Uncle Andy's Digest - june 2013

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

.com

THE MOST UNUSUAL DIGEST IN AMERICA

FREE June 2013

Complete, comprehensive dentistry for ages 3 to 103 NEW lways A s t n Patie me!

Welco

Preventative dentistry cleanings and fillings Cosmetic dentistry whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more We accept most insurances Financing available

TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES

27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN • 784-1577 TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM

Jewelry to fall in love with

Armandsab@aol.com

145 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com

Take the first step to owning your own home FIRST TIME HOMEBUYER SPECIALIST ★ Low Fixed Rates ★ FHA, VA, Rural Development & MSHA Loan Programs ★ Experienced & Local Mortgage Professionals We also offer ★ Close Fast & On Schedule refinancing ★ Over the Phone Approvals

Residential Mortgage Service, Inc. 777.1551

181 Center St.; Auburn, Maine 04210 www.rmsmortgage.com •dbodwell@rmsmortgage.com

This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions.

Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537

Debbie Bodwell, Vice President NMLS# 280336

Golfing Priest

You haven't experienced awkward until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish.

Submitted by Jimbo

A young man and a priest are playing golf together. At a short par 3 the priest asks, “What are you going to use on this hole, my son?”

DBJ DESIGNS

The young man says, “An iron, father. How about you?”

The priest says, “I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray.”

• Kitchen Designing

The young man hits his iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

• Custom Cabinets

The young man says, “I don't know about you, father, but when I pray we keep our heads down.”

• Granite Counter Tops • Custom Trim Work

I promise to bring you superb customer service!

and much more!

Critical Thinking Teacher: If a lion is chasing you, what would you do?

Student: I’d climb a tree.

Teacher: If the lion climbs a tree?

Student: I will jump in the lake and swim.

Teacher: If the lion also jumps in the water and swims after you?

Student: Teacher, are you on my side or on the lion's?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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June DBJ DESIGNS Special We are teaming up!

10% off DBJ Designs and Houston Brothers Building Contractors Residential and Commercial Installs Call for your one-on-one appointment

20 7 . 2 4 0 . 4 2 3 7 DBJhomedesigns@gmail.com 568 Lisbon Rd. • Lisbon Falls, ME -4252

Confucius say… man with chip on shoulder have wood higher up.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA JUNE 2013 Thursday, June 6th Rolly’s Diner Breakfast 7am – 10am (Chapter 8609) 87 Mill St, Auburn $4 Member; $5 Guest Tuesday, June 11th Schmengees 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 12907) 551 Lincoln St, Lewiston $8 Member; $8.50 Guest Wednesday, June 12th Dairy Frost 4pm –6pm (Chapter 7938) 107 Bath Road, Brunswick Tuesday June 18th Taber’s 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 8228) Lakeshore Drive, Auburn $4.50 Member; $5 Guest Tuesday, June 25th Yianni’s House of Pizza 11:30am – 1pm (Chapter 10929) 155 Main St, South Paris $5 Person Wednesday, June 26th Dairy Joy 3pm – 7pm (Chapter 12749) Campus Ave, Lew/ Spring St, Auburn $1 Member Wednesday, June 26th Danny’s on the Mall 4pm –6pm (Chapter 7938) Non Perishable Food Item Park Tickets Funtown $19 M; $20 G Aquaboggan TBA Combo Fun/Splash $25.50 M; $27 G Splashtown $18.50 M; $20 G StoryLand TBA WaterCountry $27 M; $29 G York Animal Kingdom $10 M; $11 G

Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed. ************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

www.UncleAndys.com June 2013 Staff

JIMBO Opportunity Knocks

TRAVIS

I'm not saying I'm Batman, I'm just saying you've never seen us in the same room.

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES Affordable Dentures Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

Confuciused

UNCLE ANDY Exceeding All of Jimbo’s Expectations

MAGGIE Direct Support

Also see us for: • Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures • Rebases • Relines • Repairs

Professional

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!

MARTY On the Green with the new Club

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted We also accept Credit & Debit Cards

ANGIE Hurry up Honeymoon

TOM of Maine

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

FREE CONSULTATIONS

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660 SmileAgainDentures.com

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

Or email us at: smileagaindentures@gmail.com

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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A big shout out to sidewalks... Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

Confucius say… to make long story short… don't tell it.

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Jake Bilodeau

ADT Security

Carl Loomis ADT Security

Why is pizza circular, but in a square box, and served in triangles?

Burnham Painting

Alphabet Wife

Confucius say… marriages are made in heaven… so are thunder & lightning.

Submitted by Jimbo

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're an alphabet wife... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." She asks, "What the heck does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot".

She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely, but what about I, J, K?" He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is starting to go down and the doctor doesn’t think he’ll need stitches on the gash on his lip.

Trivia!

Joe loves to create confusion. One Tuesday he sent an e-mail memo to his secretary that said, "I'll be back in the office three days before one week after the day after tomorrow."

When would he be back?

A: Monday of the following week.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Confucius say… cannibal is person who likes to see other people stewed.

Confucius say… he who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face.

A Fun New Option for Date Night

Out ’n About at Sherm Arnolds Grand Opening

Handguns • Rifles Shotguns • Ammo

We’re a local business, family owned & operated for over 10 years.

We offer archery lessons, lanes, rentals, sales, service, & custom strings.

Joel & Virginia

This arrow pulling stance was to show off those unique shoes…

Vibrams. This little piggy got an X, this little piggy got none, and this little piggy went all the way to the bullseye.”

213 Washington St. • Auburn • 783-3060 centralmainearchery.com I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

Bruce Gerry Cardiology: The study of poker playing.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Sherm Arnolds Grand Opening

Confucius say… Van Gogh was a painter because he didn't have an ear for music.

Comprehensive Family Dental Care in a relaxing, comfortable atmosphere

New Patients Always Welcome

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D. 1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston (lower level)

376-4977 Same Day Financing Options Emergency Care Available www.kevinconnellydmd.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.

Santa saw your facebook pictures...You're getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.

CELEBRATING OUR ANNIVERSARY $

Your Choice 1 0 All month!

2 Large (FAMOUS) Chicken Salad Subs FREE OR Med. Specialty Pizza COFFEE FRID OR Large Lobster Sub with purchAY! ase breakfast

There’s NO PLACE like...

of sandwich

Dad’s Place 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

The best part about being a procrastinator is you always have something to do... tomorrow.

One Stop Shop for Catering... Dad’s does it all!

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering

Weddings Summer BBQ Corporate Functions

Reunions

Indoor or Outdoor Professional service at an affordable price

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!

Ask us about Tents, Tables, Chairs, Dance Floor, etc. for your event

N

re’s ...

The like E C A O PL

Dad’s Place Catering Division • 345-9009

Drive: A shot that comes after the whiff and before the mulligan.

www.dadsplace.info Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

June 2013

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Doggone Brilliant

Confucius say… question authority and the authorities will question you.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Give your father the gift he deserves!

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company.

One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, (continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Send your special man alone or join him for all services side by side.

✦ Full Body Massage ✦ Hot Stone Massage ✦ Herbal (Detox) Body Wrap ✦ Customized Facial ✦ Gentleman’s Pedicure

Gift cards are always available

www.cassiels.com 71 EAST AVENUE • LEWISTON, MAINE

(207) 783-3321 Scissors: A piece maker.

(continued from previous page)

There's a fine line between tan and looking liked you rolled around in Doritos.

WOW!

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

$

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

12

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

L/A’S NEWEST HOTSPOT FOR WEEKEND ENTERTAINMENT Whiskey Wednesdays

JUNE BAND SCHEDULE

Thursdays Happy Hour 2pm-closing

Fri. June 14th . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Veggies by Day

Friday Ladies Night

Fri. June 21st . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Chad Porter

Sundays Book your private party

Sat. June 29th . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Veggies by Day

Try our award winning Chili

Sat. June 8th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Pop Rocks

Sat. June 15th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Tragic Cats

47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959

starting at

$3.99

Bean Suppah

e m o r d l o l Ro

Every Saturday Large “Andy’s Baked Bean” special $

7.50

Since 1954

Where Good Skaters Meet

Summer Schedule

Star Open Evenings June 15tsth ly On ay 7:30-10pm 20+ sd ur Th nday Friday - Saturday - Su 7:30-10pm all ages n 7/1-7/14

Closed for July Vacatio

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Lunches

Fri. June 28th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Veayo Twins

Weekends: LIVE ENTERTAINMENT thefirehousegrille.biz

figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.

So, off he goes.

Available for private parties Ask about our summer camps

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940

www.rollodrome.com

Confucius say… fortune you seek is in another cookie.

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says, "Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."

– Bob Hope Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Sherm Arnolds Grand Opening

Kramer made his "entrance" into Jerry Seinfeld's apartment 284 times.

My staff is here and ready to serve you (and me).

Stop by and say hi.

The boss, Mumma Kitty

Salt water Fish Tank Headquarters!

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies We are an official UPS shipper.

Mark Ellie

272 South Main St. Auburn • deepseacreations.com • 782-4372

You tell that Uncle Andy guy to get over here. He keeps taking all the free food!

George Grady

Ray Fickett Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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There is a certain freedom in having nothing left to lose.

Confucius say… marriage is like game of poker… you start with pair and end with full house.

Out ’n About at Sherm Arnolds Grand Opening

Diane & John Lizotte

Mr & Mrs Jan Dreau

Kathy (aka Vanna White)

Jennifer Parsons Fairway: A narrow strip of closely mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Job Security

When it does not exist, design it.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Uncle Andy was hired at a warehouse. One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock.

Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold 10% of Uncle Andy's weekly wages to pay for the repairs.

"How much will it cost?" asked Uncle Andy.

FATHER’S DAY IS SUNDAY, JUNE 16TH DRIVING RANGE

RESTAURANT

MINI-GOLF

Burgers • Dogs L/A’s Best Onion Rings Fries • Ice Cream

TABERS

Open 7 days a week!

Lake Shore Drive, (first left after the lake) Off Rt. 4 in Auburn

www.tabersgolf.com What’s he looking at?

"About $4,500," said the owner.

"What a relief!" exclaimed Uncle Andy.

"I've finally got job security!"

LAW AND DISORDER Submitted by R. Collins

Q. And, doctor, as a result of your examination of the plaintiff in this case, was the young lady pregnant?

A. The young lady was pregnant, but not as a result of my examination.

Q. Did you have an appreciable amount of money with you at the time?

A. Whatever money I had I appreciated.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Sherm Arnolds Grand Opening

6 BANDS!! AT OUR BBQ J New Saturday, June 22nd $$ for Lewiston fire victims U Auburn RaiseDonations accepted 11am-close 13th Members and Sports N Social Saturday, June Appropriations Event E Club Car Shows Fridays, June 7th & June 21st 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activities.

Confucius say… best way to slow a runaway horse, is to bet on it.

Children’s Clothing, Toys & Accessories

Out ’n About at Sherm Arnolds Grand Opening

Newborn to 14/16 Boys & Girls

Moms to be: Check out our Maternity Clothing!

120 Center Street, Auburn Mon-Sat 9-7 • Sun 11-5

212-0770

Job Signs Vehicle Lettering Vinyl Wraps

TRAILER WRAPS and Graphics eastcoastsigndesign.com

1052 Sabattus St. Lewiston

783-9021 Visit our website for our Summer Class Schedule

rdtacticalhandgun.com

I can see my new hardwood floor in my mind’s eye...

NRA Certified Instruction

CC Permit • Basic • Advanced Don Mailhot NRA - Law Enforcement 576-5131

Roland Levasseur NRA-SIG Academy - Frontsight 212-0608

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people.

Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Dwight Nichols Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Chili & Chowder Cookoff

I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.

CHOWDA! You’ll fall in love with our chowda or my name isn’t Robert.

SAVE NOW!

Robert Chef at Rolly’s Diner

Job Description Submitted by R. Collins

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, a policeman was interrupted by a little girl about six years old.

"Are you a cop?" she asked.

"Yes," answered the policeman and continued writing the report.

"My mother said that if I ever needed help, I should ask the police.

Is that right?"

"Yes, that’s right."

"Well then, would you please tie my shoe?"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Only dead fish go with the flow.

Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.

– Otto von Bismark

We have the loan for you!

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Electricity Maine

TD Bank

Low Rates • Fast Approvals Jeff Allen

Call Michele or Dane today!

Selco Plumbing & Heating

Great Falls Federal Credit Union 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 • 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 *Restrictions & qualification apply

GreatFallsfcu.com

Jeff Brannen Hammond Tractor

What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.

– Uncle Andy

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Bedside Manners

Confucius say… sumo wrestling is survival of the fattest.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times.

When I got fired, you stuck right beside me.

When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there.

When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.

"I think you're bad luck!"

"Did I invite you to my barbeque?"

Mike Morin’s

Auto Center

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon The first day of summer is June 21st. Now is the time to think about a complete air conditioning performance check on your vehicle!

Mike Morin

OIL CHANGE

LIKE us on Facebook Receive

$10.00 Discount!

$24.95

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

FRONT END ALIGNMENTS $79.95

Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.

NO ORDER TOO SMALL And no minimum purchases! Call us for a FREE quote!!

