UAD January 2012

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST The Most Unusual Digest in America

L/A’s new modern lounge & nightclub 576-6384

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE

.com

Restaurant & Lounge www.FusionLewiston.com

Armandsab@aol.com

FREE JANUARY 2012

@ Ramada Inn 490 Pleasant St. Lewiston

Early Riser

Confidence is the feeling you have before you really understand the problem.

Submitted by Jimbo

A jockey is in the parade ring discussing race tactics with the horse's trainer. The trainer tells the jockey that this is the worst horse he has ever seen. It has had 23 races and finished last in every one of them. If it doesn't win today the milkman will be using it for deliveries in the morning.

SNOW IS HERE! and this

2004 Chevy Tahoe LT is all winterized and ready to go!!

The jockey mounts up and takes the horse down to the start.

The race begins and the horse is immediately 10 lengths behind the pack. So the jockey gives the horse an sharp thwap on the shoulder.

Nothing.

He then gives him a series of strikes on the rump.

Nothing.

He then gives him two wallops right on the hindquarters.

The horse comes to a sudden stop, turns to the jockey and says "Give it a rest with that whip, will ya, buddy? I have to be up at four in the morning to deliver milk."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Tasha Pelletier, model

Features include: 3rd row seats, Leather, Loaded, 92k, Rear entertainment sound system, Mint condition, Must see!

Kelley Blue Book $16,700 Marc’s Price Only $14,500 1111 Center Street, Auburn

782-6515 Suburbia is where they tear out the trees and name streets after them.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA

Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.

JANUARY 2012 Saturday, Jan 7th Holy Cross KC Bean Supper 4pm – 6:30pm (Chapter 14437) 607 Lisbon St, Lewiston $5.50 Member; $7 Guest Sunday, Jan 8th KC Breakfast 8am – 10am (Chapter 7938) Columbus Drive, Brunswick $4 Member; $5 Guest; Child / 10 free Tuesday, Jan 10th Luiggi’s 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 14437) 67 Sabattus St., Lewiston $4.50 Member; $5 Guest Tuesday, Jan 17th Roy’s Breakfast 7am – 10am (Chapter 12749) 5 Washington St. Auburn $2 Member; $2.50 Guest Friday, Jan 20th VFW 1603 Roast Beef Dinner 5pm – 7pm (Chapter 14346) 508 Minot Ave, Auburn $5 Member; $6 Guest Sunday, Jan 22nd KC Breakfast 8am – 10am (Chapter 7938) Columbus Drive, Brunswick $4 Member; $5 Guest; Child / 10 free Tuesday, Jan 24th Ari’s Pizza 11:30 am – 1 pm (Chapter 10929) 457 Main St, Norway $6 Member; $6.50 Guest Thursday, Jan 26th Green Ladle Breakfast Details to follow Tuesday, Jan 31st Schmengee’s 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 8609) 551 Lincoln St, Lewiston $8 Member; $9 Guest Saturday, March 3rd Boston Bruins vs. Islanders 7am Bus Leaves Exit 80 $100 for Members Only

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Please Note: Prices, Dates and Menu Are Subject To Change. If Additional Info Is Needed, Please Call Our Office, Please Do Not Call Restaurants. All Activities Can Only Be Attended At The Times Listed.

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." – Henry Ellis

***************************** Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm and Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). FMI call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

If you don't run your own life, someone else will. – John Atkinson

MAILING ADDRESS:

PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL:

editor@UncleAndys.com

Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS

PHONE: 207 FAX: 207

783-7039 777-3898

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

www.UncleAndys.com

January 2012 Staff In 2012, I resolve to:

Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted

Smile Again Dentures

JIMBO Work Less

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

TRAVIS

514-0660

Work Less

UNCLE ANDY Work More

www.smileagaindentures.com smileagaindentures@gmail.com

Joe & Mike Adkins

MAGGIE Watch Andy Work More

Confucius says: Man who jump through screen door, strain self.

MARTY Have 6 Saturdays & a Sunday every week

I’ll pay you

ANGIE

CASH

Run Circles Around Andy

for your antiques!

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Auction Company

Antiques, House Attics, Basement Items, One Item or Entire Estates Complete Cleanouts Available Sports Items, Guns, Military Items

State & Federally Licensed

Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements.

DAN BOYD

Dan Boyd

998-4083 or 754-1009

Human Relations: For every action, there is a corresponding overreaction.

I remember that Paul McCartney song like it was yesterday.

NOTICE: Uncle Andyʼs Digest Business Hours: Open most days about 9 or 10.

Occasionally as early as 7, and sometimes as late as 12 or 1.

We close about 5:30 or 6. Occasionally about 4 or 5, and sometimes as late as midnight, or later.

On some days we're not here at all, but lately we've been here a lot, unless we're not here.

Let’s Go Ice Fishing!

Be smart - make sure the ice is thick enough before getting on it! Thereʼs lots of ice fishing derbys coming up. Youʼll see two in this edition...

I get all my bait and ice fishing gear at Tailfeathers Upland Store in Raymond!

And it helps to pucker up & give your fish a kiss after you pull ‘em out of the water.

"If you love life, don't waste time, for time is what life is made up of." – Bruce Lee

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Electricity Maine’s Ribbon Cutting

Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man.

– Rabindranath Tagore

OPEN HOUSE JANUARY 2012 Emile Clavet Electricity Maine owner

EVERY BODY WELCOME FREE 2 Week Trial FAMILY MEMBERSHIP

Kevin Dean Electricity Maine owner

Saving Mainers hard earned $$.

That’s what we’re all about...

To receive your full benefit, start your Trial Membership

by January 17th

Next to County Building, Auburn www.alymca.org • 795-4095

Peter Whitney Electricity Maine Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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There are moments when everything goes well, but don't be frightened. – Jules Renard

"People will try to rain on your parade because they have no parade of their own."

– Jeffrey Gitomer

Did You Know?

Each watermelon has an even number of stripes on the rind.

Each orange has an even number of segments.

Each ear of corn has an even number of rows.

Each stalk of wheat has an even number of grains.

Every bunch of bananas has on its lowest row an even number of bananas, and each row decreases by one, so that one row has an even number and the next row an odd number.

I wonʼt rise to the occasion, but Iʼll slide over to it. – Uncle Andy

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF OUR WONDERFUL CUSTOMERS!

Hugging Protocol Submitted by Jimbo

A little boy was roughhousing with his dog.

His mother said to him, "Now, Bobby, I know you love Buster, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?"

The Republic Jewelry & Collectibles staff would like to thank Dan Sr, Dot, Dan Jr., & Chrissy for being the wonderful bosses that they are! It's a pleasure to be working for such great people!

For every gallon of sea water, you get more than a quarter pound of salt.

The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Thelma was here!"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Lafrance joins the Uncle Andy’s Digest team

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

Complete, comprehensive dentistry for ages 3 to 103 Angie Lafrance Uncle Andy’s Digest is proud to announce the addition of Angie Lafrance to its sales staff.

Lafrance was born and raised in Lewiston. She is the daughter of Tim and Chris Lafrance, owners of a sign business in Lewiston.

Helping her parents in the family’s business was partly responsible in inspiring her to work for Uncle Andy’s Digest.

Starting off by sweeping floors at the age of 14 in her parent’s store, Angie worked her way up to production and graphic design.

More recently she had begun handling some of the marketing for the business. It was that aspect that sparked her interest in making a career out of marketing and advertising. She is now very happy to be a part of the Uncle Andy's Digest team. "Uncle Andy's was the perfect opportunity for me. It's not just advertising. It's being part of the community and working with local companies. That's what means the most to me," Lafrance adds.

Angie, 26, is a graduate of Lewiston High School where she was a member of the women’s Lacrosse team and Art Club. She is a strong advocate for the Arts and likes to paint and draw with charcoal. In 2004 she was offered a merit scholarship by Maine College of Art for her portfolio and was also the recipient of a Scholastic Key Award. Angie is a member of the Young Professionals of the Lewiston Auburn Area (YPLAA) and resides in Auburn.

“Angie has already made a positive impact to our sales team.

She is a welcome addition and we feel she can become a great sales person. We’re looking forward to seeing her grow and prosper in her new position,” says Jimbo Marston, owner of Uncle Andy’s Digest.

New Patients Always Welcome Preventative dentistry cleanings and fillings Cosmetic dentistry whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more We accept most insurances Financing available

TAYLOR BROOK

DENTAL ASSOCIATES

OUR LOCATION:

We accept Northeast Delta Dental, State of Maine & Cigna Insurances

27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN, ME 04210

(207)784-1577

TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM The Mint once considered producing doughnut-shaped coins!

In Bangladesh, kids as young as 15 can be jailed for cheating on their finals!

Promises are like babies: Fun to make but hard to deliver.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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New Auburn Business District MAKE YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION STICK THIS YEAR!

Wicked Illustrations

Contact me!! mindyfortin.bodybyvi.com

Ar t Classes • Ar t Par ties • Murals • Ar t

and learn how you can lose weight, build lean muscle, gain energy... and how you can do it for FREE!

Studio and Gallery

Painting Workshop 576-3743 “Wine & Whimsy” Melanie Therrien Friday, January 27th $35.00 / Pre-registration required

190 Riverside Drive Auburn

www.wickedillustrations.com Out ’n About at the Festival of Art & Lights

Commercial Lots Parking Lots Residential

When it’s snowing, we’re going!

We also offer plowing, sanding & salting

www.affordableplowingservices.com

Debra Trafton Fine Artist dtrafton.com Uncle Andy loves Uncle Alden's Cranberry Apple Spread!

Seeing Double The other day I pointed to a couple across a restaurant and said to my wife, "That's us in ten years."

She replied, "That's a mirror."

Jean Meike WildMaineWomen.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The average company saves over $7,000 for each employee suggestion that is enacted!

New Auburn Business District ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

Call us today!

NO PROBLEM!

Out ’n About at Electricity Maine’s Ribbon Cutting Now Mainer’s have a choice. They can choose their power supplier from a local company!

• Appointments required, please call first • Fully warranteed & certified • $55/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364

Brad Johnson

Roller Skating = Family Fun Winter Schedule Thursday Night

Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Night

Skate/Dance (teens) 7:30 - 9:30 - 10:30

Sat. & Sun.

1:30 - 4:00pm

Saturday Night

Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night

All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

Reserve your Birthday Party NOW!

Calvin Rinck LAEGC Marketing Director

Entrepreneurship at it’s best, right here in Auburn, Maine.

Find us on Facebook Dan Larrivee & Rachel Potvin, Owner/Operators

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940 • www.rollodrome.com

WOW!

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

$

12

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

Chip Morrison Androscoggin Chamber President

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

Approximately one-third of the population can't snap their fingers!

Shop local...

Use our advertisers!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Electricity Maine’s Ribbon Cutting

New Auburn Business District

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu

Kim Jacques

87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)

We look forward to serving our customers throughout 2012!!

Revelation Massage

Did You Know?

The TV special “A Charlie Brown Christmas” premiered in 1965.

Trivia fans: Just before her remarks about Christmas being a big commercial racket, Lucy refers to Charlie Brown simply as Charlie. This is the only time she does this in any of the TV specials: every other time it's Charlie Brown.

Eli Whitney was the inventor of the cotton gin and a pioneer in the mass production of cotton.

Trivia fans: In 1798, Eli Whitney invented a way to manufacture muskets by machine so that the parts were interchangeable. Ironically, it was as a manufacturer of muskets that Whitney finally became rich.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

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& Jimbo

JANUARY 2012 783-7039

Rolly’s Waitstaff (l to r)

Cheryl, Mary, Sadie & Rolly

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

If Manhattan had the same population density as Alaska, there would only be 15 people living there.

NEXT DA Y DELIVER Y IN L/A! Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

Sorbents & Safety Supplies Textile & Paper Wipes

Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners

Chemicals & Cleaners

Breakroom & Food Service

Skin Care

Packaging

120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com A marine catfish can taste with any part of its body.

New Auburn Business District

L/A’s Newest Gun Shop

• Tactical Weapons

Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

• Rifles & Shotguns • Hand Guns • Personal & Concealed carry guns • Ammo & Targets 32 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-6569

• Special Orders

Tues - Fri 9am - 5pm • Sat 9am - 2pm

DARTS

Pool Valley

Mon. Night Jan. 9th

Wed. Jan. 4th & Sat. Jan. 7th

I.P.b.b.L. LEAGUE

Inaugural

Thurs. Jan. 12th

Happy Birthday

for new members Tues. Jan. 10th

Member Meeting Sun. Jan. 29th at 3pm

to Leroy Walker on Jan. 14th

Super Bowl Party Sun. Feb. 5th • 5pm-closing All the old Andy’s Baked Beans customers are welcome to join the Super Bowl party!

Pelletier’s KARATE ACADEMY

New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

New Year’s Introductory Special Sign up with a friend and both receive

50% OFF

I finally made it in the Digest!

My life is complete!!

regular price!

All Ages

786-3731 I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s)

Email: pelledojo@aol.com www.pelletierskarate.com

WOW!

call for details

786-3731 Expires 1/31/12

It was once against the law to have a pet dog in a city in Iceland!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple

Goldfish remember better in cold water than warm water.

Mike Morin’s

All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

Auto Center “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

VOTED BEST OF THE BEST 13 YEARS RUNNING

(Market Surveys of America)

OIL CHANGE

$21.95

Wishing everyone a fantastic 2012!

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP • OWNER BILL ROY 828 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME • 795-6666 / Fax: 795-8983

We now do: State Inspections • Minor Repairs Plus Oil & Fluid Changes at Great Prices! Labor Rate $48/hr

$

Change OFF Oil 5 Quarts, Full Service

5

with Mobil Oil & Filter Made in USA Most cars. Cannot be combined with any other coupon or discount. Expires 1/31/2012

Mon.-Fri. 8am-6pm • Sat. 8am-3pm

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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$

Any Fluid OFF Exchange

10

Most cars. Cannot be combined with any other coupon or discount. Expires 1/31/2012

Mon.-Fri. 8am-6pm • Sat. 8am-3pm

Every second, Americans collectively eat one hundred pounds of chocolate.

SEE US FOR YOUR SNOWMOBILE LOAN

Out ’n About at the Festival of Art & Lights That’s Suzan with a “Z”

• Low Rates • Fast Approval • Great Terms

Suzan Wachs Katzir

NOT A NUMBERS PERSON?

Recycling makes sense, & dollars too!

We Love Numbers!

From Financial Reporting to Quickbooks Consulting to Bookkeeping...

We can help you with crunching the numbers! Call us today!!

RCC Business Services, Inc.

