic Savings Bank & get a lesson package valued at $350 for $75!

January 7th

Tin Can Mountain Round-up Bring in 3 can goods to benefit Good Shepard Food Bank Get a $15 lift ticket 5-9 PM

Jan 7th

Shipyard Night 200 Lost Valley Road, Auburn 784-1561 • www.lostvalleyski.com

in the Brookside Lounge with Five Face North playing at 8:00 PM

The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running.

At the crack of dawn, the morning person is bright-eyed and bushytailed, while the night person is bleary-eyed and bushy-tongued.

But, in the wee hours, Missus Merry Morning has lapsed into deep hibernation on the couch and is snoring so loudly, Mr. Night Owl can barely hear his infomercials.

Burning the collective candle at both ends can put a strain on a marriage, and sadly, no amount of coffee can change a day person into a night person or vice versa.

The only way to save one of these unnatural unions is to concentrate on the afternoon, the only quality time where nobody's tired or cranky. So, I say get together for a romantic candlelight lunch, slap on that song "Afternoon Delight" and let your biorhythms do the rest.

Submitted by Sheldon Walton Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

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Out & About at the Electrical Systems of Maine Christmas party When I'm not sitting on the boards of the Maine Tourism Association, The Maine Snowmobile Association or running our Inn in Harpswell, I like celebrating the success of our son David's company, Electrical Systems of Maine, congrats on another great year son!

“Fools rush in ... and get all the best seats.”

Happy New Year!

Roy & Mary Tassanari We didn’t want all our groupies to know where we work.

Uncle Roy & his son, Jeff Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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"Spend eighty percent of your time focusing on the opportunities of tomorrow rather than the problems of yesterday." – Brian Tracy

“Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.”

24/7 WRECKER SERVICE

KAREN GRUVER JOINS FONTAINE TEAM

We’ve updated our fleet to better serve you!

DON’S NO PREFERENCE TOWING CO. Ask for Don or Debbie for all your towing needs

940 Washington St. • Auburn • 784-4619 5%?

10%?

15%?

20%?

Don St. Germain

Ask for Dave’s discount of the day on new or used auto or truck parts. It will be anywhere from 5% to 20% OFF depending what kind of day he’s having!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! WE SPECIALIZE IN NEW/USED AUTO & TRUCK PARTS Offering almost any part for any year, make or model.

Foreign or Domestic, Auto or Truck.

Don’s DBA...

Established in 1984

MORRIS AUTO PARTS 940 Washington St. North • 784-7374 or 800-730-7374 • Mon. - Fri. 8 - 5 • Sat. 8 - 12

"Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path."

Karen Gruver has recently joined the Fontaine Family The Real Estate Leader at 336 Center Street in Auburn. Karen is a licensed Associate Broker and brings eight years of experience to the team. She worked previously with Coldwell Banker Millett Realty and has done extensive work with buyers.

She prides herself on quality, personal service for all her clients. She can be reached at 784-3800. Karen invites you to call her with any of your real estate needs or questions.

Fontaine Family – The Real Estate Leader is a nationally recognized high quality service real estate team of 16 licensed real estate professionals with over 100 years of combined experience. The team has successfully closed over 4,000 transactions. Fontaine was recently named America’s Top Real Estate Professionals in 2009 on wallstreetjournal.com. The Fontaine website, www.brendafontaine.com consistently ranks 10th in the top 100 real estate websites in the USA. You can go to www.realestateabc.com to check it out!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out & About at the Electrical Systems of Maine Christmas party

Values are like fingerprints. Nobody's are the same, but you leave 'em all over everything you do. – Elvis Presley

Gary For a local company with exceptional electrical skill and capabilities, and attention to detail, choose E.S.M!

On November 23 Andy Barker passed away unexpectedly.

He was a well known man in his trade, he built hand-cycles and wheelchairs for those who were handicapped.

Andy left behind his wife Keri, and two step-children.

Robert Tassanari

arker Keri B & y d n A

Andy working

The proceeds of this spaghetti dinner and silent auction are to benefit Keri and the kids. If you cannot attend this event, donations will be accepted.

Please contact Stefanie Mills at 713-6629 or email her at stefanierobin@gmail.com

Mike Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Blueberry juice boosts memory.

"Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back."

– Thomas Sowell

TROP ICAL HARMONY

Happy New Year!

Out & About at the Electrical Systems of Maine Christmas party I'm smiling because I know something most people don't know, that E.S.M stands for Electrical Systems of Maine.

All your salt water tank needs right here!

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies 272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372

Out of Gas After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it was out of gas.

tank. But when I tried to unlock the car door, it wouldn't open. Just then, I noticed an identical old car parked a short distance away. That was my car; I had filled a stranger's gas tank.

Mat

Wearily I walked back to the station.

A passer-by told me there was a service station a half-mile away, so I took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in the sweltering sun.

The attendant filled my two-gallon can, and I lugged it back and poured the gas into the

"You know," the attendant suggested helpfully, "instead of walking back and forth to fill the tank from the can, you could put a couple of gallons in the tank and then drive the car here."

Dude, everyone knows that!

Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village".

ATTENTION BUSINESS & COMMERCIAL PROPERTY OWNERS

HAPPY NEW YEAR! "Helping the environment one job at a time"

Go Green! All Natural Cleaning Products

K+L GREEN CLEAN, INC 577-8725 www.KandLGreenClean.com OWNERS: KRISTIE MORIN & LAUREN SIMPSON “ The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.” – Doug Larson

Nick Americans consume more than 353 million pounds of turkey during National Turkey Loversʼ Month in June.

By comparison, more than 675 million pounds of turkey will be consumed at Thanksgiving.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out & About at Holly’s Own Deli & Restaurant

"Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end." – Scott Adams

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit."

– Harry S. Truman

& Jimbo

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SPRING FEVER DANCE Saturday, January 29th American Legion Post 150 41 Elm St., Mechanic Falls person $10 per r Cash ba 50-50 of fun! s t o l d n a night e h t e c Dan us!! h t i w y a aw

8PM – Midnight We suggest you get your tickets in advance. Remaining tickets will be available at the door.

For more info and tickets: Call Jeff Martin at 577-9243 or Pam Grondin at 345-3069 Proceeds to support youth sports in Mechanic Falls Dance put on by the Mechanic Falls Recreation Committee (an all volunteer committee)

d n a B t e e r t S d a o r B The

Live music by:

“One of the areas premiere classic rock dance bands!”

(l to r): Jody Demers, drums; Celeste Onofrio, vocals; Michael Onofrio, guitar; and Dan Johnson, bass

Out & About at Holly’s Own Deli & Restaurant

"Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself." – Doris Lessing

Eye Test I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.

I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.

"Now your left." Again, a flawless read.

"Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.

I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

THE CUMMINGS AGENCY, INC. INSURANCE 9 South Main Street Mechanic Falls, ME •

(207) 345-8711 • 1-800-339-0414

Jeffrey R. Cummings • Nora W. Cummings

AUTOS • HOMEOWNERS

CHECK OUT www.secondchanceboxer.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2011

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"What I am looking for is not out there, it is in me." – Helen Keller

Porter

MOTORCYCLES • BUSINESS Nessie

Boo

Dog gonnit…

We want your business!

THURSDAYS Line Dancing Lessons 6pm Karaoke 8pm Beer Pong Sign-ups 9pm

Action-packed Thursdays with DJ B-Set at 9:30pm

FRIDAYS

SATURDAYS

LADIES Night Drink Specials

DJ & your favorites in Tribute Bands, Comedy Acts & More!

DJ & Live Local Entertainment

ENTERTAINMENT LINE-UP Fri. Jan. 7th Sat. Jan. 8th Sat. Jan. 15th Sat. Jan. 22nd Sat. Jan. 29th Sat. Feb. 12th

Prospect Hill & Guest TBA Stolen Mojo w/opening act by Mad Hatter TBA Rockin’ Road Runners

FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS ALWAYS A DJ IN THE PUB !

w see beloI FM

Uncle Andy’s Digest Party

see below FMI

w/ live music by Tickle

SAVE THE DATE! Saturday, February 12th

Sat. Jan. 15th

Doors open at 8pm

Uncle Andy’s Digest

– y t r a –P

Doors op en at 8pm

Live Music All Night Long

by Maine’s Newest & Greatest Dance Band

Party & Dance Band for all Occasions

Pop ~ Motown ~ R&B ~ Disco

Performing the best of Funk, R&B, Rap, Blues, Rock & more

150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info

Opening music from Mad Hatter

Out & About at the Electrical Systems of Maine Christmas party

Kissing is healthier than shaking hands.

Contrary to what my nickname may imply, I do not have a short fuse.

“Dynamite” Don My husband decided life would be easier if he wired a new light switch in the master bedroom to save us from fumbling in the dark for the lamp. He cut through the drywall and found a stash of bottles and small boxes inside the wall.

"Honey!" he called excitedly. "You've got to come here and see what I found."

I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole that now led into the back of our medicine cabinet.

Q: The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user doesn't even see it.

What is it?

A: Coffin Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Married men tip better than unmarried men.

