UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST The Most Unusual Digest in America
Emerson Toyota .com
MAY 2010
FREE and worth every penny!
Come see our completely renovated restaurant
WE’RE BACK ON COURSE!
Join us for fantastic food & service!! Voted L/A’s Best Seafood Chowder 2004 - 2007
The Vallee family: Norm, Connie, Belinda & Mick
165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com
31 Blake St. Lewiston
782-7113 Call Dan Dumont for your FREE Estimate!
138 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com AUBURN MEDICAL ASSOCIATES 15 Gracelawn Road, Suite 103, Auburn
B STREET HEALTH CENTER 57 Birch Street, Lewiston
CAMPUS AVENUE FAMILY PRACTICE 90 Campus Avenue, Lewiston
COURT STREET FAMILY PRACTICE 871 Court Street, Auburn
L-A INTERNAL MEDICINE 3 Willow Run, Auburn
LEWISTON MEDICAL ASSOCIATES 106 Campus Avenue, Lewiston
LISBON FALLS FAMILY HEALTH CENTER 583 Lisbon Road, Lisbon
POLAND FAMILY PRACTICE 1230 Maine Street, Poland
PRACTICES OF KAPPLEMANN, MILLER & MORRISSETTE Lewiston
SABATTUS STREET INTERNAL MEDICINE 963 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
SECOND STREET FAMILY PRACTICE 60 Second Street, Auburn
ST. MARY’S MEDICAL ASSOCIATES
OUR FACILITIES AND SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE TO EVERYONE.
99 Campus Avenue, Lewiston
WOMEN’S HEALTH ASSOCIATES 330 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
All in the Family
"Sometimes in the winds of change we find our true direction." –Unknown
Submitted by Jimbo
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation, A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. "Later my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother -in-law of her father-inlaw. Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my halfbrother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grand-father of my halfbrother. "This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. "This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I'm my stepmother's brother-inlaw, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm my own grandfather! And you think you have family problems!” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
2
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
Donʼt wait! Call now to try a risk FREE no-obligation class
Intro to Karate for Fitness for Kids Wed. May 19th 4:30pm - 5:15pm and 5:30pm - 6:15pm
FREE CLASS - GAMES & PRIZES
Karate & Self Defense for Adults & Kids Lil Ninjas: 3 - 6 years old MEMBER: NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF PROFESSIONAL MARTIAL ARTISTS
Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: pelledojo@aol.com • www.pelletierskarate.com
786-3731
"Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault." – David M. Burns
"Learning is like rowing upstream: not to advance is to drop back." – Chinese Proverb
MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA MAY 2010 Thursday, May 13 Lewiston Mandarin LUNCH (Camp 10589) Sabattus St, Lewiston 11:00am – 1:30pm $4.25 per Member $5. per Guest Wednesday, May 19 Grid Iron (Camp 14437) 1567 Lisbon St. Lewiston 4:00pm – 7:00pm $8. per Member $9. per Guest Sunday, May 23 KC Breakfast (Camp 7938) Columbus St, Brunswick 8:00am - 10:00am $4. per Person $5. per Guest Tuesday, May 25 Yianni’s Pizza (Camp 10929) 155 Main St, Paris 11:30am – 1:00pm $4.50 per Member $5.50 per Guest Wednesday, May 26 Roy’s Allsteak Hamburgers (Camp 14346) Center St. Auburn 4:00pm – 7:00pm $4. per Member $5. per Guest Please Note: Prices and Menu are Subject to Change Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday from 9am - 4pm and Friday from 9am – Noon (excluding Holidays). FMI call 782-1833. Auburn Office Activities 783-8804 Saturday, May 8 5:00-6:00pm St. Louis Parish Hall, BBQ Chicken Dinner 80 Third Street, Auburn Adult $4.50; 6-12 $1.; under 5 free Tickets may be picked up at MWA, 76 Minot Ave., Auburn, Mon - Thurs from 9:00am to 5:00pm. Or call 783-8804 or 1-800-561-8506.
If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else. – Booker T. Washington
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Uncle Andy’s Digest
Every time we open our mouths, men look into our minds.
MAILING ADDRESS:
PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL:
editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 FAX: 207
783-7039 777-3898
www.UncleAndys.com
MAY 2010
Staff UNCLE ANDY In the Trenches
Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service! Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted
Smile Again Dentures
JIMBO
801 Webster Street, Lewiston
P90Xer
514-0660
Travis Dow Special Olympics Bound
Maggie Joyce
www.smileagaindentures.com smileagaindentures@gmail.com
Joe & Mike Adkins
Playing Bubbles
Marty Dow Hall of Famer
Michele Farrar Early Bird
"A man who limits his interests, limits his life." – Vincent Price
Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212
Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
4
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Great food, great service and a great atmosphere. All at a GREAT price! What more can you ask for?
Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily
• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn, ME (207) 753-0171 (for take-out)
Kevin & Cindy Sasseville of Lewiston
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon
"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven." – John Milton
Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. – Anna Quindlen
Fit-N-Fabulous Package ONLY
$
25
• 30 Day Fitness Membership • Kick-N-Cardio Class Every Mon/Wed/Thu. 5:30pm
Includes Fitness Center & ALL Cardio Classes Expires 5/31/10 • Limit one
WOW! Every other Friday is
BONUS FRIDAY!
FREE! Bring your family & friends to experience true Fit-N-Fabulous!
Expires 5/31/10 • Limit one
For Those Who Like it HOT!
Hot Stuff
Tanning Salon & Wellness Center 545 Minot Avenue, Auburn
784-8900 "An inventor fails 999 times, and if he succeeds once, he's in. He treats his failures simply as practice shots." – Charles F. Kettering
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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HEALTH & FITNESS GUIDE AUBURN-LEWISTON
United Way of Androscoggin County
YMCA Where You Belong!
Camp Connor OPEN HOUSE May 23rd, 1pm-4pm
Come visit the facilities and take a tour of camp! 9 Sessions from June 21st - August 20th Sign up for as many sessions as you’d like
Camp Connor Registration Now Open Camp Connor: Kids entering grades 1-8 Accepting TOPS summer camp scholarships
Team Leadership Camp Teens entering 9th & 10th grades Limited to 14 teen leaders per session
Learn to Swim Swim Lessons Ages 6 mo.-Adult Classes begin May 10th, jump in anytime… registration is on-going.
