Uncle Andy's Digest - Jan. 2013

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

.com

THE MOST UNUSUAL DIGEST IN AMERICA

Armandsab@aol.com

FREE January 2013

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D. 1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 376-4977

Now Accepting New Patients See page 8 FMI

Voted best New Restaurant

by Market Surveys of America

We want to THANK YOU for your support this past year!

Best wishes in

Japanese Cuisine

40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888 www.sea40me.com

Border Patrol

In 1878, Wanamaker's of Philadelphia was the first U.S. department store to install electric lighting.

Submitted by Jimbo

Uncle Andy and four of his friends are travelling across Europe in an Audi Quattro and arrive at a border crossing.

The Customs agent stops them and says, "It's illegal to put five people in a Quattro."

845 Main Street • Lewiston

(207) 689-2345

THIS MONTH’S FEATURED DEALS Power Steering

"What do you mean it's illegal?" asks Uncle Andy.

"Quattro means four," replies the border official.

"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the five guys retort disbelievingly.

"Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons."

"You can't pull that one on me," replies the Customs agent. "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law."

Uncle Andy replies angrily, "You Goober! Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

"Sorry," responds the official, "he can't come.

He's busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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2012 Honda TRX250X $4399.* Now $3943.*

2012 Honda TRX420F $7599.* Now $6691.* Power Steering

2012 Yamaha Big Bear $6949.* Now $6292.*

2012 Grizzly 450 $7999.* Now $7057.*

FINANCING AVAILABLE – RATES AS LOW AS 1.99%

2011 800 RUSH ES $11399.* Now $8845.*

2012 800 Assault 144 $12399.* Now $10958.*

*Prices advertised do not include applicable Frt/Setup, Applicable State Sales Tax or Documentation Fees.

Largest Selection of Pre-Owed in Maine!

Completely Serviced

Visit Our Online Close Out Store We Buy, Sell, Trade - Motorcycles, ATVs, Snowmobiles, Side by Sides, Generators, Cars, Trucks and SUVs There is a salt mine in the Polish town of Wieliczka, near Cracow, that has been in operation for nearly 1,000 years.

TV viewers know fictional Old West hero Don Diego de la Vega best as Zorro.

Crossword Puzzles The hardest crossword puzzles according to experts appear in two British papers: "The London Times" and "Observer." Only few readers can complete these and it takes them 2 to 3 hours. The record time for completing a "Times" puzzle was an incredible 3 minutes and 45 seconds by a British diplomat named Roy Dean in 1970.

Crossword Puzzles 2 The strangest crossword ever made was by a British writer Max Beerbohm in 1940. He called it the "Impossible Crossword" and issued warning to puzzlers so they do not go crazy trying to solve it, as the clues were nonsensical and the answers didn't exist.

The UPC (Universal Product Code) the lines hold 11 numbers, each of which is a code that describes the product. The size, weight, and manufacturer or distributor, for example, are each represented by a number.

The numbers are in the form that computers can read, 0's (black lines) and 1's (white lines).

A diamond will not dissolve in acid. The only thing that can destroy it is intense heat.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

Most New Years resolutions go in one year and out the other.

QUALITY CUSTOM DENTURE WORK Affordable Dentures

www.UncleAndys.com

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

January 2013 Staff

FREE CONSULTATIONS

JIMBO Remnant Sale

TRAVIS

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

Most Dental Insurances Accepted • We also accept Credit & Debit Cards

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

Turning Back the

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

Digital Sales Clock

514-0660

UNCLE ANDY Turning Back the Hands of Time (Way Back)

www.smileagaindentures.com See us for: • Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures

MAGGIE

• Rebases • Relines • Repairs

Timely I haven’t lost my mind, it’s backed up on an external hard drive somewhere.

MARTY Is it Golf Time?

ANGIE Selling Time

TOM Social Media Time

Winner, Winner! an d

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212 While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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teamed up to run a Facebook contest where the winner would get a Kindle Fire, valued at $199.

Linda Kimball was the big winner!

Congratulations, Linda!

Linda Kimball & Bren da

Fontaine

Contact the Fontaine team at: 336 Center St, Auburn • 784-3800 or online at brendafonta ine.com

Watch for our next contest on our Facebook page: facebook.com/UncleAndysDigest Oh, what a tangled website we weave.

The best way to keep a New Year’s resolution is to keep it to yourself.

Out ’n About Brittney, is it true you changed the name of your business?

It is true.

You might think it’s a little twisted, but... we are now Twisted Scissors!* Twisted scissors sisters

Taylor Smith & Brittany Legare *formerly called “That Little Barbershop”. Same great location, same great service! See their ad on page 13.

Twisted Sister was one of my favorite bands back in the day...

Big daddy, Butch Dow founding father of Twisted Scissor sisters

The optimist sees the donut, the pessimist sees the hole.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Community Credit Union

You can’t teach an old mouse new clicks.

Santa, I was good this year, I promise!

Reid Sibley ...don’t listen to him Santa, I was the good one this year.

Trent Sibley ...and what would you like for Christmas young lady?

Laurie Pelletier Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Home is where you hang your @.

Best New Year’s Resolution: Start giving up giving up.

Out ’n About at Community Credit Union

Courtney Sinclair Everyone be good little boys & girls this year and I’ll see you in December!

They can’t fire me, slaves have to be sold.

Happy New Year to everyone!

Bria & Xavier Duncan Hey Santa, what is this Christmas in July I keep hearing about?

2012 Junior Olympic Archery Development team with coach, Jess Hartford.

We’re a local business, family owned & operated for over 10 years.

We offer archery lessons, lanes, rentals, sales, service, & custom strings.

Handguns Rifles Shotguns Ammo

213 Washington St. • Auburn • 783-3060 centralmainearchery.com If mathematically the result seems to be wrong, try multiplying by the page number.

Chase Hogan Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Uncle Andy’s Latest Alien Experience Uncle Andy sent the following text to his whole contact list on his iPhone: Aliens are coming to abduct all the intelligent, good looking, and sexy people. You will be safe. I’m just texting you to say goodbye.

Laws of purchasing computers: If it crashes, it will, but only after the warranty expires.

Comprehensive Family Dental Care in a relaxing, comfortable atmosphere

Pretzel Sales Submitted by Jimbo

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each.

Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel.

This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke.

One day as the man passed the old ladies pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him, "Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has increased to 35 cents."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Now Accepting New Patients

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D. 1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston (lower level)

376-4977 Same Day Financing Options Emergency Care Available www.kevinconnellydmd.com Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.

IT’S OUR ANNIVERSARY We’re celebrating all month!

Your Choice

$ly

On

10

Giant 1-topping pizza • 2 Large Boghooters 3 Large Italians • 2 Small Appetizers (Ham, Pepperoni, Veggie or Salami)

(Breaded Mushrooms, Broccoli & Cheese, Jalapeno Poppers or Mozzarella Sticks)

FREE COF FE FRID E AY! Free

Larry & Diana in 2003

Larry & Diana in 2012

20 oz .c with purch offee Break ase every fast Sand of w Frida y in J ich anua ry!

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

Out ’n About at Dr. Kevin Connelly’s Dental Office Come show us your smiles!

First-graders finish the proverb: An idle mind is...The best way to relax.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Wednesdays are Whiskey Wednesdays! $1.00 OFF

Happy Hour Mon-Fri 2-7pm

ep buy Stella & ke

Tues.

Open Mic Fri. Ladies Night Sun. Sports

glass

Monday $ 6.99 Burgers

Catering for private party needs on Sundays

$

8 Pitchers: Bud Light, Homemade Coors Light, PBR Chips $ 10 Pitchers: Imports 50¢ Wings

FOOTBALL SPECIAL during playoffs

Weekends: LIVE ENTERTAINMENT

Bean Suppa h Every Saturd Large “And ay y’s Baked Bean ” special

47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959

$

7.50

thefirehousegrille.biz

Roller Skating = Family Fun

Tammy Ranger & Deb Davis

Skate Schedule

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940 Amy Corey Revolving Needle The first revolving restaurant, The Top of the Needle, was located at the 500-foot level of the 600-foot-high, steeland-glass tower at the Century 21 Exposition in Seattle, Washington. It contained 260 seats and revolved 360 degrees in an hour. The state-ofthe-art restaurant was dedicated on May 22, 1961.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Night

All Skating 7:30 - 10:00

Sat. & Sun.

1:30 - 4:00pm

Saturday Night

Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night

All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

Find us on Facebook

www.rollodrome.com

WOW!

Thursday Night

Dan Larrivee & Rachel Potvin, Owner/Operators

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

$

12

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket is missing.

Laws of purchasing computers: A necessary computer goes on sale only after you have bought it at the regular price.

We are now an official UPS shipper.

Happy New Year!

TROP ICAL HARMONY All your salt water tank needs right here!

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies 272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372

January • New Officers Inauguration Sunday, Jan. 13th. 3:00 pm 2013 New Auburn • Members’ Meeting

Last Sunday of the month Jan. 30th, 3:00 pm

Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn 782-9039

• Don’t forget membership dues by March

• Fresh Fried Baskets Shrimp, Haddock, Scallops, Clams includes French Fries, Coleslaw & Dinner Roll

• Fish Chowders • Lobster Stew • Clam & Seafood Chowders

Happy New Year and thanks for a great year!

“If we were any fresher you’d have to slap us!”

We ship anywhere in the US

22 Mill St., New Auburn • 782-3150 • Open daily 9am-6pm

Some of it, plus the rest of it, is all of it.

Tom and Jess Hartford started Central Maine Archery from their two bay garage on Jackass Annie Road in Minot.

With the help of Mechanics Savings Bank, they moved to Auburn and opened a 6,000 square foot archery center with indoor lanes, virtual hunt room, full service center, and retail sales for archery accessories and several bow manufacturers, such as PSE and Hoyt.

Six years later, again with help from Mechanics Savings Bank, they moved to an 8,000 square foot archery center on Washington Street in Auburn and started Double Drop Gun shop to compliment their archery business, as well as expand their bow line to include G5.

Their youth team is recognized by the National Archery Association and has helped develop several Olympic Gold archers, who have made it to USAT, the United States Archery Team.

Local youth, representing our country internationally! They give back to their community in many ways, donations, lessons and interactions with local schools, Boy Scouts, and other organizations.

Central Maine Archery is located at 213 Washington Street in Auburn.

See their ad on page 7 for more information.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Cave of the Winds One hundred years ago, visitors to Cave of the Winds in Colorado carried candles and lanterns along ghostly, dark halls that seemed to have no end. Today, cave enthusiasts can spend an hour or more with an authentically dressed 1800s guide, viewing truly spectacular rooms in the cave, using only the illumination from hand-held lanterns. One of the world’s oldest show caves, Cave of the Winds is filled with eerie nooks, crannies, tunnels, and chambers that once were believed to be the homes of gnomes and fairies.

Make your opponents respect your will to win. – Curtis Borchardt

YOUR TACTICAL WEAPON HEADQUARTERS SIGHTS, SCOPES & LASERS, GRIPS & MORE AMMO OF ALL TYPES, CALIBERS & QUANTITIES

AK’s & AR15 RIFLES

PISTOLS & SHOTGUNS

Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com

Out ’n About at the SPRQ-tacular Christmas event at SPRQ Studio in Sabattus

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

12

& Jimbo

JANUARY 2013 783-7039

If we are what we eat, I’m easy, fast and cheap. – Uncle Andy

A boss is someone who is late when you are early, and early when you are late.

$

BUDGET PLANS AVAILABLE

Heating Oil

Any Color Service

5 OFF

Twisted Scissors

There is a difference...

9 Acadia Ave, Lewiston (off Lisbon St.)

New Accounts Welcome

312-5478 Tues, Thurs, Fri. 9am-5pm • Wed. & Sat. 8am-noon

Cosmetologist Brittany Legare

Walk-ins welcome

Earth First! We’ll strip mine other planets later.

FOUR SEASON SERVICE

Visit us online:

Downeast Sharpening Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment

WOOD & PELLET STOVES

ON SALE NOW

Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel

DOLMAR

7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond

myselco.com

1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4

shindaiwa

655-4635

www.downeastsharpening.com

HARRIS BROTHERS

NOW Serving

PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Call us!

No Separating Required!

743-3891

BUBBLE TEA

HARRIS BROS.