Textile & Paper Wipes

• Sorbents & Safety Supplies • Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners • Breakroom & Food Service • Chemicals & Cleaners • Packaging • Skin Care • And More!

Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A!

"No." "Then why you all up in my grill?"

120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Confucius say… never tell a secret to a pig, it may squeal.

& Jimbo

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Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.

OVER 70 VEHICLES IN STOCK New Inventory Arriving Daily

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Check out www.IndependentAuto.me 686 Sabattus St. Inventory 2004 Audi A4, 86k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9495

2003 Olds Alero, 72k, Red . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5495

2005 Audi A4, 110k, White . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9995

2006 Saab 9-5, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6995

2005 Audi A6, 107k, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12295

2007 Scion xA, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995

2001 Audi A4, 118k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995

2007 Volvo XC90, 113k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12995

2004 BMW 325i, white . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9395

2006 VW Passat 118k, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for Price

2002 BMW X5 Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8995

2006 VW Passat, Mocha, 77k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10495

2009 Chevy Cobalt Black 113k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7495

2005 VW Jetta, 91k, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7495

2004 Ford Ranger Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7995

2004 VW Passat. Light Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5895

2005 Honda Element, 118k, Orange . . . . . . . . . . . .$9495

2002 VW Passat, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6995

2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee 93k Gray . . . . . . . . . . . .$7895

2002 VW Golf GTI . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995

2004 Nissan Altima, 111k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6495

2000 VW Jetta, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4795

Sun Journal

2002 Nissan Maxima, 115k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6795

Revelation Massage

1298 & 1317 Sabattus St. Inventory 2004 Audi A6, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6250 2004 Audi A6, Gray 97k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9495 2003 BMW 330xi, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995 2004 Chevy Suburban, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7495 2004 Chevy Tahoe, 104k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $11500 2005 Ford Escape, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995 2005 Hyundai Elantra . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6250 2000 Jeep Grand Cherokee, Black . . . . . . . . . . Call for Price 2006 Kia Sportage, 116k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8495 2005 Nissan Altima . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6395 2006 Volvo S60, Green, 123k. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9495

2005 Volvo V50, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8495 2004 Volvo XC70, 125k, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995 2003 Volvo S60, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6495 2006 VW Jetta, Silver, 119k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7495 2005 VW Passat Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6295 2004 VW Passat, 107k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7795 2003 VW Passat, 108k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6995 2002 VW Jetta Blue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995 2001 Saab 9-5 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4250 2004 Saturn Ion, 119k, Silver. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Call for Price 2005 Subaru Forester. 115k, Black. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8495

www.independentauto.me • 786-7744 686 Sabattus St. • 1298 Sabattus St. • 1317 Sabattus St. Lewiston Confucius say… man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.

Christina Carter Community Credit Union

Judy Hagan-Ryan Community Credit Union Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About with the Lewiston-Auburn Rotary Club

Earthquake: A topographical error.

Stephanie Gelinas was awarded a Paul Harris Fellowship Award (also pictured L to R): Assistant District Governor Melissa Winchester, Shawn Wright, Rotary Club President, Peter Kowalski, Rotary Foundation Chair.

Lamey Wellahan Shoes was recognized as the inaugural recipient of the Ethics In Business Award. (Pictured Shawn Wright, Bill Denehy, Anne Ryan (back), Mr. and Mrs. Wellahan (front)

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles visit our website: Scholarship Recipients from area schools each received $1,000 scholarships (Pictured L to R: Bill Denehy, Kristianna Benoit of Lisbon H.S, Brandon Clark of Leavitt H.S, Brian Daniels of Oak Hill H.S, Shawn Wright (back), Brendan Landry of Lewiston HS, Erin O’Leary of ELHS, Minarva Craig of St. Dom’s Academy and Emma-Jane Turton of Poland Reg HS. (front).

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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www.donovansauto.com Stop by, call or click today!

946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856

Hoeing: A manual method of severing roots from stems of newly planted flowers and vegetables.

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

– Uncle Andy

JVC. KW, AV, In-Dash, DVD, Radio for the magnificently low price of...

$ Come meet our newest salesman, 12 Gauge

329

Out ’n About at the Not Your Normal Formal a Chamber event Photos by Michelle Gosselin

I just love a man with a microphone in his hand.

216 Center Street, Auburn • 777-3339 Next to Republic Jewelry • Parking in back of building

soundeffectsmaine.com

SAVE GAS - RIDE A GOLF CART Bring your cart over for a FREE* inspection and service

✂

Ray & Laurie Ouellette

HUGE SALE

✂

• Campers • Senior Citizens • Campground and RV Owners • Free Delivery - 40 mile radius • Conversion Lift Kits • 4 passenger cars

(*excludes cost of filter and oil) Ends 6.30.13

497 Washington St. Auburn • 783-3232 ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

Call us today!

Robyn & Brian Robbins

NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required, please call first • Fully warranteed & certified • $58/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto Brad Johnson

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364

If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn't succeed either.

Armand & Nancy Richard Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Error, keyboard not present. Press F1 to continue.

‘09 DODGE QUAD CAB ONLY 13K

IDE 2 SL TS OU

‘06 HOLIDAY RAMBLER

WAY BELOW BOOK AT

$

HEMI LARAMIE 4X4

A1 Seamless Gutters

29,995

‘07 HARLEY 883L

ONLY

$

$

65,500

‘01 FORD SPORT TRAC

READY TO RIDE!

59K

$

4,450

7,995

‘04 CHEVY X-CAB 4X4 Dave Roy A1 Seamless Gutters

DIESEL PUSHER ONLY 18K!!

‘95 TRANS AM T-TOP

ONE OWNER

$ LOADED

11,995

‘01 TOYOTA RAV4 EXTRA CLEAN

LOADED

$

5,500

‘05 COLORADO CREW Z-71

4X4

Andre Carrier Carrier’s Lawn & Landscape

LOADED

$

7,995

If we don’t have it,we can get it!!

MANY, MANY Jeff & Rick Roy MORE IN STOCK!!

$ NEVER A DOC FEE!!

Truck Caps

11,995

All Come With New Inspection, 14-Day Plate and Warranty

353-2538

Kathy Emmi Maine Septic & Pumping Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Established in 1984

28 Soper Road, Durham Jimbo to Uncle Andy: I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.

Uncle Andy to Jimbo: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

HIT THE TRAILS THIS SUMMER IN YOUR NEW ARCTIC CAT ATV!

Submitted by R. Collins SHARE OUR PASSION

AMES SPORT SHOP, Inc 84 Littlefield Road, Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

We Insure ALL of Your SUMMER TOYS Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!

9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls

(207) 345-8711

CummingsAgency.com

Save up to $50 on Brake Work in June See us for details!

Puppy Training A young boy, about six or seven years old, came into the library last week and asked my help to find a puppy-training video.

We located an appropriate video for him, and he told us about his new beagle puppy.

These videos can be checked out for a week, so I was surprised the next day when the boy brought back the video and checked out a cartoon instead.

While checking out the new video for him, I asked him, "How did that puppy-training video work for you?"

"Oh, not very well," he replied, "I couldn’t get him to watch it for long.

At his age, he’s mostly interested in food, you know."

Money Lessons Teacher: If you had one dollar and asked your father for one more dollar, how much would you have in total?

Student: One dollar.

207-353-9862 183 Lisbon St., Lisbon, ME 04350 www.qualitycareautorepair.com I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert.

Teacher: You don't know your math.

Student: You don't know my dad!

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Mother's Dictionary

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

SUMMER S The Back Forty Used

Bottle Feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am, too.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.

2011 Chevy

2010 Chrysler Town & Country Touring

2011 Scion TC

2008 Chevy Silverado 1500

Cruze LS

Stock # 2584A, 11K, 1.8L 4 Cyl. ABS, Knee Airbags

Stock # 1938A, 3.8L V6, Auto. 6-speed, 44K

Stock #5953P, Gray, 2.5L 4 Cly., 51K, 6-Speed

Stock #5936P 59K, Work Truck, RWD, AB, Auto.

our price

our price

our price

our price

$17,995

$12,995

2009 Toyota Matrix S

2012 Hyundai Sonata Hybrid

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

$14,995 $17,995 2011 Toyota Highlander Base

2007 Toyota Camry LE

Full Name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Only 5K Stock #5955P, White, 3.5L V6, Auto. 5-Speed, 30K

Stock #2570A, Auto.

5-Speed, 96K, Bluetooth

Stock #2528B, Automatic 4-Speed, 69K, AWD

Stock #2201A, Base, Auto.

6-Speed, 39 MPG Hwy

our price

our price

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our price

$30,995

$10,995

$13,995

$25,995

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. (continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

(continued from previous page)

People who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.

SAVINGS!! d Car & Truck Center 2012 Toyota Venza LE

2009 Toyota Venza

2007 Toyota Tacoma Reg. Cab

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Prepared Childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

2010 Subaru Forester 2.5X

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Only 12K Stock #2600A, 2.7L 4 Cyl. 12K, Auto. 6-Speed, AWD

Stock #5956P, 3.5L V6, Green, Auto. 6-Spd., 49K

Stock #2645A, Reg. Cab, 5-Speed Manual, 85K

Stock #1975A, Gray, 27K, AWD, 2.5L 4 Cyl.

our price

our price

our price

our price

$24,995

$23,995

$11,995

$18,995

2008 Toyota Sienna XLE

2010 Toyota Corolla LE

2010 Toyota Prius II

2009 Mazda MAZDA5 Sport

Thunderstorm: A chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.

Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-Minute Warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Stock #5888P, 3.5L V6, Auto. 5-Speed, 76K, ABS

Stock #6004P, Gray, Auto., 27K, 35 mpg Hwy, ABS

Stock #2236A, Hybrid, CVT Trans., 89K, FWD

Stock #2514A, 74K, Auto.

4 Cyl., Third Row Seats

our price

our price

our price

our price

$18,995

$15,995

$14,995

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Verbal: Able to whine in words.

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

"As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do." – Andrew Carnegie

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

STOP RUST Freshly Made to Order

Salads!!

Chicken Tender Sub $5.59 10” Cheese Pizza $5.59

$

OFF

50

with this ad Expires 6.30.13

Magnesium chloride is a threat to your vehicle. It is more corrosive than salt.

Maine roads are coated with magnesium chloride. Protect your investment and have your vehicle rustproofed today.

Lifetime warranty. Some restrictions apply

1148 Auburn Road • Rt. 4 • Turner • 225-3656 I bought the perfect second car... a tow truck.

The BEST

BANG

for your buck!

Route 4 • Livermore 897-4343 Route 202 • Monmouth 933-3041

patriotfireworksmaine.com

ILL AUTO M D L O

1525 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 MySelco.com

No Need for Chiseling or Building Up a Floor Base

The S A N I PLUS is the answer for most toilet and bathroom situations.

It can be installed up to 15 feet below the sewer level and/or 150 feet away from a soil stack. The S A N I PLUS is simple to install, pumps away waste water from a toilet, hand basin, bathtub and shower, and is connected to a low consumption toilet.

Blackie’s Farm Fresh Produce

IN HOUSE FINANCING Check our vehicle inventory online Call for details 207.345.3777 32 Lewiston Street • Mechanic Falls, ME 04256

www.OldMillAuto.com

S A N I PLUS

ADD A NEW BATHROOM FOR YOUR CELLAR

Open Year Round 996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 783-7020 Hours: 6am - 8pm

966 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005

FIND US ON FACEBOOK

KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!

Propane... Exceptional Energy

$

to see how propane 75 NOWCall us today can work for you

Save

on new propane install or tank set

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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June 2013

783-7039

FMI go to www.murrayoil.com

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

Out ’n About at Isaacson & Raymond’s Open House

Two red blood cells met and fell in love. But alas, it was in vein.

Tri County Auto Sales

We were pretty FIRED up to cater the open house for the law firm.

W h o l e s a l e a n d Re t a il De a le r

Oil $ Change

19.95

Some restrictions apply for trucks, SUVs and vehicles requiring 5 quarts or more

‘05 Ford Excursion Limited V-10, 4x4 all the bells and whistles

$

9,999

BUY HERE Labor Rates $45/hr PAY HERE ‘06 VW Jetta

4-door sedan, maroon, $ 2.5, loaded

6,500

1885 Federal Road • Livermore, Maine

See full list at:

207-897-3323 • 207-576-4321

TriCounty.HasYourCar.Com

Erin Bryant Firehouse Grille

Confucius say… he who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.

The Auto Appearance Specialist

990 Lisbon Street Lewiston

Maine’s Largest Used Truck Cap & Tonneau Cover Dealer

933-2493 Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

980 Pond Rd. • Wales capplacemore.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Not Your Normal Formal a Chamber event Photos by Michelle Gosselin

There's a job opportunity in the paper for a park litter attendant. No experience necessary, just pick it up as you go along.

2009 Subaru Forester

2006 Mitsubishi Raider

$15,950

$10,950

104K, Auto., Black, MP3, 6CD, Power Moonroof, Leather

Duro Cross V8, 128K, Silver, Auto., 4.7 8 Cyl., 4WD/AWD

2007 Subaru Legacy

2009 Subaru Legacy 2.5i Limited

Jodi Cornelio & Jim Day Folks, I’d like to introduce the starting catcher for the Baltimore Orioles...

