UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST The Most Unusual Digest in America!
.com
Priceless JULY 2014
40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888 • www.sea40me.com
F E AT U R I N G . . l
nnua 2nd A
uly 11 J , y a F r id 11PM 5PM –
.
IN G . F EVERYTH O IT B E L T L IT P L AY IN G A gs, w it h .. . K il le r o f K in
R e u n io n B lu e K h a k i’ sm S h o w & Dumbu
Don’t miss the PARTY of the SUMMER!
This EVENT is RAIN or SHINE
21+ EVENT TICKETS: $15
under the big top in the Sea 40 Parking lot!
Tickets available at Sea 40
Armandsab@aol.com
Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?
MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA
July 2014 Wednesday, July 16th Dairy Joy 3 – 7pm (Chapter 14346) Campus Ave, Lewiston/ Spring St. Auburn $1.00 Member Tuesday, July 22nd Taber’s 4 – 7pm (Chapter 8228) Lakeshore Drive, Auburn $5.00 Member; $5.50 Guest Wednesday, July 23rd Schemengee's 4 - 7pm (Chapter 8609) 551 Lincoln St, Lewiston $8 Member; $8.50 Guest Sunday, July 27th KC Chicken Bar-B-Que Noon – 1pm (Chapter 12907) Maxwell Gill Hall, Sabattus $6.50 Member; $7.50 Guest
Dick Courtemanche 207-786-3622 Lewiston
Paul Colasante* 207-782-8823 Lewiston
Ron Ouellette* 207-786-3612 Lewiston
Art Chamberlain 207-514-7003 Lewiston
Michael Courtemanche* 207-783-8921 Lewiston
Kim Pelkey* 207-786-2573 Lewiston/Norway
Forest Cluff* 207-725-4606 Brunswick
Deb Wagemann* ChFC 207-783-8804 Auburn
*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.
Me and my recliner - we go WAY back.
Wednesday, July 30th Val’s Rootbeer 4 - 7pm (Chapter 10589) Sabattus St. Lewiston $5 Member; $6 Guest PARK TICKETS Aquaboggan $13.50 member; $15 guest Combo Fun/Splash $25.50 member; $27 guest Funtown $18.50 member; $20 guest Santa's Village $27 member; $28 guest Splashtown $18.50 member; $20 guest Storyland $28 member; $29 guest WaterCountry $28 member; $29 guest York Animal Kingdom $10 member; $11 guest TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed.
************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.
Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212
Girl who does everything under the sun gets everything sunburned.
AFFORDABLE DENTURES Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!
Staff Also see us for:
JIMBO
• Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures • Partial Dentures • Rebases • Relines • Repairs • All work done in house,
Upta Camp
UNCLE ANDY Down but not Out
TIM New Kid on the Block
including metal frameworks
MAGGIE MAY Running the Show
THOMAS Jeepin’ It
Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again! We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted We also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider
PAM Burning the Candle
FREE CONSULTATIONS
TANMAN Hitch-Hiking
GENE-O Going Buggy
Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 EMAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898
SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 801 Webster Street, Lewiston
514-0660 SmileAgainDentures.com Or email us at: smileagaindentures@gmail.com
UncleAndys.com While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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July 2014
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One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him.
Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists
Willie Nelson got hit by a car yesterday. He was playing "On the Road Again".
Heavenly Humor Submitted by Jimbo
Bruce
Ask Our Professionals About Our Specials on Cabinets & Granite Countertops
Stacy
Visit Our Brand New Showroom
Three men are standing at the pearly gates, and St. Peter tells them, "As you all know God has a sense of humor and his latest idea is to put the Kingdom of Heaven several hundred miles from the Pearly Gates." "How is that supposed to be funny?" one guy asks. "Well, God had the novel idea of allowing those admitted into Heaven a vehicle to travel that distance, but the quality of your vehicle is based upon how faithful you were to your spouse." Knowing they can't argue and that God obviously knows all, the men begin confessing their infidelity.
WE HAVE PRICING FOR EVERYONE’S BUDGET!
KITCHENSolutions DESIGN & SALES CENTER
Ask Aboutre Our In-Stong Financi
995 Center St. Auburn Next to Appliance Warehouse and Gamache & Lessard Window Decorators
784-3100
www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com
"I admit I messed around behind my wife's back, but I broke it off with the girl before my wife found out." One man admits. "Very well," St. Peter responds and gives him a standard bicycle. The guy shrugs and feels a little better confessing. The second man says with a grin, "I've never actually cheated on my wife." St. Peter raises a skeptical brow. "Okay... There was one time, but it was technically before we were mar(continued on next page)
I went to a ballet once. I couldn't even tell who won.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com
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(continued from previous page)
ried! I had too much to drink and I didn't know what I was doing but I've never been unfaithful after that!"
If the grass is greener on the other side - water your grass!
We’re Never Satisf
With a heavy sigh St. Peter grants the second man a car, but in terrible condition. The third man says proudly, "I've never been unfaithful. Never." The other two stare at the third in disbelief. "No, he's right." St. Peter confirms. "He's been faithful the whole time. In fact, his wife was his first." The other two men gape in jealous amazement as the third man is granted a new sports car. The third man obviously can make it down the long, glittering highway toward the Kingdom of Heaven faster than the other two. However, the first man on the bicycle finds the third man pulled over not too far down the road. Perplexed, he rides to the sports car and finds the man sobbing into his steering wheel. "What's wrong, wiseguy, is this Italian muscle too much for you?" he gloats.
The Back Forty Used 2013 Ford Escape SEL
2011 Chevrolet Traverse
2011 Ford Fusion SEL
2013 Ford Focus S
4WD, Auto, 18k
1LT, White, 3.6L, V6, AWD, 53k
Automatic, 2.5L, 4cyl., Gray, 63k
Silver, 2.0L 4cyl., 5-speed, FWD, 10k
our price
our price
our price
our price
$24,995 $21,995
$15,688
$13,888
2011 Honda Accord 2.4 EX
2012 Ford Focus SE
2013 Chysler 200 Limited
2012 Nissan Juke
FWD, Auto, 45k
Red, 51k, auto, FWD, 36mpg
3.6L, V6, 4dr., FWD, White, 5k
White, 25k, CVT, 4cyl, 30mpg highway
our price
our price
our price
our price
$17,488
$14,995
$20,995
$18,988
"No..." the third man tries to gain composure. "It's not that... The car is beautiful!" "Then what's your problem?" "I just passed my wife and she was on rollerskates." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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I thought a thought, but the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.
My car's brakes aren't working, so I bought an anchor.
fied Until You Are!
