UAD July 2012

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

.com

GET YOUR DIGEST ON!

FREE JULY 2012

The place to be for Happy Hour!

Monday & Tuesday 3:30-6PM Friday & Saturday 9:00-11PM Specialty Drinks & $3 Sushi Specials

Japanese Cuisine

nge is a Our lou rt e to sta c la p t grea ht! your nig or end

40 East Ave., Lewiston (Lewiston Mall Shopping Center) www.sea40me.com Sea40 Japanese Cuisine

Armandsab@aol.com

795-6888

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D. Comprehensive Family Dental Care

Now Accepting New Patients

376-4977 See our ad on page 8

We buy: Brass Copper Aluminum Wheels Radiators Batteries Catalytic Converters Cell Phones Tin Steel And More!

Harvey Metals

Buying from the public!

Superior Grading & Pricing Maine’s Largest Catalytic Converter Buyer Family Owned & Operated

TOP PRICES PAID! Hours: Monday - Friday 8-5; Saturday 9-3

41 Capital Avenue, Lisbon Falls (off Rt. 196, near Rite Aid)

353-JUNK (5865) • HarveyMetals.com

Buying B2B!

Cash Mob Hits L/A Our first Cash Mob was a huge success! We mobbed Axis Natural Foods in Auburn. Follow us on Facebook to learn more and to find out when the next mobbing is happening.

Coca Cola was the first beverage company to use Santa for a winter promotion.

IN IN IN

STOCK STOCK STOCK

IN STOCK

Lots of BOUND

RUGS

Lots of VINYL Lots of CARPETS

Lots of TILE

! m o ro w o sh le ti w e n ll a r u o e Stop in and se Exclusive Dealer of

Angie Lafrance of Uncle Andy’s Digest is the mob boss

Flooring SALE Large Selection of In-Stock Carpets

Mobbing local businesses is a blast! I can’t wait for the next one...

plus

• Hardwood • Laminates • Ceramic Tile • Carpet Rems • Vinyl Rems Bound Rugs & Runners

NEW! Exclusive Dealer of

Annie Dillmuth To learn more visit the

L/A Cash Mob Facebook page for more information: https://www.facebook.com/ LACashMob Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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783-7039

shrmarnold@megalink.net

Hours: Monday 8-7pm Tues - Fri. 8-5pm Sat. 9-2pm

550 Lisbon Street, Lewiston, ME • 782-0831

www.shermarnolds.com They don't pay taxes, they barely speak English and they want our jobs - something must be done about children.

Without order nothing can exist - without chaos nothing can evolve.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA JULY 2012 Wednesday, July 18th Dairy Frost 4pm – 6pm (Chapter 7938) 107 Bath Road, Brunswick Members free; $1 Guest Wednesday, July 18th Grid Iron 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 8609) 1567 Lisbon St. Lewiston $7.50/member; $8.50/guest Tuesday, July 24th Taber’s 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 10589) Lakeshore Drive, Auburn $4.50/member; $5.50/guest Thursday, July 26th The Green Ladle Noon (Chapter 12907) Lewiston HS, East Ave, Lewiston $7.50/member; $8/guest Tuesday, July 31st Dairy Joy 3pm – 7pm (Chapter 8609) Campus Ave, Lewiston or Spring St. Auburn $1 per ticket Tuesday, July 31st Norway Soft Serve 5:30pm – 7pm (Chapter 10929) Main St, So. Paris $1 per ticket Aquaboggan $13.50/member; $15/guest Combo Fun/Splash $25.50 member; $27 guest Funtown $19 member; $20 guest Splashtown $18.50 member; $20 guest StoryLand $24 member; $25 guest WaterCountry $24 member; $26 guest York Animal Kingdom $10 member; $11 guest TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED

If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver.

Please Note: Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed. ************************** Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays).

FMI call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

QUALITY CUSTOM DENTURE WORK Affordable Dentures

www.UncleAndys.com

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

JULY 2012 Staff

FREE CONSULTATIONS

JIMBO Puppy Love

TRAVIS

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

Most Dental Insurances Accepted • We also accept Credit & Debit Cards

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 801 Webster Street, Lewiston

Fire Power

514-0660

UNCLE ANDY

www.smileagaindentures.com See us for: • Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures

Feeling the Breeze

MAGGIE New Dance Floor

• Rebases • Relines • Repairs

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. – Goethe

MARTY Shaving Strokes

CONTEST WINNER

ANGIE Weekend Winner

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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(l to r) Becky Davis, Bruce Gerry General Manager, The big winner,

& Michele Tribou Owner of Heidi’s

Uncle Andy’s Digest has begun teaming up with advertisers to jump into the social media craze and create more awareness about our businesses. This was our first contest, and we teamed up with Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli in Auburn.

How it worked: People on Facebook had to like Uncle Andy’s Digest Facebook page, enter the contest and then like Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s page. We had a great first round of entrants. In the photo to the left, Bruce Gerry of Auburn was the big winner of a $50 gift card to Heidi’s!

You better git on your ‘puter right now and enter the next contest. YOU could win some FREE cool stuff!

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. – Xenocrates

Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven.

– Yiddish proverb

Sacrifices Submitted by the Wives

The four married guys from Uncle Andy’s Digest go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued: Travis: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Uncle Andy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Marty: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him.

"You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Jimbo: "I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday."

Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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New Advances in

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

RT

(Redneck Technology)

THE SUMMER TO DISCOVER

Submitted by Glen Gisel

FOR YOUTH DEVELOPMENT Nurturing the Potential of Every Child and Teen

Say ‘Hello’ to Summer Camp Connor (Grades 1-8) Y Kids Camp (Ages 5-8) Teen Leadership Camp (Grades 9 & 10) Availability in some sessions. Camps run through August 17th.

Fun. With a Splash of Confidence.

Accelerated Swim lessons (Ages 6-12) July 23rd - August 17th

FOR HEALTHY LIVING Improving the Nation’s Health and Well-being

Feel Healthier, Be Stronger • Reduce Stress • Meet New People • Improve Quality of Life

FOR SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY Giving Back and Providing Support for Our Neighbors Olweus Bulling Prevention Program Family Fun Night & OBPP Kick-off event Friday, September 7th from 6-8pm

Ensure a Brighter Future Make a charitable donation to the Y’s Annual Giving Campaign and Strengthen our Community.

Learn, Grow and Thrive 3rd Annual NAPA Golf Tournament September 20th at Martindale Country Club JOIN US!

Auburn-Lewiston YMCA • Next to County Building in Auburn 795 4095 • www.alymca.org Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

Cash Mob Hits L/A facebook.com/LACashMob

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

Ally

Angie

Sheila

Nicole

Come see us before you go to the new casino for good luck!

Looking your best will always help you win!!

SHEILA’S HAIR SALON

June 22-23 only

345-3819

Hours: Tues. - Fri. 9am-7pm • Sat. 9-2

5 South Main Street, Mechanic Falls

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Cash Mob Hits L/A

A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.

facebook.com/LACashMob

COMPREHENSIVE FAMILY DENTAL CARE IN A RELAXING, COMFORTABLE ATMOSPHERE

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D.

Melissia Dillmuth

People braved the rain and showed up to support a local business. Each person came armed with at least $20 to spend.

This is a great way to remind all of us how important it is to support local business.

Dr. Connelly has served Greater Lewiston/Auburn for the past 11 years.

He is proud to now offer comprehensive and caring dental treatment at his new office.

Now Accepting New Patients Financing options available

Same Day Emergency Care

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D.

1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston (lower level)

376-4977 www.kevinconnellydmd.com Mon. - Fri. 8:00am - 4:30pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

One Stop Shop for Catering... Dad’s does it all!

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering

Weddings

Indoor or Outdoor

Summer BBQ Corporate Functions

Reunions

Professional service at an affordable price

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!

Ask us about Tents, Tables, Chairs, Dance Floor, etc. for your event re’s The e...

E lik C A O PL

N

Dad’s Place Catering Division • 345-9009

www.dadsplace.info

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

FRESH Made to order when you order it!

Subs • Sandwiches • Wraps Burgers • Italians Daily Specials • Breakfast items Cold beer • Agency Liquor Store and so much more!

$ .00

1

OFF our famous Bog Hooter

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • www.dadsplace.info

Must present coupon Cannot be combined with any other offers UAD

I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.

Expires 7.31.12

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Cash Mob Hits L/A

Real advertisements from around the country: Stock up and save. Limit: one.

facebook.com/LACashMob

Happy Birthday, America!

All your salt water tank needs right here!

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies 272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372

Whether you’re playing in the Summer Olympics or just going to watch, please don’t forget your sunscreen!

Lintao Zhang/Getty Images

This is a blast!

Shawna Romain Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com

Real advertisements from around the country: We build bodies that last a lifetime.

Jamie Farr (who played Klinger on M*A*S*H) was the only member of the cast who actually served as a soldier in the Korean war.

New Advances in

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

(Redneck Technology)

Call us today!

NO PROBLEM!

RT

Submitted by Glen Gisel

• Appointments required, please call first • Fully warranteed & certified • $55/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto Brad Johnson

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364

Roller Skating = Family Fun Reserve your Birthday Party NOW!

Thursday Night

Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Night

All Skating 7:30 - 10:30

Sat. & Sun.

1:30 - 4:00pm

Saturday Night

Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night

All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

Find us on Facebook

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940 www.rollodrome.com

WOW!

Skate Schedule

Dan Larrivee & Rachel Potvin, Owner/Operators

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

$

12

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

Real advertisements from around the country: Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Spelling Test The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.

"Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor.

From the Politically Correct Dictionary: Android: bipedal, non-human associate, bearing immense knowledge and skill

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

"P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied.

I love the atmosphere, people & food here. I especially like that they serve fried bologna & eggs, there’s not many places that do that anymore.

"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

Loving Children With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic.

To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies.

I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator.

As a reminder, I wrote at the top: "IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN." When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message: "MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT 'OUT OF IT."' Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

12

& Jimbo

JULY 2012 783-7039

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)

ut Check o ew n Rolly’s ! u n me

Sue Bardier-Haynes & Larry Haynes

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

Things Kids Say in Science Class: The spinal column is a long bunch of bones.

The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom.

NO ORDER TOO SMALL And no minimum purchases! Call us for a FREE quote!!

Textile & Paper Wipes

• Sorbents & Safety Supplies • Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners • Breakroom & Food Service • Chemicals & Cleaners • Packaging • Skin Care • And More!

Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A! 120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com Things Kids Say in Science Class: It is so hot in some places that people there have to live in other places.

From the Politically Correct Dictionary: Cat: quadruped non-human associate

New Advances in

RT

GREATER L/A’s SOURCE FOR:

(Redneck Technology)

Tactical Weapons • Rifles & Shotguns Hand Guns • Personal & Concealed Carry Guns Ammo & Targets • Special Orders

Submitted by Glen Gisel

32 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-6569 Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm • Sat 9am - 2pm

65th Anniversary!

Jeanne & Willie Beauchesne recently celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary with their daughter and son-in-law, Jane & Ron Kyllonen of Sarah Jeanne’s Family Hair, Tanning & Day Spa

If you see them Out ’n About, wish them a HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

LOBSTER & CLAM BAKE Includes: 1 Ear of Corn 1-1/4 lb. Lobster 2 Red Potatoes 1 lb. Clams Side of butter

All cooked!

(Please call one hour before pickup)

$

15 $ 17

soft shell

JULY IS LOBSTER EATING hard MONTH!! shell

Always Fresh LaRochelle’s Seafood

“If we were any fresher you’d have to slap us!”

We ship anywhere in the US

22 Mill St., New Auburn • 782-3150 • Open daily 9am-6pm

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About with Superior Paving Corp

From the Politically Correct Dictionary: Evil: niceness deprived

NEW LUNCH MENU STARTING AT $4.99 $ .00 Check out ourtione! outdoor pa

w

10% OFF Senior Citizen Lunches!

Tues. Karaoke Nite Wed. Open Mic Nite Sunday Brunch 10-2pm

Bean Suppah Every Saturday Large “Andy’s Baked Bean” special

$

7.50

LATE NITE MENU FRI. & SAT. TIL MIDNIGHT

Stomp or get stomped. I’m doing the stomping today, boys!

e Hom

ns ked Bea a B s ndy’ Happy Hour of A Mon-Thur 2-6pm

47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959 www.firehousegrill.biz

1

OFF Any purchase of $5.00 or more (food only) with coupon cannot be combined with any other offers

Expires 7/31/12

Dan, did you know that it was announced recently that golf and rugby will be added to the Olympic Games in 2016? Though to save time they will be combined into one sport.