Pat T. Gagne

$12,950

$9,450 Silver, Automatic, Premium Sound, Keyless Entry

Red, 6.7L 8 Cyl.,Auto., 6-Disc CD, Premium Bed Liner

2006 Subaru B-9 Tribeca

2005 BMW Convertible

$12,950

$13,950 7-Passenger,107K, Blue, .0 6 Cyl., Auto., Moonroof, Leather

109K, Blue, Convertible, 5-Speed Automatic, Alloy Wheels

2006 Mitsubishi Eclipse GT

All Subarus Come With: Patti & Ernie Gagne

$10,950

• 12-month/12,000 miles Warranty on all Head Gasket Issues • Vehicles fully serviced and maintained in-house • In-house direct lending available

Red, 97K, 3.8L V6, 6-spd. Manual, Sun/Moon Roof

Mark & Tracey Turner Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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www.rjbandson.net A thousand words are worth a picture - and they load faster, too.

Sometimes at the gym I'll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I'll get my shorts on.

Cigars are back!

Check out our great selection

Out ’n About at the Not Your Normal Formal a Chamber event Photos by Michelle Gosselin

BINGO!

J.T. REID’S GUNS Call for the next N.R.A. Pistol Course

Full Line Gunsmith Service Jamie Pelletier, Manager

jtreidsgunshop.com

We buy, sell & trade

86 Court St., Auburn 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat John Reid, Owner 777-3579

My husband always tells me I’m Mrs. Wright!

Confucius say… many men bite, but Fu Man Chu.

Chef of the Year!

The Central Maine Chapter of the American Culinary Federation's Chef of the Year awards and dinner was held recently at the Ramada in Lewiston. With 20 area restaurants cooking, the banquet room was filled with many wonderful aromas. From braised short-ribs to pork steamship with roasted mango salsa to succulent sushi followed by chocolate crepes with Bavarian mocha cream. There was 250 guests in attendance with their mouths watering had their appetites completely satisfied.

To complete the fun evening, local jazz band Three Point Trio played dinner music which was followed up by comedian George Hamm.

Many awards were given out that evening including: Food Service Director of the Year (Kim Austin), Hospitality Person of the Year (Richard Kelly), Pastry Chef of the Year (Dara Reimers), Junior Chef of the Year (Kristianna Benoit) and Chef of the Year.

Ken Blais owner of Rolly’s Diner in New Auburn

Ken Blais of Rolly's Diner took top honors of the evening, winning Chef of the Year. Blais, a chef for 32 years, 19 of which have been at the Auburn staple, has been a fixture at many charity functions, including the March of Dimes Signature Chef's Auction, Chili and Chowder Challenge, Hospitality Golf Tournament, Relay for Life, The Dempsey Challenge, Little League, the Boys and Girls Clubs and more.

"It's an honor," Blais said. "I'm was shocked and humbled to be singled out in a room full of great chefs."

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Renee Minnis & Shawn Wright Wife: How's the baby?

Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot.

Wife: Aw. His socks, or yours?

Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat…

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Mathematician Mind Submitted by Thomas Hill

A team of engineers couldn’t be found affordably, so this group hired Jimbo, Uncle Andy & Travis who were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc.

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

50

th

Anniversary Celebration and

A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground where he can measure it easily.

When he leaves, Uncle Andy says to the other two: "Just like a mathematician! We needed to know the height, and he gave us the length!"

In 1783, the Pennsylvania Evening Post was published by Benjamin Towner of Philadelphia, PA. It was the first daily newspaper published in America.

Editors Note: Uncle Andy’s Digest followed that up 213 years later.

And Uncle Andy said he was the trendsetter!

"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!"

– Audrey Hepburn Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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June 2013

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Saturday, June 22, 2013 2 Sessions: Noon – 3:30pm & 5pm – close Includes lobster, corn on the cob, baked potato, clams, & blueberry cake

Live Entertainment Beer & Beverage Tent All Day & Night Prizes & Giveaways

$

25 pp

Call ahead for tickets

782-7796 Enter to win a trip to the Dominican Republic!

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday

villageinnmaine.com The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. – Ben Hogan

I checked my phone while I was mowing the lawn and now we don't have a garden.

Take Dad to L/A’s #1 Casual Restaurant, #1 Waitstaff and Home of L/A’s Best Burgers on

Out ’n About at the Not Your Normal Formal a Chamber event Photos by Michelle Gosselin

Father’s Day

Full Menu & Father’s Day Specials Available

Home of the Gippers 89 Draft Beer

Michelle & Jeff Gosselin

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu We just got back last night from wintering in Arizona and we had to hit Rolly’s for breakfast right away. Best crepes in town!

Marcel & Irene Mathieu

Mike Sellinger & Jennifer Pare

87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out) Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

Croutons and cherry tomatoes are the natural enemies of the plastic fork.

Chip Morrison (middle) with the Cote Crane family

A devastating yellow fever epidemic in 1822 left New York City with 16,000 corpses and no readily available space for burial.

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Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Get your single serving potato salads, pasta salads, & finger rolls

Italians Only $3 Every Saturday & Sunday

Here comes summer...

Let’s ROCK!

Randy Wheeler Carrier’s Lawn & Landscape

Locally owned & operated

We have iced coffee!

Georgio’s

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 Open daily 5am-9pm • www.mygeorgios.com

NO COVER EVER! EVERY WEEK AT THE TWINS Dustin Carrier Carrier’s Lawn & Landscape

TUESDAYS Open Mic w/Chad Porter Bike Night

THURSDAY-SATURDAY Live Entertainment

WEDNESDAYS Karaoke

PRELUDE TO SUMMER PARTY! Saturday, June 15th Party Starts @ 8pm

Outdoor Tents Live Music by Forefront & Deb Morin

Irish Twins Pub Hours: Tues.- Thurs. 3pm-close • Fri. Noon-close • Sat. 4pm-close

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s)

Grady @ Dixfield Foam

A Great Place to Dine with Dad OPEN on Father’s Day Sunday, June 16th - 10am to 8pm Heidi’s gift cards make a great Father’s Day present!

Gift Card

Locally Owned & Operated HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm Sun 10am-8pm

Aerus Water Purification Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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www.heidisauburn.com 600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 I don't know what the big deal is. Putting my toddler to bed is easy...

In fact, just tonight, I did it 25 times.

Out ’n About at the Not Your Normal Formal a Chamber event Photos by Michelle Gosselin

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

WE’RE BETTING You’ll LOVE our food!

We’re right on the way to the casino, stop in for a bite.

Wall of Fame Inductee!

Family-style restaurant serving breakfast & lunch every day!

Dick Albert & Diane Champoux

The food at Egg-ceptional is a sure bet every time!

Home of the Double Yolker

Egg-ceptional Restaurant 5 Pigeon Hill Road (Route 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577

Mike Mowry of Greene

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

How do you milk an almond?

Jen & Jeff Carlton

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!

Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

2 for 1

Monday Night Scrambles 5:00PM Shotgun Start - Every Monday Singles or full teams are accepted

Must present this coupon to receive

ONE FREE GREEN FEE for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thru Thursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play.

Tuesday Morning Senior League

✃Expires 6.30.13

Rick & Phyllis Vail Tips with English Grammar: Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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8:00am tee time • 50+ • Call FMI

Mens & Womens Leagues Wednesdays & Thursdays • Call FMI

Memberships Many levels of sponsorships available

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com

I mixed coffee with Red Bull, now I can see the invisible things my kitten pounces on.

Confucius say… if you look in fortune cookie, you are a pathetic fool who seeks advice from bakery products.

Entertainment Lineup June 7th . . . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg June 8th . . . . . . . .Ruckus June 14th . . . . . .Northern Groove June 15th . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg June 21st . . . . . . .Pop Rocks June 22nd . . . . . .DJ Will June 28th . . . . . .Dogpile June 29th . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg

June 8th

June 14th

Submitted by Thomas Hill

The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention so he asked one of his employees, Jenkins, to write him a punch, 20minute speech.

When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.

"What's the idea of writing me an hourlong speech?", he demanded. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."

Jenkins was baffled.

"I wrote you a 20minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."

June 28th

Did You Know?

June 21st

• Pool Tables • Dart Boards • Video Games • Pub-style food • Full bar available

Long Speech

In 1893, Chicago hired its first police woman.

Her name was Marie Owens. While the city was progressive in its hiring practices, Chicago's female police officers were not allowed to wear uniforms until 1956.

A very angry golfer was on his way to carding a round of 150. He turned to his caddy and said, “You must be the worst caddy in the world.”

128 Lewiston Street, Mechanic Falls

Chad & Roxanne Pearl, owners

345-7040

I'm into golf now. I'm getting pretty good. I can almost hit the ball as far as I can throw the clubs.

“That would be too much of a coincidence, sir,” answered the caddy in a quiet voice.

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Put a CAP on it!

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET 2 Main Street, Sabattus, ME 04280 • 207-375-8502 Open 7 Days a Week 6am-8pm Dan & Holly Stevens

*

GET 1 FREE

✂

BUY 1 LARGE PIZZA ✂

purchased The Cap Place which was previously located on Route 4 in Turner in May, 2012. They moved the business to their current location at 980 Pond Rd., Wales. There they have a beautiful showroom and a full service garage where they even offer state inspections.

"Dan and I run the business together. I handle the sales and books and Dan does the installs and repairs," says Holly. The Cap Place offers just about every accessory that is out there for vehicles these days. They are also the largest used truck cap and tonneau cover dealer in Maine, specializing in Leer caps.

"We pride ourselves in being a small home based business.

We'll do whatever we can to keep your money in Maine," Holly adds. When you visit The Cap Place & More you will get personalized customer service and satisfaction in a family oriented and friendly atmosphere.

They also offer parts and repair on just about any cap and have a huge selection of caps on display to help you find the best fit for your truck. They can match most online prices and even offer free shipping on a lot of items.

Hanging in the store is a great quote that really reflects Holly and Dan's character: "When you buy from a mom and pop business, you are not helping a CEO buy a third vacation home. You are helping a little girl get dance lessons, a little boy get his team jersey, a mom or dad put food on the table, a family pay a mortgage, or a student pay for college."

Dan and Holly believe that their customers are their shareholders and they are the ones they strive to make happy. Give them a call at 933-2493. Visit their website capplacemore.com.

See their ad on page 27.

UAD Expires 6/30/13

Try our fresh hot pizza today!

Limit 1 per customer

*equal or lesser value

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.

What’s up in June at the Chick!

Why are the first two weeks of July our busiest?

Because we have what you want!

Want us to cater your next event?

Food & Beverage – WE DO IT. Buffet style or plated dinners or lunches – WE GOT IT. Platters for 15 or 30 people – WE DO IT. Call us and we will fax you our options.

Father’s Day

Full Menu Available Take-out Available

June 16th

Reservations taken for 5 or more

Join us

• • • • • •

Boiled Lobsters Fresh Steamer Clams Lobster Subs Hand-cut Onion Rings Lobster Rolls Fried, Broiled, Baked Seafood • Prime Rib • Hand-cut Steaks

Friend us on Facebook for our daily specials & upcoming events!

Disetoen AL-ew Chick-of You’re gonna love it!

1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston • 376-3870 Our new website is up and running... ChickadeeLewiston.com Twice: Once too often.

My wife's returning today after an 8-day trip, so I should probably dampen the kitchen sponge and re-position it.

Lunch with the Boss

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS

Submitted by Jimbo

All breakfast specials include coffee

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

5 Washington Street, Auburn

783-4304 Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome

MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast....$4.25 TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast ...........$4.25 WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes..............$4.25 THURSDAY: French Toast .......................................$4.25 FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette....................................$4.25 SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage.......$4.25 SUNDAY: French Crepes .........................................$4.25 Prices do not include tax.

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”

Poof! She’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”

Out ’n About at the Chili & Chowder Cookoff Area chefs pose for a group picture

Cotton Candy & Popcorn Fundraising Earn up to 40% of the proceeds!

Yummo Carts 241-3169 YummoCarts.com Confucius say… wise man makes sure that his wife's birthday cake is short one candle.

Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Did You Know?

Every bird must eat at least half its own weight in food each day to survive. Young birds need even more.

A young robin, for example, eats as much as 14 feet of earthworms a day.

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Out ’n About at Lake City Exports Lake City posts trivia questions on their Facebook page where respondents can answer that question and win a prize. Here are a few of the winners.

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Introducing

FRIDAYS ALL SUMMER

Starting JUNE 14th Annette Gagnon with her gift card to Applebee's.

CHEM-FREE

Clubside ✭ only ✭

8pm-12midnight• Ages 15-20 • $10

Chad Brousseau showing off his Cabela's Gift Card.

21+ DJ & dancing in the Pub Every Friday!

21+ ACTION PACKED THURSDAY Beer Pong • Karaoke • Line Dancing Like us on Facebook to get updates on what’s happenin’

SAVE THE DATE: JULY 20th

Pink Angel’s Dempsey Challenge Fundraiser

Chelsey Bolduc shows off her Best Buy Gift Card Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info "It's so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to." – Sondra Anice Barnes

Confucius say… only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation.