Family Swim • Adult Lap Swim Splash Parties • Water Aerobics 62 Turner Street (next to the county building) Auburn • 795-4095
www.alymca.org
There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them. – Andre Gide
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Chamilia Event
Pat Bolduc, Divine Cupcakes
PJ Mottram & Lorraine Camire Miche Bags
Kathy Corey (owner) & Julie Collins Day’s Jewelers
We love Chamilia, it’s all about your life and your style.
Sarah Boyd & Heather Edwards "Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths." -- Etty Hillesum
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly. – Henri Bergson
Helping our local small businesses, families and individuals.
■ Health ■ Dental ■ Vision ■ Disability ■ And More!
For personalized service in your area, contact your local Insphere agent today.
Dale E. Blake Licensed Insurance Agent
207-754-9291 dale.blake@insphereis.com A12534
Long Distance Call An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles." "What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group. "I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something like this: 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!' Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
8
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
Insphere Insurance Solutions, Inc. 11S000226
"Our lives improve only when we take chances -- and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." -- Walter Anderson
PROM SPECIAL Please book your appointment in advance. We fill up fast!
Updo & make-up application
Only $45 OPEN SATURDAYS! www.MadisonAveSalon.net
782-5920
"People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes." -- Abigail Van Buren
HEALTH & FITNESS GUIDE
Under NEW Ownership Taylor Brook Animal Hospital 33 Millett Drive • Auburn Catherine Sanders, D.V.M.
between Minot Ave. & Court St.
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Chamilia Event Diane, what time is it anyway?
Pam, it’s time to support your local March of Dimes.
784-1726
Hours: Mon., Wed., Fri. 8-5; Tues. & Thurs. 7:30-6; Sat 8-noon
Pam Hoglund & Diane Bradley March of Dimes
Affordable! Really! Three meals a day Plus snacks Weekly housekeeping - 24 hour call buttons Transportation to doctors appointments & shopping
All for $1,300 per month!
Stop in and see us for info on Chamilia.
Openings Available Now! Call for a tour today!!
#433 Rt. 202, PO Box 629, Greene
946-3007 “Maine’s Most Affordable Senior Living Center”
www.mainemeadows.com
John Tompkins & Staci Cleaves Day’s Jewelers
"Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity means?" "Certainly," replied the applicant. "It means I don't get the job." "In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." -- Bill Cosby
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
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Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Chamilia Event
You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm. - Collette
Rebecca McGinnis & Darla Munro
5/31/10
Completely edible Chamilia cake made by Ahisma Cakes of Auburn A poem written to celebrate a wedding is called an epithalamium.
RETRACTION The AAA Power Rooter ad in our April Digest stated an incorrect price of their competitor, Able Power Rooter as $260. We have been notified by Able Power Rooter that any non-emergency call price is $207. We apologize for any problems this may have caused. It is not Uncle Andyʼs Digestʼs intention to mislead anyone. Nor is it our responsibility to confirm anyoneʼs prices. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
10
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
We love Day’s Jewelers!
Eileen Chandonnet, MaryEllen Couillard & Sue Chandonnet The largest art theft in US history included twelve paintings, collectively worth around $300 million, were stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston, MA. This included Vermeer's The Concert and three Rembrandts (including his only seascape The Storm on the Sea of Galilee). To date, these paintings have not been recovered.
Erika Douglass, Becca Litchfield & Michelle Banville
Auburn Mall Eye Care Bring in this ad for...
5 OFF
$
Contact Lenses
(excludes exams) 1 coupon per person Expires 5/31/10
DR. MICHAEL METAYER, O.D.
550 Center Street, Auburn (207) 782-5030
It is never too late to give up your prejudices. – Henry David Thoreau
AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE
Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Chamilia Event You’re never too young to get something at Day’s Jewelers!
Lindsay & Mackenzie Valentine
PARTS • SALES • SERVICE
I bet if I hide behind these balloons, he can’t get me in Uncle Andy’s!
WE FEATURE: • Service For All Makes • Parts For All Makes • Sales of New International Trucks • Sales Of Used Trucks Of All Makes
Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves." -- Lynn Hall
Marlene Doyle Ballistics is the science that deals with the motion of projectiles.
Shop local Use our advertisers! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends. – John Churton Collins
www.emerso
The Back Forty
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
12
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." -- Albert Einstein
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. - Mohandas Gandhi
ontoyota.com
y May Specials
It's always too early to quit. – Norman Vincent Peale
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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"So many fail because they don't get started - they don't go. They don't overcome inertia. They don't begin." -- W. Clement Stone
Your Community Auto Repair Shop Quality service at an affordable price! Early Bird Special A/C System Check & Service
$
$ SAVE 30 95
99
(reg. price $129.95)
Call for your appointment
NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 • www.majorauto.net
When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred. – Thomas Jefferson
Punch Buggy One day, a little boy visited a doctor for a vaccination. After the doctor gave him an injection, he tried to bandage the boy's arm.
Island Hopping in the Bahamas If I can only get this stupid camera work?
What do you say we do a little island hopping? Let’s start with Green Turtle Cay.
I’d rather start with Hope Town...
It doesn’t matter to me. I just hope this makes it into Uncle Andy’s.
"I think you'd better bandage the other arm, doc!", said the boy. "But, why? I'm supposed to bandage the injected part of your arm to let your friends know not to touch it." "Doc, you really don't know anything about how my friends behave!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
14
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
Vacationing Buddies: Helen & John Belisle, Pat & Paul Roy, Lindy & Barbie Sargent & Rachel & Steve Goulet "Self-confidence is the key to the universe." – Carrol Wrackley
SnoW IS THE ANSWER
"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time." – Anna Freud
Submitted by Jimbo
Top 6 reasons to choose Mike Morin’s • Expert service & highest quality
It’s time to start thinking about a complete A/C performance check!
• Accurate diagnosis of problems • Fair & honest quotes • Great customer service
• Full service garage, no problem too big or too small • Best of the best 10 years running for automotive service
Paul Deschenes
FOR SALE AT MIKE MORIN’S 2003 Chevy S-10
2006 Harley-Davidson Ultra Classic
$
4,800
Only $ 18,500 Cobalt blue & silver, air ride seat, GPS, AM/FM stereo, extra chrome, 2 windshields
4x2, Low miles, Standard, one owner
Complimentary Coffee & Donuts while you wait • FREE Shuttle Service In L/A
Mike Morin’s Auto Center 1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433
Uncle Andy decided to take another week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him. Fortunately, Uncle Andy was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire. Hours later, when everyone but Uncle Andy had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him. After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate. Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, "Uncle Andy, are you there? It's the Red Cross." Bristling, the harried executive called back, "Get lost. I gave at the office!"
