UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST GET YOUR DIGEST ON!
.com
Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D. Accepting New Patients See page 8
1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 376-4977
Friday, July 12th featuring...
Motor Booty Affair!
5pm – 11pm Outdoors under the tent!
Join us for the party of the summer!
Japanese Cuisine 40 East Ave., Lewiston 795-6888 www.sea40me.com
FREE July 2013 Armandsab@aol.com
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
DBJ DESIGNS
• Kitchen Designing
FREE
• Custom Cabinets Alina Burke Thayer Corp
Sink Base for the month of July with any purchase of 10 cabinets or more!
• Granite Counter Tops • Custom Trim Work and much more! JERIMIAH MORRISSETTE
Anita Poulin
We are teaming up!
AP Graphics
DBJ Designs and Huston Brothers Mill Work Custom Cabinets Residential and Commercial Installs Call for your one-on-one appointment
207.240.4237 DBJhomedesigns@gmail.com April Clark
568 Lisbon Rd. • Lisbon Falls, ME -4252
Manpower Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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My Mother is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips!
An unfinished thought is like a day without...
MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA JULY 2013 *Wednesday, July 17th Dairy Joy 3pm – 7pm (Chapter 8609) Campus Ave, Lewiston or Spring St. Auburn $1.00 per Tix *TICKETS NEED TO BE PURCHASED BY MONDAY JULY 15th. THE OFFICE WILL BE CLOSED ALL DAY JULY 16TH AND UNTIL AROUND 2PM ON THE 17th. Tuesday, July 23rd Taber’s 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 10589) Lakeshore Drive, Auburn $4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest Sunday, July 28th KC Chicken Bar-B-Que Noon – 1pm (Chapter 12907) Maxwell Gill Hall, Sabattus $6.50 per Tix Wednesday, July 31st Val’s Rootbeer 4pm to 7pm (Chapter 8228) Sabattus St. Lewiston Aquaboggan $13 member; $15 guest Combo Fun/Splash $25.50 member; $27 guest Funtown $19 member; $20 guest Splashtown $18.50 member; $20 guest Storyland $28 member; $29 guest WaterCountry $27 member; $29 guest York Animal Kingdom $10 member; $11 guest
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed. ************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.
Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898
You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You take naps with your putter
QUALITY CUSTOM DENTURE WORK Affordable Dentures
www.UncleAndys.com
Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!
July 2013 Staff
FREE CONSULTATIONS
JIMBO The Coach
TRAVIS
Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists
Most Dental Insurances Accepted • We also accept Credit & Debit Cards
SMILE AGAIN DENTURES
The Mover
801 Webster Street, Lewiston
UNCLE ANDY
514-0660
The Shakes
www.smileagaindentures.com
MAGGIE The Head Shaker
MARTY
See us for: • Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures
My favorite superhero is Oxymoron - the stain-fighting stupid person.
The Rain Man
ANGIE The Bride to Be
TOM The Social Butterfly
Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212 While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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• Rebases • Relines • Repairs
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my father after all!
“Don’t dig your grave with your own knife and fork.” – English Proverb
KITCHENSolutions
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
DESIGN & SALES CENTER
Ayman Mohamed Sanbussa Stop
995 Center St. Auburn Next to Appliance Warehouse and Gamache & Lessard Window Decorators
Betsy Sibley & Monty Community Credit Union
784-3100 Visit our brand new showroom Specials on Cabinets & Granite Countertops 10x12 BIRCH KITCHEN WITH COUNTERTOP
$1,999
$2,099
www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet.
Bruce Bickford Keller Williams
Q: Two coins add up to 30 cents, and one is not a nickel. What are they? A: A quarter and a nickel. The quarter isn't a nickel.
10x12 OAK KITCHEN WITH COUNTERTOP
You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You have a pet name for any of your golf clubs or bag.
A Day in the Life
Marcel’s Barber Shop
Submitted by Jimbo
WIFE'S DIARY: Tonight I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't reply, "I love you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came
$ Celebrating 12 years OW!
W $
Tuesday, July 16th
10 $
10
Tina Croteau, New Owner
Marcel Larrivee is looking forward to seeing all his old friends & employees
Everyone welcome! ALL HAIRCUTS $10 all day
Marcel’s Barber Shop
54 Mill Street, New Auburn
783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm
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The difference between a duck and George Washington is: One has a bill on his face; the other has his face on a bill!
(continued from previous page)
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
Handguns • Rifles Shotguns • Ammo
We’re a local business, family owned & operated for over 10 years. We offer archery lessons, lanes, rentals, sales, service, & custom strings.
to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
We’ve just had our best sales quarter in 11 years and would like to show our
Stephanie Turcotte Stephanie Turcotte’s summer plans in the shade include time with her archery family!
213 Washington St. • Auburn • 783-3060 centralmainearchery.com
Customer Appreciation in July by offering:
20 family passes for $350. This is unlimited paper target shooting for all the members of your household for one year from the date of purchase. For a family of five, it’s paid for itself in just seven visits!
HUSBAND'S DIARY: A four putt! Who FOUR putts? Arrrgghh!
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
Three of America's first five presidents died on July 4.
Carmen Kelly Life Ideals
Chip Morrison Chamber
Women Know Men I have learned there is little difference in husbands; you might as well keep the first.
You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You schedule events, parties, or functions so they won’t interfere with your tee time.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Table Talk Submitted by Jimbo
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.
You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You spend over $300 on a new club solely for the hope that you might gain an extra 3 yards with it.
Comprehensive Family Dental Care in a relaxing, comfortable atmosphere
Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
Historical Fun Fact The first draft of the Declaration of Independence was presented by drafting committee member, Thomas Jefferson, on June 28, 1776. Other members of the committee were John Adams, Roger Sherman, Benjamin Franklin and Philip Livingston. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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New Patients Always Welcome 1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston (lower level)
376-4977 Financing Options Available
Same Day Emergency Care
www.kevinconnellydmd.com I’ve got a mind like a.. a.. what’s that thing called?
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. – Pete Dye
FREE COF FE FRID E AY! Free
20 oz .c with purch offee Break ase o f f every ast Sandw ic Frida y in J h uly!
CELEBRATING OUR ANNIVERSARY $ Your Choice 10 On l y
Giant 1-topping pizza or 2 Large Boghooters or 3 Large Italians or 2 Small Appetizers
There’s NO PLACE like...
(Ham, Pepperoni, Veggie or Salami)
(Breaded Mushrooms, Broccoli & Cheese, Jalapeno Poppers or Mozzarella Sticks)
Dad’s Place
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551
We learn from experience. A man never wakes up his second baby just to see it smile. – Grace Williams
One Stop Shop for Catering... Dad’s does it all! Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering
Weddings
Indoor or Outdoor
Summer BBQ Corporate Functions
Reunions
Professional service at an affordable price
Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!
We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous! Ask us about Tents, Tables, Chairs, Dance Floor, etc. for your event
N
re’s ... The like E C A O PL
Dad’s Place Catering Division • 345-9009
www.dadsplace.info
Mosquitoes, summer’s pest, have been around for more than 30 million years.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
Tips with English Grammar: Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should.
Our Services • Hair • Body waxing • Facials • Pedicures • Spa Packages
Christina Berube Amcomm Wireless
• Massage • Electrology • Manicures • Bridal Packages • Permanent Make-up
❖ Permanent Makeup Benefits
Lorraine Wight & Karen Burke Lane Life Ideals
• Soft, natural enhancement • Skin Sensitivity & Allergy-Friendly • Won’t sweat off or run during activities like swimming, running & more • No re-applying — perfect makeup every day 24/7
❖ Microdermabrasion Colleen Clarke Wonderful Wedding Planning
• Safely and gently rejuvenate, smooth and repair your skin. • Ideal for both men & women • Non-surgical
Reduces: - Fine lines & wrinkles - Sun-damaged skin - Acne & acne scars - Blackheads & whiteheads - Pore size - Superficial age spots
Dan Cunliffe & Chrissy Lizotte Ames Republic Jewelry Chrissy was the winner of the Kindle Fire HD with 387 votes! Great job, Chrissy!!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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71 East Avenue • Lewiston
783-3321
www.cassiels.com A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. – Patricia Neal
Tips with English Grammar: Watch out for irregular verbs which have creeped into our language.
IT’S GETTIN’ HOT IN HERE! JULY BAND SCHEDULE Sat. July 6th . . . . . . .Sparks to the Rescue Sat. July 13th . . . . . . . . . . .Veggies by Day Fri. July 19th . . . . . . . . . . .Veggies by Day Sat. July 20th . . . . . . . . . .Chapel St. Alley Fri. July 26th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .TBA Sat. July 27th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .TBA
Great daily food specials • Lunches starting at $3.99 47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959 • thefirehousegrille.biz
Mondays Hospitality Employees 20% OFF total bill with proof of employment
Tuesdays Open Mic Whiskey Wednesdays Thursdays Happy Hour 2pm-closing Friday Ladies Night
We loved our Disney trip so much we had to wear our shirts when we first got back from Florida. Mary Jacques, Mike & Jayne Bilodeau at a local watering hole.
e m o r d l o l Ro
Since 1954
Where Good Skaters Meet
Summer Schedule
Star Open Evenings June 15tsth ly On ay 7:30-10pm 20+ sd ur Th nday Friday - Saturday - Su 7:30-10pm all ages n 7/1-7/14
Closed for July Vacatio
Available for private parties Ask about our summer camps
12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940
www.rollodrome.com
There are two things to aim at in life: first to get what you want and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.
Androscoggin Habitat for Humanity kicks-off its ‘Weatherization Assistance Program’ Habitat to offer free phase one weatherization to qualified, low-income homeowners Androscoggin Habitat for Humanity will begin phase one weatherization of homes in partnership with qualified, low-income homeowners. The new weatherization assistance program is aimed at providing energy efficiency services to low-income homeowners in need. Habitat for Humanity’s Weather Assistance Program has a goal to serve low-income homeowners who struggle to maintain their energy costs during the winter and summer months. The work is done by volunteers who use donated materials whenever possible. The homeowners income must fall between 30% and 60% of the area’s median income by family size, be willing to partner with Habitat during the weatherization process, live in Androscoggin or Oxford County, and have a home that is able to be safely weatherized. “We are very excited to be able to serve even more families in our community with this much needed program and are looking forward to weatherize our first home by October 1st. Helping people weatherize their homes fits in seamlessly with Habitat's core mission of making decent, affordable housing available to low-income families.” Kim Veilleux, Office Manager. The Weatherization Program is primarily underwritten by a state-wide grant from Dead River Company, with additional assistance from Gorham Savings Bank and Bangor Savings Bank. For more information about how you can get involved with Androscoggin Habitat for Humanity or apply for this program, please contact us at 786-2598 or androhabitat@roadrunner.com. Application deadline is September 1, 2013. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee
Heaven goes by favor, if it went by merit, you would stay out, and your dog would go in. – Mark Twain
At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
Darien Davis Assured Solar
Visit our website for our Summer & Fall Class Schedule
rdtacticalhandgun.com NRA Certified Instruction
CC Permit • Basic • Advanced Don Mailhot NRA - Law Enforcement 576-5131
Roland Levasseur NRA-SIG Academy - Frontsight 212-0608
Dave Poisson East Coast Mortgage
Denise Scammon Sun Journal Denise came in second place with 280 votes. Great job, Denise! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Tips with English Grammar: Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
Out ’n About at the
Village Inn’s
Auburn Plaza Family Dentistry
50th Anniversary Celebration With a lobster bake and live music under the tent Jocelyn, give me a thumbs up if you think the lobster bake was a success.
Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.
Theresa Hemond
I’ll give you two thumbs up!
Visit us at our newly renovated state of the art office at:
730 Center Street Mon.-Fri. 7am - 5pm
Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza
783-1351 auburnplazafamilydentistry.com We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
Jocelyn Vallee As she hears the wedding march, three things are foremost in a bride's mind: aisle, altar, hymn. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Here’s to many years of retirement!