Eat What You Want

The elephant is the only animal with 4 knees.

ON-SITE DRUG TESTING D.O.T. Drug Screening

$

15 $ 20

Alcohol Screening $

Local* After Hours & Weekends*

30

Includes confirmation if necessary

Available 24-7, 365 days a year

*Call for out-of-area pricing

We also perform hair follicle drug screens, paternity tests, private investigations, tenant screenings & background checks.

Testing can be performed in the privacy of your home or office.

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com

Submitted by Jimbo

The waitress comes over and recognizes the family seated at the table -- Mr. and Mrs. Smith and their little son, Jonathan. She says, "Jonathan, what would you like?"

He says, "I'll have a grilled cheese sandwich."

She says, "Jonathan, I'm sorry, we don't serve grilled cheese sandwiches."

He says, "You have a grill, don't you?"

She says, "Yes."

There are about 540,000 words in the English language and growing.

He says, "You have cheese, don't you?"

She says, "Yes." He says, "You have bread, don't you?"

She says, "Yes." (continued on next page)

New Year’s Resolution #1: Learn to play an instrument Offering lessons in: • Guitar • Voice Call • Violin

376-3376 Today!

Authorized Service Center

• Piano • Banjo • Music theory

• Bass • Mandolin • Brass & woodwinds

We also sell and service all types of instruments

Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair

134 Main Street, Auburn • 376-3376 • www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com

An olive tree can live up to 1500 years.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

783-7039 39

(continued from previous page)

He says, "Well, I'll have a grilled cheese sandwich."

This kid is four years old!

Chewing gum while peeling onions will reduce your tears.

Hail to the (Fire) Chief

The waitress says, "Jonathan, I'll go see if the chef will fix you a grilled cheese sandwich."

Russ Dillingham/Sun Journal photo

She comes back in a little while and says, "Okay, Jonathan, the chef agreed to fix you a grilled cheese sandwich. I forgot to ask you, though, what you want to drink."

He says, "I'll have a milkshake."

She says, "Jonathan, your parents have probably already told you we don't serve milkshakes." (She was ready for him this time.) "Now, it is true we have milk. And it is true we have ice cream. But we don't have the syrup."

He says, "You have a car, don't you?"

The sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald Memorialized in song, the ore ship Edmund Fitzgerald sank on November 10, 1975 with all 29 of its crew.

The ship vanished during a storm on Lake Superior.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Steve French with his two dogs, Bobbie & Abby Firefighting started for Steve French in 1977.

Elected as the Chief of the Minot Fire Department in March, 1985. After 25 years as Chief, he has decided it was time to step aside.

“Weʼve come along way over the years. From a one-bay station with no water or plumbing with a homemade 1,200 gallon tank truck, a 1928 Dodge and an old International truck from the 50s.”

nd 1977

Back in the early days, Steve pointed out, communication was their biggest obstacle. One of his passions over the years has been seeing the progress of the 911 system that we all know today. “Before 911 we had a dispatcher that would call you individually. And hoped they would get you. The development of the 911 emergency dispatch system was the right thing to do.

Technology makes it almost instantaneous.”

ucks arou

tr Minot fire

In 1999 Minot combined fire and rescue changing the name from West Minot Fire Company to Minot Fire Department. French said, “Now at least half of our volunteers are both firefighters and also EMTs.” Steve is very proud of where they are now. He adds, “I donʼt plan on leaving totally, Iʼll still be kicking around.

Now is the right time for someone else to become chief.”

Steve is currently the superintendent of the Mechanic Falls Water Department full time and is still a selectmen for the Town of Minot. He credits his family for their support over the years. His wife, Brenda and his daughter, Laurie are both active in the auxiliary; his son, Jayme also became an EMT and a firefighter who served professionally with the Auburn Fire Dept. His mom, Phyllis, served for many years as backup dispatcher.

Congratulations, Steve on a fantastic firefighting career!

Roosters have to extend their necks in order to crow.

Menʼs shirts have the buttons on the right while womenʼs shirts have the buttons on the left.

Out & About at Big Daddy’s Pub in Mechanic Falls at their annual Christmas party

Santa Ed, Big Daddy & Mrs. Jonie Claus

Jen, David & the masked bandit (aka Big Daddy)

Matt & baby In 2009 one of eight newly married couples in the US met online.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

783-7039 41

Out & About at the Dad’s Place Christmas Party

The parachute was invented by Leonardo da Vinci in 1515.

Darts & Pool Free Wi-Fi Big screen TV

Check out our covered partially heated deck!

We have 2 courtesy vans at Big Daddy’s!

FREE Pick-up and drop off available within a 10 mile radius.

Cleanest Restrooms Around!

Saturda y Special 3pm - 8 pm

All Cann ed $

Beer

1.00

NEW expanded menu!

Plenty of parking out back with Handicap ramp to bar & deck

5 North Main Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-3782 Q: 5 house lizards were crawling on the wall when all of a sudden, one of them started to sing a song. The moment it stopped singing the song, the other four lizards fell down from the wall... Why? A: They all started clapping.

Christine

Emily

Cindy

Daniel

Q: If an electric train is going westbound and the wind blowing northbound, in what direction will the smoke from the train travel?

A: Electric trains do not have smoke.

Lynn

Elizabeth

Because radio waves travel at 186,000 miles per second and sound waves saunter at 700 miles per hour, a broadcast voice can be heard sooner 13,000 miles away than it can be heard at the back of the room in which it originated.

11 Reasons to choose Panache in 2011!!

Michelle

Jen

studio for hair, nails & massage

• • • • • • • • • • •

Cuts Styles Colors & Highlights Perms Extensions Manicures Pedicures Artificial Nails Massage Waxing Arbonne Make-up

20 Coburn Street, Auburn (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos)

Open Monday-Saturday • www.panachehairandnailstudio.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2011

783-7039

Buttermilk does not contain any butter.

782-9009

Any free moving liquid in outer space will form itself into a sphere, because of its surface tension.

Out & About at Big Daddy’s Pub in Mechanic Falls at their annual Christmas party

Daily Specials Mon. Fergy Tues. Meatball or Meatball w/Cheese Wed. Spaghetti

Thurs.

Fri. Sat. Sun.

Mini Pizza $1 OFF Any Large Pizza 2 Ham or Salami Italians Baked Ziti, Bread & Salad

www.LuiggisPizzeria. com

We’re a happening place. If you haven’t checked us out, you should. You’ll be pleasantly surprised!

Brian “Big Daddy” Kyle

The word "trivia" comes from the Latin "trivium" which is the place where three roads meet, a public square. People would gather and talk about all sorts of matters, most of which were trivial.

First novel ever written on a typewriter: "Tom Sawyer."

Percentage of Africa that is wilderness--28%.

Percentage of North America that is wilderness--38%.

Mrs. Jonie Claus & baby

SEE US FOR YOUR SNOWMOBILE LOAN • Low Rates • Fast Approval • Great Terms

2,520 can be divided by 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 without having a fractional leftover.

Silent night, holy night...

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

783-7039 43

Out & About at the Dad’s Place Christmas Party

The state official motto of Alaska is " North to the Future".

ECIAL! ARYPizzaS&P2-Liter JALargeNU1-Topping Soda $

Hot Soups are on...

Grab a bowl today!

9.99 Florian’s ~ Market ~

Free delivery in L-A for orders over $15

Call us for commercial & residential bottle pickup Find us on Facebook & Foursquare

301 Main St., Auburn 783-9098 / Open 7 Days a Week

Bring your next framing job to D&R Framing and get Expert Custom Framing!

Quality Personal Service!!

FREE Glass

*

*Regular glass - up to 24”x30”

Happy New Year!

Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333

Dan Williams, owner

every day is special at Fran’s

Mr. Dad & Mrs. Dad (aka Larry & Diana Roy)

All of our meals are prepared from scratch, all home-cooked and delicious!

Thursday’s: Try our homemade TURKEY DINNER with hot mashed potatoes, vegetable, stuffing & cranberry.

YUMMY! Monday is MEATLOAF MADNESS, just the way Mom used to make it.

Open 7 Days a Week 786-0667 BREAKFAST SERVED ALL DAY! 1485 Lisbon St., Lewiston

Dadʼs Place owners Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2011

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The bulls-eye on a dartboard must be 5 feet 8 inches off the ground.

The word "monosyllable" actually has five syllables in it.

We can ship anything... Anywhere! (well, almost anything)

• UPS, FedEx & DHL shipping • Packaging Services • eBay • Mailboxes and more!

After spending a small fortune in advertising with Uncle Andy’s Digest I finally got one person to say they came in because of the ad in the Digest. I’m just trying to figure out if Andy paid them to say that...

120 Center Street, Auburn

www.AuburnGoinPostal.com

784-9900

See their ad on page 90!

Jeremy Petrocelli Backwoods Snowboards & Skateboards

Dadʼs Girls SIMPLICITY g FLEXIBILITY

g

EASE

Your local option for outsourcing your payroll...

Check us out for all your payroll needs!