“A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”
How can you save money without sacrificing quality? By calling Wyman’s Collision today! From dings & dents to complete overhauls and custom paint jobs. Dan Wyman, Owner
See us for a FREE ESTIMATE and $AVE!
VW & AUDI SERVICE Mention this ad for
Phone: 333-3231
10% OFF
1164 Minot Ave. (behind Dealer Worx)
459 Washington Street in Auburn • 878-9088 • www.rennen.us
your next service
"Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence" – Vince Lombardi
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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New Hire at CCU
"Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings." – Samuel Johnson
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 26 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems
OUR TIRES
Diane Labrecque Community Credit Union is pleased to announce the hiring of Diane Labrecque as the new Vice President of Lending. Diane brings with her over 26 years of experience, previously working as the VP of Lending at Sabattus Regional Credit Union. With this new position, Labrecque will be responsible for all aspects of loan operations including monitoring the following: loan activity, rates, policies, procedures and more. She has completed 3 years of the CUNA Lending School as well as other various Credit Union courses. Diane resides in Wales with her daughter Andrea and son Travis. Community Credit Union is a member-owned, full service financial institution that has been serving its members and Androscoggin County since 1945. Community Credit Union has branches located at 144 Pine Street, Lewiston and 40 Stanley Street, Auburn. For more information, log onto communitycreditunion.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
16
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
Rod & Beth Cameron, owners A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM
60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210
782-6666 or 783-2026
"Confidence is a habit that can be developed by acting as if you already had the confidence you desire to have." – Brian Tracy
‘00 BMW 328CI
‘01 Audi A4
5-speed, many aftermarket upgrades. Black w/red interior
Loaded, new 18” wheels
$
8,495
$
6,495
Other Inventory 06 Suzuki Forenza . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,495 04 Chevy Tracker ZR2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 02 Saab 95 Turbo, Loaded 5-Speed, Leather . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,495 01 Saturn Wagon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3,495 01 Audi A6 Wagon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 00 Volvo XC70, AWD, Wagon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 99 Acura SLX, SUV, 4x4, 79k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 99 Audi A4, 5-Speed, Power Windows & Locks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,495 98 Audi A4, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,295 98 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4WD, 6cyl. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3,995 97 VW Jetta GL 1.8T . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$2,495 96 Volvo 850 GLT, 5-Speed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$1,795 04 Yamaha TTR 125 Dirt Bike with light kit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$1,295
INDEPENDENTAuto Scott McFarren & Tim Bellmore
1298 Sabattus St. Lewiston
FREE RECON with any new purchase
Tim Bellmore
786-7744
"The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do." – Author Unknown
AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE
Hiccup in the System
ALL OF OUR VEHICLES COME WITH A 3 MONTH/3,000 MILE WARRANTY
Submitted by Jimbo
$11,900
$9,900
2005 Saab 93
2004 Volvo S40
Turbo, Leather, CD, Keyless Entry, Sunroof, 42k, Fog Lights & More
T5 Turbo, AWD, Automatic, Heated Leather Seats, Alloys, CD Changer
$16,900
$11,500
2007 Toyota Rav4
2004 Volvo V70 XC
4WD, 59k, Automatic, Leather, Loaded, Roof Rails
Turbo, Automatic, Leather, AWD, Power Leather Seats, CD & more
$11,900
$15,900
2006 VW Jetta
2005 Dodge Durango Limited
5 Speed, Power Windows & Locks, Alloy Wheels, Leather, Premium Sound, 72k
Hemi, DVD & Navigation, Tow Pkg., 3rd Row, Loaded, Leather
USED TIRES FOR SALE
$25 & up Call FMI
733 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
777-0047 • www.laautocompany.com "Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they're yours." - Richard Bach
While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check. "Why not?" my friend asked incredulously. "I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000." "It can't be!" he cried. "You have to be kidding!" "Yes, I am," she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039 17
Out & About at Shear Madness in Auburn Shear Madness is simply fantastic at doing color!
AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE IT’S MUD SEASON! MORE TO GO ON The New 2010 Arctic Cat ATV’s are in! Check out our Arctic Cat riding apparel & accessories, too!
Set your sights on Ames Sports Shop!
AMES SPORTS SHOP
84 Littlefield Road • Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)
Justine At Shear Madness I can get the perfect hairstyle and get my nails done all in one stop.
The Church Whisperer A mother took her little boy to church.
So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper'."
While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his Father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."
The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church.
The Father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."
Amanda
A speleologist studies caves.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
"It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves." - Edmund Hillary
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& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE
M & P AUTO SALES
$
4,500
1999 F350 Ambulance 7.3 Diesel, 230K, runs like new, everything works
$
9,950
2007 Pontiac Grand Prix 62K, Silver, Sharp Car, Aluminum Wheels, PW, PL, AC, FWD
$
1,500
1986 Sprinter 33’ Camper
www.MandPautosales.com
Roosevelt Trail, North Windham • Call Scott Rioux at 892-0932 or 754-4867
Tag-a-long 2003 Chevy Silverado, Black, Ext. Cab, 4.8 Auto. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,800 2002 Ford F350 Superduty, 109k, Auto, 8 ft. minute mount plow . . . .$12,000 1995 GMC 1500, 2WD, V8, 5-Speed, Step Side. Ext. Cab, 70K . . . . . . .$2,995
$
3,995
1998 GMC 2500 Cargo Van 86k, 1-Row Seating, Maroon
$
6,500
1994 Chevy 2500 Reg. Cab, Ready to Work, 103K, White
$
14,995
2006 Ford F250 Superduty 4WD, Xcab, 92k, FX4 Off-road Package, V8, Auto, Aluminum Wheels
Roosevelt Trail • North Windham
892-0932 or 754-4867
"Knock the 't' off the 'can't.'" - Samuel Johnson
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Want a safe tan that doesn't leave you looking like an Oompa Loompa?
AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE
ONE-STOP AUTO SERVICE Come to the The Shop for restorations, complete rebuilds, custom paint, exhausts and more.
Now exclusively at Healthy Beauty Wellness Spa in Lewiston is Infinity Sun, the first anti-aging and hydrating sunless tanning system on the market. Based in Beverly Hills, California, Infinity Sun has a reputation for delivering world class products and state-of-the-art technology in the realm of sunless tanning. Now you can go from pale to golden in just three minutes, without the orange discoloration many have experienced with other sunless tanning. The exclusive antioxidant and vitamin A and E enriched tanning formula helps keep the skin hydrated and creates a subtle glow or a rich tan for 7 to 14 days.
