UAD March 2012

GET YOUR DIGEST ON! IT’S...

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

.com

The Most Unusual Digest in America

FREE

MARCH 2012

POOL BUILDERS OF MAINE MARCH MADNESS SPECIAL $

2499

24’ Above Ground Pool

COMPLETE PACKAGE With Automatic Pool Cleaner NEW LOCATION 525 Minot Ave. Auburn 795-7222 (across from Coleman’s Collision)

www.poolbuildersofmaine.com Armandsab@aol.com

LOOKING FOR DESIGN IDEAS FOR YOUR HOME? Looking to connect with local contractors or find home related products & service providers?

SAVE THE DATE: Saturday April 28th & Sunday April 29th, 2012

at the Androscoggin Bank Colisée • 190 Birch Street in Lewiston Connect with local companies and get advice on your projects, see new home related products and services representing the following categories: Lawn & Landscape • Window & Door • Lighting & Interior Decorating Contactors • Kitchen & Bath • Flooring • Service Providers • Weatherization Pool & Spa • and more!

MaineHomeShow.com

FMI visit our website or like us on Facebook to receive updates about the show.

Following Directions

"Television is chewing gum for the mind." – Frank Lloyd Wright

Submitted by Jimbo

Mrs. Lonefold's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman.

He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and, since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat.

Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under *any* circumstances talk to my parrot!"

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Lonefold's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen.

Kitchen SALE • New 10' x 10' Kitchen • Maximum 12 Cabinets (no particle board) • Choose from 4 different door styles

To which the parrot replied: "GET HIM, Brutus!!"

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Out the door!

• FREE post form laminate counter top

30 laminate colors to choose from!

Exclusive Dealer of y o e u r s tax r U efund wisely…

Flooring SALE Large Selection of In-Stock Carpets plus

But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.

However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with incessant cursing, yelling, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!!"

$1895

• Hardwood • Laminates • Ceramic Tile • Carpet Rems • Vinyl Rems Bound Rugs & Runners

NEW! Exclusive Dealer of

shrmarnold@megalink.net

Hours: Monday 8-7pm Tues - Fri. 8-5pm Sat. 9-2pm

550 Lisbon Street, Lewiston, ME • 782-0831

www.shermarnolds.com Cindy Crawford was the first contemporary supermodel to pose for Playboy magazine.

There are about 2,500 different species of horsefly in the world.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA MARCH 2012 Saturday, March 3rd Holy Cross KC Bean Supper 4pm – 6:30pm (Chapter 12907) 607 Lisbon St, Lewiston $5.50 Member, $7 Guest Tuesday, March 6th Sam’s 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 14346) Marketplace Mall, 675 Main St., Lewiston $3.50 Member, $4.50 Guest Wednesday, March 14th Chick-a-Dee Lewiston 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 12749) 1472 Lisbon Street, Lewiston $8 Member, $9 Guest Wednesday, March 21st Village Pizzeria Restaurant 11:30am – 1pm (Chapter 10929) 16 Pleasant St., McFalls $6 Member Saturday, March 17th VFW 1603 (Chapter 10589) Corn Beef & Cabbage Dinner 5pm – 6:30pm 588 Minot Ave. Auburn $6 Member Wednesday, March 28th Dubois Café 7:00am- 10:00 am (Chapter 14437) 906 Sabattus St., Lewiston $4 Member, $4.50 Guest Saturday, March 3rd Boston Bruins vs Islanders 7am Bus Leaves Exit 80 $100 per Tix TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

Please Note: Prices, Dates and Menu Are Subject To Change. If Additional Info Is Needed, Please Call Our Office, Please Do Not Call Restaurants. All Activities Can Only Be Attended At The Times Listed. ***************************** Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm and Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). FMI call 782-1833.

Nearly 65 percent of America's aluminum cans are recycled.

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Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

All mammals have tongues.

Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS

www.UncleAndys.com MARCH 2012 Staff JIMBO Spring Training

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted

Smile Again Dentures

TRAVIS

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

Family Addition

514-0660

UNCLE ANDY Life is Short,

www.smileagaindentures.com smileagaindentures@gmail.com

Joe & Mike Adkins

Drink Good Wine

MAGGIE

The bottle-nosed whale can dive to a depth of 3,000 feet in two minutes.

Driving Ms. Gwendolyn

MARTY Pumping his Irons

Preschoolers Love Little Ninjas!

Our specialized Little Ninjas program offers an age-specific curriculum that has been professionally designed to teach children life skills in a fun, exciting and enriching manner.

Once enrolled in our Little Ninjas program, your child will become a sharper student in school and a better listener at home. They’ll learn the value of teamwork, good manners, and trying their best at all times.

Plus, all of the Little Ninjas class activities are designed to keep your child mentally and physically fit.

Studies have shown that ages three through six are the most important years of your child’s development. So enroll your child today, and help prepare them for life!

ANGIE Closing the Deal

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements.

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Karate for Adults & Kids Kickboxing and Yoga We are the only Certified OKINAWAN KENPO SCHOOL in the Twin Cities

Pelletier’s KARATE ACADEMY

786-3731

I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s)

Email: pelledojo@aol.com www.pelletierskarate.com

WOW!

Bring in a friend and both receive

50% OFF regular price.

Expires 3.31.12

There is 1 mile of railroad track in Belgium for every one and a half square miles of land.

The first commercial passenger airplane began flying in 1914. The first commercial passenger airplane with a bathroom began flying in 1919.

Making a Difference Support Solutions is a private, non-profit organization that provides services to adults with disabilities and mental health challenges.

With a staff of over 225 people, we offer residential, day habitative and personal support. With two offices in Lewiston and Saco, we serve individuals and families in central and southern Maine since 1997.

Our mission is to inspire and support a culture of possibilities.

Do you have a desire to serve as a role model and mentor while providing support in helping individuals obtain their goals? We have full-time, part-time & relief job openings in southern and central Maine!

In return for your commitment to making a difference in the life of someone else, Support solutions will provide a fun and rewarding work environment, exceptional benefits package, competitive pay rates, PAID in house professional development (training) and advancement opportunities within the organization.

If you’re looking to make a career move and would like more info, check out our website: www.supportsolutions.org.

Or contact Kim Dionne at 795-0672 x2108.

You could be who we’re looking for to join our great support staff.

See their ad on page 31.

George Washington's face was badly scarred from smallpox.

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Warsaw, Poland, holds the distinction of opening the world's first public library in 1747.

CAMP CONNOR EARLY BIRD REGISTRATION MARY MURPHY OF THE AUBURN-LEWISTON YMCA, EARNS CERTIFICATION AS A PROFESSIONAL IN HUMAN RESOURCES

The certification, awarded by the HR Certification Institute, signifies that Mary Murphy possesses the theoretical knowledge and practical experience in human resource management necessary to pass a rigorous examination demonstrating a mastery of the field.

"Certification as a human resource professional clearly demonstrates a commitment to personal excellence and to the human resource profession," said Mary Power, CAE, Executive Director of the HR Certification Institute.

To become certified, an applicant must pass a comprehensive examination and demonstrate a strong background of professional human resource experience.

The HR Certification Institute is the credentialing body for human resource professionals and is affiliated with the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), the world's largest organization dedicated exclusively to the human resource profession. The Institute's purpose is to promote the establishment of professional standards and to recognize professionals who meet those standards.

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CAMP CONNOR IS A CO-ED SUMMER CAMP OWNED & OPERATED BY THE Y OF AUBURN-LEWISTON. LOCATED ON SECLUDED LOWER RANGE POND IN POLAND, THE CAMP OFFERS A BEACH, LARGE WOODED AREAS, ADVENTURE ISLAND & AN EXPANDED MAINE LODGE AND MORE WHO: Boys & Girls entering grades 1-8 in the Fall.

WHEN: Register by April 30th and receive $10 in Y Bucks WHERE: Register at The Y for any or all week-long sessions which are 6/18 to 8/17 WHY: Let your child enjoy a true outdoor summer camp experience

Register in person today at The Y, 62 Turner St. in Auburn or call 795-4095 to register via phone

SAVE THE DATE: SATURDAY APRIL 21ST

HEALTHY KIDS DAY Family swim, gym games, activities, face painting and much more.

Fun for the whole family!

Next to County Building, Auburn www.alymca.org • 795-4095

The cover of the very first issue of "Rolling Stone" magazine featured John Lennon.

Time slows down near a black hole; inside, it stops completely.

Out ’n About at the Healthy Smiles for ME ice fishing derby on Taylor Pond

Hook baited, flag set, now we wait...

Akebono, the sumo wrestler superstar from Hawaii, weighs 516 pounds.

PET & OWNER OF THE MONTH

Jim & Rhonda Allen

Our two dogs have two completely different energy levels and personalities. Zoe is a runner, she runs all day long in the fenced in huge fenced in play area, while Havoc lounges around a lot.

The socialization and attention our dogs get during the day at Doggone Fun Doggy Daycare, make them behave a lot better at home. Th staff at Doggone Fun is the best. They're very attentive and care about our dogs like they were their own.

It's great to come home after working all day and know your dogs have been cared for and paid attention to, and Havoc & Zoe are usually ready to relax just like we are at that point. We highly recommend Doggone Fun Doggy Daycare for all your doggy daycare and boarding needs.

e Zoe Jan Brian & y Mix A Husk

Daycare & 24/7 Boarding Facility

528 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

Brandy &H avoc A Caine Cors o

786-2794 DogGoneFunDoggyDayCare.com

The skeleton of an average 160 pound body weighs about 29 pounds.

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In one second 6,242,000,000,000,000,000 electrons pass any given point in an electrical current.

Wedding

Catering

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering Professional service at an affordable price

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!!

There’s NO PLACE like...

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!

Dad’s Place

Catering Division • 345-9009 • www.dadsplace.info All education through the university level is free in Eastern Europe’s nation of Azerbaijan.

FRESH HOT PIZZA! Subs • Sandwiches Wraps • Burgers Italians • Daily Specials Breakfast items Cold beer Agency Liquor Store and so much more!

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • www.dadsplace.info

$1 OFF any medium one-topping pizza

Must present coupon Cannot be combined with any other offers UAD

$

Expires 3.31.12

2 OFF

any large one-topping pizza

Must present coupon Cannot be combined with any other offers UAD

An experienced tunnel worker in New York earns more than $100,000 a year.

Expires 3.31.12

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Out ’n About at the Healthy Smiles for ME ice fishing derby on Taylor Pond

New Auburn Business District

Art is…

Transform your space with a unique mural.

Call us for a quote 576-3743

Who is that guy making the funny face anyway?

Studio and Gallery Transformation

wickedillustrations.com

WE’RE SWEEPING AWAY THE COMPETITION! Call now for parking lot sweeping & Spring clean-up CONTRACTORS!

www.affordableplowingservices.com • 207.754.6951

Call for sub-contracting rates.

TROP ICAL HARMONY MONY Marine Fish Coral Supplies

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

All your salt water tank needs right here!

272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Piñata Store: "You buy it, you break it."

New Auburn Business District

Appetizers Submitted by Jimbo

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

Call us today!

NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required, please call first • Fully warranteed & certified • $55/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto Brad Johnson

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364

Roller Skating = Family Fun Reserve your Birthday Party NOW!

Thursday Night

Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Night

All Skating 7:30 - 10:30

Sat. & Sun.

1:30 - 4:00pm

Saturday Night

Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night

All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

Find us on Facebook

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940 www.rollodrome.com

WOW!

Skate Schedule

Dan Larrivee & Rachel Potvin, Owner/Operators

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

$

12

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datsun 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".

The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"

The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."

Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.

The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

I was going to go to the Outdoor Wilderness Survival Show, but not in this weather!

To fear is one thing.

To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another.

– Katherine Paterson Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Brown Paper

New Auburn Business District

Submitted by Jimbo

A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everyone's attention.

"Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?" he asks.

"What's he look like?" asks one shoddy-looking cowboy.

"Well", replies the Sheriff, "he wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket."

"So what's he wanted for?" asks the same cowboy.

"Rustlin'."

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

We come here all the time for the breakfast. They have amazing crepes! We recommend you order the 1-2-3; 1 crepe, 2 eggs & 3 slices of bacon.

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)

Fred & Nancy Ward of Auburn

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

I'm trying to find myself, but to make it interesting I'm wearing camouflage.

Heavy Roof Safeco Field, Seattle's newest ballpark for the Mariners baseball team which opened on July 15, 1999, was built to resemble the great ballparks of yesteryear.

It is open-air and has real grass. Seating capacity of the ballpark is 46,621. Safeco Field features a retractable roof that covers the ballpark, but does not enclose it. The roof keeps fans protected from the wind and rain.

The three roof panels measure 8.75 acres.

The total weight of the roof is a staggering 22,000,000 pounds.

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MARCH 2012 783-7039

NO ORDER TOO SMALL And no minimum purchases! Call us for a FREE quote!!

Textile & Paper Wipes

• Sorbents & Safety Supplies • Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners • Breakroom & Food Service • Chemicals & Cleaners • Packaging • Skin Care • And More!

Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A! 120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

New Auburn Business District

Bragging Rights Submitted by Jimbo

L/A’s Newest Gun Shop

• Tactical Weapons • Rifles & Shotguns • Hand Guns • Personal & Concealed carry guns • Ammo & Targets

32 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-6569 Tues - Fri 9am - 5pm • Sat 9am - 2pm

• Special Orders

SMILE It’s almost Spring!

March Events Sat. March 3rd

Sat. March 9th

Fund Raiser Event

Need to purchase a new power wheelchair C.M.D.L. Dart League to help a little girl with Cystic Fibrosis.

Memorial for Dave Black 50/50 • Raffle • Prizes Spaghetti Dinner 4-5pm Dart Shoot Sign-up 4-5pm

Sat. March 17th

St. Patty’s Day Party Don’t miss out! 5pm Corned Beef & Cabbage Dinner $5 Giveaways • Raffle • Prizes Call for details

New Auburn Social Club

7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039 A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if Cowboy Architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.

Some race horses staying in a stable.

One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

Operation Homecoming In 1973, the first American prisoners of war were released from Vietnam prisons. Operation Homecoming began February 12 when three C-141A aircraft headed to Hanoi, North Vietnam, and a C-9A aircraft headed to Saigon, South Vietnam from Clark AFB in the Philippines. In all, 591 American POWs returned from captivity in Operation Homecoming between February 12 and April 1, 1973.

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Out ’n About at the 4th annual YPLAA Wii Bowling Tournament at DaVinci’s Restaurant

When I was younger I had everything handed to me on a plate - soup was a nightmare.

Mike Morin’s Auto Center “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

VOTED BEST OF THE BEST 13 YEARS RUNNING (Market Surveys of America)

Razzle Dazzle in the house!