Bebe’s Bottle Barn

Financial & Advisory Services for Small Businesses

Route 202, Greene (behind Mower’s Market)

143 First Flight Drive, Auburn • 795-0663 • www.RCCmaine.com

946-5875 • Mon.-Sat. 8:30-4:30 • Closed Sunday

FREE TOWING with all collision work

The world's largest wooden plane, the 200-ton Spruce Goose, was flown by billionaire Howard Hughes over Long Beach harbor on November 2, 1947.

At that time, it was the world's largest airplane ever flown. Hughes flew it only one time for less than a minute to a height no greater than 50 feet for a distance of less than a mile.

Tasmania is said to have the cleanest air in the world.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis

Mention this ad and receive a

FREE SWEATSHIRT!

• Collision Repair • Rust Repair • General Body Work

320-2125 1887 Federal Road • Livermore, Maine

&T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Parade of Lights in L-A

Henry Ford was Charles Lindbergh's first passenger in the Spirit of St. Louis.

I see a giant Christmas tree, but where are the giant presents?

Sam Lafrance This is almost as relaxing a getting a massage...

Ashley Wood (of Revelation Massage) with her daughter, Aidia Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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More people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones!

The warmest temperature ever recorded on Antarctica was 3 degrees F.

Discover the next level of wellness in your life.

VALENTINE’S DAY IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! Individual & Couples Massage Valentine’s Day Packages Include a box of Ella’s Gourmet Chocolates and a beautiful rose Join our Facebook page to learn more about our Ultimate Date Valentine’s Day Contest!

Online Booking

Hours: Mon.-Sat. 9am-9pm Sun. 12-4pm

376-3233 www.revelationmassage.com An albatross can sleep while it flies!

Online Gift Certificates 600 Turner St. Auburn

KAYLA BICKFORD JOINS AUSTIN ASSOCIATES

Austin Associates, PA, CPAs is pleased to announce that Kayla Bickford has joined the firm, providing tax and accounting services.

She is a 2010 graduate of Saint Josephʼs College of Maine, earning her B.S. in Accounting and Finance and plans to become a CPA. Prior to joining Austin Associates, Kayla had two years of experience in accounting with a small tax firm out of Portland, Maine.

Kayla has already become engaged in our community as an active member of the Young Professionals of the Lewiston-Auburn Area (YPLAA), a division of the Androscoggin County Chamber of Commerce. A 2006 graduate of Poland Regional High School, Kayla currently resides in Mechanic Falls.

See Austin Associateʼs ad on page 52.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple

In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal.

All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

PARTS • SALES • SERVICE We are the area’s newest distributor for Fisher Plows.

We have a large selection of parts and entire plow assemblies. Whichever you decide, we are now under one roof and our service is second to none!

Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The largest diamond ever found was an astounding 3,106 carats!

Bakery WineCellar &

Over 500 labels of wine

PASTRIES • BREADS • DONUTS • FUDGE

Call for Catering • Pastry Platters • Sandwich Platters • And More!

Redheads require more anesthesia to 'go under' than other hair colors do.

Out ’n About at the Parade of Lights in L-A

Derrick Billings & Rudolph Will being in Uncle Andy’s Digest make me the most famous reindeer of all?

72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine • 353-7552

www.benoitsbakery.com It takes twelve ears of corn to make a tablespoon of corn oil.

Mrs. Claus & Santa Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Leonardo Da Vinci predicted the mass use of solar energy as long ago as 1447.

Bring this ad in for a

FREE INSPECTION $ & 19.95 Oil Service

GOT HEAT?? FREE winter Checkup With Ad

VOLVOSPECIALIST.NET 140 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-9300

STORAGE PROBLEM?

Expires 1/31/12

5´x10´ $25 10´x15´ $75 10´x10´ $50 10´x20´ $100

Mountain View Storage

Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery

Rt. 26, W. Paris (Just 4 miles north from Market Square) • 674-3212 or 333-9745

"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it." – Edith Wharton

Now that the holidays are over… It’s time to get ready for vacation!

Ann Dumais

Pedicures • Manicures • Acrylic Nails Colors, Cuts, Foils & More!

Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

We even have travel-sized products available for your trip! Call TODAY!!

Jan.

Special

with Jacinta

$20 OFF FOIL

Lisa Olmstead

& Jimbo

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Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw

Jacinta Labbe

A full service Salon

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A, Highland Spring Road, Lewiston Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Pauline Guimond

786-4311 Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm • Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

The state of Florida is bigger than England!

The Chef Boyardee Story

Pocahontas appeared on the back of the $20 bill in 1875.

10% OFF with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

Ron Moon, Manager

207-657-5000

216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry www.soundeffectsmaine.com 777-3339 Parking in back of building

Don’t Get Caught by Old Man Winter!

GET YOUR VEHICLE WINTERIZED TODAY!!

Winterization Service includes the following:

A $75.95 Value

• CHECK Battery & Charging System • CHECK Tire Condition & Pressures • CHECK Belts & Hoses • CHECK Steering & Suspension • CHECK Exhaust & Undercarriage • CHECK ph Balance & Freezing Point of Coolant • CHECK All Fluids (fill as needed) • FREE Oil Change*

The results were so popular that he started to sell the products in area stores, and later in stores outside the area. Boiardi remained an advisor in the canned pasta business until his death at age 87 in 1985. And yes, that is Hector's picture on the label.

For ONLY

$

45

Must present ad at time of appointment to receive “Winter Special” pricing. *oil change is conventional oil only - up to 5 qts. - most vehicles

NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 • www.majorauto.net

More than 400,000 U.S. houses still lack indoor plumbing.

Upon his arrival, he immediately got a job as a chef at New York's Plaza Hotel, where his brother worked as a waiter. After moving to Cleveland, he perfected his spaghetti and meatball recipe in 1929. His customers kept asking for bottles of his pasta sauce so they could have it at home, and he obliged.

He then added cheeses and pasta to the sauce.

Trivia What gets wet when drying?

Answer: A towel

• Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

Yes, there is a Chef Boyardee, although his name is not spelled that way. Hector Boiardi, an Italian immigrant, came to the United States in 1914 when he was only 17.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Parade of Lights in L-A

The last time American Green cards were actually green was 1964.

PET & OWNER OF THE MONTH Sandra Worthington and her dog Yuki, a Shiba Inu Yuki is well managed, safe and gets plenty of exercise here.

He’s a high-energy dog, and Bruce does a great job keeping up with him. I’ve noticed Yuki is more calm and well behaved at home since coming to Doggone Fun!

Matt Day Sandra Worthington and her dog Yuki, a Shiba Inu

Smart Kid Dewey collected lots of money from trick-ortreating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.

786-2794

Daycare & 24/7 Boarding Facility

528 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

www.DogGoneFunDoggyDayCare.com

Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day.

"You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl.

SKI FREE FRIDAYS

Dewey thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate.

You give the money to charity."

EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT IN JANUARY 5-9 PM Sponsored by L-A Harley, Lost Valley, Lee Auto, and Emerson Toyota

Uncle Andyʼs Salary Increase Jimbo told Uncle Andy that he is planning to give him a salary raise.

Uncle Andy said, "I like the sounds of that, Jimbo. When does the raise become effective?"

Jimbo answered, "As soon as you do."

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Jan. 6th Shipyard Night in the Brookside Lounge L-A Harley Band 8:00 PM

Jan. 13th

Jan 16th

Jan 27th

Ski Free with Lee, 5-9 Free Lift tickets, Budweiser Bash in the Brookside lounge, Free give aways including Bud Skis or snowboard,

JP Memorial Race 9:00 AM

Winterfest Begins Ski Free 5-9 Sponsored by L-A Harley and Emerson Toyota, Jager night in the Brookside lounge with Brookside Blues Band 8:00 PM

Broad Street Band 8:00 PM

Jan 20th - Free Ski 5-9 PM Sponsored by L-A Harley and Lost Valley. Skosh playing in the Brookside Lounge 8:00 PM

Jan 29th - USASA Slopestyle Event Teen night every Sat. Night 5-9 PM $13 lift tickets/$13 rentals for teens by teens (but everyone is welcome) sponsored by Tim Horton’s

200 Lost Valley Road, Auburn 784-1561 • www.lostvalleyski.com 7-11 sells 10,000 pots of coffee an hour, every hour, every day.

20252 is Smokey the Bear's own zip code.

Let 2012 be THAT Year!

CONQUER Health, FIND Wellness & INDULGE in Feeling Good!

Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

Offering classes for the WHOLE family!

Come see us at our NEW Primary Location!!

ZUMBA!! • KettleBells • Tabata Yoga/Pilates • Burlesque Kids & Senior Offerings

Our Instructors are certified, knowledgeable and will be the motivator to reach your goals!

20 Main Street, Sabattus (2nd floor) 754-9411 • www.SPRQstudio.com

Firemen Rule #1 Everyone, including cats, gets out safely!

Thank a fireman today

Yvon’s Car Wash n’ Lube Tell ‘em Uncle Andy’s sent you!

Tuesday: Seniors’ Day Wednesday: Ladies’ Day Thursday: Veterans’ Day Receive FREE

Automatic Car Wash

$

3 OFF

Basic Oil Change

$

5 OFF

Premium Oil Change

with Oil Change

698 Main Street • Lewiston • 777-3600 (Between ROOPER’s and BURGER KING) Hours: Mon-Fri: 8am - 5pm • Sat. 8am - 2pm

Limit one coupon per customer.

Expires 1/31/12

Over 90% of all fish caught are caught in the northern hemisphere.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

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The Story of Sara Lee In 1935, 32-year-old Charles Lubin and his brother-in-law bought a small chain of neighborhood bakeries in the Chicago area. They were called Community Bake Shops.

Lubin was constantly testing new recipes on his wife, Tillie, and his eight-year-old daughter, Sara Lee. After about 100 different cheesecakes, he finally hit upon the perfect recipe.

Scientists aren't sure what color dinosaurs were.

Make 2012 Visit, Click or Call fo

TOYOTA HOTLINE 1-800-730-1001 •

Tillie suggested that her husband name the product after their daughter. The cheesecake was so popular that he renamed his bakery Kitchens of Sara Lee. As a teenager, Sara Lee worked part-time in the plant offices, but that was her only professional affiliation with the company that bears her name.

In 1953, the Sara Lee company began selling frozen baked goods, which allowed the company to expand into 48 states.

In 1956, Sara Lee was bought by Consolidated Foods Corporation. Sara Lee's name is now featured on more than 100 kinds of bakery products. A marketing survey (continued on next page)

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To burn off one plain M&M candy, you need to walk the full length of a football field.

Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she’s been givin’ me lately. – Jeff Foxworthy

YOUR Year! or your next vehicle!!

• TOYOTA HOTLINE 1-800-730-1001

(continued from previous page)

shows that 98 percent of American consumers are familiar with the name.

In 1985, Consolidated Foods adopted the name for their entire operation, "to reflect the consumer marketing orientation." Today Sara Lee Corporation has more than $19.7 billion in annual sales.

The corporation markets more than 150 brands, including Hanes, L'eggs, and Playtex bras. In fact, the Sara Lee Corporation now sells more underwear than baked goods. Sara Lee Lubin, owner of one of the world's most recognized names, is a computer enthusiast and a grandmother.

Dog's Life Complaint A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded.

"He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture."

You might be a redneck if… your kids take a siphon hose to “Show and Tell.”

– Jeff Foxworthy

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Don’s No Preference Towing receives award

Dandelion root can be roasted and ground as a coffee substitute.

Winter’s HERE! Can’t start your car?

We will. Call us anytime.

784-4619

Call us if you are broken down.

Don St. Germain, owner Don’s No Preference Towing Company, located at 940 Washington Street in Auburn has received the prestigious American Towman ACE Award for achievement in service performance. Recipients were nominated by the nation’s major motor clubs and dispatch centers.

The nomination guidelines for the award include: the highest percentage of calls when the estimated time of arrival is achieved; consistence of response time; written appreciation from customers; and percentage of calls serviced.

The ACE Award is presented by American Towman Magazine, a leading trade publication serving emergency road service professionals. The awards were presented during the ACE Award ceremony at the Baltimore Convention Center on November 20th at the American Towman Exposition.

Don’s No Preference Towing has won this prestigious award six out of the last seven years! Don also makes it a priority to have the cleanest trucks in the business along with his drivers making a good first impression. See Don’s ad on this page.

We now offer Roadside Assistance, such as tire changes and lockouts.

We carry new Interstate batteries, air compressor, and tools to fix small problems.

24/7 WRECKER SERVICE

We’ve updated our fleet to better serve you!

DON’S NO PREFERENCE TOWING Ask for Don or Debbie for all your towing needs

940 Washington St. • Auburn • 784-4619 Out ’n About at Electricity Maine’s Ribbon Cutting Heidi Cook, Sandra Nadeau, Chris Garneau, Danielle Beckwith, Ashley Rand & Muriel LeClerc Electricity Maine employees

There are only 14 blimps in the world.

Out ’n About at the December Biz Break

The first alarm clock could only ring at 4 a.m.

DID THE HOLIDAYS LEAVE YOU STRAPPED FOR CASH?

with the Sebago Lakes Chamber of Commerce

We have a great solution!

Frankie’s Pawn @ PAWN • BUY • SELL • TRADE

Becky Gerrish AMCOM Wireless

Music Equipment • Tools • Electronics • Gifts & Collectibles

Come Ring in the New Year with Faith!

128 Lewiston Street, Mechanic Falls • 346-3588 Tues. - Sat. 10-6 • Closed Sun. & Mon.

Travis Angie

A: Four Uncle Andyʼs sales people at a four way stop.

Uncle Andy

Q: What do you call an eternity?

Jimbo

Submitted by Terry Grivois (Facebook submission winner)

Catherine Andrews AMCOM Wireless

THIS IS ROLLY’S DINER The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Rigging up the lights!

He really wasnʼt complaining about putting up the lights, we just thought it made for a better story.

WE’RE NOT SURE WHERE ROLLEY’S DINER IS...

Apparently, this sign maker didn’t know how to spell the name of the restaurant. They did fix and replace the signs.

The first TV commercial showed a Bulova watch ticking onscreen for exactly 60 seconds.

Casey Farnum AMCOM Wireless Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

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UAD: On the Move

Three Mile Island is only 2 1/2 miles long.

Rob, Diane & “Crazy Dog” Ristagno from Longs, South Carolina Dear Uncle Andy’s Digest Your Digest is on the move again... this time it visited the Ristagno family in Longs, SC. Rob read it... Diane read it... Crazy Dog used it!

Thought you’d like to share this with your readers.

Submitted by Carol Hanscombe (Diane’s sister) of Lewiston

Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website

www.donovansauto.com 946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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If the chemical sodium is dropped into water it will immediately and violently explode.

Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple

An elephant's tooth can weigh as much as 12 pounds.