Dan Cunliffe with Seth Meyers Seth is a comedian on Saturday Night Live and co-host of Kelly Live.

Everyone knows Dan...

Classic Car Show e Karaok urday ay & Sat

sd

ur every Th

with DJ

New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn 782-9039 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Cruise Nite, 6-8pm

EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT JUNE, JULY & AUG.

Don’t miss it!

Officers meeting 1st Tuesday of the month at N.A.S.C.

Opening for New Members $20

New Membership

700 Members Strong Stop by and say Hi!

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

$

10

Second Year

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

TESTIMONIAL

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Community Credit Union has been using Uncle Andy’s Digest for advertising since their very first issue, back in 1996. We have found it to be a valuable and irreplaceable part of our marketing plan.

Just from observation in our lobbies - we get Uncle Andy’s Digest delivered to us and within 5-10 days our supply is depleted. This tells us that people LOVE reading the Digest.

Betsy Sibley Community Credit Union

Bert Dutil & Mo Fournier

On a personal note, when we go out to eat with our families our husbands and children always grab a copy and look through it while we’re waiting for our food.

My daughter, who’s 2½, even likes to look through it… it’s no joke that we went to Youly’s for breakfast one morning and she refused to leave the restaurant without taking her copy of UAD with her.

Jennifer Hogan

Kerry Wood

Executive Vice President

President / CEO

COMMUNITY CREDIT UNION 144 Pine Street, Lewiston - 40 Stanley Street, Auburn 783.2096 • communitycreditunion.com

Advertising with Uncle Andy’s Digest every month for 16 straight years!

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

Aimee Goodwin & Jenny Malloy Goodwin Design Associates

In 1895, Caroline Baldwin earned a doctorate degree in science from Cornell University. She was the first woman to earn a PhD in science.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Marriage Counselling

We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Submitted by Jimbo

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.

"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained.

"He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts."

"He communicates real well and I just act like I'm listening."

Is it just me or does the word skeptical look like it's spelled wrong?

New Client Offer

$

5 OFF color

Reading the Digest always puts a smile on my face!

or ouche, ner), Rae Anne Lat Linda Thompson (ow Angie Lenhert & c ldu Erica Bo

$

Angie Lenhert

10 OFF

highlights

Urban Edge Hair Salon

expires 7/31/12 1117 Center Street • Auburn (in MetLife Plaza)

784-3522

to see our specials

It’s DOUBLE-WHAMMY Month!

Inventory blow-out & New England/USA Pride Sale!

All in-stock shirts - $15.00

ea.

(see our website page for in-stock items)

PLUS all Maine/New England/ Patriotic Shirts - $17.76 each!

207-754-0415 www.fauxnettricks.com • info@fauxnettricks.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

See their ad right next to this pic!

I noticed the article about peripheral vision out of the corner of my eye.

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Sensational smiles are our business!

Jimbo flexing what little muscle he has

Preventative dentistry - cleanings and fillings Cosmetic dentistry - whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more We accept most insurances Financing available

New Patients Always Welcome

Travis Mr. Innocent - ha!

TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES 27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN We accept Northeast Delta Dental, State of Maine & Cigna Insurances

784-1577

TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM The ankle was an arch enemy of the heel because the heel had a sole that could neither toe the line nor keep instep.

Angie Trade Show Newbie

Uncle Andy’s Digest sales peeps.

Scary, we know!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Shocking

If you have sticky buns you shouldn't put pants on.

Submitted by Jimbo

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.

Mike Morin’s

Auto Center

Someone dialed 911.

“A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."

VOTED BEST OF THE BEST 13 YEARS RUNNING (Market Surveys of America)

FRONT END ALIGNMENT

OIL CHANGE

$75.95

Wishing everyone a safe summer. Please don’t drink and drive!

Most Vehicles

$24.95

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

"He that is conscious of a stink in his breeches, is jealous of every wrinkle in another's nose."

Happy 4th of July!

Please use fireworks responsibly.

– Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, 1751

We want to see you in one piece on July 5th!

Submitted by Sheldon Walton

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"

I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?''

"You're both old," he replied.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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✂

Grandparent Funnies

FREE 30-Point Preventative Maintenance Inspection Complete Auto Repair, Body & Rust Repairs ANY MAKE * OR MODEL

10% OFF

COMPLETE CLASSIC CAR RESTORATION AVAILABLE

YOUR ENTIRE BILL with this ad *Any bill over $250. Expires 7.31.12

THE SHOP

✂

Mike Smith, owner

• Tune-ups • Mechanical & Electrical Repairs • Suspension & Brakes • Body Work & Resprays • Free Inspection Sticker

304 Lisbon St., Lisbon • 353-6100

www.theshopclassicrestoration.net • theshop@roadrunner.com

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

CHECK OUT OUR 2 DEALERSHIPS AT 1298 & 1317 SABATTUS ST. LEWISTON

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

I’m more famous than you are, get over it Uncle Andy...

Inventory 04 Audi A6, Wagon, Auto, 114K, Grey ..............................$8795 03 Audi A6, 4.2L, Auto, AWD, White..................................$8495 03 Audi Allroad, 99k, Silver.................................................$9995 02 Audi A4, Blue, Auto, 5-speed ......................CALL FOR PRICE 02 Audi A4, Silver, 5-speed..................................................$7995 07 BAJA Outlaw, 23’, 496 Magnum, every option........$44995 06 Cadillac STS, Northstar, V8, Auto, White ..................$13995 81 Chevy Camro, Z28, 377 Strokes, 5-speed.................$17000 70 Chevy Nova, New 355 Stroke Motor ........................$17000 50 Chevy Deluxe, Black, 2-Door.......................................$17000 07 Dodge Nitro, 90K, Black, Auto ......................................$9990 06 GMC Envoy, Black, 105K .............................................$11995 04 GMC Yukon, Charcoal....................................................$10470 96 GMC Sierra 2500, Maroon, 115K ................................$6500 98 Honda Accord, Red, 107K............................CALL FOR PRICE 06 Hyundai Sonata, Burgundy............................................$6485 03 Jeep Liberty, Blue .............................................................$6795 08 Mazda 3, Electric Blue, Manual.....................................$9995 03 Mercedes M-Class, Black, AWD.....................................$9995 69 Plymouth Roadrunner, Red .........................................$30000 05 Saab 9-5, 2.3T, Auto, Gray, 118k..................................$7295 04 Saab 9-5, Black, Auto......................................................$6400 04 Saab 9-3, Brown, 92K.....................................................$9995 03 Saab 9-5, Brown, 102K, Auto........................................$6495 99 Saab 9-3, Blue ..................................................................$2995 07 Toyota Corolla, Silver.......................................................$8495

05 Volvo V50, Black ..............................................................$7995 02 Volvo S60, Silver............................................CALL FOR PRICE 08 VW Rabbit, Black, Manual .............................................$8500 08 VW Jetta, Wolfsburg, Manual, Black, 113K .............$10995 06 VW Jetta, Silver, 119K, Manual ....................................$8995 05 VW Jetta, Silver, 115K, Auto..........................................$8885 05 VW GTI, 109k, Silver, 5-Speed......................................$8300 05 VW Passat GLX 4-Motion Wagon, Silver ....................$6995 04 VW Passat, Turbo, Green, Manual................................$6495 04 VW Passat, White, 104K, Manual.................................$5795 03 VW Passat, Green, 90K, Manual...................................$6000 03 VW Passat GLX, 136K, Green, Auto.............................$6595 03 VW Passat GLX, 4-motion, Auto, 101K .......................$7495 03 VW Jetta, Silver, 95K, Manual .......................................$5795 02 VW Jetta 98K, Green .......................................................$5495 02 VW Jetta, Blue, Manual ................................CALL FOR PRICE 02 VW Passat GLX 4-Motion, 106K, Black ......................$6500 02 VW New Beetle, Green, 86K, Manual..........................$6294 01 VW Golf GL, 5-Speed, 102k, Silver ..............................$5000 01 VW Jetta, Blue, 110K, Manual ......................................$5500 01 VW New Beetle, Black, 116K, Manual ........................$4000 00 VW Passat, Green, 114K, Auto......................................$5295 99 VW Passat, Black, 100K, Manual .................................$4495

New Inventory Arriving Daily!

Uncle Andy fake strangles “flat” Pat Dempsey while Mary Dempsey tries to stop him.

Nathan Gerry shows off his “Fire power”

We just love the color of money!!

786-7744

1298 Sabattus St. & 1317 Sabattus St. • www.independentauto.me The crowd at the Cannibal's party grew silent when he announced he would be serving finger foods.

Jill Pleau, Kathy Mangin & Melissa MacDonald Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

– Anais Nin

KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!

SAM’S BODY SHOP Custom Trailer Hitches Sold & Installed Trailer Repairs 886 Main St. Lewiston • 784-0015 • Open Mon. Wed. Fri. 8:00-4:00

Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings

DAN BOYD I’ll pay you CASH for your antiques!

Auction Company

Antiques, House Attics, Basement Items, One Item or Entire Estates Complete Cleanouts Available Sports Items, Guns, Military Items

State & Federally Licensed

Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery

998-4083 or 754-1009

Dan Boyd

Dear Math, Stop asking us to find your X. She's not coming back and don't ask Y either.

What are the three great American parties? Democrat, Republican, and Tupperware.

LOWER HOME HEATING COSTS! Energy Audits • Infrared Imaging • Blown-in Cellulose Insulation Invest your income tax return into your home to lower future heating cost!

HomeEnergyTechs.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Contact Rudy 576-0847

Auto Core Pick-up 240-8798 Highest prices paid... PERIOD! Batteries • Aluminum Rims Catalytic Converters S! CALL U E C L Starters & Alternators WE’L OM UP!!

PICK IT Radiators *Restrictions apply

Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords.

They can't croak.

In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.

10% OFF with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

• Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

Out ’n About with Superior Paving Corp Pave paradise and put up a parking lot.

Ron Moon, Manager

207-657-5000

JVC. KW, AV, In-Dash, DVD, Radio for the magnificently low price of

$

329

Next to Republic Jewelry Parking in back of building

216 Center Street, Auburn www.soundeffectsmaine.com

Developing the “touch” for the controls of this mean machine come with years of experience...

777-3339

Looking for Ron Major? He’s Here!

FREE

Quality work, yes.

Hustle, yes.

Making the customer happy, absolutely!

A/C System Check

with coupon or mention of ad / expires 7.31.12

I’m cool ... are you?

Call today for your free A/C system check!

Ron Major

183 Lisbon St., Lisbon

353-9862

www.qualitycareautorepair.com It's true I don't like soap, but you don't have to rub it in my face!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow

Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.

All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Claire Marquis

20 Truck Caps

Used Fisher Plows

Established in 1984

– PARTIAL LISTING – Melissa Rice Building Solutions

Shannon Dalton Get It Straight & Roux Camp

"Don't worry about the people in your past.

There's a reason they didn't make it to your future."

– Author Unknown Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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New inventory arriving daily!!

‘11 KIA Sportage, 12K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $16,995 ‘07 Chevy HHR LT, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘06 Pontiac Torrent, AWD, 103K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9,995 ‘06 Dodge Stratus, 75K, ONE OWNER . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘06 Kia Rio LX, Auto, 96K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘05 Chrysler PT Cruiser, 15,000 miles!! . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘05 Ford Explorer XLT, 3rd Seat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘05 Subaru Outback S/W, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘04 Subaru Forester 2.5 XS, AWD. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘04 Toyota Avalon, Leather, Roof. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘04 Chevy Malibu LT, Loaded, 106K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘04 Ford F150 X Cab 4X4, 106K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘04 Jeep Liberty, Columbia EDT, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘04 Jeep Grand Cherokee, LIKE NEW . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘04 Chevy Silverado X Cab, 4x4, 92K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ’03 Chevy Monte Carlo SS, Leather . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘03 Chevy Astro Cargo Van . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ONLY $2,995

‘02 Kia Sedona Van, Leather, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘02 Chevy Trailblazer LS, Like New . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘02 Toyota Tundra X Cab 4X4, ONE OWNER . . . . . . . . $9,995 ‘02 Toyota Camry, ONE OWNER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘01 GMC 1500, 2WD, Air, V6, AT, 90K. . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘01 Toyota Sienna Van, One Owner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘01 Nissan Pathfinder SE, 104K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘01 Chrysler PT Cruiser Limited, 60K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘01 Chevy Impala, only 83K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘01 Ford Taurus SE3, Loaded. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3,995 ‘01 Toyota Tacoma, 4X4, Air . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,495 ‘01 Chevy Tahoe LT, Roof, Loaded. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3,995 ‘01 Dodge X Cab, 4X4, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘00 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘00 Volvo S40, 4 Dr., Loaded, 101K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘00 Toyota Avalon, Like New!! ONE OWNER . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘99 Toyota Corolla, Auto., Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995

28 Soper Road, Durham

Jeff & Rick Roy

353-2538

When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.