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY ! DRIVING RANGE
RESTAURANT
MINI-GOLF
Burgers • Dogs L/A’s Best Onion Rings Fries • Ice Cream
TABERS
Open 7 days a week! Lake Shore Drive, (first left after the lake) Off Rt. 4 in Auburn
www.tabersgolf.com
Wayne Galarneau Retires at 59 Wayne’s mom, Jeannette Freve is a big Uncle Andy’s Digest fan and has appeared in the magazine many times over the years. Jeannette is a spry 92 years young. She stopped in to visit us at our office and once again coaxed Jimbo with some of her wicked good chocolate fudge. Little does she know we would of published her son’s picture without the fudge, but who’s gonna tell her? Happy retirement, Wayne! We’ll drink to that, too. And have a piece of fudge while we’re at it.
Fun Fact It's well known that John Adams loved the Fourth of July, but he wrote we actually declared our independence from Britain in Philadelphia on July 2. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Out ’n About at Ladies Night Sheila’s Hair Salon in Mechanic Falls recently held a Ladies Night at their salon. In the matching shirts are the stylists: Sheila Fennessy, Nicole Vachon, Angela Spinney & Alexandra French. Ladies enjoying the festivities: Pam Ashby, Stephanie Scott, Laurel Paladino & Cindy Foss.
New Big Sports Banquet Saturday, July 13th starts at noon Auburn CAR SHOW Tues. Aug. 2nd Tuners & Classic Car Social Happy Days Restaurant open for food Club
Apple Valley Golf Tournament Sat. August 10th
7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039
Last Tuesday of every month Officers meeting at 6pm sharp at Rolly’s
Whoever said "Don't cry over spilt milk" hasn't seen the price of food lately.
J U L Y
Chop your own wood and it will warm you twice. — Henry Ford
Out ’n About at the
Village Inn’s 50th Anniversary Celebration With a lobster bake and live music under the tent
Karen Johnson & David Burgess
Norah & Faith Douglass
Mary Lafontaine on behalf of the Androscoggin County Chamber of Commerce presents Normand Vallee with a momento commemorating 50 years of service to the Lewiston/Auburn area.
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Walking vs. Riding
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
Submitted by Jimbo
Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?" The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders today." The second old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five." The third old guy said, "I had 7 riders, the same as last time." The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today." ‘ After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I have been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what's a rider?" The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the golf cart and ride to it." It was not until 1804 that the White House celebrated the first public Independence Day event. In 1941, Congress formally declared July 4 a federal holiday. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You only remember the great shots you had… you’re in complete denial about those bunkers.
We have the loan for you!
Out ’n About at the 2013 Relay for Life at ELHS
Drew Masse a student at Lewiston HS sings the National Anthem
Low Rates • Fast Approvals Call Michele or Dane today!
Great Falls Federal Credit Union 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 • 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 *Restrictions & qualification apply
GreatFallsfcu.com I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
Neil Bement of Auburn, a 2x Colon Cancer survivor! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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DEPT. OF HOMELAND SECURITY ALERT
My wife and I married for better or worse: I couldn't do any better and she couldn't do any worse.
Mike Morin’s
Auto Center
1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon We've just been notified by Security that there have been 6 suspected terrorists working out of your office. Five of the six have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody. Our agent advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the sixth cell member, Bin Workin, at your office. Security is confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.
The hot days of summer are here! Time to get a complete air conditioning performance check on your vehicle.
Mike Morin
OIL CHANGE
Historical Fun Fact
$10.00 Discount!
$24.95
Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)
FRONT END ALIGNMENTS $79.95
You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You have nightmares about hitting the ball into hazards or lake monsters eating your golf ball.
NO ORDER TOO SMALL And no minimum purchases! Call us for a FREE quote!! Textile & Paper Wipes
You are obviously not a suspect at this time.
LIKE us on Facebook Receive
• Sorbents & Safety Supplies • Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners • Breakroom & Food Service • Chemicals & Cleaners • Packaging • Skin Care • And More!
Towels, Tissues & Dispensers
NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A!
Betsy Ross is believed to have sewn the first American flag in May or June of 1776. She was commissioned to undertake the flagsewing project by the Congressional Committee.
120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.? The Presidential Seal.
& Jimbo
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You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You take your own putter to mini golf.
Check out our newest location 686 Sabattus St., Lewiston
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
Featured Inventory ‘02 BMW X5
‘05 Honda Element EX
‘05 Audi A4
Diane Bean Addictive Advertising
V8, AWD $8,995
4WD $9,500
2007 Audi A4, 2.0L, Blue, 103k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12995 2005 Audi A4, 110k, White . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9995 2004 BMW 325i, white . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9395 2002 BMW X5 Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8995 2009 Chevy Cobalt Black 113k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7495 2006 Ford Freestyle, 3.0L V6, 129k, Gray . . . . . . . . .$7600 2005 Ford Expedition, 5.8L V8, Black, 93k . . . . . . .$12995 2004 Ford Ranger Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7495 2005 Honda Element, 118k, Orange . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9495 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4.0L, 96k, Blue . . . . . . .$7995 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee 93k Gray . . . . . . . . . . . .$7895 2004 Nissan Altima, 111k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6495
1.8T, Auto., AWD $9,995
2002 Nissan Maxima, 115k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6495 2003 Olds Alero, 72k, Red . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5495 2006 Saab 9-5, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6995 2004 Scion xA, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995 2007 Volvo XC90, 113k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11995 2006 VW Jetta, 2.5L 5 cyl, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8295 2006 VW Passat, Mocha, 77k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10495 2005 VW Passat 1.8L 4 cyl, 131k, Gray . . . . . . . . . .$5995 2005 VW Jetta, 91k, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7495 2004 VW Passat. Light Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5895 2003 VW Passat, 2.8L V6, Black, 117k . . . . . . . . . . .$6995 2003 VW Passat, 120k, Light Blue, V6, 120k . . . . . $6395
Dick Gleason Gleason Media
520-0028
Gabbie Mason Babylou Cosmetics
Call 520-0028 • 686 Sabattus St. • Lewiston View our entire inventory online @
www.IndependentAuto.Me Kids in the backseat can cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat can cause kids.
You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You think you’re skillful and everybody else is lucky. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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We are the Champions!
A slug has four noses.
The Rascals of Greene captured the end of the season tournament title in the AK U10 Girls Softball League. They also finished first place in the regular season. They had a combined record of 13 wins and 2 losses for the year. Pictured above are: Front row left to right: Morgan Bilodeau, Eve Martineau, Riley Theriault, Leah Maheux, Shea Marston. Middle row are Olivia Morel, Amber Lafrance, Kendra Crosby, Brielle Morin, Carlie Leavitt. Back row: Coach Norm Martineau, Coach Jeff Bilodeau, and Head Coach Scott Maheux.
I never miss a game and I always bring my glove just in case they’re short on players.
Molly the dog is the #1 fan of the Mechanic Falls Blue Sox
To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles visit our website: Little Known Fact Fish swimming at depths of 15,000 feet (almost 3 miles down!) can withstand a pressure of 7,000 pounds per square inch. They are able to live in these body-crushing depths by pumping gas into their swim bladder. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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www.donovansauto.com Stop by, call or click today! 946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856
There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or tell your kids not to do it.
Have you seen Quasimodo? I have a hunch he’s back!
JVC. KW, AV, In-Dash, DVD, Radio for the magnificently low price of... $
That might have a chance of getting out of here... oh, whoops, I better start running!
329
216 Center Street, Auburn • 777-3339 Next to Republic Jewelry • Parking in back of building
soundeffectsmaine.com
Brycin Vachon
SAVE GAS - RIDE A GOLF CART • Campers • Senior Citizens • Campground and RV Owners • Free Delivery - 40 mile radius • Conversion Lift Kits • 4 passenger cars
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Brad’s Precision Auto Brad Johnson
144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Funny, I smell carrots too".
plays for the Mechanic Falls Blue Sox in the Rookie division (Submitted by Nicole Vachon)
Vacation Time Submitted by Jimbo
My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Alex playing calmly in the woods. "Listen to me, Alex," his mother said sharply. "From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?" Alex thought about that for a moment and said, "Okay. Disney World." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
July 2013
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Out ’n About at the
Village Inn’s
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of their tires.
Celebrating Our 25th Year in Business!
50th Anniversary Celebration With a lobster bake and live music under the tent
I’m Grillin! Hope you like it well done!
I’m Chillin!
Ben Mace & Chelsea LaBelle 183 Lisbon Street • Lisbon
353-9862 qualitycareautorepair.com
Killer Whales are the only sea animal that outranks the Tiger Shark as top predator of the sea.
Mitchell Vallee It’s great seeing the Village Inn do a fun event like this!
Alyssa, Jocelyn & Felicia Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Tips with English Grammar: A writer mustn't shift your point of view.
Practical Engineers
A:\ B:\ C:\ - Alphabet of a new generation.
HIT THE TRAILS THIS SUMMER IN YOUR NEW ARCTIC CAT ATV!
Submitted by Thomas Hill SHARE OUR PASSION
AMES SPORT SHOP, Inc
"Where did you get such a nice bike?" asked the first.
84 Littlefield Road, Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)
Out ’n About at the
2013 Relay for Life at ELHS
Team Marcia: Arlene, Kayla, Chris & Diana
We Insure ALL of Your SUMMER TOYS Call or stop in today for a FREE quote! 9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls
(207) 345-8711
An engineering student was walking on campus one day when another engineering student rode up on a shiny new bicycle.
CummingsAgency.com
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
The second engineer replied "Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want!'" The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Historical Fun Fact On July 4, 1776, the Declaration of Independence was approved by the Second Continental Congress. However, the 56 signatories did not execute the landmark document at the same time, nor did they all sign the document on July 4. Instead, the most prolific signing date occurred the following month on August 2, when 50 men endorsed it. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
July 2013
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Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee
Tips with English Grammar: Don't write a run-on sentence you've got to punctuate it.
SUMMER S The Back Forty Used
At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
2011 Ford Fusion SE
Gail Charpentier & Ellie Newell Maine Veteran Homes
2012 Subaru Legacy 2.5I
Stock #2488A, 2.5L 4 Cyl, Limited, Stock #2299B, Blue, 33K, 4 Door 2.5L 4 Cyl., CVT Tran.18K our price
our price
$14,995 $22,995 2011 Toyota Highlander Base
2010 Nissan Xterra S
2011 Scion TC
2008 Chevy Silverado 1500
Stock #5953P, Gray, 2.5L 4 Cyl., 51K, 6-Speed
Stock #5936P 59K, Work Truck, RWD, AB, Auto.
our price
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$17,995
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2009 Toyota Matrix S
2012 Hyundai Sonata Hybrid
Only 5K
Hillary Dow Austin Associates
Stock #5955P, White, 3.5L V6, Auto. 5-Speed, 30K
Stock #6028O, 53K, 4.0L V6, Auto. 5-Spd.
Stock #2528B, Automatic 4-Speed, 69K, AWD
Stock #2201A, Base, Auto. 6-Speed, 39 MPG Hwy
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Janice Lane & Bria Duncan Community Credit Union Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You quit the game forever, twice a month.
You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You will happily drive over an hour to play a course, but complain when the wife wants to go somewhere 1/2 hour away.
SAVINGS!! d Car & Truck Center 2012 Toyota Venza LE
2009 Toyota Venza
2009 Lexus RX 350 AWD
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
2011 Scion TC HB MT
Only 12K
Jason Thompson Stock #2600A, 2.7L 4 Cyl. 12K, Auto. 6-Speed, AWD
Stock #5956P, 3.5L V6, Green, Auto. 6-Spd., 49K
Stock #5959P, 3.5L V6, Blue, Auto. 5-Spd
Stock #5953P, 2 Dr., Grey, 2.5L 4 Cyl., Man. 6-Spd.
our price
our price
our price
our price
$24,995
$21,995
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2010 Toyota RAV4 Limited
2010 Toyota Corolla LE
2010 Toyota Prius II
2009 Mazda MAZDA5 Sport
L/A Kiwanis Club
Jeff Carleton Champoux Insurance
Stock #2670A, Red, 2;5L 4 Cyl., Auto. 5-Spd. 33K
Stock #6004P, Gray, Auto., 27K, 35 mpg Hwy, ABS
Stock #2236A, Hybrid, CVT Trans., 89K, FWD
Stock #2514A, 74K, Auto. 4 Cyl., Third Row Seats
our price
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$20,995
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Jennifer “JenGen” Gendron Carleton Sun Journal FYI: Jen crushed her husband, Jeff (above) 52 to 10 in the voting!