Mango & Strawberry 65 College Street, Lewiston

376-4852 SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

GOT HEAT?? FREE Winter Checkup With Ad

purethaikitchen.com

Mon - Thurs 11 AM - 9 PM • Fri - Sat 11 AM - 10 PM • Sun 12 PM - 9 PM

Homemade Soups Daily!

If you don’t like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk.

10” Cheese Pizza $4.95

Roadies 6-pc Chicken Tender Snack

Lg. BLT Sub $4.75

$6.99

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Ingersoll Arena Am I considered off-sides here?

"Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places." – Nathan Pyle

CAP OFF THE YEAR WITH A

I’d call this a serious power play...

Call us for Caps!

933-2493

We will set you up with the cap that’s right for your ride.

I'm an expert on Chinese food - when I eat it I only use one chopstick.

There isn’t a goalie out there who could stop my slap shot with my zamboni schtick...

SEE US FOR YOUR SNOWMOBILE LOAN • Low Rates • Fast Approval • Great Terms

Larry McCarthy The Zamboni guy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Double-negatives are a no-no.

Excerpts From Actual Letters Sent To Landlords: "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."

NO ORDER TOO SMALL

No matter what your aim in life.

No matter what your goal.

Keep your eye upon the donut.

And not upon the hole.

And no minimum purchases! Call us for a FREE quote!!

Textile & Paper Wipes

• Sorbents & Safety Supplies • Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners • Breakroom & Food Service • Chemicals & Cleaners • Packaging • Skin Care • And More!

Great principles of computerism:

Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A! 120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com

Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.

JANUARY SPECIAL

OOD PRODUCT W E S FIN AND

STOVE SALES

ALL REMAINING BRAND NEW AMERICAN MADE WOODSTOVES, PELLET STOVES AND GAS STOVES

224-7239

2742 Auburn Rd., Turner (1 mile north of intersection of Rt. 4 and 219)

$

2,000

(30 to choose from)

www.finewoodproducts.net robm@finewoodproducts.net

Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.

1. The likelihood of receiving an error message during downloading increases the closer you come to finishing.

2. If you spend hours trying to get connected to a busy server your connection will be lost the sooner you get on.

3. The better the customer service, the sooner you get to someone who can’t help you.

4. Immediately after you walk away from a printer, the paper will jam.

5. Computers make very fast, accurate mistakes.

Cash Flow Submitted by Jimbo

A woman called the dean of the college that her freshman son was going to and said, "I'm worried. I don't know who my son can hang out with. He doesn't have the kind of money all the other students have."

The dean replied, "He can hang out with the faculty."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Central Maine Archery

Gambling — that’s throwing money away when other people cheer you on.

Attention Landsc apers & Contractors!

Dan & Gavin Bisson Dad teaches son the ropes (or the strings in this case).

The big guy is right behind me, isn’t he?

We sell bulk san d/salt and straig ht salt.

Call us for yo ur snow removal needs!

Commercial Plowing, Sanding, Salting & Snow Removal Call us for a FREE Quote • Fully Insured • EOE

Gavin Bisson is on the nice list

Locally owned and operated since 1970!

Jess Hartford handing out youth recognition patches Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston 784-7944 • stlaurentandson.com Shopaholic: just following your in a mall instincts.

Out ’n About at Central Maine Archery

Research is what I am doing when I don’t know what I am doing.

Wishing Everyone a Prosperous New Year!

eastcoastsigndesign.com

Linda RaeAnne Angie

Desiree

Erica

Heather

Stacy

Amy

We want to thank all our clients for supporting us in our first year of business!

Natalie McGuire

Hair • Nails • Massage • Organic Spray Tanning 1117 Center Street • Auburn • 784-3522 (in MetLife Plaza)

CMA constantly recognizes and reinforces excellence.

draws the winner of the 10 hour lane pass and... it turned out to be her!

urbanedgehairstudio.com

Creating Smiles is our specialty.

Ann’s Flowers

Pam Gallant

14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457

annsflower.com

Now offering Maine Gourmet Chocolate!

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

helps determine classes and divisions, check scorecards, baking yummies, and is the New England Regional Director for the National Field Archery Association, NFAA. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Get Outside and Enjoy Nature

Money talks. It says “good-bye.”

Mike Morin’s

Auto Center “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

VOTED BEST OF THE BEST 13 YEARS RUNNING (Market Surveys of America)

FRONT END ALIGNMENT

OIL CHANGE

$75.95 Most Vehicles

$24.95

Happy New Year!

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 www.autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays.

– Harrold Hill

All Subarus Come With: • 12-month/12,000 miles Warranty on all Head Gasket Issues • Vehicles fully serviced and maintained in-house • In-house direct lending available

$9,950 2008 Legacy 2.5i Special Edition 133K • Loaded • Runs Perfect

JUST ARRIVED...

EXTRA!! 2008 GT Legacy Limited EXTRA Loaded • Nice!

1026 Auburn Rd (Rt. 4) Turner, ME Never mind, stay inside.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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$14,450

www.rjbandson.com The Mayan calendar predicted that December 21, 2012 would be the most annoying day on Facebook ever.

If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.

Phone Home Submitted by Jimbo

STOP BY OUR 2 DEALERSHIPS AT 1298 & 1317 SABATTUS ST. LEWISTON

An elderly couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang.

The husband got out of bed and went into the living room (parlor) to answer the phone.

Inventory

New Inventory Arriving Daily!

04 Audi A4, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995

06 VW Jetta, Silver, 119K, Manual . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8995

04 Audi A4, Maroon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8495

04 VW Passat, Turbo, Green, Manual . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6495

04 Audi A6, 97K, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9995

04 VW Passat, Black. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6995

03 Audi A4, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8295

04 VW Jetta, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6495

03 Audi A4, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7495

04 VW Jetta, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5995

05 BMW X3, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10,500

03 VW Passat, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . CALL FOR PRICE

04 Chevy Suburban, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7295

03 VW Jetta, 80K, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6795

08 Ford Taurus X SEL, Auto, V6, 113k, Maroon . . . . . . $9995

03 VW Golf, Black. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5995

03 Honda Pilot, Silver. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8995

01 VW Jetta, Green. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4650

04 Hyundai Santa Fe, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7595

00 VW Passat GLX VR6, 5-Speed, 114k, Silver . . . . . . $4795

05 Jeep Liberty, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,495

00 VW Passat GLS, Auto, 4Motion, 135k, Silver. . . . . . $5000

04 Mercedes-B M-Class, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $11,500

05 Volvo S40 T5, Turbo, 5-Speed 115k, Gray . . . . . . . $9495

03 Mercedes ML500, Black, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9995

05 Volvo XC90, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8995

06 Nissan Altima, Auto, 110k , Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7500

04 Volvo XC70, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8495

His wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver (remember those) and went back to bed.

A minute later the phone rang again. The husband got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" again and then he said, "Sure is." again. He hung up the receiver and went back to bed.

The wife asked who it was. The man said he didn't know.

04 Nissan Pathfinder, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8795 04 Nissan Xterra, Green. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995 03 Nissan Maxima, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,500

Other

04 Saab 9-5, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6995 04 Saturn VUE, Silver. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6995 05 Scion TC, Auto, 79k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8495 04 Subaru Legacy, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6295

23’ Baja Outlaw Boat, ‘07, 496 Magnum, Loaded . . . $37,995

786-7744

A minute later the phone rang again. The husband got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed.

The wife asked again about the caller. The man said he didn't know who it was.

The wife then asked, "Well, what did the person say?

1298 Sabattus St. & 1317 Sabattus St. • www.independentauto.me Japanese chopsticks are pointed at the eating end and Chinese chopsticks are blunt.

He said, "It's odd, a woman just keeps saying, "Long distance from Chicago."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

JAN. 2013

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There are more than 80,000 known species of ants.

Trust me, I’m an Engineer

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles visit our website:

www.donovansauto.com Stop by, call or click today!

946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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In logging slang, a messy pile of logs is called a "jackpot."

The Statue of Liberty's index finger is 8 feet long, and it displays a fingernail measuring 13 inches by 10 inches.

The Wedding Dress Submitted by Jimbo

10% OFF with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

• Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

Ron Moon, Manager

207-657-5000

Betty was soon to be married.

More than anything, she wanted to wear the wedding dress her mother was married in.

Betty's mother was beaming with pride as she gave her consent.

Later in the evening, the family gathered in the living room to wait while Betty tried on the dress.

When Betty entered the room, there was a chorus of approval.

The dress fit perfectly and looked wonderful on her.

Tears ran down the face of Betty's mother.

Remember MacGyver?

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Brad’s Precision Auto Brad Johnson

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364

"Lobster shift" is a colloquial term for the night shift of a newspaper staff.

Seeing this, Betty said, "Don't worry Mom, you're not losing a daughter, your gaining a son."

"Forget about that!" she said with a sob.

"I used to fit into that dress!"

The Viking alphabet was called the Futhark.

The letters, called "runes," were made from straight lines, making them easier to carve on stone or wood. Stones with writing on them are called runestones.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Luiggi’s This one’s for you TJ!*

Clark Kent takes direction from his hat: It’s his Super visor.

‘07 CROWN VIC ‘04 CHEVY TRAILBLAZER LIKE NEW!!

Police Pkg

a lot of car for

‘05 NISSA PATHFINDENR

$

4,995

$

Loaded, Cloth

$

6,995 ‘01 GMC 8,995 V-6 AT, Alloys, LOADED, Rear Seat

SONOMA

TRUCK RACKS

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Truck Caps

of Luiggi's Pizza *Diane’s son is TJ Auger who owns Sure Start Remote Starters in Lewiston

Family Relationships Submitted by Jimbo

I ran short of money while visiting my brother, and borrowed $50 from him.

After my return home, I wrote him a short letter every few weeks, enclosing a $5 check in each one. He called me up and told me how much he enjoyed the letters, regardless of the money; I had never written regularly before.

Eventually I sent off a letter and the last fivedollar check.

In my mail box the next week I found an envelope from my brother. Inside was another $50.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2013

783-7039

Several nice pre-mowornee cod mHinarg!leys in stock, and

$

34K

14,500

– PARTIAL LISTING – CARS

‘07 Chevy Cobalt LS 4 Dr. AT, A/C, 99K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘04 Toyota Camry LE, Loaded, Remote Start. . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘04 Toyota Camry LE, Loaded, 159K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘04 Mitsubishi, Rally Edt., Sharp! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘04 Toyota Corolla S, Wing, Alloys, 97K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘03 Toyota Camry LE, Black, Loaded. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘03 Saturn L200, Leather, Loaded, Nice!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3,995 ‘02 Toyota Camry, XLE, Leather, Roof. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘02 Chevy Cavalier, 2Dr., Only 48K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘02 Subaru Legacy S/W, AWD, 96K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘01 Pontiac Bonneville, Alloys, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3,995 ‘01 Pontiac Grand Prix GT, One Owner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘01 Toyota Camry LE, 114K, Nice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘00 VW Passat S/W, V6, Loaded, X-Clean . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3,295

‘04 Chevy Silverado XCab 4x4, 137K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘03 Chevy XCab 4X4 LS, 51K, One Owner. . . . . . . . . . . . . $12,995 ‘02 Chevy Silverado XCab, 2WD, One Owner. . . . . . . . . . . . $3,995 ‘02 Ford Explorer XLT, Loaded, 3rd Seat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3,995 ‘02 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, 1 Owner . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3,295 ‘01 GMC SLT XCab 44, Only 64K, Fisher Plow . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘01 GMC Sonoma SLS CXab, Only 57K, Fisher Plow . . . . . . $7,995 ‘00 Chevy 2500 XCab 4X4, 8 Ft. Fisher Plow, AS IS. . . . . . $3,500 ‘99 Ford F250 Super Duty 4X4 XCab, Lariat . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘98 Ford F150 XCab 4X4, Sportside, 96K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘98 Ford F-250 XCab 4X4, Fisher Plow 1 Owner. . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘97 Ford F-150 XCab 4X4, Fisher Plow, AS IS. . . . . . . . . . . $3,500

Many as-is Specials $500 & up!!

All come with new Inspection, 14-Day Plate and Warranty

TRUCKS, SUV’S, VANS If we don’t have it,we can get it!!