Earlybird Special

$

5 OFF any two entrees

Monday-Friday • 2-4pm

✁Expires 6.30.13

Make your reservations for

Father’s Day macsgrill.com

L/A’s Best Steaks Excellent new menu items including chicken, fish, & pasta entreés

783-6885

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

Confucius say… mummies who take vacation, will relax and unwind.

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

MONDAY The Fergy

UAD

TUESDAY Meatball Subs

WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show Look for info right here in the Digest about our upcoming fundraiser golf tournament that happens in September.

1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

THURSDAY Mini Pizza

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians with 1.5 Liter Drink

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99

Kim Veilleux Androscoggin Habitat for Humanity

Confucius say… Humpty Dumpty had a great fall… after a mediocre summer.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Time Warner Cable

CN Brown Electricity

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

BUBBLE TEA TRY IT* FREE!

Monday, June 17th (all day long)

Bath Fitter

ASIAN FUSION & LOUNGE

Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi 730 Center Street, Auburn • Auburn Plaza NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA

376-4855 Fred Horsfall Gagne & Son Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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jasminecafemaine.com *Free sample of Bubble Tea, certain restrictions may apply, no purchase necessary, while supplies last.

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.

– Gardner Dickinson

Newlywed: A man who puts up the storm windows the first time his wife suggests it.

The world's tallest mountains, the Himalayas, are also the fastest growing. Their growth - about half an inch a year — is caused by the pressure exerted by two of the earth's continental plates (the Eurasian plate and the Indo-Australian plate) pushing against one another.

SERVICING ALL MAKES & MODELS

FULLY STOCKED SHOWROOM

SMALL ENGINE • We Service All Major Brands • IN STOCK!! Tanaka 7 YEAR WARRANTY Outdoor Power Equipment by MTD Weedwackers • Leaf blowers • Chainsaws & more

JOHN DEERE MASTER TECHNICIAN

65 North River Rd., Auburn Open 7 days a week: M-S 8-7; S 9-4

World Records

BOATS!!!

Full Service & Repairs • Full Service & Repairs • Parts, Oils, Props & More • Safety Gear • Watersport Toys • Marine Radios & Electronics

784-3888 AuburnMarineandSmallEngine.com

Past experience should be a guide post, not a hitching post.

– D. W. Williams

Out ’n About at the Poland High School Prom

Out ’n About at the National Technical Honor Society Induction Ceremony

Doris Martineau

Margaret Harvey

Lex Lizette & Rob Callahan

presents to the winner of the Lois Barr Award

Guest speaker & State Director of Career & Technical Education

Lex, winner of the Ken Jordan Award

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

"Nobody ever went broke saving money." – Mark Twain

YOUR TACTICAL WEAPON HEADQUARTERS SIGHTS, SCOPES & LASERS, GRIPS & MORE AMMO OF ALL TYPES, CALIBERS & QUANTITIES

Todd Lebel Sherm Arnold’s

AK’s & AR15 RIFLES

PISTOLS & SHOTGUNS

Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com

Tammy Lebel (left) Sherm Arnold’s

Famous Last Words: This is easy.

: U O Y G N I T C PROTE s What We Do. I

Denis Lebel Sherm Arnold’s

232 Center St., Auburn Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm John @ Cutco Cutlery Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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commercial

home

VarneyAgency.com auto

recreational

umbrella

786-0417 life

Yardstick: One foot on each side and one in the middle.

health

Confucius say… if you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.

Does your home need a makeover?

55 Combined Years of Experience

View at the Top Submitted by Jimbo

A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull.

“They’re packed with nutrients.”

BEFORE

AFTER

Kitchen cramping your style?

BEFORE

AFTER

Let us brighten up your home!

CASTONGUAY & SON GENERAL CONTRACTOR

FULLY INSURED • FREE ESTIMATES LEAD CERTIFIED

New Homes • Renovations Complete Kitchen & Bath Remodels Decks • Sun Porches Siding • Windows • Roofing Electrical • Plumbing Foundations

740-7087 or 513-6396 Confucius say… man’s most important senses… horse and common.

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullcrap might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Wife: I'm making breakfast for dinner tonight. What do you want?

Me: Bacon.

Wife: And? Me: *blank stare* Wife: AND? Me: A napkin?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. – Jim Bishop

Nick Benoit Benoit’s Bakery & Wine Cellar

Hank Bernier Benoit’s Bakery & Wine Cellar

Lakonia Greek Products

Did You Know?

In 2000, the townspeople of Halfway, Oregon (all 345 of them) voted to change the town's name officially to Half.com, thus becoming the first dot-com city in the world.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Wedding Ring: A one-man band.

Irony is when you buy a suit with two pairs of pants, and then burn a hole in the coat.

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Joe Morin & Brian Buteau NuImage Awning

Bruce Bickford Keller William Realty

U.S. Cellular

Cunningham Security

Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist’s bills.

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Animal Sounds

Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

Submitted by R. Collins

A group of kindergarten children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them questions.

"Davy, what noise does a cow make?"

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Formulated with an advanced acrylic resin emulsion, Ceramic Pro provides the painted surface with long-lasting protection. Available in Lo-Sheen and Soft Gloss finishes.

"Alice, what noise does a cat make?"

516 Sabattus St., Lewiston

784-1993 www.lewistonpaint.com

"It goes meow, miss."

M-F 7am-5pm • Sat 7:30am - 1pm

"Jamie, what noise does a lamb make?"

Register NOW

"It goes baa, miss."

"Jenny, what noise does a mouse make?"

for Fall 2013

"Er...it goes...click."

Ages 2-4

Little Known Fact Did you ever wonder what the "WD" in WD40® stands for?

Per the company, the product's full name is WD-40® Water Displacer, which was perfected on the fortieth attempt.

Two objects have struck the earth with enough force to destroy a whole city.

Each object, one in 1908 and again in 1947, struck regions of Siberia. Not one human being was hurt either time.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Call FMI 439 Park Avenue, Auburn www.auburnpreschool.com

782.4329

Licensed Massage Therapist $

40/hr

Don’t forget Father’s Day! Gift certificates available

299-0534

81 Main St., Suite 104 Auburn, Maine

Confucius say… best way to save face, is to keep the lower part of it shut.

Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.

Out ’n About at Isaacson & Raymond’s Open House

Superior Roofing ROOFING • ROOFING INSTALLATIONS AND REPAIRS

207-702-ROOF Full Roof Installations

Ted Small

VOTED BEST ROOFING CONTRACTOR 2012 Owner/Installer Ben Roper

Shane Wright

SuperiorRoofingOfMaine.com

Worst Country-Western Songs: Saddle Up the Stove, Ma, I'm Riding the Range Tonight

Hey! Look over here!!

Out ’n About at the Poland High School Prom A mated pair of rats can produce up to 15,000 babies in one year.

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Tiger Snack

Confucius say… best time to buy new mattress, at first sign of spring.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

A tiger was walking through the jungle one day, when he came upon Uncle Andy and Jimbo relaxing under a tree. Uncle Andy was reading the Digest, and Jimbo was working feverishly on a manual typewriter.

The tiger leapt on Uncle Andy and ate him up. The tiger did not bother Jimbo at all.

Any predator knows that Uncle Andy’s Digest… but writers cramp.

Did You Know?

The age recorded on a whiskey bottle refers to the number of years it is aged prior to being bottled. Once in the bottle, whiskey does not improve.

The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can only be propagated by man.

Out ’n About at the Poland High School Prom

This page in the Brousseau’s family album belongs to our Paige.

LAW AND DISORDER Submitted by R. Collins

THE COURT: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?

JUROR: I don’t want to be away from my job that long.

THE COURT: Can’t they do without you at work?

JUROR: Yes, but I don’t want them to know it.

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The Brousseau’s: Cindy, Jim, Mason, Paige & Morgan Liberal: A man who feels it’s his responsibility to spend a Conservative’s money.

Bargain: A transaction in which each party thinks he has cheated the other.

Looking Good!

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Verizon Wireless

TUXEDO & SUIT RENTALS & SALES at prices You can afford!

Verizon Wireless

Wedding Day Special Rent 6 Tuxes for your wedding party and get: Groom’s Tux FREE • Groom hair cut FREE 60 minute Tanning Package FREE • Ring Bearer Tux 50% OFF

S&J Tuxedos & Limo Service

Mechanics Savings

76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

333-3737 Affiliated with Sarah Jeanne’s Family Hair Care, Tanning & Day Spa 795-6778 • sarahjeannes.com One-stop shop to get ready for your perfect wedding day!

Updos • Hair Services • Manicures • Pedicures • Hot Tub Sauna • Massage • Tanning • Body Waxing • Body Wraps Facials • Eyelashes • Limos • Tuxedos • And More!

Fresh Air Council of Maine

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Teenagers: Those old enough to know everything.

Rudy Langelier R.L. Builders

Paul Baril International Door Corp.

"The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition and not our circumstances." – Martha Washington

Jayna Migliaccia, Devon Adair & Ryan Gervais @ Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli in Auburn

S&C Satellite Entertainment

Come see us at Heidi’s this summer for your sandwiches, salads and smoothies!

Our bread is baked fresh every day.

Rose’s Cleaning Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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In one year, hens in America lay enough eggs to encircle the globe a hundred times.

It was illegal for women to wear buttons in fifteenth-century Florence.

INSTRUMENT REPAIR, SERVICE & SALES Main St. Music Lessons

Authorized Service Center

& Instrument Repair

Also offering lessons in: • Guitar • Piano • Bass • Voice • Banjo • Mandolin • Violin • Ukulele • Brass & Woodwinds • Cello • Music theory

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com • 376-3376

134 Main Street, Auburn

Tattoo Regret?

LAW AND DISORDER

Let us erase it with the Revlite SI Laser

Submitted by R. Collins

PLEASE CALL FOR YOUR FREE CONSULT!

Your Best Skin Pat Donahue, FNP 34 Center Street, Auburn 333-3069 yourbestskinofmaine.com info@yourbestskinofmaine.com

Other than traffic court convictions, have you ever pleaded guilty or been convicted of a felony or misdemeanor?

Mr. Who? Misdemeanor.

Who is Mr. Demeanor?

Did You Know?

Integrity.

You should expect nothing less than impeccable integrity. As a full-time Realtor®, I am held to the highest standard of conduct under the National Association of Realtor®’s Code of Ethics.

With that in mind, I pledge • That I have an active real estate license in good standing • To put your interests above anyone else’s • To keep your information confidential • To obey your lawful instructions • To report to you anything that would be useful • To account to you for any money involved

Contact Bruce Bickford 553-2447 bbickford@kw.com • Auburnmehome.com

Each office is independently owned & operated

195 Center Street Auburn

Bruce Bickford

Of all the world's peoples, the only ones known not to use fire are the Andaman Islanders and the Pygmies.

In 1896, Thomas Edison's first film premiere took place in New York City, where he showed movies of ballet dancers, boxers, and ocean waves. His Vitascope system was demonstrated at the Koster and Bial's Music Hall where Macy's now stands.

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Confucius say… he who crosses ocean twice without washing is dirty double crosser.

Don’t forget Father’s Day! Gift cards available for Dad! We are a full service salon

$5 OFF

All Father’s Haircuts thru June with coupon • expires 6.30/13 Angella Brissette

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

Camille Cloutier

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

786-4311

A two-hour motion picture uses 10,800 feet of film — not including the previews and commercials.

Nancy Whittier with her granddaughter, Aubree at Eggceptional Restaurant in Mechanic Falls.

Aubree is the daughter of Brian and Melinda Whittier.

Mariah Carrier & Andrew Butler at the Lewiston HS prom

Hey, are you gonna eat that?

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Confucius say… tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can hold it.

Dolly Parton's first two hits were "Dumb Blonde" and "Something Fishy."

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Home Show attendees

Mayan Guy (we’ll call him Thomas): Hey, wanna grab a beer?

Other Mayan Guy (we’ll call him Jimbo): I'm working on this calendar, but I guess if I don't finish it won't be the end of the world.

Goofy A man and his wife were telling each other jokes the man said, Will you remember me in a year?”

“Yes,” she responds.

“Will you remember me in a second?”

“Yes.” “Knock knock?”

“Who's there?”

“I thought you said that you would remember me?”

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Fournier honored for sales achievement

Abbreviation: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 OUR TIRES

Jean C. Fournier, Lewiston, Maine, a representative of Modern Woodmen of America, has been named to Modern Woodmen’s President’s Cabinet.

This distinction recognizes Fournier’s high achievement in life insurance sales and ranking among the organization’s top representatives nationwide.

The local Modern Woodmen office is located at 184 Webster Street, Suite 102, in Lewiston. Contact Fournier at 207-784-5453 for more information.

Founded in 1883, Modern Woodmen of America touches lives and secures futures. The fraternal financial services organization offers financial products and fraternal member benefits to individuals and families throughout the United States.

Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and a warm dog?

Rod Cameron & Ben Britton

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections

60 Minot Ave • Auburn

782-6666 or 783-2026

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

Confucius say… hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outdoors.

REGGIE’S SALES & SERVICE Your Local Four Season Power Equipment Dealer Where the Pros shop!