My family puts the "fun" back in dysfunctional.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
July 2013
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Tips with English Grammar: Avoid clichés like the plague.
Shop Local!
Bookkeeping Plus
3 Large Italians
$12.99 2 Breast Chicken Dinner $5.29 (Ham, Salami or Veggie)
QuickBooks Classes Offered Bookkeeping Services 9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124
Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.
The BEST
BANG
for your buck! Route 4 • Livermore 897-4343 Route 202 • Monmouth 933-3041
patriotfireworksmaine.com
ILL AUTO M D L O IN HOUSE FINANCING Check our vehicle inventory online Call for details 207.345.3777 32 Lewiston Street • Mechanic Falls, ME 04256
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1525 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 MySelco.com
S A N I PLUS
ADD A NEW BATHROOM FOR YOUR CELLAR No Need for Chiseling or Building Up a Floor Base
The S A N I PLUS is the answer for most toilet and bathroom situations. It can be installed up to 15 feet below the sewer level and/or 150 feet away from a soil stack. The S A N I PLUS is simple to install, pumps away waste water from a toilet, hand basin, bathtub and shower, and is connected to a low consumption toilet.
Blackie’s Farm Fresh Produce
Open Year Round 996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 783-7020 Hours: 6am - 8pm
966 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005
FIND US ON FACEBOOK
KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!
Fuel Plans Available Budgets - Pre-buys
We can create a plan to meet your needs... Don’t delay... call us today!! • 225-3000
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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It would be thoughtless of me not to perceive things with an open mind.
Laws of Life: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off.
Tri County Auto Sales W h o l e s a l e a n d Re t a il De a le r $
3,250
Oil $ Change
19.95
Some restrictions apply for trucks, SUVs and vehicles requiring 5 quarts or more
‘03 Volkswagen Golf GLS
$
2,950
Auto, Clean, Clean. New Sticker
Labor Rates $45/hr Full Time Auto Mechanic
‘03 Saab 9-3
Inspections • Walk-ins Welcome
Loaded, Tan Leather Int., New Sticker
1885 Federal Road • Livermore, Maine
See full list at:
207-897-3323 • 207-576-4321
TriCounty.HasYourCar.Com
How Old? Submitted by Jimbo
The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she announced. “One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.” Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, “I'm not free. I'm four.”
Tips with English Grammar: A preposition isn't a good thing to end a sentence with. The Auto Appearance Specialist
990 Lisbon Street Lewiston
Maine’s Largest Used Truck Cap & Tonneau Cover Dealer
933-2493 The Beatles had to literally stop touring because their music couldn't be amplified loud enough to compete with a screaming crowd.
980 Pond Rd. • Wales capplacemore.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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The Test
Laws of Life: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
Submitted by Thomas Hill
The school was having trouble with Little Jimbo and decided to have him tested by a psychologist. The first question he was asked was, "If I have ten apples and take away five apples, what is the difference?"
2007 Subaru Forester 2.5X
2006 Nissan Frontier
$10,950
$14,950
92K, Blue, Auto., Alloy Wheels, Fog Lights
99K, Black, 4.0L 6 Cyl., 6-Spd. Manual
2005 Subaru Outback 2.5i Wagon
2009 Subaru Legacy 2.5i Limited
After a brief pause Little Jimbo answered, "That's just what I say, 'What's the difference?'" When asked whether a pair of trousers were singular or plural, Little Jimbo replied, "Well, they are singular at the top and plural at the bottom." Finally the psychologist decided to test his spelling and asked him, "How do you spell Banana?"
$8,950
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Gold, 148K, Auto., ABS Brakes, Alloy Wheels
2004 Mitsubishi Eclipse GTS
2006 Nissan Xterra SE 4WD
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$9,950 Convertible, 3..0L 6 Cyl., 85K, Auto., 6-CD Changer
AWD, 142K, Bronze, Auto., 6-Cyl 4.0L V6 DOHC 24V
2005 Subaru Impreza WRX After careful consideration he replied, "B A N A N A N A N A N A NA.” The psychologist interrupted him and said, "Jimbo that's quite enough," to which he replied, "I know how to spell it, I just don't know when to stop." The psychologist then wrote on his report: "If you are not having problems with Little Jimbo it would not be normal." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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All Subarus Come With:
$11,950
• 12-month/12,000 miles Warranty on all Head Gasket Issues • Vehicles fully serviced and maintained in-house • In-house direct lending available
Silver, 115K, Manual Transmission, 6-CD Changer
www.rjbandson.com The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
Laws of Life: The less important you are to the company, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
Large & In Charge
Cigars are back!
Submitted by Jimbo
Check out our great selection
J.T. REID’S GUNS We buy, sell & trade
Call for the next N.R.A. Pistol Course
Full Line Gunsmith Service Jamie Pelletier, Manager
jtreidsgunshop.com
86 Court St., Auburn 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat John Reid, Owner 777-3579
Life is a Lamborghini: It goes too fast, and it costs too much.
ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!
Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.
2 for 1
Monday Night Scrambles 5:00PM Shotgun Start - Every Monday Singles or full teams are accepted
The secretary picked up the phone and heard a very "countryfied" voice on the other end saying, "I want to talk to the head hog at the trough!" Puzzled, the secretary said, "Excuse me, sir?" He repeated, "I want to talk to the head hog at the trough!" She then realized the man wanted to talk to the pastor. Somewhat indignant she said, "Sir if you want to talk to our pastor, you will have to address him properly. You should call him Pastor, or Reverend, or Brother, but you certainly cannot refer to him as the Head Hog at the Trough!" The man on the other end said in a country drawl, "Oh I just wanted to donate $10,000 to the church."
Must present this coupon to receive
ONE FREE GREEN FEE for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thru Thursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play.
Tuesday Morning Senior League
✃Expires 7.31.13
8:00am tee time • 50+ • Call FMI
Mens & Womens Leagues Wednesdays & Thursdays • Call FMI
Memberships Many levels of sponsorships available
Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586
The secretary promptly replied, "Can you hold please, I think the big pig just walked through the door!"
GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com
A fish’s gills extract oxygen from the water around them.
Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end. – Chuck Hogan Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the
Village Inn’s
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
50th Anniversary Celebration With a lobster bake and live music under the tent
“Best Seafood Restaurant” Ten years in a row.
Holy dirty pirate... Arrrrrrh! Congrats to the Village Inn on 50 years. We had a blast at your celebration!
Award Winning Chowder Family Owned for 3 Generations
Lounge • Dining Room • Private Function Rooms Like us on Facebook for updates on upcoming events & special offers
Larry & Diana Roy The table props were a lot of fun...
Ask about our
Weekly Specials
Function Rooms Available! Call FMI 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday Debra Rumery & Jason Hall Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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villageinnmaine.com Starfish can have up to 16 arms!
The fifth president, James Monroe, died on the Fourth of July in 1831.
80-person Private Banquet Room Available for your Function Also check us out Tuesdays - Champion Margaritas $4.99 LADIES NIGHT Wednesdays 5pm-Close 1/2 price mixed drinks for the ladies
I wish I had one of those voice bubble thingys...
Voted #1 Casual Restaurant #1 Waitstaff #1 Burgers Gippers open July 28th @ Martindale
Deb Landry & Cathy Raynor at the B2B Trade show’s business after hours
Tee Time Home of the Gippers 89 Draft Beer
HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight
120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com Calvin Coolidge, the 30th president, and Malia Obama, daughter of the 44th, were born on the Fourth of July.
Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily
• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu When our shifts end we're so hungry from seeing this food all day, we just have to eat some ourselves.
Waitstaff at Rolly's love Rolly's, too!
87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out) Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon
Summers spent throwing a Frisbee back and forth owe their game to a pie maker named Elihu Frisbee.
Submitted by Jimbo
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.The man said to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in one heck of a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!" The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?" The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the 2013 Relay for Life at ELHS
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
Celebrate Summer! Home of the U.F.O. Eat-in or Take-out
Jen & Chase Hogan
Potato Salad Pasta Salad Filled Finger Rolls Italians & More!
Outdoor Dining
740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 Hours: Mon-Sun 5am-9pm • www.mygeorgios.com
Community Credit Union
My Grandmother is eighty and still doesn't need glasses. She drinks straight out of the carton.
REPETITION • REPETITION • REPETITION is what your business needs to get Top of Mind Awareness
Kerry Wood & Christina Carter Community Credit Union
Jumping for joy... because we can!
FACT from a recent Social Media Marketing Contest we ran for a local company:
3,244,000 Impressions Pretty good repetition, huh? Call the guys who do print & social media marketing better than any other company out there!
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST Connor Larivier & Seth Hicks Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Standing out from the crowd since 1996! UncleAndysDigest.com • 783-7039
You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: Your copy of Hogan’s 5 Lesson’s is the only book you have opened in the last month.
The Summer Olympics take place every four years. They were held for the first time in Greece more than two thousand years ago.
$
5 OFF
Purchase of $20 or more
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
Limit one per visit Expires 7/31/13
Try our Bubble Tea! Its been a BIG Hit!! 730 Center Street, Auburn Auburn Plaza
Jen Belanger & Caidra Harris
NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA
Healthy Maine Smiles
376-4855
Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi jasminecafemaine.com The first bathing suit for women was created in the 1800s. It was long sleeved with woolen bloomers.
Jhanae Laplante Community Credit Union
WE’RE BETTING You’ll LOVE our food! We’re right on the way to the casino, stop in for a bite.
Family-style restaurant serving breakfast & lunch every day! Home of the Double Yolker
Wall of Fame Inductee!
The omelettes here are fantastic!
Jo Richmond
Egg-ceptional Restaurant 5 Pigeon Hill Road (Route 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577
Gary Haley
Nadeau’s Refrigeration
of Auburn
Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!
Loved are the ones who are told of their faults in private.
There are over 30,000 known species of fish. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
July 2013
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Out ’n About at the
Village Inn’s
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
50th Anniversary Celebration With a lobster bake and live music under the tent
Dan Carpentier & Jen Decoteau I don’t know why people don’t take me more seriously...
Travis Dow strikes a pose Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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The best way to succeed in life is to start from scratch and keep scratching.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative. – Uncle Andy
Family Time Submitted by Jimbo
UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS All breakfast specials include coffee
Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!
5 Washington Street, Auburn
783-4304 Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome
MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast....$4.25 TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast ...........$4.25 WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes..............$4.25 THURSDAY: French Toast .......................................$4.25 FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette....................................$4.25 SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage.......$4.25 SUNDAY: French Crepes .........................................$4.25 Prices do not include tax.
A social worker who had recently transferred from the big city to the mountains was touring her new territory. She came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen. Intrigued, she knocked on the door. "Anybody home?" A child's voice answered, "Yep." "Is your father there?" "Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in."
Great
"Well, is your mother there?"
n
io t a c
"Nope, Ma left just before I got here."
Va
"Are you never together as a family?"
Idea!
"Sure, but not here. This is the outhouse!"
Cotton Candy & Popcorn Fundraising Earn up to 40% of the proceeds!
Yummo Carts 241-3169 YummoCarts.com Tuna can swim at speeds of up to 70 kph (43 mph).
Eat Your Veggies Watermelon is actually a VEGETABLE! It is from the botanical family Cucurbitaceae and is most closely related to cucumbers, pumpkins and squash. The watermelon is composed of 92% water and early explorers often used hollowed out watermelons as canteens. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
Local Restaurants & Entertainment
SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET 2 Main Street, Sabattus, ME 04280 • 207-375-8502 Open 7 Days a Week 6am-8pm
Turner Publishing
BUY 1 LARGE PIZZA *
GET 1 FREE ✂ Karly Eretzian
✂
Jodi Cornelio
UAD Expires 7/31/13
Try our fresh hot pizza today! Limit 1 per customer
*equal or lesser value
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Rinck Advertising
What’s up in July at the Chick! Want us to cater your next event? Food & Beverage – WE DO IT. Buffet style or plated dinners or lunches – WE GOT IT. Platters for 15 or 30 people – WE DO IT. Katie Theriault Cassiel’s Day Spa
• Boiled or Baked Stuffed Lobsters • Fresh Steamer Clams • Stews & Chowders • Loaded Lobster Rolls • Fried, Baked or Broiled Seafood • Rib Eye Steak
Open All Day Thurs July 4th Kelli Gilzow
10:30-9pm
Call us and we will fax you our options.