New Salesperson at Uncle Andy’s Digest
d Car & Truck Center 2011 Honda-CRV 2012 Kia Optima EX LX
2010 Nissan Maxima
2013 Kia Soul Base
Tim Rucker Red, 2.4L, 4cyl., Gray, Automatic, 47k
FWD, Auto, 21k
Black, 3.5S V6, CVT, 4 door, 27k
FWD, Auto 17k
our price
our price
our price
our price
$16,995
$19,995
$17,888
$15,995
2009 Nissan Murano
2011 Hyundai Sonata Limited
2013 Toyota 4Runner SR5
2012 Nissan Frontier SV
AWD, CVT, 45k
Shimmering White, 2.4L 4cyl., 55k
Gray, 31k, auto, 4WD, V6
King Cab, RWD, Manual, 52k
our price
our price
our price
our price
$16,995
$15,995
$30,995
$13,995
"Doctor, I think I'm a bell." The doctor says, "Take these pills, if they don't work, give me a ring."
Uncle Andy’s Digest is pleased to announce that Tim Rucker has been added to their sales staff. Tim will be responsible for maintaining some of their current accounts along with obtaining new clients. Rucker brings 30 plus years of selling experience in the Greater Lewiston/Auburn area. He has also won several top sales awards throughout his career. Tim lives in Lewiston with his wife, Vickie and their daughter, Shelby. He enjoys the outdoors and loves to spend time with his family and friends. Jimbo, owner of Uncle Andy’s Digest is confident that Tim will play a key role in the future growth of the company. Started in 1996, Uncle Andy's Digest has gained solid readership and regular repeat advertisers over its 18 year run. With offices located at 9 Grove Street in Auburn Uncle Andy's Digest houses all eight employees, including a sales staff of three. For more information about Uncle Andy's Digest, visit their website: UncleAndys.com or call 207.783.7039. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com
7
Witty Help
I've got some Carefree gum, but it hasn't kicked in yet. I'm worried.
Submitted by Thomas Hill
In the hardware store, a clerk asked, “Can I help you find anything?” “How about my misspent youth,” joked my husband. The clerk shot back, “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”
• Group Classes • One-on-One Training • Nutrition Services • Team Training Coaching You to Reach Your Individual Goals
Cal Com l Now fo p r Asse limenta a sme ry nt! 272 Lewiston St. • Mechanic Falls BJ Grondin, CSCS Prime360Training.com • 577-5979 • GrondinFitness@gmail.com "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." – Nick Helm
HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268
Call us! No Separating Required!
743-3891 HARRIS BROS.
KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!
SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD
Dogs are not our whole life, but they do make our lives whole. – Roger Caras
Proof Submitted by Thomas Hill
A customer walked up to my bank window and asked me to cash a check. “Of course,” I said. “But I’ll need to see ID.”
Repairs to Full Fabrication • Boat Covers • Full Enclosures • Bimini Tops • Dodgers • Cushions & Marine Upholstery
• Window & Zipper Replacement • Retractable Awnings • Commercial Awnings ...and much more!
She dug though her purse and handed me a snapshot. “That’s me in the middle,” she said. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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41 Millett Drive, Auburn • 783-5600 nuimageawningsofmaine.com Did You Know? Owls are the only birds who can see the color blue.
Summer Dates are filling fast - Book NOW!
Weddings • Summer Parties Reunions • Lobster Feeds • BBQ’s Indoors • Outdoors • We do it all!
Professional service at an affordable price Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!
We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!!
Dad’s Place Catering Division 345-9009
DadsPlace.info
FREE
COFFEE FRIDAY! Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase of Breakfast Sandwich every Friday.
There’s NO PLACE like...
Dad’s Place
Expires 7.31.14
ONLY
$5
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info
Out ’n About at Firehouse Grille in Auburn Hey, I need an oil change...
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Mike Morin’s
r ar! u O Ye th 19
Auto Center
1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon
OIL CHANGE
Front end alignments for ONLY
$24.95
$79.95!
WHAT A DEAL!
Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)
Mike Morin Casey Girardin & Amy Morin
I just finished my income tax forms. Who says you can't get wounded by a blank?
Twisted Scissors $
1.00 OFF
ALL Hair Cuts Expires 7.31.14
9 Acadia Ave, Lewiston
312-5478
Blackie’s Farm Fresh Produce
Open Year Round 908 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005 Hours: 6am - 8pm
996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 786-4356
Fettuccini Alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults. – Mitch Hedberg
Memento Submitted by Thomas Hill
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.
Gotta Love the Chick! Want us to cater your next event? Food & Beverage . . . .We do it! Buffet style or plated dinners or lunches? . . . . . . . . . . . .We got it! Platters for 15 or 30 people? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .We do it! Call Us and We Will Fax You Our Options!
“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.” “But Larry’s still alive.” “I know, but his hair is gone.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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You’re Going LOVE Our New to Menu! Grilled Veggie Salad,
of Lewiston
You’re gonna love it! 1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston•376-3870•ChickadeeLewiston.com
Add Chicken, or Jumbo Shrim Salmon p• • Baked Hone Boston Baked Haddock y Haddock • Ha ddock w/ grilled veggies • 4 New St • 3 New Priav eras • New Sc ir Frys ampi Sauteés • Fried Clam Strips • Bake d Stuffed Clam s • Blooming On ion
Did You Know? The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Out ’n About at Business to Business Trade Show Have you heard about the $3.99 Lunch at Schemengees?
Keli Young Schemengees
That’s right! See our ad on page 38 to learn more.
Amy Pelletier Schemengees
Psyched Out Submitted by Jimbo
I spent four years in college. I didn’t learn a thing. It was really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, "Cough!"
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 11
Out ’n About at Business to Business Trade Show
I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
Amanda Pelletier & Tom Synder P-S Performance Group
Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.
Nick Knowlton Entertainer
We’re celebrating our 75th year in business! Come help us celebrate!!
Wendi & Rick Michaud Sam’s Italian Foods
Is it possible to be totally partial? Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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783-7039
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Did You Know? A hippo can open its mouth over 4 feet wide.
INTO YOUR SUMMER!
PUT SOME A/C is ON!
Out ’n About at Business to Business Trade Show Play pool, shoot darts, have lunch for $3.99, yup that’s us!
First Class is always FREE! • Meditation Mondays • Yoga, Yoga & more Yoga • Senior Daytime Classes & lots more!
See complete class line-up & register
@ SPRQstudio.com
Dave & Kathy Lebel Owners of Schemengees
STUDIO - POLAND 1385 Maine St, Unit 3/4 • 998-2010 Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
Straight Talk. Practical Solutions. We speak a language YOU understand!
Ask About Home Visits! We specialize in: Wills, Powers of Attorney, Domestic Relations, General Civil Litigation, Landlord/Tenant & Court-Appointed matters. Ca
Ed Boucher was rockin’ it at the UAD booth
ll for y our FR EE consult ation!
The Law Offices of Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq.
207-786-0346 184 Webster Street, Lewiston LewistonMaineLawyers.com Did You Know? A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night.
Shawn Wright Investment Concepts Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
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Out ’n About at the Tunes in June Event for Pettingill Park Presented by Denny Breau All photos by Gini Haines Photography
Did You Know? They have square watermelons in Japan - they stack better.