A: Santa Claus wears a red suit. The dog just pants.

Hours: Monday, Wednesday, Friday 7:00 am - 6:00 pm • Tuesday & Thursday 7:00 am - 5:00 pm • Saturday 8:00 am - 1:00 pm

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Confucius say… to make egg roll, push it.

& Jimbo

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1334 Minot Ave, Auburn • 783-0558

Michael Sylvester Stallone dropped his birth-given first name before becoming a famous film star.

Parting Words Submitted by Jimbo

A college president discovers on his appointment calendar a graduate back to campus for his twenty-fifth reunion.

“I just wanted to take a second,” said the graduate, “to thank you for the inspirational advice you gave me at Commencement 25 years ago!”

indham •

Located

orth W . 115 in N

0

892-822

on Rt

“Why, thank you,” replied the college president, who, of course, could neither remember the graduate nor what he had said.

“But perhaps you could refresh my memory.

What did I say that in

Marriage: The difference between painting the town and painting the back porch.

Out ’n About at the Not Your Normal Formal a Chamber event. Photos by Michelle Gosselin

Is this thing on?

spired you so much?”

At that, the graduate leaned forward in his chair, looked earnestly at the President, and said, “I’ve tried to live my life by these words: You shook my hand and said, ‘Keep moving. Keep moving!’ ”

Did You Know?

g

win tte intervie Bissonne n o n n a h S the Dubes

Shannon Bissonne tte Adam Du nbar & Je interviews nnifer Wil ley

Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.

Kemal Amin "Casey" Kasem is an American radio personality and voice actor who is best known for being the host of the nationally syndicated show American Top 40, and for voicing Shaggy in the popular Saturday morning cartoon franchise Scooby-Doo. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Sherm Arnolds Grand Opening

Saint: A dead sinner, revised and edited.

PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING?

My wafting idea works every time! Your mouth is watering right now, I know.

Ask about our signature models!

CALL FOR PRICING

G.A. DOWNING 782.4508 or 800.924.4500

Service Rental Sales

111 Woodman Hill Road, Minot www.gadowning.com

Chef Dan Dufour Farmer: A man who is outstanding in his field.

I recommend these guys to everyone!

d If you nee lay p someone to r I’m your Bob Barke man!

Claude & Pauline Ovinette, Denis Lebel

Come check out our new location at 675 Main Street in Lewiston. It’s better in every way!

Jackie, Gle

n & Tammy

We came all the way from Buxton for this!

Scott Butters, Maria Tucci, Nina & Dennis Sweatt Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Todd Lebel & Bruce Gerry

Egotist: A person of low taste more interested in himself than in me.

The first outdoor miniature golf courses in the United States were built on rooftops in New York City in 1926.

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Thank you for making our Grand Opening a huge success!

We look forward to

Aerus Water Purification

serving you for many years to come!

Sherm Arnold’s

Parker Adams Pine State Pest Solutions

Unbelievable, Unbeatable Savings

Alex Jacobsohn Pine State Pest Solutions

COME CHECK OUT OUR NEW STORE! 675 Main St., Lewiston 782-0831 Confucius say… wok is what you throw at a wabbit.

Stephen’s Garage Door Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Graduation Day

Jumping At Conclusions: Not half as much exercise as digging for facts.

Submitted by Jimbo

Get Your Ride Ready For Summer

It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.

"Let's try to make this look natural "she said.

"Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder."

The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"

OUR SERVICE DEPARTMENT Complete Auto & Light Truck Repairs • State Inspections Shocks • Suspensions • Brakes • Tune-ups • Engine Problems

OUR BODY SHOP BIG OR SMALL...

WE PAINT THEM ALL

See us for your accident, rust or refinishing repairs COMPARE! Cost to restore vs. cost of replacing your auto

Limb Loss Submitted by R. Collins

I recently received a letter from an organization I belong to. The letter informed me that if my dues were not received by a certain date, I would be dismembered.

Since that would hurt, and since I’m really attached to my arms and legs, I sent them a check that afternoon.

COMPLETE RESTORATIONS OF ANY KIND FREE ESTIMATES

845 Washington St. North, Auburn

782-5500 Electric hearing aids were invented in 1901 by Miller R. Hutchinson.

Out ’n About at the Poland High School Prom

LAW AND DISORDER Submitted by R. Collins

Q. Can you write?

A. A little.

Q. Have you ever been in prison?

American International College here I come!

A. Yes, sir.

Q. For what?

Cindy, Emily & Bill Cormier

A. Forgery.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Wile E. Coyote has only caught the Road Runner once (May 21, 1980).

NEXT Level Business Coaching We Will Make Your Business Better in 90 Days – Guaranteed!

Call 207-376-3239 for a free, confidential 90-minute coaching session on any two business issues you are facing.

Come experience business coaching at NO RISK.

Out ’n About at Isaacson & Raymond’s Open House

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

I won’t admit this to to many people, but I do occasionally associate myself with Uncle Andy...

Jason & Diana Dionne

Norm Rousseau

Joline Dumond Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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When he was just 10 years old, future comedian and film star Jim Carrey sent his resumé to Carol Burnett.

The largest web-footed bird is the albatross.

Out ’n About at the Poland High School Prom

WE’VE MOVED Amanda, Kathy & Daryl Gibson

A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR

S&J Tuxedos keeps me stylin’.

747 Minot Ave. • Auburn (Behind Fastenal Services) • Brake Pads & Rotors • Computer Diagnostics • Exhausts • Wiper Replacement • Tires • Maine State Inspection Station • Radiator Flushes • Shocks & Struts Sue, Courtney & Jim Marston

Moving is a lot of work. Come see our new shop!

A-Plus Auto Repair 747 Minot Ave. Auburn

786-0522

Chance

On July 31, 1994, Simon Sang Sung of Singapore turned a single piece of dough into 8,192 noodles in 59.29 seconds!

Paxton & Kylie Arsenault Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Est. 2008

Since Jan. 27 2013 Since May9 2013

Dog Grooming Daycare & Boutique

Frost Abby

Louis Barker

65 Washington St., Auburn, ME 04210 (207)

333-3640

We have 6,000 sq. ft. of indoor heated comfortable play area. We are the only facility in the state that offers everything for your pup, from daycare to grooming, transportation, dog food and supplies all under one roof!

Since 5 Feb. 2 2013

No payment contracts! If your dog doesn't come to play, you don't pay!!

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT thedoggzinn@gmail.com• www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn

http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com FULL DAYS OF PLAY AS LOW AS

Lauren

Sinc Dec. 3e 2012 0

$16 PER DAY! Since April 30 2012

Murphy

(with Celeste Truman)

Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products • Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

Confucius say… best way to cure water on the brain is with a tap on the head.

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!

DAILY SPECIALS

WELL DONE!

Monday 2 Crabmeat Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99 w/salad & chips

Tuesday Chicken Parmesan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99 w/salad or cole slaw

Tues. Wed. & Thurs.

Fried Clams . .sm. $11.99 . . . . .lg. $15.79 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . . . .$6.99 w/potato & rolls

Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm

Thursday 2 Lobster Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99 w/salad & chips

Friday & Saturday

Friday, Saturday & Sunday

After 4:00 PM

Fried Haddock* $11.99

Prime Rib Au Jus* Small $13.99 • Large $16.79

Grilled/Baked Salmon* $12.99

*with potato, choice of salad, coleslaw or vegetable & rolls

We've been coming here for over 50 years and have NEVER had a bad meal!

They have great portions & prices and the friendliest waitstaff around.

We just love coming to Cole Farms.

Neal & Nancy Dow of Casco

Devin Carrier graduated with a degree in Civil Engineering from the University of Maine at Orono.

World Records

64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote!

“The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

Confucius say… man who put head in fruit drink, get punch in nose.

The World's Largest Catsup Bottle stands proudly next to Route 159, just south of downtown Collinsville, Illinois. This unique 170 ft. tall water tower was built in 1949 by W.E. Caldwell Company for the G.S. Suppiger catsup bottling plant. In 1995, due to the efforts of the Catsup Bottle Preservation Group, this piece of local history was saved from demolition and beautifully restored to its original appearance.

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Out ’n About at Isaacson & Raymond’s Open House

Granite conducts sound ten times faster than air.

Tired of how your old deck looks?

Need a new deck?

CALL THE DECK DOCTORS! Stephen Adamczyk, Deck Repair Expert

Call 713-9090 for your FREE estimate!

Dan D’Auteuil Jr

Facelift Your Property

www.setwright.com

Weight Loss Coffee

Gary Boucher I didn’t know that Isaacson & Raymond was a merger of two distinguished L/A firms whose roots go back to 1922.

Neat fact!

Learn Earn Burn

www.MyJavita.com/carolscoffee

Augusta Golf Park • Disc Golf • Batting Cages • Driving Range

DISC PRO SHOP 225 Hospital St. Augusta, Maine Connie Boucher Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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18-HOLE COURSE 623-0859 discgolfmaine.com

“The epicenter of disc golf in Central Maine” Education: Forcing abstract ideas into concrete heads.

A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

COMMUNITY RECYCLES THOUSANDS OF POUNDS

Enter to

WIN

Fabulous Prizes!

No purchase necessary to win (winner drawn & notified on 6.24.13)

Winner will get $200 to Sea40 PLUS 2 VIP tickets to their outdoor Sea Bash Summer Party

Featuring motor booty affair

To enter:

Go to the Uncle An

dy’s Digest facebook page: facebook.com/Unc leAndysDigest Click the “Enter to Win” tab

GOING GREEN!

Ignorance and arrogance have subtle differences ... an ignorant person usually has no clue, whereas an arrogant person has no clue with an alarming degree of confidence.

Back Row (l to r): Kerry Wood, Jen Hogan, Christina Carter, Don Ryan, Judy Hagan-Ryan, Michelle St. Hilaire, Betsy Sibley & Laurie Pelletier. Front: Jhanae Laplante, Kat Ouellette & Natalie Green.

We love bringing the COMMUNITY together to celebrate Earth Day! It rocked our world for sure!!

Confucius say… man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.

Community Credit Union (CCU) hosted a Community Recycle Day in April to help community members do their part in saving the earth.

“The event draws crowds every year,” said Kerry Wood, President for CCU. “This was our fifth year holding the event. We initially wanted to expand a recycling program we currently offer to members by doing a large community event in celebration of Earth Day. We now realize that the community looks forward to the annual event and greatly appreciates the collaboration of the local organizations.”

Several local organizations joined forces to make this event a success including CCU, eWaste Recycling Solutions, Security Shredding, and Stratham Tire. The following was recycled as a result of the event: 16,000 pounds of electronics including CPUs and televisions, 70 tires & 4,500 pounds of paper for shredding.

CCU runs a program they designed called “Do Your Part” each quarter. It allows members to do their part in saving the earth by participating in different recycling opportunities including the recycling of cell phones and eye glasses.

They also periodically hold Shredding events within the branches.

CCU is a memberowned, full service financial institution that has been serving its members since 1945. With branches located at 144 Pine Street, Lewiston and 40 Stanley Street, Auburn. For more information about community services, log onto communitycreditunion.com See their ad on page 53.

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I need a to get a stenographer for my life. It'd be great to say, "Betty, read back last night so I can see why I put a skillet on my nightstand."

OPENING SOON!

Grammie’s Cottage

Buying Gold & Silver Top Dollar Paid!

740-6061

Call FMI 1321 Sabattus St. • Lewiston

HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Call us!

No Separating Required!

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.

Gift Shop • Holiday Gifts • Jewelery • Homemade Crafts • Souvenirs Open Wed.-Sun.

11 Mechanic Falls Road Welchville Junction, ME

(207) 346-0178

Mainly Sewing • Alterations • Bridal Gowns • Boat & Furniture Upholstery • Tailoring

Mary Tucker 114 Western Ave. Auburn, ME

Sewing Circle Sign-up call to register with this ad

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World Records

Confucius say… who says he knows how to control a wife is called a bachelor.

What is billed as the world's largest weather vane sits on the shores of White Lake in Montague, Michigan. It's 48 feet tall with a 26-foot wind arrow and adorned with a 14-foot replica of a 19th-century Great Lakes schooner.

Out ’n About

World Records The world's largest coffee pot is located in Davidson, Saskatchewan. It measures 24 feet tall, is made of sheet metal and could hold 150,000 8 ounce cups of coffee.

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Lisa Ferron, Deb Blais, Anne Moreau, Al Keranen & Jim Mavor at a Univera Training in Vermont

Confucius say… who was a dude before marriage, is now subdued.

Oh, you lost your phone and it's on silent? That's too bad.

If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.

Out ’n About at Isaacson & Raymond’s Open House

Ron Bissonnette

Phil Isaacson Hope to see you all at the B2B trade show on June 13th at the Coliseé

Lucien Gosselin Confucius say… salesperson who covers chair instead of territory always remains on bottom.

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World Records The World's Largest yo-yo resides in the National Yo-Yo Museum in Chico, California. Named "Big Yo," the 256-pound yo-yo is an exact scale replica of a Tom Kuhn "No Jive 3 in 1 Yo-Yo." Fifty inches tall and 31.5 inches wide, the yo-yo is made of California sugar pine, Baltic birch from the former USSR, and hardrock maple. It was first launched in San Francisco on October 13, 1979.