Fully Stocked Bar Take-out Available Air Conditioned on our Full Menu
of Lewiston
You’re gonna love it!
1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston • 376-3870 Our new website is up and running... ChickadeeLewiston.com
SPRQ Studio Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Always try to be modest, and be damn proud of it!
Jimbo on Uncle Andy: After all is said and done, a lot more is said than done.
Excuse Me Driver Submitted by Thomas Hill
p u e n i L t n e m n i a t r e Ent July 12th Dawg otty July 5th . . . . . . . .DJ Sc July 6th . . . . . . . .Gypsy ane nC July 12th . . . . . . .Braze Dawg otty July 13th . . . . . . .DJ Sc us July 19th . . . . . . .Ruck ill July 20th . . . . . . .DJ W Kelly Band ina July 26th . . . . . . .The T Dawg otty July 27th . . . . . . .DJ Sc
A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder.
The Tina Kelley Band July 26th
The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said, "I didn't mean to frighten you, I just wanted to ask you something."
July 19th
Happy Hour 4-7pm
The Taxi driver said, "It's not your fault sir. It's my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years!"
• Pool Tables • Dart Boards • Video Games • Pub-style food • Full bar available
Historical Fun Fact
128 Lewiston Street, Mechanic Falls Chad & Roxanne Pearl, owners
345-7040
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
On July 8, 1776, the first Independence Day celebrations occurred in Philadelphia. The Liberty Bell rang from Independence Hall’s tower on that date. The purpose of the bell ringing was to summon the public to assemble and hear the first reading of the Declaration. Colonel John Nixon performed that momentous reading. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Karate at Steve’s Dojo
Local Restaurants & Entertainment Every Thursday
Action Packed Thursdays Beer Pong Karaoke Line Dancing
Every Friday Clubside
CHEM FREE FRIDAYS Ages 15-20
No Cover
Saturdays Happy Hour 7-9pm $
8pm-midnight
1 Drafts 3 Wells
$
DJ Dancing
w/ DJ Bset Pubside
21&up in the Pub
Steve Durant is the owner and head instructor at Steve’s Dojo on Minot Ave. in Auburn. He studies and teaches traditional Okinawan Isshin-ryu karate for all ages as well as self-protection and defense for men, women, and seniors. “Self-Protection is an essential skill in our day and age. You may carry a weapon or pepper spray for self-defense but do you have the training to keep an attacker at bay while you reach for it?” asks Steve. “Knowing how to use your own body as means of defense can save your life or help you to protect your loved ones.” Steve started studying martial arts in Dexter, Maine in 1983 under Sensei Mike Ricker of Ricker's School of Isshin-Ryu where after 5 years he became an instructor. Steve then branched off with Sensei Mike's permission to start a school in Greenville, Maine. He then studied Isshin-Ryu under Sensei Tim Stienwalks of Gorham, Maine, privately for many years. He opened his own Dojo in Auburn this year. Steve is a certified executive protection specialist through the career training institute in Brewer, Maine. He also has a diploma in Fitness & Nutrition and has been certified in CPR as well. Steve urges anyone who might be interested in karate or protection classes to stop by and check out a class first hand! Steve’s Dojo is located at 1000 Minot Ave., Auburn. Call 4200139 for more details and see their ad on page 80.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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ZUMBA w/ Adrian Kramer Every Wednesday 6-7pm
21&up
July 6th Living Impaired Ascent to Power Endgame Ripfence Doors open at 7pm
Upcoming Events
July 20th Pink Angel’s
Dempsey Challenge Fundraiser
Like us on Facebook to get updates on what’s happenin’
July 27th
Go Ask Alice Metallica Cover Band
SAVE THE DATE: JULY 20th
Pink Angel’s Dempsey Challenge Fundraiser
150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You miss the ball, but still think it was a great swing.
Uncle Andy’s advice on life: Always drink upstream from the herd.
Earlybird Special
$
5 OFF any two entrees
Monday-Friday • 2-4pm
✁Expires 7.31.13
Look out for our
★ July ★ ★ Deck Party! ★ ★ ★ macsgrill.com
UAD
L/A’s Best Steaks Excellent new menu items including chicken, fish, & pasta entreé
Call us for your catering needs 783-6885
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
Uncle Andy’s advice on life: Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
Since 1953
www.LuiggisPizzeria.com
MONDAY The Fergy
TUESDAY Meatball Subs
My daughter made me...
WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners 1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink
THURSDAY Mini Pizza
FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza
SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians with 1.5 Liter Drink
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99
Chris & Tim Lafrance East Coast Signs
Uncle Andy’s advice on life: If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the
Village Inn’s
Uncle Andy’s advice on life: If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
50th Anniversary Celebration With a lobster bake and live music under the tent
Dale Godin & Karen Gurshick
Norm Godin
I like to dive in head first!
Jimbo lobster baking it up Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You buy every new golf gizmo that comes out.
I don't think I'd care to be a kid and eat at McDonald's these days... the last Happy Meal I saw looked like it was in a bad mood.
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
Christy Hillman & Andrea Becker CMA
Maria Pete & Tracey Angello NE Home Therapies
Marina Davis Assured Solar
I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. Is there another word for synonym?
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the
Uncle Andy’s advice on life: Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Ladypalooza fundraising event
YOUR TACTICAL WEAPON HEADQUARTERS
This years event raised over $1,000 for KidsPeace!
SIGHTS, SCOPES & LASERS, GRIPS & MORE AMMO OF ALL TYPES, CALIBERS & QUANTITIES
Dr. Pussum's Catnip Company
AK’s & AR15 RIFLES
PISTOLS & SHOTGUNS
Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com
Rats can actually laugh.
• New Homes • Additions • Siding • Windows & Doors • Kitchens • Flooring • Handicap Bathrooms & Ramps • Seamless Gutters • Blown-in Insulation
Kim Richards-Jones Tupperware
$
500 DISCOUNT on new remodels Call for details offer expires 8/1/13
933-4874 • Leeds, ME
Jordan Small
vghomeimprovements.com
Velata
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.
Register NOW for Fall 2013 Ages 2-4 Call FMI 439 Park Avenue, Auburn www.auburnpreschool.com
782.4329
You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You know there’s more to life than golf, but you’re not interested in finding out what it is.
Happy new house owners!
If The Shoe Fits Submitted by Thomas Hill
The clerk in a shoe store was trying hard to persuade his customer that a pair of uncomfortable shoes fit her. "I'm telling you, these shoes are too pointed and too narrow," argued the customer. "But, madam," replied the salesman, "everyone is wearing narrow, pointed shoes this season." "That may be," countered the customer, "but I'm still wearing my last season's feet."
Historical Fun Fact John Hancock was the first and only party to execute the Declaration on July 4, 1776, and he did so in his role as President of the Second Continental Congress. The final signer was Thomas McKean in January 1777.
Bruce Bickford from Keller Williams did a great job for us!
Congratulations to the Blakey’s Joe, Jenna and their little boy, Noah Blakey are happy new homeowners with the help of their realtor, Bruce Bickford of Keller Williams.
Marriage? Sorry, I can't mate in captivity.
An elderly patient went to have her teeth checked. " Mrs. Hopgood, your teeth are good for the next 50 years." the dentist beamed. To which she replied, "What will they do without me?" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the
Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler.
Ladypalooza fundraising event
OVER 70 VEHICLES IN STOCK New Inventory Arriving Daily
This years event raised over $1,000 for KidsPeace!
Check out www.IndependentAuto.me
1298 & 1317 Sabattus St. Inventory ‘04 Audi A6 S-Line
Jes Stinson-Merrill
‘06 Mazda6
‘06 Jeep Liberty Lmt
Velata
$
$
9495 2.7L V6, Gray, 97K
Ramona Stinson Mini Mount Estates
Josie McGaw Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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7995
Silver, 124K
2004 Audi A6, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6250 2004 Audi A6, Gray 97k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9495 2003 BMW 330xi, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7995 2004 Chevy Suburban, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6995 2005 Ford Escape, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995 2000 Honda Civic, 1.6L 4 Cyl., 116k, Blue . . . . . . . . .$4795 2005 Hyundai Elantra . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995 2002 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4.7L V8, Silver, 87k . .Call For Price 2000 Jeep Grand Cherokee, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4800 2006 Kia Sportage, 116k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8495 2003 Kia Sedona, V6, 62k, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995 2004 Mazda3, 114k, 2.3L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7295 2004 Mercedes ML 350, Blue, V6 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8995 2005 Nissan Altima . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6395 2006 Volvo S60, Green, 123k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9495 2005 Volvo V50, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8495 2004 Volvo XC70, 125k, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7995 2003 Volvo S60, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6495
$
9495 3.7L V6, Blue, 92K
2006 VW Jetta, Silver, 119k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7495 2005 VW Passat Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6295 2004 VW Passat, 107k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7795 2003 VW Passat, 108k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6295 2002 VW Jetta Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7995 2002 VW Golf GTI, 129k, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995 2002 VW Passat, 104k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5495 2002 VW Passat, 140k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5400 2001 Saab 9-5 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3995 2004 Saturn Ion, 119k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5495 2005 Subaru Forester. 115k, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8495
www.independentauto.me • 786-7744 686 Sabattus St. • 1298 Sabattus St. • 1317 Sabattus St. Lewiston Uncle Andy’s Actual Test Answers: Suture: Gujarati word for "what do you want"
Tips with English Grammar: Avoid unnecessary redundancy.
Out ’n About at the
Ladypalooza
Quality, Reliable Service
fundraising event This years event raised over $1,000 for KidsPeace!
on all heavy equipment
• Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks
We have heavy d uty & equip m ent roadsid e assista nce availab le!
• Licensed Inspection Station • Hydraulic Hoses made on-site
Wendy Blaney Celebrating home It was a blast palooza-ing for KidsPeace! Tons of fun!!
• Light Duty/Heavy Duty Trailers $
70 per hour on Heavy Duty, Trailers and Equipment $ 50 per hour on Light Duty
Call us today!
333-3707 Paul, Denny & Darryl will take great care of your equipment
Dee Chapman All About You Hair Salon
(affiliated with St. Laurent & Son)
20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston MaineHeavy.com
HEAVY TRUCK SERVICE SPECIAL
SERVICE SPECIAL
Grease, Oil & Filters* 10 Point Fluid & Safety Check**
Drive Axle or Trailer Outboard Brakes 2 shoes, 1 Kit 8000
*Specialty water & fuel filters not included
$
360
**Additional repairs will be done with customer approval & at customer’s expense
$
159
He who hesitates is probably right.
per wheel* *Camshaft, cambushings, drums & seals extra
All About You Hair Salon Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Hiding Place
A fool and his money rarely get together to start with.
Submitted by Jimbo
One year, Bobby's family was having the "extended family" 4th of July cookout at their home. One of the special treats that year was the lighting of the fireworks (Roman candles, bottle rockets, missile batteries, etc.) they had bought out of state (they're illegal in their state). Just before they were to arrive, a cousin calls, saying their neighbor's plans had just fallen through, and could they bring them along to the picnic they even had extra food to bring…"Sure, the more the merrier!" Upon arrival and meeting of their cousin's neighbor, it is discovered that he's a police officer. The father turns as innocently as he can to Bobby, and whispers to him to grab the paper bag of fireworks sitting in the kitchen and hide them somewhere quickly. Bobby disappears, and the father changes the topic to food for the day. This family had brought some chicken to grill, so the father tells them the gas grill is all set to use out back - just turn on the gas and push the ignition button with the lid still closed. They head out to the
2006 Volvo S-60 2.5T AWD, 118K, Nice Ride!
$10,500 COLLISION REPAIR & PAINTING 1111 Center Street, Auburn
782-6515
NEW CERAMIC PRO 100% ACRYLIC HOUSE PAINT
ON SALE NOW! Superior Value! Competitive Price! Formulated with an advanced acrylic resin emulsion, Ceramic Pro provides the painted surface with long-lasting protection. Available in Lo-Sheen and Soft Gloss finishes. 516 Sabattus St., Lewiston
784-1993 www.lewistonpaint.com M-F 7am-5pm • Sat 7:30am - 1pm
Licensed Massage Therapist Have your body feeling as good as July weather.