THE SHOP
• Brake Service • Custom Exhaust • Shocks & Struts • Used Car Sales • ABS Light • Tires • Tune-ups • Rust Repair & Body Work • Engine Overhauls • Transmission Overhauls • Custom Paint • Motorcycle Tanks & Fenders • Restorations & Rebuilds
304 Lisbon Road • Lisbon
353-6100
"Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers, you cannot be successful or happy." - Norman Vincent Peale Uncle Andy gets on a bus and asks the driver how long the trip is between Limerick and York.
The irritated driver says to Uncle Andy, "It's still about two hours. Why would you think there'd be a difference?"
"About two hours," says the conductor. "OK," said Uncle Andy... "then how long is the trip between York and Limerick?"
Infinity Sun
Where Sunless Tanning & Timeless Beauty Unite
For your Infinity Sun Sunless Tanning Treatment, call Healthy Beauty Wellness Spa at 333-3235 today, or stop by their location at 643 Main St. in Lewiston for more information. You can also check them out online at www.healthybeautywellnessspa.com. See their ad on page 80. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
20
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
"Well," said Uncle Andy, "It's only a week between Christmas and New Year, but it's a long time between New Year and Christmas!"
The extra money you’ve been looking for CAN BE YOURS... We have the financing for you! • LOW RATES • LOW PAYMENTS • EXTENDED TERMS • ONE HOUR LOANS
Great Falls Federal Credit Union
34 Bates Street, Lewiston 782-7192 760 Minot Avenue, Auburn 753-0500 www.greatfallsfcu.com
"Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong." – Peter T. Mcintyre
AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE
Together Let’s Think Green for Summer! We recycle 99% of all our products. Help recycle by buying our recycled parts and help do your part for the planet.
Out & About at Shear Madness in Auburn Get the latest styles at Shear Madness.
E CL CY RE
RE DU CE
RE-USE
Jamie
“Why buy new, when used will do!” One coupon per customer
…and save some green, too!
20
% OFF
In-stock auto & truck parts
Coreen, Coreen & Cheryl I just got this nice cut, now I think I’ll get a french manicure...
Dispose your used motor oil here for FREE!
MORRIS AUTO PARTS 940 Washington St. North • 784-7374 or 800-730-7374 • Mon. - Fri. 8 - 5 • Sat. 8 - 12
www.morrisautoparts.com "Never bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye." - Helen Keller
Briana Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE SAM’S BODY SHOP Custom Trailer Hitches Sold & Installed Trailer Repairs 886 Main St. Lewiston • 784-0015 • Open Mon. Wed. Fri. 8:00-4:00
Any Make, Any Model Any Problem…
NO PROBLEM!
$
55/hr. LABOR RATE Fully Warranteed & Certified
Brad Johnson
Brad’s Precision Auto 333-0364 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn
“What is right is often forgotten by what is convenient.” ~ Bodie Thoene
FULL SERVICE HARLEY MOTORCYCLE SHOP We work on all American-made motorcycles MOTORCYCLE INSPECTION STATION 140 Riverside Drive Auburn, Maine 04210
782-9400
ATTENTION BUSINESS OWNERS, PROPERTY MANAGERS & LANDLORDS Affordable commercial Master Electrician for all your electrical needs Licensed & Insured
Tire Mounting & Balancing Brakes Serviced
“Our prices wonʼt SHOCK you”
CUSTOM & OEM V-ROD PARTS
SLC Electrical
info@v-shop.us
(207) 577-3615
www.v-shop.us
slc2007@roadrunner.com
Become a fan of Uncle Andy’s Digest on facebook!
KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!
BEFORE
Need Body Repairs?
AFTER
Go to www.UncleAndys.com and click on the facebook link. Then click “Become a Fan”
CALL US
For your free estimate! 2085 Lisbon Road, Lewiston • www.ChapmanCollision.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
“One of the Internet's strengths is its ability to help consumers find the right needle in a digital haystack of data.” ~ Jared Sandberg
Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark Submitted by Beth Francis
10% OFF with this ad
Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries
• Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups
35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039
Ron Moon, Manager
207-657-5000
Now doing • Boat Seats and Interiors • Motorcycle Seats • Convertible Tops
CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY
For all your upholstery needs FREE ESTIMATES 28 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-3822
FREE 6 PACK OF DRY GAS WITH STAR SERVICE OIL CHANGE EACH BOTTLE OF DRY GAS TREATS 15 GALLONS OF GAS
A $5.95 value! OFFER CANNOT BE COMBINED WITH ANY OTHER OFFER, DISCOUNT OR PROMOTION. COUPON CODE: UANDY ISO • Expires 5-31-10
“The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.” ~ Jon Stewart
ONE: Don't miss the boat. TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat! THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. FIVE: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. SIX: Build your future on high ground. SEVEN: For safety's sake, travel in pairs. EIGHT: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. NINE: When you're stressed, float awhile. TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. ELEVEN: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting. "The best cure for worry, depression, melancholy, brooding, is to go deliberately forth and try to lift with one's sympathy the gloom of somebody else." – Arnold Bennett Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Fontaine Family adds more depth to it’s team
Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love. ~ Mildred B. Vermont
05 Saab 9-3 Aero
07 Chevrolet Impala
01 Volvo XC70
only
only
only
$15,995
$14,595
$10,995
Convertible, Loaded, 56K
Power windows/locks -29K
AWD, Loaded, Sunroof, 77K
09 Starcraft Autumn Ridge 07 Chevrolet 1500 4X4 02 Ford F150 Crew Cab Pat Long-Cressey has recently joined the Fontaine Family – The Real Estate Leader at 336 Center Street in Auburn. Pat brings ten years of real estate experience having been previously associated with Century 21Advantage in Lewiston. Pat holds an Associate Broker’s license and is an accredited Buyer Agent. She is a member of the Androscoggin Board of Realtors and the Maine Association of Realtors and also past Vice President of the Androscoggin Board of Realtors. Pat lives in Lewiston with her husband Ken. Pat invites past clients, friends & family to call her at 784-3800 or e-mail her at pat@fontaineteam.com. Fontaine Family – The Real Estate Leader is a nationally recognized high quality service real estate team of professionals dedicated in making the home buying and home selling process hassle free for its clients and customers. The team has over 100 years combined real estate experience and over 4,000 successfully closed transactions. Fontaine was recently named America’s Top Real Estate Professionals 2009 according to wallstreetjournal.com. Also the Fontaine website www.brendafontaine.com consistently ranks 10th in the top 100 real estate websites in U.S.A.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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MAY 2010
783-7039
only
only
only
$18,995
$21,995
$12,995
26’ Slide-out Camper, Like New
Extended Cab, LT, Power Everything, One Owner
King Ranch 4X4, Loaded
07 Jeep Grand Cherokee 03 Toyota Tacoma 4X4
07 Chevy Tahoe
only
only
only
$14,995
$16,995
$30,995
4X4, Loaded
Crew Crab, Trd.