GREAT MEAT PACKAGES 1 LB AMERICAN CHEESE 1 LB BOILED HAM 1 LB ROAST BEEF 1 LB BOLOGNA 1 LB BACON 1 LB RED FRANKS

$

2 LBS GROUND CHUCK 3 LBS CHICKEN LEGS 2 LBS PORK CHOPS 2 LBS BLADE STEAK 1 LB CHICKEN NUGGETS

21

$

27

3 LBS GROUND CHUCK 2 LBS PORK CHOPS 3 LBS CHICKEN LEGS 3 LBS WHOLE CHICKEN 2 LBS HAM STEAK 2 LBS LONDON BROIL 1 LB BACON

$

45

Many more packages available • Call or stop by for more info

4 LBS GROUND CHUCK 4 LBS CHICKEN LEGS 2 LBS PORK CHOPS 2 LBS CUBE STEAK 2 LBS PORK SAUSAGE 2 LBS HAM STEAK 1 LB BOILED HAM 1 LB BOLOGNA 1 LB AMERICAN CHEESE

$

57

We do allow substitutions

All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

5 LBS GROUND CHUCK 3 LBS BONELESS CHUCK ROAST 3 LBS PORK ROAST 3 LBS WHOLE CHICKEN 5 LBS CHICKEN LEGS 2 LBS PORK CHOPS 2 LBS TOP ROUND 3 LBS CUBE STEAK 2 LBS BACON 6-7 LBS SMOKED SHOULDER

$

99

All orders must be pre-paid before they are cut

Poirier’s Market 38 Walnut Street, Lewiston • 782-1041

Delivery available on packages $57+ within 5 mile radius

The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?

Not something you see everyday... but see a lot in Uncle Andy’s Digest!

The oldest patented company logo is the red triangle of Bass beers!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

Caffeine boosts memory.

REMOTE STARTERS Start Only

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$

Starting at

2-Way Remotes

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Many other options available Each starter comes with: • Lifetime Guarantee • 2 Remotes • Expert Installation

1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston 754-7873

McDonald's salads contain up to 60% more fat than their burgers!

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 27 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems

OUR TIRES

Buy 2 NEW Tires A $24 Value!

and receive a

FREE Oil Change*

Expires 1.31.12

#

*5 quarts max, non-synthetic - must have coupon to qualify.

60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210

782-6666 or 783-2026 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

If you cut a 'V' shape into your toe nails, you can prevent 'in-grown' toe nails.

Favorite Candy

One 75-watt bulb gives more light than three 25-watt bulbs.

Submitted by Jimbo

You Name It, We’ll Frame It! Our Affordable, Everyday Pricing 8x10 ......................$10 16x20 ....................$20 20x24 ....................$30 24x36 ....................$40

Custom picture framing you’ll treasure forever

Our phone rang late one night, and my wife Nancy picked it up.

She said, "Kit Kat," and hung up.

From sports memorabilia to artwork to family photos & so much more!

"Who was that?"

"Some boy for Carolyn," she said, referring to our daughter.

Call for more info

Expert Custom Framing & Quality Personal Service!

Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.

"What now?" I asked.

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333 www.DandRFraming.com

NEW YEAR = NEW CAREER...

Dan Williams, owner

Benefits Include:

Tired of retail, fast food or being the sounding board on the other end of the phone? Be part of a Team devoted to making a difference in the lives of others! If you have what it takes for a new challenge, complete an on-line application at www.supportsolutions.org We have openings in Central and Southern Maine

• Generous time-off program • PAID TRAINING • Medical, dental & vision • Employee Assistance Program • And more!

The next morning a basket of candy was on our porch.

Contact Kim Dionne

"But, Mom," our daughter protested when she heard the story, "Kit Kat isn't my favorite candy."

kdionne@supportsolutions.org Our Vision:We envision that children and adults living with a developmental disability and/or mental illness will be empowered to ask: Why Not? Our Mission: The mission of Support Solutions is to inspire and support a culture of possibilities.

RS DOO N AT OPE PM 3:00

For Central Maine 124 Canal St., Lewiston, ME 04240

207-795-0672 ext. 2108

"I know," Nancy said.

"It's mine."

We are an Equal Opportunity Employer

KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS

MORE GAMES

• MORE PRIZES • MORE

"He plans to ask Carolyn to the prom and wanted to know what her favorite candy is.

He's going to put the invitation into a candy basket."

RY EVE AY ESD N D WE PM 6:30

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Up to 48 Cards for $10 Sealed Tickets • W.T.A. • 50/50 Prizes Canteen • Friendly Staff

s Caring i ess! our busin

150 East Ave., Lewiston • 782-9265 Saturn's rings are about 500,000 miles in circumference but only about a foot thick.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Lisbon Community FCU Grand Opening in Lewiston

Tonya Bodah

Diane Whitten

Reno, Nevada is actually west of Los Angeles, California.

TUXEDO RENTALS at a price you can afford!

L/A’s r e t a e r G oice Best Ch s! for Tuxe

With great tuxedo styles including vests, ties, shoes, shirts and pants we also can handle the little ones in your wedding party with toddler size tuxedos.

• Weddings • Proms • Formal Events

Ron, Sarah Jeanne & Jane Kyllonen are ready to serve you!

Tiffiny Stewart Branch Manager

Trivia What is the “met” in New York?

Answer: The Metropolitan Opera House Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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S&J Tuxedos And Limo Service (Affiliated with Sarah Jeanne’s)

76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

333-3737

If Wal-Mart was classified as a country, it would be the 24th most productive country in the world.

The heart of an astronaut actually gets smaller when in outer space.

Out ’n About at the December Biz Break with the Sebago Lakes Chamber of Commerce

Cheryle Nielsen-Pesce Bonney Staffing

Ruth York Point Sebago

Dwayne Harris Blossoms of Windham

In high school, Robin Williams was voted 'Least Likely to Succeed.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Lisbon Community FCU Grand Opening in Lewiston

The onion is named after the Latin word 'unio' meaning large pearl.

TIME TO CASH IN! Special pricing for quantities and contractors!

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Jennifer Parent

$$$ CASH REWARD for information leading to the arrest of those persons responsible for the slashing of tires on our company vehicles. Contact Peter at 615-7057 or 795-8887

Automobile Batteries ......................$7 Alloy Rims ......................................$14 Catalytic Converters.............$8-$240 (avg. payout is about $70) Computer Towers ...........................$4 Brass ..........................................$1.80 Motors • Pumps • Computer Board Scraps

Renee Bissonnette

Copper, Brass, Aluminum, Insulated Wire, Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions.

Always paying the best prices! (prices subject to market changes)

We pay the highest prices in town.

Stop by and see us!

15 Pierce Street, Auburn

615-7057 or 795-8887 Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

Ryan OʼConnor

Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm

Amber & Bev

Marketing & Training Officer Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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It would take approximately 17,000 strawfuls of water to fill a standard bathtub.

In 1992, 29,000 rubber ducks washed off a ship. They were found thousands of miles away 8 years later.

line Introducing... ourfornewladiesDivaanddiamond little girls

DiamondCut

Jewelers

1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford • 739-2300 Mon-Fri 9-5; Sat. 9-3 • diamondcutjewelers.com You might be a redneck if… your dad walks you to school because youʼre in the same grade. – Jeff Foxworthy

A single cup of gasoline, when ignited, has the same explosive power as five sticks of dynamite.

Lisbon Community Federal Credit Union Celebrates Grand Opening of Lewiston Branch Lisbon Community Federal Credit Union celebrated the grand opening of their new Lewiston branch recently, a major step forward in the Credit Union’s expansion into the Lewiston-Auburn area.

Established in 1959, Lisbon Community FCU offers a variety of loan and savings programs including savings and checking accounts, money market, IRA accounts and certificates, free VISA debit cards, home banking, bill payer and eStatements. On the lending side, mortgages, construction loans and home equity lines of credit will be offered in addition to new and used vehicle loans, recreational vehicles and VISA credit cards.

Located at 802 Sabattus Street, on the corner of Old Greene Road, the Credit Union sits on the former site of Thorne’s Corner grange hall, most recently utilized as cold storage space for area businesses. Adjacent to Roopers, the new full-service branch will feature a drive-up area, a SURF Network ATM and participate in Shared Branching.

Highlighting their member service and friendly banking atmosphere, Lisbon Community FCU boasts long term employees and is dedicated to familiarizing Members by name.

FMI about Lisbon Community FCU, please visit www.lisboncu.org, call 353-4144, or visit their two branches at 325 Lisbon Street in Lisbon or the new Lewiston branch at 802 Sabattus Street.

Lisbon Community FCU is a not for profit, full service financial institution owned by and operated for our members. With $73 Million in assets and $51 Million in loans, the Credit Union serves 7,200 members in the communities of Lewiston, Auburn, Durham, Lisbon, Sabattus, Bowdoin, Topsham and Pownal.

See their ad on page 33.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Lisbon Community FCU Grand Opening in Lewiston

John Silvestri

One barrel of petroleum holds 42 gallons.

Become one of the many whose careers are being rejuvenated with quality desks, chairs, credenzas and filing systems. Affordable Office Solutions has everything you need–5,000 items, space planning and on-time delivery. Just remember: when your furniture arrives, it’s not inventory. It’s Opportunity!

George Roy

Mayor Richard Gleason & Mayor Larry Gilbert their last public appearance together

Trivia Who founded The Reader's Digest?

67 Minot Ave. 2nd floor • Auburn

Answer: DeWitt Wallace

1.866.464.CUBE or 576-4533 • cubiclesinmaine.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Smokers get ten times more wrinkles than non-smokers.

& Jimbo

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While you can only be young once, you can always be immature. – Dave Barry

Perfect Image Salon & Spa Hires Green-Chartier

What are you doing tonight? $

Monday Mania $

Rent-a-lane $ 00 10 per hour 11am-10pm

Bottomless Wednesday

Manager’s Special Thursday

2 hours for only $6 per person open - close

Check Facebook, stop in, or call for the GLOW BOWLING 9:30 - midnight special of the day!

2 Tuesday

2.00 games and shoe rentals 11am-5pm

Friday & Saturday

L-A’s Newest Hot Spot... Book your

January Concert Schedule BIRTHDAY Every Saturday Night!

Jan. 7th Jan. 14th Jan. 21st Jan. 28th

Veggies Firewater Creek Skösh Veggies

Live Music Food & Drink Specials!

Every Friday Night

DJ Bob

Live with Karaoke

to see our daily specials & prices

PARTY NOW!

We do all the work... you have all the fun!

Unlimited Bowling, Decorations, Pizza and More!

$13.99/pp call for more details Come check out our NEW stage & dance floor!

24 Mollison Way • Lewiston

786-2695 www.sparetimerec.com I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. – Dave Barry

Perfect Image Salon and Spa recently announced that Kelley Green-Chartier has been hired as Licensed Aesthetician and Nail Technician.

Green-Chartier provides expertise and over 4-years of salon experience in Facials, Peels, Waxing, Manicures/Pedicures), Make-up applications, Bridal Services, Spray Tanning, Brow & Lash Tinting including False Lash Application, Full Body Exfoliations, Body Treatments. At Perfect Image Salon and Spa, she will specialize in Dermalogica skincare treatment, the number one choice of skin care professional worldwide.

In 2009, she graduated from Capilo Institute with high honors and currently holds her Maine Aesthetician License. In 2008, she graduated from the Spa Tech Institute. In addition, Kelley has advanced training and completed numerous region-wide continual education programs in skincare including Dermalogica, Jane Iredale, Luzern PURE Cosmeceuticals, Spa Ritual, Jan Marini, Comedix Skin Care, Clarisonic, Infinity Sun Sunless Tanning System and Ardell Lash Application.

Kelley lives in Turner, with her husband of 23 years, Marc Chartier and their children, Jordan and Olivia. Green-Chartier is a dedicated volunteer at The Dempsey Center where she provides spa/foot treatments for patients and caregivers twice per month.

To book an appointment with Kelley, see the Perfect Image Salon & Spa ad on page 55.

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Chores

Frozen lobsters can come back to life when thawed!

Submitted by Glen Gisel

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, etc... Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

I was driving home today and saw a snowman on the side of the road. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride.

He said, “No I'm waiting for a snow blower.”

Submitted by Bubba Sparks (Facebook submission winner)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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PRODUCT SPECIAL

Buy 3...

Back row, l to r: Linda, Kathy, Michael & Tina.

Front row, l to r: Kelly (owner), Terry, Nuria & Cory

...Get 1 Free*! *equal or lesser value

600 Center Street • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 786-0112 There was once an undersea post office in the Bahamas.

JANUARY

ENTERTAINMENT

Lineup

WE’VE EXPANDED! Come check out the new Irish Twins!

FRIDAYS

SATURDAYS

Jan. 6th Jan. 13th Jan. 20th Jan. 27th Feb. 3rd

Jan. 7th Jan. 14th Jan. 21st Jan. 28th Feb. 4th

Veggies 4 Play Veggies Swagger Veggies

Slygo Road Tri Polar Repeat Offenders AZ-IF Nikki Hunt

EVERY THURSDAY

CHAD PORTER

Irish Twins Pub Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s) Pumpkin rule of thumb: the darker the shell, the longer the pumpkin lasts.

Golf Widow

Budweiser beer is named after a town in Czechoslovakia.

“Golf! Golf! Golf! I think if you spent one Saturday home with me I'd die of surprise,” said the wife.

Come see us at our

NEW LOCATION!

“Stop trying to bribe me,” replied the husband.

730 Main Street in Lewiston

Trivia

(next to Salvation Army)

GREAT DEALS ON JACKETS & SWEATSHIRTS!

Which cruise line operates the Queen Elizabeth II?

Screenprinting and Embroidery

730 Main St, Lewiston (next to Salvation Army) • 753-1177 • www.varsitylettering.com

A. Carnival B. Grace C. Royal Caribbean D. Cunard

The correct answer is: D. Cunard

Rats can't vomit, that's why rat poison works.

STEVE’S SAFETY SERVICES Onsite CPR/AED/First Aid Training

This Month’s Specials

Cheeseburger Sub ..................................$3.89 10” Cheese Fresh Dough Pizza .............$4.35 6 Pc. Roadies Chicken Tender Snack ....$6.49

Mobile classroom covering the State of Maine.

Let us help you set up an emergency response plan in your place of business. stevessafetyservices.com 207-713-7211

454 Auburn Road • 225-6400 • Call ahead for take-out Freshly made Breakfast Sandwiches & Muffins • Green Mountain Coffee • Daily Lunch Specials

Do something you’ve always wanted to do...

LEARN TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENT THIS YEAR! • Memory enhancement • Increased concentration • Increased coordination

Authorized Service Center

• Decrease depression & anxiety • Increased HGH production and more!

Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair

376-3376

134 Main Street, Auburn www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com

The earth rotates more slowly on its axis in March than in September.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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SPRING FEVER DANCE Saturday, January 28th American Legion Post 150 41 Elm St., Mechanic Falls person $10 per r Cash ba 50-50 of fun! s t o l d n a night e h t e c Dan us!! h t i w y a aw

8PM – Midnight We suggest you get your tickets in advance. Remaining tickets will be available at the door.

For more information and tickets: Call Jeff Martin at 577-9243 Proceeds to support youth sports in Mechanic Falls Dance put on by the Mechanic Falls Recreation Committee (an all volunteer committee)

d n a B t e e r t S d a o r B The

Live music by:

“One of the areas premiere classic rock dance bands!”

(l to r): Jody Demers, drums; Celeste Onofrio, vocals; Michael Onofrio, guitar; and Dan Johnson, bass

Pain travels through the body at 350 feet per second!

LARGEST ASSAULT WEAPON SELECTION From AK’s to AR-15’s AK-47

AK-47 Bullpup

AK-74

AMD-65

Out ’n About at the Festival of Art & Lights

WICKED GOOD

AR-15

FNL PS-90

Many more to choose from!

Stop by for expert advice & knowledge and a huge selection of firearms & related accessories!

We Buy - Sell - Trade

Abigail Drew

Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com

You might be a redneck if… your ironing board doubles as a buffet table.

– Jeff Foxworthy

A very

TALL Christmas Tale

Michelle Ouelette

Kenny, you’re a lot like me. You deliver gifts people want everyday. Naughty or Nice, I can’t say. Box truck or sleigh, we both deliver the Santa Claus way!

I was trying to save you a trip, Santa.

Ken Goodman, owner of Goodman Wiping, thought for sure he was on the “Naughty List” until “Santa” Brad Sloat, owner of Photo Finish, sat him down and set him straight.

The New York Stock Exchange started as a coffee shop!

Melanie Therrien All three ladies are from Wicked Illustrations Studio & Gallery, see their ad on page 10.

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NEXT Level Business Coaching Go Home On Time – Sleep Well At Night

What is business coaching?

Call 207-376-3239 for a confidential 90 minute consultation on any two business issues you are facing – no charge.

Guaranteed to provide you with strategies you can put to use right away.

Vultures fly without flapping their wings.

$

5 OFF

Purchase of $20 or more

Out ’n About at the December Biz Break with the Sebago Lakes Chamber of Commerce

Limit one per visit Expires 01/31/12

Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi Tim Mason

730 Center Street, Auburn

Blossoms of Windham

Auburn Plaza NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA

376-4855

jasminecafemaine.com

You might be a redneck if… you think the stock market has fence around it.

– Jeff Foxworthy

Jimbo & Travis trying to get you to go check out our new website...

Travis, tell all the peeps about our new website.

Dale Doughty Cleaning Genies

NOW! Ok, ok, Jimbo! Uncle!!

Go to www.UncleAndys.com and check out all the cool new features on our website...

Eileen Doughty Cleaning Genies

When you correct for weight differences, men are proportionately stronger than horses.

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Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

Before toilet paper was invented, French royalty wiped their bottoms with fine linen.

ELIMINATE U.F.O.’S UnAcross the world, hidden in cupboards are half-finished projects, fueled by love and contemplation.

Finished Objects See the UFO-BUSTERS at Creative Sewing to start eliminating your UFO’s!

336 Center St. • Auburn 782-5922

Lake City Exports supports the Auburn Preschool Program Teachers & Students at Auburn Preschool pose with a check for $1,000!

Donated by Lake City Exports, Located at 867 Center Street in Auburn

ALWAYS BE THE “FOLLOW ME” GUY

SHARE OUR PASSION

AMES SPORT SHOP 84 Littlefield Road Auburn

782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road) Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Only male fireflies can fly.

In 1659, it was illegal to celebrate Christmas in Massachusetts.

Drug Detection Assessments

Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

Everyone wants to wipe out drugs from their home.

We can do it – literally!

Drug use may be affecting your home, whether you see it or not.

We swipe frequently touched surfaces with our special wipes. Then a highly sensitive detector chemical is sprayed on the wipe and a color change reveals drug presence. Even micrograms of drug residue can be detected!

Cars • Bedrooms • Bathrooms and more!

$

Only 35 per car or room

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com In Ancient Greece, if a woman watched even one Olympic event, she was executed.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

783-7039 45

Top 19 Rejected Names for International Sports Teams

It takes the same amount of time to age a cigar as wine.

TROP ICAL HARMONY

19. Brussels Sprouts 18. Cannes Openers

Happy New Year!

17. Amsterdam Yankees

All your salt water tank needs right here!

16. Vienna Sausages 15. Belgium Waffles

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies

14. Manila Folders

272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372 13. Czech Bouncers 4) I won't learn anything new.

5) When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" 6) I will think of a password for my computer other than "password."

7) I will not procrastinate to remind myself to not procrastinate.

8) I will always check for toilet paper before using a public restroom.

9) I will stop pretending reality shows are actually reality.

10) I will stop making resolutions about weight.

Uncle Andy’s Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions

12. New Dehli Catessans 11. Buenos Airheads

1) I will stop eating cookie dough while watching The Biggest Loser.

2) I will spend more money than I have and max out my credit cards.

3) I will eat more junk food.

10. Guadalajara Krishnas 9. Iraqi Raccoons 8. Bolivia DeHavillands 7. Seoul Brothers 6. Taipei Personalities

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

5. Syria Killers 4. Hungary Jacks 3. Dublin Mint Twins 2. Prague Tologists

MONDAY The Fergy

TUESDAY Meatball Subs

WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners

sm. $2.50/lg. $5.00

sm. $3.20/lg. $6.00

1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink $4.50

1. Peking Toms

Trivia What belongs to you but others use it more than you do?

THURSDAY Mini Pizza 1 Top $2.60/2 Top $3.30

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians with 1.5 Liter Drink $5.99

Answer: Your name

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Contrary to popular belief, London Broil is not a cut of beef but rather a method of cooking.

& Jimbo

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No patent can ever be taken out on a gambling machine in the United States.

Earn

10% MORE with any amount of bottles with this coupon!

Happy

Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

New Year!

Expires 1.31.12

Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm

Richard Conway, owner

President George W. Bush and Playboy founder Hugh Hefner are cousins!

DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCH Wall of Fame Inductee Do you have what it takes to join me on the wall of fame?

Mon-Fri 7am to 2pm Sat & Sun 6am to 2pm

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Thomas Peer of Lewiston

Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 4.5 pounds of sunlight strike the Earth each day.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

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Out ’n About at the December Biz Break

The banana tree cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.

with the Sebago Lakes Chamber of Commerce

Lori Wing

Nick Albano Albano Recycling

Marie Prescott Metayer Family Eye Care Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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In the original version of Cinderella the slipper was made out of fur, not glass!

Halle Berry's stunt double, in the movie "Cat Woman" was in fact a man.

Out ’n About at the December Biz Break with the Sebago Lakes Chamber of Commerce

Melissa O'Brien Metayer Family Eye Care

Nicole Lajoie Norway Savings Bank

Heather Smith Norway Savings Bank

68% of a Hostess Twinkie is air!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Pillsbury Dough Boy In 1869, Charles Pillsbury went to work for his Uncle John.

John Pillsbury had snatched victory from the jaws of defeat after an 1853 fire destroyed his hardware store and all its inventory. His quick recovery so impressed his peers that he was offered the presidency of Farmers & Mechanics Bank. He went on to become a prosperous banker with diverse business interests, including land, railroads, timber, and a sawmill. By 1869, he was ready to expand again, this time into milling floor. He called on his nephew to join him. Poppin Fresh Charles and his father, George, purchased a one-third interest in a failing Minnesota flour mill. Charles Pillsbury installed a new purifier in the broken-down mill and amazingly made a $6,000 profit in the first year. He used the profits to start his own business, C. A. Pillsbury and Company, in 1872.

During the 1920s and 1930s, the company expanded its line of products to include pancake mixes, cereal, and bakery items. But it is the giggling advertising icon Poppin Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy, that may be most responsible for (continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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New Jersey and Oregon are the only two states where it is illegal to pump your own gas.

Ariens Deluxe Sno-Thro Series ®

• Unique Dual Belt drive system for maximum power and maintenance free operation • On-dash controls allow for control of height and trajectory of snow being thrown • Remote axle lock with a handle-mounted trigger allows Sno-Thro to turn on a dime • Heavy-duty aluminum XS Gear Case with alloy steel gears and L-3 synthetic severe-duty gear oil • Ariens Polar Force engine powered by Briggs & Stratton is certified to start down to 20degrees below zero

1334 MINOT AVE., AUBURN, ME 04210 • 207-783-0558

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS All breakfast specials include coffee

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast............$3.95 TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast...................$3.95 WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes .....................$3.95 THURSDAY: French Toast...............................................$3.95 FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette ...........................................$3.95

5 Washington Street, Auburn

783-4304

SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage ..............$3.95 SUNDAY: French Crepes.................................................$3.95

Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome

Prices do not include tax.

Oprah Winfrey makes $10 per second.

1 OFF $

Any Purchase of $500 or more

1 coupon per order

!

Expires 1.31.12

(continued from previous page)

A domestic cat can sprint at about 31 miles per hour.

making the name a household word. He was created in 1965, and by 1968, more than 87% of Americans were familiar with the character. He even has his own Web page at www.doughboy.com.

According to Pillsbury, Poppin Fresh usually ranks number 1 on the list of America's most popular food product characters, beating out such competition as the jolly Green Giant. The Green Giant is Poppin Fresh's adopted brother, by the way.

Pillsbury bought Green Giant in 1979.

Poppin Fresh image Copyright Š The Pillsbury Company

How to Start a Fight Submitted by Glen Gisel

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started...

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Dix Family Benefit

The skin on your lips is 200 times more sensitive than your fingertips.

at SPRQ Studio We were glad to host this awesome fundraising event to help out Toy for Tots & the Dix family!

Kelli Gilzow SPRQ Studio owner

Leanne Heidrich Dragonflies have six legs but cannot walk!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Jericho is the oldest walled city in the world at 9,000 yrs old!

Out ’n About at the Dix Family Benefit

A cubic yard of air weighs about 2 pounds at sea level.

ood Products W e n i F & Stove Sales

at SPRQ Studio

224-7239

10% Tax Credit

2742 Auburn Rd. Turner, ME 04282

ends Dec. 31st

(1 mile north of intersection of Rt. 4 and 219

Pellet Stoves Wood Stoves Gas Stoves

Over 30 years experience

• Pine Furniture • Machined Wood Parts • Boxes & Crates • Store Displays

Stove Service & Installation Wholesale Pricing to Retailers buying in volume Custom Production Wood Work

Take a short drive down Route 4 and SAVE BIG $$$

www.finewoodproducts.net

Sherri Brant Thank you to all who came.

We appreciate it!

robm@finewoodproducts.net In Ancient Egypt, some people paid their taxes in honey.

Abby & Jeremy Dix with this coupon • Expires 1.31.12

Fingernails grow fastest on the hand you favor.

In 1885, Charles Cretors founded the company that invented the business of popping corn. Americans consume over 17 billion quarts of popcorn each year. This is more than 50 quarts per person, and that's enough popcorn to fill the Empire State Building 18 times!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Community Credit Union promotes Marston

Jennifer Aniston's original name is Jennifer Anastassakis!

JUMP START 2012 Ashlee Marston, of Community Credit Union, has been promoted to Operations Support. Marston joined the Credit Union in January 2011 as a Member Representative.

With this new position, Ashlee will be responsible for overseeing the Credit Unionʼs Share Draft and Bill Payer programs. She also serves as an Assistant to the Member Representative Supervisor in the Lewiston branch. Marston resides in Lewiston with her son Camron and significant other, Alex.

Community Credit Union is a memberowned, full service financial institution that has been serving its members and Androscoggin County since 1945. Community Credit Union has branches located at 144 Pine Street, Lewiston and 40 Stanley Street, Auburn. For more information, log onto communitycreditunion.com

You might be a redneck if… you had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

with a new vehicle Call us for your next Auto Loan!

• Sick of fixing up your old vehicle?

• Sick of needing a jump start every morning?

• Sick of worrying about whether or not you’ll have car trouble today?

Rates as low as 2.85% APR* for up to 60 months.

APR=Annual Percentage Rate. Rates are as low as 2.85% APR for vehicles financed up to 5 years or 60 months. Payments per $1,000 on 60 months = $17.91. Rates subject to change without notice. No in-house refinancing. Refinancing from other financial institutions welcome. Subject to credit approval.

Member eligibility required. Some restrictions may apply.

– Jeff Foxworthy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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It's against the law to pawn your dentures in Las Vegas!

A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night!

JANUARY SPECIALS

Out ’n About at the Grand Opening of S&J Tuxedo & Limo Service in Lewiston

Mani/Pedi Combo

$ only

42

to get updates on special services & promotions

FREE Manicure with any pre-booked Facial or Body Treatment

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1611

Chase, Jen & Nick Hogan

Tues. 10am-7pm Wed.-Fri. 10am-6pm • Sat. 9am-2pm

INVENTORY SALE ~ JANUARY 7th-16th

20% OFF Store-wide (except handmade items)

Quilting, Knitting, Basketry Supplies & Classes

30% OFF

Basket handles & bases

Selected Fabric $4.00/yd.

Adopt-a-Bolt 25% off Selected yarns 50-75% OFF

Winter class schedule now available

Large selection of free knitting patterns

Hours: Mon-Fri 10 to 5; Sat 10 to 4; Tues ‘til 8

909 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-4486 • Quilt-Essentials.com

Live Entertainment every weekend!

Fri. Jan. 27th

Bob Cedre S&J Tuxedo is a true testament that business is alive and well in Lewiston!

Veggies by Day

SUPER BOWL PARTY FEB. 5TH DON’T MISS IT! Free WiFi

Karaoke Every Wed. 8-midnight

Happy New Year!

Join us Feb. 5th!

97 Ash St., Lewiston • 783-0668

George Dycio L-A Economic Growth Council

One or two alcohol drinks a day can be anti-inflammatory.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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During World War II, Uncle Ben's was the exclusive supplier of rice to the U.S. Armed Forces.

HEATING SYSTEM TUNE-UP JUST

$

80! includes: nozzle, filter & efficiency test

A properly tuned heating system saves 5% to 10% on your annual heating cost!

We service:

Out ’n About at the December Biz Break with the Sebago Lakes Chamber of Commerce

Call us today to schedule an appointment for all your heating needs!

• Oil • Gas • Pellet • A/C units Fully licensed & insured

784-6554

My New Year’s Resolution is to patent my new invention. It's a revolving bowl for tired goldfish.