Be Pain Free, Drug Free, Today! Sasseville Chiropractic Wellness Center Serving the L/A area for over 10 years
Accepting New Patients! 416 Sabattus St. Lewiston “New location, same great care!”
777-3333
Check us out at sassevillechiropractic.com
Danny Caron & Bob Elie Drummers Bob came all the way from California for this event.
Dr. Ted Stratman, Dr. Chandra Sasseville & Dr. Grant Lemire
Out ’n About at the Tunes in June Event for Pettingill Park Presented by Denny Breau All photos by Gini Haines Photography
Debbie Morin & Kathy Haley
Denny Breau, Melinda Liberty & Frank Coffin
Singers
We employ Advanced Master ASE certified technicians, and have State-of-the-art diagnostic equipment and training to provide Quality Service. Call today for a FREE quote. than you We’re closer a 5 minute think! Only e Ramada. th drive from
Dr. Ted Walworth, Co-Chair Friends of Pettingill Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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Tony Girouard Owner
183 Lisbon Street • Lisbon qualitycareautorepair.com
353-9862
I'm one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Did You Know? Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.
WOW!
Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...
Mens & Boys CUTS for
All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.
$
12
Out ’n About at Firehouse Grille in Auburn Firehouse Grille gets a big thumbs up from me!
Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts
Marcel’s Barber Shop
54 Mill Street, New Auburn
783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm
e o m r o d l o l R
Since 1954
Where Good Skaters Meet
EDULE SUMMER SCH 0pm
7:30-1 ts - Ages 20+ Thursday Nigh 30 - 10:00 7: g - All Skatin Friday Nights pm ght 7:30 - 10 ts - Family Ni Saturday Nigh pm 10 30 - All SK8 • 7: Sunday Night cation Va r fo t - 13th CLOSED July 1s
Anna Smith I’ll see that and raise you one.
Available for private parties
12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940
www.rollodrome.com
COME AND ENJOY OUR OUTDOOR SEATING!
Eddie Tierney Join Our Mug Club 21 Draft beers
Try our Homemade Baxter Beer Battered Onion Rings!
k Drin l s Al cial e p S th! Mon
Mon: Tues: Wed: Thurs: Fri: Sat: Sun:
Burger Nights w/2 sides . .$6.99 . . . . . .Pitchers $8.00 Open Mic Night . . . . . . . .$2.00 PBR Whiskey Drinks $1.00 off . .50¢ Wings . . .$5.00 Martinis Happy Hour! . . . . . . . . . .$2.00 Drafts Live Entertainment starts at 9pm Live Entertainment starts at 9pm Home Cooked Meals: Pot Roast, Meat Loaf, Turkey Dinners
the Home of Co. Engine er Burg
Firehouse Grille • 47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959 • thefirehousegrille.biz
I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything." – Mitch Hedberg
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 15
Out ’n About at Business to Business Trade Show
"Doctor, I think I'm a deck of cards!" The doctor says, "Sit in the waiting room, I'll deal with you later."
God Bless America!
New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039 Saturday July 19th - Sports Banquets/Member Appreciations, $1 Can Beer, FREE Hot Dogs & Hamburgers, Dunk Tank for favorite officers, Band 4-8pm, DJ Inside from 8-12pm
August 15th & 16th Balloon Festival BANDS BOTH NIGHTS!
Fri. Audio Vibe 6-10pm • Sat. 4Play 6-10pm Food & $1.00 Can Beer
Thomas Hill Uncle Andy’s Digest
Smokers are just like everybody else. Just not as long.
We Furnish Solutions! AFFORDABLE OFFICE SOLUTIONS Maine’s OFUSA Dealer
www.cubiclesinmaine.com
783-4820 Toll Free 866-464-CUBE
Affordable Office Solutions | 550 Lisbon St., Lewiston
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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783-7039
My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him.
• 5,000 Top-Quality Items • Guaranteed Low Prices • On-Time Delivery • Professional Installation • Space Planning • New, Used & Remanufactured
Did You Know? Lightning strikes about 6,000 times per minute on this planet.
You chatter more than a dolphin by a fish bucket.
Driving Range • Mini Golf • Restaurant • Ice Cream
FAMILY FUN!
Out ’n About at Business to Business Trade Show
Sock H op! Saturd ay Aug .
TABERS
2n 7:30-1 0pm d DJ, Danc ing, Roll & Give-a back Prices ways!!
s ster roll a & lob ! ken, tun d ic la h a c s e h ad ac homem d chicken spin Try our grille & NEW
470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn
Open 7 days a week!
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Have a Happy and Safe 4th of July!
Madeline Cambell Goodwill Workforce Solutions
Helping people reach their fitness goals for a 360• lifestyle.
My hotel room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Our Services
• Cut/Style • Massage • Pedicures • Body waxing • Color • Spa Packages • Facials • Manicures • Bridal Packages • Permanent Make-up
Permanent Makeup
BJ Grondin PRiME 360
Benefits
• Soft, natural enhancement • Skin Sensitivity & Allergy-Friendly • Won’t sweat off or run during activities like swimming, running & more • No re-applying — perfect makeup every day 24/7
www.cassiels.com 71 EAST AVENUE • LEWISTON, MAINE
(207) 783-3321
I can't get enough minimalism.
The infamous
Mary Dempsey hangin’ out with her little known brother, Patrick at the UAD Booth. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 17
Out ’n About at Firehouse Grille in Auburn RonBergeronMusic.com That’s all.
If at first you don't succeed, try left field.
ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM... Come join the family!
NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required • Fully warranteed & certified • $60/hr labor rate
Brad’s Precision Auto 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn
Front Row L to R: Mallory & Dan Middle Row: Penny, Marek, John, Eli & Gavin Back Row: Sarah, Brad, Ryan & Steve
333-0364 Ron Bergeron & Dorinda Newcomb
Summer is here! COLLISION REPAIR & PAINTING
SELLING
YOUR CAR OR TRUCK?
Let us help you sell it faster and get more for your vehicle with complete vehicle detailing!
Call for our HOT Summer Specials!
782-6515
1111 Center Street, Auburn
Steve Milks
Home of the Safety Cameras We install Rearview Back-up Cameras! Remote Starters 216 Center Street, Auburn • 777-3339 • SoundEffectsMaine.com
Tony Morin Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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(Next to Republic Jewelry • Parking in back of building)
Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
TESTIMONIAL I am thrilled to be working with Uncle Andy’s Digest in the promotion of my law practice. Jim Marston has been flexible in meeting with me to design my ad and has offered insightful ideas in how to present the ideas that I desire to promote. Since having a regular presence in Uncle Andy’s Digest, I have received many calls from new clients stating they saw my ad and wished to hire me. I have also received compliments on the design of my ad. Other forms of advertising have not worked as well and have not produced the clientele that Uncle Andy’s Digest has produced. I am thrilled to continue my relationship with Uncle Andy’s Digest and encourage other businesses to do the same.
Out ’n About at the Tunes in June Event for Pettingill Park Presented by Denny Breau All photos by Gini Haines Photography
Denny Breau, Guitarist, Singer & Songwriter. Creator of the show.