4X4, 38K
Ken Lamb
Kevin Bishop
Tom Bell
Mr. Easy
Denis Lecomb
Derek Albert
Joe Brickel
Zach Hobbs
1606 Main Street, Oxford CHEVROLET BUICK PONTIAC
743-8944 or 800-734-7034
Goodwinmotorgroup.com A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~ Peter De Vries
All mothers are working mothers. ~ Author Unknown
Quality workmanship & unparalleled customer service “Getting you done the old fashioned way”
We do Dualies, Denali’s & Motorcycles, too!
Complete interior & exterior reconditioning by appointment 865 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
333-3004
liquidsunshinecarwash.com
Steve Dubois: Owner
Kitchen Tips Martha Stewartʼs way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time. Uncle Andyʼs way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
Kitchen Tips Understanding the Metric System 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds 10 cards = 1 decacards 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
$
Bill Mason
Come see me for great deals!
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake 10 rations = 1 decoration 10 millipedes = 1 centipede 3-1/3 tridents = 1 decadent 10 monologs = 5 dialogues 2 monograms = 1 diagram 8 nickles = 2 paradigms
$
7,800
2000 Jeep Wrangler Quality Pre-Owned Cars - Trucks - SUV’s
2000 Subaru Legacy AWD . . . . . . . . . . .$7,800 2006 Saturn Ion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,400 2007 Toyota Corolla… 8600 miles! . . . .$10,500 Check Out Our Inventory ONLINE!
www.oldmillauto.com
6,995
2002 Buick LeSabre $
12,500
2006 Dodge Dakota 4X4
Old Mill Auto 207-345-3777
32 Lewiston Street - Mechanic Falls
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
Martha Stewartʼs way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. Uncle Andyʼs way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
Kitchen Tips Martha Stewartʼs way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes. Uncle Andyʼs way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039 25
Out & About at Gilman Electric’s chili cookoff
AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE EXPERIENCED QUALITY SERVICE QUALITY REPAIRS SINCE 1979 CARS • LT. TRUCKS • SUVs – We service them all We perform manufacturer’s vehicle maintenance and scheduled services • Transmission Flushes
• Chassis, alignment
• Fuel systems
• Shocks, struts
• Engine performance
• And more!
• Brakes, exhaust
• State Inspection
Maineʼs AAA Approved Repair Facility since 1990!
HORSEPOWER AUTOCARE, INC. I shouldn’t talk with my mouth full but I have to say I love these all-inclusive trips! I came back from vacation for this!!
44 Roosevelt Trail, Rt. 302 • Windham • 892-9420 • 1-800-339-9420 Monday - Friday 8am-5pm • www.horsepowerautocare.com
Bob & Bonnie Merrill, owners
Those guys better save me some food or I’m not gonna be a happy camper!
Uncle Andy had rocks in his head!
• Custom-made Systems • In-dash DVD & Navigation • Subwoofers & Speakers • CD & MP3 Players • Alarms & Remote Starters
625 Washington Street, Auburn (207) 777-3339
www.soundeffectsmaine.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. ~Author Unknown
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ~ Ambrose Bierce
OUR BIGGEST SALES EVENT
Out & About at Gilman Electric’s chili cookoff What kind of car does an electrician drive?
EVER. 2010’S ARE HERE!
COME SEE THE NEW CROSS BIKES
FACTORY DEMO DAYS JUNE 4TH & 5TH
A Volts-wagon!
Are they serving any Corn-y Chowder with the chili today?
Licensed Riders Wanted
596 Main Street, Oxford (1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway) 207-539-8811 Promise only what you can deliver. Then deliver more than you promise. ~ Author Unknown
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039 27
Out & About at Gilman Electric’s chili cookoff
All philosophy in two words, - sustain and abstain. ~ Epictetus
This guy really knows his stuff.
It really has everything to do with the effect of electrical coupling on the frequency of model neuronal oscillators...
No, I’m not seeing Uncle Andy on the guest list.
That freeloader!
IDEAL. That is a good word that defines Gilman Electric.
What is an electricians favorite ice cream?
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
Shock-o-lot
To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website
www.donovansauto.com 946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856 Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got. ~ Janis Joplin
“Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.” ~ Author Unknown
OUR BIGGEST SALES EVENT
Out & About at Gilman Electric’s chili cookoff Why do fluorescent lights hum?
EVER. WE ARE MAINE’S LARGEST FULL LINE DEALER
FULL LINE IN STOCK!
Because they can’t remember the words.
Did Uncle Andy take rocks out of his head to build that monstrosity in his yard?
596 Main Street, Oxford (1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway) 207-539-8811
One should always play fair when one has the winning cards. ~ Oscar Wilde
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979."
It's better to fight for something than against something. ~ Author Unknown
Most offers come with a hook. This is ours.
Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.
Expert Custom Framing Quality Personal Service at affordable prices! For prints, pictures, needlework, diplomas, sports memorabilia and more!
"You mean a brandnew Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac." I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving. – Jimbo about Uncle Andy
Tues-Fri 8:00-5:00 Sat 8:00-12:00 Factory Trained & Certified. PHD trained. We Can Build Your Motor Mild To Wild! All Work is Done By Us! BEAD BLASTING, BOTTOM ENDS, CYLINDER BORING & HONING
Joseph Bernier, grandson of Dan Williams
“Whatever you are be a good one.” ~ Abraham Lincoln
Zippers, Drag, S&S, Custom Chrome, Bikers Choice, Midwest Rivera, Vance & Hines, V-Twin, Renegade, Performance Machine, Tec Distributors... PAINT WORK AND CUSTOM BUILT BIKES PERFORMANCE IS IN OUR NAME!
Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery
Specializing in Parts & Service for Harley Davidson
592 Sabattus St. • Sabattus, ME • 375-6525
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
THE CUMMINGS AGENCY, INC. INSURANCE 9 South Main Street Mechanic Falls, ME •
(207) 345-8711 • 1-800-339-0414
Jeffrey R. Cummings • Nora W. Cummings
Dog gonnit… We want your business!