John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.

HIT THE TRAILS IN YOUR NEW ARCTIC CAT ATV!

Out ’n About with Superior Paving Corp

SHARE OUR PASSION

AMES SPORT SHOP, Inc 84 Littlefield Road, Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

Nothing like a 2 ton rolling pin...

Your One Stop Shop for Motorcycle Insurance 9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls (207) 345-8711 or 1-800-339-0414 www.CummingsAgency.com

Jeff & Nora Cummings Diane Morissette Leanne Cram

Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!

COMPLETE AUTO REPAIR FACILITY Body Work • Complete resprays starting at $500 • Paint touchups • Collision repairs • Full spray booth 845 Washington St. North Auburn

24 Hr. Towing State Inspections

Give us a call for a free quote. We believe you’ll be happy with our SUPERIOR work. See our ad on page 93.

Mechanical Repair Brakes • Engine Suspension • Tuneups Diagnostics & More

782-5500

It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

Brian Lowell, owner Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Gurney joins Emerson Toyota’s Sales Team

Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor.

COOKOUT Dan Gurney recently joined Emerson Toyota’s sales team after 28 years as GM at Leighton’s Store in Auburn.

He invites all his family, friends, guests and previous clients to stop in, say hello and to look over all the new and used inventory!

Dan is ready to assist you in purchasing or leasing a new or used vehicle.

Please feel free to call him for a personal appointment today at 784-1348, 577-5589 or toll free 1-800-7301001 and drive home a great deal!

Every Saturday 11:30 - 2:00PM

Toyota 990 Center Street, Auburn • 784-1348 emersontoyota.com See their ad on pages 24 & 25

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

24

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She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow

The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

✁

✁

Spend $100 & up on any Service or Maintenance at Emerson Toyota in Auburn and Spin the Wheel! Get instant prizes or discounts.

Donald Bernard Donald Bernard Art Gallery

Clip this coupon now!

Present at write-up, Offer expires 7.31.12

Cindy Roy FAME

Stacy Couture & Kasey Morin Mount Auburn Dental

"If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done."

– Ludwig Wittgenstein I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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14 years: "Father?

Hopelessly oldfashioned."

21 years: "Oh, that man is so out-of-date.

What did you expect?"

25 years: "He knows a little bit about it - but not much."

40 years: "I wonder what Dad would have thought about that? He was pretty smart."

Call us if you are broken down.

We now offer Roadside Assistance, such as tire changes and lockouts.

We carry 60 new Interstate batteries, air compressor, and tools to fix small problems.

Don’s DBA...

MORRIS AUTO PARTS 940 Washington St. North • 784-7374 or 800-730-7374 • Mon. - Fri. 8 - 5 • Sat. 8 - 12 RE-USE

LE

35 years: "Let's ask Dad what he would do before we make a decision."

940 Washington St. • Auburn • 784-4619

C CY RE

30 years: "Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks."

Ask for Don or Debbie for all your towing needs

Uncle Andy’s Digest

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783-7039

OFF

In-stock auto & truck parts

SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ Jealousy is counting someone else's blessings rather than your own.

Yvon’s Car Wash n’ Lube

60 years: "I'd give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss that man."

...with s & Travi Jimbo

15

%

TOGETHER LET’S THINK GREEN AND RECYCLE!

50 years: "My Dad knew absolutely everything."

I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.

One coupon per customer

12 years: "Oh, well naturally - Father doesn't know that either."

DON’S NO PREFERENCE TOWING CO.

RE DU C E

7 years: "My Dad knows a lot, a whole lot."

SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$

4 years: "My Daddy can do anything."

My job at the concrete plant seems to get harder and harder.

SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$ SAVE $$

The Fatherhood Cycle

Tuesday: Seniors’ Day Wednesday: Ladies’ Day Thursday: Veterans’ Day Yvon’s Car Care Centers

Receive FREE

Automatic Car Wash

$

3 OFF

Basic Oil Change

$

5 OFF

Premium Oil Change

with Oil Change

698 Main Street • Lewiston • 777-3600 (Between ROOPER’s and BURGER KING) Hours: Mon-Fri: 8am - 5pm • Sat. 8am - 2pm

Limit one coupon per customer.

Expires 7.31.12

A noun and a verb were dating but they broke up because the noun was too possessive.

Out ’n About at Relay for Life

Great Rates & Terms, Fast Approvals too!

I got my loan with Great Falls Credit Union!

Call Us Today

Tienna Hammond

Great Falls Federal Credit Union 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 760 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 753-0500 www.greatfallsfcu.com *Restrictions & qualification apply

Nancy Bard The indecisive rower couldn't choose either oar.

Great Falls CU

CA$H FOR JUNK AUTOS •TRUCKS • SUVs • TRACTORS • VANS • BUSSES • STEEL ALSO BUYING: Catalytic Converters • Batteries Aluminum Rims • Radiators Copper • Brass Starters • Alternators CALL

577-0368

That cake looks yummy!

Fast, Friendly Service Open 7 Days a Week

The shareholders of a compass manufacturer were concerned that the company wasn't heading in the right direction.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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MEN CAN FIX ANYTHING! Submitted by Glen Gisel

Confucius say too much.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 OUR TIRES

Don’t have a spoon?

I can fix that!

Rod Cameron & Ben Britton Seatbelt broken?

I can fix that!

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections

60 Minot Ave • Auburn

782-6666 or 783-2026

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

AMERICA ROCKS!

New TV too big for the old cabinet? I can fix that!

828 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME • 795-6666 / Fax: 795-8983

We do: State Inspections • Minor Repairs

Electrical problem?

I can fix that!

$

5

Offering Services Oil Change New • Complete Engine Flush

OFF

5 Quarts, Full Service with Mobil Oil & Filter (Made in USA)

Most cars. Cannot be combined with any other coupon or discount. Expires 7.31.12

Wiper motor burned out?

I can fix that!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Labor Rate $48/hr OWNER BILL ROY

• Deluxe Oil Change Package Oil system and fuel system cleaned • Fuel Filters

Mon.-Fri. 8am-6pm • Sat. 8am-3pm

A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

The Laws of Golf: LAW 9: Pine trees eat golf balls.

Health Affiliates Maine Sponsors Kids Obstacle Course

While hundreds of entrants participated in the recent Bands on the Run fundraiser for Museum L/A, Health Affiliates Maine hosted the popular Kids Obstacle Course at the event. Hosting the registration table are Outpatient Therapy Supervisors, (at left) Cindy Mailhot and (standing) Mary Gagnon. Health Affiliates Maine also sponsored 40 kids from the Tree Street Youth program who could participate in the obstacle course at no charge.

– Submitted by Dan Marois of Mainely Communications

Out ’n About

www.donovansauto.com Stop by, call or click today!

946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856

Jack Marsh is all smiles after getting a “little off the top”

by Ernie Olson

at Marcel’s Barber Shop

Real advertisements from around the country: On a ski lift in Taos, NM: 'No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.

in New Auburn Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

The Laws of Golf: LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

Nervous about seeing the dentist?

Experience

totally relaxed dentistry Now you can stop worrying & start smiling again!

Nicole Lajoie & Kerrie Robbins Varney Insurance

Ben Franklin was always one of my favorites.

THE CENTER FOR ADVANCED DENTISTRY All your dental needs at one location • Option of conscious oral sedation or IV sedation • Focused individual care • 0% Financing available

George O'Connell

220 Main Street, Auburn Dr. Robert D. Limoges D.M.D. & Dr. Jonathan A. Bernstein D.D.S.

784-7355

or 866-716-6128 www.AuburnDental.com Laurie Ouellette

Like us on Facebook! We often post coupons and special offers on our page.

Sweet Pea Designs Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The Laws of Golf: LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

The Laws of Golf: LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?

BRING IN YOUR PHOTOS FOR FRAMING &

GET 25% OFF (Must mention this ad for discount)

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333 • www.DandRFraming.com

Bolster Monumental Works Monuments & Markers Cemetery Lettering & Cleaning Since 1877

1278 Main Street, Oxford • 743-2673

David J. Pratt Over 30 years experience

Bring some sunshine into the lives of others this summer!

WE HAVE OPENINGS IN CENTRAL MAINE

Benefits Include: • Time-off program • PAID TRAINING • Medical, dental & vision

• Employee Assistance Program • And more!

Contact Kim Dionne kdionne@supportsolutions.org The mission of Support Solutions is to inspire and support a culture of possibilities.

We are an Equal Opportunity Employer

124 Canal St., Lewiston • 207-795-0672 ext. 2108

The Laws of Golf: LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

Rejected Invitation Submitted by Jimbo

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.

"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?"

"Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell convenience, so I made it risk."

Smart Kid Submitted by Jimbo

Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!"

"Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied.

"Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here.

Today I'm the boss."

Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you sit over there in Mommy's chair!"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Relay for Life

The Laws of Golf: LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

Welcome to the team JOHN FROST Head Donut Maker (formerly of Frosty’s Donuts in Brunswick)

• Now offering 36 varieties of donuts, 7 days a week!

• Hand-cut, freshly made on-site • 5 different types of jelly donuts: blueberry, lemon, strawberry, apple & raspberry • Twist donuts & cinnamon swirl buns • 3 different flavored cakes: blueberry, apple crisp & pumpkin Also featuring: Pastries • Pies • Breads • Wicked Joe Coffee Over 500 Labels of Wine

Bakery

Coming Soon!

Live Lobsters, Clams and also offering Lobster & Clam Bakes Call FMI

72 Lisbon Road Lisbon, Maine

WineCellar 353-7552 &

Fresh Native Produce FRESH FRUIT Robin Dufour & Alyvia Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Cheeses - Milks & More Everything you need in your pantry & fridge!

FRESH VEGETABLES

The Laws of Golf: LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say: Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost!

Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

Out ’n About at Relay for Life

Roger, are you prepared to be famous?

Gene Couillard & Roger Maheux

Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say: You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

Frozen T-shirt contest

Madison Avenue Salon

Makeover Contest Nominate any deserving individual!

Contest Details • Nominee must be at least 18 years old • Submit a brief summary of why they need a makeover, via email, Facebook message, or regular mail • Include nominee’s name, address, telephone number and photo • Deadline for submissions is July 31, 2012 • Winner announced August 15, 2012

Top 5 submissions win FREE cut, color, makeup and mani-pedi!

170 Main Street • Auburn

782-5920 Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say: I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.

Ellen Bardstreet & Kathy Heath Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Pre-birth Class Submitted by Jimbo

Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say: Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.

The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"

One of the women spoke up immediately.

"Does she cook?"

Texas Doctor Charles Alderton, American inventor of the Dr. Pepper soft drink, was born in 1857 in Brooklyn, New York.

While working as a soda clerk in 1885 at the Old Corner Drug Store in Waco, Texas, Charles concocted the soda fountain syrup that later became known as Dr. Pepper.

Trivia fans: His customers originally asked for the drink by asking Alderton to shoot them a "Waco."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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PARTS • SALES • SERVICE WE FEATURE: • Service For All Makes • Parts For All Makes • Sales of New International Trucks • Sales Of Used Trucks Of All Makes

Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

Out ’n About at Relay for Life I’m having a Sweet Dream right now...

Rick Kennedy Sweet Dreams Gourmet

WE NOW HAVE OUR FEDERAL FIREARM LICENSE FAITH WANTS

YOU

TO REMEMBER YOUR RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS!

Frankie’s Pawn @ PAWN • BUY • SELL • TRADE

Music Equipment • Tools • Electronics • Gifts & Collectibles

128 Lewiston Street, Mechanic Falls • 346-3588

Shawn Small Sweet Dreams Gourmet

Tues. - Sat. 10-6 • Closed Sun. & Mon.

Try our Cajun Turkey Sandwich!

Thinly sliced turkey, piled high on your choice of 9 fresh-baked breads, with Cajun sauce, avocado, lettuce, tomatoes & onion.

Served with a pickle and your choice of cole slaw, chips or potato salad.

Locally Owned & Operated HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm Sun 10am-8pm

600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • www.heidisauburn.com

Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Jennifer Buschman Sweet Dreams Gourmet Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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TIME TO CASH IN! Special pricing for quantities and contractors!

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Automobile & Truck Batteries Die Cast Alloy Rims #1 Steel Prepared/better grading/better payout Catalytic Converters Cell Phone Scrap Computer Towers Stainless Electronic Scrap Mother Boards • Core’s Brass • Alternators • Starters • Motors • Pumps Computer Board Scraps Copper • Aluminum • Insulated Wire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

Always paying the best prices!