$65.95

FRONT END ALIGNMENT

OIL CHANGE

Most Vehicles

$21.95

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

Complete Vehicle Recon only $92.95 (most vehicles) In & Out = wash, buff wax, and buff headlights.

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

Opposites attract, which is why it's horrible to be this handsome.

WINNERS

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SUPPORT SOLUTIONS AT THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS

I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

FOR LEASE 3 BAY SERVICE CENTER

• 3-bay service center • High visibility at 733 Sabattus St. • 2 full lifts, 1 scissor lift • Lease includes heat, A/C & electric • 2,058 sq. ft. of shop space • Plenty of parking in paved lot • Auto dealership out front draws in additional customers

2,058 sq. ft. of shop space

CALL: 777-0047 Or email: office@laautocompany.com

President Ulysses S. Grant was once arrested during his term of office. He was convicted of exceeding the Washington speed limit on his horse and was fined $20.

There are no wild deer of any kind in Australia, and the small red deer is the only one found in Africa.

Only three of the first presidents of the United States had middle names. It was rare, in fact, for anyone to be graced with more than one given name until about 1750.

NOT A NUMBERS PERSON? We Love Numbers!

From Financial Reporting to Quickbooks Consulting to Bookkeeping...

We can help you with crunching the numbers! Call us today!!

RCC Business Services, Inc. Financial & Advisory Services for Small Businesses 143 First Flight Drive, Auburn • 795-0663 • www.RCCmaine.com

Make a NEW quilt with your new machine from Creative Sewing Center

reative Sewing Center SEWING MACHINE SALES & SERVICE

336 Center St. • Auburn 782-5922

Fabric • Notions • Classes • Accessories • Patterns

My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.

By the end of the Civil War, between one-third and one-half of all U.S. paper currency in circulation was counterfeit. This served as the catalyst behind the creation of the U.S. Secret Service. On July 5, 1865, the Secret Service was created under the U.S. Treasury Department. In less than a decade, counterfeiting was sharply reduced.

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Out ’n About at the Healthy Smiles for ME ice fishing derby on Taylor Pond

Camouflage Training: No one turned up... Oh wait a minute...

Rebuilding Together Lewiston-Auburn

May 5th, 2012 It’s been 10 years since a student at Bates College started the Lewiston/Auburn chapter of Rebuilding Together — a national non-profit organization established by his mother in D.C. — created to assist those in need of help in maintaining their homes.

And in the last 10 years, thanks to the undying dedication of the Rebuilding Together L/A (RTLA) board members, local businesses and caring individuals, more than 50 homes have been renovated for area residents who otherwise would not have been able to make the repairs themselves. From painting, to building steps, to repairing roofs, to installing water heaters – whatever it takes that the volunteers are qualified to do and donations allow, it’s done. We’re carrying on the organization's mission by helping homeowners stay in their homes, providing labor and materials to repair the homes of those who cannot afford to do so themselves.

This year “Rebuilding Day” will be on Saturday, May 5th.

If you know of someone who is in need of help, or would like to volunteer on Rebuilding Day, please contact Rachel at Keller Williams Realty, 195 Center St., 783-7300. Applications can also be picked up at this office.

Lewiston - Auburn

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When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me and I said, "What do you need?"

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my porch, just to show them what I'm capable of.

Helping our patients achieve extraordinary dental health.

Now accepting new patients.

Out ’n About at the Healthy Smiles for ME ice fishing derby on Taylor Pond And I left my Uncle Andy’s at home!

Wide-Ranging Services Our dental services include crowns, bridges, dentures, dental extractions, tooth whitening, cosmetic dentistry, root canal, fluoride treatment, and all other major areas of dentistry.

Taylor Brook Dental Our dentists serve patients in Auburn, Lewiston, Poland, Minot, and surrounding towns. We are here to provide quality, comprehensive dental treatment in a friendly, caring atmosphere. Our goal is to help the patient achieve optimal dental heath throughout their lifetime.

We accept Northeast Delta Dental, State of Maine & Cigna Insurances

TAYLOR BROOK

784-1577

DENTAL ASSOCIATES

27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN

TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM If you want more time, wear more watches.

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2011 Stella Awards

I know what people are thinking as soon as I tell them that I'm psychic.

7th Place Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

2011 Stella Awards 6th Place Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

In the eleventh century, crusader knights first introduced raisins to Europe when they returned home from the Mediterranean. By the fourteenth century, raisins became an important part of European cuisine. Raisin prices skyrocketed.

The English, French, and Germans attempted to grow grapes for raisins, but their climates were too cold for drying the fruit.

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PARTS • SALES • SERVICE WE FEATURE: • Service For All Makes • Parts For All Makes • Sales of New International Trucks • Sales Of Used Trucks Of All Makes

Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net If we ever figure out how to preserve people, we'll really be in a jam.

LISTEN: When you rearrange the letters you get: SILENT

Out ’n About at the Healthy Smiles for ME ice fishing derby on Taylor Pond

Off-site Audi & VW service available

2002 VW GTI VR6

$

6,995

24 Valve, 6-Spd., 100K

2004 VW Passat GLX

$

7,995

2005 Jeep Liberty Renegade

$

8,995

3.7L, 4X4

4Motion, AWD, 2.8L, Auto

2000 Audi A6

$

6,495

2.7T, 118K

Other Inventory 04 Audi A4, 1.8 Turbo, Blue, 6-Speed ..................................$8495 03 Audi A4, Black, 6-Speed.....................................................$6795 01 Audi A4 1.8T, Manual, Maroon ........................................$6295 99 Audi A4, Black, Manual......................................................$5295 02 BMW 325 xi, 111K, Silver, AWD .....................................$8495 04 Chevy Malibu Maxx LT, 91k, Loaded, Leather...............$7,295 04 Mini Cooper, Manual, 119k............................CALL FOR PRICE 04 GMC Sierra, Ext. cab, 135k.............................CALL FOR PRICE 04 VW GLS, 115k, Longbeach wheels, .............CALL FOR PRICE 07 Dodge Caliber, Sunburst, Manual....................................$6995 02 Dodge Ram 1500 Sport, 4x4, Reg Cab ..........................$8495 02 VW Beetle, Manual, 88k .................................CALL FOR PRICE 06 Ford F350, 5.4 L, Brown, With Plow.............................$14495 06 GMC Sierra 1500, 4.8 Liter, Pewter..............................$11000 06 Jeep Commander..............................................CALL FOR PRICE 01 Mercury Grand Marquis ..................................CALL FOR PRICE 08 Nissan Frontier, V6, Black, 75K .....................................$14995 05 Saab 9-2X, Gray, AWD.......................................................$6995 05 Saab Aero, 5-Speed, Navigation, 107k,.......CALL FOR PRICE 04 Saab 95, 97K, Turbo, Silver ..............................................$6995

03 Saab 9-5, Brown, 102K .....................................................$6495 03 Subaru Forester, Silver.......................................................$6000 06 VW Jetta GLI, Red, 6 Spd., Turbo ..................................$10000 05 VW Jetta Wagon, 134k, Auto, Blue, Turbo.....................$5495 04 VW Passat, 1.8 Turbo, Light Blue, 100K ........................$7295 04 VW Passat, Wagon, 1.8 Turbo, Indian ............................$6495 03 VW Jetta, 73k, 2.0L, Manual, .........................................$6795 03 VW Passat, Wagon, Manual, 1.8T, Green.......................$6495 03 VW Golf, Silver, 74K, Auto.................................................$6395 03 VW Jetta, Silver, Manual. 1.8T .........................................$6495 02 VW Jetta, Silver, Manual....................................................$5495 01 Volvo S40, 1.9T, Blue .........................................................$4500 99 Volvo S70 T5, Turbo, Auto, Roof, Silver .........................$4000 26” Lexani wheels.....................................................................$1300 20” Chip Foos wheels, fit Audi or Mercedes ..........................$800

Yep, I’m in it to win it!

AS IS

02 VW GLS, Auto , 136k, 2.0L................................................$2000 99 Subaru Outback Limited, 196k ........................................$2000 98 Volvo S70, 186k ..................................................................$2000

1298 Sabattus Street www.independentauto.me Fans don't boo nobodies. – Reggie Jackson

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MARCH 2012

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I'm a big sports fan. I keep the athletes cool while they're playing.

Foreign Car Service GOT HEAT?? FREE winter Checkup With Ad

VOLVOSPECIALIST.NET 140 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-9300

STORAGE PROBLEM?

5´x10´ $25 10´x15´ $75 10´x10´ $50 10´x20´ $100

Mountain View Storage

Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery

Rt. 26, W. Paris (Just 4 miles north from Market Square) • 674-3212 or 333-9745

DAN BOYD

Celebrate & Quilters National Quilt Day March 17th Kni tters!

I’ll pay you CASH for your antiques!

Demonstrations Come join the fun!

Door prizes Make it & Take it Projects

Sales & Service

Antiques, House Attics, Basement Items, One Item or Entire Estates Complete Cleanouts Available Sports Items, Guns, Military Items

State & Federally Licensed

Hours: Mon-Fri 10 to 5; Sat 10 to 4; Tues ‘til 8

909 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-4486 Quilt-Essentials.com

Auction Company

Dan Boyd

998-4083 or 754-1009

SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESS...

Please use our advertisers!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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If vampires have no reflection, how do they have such neat hair?

Another way to say "water" is H2O. It sounds fancy, but it's just h, i, j, k, l, m, n and o.

10% OFF

Out ’n About at the 4th annual YPLAA Wii Bowling Tournament at DaVinci’s Restaurant

with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

• Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

Ron Moon, Manager

207-657-5000

Team Livin’ on a Spare

MAZIE How can I help you today?

216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry 777-3339 Parking in back of building

www.soundeffectsmaine.com

TIME TO FIX THOSE WARNING LIGHTS! PUT YOUR TAX REFUND TO GOOD USE!

When you see this come on

$ Call

Team Center St. Dental

15 OFF

Hourly Service Rate with this coupon Expires 3.31.12

NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 • www.majorauto.net

My car's brakes aren't working, so I bought an anchor.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Healthy Smiles for ME ice fishing derby on Taylor Pond

My new workout plan is working! I'm benching 310 now.

Or maybe 3:15 - whenever the weights are free.

Who cares about fishin’ when we can play fetch?

Mom, you didn’t tell me to dress for ice fishing...

It’s What We Do! If your marketing has become a little dim call the pros at Uncle Andy’s Digest for your next advertising campaign. Our marketing consultants are full of bright ideas!

Uncle Andy’s Digest 783-7039 UncleAndys.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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When French people swear, do they say "Pardon my English"?

Overweight is something that just snacks up on you.

2011 Stella Awards

ALWAYS BE THE “FOLLOW ME” GUY

5th Place

SHARE OUR PASSION

AMES SPORT SHOP 84 Littlefield Road Auburn

782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

Dianne Cote (of Poirier’s Market) & Noah Soto with a friend who wished to remain nameless in the Dominican Republic

Yvon’s Car Wash n’ Lube Tell ‘em Uncle Andy’s sent you!

Tuesday: Seniors’ Day Wednesday: Ladies’ Day Thursday: Veterans’ Day Receive FREE

Automatic Car Wash

$

3 OFF

Basic Oil Change

$

5 OFF

Premium Oil Change

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut.

Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.

Good Reading At a nudist colony for intellectuals in England: Two old men are sitting on the front porch. One turns to the other and says, "I say, old boy, have you read Marx?"

with Oil Change

698 Main Street • Lewiston • 777-3600 (Between ROOPER’s and BURGER KING) Hours: Mon-Fri: 8am - 5pm • Sat. 8am - 2pm

Limit one coupon per customer.

Expires 3/31/12

If the grass is greener on the other side - water your grass!

The other says, "Yes, it's these wicker chairs."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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2011 Stella Awards

When someone hits you in the face, turn the other cheek.

That way the swelling is even!

4th Place Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.

Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

M

SU

2012 CLEARANCE HOTLINE 1-800-730-1001 •

2011 Stella Awards 3rd Place Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

Ignace Paderewski, one of the greatest concert pianists of all time, was also premier Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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I joined a secret club; the guy at the door asked me, "What's the password?"

I told him, "Aren't you supposed to know that?"

Life begins when you're born, and ends with an E.

Paid For Submitted by Jimbo

MARCH MADNESS

UPER SALES

• 2012 CLEARANCE HOTLINE 1-800-730-1001

My wife and I, both graduate students, recently celebrated the arrival of our first child.

At my wife's insistence, we had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about meeting other payments.

We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned over the baby's crib, I heard her mutter, "The only thing in the house that's paid for, and it leaks."

In 1987, Phil Donahue became the first American TV talk show host to tape a show from inside the Soviet Union.

Donahue taped in Leningrad, Kiev and Moscow. Later in the year, the shows were seen by Russian television audiences.

Texas became the 28th state of the United States in 1845. Trivia fans: The official state flag of Texas, called the Lone Star Flag, was adopted when Texas was admitted.

The colors represent bravery (red), purity (white), and loyalty (blue). The large white star was first used on Texas flags in the 1830's during the battles between Texas and Mexico.

Willie Nelson got hit by a car yesterday. He was playing "On the Road Again".

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Sham Wow!

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look too astonished.

Submitted by Jimbo

An Irishman by the name of O’Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass, on learning it wasn't real, returned to her future husband and protested vehemently about his cheapness.

MARCH SNOW STORMS Cause Fender Benders. No Problem.

No job is too big or too small. Lifetime warranty on all collision repair work!

We work hard, and we want to earn your business.

Try out our state-of-the-art service department and save money!

We service all makes and models on all trucks, vans, and cars

OIL & FILTER CHANGE

$

"It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock."

10 OFF

$

Expires 3/31/12 One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.

Wonderful The perennial holiday favorite movie, "It's a Wonderful Life," premiered on December 20, 1946. Trivia buffs: When the film was released in 1946 it was a box office flop! The weekend it opened happened to be the same time as vicious snowstorms slammed the entire Midwest.

$

BODY SHOP SPECIAL

50 OFF

Purchase of 4 tires & alignment

100 OFF Can be used for any collision or paint repair that exceeds $500

Restoration services on classic & antique autos from repairs to touch-ups.

Guaranteed work!

We’ll get your vehicle in and out quickly.

Expires 3/31/12 One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.

Expires 3/31/12 One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.

We offer 24 hour towing services for any vehicle

Country Mile Monaco sits on the southern coast of France, near the border with Italy, and covers 0.73 square miles (approximately 1/2 the size of New York's Central Park).