AUTOS • HOMEOWNERS MOTORCYCLES • BUSINESS Porter
Soon, the girl leaned over to her mom and whispered, “Why doesnʼt he just hurry up and pick one?”
“When you live in reaction, you give your power away. Then you get to experience what you gave your power to.” ~ N. Smith
Nessie
A young girl was attending her first wedding, watching the proceedings with interest for a while before growing restless. The groom stood at the altar as six bridesmaids walked slowly up the aisle, one by one.
30
23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333
Boo
Since 1992
Stop monkeying around and go see my Gramps!
CHECK OUT www.secondchanceboxer.com “Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.” ~ Dandemis
When "Why not do it?" barely outweights "Why do it?" - don't do it. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
OUR BIGGEST SALES EVENT
Out & About at Gilman Electric’s chili cookoff What did the light bulb say to the generator?
EVER. XTREME DEALS ON REMAINING ‘09’S 2010’S ARE HERE!
SEE DETAILS AT OUR STORE
I really get a charge out of you.
It’s no shock that Gilman Electrical Supply is the best.
596 Main Street, Oxford (1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway) 207-539-8811
Decorate yourself from the inside out. ~ Terri Guillemets
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039 31
When you need a new or used Harley-Davidson motorcycle, there’s only one name you need to know..
• #1 in Sales in Maine • Unwavering Commitment to Customer Service • The Largest Harley-Davidson Dealership in the State • Maine’s Only Dealership to receive Harley-Davidson’s
Prestigious Bar & Shield Award for Customer Satisfaction
Harley-Davidson Done Different 839 Main Street, Lewiston • 207-786-2822 • WWW.L-AHARLEY.COM Hours: Mon.-Fri. 9AM-6PM; Sat. 9AM-5PM; Sunday - GONE RIDINʼ
It is every man's obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it. ~ Albert Einstein
Finding Jesus Submitted by Jimbo
Uncle Andy stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.
EVE
He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices Uncle Andy and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
RY TUESDAY NIGHT
Uncle Andy looks back and says, "Yes, preacher, I sure am." The minister dunks him under the water and pulls him right back up.
Got a hot ride? Show it off at Roy’s!
EVENT HOURS: 5:00 pm - 8:00 pm T-Shirts • 50/50 Raffle • Prizes • Give-Aways Now featuring
"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asks. "Nooo, I didn't!" said Uncle Andy. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I have not, Reverend."
&GOLF CENTER Rt. 4, just past Lake Auburn
THE BEST HAMBURGERS AROUND! MADE WITH FRESH GRADE-A STEAK, CUT & GROUND DAILY
www.roysgolf.com “Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.” ~ John Lennon
The preacher, in disgust, holds him under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" Uncle Andy wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039 33
Out & About at Gilman Electric’s chili cookoff
“Be kind to your shadow.” ~ Rebecca Lawless
This Month’s Specials 12 pc. Roadies Bone-In Chicken Snack 3 pieces of each: Breast, Thigh, Leg & Wing
I suppose we should thank Uncle Andy for coming to take pictures. Even though he ate more than his share of chili.
11.99
$
Large Steak & Cheese Sub $
4.99
We will be open Memorial Day from 8am-8pm
“When you start treating people like people, they become people.” ~ Paul Vitale "That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister?"
Career Choice After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up.
"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and talk than to sit still and listen.
New!! 30 Beers on Tap • All New Dinner Menu Open for Lunch & Dinner Every Day!
Irish American Eatery & Pub
Saturday Band Blitz Lineup Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible? Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
5/1 5/8 5/15 5/22
The Charlie Black Band Hairy Pie TBA Beyond the Fall & Guests MAY SPECIAL $
1 PABSTS $ 1 GUINNESS ALL MONTH
EVENING ENTERTAINMENT LINE-UP Sun Sunday Night Live Revue & $1 Pabst Mon $1 Drinks & The Matt Fournier Project Band Tues $2 Tuesdays: $2 Drinks, $2 Burgers, Karaoke Wed Open Mic Night - $2 Specials - Live Bands Thur Ladies Night - $1 shots, $2 Beers, $3 Drinks Live bands & DJ Society Fri Ladies Night & Dance - Karaoke Live Entertainment, $2 Specials Sat Band Blitz! Live Bands and 80's Retro Dance Party
OPEN EVERY DAY
Great Food, Friends, Spirits & Entertainment 34 Court St. (Corner of Court & Main St.) Auburn
“Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts.” ~ Charles Dickens
THURSDAYS Line Dancing Lessons 6pm Karaoke 8pm Beer Pong Sign-ups 9pm
Action-packed Thursdays with DJ B-Set at 9:30pm
FRIDAYS
SATURDAYS
LADIES Night DJ & your favorites in Tribute Bands, Drink Specials Comedy Acts & More! DJ & Live Local Entertainment
Every Friday night!
ENTERTAINMENT LINE-UP FRI. MAY 7TH
HOTTER THAN HELL - Kiss Tribute with Poison Ivy - Poison Tribute SAT. MAY 8TH
DIRTY McCURDY - KORN CONCERT AFTER PARTY FRI. MAY 14TH
LOKI & CIVIL DISTURBANCE SAT. MAY 15TH
STRICT 9 FRI. MAY 21ST
REPEAT OFFENDERS, BLUE KHAKIS & THE DISTRIBUTORS
June 4th Dead Season June 5th Wolf Creek
SAT. MAY 22ND
SUN DOG MAY 28TH & 29TH
FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS
ALWAYS A DJ IN THE PUB !
MEMORIAL WEEKEND BASH
h t 5 1 y a M . t Sa
Strict 9
150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info
Observant Hunter Submitted by Travis Dow
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.
“Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time.” ~ Betty Smith
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
May Special Small Chicken Pizza w/one veggie topping
$
4 out of 4 kids LOVE Luiggi’s!
3.99
Choice of sauce: Alfredo, BBQ or Regular
"I sure did," responded his friend, "He can't swim."
I thought growing up was something that happened automatically as you got older. But it turns out it's something you have to choose to do. "What is a great love of books? It is something like a personal introduction to the great and good men of all past times. Books, it is true, are silent as you see them on their shelves; but, silent as they are, when I enter a library I feel as if almost the dead were present, and I know if I put questions to these books they will answer me with all the faithfulness and fullness which has been left in them by the great men who have left the books with us."
Uncle Andyʼs Camping Tips:
Uncle Andyʼs Camping Tips:
Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
Uncle Andyʼs Camping Tips: You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.