The moons of Mars are called Phobos and Deimos after two mythical horses that drew the chariot of Mars, the Roman god of war.

Summer is coming!!

See us for: • Highlights & Colors • New Styles • Manicures & Pedicures • Hair Products & More

Don’t forget Dad on Father’s Day! Back row: Terry, Cory, Kathy, Linda, Jen, Nuria Front: Taylor, Kelly, Kellyann, Michael, Tina

Gift Certificates Available

392 Center Street, Auburn Did You Know?

Leonardo da Vinci's name for the Mona Lisa was "La Gioconda." It was named for the wife of Francesco del Giocondo. The painting was in progress during 1503-1506.

786-0112 HairByGregorys.com Confucius say… there is no future in writing history books.

World Records The biggest bell is the "Tsar Kolokol" cast in the Kremlin in 1733. It weighs 216 tons, but alas, is cracked and has never been rung.

The bell was being stored in a Moscow shed which caught fire.

To "save" it, caretakers decided to throw water on the bell. This did not succeed, as the water hit the superheated metal and a giant piece immediately cracked off, destroying the bell forever.

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Trenchless Sewer and Drain Rehabilitation Call today to have a Clear Drains of Maine technician perform a site evaluation and provide you with a detailed estimate for rehabilitating your failing sewer or drain line with our

PERMA-LATERAL

TM

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ClearDrainsofMaine.com

Seals broken areas in Cast Iron, PVC, Orangeburg, Clay Pipes & More!

521 Federal Road, Livermore • 207.320.2177 Confucius say… if you don't want anyone to get your goat, don't let them know where you have it tied.

Confucius say… Mother's Day comes nine months after Father's Day.

Did You Know?

There have been two members of the United States senate that have been assassinated. Huey Long of Louisiana in 1935, and Robert Kennedy of New York in 1968. both men were 42 years old.

Submitted by Richard Collins

“Your One-Stop Solution for Pest Control!”

Protect Your Family From Lyme Disease and West Nile Virus with tick and mosquito treatments on your property

Professional Pest Control Services Include: Ants Mice Fleas Roaches Ticks

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mainepest.com 795-1100 Falsies: Making mountains out of molehills.

"You have to accept things in order to be happy. One of the biggest things you have to accept is that if you're not happy, it doesn't have to be that way... but you, and only you, have the power to change your life for the better."

– Doe Zantamata

Little Known Fact The oldest living grandchild of a president is Jane Garfield who is ninety-nine years old. her grandfather was President James Garfield who was assassinated in 1881.

Submitted by Richard Collins

World Records In 1968, Steve McPeak traveled from Chicago to Los Angeles on a unicycle. The trip took him six weeks, but he planned for the long bike journey. He brought an extra tire and a spare heinie.

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Out ’n About at Isaacson & Raymond’s Open House

Confucius say… rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.

FIGHT CANCER! HAVE FUN!

JOIN US!

Gerry Raymond

2013 RELAY FOR LIFE of Androscoggin Activities

Food

Drawings

7pm Fri. June 21 to 7am Sat. June 22 Pat Raymond Queen Elizabeth I of England owned nearly 3,000 gowns.

World Records In Muddy, Illinois, the post office measures only 7½ by 10½ feet, about the size of a garden shed. If it wasn't for a sign hanging above the door stating, "U.S. Post Office, Muddy, IL., 62965," finding the tiny, wooden building could be difficult.

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Edward Little High School Auburn, Maine Relay For Life is 12 hours of fun for a great cause – joining the American Cancer Society’s fight against cancer. Teams of people walk around a track throughout the night. The entire community will come together through Relay to step up the fight against cancer. Call today to join us!

Volunteers & Teams Needed!

To get involved call 1.800.ACS.2345 www.relayforlife.org/androscogginme This year’s theme is “Winter Wonderland” It costs more to buy a new car today in the United States that it cost Christopher Columbus to equip and undertake three voyages to and from the New World.

If the name of every insect were printed in an average-size book, it would take about 6,000 pages to list them all.

There are more than 900,000 known species of insects in the world.

Generators Dealer!

We are a licensed If your power goes out, your generator goes on – automatically.

STANDBY UNITS

It’s really that simple.

Portable units available • Reliability • Easily Accessible Controls • Framed for Durability • Easy to make effortless electric start, battery included

FULL INSTALLATION AVAILABLE! CALL FOR MORE INFO 1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS

ElectricalSystemsOfMaine.com

The biggest hog ever recorded was a creature named Big Boy who weighed in at 1,904 pounds.

BROTHERS CONSTRUCTION

Lease and Property Management

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3995

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– 576-4330 – email: roofnfools@yahoo.com

Lease

Property

Referral

207.784.2011 www.yourleasingoffice.com

Spice it up for Motorcycle Season

RMJ Collections Home Parties • Facebook Orders & Vendor Events

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Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.

Confucius say… smart ass is someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor it is.

Out ’n About at the National Technical Honor Society Induction Ceremony at the Lewiston Regional Technical Center

Congratulations to all the students who put forth the effort to be qualified for this tremendous honor...

John Cook NTHS Co-Advisor

Did You Know?

The Special Olympics, the world's largest sporting event featuring disabled, handicapped, and mentally retarded athletes, were first held at Soldier Field in Chicago, Illinois, in 1968. The athlete's oath was introduced at these games by founder Eunice Shriver at the opening ceremony. The oath is, "Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt."

Arizona has official state neckwear — the bolo tie.

World Records Victor Hugo's Les Miserables contains one of the longest sentences in the French language—823 words without a period.

Today is "bring your dog to work day". I thought it was "bring your dawg to work day".

So now DeShaun has to leave. Sorry dawg.

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Out ’n About at Isaacson & Raymond’s Open House

Confucius say… marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.

Rainbow

Check out our closeout inventory

and

$AVE!!

Log on to RainbowBike.com We service all brands & types of bikes

Bicycle

97 Lisbon St. • Lewiston • 784-7576 Diana Dionne

Assisted Home Care II “Our Family Assisting Your Family.”

Assisted Home Care is Growing Again

Assisting Families since 1997

Assisted Home Care is seeking individuals to work with developmentally disabled adults. If you would like to work in area group homes and you are certified DSP/CRMA, Assisted Home Care would like you to join our team. We are a per diem staff agency that’s family oriented. If you need to adjust your schedule because of the demands on your life, come join our family.

Melissa Olund

550 College St., Lewiston • 783-7375 • www.assistedhomecare.org

Now Enrolling!

yrs.

Ages 6 wks. - 12

We offer preschool & toddler programs, separate rooms for each age group, and a large outdoor play area!

Crystal Marchessault Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Early Learning Center

301 Sawyer Rd. • Greene

946-KIDS Ask about our multi-child discount and family vacation benefit

Justice: A decision in your favor.

Everyday words with references to Greek gods Brownie: The cousins of the Girl Scouts are named after the Celtic Brownies, small, brown-cloaked fairies that perform household chores while the family sleeps.

Confucius say… giraffe's family reunion is called necks of kin.

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

Odd Phrases

VISIT

Where did they come from?

“THE BOOK NOOK”

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

"If you constantly look back at all the bad things that have happened in your life, you're gonna miss the great thing that is happening to you right now."

Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20% OFF all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!

INVENTORY REDUCTION SALE!

20% - 75% OFF

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Odd Phrases Where did they come from?

Featuring

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be.

They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To “wear your heart on your sleeve” now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.

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131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

9 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

s Alway g n i Buy

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

A drop of water may travel thousands of miles between the time it evaporates into the atmosphere and the time it falls to the Earth again as rain, sleet, or snow.

Confucius say… fortune you seek is in another cookie.

www.abcpool.com

Your kids will always have “Something to do” on those hot summer days. And because your ABC Pool is virtually maintenance free you’ll enjoy it even more.

We offer a full line of above ground pools with a price that’s right for any budget.

Out ’n About at Isaacson & Raymond’s Open House

Mark Samson & Michelle I like the new offices down stairs.

Great renovations!

Over 500 varieties of fish are able to generate appreciable amounts of electricity.

31st Annual

Brought to you by:

The Tri-Town Education Fund Pottle Hill Community Run for Our Schools

10K Race • 5K Race • One-mile Run or Walk Races starts from the town square in Mechanic Falls.

Lena-Jo Hartley

Bring the whole family and enjoy Mechanic Falls Community Day following the race!

SATURDAY, JUNE 22ND FMI about running, volunteering or to register: Printable forms: www.rsu16.org Call or email: Cathy Griffiths, categriffiths@msn.com • 345-9835 The brain of Neanderthal man was larger than that of modern man.

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World Records If you walked the entire length of the China's Great Wall, you would be walking farther than the distance between New York City and Miami, Florida. The wall stretches for over 1,500 miles. The driving distance between New York and Miami is just over 1,250 miles.

Provided you don't get lost.

About 68% of adults believe that during the next century evidence will be discovered that shows other life in this or other galaxies.

Karate at

Women’s Self Defense Saturdays or Sundays

$10 per class We have classes for everyone from ages 7 to 97 • Self defense classes for women, men, and seniors • Traditional martial art classes which include weapons such as the bo, sai, tonfa, and Nunchaku

Come learn the Okinawan system of Isshin-Ryu Karate.

Come in or call

420-0139

Come in and watch a class! Join anytime!

Classes are $45 per month

to see class details

1002 Minot Ave. • Auburn

Volunteering their time because freedom isn’t free

We’re just roaming the earth, having fun!

Sasha Haskell

Fran Chamberland & Cecile Paradis

in North Dakota

American Legion Auxiliary 153 in New Auburn

"It's hard to detect good luck - it looks so much like something you've earned."

– Frank Howard Clark

World Records Howard Kinsey and Mrs. R. Roark, during a game of tennis, batted the ball back and forth 2001 consecutive times.

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You'll Laugh With lots of humor, Imus is joined by Warner, Bernie, Lou and Dagen. Add comedians Tony Powell & Rob Bartlett, starting your day is more fun.

L-A’s WEZR RADIO

1240

You'll Learn Imus asks tough questions of celebrities, politicians and media stars and they still come back for more.

Combine that with our award winning local news and your mornings are complete.

Listen to AM 1240 weekdays 6 to 10 AM

Confucius say… man who sleep like a baby doesn’t have one.

Alaska has a sand desert with dunes over 100 feet high. It is located along the flatland of the Kobuk River in the northwestern part of the state.

Why oh Why? Submitted by Jimbo

A man was at a cemetery. He began to moan, "Why did you die, oh why did you have to die?"

A passer-by knelt down next to the man and said "Was this person very close to you?"

"No, actually I never met him!" replied the man.

"Why are you moaning then?" asked the passer-by curiously.

"He was my wife's first husband!"

Kenneth Wolf, M.D.

www.wolfeye.com Bad Driver: The person you run into.

Jim’s Rent It

• Car Rentals • Passenger Vans with • Pickup Truck Rentals 7,8,12,15 Seating Capacity • Convertibles

Lowest priced car rental in the area!

World Records On December 15, 1998, the Mayer Kaplan Jewish Community Center in Skokie, Illinois attempted to set the inaugural world's record for largest number of dreidels to be spun at one time. At least 200 people were needed to set the record.

Uncle Andy doesn't get DISTRACTED... it’s more like Spontaneous Redirection.

Car accidents, no problem!

We offer insurance-paid car rentals

The most damaging phrase in the language is: 'It's always been done that way.'

Call 784-5438 for details 1097 Center St., Auburn

– Grace Murray Hopper

Confucius say… woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy.

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Smart phones taking over the world... at the coffee shop

Dandruff: Chips off the old block.

Who’s the half-naked cheerleader?

out to dinner

FLASH !

BACK

I probably should have picked Truth instead of Dare.

at the museum

on a date

Travis Dow, shown here joining the South Portland Cheerleaders during their halftime performance at the EL vs South Portland High School Playoff Game back in his high school days. Nice leg kick, Trav!

Addictive Advertising Specialties

A cure for all of your promotional product needs!

Pens, wearables, drinkware, calendars & more!

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786-0725 addictivead@aol.com

Styling Dog GRAND OPENING

$

5.00 OFF

Call for appointment

Your first appointment

513-1454 Lewiston

stylingdogs.wix.com/stylingdog

"There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action." – Goethe

The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.

Little Known Fact

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler

The Chicago Cubs became the first major league team to install an organ in Wrigley Field in 1941. Roy Nelson played the first pre-game music program for the fans.

“You are always treated fairly and with respect!”

We pay extra for copper and brass from large businesses with large quantities!

PAYING TOP PRICES FOR COMPUTER SCRAPS Automobile & Truck Batteries Die Cast Alloy Rims #1 Steel Prepared/better grading/ better payout Starters & Alternators Catalytic Converters Cell Phone Scrap Computer Towers Stainless

Electronic Scrap Mother Boards • Cores Brass • Alternators Starters • Motors • Pumps Computer Board Scraps Copper • Aluminum • Insulated Wire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

Always paying the best prices!

(prices subject to market changes)

15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn. Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm

615-7057 or 795-8887 Confucius say… streaker is someone who is unsuited for his work.