Tom Bartell

Mitch Woodbrey Sebago Lake Automotive

Leading by Example at the United Way Day of Caring

Front (l to r): Steve Bosinger, Claire Thompson, Erica Madore & Hillary Dow Back: Mark Overhaug, Walter Pulkkinen, George Richardson, Matthew Bennett & Rene Landry

Austin Associates promotes a corporate culture of giving back to the community. Every year a group of 10 or more employees participate in the United Way Day of Caring and hold a lunch and learn during their campaign rally offering an opportunity for United Way agencies to meet staff and share information about their mission. Over the past 15 years, employees of Austin Associates (a staff of 32) have invested $185,144 in our community through the United Way. Austin Associates is very proud of this community and thanks the United Way of Androscoggin for honoring the firm with the 2011 Spirit of the Androscoggin Award.

Most elephants weigh less than a blue whale's tongue.

Sheri Huff Santaʼs Little Helper Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Grand Opening of S&J Tuxedo & Limo Service in Lewiston

A cat can jump FIVE TIMES as high as it is tall!

We Buy, Sell & Trade Full Line Gunsmith Service Check out our website for weekly specials!

JTReidgunshop.com

J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager jtreidsgunshop.com

Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

Shelley Burger My camera vs. Jimbo’s camera...

Ha! No comparison.

BROTHERS CONSTRUCTION

• SNOWPLOWING SERVICES • SNOW REMOVAL FROM ROOFS AND ICE JAMS

576-4330 RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL

Commercial & Residential

Bottle Pickup!

How it works:

Italian Specials

• You have returnables • We count them & take them away • You get PAID!

It’s that simple!

Kimberly Poulin Kimberly Poulin Photography Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Ham, Veggie or Salami

Tuesdays: $1.59 Sundays: $1.99

F~lorian’s Market ~

301 Main St., Auburn 783-9098 Open 7 Days a Week Find us on Facebook & Foursquare

Iceland has no railway system or army!

More than 10% of the world's salt is used to de-ice American roads.

Out ’n About at the December Biz Break with the Sebago Lakes Chamber of Commerce

Thomas Hartwell Photographer

Lynda Botty Academy House Picture Framing

770 Main Street, Lewiston • 782-0242

Streets in Japan do not have names.

In 1910 French physicist Georges Claude first displayed neon lighting to the public at the Paris Motor Show from December 3-18, 1910. In 1923, Claude introduced the signs to the United States, by selling two to a Packard car dealership in Los Angeles. Earle C. Anthony purchased the two signs reading "Packard" for $1,250 apiece.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Dix Family Benefit

The faster a kangaroo hops, the less energy it burns!

at SPRQ Studio

Hey, is that Goin’ Postal I’m looking at?

Megan Skilling, Joanna Klaiber & Rita Ouellette Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

Service Rental Sales

Do not neglect your Septic System For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT

G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. Zumba instructors for the benefit

111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.

SIMPLICITY g FLEXIBILITY

g

EASE

Your local option for outsourcing your payroll...

Check us out for all your payroll needs!

Garrett and Jennifer Storer with their son, Grayson I was so bad at golf they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Iʼd spent about half the day in the woods.

– Jeff Foxworthy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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PAYROLL MANAGEMENT, INC.

100 Manley Road, Auburn 783-6880 or 800-734-6880 • www.payrollmgt.com Ted Turner owns about 2% of New Mexico.

Did You Know?

Jumbo jets use 4,000 gallons of fuel to take off.

The eggs of the potato bug hatch in 7 days.

The eggs of the canary hatch in 14 days.

Those of the barnyard hen in 21 days.

VOTED BEST CASUAL RESTAURANT ✮11 Years in a Row ✮ VOTED BEST WAITSTAFF for 2011 Watch the Pats make their Super Bowl run in HD! NFL Playoffs... catch every game!

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com

The eggs of ducks and geese hatch in 28 days.

Those of the mallard in 35 days.

The eggs of the parrot and the ostrich hatch in 42 days.

(Notice, they are all divisible by seven, the number of days in a week!)

160 cars can drive side by side on the Monumental Axis in Brazil, the world's widest road.

CHANGE

PANACHE is...

Christine

Elizabeth

Emily

Lynn

Micaela

Michelle

Cindy

Brian studio for hair, nails & massage

20 Coburn Street, Auburn • 782-9009 (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday

www.panacheauburn.com

A queen bee uses her stinger only to sting another queen bee.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Little Red Wagon Submitted by Jimbo

The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle in the church's soon to be put away nativity scene when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures.

Dell's first advertisement was made on the back of a pizza box.

ARE YOU READY FOR PLOW SEASON? Call us for your plow maintenance!

“Dependable, quality service at an affordable price!”

Certified Fisher Plow Dealer

Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon. In the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.

Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks Licensed Inspection Station • Hydraulic Hoses made on-site & more!

Keep all your equipment clean in our extra LARGE wash bay!

So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?"

The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."

"And why did you take him?"

The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."

Don’t let this be you...

Pre-season maintenance will keep you behind the wheel, warm and dry!

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston 333-3707 • www.MaineHeavy.com

A baby eel is called an elver, a baby oyster is called a spat.

TEAMWORK,

BABY!

Husband: If a man steals anything, he will live to regret it.

Wife: You used to steal kisses from me before we were married.

Husband: Well...

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Mexico has more American residents than any other country except the United States.

When pitched, the average Major League baseball rotates 15 times before being hit.

Look who’s 17

“Feels Like Home!”

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394

ONLY $10

Games Pay 50 + 100 Sunday @ 6:00 pm

AL I C E SP

Happy 17th Birthday, Kastile! Love Mom (Mom is Amanda at Creative Sewing Center)

Monday @ 6:30 pm

Ambulance Speed

Tuesday @ 6:30 pm

Submitted by Jimbo

Wednesday @ 6:30 pm $2 added to W.T.A.!

Thursday @ 6:30 pm

AL I C E SP

Kastile

Friday @ 6:30 pm Half of $ goes to W.T.A.!

ALSO PLAYING HERE: LHS Music Saturdays @ 6:00

Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.

En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness.

Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?"

The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55."

The average IQ is 100, while 140 is the beginning of genius IQ.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple

A small airplane can fly backwards.

All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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There are approximately 3,500 astronomers in the U.S. - but over 15,000 astrologers.

Sam Since Jan. 27 2010

Since July 27 2009

Jack

Since Nov. 11 2010

Dog Grooming Daycare & Boutique

Wally 65 Washington St., Auburn, ME 04210

(207) 333-3640

Winter is coming! Don't forget that we have 6,000 sq. ft. of indoor heated comfortable play area. We are the only facility in the state that offers everything for your pup, from daycare to grooming, transportation, dog food and supplies all under one roof!

No payment contracts! If your dog doesn't come to play, you don't pay!!

FULL DAYS OF PLAY AS LOW AS $16

Est. 2008

PER DAY!

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT

thedoggzinn@gmail.com• www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn

http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products • Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

Since May 14 2009 Since Nov. 16 2009

Since Dec. 1 8 2010

Maggie

Nomar

Ivy

Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple

Frogs sometimes eat enough fireflies that they themselves glow.

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!

All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

DAILY SPECIALS Monday - Turkey Dinner . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.55 w/potato, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls

Tues. Wed. & Thurs.

Fried Clams - sm. $11.50 . . . .lg. $14.75 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . . . . . . .$7.95

Friday & Saturday After 4:00 PM Prime Rib Au Jus*

w/potato, carrots, gravy & rolls

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . .$6.95 w/potato & rolls

Thursday - New England Boiled Dinner .$9.55 w/corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls

Small $13.50 • Large $16.25

Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried Haddock* $11.45 Baked Stuffed Haddock* Small $9.95 • Large $13.65

Fried Seafood Combo* $16.95

Baked Salmon $10.95 includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Coleslaw *with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm

My favorite part of working at Cole Farms is I never have to bring my lunch to work. Our food is amazing! I think after my shift I'll indulge in a muddy raft. Warm brownie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and covered in hot fudge sauce!

Cole Farms server, Hanna Wilbur of Gray

64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

"What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity?

Our attitude toward it.

Every opportunity has a difficulty, and every difficulty has an opportunity."

– J. Sidlow Baxter Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.

The Graduate

You have no sense of smell when you're sleeping!

Let us do what we do BEST So you can do what you do BEST Call us today for a no obligation consultation to see if we can help you do business better!

RCC Business Services, Inc.

 QuickBooks Consulting  QuickBooks Hosting  Bookkeeping  MaineCare Billing  Accounts Receivable Management  Financial Reporting

Financial & Advisory Services for Small Businesses

Proadvisors, for confidence Certified Staff, for training Hosting, for virtual support

143 First Flight Drive, Auburn • 795-0663 www.RCCmaine.com

Brighten Your

MOOD Locations Statewide

Sharing A Journey To Wellness

)Health Affiliates Maine

◆

Accepting all insurances

1.877.888.4304

www.healthaffiliatesmaine.com

Time for a new sign?

• Affordable Rates • Design Service • Installation & Delivery

Call or stop in today.

333-6333

14 Millet Drive Auburn, ME 04210

Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined.

I'd like to thank my Grammy, and fellow co-worker, Nancy Brown at The Sign Shack, for all of her support over the past few weeks.

Karl graduates from dog obedience school at a local Pet Store

In 1987, Mikhail Gorbachev arrived in the United States for an arms control summit with Ronald Reagan.

The summit resulted in one of the most significant arms control agreements of the Cold War. Reagan and Gorbachev signed off on the IntermediateRange Nuclear Force (INF) Treaty, which called for the elimination of all ground cruise and ballistic missiles and launchers in Europe with ranges of 320 to 3,400 miles.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple

Pollen never deteriorates. It is one of the few natural substances that lasts indefinitely.

All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

Did she say she was sending this to Uncle Andy’s Digest or Santa’s naughty list? indham •

Located

orth W . 115 in N

0

892-822

on Rt

To have your picture taken by the very first camera you would have had to sit still for 8 hours!

How Many People It Took To Make You! 1)............1 YOU 2)............2 parents 3)............4 grandparents 4)............8 great grandparents 5)...........16 gg grandparents 6)...........32 ggg grandparents 7)...........64 gggg grandparents 8)..........128 ggggg grandparents 9)..........256 gggggg grandparents 10..........512 ggggggg grandparents 11).......1,024 gggggggg grandparents 12).......2,048 ggggggggg grandparents 13).......4,096 gggggggggg grandparents 14).......8,192 ggggggggggg grandparents 15)......16,184 gggggggggggg grandparents 16)......32,768 ggggggggggggg grandparents 17)......65,536 gggggggggggggg grandparents 18).....131,072 ggggggggggggggg grandparents 19).....262,144 gggggggggggggggg grandparents 20).....524,288 ggggggggggggggggg grandparents 21)...1,048,576 gggggggggggggggggg grandparents 22)...2,097,152 ggggggggggggggggggg grandparents Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The technology contained in a single game boy unit in 2000 exceeds all the computing power that was used to put the first man on moon in 1969.

Whale oil was used in automobile transmissions as late as 1973.

Horseback Riding Madge: I went horseback riding today.

RESTAURANT

Happy New Year from all of us at Thatcher’s!

892-9922

907 Roosevelt Trail in Windham ✹ Easy on the pocketbook ✹ Great for the whole family ✹ Full menu always available

Madge: I can't.

Flora: You can't tell me about it?

Madge: No, I can't sit down.

Enjoy the New Year at Thatcher’s!

Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm • Sun 12 - 8pm

Flora: Oh? Sit down and tell me about it.

Politically Correct Golf Did you hear about the politically correct country golf club?

Dave & Maggie Garry, Owners

Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere The normal static electricity shock that zaps your finger when you touch a doorknob is usually between 10,000 and 30,000 volts!

They no longer refer to their golfers as having handicaps. Instead, they're "stroke challenged."

Demoted Slang

ICE FISHING HEADQUARTERS! Live Bait • Traps • Augers • Bait Buckets and MORE! GET YOUR SNOWSHOES & PACK BASKETS HERE!!

Talk to the pros at Tailfeathers Upland Store.

The outdoor sportsman’s favorite toy store!

1311 Roosevelt Trail (Rt. 302) • Raymond • 655-1030

The life boat was patented in 1845!

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?

"The traps on this golf course are very annoying," said one golfer to another.

A third, who was trying to putt, looked up and added, "They certainly are. Now how about shutting yours!"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

783-7039 69

The first hard drive available for the Apple II had a capacity of only 5 megabytes.

Y T R A P planning made easy

Jim Beam 1.75L $ 27.99 SAVE 2 $

Jack Daniels Black 750 ml $ 19.99 SAVE 2 $

Check in-store

Skyy Vodka 750 ml for Beer & $ Wine Specials 15.99 SAVE 1 $

Capt. Morgan 750ml $ 15.99 SAVE 1

• Meatballs • Finger Roll Platter • Wings (traditional or boneless) • Bacon wrapped Scallops • Deviled Eggs • Cheese & Cracker Platter • 3’ Boghooter Party Sandwich

And Much More! * Please allow 24 hours notice for pick-up.

$

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • www.dadsplace.info

The American Automobile Association was founded for the sole purpose of warning motorists of police speed traps!

Spring Wedding

Catering

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!!

Professional service at an affordable price

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place

Catering Division • 345-9009 • www.dadsplace.info Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Originally, Nintendo was a playing card manufacturer.

More steel in the United States is used to make bottle caps than to manufacture automobile bodies.

Out ’n About at the Grand Opening of S&J Tuxedo & Limo Service in Lewiston

Ron & Jane are always in hot water because of us!

2012 Snow Gear is in!

Sale on All Leftover Product

30% to 50% OFF!

Boards, Boots, Bindings, Accessories...

Package Pricing Available

...and more!

SUPER TUNE UPS $

Maximʼs Heating

TONS OF PRODUCTS LEFT:

Mens, Womens & Kids Gear by:

only

Jane & Jeff Maxim

• Snowboard socks • Beanies • Stomp pads • Board locks • Board bags • DVDs • Tuning equipment • Skate supplies • Gloves & Mitts ...And MUCH MORE!

29.99

1 Garfield Road, Auburn • 344-6622 • ridebackwoods.com If a car is travelling at 55 miles per hour it will travel 56 feet before the driver can shift his foot from the accelerator to the brake.

Point a camera at me and I’m smiling!

Hannah Smith with her son, Jackson "I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it."

– Harry S. Truman Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

783-7039 71

First four countries to have television: England, the U.S., the U.S.S.R., and Brazil.

CARE PACKAGES AND LETTERS FROM HOME DONATION BOX Please help us support the Troops food

Whether it’s a ding or a dent, An accident or some other event, We’ll bring your vehicle back to 100 percent!

John & Ruby at Johnʼs Autobody in Livermore

Christmas Sign A church was preparing for Christmas services. The pastor decided he wanted a banner made for the entryway and had a parishioner call the sign company.