‘06 Chevy Equinox LT, Cloth, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘06 Jeep Commander, Leather, 3rd Seat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘05 Dodge Grand Caravan SXT, Stow--Go . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘05 Ford Explorer XLT, 3rd Seat, 115K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘05 Chrysler Town & Country 7 Pass., Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘05 GMC Short Box 4x4, V8, A/C, CD. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 Established in 1984

Jeff & Rick Roy

353-2538

28 Soper Road, Durham

If one identical twin grows up without a given tooth coming in, the second identical twin will usually also grow up without the tooth.

If you are mysophobic, you have an intense fear of infection.

Doily Box Submitted by Jimbo

REMOTE STARTERS Starting at

Model CS-700

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Each starter comes with:

99

149

• Lifetime Guarantee • 2 Remotes • Expert Installation

installed Many models available

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We Insure ALL Your WINTER TOYS 9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls (207) 345-8711 or 1-800-339-0414 www.CummingsAgency.com

Jeff & Nora Cummings Diane Morissette Leanne Cram

Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!

Thank You for a great 2012, and have a happy new year!

Ron Major

As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.

For fifty years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying.

One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important.

Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained.

"She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."

Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.

183 Lisbon St., Lisbon

We look forward to seeing you in 2013!

"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.

353-9862

www.qualitycareautorepair.com In Charles Schulz's popular "Peanuts" comic strip, Snoopy was born at the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm.

"Oh, that's the money I made selling the doilies."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Name Calling

After 94 years of construction, the Mexico Cathedral was completed in 1667.

Submitted by Jimbo

Uncle Andy got a job down at the broom factory.

On his first day the straw boss (floor supervisor) calls ol' Uncle Andy into his little office and says, "You the new man, huh? What is your name?"

Uncle Andy replied, "Andrew" The straw boss says "I don't call anyone by first names. It breeds familiarity and that leads to breakdown in my authority. I refer to all employees by last names; now what is your last name!"

Andrew smiles and says, "It’s Darling Andrew Darling!

The straw boss said "Now Andrew, the next thing... "

Did You Know?

From 1952 to 1962, the Boeing Corporation produced 744 B-52 bombers. 94 of them are still in active service. The Air Force intends to keep them active and on duty until 2045 when the youngest of them will be over 80 years old.

Submitted by Richard Collins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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In 1533, Henry VIII secretly wed Anne Boleyn. The Vatican Library preserves twelve love letters he wrote to her.

The Salvation Army's motto is "Blood and Fire."

Out ’n About at the Rainbow Bicycles Local Grind Cafe Grand Opening

Anna Smedley Come see us at 97 Lisbon Street in downtown Lewiston.

Brandi Helstrom At the Local Grind, we have great Espresso, Latte’s and L/A’s only drip coffee!

Scott White Manager

Burial space at Arlington National Cemetery is limited. At the current rate, it is expected to be full in 2020.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Banking Woes

Investment Funnies... STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

Submitted by Jimbo

TIME TO CASH IN!

The girl came running in tears to her father.

"Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried.

"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

Did You Know?

A total of fifty-two US submarines were lost during World War Two. Submarine veterans of WW II never consider their fellow submariners "lost." Rather, because they went down with their ship in defense of their country, and are now entombed in their final resting place beneath the sea, they and their boats are forever ON ETERNAL PATROL. Submitted by Richard Collins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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SPECIAL PRICING FOR ALUMINUM IN JANUARY

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Automobile & Truck Batteries Die Cast

Alloy Rims $15 Jan. ONLY #1 Steel Prepared/better grading/better payout Catalytic Converters Cell Phone Scrap

Jan. Computer Towers Stainless $5 ONLY Electronic Scrap

Mother Boards • Core’s Brass • Alternators • Starters • Motors • Pumps Computer Board Scraps Copper • Aluminum • Insulated Wire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

NOW OPEN SATURDAYS

Always paying the best prices! (prices subject to market changes)

We appreciate your business!

My job is to write YOU a big check!

Nobody pays higher prices then us. Stop by and see for yourself.

15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm 615-7057 or 795-8887

Bev & Peter

The odds against hitting the jackpot on a slot machine are 889 to 1.

The pituitary gland - responsible for producing the hormone that regulates growth - is only the size of a pea and weighs little more than a small paper clip.

WE’VE MOVED! ... Check out our New Location 797 Sabattus St.

Out ’n About at Jasmine Cafe You want me to do what?

(Across from Roopers)

Lewiston 207.784.0747

www.AutoProAutoSalesMe.com

Featured Vehicles

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2003 Saab 93 2.0T 102K

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Kung

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of Jasmine Cafe Asian Fusion Restaurant in Auburn

INVENTORY Trucks & SUV’s ‘05 GMC Sierra 2500 HD SLE 4X4, 75K . . . . . $16,995 ‘05 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, 107K. . . . $11,995 ‘05 Ford Explorer XLT, 82K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘04 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, 141K. . . . . $6,995 ‘03 Jeep Liberty Sport 4X4, 114K . . . . . . . . . . . $7,495

Vans ‘02 Chrysler Town & Country LX, 127K . . . . . . $4,995

Cars ‘06 Volvo S60, 2.5T, AWD, 114K . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9,995 ‘05 Volkswagen Jetta GL, 5 spd., 126K . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘04 Volkswagen Jetta GLS 1.8t, 131K . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘04 Audi A4 1.8t Quattro, 89K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10,995 ‘04 BMW M3, 6 spd., 143K . . . . . . . CALL FOR PRICE ‘03 Acura 3.2 TL, 133K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘02 Volkswagen Passat GLX, VR6, 121K . . . . . . $5,995 ‘00 Volvo S40 1.9t, 101K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995

797 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 207.784.0747 Cary Grant's real name was Archibald Leach, for whom John Cleese's character in A Fish Called Wanda was named.

Lost Kahkis For most people when you lose your “khakis” you've lost your pants, but when you are from Boston and lose your “khakis” you can’t start your car.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Investment Funnies... BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.

$

✂

Trust me, I’m an Engineer

30

OFF*

*ANY BILL $250 OR MORE

✂

with this ad Expires 1.31.12

Complete Auto Repair SAVE $$ ON GAS Ask about a Fuel Injector System Cleaning

CLASSIC CAR PERFORMANCE UPGRADES & RESTORATION

THE SHOP 353-6100 304 Lisbon St., Lisbon

www.theshopclassicrestoration.net

Remote Heated Starters & Seats

777-3339

216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry Parking in back of building

www.soundeffectsmaine.com

ALWAYS BE THE “FOLLOW ME” GUY

SHARE OUR PASSION

AMES SPORT SHOP 84 Littlefield Road Auburn

782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road) Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Investment Funnies... BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke".

Investment Funnies... BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

Motivating Others

You Name It, We Frame It!

Submitted by Jimbo

Custom Picture Framing you’ll treasure forever!

Sports memorabilia, artwork, family photos & so much more!

Our Affordable, Everyday Pricing 8x10 .........................$20 16x20 .......................$30 20x24 .......................$40 24x36 .......................$50 Silver, Gold or Black metal frames only.

Expert Custom Framing & Quality Personal Service!

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333

Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.

Dan Williams, owner

Check out our new inventory!

Hats, Hoodies, Shirts, Shoes, Backpacks, Totes

& More

25 Lisbon St. • Lewiston • 795-7600 Mon.-Sat. 10am-7pm

We buy, sell & trade

J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn 777-3579

Call for N.R. the nex A. P t Cou istol rse

Full Line Gunsmith Service

Jamie Pelletier, Manager

jtreidsgunshop.com

When he got home, he attached a basketball hoop to a post on the front porch. Sure enough, the next morning there was a resounding "plunk" as the newspaper sailed through the hoop and landed by the door.

John never had to search for his paper again.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Don’t Miss our BIG Sale!

John, a neighbor of mine, was annoyed because he had to search for his newspaper each morning after the paperboy tossed it. Often he would find it, covered with dirt, under the car in the gravel driveway. Then oneday the paperboy's mother mentioned that her son's ambition was to play professional basketball. John had an idea.

9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

"Everything in life comes to you as a teacher. Pay attention. Learn quickly."

– Cherokee Saying

Did You Know?

Baseball legend Ty Cobb amassed a huge fortune from Coca-Cola and General Motors stocks. His net worth at the time of his death was reported to be $11 million. When Cobb entered Emory Hospital in Atlanta near death, he brought with him more than $1 million in negotiable bonds and placed them on the nightstand next to a loaded pistol.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Know Your States Submitted by Jimbo

The old pastor made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week.

He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name.

They came up with about 40 names.

He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

January at the Chick Friend us on Facebook for our Daily Specials & Upcoming Events

Our new Website is up and running Want us to fax you our weekly specials? Call us with your number. Want us to cater your next event? Call us to show you what we can offer – many platters & choices to choose from.

Want free delivery? Call us and we will explain the options.

Lisa, Bill & our staff wish to thank you for our best year ever. Times are tough out there and yet we still continue to grow because of our commitment to quality food & reasonable prices with an awesome wait staff & greet staff & bartenders.

THANK YOU FROM ALL OF US AT THE CHICK

LIKE us on Facebook for our daily specials & upcoming events!

Disetoen AL-ew Chick-of You’re gonna love it!

1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston • 376-3870

Excerpts From Actual Letters Sent To Landlords: "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."

Abe the Lawyer It's said that Abraham Lincoln once sized up the case of a prospective client as follows: "You have a good case, technically, but in terms of justice and equity, it's got problems.

So you'll have to look for another lawyer to handle the case, because the whole time I'd be up there talking to the jury, I'd be thinking, 'Lincoln, you're a liar!' and I might just forget myself and say it out loud."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Cops Coffee Clatch L to R: Pete Panula, LPD; Anthony Emmi, Captain of LPD; Duncan Webster, DEA, FBI, CIA, ATF, Secret Service, APD, LPD, & ABCDEFG; Bruce Bartlett, APD; Tony Grenier, LPD; Robert Soucy, LPD; Dick Cloutier, LPD: Jim Brown, Maine Warden Service & Portland PD; & Larry Dehetre, LPD Boxing was the first sport to be filmed. Thomas A. Edison filmed a boxing match between Jack Cushing and Mike Leonard in 1894.

99% of all forms of life that have existed on Earth are now extinct.

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Get Outside and Enjoy Nature

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)

We look forward to serving all of our customers in 2013!

Ken & Rolande Blais, owners

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

There are 1,783 diamonds on the Britain's Imperial State Crown. This includes the 309-carat Star of Africa.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 OUR TIRES

Rod Cameron & Ben Britton

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections

60 Minot Ave • Auburn

782-6666 or 783-2026

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

Excerpts From Actual Letters Sent To Landlords: "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."

Never mind, stay inside.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Football Trivia How high above the field must the top facing of a crossbar be?

A. 9 Feet B. 10 Feet C. 11 Feet D. 12 Feet

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

If you love wine...

Answer: B. 10 Feet

Football Trivia What jersey number did quarterback Joe Montana wear throughout his Career with the 49ers?

A. 9 B. 12 C. 14 D. 16 Answer: D. Number 16

U.S. Invasion Alaska was the only part of the United States that was invaded by the Japanese during WWII. The territory was the island of Adak in the Aleutian Chain.

Football Trivia What is former NFL head coach Bill Parcells' real first name?

A. William B. David C. Roger D. Duane

y r e k a B

Over 500 labels in stock

r a l l e C e n i W &

72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine • 353-7552

Answer: D. Duane

www.benoitsbakery.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

32

...then you’ll love us.

JANUARY 2013

783-7039

The African eagle, swooping at better than 100 miles per hour, can brake to a halt in 20 feet.

20% of China's plants are used in medicine.

Auto Pro Auto Sales Relocates

4,900 Entries!

Shares = 957 Social Reach = 243,894 Social Impressions = 1,358,000 This was a Facebook contest we ran in December with the Fontaine Team – The Real Estate Leader where people entered for a chance to win a FREE Kindle Fire!

Above are just some of the results this contest produced.

Our Social Media Marketing Package is making quite the impression!!

Call us now to be our next STAR business!

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST Standing out from the crowd since 1996!

Call 783-7039 to learn more about our Social Media Marketing Package!