What’s in a Name?

A new mom tells the doctor in the maternity ward: I think I will call my little newborn girl, Anna.

Doctor: Sorry, that name is already taken.

But you can name her Anna532 or Anna_153.

President James Garfield could write Latin with one hand and Greek with the other – simultaneously.

Leonardo da Vinci could draw with one hand and write with the other – also simultaneously.

Eat Up Half the foods eaten throughout the world today were developed by farmers in the Andes Mountains. Potatoes, maize, squash, beans, peanuts, pineapples, chocolate, tomatoes, peppers, strawberries, and many others were first grown in the region.

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Out ’n About with Miami Mike

Confucius say… never argue with a women when she's tired… or rested.

PQ OOLWBUILDERS OF MAINE ,O S .

UALITY ORKMANSHIP UTSTANDING ERVICE

Welcome to summer Uncle Andy’s Digesters. Congratulations, you have successfully managed to make it through another Maine winter. I’m sure you already have the long johns and mittens packed away up in the attic, nestled snugly in a plastic storage bag with a sprinkle of mothballs so you can smell like the late 1960’s next winter. After the long months inside and the percolating of cabin fever there is nothing better than getting outside listening to the peepers, smelling the fresh air, and giving the black flies a gourmet dinner.

If you have been pondering testing the waters of the housing market what are you waiting for, Christmas and the snow again?

Give my pal Scott Demers a call over at Maine Mortgage Company and have him set you up with a pre-qualification and then call your aunt who has a real estate license and go nuts driving her crazy looking at every third house on every fourth block in the twin cities. Rates are great and there is nothing like warming the seat on your own porcelain thrown, trust me!

Once you have found your new home sweet home you can celebrate at the Village Inn! They are celebrating 50 Years in business this month, so you know it is already going to be a party and hey you can’t beat the mound of tasty battered clams. That is exactly what I had last time I was down east or up north if you know what I mean. After you stuff your face full of delicious Village Inn cuisine and unpack the boxes in your new home make sure you save some time to read Uncle Andy’s Digest cover to cover and help your fellow Mainers!

Two of the best parts of Maine are the people and the Digest… and neither is complete without the other. As always until next month email me at uncleandysdigestmiamimike@aol.com tweet me at UADMiamiMike!

W O N S L O O P R U O Y R E D R O FOR THE BEST DEALS! 25% OFF

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795-7222

www.poolbuildersofmaine.com "Teaching should be such that what is offered is perceived as a valuable gift and not as a hard duty." – Albert Einstein

Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.

THINK

USE OUR ADVERTISERS

FIRST Tell ‘em Uncle Andy’s sent ya!

My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.

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The largest school in the world is a K-12 school in the Philippines, with an enrollment of about 25,000.

Q: There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building.

Everyday he takes the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work. Upon returning from work though, he can only travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it's raining!

Reducing: Wishful shrinking.

When you think of sunburn do you think of your eyes?

Prescription Sunglasses Starting at

$

79

Complete Frame & Lens

Now accepting most major insurances

With this ad • Expires 6.30.13 See associate for details, restrictions may apply

120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn

Why?

Mon - Fri 9:30 AM - 6:00 PM Sat 10 AM - 3:00 PM

Vision at a Value Search VIPEyes Auburn

783-4226

Confucius say… newscaster who reports hurricanes, knows how to talk up a storm.

A: The man is very short and can only reach halfway up the elevator buttons. However, if it is raining, then he will have his umbrella with him he can press the higher buttons with it.

Goofing off at the Poland High School Prom Ventriloquy 101

I’m miles away from Mayhem...

I hope!

I’m not sure who the dummy is here...

Rick Moylan Bill Cormier & Jim Carmichael Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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of Richard Moylan (Allstate) Insurance reading the Digest at Horseshoe Bay Beach in Bermuda.

Confucius say… some fisherman catch their fish by the tale.

With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.

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Out ’n About at Isaacson & Raymond’s Open House

Scott Corey I’ve always wanted to be a Maestro.

Great Rates • Professional Service • All Major Programs

Refinance Now!! Rates are Rising!!

Matt Mastrogiacomo

Scott Demers - Owner

1-800-554-9630 or (207) 577-8513 Scott Demers NMLS #389245 • Maine License #SLB 1043950 Programs, rates and terms subject to change without notice. Certain restrictions apply; some programs may not be combined with others; not all applicants will qualify.

I have to hand it to them, what a great party!

Robin Donovan I hate when I’m on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.

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Head Games

Yes, 911… That guy just fed my house letters again.

Submitted by Jimbo

A psychology professor at the University of Miami knew his students expected a terrifyingly long final exam.

To play with their minds a little (what do you expect from a psychology professor?) he only put ONE question on the final exam.

He watched the reactions of the students as they all opened the exams and saw the one question.

Initially they all looked relieved, but as the difficulty of the question began to sink in, those relieved faces sagged to confusion and consternation.

All, that is, except for one student.

He read the question, tapped his pencil into his palm a few times, then jotted something down on the test paper.

He walked up to the (continued on next page)

MORRIS AUTO PARTS and

DON’S NO PREFERENCE TOWING CO. Wish Don St. Germain a very Happy 75th Birthday!

Don shares his birthday milestone with his own company which is also celebrating 75 years in business.

Congrats to Don’s Towing & Morris Auto Parts!

DON’S NO PREFERENCE TOWING CO. 940 Washington St., Auburn 784-4619

MORRIS AUTO PARTS 940 Washington St., Auburn 784-7374

Make your summer SPRQ-le with Kids Summer Camp Enrolling NOW!!

FITNESS

20 Main Street,Sabattus (2nd floor)

754-9411 • SPRQstudio.com – Judo classes Tuesdays at 7pm in June –

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(He turned 75 on June 6th)

Now offering Stump Grinding!

Fully Insured

• Professional Arborist • Tree Removal • Pruning • Full Service Landscaping

GREG ROY

212-5234

When villainy didn't pay anymore, The Riddler got a job writing furniture assembly instructions for IKEA.

(continued from previous page)

Confucius say… Jamaican proctologist is called Pok-e-mon.

professor, handed him the final, and walked out.

The professor blinked in surprise, looked at what the student wrote, and smiled.

Is Proud to Announce

Desirae as the next

RISING STAR To Join Our Team

Desirae Beaule

140 Canal St. Lewiston

BlushBeautyMe.com

513-1130

@blushbeautyme

Linn's Stamp News is the world's largest weekly newspaper for stamp collectors.

Out ’n About at Lake City Exports

The professor wrote "100%" on the top of that student's test.

The question: What is courage?

The student's answer: This is.

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers. A little voice from the back of the room asked: "How will that help?"

Out ’n About at Cyndi’s Dockside

If you see something percolating in your backyard you’ve either struck oil or you need to call me immediately.

Katie Hunnefield receiving a check for $2,000 from Lake City Exports. Katie was one of the victims to lose everything in the first set of fires that took place in Lewiston. The funds were raised as part of an effort put on by Lake City Exports, where they matched $1,000 in donations from local donors.

Buster Downing (of G.A. Downing) & friend, Carol Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Farmer: A handy man with a sense of humus.

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Out ’n About at Lake City Exports

Be on the lookout for a armed psychic dwarf who just robbed a bank and got away... the police now have a SMALL MEDIUM at LARGE.

Mom, you ROCK!

Auburn Plaza Family Dentistry Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.

Lake City Exports worked with Kelly Giambra on this surprise for her daughter! Sydney Giambra (above) who was having dinner with her family when they walked out and she saw her sweet 16 birthday present waiting for her with a big bow on it! She was so happy and surprised to see her new car waiting for her, a 2006 VW Jetta!

Say What?

Submitted by Jimbo

For two years I managed a group of musicians who proudly labeled themselves "the loudest rock 'n roll band in L.A." One night, during a particularly rowdy and raucous rehearsal, the group took a break.

Dr. Chen has over 10 years of experience and is happy to be accepting new patients at his new location.

730 Center Street Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351 Mon.-Fri. 7am - 5pm We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com

Rubbing one ear, the lead singer asked, "Hey, are you guys losing your hearing?"

The bass player shrugged and, pointing to his forehead, replied, "Well, maybe just a little on top."

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Umbrella: A movable roof.

Out ’n About at the Poland High School Prom

Heir Fare: Executor’s fee.

WE HAVE MOVED to better serve you!

995 Center St. Auburn

(Next to Appliance Warehouse and Gamache & Lessard Window Decorators

Emily Gibson All this girl stuff is almost too much for me!

784-3100 Visit our brand new showrooms Specials on Cabinets & Granite Countertops

10x12 OAK KITCHEN WITH COUNTERTOP

10x12 BIRCH KITCHEN WITH COUNTERTOP

$1,999

$2,099

Bruce

Hunter Gibson

Stacy

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Kylie Martin Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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World Records

Balanced Diet: A cookie in each hand.

The Oasis Gemma Osborne

NEW LOCATION 120 Center Street Suite 203, Auburn (Next to Tin Tin Buffet)

782-7532

Now Offering Only Pool & Spa Chemicals & Water Testing

Now offering in-ground fiberglass pools!

Toronto, Ontario was home to the biggest swimming pool in the world in 1925. It held 2000 swimmers, and was 300ft x 75ft. It is still in operation.

The measure of a life, after all, is not its duration, but its donation.

- Corrie ten Boom

"A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it." – Anonymous

"To teach a man how he may learn to grow independently, and for himself, is perhaps the greatest service that one man can do another." – Benjamin Jowett

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Cooking Tips from a College Kid

"Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality." – Jules de Gautier

By Natasha Piirainen

Are you like me, spending the summer away from your mother’s amazing cooking?

Some of my favs are: stuffed shells, lasagna, delicious, juicy burgers on the grill, and warm peanut butter chocolate chip cookies for dessert! Maybe you (like me) have chosen to live out of state to do research for the summer that sounded good at first, but now after thinking about momma’s cooking you’re beginning to feel like it might be a mistake? Let’s get through this together... here are some thrifty tips and tricks to help you cook for yourself like a pro!

Great for any college student.

1) Buy a crockpot. You really can set it and forget it! Pick up some meat at the grocery store and a bottle of already made marinade, dump it into the bowl, and BOOM! you’ve got yourself a five star meal that only takes a few hours to cook!

The Bible is the number one shoplifted book in America.

2) Stock up on pasta. You can add anything to it! Tomato sauce is most popular, but you can also use parmesan cheese, sausages, cheddar, Italian or ranch dressing, barbecue sauce, sour cream, leftover soda, alright some of these probably wouldn’t taste that great but you get the point.

Check out our newest location

3) Most importantly, get a car.

Driving means you can go home for a visit when it is dinner time. In my case, just a three and a half hour drive through three states will get me back to Maine in time for lemon garlic chicken and stuffing. And a long drive for mom’s homemade cooking is always a better idea than ramen noodles!

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Good luck and happy eating!

686 Sabattus St., Lewiston

‘02 BMW X5

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Call 520-0028 686 Sabattus St. • Lewiston View our entire inventory online @ www.IndependentAuto.Me Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Sex symbol and film star Marilyn Monroe said this about herself in her unfinished autobiography: "I have always had a talent for irritating women since I was 14."

The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.

Tricky The wick of a trick candle has small amounts of magnesium in them.

When you light the candle, you are also lighting the magnesium. When someone tries to blow out the flame, the magnesium inside the wick continues to burn and, in just a split second (or two or three), relights the wick.

World Records

HANNA ROY A fifth-grader at St. Dom’s was inspired to design her own Fairy Garden and here she is in the reality of her dream. With a great imagination, Hanna came up with the concept for her garden to be complete with fairy crafts, fairy teas and gnome houses. “The fairies live nearby and visit often to sprinkle pixie dust on my garden. Their magical touch makes it come to life,” says Hanna.

Standing in the background are Hanna’s parents, Greg and Patrice Roy, enjoying the magic.

At 12 years old, an African named Ernest Loftus made his first entry in his diary and continued everyday for 91 years.

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413

I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

The Tokyo World Lanes Bowling Center is the largest bowling establishment in the world. It has 252 lanes and one very tired pinsetter.

"Each year a healthy adult male consumes one and one-half times his weight in other peoples patience."

– John Updike Editor’s note: Uncle Andy is very healthy in this department and is currently at three times his weight in other peoples patience.

Little Known Fact The World of ResidenSea, the first condo cruise ship, launched from Oslo, Norway on March 29, 2002, and was christened in Venice, Italy on May 17, 2002. At its launch, you could buy a condo for as little as $2.2 million and cruise the world in style!

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New Team Member at Blush

To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!

FROM STONE DUST TO ROC

Our Gravel Pit is located at 168 Midd mile from the Maine Turnpike. We hav gates. Pick up and delivery are availab

Locally owned and operated since 1970!

Desirae Beaule Blush Beauty Boutique in Lewiston has announced Desirae Beaule of Lewiston is the next rising star to join the team. Mrs. Beaule is a 2009 Graduate of Spa Tech in Westbrook, where she was trained on Paul Mitchell Color. "We're pleased to have someone as talented and dedicated to the profession as Desirae joining our team."