The parishioner told the man on the phone the message he wanted and the dimensions needed for the entryway.

The sign came back a few days later... "Unto Mary Jesus was born, six feet long and two feet wide."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2012

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powdered drink mixes (individual packets are best), cookies, snack crackers, pretzels, tuna in a pouch, beef jerky, cheese spread (areosol can), gum, assorted nuts, granola bars, pop tarts, dried fruit, trail mix, raisins, red licorice twists, tootsie rolls & lollipops, peanut butter, hard candy, canned meats, canned pasta, pringles chips, snack cakes, pop corn, energy bars.

do not send: anything that melts – if you must send chocolate, send m&m’s; sunscreen (these are issued in massive quantities. they are drowning in sunscreen.) liquors of any sort, pornography of any sort.

entertainment AA & AAA batteries, craft kits, disposable cameras, books magazines, playing cards, small hand-held games, CD’s, DVD’s, MP3 device, memory stick, scrapbooking materials.

sports equipment soccer balls, all other sports balls, squirt guns, frisbees, baseball gloves and bats, sun glasses

hygiene supplies facial cleansing pads, wet wipes, eye drops, lip balm, toothpaste, toothbrushes, soap, female products, deodorant, foot powder, shampoo & conditioner

miscellaneous blank holiday and birthday cards, pens, stationery, ziploc bags (all sizes), LETTERS, LETTERS & MORE LETTERS!!

You can help us send our troops care packages by donating to any of our collection boxes located at all Maine Oxy branches, and locally at 22 Albiston Way, Auburn • 784-5788 22 Albiston Way, Auburn 784-5788 1-800-377-9433 The first telephone book was one page long and had only 50 names in it.

WAL-MART generates $3,000,000.00 in revenues every 7 minutes!

We’re Now A

Generators Dealer!

Portable units available

If your power goes out, your generator goes on – automatically.

• Reliability • Easily Accessible Controls • Framed for Durability • Easy to make effortless electric start, battery included

STANDBY UNITS

It’s really that simple.

FULL INSTALLATION AVAILABLE! CALL FOR MORE INFO ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS

1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

ElectricalSystemsOfMaine.com

The Chow and the Chinese Shar-Pei are the only dogs that have black tongues.

AFFORDABLE HOUSING AT ITS BEST! Auburn’s newest 28 unit housing development is located in downtown Auburn near shops, restaurants, banks, the library, post office and local bus routes.

Rents include heat and hot water One bedroom: $498-604; Two bedroom: $596-724 Three bedroom: $676-824

The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened.

When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.

Amenities: Laundry room and assigned parking Androscoggin Head Start & Childcare on site • Individual storage units Part-time resident services coordinator • Handicap accessible units

NOW Accepting Applications!

Election Win

784-7351 www.auburnhousing.org

SECTION 8 HOUSING CHOICE VOUCHERS ACCEPTED

Webster School Apartments 95 Hampshire Street, Auburn

Two dogs were among the Titanic survivors.

"Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"

"Honestly?" she replied.

The politician's smiled faded. "Aw, Ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

783-7039 73

Out ’n About at the Grand Opening of S&J Tuxedo & Limo Service

Elvis Presley got a 'C' in his eighth grade music class.

For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs

in Lewiston

• Personal Lines • Auto • Boat, RV & Motorcycle • Assets • Home • Commercial Lines • Business • Life Insurance • Employee Benefits • Health Insurance

Jen Pike Twin City Times

Get on your bikes and RIDE!

BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY 2 locations to serve your needs

LEWISTON 541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029

BRUNSWICK 92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797

Eskimo ice cream is neither icy or creamy!

Every Thursday Open Mic Night 6pm-9pm

Breakfast served from 8am - 11am

Biker Don Brain Bender I cover what's real, hide what is true, but sometimes bring out the courage in you.

What am I? Answer: Fear Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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$5 LUNCHES! Monday - Friday 11am - 1pm

Casual Family Dining • Full bar • Fall-off-the-bone Ribs Breakfast • Lunch • Dinner Sun - Wed 8am - 8pm; Thurs - Sat 8am - 9pm

757 Main Street, Lewiston (Across from Marden’s ) • 376-4990 The glue on Israeli stamps is certified kosher.

Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin.

Today it's known as Tennessee!

Congratulations,

Travis Dow!

WHEN YOU’RE TIRED OF THIS...

For breaking His personal best sales record!!

If you see Travis Out ’n About, congratulate him, would ya?

20 ways to congratulate him: 1) Kick him in the shin 2) Punch him in the arm 3) Put him in a headlock 4) Give him a noogie 5) Pat him on the back 6) Send him flowers 7) Send him a card 8) Buy him a beer 9) Give him cash 10) Bake him some cookies 11) Write him a poem 12) Make a donation to charity 13) Email him 14) Text him 15) Call him 16) Just say, Congratulations 17) Buy him dinner 18) Give him a hug 19) Send him a facebook message 20) Buy

an ad from him

The choice is yours. We prefer #20. But anyway you do it is good with us.

Nice job, Travis! Keep up the good work!!

Cats lose almost as much fluid in the saliva while grooming themselves as they do through urination!

GIVE US A CALL!

JMAR PLOWING Reasonable Rates

576-4844 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

783-7039 75

Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 17th Y O U R V O T E S A R E

Best Chinese Restaurant:

Chopsticks

17

37 Park St., Lewiston • 783-6300

#1 Jeweler in the area: 600 Center St., Auburn • 784-6766

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

11

Best Pizza:

16

Lewiston

10

95 Lincoln St., Lewiston • 786-2020

House of Pizza

#1 in Dining Excellence:

Best Landscape Company:

775 Washington St., Auburn • 784-2110

78 Lisbon Rd., Lisbon • 353-4848

15

Best Auto Body Shop in the area:

#1 Catering Service:

1524 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-6121

87 Mill St., Auburn • 753-0171

14

Best Real Estate Company: 14

Best Automotive Service: 1122 Center St., Auburn 753-0433

13

Mike Morin’s Auto Center

Best Dry Cleaner:

Auburndale Cleaning Center

12

Mary Jane’s School of Dance

12

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

7

Best Pool & Spa Company: 1975 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 783-0858

6

5

Best Sports Pub: 120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

461 Rte. 202, Greene • 946-7302

5

Best Insurance Agency: 12

Champoux Insurance

5

416 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-2246

490 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 784-2331

Best Spot for Breakfast:

Best Nail Salon: 730 Auburn Plaza, Auburn • 786-7411

Best Thai Restaurant:

777 Center St., Auburn • 784-5441

Best Dance Studio:

Le Gala Nails

8

Best Auto Dealership:

786 Center St., Auburn (782-9389) 14 Millet Dr., Auburn (783-1280)

Ramada Conference Center

9

Rolly’s Diner

875 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 782-7526

473 Center St., Auburn • 784-0159

Best Banquet/Function Facility

I N

Best Casual Restaurant:

11 87 Mill St., Auburn • 753-0171

5

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Market Surveys of America, an independent survey company, is proud t Best Businesses for 2011 Survey. The above winners are the result of public b

Annual Best Businesses for 2011 Best Heating 2 Oil Service:

Best Prime Rib: 5

775 Washington St., Auburn • 784-2110

Best Roofing Contractor:

ST. HILAIRE

CONTRACTORS INC.

Poirier Associates

Best Financial Planners: 541 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 786-0651

4

4

ORBIT HAIR STYLING

124 Ash St., Lewiston • 782-9046

Best Community Bank/Credit Union:

Best Eye Care Professionals:

2

Optometric Associates

1

Best Day Spa: 71 East Ave., Lewiston • 783-3321 www.cassiels.com

Best Wait: Staff 120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

3

Best Convenience Store: 3

1

Best Massage Therapy:

1

Healthy Beauty 643 Main St., Wellness Spa Lewiston • 333-3235

Center St., Auburn • 622-1609

Best Chiropractor:

Best Hair Colorist

3

Dr. Gerald Nadeau

Christopher Dufour @

3

Best Hotel

Best Takeout:

Lewiston

(New Category)

14 Great Falls Plaza, Auburn • 777-7328

95 Lincoln St., Lewiston • 786-2020

Best Facial/Skin Care Salon:

Healthy Beauty 643 Main St., 2 Wellness Spa Lewiston • 333-3235

#

1

ORBIT HAIR STYLING

124 Ash St., Lewiston • 782-9046

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1104

Paid for by Market Surveys of America

2

186 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 784-1589

Dr. Pauline Beale, Dr. Douglas Henry, Dr. Stephen Ebersole 168 East Ave., Lewiston (784-3564)

AT RETIREMENT EDUCATION

Best Hair Salon:

391 Main St., Lewiston • 784-5435

Best Attorneys:

4

99 Spring Street, Lewiston • 784-1819 stroofcont@myfairpoint.net

Y O U R

3 Conant Rd., Turner • 225-3588

1

Best Buffet: 245 Center St, Auburn 783-7755 www.pandagarden.co

Indicates number of years as winner.

House of Pizza

1

V O T E S A R E I N

Vote online at: BESTOFSURVEYS.COM

to announce the winners of the 17th annual Greater Lewiston/ Auburn’s ballots and internet voting for the Lewiston/Auburn small business community.

What do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

available at

Cassiel’s Salon & Spa For smoother, youngerlooking skin, try this revolutionary skin rejuvenation procedure, Particle Skin Exfoliation.

Age, sun, diet and the environment are a few of the factors that lead to skin deterioration on the face and other parts of the body.

Now with DERMAGLOW® particle skin exfoliation technology, there is a safe and gentle way to help rejuvenate, smooth and repair your skin.

Ideal for both men and women seeking to turn back the effects of time and desiring healthy, younger-looking skin. This treatment is ideal for people who are unwilling or unable to undergo existing laser or chemical treatments, due to high cost, potential side effects, discomfort and long recovery period.

DERMAGLOW® delivers a controlled stream of microcrystals over the skin through a special hand piece. By gently polishing the skin and removing dead skin cells, oils and other buildup, it is possible to improve many skin conditions and the imperfections that lead to premature aging.

The treatment takes 1530 minutes depending upon the areas being treated.

Most people see dramatic results after one treatment.

However, your skin care professional may recommend a series of treatments over time depending on your specific needs.

Contact the pros at Cassiel’s Salon & Spa to hear more about this revolutionary procedure. See their ad on this page.

NEW! Microdermabrasion • Safely and gently rejuvenate, smooth and repair your skin.

•Ideal for both men & women •Non-surgical

Reduces: - Fine lines & wrinkles - Sun-damaged skin - Acne & acne scars - Blackheads & whiteheads - Pore size - Superficial age spots

❖ Permanent Makeup Benefits

• Soft, natural enhancement • Skin Sensitivity & Allergy-Friendly • Won’t sweat off or run during activities like swimming, running & more • No re-applying — perfect makeup every day 24/7

Our Services • Hair • Body waxing • Facials • Pedicures • Spa Packages

❖

• Massage • Electrology • Manicures • Bridal Packages • Permanent Make-up

71 East Avenue Lewiston, Maine

(207) 783-3321

www.cassiels.com

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

In 30 minutes, the average body gives off enough heat (combined) to bring a half gallon of water to boil.

CNA’s

Out ’n About at the Grand Opening of S&J Tuxedo & Limo Service in Lewiston Happy Birthday, Sarah.

GREAT PAY & FLEXIBLE HOURS • BASE PAY $13.00 PER/HR Weekend Shift Differentials

Tired of the Same Old Same Old? Come Join Our Team!

If you’re interested in flexible hours and varied assignments, all with an excellent support system, contact us!

Nancy Merrill: Administrator

Jane & Sarah Jeanne Mother & Daughter team

Home C d e t s are si s A For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston

783-7375 We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

Laura Cutler Always on the Go-Go Custom cakes and Confections

Lonnie Ball

The very first customer renting a tux at S&J Tuxedo. It was Lonnieʼs birthday!

In 32 years, there are about 1 billion seconds!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

783-7039 79

Shampoo Snafu

When your face blushes, the lining of your stomach turns red, too.

Submitted by Jimbo

I finally figured out why I am so "full-figured"!

As I was conditioning my hair in the shower this morning, I took time to read my shampoo bottle. I am in shock! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my entire body says "for extra volume and body"! Seriously, why have I not noticed this before?

Tomorrow I am going to start using "Dawn" dish soap! It says right on the bottle, "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

FROM STONE DUST TO ROC

St. Laurent & Son is pleased to announce the acquisition of the former Glen Dube Gra located less than a half mile from the Maine Turnpike. The gravel pit now has a la Pick up and delivery are availa

Locally owned and operated since 1970!

It pays to read the warning labels my friends.

Feeling Old My 12 year old daughter asked me, "Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself? I need it for a school project." I gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was.

A few days later I was in her classroom for a parent-teacher meeting when I noticed my face pinned to a mural the students had created.

The title of their project was: "The oldest thing in my house."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2012

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20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

784-7944

www.stlaurentandson.com Last 2 European countries to let women vote: Switzerland (1971) and Leichtenstein (1984).

About 10% of U.S. households pay their bills in cash.

Did you hear about the girl who was dating a tractor salesman?

CK, WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!

They broke up and she wrote him a John Deere letter!

avel Pit located at 168 Middle Road (Rt. 9) in Sabattus. The gravel pit is conveniently arge scale crushing/processing operation and offers a wide variety of aggregates. able. Call our office for pricing.

50 Years of Marriage A man was invited to a friend's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Honey, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

He was impressed at this, since the couple had been married over 50 years. While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years, you still call your wife those pet names."

His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

"Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful... that's what matters to me." – Steve Jobs How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?

At the circus, the clowns don't talk.

The earth is .02 degrees hotter during a full moon.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

783-7039 81

Name that Tune A guy walks into a bar with a piano entertainer, sits down and orders a beer. The piano player's monkey soon jumps on the bar and urinates in the guy's beer. The guy yells to the piano player, "Hey, do you know your monkey just peed in my beer?"

According to studies, men change their minds two to three times more often than women.

Androscoggin County United Bikers of Maine

Annual

CHILI

& CHOWDER COMPETITION

The piano player says, "No, but if you hum a few bars, I might remember it!"

Bring a crock pot full of your “family famous” homemade chili or chowder

"Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice. Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble."

At L-A Harley, Main St., Lewiston

– Ralph Waldo Emerson A weary hiker stumbled upon another hiker deep in the northern Maine woods. "Am I ever glad to see you," said the hiker. "I've been lost for three days."