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Goodwin

Chevrolet Buick - Oxford

1-866-370-9225 Check out other great coupon specials online 1606 Main St. (Rt. 26) Oxford, ME • goodwinmotorgroup.com Never moon a werewolf.

What goes around a button? A billy goat.

WE have the NEW or REFINANCED LOAN for you!

Out ’n About at the Healthy Smiles for ME ice fishing derby on Taylor Pond

Low Rates ✥ Fast Approvals ✥ Extended Terms Call Us Now!

I’ve got my ice fishing game face on.

Great Falls Federal Credit Union *Restrictions & qualification apply

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 760 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 753-0500

www.greatfallsfcu.com

Jimbo to Uncle Andy: I've told you a million times not to exaggerate!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Green Bay, Wisconsin lays claim to being "The Toilet Paper Capital of The World".

Wisconsin may hold the record for the most towns that are capitals of something, some notable Wisconsin capitals include: Belleville - U. F. O. Capital of Wisconsin

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 27 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems

✃

Buy 2 NEW Tires A $24 Value!

and receive a

FREE Oil Change*

Bloomer - Jump Rope Capital of the World Bonduel - Spelling Capital of Wisconsin

OUR TIRES

Expires 3.31.12

Capitals of Wisconsin

*5 quarts max, non-synthetic - must have coupon to qualify.

60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

782-6666 or 783-2026

Boscobel - Turkey Capital of Wisconsin

Your One Stop Shop for Motorcycle Insurance

Hayward - Muskie Capital of the World Mercer - Loon Capital of the World Monroe - Swiss Cheese Capital of the World Mount Horeb - Troll Capital of the World Muscoda - Morel Mushroom Capital of Wisconsin Potosi - Catfish Capital of Wisconsin Sheboygan - Bratwurst Capital of the World Somerset - Inner Tubing Capital of the World Sturgeon Bay - Shipbuilding Capital of the Great Lakes Wausau - Ginseng Capital of the World Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls (207) 345-8711 or 1-800-339-0414 www.CummingsAgency.com

Jeff & Nora Cummings Diane Morissette Leanne Cram

Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!

UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP • OWNER BILL ROY 828 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME • 795-6666 / Fax: 795-8983

We now do: State Inspections • Minor Repairs Plus Oil & Fluid Changes at Great Prices! Labor Rate $48/hr

$

Change OFF Oil 5 Quarts, Full Service

5

with Mobil Oil & Filter Made in USA Most cars. Cannot be combined with any other coupon or discount. Expires 3.31.12

Mon.-Fri. 8am-6pm • Sat. 8am-3pm

$

Any Fluid OFF Exchange

10

Most cars. Cannot be combined with any other coupon or discount. Expires 3.31.12

Mon.-Fri. 8am-6pm • Sat. 8am-3pm

Don't look at me with that tone of voice.

Out ’n About at the 4th annual YPLAA Wii Bowling Tournament at DaVinci’s Restaurant

YPLAA for life!

190 and I know it!

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website

www.donovansauto.com 946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856 I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Can You Hear Me Now? During the seventeenth century in India, King Muhammad Adil Shah had an enormous monument, the Gol Gumbaz, built in Bijapur, Karnataka. Crowning the monument was a gigantic, 178-foot-thick dome, completely unsupported by pillars.

Today, tourists can climb the spiral stone staircase and stand near one of four black stones in the structure, then whisper into one of the stones to a companion standing near another black stone on the opposite side of the dome. They will able to hear what was said.

This phenomenon is attributed to the unusual acoustic properties of the monument.

Strange But True Submitted by Richard Collins

John Tyler (1790-1863) was the tenth president of the United States. he had 15 children by two wives. the last of his children died in 1947. John Tyler has two living grandchildren. Lyon Gardiner Tyler born in 1924, and Harrison Ruffin Tyler, born in 1928. It is unbelievable that a man, born during the presidency of George Washington, 221 years ago, would have two living grandchildren. strange but true.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.

Nervous about seeing the dentist?

ANXIETY-FREE DENTISTRY Now you can stop worrying & start smiling again!

THE CENTER FOR ADVANCED DENTISTRY • We pride ourselves in presenting a caring, friendly environment in which we provide state of the art comprehensive dentistry.

• Focused, individual care.

• Totally relaxed dentistry with the option of conscious oral or IV sedation.

• Treating all your dental needs at one location.

• No more loose false teeth with the placement of affordable implants.

• 0% financing available as well as cash discounts.

• Whether it’s preventative, restorative, or surgical, we can meet most of your needs right here.

. . . y a d o t s u l l Ca You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Robert D. Limoges D.M.D. & Dr. Jonathan A. Bernstein D.D.S.

THE CENTER FOR ADVANCED DENTISTRY Complete Family Dentistry 220 Main Street, Auburn • 784-7355 or 866-716-6128 www.AuburnDental.com

Like us on Facebook! We often post coupons and special offers on our page.

When life gives you lemons...make grape juice, and watch while the world wonders how you did it.

2011 Stella Awards

If bald people get hit on the head, do they get hairline fractures?

2nd Place

SAVE UP TO 50% You name it, we frame it!

Weddings, family photos, artwork & more!

Most Offers

Call and ask us how.

Come with a Hook This is Ours.

Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.

Dan Williams, owner

Custom framing is more affordable than you might think. Check us out!

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333 www.DandRFraming.com

Be a part of a team devoted to making a difference in the lives of others!

WE HAVE OPENINGS IN CENTRAL MAINE

Benefits Include: • Generous time-off program • Employee Assistance Program • PAID TRAINING • Medical, dental & vision • And more!

Contact Kim Dionne kdionne@supportsolutions.org The mission of Support Solutions is to inspire and support a culture of possibilities.

We are an Equal Opportunity Employer

124 Canal St., Lewiston • 207-795-0672 ext. 2108

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth.

Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

The majestic Niagara Falls, popular honeymoon site for newlyweds located in both New York Ontario, was named after the Mohawk Indian word meaning “thunder of waters”. Though of great volume, Niagara Falls has parallel drops of only 158 and 167 feet.

Do something you’ve always wanted to do...

LEARN TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENT THIS YEAR! • Memory enhancement • Increased concentration • Increased coordination

Authorized Service Center

• Decrease depression & anxiety • Increased HGH production and more!

Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair

376-3376 What would you say if Jesus sneezed in front of you?

134 Main Street, Auburn www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Healthy Smiles for ME ice fishing derby on Taylor Pond

The Wheel: Man's greatest invention until he got behind it.

Bakery

I just know I’m gonna hit the mother load today...

&

WineCellar Irish Soda Bread

Wines & Champagnes Over 500 labels of wine

• Cookies • Creme Horns • Pastries & Mini Pastries

Baked Items • Cupcakes • Pies • Brownies

• • • •

Eclairs Donuts Whoopie Pies Cakes

Meal Time • 2 Soups Every Day • Smiling Hill Farms • Egg, Ham & Chicken Salad Milk • Meat Pie & Salmon Pie • Over 25 Different • Bean Specials Cheeses • Breads

Specialty& Miscellaneous Items If a red giant star was the size of an ordinary living room, its energygenerating core would be the size of the period at the end of this sentence.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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• Over 20 Different Kinds of Fudge • Toasted Nuts

• Custom Cakes • Kettle Corn • Garlic Knots

72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine • 353-7552

www.benoitsbakery.com Can you play sole music with a shoe horn?

Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

Out ’n About at the Healthy Smiles for ME ice fishing derby on Taylor Pond

I wasn't the class clown in school. I was the class trapeze artist.

I am gonna melt...

Norm Croteau & Cindy Leavitt with Flossy the Dinosaur

Visit the tooth fairy at healthysmiles4me.org

I’m so proud I can’t even look at the camera...

Money flies when you're having fun.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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2011 Stella Awards

Two parrots sat on a perch. One said to the other, "Do you smell fish?"

1st Place This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home.

On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Customer: Waiter!

There is a fly in my soup.

Waiter: That could very well be, sir, the cook used to be a tailor.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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PROFESSIONAL SCREEN PRINT, EMBROIDERY & PROMOTIONAL PRODUCTS

HAS MOVED! Come see us at 730 Main Street in Lewiston (next to the Salvation Army)

753-1177 • VarsityLettering.com Stop by and pick up our new catalog. It’s FREE!

We now offer promotional products!

We can put your business name on just about anything!!

A few of our satisfied cus-

Nobody but NOBODY r beats ou prices!

Bring in this coupon &

SAVE 5% OFF your total order!

Expires 3.31.12

That guy is so vain - he won’t wear her glasses, but needs them to drive, so he got a prescription windshield.

A woman longed for the pitter-patter of little feet, so she got a dog.

It was cheaper, and she got more feet.

WE BUY GOLD & Silver

Out ’n About at the United Bikers of Maine Chili & Chowder Cookoff at L-A Harley

Frankie’s Pawn @

We’ll pay you CASH for your old pot o’ gold!

PAWN • BUY • SELL • TRADE Music Equipment • Tools • Electronics • Gifts & Collectibles

128 Lewiston Street, Mechanic Falls • 346-3588 Tues. - Sat. 10-6 • Closed Sun. & Mon.

Buddy Seymore (right) receives 2nd place Chili award from Gerry We had some great chili and chowder entries. Thanks to all who participated in our event!

FITNESS ®

STRENGTH, INTEGRITY & ENDURANCE THRU ZUMBA

754-9411 20 Main Street, Sabattus (2nd floor) www.SPRQstudio.com

OFFERING 5:30AM CLASSES! Paul Ruel Personal Training & KettleBell Instructor

Monday & Wednesday KettleBell with Paul

Tuesdays TABATA with Keena

Keena Sullivan Personal Training & TABATA Instructor

YOUR FIRST CLASS IS ALWAYS FREE!

Chris, Julie & Gerry

Certified and Knowledgeable Instructors are here for ALL of your Health, Wellness & Feel Good Needs!

Find us and like us on Facebook!

(You may be eligible for a basket of free flowers) Fire & Iron Firefighters Motorcycle Club wins hottest chili award

Sat. March 17th Stop by, kiss the blarney stone & receive a free rose!

Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457

www.annsflower.com The constipated composer couldn't finish his last movement.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Mistakes If an engineer makes a mistake, It is a new venture!

If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a new invention!

If an explorer makes a mistake, It's a new discovery!

If a driver makes a mistake, It is an accident!

If a politician makes a mistake, It is a new law!

If a professor makes a mistake, It is a new theory!

If a hairstylist makes a mistake, It's a new style!

If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a new fashion!

If parents make a mistake, It is a new generation!

If the boss makes a mistake, It is our mistake!

If an employee makes a mistake, Now, *that* is a "MISTAKE!"

Obey gravity! It's the law.

TIME TO C

Special pricing for quan

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Automobile Batteries...............................................$8 ea. ............................................................10 or more = $9 ea.

Alloy Rims ...............................................................$13 ea. ...........................................................10 or more = $14 ea.

Catalytic Converters ...........................................$8-$240 .............................................(avg. payout is $70 or more) Computer Towers..........................................................$4 Mother Boards....................................................$2.50 lb.

Brass .............................................................................$2 Motors • Pumps • Computer Board Scraps • Electronics Scraps • Radios • VCR’s • Walkman’s, etc.

Copper • Brass • Aluminum • Insulated Wire Electric Motors • Radiators • Transmissions

Denver, Colorado, has 300 days of bright sunshine a year – more annual hours of sun than San Diego, California or Miami Beach, Florida.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Mario Andretti recently retired from race car driving. That's a good thing, because he's getting old. He ran his entire last race with his left blinker on.

I used to sell "No Soliciting" signs door to door. – Travis Dow

CASH IN!

Out ’n About at the 4th annual YPLAA Wii Bowling Tournament at DaVinci’s Restaurant

ntities and contractors!

Mention this ad and get paid the highest prices in town.

Always paying the best prices! (prices subject to market changes)

Amber & Bev

15 Pierce Street, Auburn

Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

615-7057 or 795-8887

Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm

My grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I don’t mind him reading lips, but he uses a yellow highlighter.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the United Bikers of Maine Chili & Chowder Cookoff at L-A Harley

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

March Special Offers Buy 2 Appetizers

Get the 3rd Appetizer Joane & Vic Taking care of the donations table

FREE Not to be combined with any other offer Limit 1 coupon per order Expires 3.31.12

$1.00 OFF Joseph Elliot Wins 2nd place in the dessert category

Any Japanese entree

FREE DESSERT For every couple with purchase of any 2 entrees Not to be combined with any other offer Limit 1 coupon per order Expires 3.31.12

10% OFF Your entire bill Not to be combined with any other offer Limit 1 coupon per order Expires 3.31.12

FREE FREE CRISPY SODA OR TEA

with any order of $5 or more

Not to be combined with any other offer Not to be combined with any other offer to be per combined Limit Not 1 coupon order with any other offer Limit 1 coupon per order Limit 1 coupon Expires 3.31.12 per order / Expires 3.31.12 Expires 3.31.12

WONTON WITH THAI SALSA with any order of $30 or more Not to be combined with any other offer Limit 1 coupon per order Expires 3.31.12

Happy Hour Every Day 3pm-6pm

Ken, Larry & Mike In November 1998, Johnathan Lee Iverson became, at age 22, the youngest and the first black ringmaster in the 129-year history of the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus.

Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

I traded in my wife's piano for a clarinet. You can't sing while playing a clarinet.

& Jimbo

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730 Center Street, Auburn • Auburn Plaza • NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA

376-4855

jasminecafemaine.com

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

RESTAURANT

Great food at fair prices on St. Patty’s Day and every other day in March!

892-9922

907 Roosevelt Trail in Windham

Shayli Poulin, Linda Thompson & Erica Bolduc

Easy on the pocketbook Great for the whole family Full menu always available

Go visit me friends, Dave & Maggie O’Garry and the gang! You’ll be glad you did!!

Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm • Sun 12 - 8pm

Urban Edge Hair Studio is open for business!

Dave & Maggie Garry, Owners

Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken."

So I opened up the box, and sure enough...

Every Thursday Open Mic Night 6pm-9pm

Breakfast served from 8am - 11am

$5 LUNCHES! Monday - Friday 11am - 1pm

Casual Family Dining • Full bar • Fall-off-the-bone Ribs Breakfast • Lunch • Dinner Sun - Wed 8am - 8pm; Thurs - Sat 8am - 9pm

757 Main Street, Lewiston (Across from Marden’s ) • 376-4990 A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and hours are lost.

Linda Thompson has taken her 14 years of experience in the salon industry and made her dream come true! She opened Urban Edge Salon last November at 1117 Center Street in Auburn.