$40/1 hr. massages Smartchoice2@live.com Facebook.com/mariahsmassagetherapy Book your appointment today
Mariah White
81 Main St., Suite 104 Auburn, Maine
299-0534
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Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things, too.
(continued from previous page)
Women don't make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
Superior Roofing ROOFING • ROOFING INSTALLATIONS AND REPAIRS
back as Bobby comes back in through the front door. The father hurries to him and says "Whew, that was close! That man's a police officer, and he almost saw the fireworks. Did you hide them real well?" "Oh, yeah, nobody will ever think to look in the grill!"
207-702-ROOF
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee
Full Roof Installations VOTED BEST ROOFING CONTRACTOR 2012 Owner/Installer Ben Roper
Ken Goodman Goodman Wiper
SuperiorRoofingOfMaine.com
Kevin Russell MVRA
Catalytic Converters • Metals • Cores
HARVEY METALS
Check out one of our local business networking groups
LEWISTON
Superior Grading & Pricing
Thursdays at 8:15am at Davinci’s or at 5:30pm at Fusion Restaurant in the Ramada
41 Capital Avenue, Lisbon Falls • 353-JUNK (5865)
MyNetKing.com
HarveyMetals.com
LEWISTON • PORTLAND • AUGUSTA • SACO • FARMINGTON
Radar spelled backwards is radar. They get you coming and going.
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Out ’n About at the
You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You clean your clubs more than your car.
Ladypalooza fundraising event This years event raised over $1,000 for KidsPeace!
Mandy Zielinski MZ Photography
Nudist Camp sign: Sorry, Clothed for Winter
Get Your Ride Ready For Summer Courtney Bain Grace Adele
OUR SERVICE DEPARTMENT Complete Auto & Light Truck Repairs • State Inspections Shocks • Suspensions • Brakes • Tune-ups • Engine Problems
OUR BODY SHOP BIG OR SMALL...
WE PAINT THEM ALL
COMPLETE RESTORATIONS OF ANY KIND
See us for your accident, rust or refinishing repairs COMPARE! Cost to restore vs. cost of replacing your auto
FREE ESTIMATES
845 Washington St. North, Auburn Arsenault Stuffies Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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782-5500 What do you have if you've got Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Dolly Parton in the same room? Two Boobs and a country singer.
You can always tell an intelligent person...Their opinion is the same as yours.
Authorized Service Center
INSTRUMENT REPAIR, SERVICE & SALES Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair
Also offering lessons in: • Guitar • Piano • Bass • Voice • Banjo • Mandolin • Violin • Ukulele • Brass & Woodwinds • Cello • Music theory
www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com • 376-3376
134 Main Street, Auburn
The Beach
Out ’n About at the Village Inn’s 50th Anniversary Celebration
The Vallee Brothers (back): Richard, Norm, Paul & Bob The Vallee Wives: Connie & Francis
Submitted by Jimbo
Chelsea, Ben, Danny, Darcy & Jen
Our first day at a resort my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?" "Sure," she said, "but I have to finish the rest of the rooms beforehand." Typical Conversation
Bruce Bickford
Taylor Pond 99 Willard Rd.
Auburn 533 Washington St.
$129,000
$90,000
Contact Bruce today to learn more!
Son: “Mom, can I get twenty bucks?” Mom: “Does it look like I am made of money?”
Each office is independently owned & operated
195 Center St., Auburn • 553-2447 bbickford@kw.com • Auburnmehome.com
You can tell your getting old when: All the names in your little black book end in MD
Son: “Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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The lung fish can live out of water for as long as four years!
Out ’n About
y r e k a B &
That moment when you realize your childhood is over
r a l l e C Wine ❧ Huge Wine Selection
❧ Freshly Baked Breads ❧ Freshly Made Pastries & Donuts ❧ Soups & Sandwiches ❧ Large Cheese Selection ❧ Wine Tasting Events
Like us on Facebook To see all of our specials when they happen! Minnows have teeth located on a bone in their throat. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine
www.benoitsbakery.com My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
There's nothing wrong with having nothing to say - unless you insist on saying it.
New at Sarah Jeanne’s
Looking Good! Ariel Enright
TUXEDO & SUIT RENTALS & SALES at prices You can afford!
Wedding Day Special Rent 6 Tuxes for your wedding party and get: Groom’s Tux FREE • Groom hair cut FREE 60 minute Tanning Package FREE • Ring Bearer Tux 50% OFF
S&J Tuxedos & Limo Service 76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
333-3737 Affiliated with Sarah Jeanne’s Family Hair Care, Tanning & Day Spa 795-6778 • sarahjeannes.com One-stop shop to get ready for your perfect wedding day!
Updos • Hair Services • Manicures • Pedicures • Hot Tub Sauna • Massage • Tanning • Body Waxing • Body Wraps Facials • Eyelashes • Limos • Tuxedos • And More!
Relative to their body size, fish have small brains compared to most other animals.
Sarah Jeanne’s of Lewiston is happy to announce the hiring of Ariel Enright to its staff. Ariel previously worked at Fabu Salon & Spa in Portland. She has been a Cosmetologist for two years. Ariel is also a massage therapist and studied at the Spa Tech Institute for both cosmetology and massage. Additionally, Enright is has received Pivot Point training and is certified in Bio Ionic Straightening System and the Brazilian Blowout. Along with training in Paul Mitchell & Goldwell. “I love seeing my clients with frizzy, unruly hair leave with straight, shiny, easy to manage hair,” Ariel stated. Book a massage with Ariel, who specializes in Swedish and Deep Tissue Massage, Reflexology, ROM, Neuromuscular and Positional Release. “I am thrilled to be working at Sarah Jeanne’s and am ready to make you look and feel fabulous!” added Enright. Sarah Jeanne’s is located at 77 Sabattus Street in Lewiston. Call 795-6778 to book your appointment. See their ad on page 53.
Rumors People keep telling me things they have heard about people and asking if I know whether or not they are true. What am I, a rumortologist? Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Relevancy
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.
Submitted by Jimbo
The pastor told the search committee, "If I am voted in as pastor of this church, I will work hard to bring us into the 20th century." Someone spoke up, "Uh, Preacher, don't you mean the 21st century?" The pastor replied, "Let's take it one century at a time."
Assumptions
REGGIE’S SALES & SERVICE
Submitted by Jimbo
Your Local Four Season Power Equipment Dealer
During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach.
Where the Pros shop!
1334 Minot Ave, Auburn • 783-0558 Hours: Monday, Wednesday, Friday 7:00 am - 6:00 pm • Tuesday & Thursday 7:00 am - 5:00 pm • Saturday 8:00 am - 1:00 pm
My wife says she enjoys my company... it's a good thing I own it. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, "I know I'm in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!"
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee
"The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end coolly explained. "I believe you are complaining about your room number." Launched in 1785, the Fourth of July Celebration in Bristol, R.I., is said to be the oldest and longest-running in the U.S. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Kerry Wood, Christina Carter & Jen Hogan
Cindy Leavitt & friend
Community Credit Union
Healthy Smiles for ME
Starfish have eight Fish - one at the end of each leg.
Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married... Every month the centerfold is the same woman.
New at Sarah Jeanne’s
Mallory Doria Sarah Jeanne’s of Lewiston is happy to announce the hiring of Mallory Doria to its staff. Mallory graduated from Empire Beauty School in 2006. She started her career as a Cosmetologist in Portland where she became Goldwell Certified in color and foiling. Doria stays up-to-date with current trends, as well as, traditional, classic styles by constantly learning and furthering her education. Mallory specializes in doing updos and make-up application. “After working at a spa and salon in Wells, I recently moved to Lewiston and am fortunate to have been hired at Sarah Jeanne’s and it truly feels like ‘family’ here. I love what I do and look forward to meeting you!” stated Mallory. Sarah Jeanne’s is located at 77 Sabattus Street in Lewiston. Call 795-6778 to book your appointment. See their ad on page 53.
Summer Snack Watermelon is summer’s most popular vegetable. It is part of the cucumber, pumpkin, and squash family. The average American eats 15 pounds of watermelon a year and these juicy favorites are 92% water. You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You think someday you’ll shoot your age, when a more realistic goal would be to shoot your weight.
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Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
Larry Gilbert We love Jimbo too, but he doesn’t need as much reassurance.
Laurie Ouellette & Patti Gagne Sweet Pea Designs & All State Insurance
Leo Baillargeon Kidville News @ Sun Journal
If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: You own a box of yellow balls solely because they show up better in the snow.
If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?
Stock Frames FRAMES 8x10 up to 12x16
FRAMES 14x18 up to 24x30
OVER 50
OVER 25
to choose from
to choose from
ONLY $10
ONLY $20
each
each
75% OFF
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
Ready made metal frames
Expert Custom Framing & Quality Personal Service!
786-4333
23 Cross Street, Auburn Susan LaJoie
Established in 1984
All Come With New Inspection, 14-Day Plate and Warranty
Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.
Double R Crane
NEVER A DOC FEE!!
Truck Caps
Over 60 Cars, Trucks, and SUVs From $2,995 to $29,995!
353-2538 28 Soper Road, Durham
Always a couple of Harley Davidsons for sale!
jandrautodurham.com
Thomas Hill Uncle Andy’s Digest Tom got ZERO votes. We’re not sure why?
SERVICING ALL MAKES & MODELS
FULLY STOCKED SHOWROOM • Safety gear • Batteries • Watersport toys • Parts, oils, props & more • Marine radio • Tons of trailer parts & • Small Engine Parts & Repairs accessories • Fish finders STOP BY TODAY!
AuburnMarineandSmallEngine.com 784-3888 Open 7 days a week: Mon-Sat 8-7; Sun 9-4 65 North River Rd., Auburn Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you wouldn't have been notified.
Tracey Steuber Creative Elements Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Community Credit Union Scholarship
According to my best recollection, I don't remember. – Uncle Andy
Sherm Arnold’s Daniel Fortier Lewiston High School Community Credit Union is proud to announce the 2013 recipient of the Gerald R. Langelier Scholarship from Community Credit Union is Daniel Fortier. Fortier is the valedictorian of the Lewiston High School Class of 2013 and plans to pursue a Mechanical Engineering degree with a minor in business. He is also an active volunteer in the Lewiston community. The Gerald R. Langelier Scholarship from Community Credit Union is made possible through the generous donations of management, employees and volunteers of Community Credit Union. For more information on the scholarship program, please visit communitycreditunion.com. Community Credit Union is a member-owned, full service financial institution that has been serving its members and Androscoggin County since 1945. Community Credit Union has branches located at 144 Pine Street, Lewiston and 40 Stanley Street, Auburn. See their ad on page 55.
Unbelievable, Unbeatable Savings
COME CHECK OUT OUR NEW STORE!
There are about 40 species or kinds of porpoises and dolphins.
675 Main St., Lewiston 782-0831 www.shermarnolds.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
& Jimbo
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I did not get my degree in the custodial arts just to be called a janitor.
Sand Shot Submitted by Jimbo
An elderly gentleman recently moved to a new town and joined the local golfing club. But when he went to the club for the first time to play he was told there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were all out on the course. Seeing the man's disappointment, the assistant pro came over and asked how good a player he was. "I'm really not that bad," he replied. "The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps." The assistant pro decided to try him out. It turned out he did play well, and coming to the par four 18th they were both even. The pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green where he landed 2-putts for a par. The older gentleman had a nice drive also, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green. Playing from the sand trap he hit a high ball which landed on the green... and rolled right into the hole! It was a birdie and he won the game. The pro walked over to the sand trap where the older man was still (continued on next page)
I think Microsoft has gone too far... Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.
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(continued from previous page)
The more things change, the more they stay insane.
standing. "Nice shot" he said, "but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?" "I do. Could you please give me a hand?"
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee
WINE TASTING • APPETIZERS • CHAIR MASSAGE • PAUL MITCHELL PRODUCTS
TRADE YOUR TOOLS
Friday, July 12th and Help Us Fight Domestic Violence from 2-7pm Bring in a Used Styling Tool and Trade it for
25% OFF New Paul Mitchell Pro Tools Tools Will be Donated to Safe Voices.