-- John Bright Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
“We have a choice every day - to act on yesterday's good intentions or get an early start on tomorrow's regrets.” ~ Robert Brault
“The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.” ~ Jimmy Johnson
✁
ELECTRICALLY SPEAKING
Get your bike tuned up for the season
$10 OFF ✁
With coupon Expires 5/31/10
Ski & Bike Service 9 North River Rd. Auburn, Me.
784-0103
Stop in for the best products and service in town
with
Chris Summers Is your wiring out of date? Are your lights flickering? Do you need to update to circuit breakers? Or do you need new power ran for new lights interior or exterior, new receptacles and switches? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you need to call Chris' Electric. Chris Summers, owner, has been a Master Electrician since 2001 and has over 14 years of experience in the electrical business. Whether your adding a new pool or hot tub to your home, repairing your current systems or upgrading and adding new systems to your home, Chris' Electric can help. They offer free estimates, are fully insured and have great pricing. Chris' Electric strives to provide good communication, dependability and affordability to its customers. For a free estimate on any electrical job, call Chris Summers of Chris' Electric at 577-8476 or visit them online at www.centralmaineelectrician.com today.
“To sensible men, every day is a day of reckoning.” ~ John W. Gardner
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039 37
What a strange narrowness of mind now is that, to think the things we have not known are better than the things we have known. ~ Samuel Johnson
HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268 Call us! No Separating Required!
743-3891 HARRIS BROS.
SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD
Close Call
Cody, Sierra & Kaitlyn
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
children of Brendasue at Sherm Arnold’s Flooring
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering whitehot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." To this, one passenger looking out the window exclaimed, "Wow! Look honey, it just missed that road!" Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained." – Marie Curie
Mon - Fri 9 am - 7 pm • Sat 9 am - 3 pm
www.gregoryshairstyles.com 600 Center Street Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn
786-0112
Book an appointment now for Summer Hi-lites
Nuria
Terry
Pat
Tina
Michael
Linda
Amy
Kathy
Cory
Kelly
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~ Rajneesh
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. ~ Oscar Wilde
Now open Mondays!
The Best Crepes in L/A Breakfast All Day Lunch Specials
Always Great Homecooked Food at Reasonable Prices
Ask what our special of the day is that’s GLUTEN-FREE!
Stop by and say hello. We’d love to see you again! Gluten-free muffins!
Linda Tucker (l) (r) Debbie Lambert
1485 Lisbon Street • Lewiston
"Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood and probably themselves will not be realized. Make big plans; aim high in hope and work, remembering that a noble, logical diagram once recorded will not die, but long after we are gone be a living thing, asserting itself with ever-growing insistence." -- Daniel Hudson Burnham
(next to Tire Warehouse) • 786-0667
Woman in the home has not yet lost her dignity, in spite of Mother's Day, with its offensive implication that our love needs an annual nudging, like our enthusiasm for the battle of Bunker Hill. ~ John Erskine
Student of the Month
TUXEDOS!
Now accepting students Dick is Learn to play a great man THE RIGHT WAY and a great Mention this ad and your first drum lesson is FREE* *with your first month of lessons
Prom • Weddings • Black Tie Events Don’t forget school projects, plays, and theme party costumes available
Drapeau’s
teacher!
Kyle Bouffard & Dick Demers
DICK DEMERS SCHOOL OF DRUMMING
See our $ saving coupon on Theatrical makeup, wigs, unique retail costumes & accessories page 51.
25 Mary Street, Lewiston • 786-6861 • demersdrumschool@hotmail.com
Costumes of Maine 20 Main St. Lisbon Falls • 353-2216 costumesofmaine.com
Main St. Music Lessons
April’s Featured Teacher
& Instrument Repair
Authorized Fender Service Center 376-3376 8 teachers offering lessons in: Picks • Strings Tuners Metronomes
Guitar, piano, bass, voice, banjo, mandolin, violin, brass & woodwinds & music theory
We carry quality new & used instruments And call us for service on any instrument that needs repair.
Steve Grenier & Arthur Melendy
Book your summer lessons now!
Electric guitar & amp packages and Violin/case & bow packages available for rental to our new and current students. Ask about music accessories and gift certificates for your music lover!
134 Main Street, Auburn • 376-3376 • www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~ Sophia Loren
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039 39
Tendjewberrymud
Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. ~ Marion C. Garretty
Its amazing, you will understand the above word by the end of the conversation... Read aloud for best results. "Tendjewberrymud" Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this. The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review. Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees" Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialled roomservice" RS: "Rye... Ruin sorbees... morny! Djewish to odor sunteen?" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs" RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What?" RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?" G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS: "Hokay. An San tos?" G: "What?" RS: "San tos. July San tos?" G: "I don't think so" RS: "No? Judo one toes?" G: "I feel really bad
Thurs. May 13th thru Sat. May 15th Rodeo Games
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Dyno-Shootout Sat. May 15 10am - 3pm
Rain Date Sat., May 22
3 Classes Winners receive $100 gift certificate
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Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries. ~ T. DeWitt Talmage
(continued from previous page)
A man's work is from sun to sun, but a mother's work is never done. ~ Author Unknown
A man loves his wife the most, but his mother the longest. ~ Irish Proverb
about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means." RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?" G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine." RS: "We bother?" G: "No..just put the bother on the side." RS: "Wad?" G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side." RS: "Copy?" G: "Sorry?" RS: "Copy...tea...mill?" G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy... rye?" G: "Whatever you say" RS: "Tendjewberrymud." G: "You're welcome." "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Kathy the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Good, what are we having for breakfast," said Travis the new husband. "Toast and juice," Kathy replied. Q. Who was the Bible's first financial wizard? A. Noah. He floated his stock when the rest of the world was in liquidation.
Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. ~ Oprah Winfrey
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Out & About at Central Maine Powersports Open House & Tent Sale
My mom is a never ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~ Grecize Harmon
Assisted Home Care April Employee of the Month
Sharon Cote Congratulations to our employee of the month Sharon Cote. Sharon has been with Assisted Home Care since August 16,2006. She has been a great asset to our family. Sharon is better known for her work as a C.N.A in facilities and occasional private duty. Deborah & Chuck Mailhot of Monmouth
Central Maine Powersports has the best selection of scooters from Honda & Yamaha!
She always has a willingness to work and pick up any hours offered. When sending her to facilities, we get nothing but good praises and a request to have her back to cover more hours. She is always wearing a smile and positive attitude. We are truly thankful to have her as a part of the Assisted Home Care family.