UncleAndys.com Facebook.com/UncleAndysDigest

If someone can be described as "pachydermatous," they are insensitive to criticism and insult, or are insensitive to others.

Chris Dumont, Owner Auto Pro Auto Sales has recently relocated 200 feet down the road from their flagship location, to 797 Sabattus Street in Lewiston, across from Rooper's and at the Intersection of Sabattus St. and Randall Road.

The former location was recently purchased by Cumberland Farms from Chris Dumont & his business partner & father, Walter Dumont who has since retired. The move marks the first major change for the auto dealership which has been serving the local community since 2002 out of its original location.

"Business will go on as usual for us here. We'll continue to provide high quality pre-owned vehicles at affordable prices with the service our customers have come to expect from us over the years," Owner Chris Dumont stated. "I look forward to seeing all of our past customers and invite them, and the general public, to stop by and check out our new spot." Dumont added.

For more information contact the dealership directly at 784-0747, stop by the new dealership at 797 Sabattus Street, Lewiston or visit their website: AutoProSalesME.com.

See their ad on page 27.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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More Excerpts from The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human TOILET TRAINING: A human's natural tendency is to not change your litter box. Although experts in human behavior believe it can be attributed to the "laziness reflex," this can be easily corrected through what is called "shoe therapy." Just remember that a human shoe looks a lot like a human toilet, and you should be fine.

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

L/A HAS SPOKEN Best Casual Restaurant - 12 years in a row Best Sports Pub - 6 years in a row Best Waitstaff - 2 years in a row

Catch all the games in HD

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight

Football Tryouts A football coach was asked how he picked a team from a bunch of raw recruits.

"I hate to give away my secrets," he replied, "but I'll tell you. I take them out into the woods. Then, at a given signal, I start them running.

Those that run around the trees are chosen as guards. Those that run into the trees are chosen as tackles."

VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com Addiction to French-pressed coffee: may cause you to hit bodum.

Wall of Fame Inductee!

GOING TO THE CASINO?

Another item crossed off my bucket list!

You’ll have better luck on a full stomach... guaranteed!

Cody Michaud of Mechanic Falls

There is no single cat called the panther. The name is commonly applied to the leopard, but it is also used to refer to the puma and the jaguar. A black panther is really a black leopard.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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STOP HERE FIRST!

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

We’re all in!

Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 Investment Funnies... BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

Investment Funnies... MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

LIVE ENTERTAINMENT EVERY WEDNESDAY - SATURDAY Join our Text Club Text Irishtwins to 41411

Happy Hour Every Day 4pm-7pm

Irish Twins Pub Hours: Tues.-Thurs. 3pm-close • Fri. Noon-close • Sat. 4pm-close

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s) My life is just a bunch of “it seemed like a good idea at the time” all strung together.

I adopted a rescue dog. He rescues food from the table, socks from the laundry, trash from the bin and shoes from the closet...

Out ’n About at the SPRQ-tacular Christmas event

Home For Christmas Submitted by Jimbo

A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies.

By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry and was not happy about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"

"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time.

More Excerpts from The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human Cats are beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent creatures. And with a little love and caring, they can keep a human being alive for upwards of seventy to eighty years. If you follow these simple instructions, you can have your human housetrained in no time.

Investment Funnies... COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

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My bed is a magical place where I can suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Out ’n About at Central Maine Archery There’s so many bows on this rack it feels like Christmas!

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

MONDAY The Fergy

TUESDAY Meatball Subs

WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners 1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

THURSDAY Mini Pizza

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians with 1.5 Liter Drink

This bow rack is easy access, no matter how tall you are.

Zeus, I can use your help hanging these targets...

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99 If there's a law against showing boobs on TV, then what's with all these campaign ads?

I’ve been slapped around a lot this year!

Why do you think that is?

Zeus greets Gabby Cyr Although beavers live near rivers, streams, and lakes — they do not eat fish. Beavers eat only plants. They eat poplar trees, carrots, cattail, mushrooms, potatoes, berries, water plants, swamp wood, and fruit.

Soft bark is the main food for a beaver.

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It’s your own fault, Neil!

Your tagline says if our seafood were any fresher they’d have to slap you...

I’m standing in line for that!

Jessica Woodward, Neil LaRochelle & Dee Caron at Always Fresh LaRochelle’s Seafood in Auburn (see their ad on page 11).

JEOPARDY announcer, Johnny Gilbert, is 88 years old. He and Alex Trebek have been with the show since it began in 1984.

Earlybird Special

$

5 OFF

any two entrees Monday-Friday 窶｢ 2-4pm UAD

笨・xpires 1.31.13

Wine Tasting Dinner January 22nd Featuring Cameron Hughes Wines Happy Hour 6-6:30 Dinner at 6:30 Reservations Required

mondays

Beer Special $ 50 2 Pints 20% OFF All Burgers

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885

www.macsgrill.com

Mind Games For Dogs

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

From the dog manual on how to mess with the minds of your humans.

1. After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your human's bedtime.

Includes soup, 1/2 sandwich, choice of potato salad, coleslaw or chips, & pickle Locally Owned & Operated

600 Turner Street • Auburn

heidisauburn.com 2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad.

Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)

HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm Sun 10am-8pm

784-3434

More Insurance Claims: "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."

High School Fans One day we’ll look back and wonder where these days went...

3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. When the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

4. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always (continued on next page)

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Caught Out ’n About at a Poland high school hockey game (front): Tony Benedict, Paxton Arsenault & Patrick Jipson.

(Back): Mikala Hayes, Brandon Drottar, Adriana Stone,

Courtney Marston & Jake Simard Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

(continued from previous page)

My favorite time of self-reflection is when the mirrors are fogged after a shower.

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am (All breakfast specials include coffee)

$

5 Washington Street, Auburn • 783-4304 Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome

1 OFF 00

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Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

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pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and make sure everyone watches.

This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

5. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

Expires 1.31.12

Actual test answers

6. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans.

Make them go and chase it once in a while.

New Year’s Resolution: Try Something New!

7. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door.

Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you.

(Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).

Why Teachers have to have a sense of humor

$

5OFF

Any order of $ 20 or more Limit 1 • Expires 1.31.13

Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi 730 Center Street, Auburn

Would you respect a Jedi master blinded by a stick?

Auburn Plaza, NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA

376-4855

8. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.

www.jasminecafemaine.com

Never Block a Swiss Yodeling Line: You’ll delay he who is next.

Not a single eye Yoda!

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The driver behind you wants to go five miles per hour faster.

– Freeway Axiom

Out ’n About at the Rainbow Bicycles Local Grind Cafe Grand Opening Congratulations to John Grenier, Rainbow Bicycles & Local Grind.... welcome to Downtown Lewiston!

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET 2 Main Street, Sabattus, ME 04280 • 207-375-8502 MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

Ham Italians

Chicken Salad

Small $1.59 Large $2.59

Small 1-Topping 10” Pizza $3.99

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

1 Pint Chili $3.99 BLT Sm. $1.99 Lg. $3.49

Small $1.99 Large $3.49

SUNDAY $2.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

Tuna Italian

LIVE BAIT NOW AVAILABLE! Open 7 Days a Week • 6am-8pm

Small $1.99 Large $3.49

SATURDAY Baked Beans Pint $2.59 • Quart $3.59 Qrt w/Cole Slaw $4.59 Qrt w/CS & hot dogs (6) $7.59

Breakfast Sandwich $1.99 Hash Browns 2/$1.00 • Coffee All Sizes $.99

We accept cash, checks, major credit/debit cards & EBT

Out ’n About at the Rainbow Bicycles - Local Grind Cafe Grand Opening

Kevin Morisette & Gabby Russell An insect exerts so much energy in one hour of flying that it may lose as much as a third of its total body weight.

Ribbon Cutting: Lincoln Jeffers, City of Lewiston; Joshua Shea, Auburn City Councilor; Robert McDonald, Mayor of Lewiston; Craig Saddlemire, Lewiston City Councilor; John Grenier, Owner of Rainbow Bicycles & Local Grind & Chip Morrison, Androscoggin County Chamber of Commerce.

2-Fer Specials Available Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday

www.villageinnmaine.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Excerpts From Actual Letters Sent To Landlords: "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."

A snail speeding along at three inches per minute would need 15 days to travel one mile.

PSW

Out ’n About at the Rainbow Bicycles Local Grind Cafe Grand Opening

Trial Lawyers

PARADIE SHERMAN & WORDEN

MEET OUR ATTORNEYS 33 Years of Combined Experience Jeff Gosselin Mechanics Savings Bank

Verne E. Paradie Jr.

Adam Sherman Esq.

Nick Worden Esq.

Areas of Practice Personal Injury Criminal Defense Vaccination Injury Employment Discrimination

Sexual Harassment Family Matters Probate Matters Real Estate

We are proud to have played a role in this project and in the continuing growth of Rainbow Bicycles and Local Grind Cafe.

photo by: Arlo West

Scan Here

Dick Roy Mechanics Savings Bank

Did You Know?

to check out our website

Trial Lawyers

PSW PARADIE SHERMAN & WORDEN www.PSWLegal.com • Info@PSWLegal.com 11 Lisbon St. Suite 202 • Lewiston •

344-9362

Left to themselves, things seem to go from bad to worse.

Irving Berlin could play in only one key, the key of F-sharp. As one of America's great songwriters, he taught himself to play the piano by practicing on a piano in a saloon where he worked as a singing waiter.

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Persistent Dentist

Never stand between a dog and a hydrant.

Submitted by Jimbo

A shy little 4-year-old came in to the dentist for his first cleaning and check-up. The hygienist tried to strike up a conversation but no response.

After the cleaning, the dentist was called in to do the final check. The dentist tried to strike up a conversation as well.

"How old are you?"

No response.

The dentist then asked, "Don't you know how old you are?"

Immediately four tiny fingers went up.

Kids’ Winter Gear is Here • Jackets • Snow Suits • Snow Pants

• Mittens, Gloves & Hats • Sweaters & Long Sleeve Shirts • Boots

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"Oh," replied the dentist, "and do you know how old that is?"

Four little fingers went up once again.

Continuing the effort to get a response, the dentist asked, "Can you talk?"

The solemn little patient looked at him and asked, "Can you count?"

George Washington left no direct descendant. Though his wife Martha had four children by a previous marriage, Washington never sired a child to continue his family line.

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pipsqueakschildrensboutique.com 120 Center Street, Auburn • 212-0770

96 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • 375-7100

Mon-Sat 9-7 • Sun 11-5

Mon-Fri 10:30 - 5:30 • Sat 10-5

Offering Lessons in Electric, Acoustic & Bass Guitar

1st Lesson FREE* Ask about the innovative Fretlight Guitar!

“A Breakthrough in Learning to Play”

*Inquire FMI

120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn Hours: Mon.-Wed. 10am-6pm Thurs.-Sat. 10am-7pm • Sun. by appointment

mymusicianshub.com • 333-6700 Find us on Facebook facebook.com/mymusicanshub To improve your memory, lend people money.

Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.

Out ’n About at the Rainbow Bicycles - Local Grind Cafe Grand Opening We're very proud of our son and all of his accomplishments.

The bike shop and cafe look great!

Out ’n About at the Rainbow Bicycles Local Grind Cafe Grand Opening It's exciting to see Rainbow Bicycles great new showroom and I love the downtown location.

John & Monique Grenier Parents of Rainbow Bicycle owner, John Grenier Jr

Jared Buckingham & Jackson Marshall of Rainbow Bicycles with

D&N Sales and Service 1225 Center Street • Auburn, ME 04210 207-333-3636 • www.dandnsales.com

Full Service Center Servicing Small Engines for over 12 years.

We Service Propane, Electric & Gasoline Motors.

Bring us your Snowblowers, Lawn Mowers & Generators today.

If I look confused, it is because I am thinking.

– Uncle Andy

Mark McCormack,

Deli Taxes Submitted by Jimbo

The owner of a small New York sandwich deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

an Independent Sales Rep for companies like Ridley Bicycles & Laser Helmets.

Hey, all you fellow cyclists, come on down here and check out this new space... it's great!

"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"

"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said.

"It's these travel deductions.

You listed six trips to Florida for you and your wife."

KERRIE ROBBINS Varney Agency

207-786-0417 232 Center St., Auburn www.varneyagency.com

"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "It is a legitimate business expense because we also deliver."