"Don't be too relieved," answered the second hiker. "I've been lost for three weeks."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2012

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January 28th, 10am-2pm

50% OwiFllAbeLdoLnaPteRdOtoCEEDS

Children Advocates for pre vention of child Dedicated to the

abuse since 1978 scoggin County dro An ing Support tion, families through educa acy. voc ad d an outreach

10-11am: Arrivals, Registration 11am-12:45: Sampling, Social 12:45-2pm: Sampling, Judging, Peoples Choice Voting, Fun Stuff 2pm: Cash Prizes: $250 1st place; $100 2nd place; $50 3rd place in both Chili and Chowder cookoff.

YOUTH BAKERS COMPETITION

(under 15 years old ) Please b

rin set of gog a wrapped o labeled co dies in a ntainer.

$3.00 Entry Fee

$5.00 Entry Fee (per entry

) for Adult Competition

Enter Chowder and/or Chili

Please bring a large crock pot or serving pot of your creation No limit to how many maste rpieces you can enter (must be served by you or your own helper)

Guest Fee 4 Cups for $1 th

rough Sampling Aisles

Tables, electricity, spoons & small sample cups will be supplied

THANKS TO OUR MANY SPONSORS!! for helping us care about Andro’s abused children...

King Kong is the first movie to have its sequel (Son of Kong) released the same year (1933).

Swimming a quarter of a mile is roughly equal to running one mile.

OFFICE SUITES FOR RENT

Out ’n About for the Festival of Trees at the Kora Temple All photos by Nancy Preble of Smile with Me Photography

First MbyoJannuthary 31FRst EE!

o.

500/m $350 - ilities Ut Heat & ed! lu c in d

Call

• Free Parking • Kitchen Area • Bathrooms • Conference Room • Reception Area • Waiting Area • Secure Building • Janitorial Services • Business Networking • No Lease Required

Canal Street Commons

Call for Details 754-9311

Iʼm writing a book. Iʼve got the page numbers done. – Uncle Andy

ARE YOU LOOKING TO...

Buy a New Home?

Refinance an existing Home?

At Rainbow, “We are here for you!”

Let us see what we can do for you.

Call for a mortgage appointment or apply online!

4 conveniently located branches to better serve YOU! Rainbow FCU Main Office 381-391 Main St. Lewiston 784-5453

Auburn Office 20 Washington St., Auburn 207-883-0351

Mechanic Falls Branch South Paris Branch 1 Lewiston Street, McFalls 172 Pine Street, So. Paris 346-3001 743-5410

It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us...Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start.

Federally insured by NCUA – Mother Teresa The substance that human blood resembles most closely in terms of chemical composition in sea water.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

783-7039 83

www.UncleAndys.com

Check out our all new website!

A group of bees can be called either a hive, a swarm, or a grist.

Eggcettera Catering

Too busy to cook? Tired of fast food?

Try our HOME-COOKED MEALS!

For only $7 each, Dinner for 1-200.

E PRO V D UNC LE ANDY AP

Dinner To Go

1Sun. 2

and Dinner To Go

784-5544

8

Cash • Check • Major Credit Cards

15

(first left after the Minot Ave./Hotel Rd. intersection as you head toward Mechanic Falls)

If you forget to order the night before, call anyway, sometimes there are extras!

Tue.

Pork Roast Mashed Potato Carrots, Rolls

22

Wed. Spaghetti w/ Meatballs Carrots, Rolls

5

Thu.

Meatloaf Mashed Potato Peas, Rolls

Fri.

6

7 Sat.

Fish Chowder Tuna Roll Slaw

11

12

13

14

16

17

18

19

20

21

23

24

25

26

27

28

30

31

Turkey Stew Salad Rolls

Pot Roast Mashed Potato Carrots, Rolls

29

January Menu 4

10

9

Spare Ribs Scalloped Potato Corn, Rolls

Pork Chop Turkey, Stuffing Mashed Potato Mashed Potato Green Beans, Rolls Peas, Rolls

31 Leavitt Street, Auburn Please order one day prior.

Pick up from 4:30-7:30 p.m.

Mon.

Shepherd’s Pie Pickled Beets Rolls

3

Chix Veg. Soup Chix Salad Roll Salad

Beef Stroganoff Noodles Peas, Rolls

Meatloaf Baked Potato Carrots, Rolls

Meat Lasagna Salad Rolls

American Chop Suey, Salad Rolls

Chix Alfredo w/ Noodles Broccoli, Rolls

Baked Chix Leg Roasted Potatoes Carrots, Rolls

Corn Chowder Ham Salad Roll Salad

Beef Stew Salad Rolls

Salmon Pie Mashed Potato Slaw

Baked Stuffed Haddock, Mashed Potato, Slaw, Rolls Fish Chowder Seafood Roll Slaw

Call and order the night before... but if you forget, call anyway, sometimes there are extras.

All meals $7.00 ea. + tax = $7.49

See our full menu online at: EggcetteraCatering.com

"I traveled to China. Boy, there ought to be a law against making an ocean that wide."

– Will Rogers

Out ’n About at the Lisbon Community FCU Grand Opening in Lewiston

From left-right: Androscoggin County Chamber of Commerce President Chip Morrison; LAEGC President Lucien Gosselin; Lewiston City Manager Ed Barrett; City of Auburn Mayor Richard Gleason; Office of Senator Susan M. Collins State Office Representative Chiara Ferrante; LCFCU Treasurer and Manager George Roy; LCFCU Board President John Silvestri; Branch Manager Tiffiny Stewart; Office of Senator Olympia J. Snowe State Office Representative Karen Staples; Office of Congressman Michael H. Michaud State Office Representative Andrea Quaid; City of Lewiston Mayor Larry Gilbert.

Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.

Make the Most of the New Year

Damned if I do, damned if I don't...so damnit I will!

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote!

“The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

THE CUMMINGS AGENCY, INC. INSURANCE 9 South Main Street Mechanic Falls, ME •

(207) 345-8711 • 1-800-339-0414

Jeffrey R. Cummings • Nora W. Cummings

Porter

Nessie

AUTOS • HOMEOWNERS MOTORCYCLES • BUSINESS

Boo

Dog gonnit…

We want your business!

CHECK OUT www.secondchanceboxer.com

A Winter Bouquet is sure to warm you up!

Make a list of what you want to change long term then pick what you consider to be the top priority (I want to lose 15 lbs. this year).

Next, set small goals each day/week that are attainable (I will lose 1-2 lbs. every month by exercising 3x weekly, adding more fruits/vegetables to meals daily).

Then, explore the possible barriers that could be getting in the way of your success.

Some barriers are excuses which we think are getting in the way of our goals (I don’t have time). Combat this barrier by starting with 5-10 min. a day of exercise, pack fruits and vegetables ahead of time, involve your family, and reward yourself when you reach small goals.

Try not to set unrealistic expectations or strive for perfection. Author Don Miguel Ruiz states, “Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.

Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.” And isn’t that, ultimately, how we make the most out of a New Year?

Ann’s Flowers Family owned and operated for over 40 years.

Visit our web site for many other options!

Michelle Dubois, LCSW Therapist, Health Affiliates Maine

You Know You Are Over the Hill When: You start video taping daytime game shows.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis

14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457 • www.annsflower.com

&T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

783-7039 85

Camping Trip

When I was younger I had everything handed to me on a plate - soup was a nightmare.

Submitted by Jimbo

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"

I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."

VISIT

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Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

So here I am.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

86

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

JANUARY 2012

783-7039

Saying something over and over and over doesn't make it true - unless you're saying, ‘I'm boring.’

I live every day trying to not disappoint the guy who wrote "stay cool" in my jr. high school yearbook.

Incan soldiers invented the process of freezedrying food. The process was primitive but effective — potatoes would be left outside to freeze overnight, then thawed and stomped on to remove excess water.

In 1947, President Truman gave the first televised presidential address from the White House. In it, he asked the American people to refrain from eating meat on Tuesdays and poultry on Thursday in order to save grains to give to the starving people of Europe.

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.

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Thought I'd buy some my wife some camouflage pants the other day but I couldn't find any.

The term "sandlot baseball" originated in San Francisco. The term dates to the 1860s when a cemetery that stands where the Civic Center is now located was converted into a park. A sand hill was leveled to create a 17-acre park, which became known as the sandlots.

Nearly 87% of 103 people polled in 1977 were unable to identify correctly an unlabeled copy of the Declaration of Independence. (The poll was conducted at a shopping area in Fort Lauderdale, Florida).

The prevalence of juvenile delinquency is proving that parents are not getting at the seat of the problem.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

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Out ’n About at Goldworks Ribbon Cutting

"I see you're admiring my striped vest," said no one ever.

Videotronics,

at their new location, 33 Center Street in Auburn

a local choice for over 30 years Gettinʼ Creative

Tom Babineau TD Bank

You forgot to open a present!

Chris Miller & his mom, Georgette Sitting or Standing?

Rob Westhoven TD Bank They say it’s location, location, location. We believe that to be true and are very happy with our new home!

When a desert tortoise spends the summer of the dry season in a burrow, it is "estivating." When an animal estivates, its metabolism slows and its temperature drops. Animals estivate or hibernate in response to extremes in temperature or lack of food or water.

You’ve been flocked.

Tom & Judi Cunliffe

When Robert Miller moved to Greene over three decades ago, he noticed one big problem. There was no cable! Bob’s solution was to buy his first 13-foot fiberglass dish. Soon the neighbors were noticing this giant satellite dish on his roof and started asking about it. Next thing he knew, everyone wanted one of their own so that they could receive cable to their homes as well. Seeing the growing popularity of the dish, the Miller’s started Videotronics, a video store and satellite dealer. 30 years and 5 locations later, Bob’s wife, Georgette and son Chris are keeping Bob’s idea alive.

Chris Miller joined the business in 1994. At that time, smaller dishes were taking over and popping up on many area homes. When the market for videos dropped, Videotronics turned its focus to satellite TV and surveillance sales and service. Since then they have been serving the community faithfully.

When asking Chris what stands out most about his family’s company he told Uncle Andy’s Digest that these days a lot of people are buying from 1-800 numbers or online. He sees the frustration that comes with trying to get service from a stranger through a hotline or an internet help site. “Why not buy locally?” he asks. In his opinion nothing is more valuable than being able to talk to someone face to face who can answer your questions or help you set up your service.

If you are thinking about switching to Dish Network, Direct TV, or need a Mace Security System, you can call or visit the Millers at Videotronics. They will help you get set up, installed, and be there to help you with any questions or problems you may have. They’re located at 770 Main Street in Lewiston. Call them at 782-0242. See Videotronics’ ad on page 59 for more info.

Goldworks owners Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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"Every man dies. Not every man really lives." – William Wallace

"You know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show." – Mitch Hedberg

Goldworks celebrates Grand Opening of new retail location

Top prices paid for gold, silver, diamonds, jewelry & coins!!

“Friends tell friends about us!”

Come see us at

our

NEW LOCATION at 33 Center St

reet in Auburn!

• Family owned and operated • In-house repairs • Guaranteed lowest prices on new & estate jewelry

Now located at: 33 Center Street in Auburn Mon - Fri 9-5 • Sat 9-3

782-7575

The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

Kelsey Cunliffe, Cynthia Hodgkins & Christina Pallozzi "I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."

– Mitch Hedberg

Master Jeweler Tom Cunliffe knows an opportunity when he sees one. Owner and operator of Goldworks for the last 14 years, Cunliffe understands that it’s not just the product that sells, but also the placement. “Pardon the cliché, but it really is location, location, location,” says Cunliffe.

Situated at the former Big Apple, sandwiched between KFC and Circle K at 33 Center Street in Auburn, Cunliffe is hoping the high visibility store will allow his jewelry business to take advantage of the high traffic flow.

“Having the mall location was ideal at the former plaza because it allowed the company to grow into what we are today,” said Cunliffe. “But with this visibility and traffic flow, I’m looking at this building as an investment not only into the company, but for future success.”

A family owned business committed to serving the community, providing excellent customer service and expertise in the selection of quality fine jewelry and jewelry repairs, Goldworks showcases a friendly atmosphere and prides itself in making every customer feel valued and cared for.

“Friends tell friends about us,” says Cunliffe. “It’s been our model for 14 years and it’s what we pride ourselves on.”

The company has grown to hire five employees and grosses nearly a million dollars in sales annually. Cunliffe is hoping the new location will allow him to do more. In addition to in house jewelry repairs, jewelry sizing, free cleaning, appraisals, watch battery replacement and custom jewelry design, Goldworks also carries items from local artisans including beautifully crafted stoneware, platters, serving bowls, vases and mugs from Annie’s Pottery.

FMI about Goldworks, please visit www.goldworksme.com, call (207) 782-7575, email goldwrks@aol.com, or visit their new retail location at 33 Center Street in Auburn. See their ad on page 89.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

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Out ’n About at Goldworks Ribbon Cutting at their new location, 33 Center Street in Auburn

Friends tell friends about us!

Come check us out for yourself...

L to R: Pastor Allen Austin, City of Lewiston Mayor Larry Gilbert, City of Auburn Mayor Richard Gleason, Lewiston-Auburn Economic Growth Council Marketing Director Calvin Rinck, Kelsey Cunliffe, Judi Cunliffe, Owner Tom Cunliffe, Office of Senator Susan M. Collins State Office Representative Carlene Tremblay & Androscoggin County Chamber of Commerce President Chip Morrison.

10 Years & Counting 25 Years & Counting Sandy Barnich Goldworks employee

Jacquie Emond

Amber Melanson, Ronald Bissonnette (Chairman of the Board), Rachel Caron (CEO)

Christine Clabby, Ronald Bissonnette (Chairman of the Board), Rachel Caron (CEO)

Amber Melanson celebrates 10 years of service with Maine Family Federal Credit Union

Christine Clabby celebrates 25 years of service with Maine Family Federal Credit Union

Amber Melanson, Loan Officer at Maine Family FCU was honored by the staff and Board of Directors for 10 years of service during a ceremony held recently.

Christine Clabby, Senior Vice President of Maine Family FCU was honored by the staff and Board of Directors for 25 years of service to Maine Family during a ceremony held recently.

Remember when we could play a prank like this?

Mary Begert Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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"Life is a long lesson in humility." – James M. Barrie

I enjoy your company most when I am by myself.

Your Concept...

...Our Design

Marketing Your Business in Today’s World

by Jimbo @ Uncle Andy’s Digest

Call TODAY for these great January Specials!

10’x12’ Oak Kitchen with countertop .......$1,99999 10’x12’ Birch Kitchen with countertop .....$2,09999 1766 Federal Rd. (Rt. 4) Livermore 897-3400 or 1822 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston 784-3100

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com Weʼll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail. – Dave Barry

Out ’n About at the Grand Opening of S&J Tuxedo & Limo Service

Chip Morrison, Dick Gleason, Ron, Jane, Sarah, Bob Cedre, Larry Gilbert & George Dycio

Need a Tux? y The Kyllonen famil

& Jane Ron, Sarah Jeanne

Checking out S&J Tuxedo is a must!