Elizabeth Betsch, co-owner of Blush Beauty Boutique stated.

Desirae offers all major hair services with specialization in cuts and colors. She will also be doing gel manicures at the Salon. Desirae is available by appointment Tuesday- Saturday and can be reach by calling the salon at 207-513-1130.

Blush Beauty Boutique is an upscale hair salon located at 140 Canal St in Lewiston, owned and operated by Ashley Alexander and Elizabeth Betsch. The salon opened in August of 2012 and has been featured in a Nationwide Hair Publication and is also being featured in an upcoming video about Paul Mitchell Salons.

See their ad on page 89.

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Our delivery area. Visit our website for pricing on all of our products.

784-7944 www.stlaurentandson.com The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more furniture... but all I really wanted was a one night stand.

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

Out ’n About at the Poland High School Prom

CK, WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!

dle Road (Rt. 9) in Sabattus. The gravel pit is conveniently located less than a half ve a large scale crushing/processing operation and offer a wide variety of aggreble. Call our office for pricing or order online at www.stlaurentandson.com.

Believe it or not, this is our first time in this magazine.

Craig & Julie Martin

CJ Martin Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment - I don't know what we'll do without you, but we are going to try!

- We told everyone you are leaving because of illness. The truth is I'm sick of you.

- Its not that you aren't a responsible worker.

In fact, you've been responsible for more disasters than any one else in the place.

I just realized that I haven't done the hokey pokey in over 10 years.

I guess when you get older, you just forget what it's all about.

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Darth Vader once made cookies, but they were a little on the dark side.

World Records Belgian driver Jenatzy was the first to reach a speed of over 100km/h in his electrically powered car 'La Jamais Contente' in 1899.

Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment - Today I'm going to mix business with pleasure. You're fired!

- I've got good news for you. You won't have to worry about being late for work ever again.

- Tell me - how long have you been with us not counting tomorrow?

CWP Courses: $100 per person 8 hrs -lunch, refreshments included. Need a pistol and 100 rounds of ammo plus eye and ear protection.

See you there!

Upcoming Classes 8am–4pm: Sat. June 29th • Sat. July 27th Sun. August 18th

481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806 Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm

You Name It, We Frame It! Custom Picture Framing you’ll treasure forever!

Our Affordable, Everyday Pricing 8x10 .........................$20 16x20 .......................$30 20x24 .......................$40 24x36 .......................$50

Sports memorabilia, artwork, family photos & so much more!

Silver, Gold or Black metal frames only.

Expert Custom Framing & Quality Personal Service!

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Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.

Dan Williams, owner

SHED Building at LRTC Lewiston Regional Technical Center students, Derek Montminy, Jacob Matson & Tanner Marston shown here building a shed in class.

Their instructor, Mr. Jason Merritt has been teaching them everything from how to handle power tools, ordering materials for a job, and has instilled the mentality and importance of measure twice, cut once.

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Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

ELHS Class of ’83 The Edward Little High School Class of 1983 is planning their 30th Reunion & needs your help.

We’re currently looking to locate our classmates’ addresses listed below.

We’ll be mailing the invitations very soon. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Please email any of the missing classmates mailing addresses to either: Elaine Gammon at ecgammon@gmail.com or Jackie Witham at jwitham1@maine.rr.com Albert, Randy Allen, George Andrejewski, Karen Audet, Judith Barry, Debra Beaudoin, Susan Beaulieu, Debra Bilodeau, Michelle Biltz, Kathryn Blanchard, Paul Bousquet, Robin Brackett, William Bradford, Mark Brandt, Brenda Brown, Neal Bureau, Dennis Canning, John

Carlin, Cheryl Caron, Denise Champagne, Rodger Cloutier, Theresa Cote, Lisa Cote, Peggy Jordan Craig, Nancy Davidson, Sharon Dumont, William Everett, Veronica Fortier, Donald Freeley, Ken Gagne, Angela Gallant, Sue Gamahe, Karen Goodwin, Susan Cray Green, Brenda

Green, Pam Snowe Grenier, Claire Grove, Nate Harrington, Peggy Holbrook, Bonnie James, Rick Johnson, Mike Kanda, Kimi Keene, Theresa Lachance, Mary Lamontagne, Daniel Lathem, Joan Lebel, Laurier Lebrun, Joline LeClaire, Lauren Ledwell, Todd Lepage, Paul

Lyons-Rogers, Lisa MacDonald, Dale MacDonald, Robin McKenzie, Pamela McLean, Joel Merrill, Guy Michaud, Gina Keith Nelson, Kristine Poulin, Lorraine Rand, Thomas Reed, Jeannine Richards, Gayle Rose, Ronald Sands, Catherine Walter, David

30th Class Reunion

for the Class of 1983

August 3, 2013 at the Ramada Inn in Lewiston

6:00 - 7:00 pm Happy Hour 7:00 - 11:00 pm Buffet dinner & GREAT FUN! Watch for more info in the coming months of Uncle Andy’s Digest about our class reunion.

Connect with your classmates on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/groups/163033007074/

There was an explosion at a pie factory, 3.14 people sustained minor injuries.

June Is:

Proms • Recitals • Weddings Graduations • Father s Day

Child at play spotted We’re sure you’ve always wondered how they get deer to cross at those deer crossing signs. And some of you have also wondered why you’ve never seen children at play near those road signs that say, ‘SLOW, Children at Play’. Well folks, a fan of the Digest submitted this great photo showing a child at play within eye shot of one of them there signs.

So it’s not a real child. Details. It is, however, very creative! It as made by Rick Turmenne of Mechanic Falls.

His sister, Pauline Bragdon submitted the photo.

In 1683, Dutch scientist Antony van Leeuwenhoek reported his discovery of bacteria.

He discovered the bacteria by looking at the plaque between his own teeth where he found living animalcules.

We’ve got you covered !

Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457 www.annsflower.com

I don't trust people with graph paper. They're always plotting something.

• New Homes • Additions • Siding • Windows & Doors • Kitchens • Flooring • Handicap Bathrooms & Ramps • Seamless Gutters • Blown-in Insulation

One youngster was explaining to another what "mixed emotions" meant. "It's like watching the school burn down when your new catcher's mitt is in your desk," he said.

World Records The highest wind velocity ever recorded in the United States was 231 miles per hour, on Mount Washington, New Hampshire, in 1934.

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$

500 DISCOUNT on new remodels Call for details offer expires 8/1/13

933-4874 • Leeds, ME vghomeimprovements.com There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

There's always that one kid in PE who thinks it's the Olympics.

Siren: The Greeks believed the Sirens were women who called to passing sailors with their beautiful singing voices.

thru Ayurvedic Wellness Ayurvedic Wellness Care can help you with:

Nope, I don't have to be so sarcastic! But the world just gives me so much to work with why waste it!

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Everyday words with references to Greek gods

Christopher Harris, 54 High Street, South Paris To schedule an appointment contact Jen at:

Chris, shown here, works with one of his many clients, Hillary Nurmi

653-8996

I do what I want, where I want, when I want.... If my Mom says its ok.

Community Days at Sheila’s June 21st & 22nd Friday

Big Yard Sale in back of the salon

Sat. June 22nd Angie

Nicole

Sheila

Ally

SHEILA’S HAIR SALON

Hours: Tues. - Fri. 9am-7pm • Sat. 9-2

5 South Main Street, Mechanic Falls

Everyday words with references to Greek gods

50% off ADULT spray cuts ONLY (no shampoo) June 22-23 only Please call for appointment

All day: great deals on shampoo/conditioner

345-3819

Never give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.

Iridescent: Named after Iris, the Greek goddess of the rainbow.

Odd Phrases Where did they come from?

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

Everyday words with references to Greek gods Panic: Named after the Greek god Pan, who was believed to holler and shriek in the middle of the night.

Greeks who heard these noises often panicked.

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Websites...

Yep, We Do That!

Mobile friendly websites you can afford

GET YOUR BUSINESS THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES! Call us today for your affordable, mobile friendly website that will get you the online presence you need to have in todays business climate.

Our sites include: One domain name (that YOU own) • FOUR pages FIVE email addresses • Mobile friendly, Responsive design • Easily updateable w/full access • Search Engine Friendly • Managed Web Hosting (No worries about getting hacked or your software going out of date. All sites backed up regularly with latest security patches and software upgrades).

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

UADwebsites.com 783-7039 • editor@UncleAndys.com

Call TOD AY to get started!

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace.

– Jimi Hendrix

BACKGROUND CHECKS

Animals, Ya gotta Love ’em!

Pre-Employment Local, State, National and Federal Criminal History

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includes: • SSN verification/Address verification • InstaNational criminal History • Maine SBI criminal history • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list • Trans Union Credit Report w/ credit score • National Eviction Check (Civil courts, all states)

A La Carte Pricing National Criminal History including Sex Offender all states ................................$18.99 SSN Address Verification.................................................2.75 Employment Credit report ...............................................9.00 Tenant Credit Report w/ score ........................................9.00 State of Maine SBI check...............................................24.00 State of ME drivers license history .................................9.00

Personal and professional reference checks ..............$10.00 Education verification....................................................15.00 Prior Employment verification......................................10.00 Professional License verifications.................................10.00 Single state Eviction check...............................7.00 per state National Eviction Check ................................................11.00

Other verification and Private Investigator services are available.

All searches are conducted and filtered by a licensed private investigator to meet FCRA regulations to reduce your liability.

Pre-adverse and adverse action letters and consumer copies provided at no extra charge to help you stay compliant with current FCRA regulations.

Volume pricing is available. Volume customers can be set up to run reports right from their own office for their convenience.

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com Uncle Andy’s Acutal Test Answers: Lactose: person without digits on

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

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Out ’n About at the National Technical Honor Society Induction Ceremony

Tips with English Grammar: Never leave a transitive verb just lay there without an object.

at the Lewiston Regional Technical Center

Jakob Matson & Rob Callahan Jakob was inducted into the NTHS

Journee Levasseur & Rob Callahan Journee was inducted into the NTHS

1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway

596 Main Street, Oxford • 539-8811 maine-lyaction.com Tanner Marston & Rob Callahan Tanner was inducted into the NTHS Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Tips with English Grammar: begin with a capital and end with a period

Golf Meditations

I may not be Jesus but I can turn water into koolaid.

The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

The inevitable result of (continued on next page)

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I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.

(continued from previous page)

I hate Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and half of Friday...

Kitchen innovations.

any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

Partnering with Professionals

Golfers who claim they don't cheat also lie.

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a “World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.

Glenda Mitchell: 514-1136 gmitchell@redlon-johnson.com

Tim Fox: 514-1137 tfox@redlon-johnson.com

Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail

3 Middle Street, Lewiston showroom.redlon-johnson.com

Showroom Hours: Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. 8AM - 4:30PM Open Thurs. until 6PM APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

Disneyland. The world's biggest people trap, built by a mouse.

It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt ......for an 8.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

Family Friendly Dentistry

Willow Run Dental Association is accepting new patients Come meet our friendly Dentists & Staff

Scott Beckerman, DMD Geraldine Schneider, DMD Jeffrey Sloan, DDS • Family cosmetic dentistry • Emergency same-day care • Most insurance plans accepted

783-0261 One Willow Run Unit 1-B, Auburn

willowrundental.com

It's not a gimme if your still away.

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

There are two kinds of bounces; unfair bounces and bounces just the way you meant to play it.

You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two-inch branch 90% of the time. (continued on next page)

I can always tell if they use fake dinosaurs in films. – Uncle Andy

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(continued from previous page)

Confucius say… economy will go up and down when country is run by yo-yo's.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

To calculate the speed of a players downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap; i.e. backswing 20mph, handicap 15, downswing = 600mph.

There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one in wearing the glove.

The Customer is

#

ip nance Partnersh Proud of our Fi ns io Un it ed with local Cr

1

Newest employee COLIN DUBE

867 Center St. Auburn FORDS

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

Happy 16th Birthday Sidney!

2011 Fusion I4 SE $12490 2010 Fusion SEL $11990 2009 Focus SE 75k $9990 2006 Fusion V6 SEL $8990 2006 Explorer Eddie Bauer $11490

TOYOTAS ON SALE 2006 Tacoma $15,490 2010 Prius $16,490 2007 Camry V6 SE 74k $12490

Hazards attract, fairways repel.

You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.

753-0033

2008 Rav4 Sport $13,490 2006 4Runner $14,490

NISSANS

SIDNEY GIAMBRA

VOLKSWAGENS 2011 Jetta TDI $16990 2008 Passat Komfort $10990

2008 Jetta PZEV SEL $11490 2007 Jetta Wolfsburg PZEV $9490 2007 Passat 3.6L 4Motion $11990 2006 Passat 2.0T $9490 2004 Passat GLX 4Motion $5990

SAABS

2008 Altima 2.5 S Coupe $11490 2007 Xterra SE $12990 2006 Altima 3.5 SE $8990 2008 9-3 2.0T w/70k $12490 2007 9-5 2.3T w/ 71k $11490 2007 9-3 Convertible $10490 Actual vehicle colors may vary

753-0033

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

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"When a man dies, if he can pass enthusiasm along to his children, he has left them an estate of incalculable value." – Thomas Edison