Clean scrap = great prices!

Everyone is treated with respect

(prices subject to market changes) We love our customers!

We pay the highest prices in town. Stop by and see us!

15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm Gary McCraw (L) Lennie Shanahan (R)

615-7057 or 795-8887

Bev & Peter

Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house

The Way Submitted by Jimbo

IS YOUR TEEN USING DRUGS? Wipe & Spray Drug Detection Assessment Step 1.

Call us to schedule an in-home wipe & spray test. To test for the presence of drugs on commonly-used surfaces in your home and vehicles.

Step 2.

One of our experienced professionals will come to your home and wipe down desired surfaces, then perform the spray test for detection of substances.

Step 3.

You are given the results of the test, and the piece of mind of truly knowing if your teen is using drugs or not.

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS

There where once two brothers called William and Wayne. Will was 12 years old and his little brother was 3.

The neighbors noticed they always went around together, if William went down to the ballpark, his little brother would toddle along behind him, even if the game was a bit rough, and when Wayne went to playgroup, his elder brother would come too, and sit there with all the toddlers.

One neighbor thought this was really strange, so one day he leaned over the fence and asked the boys' mother why they were so inseparable even though they had nothing in common.

"Well," the mother replied, "didn't you know? 'Where there's a Will there's a Wayne.'"

Pregnant Wife A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: VERBAL: able to whine in words

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

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Melanie Roy & Annette Roy SMCC

Have you paddled our lovely Androscoggin River lately?

Support Solutions would like to congratulate their Dolphin Athletes on their participation at the State Summer Games of the 2012 Special Olympics.

We are proud of each athlete's performance!

See Support Solution’s ad on page 31 to learn more about what they do.

turns 50 Ye o h

! old

I’m hungry!

Let’s take all this cash and head to Jasmine Cafe.

w

Great job to all of our Olympians!

s ar

All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Diets are hard - today I had cupcakes without sprinkles.

Loo k

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow

Wish

CHRISTINE ROBICHAUD a Happy Birthday on July 9th Love, Emily & the crew at Panache!

You are a lousy cook if... You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.

Auburn Mayor Jonathan LaBonte also representing Androscoggin Land Trust

I’m so happy to be back in the Digest!

Alina Burke

Out ’n About at Relay for Life The Great Falls Credit Union Team consisted of staff, board volunteers as well as credit union members who joined in the relay walk on June 15th, 2012. Here they pose in front of their display, “Castle Cancernot”.

Thayer Corporation Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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783-7039

Today is yesterday's pupil. – Thomas Fuller

Lazy fact #126744368842085: you were too lazy to read that number.

Maine’s ONLY premier indoor “TOP GUN” shooting range

Everyone welcome

• Firearm rentals • Lessons • Open Daily • Call for prices & membership • Concealed weapons classes

MEN CAN FIX ANYTHING! Submitted by Glen Gisel

Car stereo stolen?

I can fix that!

481 Maine St. Poland Spring 998-2806 • 576-9535 576-1553

"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."

– Author Unknown

Out ’n About at Relay for Life Bookshelf cracking under the weight? I can fix that!

Can't afford a real GPS? I can fix that!

Megan & baby Jackson Goddard, Jennifer Sherwood & Sandy Orr I’m not overweight. I’m just nine inches too short. – Shelley Winters

No ice chest?

I can fix that!

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Out ’n About at the KIDS KEEPIN ON FOR CANCER Hula Hoop-a-thon

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

held at the Ramada in Lewiston

Whether it’s hula hooping or beating cancer, Keep Keepin On!

Restaurant & Lounge

L/A’s modern lounge & nightclub

This month at Fusion...

Every Wednesday (l to r)

Baylee Valente &

Abi Beaucauge Baylee was the runner up. Abi was the winner with a hula-hoop time of 48 min 55 seconds!

Karaoke & Ladies Night w/ DJ Jeff St. Armand

Every Saturday

DJ Kool V

Entertainment Lineup July 6th July 13th July 20th July 27th

Forefront The Grumps DJ Jeff St. Armand Veggies By Day

Next year I’m gonna own this event!

Restaurant & Lounge @ Ramada Inn 490 Pleasant St. Lewiston

576-6384

www.FusionLewiston.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Real advertisements from around the country: In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

A healthy adult male consumes each year one-and-one-half times his own weight in other people's patience.

Slipping Away Submitted by Richard Collins

MONDAY The Fergy

TUESDAY Meatball Subs

WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners 1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

THURSDAY Mini Pizza

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians with 1.5 Liter Drink

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99 Real advertisements from around the country: Our bikinis are exciting.

They are simply the tops.

beer special $ 50

2 Pints

Every Monday throughout July!

783-6885 www.macsgrill.com

Steak Chicken Seafood

✁Expires 7.31.12

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

$

According to geologists, Los Angeles, and everything on the west side of the San Andreas Fault, is moving, or slipping, north at the rate of about 1.5 inches per year. There are 2341 miles between Los Angeles and Anchorage, which figures out to 148,325,760 inches.

Therefore Los Angeles will arrive in Anchorage in 98,883,840 years. I can’t wait.

Call us for your catering needs!

Try us for Lunch!

2 OFF

Any Lunch Special with this coupon Cannot be combined with any other special. One coupon per person.

Real advertisements from around the country: Auto Repair Service.

Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

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The First Parent

by Bill Cosby

Local Restaurants & Entertainment VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his kids.

After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."

"Don't what?", Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."

"Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?"

"It's over there," said God, wondering why He hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

Rent the Gathering Room at Gippers!

Book your meetings & functions for up to 80 people

Special catering menu available Call Terry at 786-0715 for more information and availability

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm • Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com Things Kids Say in Science Class: Water vapor gets together in a big cloud.

When it gets big enough to be called a drop, it does.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry.

"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked.

"Then why did you?"

"I dunno," Adam answered.

God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

JULY 2012

786-2695 www.sparetimerec.com

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

42

24 Mollison Way • Lewiston

783-7039

to see our daily specials & prices

1/2 OFF

When you mention this ad A regular $15.00 value • Expires 7.31.12

FRIDAY & SATURDAY 9:30PM – Midnight

Real advertisements from around the country: On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

What’s Going On In July at the Chick!

All Month Long in July 3 Great Specials 1. Mariners Platter: Scallops, Haddock Shrimp, Fries & Coleslaw – $11.95

Open All Day Wednesday, July 4th Lobster Clam Bake

2. Baked Stuffed Jumbo Shrimp w/ Lobster Sauce, Potato & Salad – $9.95 3. Fried Ocean Scallop Boat with Fries, Onion Rings & Coleslaw – $12.95

Lobster, Steamer Clams, Red Potatoes, Corn on the Cob, Homemade Blueberry Cake

Gotta Love the Chick!

Also – Baked Stuffed Lobster

Disetoen Chick-oAf L-ew You’re gonna like it!

$

22.95

This is delicious! —

$

15.95

Businesses: For sizeable take-out orders we will deliver FREE Large or Small Platters Available call for a fax menu

1472 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 376-3870

"Just because I laugh a lot, doesn't mean my life is easy. Just because I have a smile on my face every day, doesn't mean that something is not bothering me. I just choose to move on, and not dwell on all the negatives in my life. Every new moment gives me the chance to renew anew. I choose to be that."

– Author Unknown Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say: Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend... you might want to consider throwing a party.

I once thought about cloning a new, more efficient brain, but then I realized that I was getting a head of myself.

2-Fer Specials Available Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday

2 Fer $14.95

2 Fer $16.95

Chicken Cordon Bleu *Chicken Tenders *Clam Cakes Liver & Onions Roast Stuffed Turkey Virginia Baked Ham Steak Chopped Sirloin Steak **Manicotti w/ garlic bread

Village Inn Baked Scrod *Fish & Chips *Fried Maine Shrimp Baked Haddock Special Baked Stuffed Haddock

You may mix meal choices at the 2 Fer $16.95 price

**Shrimp Salad or **Chef Salad

w/ shrimp stuffing

Broiled Haddock Steak Tips

Outdoor Patio

w/onions (plain or teriyaki)

All meals served with choice of potato & vegetable with the following exceptions: *served with french fries & cole slaw • **served as is (no sides) All meals served with rolls & butter

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Willie Danforth, Bobby Emond & Paul Emond

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

I GOT MUGGED AT 150 MILL!

Home of the newest Mug Club in L/A

150 Mill Street, Lewiston • 782-2088 • www.davinciseatery.com

Out ’n About at Relay for Life

Janice Lare & Laurie Pelletier Community Credit Union

You’re looking at two true Rednecks...

Gabriel Smith, Gunnar Rowe, Ken, Leah & Cindy Violette

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am (All breakfast specials include coffee)

$

5 Washington Street, Auburn • 783-4304

Dan Pierce & Harold Brooks

Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome

Redneck Rodeo & Redneck “Blank”

Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

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1 OFF 00

Any Purchase of $500 or more 1 coupon per order

For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act, but he was just going through a stage.

✁

Expires 7.31.12

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCH

MEN CAN FIX ANYTHING! Submitted by Glen Gisel

Wall of Fame Inductee

I saw.

I conquered.

I can’t believe he ate the whole thing!

Now offering beer & wine.

And – A New Dinner Menu!

Open from 7am - 2pm every morning, and also 3 - 8pm on Fridays & Saturdays.

Bill Conroy of Lisbon

Join us for dinner!

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Can't read the ATM screen? I can fix that!

Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577

Car imported from the wrong country?

I can fix that!

Things Kids Say in Science Class: Mushrooms always grow in damp places which is why they look like umbrellas.

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!

Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

2 for 1

Monday Night Scrambles 5:00PM Shotgun Start - Every Monday Singles or full teams are accepted

Must present this coupon to receive

ONE FREE GREEN FEE for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thru Thursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play. ✃Expires 7.31.12

Junior Golf Schools

Satellite go out in the rain? I can fix that!

Age 11-17 Starting in July!

Call Gray Rec. Dept. at 657-2323 for info/sign-up

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com

Things Kids Say in Science Class: The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

Electric stove broken and can't heat coffee?

I fixed that.

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Livin’ on the URBAN EDGE

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

July Special Offers Buy 1 Appetizer

Get 1 Appetizer Rae Anne Latouche has recently joined the team at Urban Edge Hair Salon.

For the past nine years Rae Anne has been living her passion of being a hair designer.

She throughly enjoys getting to know her clients and creating a cut that is perfect for their face shape and lifestyle.

Rae Anne has taken many advanced cutting classes and specializes in foiling, advanced coloring techniques, grey blending and grey coverage. Rae Anne also enjoys updo’s and make-up application. She is a perfect addition to your wedding day or special occasion as she creates red carpet quality updo’s and blowouts.

Rae Anne works Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays & is willing to accommodate your needs. Schedule your appointment and be prepared to be pampered today.

Contact Rae Anne at Urban Edge Salon at 1117 Center Street, Auburn. Or call 784-3522.

See their ad on page 16.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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FREE DESSERT

15% OFF

FREE

with purchase of any 2 entrees

Your entire bill

Equal or lesser value.

Not to be combined with any other offer Limit 1 coupon per order Expires 7.31.12

Not to be combined with any other offer Limit 1 coupon per order Expires 7.31.12

Not to be combined with any other offer Limit 1 coupon per order Expires 7.31.12

1 FREE SUSHI with any Chef’s Creation Maki Roll or Combo Entree

FREE FREE CRISPY SODA OR TEA

with any order of $5 or more

Not to be combined with any other offer Not to be combined with any other offer to be per combined Limit Not 1 coupon order with any other offer Limit 1 coupon per order Limit 1 coupon Expires 7.31.12 per order / Expires 3.31.12 Expires 7.31.12

WONTON WITH THAI SALSA with any order of $20 or more Not to be combined with any other offer Limit 1 coupon per order Expires 7.31.12

Happy Hour Every Day 3pm-6pm

Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi 730 Center Street, Auburn • Auburn Plaza • NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA

376-4855

jasminecafemaine.com This old shoe is on its last leg.

Contacts are easy to lose, so keep your eyes on them.

BUILDING A NEW HOME THIS YEAR? New home packages like this

MEN CAN FIX ANYTHING! Submitted by Glen Gisel

Complete move in condition!

No hidden costs!

Onsite construction NOT A MODULAR! Owner finishes 2nd floor & builds equity

28’ x 34’ CAPE on your lot

$148,750 Price subject to change without notice Some restrictions apply - call for details

Energy Efficient New Homes • Remodeling • Additions • Energy Efficient Upgrades

R.L. BUILDERS Inc. Quality Residential Construction since 1994

Contact Rudy at 576-0847 RLBuildersinc.com

What the?!