Friendly staff will assist you every step of the way. Call, click or visit their store at 76 Sabattus Street in Lewiston.

See their ad on page 32.

It's a good thing your car can't travel at the speed of light - your headlights wouldn't work.

This month we’ll talk about your USP. Jay Conrad Levinson tells us that a USP is a unique selling proposition, first popularized in 1961 by advertising legend Rosser Reeves in his book, "Reality in Advertising." Your USP is your proprietary competitive edge stated in clear, concise terms.

Every business must have one to succeed. But most businesses don't. Not surprisingly, most businesses fail. Your USP needs three traits to be effective: 1. It should make a specific promise to customers. Example: "Buy this product and you will get this clear benefit."

2. It should be one your competitors cannot or will not match.

It must be unique. Your customers should not be able to get the benefit anywhere else.

3. It should be so strong that it can create a crowd of eager buyers. Ideally, only a lunatic would refuse to buy from you.

Reeves goes on to say that 80% of all ads do not have a USP. If you look through your local paper or Yellow Pages, I think you'll find this percentage may be even higher. Keep your ideal prospect in mind when creating your USP. There's a big difference between affluent customers and bargain hunters who look only at price. Which group do you want buying from you?

The average consumer is bombarded with about 4,700 marketing messages on a daily basis.

Making the above truer than ever.

Look at the Kitchen Solutions ad next to this article. It has a clear USP and does it with a visual. Your concept, our design to get the kitchen of your dreams.

If you need some help clarifying your USP, our marketing consultants can help. Feel free to give us a call at 783-7039.

"Great. My book ran out of batteries. Stupid future." – Andy Daly

In 1969 Lionel and Diane Rodrigue bought a trophy and award business while working regular full time jobs. Lionel or “Rod” working as a phys. ed. teacher and coach at the local high school and Diane as a bookkeeper worked together to build this family business.

The trophy and awards business quickly grew by adding other awards such as Chenille letters and felt banners.

In the 70’s we bought a bag company and began custom manufacturing our own line of duffle bags (Rogue Gear Bags) with the natural fit of embroidering or screen printing before they were stitched.

We also do tackle twill lettering on jackets and uniforms, hat embroidery, appliqué lettering, sublimation printing & laser cutting.

We are a true Maine Made, America’s Best Company. So when you call us or drive by our building at 9 Westminster Street know that you are not only seeing a showroom. You are seeing factory with people cutting fabric, printing, embroidering and manufacturing hockey bag, gear bags, tote bags being shipped all over the country. Our bags are used by UMaine Black Bears Hockey as well as a number of Division I programs around the US and Canada. We also do screen printing embroidery and stitching on garments for companies and teams including the lettering on Portland Pirate Jerseys and their team apparel.

We also stay true to our origins with giving the finest service on the trophies, awards and engraving. Come in and let us show you the multiple ways we can help you. We look forward to serving you.

See their ad on page 10. Mark Rodrigue Owner, Preside nt

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Every Tuesday Night - 5pm-8pm

Pizza Buffet Soup, Salad & Pizza $9.99/pp • $5 Children 10 & under 150 Mill Street, Lewiston • 782-2088 www.davinciseatery.com

You'll Laugh

You'll Learn

With lots of humor, Imus is joined by Imus asks tough questions of celebrities, politicians Warner, Bernie, Lou and Dagen. and media stars and they still come back for more.

Add comedians Tony Powell and Rob Combine that with our award winning local news Bartlett, starting your day is more fun. and your mornings are complete.

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Brenda 346-3300 Kurt 14 N. Main Street, Suite 1 • Mechanic Falls

Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?

A: The ultrasound people.

People at my workplace have started a funny new tradition where they put names on food in the office fridge, today I ate sandwich called Mark.

Since 1877

Monuments & Markers Cemetery Lettering & Cleaning

STORAGE PROBLEM?

5´x10´ $25 10´x15´ $75 10´x10´ $50 10´x20´ $100

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Visit us online:

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WOOD & PELLET STOVES CUSTOMER TESTIMONIAL “Just wanted to let you know how pleased we are with our new fireplace. Your guys did a really great job and we couldn’t be happier. It looks beautiful. Thanks!”

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Q: How many ears does Captain Kirk of Star Trek have?

A: Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

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OUT ʼN ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE

Q: Know why a room full of married people looks so empty?

A: There's not a single person in it.

• Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes

• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems

CCURATE CCOUNTING & Tax Services, P.A. 922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 (Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer) Welcome to a new year Uncle Andy’s Digesters! I hope you had a safe and joyful holiday season! The holidays are officially completed and it’s time to start the holiday hangover recuperation process, or the HHRP as I like to call it. HHRP, unlike the completely unrelated AARP, is applicable to all ages from tiny Tim (No Holiday Reference Intended) to any old fat man with a long white beard (No Holiday Reference Intended).

Ok, enough of the tomfoolery. HHRP starts out simply by trimming the fat, and I’m not talking about the extra ridge you packed on the past month or so which does wonders for your truffle shuffle. I’m talking about dumping the New Year’s resolutions that you know you really are not going to see through.

Step 1, focus on one or two that might actually have a life expectancy longer than a mayfly. I made a resolution to not have macaroni and cheese from a box three days a week thinking it’s an adequate dinner. Ok, step 2, after eating too much; go see the staff at Center Street Dental for a bit of service. I requested they wire my jaw

Get it GONE NOW!!

Any part of property cleaned – if you don’t want it, we’ll throw it away…

This is a great time to clean out attics, cellars & garages!

Trash & Garbage • Furniture & Appliances • Construction & Demolition Debris Boilers & Scrap Metal • Brush & Trees • Buildings Demolished & Removed

Property Services • Especially Foreclosures Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped • Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs

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ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

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(continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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He ate so much over the holidays that he decided to quit cold turkey.

You know times are tough when you order a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asks, "Can you afford fries with that?"

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

(continued from previous page)

shut to prevent all the holiday leftovers from coming up close and personal with the inside of my stomach.

Apparently Dr. Sheline and Dr. Dunn seem to think exercising and a hint of willpower is a more feasible solution and since I’m not a doctor like them, I figured they may be on to something.

Now step 3 is one we all seem to have on the to-do list, but never seem to get to.

It has been brought to my attention that losing that floppy flab fixed firmly from fingers to feet requires something called exercise. I hear Hot Stuff Tanning & Wellness is offering Zumba. What the heck is Zumba? Well, it is a dance-type workout. I think of it as a night on the town visiting my favorite dance clubs. The only difference is the lights are on and not constantly flashing and I have replaced my over priced adult beverage with a lukewarm H2O. Trust me, try it out... it is way better than a half hour on the treadmill.

Plus you can even take a few minutes to tan while you’re at Hot Stuff. Just because it’s winter doesn’t mean you need to be pasty white! For the record I don’t always take my own advice. I live in Miami and I’m still pastier than ever. Apparently, even living here you have to either actually get out into the sun or go to a tanning bed to tan.

Crazy I know. Until next month Digesters, friends don’t let friends eat all their cake! Follow me on Twitter at UADMiamiMike and feel free to email me any time at uncleandysdigestmiamimike@aol.com

Did You Know?

The waves of the sea roll in on shore twentysix times to the minute in all kinds of weather.

If they cloned Cher she would be Cher and Cher-alike.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JANUARY 2012

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Have you checked out our new website yet?

Grab your smart phone, iPad, laptop or whatever you use to browse the web and go to UncleAndys.com right now! It looks great on all of them.

It’s been totally revamped and can do all kinds of stuff.

We’ll have some web banner ads available.

Our posts will automatically shoot out to our facebook & twitter pages. An events calendar to help you get the word out about your events (and ours).

Exciting stuff!

Check it out and let us know what you think. We want to know!!

Camouflage Training: No one turned up... Oh wait a minute...

867 Center Street, Auburn 753-0033 2006 Chevy Uplander LS

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72K, DVD system

BROWSE OUR INVENTORY 06 Audi A4, Auto 5 cyl., Blue,AWD, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 04 Audi A8L, Luxury Sedan, 94k, Long Wheelbase, AWD . . . . . . . . .$13,990 03 Audi Allroad, Auto, AWD, 95k, Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 07 BMW 328xi, Black, Heated Seats, AWD, 83k, 6 cyl., . . . . . . . . . . .$17,490 06 Chevy Uplander, Auto, Beige, Only 72k, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 05 Chevy Tahoe LT, 4x4, Tow Pkg., 3rd Row, CD Changer . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 05 Chevy Tahoe Z71, 8 Cly., 4 Dr., White, Auto., Loaded . . . . . . . . . .$14,490 03 Chevy Trailblazer EXT LT, White, Tow Pkg., Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,990 04 Chrysler Crossfire, 74k, Red, Loaded, 6 cyl., Heated Seats . . . . . .$9,990 07 Dodge Caliber, 4-Dr., Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,990 06 Dodge Dakota SLT, 4x4, Tow Pkg., Bed Liner, 8cyl., Power . . . . .$10,990 06 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT, 8cyl., 4x4, DVD, Ext. Cab . . . . . . . . . . . . .$14,990 08 Ford F350 Super Duty FX4, DVD, Navigation, Loaded, 26k . . . . .$28,990 07 Ford Explorer XLT, Auto, 4x4, Tow Pkg., CD, Roof Rack . . . . . . . .$10,990 07 Ford Ranger XLT, 6-Cyl., Blue, A/C . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 06 Ford F350 Super Duty, 8 Cyl., Auto, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,490 06 Ford Ranger Sport, 6 cyl, 5-Speed, Running Boards, Red . . . . . .$11,990 06 Ford Expedition Eddie Bauer, Loaded, 3rd Row, DVD, 4x4 . . . . . .$15,490 05 Ford Focus ZXW SE, 95k, Green, 5-Speed, Wagon . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,990 05 Ford Expedition, 8 Cyl., Auto., 4 Dr., Black, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 05 Ford Focus ST, 81K, 4-Dr., Red, 5-Speed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,490 04 Ford Ranger 96k, Red, NEW ARRIVAL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Honda Element EX-P, Auto, Red, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 05 Honda Element EX, Gray, Air/Cruise/Tilt/Pwr Windows . . . . . . . . .$10,490 06 Hummer H3, Adventure Package, 4x4, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 07 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited X, 4 Door, Hardtop, 85k . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16,490 07 Jeep Patriot, 4x4, Blue, 84k, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Jeep Liberty Renegade, 6 cyl., 94k, Red, Loaded, 4x4 . . . . . . . .$11,990 06 Jeep Commander, 8 Cyl., 4x4, 95k, Silver, DVD, Loaded . . . . . . . .$11,990 06 Jeep Commander, 8 Cyl., Auto, Black, 68k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$15,990 05 Jeep Grand Cherokee, Auto, Silver, Loaded, 8 Cyl. . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 05 Jeep Liberty Renegade, 4x4, Auto, 6cyl, 85k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 05 Jeep Liberty Limited, 4x4, Sunroof, 6cyl., . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,490 04 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, 8cyl, 4x4, Heated Seats . . . . . . . . .$7,990 00 Jeep Cherokee Sport, 6cyl, 4x4, Auto, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,990 06 Mazda3, NEW ARRIVAL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 05 Mazda3, 76k, Gray NEW ARRIVAL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 02 Mazda 626 LX, V6., Auto, All Power Options, CD . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,190 07 Mercury Mariner Premier, Black, 6 cyl., 85k,4x4, Loaded . . . . . .$12,990 07 Mercury Mountaineer, 4x4, Running Boards, Tow Pkg. . . . . . . . .$11,000 06 MINI Cooper, 5-Speed, Heated Seats, Roof Rack, 84k . . . . . . . . . .$9,990

07 Mitsubishi Eclipse GS, 5-Spd., 93K, 2-Dr., Silver, Loaded . . . . . . . .$9,990 07 Nissan Armada SE, 8cyl, 3rd Row, 96k, 4x4, Loaded . . . . . . . . .$15,990 07 Nissan Xterra, Auto., 93K, 4-Dr., Black, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 05 Nissan Frontier SE, 6 Cyl., Auto, 98k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 03 Nissan Altima 2.5S, Auto, Gas Saver, 4DR . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6,790 08 Pontiac G5, 50k, Blue, 2DR, CD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 08 Saab 93, 2.0T, 6-Speed, Rod, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,490 07 Saab 95, Auto, Black, 72k, CD Changer, Roof . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 07 Saab 93, Aero Wagon, Silver, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 06 Saab 93, 2.0T, Blue, Auto, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 05 Saab 95 Arc 2.3T, Auto, 82k, Blue, All Power Options . . . . . . . . . .$9,490 04 Saab 93, Auto., 86K, 4-Dr., Silver, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 04 Saab 93 SE, 5-Spd., Convertible, 98K, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,490 03 Saab 93 SE, 5-Speed, 98k, Convertible, Heated Seats . . . . . . . . .$7,490 02 Saab 95, 6-Cyl., Auto., SW, Brown . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,490 08 Saturn Vue XE, V6, Auto, AWD, Tow Pkg, 84k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 07 Saturn Aura XE, 6 Cyl., 81K, Auto., 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . .$10,490 07 Scion TC, 2 DR, Auto, Silver, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,490 05 Subaru Baja Sport, Auto., 94K, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 07 Toyota Corolla LE, Auto., 94K, 4-Dr., Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 06 Toyota Prius, Auto., 4-Dr., Gray, 82K, Air/Cruise/Tilt . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 05 Toyota 4-Runner, Auto., 92K, 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . .$14,490 07 Volvo XC90, 6 cyl, Auto, AWD, 94k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16,490 07 Volvo S40, 5-Speed, 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 06 Volvo XC90, Ocean Race Edition, 8-Cyl., 73K, 4-Dr., Blue, Loaded $17,990 06 Volvo XC90, Auto., 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 05 Volvo S40, Auto., 84K, 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 05 Volvo XC90, 4-Dr., Tan, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 04 Volvo XC70, AWD, Auto, Wagon, Heated Seats . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,490 04 Volvo XC90, Auto, Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 07 VW Jetta, Black NEW ARRIVAL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 07 VW Jetta, 5-Speed, 99K, 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 07 VW Jetta, 96k, 5-Speed, Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,490 06 VW Touareg, V6, Navigation, Tow Pkg, Heated Seats . . . . . . . . . .$14,990 06 VW Jetta 2.5L PZEV, 68k, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 06 VW Passat, 82k, Auto, 4 cyl., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 05 VW Passat GLX VR6, Auto, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,990 04 VW Passat NEW ARRIVAL!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 04 VW Passat,4-Dr., Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,490 02 VW Passat GLX, VR6, 5-Speed, 62k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,990

Without heroes, we are all plain people and dont know how far we can go.

– Bernard Malamud