Wine Tasting & Appetizers 5-7pm
207-513-1130 140 Canal St. Lewiston Nathan Gerry No matter how thin you slice it there are always two sides.
: U O Y G N I T C PROTE s What We Do. I
Kendra Gobeil & Nikki Bramlett Cassiel’s Day Spa
232 Center St., Auburn Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm
Omar Velasquez Mechanics Savings Bank Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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commercial
home
VarneyAgency.com auto
recreational
umbrella
786-0417 life
Winning is not everything, but the effort to win is.
health
First-graders finish the proverb: If at first you don’t succeed...Get new batteries.
Winner, Winner!
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
an d
Japanese Cuisine teamed up to run a huge social media contest on its Facebook page where the winner would get a $200 gift certificate to Sea 40 PLUS 2 VIP tickets to the upcoming SEA BASH outdoor party featuring Motor Booty Affair!
Congratulations, Danielle!
Danielle Sheehan & Franki
Tam
Franki presents Danie lle her awesome prize. Make your reservation s today! Sea 40 Japanese Cuisin e 40 East Avenue, Lewi ston • 795-6888 www.sea40me.com
Matthew Shaw Northeast Bank
Watch for our next contest on our Facebook page: facebook.com/UncleAndysDigest
Join us at the party of the summer!
Maureen Aube Chamber
Friday, July 12th featuring...
Motor Booty Affair!
5pm – 11pm Outdoors under the tent!
Join us for the party of the summer! Mona Robitaille & Lynn Derocher St. Mary’s
Japanese Cuisine 40 East Ave., Lewiston 795-6888 www.sea40me.com We all came on different ships, but we are in the same boat now.
Luck is a lazy person's estimate of a worker's success. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Flying Saucer The Frisbee was originally designed as a tin pie plate in the 1870’s. It was a marketing scheme to encourage homemakers to see the name "Frisbee" on the pie tin and think how much easier it would be to buy a pie instead of making one. Eventually, Elihu Frisbee’s pies were sold all over Connecticut. In the 1940’s, Yale students began tossing the pie tins to one another in a game of catch. The game caught on throughout the campus. About 10 years later, the president of Wham-O saw the pie-tin tossing fun at Yale. He saw this as a toy he could easily market. There were issues with the tin, so the plastic disc was born. Because of the craze of UFOs during this time, the plastic disc quickly became known as a "flying saucer".
Some flatfish use camouflage to hide themselves on the ocean floor.
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 OUR TIRES
Rod Cameron & Ben Britton
• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections
60 Minot Ave • Auburn
782-6666 or 783-2026
A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM
There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee
Interesting Fact Bitter rivals John Adams, the second president, and Thomas Jefferson, the third, died hours apart on July 4, 1826, the 50th anniversary of the Declaration. Adams was 90 and passed away in Massachusetts and Jefferson was 83 and died in Virginia. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Jen Porto, Krista Hakala & Katie Greenlaw Rinck Advertising
Jess Small Turner Publishing
Michelle & Jennifer Staples
If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application.
Out ’n About at the
Ladypalooza
Happy 4 of July Everyone th
fundraising event This years event raised over $1,000 for KidsPeace!
Celebrating 237 yeadresnce of indepen
Pampered Chef
DON’S TOWING MORRIS AUTO PARTS and
Celebrating
years in business! 5 7
Specializing in motors and transmissions
DON’S TOWING 784-4619
MORRIS AUTO PARTS 784-7374
940 Washington St. • Auburn Kayla Hopkins Tri-county Mental Health
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee
Thank you for all the support! Learn more about us online at www.kidspeace.org
Scott Hill Dojo Digital
Karen Page with KidsPeace
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Ladypalooza fundraising event This years event raised over $1,000 for KidsPeace!
Augusta Golf Park • Disc Golf • Batting Cages • Driving Range
DISC PRO SHOP 225 Hospital St. Augusta, Maine
18-HOLE COURSE 623-0859 discgolfmaine.com
“The epicenter of disc golf in Central Maine” Heather Real Real sister's What a blast! We had lots of traffic at our event and we were able to raise over $ 1,000 for our local KidsPeace. Thank you everyone who made this so successful!
Weight Loss Coffee
Learn Earn Burn
www.MyJavita.com/carolscoffee
Tired of how your old deck looks? Need a new deck?
Kavita Sharma-Nason Ladypalooza organizer
& Mandy Zielinski
CALL THE DECK DOCTORS!
MZ Photography
Did You Know? July is National Ice Cream Month. More Americans buy ice cream in July than any other month. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Stephen Adamczyk, Deck Repair Expert
Call 713-9090 for your FREE estimate! Facelift Your Property
www.setwright.com
Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
RESCUE DOGS Est. 2008
Nemo
I need a new home!
Lily
Dog Grooming Daycare & Boutique 65 Washington St., Auburn, ME
I need a new home!
Nemo is a 9 yr. old Powder Puff Chinese Crested in need of a forever loving home! He is a sweet lil boy that would make a great addition to any family! Very happy, well adjusted and loves to cuddle, snuggle and share his love!
(207) 333-3640 If you would like more information on adorable babies, please give us a call!
Moose & Lola
Molly
I need a new home!
Maggie
Maggie is a 4 yr. old Lab Shepherd Mix in need of a forever loving home! It is best if this home is an active family that does not have cats or kids. She is more comfortable with women and shy around men, but once she gets to know you she is an extremely lovable girl...
Lily is a 7 month old Shepard mix in need of a forever loving home! She is a doll baby and just as sweet as can be! She would be a great addition to any active family that is looking to add a furbaby to their life!!
Maggie, Molly, Moose and Lola will be moving out of the area! They have been attending daycare since June of 2012 and we have enjoyed every minute we have been able to spend with them. We love you guys so much and will miss you tons and tons!! Xoxo
Maggie
thedoggzinn@gmail.com• www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn
http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com
FULL DAYS OF PLAY AS LOW AS
$16 PER DAY!
Generation Gap Back in the day when CD players were the hot thing I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on her record player. Knowing she was not that technically astute, I called her a few days later to see how she was managing. "Fine. I listened to Shania Twain this morning," she said. "The whole CD?" I asked. "No," she replied, "just one side."
Shark! Sharks are one of the oldest living creatures in the sea. There is evidence that the shark species has been around for more than 400 million years. Current sharks are much smaller than those from dinosaur times. The sharks that lived in the dino-age were up to 80 feet long, where today’s largest shark, the Great White, grows to lengths of only 25 feet.
Think "honk" if you're telepathic.
A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!
DAILY SPECIALS
Monday 2 Crabmeat Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99 w/salad & chips
Tuesday Chicken Parmesan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99 w/salad or cole slaw
Tues. Wed. & Thurs. Fried Clams . .sm. $11.99 . . . . .lg. $15.79 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw
Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . . . .$6.99 w/potato & rolls
Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm
Thursday 2 Lobster Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99 w/salad & chips
Friday & Saturday
Friday, Saturday & Sunday
After 4:00 PM
Fried Haddock* $11.99
Prime Rib Au Jus* Small $13.99 • Large $16.79
Grilled/Baked Salmon* $12.99
*with potato, choice of salad, coleslaw or vegetable & rolls
64 Lewiston Road, Gray 657-4714 www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE
I love seeing all our happy customers! Stop in this summer and try our famous lobster rolls!
Marcia Perkins Server for 10 years
New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote!
Q: Why don't cows have any money? A: Because farmers milk them dry. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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“The Difference is in the Details”
Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.
Call 753-9887 or 576-8528
OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available
Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
Guitar, for sale, cheap, no strings attached.
REDKEN BASKET RAFFLE valued at
$450
for Ecuador Mission 2013 1 chance $1 6 chances $5
All proceeds go to Missions Trip to Quito, Ecuador to educate and help protect against human trafficking. Stop by the Salon to help support this cause & enter the raffle.
392 Center Street, Auburn
786-0112 HairByGregorys.com “Cleaner fish” help out other fish by removing parasites and dead skin from their scales.
Trenchless Sewer and Drain Rehabilitation Call today to have a Clear Drains of Maine technician perform a site evaluation and provide you with a detailed estimate for rehabilitating your failing sewer or drain line with our
PERMA-LATERAL
TM
TRENCHLESS PIPELINING SYSTEM
NO DIG TRENCHLESS TECHNOLOGY! Visit us online:
ClearDrainsofMaine.com
Seals broken areas in Cast Iron, PVC, Orangeburg, Clay Pipes & More!
521 Federal Road, Livermore • 207.320.2177 A man usually feels better after a few winks...especially if she winks back!
Pine State Pest Solutions offers professional pest control services including, general pest, mosquitos, ticks, rodents, wildlife control, and bed bug exclusion through their bed bug specialty division, Thermal Solutions of Maine. They provide safe and effective pest solutions for both residential and commercial clients by implementing "green" techniques and minimizing the use of chemicals. Pine State Pest Solutions prides themselves on being a Maine-based, locally owned company. They make sure that their customers don't feel like just a number in their system and go the extra mile to make sure you and your home or business are taken care of. The technicians not only have experience with the pests that you may have in your home but also with the pests that are unique to our area. They know what pests thrive in which temperatures and the best treatment methods to protect your home or business each season. You can be sure that the skilled technicians at Pine State Pest Solutions will always be on time, be thorough but efficient, and will never make a mess of your space. This Summer, protect your family and pets from disease carrying ticks and mosquitos. Call Pine State Pest Solutions to treat the area around your home so that you and your family can enjoy your outdoor space without worry of Lyme Disease of West Nile Virus. Call them at 7951100 and see their ad on page 70. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Paying it Forward
Marriage is nature's way of stopping people from fighting with strangers.
PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING? Ask about our signature models!
CALL FOR PRICING
G.A. DOWNING 782.4508 or 800.924.4500
Paige Cormier recently celebrated her 11th birthday. In lieu of gifts, she asked her guests to bring donations for the Greater Androscoggin Humane Society. Here she is with the all the donations she collected. The kitten she is holding is available for adoption. Her parents are Jill Heikkinen and Randy Cormier of Auburn.
When Elizabeth I of Russia died in 1762, 15,000 dresses were found in her closets. She used to change what she was wearing two and even three times an evening.
& Jimbo
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111 Woodman Hill Road, Minot www.gadowning.com
Forbidden fruit has caused many a bad jam.
Coincidence is when God works a miracle and chooses to remain anonymous.
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear, but forgetting where you heard it.
Pelletier's Karate Academy in Lewiston congratulates the students who successfully completed their belt tests on May 30. Students performed empty hand katas and self-defense as well as received approval from their parents and teachers at school in order to be promoted. You can find more information about Pelletier's Karate's Little Ninja, karate, cardio kickboxing, yoga, and self-defense programs for kids and adults online at pelletierskarate.com or by calling 786-3731. Pictured are Front Row (left to right): Jack Humphrey, Mika Torres, Nicholas Humphrey, Ghassan Abdelrahim, Corinne Berta, Madelyn Humphrey, Isaac Raymond, Kassidy Cote, Caleb Robitaille, Ezra Mathieu; Second Row: Allison Berta, Gabe Withee, Jordan Withee, Bryce Strout, Connor Francis, Alexis Mailhot, Erin Brackley, Jared Bentley, Elijah Medina, Samuel Davis; Back Row: Logan Ward, Rhiannon Arnold, Sensei Ferdinand Torres, Sensei Sadie Landry, Senpai Per Almquist, Ethan Ward, Cecilia Landry. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
Service Rental Sales
Pelletier's Karate Academy in Lewiston congratulates the students who successfully completed their belt tests on May 30. Students performed empty hand katas and self-defense. You can find more information about Pelletier's Karate's Little Ninja, karate, cardio kickboxing, yoga, and self-defense programs for kids and adults online at pelletierskarate.com or by calling 786-3731. Pictured are Front Row (left to right): Maxwell Draper, Alyssa Brackley, Jack LePage, Violet Mathieu, Dan Mathieu; Second Row: Jason Reblin, Maureen Jordan, Michael LePage, Tyla Davis, John Reid, Jason Woodworth; Back Row: Sensei Mike Bourget, Sensei Matt Vattaso, Sensei Ferdinand Torres, Sensei Sadie Landry, Sensei Jane Mitchell, Senpai Keith Davis.