Out ’n About at Relay for Life

Display rack falling over? I can fix that!

Elaina Cash, Patrick Patterson & Dawn Pennell

For All Your Custom Upholstery Needs Seat Covers • Tonneau Covers Convertible Tops & Headliners Motorcycle & Snowmobile Seats Boat • RV’s • Airplanes & More!

Relocating 300 Cressey to in MonmouRd. th on Sept. 1s t

Leo Beaudin

782-3822

CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY 28 Riverside Drive, Auburn

Exhaust pipe dragging?

I can fix that!

"Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them."

– Richard L. Evans

Real advertisements from around the country: In restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.

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Out ’n About at the KIDS KEEPIN ON FOR CANCER Hula Hoop-a-thon held at the Ramada in Lewiston

The Laws of Golf: LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

BOATS!!!

Full Service & Repairs

• Engine work/replacement • Drive/lower unit repair • Installing all accessories

FULLY STOCKED SHOWROOM • Safety gear • Fish finders • Watersport toys • Batteries • Marine radio • Authorized Venture • Tons of trailer parts & trailer dealer accessories And much more!

30% OFF ALL IN-STOCK WATER TOYS & ACCESSORIES Water Skis, Tow Ropes, Wakeboards, Tubes & More

STOP BY TODAY!

Ashlyn Jean came up with the idea for this fundraiser

Bring it around town!

65 North River Rd., Auburn Open 7 days a week: M-S 8-7; S 9-4

784-3888 www.auburnmarineandsmallengine.com

SMALL ENGINE & OUTDOOR POWER EQUIPMENT TANAKA Outdoor Power Equipment

Ashlyn Jean

• Weedwackers • Leaf blowers • Chainsaws & more

7 YEAR WARRANTY ON NEW TANAKAS

We service all major brands John Deere® Master Technician

doing the multi hula hoop contest...and winning!

Q: What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A: A tire.

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The Laws of Golf: LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to, will always be the one who beats you.

The Laws of Golf: LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

PQ OOLWBUILDERS OF MAINE ,O S .

Livin’ on the URBAN EDGE

UALITY ORKMANSHIP UTSTANDING ERVICE $ 995 3

Angie Lenhert

3 Person

Hot Tub

Picnic Tables NEW PRODUCT LINE! from $200 to $350 for 6', 8' and hexagon sizes. Can build to suit.

25% OFF All EZ Color Products

Schedule your inground or above ground now!

BEST PRICES GUARANTEED!!

NEW LOCATION (across from Coleman’s Collision) Mon-Sat 9-5 • Sunday 10-3

1525 Minot Ave. Auburn

795-7222

www.poolbuildersofmaine.com The Laws of Golf: LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

recently joined the stylists at Urban Edge Hair Studio on Center Street in Auburn. She has seven years of experience in a wide variety of services in the beauty industry. Angie specializes in cuts, colors, and highlighting and also loves doing pedicures and shellac manicures. She is devoted to perfecting her craft and has taken many classes from some of industries biggest names. Augage CHI, Paul Mitchell, and American Crew.

Angie lives in Lewiston with her husband Zack and their baby Evelynn.

When Angie isn't busy in the salon you can find her playing outside with her daughter and watching the Red Sox in the evenings.

Angie truly enjoys making her clients look and feel great and she would love to be your new stylist. Call and make an appointment today.

Contact Angie at Urban Edge Salon at 1117 Center Street, Auburn. Or call 784-3522.

See their ad on page 16.

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MEN CAN FIX ANYTHING! Submitted by Glen Gisel

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

What’s your favorite things to do in the summer?

It’s Summer...

Let’s get to work!

Gotta feed the baby AND do the laundry?

I can fix that!

Cables falling behind the desk? I can fix that!

(We actually think that's ingenious).

It's only an error until you refuse to correct it, then it's a mistake.

Q: What did Mother broom say to Baby broom?

Whatever it is, have fun & stay safe!

A: It's time to go to sweep.

If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

Fall in love with someone who deserves your heart, not someone who plays with it.

Qu il te rs & K n it te rs!

Check out our: • 2000+ bolts of contemporary quilt fabrics • Custom cut jelly rolls, layer cakes & charm packs • Lots of batiks, brights, polka dots & stripes • Huge selection of sock yarn & Maine yarns • Basketry supplies

One of the first movie cliff-hanging serials, "The Perils of Pauline," premiered in Los Angeles, California, in 1914.

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Hours: Mon-Fri 10 to 5 Sat 10 to 4; Tues ‘til 8

909 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-4486

Quilt-Essentials.com Tennis players don't marry because Love means nothing to them.

Little Blonde Moments

By Natasha Piirainen

The office could use some more rooms, but that's a whole other storey.

PAVING & SEALCOATING Residential & Commercial My sister is wonderful; she has a gentle soul and wouldn’t hurt a fly, and goes out of her way to be nice to everyone, but sometimes she suffers from what we at the Piirainen house like to call little blonde moments. With the lightest hair of the four girls, it’s a fitting title for her sometimes thoughtless moments.

For example just the other day she was eating Thai food in my room and asked me if I wanted some. “No thanks,” I said, “I’m not really in the mood for Asian food.”

“Asian food?” she responded, “But this is Thai food!” Of course after a small pause to let herself realize what she said, she adds, “Oh, my.

Please pretend I didn’t just say that.”

She’ll be happy to see I’ve immortalized the moment in Uncle Andy’s Digest for everyone to read.

My favorite blonde moment of hers, though, happened on our way to a doctor’s appointment; we had never met him nor had ever been there before, and on the side of the building a sign read something similar to the following: Parkway Dr. Bldg 4 Upon seeing the sign, my well-meaning sister announced, “Doctor Buldge? I’ve never heard a name like that before!”

Of course the rest of us could not hide our laughter, and she couldn’t understand why until my father explained to her, “That means Parkway Drive, building four.”

Her face got red, but she was a good sport about it and laughed with the rest of us, knowing full well it wasn’t the first, and certainly wouldn’t be the last of her little blonde moments.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Call for FREE Estimates

MELANSON CONSTRUCTION, I NC. 84 No Name Pond Road, Lewiston • 784-5899

Out ’n About at Relay for Life

Beckah Zallerand, Denise Bazinet & Brittany Bazinet

You'll Laugh

You'll Learn

With lots of humor, Imus is joined by Imus asks tough questions of celebrities, politicians Warner, Bernie, Lou and Dagen. and media stars and they still come back for more.

Add comedians Tony Powell and Rob Combine that with our award winning local news Bartlett, starting your day is more fun. and your mornings are complete.

L-A’s

WEZR RADIO

1240

Listen to AM 1240 weekdays 6 to 10 AM

Things Mom Would Never Say: "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."

Things Mom Would Never Say: "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"

SAVE GAS - RIDE A GOLF CART • Campers • Senior Citizens • Campground and RV Owners • Free Delivery - 40 mile radius • Conversion Lift Kits • 4 passenger cars

HUGE SALE

Out ’n About at the Home Show It’s about time Uncle Andy does something he says he gonna do!

497 Washington St. Auburn • 783-3232 Denis Lebel Sherm Arnold’s Flooring

You mean put these pictures of us in the Digest?

Penny Walton, Judy Callahan & Susan Peck

Out ’n About at Relay for Life

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote!

“The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

Things Mom Would Never Say: "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"

Todd Lebel Sherm Arnold’s Flooring

In 1953, New Zealand beekeeper Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tensing Norkay became the first climbers to reach the top of Mt. Everest.

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Out ’n About at the KIDS KEEPIN ON FOR CANCER Hula Hoop-a-thon

Things Mom Would Never Say: "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"

held at the Ramada in Lewiston There are many events for adults to raise money for cancer, why can’t kids raise money, too?

CCU’s Home Branch

Land Loan

ATV Loan

Club Account

Business Checking Account

Home Equity

Money Orders

AD&D

Life Saver Account

Money Market Account

Loan

New/Used Auto Loan

FREE SPACE!

Privilege

Notary Public Service

Camper Loan

Individual Retirement Account

Monty Moose Account

Manufactured

Special

Housing Loan

Investment Account

Snowmobile

Ashlyn Jean & Crissy Dallaire talk about the fundraiser and battling cancer

Insurance

Student Loans

Member

Unsecured

Line of Credit Individual Development Account

LeCheque Mate Overdraft

LA

Line of Credit

Connection

Chelsea Major with total focus

The KEEPIN ON Foundation poster. Helping kids make a difference!

You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When... You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When... You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

For All Your Salon & Spa Needs JULY SPECIAL

$

10 OFF

Ashlee, Shannon, Hannah, Kelley, Mel & Darcy

All Massages & Facials

to get updates on special services & promotions

—Now Hiring Stylists & LMT’s—

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1611

Tues. 10am-7pm Wed.-Fri. 10am-6pm • Sat. 9am-2pm

Full Line Gunsmith Service Check out our website for weekly specials!

JTReidgunshop.com

J.T. REID’S GUNS Jamie Pelletier, Manager jtreidsgunshop.com

DRIVING RANGE

RESTAURANT

Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

MINI-GOLF

Burgers • Dogs L-A’s Be st Onion Rings Frie s • Ice Cre am THIS MONTH AT TABER’S Class Night e ver y Mon. & Wed. in July & August, 5-7pm.

Call for de tails

8th Annual Sock Hop August 4th

TABERS

Submitted by Jimbo

Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, "My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast ball from the pitcher's mound and run and catch it just after it crosses the plate!"

One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot an arrow from his bow and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the arrow hits the bulls eye!"

We Buy, Sell & Trade

86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579

Super Fast

Open 7 days a week!

Lake Shore Drive, (first left after the lake) Off Rt. 4 in Auburn

www.tabersgolf.com

You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When... You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

The last boy said, "Your dads don't even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even though he works every day until 4:00 he gets home at 3:30!"

Grandparent Funnies When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in.

Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa.

Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

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Out ’n About at DaVinci’s for the MDA Lock-up

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

I’m in jail for a good reason, I promise!

Nancy Girouard Willow Run Dental

I’m using my Singing Bowl to attract positive energy to this bunch of Jailbirds.

Laurianne Anctil Holistic Therapist Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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I met a girl at an internet cafe, but we didn't click.

In the room the curtains were drawn, but the rest of the furniture was real.

Out ’n About at DaVinci’s for the MDA Lock-up

Amanda Poltak MDA

Deb Dallago MDA

Mary McMullin MDA

Things Kids Say in Science Class: A monsoon is a French gentleman.

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Out ’n About at Relay for Life

When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.

Adam, Debbie, Wanda, Ann, Tim, Karen & Jillian of Roll with The Punches

PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING? Ask about our signature models!

CALL FOR PRICING

G.A. DOWNING The Hopes Angels Team

782.4508 or 800.924.4500

Service Rental Sales

111 Woodman Hill Road, Minot www.gadowning.com

Just like Woody said in Toy Story, Reach for the sky...

"It used to be all fun and games." – Cyclops

Zumba

The Center for Angels St. Mary's Center for Cancer & Blood Disorders Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The Laws of Golf: LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

PET & OWNER OF THE MONTH Sophie seems to really enjoy the time she spends with the gang at Doggone Fun. She comes home all tuckered out from playing with her buddies. The staff is very friendly and spends a lot of time interacting with the dogs. The facility is clean, well maintained and they are always adding new features. It is comforting knowing that the owners live on site and can remotely monitor the dogs after hours. I recommend Doggone Fun Daycare to anyone I know who is looking for a fun, safe place for their dog to stay.

Out ’n About at DaVinci’s for the MDA Lock-up PLEASE bail me out! I can’t take these conditions anymore! Wait, do I smell garlic knots?

Nancy Puffer & her dog Sophie

Daycare & 24/7 Boarding Facility

528 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

786-2794 DogGoneFunDoggyDayCare.com

Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Laurie Danforth Carbonite

Out ’n About at the KIDS KEEPIN ON FOR CANCER Hula Hoop-a-thon at the Ramada

The Hula Hoop Gang Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

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Expert on Parenting

Things Mom Would Never Say: "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! DAILY SPECIALS

The following is a true story written by an educational psychologist and her experience on a plane.

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.

The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten greatgrandchildren in Boston.

Then she inquired what I did for a living.

Monday - 2 Crabmeat Rolls . . . . . . . . .$8.95 w/salad & chips

Tues. Wed. & Thurs.