A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes.

Jeremy & Crystal Marchessault of Austin Associates Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 18th Y O U R

Best Chinese Restaurant:

Chopsticks

18

37 Park St., Lewiston • 783-6300

#1 Jeweler in the area: 600 Center St., Auburn • 784-6766

V O T E S A R E I N

8

875 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 782-7526

Best Pool & Spa Company:

17

1975 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 783-0858

#1 in Dining Excellence:

7

Best Sports Pub:

16

775 Washington St., Auburn • 784-2110

Best Thai Restaurant:

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

6

Best Auto Body Shop in the area:

Best Insurance Agency:

1524 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-6121

416 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-2246

Champoux Insurance

15

Best Hair Salon:

Best Dance Studio:

13

Mary Jane’s School of Dance 461 Rte. 202, Greene • 946-7302

Best Casual Restaurant: 12

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

Best Pizza: 11 95 Lincoln St., Lewiston • 786-2020

House of Pizza

ORBIT HAIR 5 STYLING

Best Community Bank/Credit Union:

4

391 Main St., Lewiston • 784-5435

Best Convenience Store:

Lewiston

Best Landscape Company:

124 Ash St., Lewiston • 782-9046

6

4

Center St., Auburn • 622-1609

Best Chiropractor:

10

Dr. Gerald Nadeau

78 Lisbon Rd., Lisbon • 353-4848

4

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1104

Best Seafood Restaurant

Best Facial/Skin Care Salon:

165 High Street Auburn 782-7796

Healthy Beauty 643 Main St., 3 Wellness Spa Lewiston • 333-3235

10

Best Buffet 120 Center St., Auburn 782-7888

Tin Tin Buffet

8

Best Heating Oil Service: 3 3 Conant Rd., Turner 225-3588

Market Surveys of America, an independent survey company, is proud t Best Businesses for 2012 Survey. The above winners are the result of public b

Annual Best Businesses for 2012 Best Eye Care Professionals:

3

Optometric Associates

Best Automotive Service:

Dr. Pauline Beale, Dr. Douglas Henry, Dr. Stephen Ebersole

101 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 407-2955

168 East Ave., Lewiston (784-3564)

Best Day Spa:

1

Best Contract Security Company:

2

71 East Ave., Lewiston 783-3321

www.cassiels.com

86 Main St., Auburn • 800-292-4965

Best Wait Staff

Best Plumber:

2

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

Best Hair Colorist: Chris Dufour

ORBIT 2 HAIR STYLING

124 Ash St., Lewiston • 782-9046

Best Takeout:

Best Massage Therapy: 1

ANOTHER NEW DAY

650 Main St., Lewiston • 212-3305

Best Computer Store: 1485 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 783-7232

Best Bar & Lounge: 1 490 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 330-3775

@ The Ramada Inn

Best New Restaurant:

House of Pizza

95 Lincoln St., Lewiston • 786-2020

1

8 Tidswell Rd., Turner • 225-3737

Lewiston

2

1

40 East Ave. #2 Lewiston • 795-6888

1

Japanese Cuisine

Best Place To Buy Carpet/Flooring: 677 Main St., Marketplace Mall Lewiston, 782-0831

1

A R E

75 Park St., Lewiston • 795-5000

1

490 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 330-3775

Best Picture Framers:

Best Boutique: 866 Main St., Lewiston • 754-3057

1

@ The Ramada Inn

1

191 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 333-3342

Best Acupuncturist: 12 Highland Spring Rd., Lewiston • 783-2016

1

Best Martini Bar: 1

Best Attorney: Jason Dionne

1

Diane Ford

Paid for by Market Surveys of America

#

V O T E S

1

Best Sign Company: 14 Millett Dr., Auburn 333-6333

Y O U R

Indicates number of years as winner.

I N

Vote online at: BESTOFSURVEYS.COM

to announce the winners of the 18th annual Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s ballots and internet voting for the Lewiston/Auburn small business community.

You’re only as old as you feel...

If there is a wrong thing to say, one will say it.

Helping our patients achieve extraordinary dental health.

Now accepting new patients.

Wide-Ranging Services

A Helping Hand

Our dental services include crowns, bridges, dentures, dental extractions, tooth whitening, cosmetic dentistry, root canal, fluoride treatment, and all other major areas of dentistry.

Submitted by Jimbo

The escalator was broken, and the only way out of the airport was up a flight of stairs. I had a big suitcase and a sore knee.

I began dragging my bag and was making a loud thud on every step when a man behind me grabbed it and carried it to the top.

"That was so chivalrous," I gushed, thanking him.

Taylor Brook Dental Our dentists serve patients in Auburn, Lewiston, Poland, Minot, and surrounding towns. We are here to provide quality, comprehensive dental treatment in a friendly, caring atmosphere. Our goal is to help the patient achieve optimal dental heath throughout their lifetime.

We accept most Insurances

TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES

784-1577

27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN

"Chivalry had nothing to do with it," he said. "I've got a splitting headache."

TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Male moose have antlers 7 feet across. The antlers often weigh 60 pounds.

& Jimbo

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Get Outside and Enjoy Nature

Native Hawaiians call a newcomer to Hawaii a "malihini".

TONS OF 2013 SNOW GEAR PRODUCTS

For men, women & kids package pricing available

BOARDS • BOOTS • ACCESSORIES SUPER TUNEUPS

$29.99 HOT WAX

Happy New Year!

$9.99 ...and more!

1 Garfield Road, Auburn • 344-6622 • ridebackwoods.com When thirsty, a camel can swig down 25 gallons of water in less than three minutes.

It’s time to take your business mobile. $

Get 50 OFF our small business package when you mention this ad.

(Regularly $199)

We specialize in:

• Mobile websites • SMS marketing • QR codes • Mobile coupons ... and much more!

mainemobilemedia.com • 207-809-2484 "I'm such a optimist I'd go after Moby Dick in a rowboat and take the tartar sauce with me." – Zig Ziglar

Never mind, stay inside.

Did You Know?

M. R. Bissell had a china shop in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and was allergic to the dusty straw scattered on the floor after unpacking china from crates. So, he invented the first carpet sweeper in 1876 to clean up the mess and protect his sinuses.

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Sensei Pelletier’s IT F E N E B Y A D N U F Y FAMIL When: Friday, January 11th, 4-7pm

$

5

Cash Do Per F nation amil y

Where: Lewiston Armory; 65 Central Ave. Why:

Help raise funds for Sensei Rich Pelletier of Pelletier’s Karate, who is fighting stage 3 brain cancer.

Silent Auction Items DJ & Dancing Games Bouncy House Bake Sale Face Painting Karate Demo THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

Simones Hot Dogs

COMMUNITY CREDIT UNION

NEXT Level Business Coaching

Landry & Sons

Acoustics Center Street Dental

To make a cash donation send your check payable to Sensei Pelletier Benefit to: Community Credit Union, 144 Pine St, Lewiston ME 04240

For more information, contact Sadie Landry at Pelletier’s Karate: 786-3731

Auburn Plaza Family Dentistry

Definition of a minor operation: One that is performed on someone else.

TUXEDO RENTALS

at prices You can afford!

S&J Tuxedos & Limo Service 76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

333-3737

Dr. Bill Chen

LIMO RENTALS Just added to our Limo Fleet: A 14-passenger Lincoln Navigator!

Use this or one of our other three 10-passenger Limos for your night out on the town, or special event.

• Updos • Hair Services • Manicures • Pedicures • Hot Tub • Sauna • Massage • Tanning

• Body Waxing • Body Wraps • Facials • Eyelashes • Limos • Tuxedos • And More!

y!

edding part w r ou y r fo op sh A one-stop

Come check e us out, you’ll b glad you did!

Sarah Jeanne’s Family Hair Care

Tanning & Day Spa

77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 795-6778 • sarahjeannes.com Be nice to your friends. If it wasn’t for them you’d be a total stranger.

of Auburn Plaza Family Dentistry

Dr. Bill Chen recently purchased Auburn Plaza Family Dentistry. Taking over for the retiring Dr. Neil Ward.

Dr. Chen is available for all aspects of restorative dentistry, aesthetic dentistry, endodontics, periodontics, dental implants and oral surgery.

Chen received a Master’s Degree in Nutrition Education in 1997 from Georgia State University.

In 2003 he graduated from Temple University Dental School.

Dr. Chen was part of the Center Street Dental team in Auburn from 20032011. Additionally, he was the Clinical Instructor for York County Community College in Wells, Maine from 2008-2010.

With a desire to serve the community where he lives, Dr. Chen resides in Auburn. He enjoys jogging, hiking and martial arts and spending time with his wife, Lily and their two children.

Auburn Plaza Family Dentistry is located at 730 Center Street in Auburn.

See their ad on page 82.

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Uncle Andy’s First Law of Expert Advice: Don’t ask the barber if you need a haircut.

Do something you’ve always wanted to do...

LEARN TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENT THIS YEAR! • Memory enhancement • Increased concentration • Increased coordination

• Decrease depression & anxiety • Increased HGH production and more!

Main St. Music Lessons

Authorized

& Instrument Repair

Service Center

376-3376

134 Main Street, Auburn www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com

Why Teachers have to have a sense of humor Actual test answers

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Today everyone wants instant gratification, no matter how long it takes.

Excerpts From Actual Letters Sent To Landlords: "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."

Out in the Forefront

Deb Morin Vocals

Only rookie drummers need light to bang on their drums all day...

The length of a progress report is inversely proportional to the lack of progress.

Let 2013 be THAT Year!

CONQUER Health, FIND Wellness & INDULGE in Feeling Good!

Mike Clough Drums

Offering classes for the WHOLE family!

Come see us at our Primary Location!!

ZUMBA!! • KettleBells Tabata • Yoga/Pilates Burlesque • Kids

20 Main Street, Sabattus (2nd floor) 754-9411 • www.SPRQstudio.com

Our Instructors are certified, knowledgeable and will be the motivator to reach your goals!

Larry Wooten Keyboards

Better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. – Chinese Proverb

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Out in the Forefront I have already applied for a patent on my cup holder... so don’t even think about it!

You can never run out of things that can go wrong.

JANUARY SPECIAL FREE TRIAL WEEK! Mon. Jan. 21st thru Sat. Jan. 26th Mornings 8:30 - 9:30am • Afternoons 4:00 - 8:30pm Kid classes 4-6pm Adult Kickboxing Mon. & Wed. 7:30-8:30pm Adult classes 6-8:30pm Yoga: Tue. & Thur. 7:30-8:30pm

Dan Blouin Vocals & Bass

Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: pelledojo@aol.com • www.pelletierskarate.com

786-3731

Don’t force it, get a larger hammer.

Rich Keene Lead Guitar

It’s true, we gave Santa a trim just before his long, exhausting trip around the world.

Did You Know?

The day before January 1 is called Silvester in Germany. The holiday is named after pope Silvester I, who died 335 A.D. Typically, Germans will meet somewhere or gather together in their houses on Silvester, waiting until midnight to celebrate the new year.

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Amy, Linda & Stacey at Urban Edge Hair Studio in Auburn First-graders finish the proverb: As you shall make your bed so shall you...Mess it up.

First-graders finish the proverb: Strike while the...Bug is close

Out ’n About at the SPRQ-tacular event

: U O Y G N I T PROTEC Do.

Mateja Beaulieu

Is W hat We

232 Center St., Auburn

786-0417 VarneyAgency.com Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm

commercial

home

auto

recreational

umbrella

life

health

Did You get a firearm for Christmas?

Learn how to shoot safely and responsibly.

NRA Certified Instruction

CC Permit • Basic • Advanced Don Mailhot NRA - Law Enforcement 576-5131

Roland Levasseur NRA-SIG Academy - Frontsight 212-0608

No matter where you go, there you are!

tapping a tune on her new instrument

Did You Know?

Computer viruses are bits of software code that either overwrite or attach themselves to programs and replicate themselves. While some are merely annoying, taking up valuable disk space, others can wipe out an entire hard drive. If the Michelangelo virus is on your computer, it activates on March 6, the artist's birthday.

Viruses were first discovered in the late 1980s, and since that time, IBM's Thomas J. Watson Research Center has collected more than 10,000. It is estimated that six to nine new viruses are found daily. About 1,200 computer viruses are in circulation.