I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.
Although jellyfish and crayfish have the word ‘fish’ in their name, they aren’t actually fish.
Survival Submitted by Jimbo
When the doctor asked Uncle Andy about what he did yesterday, he told him about his day: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a lake, escaped from a mountain lion in the heavy brush, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake." indham •
orth W . 115 in N
0
892-822
Inspired by his story, the doctor exclaimed, "Uncle Andy, you must be an awesome outdoorsman!"
n Rt
o Located
"No," Uncle Andy replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
Today is the last day of your life so far.
BOOK TODAY & BE BEACH READY Super Summer Specials with Angella & Camille!
786-4311 14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston
2 for 1
(2 people for the price of 1)
either a full color or a partial foil
only $80 with Angella or Camille Angella Brissette
We are a full service salon!
Camille Cloutier
✃Expires 7.31.13
Get Your Hair Done Before Work! We’re open at 6:00am 4 days a week!! Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm • Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm
The perfect gift for people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
“Your One-Stop Solution for Pest Control!” Pat & Shannon Dalton
Protect Your Family From Lyme Disease and West Nile Virus
Roux Camp
with tick and mosquito treatments on your property Rachel Desgrosseilliers
Wait, what?
• • • • •
Ants Mice Fleas Roaches Ticks
• • • •
Mosquitos Wildlife Bats Bedbugs
✂
Museum L-A
Professional Pest Control Services Include:
Fully Licensed & Insured Locally Owned & Operated
10% OFF One-time or initial treatment
COMMERCIAL & RESIDENTIAL Richard & Sandra Belanger
mainepest.com 795-1100
R.R. Belanger Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Never let your man's mind wander.... it's too small to be let out alone.
Life is full of uncertainties...of course, I could be wrong about that.
Survival 2 Submitted by Jimbo
FESTIVAL July 12th – 14th
Weather Forecast
Shannon Bissonnette Celebrity judge Friday, July 12th
We’ll be selling all of our jams Saturday, including our exclusive MOXIE JELLY!
Better Than Average LLC Maine Made Gift Shop Jams • Jellies • Sauces
& Café
Open For Breakfast and Lunch!
All ✃ made fresh & local
Sun, Mon, Thurs-Sat. 8am-2pm Closed Tues. & Wed.
He tried three times to hit the ball and each time he missed the ball and hit the anthill. Ants went flying all over the place. One ant turned to the other ant and said, "If we are going to survive, we had better get on the ball."
You need to live your life with MOXIE!
out, try us “Come on’t be you w ted!” oin disapp
Uncle Andy hit the ball into the rough and landed on an anthill.
FREE WHOOPIE PIE with any lunch special
Expires 7.31.13
1 North Main St. • Mechanic Falls • 346-4889
See our menu online: betterthanaveragellc.com Hindsight shows you how a mistake looks from the rear.
Vacationing in Vermont, I picked up the local paper to check out the forecast. It read: Today: Sunny, 76. Tonight: Not so sunny, 55.
Weight Comeback William Howard Taft weighed 335 lbs. which was a lot even for his six-foot frame. One day someone pointed to Taft's massive stomach and asked, "What are you going to name the baby?" The president replied: "If it's a boy, he will be a junior. If it's a girl I'll name her Helen. But if, as I expect, it is only gas, I'll name it after you." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee
I'm dating a guy who's twenty-one. That's seven in boy years.
At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
thru Ayurvedic Wellness Ayurvedic Wellness Care can help you with: Pain Management • Bonesetting • Stress Anxiety • Increased Energy & More!
Call Us Today!
Ryan Kappellhann
Christopher Harris, 54 High Street, South Paris To schedule an appointment contact Jen at:
Chris, shown here, works with one of his many clients, Hillary Nurmi
653-8996 Whether you mean it or not, be sincere!
Out ’n About at the
Village Inn’s Sahro Hassan Fashionuji It says she’s excited to hear the Portland Pirates will be playing hockey at the Colisee!
50th Anniversary Celebration With a lobster bake and live music under the tent!
A feast fit for a king!
Shawna Romain & Pollie Cain
Mike & Mitchell Vallee
Lewiston Colisee Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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To err is human ... to rub it in is divine.
The slime you feel on a fish is what helps their movement through water.
FREE ESTIMATES
PROTECT YOUR INVESTMENT FROM ITS #1 ENEMY - WATER • Flooded Basement • Cracked Foundations • Green Moss on House • Rotting Wood
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee At the Uncle Andy’s Digest booth. Fans entered our social media photo contest, the person with the most votes won a Kindle Fire HD.
Steve Martelli “G” Man Sales
• Damaged Landscapes • Dripping on Head • Peeling Paint • Ice on Steps ...And more
These are all caused by uncontrolled roof water!
WE WILL CONTROL THAT RAIN You will SAVE a bundle on repairs Strongest and longest lasting gutters available. Installed by highly trained experts in over 50 colors!
Sue Dube & Lorraine Bennett Massiello Realty
No Leaks! No Seams! Best guarantee in the business! Fully insured INCLUDING COMP!
Call us at:
877-375-4888 or visit us at: a1seamlessguttersmaine.com
SAVE $50 ON 100’ OR MORE OF INSTALLED GUTTER
Zoe Oswald Zoe-Zoe’s Gluten-Free Goodies
(with this ad) Expires 8.31.13
Let us show you how good protecting your home can look and you’ll see why we are A-1 First-graders finish the proverb: Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and...You have to blow your nose.
The trouble with trouble is that it starts out as fun. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the
Very few things upset my wife. It makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Village Inn’s 50th Anniversary Celebration With a lobster bake and live music under the tent
ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings
Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413
Larry Godin
Do Not Disturb Louise Stuart
Doesn’t anyone know how to knock?
Styling Dog Ray Pratt
Professional Grooming Boutique
NOW OPEN
Summer Fact The Dog Days of Summer refers to the weeks between July 3rd and August 11th. They are named after the Dog Star (Sirius) in the constellation of Canis Major. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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$
5.00 OFF
Your first appointment
Call for appointment
513-1454 Lewiston
stylingdogs.wix.com/stylingdog If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have inlaws.
Uncle Andy’s Actual Test Answers: Subcutaneous: not cute enough
Generators Dealer!
We are a licensed If your power goes out, your generator goes on – automatically.
STANDBY UNITS
It’s really that simple.
Portable units available • Reliability • Easily Accessible Controls • Framed for Durability • Easy to make effortless electric start, battery included
FULL INSTALLATION AVAILABLE! CALL FOR MORE INFO ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS
1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126
ElectricalSystemsOfMaine.com
Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.
Addictive Advertising Specialties
Lease and Property Management
A cure for all of your promotional product needs! Pens, wearables, drinkware, calendars & more!
786-0725 addictivead@aol.com
Lease
Property
Referral
207.784.2011 www.yourleasingoffice.com
Sexy
comes from within
• Lingerie size 0-6x • Women’s shoes
• Clubwear • Jewelry
RMJ Collections 20 Main St. 3rd floor • Sabattus Wed. 6-9 • Sat. 6-9 • 320-1165
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Never pick a quarrel, even when it's ripe.
Finally!
KARATE at
An answer that makes sense...
Women’s Self Defense Saturdays or Sundays
$10 per class Learn the Okinawan system of Isshin-Ryu Karate.
We have classes for everyone from ages 7 to 97 • Self defense classes for women, men, and seniors • Traditional martial art classes which include weapons such as the bo, sai, tonfa, and Nunchaku
Come in and watch a class! Join anytime! Classes are $45 per month
420-0139
to see class details
1000 Minot Ave. • Auburn
Have you ever had that someone special that you could stay on the phone with all night long?
My wife gives me sound advice. That's 99% sound and 1% advice.
CWP Courses: $100 per person 8 hrs -lunch, refreshments included. Need a pistol and 100 rounds of ammo plus eye and ear protection. See you there!
Upcoming CWP Classes 8am–4pm:
Sat. July 27th & Sun. August 18th
481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806 Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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You can't control the length of you life... but you can control the width and depth.
It often shows a fine command of the English language, to say nothing.
Short Memory Submitted by Jimbo
Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.
Kenneth Wolf, M.D.
www.wolfeye.com
One lad raised his hand and said, 'Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.
Timely Answer Credit cards are very dangerous. Every time I try to use one, somebody starts chasing me with scissors.
Jim’s Rent It
• Car Rentals • Passenger Vans with • Pickup Truck Rentals 7,8,12,15 Seating Capacity • Convertibles
Lowest priced car rental in the area! Car accidents, no problem! We offer insurance-paid car rentals
Call 784-5438 for details 1097 Center St., Auburn The most common greeting in Florida: How's the hip?
Submitted by Jimbo
A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town?" The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out, "About 20 minutes." "Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?" "Didn't know how fast you could walk." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the 2013 Relay for Life at ELHS
Heather Budesheim Community Credit Union
Uncle Andy’s mantra: If you can't be kind... be kind'a vague.
www.abcpool.com
Your kids will always have “Something to do” on those hot summer days. And because your ABC Pool is virtually maintenance free you’ll enjoy it even more. We offer a full line of above ground pools with a price that’s right for any budget.
The stonefish, which lives off the coast of Australia, is the most poisonous fish in the world.
Courtney Sawyer Community Credit Union
Home of the
Crazy Daisies ONLY $
7.99 a Bunch
Guys: With flowers, words are optional
Ann’s Flowers Brooke Matthews
If there is no other reason to give flowers...
Try LOVE
14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457 www.annsflower.com
Community Credit Union Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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People in the Southern Hemisphere have their longest day of summer in December.
School summer vacations were invented by educator Horace Mann in 1840.
Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market! Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!
Snoopy made this look easy...
Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More! VISIT
“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $
3.50 each for most Hardcover Books
Selective Hard Covers $2
20% OFF all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks
Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!
INVENTORY REDUCTION SALE!
20% - 75% OFF
Pre-Read Books arriving daily
Featuring
131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week
9 AM - 5 PM s Alway g n i Buy
We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards
960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store
Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area! Octopuses have 3 hearts.
Children brighten up a home: They always forget to turn out the lights! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the 2013 Relay for Life at ELHS
A goldfish can live up to 40 years.
Rainbow
Check out our closeout inventory
and
$AVE!!
Log on to RainbowBike.com We service all brands & types of bikes
Bicycle Oh Cancer, oh cancer, you sucketh, oh yes you do!
Mary Bolduc yucking it up
97 Lisbon St. • Lewiston • 784-7576
Assisted Home Care II “Our Family Assisting Your Family.”
Assisted Home Care is Growing Again
Assisting Families since 1997
Assisted Home Care is seeking individuals to work with developmentally disabled adults. If you would like to work in area group homes and you are certified DSP/CRMA, Assisted Home Care would like you to join our team. We are a per diem staff agency that’s family oriented. If you need to adjust your schedule because of the demands on your life, come join our family.
Lucy Damon, Leo Levesque, Jeanine Levesque Great Falls Credit Union Team
550 College St., Lewiston • 783-7375 • www.assistedhomecare.org
Now Enrolling!
yrs. Ages 6 wks. - 12
We offer preschool & toddler programs, separate rooms for each age group, and a large outdoor play area!
Michele Leone Great Falls Credit Union Team Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Early Learning Center
301 Sawyer Rd. • Greene
946-KIDS Ask about our multi-child discount and family vacation benefit
Scallops swim with jet-propelled speed by clapping its shell open and shut.
OMG! I didn’t know rates could go that low.
555 Sabattus Street, Lewiston 831 Minot Avenue, Auburn
207-783-2071 www.mainefamilyfcu.com
Out ’n About at the 2013 Relay for Life at ELHS
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Spencer Belanger & Danielle Belanger
Sonya Belanger, Paul Belanger & Carla Bouchard
Gail Cote, Ron Raymond & Sue Lussier
Jackie Stowe-Davis & Glenn Davis Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Gravity always gets me down.
A giant squid's eye can be as big as a basketball.
Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler “You are always treated fairly and with respect!” We pay extra for copper and brass from large businesses with large quantities!