Melinda Liberty, Singer
Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq. The Law Offices of Kimberly A. Levesque (see her ad on page 13)
Rick Graham, Singer & Guitarist
Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
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Neighborly
Well, paint me purple and call me Barney.
Submitted by Jimbo
"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
Where You’re Like One of the Family! ce, “Try us on regular!” you’ll be a
"Yes, What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search each log in the the wood pile and find nothing; frustrated, they get axes and split open every piece of wood but still find no marijuana. They mutter obscenities and sneer at Virgil and finally leave.
Congrats on the “Beasts of the East” softball title!
SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, cold beer & more! 2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502 OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm
2 LARGE 1-TOPPING PIZZAS ONLY $
16.99 Expires 7.31.14
Did You Know? Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner.
Shortly after, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil, this here's Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood for the winter?" "Yep!"
Jessi & Floyd Hilton
in a 1981 Chevrolet Silverado Shortbed, 400 small block Chevy with a 4-speed. Floyd and his father, Greg rebuilt the truck together when he was a teenager.
"Happy Birthday, buddy!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
20
DATE NIGHT
July 2014
783-7039
Jessi is the office manager at Smile Again Dentures. See their ad on page 4.
Did You Know? A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove.
We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn't even afford to pay attention.
Out ’n About at Business to Business Trade Show
We have the loan for you! Auto • Recreational • Personal No appointment necessary!
We have the money to lend!
Jerome Dostie Big fan of Uncle Andy’s Digest
We’re home of the one hour loan!
Competitive Low Rates Fast Approvals Extended Terms Call Michele, Dane or Ken today!
Anna Bolduc & Ryan Crane Re-Harvest Recycling
Jimbo must be getting old, he forgot my last name...
Great Falls Federal Credit Union Two convenient locations: 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 or 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 GreatFallsfcu.com
Dick
Restrictions & qualification apply
Retired Printing Professional
So is your husband a bookworm, too? No, just an ordinary one.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 21
Out ’n About at the Tunes in June Event for Pettingill Park
Did you know? The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
Presented by Denny Breau All photos by Gini Haines Photography Since 1953
www.LuiggisPizzeria.com
SUNDAY
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
Baked Ziti
The Fergy
Meatball Subs
Spaghetti Dinners 1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink
THURSDAY Mini Pizza Frank Coffin,
FRIDAY $1.00 OFF
SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians
Any Large Pizza
Singer & Guitarist
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $5.50 Some of today's movies are so long, it takes less time to read the book.
Bill Maroldo, Videographer & Co-Chair Friends of Pettingill
Retail • Wholesale • Redemption • Liquor Store • Wine If you’ve had it and we dont have it, ask and we’ll get it.
• Liquor Best retail and wholesale selection in the L/A area!
• Beer Best Selection & Best Prices around!
• Redemptions 5 (FIVE!) convenient locations!
• Tobacco Brand names
Bob Elie
at some of the best values in L/A.
Drummer Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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TEXT to WIN this cooler!
ECIAL JULY SPud Light
Text Roopers at 41411 to enter!
Bud/B oz. 18pk 12
$
12.99
Roopersbeverage.com 694 Main St. Lewiston • 782-1482
794 Sabattus St. Lewiston • 783-6353
1420 Lisbon St. Lewiston • 333-3095
545 Minot Ave. Auburn • 783-2047
303-311 Main St. Auburn • 783-9098
Did you know? China has more English speakers than the United States.
The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner, there were strings attached.
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC.
Celebration of Life Dartshoot for Dave Ouellette
FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 $10 off for ANY Service with this Coupon!
Scooter
OUR TIRES
• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections
60 Minot Ave • Auburn
782-6666 or 783-2026
Dave Ouellette New Auburn Social Club
A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM
She's happy to make a pair of pants for you, or at least sew its seams.
Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
We come to Rolly’s twice a week for lunch. Today we had the lobster rolls YUMMY!
Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily
• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn
753-0171 Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon Paul with his mom, Helen who is 94 years young.
Women who wear $200 perfumes are known to have no common scents.
July 12, 2014 Sign up 5:15–6:00 Starts at 6:30 $10 entry fee $200 for 1st Place based on 50 shooters. Lots of Raffles Hot Dog & Bean Supper $5 per person 4–6:00pm No smoking 2–6pm Children are welcome for the supper. Candles will also be on sale. Any questions or to donate please call Joe at 520-9130. DJ Scotty Dawg starts at 8pm. Come join the fun! On May 29th we unexpectedly lost a wonderful man. Dave Ouellette was always there for his family, friends or anyone in need. He left a remarkable impression on everyone who knew him. Dave always had a smile on his face and was a dear friend to many at NASC. Dave enjoyed having his grandbabies daily, and enjoyed cooking for Brad, Megan and Ashley. This event is to help Dave’s family with funeral expenses. Please join us in a celebration of Dave’s life.
30% OFF
20% OFF
All Draft Beers
BURGERS
Every Monday
Every Monday
Come watch your favorite sporting event on our 11 TV’s in our NEW 1,300 sq. ft. bar area!
16 Beers on Tap Full Menu ALL the Time!
Let Mac’s Cater Your Next Event! Wedding, Banquets, Birthdays, Corporate Parties, Etc. No Event too BIG or small r u o r o f h c Wat
Book your event in our newly decorated function room!
y r a s r e v i n 20th Ans Coming in Event ust! Aug
Mac’s Grill
Check out our Live Entertainmet this month!
GRILLING TIME! Get your steaks here for your own grill at home!
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-6885
macsgrill.com
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.
Bad Memory Submitted by Jimbo
A man in a bar has a couple of beers and the barman tells him he owes $6.50. "But I paid you, don't you remember?" replies the customer. "Okay," says the barman, "if you said you paid, you did." The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the barman can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later plays the same trick. The barman replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it." Soon the customer goes out into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how he got some free drinks and told him to try it, too. The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink double scotches when suddenly, the barman leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the mouth." "Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
Are you an avid reader? No, I've never read avid.
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Why can't you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck.
National Donut Day Winner! at Labadie’s Bakery in Lewiston
Featuring
131Vendors Open
7 Days a Week
9 AM - 5 PM We honor:
M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover Camren Samson
960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149
goes to Labadie’s Bakery almost every day. He buys his favorite donut and usually says, “Keep the change.” During the week of June 2nd thru June 6th anyone could fill out a raffle to win a 32” flat screen TV. At the end of the week a winner was drawn and it was Camren. The phone number was his mom’s and when she was told her son won she dismissed him from school so he could pick up his prize.
500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store
Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!
The Colonial Cupboard
Handmade Shaker Furniture Next to the Undercover Flea Market
In-stock items
VISIT
“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each
finished & unfinished Need a certain special piece? We do custom orders and sizes; quick turnaround, quality
Out ’n About at Roopers
s Alway g n i y u B
craftsmanship, and reasonable prices. Open Sat. & Sun. 9am - 5pm thecolonialcupboard21@gmail.com
207-595-7774
INVENTORY REDUCTION
SALE!