PAYROLL MANAGEMENT, INC.

100 Manley Road, Auburn 783-6880 or 800-734-6880 • www.payrollmgt.com Before jets, Jet Lag was called Boat Lag.

Out & About at the Dad’s Place Christmas Party Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

783-7039 45

Out & About at Big Daddy’s Pub in Mechanic Falls at their annual Christmas party

Sure, honey.

Tell Santa what you want for Christmas...

Ok Santa, Mommy said I can only ask for one thing. I’ll give you my list and I’ll let you choose which one you want to give me.

Deal?

A perfect number is a number whose divisors add up to itself such as 28: 1+2+4+7+14=28.

Robert stopped by our office and told Jimbo that he was laid up in October and couldnʼt get out and get his monthly fix and wanted to know if we had any back issues. We did and then he explained the following...

I have a copy of every edition ever printed. All 173 of them! From their first edition back in August, 1996 to current. These babies are gonna be collector’s items some day!!

Robert LeVasseur of Auburn

Santa gets the list

In 1892, Pudge Heffelfinger was paid a cash bonus of $500 to play for the Allegheny Athletic Association, thus becoming the first professional football player.

Weʼre glad youʼre feeling better, Robert. Thank you for coming into our office. You made our day!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

It is unknown if odd perfect numbers exist.

& Jimbo

46

JANUARY 2011

783-7039

The word 'nerd' was first coined by Dr. Seuss in 'If I ran the Zoo'.

Earn

20% MORE with $20 or more in bottles

Earn

10% MORE

CHECK OUT OUR NEW LOCATION!

with any amount of bottles with this coupon Expires 12/31/10

Out & About at the Dad’s Place Christmas Party

Happy New Year!!

We’re across from the car wash, just down from Future Foods.

And definitely worth the trip!

Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm

Richard Conway, owner

The infinity character on the keyboard is called a "lemniscate".

DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCH I can’t believe I ate the whole thing!

Simon Kissick

Mon-Fri 7am to 2pm Sat & Sun 6am to 2pm

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 The word 'Bye' is used in both English and Spanish meaning the same thing.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

783-7039 47

UNDER THE SAME ROOF TO BE

A

1822 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston

784-3100

Welcomes Stacy Whetzel to their staff of professional designers.

Stacy welcomes all new and old customers from Pineland Lumber. Let her 8 years of experience help you find the right designs for your home.

Cell: 207-754-8833 Office: 207-784-3100

$

1399

Hammond Oak Kitchen Cabinets

See designer for details

Countertops

$ See us also at: 1766 Federal Rd. (Rt. 4) Livermore

S

Stacy Whetzel

100.00

INSTANT REBATE

897-3400

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com

$

5

TTER SERVE OUR CUSTOMERS

Amana® Tall Tub Dishwasher

$

349

Model: ADB1600AWW • Tall Tub Interior • High-temp Wash Option • ENERGY STAR® Qualified • Small Item Clips (2) • CleanPlate Wash System • Heavy Wash Cycle • Soil Sensor • Heated Dry Option • Delay Start Option

Amana® 4.8 cu. ft.

Self-Cleaning Electric Range

599

Amana® 19 cu. ft. Top-Freezer Refrigerator

Buy All 3 for $1619 and the Microwave is

FREE

SAVE $199 Model: AER5844VAW • Metal Handle • Storage Drawer • Adjustable Self-Cleaning Oven • Custom Broil • 2 Oven Racks • Electronic Clock with Timer • Extra-Large Oven Window • Delay Bake Oven Control • 5 Oven Rack Position

Model: A9RXNMFWW • Up-Front Temperature Control System • Interior Light $ • Dairy Center • 2 Garden Fresh™ Crisper Drawers • 1 Full-Width, 2 Half-Width Spillsaver™ Glass Shelves • Deli Drawer • 3 Opaque Adjustable Door Bins • 2 Fixed, Full-Width Freezer Door Shelves • 1 Fixed, Full-Width Door Shelf

689

Amana® 1.5 cu. ft.

Over-the-Range Microwave Model: AMV1150VAW • 1,000 Watts Cooking Power • Contemporary Styling with a Hidden Vent • Scrolling Word Prompt Display • 10 Power Levels • Touchmatic® Control System • 2 Program Cooking States • Auto Defrost • Auto Reheat

SAVE

$

199

WHITE & BLACK ONLY

1822 Lisbon Road • Lewiston, ME (207) 786-5555 • gedimansappliance.com 67 Centre Street • Bath, ME Local: (207) 443-4711 • Toll-free: 800-734-6963

Out & About at the Dad’s Place Christmas Party

The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

Winter is here...

Are you ready?

$

899

The Last One Sitting

$

1199

Prize Grand Winner ical of Mus Chairs

Debbie Strout Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2011

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A rumor goes in one ear and out many mouths. – Chinese Proverb

Out & About at Irish Twins Pub Just another day in paradise strumming a six-string

A little too late, is much too late. – German Proverb

January Specials Power Recovery Body Wrap... $60 Manicure & Pedicure... $45 • Massages • Facials • Body Treatments • Body Waxing • Manicures/Pedicures • Hair Services

336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611 Michele Tribou gets a guitar lesson from Chad Porter

Back l to r: Shannon Lord, Mel Cote, Hannah Greene. Front: Ashley Farrell, Darcy Ames

WEEKLY ENTERTAINMENT & SPECIALS Tuesday

Wednesday

Free Pool & Touch Tunes 75¢ Wings $1 Red Hot Dogs $1.50 Domestic Drafts

FREE Pool 1/2 price Apps $1.50 Domestic Drafts

Thursday 1/6 1/13 1/20 1/27

Chad Porter Matt Fournier Chad Porter Mike Krapovicky

Friday 1/7 1/14 1/21 1/28

Veggies Skøsh Kaining Amy Dr. Fat Finger

Saturday 1/8 The Mob 1/15 Chad Porter Trio 1/22 Veggies 1/29 Five Face North BOGO 10” Pizzas

75¢ Tacos

Irish Twins Pub

Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s)

Dan & Natalie Williams

Wishing everyone a great year of health & prosperity from the entire staff of

Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn • 782-3457 The Birthday girl Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

52

JANUARY 2011

783-7039

www.annsflower.com

The car in the foreground on the back of a $10 bill is a 1925 Hupmobile.

Ohio is listed as the 17th state in the U.S., but technically it is Number 47. Until August 7, 1953, Congress forgot to vote on a resolution to admit Ohio to the Union.

VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

86-0715 7 • N R UBU LAZA, A pers.com P p i T g E .

E w R w T w ER S 120 CENT

The Academy Award statue is named after a librarian's uncle. One day Margaret Herrick, librarian for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, made a remark that the statue looked like her Uncle Oscar, and the name stuck.

“All breakfast specials include coffee.”

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am You asked… we listened! A new brand of coffee!

Fresh steak cut and ground daily.

Open Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm

5 Washington St.,

MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast.............$3.75 TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast.....................$3.75 WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes ........................$3.75 THURSDAY: French Toast .....$3.75

Auburn

FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette..$3.75

783-4304

SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage ......$3.75

Phone Orders Are Welcome

SUNDAY: French Crepes .......$3.75

!

It is a seven letter word.

If we remove 1 letter from it, it remains the same.

There are seven points on the Statue of Liberty's crown.

BREAKFAST SPECIALS

Trivia

expires 1/31/11

$

1 OFF Any Purchase of $500 or more 1 coupon per order

Prices do not include tax.

Minus 40 degrees Celsius is exactly the same as minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit.

If we remove 2 letters from it, it remains the same.

If we remove 3 letters from it, it remains the same.

If we remove all the letters from it, it remains the same.

WHAT IS IT? A Mailbox Q: Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?

A: Mt. Everest Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

783-7039 53

Out & About at Big Daddy’s Pub in Mechanic Falls

The Gulf Stream could carry a message in a bottle at an average of 4 miles per hour.

PURCHASE or REFINANCE** through CCU and SAVE!

50’s Night

Rates as low as

Rates as low as

%

%

APR*

APR*

2.99 3.99

Tommy

for up to 60 months

for up to 72 months

COMMUNITY CREDIT UNION 144 Pine Street, Lewiston - 40 Stanley Street, Auburn Phone 207.783.2096 • Fax 207.783.2093 www.communitycreditunion.com

Maria & Don Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

54

JANUARY 2011

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*APR=Annual Percentage Rate. Rates are as low as 2.99% APR for vehicles financed up to 5 years or 60 months. Payments per $1,000 on 60 months = $17.97. Rates are as low as 3.99% APR for vehicles financed up to 6 years or 72 months. Payments per $1,000 on 72 months = $15.65. Rates subject to change without notice. **No in-house refinancing. Refinancing from other financial institutions welcome. Subject to credit approval. Member eligibility required. Some restrictions may apply.

Adding a drop of olive oil and lemon juice to an ice cube then running it over your face gives you better results than some expensive skin care products.

In Germany, an official approval is needed before a new born is named.

Now serving 4 different Soups every day!