PAYING TOP PRICES FOR COMPUTER SCRAPS Automobile & Truck Batteries Die Cast Alloy Rims #1 Steel Prepared/better grading/ better payout Starters & Alternators Catalytic Converters Cell Phone Scrap Computer Towers Stainless
Electronic Scrap Mother Boards • Cores Brass • Alternators Starters • Motors • Pumps Computer Board Scraps Copper • Aluminum • Insulated Wire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions
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(prices subject to market changes)
15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn. Mon - Fri 7am - 7pm
615-7057 or 795-8887 You Know You’re a Golfaholic When: The new clubs you just bought cost more than your mortgage and car payment combined.
Little Buggers Mosquitoes are insects that have been around for 30 million years. They have chemical sensors that can detect mammals from 100 feet away; they have heat sensors to detect warm-blooded creatures; and they have visual sensors that detect movement and contrast in colors. The first activity of an adult mosquito is to mate. The females lay their eggs and then live from days to months afterward. The male mosquito dies within days after mating.
Tomorrow’s News Submitted by Jimbo
"Where's my Sunday paper?!" the irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday edition was. "Ma'am," said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on Sunday." There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition, as she was heard to mutter, "Well, that's why no one was at church today!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About with Miami Mike
Happy Independence month Uncle Andy’s Digesters and welcome to midsummer. That’s right, we have made it once again to midsummer. How do I know you made it, you ask? Simple. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this right now. The Bruins were seconds away from game seven, the Spurs were seconds away from a championship, and all that is left to watch is the Red Sox lead the division, which isn’t too shabby. Once a year we all unite as Americans and remember all of those who gave their lives and have served to protect the freedoms and rights that we, as citizens, take for granted nearly every day. I hope you all had a fantastic BBQ and had your fill of steaks, burgers, chicken and maybe even a piece of tofu. I also hope that you had a blast, figuratively and literally, with the fantastic fireworks, which are legal in Maine. I’m not sure if I love the big bangs, bright lights, or the smell of gunpowder but they are simply magnificent. If you crave a bit more bang try checking out R.D. Tactical. They are a leader in concealed weapons and basic firearms training, and have everything your tactical heart desires. They definitely have the bang you are looking for in your buck. Now that you have plans to go over to R.D. Tactical for a bit of training, bring Fido down to Doggz Inn doggie daycare. Let him play around with his pals and run about in one of the premier doggie accommodations available to man’s (and woman’s) best four-legged friends while you practice your firearm skills. Regardless of how you choose to spend your July, I hope it is filled with fun, relaxation and a whole lot of Uncle Andy’s Digest! As always, email me at uncleandysdigestmiamimike@aol.com and follow me on twitter at UADMiamiMike. Until next month, sweat little, digest often!
The largest member of the dolphin family is called an orca or killer whale.
Out ’n About at the Village Inn’s 50th Anniversary Celebration
Oh my goodness, what an honor!
Some great live music by these familiar locals:
Dan Johnson, Ron Bergeron, Jody Demers & Ken Goodman
Auburn Mayor Jonathan Labonte' presents Normand Vallee the Key to the City of Auburn in honor of their commitment to the community and in honor of their great achievement of 50 years in business.
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Androscoggin Habitat for Humanity Announces its Volunteer and Corporate Sponsor of the Year
Out ’n About at B2B Trade Show at the Colisee
The Androscoggin Habitat for Humanity had the pleasure of presenting its 2013 volunteer and corporate sponsor of the year awards at its annual meeting in May. Paul Leonard, President of the Board of Directors, made the announcement. Receiving the award for Volunteer of the Year, was a very worthy couple, Paul and Sally Belisle of Lewiston. When someone pictures in their mind the face of Habitat, one cannot help but picture this couple. Joining the Androscoggin Habitat Board of Directors in 1989, these two individuals have never looked back and are still continuing to go strong. They have individually served as President, Vice President and Treasurer on the executive committee of the board of directors, and have chaired or been committee members on almost all of our various committees. In 1995 they took a brief absence from the ar Ye the of r tee ing their 2013 Volun eiv rec le board, continuing to vollis Be for lly at Sa Paul and scoggin Habit ard, President of Andro unteer at various events Award from Paul Leon ectors. Humanity Board of Dir and builds, only to return as board members a couple of years later. Our ReStore would not have opened in 2006 had it not been for all the time and dedication from this couple. They have also been one of the driving forces behind the St. Philip’s annual breakfast for Habitat for many years. This couple not only donates their time and finances to the Androscoggin affiliate, they also spend time volunteering at Habitat International in Americus, Georgia, working with the Women’s Build Program and in other capacities. Receiving the award for Corporate Sponsor of the Year was a very well known, highly respected company in our community, Uncle Andy’s Digest. Uncle Andy’s has been a great supporter of Androscoggin Habitat. This company has been a sponsor of our golf tournament since 2008 and has had a team play at Kim Veilleux, Of fice Manag er for the An the tournament for a for Humanity & Paul Leon droscoggin ar gin Habitat Habitat for Humanity d (r), President of the few years now. They Marst AndroscogBoard of Di on, Owner re ct or of s Un present Jim cle Andy’s have never turned bo Digest, th Sponsor of the Year Aw e 2013 Corporate away an opportunity ard. to run a press release or assist with the advertising needs of our organization. We would like to take this time to thank Jim Marston and the team at Uncle Andy’s Digest and Paul and Sally Belisle for their years of support to the families in need of decent housing in our community. For more information about Androscoggin Habitat for Humanity and the services we provide to families living in Androscoggin and Oxford Counties, please contact us at 786-2598 or email: Androhabitat@roadrunner.com.
Susan & Mr. Drew Mr. Drew and His Animals Too
Canadian Summer I asked my Canadian friend, "Did you have a good Summer? He replied, "Yes indeed, we had a great picnic that afternoon!"
The leatherback is the biggest sea turtle, and it can weigh as much as 1,500 pounds.
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If all is not lost, where is it?
Flying fish actually glide on wind currents above the surface of the water, sometimes up to 20 feet above the surface.
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Out ’n About at the 2013 Relay for Life at ELHS
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I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.
Dottie Guild, Linda Merchant, Kathy Goforth, Lori Dyer, Abigail & Becky Harrington, Evi Taylor, Jen Hazen, Deb Polly & Shannon Lessard Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out ’n About at the 2013 Relay for Life at ELHS
Ancient Romans could tell time by looking at the sun. I've never been able to make out the numbers.
George Leahy, Emma Leahy, William Leahy, Nick Houasse, Sissy Lawrences, Frannie Leahy, Linda Goyette, Joanne Dillion of Team NoKaOi which in Hawaiian means "The Best"
A newly hatched fish is called a "fry."
ELHS Class of ’83 30th Class Reunion August 3, 2013 at the Ramada Inn in Lewiston
Then Warren "Dad" Peck, Sue Peck, Maddi Leckbee, Katie Leckbee, Mike "Dad" Leckbee, Cyndi "Mom" Matthews & Becky Skillings Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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6:00 - 7:00 pm Happy Hour 7:00 - 11:00 pm Buffet dinner & GREAT FUN!
& Now
Didn’t get your invitation? (missing classmates): Contact Elaine Gammon at ecgammon@gmail.com or Jackie Witham at jwitham1@maine.rr.com
Connect with your classmates on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/groups/163033007074/
I let my mind wander, and it didn't come back. – Uncle Andy
The probability of forgetting something is directly proportional to ...to ...uh ...oh never mind.
Out ’n About at the 2013 Relay for Life at ELHS
Sensational smiles are our business!
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TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM The snapping shrimp, only 1 1/2 inches long, makes a noise with its one big claw, which sounds exactly like a firecracker.
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Summer Solstice The first day of summer is known as the summer solstice and in the US it falls on June 20 or June 21 each year, depending on when the sun is furthest north of the equator. The average American drinks about 600 sodas a year. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
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A Birthday Gift to Dad By Natasha Piirainen In honor of my father’s upcoming birthday, I figured a column dedicated to him would be a wonderful birthday present. Not only is Ed Piirainen the two time Longest Drive Champion of the Poland Knights baseball golf scramble fundraiser, but he is also a fantastic father and an inspirational coach. And like most families, sometimes us daughter’s don’t always hear exactly what our father’s are trying to say. Here are a few common misconceptions that often pop up in the Piirainen house between my dad and myself: When dad says: No you cannot change the channel, I am watching the game. I hear: I love you. Feel free to watch whatever reality television show you want. When dad says: Why doesn’t anyone ever change the toilet paper in this house?! I hear: I love you. I do not mind changing the toilet paper roll as it does not take too much time out of my day. When dad says: I wish I had a son, there are too many girls in this house. I hear: I love you and I’m proud to be in touch with my feminine side. When dad says: No, you cannot bring my new truck back to college with you and leave that rusty 1999 Subaru here. I hear: I love you, but I also love my truck. Lucky for him, I love him, too. And that’s why he gets such a delightful column in Uncle Andy’s for a birthday gift instead of an embarrassing story!
Happy birthday, dad!
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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Head Honcho
There is no right way to do a wrong thing.
Submitted by Jimbo
A new nurse at a hospital was perplexed by Dr. Wilson’s behavior.
FROM STONE DUST TO ROC
Our Gravel Pit is located at 168 Midd mile from the Maine Turnpike. We hav gates. Pick up and delivery are availab
Off and on throughout her shift Dr. Wilson would run up and down the hallway, yelling, "Tetanus, measles, flu...” Very curious, the nurse asked the head nurse, "Why does Dr. Wilson keep doing that?" "Oh, just ignore him,” the head nurse said. ”He thinks he calls all the shots around here."
Locally owned and operated since 1970! Our delivery area. Visit our website for pricing on all of our products.
Historical Fun Fact The names of the Declaration’s signers were kept secret from the public for more than six months to protect their identities. If the U.S. had not won independence, the signers would have been declared traitors and put to death under English law. Today, the original Declaration document is on display at the National Archives and Records Administration in the nation’s capital.
At 188 decibels, the whistle of the blue whale is the loudest sound produced by any animal. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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784-7944 www.stlaurentandson.com Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diet.
All men are homeless, but some are home less than others.
CK, WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!
dle Road (Rt. 9) in Sabattus. The gravel pit is conveniently located less than a half ve a large scale crushing/processing operation and offer a wide variety of aggreble. Call our office for pricing or order online at www.stlaurentandson.com.
Uncle Andy’s Digest’s Photo contest almost causes a fight... Chrissy Lizotte-Ames worked day and night after entering our photo contest at the B2B trade show in June. She was campaigning for votes (like a politician but she didn’t make any promises) and ended with 387 votes to claim the top spot in the competition. Dan Cunliffe of Republic Jewelry jokingly tried to claim the Kindle. He later admitted that Chrissy worked hard to win the contest and it was all her doing.
Finally! Out of the shadows of Mr. Hollywood... me and my Kindle Fire HD, yes!!
Dan Cunliffe & Chrissy Lizotte-Ames Republic Jewelry
The above mentioned contest was run on the Uncle Andy’s Facebook page. Chrissy received a Kindle Fire HD courtesy of Uncle Andy’s Digest. We hope you enjoyed all the photos of people making up their own voice bubble comments. We did!
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Wild Hogs
Join the I.R.S. -- Be Audit You Can Be.
I called your house the other day and was told you were down at your favorite biker bar with some friends. I wasn't sure where that was, but was told I wouldn't have much trouble finding it. Sure enough, I drove just a couple blocks and there it was... There is nothing like the feel of the sun on your face and the wind in your hair, is there?
On A Mission After marrying a promising young physician in 1867, Carry Nation was horrified to see her husband destroy his career and his life after only two years. He drank himself to death. Mrs. Nation was so disgusted with alcohol that she smashed up over 30 drinking establishments. This sixfoot-tall woman would enter a bar and with such frenzy that all the male patrons ran in fright; she broke all the bottles and much of the furniture with rocks, bricks and hatchets. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
A starfish doesn't have a brain.
YOUR PHOTOS.
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An average city dog lives approximately three years longer than an average country dog.
facebook.com/ UncleAndysDigest Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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THINK
Ask me about my vow of silence. – Uncle Andy
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867 Center St. • Auburn
753-0033
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