20% - 75% OFF
Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!
Kaleb Main works at Roopers & is a junior at ELHS Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market! Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping! Is the baby a boy or a girl? Of course, what else could it be?!
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost
POOL BUILDERS OF MAINE
Out ’n About at Business to Business Trade Show
QUALITY WORKMANSHIP, OUTSTANDING SERVICE. BEST PRICES GUARANTEED!
25% OFF
Schedule your inground or above ground pool now for immediate installation!
25 lb. Buckets of 3” Chlorine Tabs only
$
Schedule Your Pool Opening!
99 26 Year s Experie nce
Eddie Boucher & Eric Bryant give Uncle Andy’s Digest a big thumbs up
We can make a jingle to make your business memorable. Call EAB International today!
POOLBB UILDERS OF AINE P OOL UILDERS OFMM AINE 1525 Minot Ave, Auburn • 795-7222 • poolbuildersofmaine.com Have you ever heard your own voice recorded and think…”OMG, I sound horrible?”
Great Wall of China Facts: • It’s the World’s longest defensive fortification. • It’s not one long wall, but a system of many walls built over 2,000 years. • Construction began circa 220 BC. • The original length was 3,100 miles and took 10 years to build. • Workforce consisted of 1,000,000 laborers. As many as 300,000 died during construction. • The Badaling section of the Ming Wall is the best preserved and most visited. Many sections have deteriated or have been dismantled. • The construction of the Great Wall as it is known today began around 1474 during Ming’s rule of China.
Ed Boucher (r) & Friend Ed is known as “The Jingle Man” and owns EAB International
John Waldman at the Great Wall of China
Sue Gagne Shad’s
"The bank has returned your check." "Great. What can we buy with it this time?" Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
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Out ’n About at the Tunes in June Event for Pettingill Park
Some people have skeletons in their closet. I have a whole graveyard!
Presented by Denny Breau All photos by Gini Haines Photography
Debbie Morin, Singer
Bob Macdonald Lewiston Mayor
Denny Breau If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
Out ’n About at the Tunes in June Event for Pettingill Park Presented by Denny Breau All photos by Gini Haines Photography
Phil House, Pianist
Phil House & Kathy Haley
Guy Mathieu, Guitarist, Singer The Royal Knights
The failure of the third largest manufacturer of baby's toys was enough to rattle the entire industry. – Submitted by Ron Hood
At the window at the unemployment office, loudly say, "I didn't get to where I am today by listening to people like you!"
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Out ’n About at Business to Business Trade Show
I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.
SET YOUR SAILS FOR TASTINESS Fresh Food • Fair Prices Weekly Specials “Best Seafood Restaurant” Ten years in a row.
Award Winning Chowder
Colby Michaud & Ed Boucher
Family Owned for 3 Generations
Praxis Production Studios & EAB International
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Lounge • Dining Room • Private Function Rooms 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com
Outdoor Patio
Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career. – Uncle Andy
Cecelia Conroy & Cherith Reyes Center Street Dental
Relax, not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life should be taken so serious.
Ron Chicoine, MD for County Commissioner
I ask for your vote November 4th “On Call for Lewiston.” Paid for and authorized by the candidate. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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1525 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 MySelco.com
S A N I PLUS
ADD A NEW BATHROOM FOR YOUR CELLAR No Need for Chiseling or Building Up a Floor Base
The S A N I PLUS is the answer for most toilet and bathroom situations. It can be installed up to 15 feet below the sewer level and/or 150 feet away from a soil stack. The S A N I PLUS is simple to install, pumps away waste water from a toilet, hand basin, bathtub and shower, and is connected to a low consumption toilet.
I was more nervous than a ceiling fan salesman with a comb-over.
I'm busier than a one-legged Riverdancer.
Out ’n About
Considering a NEW Used Vehicle?
Middle school wasn’t so bad. Let’s see what high school has to offer...
Shop around, then go see the guys at Cyr’s. Keeping your current vehicle in tip top shape might make more financial sense.
Complete mechanical repair and body work done on premise!
Call for a FREE Quote! Your Make & r look old ca ke run li NEW!
845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500 To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.
Michael Peppe with his mommy,
Shannon Wilson Michael graduated from middle school and will be a freshman at Poland Regional High School in the fall.
Michael, I expect to see you rocking a stage someday with our dad, Brian Peppe
New Homes Sun Rooms Garages “The Difference is in the Details”
Call 753-9887 or 576-8528
Call us for your FREE quote! Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.
OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Lily Peppe soaks up the sun at Cresent Beach in Auburn Michael plays saxaphone in the high school band. His dad, Brian, is a talented local musician who has played in several bands over the years.
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Out ’n About at the Business to Business Trade Show
I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.
Pat Donahue Your Best Skin
Ring toss anyone?
Betsy Sibley Community Credit Union
Ken Blais & daughter, Sadie Blais Rolly’s Diner
Monday, Monday Submitted by Kevin Bellefleur
Tuesday is just Monday with a better public relations team. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
STOP!
Did You Know? Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.
Submitted by Thomas Hill
Out ’n About at the Business to Business Trade Show
“Alright! I’ll drive them to the field trip tomorrow,” sighed my neighbor resignedly. Sure enough the next day found her with a van full of 7 to 10 year olds. Clearly distracted, my neighbor cruised right through a stop sign, “Don’t you know how to stop?” screamed the exasperated crossing guard, running towards the car.
Arrrrrr!
Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
My neighbor stopped her car, looked the crossing guard straight in the eye and said clearly upset, “what makes you think they are all mine?!”
BOOK TODAY & BE BEACH READY We are a full service salon
Get Your Summer Glow On at Kutters Korner!
JULY SPECIAL
$
20 OFF Highlights
with Kelly D. or Camille 14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 786-4311 Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 8am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
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Alternative Oscars Submitted by Jimbo
The Windbag Award: To Greer Garson. According to Oscar legend, she spent 90 rambling minutes at the podium after winning Best Actress in 1942 for Mrs. Miniver. But cooler heads say it was closer to seven minutes. Predictably, she began her speech by saying, "I'm practically unprepared." The Fairy Tale Disaster Award: To Rob Lowe. In perhaps the most embarrassing Oscar opening, the 1988 organizers scripted a song-anddance routine between Snow White and Lowe, who was introduced as her "blind date." Disney was so distressed that it sued. The Brevity Is the Soul of Wit Award: To Alfred Hitchcock and Joe Pesci. After winning the Irving Thalberg Memorial Award in 1967 in recognition of his illustrious career, Hitchcock muttered "Thank you," and walked offstage. Twenty-three years later, after winning Best Supporting Actor for his work in Goodfellas, Joe Pesci did the same exact thing. The Oscar D'Amore Award: To Cuba Gooding Jr., (continued on next page)
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To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!
Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.