Fried Clams - sm. $11.75 . . . .lg. $15.25 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . . . . . . .$7.95 w/potato, carrots, gravy & rolls

Friday & Saturday

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . .$6.95

After 4:00 PM Prime Rib Au Jus*

Thursday - 2 Lobster Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.95

Small $13.50 • Large $16.25

Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried Haddock* $11.65

w/potato & rolls w/ salad & chips Hey y’all...

Come try our fried clams! All of our wonderful customers rave about them!!

Baked Stuffed Haddock* Small $10.25 • Large $13.95

Fried Seafood Combo* $16.95

Grilled Salmon $11.25 includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Coleslaw *with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw

I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.

Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

In 1999, the U.S. Postal Service gave its stamp of approval to digital postage. It was the first time in 80 years that the Postal Service introduced a new form of postage.

E-stamp.com and Stamps.com were the first two companies approved.

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or Vegetable & Rolls

Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm

Cyndi Dodd

64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

Out ’n About at DaVinci’s for the MDA Lock-up Thanks to your donations to MDA I'm looking forward to my summer at camp!

Michael & Zachary Quinn Things Mom Would Never Say: "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"

The Laws of Golf: LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

Welcome to the team

HEATHER CRAWFORD Cindy

Lynn Emily & Christine, Co-owners

Michelle

Elizabeth

studio for hair, nails & massage

Cosmetologist & Nail Technician ~ 9 years experience ~ Welcoming all clients and accepting new clients

20 Coburn Street, Auburn (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday

782-9009

Available Tuesdays-Saturdays Call for an appointment today!

Kathy

Micaela

www.panacheauburn.com

The Laws of Golf: LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).

Cumberland Pellet Stove

$

2495

for the month of May

Adirondack Chairs

ood Products F in e W & Stove Sales

224-7239

Over 30

2742 Auburn Rd. Turner, ME 04282

years experience

(1 mile north of intersection of Rt. 4 and 219)

Hot Tubs

Clean Burning Technology

www.finewoodproducts.net robm@finewoodproducts.net Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Out ’n About at Relay for Life Life is Good!

Nancy Moyer Relay for Life staff/volunteer Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Owl Friend

Real advertisements from around the country: Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Submitted by Anna Waldman

Each evening bird lover Uncle Andy stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him.

For a year, Uncle Andy and his feathered friend hooted back and forth.

He even kept a log of the "conversation."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.

"My husband spends his nights... calling out to owls," she said.

XTREME ATHLETICS Xtreme Fit ◆ Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Kempo Karate ◆ Private Lessons

Adult Classes • 3 Different Child Age Groups

NEW STUDENT SPECIAL Train now to Labor Day Includes FREE GI

Real advertisements from around the country: Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

now at Benoit’s Bakery

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www.xtremeathleticsmaine.com 18 Highland Spring Rd. • Lewiston Phone: 786-9100

“Donut Man” John Frost

& Jimbo

$

Check out our videos, class schedule & more online at:

"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

just

John Frost of Brunswick has recently joined the ranks at Benoit's Bakery and Wine Cellar in Lisbon, as their Head Donut Maker. Frost, formerly of Frosty's Donuts in Brunswick, brings to the company over 36 years of professional donut making experience and his special secret ingredient and techniques that his previous customers came to enjoy over the years. Frost's parents started the original Frosty's Donuts over 46 years ago, "if you count all the years as a kid I helped my dad make donuts, then I guess I actually have 46 years of experience," Frost quipped. John was the owner of Frosty's in Bath for 27 years also.

The addition of Frost to the Benoit's Bakery team has already began to take the company to a new level. They now feature donuts 7 Days a week, and at last count have 35 different types of donuts available, with at least 25 different types available on a daily basis. "The twist donuts are a favorite..." Frost remarked," ..we also have maple, chocolate, 5 different types of jelly like blueberry, lemon, apple strawberry & raspberry. There's 3 different types of cake donuts, like pumpkin, apple crisp & blueberry & there's even a maple donut or twist topped with a strip of real bacon. I'm very excited about this new opportunity and look forward to bring customers & friends old or new, the best donuts around." Benoit's Bakery General Manager Greg Hird stated, "The addition of John to our team has had an immediate positive impact. We're blessed to have John and all of his experience on our team. Our donut business is already growing steadily and we're excited about where things are headed, and also about being able to offer these amazing donuts to our customers."

Benoit's Bakery & Wine Cellar is located at 72 Lisbon Rd in Lewiston and can be contacted by phone at 353-7552. They offer baked goods, nuts, cheeses, breads, donuts & pastries and also have over 500 labels of wine. Their farm stand is also open at the same location offering Fresh Native Produce. Stop by and say hello to John today! See the Benoit’s Bakery ad on page 32.

Real advertisements from around the country: Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Real advertisements from around the country: Fitness Center sign: "Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts.

WEBSTER’S TRADING CO. This Month’s Specials

BUY • SELL • TRADE • PAWN

NEED A LOAN?

We’ll buy, trade, pawn your gun collection!

HUGE SELECTION

OF GUNS Stop in – 150 Minot Ave, Auburn • 795-6402 Let’s talk!!

10” 2-Topping Large Ham Pizza & Cheese Sub $7.25 $3.99 4-pc. Roadies Chicken Dinner .......................................$5.99

www.websterstradingcompany.com

Maine Seasonal Pest Control Andrew Ferguson Master Applicator

346-1678

July is get rid of ants month!

Uncle Andy says it’s time to pray I mean spray for bugs!

S A N I PLUS FOR YOUR CELLAR

No Need for Chiseling or Building Up a Floor Base

The S A N I PLUS is the answer for most toilet and bathroom situations.

It can be installed up to 15 feet below the sewer level and/or 150 feet away from a soil stack. The S A N I PLUS is simple to install, pumps away waste water from a toilet, hand basin, bathtub and shower, and is connected to a low consumption toilet.

MESeasonalPest@aol.com Lic # CMA44691/7A7B7E

HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Call us!

No Separating Required!

1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 ADD A NEW BATHROOM

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.

FOUR SEASON SERVICE

Downeast Sharpening Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

BUDGET PLANS AVAILABLE

7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond

DOLMAR

shindaiwa

655-4635

www.downeastsharpening.com

DOG BOXES FOR YOUR VEHICLE! Custom made to fit your needs.

Helping People Manage Their Energy Dollars...

Oh yeah... we do that every day!!

Call us today at 225-3000 for creative energy solutions.

Visit us on Facebook to see many custom-built dog boxes.

Great for Hunters – Guides – & more

www.tailfeathersuplandstore.com 1311 Roosevelt Trail (Rt. 302) • Raymond • 655-1030

Real advertisements from around the country: 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

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Out ’n About at

Sea 40’s

The Laws of Golf: LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play.

If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

Grand Opening

Live music by

Chad Porter

Meghan Bruno & Kathy Meservier Hostesses

All aboard the

Sushi Boat Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The Laws of Golf: LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.

Sheba & Winnie

Sally

Since Dec. 13 2010

Since May 2 2012

Since May 18 2011

Freud

65 Washington St., Dog Grooming Auburn, ME 04210 Daycare & Boutique (207) 333-3640

Est. 2008

The only fully-staffed, cage-free, one-stop shop doggy daycare facility that offers 6,000 sq. ft. of climate-controlled indoor play area, and 20,000 sq. ft. of outdoor play area for small, medium and large dogs!

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT

thedoggzinn@gmail.com • www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn

http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

Since Jan. 20 2012

Rio

Since Jan. 3 2012

Dexter

Since Feb. 3 2011

Mokey & Gobo

OUT ’N ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE

Things Mom Would Never Say: "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for.

It's not like I'm running a prison around here."

Welcome to summer, Uncle Andy’s Digesters. It is finally officially here – the summer days and the summer nights, blackflies and mosquito bites. With the summer brings BBQs, swimming in the creek and yes, mowing the lawn. Hey, it can’t all be fun, right?

Now since we will all be celebrating the wonderful independence of our extraordinary country, there is a drastic difference this year. You will no longer have to cross the state line and smuggle your bottle rockets, hoosker-doos and hoosker-don’ts and any other fireworks back across the highly patrolled Maine borders, because they are now legal in the Vacationland. All you need to do is jump into the pickup (or hybrid sedan if you prefer) and head over to Scarborough and stock up on all of your firework needs at Atlas Fireworks. They have a great selection at great prices and who doesn’t love fireworks? Other than old Fido, but he can’t hold his bladder anymore these days anyway. Now don’t be a chowdah head once you fill your vehicle with a larger fireworks display than they have at Halfwaytonowhere, ME. Be safe and remember fireworks are great when used responsibly.

Just in case you get the bad idea to try and make your fireworks display visible from Neptune, you might want to check into some insurance from the Modern Woodmen of America for some quality life insurance, or perhaps you need some help with financial assistance because you took out a second mortgage on the house for stuff to light on fire and blow up.

Either way, check them out to see their full line of services.

Digesters, it is past my bedtime and we all know I need my beauty sleep more than a bird needs its wings! Until next month, Happy 4th of July and GO TEAM USA. I love the Olympics!

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Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

The trailer for the movie was produced without a hitch!

Out ’n About at

Sea 40’s

We’re Moving!

Now - July 31st, still at our current location: 600 Center St. Plaza.

As of August 1st, check out our new salon located at 392 Center St., next to Dunkin’ Donuts.

Back l to r: Kellyann, Terry, Michael, Linda & Nuria.

Front l to r: Cory, Tina Kelly & Kathy

Grand Opening You’ve gotta try the Sushi boat...

That’s right, it’s for SAIL!

No need to call 9-1-1.

This is an everyday, several times a day occurrence at Sea 40!

The chefs put on quite a show for their guests!!

Open up for Sake’s sake!

by August 1st • (Next to Dunkin Donuts)

I didn't want to buy leather shoes, but eventually I was suede.

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Disaster Encounter

We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn't even afford to pay attention.

Submitted by Jimbo

"Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him.

Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know.

He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son.

Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.

Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly.

"Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself.

He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did.

Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten.

He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.

Handy Hardware 9 Depot Square, Mechanic Falls Hours: M-F 7am-5pm; Sat/ 8am-5pm; Sun 9am-1pm

345-2091

(continued on next page)

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If you wear a blindfold at the shooting range, you won't know what you're missing.

(continued from previous page)

Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners.

Earn

10% MORE with any amount of bottles with this coupon!

In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!"

We’re celebrating America’s birthday so we’re giving away 10% more money for your returnables this month!

"It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room."

Expires 7.31.12

Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.

Richard Conway, owner

He wears glasses during math because it improves divison.

In 1910, Agnes Goinxha Bejaxhiu was born in Skopje, Macedonia. When she grew up, she entered a convent in Ireland, took the name Sister Theresa, and later traveled as a missionary sister to India, where she worked among the poorest of the poor.

BOOK TODAY & BE BEACH READY Ann Dumais

Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

Lisa Olmstead

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

Pauline Guimond

Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw

Jacinta Labbe

We are a full service salon!

Get Your Hair Done Before Work!

We’re open at 6:00am 4 days a week!!

786-4311 Gravity, it's always putting everyone down.

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Hogan Promoted

It's a fact, taller people sleep longer in bed.

Jennifer Hogan

indham •

Located

orth W . 115 in N

0

892-822

on Rt

Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.

“Feels Like Home!”

Our 2012 Donations to date: $

Over 7,000

Sunday at 6:00PM • Monday thru Friday at 6:30PM $

10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $50 - $100

Fridays: 1/2 of all packages goes to W.T.A.

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394 www.LYAFBingo.com Do you ever get tired of sleeping?

Community Credit Union is pleased to announce the promotion of Jennifer Hogan to Executive Vice President. With this new position, Hogan will be responsible for assisting the President/CEO in supervising all functions of the Credit Union specifically the departments of Lending, Marketing, Deposit/Operations, Human Resources and Internal Controls.

Hogan has been with the Credit Union the past five years as the Marketing/ Business Development Director.

Jen is a 2001 graduate of the New England School of Communications in Bangor where she received her Associate’s Degree in Communications. She is also a graduate of the Androscoggin Leadership Development Institute and the Dale Carnegie Training. Hogan is also involved in the community serving as a Board Member and CoChair of the Education Committee for the Androscoggin County Chamber, Immediate Past President for the state board of the Maine Women’s Network, Immediate Past President for the Lewiston-Auburn Rotary Club, a campaign cabinet member for the Androscoggin United Way and a classroom volunteer for Junior Achievement. She resides in Turner with her husband Nick and daughter Chase.

Community CU has two locations at 144 Pine Street, Lewiston & 40 Stanley Street, Auburn. FMI log onto communitycreditunion.com or call 7832096. See their ad on page 55.

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You are a lousy cook if... Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.