Thompson specializes in cutting, razor cuts, coloring, dimensional coloring, perming, and waxing. She also provides manicures and Still Water Pedicures, Acrylic nails and Shellac Manicures. Thompson has 5 years of exclusive Goldwell Experience and Goldwell ColorZoom advanced training, and has attended numerous region-wide beauty expos. She is also offering YSAE Ammonia Free color as well, made with three different plant oils, direct from Paris.

Urban Edge Hair Studio is one of the only Goldwell and Ysae providers in Central Maine.

Joining Linda are stylists, Shayli Poulin and Erica Bolduc.

Urban Edge Hair Studio specializes in quality salon services at competitive prices. Visit them now to take advantage of their Spring Special: $10 off highlites!

They offer ongoing Senior, Military and Weekly specials. Visit their website at www.urbanedgehairstudio.com and find them on Facebook to see their specials and regular pricing. Urban Edge Hair Studio is open Monday through Friday 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Saturdays 9:30 a.m. to 1 p.m.

They can be reached at 784-3522 for day appointments and walk-ins, in addition to evening appointments.

See their ads in our classified section on page 93.

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ER KAR Y W AO ED KE NE SD AY

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

R EE VE F CO NCE NO TRA EN NO

Restaurant & Lounge

EV

Out ’n About at the United Bikers of Maine Chili & Chowder Cookoff at L-A Harley

FUSION IDOL WEEKLY WINNERS Lisa Ridley 2nd Place Chowder award

#1 Troy

#2 Angelia

#3 Rhonda Lee

#4 Brandi

Feb. 29 - ?

March 7 - ?

#7

#8

Paul Williams 3rd Place

#5 Sheldon

#6 Jessie

MARCH 14

?

@ Ramada Inn 490 Pleasant St. Lewiston

576-6384

1ST PLACE $

Tammy Poulin

?

?

2ND PLACE

3RD PLACE

3rd Place Chili award

In the air, puffins are powerful flyers, beating their wings 300 to 400 times a minute to achieve speeds up to 40 miles per hour Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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300

$

$ 200 100 www.FusionLewiston.com If someone can be described as "pachydermatous," they are insensitive to criticism and insult, or are insensitive to others. (Which is why Uncle Andy can still do what he does).

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Out ’n About on St. Patti’s Day It’s Patti Gagne’s birthday on March 17th. So we’re officially calling it St. Patti’s Day

St. Patti's Day Bundt Cake made by Jennifer Savard-Johnson of Patti Gagne Allstate Agency

Saturday, March 17th

OPENING AT NOON! LIVE ENTERTAINMENT 1pm - 1am

Music from Mike Krapovicki Chad Porter Trio Hairy Pie

Ice Luge

Heated or Outdo Tent! itting)

Food & Drinkls Specia Celebrate St. Patti's Day with a Black & Tan, but please drink responsibly!

Check out the

Have a Happy St. Patti’s Day!

Expanded Pub

erm

er p (weath

LIVE ENTERTAINMENT WEDNESDAY-SATURDAY EVERY WEDNESDAY

KARAOKE w/Mikey C 8pm-11pm

THIRSTY THURSDAY 75¢

$1.50

Jumbo Domestic Drafts Wings

Check out or Facebook page for details!

Irish Twins Pub

Jennifer Savard-Johnson & Patti Gagne Hey Buddy, you should dress up as a Leprechaun as a gift to me on St. Patti’s Day!

Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s) Patti Gagne & Buddy the Elf

The Swedes drink more coffee than any other people in the world.

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Life Lessons Submitted by Richard Collins

At a West Texas elementary school, the teacher asked her pupils if anybody knew a saying that taught a lesson. she called on Bobby, and he said, "Look before you leap."

Local Restaurants & Entertainment Get the luck of the irish with Heidi’s

Coney Island Reuben!

Made with Corned Beef or Pastrami, Sauerkraut, Swiss Cheese & Thousand Island Dressing on Marble Rye bread made from scratch daily.

Plus choice of side & a deli pickle

Don’t forget to use your Heidi’s Rewards Card!

"Very good, Bobby.

What do we learn from that?"

HOURS: Mon.-Sat. 7am-9pm • Sun. 10am-8pm

"To be careful before you do anything. Like looking both ways before crossing a street.

"Very good. Who else has one?"

"Yes, Susie."

"Don’t count your chickens before they hatch."

"What does that mean?"

"If you think something good is going to happen, it might not."

600 Turner Street, Auburn 784-3434 • heidisauburn.com Out ’n About at the 4th annual YPLAA Wii Bowling Tournament at DaVinci’s Restaurant

Uncle Andy’s Digest challenged these Pro Wii bowlers to show us their best

“I made a strike” pose

“Very good.”

"Yes, Timmy?"

"Well, one time Uncle Earl was in Vietnam and he jumped out of a helicopter and all he had was a machine gun, a knife and a fifth of Jack Daniels. By the time he hit the ground, that fifth was gone, and he was surrounded by 100 of the enemy. He kilt 70 with his machine gun till he run out of (continued on next page)

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Every Tuesday Night - 5pm-8pm

Pizza Buffet Soup, Salad & Pizza $9.99/pp • $5 Children 10 & under 150 Mill Street, Lewiston • 782-2088 www.davinciseatery.com In the world of dolls, Midge Hadley was Barbie's® best friend in the 1960s.

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCH Wall of Fame Inductee

I did it and I’m a better man for it!

Mon-Fri 7am to 2pm Sat & Sun 6am to 2pm

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Gary Haley of Auburn

(continued from previous page)

bullets. He killed 20 with his knife, and he strangled the last 10 with his bare hands."

The teacher was shocked. "Timmy, what are we supposed to learn from that?"

"That you don’t mess with Uncle Earl when he’s been drinking."

Morse Code -..-

Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 During the early days of the Gold Rush in San Francisco a glass of whiskey would cost as much as $7.

VOTED BEST CASUAL RESTAURANT ★ 11 Years in a Row ★ VOTED BEST WAITSTAFF for 2011

Catch all the NCAA games here in HD!!

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com If you were to rub garlic on the heel of your foot, it would be absorbed by the pores and eventually show up on your breath.

In 1842, Samuel F.B. Morse laid the first telegraph cable between Battery and Governor's Islands in New York harbor. Samuel was also co-inventor of the Morse code, an alphabetic code of long and short sounds. The long sounds are referred to as dashes, while the short sounds are dots. Dash. Dot, Dot, Dash. (That's Thank You to the rest of us!)

In 1933, Albert Einstein arrived in the United States as a refugee from Nazi Germany. In 1933, Einstein, already a prominent German scientist -- was accused of treason by the Third Reich, and his books were burned. He sought refuge in the United States and then used his influence and financial resources to obtain visas for other refugees.

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"Man imposes his own limitations, don't set any."

Local Restaurants & Entertainment A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!

– Anthony Baily

DAILY SPECIALS

Everyone has talent.

What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.

Monday - Turkey Dinner . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.55 w/potato, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls

Tues. Wed. & Thurs.

Fried Clams - sm. $11.50 . . . .lg. $14.75 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

– Erica Jong In 1995, Alvin Straight took 41 days (from July 5 to August 15) to go 240 miles from his home in Laurens, Iowa, to his brother's home near Blue River, Wisconsin -- using a John Deere lawn mower since he couldn't see well enough to drive a car.

On July 6, 1949, the central coast of Portugal experienced a twominute heat wave that sent temperatures soaring to 158 degrees Fahrenheit!

Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . . . . . . .$7.95 w/potato, carrots, gravy & rolls

Friday & Saturday

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . .$6.95

After 4:00 PM Prime Rib Au Jus*

w/potato & rolls

Thursday - New England Boiled Dinner .$9.55 w/corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls

Small $13.50 • Large $16.25 I love the family atmosphere.

I worked here while in high school and now that I’ve graduated from college I am back at my favorite job!

Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried Haddock* $11.45 Baked Stuffed Haddock* Small $9.95 • Large $13.65

Fried Seafood Combo* $16.95

Baked Salmon $10.95 includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Coleslaw *with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw

Stacey Libby

or Vegetable & Rolls

Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm

Waitress

64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com "The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well."

– H. T. Leslie The Rolling Stones first performed in 1962 at the Marquee Club in London, England. Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, and Elmo Lewis (aka Brian Jones) were the inaugural members of the band. Bill Wyman and Charlie Watts joined the band later.

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JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS All breakfast specials include coffee

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast............$3.95 TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast...................$3.95 WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes .....................$3.95 THURSDAY: French Toast...............................................$3.95 FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette ...........................................$3.95

5 Washington Street, Auburn

783-4304 Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome

SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage ..............$3.95 SUNDAY: French Crepes.................................................$3.95

Prices do not include tax.

Robert E. Lee's dying words were "Strike the Tent."

1 OFF $

Any Purchase of $500 or more

1 coupon per order

✁

Expires 3.31.12

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

In 1778, Mary Ludwig Hays, otherwise known as Molly Pitcher, carried water to the American soldiers during the Battle of Monmouth, New Jersey, during the Revolutionary War. We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

$ 00

2. OFF

– Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

With this coupon Limit 1 per customer. Expires 4.1.12

Each handicap is like a hurdle in a steeplechase, and when you ride up to it, if you throw your heart over, the horse will go along, too.

– Lawrence Bixby

SPARETIME is a great place to host your child’s Birthday Party! $

Monday Mania Rent-a-lane $ 00 10 per hour 11am-10pm

$

2 Tuesday

2.00 games and shoe rentals 11am-5pm

Bottomless Wednesday

Manager’s Special Thursday

2 hours for only $6 per person open - close

Check Facebook, stop in, or call for the GLOW BOWLING 9:30 - midnight special of the day!

Friday & Saturday

24 Mollison Way • Lewiston

786-2695

to see our daily specials & prices

www.sparetimerec.com The largest movie theater in the world, Radio City Music Hall in New York City, opened in December, 1932. It originally had 5,945 seats.

While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple.

I asked one nurse what the pin signified.

"Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."

Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

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The Last Photo You Take

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

MONDAY The Fergy

TUESDAY Meatball Subs

WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners

sm. $2.50/lg. $5.00

sm. $3.20/lg. $6.00

1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink $4.50

THURSDAY Mini Pizza 1 Top $2.60/2 Top $3.30

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians with 1.5 Liter Drink $5.99

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99 Before 1859, baseball umpires were comfortably seated in padded rocking chairs behind home plate.

Corned Beef Dinner Served all day on St. Patrick’s Day! Saturday, March 17th In 2000, Capt. Cynthia Anderson became the first woman to stand guard at Buckingham Palace when she led a company of Australian soldiers to temporarily take over protection of the palace from the usual all-male British guard.

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Chick-A-Dee of Lewiston 1472 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 376-3870 An item must contain 92.5% silver to be considered sterling silver.

NEXT Level Business Coaching Go Home On Time – Sleep Well At Night

What is business coaching?

Call 207-376-3239 for a confidential 90 minute consultation on any two business issues you are facing – no charge.

Guaranteed to provide you with strategies you can put to use right away.

Luck of the Irish?

The oldest individual to win a medal in the Olympics was Oscar Swahn.

He won a silver medal in shooting for Sweden in 1920. He was 72 years old.

Submitted by Richard Collins

In 1956, Red Auerbach, of the Boston Celtics, knew that the future success of his team depended on a six-foot nine center for the San Francisco Dons named Bill Russell. The problem was that the Celtics had the third pick in the draft, and the Rochester Royals had the second pick, and Red knew that Ben Kerner, owner of the Royals wanted Russell as much as he did. Walter Brown, owner of the Celtics, also owned the Ice Follies which was shortly scheduled to go on tour. The Ice Follies was extremely popular and made a lot of money for the people lucky enough to book them for their cities.

They were not scheduled to go to Rochester. Red went to Walter Brown and said.

"I have an idea how we can get Russell. What if we offer Kerner two nights of the Ice Follies if he will swap draft picks with us?" Walter Brown liked the idea and told Red to try it.

Kerner jumped at the deal because he knew he would make a ton of money from the Ice Follies. So that’s how the Celtics got Russell.

Whenever Red was asked how he got Russell, he would always (continued on next page)

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Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon dropped the first two of her birth names before hitting it big on the silver screen.

(continued from previous page)

Cats purr at 26 cycles per second, the same as an idling diesel engine.

say, "We traded for him." When asked, "Who did you trade?"

He would always answer, "Not who; what. we traded the Ice Follies for him."

The Last Photo You Take

"Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them; but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight. When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another." – Helen Keller The defect of color vision characterized by the inability to see the color red is called protanopia.

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Stardom

In Milwaukee during the 1900s, 12,500 horses in the city left an estimated 133 tons of manure and urine on the streets per year.

In 1960, Joanne Woodward became the first star to be featured on the new Hollywood Walk of Fame. The Walk of Fame consists of more than 2,400 five-pointed terrazzo and brass stars embedded in the sidewalks in Hollywood, California.

Super Sale on Echo Chainsaws

Photocopy American inventor Chester Carlson is best known for having invented the process of electrophotography, which produced a dry copy rather than a wet copy, as was produced by the mimeograph process. Carlson's process was subsequently renamed to xerography, a term that literally means "dry writing."

Eternal Youth Police recently arrested a man who was selling pills that would give you eternal youth.

Police discovered that it was the fourth time this man was arrested.

The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.

"Dad, can you do my homework for me?"

"No, I'm sorry, it just wouldn't be right."

"Well, maybe not, but give it a try anyway!"

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1334 MINOT AVE., AUBURN, ME 04210 • 207-783-0558

Double R CRANE SERVICES, INC.

SERVING MAINE, NEW HAMPSHIRE & MASSACHUSETTS

133 Cleve Tripp Road • Poland Spring, Maine

998-4474 • 576-7841 • • • • • •

10% Discount

MARCH, APRIL & MAY Trusses Packaging Certain restrictions apply & Crating for Shipping Trees Steel Work MILLWRIGHTING SERVICE Docks MACHINE EQUIPMENT DISMANTLING HVAC Units We Guarantee Certified Operators & Riggers & More Secured Storage Area • Safety

Marc LaJoie

www.doublercrane.com • marc@doublercrane.com Lemon sharks grow a new set of teeth every two weeks. They grow more than 24,000 new teeth every year.

The average wedding feast in Yemen lasts 21 days.

The electric eel's shocking power is so great that it can overtake its victims while 15 feet away.

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One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger” … every picture of you is of when you were younger.

– Mitch Hedberg There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, here, ere, therein, herein.

Lee Harvey Oswald's cadaver tag sold at an auction for $6,600 in 1992.

We Buy, Sell & Trade Full Line Gunsmith Service Check out our website for weekly specials!