2 for 1
Monday Night Scrambles 5:00PM Shotgun Start - Every Monday Singles or full teams are accepted
Must present this coupon to receive
ONE FREE GREEN FEE for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thru Thursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play.
Tuesday Morning Senior League
✃Expires 7.31.14
8:00am tee time • 50+ • Call FMI
Mens & Womens Leagues Wednesdays & Thursdays • Call FMI
Memberships Many levels available!
Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586
GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Jim’s Rent It
• Car Rentals • Passenger Vans with • Pickup Truck Rentals 7,8,12,15 Seating Capacity • Convertibles
Lowest priced car rental in the area! Car accidents, no problem! We offer insurance-paid car rentals
Call 784-5438 for details 1097 Center St., Auburn You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
(continued from previous page)
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.
Out ’n About at the Relay for Life with Great Falls Credit Union
The Nature Calls Award: To Meryl Streep, who left her just-claimed Oscar for Kramer vs. Kramer on the back of a toilet during the 1979 festivities.
Great Falls Credit Union was the top fundraiser for Relay for Life in Auburn!
it Union
Team Great Falls Cred
Great job everyone! arla
ancy & C
Sonya, N
who exclaimed "I love you" 14 times — thanking everyone from God to Tom Cruise — after winning Best Supporting Actor for Jerry Maguire in 1996. Even after the orchestra interrupted him, he continued: "Everybody who was involved in this, I love you! I love you! I love you!"
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
BRAND NEW Mystic Spray Tanning Booth!
Heated for those co ld months!
Call for pricing
Come check out our NEW improved, larger location!
You’ll LOVE our new look!!
Electric Beach T A N N I N G
S A L O N
97 Center Street, Auburn (next to Pat’s Pizza)
783-9488
My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat!
The Au Naturel Award: To actor David Niven. In 1974, a streaker ran behind him as he was announcing the Best Picture award. The nudist flashed a peace sign — not to mention the Full Monty — to a shocked audience. Without missing a beat, Niven said the man would always be remembered "for his shortcomings." The Silent Oscar Award: To Hal Roach, who received a special honor in 1991 for bringing Laurel & Hardy and many other classics to the big screen. Billy Crystal introduced him, and the audience gave him a booming ovation. But when everyone sat down, Roach, a centenarian, began speaking without a mike. The audience and TV (continued on next page)
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(continued from previous page)
viewers just stared for several moments, unable to hear him. Crystal quipped, "I think that's fitting since Mr. Roach started in silent film." It was Roach's last public appearance. He died six months later. The Oscar Mayer Weiner Award: To Jack Palance, for dropping to the stage floor and doing one-armed pushups to celebrate his Best Supporting Actor award for City Slickers. The Where Am I Now? Award: To Alice Brady, who won a Best Supporting Actress award for In Old Chicago in 1937. Brady wasn't present, but a man walked up and accepted the award on her behalf. After the show, neither he nor the Oscar was ever seen again.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Family Friendly Dentist ~ Right in Your Backyard ~ Serving Poland & Surrounding Areas Since 1997
Accepting New Patients! James F. Weigand, DDS General Dentistry 364 Maine Street Poland Spring • 998-4587 (Located at the Poland Community Health Center at the Corner of Rt. 26 & 122
Most Insurances Accepted
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Out ’n About at the Tunes in June Event for Pettingill Park
Good ‘N Plenty
The Get This Over With Award: To Sir Laurence Olivier. In 1985, the 78-year-old Shakespearean forgot to name the Best Picture nominees. He simply opened the envelope and proclaimed, "Amadeus!"
I met a girl at an internet cafe, but we didn't click. – Submitted by Ron Hood A real punny guy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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Kathy Haley, Frank Coffin, Nick Knowlton & Debbie Morin Photo by Gini Haines Photography
Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
Happy Hour Mon.-Thurs.2-5pm 1/2 price Appetizers 2 for 1 Singha Beer
Out ’n About at Business to Business Trade Show
Joslyn LaBelle & Heather Ouellette Show Your Flipside
Try Our All Day Specials! Monday: Pad Thai Only $7.95 Tuesday: Curry Wednesday: Chicken Ka-Pow
Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi Gerry Caron City of Lewiston Electrical Inspector
730 Center Street, Auburn Auburn Plaza • 376-4855
Clawing our way into your basketball hearts.
jasminecafemaine.com
Red Claws Mascot
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
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Out ’n About at the Chamber Breakfast
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
$
Lunch for 3.99! Monday - Friday 11am - 3pm Bar & Grille
Laurie Ouellette presents Kim Galgovitch & Lisa Olmstead of Allure Hair Studio their new chamber member plaque.
Lunch, Dinner, Drink & Pool
Baked Haddock, Fried Haddock or Home-Made Chicken Tenders Served with one side: Fresh Cut Fries, Homemade Grilled Potatoes lightly seasoned with garlic & butter, Homemade Baked Beans, Slaw, Pickled Beets or Veggie of the Day.
551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 777-1155 • Schemengees.com I have a screwdriver in my hand. This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill.
Laurie Ouellette presents Lucas Argrew of Beyond Shoe Repair his new chamber member plaque.
Do Over Submitted by Thomas Hill
I asked my brother-inlaw, the father of four boys, “If you had to do it all over again, would you still have kids?” “Yes,” he said. “Just not these four.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.
I'm hoping to find a cure for my hiccups, but I'm not holding my breath.
SPECIAL PRICING FOR ALUMINUM
Automobile & Truck Batteries Die Cast Alloy Rims
#1 Steel Prepared/better grading/ better payout Starters & Alternators
Always paying the best prices!
Out ’n About at Thatcher’s Pub in the Auburn Mall
O T E N! M I T $H I CA
Tanya working the bar
Catalytic Converters Cell Phone Scrap Computer Towers Stainless Electronic Scrap Mother Boards • Cores Computer Board Scraps Brass • Alternators • Starters • Motors • Pumps Copper • Aluminum • Insulated Wire
BATTERIES BATTERIES BATTERIES
Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions
April getting a cold 25 ounce mug for your favorite beer
Thatcher’s has the cure for what ails ya!
Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler 15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn. Mon - Fri 8:00am - 4:30pm
615-7057 or 795-8887 Uncle Andy recently started jogging backwards, he’s hoping to gain weight.
Diane ready to mix your next drink Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
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Out ’n About at the Relay for Life with Great Falls Credit Union
A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.
Life is great!
Leo & Jeannine Survivor walk Jeannine is a 20 year survivor!
Jeannine Great Falls Credit Union was the top fundraiser!
Everyone wants to know why Leo was in the port-a-potty with three women?
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Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
Deprived
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Submitted by Jimbo
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
185 Webster St., Lewiston
783-0200
Like us on Facebook
We would like to thank all of our new and existing clients for making Allure a huge success in a short amount of time! We will continue to do excellent work and give the best customer service! $
20.00 OFF chemical service to any new client with Debbie Expires 7.31.14
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
Out ’n About at Business After Hours with the Androscoggin Chamber
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
Mike and Dave always do the talking in our ads (see page 24). Now it’s my turn...Come see us at Mac’s!