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Out ’n About at Rolly’s Diner

More Insurance Claims: "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

Waiting tables... with style!

Mary Bolduc waitress at Rolly’s Diner in Auburn

Did You Know?

The Natural Bridge Caverns, outside of San Antonio, Texas, is the largest of its kind in the state. The cavern maintains a temperature of 70° F yearround, and the humidity is 99 percent.

All the drinking water for the visitors' center comes from the cavern. The well was drilled into the far end of the North Cavern, about 1.5 miles from where the tour stops.

According to ancient Chinese legend, the appearance of the Hyades group of stars in the sky means rain.

Interestingly, Roman and Greek legends say the same thing.

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More Insurance Claims: Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Traveled by bus?

More Insurance Claims: "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

Cotton Candy Parties!

Customized containers for any occasion

Call for details

www.YummoCarts.com

By Natasha Piirainen

It is January, which means it is time for New Years resolutions. As a college student struggling to balance my financial situation, my personal life, and my schoolwork, I created myself an important list of need-to-follow goals for the New Year.

241-3169

1) Make a list of New Year Resolutions. Great! I already completed this one. 2013 is off to a productive start.

Yummo Carts

2) Actually DO what is on the New Year Resolution list.

Well, maybe I don’t need to complete everything on the list, just the ones that I don’t have to think about too much.

10% OFF Your First Snow Plowing Call Before it Snows!

COMMERCIAL SNOW PLOWING • SANDING & SALTING SNOW REMOVAL

FREE QUOTES

New Year Resolutions

Morin avating exc

Inc.

Andy Morin 207.784.8293 cell: 207.576.4714 amorinexc@roadrunner.com

3) Exercise more. This one is on every Resolution list, right? I don’t actually need to do it; I just need to put it on the list.

4) Work on my time management skills. Alright, this one might be important. What Jimbo doesn’t tell you is that I pass in my column on the last possible day almost every month… Sorry Jimbo! I’ll work on that for 2013, I promise.

5) Save up some money.

Right after I buy a nice new coffee maker, some sweaters, a few books I haven’t read yet, that cool mug I saw the other day, and some L. L. Bean slippers, then I will start saving up. Maybe.

So here is my list, good luck completing yours. Here’s to hoping 2013 is the best year yet!

Building Packages starting at

$149,900 • Custom Homes & Remodeling • Energy Efficient Homes & Projects • Energy Audits

If a black cat crosses your path, it just means that the cat is going somewhere.

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Out ’n About in a Doggie’s World

More Insurance Claims: "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

SECURITY SERVICES • Armed & Unarmed Uniformed Security • Executive Protection & Personal Bodyguards • Periodic Business & Home Checks

I called shotgun first!!

• Undercover & Insurance Investigations • Drug Screening • Missing Persons Cases & Much More!

Ask about our

PATROL PROGRAM Bella & Marley

NationalProtective.net 86 Main St. Suite 205 • Auburn

1-800-292-4965

It is the still, small voice that the soul heeds, not the deafening blasts of doom.

– William Dean Howells

I don’t care who called what, get in the back seat or you’re staying home!

We might be new to the Digest, but we can run ceramic circles around Uncle Andy!

Copper & Sophie Did You Know?

Anthropologists believe stones were one of man's first calculating devices, aiding in addition and subtraction throughout primitive times. In fact, the word "calculus" is derived from the Latin for "stone."

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Crew at Suzy’s Ceramics & More Bottom row: Susie Cotnoir & Sandra Greaton.

Top row: Pauline Clark & Julie St. Armand I can never make it to the end of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.

Laziness is nothing more than resting before you get tired.

Out ’n About at Donovan’s Auto Sales

GRAND OPENING SALE! 97 Lisbon St. • Lewiston • 784-5756 • RainbowBikes.com

ALL BIKES In Stock

10-30% OFF PARTS & ACCESSORIES

RAINBOW BICYCLES 10-50% OFF

• Wicked Joe’s Locally Roasted Coffees • Bagels ~ Pastries • Ask About “Pour Over” Great place to hang out WiFi • Couch Conference Table

We offer preschool & toddler programs, separate rooms for each age group, and a large outdoor play area!

Apollo & Sue Donovan workout partners at Donovan’s Auto Sales in Greene

Now Enrolling!

yrs.

Ages 6 wks. - 12

Mom, I see a customer outside.

The following caption was found written on a gravestone...

"As I am now, you soon shall be,

Early Learning Center

301 Sawyer Rd. • Greene

946-KIDS Ask about our multi-child discount and family vacation benefit

So be content to follow me."

Then someone taped the following note on that gravestone...

"To follow you I'm not content, Until I know which way you went!"

There are good guns & there are bad guns. We only sell good guns!

Roger Caldwell

481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806 Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world: everyone you meet is your mirror. – Ken Keyes Jr.

Did You Know?

Ancient Egyptians regarded the heart as the center of intelligence and emotion. They believed the brain to have no significance whatsoever, and in the important process of mummification, the brain was removed through the nose and discarded.

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Don’t believe in horses? You're a neightheist!

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

Do not neglect your Septic System

Service Rental Sales

For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT

G.A. DOWNING CO., INC.

Ingenious Winter in Maine It's winter in Maine And the gentle breezes blow, 70 miles per hour at 52 below!

Oh, how I love Maine When the snow's up to your butt; You take a breath of winter air And your nose is frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful, You may think I'm a fool.

I could never leave Maine, Cause I'm frozen to the stool.

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783-7039

111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.

COMMERCIAL SNOWPLOWING • Free Loader Work • Free On-site Snow Stacking We also offer parking lot sanding and straight rock salt, which helps eliminate spring sand cleanup.

Call us now for more details!

Gerry

Greg

576-3914

576-2778

Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today. – James Dean

The supermarket has stopped selling tropical fruit: It's enough to make a mango crazy.

Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting. – Christopher Morley

More Excerpts from The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human COMMUNICATION: Humans are unable to speak a proper language. Therefore, you should communicate a point loudly, repeatedly, and if at all possible, at about three in the morning. Any attempts at human-to-cat communication can be dealt with by simply ignoring it until it stops.

Did You Know?

The oldest registered food trademark still in use in the United States is the red devil on cans of Underwood's deviled ham. It dates back to 1886.

More Excerpts from The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human FEEDING: Morning feeding should start promptly when your human is fast asleep, preferably three or four minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off. Recommended methods of waking your human include: sitting on its face, screaming in its ear, and biting its hair.

There is a big difference between what we have the right to do and what is right to do.

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More Insurance Claims: "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"

We would like to wish all our clients a Happy New Year!

Thank You for a successful 2012. We look forward to serving you in 2013.

Ann Dumais

Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond

A full service salon 14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

Litotes

Lysa Ronan

Welcome to the team Valerie Kelshaw Angela Brissette

$

20 OFF All Chemical Services (For new clients only) Includes: Foils, Perms & Glycolic Peels

Get Your Hair Done Before Work!

We’re open at 6:00am 4 days a week!!

786-4311

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

If at first you don't succeed, appoint a committee and let them worry about it.

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day, "In English, A double negative quite often forms a positive. Example - not incompetent. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

However, there is no language in the world wherin a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah Right."

Submitted by Richard Collins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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"Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither."

– C.S. Lewis

"Any child who is anxious to mow the lawn is too young to do it." – Bob Phillips

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $ 1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20% OFF all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks

Out ’n About at Dr. Kevin Connelly’s Dental Office

Ya, mtoehs to oasl disnt.*

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!

INVENTORY REDUCTION SALE!

Rachel Doiron *Yes, I love going to the dentist.

Dr. Connelly and the whole staff wish you all a very happy New Year!

20% - 75% OFF

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Becky Tanguay

Featuring

More Excerpts from The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human

131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

8 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

I like nonsense; it wakes up the brain cells. – Dr. Seuss

s Alway g n i Buy

MATING: Human mating behavior is fascinating. Unfortunately, humans tend to get easily spooked by prolonged study of courtship rituals, and resort to shoe-throwing behavior.

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Sensei Pelletier T I F E N E B E C N DA When: Friday, February 8th Where: Ramada Inn Ballroom 490 Pleasant St., Lewiston

Why:

Help raise funds for Sensei Rich Pelletier of Pelletier’s Karate, who is fighting stage 3 brain cancer.

6-7pm: Social Hour 7-8pm: Darin Hall & the Motorboats 8:15-9pm: Comedian from the Gold Room in Westbrook 9:30-Midnight: L/A Harley Band

There will be a silent auction going on throughout the evening.

Tickets $15 before the event, $18 at the door.

Tickets available at Community Credit Union, Simone’s Hot Dogs, and Pelletier’s Karate

THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

Simones Hot Dogs

COMMUNITY CREDIT UNION

NEXT Level Business Coaching

Landry & Sons

Acoustics Center Street Dental

To make a cash donation send your check payable to Sensei Pelletier Benefit to: Community Credit Union, 144 Pine St, Lewiston ME 04240

For more information, contact Sadie Landry at Pelletier’s Karate: 786-3731

Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t get worse.

Fun! Fun! Fun! Classes for Adults & Kids

Now Enrolling!

Mention this ad to have your $35 enrollment fee waived

375-4500

• Clean, friendly • Centrally located, environment minutes from L/A area • Full curriculum for all ages

2 hours - $5 per class

paint & brushes provided

Learn the art of creating and painting Call for classes beautiful ceramic pieces. & details Great for birthday parties!

Suzy’s Ceramics, Crafts, & Etc. 754 Washington St. • Auburn

820 Sawyer Rd., Greene

783-6431

suzysceramicscraftsetc.weebly.com

Snorkel Packages Starting at $49.95

Snorkel, mask, fins, bag & DVD Scuba classes running all

Beth A. Dow Cleaning Services

207-740-8561

Barclay s winter. Call for details Skindivers Paradise 784-7300 685 Washington St. Auburn

Milk snakes lay about 13 eggs — in piles of animal manure.

...Our Design

WOW!

Trust me, I’m an Engineer

10’x12’ Oak Kitchen with countertop $1,99999 10’x12’ Birch Kitchen with countertop $2,09999

Bruce

Holly

Prince

Stacy

1822 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston

1766 Federal Rd. (Rt. 4) Livermore

784-3100

897-3400

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com A lower voter turnout is an indication that fewer people are going to the polls.

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"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise, fulfill it.

Life is sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is a tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is life, fight for it."

– Mother Teresa

Did You Know?

Any onion that does not form a large bulb is called either a scallion or shallot. These onions are also called green onion, and in larger, variety, leek.

Rubies and sapphires are made of corundum — the hardest known rock after the diamond.

Kelly

Michael

Tina

Terry

Nuria

Taylor

Linda

Cory

Kathy

Kellyann

We look forward to seeing you in 2013!

786-0112 392 Center Street

Find us on Facebook

In the old school primer "Now We Read," the name of the cat featured with Dick, Jane, Sally, and their dog Spot, was Puff.

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it. – Sydney J. Harris

Cats can’t see their reflection in a mirror. Pigs can.

Out ’n About at Central Maine Archery

We never turn our back to an archery competition!

Archers score their targets... unless there's a line call, then judges come down, too.

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Excerpts From Actual Letters Sent To Landlords: "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."

Sam Since Jan. 27 2010

Since July 27 2009

Jack

Since Nov. 11 2010

Dog Grooming Daycare & Boutique

Wally 65 Washington St., Auburn, ME 04210

(207) 333-3640

Winter is here! We have 6,000 sq. ft. of indoor heated comfortable play area. We are the only facility in the state that offers everything for your pup, from daycare to grooming, transportation, dog food and supplies all under one roof!

No payment contracts! If your dog doesn't come to play, you don't pay!!

FULL DAYS OF PLAY AS LOW AS $16

Est. 2008

PER DAY!

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT

thedoggzinn@gmail.com• www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn

http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products • Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

Since May 14 2009 Since Nov. 16 2009

Since Dec. 1 8 2010

Maggie

Nomar

Ivy

OUT ’N ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE

Goodbye 2012 and Hello 2013 and Hello Uncle Andy’s Digesters! I must confess my jubilation in yet another false world implosion based upon the termination of the Mayan calendar. I have a feeling that all the non-perishable food conglomerates are behind the rumors of the world coming to an end due to the fact that a can of Spaghettios will still be edible into the next millennium.