JTReidgunshop.com

J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager jtreidsgunshop.com

Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

Chrysler built B-29's engines that bombed Japan, Mitsubishi built Zeros that tried to shoot them down. Both companies now build cars in a joint plant call Diamond Star.

In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run."

On July 20, 1969, a few hours after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his first, and only, home run.

"I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club.

"Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive."

GREAT MEAT PACKAGES! 4 LBS GROUND CHUCK 2 LBS HAM STEAK 4 LBS CHICKEN LEGS 1 LB BOILED HAM 2 LBS PORK CHOPS 1 LB BOLOGNA 2 LBS CUBE STEAK 1 LB AMERICAN CHEESE 2 LBS PORK SAUSAGE

$

57

5 LBS GROUND CHUCK 2 LBS TOP ROUND 3 LBS BONELESS CHUCK 3 LBS CUBE STEAK 2 LBS BACON ROAST 6-7 LBS SMOKED 3 LBS PORK ROAST SHOULDER 3 LBS WHOLE CHICKEN 5 LBS CHICKEN LEGS 2 LBS PORK CHOPS

$

99

Many more packages available Call or stop by for more info

10 LBS GROUND CHUCK 2 LBS PORK RIBS 3 LBS BONELESS CHUCK 1 LB BACON ROAST 1 LB PORK SAUSAGE 3 LBS PORK CHOPS 2 LBS RED FRANKS 5 LBS CHICKEN LEGS 6-7 LB SMOKED 2 LBS STEW BEEF SHOULDER 2 LBS TOP ROUND 3 LBS WHOLE CHICKEN 2.5 LBS CHICKEN NUGGETS

$

125

We do allow substitutions

5% COUPON

SAVE even more!!

All orders must be pre-paid before they are cut

"Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke."

Poirier’s Market 38 Walnut Street, Lewiston • 782-1041

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Nitrogen used to be called azote.

& Jimbo

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10 LBS GROUND CHUCK 10 LBS CHICKEN LEGS 3 LBS BONELESS CHUCK ROAST 3 LBS BLADE STEAK 2 LBS STEW BEEF 3 LBS WHOLE CHICKEN 2.5 LBS CHICKEN NUGGETS 4 LBS PORK ROAST 3 LBS PORK CHOPS 3 LBS PORK RIBS 2 LBS PORK SAUSAGE 2 LBS BACON 2 LBS HAM STEAK 2 LBS RED FRANKS 6-7 LB SMOKED SHOULDER

$

159

Delivery available on packages $57+ within 5 mile radius

The African eagle, swooping at better than 100 miles per hour, can brake to a halt in 20 feet.

ood Products W e n i F & Stove Sales

224-7239 2742 Auburn Rd. Turner, ME 04282

Over 30 years experience

(1 mile north of intersection of Rt. 4 and 219)

Pellet Stoves Wood Stoves Gas Stoves

• Pine Furniture • Machined Wood Parts • Boxes & Crates • Store Displays

Stove Service & Installation Wholesale Pricing to Retailers buying in volume Custom Production Wood Work

Take a short drive down Route 4 and SAVE BIG $$$

www.finewoodproducts.net

Cake Lesson A little boy is telling his Grandma how "everything" is going wrong: School, family problems, health problems, etc. Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake.

She asks her grandson if he would like a snack, which of course he does.

"Here, have some cooking oil."

"Yuck" says the boy.

"How about a couple raw eggs? " "Gross, Grandma!"

robm@finewoodproducts.net Of all known forms of animals life ever to inhabit the Earth, only about 10% still exist today.

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"

"Grandma, those are all yucky!"

To which Grandma replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!"

She continued, "God works the same way in our lives."

"My childhood was rough. Once for my birthday my old man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away."

– Rodney Dangerfield

Poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow was the first American to have plumbing installed in his house, in 1840.

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The Last Photo You Take

The average life expectancy of a white ash tree is 275 years.

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you." – Winnie the Pooh Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The first person known to have died of radiation poisoning was scientist Marie Curie.

She and her husband were the discoverers of radium.

The potato was not known in Europe until the 17th century, when it was introduced by returning Spanish Conquistadors.

For All Your Salon & Spa Needs • Full Hair Salon Services • Hair Products • Manicures & Pedicures

• Waxing • Facials • Massage Therapy

Ashlee, Shannon, Hannah, Kelley, Mel & Darcy

See us in March for $10 OFF any Facial/Massage these great deals: $45 Mani/Pedi Combo

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1611

to get updates on special services & promotions

Tues. 10am-7pm Wed.-Fri. 10am-6pm • Sat. 9am-2pm

Hunting Season A man in one of the Northern States shot a turkey, and put it and his gun in the trunk of the car. Unfortunately, the turkey was not quite dead and it kicked it's leg, set off the gun, and the man was shot in the leg. After he was treated at a local hospital, he was charged with shooting a turkey two weeks before the season began.

Isaac Feldman

That was great, but I wanna go down the double black diamond trail next!

In the August 23, 1943 issue of "Life" magazine, a new dance craze was featured. It was called the Lindy Hop in honor of Charles Lindbergh. It was also known as the Boogie Woogie or the Swing.

"Shared laughter creates a bond of friendships. When people laugh together, they cease to be young and old, teacher and pupils, worker and boss. They become a single group of human beings."

– W. Lee Grant Living creatures create tiny weather systems called microclimates in their nests and burrows. For instance, bees fan their wings at the hive entrance during hot weather. This makes a cooling draft blow through the hive.

A squirrel has no color vision, it sees only in black and white. Every part of its field of vision, however, is in perfect focus, not just straight ahead, as with humans.

When Isaac

Auburn, you can usually find him on the slopes.

The autumn leaves are a lot like raising kids.

First they turn on you, and then they fly away.

And next thing you know, you look out the window and they’re back!

A rhinoceros has three toes on each foot.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis

Feldman isn’t hanging out with his dad (Scott Feldman) at Sound Effects in

&T Jimbo

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BACK2BACK 2011 & 2012 Lewiston H.S. Cheerleaders

State ! s p m C ha

as Krista Thomas & Ellie Roj Bailey, Shae Godbout, dra sty Beauchense hon Kir & Ras s ls, nie Mil Bar a hel Kar na Lacombe, Rac Fundis, Erika Thibault, Lily art, lly Kivus rtev Bottom row (l to r): Tia Mo Stu & a Kyl tes , Tory Reny, au, Nadine Jones, Tia Cor y Madden, Cassie Regner lor Pratt, Alyssa Rousse Tay , rris Mo Second row (l to r): Abb Erin in, r Roy Safe, Andrea Bon cy, Asst. coach: Jennife Back row (l to r): Tiera Coach: Lynnette Moren

The Superfans!

Someone was always pulling a stunt...

This was Lewiston High School’s 5th championship since 2003 and its 6th overall. For the second straight winter, the Devils swept the conference, regional and state meets. They are KVAC Champions 4 years in a row - 3 year Eastern Maine Class A Regional Champions - and now back to back Class A State Champs 2011-2012! They will travel to Lawrence, Mass on March 17th for New England Spirit Championship to compete for the NE Title.

Flamingoes live remarkably long lives — up to 80 years.

HEATING SYSTEM TUNE-UP JUST

$

80! includes: nozzle, filter & efficiency test

A properly tuned heating system saves 5% to 10% on your annual heating cost!

We service:

Call us today to schedule an appointment for all your heating needs!

• Oil • Gas • Pellet • A/C units Fully licensed & insured

784-6554

Demons & Devils These Demons (middle school) & Devils, both won 1st place at the Cheers from the Heart in Oxford hills in February

LHS and ELHS at Cheers from the Heart in Oxford Hills in February.

Lewiston won 1st place - Eddies took 2nd place

In Middle Eastern legend, the banana was widely considered to be the forbidden fruit.

Anxiety-Free Dentistry is for Me The Center for Advanced Dentistry is providing Anxiety-Free Dentistry to the greater Lewiston/Auburn area.

With dental phobias causing many people to neglect routine dental care, the Center for Advanced Dentistry strives to make their patient's experiences calm and stress-free. They can often correct years of oral neglect in just one or two visits. Your comfort is their first concern. Their services include cosmetic dentistry, natural looking bridges and implants, Mercury-free tooth colored fillings, oral health and corrective procedures.

Dr. Bernstein and Dr. Limoges can provide dental care for your whole family.

Dr. Bernstein is a native of Buffalo, NY, and is an honors graduate of Northwestern University Dental School in Chicago. He has obtained training in both oral and IV conscious sedation and is able to provide patients with options to make their dental experience comfortable. He has a simple philosophy. "I believe in a patient centered, compassionate, and caring approach to your oral health care treatment utilizing the most advanced methods, while providing convenient financial arrangements."

Dr. Limoges celebrated his 35th year of practice this past year. He has provided his patients with outstanding care and compassion over that time. Now, he is excited to welcome Dr. Bernstein to assume the lead of the practice. Dr. Limoges will remain dedicated to those patients who have entrusted their care to him by ensuring they all remain in good hands with the practice. He is proud to implement additional surgical and implant procedures to the practice so that a more complete treatment will be available.

Don't let your fears of the dentist keep you from necessary dental care anymore. Call the Center for Advanced Dentistry today at 784-7355.

See their ad on page 30 for more details.

Dr. Robert D. Limoges D.M.D. & Dr. Jonathan A. Bernstein D.D.S. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Mules

During pregnancy, the uterus expands to 500 times its normal size.

In 1785 the first jackasses arrived in America, landing at Boston Harbor from Spain.

They were a gift from the King of Spain to President George Washington. They were sent to the fledgling nation so they could be mated with female horses to produce America's first native mules.

Auburn Exchange Club’s 36th Annual Twin Cities

GUN SHOW

Nylon Dupont Chemical Company research teams from New York and London, led by Dr. Wallace Carothers, introduced a new fiber called nylon. Nylon was the first humanmade fiber. There are many theories as to how nylon got its name, but one of the most popular is that it is named for the two international cities that cooperated in bringing this synthetic into existence.

In 2003, Sedna, the most distant object ever found in our solar system, was discovered by astronomers at the Mount Palomar Observatory. Trivia buffs: Sedna's exceptionally long and elongated orbit around the sun takes approximately 11,400 years to complete!

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SAT. MARCH 24th 9-4 SUN. MARCH 25th 9-3 at the

Lewiston Armory Central Ave., Lewiston

Dealers from throughout d New Englan

OPEN TO THE PUBLIC • 250 Tables of Guns & Related Items • Firearm Laws Will Be Observed • CONTEMPORARY & ANTIQUE GUNS OF ALL KINDS • KNIVES & OTHER RELATED ITEMS

Admission: Adults: $8 Children under 12: Free with adult

There are 6,272,640 square inches in an acre.

An estimated 10,000 million of the 100,000 million stars in our galaxy have died and produced white dwarfs.

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Classes Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is the art of ground fighting. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu has evolved into an effective self defense system, a thriving sport, and an essential component of Mixed Martial Arts fighting (MMA). In the real world – most fights end up on the ground – you have to be prepared for that scenario. Xtreme Athletics teaches practical self defense techniques with a no attitude, no ego mentality. Students learn sport aspects and practical methods that don’t require strength or athletic ability. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu was made for everyone.

Out ’n About at the Grand Opening at Narals Experience Arabia Narals got my vote. I’m hoping to get yours!

First Month FREE With This Ad Lawrence McCarthy District 2 County Commissioner Candidate

Roland Miller Economic Development Director

XTREME ATHLETICS Xtreme Fit • Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Karate • Zumba®

786-9100

www.xtremeathleticsmaine.com Miscellaneous Terms: Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

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Out ’n About at the 4th annual YPLAA Wii Bowling Tournament at DaVinci’s Restaurant

Let-down lines... HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?

SHE: I must've been given your share.

Smile Award Winners

Out ’n About at the SPRQ-LER Event at SPRQ Studio in Sabattus fitness event featuring free class demos

PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING? Ask about our signature models!

CALL FOR PRICING

G.A. DOWNING 782.4508 or 800.924.4500

Mandy Cote, Midge LeBlond, Darci Lapierre-Brown

Service Rental Sales

111 Woodman Hill Road, Minot www.gadowning.com

We want to be the easiest part of your week!

Your local option for outsourcing your payroll...

Payroll Management has been serving the payroll needs for small and mid size companies since 1989.

PAYROLL MANAGEMENT, INC.

Carrie Quagliaroli, Michelle Crowley, Brooke Nadeau, Michelle Letourneau Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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100 Manley Road, Auburn 783-6880 or 800-734-6880 • www.payrollmgt.com

Let-down lines... HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?

SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

To the Vikings, it was considered rude to kill someone wearing green.

Stay Hip, Trendy & In Style Christine

Emily

Lynn

Cindy

...with a new look from one of our experienced stylists Revive yourself this Spring with highlites, a pedicure, or a facial

Elizabeth

Micaela

Michelle

Kathy

20 Coburn Street, Auburn • 782-9009 (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday

Dan, Dan the bread baking man...

studio for hair, nails & massage

www.panacheauburn.com

This is a nice picture. I think I ought to get it framed!*

Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli Dan Williams, owner of D&R Framing is also one of the bakers at Heidi's Brooklyn Deli.

He comes in early almost every morning to make the bread fresh each day!

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one. – Steven Wright

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Out ’n About at the Grand Opening at Narals Experience Arabia

Miscellaneous Terms: Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.

GET YOUR TRUCKS READY FOR SPRING Servicing all brands of heavy equipment, Light & Heavy Duty Trucks Stop by and try our new Large bay truck wash. Free to all service customers for the entire month of March!

Mayor of Lewiston Robert Macdonald, Mayor of Auburn Jonathan LaBonte

Suspension & Springs • Oil Changes Roadside Assistance Tune Ups • & Much More

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston 333-3707 • www.MaineHeavy.com

Miscellaneous Terms: Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall.

Nabin Naral Owner

Pramod Shrestha Owner Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Miscellaneous Terms: Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage.

Let-down lines... HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?

SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

Celebration of Life

“Feels Like Home!”

Howard & Helen Feldman

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394

ONLY $10

Games Pay 50 + 100 Sunday @ 6:00 pm Monday @ 6:30 pm Tuesday @ 6:30 pm

AL I C E SP

Wednesday @ 6:30 pm $2 added to W.T.A.!

Thursday @ 6:30 pm

AL I C E SP

Friday @ 6:30 pm Half of $ goes to W.T.A.!

ALSO PLAYING HERE: LHS Music Saturdays @ 6:00

Friends, Family and radio fans will all miss Howie for everything he was... A great guy!

Howie Feldman passed away December 18, 2011.

In October 1994, Jeff Bezos wanted to name his new Web venture "Cadabra" -- as in "abracadabra." But his attorney convinced him that this magical moniker sounder a bit too much like "cadaver." Reluctantly, Bezos went with his second choice: Amazon.com.