Mike Peters, Alicia (waitstaffer) & Gerry Gagne of Mac’s Grill who catered the event Jimbo to Uncle Andy: Did you hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with non-stop chatting wife, 6 children, 2 under the age of 3... he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?’ Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
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Out ’n About at Business After Hours with the Androscoggin Chamber
Do not put statements in the negative form.
PUT SOME
INTO YOUR SUMMER!
A/C is ON!
TABATA!
Total Body Strengthening
Chip Morrison & Patti Gagne
Mom & Me Classes (After Baby Boot Camp & Stroller time)
See complete class line-up & register
@ SPRQstudio.com
STUDIO - SABATTUS 20 Main St. 2nd floor • 375-6000 I live in California, and my watch is three hours fast, I can't fix it, so I'm moving to Maine.
Laurie Ouellette & Nicole Lajoie
Out ’n About at Member Appreciation Day at Sabattus Credit Union Master Hot Dog Chef Ted feverishly grills up some tasty red snappers for all the members.
It’s not as easy as I make it look.
Linda At the bookstore I asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
I couldn't care less about apathy.
Questions? Contact: Bob Brickel @ 650-8209 or Desmond Duguay @ 212-0598 Visit www.Avbor.com or email tanya@mainerealtors.com
We need sponsors and golf teams!
Last year’s tournament provided contributions of over $4,600!
Proceeds will benefit New Beginnings & Rebuilding Together L/A
Lunch by Subway; Awards banquet w/silent auction & door prizes)
$400 per golf team (includes breakfast by Dunkin Donuts;
Shotgun start 9:00am • Registration begins at 7:30am
Thursday, July 31st @ Martindale Country Club in Auburn
Help support a great cause and have fun golfing!
Androscoggin Valley Board ® of REALTORS
14th Annual Affordable Housing Golf Tournament When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.
Out ’n About at Member Appreciation Day at Sabattus Credit Union No one will recognize me with my sunglasses on, right?
Get in my belly.
I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon.
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Out ’n About at the Tunes in June Event for Pettingill Park
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now. – Thomas Hill
Presented by Denny Breau All photos by Gini Haines Photography
Sensational smiles are our business! Nick Knowlton,
Preventative dentistry - cleanings and fillings
Singer
Cosmetic dentistry - whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more New We accept most insurances Financing available
Patients
Always Welcome
Danny Caron Drummer
TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES
27 MILLETT DR, AUBURN Kathy Haley, Singer
I have not yet begun to procrastinate. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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We accept Northeast Delta Dental, State of Maine & Cigna Insurances
784-1577
TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Fenway Park.
Free Lunch
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Submitted by Jimbo
Car & Truck Accessories
HOT JULY SAVINGS! Truck Caps
$
10% Off*
50.00 Off*
Car Stereos & Audio/Electronics
Trailer Hitches
$
10% Off*
25.00 Off
✃ All coupons expire 8/30/14 • *Not to be combined with other offers 2005 Audi A4
2005 Toyota Camry
88k
$11,995 loaded Quatro 3.2 Auto 2008 Nissan Sentra 2.0 111k
$8,195
89k
$9,495
2009 Dodge Journey 64k
SXT $13,495
2006 Honda Pilot 2007 Cadillac SRX 108k
95k
EX-L $12,895 • 6cyl.
$11,995 AWD
2009 Chevy Traverse
2011 Ford Fiesta
82k
LT $19,995 loaded 2nd row captain seats
59k
$12,495 • 4cyl. MP3 player
Many more choices available, stop in and check us out!
Uncle Andy is down on his luck and approaches an elderly woman at the beach with his hands out. “Please Lady,” Uncle Andy pleads, “Would you be able to spare a few bucks, I haven’t eaten all day.” “Good,” says the elderly woman. “Now you won’t have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim.” My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
Perfect Logic Submitted by Jimbo
While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them. My Mom said “That sounds like a beautiful resting place.” Dad, however, wasn’t sold.
1009 Center St., Auburn • 333-3390 • AutoCityofMaine.com Did You Know? Thomas Edison, light bulb inventor, was afraid of the dark.
“Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 45
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
DAD’S PLACE REDEMPTION isSUMMER heating up! 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 Located in the building behind Dad’s Place
Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm (closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)
Get more for your returns at Dad’s! Dad’s Redemption
on all 5¢ returns with this coupon. (must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)
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es v i r D Bottle me! Welco
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UAD expires 7.31.14
"Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor says, "Tell him I can't see him!"
Out ’n About at the Tunes in June Event for Pettingill Park Presented by Denny Breau All photos by Gini Haines Photography Music moves the soul, that is for sure!
Frank Coffin,
Lisa Olmstead, Val Kelshaw & Kim Galgovitch (Lisa & Kim co-own Allure Hair Studio, Val owns Pure Skin Care)
Guitarist, Singer Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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July 2014
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Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
I'm a pessimistic optimist. I expect the worst - that way things can only get better.
Red Tape Submitted by Jimbo
Happy Hour Everyday 4-6pm 50¢ off Well Drinks • $2.50 16oz. Domestic Beer $ 3.50 16oz.Micro Brew • Chips & Salsa $2.99
Monday & Tuesday 60¢ Wings & $3 - 25oz Domestic Drafts
Thursday
3 Tacos . . . . . . . . . . .$4.99 Burritos, Taco Salad & More
Stuffed Peppers . . . .$5.99
Friday
782-2135 A place where family & friends gather for good food & cheer at great prices!
Mon. - Sat. 10:30am - 9pm Sun. 11am - 5pm
Wednesday
Fish & Chips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7.99
Friday – Sunday
All Week: Lunches starting at $4.99
Convertible Tops • Boats • Motorcycle Seats Tonneau Covers & Headliners • RV’s & More!
CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY
782-3822
300 Cressey Road, Monmouth Just past Reggie’s Kawasaki, before Highmoor Farm
Get the Most Bark for Your Bucks! Doggie Daycare $13/Day Boarding starting at $18/night Discounts available for multiple doggies!
Howling Hill Dog Boarding Family owned & operated. Owners live on premises!
"You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," the clerk said.
Surf & Turf (8oz sirloin) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$14.99
For All Your Custom Upholstery Needs
Leo Beaudin
Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called the clerkʼs office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age.
272-7917 113A Fish Hatchery Road, New Gloucester facebook.com/howlinghill
I'm right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
"But I filled them out last year," she replied. "You have to fill them out every year." "Why? Do you think Iʼm getting younger?" In London there is a 6 hr time difference, & I'm confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.
Lost Submitted by Thomas Hill
While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated. "Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. "I’m looking for my wife. She has white hair and is wearing white shoes." Gesturing around the store, the clerk responded, "Take your pick." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 47
Out ’n About at the Tunes in June Event for Pettingill Park
It’s so hot my Frosted Flakes melted!