Nice warm soup after work or to take home

Out & About at Holly’s Own Deli & Restaurant Did Uncle Andy just say he was taking pictures for the Sun Journal?

Live Entertainment Sat. Jan. 8 Okbari Belly Dancers Thu. Jan. 22 Mike Krapovicki Sat. Jan. 29 Foreplay

84 Court St, Auburn

333-3041 www.hollysown.com

Deli Downstairs Dining Room Upstairs

Happy New Year!

Has your office tried us for take out or delivery?

Why not?

Mon-Tues. 7:30-4:00 Wed-Fri 7:30-10:00 • Sat. 11:00-10:00

Holly Mireault, Owner

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. – French Proverb

I don’t care if he was taking pictures for People Magazine after all he was nice enough to share his dessert tray with us...

Childcare Openings!

6 weeks to school age. A family daycare atmosphere, where your child is more than just a number!!

M&M

“Just like Grandma’s House”

NEW YEAR DISCOUNT

10% OFF

Childcare 454 Mechanic Falls Road, Oxford

739-0098 mnmchildcare1@aol.com

Kissing helps prevent tooth decay.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

783-7039 55

Balsa wood is often considered the strongest wood for its weight in the world. Pound for pound it is stronger in some respects than pine, hickory, or even oak.

TAYLOR BROOK

DENTAL ASSOCIATES Now Accepting New Patients Preventative and Cosmetic Dentistry We participate with Northeast Delta Dental Also ask about Care Credit or SpringBrook Patient Financing Not a Medicare or MaineCare Provider

T AYLOR B ROOK D ENTAL A SSOCIATES 784-1577 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

56

JANUARY 2011

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The plant with the largest leaves is a kind of palm tree called raffia (RAF-ee-uh).

The raffia has leaves that are up to 65 feet long.

Black olives contain on average 10 to 30% more oil than green olives.

27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN • TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM The oldest dog died at the age of 29.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

783-7039 57

Out & About at Holly’s Own Deli & Restaurant

One California law states that sunshine is guaranteed to all people.

Mat t EVERYTHING

WAREHOUSE

1025 Lisbon St. (Backside of Goodwill) Lewiston

and Close your eyes if you like Holly’s Own Deli...

Dan THE

Grand Opening in March! by appt. only 632-5302

BARN

Now open at 179 High St., Auburn

Are working together!

That’s right, Dan and Matt are working hard to bring you more office furniture, both new and used. Stop by the newest location

179 High St., Auburn at the Railroad Station

!

W O W

Over 1000 Cubicles IN STOCK to choose from.

JUST IN

from a major bank!

Now Only

2,000 STEEL CASE $ OFFICE CHAIRS

49

Reg. $300

229-4508 • 632-5302 • 782-8733 L/A, L/A, THE BARN, SELF AND CORPORATE STORAGE! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2011

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In Korea and other East Asian countries, the age of the person is counted from conception and not physical birth.

The Great Pyramid at Giza in Egypt holds a constant temperature of 68 degrees Fahrenheit.

Our Own Green Guard Fuel 24/7 Emergency Service.

Will Call customers welcome.

"Delivering Comfort you can count on!"

Out & About with the YMCA for Breakfast with Santa at Applebees The force of 1 billion people jumping at the same time is equal to 500 tons of TNT.

CONTRACTORS, LANDSCAPERS, PROPERTY OWNERS: Do you have snow removal issues?

While I was employed by a private corporation and assigned to the space-shuttle program, my job included ordering supplies.

One of the engineers asked me to get a new dictionary for him. The request form said, "State reason this item is needed," so I asked him why he wanted one.

Call St. Laurent & Son for your snow removal needs.

WHY WE’RE MORE AFFORDABLE:

I expected his answer would be "My old copy is lost" or "The cover is falling off." Instead he replied, "My edition defines spaceship as an 'imaginary aircraft.'"

• Our snow dump is located within 1 mile of downtown Lewiston/Auburn. This significantly lowers our hourly v transport cost compared to our competitors.

• We sell rock salt and sand/salt mix at our facility.

• We maintain our own equipment.

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston www.stlaurentandson.com • 784-7944

Defining Moment

Locally owned and operated since 1970!

There are more pyramids in Peru than in Egypt.

He got his new dictionary.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2011

783-7039 59

Your vote Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 16 Best Nail Salon:

Best Chinese Restaurant:

Chopsticks

16

Le Gala Nails

37 Park St., Lewiston • 783-6300

730 Auburn Plaza, Auburn • 786-7411

#1 Jeweler in the area:

Best Casual Restaurant:

Day’s Fine Jewelers

15

Gipper’s Sports Grill

600 Center St., Auburn • 784-6766

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

#1 in Dining Excellence:

Best Pizza:

Rolandeau’s

14

House of Pizza

775 Washington St., Auburn • 784-2110

95 Lincoln St., Lewiston • 786-2020

Best Auto Body Shop in the area: Coleman’s Collision Center, Inc. 13

Best Landscape Company:

Davis Landscape Co., Inc.

1524 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-6121

78 Lisbon Rd., Lisbon • 353-4848

Best Real Estate Company:

#1 Catering Service:

ERA Worden Realty

13

Rolly’s Diner

473 Center St., Auburn • 784-0159

87 Mill St., Auburn • 753-0171

Best Automotive Service:

Best Thai Restaurant:

Mike Morin’s Auto Center

12

Pepper and Spice Thai

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433

875 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 782-7526

Best Dry Cleaner:

Best Pool & Spa Company:

Auburndale Cleaning Center 786 Center St., Auburn (782-9389) 14 Millet Dr., Auburn (783-1280)

11

ABC Pool & Spa Center

10

10

9

8

7

6

5

1975 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 783-0858

Best Auto Dealership:

Best Dance Studio:

Mary Jane’s School of Dance 461 Rte. 202, Greene • 946-7302

th

Lee Auto Mall

4

777 Center St., Auburn • 784-5441

11

#

Indicates number of years as winner.

Market Surveys of America, an independent survey company, is proud to announce the w The above winners are the result of public ballots and intern

es are in!

Annual Best Businesses for 2010 Best Sports Pub:

Gipper’s Sports Grill

4

Best Chiropractor:

Dr. Gerald Nadeau

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1104

Best Insurance Agency:

Best Facial/Skin Care Salon:

Champoux Insurance

4

Healthy Beauty Wellness Spa

416 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-2246

643 Main St., Lewiston • 333-3235

Best Spot for Breakfast:

Best Heating Oil Service

Rolly’s Diner

4

87 Mill St., Auburn • 753-0171

4

775 Washington St., Auburn • 784-2110

3

99 Spring Street, Lewiston • 784-1819 stroofcont@myfairpoint.net

Dan Allard Photography

3

Cassiel’s Day Spa

1

Best Fried Clams: (New Category)

The Village Inn

541 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 786-0651

1

Best Electrologist: (New Category) 71 East Ave., Lewiston • 783-3321 www.cassiels.com

Best Financial Planners:

Poirier Associates

1

Best Photographer: 1727 Hotel Rd., Auburn • 212-2089 www.danallardphotography.com

Best Roofing Contractor:

St. Hilaire Contractors

Blanchard’s Cash Fuel, Inc.

1

3 Conant Rd., Turner • 225-3588

Best Prime Rib:

Rolandeau’s

2

1

165 High St., Auburn • 782-7796

Best Community Bank/Credit Union:

Rainbow Federal Credit Union 391 Main St., Lewiston • 784-5435

2

Best Convenience Store:

Paid for by Market Surveys of America

2

1

Hardy, Wolf & Downing, P.A. 186 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston (784-1589)

Best Eye Care Professionals:

J&S Oil/Convenience Store Center St., Auburn • 622-1609

Best Attorneys:

Optometric Associates

1

Dr. Beale, Dr. Henry, Dr. Ebersole 168 East Ave., Lewiston (784-3564)

Vote online at: BESTOFSURVEYS.COM

winners of the 16th annual Greater Lewiston/ Auburn’s Best Businesses for 2010 Survey. et voting for the Lewiston/Auburn small business community.

Ski Holiday

Fortune cookies were actually invented in America (not China), in 1918, by Charles Jung.

Submitted by Jimbo

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

BUY ONE HOME OR BOTH! Zoned for Daycare, Lawncare Services, Church, Veterinary or Landscape Services.

Great for horses, too. Located on over 8 acres of pasture land and abutts the Little Androscoggin River. Over 600’ of road frontage. Located in rural Auburn.

The house has been totally renovated with new windows, siding, roof, heating system, refinished hardwood floors, freshly painted interior, new bath and updated kitchen. Includes a huge storage barn which has electricity. Just move in!

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was

$190,000

The double wide is a 1996 w/ 1,488 sq ft, 2 master bedrooms, one on each end, 2 baths, office or den, vaulted ceilings and deck.

$130,000 A convenient location for your business.

Go to www.mainehomesearch.com for more info and virtual tour of this well maintained property.

Call Dawn Belisle-Marston for private showing.