Uncle Andy says to his dentist, "$90 to pull a tooth? That's only about one minute's work!"

The dentist says, "I can make it last longer if you'd like."

Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree.

– Marian Wright Edelman

Let-down lines... HE: Can I have your name?

SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

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Q: Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.

Miscellaneous Terms: Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

A: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle The model for the human hero of the Winnie-the-Pooh books, Christopher Robin Milne, was born in London, England, in 1920. His father, A.A. Milne wrote the Winnie the Pooh books.

When I was born I was so lazy, my parents had to feed me and dress me and carry me around with them all day.

"Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can." – Unknown "There's something in the unruffled calm of nature that overawes our little anxieties & doubts" ~Jonathan Edwards (Princeton Prez, 1758) In 1955, the state of Illinois enacted the first seat belt law in the United States. Trivia buffs: today 31 states, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands all have primary seat belt laws.

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Miscellaneous Terms: Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: A helper on the farm.

Calvin Since June 28, 2011

Since Sept. 28 2011

Zurg

Dog Grooming Daycare & Boutique

Since August 13, 2011

Milly

65 Washington St., Auburn, ME 04210

(207) 333-3640

The only fully-staffed, cage-free, one-stop shop doggy daycare facility that offers 6,000 sq. ft. of climate-controlled indoor play area, and 20,000 sq. ft. of outdoor play area for small, medium and large dogs!

No payment contracts! If your dog doesn't come to play, you don't pay!!

FULL DAYS OF PLAY AS LOW AS $16

Est. 2008

PER DAY!

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT

thedoggzinn@gmail.com• www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn

http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products • Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

Since Sep. 12 2011

Since June 12 2011

Since May 5 2008

Lars Molly

Pacqui

Celebration of Life

The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #25: You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

BACKGROUND CHECKS Pre-Employment Local, State, National and Federal Criminal History

Reggie Emery Sr

$45.00 includes: • SSN Verification/Address Verification • InstaNational Criminal History • Federal Criminal History • Maine SBI Criminal History • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list

“Reggie was a long time advertiser with our Digest and provided many stories and pictures throughout the years. He will be sadly missed,” said Uncle Andy, “but his legacy will live on through his family.”

“Shortie will be missed for a very long time,” added Uncle Andy.

Reggie Emery Sr passed away February 15, 2012.

The longest muscle in the human body is the sartorius. This narrow muscle of the thigh passes obliquely across the front of the thigh and helps rotate the leg to the position assumed in sitting cross-legged. Its name is a derivation of the adjective "sartorial," a reference to what was the traditional crosslegged position of tailors (or "sartors") at work.

Ice-fog — containing minute ice crystals — shines and glitters in sunlight. It is rather colorfully known as 'diamond dust.' Ice fogs frequently occur around Alaska, where temperatures may drop to -40 degrees Fahrenheit in winter.

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Tenant Screening

State and National Criminal History

$49.99 includes: • SSN verification/Address verification • InstaNational criminal History • Maine SBI criminal history • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list • Trans Union Credit Report w/ credit score • National Eviction Check (Civil courts, all states)

A La Carte Pricing National Criminal History including Sex Offender all states ................................$18.99 SSN Address Verification.................................................2.75 Employment Credit report ...............................................9.00 Tenant Credit Report w/ score ........................................9.00 State of Maine SBI check...............................................24.00 State of ME drivers license history .................................9.00

Personal and professional reference checks ..............$10.00 Education verification....................................................15.00 Prior Employment verification......................................10.00 Professional License verifications.................................10.00 Single state Eviction check...............................7.00 per state National Eviction Check ................................................11.00

Other verification and Private Investigator services are available.

All searches are conducted and filtered by a licensed private investigator to meet FCRA regulations to reduce your liability.

Pre-adverse and adverse action letters and consumer copies provided at no extra charge to help you stay compliant with current FCRA regulations.

Volume pricing is available. Volume customers can be set up to run reports right from their own office for their convenience.

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #24: You don't need to talk about problems, you just fix them.

The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #22: You don’t have to know the names of more than 5 colors.

Let us do what we do BEST So you can do what you do BEST Call us today for a no obligation consultation to see if we can help you do business better!

RCC Business Services, Inc. Financial & Advisory Services for Small Businesses 143 First Flight Drive, Auburn • 795-0663 www.RCCmaine.com

Be Relaxed

 QuickBooks Consulting  QuickBooks Hosting  Bookkeeping  MaineCare Billing  Accounts Receivable Management  Financial Reporting

Proadvisors, for confidence Certified Staff, for training Hosting, for virtual support

Providing Therapy for • Anxiety • Panic Disorders • PTSD • OHD and more Sharing A Journey To Wellness

)Health Affiliates Maine ♦ Outpatient Therapy & Case Management

"Normal" is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.

Wanna be normal?

Elmo, a puppet from the children's television show "Sesame Street," testified on April 23, 2002 during a House Labor, Health and Human Services, Education Appropriations Committee hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington. He was testifying in favor of school music education. He is the first puppet in history to testify on Capitol Hill.

1.877.888.4304 www.healthaffiliatesmaine.com

Locations Statewide

Accepting all insurances

"I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it."

– Lyndon B. Johnson

Custom printed T-shirts, Business Cards, Magnetic Signs & More!

The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #20: Buying a wedding dress costs $2000, whereas a tuxedo rental costs $75.

In 1987, RIAA reported that sales of CDs surpassed vinyl record albums for the first time in 1986. Celebrate today by trying to explain to a teenager what vinyl albums were.

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Out ’n About at the SPRQ-LER Event at SPRQ Studio in Sabattus fitness event featuring free class demos There’s nothing like a great workout to work up a good sweat!

Miscellaneous Terms: Paradox \par'-uh-doks\: Two physicians.

LOOKING TO BUY GUNS ALL THE TIME! BUY – SELL – TRADE

Antique ammo and lots of unique guns just came in from an estate sale!

Smith & Wesson Stop by and check it out!

Model 41 Target 22

Asking $850 481 Maine St. • Poland Spring 998-2806 • 576-9535 576-1553

This has really put the SPRQ (spark) back in my step!

Keena Sullivan Personal Trainer and TABATA Instructor I’ll ditto that, Keena! What a great workout Kettlebell is.

Everyone should try it!

Paul Ruel Personal Trainer and Kettlebell Instructor Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Out ‘n about at the United Bikers of Maine Chili & Chowder Cook-off Jalapeño... on a stick at L-A Harley Miscellaneous Terms: Misty \mis'-tee\: How golfers create divots.

Out ’n About at the SPRQ-LER Event at SPRQ Studio in Sabattus

Miscellaneous Terms: Heroes \hee'-rhos\: What a guy in a boat does.

Earn

10% MORE with any amount of bottles with this coupon!

No luck needed here! We’ll give any leprechaun 10% more money with this ad!

fitness event featuring free class demos

Expires 3.31.12

Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm

Top e ’o th to ya! in’ n r mo

Amy Matthieu

Richard Conway, owner

Miscellaneous Terms: Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

Happy Spring!

We are a full service salon!

2 for

• Licensed Aesthetician • Licensed Massage Therapist • Full range of skin care including Glycolic Peels • All waxing services including Brazilian Wax

$

• Tinting - eyelashes & brows

Pauline is back!

March Special

30

A 29% Savings!

Ann Dumais

Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

Pauline Guimond

Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw

Jacinta Labbe

Call and schedule your appointment

786-4311 14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

Lisa Olmstead

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

Miscellaneous Terms: Eclipse \e-klips'\: What an English barber does for a living.

(But the ladies at Kutters Korner do it better)

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There are moments when everything goes well, but don't be frightened.

– Jules Renard By recycling just one glass bottle, the amount of energy that is being saved is enough to light a 100 watt bulb for four hours.

The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #19: Weddings seem to plan themselves.

Mystery Photo Guess who?

n 1928, Herbert Hoover, the Republican presidential nominee, spoke of the American system of rugged individualism in a speech he gave at Madison Square Garden in New York City.

If you can correctly identify this photo you will have a special opportunity given to you. To see the answer to this mystery and have the opportunity revealed check out page 78.

Did You Know?

High temperatures can make rubber or plastic grips on tennis, golf, or racquetball equipment totally unusable. Avoid storing racquets or golf clubs in your vehicle's trunk, particularly during the summer.

One Laysan albatross, tracked by biologists at Wake Forest University, flew more than 24,843 miles in flights across the North Pacific to find food for its chick in just 90 days — a flight distance equivalent to circling the globe.

Out ’n About at the Grand Opening at Narals Experience Arabia Located at 34 Court Street in Auburn Offering Arabic, Greek & Western dishes.

Below: Owners Nabin Naral & Pramod Shrestha, center cutting the ribbon for their grand opening. Also in attendance was Mayor of Lewiston Robert Macdonald, Mayor of Auburn Jonathan LaBonte, L/A Chamber President Chip Morrison & Economic Development Director Roland Miller

Imari & the Sahara Desert Dancers

In England, murder is murder. There are no degrees of murder, as in the United States.

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The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #18: In a relationship you can fix everything with flowers.

The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #13: A short vacation only needs a single carry-on suitcase.

indham •

Located

orth W . 115 in N

0

892-822

on Rt

The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #11: Three pairs of shoes, total, are plenty for all of your needs.

Henry Ford was obsessed with soybeans.

He once wore a suit and tie made from soybased material, served a 16-course meal made entirely from soybeans, and ordered many Ford auto parts to be made from soyderived plastic.

In Egypt, social engagements usually begin later than they do in the United States.

Dinner may not be served until 10:30 p.m. or later. When invited to dine, it is customary to take a gift of flowers or chocolates. Giving and receiving gifts should be done with both hands or the right hand – never with the left.

Wyatt Earp lived to be 80 years old. In his last years, he served as an advisor to the makers of western movies. if they wanted to get it right, who better to look to for authenticity.

Submitted by Richard Collins

The classic metal tokens that roam the streets of Atlantic City in the game Monopoly were not part of the original game. When Monopoly was first introduced, it didn't include any game pieces, only suggestions that players use household items like buttons and pennies.

The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #7: You can use the same hairstyle for years, if not for decades.

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The invention and development of the telegraph in the 1840s made possible the swift collection of information from widespread weather stations, and thus enabled the first weather maps to be drawn.

The term "spaghetti Western" originated during the 1960's.

Moviemakers made low-budget films in Italy because it was cheaper to do so there than in the United States. Upon completion of a movie, English was dubbed in for the Italian actors. Struggling actor Clint Eastwood had left Hollywood for a few years and made his early Westerns in Italy with director Sergio Leone, to whom the term "spaghetti Western" is attributed. The collaboration of Eastwood and Leone included the hit film The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966).

The right arm and torch of the Statue of Liberty crossed the Atlantic Ocean three times. It first crossed for display at the 1876 Philadelphia Centennial Exposition and in New York, where money was raised for the foundation and pedestal. It was returned to Paris in 1882 to be reunited with the rest of the statue, which was then shipped back to the U.S. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Miscellaneous Terms: Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with.

READY...

SET...

GO!

SPRQ Studio at the 2012 Shaw’s Polar Dip in Raymond to benefit the Maine Children’s Cancer Program Photo credit: Alison Douglass Photography

Miscellaneous Terms: Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: What penguins see with.

The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #12: You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes, and you never have strap problems in public.

WOOD PELLET $ave on heating costs

Out ’n About at the United Bikers of Maine Chili & Chowder Cookoff at L-A Harley

WOUT O L B Environmentally Friendly

$

220/TON

100% Maine Wood Pellets While supplies last!

ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE

ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS

Thomas Tarrantino 1st Place Desserts

1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

www.esmpellets.com The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #10: One wallet, one belt, one pair of shoes; the perfect outfit for every day of the year.

AFFORDABLE HOUSING AT ITS BEST! Auburn’s newest 28 unit housing development is located in downtown Auburn near shops, restaurants, banks, the library, post office and local bus routes.

Tina Saucier 1st Place Chili

Rents include heat and hot water One bedroom: $498-604; Two bedroom: $596-724 Three bedroom: $676-824 Amenities: Laundry room and assigned parking Androscoggin Head Start & Childcare on site • Individual storage units Part-time resident services coordinator • Handicap accessible units

NOW Accepting Applications!

784-7351 www.auburnhousing.org

SECTION 8 HOUSING CHOICE VOUCHERS ACCEPTED

Webster School Apartments 95 Hampshire Street, Auburn

Trudy Toothacker & Paul Williams 3rd Place Chili

The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #6: You can fart anywhere and as loudly as you like, and you can even get people to pull your finger before doing it.

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During World War II, bakers in the United States were ordered to stop selling sliced bread for the duration of the war on January 18, 1943. Only whole loaves were made available to the public.

It was never explained how this action helped the war effort.

Badminton was once known as battledore and shuttlecock. The game as we know it today took its name from Badminton House in Gloucestershire, England – home of the Duke of Beaufort.

Maps showing the solar system published prior to 1979 need to be updated. The reason: Pluto is no longer the most distant planet from the sun; Neptune now is. In its 248.8 year orbital revolution around the Sun, Pluto crossed Neptune's orbit in December 1978. Neptune and Pluto resume their more familiar positions in March 1999 as Pluto journeys to its farthest point from the Sun, over 4.5 billion miles away.

The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #4: You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.

For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs • Personal Lines • Auto • Boat, RV & Motorcycle • Assets • Home • Commercial Lines • Business • Life Insurance • Employee Benefits • Health Insurance

BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY 2 locations to serve your needs

LEWISTON 541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029

BRUNSWICK 92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797

When commercial telephone service was introduced between New York and London in 1927, the first three minutes of a call cost $75.

THOSE WORKPLACE HAZARDS ARE ALL AROUND US...

On the TV sitcom The Addams Family, it took actress Carolyn Jones two hours every day to put on Morticia’s vampish make-up. She also wore a full-length wig made of black human hair.

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Rearrange the letters in SLOT MACHINES and you get CASH LOST IN ME.

I'm glad Twitter has a character limit of 140 instead of 144. That would be gross.

Get Your Nails Done!

• Artificial Nails • Natural Nails • Shellac • Pedicures • Nail Art Call for an appointment • Walk-ins welcome

Kellyann Rawson Licensed 25 years

March Special Come in wearing green in March & get 10% off your nail service

600 Center Street • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 786-0112

Happy St. Patti’s Day, Patti! We heard it was your birthday!

Well, Happy Birthday!!

Alabama was admitted as the 22nd state of the United States on December 14, 1819.

Deep in the "Heart of Dixie," (one of the state's nicknames), Alabama was first inhabited by the Creek Indians (Alabama means 'tribal town'), then explored by the Spanish, settled by the French, and then controlled by the British.