Presented by Denny Breau All photos by Gini Haines Photography
Ron Morin, Guitarist, Singer The Royal Knights
Ed Boucher Guitarist & Singer The Royal Knights
Paul Boucher, Drummer, The Royal Knights Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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July 2014
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I slept through the alarm this morning. Good thing it was only a small fire.
A cheetah clone was found slain at the city zoo. Police suspect a copycat killer.
See Bill or Pat for expert service & advice on the latest designs & models.
Out ’n About at Business After Hours with the Androscoggin Chamber It’s been years since I’ve been in the Digest. I find that simply alarming.
Your Vision. Your Design. Bertch Cabinetry conforms to you.
Partnering with Professionals
784-5721 Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail Showroom Hours: Mon. Tues. Wed. Fri. 8am 4:30pm Open Thurs. until 6PM APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED
3 Middle Street, Lewiston showroom.redlon-johnson.com
Kitchen • Bath• Hospitality Tim Fox Branch Manager 514-1104 • tfox@redlon-johnson.com Pat Bolduc Showroom Manager 514-1137 • pbolduc@redlon-johnson.com Bill Eccleston Showroom/Inside Sales 514-1136 • beccleston@redlon-johnson.com
Tim & Vickie Rucker
I got a jump rope, but it's just a rope. Turns out you have to do the jumping part.
: U O Y G N I T C PROTE s What We Do. I
Lucien Gosselin & Mr. Dubois
Win a Prize Submitted by Jimbo
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
s Kerrie Robbin Specialist
232 Center St., Auburn
nce
Commercial Insura
Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm
commercial
home
VarneyAgency.com
auto
recreational
umbrella
786-0417 life
The Wheel: Man's greatest invention until he got behind it.
health
"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 49
Out ’n About at the Relay for Life with Great Falls Credit Union
If we ever figure out how to preserve people, we'll really be in a jam.
Dean & Carla Popping out of the cake
Save a cowboy, ride a horse.
Marty, Kathy, Leo & Janie Dear Millionaires, if you don’t have a bookshelf that spins into another room, give me your money because you’re spending it wrong. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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If vampires have no reflection, how do they have such neat hair?
I have three beautiful children. I have four children, but only three are beautiful.
Out ’n About at the 6th Annual Pete Simard Memorial Golf Tournament Maine Chapter of the International Association of Arson Investigators. Proceeds benefit the Joseph Menezes Scholarship Fund.
Dianne Boucher & Ron Gagne
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in laboratory rats.
Out ’n About at the Lewiston Cheer Bottle Drive Isn’t that the new Uncle Andy’s Digest sales guy? I hear he’s making things happen already.
Kali, my dad is just taking his new job too seriously...
Shelby, he might be loving his new job... taking it too seriously, HA!
Shelby Rucker & Kali Simpson
Kaymala Eells
Pete Nadeau *Shelby Rucker is the daughter of Tim Rucker, who is now a marketing consultant for Uncle Andy’s Digest.
Last time my wife gave me a foot massage, my back ended up smelling funny.
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 51
Out ’n About at the 6th Annual Pete Simard Memorial Golf Tournament
Man who streaks is unsuited for his work.
Maine Chapter of the International Association of Arson Investigators. Proceeds benefit the Joseph Menezes Scholarship Fund.
Scott Whalen & Jan Perreault
Home of the
Crazy Daisies
Guys: With flowers, words are optional Tim Wheelden & Dave Heinitz Thank you to all who made this fundraiser a great success!
ONLY $ 7.99 a Bunch
Ann’s Flowers
If there is no other reason to give flowers...
Try LOVE
14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457 www.annsflower.com
CASH FOR CLUNKERS
Ron Gagne & Steve Simard
Bring in any stove and get a voucher for up to $300 toward a new JØTUL gas or wood stove! Limited time offer
Lisa & Mark Laliberte & Dan Roderich Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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July 2014
783-7039
ng with partneri Proudly r the Jøtul fo gram Out Pro e g n a h 2014 C
FIRESIDE STOVE SHOP 1220 Center St., Auburn • 784-9249 www.firesidestoveshop.com
Overweight is something that just snacks up on you.
Early Education
If you get mono twice, isn't that stereo?
Submitted by Jimbo
A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!
When I was a mother's helper, the mom of the family I worked for sat with her three oldest children and watched a PBS special showing the birth of a baby. The mom thought it would be a good starting point for answering questions about the facts of life. As her five-year-old studied the baby coming out of the birth canal, he asked, "Mom, does that hurt?"
• • • •
Happy Hour 3-6pm daily 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar Daily Specials Live Music on Friday Nights
64 Lewiston Road, Gray 657-4714 • ColeFarms.com
PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING? Ask about our signature models!
"Oh, yes, it does," she said, remembering her difficult deliveries.
CALL FOR PRICING
"Wow," he continued in awe, "does it hurt the mother, too?"
G.A. DOWNING 782.4508 or 800.924.4500
"Doctor, I have a memory problem!"
111 Woodman Hill Road, Minot www.gadowning.com
The doctor says, "When did it start?" "When did what start?" Finding a burnt out starter motor is a moment of wreck ignition.
Bookkeeping Plus QuickBooks Classes Offered Bookkeeping Services 9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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783-7039
Service Rental Sales
How many weeks are there in a light year?
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. – Phil Pastoret
The Pie Lady
A Full Service Salon 1117 Center St., Auburn (behind Met Life) • 784-3522 Find us on facebook
Sandra Billings,
Tammy
Amy
Linda
Bronze Bombshell
Michael
$AVE
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Desireé
NEW CLIENTS Expries 7.31.14
Mobile Airbrush Tanning
Angie
shown here in the kitchen at Cole Farms in Gray. She was caught elbow deep into creating these wonderful, mouth-watering apple pies. Side note: She had to slap Jimbo multiple times as he kept wanting to taste her pies. Something about coming back for lunch or dinner and ordering a slice of pie for dessert. Will do, Sandra. See their ad on facing page.
Book your appointment today!
WE OFFER • Cuts • Colors • Nails • Highlights • Waxing • Hair Extensions • Perms
• NOVA LASH EYELASH EXTENSION Did You Know? In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn't change the fact that you still live in your parents basement. Be a lumberjack: Saw the world. "What messes our life up most is the expectation of what our life is supposed to look like." – Ann Voskamp Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with July 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 55
TOTAL RECONDITIONING Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm
HAND CAR WASH
•
Owner of Chick-a-dee Lewiston
865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004
CAR WASH & DETAIL
LIQUID SUNSHINE
BUSY PEOPLE LIKE CLEAN VEHICLES!
When it comes to seafood, you should see me. When it comes to cleaning your vehicle, see the pros at Liquid Sunshine! Bill Hird
•
FAIR PRICING!
If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out. – Mitch Hedberg
Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm Fri. 8am-4pm
Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D. Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit with results that you will be proud to show off.
Visit us at our state of the art office at:
730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza
783-1351 Same Day Emergency Care We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider
auburnplazafamilydentistry.com WWW.UNCLEANDYSDIGEST.COM