Now enough about what didn’t happen and let’s get back to what did. I have a sneaking suspicion that over the holiday season some of you have joined the “I can’t see my feet club” from all the holiday splurging & feasting. Speaking for myself, I’m not only a member of that club, but I am also the president. That being said, there is no time like the present to set that New Year’s resolution and get over to SPRQ Studio for some Zumba. It’s a great way to get that bowl full of jelly to jiggle its way far, far away. Furthermore it’s probably the second most fun you can have sweating that much.

Now don’t forget about alleviating stress from your life, either. If you have complicated tax returns due to multiple businesses or commercial properties, or if you’re having trouble calculating how much money you lost when you bought shares of Facebook at 9:30am on the day its IPO sold, it when it was at its lowest, then give Austin Associates a call and entrust them to attend to all your tax affairs & accounting. They have been in the business for years, providing locals with complete accounting services. They are members of our community, supporting local establishments and youth programs. So don’t waste your time with any big national tax specialist. You have an outstanding local firm right down the road who can help you more efficiently because they are your neighbors, friends and peers, and really know what your needs are.

Now to end this month I wanted to mention my picture. I am striking a pose with one of the owners of Gilbert’s 17th Street Grill right here in Ft. Lauderdale. They are a local, family owned and run restaurant that take the time with each customer regardless of how busy it may be because they still realize how important each customer really is.

Now if that isn’t a Maine trait I don’t know what is. Next time you are in Ft. Lauderdale they are a must! Great burgers and wings! Drop me a line and I’ll join ya! I’ll even pick up the tab for all the tap ice waters! Until next month Digesters you can find me on twitter @UADMiamiMike and email any time uncleandysdigestmiamimike@aol.com

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The lima bean was named for Lima, Peru, where the conquistadores found it around 1500.

January 31, 2013

First-graders finish the proverb: It’s always darkest before...Daylight savings time.

Trust me, I’m an Engineer

In the 1900 Sears Roebuck company catalog, a piano cost $98.00 - FOB Chicago.

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! DAILY SPECIALS Monday - Turkey Dinner . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99 w/ potatoes, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls

Tues. Wed. & Thurs.

Fried Clams . .sm. $11.99 . . . . .lg. $15.79 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . . . .$6.99 w/potato & rolls

Thursday - New England Boiled Dinner . . .$9.99 Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm w/corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls

Friday & Saturday

Friday, Saturday & Sunday

After 4:00 PM

Fried Haddock* $11.99

Prime Rib Au Jus* Small $13.99 • Large $16.79

Grilled Salmon* $11.49

*with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Our New Bar is now

OPEN! 64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote!

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“The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

More Insurance Claims: "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

More Insurance Claims: "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

Trust me, I’m an Engineer

Did You Know? indham •

orth W . 115 in N

0

892-822

n Rt ocated o

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"Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate" in seven different languages."

– Bob Hope

Cindy

Lynn

Heather

Michelle

We welcome you in 2013

Primitive blue-green algae grow in hot springs near Yellowstone's steaming geysers, defying scientific expectations by enduring and thriving in water temperatures as high as 160 degrees F.

Elizabeth Emily & Christine, Co-owners

studio for hair, nails & massage

Micaela

20 Coburn Street, Auburn (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday Find us on Facebook

Kathy

Proudly celebrating 4 years in business

782-9009

www.panacheauburn.com

First-graders finish the proverb: Never underestimate the power of...Termites.

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Turner Boys

Florence Harding, wife of Warren G. Harding, was the first divorcee to live in the White House as First Lady of the United States.

Love the Digest Travis, don’t you dare put words in my mouth.

4,900 Entries!

Shares = 957 Social Reach = 243,894 Social Impressions = 1,358,000

Scott Honaker & Harris Bradeen

This was a Facebook contest we ran in December with the Fontaine Team – The Real Estate Leader where people entered for a chance to win a FREE Kindle Fire!

Above are just some of the results this contest produced.

Football Trivia Name the player who led the NFL in rushing in 1983, '84, '86, and '88.

A. Eric Dickerson B. Walter Payton C. Earl Campbell D. Thurman Thomas Answer: A. Eric Dickerson

Did You Know?

4-H clubs were begun

by Iowa schoolteacher Jessie Field Shambaugh at the Goldenrod School. The four H's are head, heart, hands, and health. The goal of 4-H is to develop citizenship, leadership, responsibility and life skills of youth through experiential learning programs and a positive youth development approach.

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Our Social Media Marketing Package is making quite the impression!!

Call us now to be our next STAR business!

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST Standing out from the crowd since 1996!

Call 783-7039 to learn more about our Social Media Marketing Package!

UncleAndys.com Facebook.com/UncleAndysDigest

The swine flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.

First-graders finish the proverb: You can lead a horse to water but...How?

BACKGROUND CHECKS Pre-Employment Local, State, National and Federal Criminal History

includes: • SSN Verification/Address Verification • InstaNational Criminal History • Federal Criminal History • Maine SBI Criminal History • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list

$45.00

Tenant Screening

$49.99

State and National Criminal History

includes: • SSN verification/Address verification • InstaNational criminal History • Maine SBI criminal history • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list • Trans Union Credit Report w/ credit score • National Eviction Check (Civil courts, all states)

A La Carte Pricing National Criminal History including Sex Offender all states ................................$18.99 SSN Address Verification.................................................2.75 Employment Credit report ...............................................9.00 Tenant Credit Report w/ score ........................................9.00 State of Maine SBI check...............................................24.00 State of ME drivers license history .................................9.00

Personal and professional reference checks ..............$10.00 Education verification....................................................15.00 Prior Employment verification......................................10.00 Professional License verifications.................................10.00 Single state Eviction check...............................7.00 per state National Eviction Check ................................................11.00

Other verification and Private Investigator services are available.

All searches are conducted and filtered by a licensed private investigator to meet FCRA regulations to reduce your liability.

Pre-adverse and adverse action letters and consumer copies provided at no extra charge to help you stay compliant with current FCRA regulations.

Volume pricing is available. Volume customers can be set up to run reports right from their own office for their convenience.

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com More Insurance Claims: "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

Did You Know?

Antarctica is 98 percent ice, 2 percent barren rock. The average thickness of the ice sheet is 7,200 feet; this amounts to 90 percent of all the ice and 70 percent of all the fresh water in the world. If the ice cap were to melt, the sea level would rise by an average of 230 feet.

More Excerpts from The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human CLEANLINESS: For some reasons, humans seem to enjoy immersing themselves in running water. Attempts to get humans to lick themselves clean have proven interesting, if unproductive.

Did You Know?

Tourists need to be aware that, when traveling in Germany, a screwing gesture at one's head is a strong symbol, meaning "You're crazy." Often used by drivers on the autobahn to comment on the driving skills of other travelers, this gesture can get you arrested. The same gesture is used in Argentina.

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Tchaikovsky is probably my favorite composer that’s also a sneeze.

Assisted Home Care II “Our Family Assisting Your Family.”

Assisting Families since 1997

Did You Know?

The oldest known map is carved on a clay tablet that dates to about 2300 B.C., which now resides in the Fogg Art Museum in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Excavated at Nuzi in northern Iraq during the early 1920s, the clay map portrays the river Euphrates flowing through northern Mesopotamia.

Did You Know?

Sharks can be dangerous even before they are born. Scientist Stewart Springer was bitten by a sand tiger shark embryo while he was examining its pregnant mother.

Did You Know?

Moderate dancing burns 250 to 300 calories an hour. Twenty minutes of moderate dancing will elevate heart rate up to aerobic levels. One study found polkas, swing dancing, and waltzes to be particularly effective for weight loss.

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Who we are...

• • • •

Registered home health care service agency 24 hour personal care and response team Guarantee continuity of caregivers Assist with independent living at home

550 College St., Lewiston • 783-7375 • www.assistedhomecare.org

Snow Plowing and Removal Commercial & Residential • Snow Blowing • Fully Insured • Seasonal Pre-paid Options • Basic snowplow contracts starting at $15 per push* * includes the shoveling of one main walkway & door

800-318-3577 creativepropertymaintenance.com

Check us out on your smart phone!

• • • • Hello, I’d like my carpets cleaned!

Commercial & Residential Tile & Grout • Area Rugs Upholstery • Pet Odor Removal Water Damage Clean-up & Drying Featuring Green Cleaning Products Contact us TODAY!

783-2933 See our website for monthly specials!

collinscarpetcleaning.com First-graders finish the proverb: Happy is the bride who...Gets all the presents.

More Insurance Claims: "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

We’re Now A If your power goes out, your generator goes on – automatically.

STANDBY UNITS

It’s really that simple.

Generators Dealer!

Portable units available • Reliability • Easily Accessible Controls • Framed for Durability • Easy to make effortless electric start, battery included

FULL INSTALLATION AVAILABLE! CALL FOR MORE INFO ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS

1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

ElectricalSystemsOfMaine.com

Did you drive by your dream home?

From Biddeford to Bangor... we can show you any listing you desire!

Brian & Tracie Vye 207.577.7937

Legacy Realty 681 Sabattus St, Lewiston 207.376.4830 Brian-Tracie@Legacy-Realty.com

"Before I came here I was confused about this subject. Having listened to your lecture, I am still confused. But on a higher level." – Enrico Fermi

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Kiddie Kampus relocates to The Y in Auburn!

Ginger Rogers' famous backstage mother, Lela, was a marine sergeant during World War I.

Better Than Average LLC Maine Made Gift Shop

& Café

Jams • Jellies • Sauces Open For Breakfast and Lunch!

All made fresh & local “Come try us out, you won’t be disappointed!”

Deb Anthoine aka Mrs. Apple Kiddie Kampus Preschool is pleased to announce its relocation to The Y in Auburn at 62 Turner St. The Pre-school has been helping children develop emotionally, socially, physically & intellectually in a safe and nurturing environment since 1981.

Current school owner and operator Deb Anthoine, or as her students know her, Mrs. Apple, bought the school 2 years ago and has continued on with the Kiddie Kampus Philosophy as well as bringing in new and exciting changes & expertise to the school. Mrs. Anthoine has her Masters in Education, is First Aid/CPR Certified and also state certified to teach K-8th Grade.

“Our move to The Y in Auburn is a great opportunity for us and our students. The students will now have more space for lessons & interacting, as well access to The Y’s gym & playground. We now will be able to do more physical activities throughout the winter season and on wet days, which is an important part of our curriculum.

We often have some lesson plans that incorporate movement and motor skills combined with a learning experience, so we’re very excited to have this new asset at our disposal. We also are looking forward to our new relationship with The Y as well.”

Kiddie Kampus Preschool accepts children ages 3 and 4, and has separate classes for each age group. They are currently accepting new students on a limited basis and they can join in at any time. FMI on Kiddie Kampus Preschool call them at 7863955, email them at kidkampreschool@gmail.com or search Kiddie Kampus on Facebook.

UNCLE ANDY RATES IT FANTASTIC!

Sun, Mon, Thurs-Sat. 8am-2pm • Closed Tues. & Wed.

1 North Main St. • Mechanic Falls • 346-4889

See our menu online: www.betterthanaveragellc.com

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413

Our Staff: (l to r) Mel, Kelley, Darcy, Hannah, Jess & Amanda

Come see us for a new look for 2013 336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1611 Tuesday - Friday 9am-7pm • Sat. 9am-2pm An expert fly fisherman may have as many as 10,000 flies in his collection.

The first drive-in service station in the United States was opened by Gulf Oil Company on December 1, 1913, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Dictionary of Project Terms Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen difficulties: We got so sick of working on this that we decided to do something else.

Major Technological Breakthrough: Back to the drawing board.

Live Healthier. Spend Less.

Are you energetic?

Are you a motivated self-starter?

Do you have the confidence to close the deal?

Do you want to determine how much you make?

Can you be assertive?

Developed after years of intensive research: It was discovered by accident.

Customer satisfaction is believed assured: We are so far behind schedule that the customer will be happy to get anything at all from us.

The design will be finalized in the next reporting period: We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something.

Test results were extremely gratifying: It works, and are we surprised.

Extensive effort is being applied on a fresh approach to the problem: We just hired three new guys; we'll let them kick it around for a while.