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing.

You have to make the mind run the body.

Never let the body tell the mind what to do.

The body will always give up. It is always tired morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night, and the body was never tired...

You've always got to make the mind take over and keep going."

– George S. Patton

Round Trip Submitted by Richard Collins

Uncle Andy goes up to the ticket counter at an airport and asks for a round-trip ticket.

The agent says, "To where?" and Uncle Andy says, "Duh, back here."

You know you're an adult when you suddenly start taking Bert's side over Ernie's.

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Modern Day Education

Before they made him they broke the mold.

Submitted by Richard Collins

A little third grade girl came home from school one day, and her mother asked her what she did in school that day. The little girl said that they had sex education.

The mother said, "Oh, what did you learn in sex education?"

Uncle Andy’s Digest Classified advertising

The little girl said, "We learned to buy condominiums and avoid intersections."

Samuel Clemons, whose pen name was Mark Twain, was born in 1835 in Florida, Missouri. In response to news that he had died, he sent the following note to Associated Press: "The report of my death was an exaggeration." Trivia buffs: Prior to adopting Mark Twain as his pen name, Clemens wrote under the pen name Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass.

It doesn’t get any more affordable!

See page 93

Believe It In 1918, Robert Ripley began his "Believe It or Not" column in "The New York Globe." Subjects covered in Ripley's cartoons and text ranged from sports feats to little known facts about unusual and exotic sites.

Call us today for more info @ 783-7039 or email: editor@UncleAndys.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

It is not the cards you are dealt but what you do with them that counts.

& Jimbo

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"Winners take imperfect action while losers are still perfecting the plan." – Tony Robbins

Street Name Submitted by Richard Collins

Complete Frame & Single Vision Lenses First pair

$

59

Second pair

$

40

Not to be combined with any other offer See sales associate for details

A guy calls 411 and asks for the number of Mary Smith in Phoenix Arizona. The operator said that there are probably multiple listings. do you have a street name?

"Yeah, most people call me Slick."

Phone Home

We accept most insurances

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120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn • 783-4226

Vision at a Value Mon - Fri 9:30 AM - 6:00 PM, Sat 10 AM - 3:00 PM

"Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose."

– Tennessee Williams

Bahahaha, haha... I just read that joke under me!

I love this magazine!!

The first publicly available push-button telephone was released in 1963, by the Bell System. They were first made available in the towns of Carnegie and Greensburg, Pennsylvania.

The push-button telephone was first invented in 1941, and eventually replaced rotary dial telephones that were first used in 1891.

Pledge of Allegiance In 1892, the Pledge of Allegiance was first recited to celebrate the 400th anniversary of Columbus' discovery.

The first version of the Pledge was published in "The Youth's Companion" on September 8, 1892.

I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

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Colorful "International Orange" is the official name of the orange-red paint used to paint the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, and it has always been that color. Rejecting carbon black and steel gray, the color was chosen because it blended well with the span's natural setting. Had the U.S. Navy's color request been granted, the bridge would have been painted black with yellow stripes.

Painting the bridge is an ongoing task and its primary maintenance job. The special paint protects the Golden Gate from the high salt content in the ocean air, which rusts and corrodes the steel components.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Austrian-born former bodybuilding champion and film superstar, is more than brute brawn. He holds a degree in business and finance from the University of Wisconsin, and had earned a small fortune in mailorder and real estate before he launched his career in the film industry.

Carte blanche, which means unconditional authority or power, was coined during the mid 1600s and literally means in French “blank document.”

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For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction - plus a social media overreaction.

MA RCH E VE N T S Fri. March 2nd Family Night, 5-9pm $15 Lift Tickets/$15 Rentals Grumps in the Brookside Lounge @ 8pm - No Cover Charge!

Sat. March 3rd

Fri. March 9th

Muscle Milk 100ft. Jib Jam

Family Night, 5-9pm. $15 Lift Tickets/$15 Rentals.

Free registration 9am includes lift ticket. Prizes!

Teen Night 5-9pm. $13 Lift Tickets/$13 Rentals Everyone welcome! Sponsored by Tim Horton’s

Sat. March 10th Magno Race 9am Teen Night 5-9pm. $13 Lift Tickets/$13 Rentals Sponsored by Tim Horton’s

Beach Party in the Brookside Lounge with Veggies by Day, 8pm No Cover!

Sun. March 11th Lost Valley Snodeo!

Pond skimming, mechanical bull, card board box races, beer garden on the deck, and more! $25 Lift Ticket for the day!

Projected closing day

Hours of Operation Vacations and Holidays 9am-9pm Monday-Thursday 2:00pm-8:30pm Fridays 10:00am-9:00pm Saturdays 9:00am-9:00pm Sundays 10:00am-5:00pm

200 Lost Valley Road, Auburn 784-1561 • www.lostvalleyski.com World’s Shortest Books: DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.

World’s Shortest Books: HOW TO GET INTO THE SUPER BOWL by Dan Marino

Mystery Photo Revealed If you correctly identified the mystery photo on page 70 as Tim Bellmore, Timmy said you have a fantastic opportunity awaiting you. Just stop by his dealership, Independent Auto, located at 1298 Sabattus Street in Lewiston and he'll graciously allow you to buy any car on his lot at the full sticker price, as long as you also pay the tax, title & doc fees...congrats!

Timmy Bell more owner of Independ ent

Auto

Love and time; those are the only two things in all the world and all of life that cannot be bought, but only spent. – Gary Jennings

Life is full of commitments: Even when you are born there is a string attached.

DO YOU HAVE A LOVED ONE BEING DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL? Assisted Home Care can meet with you and the social worker to coordinate the recovery at home!

After your loved one has had a stay at the hospital they want to come home to recover. It is a proven fact that patients recover faster in a familiar home environment and being with their families. You and your loved one will have peace of mind knowing you have a trained professional giving one on one care.

So let Assisted Home Care assist with the transition from the hospital to home. We can provide 4 hours of 24 hour home care, one day or 7 days a week.

Once you call Assisted Home Care, we can provide services in as little as 4 hours.

Home C d e t s are si s A 550 College St., Lewiston

783-7375

We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

BREATHE SAFETM INTERIOR ZERO VOC FINISH FROM MURALO. You want the best for your family, and with Muralo Breathe Safe™ you get just that. Breathe Safe™ is virtually odorless and free of VOC’s, while still keeping the high performance properties you’ve come to expect from a Muralo product.

Jimmie Foxx, the great hall-of-fame baseball player, married a girl from Auburn, Maine.

Her name was Dorothy Anderson. Her father was a partner in the Anderson and Briggs Drug Store which was located at the corner of Court and Main streets.

Jimmie Foxx died at the age of fifty-nine while having dinner with his brother. He choked on a piece of steak.

I know this because Dorothy Anderson and my mother were best friends all through school in Auburn.

When I was a kid, Jimmie Foxx gave me an autographed baseball.

I still have it.

Submitted by Richard Collins

SpaghettiO’s Grand Rapids, Michigan is the "SpaghettiO’s Capital of the World" because percapita consumption is highest in that city, per the Franco-American Company. Reportedly, there are more than 1,750 "O's" in a 15-ounce can of SpaghettiO’s.

"Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury."

– Edwin Hubbel Chapin

The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores.

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Home Sweet Home

The Mall of America does not have a heating system. It relies on the heat from the lighting, the sunroof and all the people.

FROM STONE DUST TO ROC

St. Laurent & Son is pleased to announce the acquisition of the former Glen Dube Gra located less than a half mile from the Maine Turnpike. The gravel pit now has a la Pick up and delivery are availa

Locally owned and operated since 1970!

NOW ACCEPTING EMPLOYMENT APPLICATIONS

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

784-7944

www.stlaurentandson.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The Mall of America has its own zip code.

The world's largest shopping mall is the West Edmonton Mall in Alberta, Canada.

Home Sweet Home

CK, WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!

avel Pit located at 168 Middle Road (Rt. 9) in Sabattus. The gravel pit is conveniently arge scale crushing/processing operation and offers a wide variety of aggregates. able. Call our office for pricing.

In the "West Ed Mall" in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, there are over 800 stores.

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The 25 Best Reasons to Be a Guy #17: You know the truth about why you don’t call a woman back after the first date - which is that there was a good football game on TV and the next day and you plain forgot.

COME ON DOWN! To Poland Regional High School’s Class of 2012 Project Graduation Fundraiser

Advance tickets are only $6 each.

Available at PRHS, Elm Street School, Minot Consolidated School, Poland Community School, Mechanic Falls Town Office & Minot Town Office.

Tickets $10 each at the door.

Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo On February 2, 1848, the U.S.- Mexico war came to an end with the signing of this treaty, in which Mexico ceded California, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, and parts of Colorado, New Mexico, and Wyoming to the United States.

Two dogs are walking down the street, one says, "Wait a minute" and then crosses the road. He sniffs around a fire hydrant and returns. The other dog says, "What was that all about?" The first dog replies, "Just checking my messages!"

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You’re the next contestant on the Price is Right!

Date: Saturday March 3, 2012 Place: Poland Regional High School Time: Silent Auction begins at 5:00pm

Show begins at 6:00pm Don’t miss this fun filled event with fabulous prizes and showcases.

Project Graduation is in need of donations. To schedule a pick up of your donation, contact Doreen Seeley @ 740-6461 or Lori McDonald @ 754-2989.

Donations may also be dropped off at Poland Regional High School.

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

See locals Peter Ford as Bob Barker & Dana Lee as Rod Roddy

There are 50,000 shopping malls in the United States alone.

CAPTION CONTEST

Are you my mother?

Uncle Andy’s Digest’s monthly caption contest as seen on its Facebook page.

We asked for fans to enter their funny comments about the photo to the left.

We said the funniest clean submission would get credit in the Digest plus win a pair of lift tickets to Lost Valley in Auburn.

Once again, we had some great response!

This month’s winner in our caption contest was: JESSI HILTON Her caption was, “Are you my mother?”

Like us on Facebook and take part in next month’s Caption Contest! You could win fabulous prizes!!

The average mall shopper stays for 80 minutes and spends $75 each visit.

World’s Shortest Books: VIKING TABLE MANNERS

IT’S TIME TO PLAN FOR THOSE SPRING PROJECTS! How about taking out a Home Equity Loan with Rainbow to help with those projects?

How many sides does a stop sign have?

Most people will say 8. accepted answer. That is wrong. There are 10.

Most people forget the front side and the back side.

Submitted by Richard Collins

Apply Online!

Rainbow FCU Main Office 381-391 Main St. Lewiston 784-5453

Auburn Office 20 Washington St., Auburn 207-883-0351

Mechanic Falls Branch South Paris Branch 1 Lewiston Street, McFalls 172 Pine Street, So. Paris 346-3001 743-5410

Member Eligibility is required • We are federally insured by the NCUA

World’s Shortest Books: THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY

by Dennis Rodman

Your Concept...

...Our Design

Why not use your INCOME TAX RETURN and SAVE BIG! 10’x12’ Oak Kitchen with countertop .......$1,99999 10’x12’ Birch Kitchen with countertop .....$2,09999 1766 Federal Rd. (Rt. 4) Livermore

In 1973, 19-year-old Scot Halpin of Muscatine, Iowa, played drums at a Who concert in San Francisco, California, after Keith Moon became sick and Roger Daltrey asked the audience, "Is there a drummer in the house?" Scot answered the call.

A cheetah and a lion are racing. The cheetah wins.

The lion says to the cheetah, "You're a cheetah!"

The cheetah says, "Nah, you lion!"

"Let us begin by committing ourselves to the truth to see it like it is, and tell it like it is, to find the truth, to speak the truth, and to live the truth."

– Richard M. Nixon Worst Country Western Songs:

897-3400

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com

I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me

World’s Shortest Books: AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis

or 1822 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston

784-3100

&T Jimbo

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965 Minot Ave., Auburn 783-0447 or 783-0433 PetrosHardware.com

World’s Shortest Books: HOW TO GET A TAN WITH A BLOWTORCH

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote!

“The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

Petro’s brand new look

has a brand new look & is also a new dealer for Poulin Grain Petro’s Ace Hardware and Landscape Center, 965 Minot Ave. Auburn, completed exterior renovations in late 2011. Interior renovations have started and are projected to be complete by the start of spring 2012. Petro’s would like to thank all of the patrons who have graciously accepted the obstacle course of new merchandise during the shifting isles, new overhead lighting, and demolition process. Expanded inventory, coupled with knowledgeable staff and statewide delivery will allow for increased opportunities with new and existing customers.

Petro’s has also added an entire new department by recently becoming a Poulin Grain dealer.

Petro’s collaborative vendor networking makes Poulin a great fit. Poulin is a fourth generation, Vermont family owned and operated company, with facilities in Newport and Swanton, Vermont and in Canton, New York. Poulin specializes in high quality dairy, equine, pet, and livestock feeds.

Petro’s will play host to a number of late winter/early spring educational workshops for equine and poultry owners. For more information or to reserve a spot please contact the store 783-0433 or through email info@petroshardware.com.

Petro’s is an Authorized Techo-Bloc dealer with a huge inventory of hardscape, natural stone, granite, bulk aggregates, and hardware supplies. Petro’s is open 7 days a week, offers manufacture direct pricing and can help customers through any project. This unique combination of services has become sort of a secret recipe for success and if given the opportunity, owner John Petrocelli Jr and his staff, believe they can surpass customer expectations and develop successful and profitable partnerships with all contractors and customers alike.

See their ad on the facing page.

World’s Shortest Books: GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES

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The Manhattan cocktail — whiskey and sweet vermouth — was invented by Jennie Jerome, the beautiful New Yorker who was the toast of the town until she went to England as the wife of Lord Randolph Churchill, in 1874, and gave birth to Winston.

The second national city is Port Angeles, Washington, designated by President Abraham Lincoln.

That's where they would move the capital if something happened to Washington, D.C. There are 5 million different species of insects in the world. The insect population of the world is at least 1,000,000,000,000,000 ,000. The weight of the world's insect population exceeds that of man by a factor of twelve.

Frances Perkins was the first woman appointed to hold a U.S. Cabinet post as Secretary of Labor. She was appointed by President Franklin D. Roosevelt, and held the post from 1933-1945.

AIBOHPHOBIA: (n.) the fear of palindromes.

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20% OFF all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!

INVENTORY REDUCTION

SALE! 20% - 75% OFF

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Featuring

131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

8 AM - 5 PM

Pigs, dogs, and some other animals can taste water, but people cannot. Humans don't actually taste the water, they taste the chemicals and impurities in the water.