OFFICE: 207-553-7318 CELL: 207-939-2827 Re/Max By The Bay

EMAIL: dsb@homesinmaine.com www.mainehomesearch.com

Dawn Belisle-Marston

(continued on page 64)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2011

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Registered in 1985, symbolics.com is the first ever internet domain registered.

Coffee beans aren't beans; they are fruit pits.

We would like to wish all our clients a Happy New Year & thanks for a successful 2010. We look forward to serving you in 2011!

Ann Dumais

Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond

Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw

Jacinta Labbe

$20 OFF All Chemical Services (For new clients only) Includes: Foils, Perms & Glycolic Peels

We are a full service salon 14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

786-4311

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

Paper money is not made from wood pulp but from cotton. This means that it will not disintegrate as fast if it is put in the laundry.

New Auburn Social Club Officers Inaugural Dinner

Clip this coupon for a

Saturday, January 29th @ 5:00pm

10% discount

Members welcome • Donations accepted

New Auburn Social Club

off your next visit

7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268 Call us!

No Separating Required!

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

It is not allowed to have living US presidents featured on US currency.

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(continued from page 62)

from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

A pound of potato chips costs 200 times more than a pound of raw potatoes.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?)

In 1844, the anesthestic gas nitrous oxide was first used for tooth work by Dr. Horace Wells, a dentist in Hartford, Connecticut.

Wells was the discoverer of surgical anesthesia.

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The day after Thanksgiving is the busiest day for plumbers in the U.S.

“Best Seafood Restaurant” Ten years in a row.

Award Winning Chowder

Family Owned for 3 Generations

Lounge • Dining Room • Private Function Rooms

$

5

OFF Any order of $30 or more

Coming soon…

Re-opening of

Captain Don’s Loft

Expires 1/31/11 Limit 1 coupon per order

Ask about our

Weekly Specials and

Captain’s Club Membership 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com

Out & About at Lost Valley with L-A Harley & Coats for Kids

The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king (shah) is dead (mat)."

dition a r T e n i a AM unt On! o C n a C u Yo Hours: Monday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday 6am – 9:30pm; Saturday 6am – 9:30pm; Sunday 6am – 9pm

WEEKDAY LUNCH SPECIALS Served from 10:30-3:30 Monday - Maine Fried Shrimp

I’ve been working at Cole Farms for the past 11 years.

It’s a great place, I love the friendliness of all the employees.

Tuesday - Fish & Chips Wednesday - Steak Sub Thursday - Grilled Reuben Sandwich Friday - Fried Haddock Sandwich

DAILY SPECIALS Monday - Turkey Dinner . . . .$9.25 w/potato, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls

Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . .$7.95 w/Carrots, Potato & Gravy, Rolls

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie .$6.95 w/Potato & Rolls

Warren Young Friday & Saturday After 4:00 PM

Thursday New England Boiled Dinner . .$9.25 w/corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls

Friday - Lasagna . . . . . . . . . .$8.95 w/Salad & Rolls

Sunday - Roast Pork . . . . . . .$8.95 w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Prime Rib Au Jus w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried or Baked Stuffed Haddock

BREAKFAST BUFFET

Adults .............$6.75 6 & under .......$3.75

SATURDAY & SUNDAY

Now open from 7am-11am

Portland-Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

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“The Golfer's Diet: Live on greens as much as possible.”

An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory. – Friedrich Engels

Missing Wrench Submitted by Jimbo

PLOW TRUCK BROKEN DOWN? We’re in the business and know you need your plow unit fixed fast!!

Call us for your truck and snow plow repairs!

“Dependable, quality service at an affordable price!”

• Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks • Licensed Inspection Station • • Hydraulic Hoses made on-site & more!

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston 333-3707 • www.MaineHeavy.com “Don't worry what people think of you. They seldom do.”

CELEBRATING

50 YEARS OF JOHN DEERE SALES & SERVICE Thank you to all of our loyal customers

HALL IMPLEMENT CO. JCT. 202 & 302 AT THE ROTARY - WINDHAM

892-6894 www.hallimplementco.com

Mon.-Fri. 7:00-5:00 • Sat. 7:30-12:00

Approximately two-thirds of people tip their head to the right when they kiss.

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn. So the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown.

One day the mechanic was working on a car in his backyard and dropped his wrench losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.

That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened he looked up to the heavens and proclaimed...

'A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!'

Have you heard about the latest new drug?

When administered to women, it gives them the irresistible urge to join a convent.

The FDA refuses to approve it, though.

They fear it will be habit-forming.

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Out & About at the Sebago Lakes Region Chamber’s annual live and silent auction at Club 302

You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

I’m just so excited standing here with Santa Claus himself!

Betty Jo Hodgkin Cash & Santa

indham •

Located

orth W . 115 in N

0

892-822

on Rt

Uncle Andy want to know why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?

Bob “gangsta” Baiguy & Kevin Osgood Nobody gets between me and my snuggly buddy!

RESTAURANT

892-9922

Located at 907 Roosevelt Trail in Windham

Happy New Year from all of us at Thatcher’s!

✹ Easy on the pocketbook ✹ Great for the whole family ✹ Full menu always available

Enjoy the New Year at Thatcher’s!

Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm • Sun 12 - 8pm

Dave & Maggie Garry, Owners

Don Harmon

Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Days are scrolls: write on them only what you want remembered. – Bchya Ibn Pakuda

& Jimbo

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Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. – Winston Churchill

ICE FISHING HEADQUARTERS! Live Bait • Traps • Augers • Bait Buckets and MORE! GET YOUR USO DERBY TICKETS HERE!!

Talk to the pros at Tailfeathers Upland Store!

The outdoor sportsman’s favorite toy store!!

Out & About at the Sebago Lakes Region Chamber’s annual live and silent auction at Club 302 My facebook status will tell you that I’m a huge Patriots fan!

Heather Smith & Laurie Noel

1311 Roosevelt Trail (Rt. 302) • Raymond • 655-1030 "All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move." – Arabian Proverb

The happy crowd at the Sebago Lakes Region Chamber’s annual live and silent auction at Club 302

Mary Sawyer models her new ring

Shelly Bickford George Washington didn't want his image on US coins.

He didn't want to imitate European monarchs.

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IT’S NOT TOO EARLY TO BOOK YOUR SUMMER FUNCTIONS! No catering job too small or too big!

Weddings

Summer BBQ Corporate Functions

Family Reunions

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering Professional service at an affordable price Try Dad’s Place for your next event!

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing

345-9009 There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place Catering Division

www.dadsplace.info

The dial tone of a normal telephone is in the key of "F".

Out & About in Ecuador with The Hope & Grace Foundation

Commercial, Institutional and Residential

Helping repair orphanages...

A little dose of Uncle Andyʼs didnʼt hurt either.

Photos submitted by Linda Landry

Advanced Fire Protection Services brings over 25 years of fire sprinkler experience to your industrial, commercial, institutional, and residential facilities in Maine and New Hampshire. With trusted and loyal customers such as Shaw’s Supermarkets, Portland Yacht, Bowdoin College, Poland Spring Bottling and many residential care and group home facilities, we have grown into a full service fire sprinkler company. We are the first in New England to install and maintain a MIC corrosion control unit supplied

by Potter Signal and Viking Supply Net. We strive to provide the finest code compliance, customer service and prompt emergency response to your every fire protection need.

• NFPA 25 compliant fire sprinkler inspections

• Private hydrant testing and maintenance

• Service, repair and alteration of fire sprinkler

• Fire pump testing and maintenance • Fire sprinkler system flushing

systems • Installation and maintenance of MIC corrosion control units

• 5 year internal inspections • 3 year full flow fire sprinkler system trip testing

• 24 hour Emergency services

• Code compliance consulting

• Installation, service, testing and repair of back

• Sprinkler, fire alarm, extinguisher inspection

flow preventers

packages available

Sharon & Dean Campbell, owners

Advanced Fire Protection Services, LLC Specializing in Commercial and Residential Fire Sprinkler Systems Inspection - Service - Repair - Maintenance

783-3650 www.afps-me.com

The student asked the professor how many problems there would be on the final exam.

The professor looked the student over and replied, "I think you will have lots of problems on the final."

The city of Portland in Oregon was named after a coin toss in 1844.

Heads for Portland and tails for Boston.

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Out & About at the Electrical Systems of Maine Christmas party

Red wine will spoil if exposed to light; hence tinted bottles.

Here at E.S.M, we can handle any electrical job you throw at us, from residential to industrial and commercial jobs, we’re the company to call.

Yeah, what he said!

Willy, Greg & Dennis It’s rumored that the four of us were voted by our co-workers, Most No-Nonsense Employees, at E.S.M for 2010.

Mark, Lysle, Gerry & Anthony

Electrical Systems of Maine looks forward to helping you with your home, commercial or industrial electrical needs in 2011.

Hey Daddy, I can’t help but notice that great ad to my left...

Matt Tassanari & his daughter Olivia & (Grandpa) Dave Tassanari (Owner & President of E.S.M)

Sean, do you have any words of wisdom you'd like to share with us for 2011?

If you have electrical issues or projects that need to be completed correctly, call E.S.M.