Preliminary operational tests are inconclusive: The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

The entire concept will have to be abandoned: The only guy who understood the thing quit.

Modifications are under way to correct certain minor difficulties: We threw the whole thing out and are starting from scratch.

Police investigators are experts in collecting "dactylograms," otherwise known as fingerprints.

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NEXT Level Business Coaching We Will Make Your Business Better in 90 Days – Guaranteed!

Call 207-376-3239 for a free, confidential 90-minute coaching session on any two business issues you are facing.

Come experience business coaching at NO RISK.

Ralph Lauren's original name was Ralph Lifshitz.

Plural Lesson Submitted by Richard Collins

Microdermabrasion • Safely and gently rejuvenate, smooth and repair your skin.

•Ideal for both men & women •Non-surgical

Reduces: - Fine lines & wrinkles - Sun-damaged skin - Acne & acne scars - Blackheads & whiteheads - Pore size - Superficial age spots

❖ Permanent Makeup Benefits

• Soft, natural enhancement • Skin Sensitivity & Allergy-Friendly • Won’t sweat off or run during activities like swimming, running & more • No re-applying — perfect makeup every day 24/7

Our Services • Hair • Body waxing • Facials • Pedicures • Spa Packages

❖

• Massage • Electrology • Manicures • Bridal Packages • Permanent Make-up

71 East Avenue Lewiston, Maine

(207) 783-3321

www.cassiels.com

A baby gray whale drinks enough milk to fill more than 2,000 bottles a day.

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what?

We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.

"That’s interesting," she said. "How do you make babies?"

"It’s simple," replied the girl. "You just change the "y" to an "i" and add ‘es’."

Ticket Explanation Submitted by Jimbo

Her car was speeding along I-95 at well over 80 miles an hour when it passed by a State Trooper. Obviously, the officer was compelled to pull the young female driver over and he asked to see her license. After looking it over, he said to her, "It stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses."

"Well, I have contacts," the woman replied.

"Look lady, I don't care who you know," snapped the officer.

"You're getting a ticket."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Match Phrases to Photos and win a free haircut performed by Uncle Andy

More Insurance Claims: "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"

Chillin’!

Larger than life.

Doing the happy dance.

1.

2.

3.

Judy Hlister of Marcel’s Barber Shop Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2013

783-7039

More Insurance Claims: "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"

➢ UNCLE ANDY’S CLASSIFIED ADS ➢ CONSTRUCTION

SNOW PLOWING

Timber-Built Construction

Commercial & Residential

New Homes • Sun Rooms Garages & more!

Call 753-9887 for a free quote. See page 61 FMI.

doing business with the

• Basic snowplow start at $15 per push • Snow Blowing

advertisers in this

AUTOMOTIVE Armand’s Autobody Free Estimates.

Satisfaction Guaranteed!

31 Blake St., Lewiston 782-7113

Please consider

Cap Place & More

FITNESS

We have your Floor mats, Nerf bars, Rainguards, Hood protectors, Truck caps and a lot more!

Visit thecapplace.com or call 933-2493 FMI. See our ad on page 14.

Personal Training Only $30/hour Buy 4 sessions, get the 5th for FREE! We offer over 50 fitness classes a week. FREE child watch with all membership types!

Auburn-Lewiston YMCA Next to the county building in Auburn. 795-4095 www.alymca.org

HELP WANTED Live Healthier.

Spend Less.

Are you energetic? A motivated self-starter? Have the confidence to close the deal?

Would you like to determine how much you make?

Dr. Newton’s Naturals could be for you!

Make up to $19/hour Email resume: jobs1@DrNewtons.com or call 207-370-3380 www.drnewtonscorp.com See page 75 FMI.

Creative Property Maintenance 1-800-318-3577 See page 72 FMI

SNOW BLOWERS Reggie’s Sales & Service Authorized Ariens Dealer The King of Snow Many models in stock to choose from!

1240

“LIKE” Uncle Andy’s Digest on Facebook to hear about upcoming events, promotions, giveaways and even get a chuckle from one of our jokes or one-liners!

Classified ads work!

Reggie’s Sales & Service 1334 Minot Ave, Auburn

Call 783-7039 to get yours.

783-0558 See page 50 FMI

You'll Learn

With lots of humor, Imus is joined by Imus asks tough questions of celebrities, politicians Warner, Bernie, Lou and Dagen. and media stars and they still come back for more.

Add comedians Tony Powell and Rob Combine that with our award winning local news Bartlett, starting your day is more fun. and your mornings are complete.

L-A’s

It keeps ‘em advertising!

Scan the QR Code below or find us on facebook @ facebook.com/ UncleAndysDigest

Uncle Andy’s Digest

You'll Laugh WEZR RADIO

magazine...

Listen to AM 1240 weekdays 6 to 10 AM

First-graders finish the proverb: Don’t bite the hand that...Looks dirty.

After Old Man McGraw chewed us out, we went over to his house and we drew all kinds of pictures on his driveway, sidewalk, and foundation with sidewalk chalk.

That'll teach him to mess with the Mural Majority!

– John Gardner Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Life with Dogs

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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783-7039

The standard pitching distance in the game of horseshoes is 40 feet for men and 30 feet for women and juniors.

The heaviest known meteorite to fall to Earth – the Hoba West meteorite – lies where it fell in Africa. Weighing about 60 tons, it is not likely to be moved.

Contact Poland Regional High School for tickets at 998-5400.

Life with Dogs

Chicago mayor Richard J. Daley commemorated St. Patrick's Day in 1965 by pouring 100 pounds of emerald green dye into the Chicago River.

Auburn Plaza Family Dentistry Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D. Dr. Chen is now accepting new patients at his new location.

730 Center Street Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351

Mon.-Fri. 7-5pm

We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JANUARY 2013

783-7039

The brightest asteroid is called Vesta. It has a diameter of 335 miles and is the only asteroid visible to the unaided eye.

An ant can lift 50 times its own weight, which is equivalent to a human being pulling a 10-ton trailer.

READY TO REFINANCE? We have LOW COST OPTIONS CALL NOW & YOU MAY BE ABLE TO SAVE $250 OFF CLOSING COSTS!*

Out ’n About at Firehouse Grille The rumors are all true. We have sandwich names such as: The Paramedic, the 911, and even 3-alarm buffalo wings.

Come check us out for yourself!

Caitlyn Robitaille waitress at Firehouse Grille in Auburn

Poinsettia

*paid as a lender credit at time of closing.

This offer expires 01/31/13. One coupon per closing

Brendan C. Fontaine 392 Center Street - Suite 2 Auburn, Maine 04210 NMLS License #102571

Tel: 207-602-1670 Email: bfontaine@ghmc.com Application: www.ghmc.com/bfontaine Maine License #SLB11408, NH License #102571 Licensed Mortgage Banker, ME Dept. of Professional &

Financial Regulation and Licensed by the New Hampshire Banking Department.

Programs, rates and terms subject to change without notice. Certain restrictions apply; some programs may not be combined with others; not all applicants will qualify.

An ant can survive for up to two weeks underwater.

Joel Roberts Poinsett is the man who introduced this Christmas plant to the United States. He died on December 12, 1851. Poinsett was the first Ambassador to Mexico who brought the plant back to his plantation in the U.S. He grew the plants in his Greenville, South Carolina, plantation and gave them out as gifts to friends.

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Life with Dogs

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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An estimated 10,000 million of the 100,000 million stars in our galaxy have died and produced white dwarfs.

First-graders finish the proverb: Love all, trust...Me.

The handkerchief had been used by the Romans, who ordinarily wore two handkerchiefs: one on the left wrist and one tucked in at the waist or around the neck.

Two brothers, both farmers, were talking on the phone.

Try our new whitening system!

Family Friendly Dentistry

Willow Run Dental Association is accepting new patients

One asked the other how bad the drought was in his area.

The other replied, “Well it's got so bad they've closed two lanes at the local swimming pool."

Come meet our friendly Dentists & Staff

Scott Beckerman, DMD Geraldine Schneider, DMD Jeffrey Sloan, DDS • Family cosmetic dentistry • Emergency same-day care • Most insurance plans accepted

783-0261 One Willow Run Unit 1-B, Auburn

willowrundental.com

The U.S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it.

You have to catch up with it yourself. – Benjamin Franklin

A great start to any day...

Trash Talk Submitted by Jimbo

A man rushed to the jewelry counter in the store where I work soon after the doors opened one morning and said he needed a pair of diamond earrings. I showed him a wide selection, and quickly he picked out a pair.

When I asked him if he wanted the earrings gift-wrapped, he said, "That'd be great. But can you make it quick?

I forgot today was my anniversary, and my wife thinks I'm taking out the trash."

Two people got into an argument.

One said to the other, "If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is making an ash of yourself!"

The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized bones, so if you have yourself buried all you will be doing is making a fuel of yourself!"

The Bateleur eagle of Africa hunts over a territory of 250 square miles a day.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Blue’s Clues

Some crickets burrow megaphone-like tunnels that help transport the sound of their chirps as far as 2,000 feet away.

Blue's Clues premiered on September 8, 1996.

Within 18 months of its premiere, virtually 100% of preschoolers' parents knew about Blue's Clues. It became the highest-rated show for preschoolers on commercial television by 2002; 13.7 million viewers tuned in each week.

An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked: "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?"

To which a small voice from the back of the room responded: "The small investor."

In 1884, Thomas Stevens started a bicycle trip around the world. The trip took him over two years and nine months to complete!

Did You Know?

The doughnut hole was invented by 15-yearold Hansen Crockett Gregory in 1847. The former sea captain was interviewed in his later years and said he couldn't stand the uncooked centers of the fried cakes they made on board so he used a tin pepper can to cut a hole in the dough before frying. And it worked!

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Greece's national anthem has 158 verses.

The burrowing boodie of Australia is the only kangaroo in the world that lives underground.

Kitchen and Bath

There’s friends, Then there’s true friends.

Center

Partnering with Professionals

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a “World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

Tired of the old tub? Replace it with a sleek new shower by Glenda Mitchell: 514-1136 • gmitchell@redlon-johnson.com Tim Fox: 514-1137 • tfox@redlon-johnson.com Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail

3 Middle Street, Lewiston showroom.redlon-johnson.com

Showroom Hours: Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. 8AM - 4:30PM Open Thurs. until 6PM APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

Life with Dogs

First-graders finish the proverb: You can’t teach an old dog new...Math.

What is CrossFit? Our CrossFit classes are 1 hour of intensity interval training using cardio and fat burning moves to promote strength, endurance, weight loss, and overall physical fitness. CrossFit challenges individuals to push themselves to achieve a level of fitness they may not have imagined, beyond what they previously thought their limit to be. CrossFit classes offer a total fitness workout in a fun and supportive atmosphere. We invite CrossFit members from Lewiston, Auburn, Augusta, and all over Maine to check out our new gym.

786-9100 2 Cedar Street, Lewiston

crossfitlewiston.com More Insurance Claims: "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

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50 Years of Marriage A man was invited to a friend's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Honey, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

He was impressed at this, since the couple had been married over 50 years. While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years, you still call your wife those pet names."

His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

"I worry we are spending so much time on the Internet we are losing our ability to connect with people on TV." "What you do in life depends upon what you are and what you want.

What you get from life depends on how much you want it -- how much you are willing to work, plan, cooperate and use your resources. The long span of the bridge of your life is supported by countless cables that you are spinning now.

That is why today is such an important day.

Make the cables strong." – L.G. Elliott

UncleAndysDigest.com

In 1986, a guard in an armored car was killed when $50,000 worth of quarters fell on him.

THANK YOU!!!

We would like to thank the 477 customers who purchased a vehicle from us in 2012. We wish you all a safe and happy 2013 & look forward to your business in the future.

If you’re looking for a great deal on a vehicle come find out why 477 people chose Lake City Exports in 2012.

Sincerely, The Lake City Exports family Thank you to all who helped us raise over $2,000 for Sensei Rich Pelletier in December, too! We hope to see you all at the Sensei Pelletier Family Fun Event, Jan. 11th from 4pm-7pm at the Lewiston Armory.

867 Center Street, Auburn

753-0033 LakeCityExports.com The world's fastest racquet sport is badminton. Shuttlecock speeds approach 200 mph.