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We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

s Alway g n i Buy

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

No, I'm not going to give up trying to become The Invisible Man. Have I made myself clear?

World’s Shortest Books: DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE

Home Sweet Home

Auburn/Lewiston YMCA Gymnastics League to host State Meet When: March 30 & 31, April 1 Where: Lewiston Armory The YMCA Gymnastics League is affiliated with the Lewiston Recreation Dept.

The MPC Gymnastics Team has15 gymnasts on the team, ranging in age from 8-17, with most of the older girls participants since the age of 7.

782-5920 170 Main Street • Auburn

We are looking for donations, sponsors, publicity, program booklet to help make this state meet a success.

Anyone willing to donate materials, time or money it would be greatly appreciated.

Questions? Please contact: Denise Gauthier at Rainbow FCU at 783-0351 Ext 203.

Thanks for choosing Uncle Andy’s Digest!

We couldn’t do what we do without YOU!!

Make your heart healthy...

Contact me!! mindyfortin.bodybyvi.com and learn how you can lose weight, build lean muscle, gain energy... and how you can do it for FREE!

The MPC Gymnastics Team consists of: Adeline Fabian, Roslyn Wailus, Ryan Belanger, Sadie Royer, Dayle Jordan, Kyla Curtis, Emelia Krapovicky, Savannah Kasevich, Brianna Jalbert, Lauren Theriault, Jamie St.Pierre, Emerald McKinney, Lindsey Bolduc, Deni Federico & Olivia Lare

"There should be, in the soul halls of space, avenues of leisure and high porticos of silence...where God waits." – Jeremy Taylor

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There are fewer than 1,000 Bactrian camels left in the wild. They have survived in a land with no water in an area used for nuclear testing. Their numbers, however, are falling dramatically as humans encroach farther and farther into China's Gobi Desert.

Buying your wife a matching belt and bag for her birthday is NOT a good idea if they fit the vacuum cleaner.

Former President Ronald Reagan, when an actor, signed with Warner Brothers in 1937 and appeared in 50 films with that company. His first film with them was King's Row, released in 1941.

Located in the Indian Ocean just north of the equator, Sri Lanka had a highly developed civilization as early as the fifth century B.C. Translation of Sri Lanka is “beautiful country".

Every plant in Tomorrowland at Disneyland in Anaheim, California, is edible. Plants in this section of the amusement park include bananas, strawberries, tomatoes, and more.

Guest are more than welcome to pick their fill.

Patient: "Doc, you have to help me. Some days I think I'm Mickey Mouse, some days I think I'm Donald Duck" Doctor: "How long have you had these Disney spells?"

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Worst Country-Western Songs: If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

Worst Country-Western Songs: How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?

"If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may tend to its increase."

– Epictetus In 1992, two years after her country's independence, the first woman from Namibia was crowned as the winner of the Miss Universe pageant.

Namibia lies in Southern Africa, bordering the South Atlantic Ocean, between Angola and South Africa.

"Sing out loud in the car even, or especially, if it embarrasses your children."

Worst Country-Western Songs: I Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me with A Spade

LARGEST ASSAULT WEAPON SELECTION From AK’s to AR-15’s AK-47

AK-47 Bullpup

– Marilyn Penland "Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force."

AR-15

– Irving Berlin

Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com

In 1996, Candy Key married Clyde Rotramel in the same spot where he had proposed to her -- the left-turn lane of Missouri Highway 50. The bride and groom took their vows, kissed, and left, all in about three minutes!

Worst Country-Western Songs: I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis

AK-74

AMD-65

FNL PS-90

Many more to choose from!

Stop by for expert advice & knowledge and a huge selection of firearms & related accessories!

We Buy - Sell - Trade

&T Jimbo

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Need it gone?

WE DO THAT! Construction Site Waste • Apartment Building Clean outs • Rental Property Clean outs Old Junk • Old furniture • Old appliances • And More!

We have the technology and the manpower to take care of your clean out project affordably and efficiently. Call H.I. Rick for a FREE quote for your clean out!

H.I. Rick

For All General Home Repairs & Improvements

HOME IMPROVEMENT SERVICES Carpentry • Plumbing • Flooring • Painting Plowing & much more!

Call us today for a FREE quote!

ut about o d n fi to y a d to ll Ca l! our Spring Specia

784-8922

Mario, of Super Mario Bros. fame, appeared in the 1981 arcade game, Donkey Kong. His original name was Jumpman, but was changed to Mario to honor the Nintendo of America's landlord, Mario Segali.

Since 1877

Monuments & Markers Cemetery Lettering & Cleaning

LOWER HOME HEATING COSTS! Energy Audits • Infrared Imaging • Blown-in Cellulose Insulation Invest your income tax return into your home to lower future heating cost!

David J. Pratt Over 30 years experience

Bolster Monumental Works 1278 Main Street, Oxford • 743-2673

HomeEnergyTechs.com

Contact Rudy 576-0847

Visit us online:

myselco.com

This Month’s Specials

4 pc. Roadies Chicken Dinner................$5.99 Large Dagwood Sub ...............................$4.99 FREE* 2 Liter Soda with purchase of any Large Pizza *Sales Tax & Deposit not included

HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Call us!

No Separating Required!

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.

WOOD & PELLET STOVES

ON SALE NOW

1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4

FOUR SEASON SERVICE

Downeast Sharpening Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond

DOLMAR

shindaiwa

655-4635

www.downeastsharpening.com

“Your technicians did a very professional job installing my new furnace and tank… great job, guys!” —Julien, Wales Phone: (207) 225-3000 • Toll-Free: (800) 491-7888

www.murrayoil.com • murray@murrayoil.com

Worst Country-Western Songs: If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me

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The Couple that bike together I’m I’m independent, constantly smart and busy, smart a classy and a sassy lady. guy

My frosted flakes melted in the summer.

YOUR CHOICE... $4,295 Pool includes: Full print liner • Sta-rite filter system A-frame ladder • Maintenance kit Bar rel

Dianne Cote & Don Allen Owners of Poirier’s Market in Lewiston

In 2001, President George W. Bush hosted the first Little League game ever to be played on White House grounds as the Satchel Paige League Memphis Red Sox beat the Capitol City Rockies in a game of T-ball.

"Goals. There's no telling what you can do when you get inspired by them. There's no telling what you can do when you believe in them. There's no telling what will happen when you act upon them."

ets Spas,D 24 J ual Seating & Will Relax up to 5 People

386 Minot Ave. Auburn • 782-7532 • osbornesoasis.com

BUILDING A NEW HOME THIS SPRING? New home packages like this

Complete move in condition!

No hidden costs!

Onsite construction NOT A MODULAR! Owner finishes 2nd floor & builds equity

28’ x 34’ CAPE on your lot

$148,750 Price subject to change without notice Some restrictions apply - call for details

Energy Efficient New Homes • Remodeling • Additions • Energy Efficient Upgrades

R.L. BUILDERS Inc. Quality Residential Construction since 1994

Contact Rudy at 576-0847 RLBuildersme.com

-- Jim Rohn The American woodcock, with its eyes placed toward the top of its head, can see backward and upward, and forward and upward, with binocular vision and, laterally, almost 180 degrees with each eye.

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You'll Laugh

You'll Learn

With lots of humor, Imus is joined by Imus asks tough questions of celebrities, politicians Warner, Bernie, Lou and Dagen. and media stars and they still come back for more.

Add comedians Tony Powell and Rob Combine that with our award winning local news Bartlett, starting your day is more fun. and your mornings are complete.

L-A’s WEZR RADIO

1240

Listen to AM 1240 weekdays 6 to 10 AM

I slept through the alarm this morning. Good thing it was only a small fire.

➢ UNCLE ANDY’S CLASSIFIED ADS ➢ Automotive Mike Morin’s Auto Center Free shuttle with all repair work 1122 Center Street, Auburn 753-0433

Emerson Toyota Your next vehicle is here!

990 Center Street, Auburn 784-1348 Donovan’s Auto Sales 50 great vehicles to choose from.

267 Rt. 202, Greene 800-811-8856 Cameron Tire Buy 2 tires, get free oil change 60 Minot Ave, Auburn 782-6666 Sound Effects Car audio & remote starters 216 Center St, Auburn 777-3339 Independent Auto Sales High quality cars & trucks 1298 Sabattus Street, Lewiston IndependentAuto.com Lake City Exports L/A’s premiere pre-owned lot 867 Center Street, Auburn 753-0033 Donovan’s Auto Sales 50 vehicles in stock Rt. 202, Greene, 753-0433 Donovansauto.com

m

co

y To

e

Em

Timber-Built Construction New home construction, Sunrooms, Garages 753-9887 or 576-8528

1998 Coachman Catalina 27’ Rear bedroom, new floors, new full length awning, good condition Call Denis @ 576-9365

Stylist needed for booth rental Established clientele preferred Call Linda @ 784-3522

Urban Edge Hair Studio

Stone Dust to Rock, we have it in stock!

We Deliver.

Hair Salons

Call 784-7944 or order online at stlaurentandson.com 20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

Spring Special - $10 OFF highlites

Remodeling

Bottle Redemption

Urban Edge Hair Studio

Kitchen Solutions 10’ x 12’ Oak Kitchen with countertop only $1,999.

Call 897-3400 FMI

Sherm Arnolds Huge Flooring Sale Carpet, Laminate, Ceramic Tile 550 Lisbon St., Lewiston Call 782-0831

CHIMNEY TRACKERS Chimney out of control?

We’ll get it back on track!

Linings / Sweeps / Repairs Call 539-1115

1117 Center St., Auburn 784-3522 www.urbanedgehairstudio.com

Bebe’s Bottle Barn Home of the honest count!

Rt. 202, Greene (behind Mower’s Market) 946-5875

General Advertise your business or service in our classified section.

Call Uncle Andy’s Digest office right now at 783-7039 to find out more!

Apartment Rental 2 Bedroom First Floor Apt. In Mechanic Falls - Available 4/1.

Includes heat, hot water, trash pick up, off-street parking. $750/month Security, References required Call 576-4844 FMI

Trash Outs Home Improvement Services

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Need it gone - call us today 784-8922

Classified advertising

Farrell Enterprises We clean out anything Foreclosures Call today 782-5300

HAIR 2000 Booth Rental available in Lewiston salon.

Call Kim at 783-7373

4 lines $40 It doesn’t get any more affordable!

Call us today for more info @ 783-7039 or email:

editor@ UncleAndys.com

www.UncleAndys.com

New Major Automotive $15 OFF Hourly Service Rate 250 Broad Street, Auburn 783-4933

n rso

Employment

Check out our all new website!

Armand’s Autobody Free Esimates Satisfaction Guarantee Call Dan Dumont @ 782-7113

. ota

For Sale

St. Laurent & Sons

Victory Lane $5 OFF Oil Change 828 Minot Ave, Auburn 795-8983

Check out the Back Forty

Construction

New & Used

Worst Country-Western Songs: If Love Were Oil, I'd be a Quart Low

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OUT ’N ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE

When the Hoovers did not want to be overheard by White House guests, they spoke to each other in Chinese.

• Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes

• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems

CCURATE CCOUNTING & Tax Services, P.A. 922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 Good Day Digesters!

Spring is right around the corner, can you see it?

That’s called a metaphor which is a literary figure of speech that uses an image, story or tangible thing to represent a less tangible thing or some intangible quality or idea (Thank you Wikipedia). I have said it once and I’ll say it again I may be a few sandwiches away from a picnic but I never expected any of you to jump up and sprint to the door and attempt to attain a glimpse of whatever an approaching spring may look like.

So if the cabin fever is starting to eat at you or the winter weather has taken a toll on your dwelling, you should definitely give Timber Built Construction a call.

They can assist you with all your construction needs.

They are some of the bestskilled folks around, but apparently they don’t make house calls to Miami. I guess when they said they service just about anywhere they might not have been talking quite the whole eastern seaboard.

If you are not looking for a complete home renovation at the moment but need to

(Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer)

Get it GONE NOW!!

Any part of property cleaned – if you don’t want it, we’ll throw it away…

This is a great time to clean out attics, cellars & garages!

Trash & Garbage • Furniture & Appliances • Construction & Demolition Debris Boilers & Scrap Metal • Brush & Trees • Buildings Demolished & Removed

Property Services • Especially Foreclosures Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped • Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs

Farrell Enterprises Over 65?

Ask about senior discounts.

Fully Insured • Call for FREE Quote!

782-5300 or 576-2501

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Mageiricophobia is the intense fear of having to cook.

Bill Haley and the Comets, one of rock and roll's pioneer groups actually began their career's as Bill Haley's Saddle Pals - a country music act.

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get out of the house for a spell, you could think about going to Yvon’s Carwash & Express Lube and give a little attention to the vehicle which has been pumping out the heat and splashing in the slushy, sand, salty streets all winter while you are all worried about getting your new LL Bean boots dirty. They are boots people, they are supposed to get dirty, HELLO???

And on that HELLO I say GOOD BYE for this month. I look forward to next month!

So set your timers for 43,200 minutes and I’ll see ya in 30. Also don’t forget to follow me on Twitter at UADMiamiMike. I only have 10 followers so help me out!

And feel free to email me at UncleAndysDigestMiamiMike@aol.com!

Aye, tis the month of St. Patrick.

May you hat keep you head warm. May you friends buy you a green beer and say cheers!

But drink responsibly me friends!

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MARCH 2012

783-7039 95

Introducing our new Car Wash Manager

In 1970, "MCI" stood for "Microwave Communications, Inc." No longer used as an acronym, it now stands alone.

These cars are all $199 or less per month!

Lewis Bailey

Colin Dube, son of Derek Dube, Lake City Exports Owner

2006 Saab 9-3

NOW OPEN 6 DAYS A WEEK!!

99k, 5-Spd., Leather

$148.26 /mo.

2005 Saab 9-3 Aero

$180.11 /mo.

2007 Dodge Caliber R/T, AWD Sunroof, Automatic

2005 Jeep Liberty Renegade 4X4, 5 Passenger, Automatic

$199.01 /mo.

2006 Kia Sportage

We take pride in your ride!

EX 4X4, Sunroof, Loaded

80k, Automatic, Leather

Steve Dubois Owner

Silver, Automatic

$199.01 /mo.

Mon.-Sat.

• Full Reconditioning • Hand Car Wash & Wax • Interior Cleaning • Dualies & Denalis welcome

2007 Toyota Yaris

$188.86 /mo.

$188.86 /mo.

865 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 333-3004 liquidsunshinecarwash.com Hours: Mon- Fri 9:00am - 5:00pm Sat 8:00am - 4:00pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Giraffes are the only animals born with horns. Both males and females are born with bony knobs on the forehead.