Well said, Sean!

Tom, Sean & Aaron

$10 Cuts!

Hey Steve, how do you rate this Christmas Party?

Men’s, Women’s & Children’s Cosmetologist Brittany Legare

Also offering color services Walk-ins welcome

Bruce & Steve

Hours: Tues., Thurs., Fri. 9am-5pm Wed. & Sat. 8am-noon

That Little Barber Shop 9 Acadia Ave., Lewiston (off Lisbon St.)

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312-5478

A German World War II submarine was sunk due to malfunction of the toilet.

The Himalayas cover one-tenth of the Earth's surface.

Benny's Three Wishes

WOOD PELLET

Submitted by Jimbo

BLOWOUT

$

195/TON While supplies last!

$ave on heating costs

100% Maine Wood Pellets

Call Today!

Environmentally Friendly

ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE

ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS

1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

www.esmpellets.com

Benny worked at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. His primary job was to keep the exhibits clean and polished. One day he happened to be dusting around the Arabian exhibit, and he noticed an ancient urn that needed some cleaning.

He got out his dust rag and began polishing.

Lo and behold, an enormous genie appeared before him.

"Master," the genie began, "I am the genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition I will put on you: You must never shave or cut your beard for the rest of your life, or you will be forced to take my place inside the urn forever."

Benny thought about it for a bit, and decided it was a fair condition for three wishes. So Benny wished for 49 percent of the total Microsoft stock, which was promptly granted.

Then he wished for the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife, and lo and behold, she was. Finally, he wished for fame and fortune, and he instantly became a worldwide celebrity.

Over the years, (continued on next page)

The more panels a football has - and therefore the more seams - the easier it is to control in the air.

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(continued from previous page)

Benny's beard became longer and longer until it almost reached the floor. As it grew longer, it began to itch. He tried to ignore it, but the itch became more and more irritating, while the memory of the genie's warning faded.

Finally he decided he had to get rid of the beard and he shaved it off. Instantly he was trapped in the urn, to stay there forever.

The moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

Out & About at Lost Valley with L-A Harley & Coats for Kids

The Mona Lisa used to hang on the wall of Napoleonʼs bedroom.

For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs

BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY 2 locations to serve your needs

LEWISTON 541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029

BRUNSWICK 92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797

Britain is still paying off debts that predate the Napoleonic wars because it's cheaper to do so than buy back the bonds on which they are based.

Every Tuesday Night - 5pm-8pm

Pizza Buffet Soup, Salad & Pizza $9.50/pp $5 Children 10 & under 782-2088 150 Mill Street, Lewiston

www.davinciseatery.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Every drop of seawater contains approximately 1 billion gold atoms.

The blue whale can produce the loudest sound of any animal. At 188 decibels, the noise can be detected over 500 miles away.

Ray The Electrician LLC RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL “My Prices Won’t Shock You”

Office: 225-3360 • Cell: 576-6643 rayele@roadrunner.com

Fully Insured • All Electrical Service Work • Houses • Cottages • Dormitories • Campgrounds • Schools

• Phone Cable • Camera Security • House Alarms • Lead Certified Renovator

PLUS: • Install all sizes of generators, from portable to stand-by generators • Install permanent line poles for new housing developments

We answer any emergency call 24 hours a day / 7 days a week Licensed in Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts and Vermont Financing Available • Some Restrictions Apply Plant seeds that have been stored for more than 200 years can be coaxed into new life.

As part of a publicity stunt for a Columbus store, a plane piloted

by Philip Parmalee flew a package of 100 pounds of rose-colored silk from the Wright Brothers' airfield in Dayton, Ohio, to the Driving Park in Columbus, Ohio, on November 7, 1910.

In 1973, the maximum speed limit in the U.S. was cut to 55 mph as an energy conservation measure. It lasted until 1995.

Hearsay While watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder.

"Excuse me," I said, "I can't hear."

"I should hope not," she replied sharply.

"This is a private conversation."

Robert Schmidt, who later starred as Buffalo Bob Smith on the "Howdy Doody Show," was born on November 27, 1917. On the show, Buffalo Bob mixed songs, stories and slapstick comedy with the practical lessons of life, reminding a generation of baby boomers to brush their teeth, look both ways before crossing the street and be kind to their pets.

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Out & About at Holly’s Own Deli & Restaurant

You can make edible cheese from the milk of 24 different mammals.

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Maggie Joyce Uncle Andy’s Digest

Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20 OFF %

all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks

Supermanʼs Demise In the 1992 Superman comics #75, Superman died in a battle with Doomsday. He later was resurrected.

Trivia buffs: During the time he spent recovering in the Fortress of Solitude, his hair grew to shoulder length. He kept his hair long and this was how he was depicted for much of his appearances in the 1990s comics. But before his wedding with Lois, he cut his hair.

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Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!

INVENTORY REDUCTION

SALE! 20% - 70% OFF

Featuring

131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

8 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

Alaska could hold the 21 smallest States.

s Alway g n i Buy

The stall closest to the door in a bathroom is the cleanest, because it is the least used.

Out & About at Irish Twins Pub

CALL FOR NEXT NRA PISTOL COURSE DATES!

We Buy, Sell & Trade Full Line Gun Smith Service Buying small & large firearm collections

J.T. REID’S GUNS

Check us out!

86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager

If you canʼt laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?

Michael Peppe

Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

Peek-a-boo eye see you

Blake Dow EAT IN OR TAKE OUT!

The Perfect Place to Dine anytime of the day!

Open Sun. - Thur. 10:30am - 10pm Fri. & sat. 10:30am - 11pm

784-8221 85 Center Street, Auburn

The Eiffel Tower has 1792 steps.

In 2001, ten cooks spent four days mixing a ton of almonds, chocolate and sugar to produce the world's biggest nougat bar.

The 30-foot long bar was big enough to serve 100,000 people!

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Ageless

If you can see a rainbow you must have your back to the sun.

Submitted by Jimbo

My husband and I both look very young for our ages. In fact, we've hardly aged a day since we first laid eyes on each other in college -- at least, that's what we tell each other. But our children have a way of bringing us crashing back to earth.

Recently, my husband and I were discussing a man who was running for public office.

Is Snow In Your Way? Driveway a little too tight?

Snowbanks crowding your parking lot?

Call us today and we will haul it away!

Loaders and trucks are working around the clock and are in town during each snowfall.

Call for your FREE ESTIMATE Fully Insured

Est. 1945

782-3617

"He's a Vietnam vet," commented my husband.

"What's that?" queried our young daughter.

Trying to answer the question in terms a four-year-old could readily grasp, my husband replied, "Well, honey, that means that the man fought in a war that happened when Mommy and Daddy were little."

1331 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • lppoirier@myfairpoint.net

The shortest English word that contains the letters A, B, C, D, E, and F is "feedback."

Thank you for a fantastic year! We’d like to celebrate this coming year by offering the first 15 customers who schedule their color appointment and bring in this ad a

Our daughter regarded us both thoughtfully for a moment and then asked, "So, was he a Viking?"

Trying to come to the aid of his Father, who was stopped by an officer for speeding, the lil' tyke piped up: "Yeah? Well, if we were speeding, so were you!"

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FREE Angela

Nicole Sheila

SHEILA’S HAIR SALON

Color Protect Shampoo & Conditioner!

345-3819

Hours: Tues. - Fri. 9am-7pm • Sat. 9-2

5 South Main Street, Mechanic Falls

A notch in a tree will remain the same distance from the ground as the tree grows.

In medieval Thailand, they had moveable type printing presses. The type was made from baked oxen dung.

GARY BAIN

At the Helm

Leadership.

376.3007

Our new club house will be open

by April 1st. We look forward to seeing everyone there!

East Coast Mortgage Group, LLC 316 Center St. • Auburn

866.579.ECMG

Dusty & Steve Helms of Helms Brothers Construction with Don Sheldon, the new owner at the helm of Prospect Hill Golf Course in Auburn The Prospect Hill Golf club house was built over a century ago. The new owner, Don Sheldon had it demolished by the Helms Brothers. Don will have a new club house built which will be open in the spring of 2011.

Now you see it...

Now you donʼt!

On the birthday of Melvil Dewey, we honor all librarians.

Dewey, born in Adams Center, New York, on December 10, 1851, invented the Dewey Decimal System for classifying books. And remember, if someone asks if you know the Dewey Decimal System, you can say, "Do we? Dewey?

Boy, Do we!"

Look for the new club house to be open by April 1, 2011. Stop by and check it out.

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

Service Rental Sales

Do not neglect your Septic System For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT

G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. 111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.

The Ottoman Empire once had seven emperors in seven months. They died of (in order): burning, choking, drowning, stabbing, heart failure, poisoning and being thrown from a horse.

CHRIS BAIN

The dome on Monticello, Thomas Jefferson's home, conceals a billiards room.

In Jefferson's day, billiards were illegal in Virginia.

Determined.

376.3007

East Coast Mortgage Group, LLC 316 Center St. • Auburn

866.579.ECMG Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Good for the Goose A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

On an average work day, a typist's fingers travel 12.6 miles.