Out ’n About at Quilt Essentials in Auburn

Willow Run Dental Association

I've been knitting since I was a child and let me tell you, there's no place like Quilt Essentials!

n Dent Ru

• Family cosmetic dentistry • Emergency same-day care • Most insurance plans accepted

soc.

As al

Now accepting new patients

Willo w

Geraldine Schneider, DMD Scott Beckerman, DMD Jeffrey Sloan, DDS

Mary Field

“Beginning Traditions”

willowrundental.com

"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If I got three more words, I'd add, All the Time."

– Randy Pausch Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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One Willow Run Unit 1-B Auburn, ME

Tired of renting?

Outgrowing your home?

Ready for a change?

From Biddeford to Bangor... we can show you any listing you desire!

Give us a call to sell your home and to view any property in Maine.

Brian & Tracie Vye 207.713.1618

Legacy Realty 681 Sabattus St, Lewiston 207.376.4830 Email: Brian-Tracie@Legacy-Realty.net

Let us do what we do BEST So you can do what you do BEST Cyndi Warren

783-0261

Call us today for a no obligation consultation to see if we can help you do business better!

RCC Business Services, Inc. Financial & Advisory Services for Small Businesses 143 First Flight Drive, Auburn • 795-0663 www.RCCmaine.com

 QuickBooks Consulting  QuickBooks Hosting  Bookkeeping  MaineCare Billing  Accounts Receivable Management  Financial Reporting

Proadvisors, for confidence Certified Staff, for training Hosting, for virtual support

The legbones of a bat are so thin that no bat can walk.

Out ’n About at Quilt Essentials in Auburn

The female ferret is referred to as a jill.

RV DUMP STATION

Basket making is wicker fun!

747 Minot Ave. Auburn (behind Fastenal)

OPEN 24/7 SELF SERVE

Kate Rugan

Fault Finding is like window washing - all the dirt seems to be on the other side.

Be safe this 4th of July

Linda Chamberlain

NOW LEASING - Healy Terrace 81 Ash Street, Lewiston Spacious, contemporary 1 and 2 bedroom units in newly renovated historic building. Elderly 55 plus, non-smoking, Section 8 assisted, elevator, laundry, free parking on site. Fully applianced, heat, hot water, wireless internet included. Accessible units available.

Apply at Lewiston Housing Authority 1 College Street, Lewiston

207-783-1423 8:00am - 5:00pm, Monday - Friday

Dinosaur droppings are called coprolites, and are actually fairly common.

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Wood Promoted

All porcupines float in water.

CHECK OUT OUR STORE ON YOUR WAY TO THE COAST Womans & Childrens pre-loved clothing

Vintage Clothing • China • Crystal Pottery • Collectibles & Much More!

Maine Vintage & Consignment Quality Clothing & Home Goods

Kerry Wood Community Credit Union is pleased to announce the promotion of Kerry Wood to President/ Chief Executive Officer. Wood has been with the Credit Union for eleven years and has served as Executive Vice President since 2004. As the President/ CEO, Wood is responsible for the direction, operation and coordination of a Credit Union with full service offerings; including debt cards, credit cards, and mortgages. Wood oversees 32 employees and is responsible for directing the activities and management staff of the Credit Union. Wood reports to the Chair of the Board, and is also responsible for the implementation of policies and goals approved by the Board of Directors.

Wood is active in the Credit Union industry participating in the Technology Committee, Enhancement Committee and Reports Committee with Synergent, the Human Resource Council for the Maine Credit Union League and served as President of the Norm Nolette Chapter of Credit Unions from 2008-2010. She is enrolled in her final CUNA Management School module with a 2012 graduation date. Wood is also involved in the community serving on the TIF Lewiston School District Steering Committee as well as the RSU #4 PTA. Wood resides in Sabattus with her husband Bruce and their children Brenden and Shelby.

Community CU has two locations at 144 Pine Street, Lewiston & 40 Stanley Street, Auburn. FMI log onto communitycreditunion.com or call 7832096. See their ad on page 55.

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353-2216 Just off Rt. 196 @ 18 Main Street in Lisbon Falls Wed-Fri 12pm - 5pm • Sat 10am - 4pm

WATER IN YOUR BASEMENT? Don’t just fix the problem, eliminate it!

Driveways • Septic Systems • General Excavation • Affordable & Dependable

CHENARD EXCAVATION Call Gerry 576-3914

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413

For most people, no matter how hard you pinch the skin on your elbow with your fingers it doesn't hurt.

Pickled herrings were invented in 1375.

Out ’n About at

Sea 40’s Grand Opening

www.abcpool.com

Your kids will always have “Something to do” on those hot summer days. And because your ABC Pool is virtually maintenance free you’ll enjoy it even more.

We offer a full line of above ground pools with a price that’s right for any budget.

Laurette Lauze

The Baby Ruth candy bar was actually named after Grover Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth.

Dot Lauze What an amazing spread Franki and his crew put out for their Grand Opening! We had a blast!!

Out ’n About at Sea 40’s Grand Opening Ribbon cutting ceremony Grover Cleveland's real first name is Stephen, Grover is his middle name.

Tina Benda Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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NEXT Level Business Coaching Go Home On Time – Sleep Well At Night

What is business coaching?

Call 207-376-3239 for a confidential 90 minute consultation on any two business issues you are facing – no charge.

Guaranteed to provide you with strategies you can put to use right away.

The amount of tropical rainforest cut down each year is an area the size of Tennessee.

Out ’n About at

Sea 40’s Testimonial Before joining SPRQ, I was paying for a gym membership that was rarely used. I never enjoyed the gym atmosphere because I felt that I was at a total different fitness level than everyone else there.

When a close friend of mine invited me to attend a Zumba class at SPRQ Studio, I knew that this was something for me. I had a smile on my face throughout the whole workout! A year later, I still go multiple times a week and enjoy not only the great workout I get from each class, but the sense of family from the instructors. It’s great!

– Amanda Grenier

FITNESS

Amanda Grenier & Abby Dix Clients since April 2011

Testimonial

Grand Opening

When I joined SPRQ, I wanted to get into shape for my wedding, but was bored going to the gym and doing what I felt was running on a hamster wheel. Kelli and her staff make classes fun while being sure to push each person to their own personal limit. At no point have I ever felt embarrassed because I was not doing something right or because I had to stop.

SPRQ is a family that supports each and every person who walks through the door, from their personal fitness goals, to life goals and everything in between.

– Abby Dix

We eat here at least once a week, baby Mason loves the Hibachi show!

754-9411

View class calendar & upcoming session details online at

20 Main St., Sabattus (2nd floor)

SPRQstudio.com

Todd Boulet, Lisa Toussaint & Mason Boulet Mmmm...

SAKE!

Classes offered in Sabattus, Lisbon Falls, Poland, Minot & Topsham. Fun for the whole family!

The physically smallest post office in the United States is in Ochopee, Florida in the heart of the Everglades.

Arizona Rain A visitor once asked, "Does it ever rain in Arizona?"

A rancher quickly answered, "Yes, it does.

Do you remember in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?"

Out ’n About at Relay for Life

The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood."

Hands of Light Reiki Team

The first electronic mail, or "email", was sent in 1972 by Ray Tomlinson. It was also his idea to use the @ sign to separate the name of the user from the name of the computer.

"Well," the rancher puffed up, "We got about two and a half inches of that."

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Out ’n About at

At McDonalds in New Zealand, they serve apricot pies instead of cherry ones.

Sea 40’s Grand Opening

FREE USE OF OUR SELF SERVE COMMERCIAL TRUCK WASH STATION for all new customers

Rodney Crowley Bartender

Heather Giguere Bartender

We service all brands of: • Heavy Equipment • Light & Heavy Duty Trucks • Suspension & Springs • Oil Changes • Roadside Assistance • Tune Ups & More

Franki Tam Sea 40 General Manager Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 333-3707 www.MaineHeavy.com Parent's Dictionary of Meanings: STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.

If Earth weren't tilted on its axis, we wouldn't have woodgrain, just "tree brown".

Out ’n About at Relay for Life

The Agency Assisting families since 1997 Assisted Home Care is a registered home health services agency that provides:

• Registered Nurse • Licensed Practical Nurse • Certified Nurses Aides • Certified Medical Technicians • Certified Residential Medication Aides • Personal Care Assistants

Krystal, Laurie & Nicholas Whitmore

Our highly qualified and experienced staff are supervised by a Registered Nurse.

The Family We see ourselves as a family - a family that wants to assist you and your family with:

Once the call has been made, we can provide services in as little as 4 hours.

Home C d e t ar sis s e A 550 College St., Lewiston

• Personal Care • Medication Reminders • Meal Preparation • Feeding • Light Housekeeping • Laundry • Errands • Companionship • Respite Care

783-7375

In your time of need.

We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

Now Hiring CNA’s

NEW CERAMIC PRO 100% ACRYLIC HOUSE PAINT

ON SALE NOW!

Get your body moving with

ZUMBA The fingernails grow faster on the hand you favor. If you are righthanded; your right fingernails will grow faster; likewise the fingernails on the left hand of a left-handed person. The middle fingernail grows faster than all other nails.

Superior Value!

Competitive Price!

Formulated with an advanced acrylic resin emulsion, Ceramic Pro provides the painted surface with long-lasting protection. Available in Lo-Sheen and Soft Gloss finishes.

516 Sabattus St., Lewiston

784-1993 www.lewistonpaint.com M-F 7am-5pm • Sat 7:30am - 1pm

You are a lousy cook if... Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like.

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Out ’n About at Quilt Essentials in Auburn

In England the top layer of a wedding cake, known as the groom's cake, traditionally is a fruit cake because it will save until the first anniversary.

Kate Rugan

ED

T LE

P

M CO

Beth Tardif

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

Joyce Grygiel Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The forward pass was created by the football team at Saint Louis University.

Things Mom Would Never Say: "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey.

I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"

Out ’n About at Quilt Essentials in Auburn

Welcome to the Team Ashely Hemphill Electrologist Trained in the latest techniques at Cameo in Salt Lake City, Utah Immediate Openings Available!

Remove Hair From: Upper Lip, Eyebrows, Hairline, Cheeks, Chin, Underarms, Breasts, Arms, Legs, Pantyline

Come join our quilting class on Tuesday nights. We're a wild bunch!

Tammy Chamberland Hair Stylist

Welcoming All Past Clients and Also Welcoming New Clients Cuts, Colors, Manicures & Pedicures

www.cassiels.com

Margaret Hourigan

71 EAST AVENUE • LEWISTON (207) 783-3321

Whether it’s quilting, knitting, patterns or basketry supplies, we’ve got that and more! Stop in and check us out.

Real advertisements from around the country: Christmas tag-sale.

Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Trenchless Sewer and Drain Rehabilitation Call today to have a Clear Drains of Maine technician perform a free site evaluation and provide you with a detailed estimate for rehabilitating your failing sewer or drain line with our

PERMA-LATERAL

TM

TRENCHLESS PIPELINING SYSTEM

Betsy Dorr Owner of Quilt Essentials See their ad on page 50.

NO DIG TRENCHLESS TECHNOLOGY! Visit us online:

ClearDrainsofMaine.com

Seals broken areas in Cast Iron, PVC, Orangeburg, Clay Pipes & More!

521 Federal Road, Livermore • 207.320.2177 You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When... You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

The top-rated western show for many years, "Bonanza" premiered in 1959. It was the first hour-long dramatic series to use the new fangled color technology.

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You are a lousy cook if... Anyone has ever broken a tooth eating your homemade yogurt.

ARE YOU LOOKING TO BUY A NEW HOME? OR REFINANCE AN EXISTING HOME?

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

We’ve learned to share over the years... like this boa here around our necks.

Come see what we can do for you!

Call for a mortgage appointment or apply online.

Main Office for Rainbow 381-391 Main St. Lewiston 207-784-5435 Fax: 207-795-6238

Mechanic Falls Branch 1 Lewiston Street, McFalls 207-346-3001 Fax: 207-346-3012

South Paris Branch 172 Pine Street, So. Paris 207-743-5410 Fax: 207-743-9331

Auburn Office 20 Washington St., Auburn 207-783-0351 Fax: 207-786-0523

Member Eligibility is required. This Credit Union is federally insured by the National Credit Union Administration.

Gerry & Rita Morin

The amount of storage space on a recordable CD stated in minutes are: 74 minutes is about 650 megabytes, 63 minutes is 550 megabytes.

Your Concept...

...Our Design Donnie Allen Poirier’s Market

10’x12’ Oak Kitchen with countertop $1,99999 10’x12’ Birch Kitchen with countertop $2,09999 1766 Federal Rd. (Rt. 4) Livermore

897-3400 or 1822 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston

784-3100

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com You are a lousy cook if... Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren.