Happy New Year from the Dow’s Kathy, Travis & Blake

"Careful," he said.

"CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!

Oh my Goodness!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!

Never!

How do you get your business back on target?

Turn them! Hurry up!

Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him.

"What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

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With affordable advertising in

Uncle Andy’s Digest Whether it’s branding you need, letting people know where you are or educating the public about what you do – we can help!

Call us at 783-7039 or email us at editor@UncleAndys.com FMI. There are 333 toilet paper squares on an average toilet paper roll.

New Jersey has a spoon museum with over 5,400 spoons from almost all the states.

Quick Thinking Submitted by Maggie Joyce

Three guys are about to be executed. One is Jimbo, one is Travis and one is Uncle Andy.

Two guards brings Jimbo forward, and the executioner asks if he has any last requests.

He says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly Jimbo yells, "Earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. He manages to escape.

The angry guards then brings Travis forward, and the executioner asks if he has any last requests. He says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Travis then screams, "Tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around.

He, too, escapes execution.

By this point, Uncle Andy had figured out what the others did.

The guards bring him forward, and the executioner asks if he has any last requests. He also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Uncle Andy shouts, "Fire!!

A "lost world" exists in the Indonesian jungle that is home to dozens of hitherto unknown animal and plant species.

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Halloween Party to benefit Get on The Bandwagon Now! Charity

The oldest known vegetable is the pea.

Thank you to everyone who donated canned goods and toys for the holidays.

Have a Happy New Year!

JANUARY SPECIAL Large Steak & Cheese Sub $

of New Gloucester

6.99

The Little Place with the Great Taste

Rt. 100 • New Gloucester

Hours: Mon-Fri 8am-10pm • Sat-Sun 7am - 10pm

926-3434

Breakfast Served until 11am

L-R Phil Moreau, President CEO of Rainbow FCU and Jon Paradise, Government and Public Affairs Manager for the Maine Credit Union League.

600 Center Street Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn

Nuria

Linda

For Hair, Nail & Pedicure Services in 2011, choose our experienced stylists & technicians!

Terry

Amy

Rainbow donates $10,000 toward Maine Credit Union Leagues campaign for Ending Hunger for 2010.

100% of these funds are used for Ending Hunger and help those that live in Maine.

Credit Unions throughout Maine contribute to this cause. Rainbow FCU is committed to giving to Ending Hunger as a part of the Holiday Season.

Pat

Kathy

Tina

Cory

Michael

Kelly

Kellyann

786-0112 • Mon - Fri 9 am - 7 pm • Sat 9 am - 3 pm • www.gregoryshairstyles.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The 'You are here' arrow on a map is called the IDEO locator.

Inventor Samuel Colt patented his revolver in 1836.

In 1967, three days before he died in an airplane crash, Otis Redding recorded his greatest hit, "Dock of the Bay." Quick bit of trivia: Otis had been in San Francisco playing The Fillmore, and he was staying at a boathouse, which is where he got the idea of the ship coming in. The whistling at the end came about because Redding forgot a vocal fadeout he had rehearsed before.

Halloween Party to benefit Get on The Bandwagon Now! Charity

The Grand Ole Opry made its radio debut on Nashville station WSM in 1925. It started as WSM Barn Dance but later took the name Grand Ole Opry. The Grand Ole Opry Entertainment Complex was flooded May 3, 2010, in the worst Middle Tennessee floods in more than 100 years. Meanwhile, the Opry show didn't miss a beat, playing on May 4 at one of its former homes, Nashville's War Memorial Auditorium.

“May your walls know joy. May every room hold laughter and every window open to great possibility.”

– Mary Anne Radmacher-Hershey

Start the New Year off right with a new kitchen or bathroom remodel “The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

Don't let the past hold you back; you're missing the good stuff.

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Halloween Party to benefit Get on The Bandwagon Now! Charity

Almost Always: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

NEXT DA Y DELIVER Y IN L/A! Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

Sorbents & Safety Supplies Textile & Paper Wipes

Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners

Chemicals & Cleaners

Breakroom & Food Service

Skin Care

Packaging

120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com Almost Always: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Out ʼn About in Lewiston (after seeing the Yankees shirt, Jimbo almost refused to take the picture. But he caved... partly because Larry & Jimbo were classmates, mostly because Sue & Larry are great people!)

I may be a Yankees fan, but I’d rather go to Fenway Park because the food and beer is about half the cost it is at Yankee Stadium...

I have a feeling the Red Sox will be the Yankee’s daddy this year.

Mazie & Scout

Sue Culleton & Larry Dyer

from Sound Effects taking a well deserved nap after the long holiday

The Corner Variety Store owners

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Almost Always: If you change check out lines, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

& Jimbo

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Almost Always: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

CNA’s

Halloween Party to benefit Get on The Bandwagon Now! Charity

WANTED NOW! GREAT PAY! GREAT WORKING CONDITIONS!

Assisted Home Care Home Care Means...

• More privacy - you get personal care in your own home.

• Convenience - continuity of care.

• Comfort - being in your own home.

• Shorter Recovery Time - people recoup better at home.

• Nursing care by qualified caregivers.

Home C d e t s are si s A For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston

783-7375 We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

Almost Always: When you try to prove to someone that the machine will not work, it will.

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Halloween Party to benefit Get on The Bandwagon Now! Charity

Riding Partners While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.

As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent.

Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair.

Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller, too."

Q: What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?

A: Temperature

Almost Always: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

PAINTING THE TOWN RED (well, many colors really)

My mom hopes this doesn’t give me any ideas about graffiti as a career choice...

Youngsters from Birchwood Nursery School and Windham-Raymond school age kids in Windham enjoy their hot chocolate after a great time of Holiday window painting. Area businesses in Windham and the Sebago Lakes Chamber teamed up for this first-time event.

STILL LOOKING FOR ME? CCURATE CCOUNTING & Tax Services, P.A. • Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes

JASON HALL Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems

922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 (Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer)

Pi has been calculated to 2,260,321,363 digits. The billionth digit in Pi is 9.

The letter "n" ends all Japanese words not ending in a vowel.

Halloween Party to benefit Get on The Bandwagon Now! Charity

Over 330 units closed in 2010 and over 40 pending!

The Beatles released "She Loves You" in the U.S. in 1963, which went to #1 on March 21, 1964, and stayed there for two weeks. "She Loves You" helped set a record in the United States by being one of the five Beatles songs which held the top five positions in the American charts simultaneously.

The doctor was making his rounds and walked into the semi-private room in the hospital to examine old Mrs. Williams.

After the exam in his best professional voice,

he said smoothly, "You are coughing much more easily this morning."

"I should," snapped the patient. "I've been practicing all night."

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.

The first words spoken by Thomas Edison over the phonograph were: "Mary had a little lamb."

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Iron Clad One of the funniest memories I have of the trials and tribulations of making the journey from childhood to adulthood was our annual summer vacation trek from Chicago to a cabin usually someplace on a lake in Wisconsin or Michigan.

Every year, it seems, we would get on a highway a few miles out of the city, and mom would wail, "Oh my goodness! I think I left the iron on." And almost every year we would turn around and go back. But as I recall, not once was it was ever plugged in. She often had the same fear that all our earthly possessions would disappear in a fire caused by her forgetfulness.

Almost Always: You remember you have to mail a letter when you are near the mail box.

CAMBRIA

FAMILY OWNED AND OPERATED!

21 New Quartz Colors have arrived.

Now offering 84 colors for the same price.

Family Owned & Operated

786-5556 786-5556 995 Center Street, Auburn

995 Center Street, Auburn

Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm

www.granitemarblecountertops.net www.granitemarblecountertops.net

We at Uncle Andy’s Digest

When I was about 14 years old, we were headed out of Chicago for Lake Geneva, Wisconsin and, sure enough, Mom gasped, "I just know I left the iron on."

would like to

My father didn't say a word, just pulled over onto the shoulder of the road, got out, opened the trunk and handed her the iron.

teams deliver the

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person.

What position are you in?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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take this space to throw a great big

Travis, as soon as I’m done loading up I’m going to show you what a piledriver is. Just one of the many tools I keep in my wrestling belt.

Steve Dubois Uncle Andyʼs Digest Delivery Specialist

THANK YOU to John F. Murphy Homes! JFM Digest each and every month. We enjoy our relationship and look forward to many more years of working together!

Almost Always: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

The first message tapped by Samuel Morse over his invention the telegraph was: "What hath God wrought?"

LOOKING TO PURCHASE OR REFINANCE?

Look No Further!

Conventional H FHA H VA H MSHA H RD A local lender you can trust!

Make Debbie Bodwell your first call in

777.1551 Debbie Bodwell, Vice President NMLS# 280336

Residential Mortgage Service, Inc. 181 Center St., Auburn www.rmsmortgage.com dbodwell@rmsmortgage.com

This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions. Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537

The longest non-medical word in the English language is FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION, which means "the act of estimating as worthless".

While waiting in line to check out at a Christian bookstore, a man in front of me asked the clerk about a display of hats with the letters WWJD on them.

The clerk explained that WWJD stands for "What would Jesus do?" and that the idea is to get people to consider this question when making decisions.

The man pondered a moment, then replied, "I don't think he'd pay $17.95 for that hat."

The people of America eat around 350 slices of pizza each second, or 100 acres per day.

Each year, pizza is a $30 billion industry. In the U.S., there are about 61,269 pizza parlors. Everyone in the United States eats about 23 lbs., or 46 slices, every year.

Each year in the United States, 3 billion pizzas are sold.

It is said that the aircraft is flying at Mach 1 if its speed is equal to the speed of sound in air (which is 332 m/s or 1195 km/hr or 717 miles/hour.) An aircraft flying at Mach 2 is flying at twice the speed of sound in air, etc.

Mach numbers are named after Ernst Mach (1838-1916), an Austrian philosopher and physicist. The term Mach number came into use in 1929.

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Out & About at Holly’s Own Deli & Restaurant

Involuntary bad language, a symptom affecting about one in 10 people with Tourette's syndrome, is called "coprolalia".

HUGE SALE

30% to 50% OFF

We carry Burton, Rome, K2, Salomon, Oakley, Nitro and other top brands.

Check us out!

on all leftover snow gear, boots, boards & bindings

1 Garfield Road, Auburn • 344-6622

You’ll be blown away by our huge selection!

Halloween Party to benefit Get on The Bandwagon Now! Charity

May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. The rain falls soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

- Irish blessing Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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On Saturday, October 23rd David Provencher & Rocky Rivard along with many friends held a Halloween Party to benefit the GET ON THE BANDWAGON NOW! Charity. It was formed in 2009 by the late John "Stoney" Dionne. He announced it's inception after his well known 29th Annual Lobster Run. Funds for this charity assist individuals or families that are stricken with the disease of cancer. A common concern that many experiencing cancer is that although they may have insurance the cost can still be staggering. It's the little things like gas, food, motels, etc. that adds up. Families trying to support their loved ones strain themselves financially when they need to travel to be by their side. It often means taking time off from work as well. The Bandwagon cannot cover all of these cost, but it can at least be another resource of help and hope. Some great people have "Banded Together To Fight Cancer". The Board members consist of the following: Rick Lewis, Erica McIver, Amanda Bernier, Kristen Walton, Ron Wing, David Malone, Stephen Marois, Bob Dionne, Dave & Kim Provencher and Rocky & Dawn Rivard.

A BIG Thank You goes out to Rocky & David and all those that helped or attended this very fun filled evening. The Band DRIVE was there to pitch in also. This band ROCKS the 80's like no other. Over $2,000 was raised and donated to the GET ON THE BANDWAGON Charity and for that we are very grateful.

Panspermia is the idea that life on Earth originated on another planet.

Seoul, the South Korean capital, just means "the capital" in the Korean language.

Lily Peppe turns 1

Out & About at Assisted Home Care on Halloween

DADDY!

Elvis = Rick Doyon; Michael Jackson = Carol Fontnette; Gorilla = Mike Beckwith

Eligible for up to $1,500 Federal tax rebate

WOOD & PELLET STOVES

ON SALE NOW

1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4

Affordable & Experienced Pet Grooming PAWS IN MOTION GROOMING

784-3676 PawsInMotionGrooming.com

Nick’s Mowers & Blowers Maintenance and minor repair of small engines done right at your home!

577-1816

Lily with her daddy, Brian Peppe

FOUR SEASON SERVICE

Downeast Sharpening Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel

DOLMAR

7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond

shindaiwa

655-4635

www.downeastsharpening.com

PEDRO O’ Hara’s Irish • Mexican • American Lunch & Dinner Open 7 Days a Week 134 Main Street, Lewiston

783-6200 Also visit our Brunswick location at One Center St., Brunswick

A son is a son till he gets him a wife, but a daughter's a daughter the rest of your life.

– Proverb of Unknown Origin

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Halloween Party to benefit Get on The Bandwagon Now! Charity

A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. – Greek Proverb

Winter’s HERE! Get it GONE NOW!!

• Any part of property cleaned – if you don’t want it, we’ll throw it away…

• We bust our butts so you don’t have to!

Winter is a great time to clean out attics, cellars & garages!

Over 10 years making unwanted stuff go away!!

Trash & Garbage • Furniture & Appliances • Construction & Demolition Debris Boilers & Scrap Metal • Brush & Trees • Buildings Demolished & Removed

Property Services • Especially Foreclosures Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped • Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs

Farrell Enterprises

Over 65?

Ask about senior discounts.

Fully Insured

782-5300 or 576-2501 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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CALL US FOR A FREE QUOTE!

A man does not seek his luck, luck seeks its man. – Turkish Proverb

A hard beginning maketh a good ending. – John Heywood in 1546

Snow Removal Services

Halloween Party to benefit Get on The Bandwagon Now! Charity

SNOW PLOWING • SNOW BLOWING • SHOVELING Commercial & Residential We plow camp roads, too.

FULLY INSURED FREE ESTIMATES 36 Howes Corner Road, Turner • 344-5814

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413

WE’VE GOT HANDGUNS! HUGE SELECTION! FREE Bottle of Pepper Spray with any handgun purchase!

Just a small sample of our inventory

Call Matt, Drew or Chris at

Rt. 4 • Turner, ME

225-3432

Just past Twitchell’s Airport

Chris Jordan, owner 577-0210

g3firearms@megalink.net

The human body is better suited to two four-hour sleep cycles than one eight-hour one.

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Feldman Boston Terriers Mellow is our middle names

During an average lifetime, a man will spend 3,350 hours removing 27 feet of stubble.

We like to hang out at Sound Effects.

A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D.C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River.

"That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!"

"You have to remember," answered the guide. "A dollar went a lot farther in those days."

A man's beard contains between 7000 and 15,000 hairs.

OUT ʼN ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE Happy NEW Year Loyal Digesters, new Digesters, Digesters young and old, welcome to a new year of Uncle Andyʼs Digest! Let me jump right to the point this month without the usual song and dance I normally drag you through month after month with relentless gusto. Being called “Miami Mike” may imply I am rolling in the dough, mucho dinero, living the lavish lifestyle. News flash Digesters! Miami Mike is an Average Joe with a budget. So now that you know I am on a budget you will understand why I bring my little lunch box with a little sandwich everyday to work. Similar to the way NEP (My Mommy) used to send me off to school, except now I eat the crust and even make my own sandwiches. So every day in December I would sit in the kitchen at work alone eating my lunch reading an Uncle Andyʼs Digest and on the table would be the various gifts and goodies business partners had sent to the office. Well, truth be told I may have indulged in a few too many treats! Frankly friends I have found a familiar frumpy fanny located between my lower back right above the upper thighs. Digesters, I implore you, please do not wait to make your resolution of leaving the jello jiggles in the bowl rather than your belly. Head down to The Y in Auburn and get a membership or even better a family membership. They have been a proud piece of the community for years, I even played basketball there as a rug rat. The Y gives you the local feeling us Maineiacs know and love and they will get you in the body everyone else will notice and love. Heck, when you get that figure that is waiting for you next to the Holy Grail pop into Hot Stuff Tanning to bronze it up a bit and complete the look society has told us we desire. I heard they have cardio classes there too, but youʼd better check the ad on the back cover just to make sure. Digesters, it has been a pleasure and I hope your holidays were swell! Miami Mike will catch you all on the flip side or in laymanʼs terms, next month!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Women's hair is about half the diameter of men's hair.

A person swallows approx. 295 times while eating dinner.

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

Halloween Party to benefit Get on The Bandwagon Now! Charity

"Doc, I can hear all kinds of animals talk in my head."

"Well, don't worry," said the doctor. "You're just having Disney spells."

The most sensitive finger on the human hand is the index finger.

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FIT-N-FABULOUS

There are approx. 550 hairs in the eyebrow.

Classes!

Mon. Tue. Wed. Thur.

Fri.

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$8.00 per class or 10 classes for $75 UNLIMITED CARDIO CLASSES NOW $65 PER MONTH NEVER BEFORE OFFERED!

GET FIT-N-FABULOUS AT HOT STUFF!

867 Center Street, Auburn 753-0033

CARS

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TANNING PACKAGES AVAILABLE CALL FMI

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SUV’S

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784-8900 Find us on Facebook & Myspace!

Mon.-Sat. 9:30am-8pm Sun. 12:30-5:30pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

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Prevent sun burns by building a base tan!

For Those Who Like it HOT!

2 PT Cruisers 2005 & 2006 Limited & Convertible Versions

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2 Camry’s 2006 Solar & Se Models, V6’s

$7,990 HYUNDAI

DODGE 2 Calibers 2007 2006 Magnum SXT Auto or 5-Speed, 32MPG Auto

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2 Sonatas 2007

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Silverado 1500 4x4

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‘05 Grand Cherokee Laredo, 88K ‘04 & ‘06 Liberty’s ‘06 Commander

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Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11's lunar module landed on the moon.