Franki Tam & Michelle Gosselin Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Traffic jams are nothing new. In 45 BC, Rome banned all vehicles from within the city – and in other cities vehicles, including horses, were allowed only at night… because of traffic jams.

Office Space for Rent 1,000 SQ. FT. OF PROFESSIONAL OFFICE SPACE This second floor office space is perfect for any business needing professional office space. It has 3 separate offices with waiting area, private full bath and full kitchen. Hardwood floors throughout.

Janis Goss, Lori St. Hilaire & Pam Evans Diane, let’s make pretend we’re in one of those Friday the 13th movies...

MUST SEE! S ONTH I M T S R I F

!

E E R F

Oh Sandy, you’re such a riot!

EVERYTHING INCLUDED IN RENT: Heat, hot water, sewer, electricity, internet, plowing, trash removal & off-street parking. Signage space also available.

Located at 9 Grove Street in Auburn.

Across from Pat’s Pizza on Center Street.

Sandy Morin & Diane Dubois

This prime office space is available NOW! Call 576-4844 FMI or to set up a viewing.

Cassiel’s Day Spa Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The high jump method of jumping head first and landing on the back is called the Fosbury Flop.

Argon is used to fill the space in most light bulbs. Neon is used in fluorescent signs.

Fluorescent lights are filled with mercury gas.

Sarah Jeanne’s

for A one-stop shop ! rty your wedding pa

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Tanning & Day Spa

Family Hair Care

77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • www.sarahjeannes.com

• Updos • Hair Services • Manicures • Pedicures • Hot Tub • Sauna • Massage • Tanning • Body Waxing • Body Wraps • Facials • Eyelashes • Limos • Tuxedos • And More!

795-6778

Wedding Day Special Rent 6 Tuxes for your wedding party and get: • Groom’s Tux FREE

Judy Cain & Danika Lamontagne Androscoggin Bank Colisee

• Groom hair cut FREE • 60 minute Tanning Package FREE • Ring Bearer Tux 50% OFF

Come check us out, you’ll be glad you did!

Queen for a day?

Ok, if you insist!

TUXEDO RENTALS

at a price you can afford!

L/A’s Greater oice Best Ch s! for Tuxe

Fabulous selection of tuxedo styles including vests, ties, shoes, shirts and pants.

Diane & Sara Webster

• Weddings • Proms • Formal Events Check us out first for your next tux rental!

Chin & Neck

Tummy

Back

Upper Legs

Sides

Arms

Tightens, Tones & Firms - Get the sexy body you deserve!

Look Years Younger with hydrated, smoother skin!

Reduces appearance of cellulite!

CALL US AT 795-6778 TO LEARN MORE Host a Party & Try It

S&J Tuxedos And Limo Service (Affiliated with Sarah Jeanne’s)

76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

333-3737

FREE with coupon (call for details)

My barbecue this year really has a great charred, smokey taste. I’m using the wood from my deck that burned down last year.

Kathleen Murphy & Laura McNeal Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

The record for the most Olympic medals ever won is held by Soviet gymnast Larissa Latynina. Competing in three Olympics, between 1956 and 1964, she won 18 medals.

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

VISIT

Miranda Heutz

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20% OFF all Audio Books (books on tape & CD)

Abigail Heutz

Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks

of Fenton Glassware!

INVENTORY REDUCTION

SALE! 20% - 75% OFF

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Chiara Ferrante & Kate Khsanova

Large Selection

Featuring

131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

9 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

s Alway g n i Buy

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 Julie Verrill & Chrissy Girouard

500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

Chrissy’s Down Home Cleaning Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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According to the US Weather Service, their one day forecasts are accurate more than 75% of the time. They send out 2 million forecasts a year.

The typical bolt of lightning heats the atmosphere to 50,000 degrees Fahrenheit.

the Home of

Crazy Daisies

$

7.99 a Bunch

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com Katie, did you notice that your boa matches the flowers next to you

With flowers, words are optional

Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn

782-3457 www.annsflower.com

Katie Greenlaw & Kevin Mitchell Rinck Advertising

DO YOU LOVE THE DIGEST? Do you have a family member living away who also loves it?

Buy yourself or them a subscription to Uncle Andy’s Digest!

Only $30 for the whole year (12 editions).

We’ll mail it directly to their residence each and every month! Perfect any time of the year...

Birthday, Anniversary, Christmas or just because!

Give us a call!

Alina Burke, Karen Shaw & Tina Willard Matching shirts anyone?

Uncle Andy’s Digest, PO Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212 • (207) 783-7039

Peter Cook & Lewiston Mayor Robert MacDonald

Tim Lafrance, East Coast Sign & Design

From the Politically Correct Dictionary: Zipper: interlocking slide fasteners

& Angie Lafrance Uncle Andy’s Digest

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Give me a call, I list them all!

John Latuscha ERA Worden Realty

Real advertisements from around the country: For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

FROM STONE DUST TO ROC

St. Laurent & Son is pleased to announce the acquisition of the former Glen Dube Gra located less than a half mile from the Maine Turnpike. The gravel pit now has a la Pick up and delivery are availa

Locally owned and operated since 1970!

We’re so cool we have to wear shades...

GRAVEL PIT IS NOW OPEN FOR SATURDAY SALES & DELIVERY 7AM - NOON Jennifer Basinet & Jon Mercier Maine Source

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

784-7944 Where are my shades I ask?

Tammy Lunt

www.stlaurentandson.com From the Politically Correct Dictionary: Unsure: conceptual conflict

From the Politically Correct Dictionary: Unemployed: non-waged

CK, WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!

avel Pit located at 168 Middle Road (Rt. 9) in Sabattus. The gravel pit is conveniently arge scale crushing/processing operation and offers a wide variety of aggregates. able. Call our office for pricing.

Out ’n About at Center Street Dental Good morning, Center Street Dental...

Wanda Fish Peek-a-boo!

Chelsea Letourneau "You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage - pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically - to say no to other things.

And the way to do that is by having a bigger yes burning inside."

– Stephen Covey From the Politically Correct Dictionary: Teacher: volunteer knowledge conveyor

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Center Street Dental

From the Politically Correct Dictionary: Sex: cooperative physical fitness

Need it gone?

WE DO THAT! Construction Site Waste • Apartment Building Clean outs • Rental Property Clean outs Old Junk • Old furniture • Old appliances • And More!

Kate Matthews Got a project and need some help? Give us a call. From clean outs, to carpentry, painting, roofing and more!

Call Home Improvement Rick for a free quote...

H.I. Rick

Aurelija Assennato, RDH My mom always told me she could tell I was smiling just by looking at my eyes...

For All General Home Repairs & Improvements

HOME IMPROVEMENT SERVICES • Carpentry • Plumbing

ra Call us today fo FREE quote!

• Flooring • Painting

Nikki Woodman Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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• Plowing & much more!

784-8922

From the Politically Correct Dictionary: Sleepy: under-alert

➢ UNCLE ANDY’S CLASSIFIED ADS ➢ AUTOMOTIVE TOM’S AUTO PARTS Large selection of new and used auto parts.

Call for your needs.

Shipping available in USA.

Call 375-4475 Yvon’s Car Wash n’ Lube $3 OFF Basic oil change. $5 OFF Premium oil change.

See our ad on page 14 FMI 698 Main St., Lewiston • 777-3600

Armand’s Autobody Free Estimates Satisfaction Guarantee 31 Blake St., Lewiston Call Dan Dumont @ 782-7113

BOATING Auburn Marine & Small Engine Full service & repair on all boats. Also carry water toys: skis, tow ropes, wakeboards, tubes & more.

Open 7 days a week.

65 North River Rd, Auburn 784-3888

CONSTRUCTION

FOR RENT

BACKGROUND CHECKS

R.L. Builders

1,000 Sq. Ft. of Prime Office Space For Rent

Mid Maine Drug Screening & Investigations

Building a new home this year?

Call about our complete home packages.

Also remodeling and additions Call Rudy at 576-0847

REMODELING Countertops, Etc Custom built cabinets adds value! Affordable solid surface & cabinet.

Let me help save you $$$.

Over 100 referrals available.

212-3203

Guerrilla Marketing fact: Running a display ad along with a classified ad doubles your exposure and makes the average number of impressions necessary to be successful happen at a quicker pace?

This second floor office space is perfect for a professional office setting. It has 3 separate offices with waiting area, private full bath and full kitchen. Hardwood floors throughout.

EVERYTHING IS INCLUDED IN YOUR RENT: Heat, hot water, sewer, electricity, internet, plowing, trash removal & off-street parking for you and your clients.

Full service drug testing company and private investigator.

Call 577-6000

“LIKE” Uncle Andy’s Digest on Facebook to hear about upcoming events, promotions, giveaways and even get a chuckle from one of our jokes or one-liners!

Scan the QR Code below or find us on facebook @ facebook.com/ UncleAndysDigest

All for $900/month Ask about getting the first month FREE Great visibility from Center Street in Auburn.

Call 576-4844 FMI

From the Politically Correct Dictionary: Nut: hexagonal rotatable surface compression unit

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Center Street Dental

Arguing about whether the glass is half full or half empty misses the point, which is this: the bartender cheated you.

We’re headed back to the future... please put your safety goggles on and fasten your seatbelts.*

Heidi Wieland

Phewwww...

That was one crazy ride, Heidi!

Tori MacDonald & Heidi Wieland *This is actually a teeth whitening gadget which is completely safe (you probably can’t ride it, but it looks like you could).

Talk to the knowledgeable people at Center Street Dental for the proper terminology.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The Washington Bullets are changing their name. The owners no longer want their team's name to be associated with crime. Starting now, the team will be known as The Bullets. – Argus Hamilton

FROM START TO FINISH

!

D E R E V O C U O Y WE’V E GOT Commercial • Residential • Industrial Driveway Paving • Asphalt Repair • Asphalt Removal Driveway Sealing • Parking Lot Paving • And More Call us today for your FREE quote TODAY!

Superior Paving Company

782-4010 Serving all of Maine for over 40 years!

Uncle Andy is always fawning for attention...

Things Kids Say in Science Class: The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation.

Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

Roger Caldwell (of Poland Spring Trading Post)

holding someone very deer to his heart.

Edible Sesame Street Snacks

C is for Cookie, that’s good enough for me...

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. – Fred Allen

Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say: Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.

Out ’n About at Center Street Dental

Glenda Mitchell: 514-1136 • gmitchell@redlon-johnson.com Tim Fox: 514-1137 • tfox@redlon-johnson.com

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a “World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

Partnering with Professionals

3 Middle Street, Lewiston showroom.redlon-johnson.com

Trisha Soucy, RDH

Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail

Showroom Hours: Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. 8AM - 4:30PM Open Thurs. until 6PM APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say: Whaddya wanna go and get a job for?

I make plenty of money for you to spend.

As you can see, we like to have fun. But we take our job very seriously. Visit us at Center Street Dental, we promise to take great care of your dental health!

We Buy Gold, Silver, Platinum & Coins!

HUGE SELECTION OF EXTRAORDINARY ESTATE JEWELRY. NEW ITEMS BEING ADDED DAILY.

$

10 OFF

Any Estate Purchase of $50 or more Not to be combined with any other offer • Expires 7.31.12

1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford • 739-2300 Mon-Fri 9-5; Sat. 9-3 • diamondcutjewelers.com George Washington and Thomas Jefferson both grew hemp. Ben Franklin owned a mill that made hemp paper. The US Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.

Dr. Rose Did You Know?

Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone, was originally an instructor for deaf children and invented the telephone to help his deaf wife and mother to hear.

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EVERY WEDNESDAY IN JULY

The Laws of Golf: LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

Testimonial Hillary & Adam Dow

ays

esd Wet on Wedn

Come meet the Liquid Sunshine

Girls! $ 3 OFF

Buying our vehicle at Lake City Exports in Auburn was a great experience. They have a super selection and their staff is very welcoming, knowledgeable, and easy to do business with. We never felt like they were being pushy with us, either. The entire experience was fantastic and we highly recommend that anyone looking for a great vehicle check out Lake City Exports.

You can browse their inventory online at lakecityexports.com, or stop by and ask one of their helpful employees for assistance with finding what you're looking for.

July Special

COMPLETE IN & OUT wipe-down, clean windows, vacuum interior, handwash exterior, tire shine, underwash Limit 1 per customer Expires 7.31.12

867 Center Street, Auburn • 753-0033

865 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 333-3004 liquidsunshinecarwash.com Hours: Mon- Fri 9:00am - 5:00pm Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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