Home Care Means... Norm & Louann Gauthier of Minot
There’s such a huge selection here, it’s hard to pick just one bike!
• More privacy - you get personal care in your own home. • Convenience - continuity of care. • Comfort - being in your own home. • Shorter Recovery Time - people recoup better at home. • Nursing care by qualified caregivers.
Home C d e t s are si s A For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston, ME
783-7375 We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas. Becky Randall & Mark Sullivan of Lewiston Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~ Elizabeth Stone
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories. ~ John Wilmot
Christine
Emily
Cindy
Pamper Mom in May... Kasey
Kathy
Elizabeth
Daniel
Send her in for a Chocolate Pedicure! Lynn
Michelle
Stylist & Massage Therapist Wanted - Call FMI
20 Coburn Street, Auburn (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos)
Open Monday-Saturday • www.panachehairandnailstudio.com
782-9009
I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant. – Uncle Andy
Out & About at Central Maine Powersports Open House & Tent Sale If you missed the tent sale, don’t worry, you can stop by Central Maine Powersports any day and get a great deal!
Nate Turner & Tasha Verville
Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it. ~ Haim Ginott
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This better not get published in one of tabloid magazines I keep hearing about!
Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~ Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
Rec•re•a•tion:
REFRESHMENT OF STRENGTH & SPIRIT Take the first step to really enjoying your free time. Contact one of our loan officers today. Special financing rate for May as low as 4.25% APR* for up to 60 months.
We Finance:
...And More! Member eligibility required. *APR=Annual Percentage rate. Rate shown is for 60 months; payments per $1,000=$18.54. Rate is available from 5/1/2010-5/31/2010. Rates subject to change without notice. Refinancing from other institutions is welcome. No in-house refinancing. Subject to credit approval. Member eligibility required. Some restrictions may apply.
I was framed I tell ya!
*Subject to change without notice.
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It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~ Barbara Kingsolver
There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. ~ Chinese Proverb
We’ve Moved... But Not Far!
Still at 120 Center Street Plaza in Auburn Now next to VIP Eyes & Tin Tin Buffet
Out & About at Central Maine Powersports Open House & Tent Sale This bike could be yours! Come see me for a great deal.
Shipping made easy! 120 Center Street • Auburn
784-9900 www.auburngoinpostal.com
Nick Danforth CMPS Sales
2 out of 2 Chris’ dig Central Maine Powersports.
Shannon, Chris & Chris We hope to see you at the Rodeo and Open House on May 13th-15th
SAVE VALUABLE TIME! Whether you’re a one-person company or a several hundred-person company, time is an issue. We guarantee you will save time by reducing the hours spent producing payroll information and preparing payroll registers, quarterly, and year to date payroll reports.
PAYROLL MANAGEMENT, INC.
100 Manley Road, Auburn 783-6880 or 800-734-6880 • www.payrollmgt.com
Jared Mailhot CMPS Finance Manager
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~ Red Buttons
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Snowball Effect
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~ William Makepeace Thackeray
Submitted by Jimbo
A young man from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid replies, "Yeah, I was one of the best appliance salesmen back in Omaha." The boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You can start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid responds, "One." The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?" "$101,237.65." "$101,237.65? Holy Smokes! What did you sell to him?" "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook. Then, I sold him a larger fish hook. (continued on next page)
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The American Cancer Society has selected Diane Dunton to serve as honorary chair for this year’s Relay For Life® of Androscoggin County. Diane sums it up in one sentence: "I hate cancer."
In 1996 Diane participated in her first Relay for Life, eight months after her mother, Lila, passed away after being diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. She continued to participate every year even when her husband, Bob, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2002. He passed away the same year. Diane is one of three (out of six) siblings who have had cancer. Her sister, Becky Clough, chaired Honorary Survivor Chair Diane Dunton Relay of Androscoggin in 2003, and passed away later in that same year after living with breast cancer Bruni (center) with Event Chair Rebecca Branagan (left) & Event Sur- for seven years. Diane attributes her ability to cope with her husband's cancer and final days to her sisvivorship Chair Dawn Gordon (right) ter, Becky, a hospice nurse, who unselfishly helped her care for him. Unknowingly, Becky was teaching Diane how to care for her during Becky’s last weeks of life a year later. After Becky passed away, another sister was diagnosed with cancer and then Diane was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007. She did not waste time questioning, “Why me?” but moved to action and faced the disease head on. Diane looks forward to Relay every year, but is never quite sure what the impact emotionally will be. "In years past the faces of survivors and care givers reminded me that cancer affects so many - those faces tell a story of triumph." Hope is a focus of Relay. Diane recalls the first year she attended a Relay event, "I was overcome with emotion when I saw the word HOPE written on the side of a hill. During the luminary ceremony HOPE became CURE, and I was hooked." The world’s largest grassroots fundraising movement, Relay For Life mobilizes communities throughout the country to celebrate people who have battled cancer, remember loved ones lost, and provide participants with an opportunity to fight back against the disease. Relay For Life events are held overnight as individuals and teams camp out at an athletic track, park or other gathering area, with the goal of keeping at least one team member on the track or pathway at all times throughout the evening. Teams do most of their fundraising prior to the event, but some teams also hold creative fundraisers at their camp sites during Relay. Relay brings together friends, families, businesses, hospitals, schools, faith-based groups . . . people from all walks of life – all aimed at furthering the American Cancer Society’s efforts to save lives by helping people stay well, by helping them get well, by finding cures and by fighting back. "Funds raised by our Relay For Life event are making an impact on so many lives," said Dunton. "From making possible the vital ACS programs and services that support those in our community facing a diagnosis, to life-changing cancer research and medical discovery, to advocating for access to quality health care for everyone affected by cancer, the money raised through Relay For Life of Androscoggin County is helping further the vision of a world with less cancer and more birthdays." Others serving on the Relay For Life committee include: Jennifer Gendron, Leo Levesque, Janet Miles, Jennifer Berry, Jeannine Levesque, Belinda Samson, Mark Fortier, Sue Stimpson, Diane Braley and Keith Pray. The Relay For Life of Androscoggin County takes place at Edward Little High School Track in Auburn on June 11 and 12. To participate, call your ACS at 1-800-227-2345 or visit www.RelayForLife.org/androscogginme.
The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents. ~ John J. Plomp
Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it. ~ Jean Kerr
HUGE GOLD BUYING EVENT! 3 DAYS ONLY THURSDAY, FRIDAY & SATURDAY MAY 20th, 21st & 22nd
9am to 6pm
(continued from previous page)
Then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then, he said he didn't think his car would pull it, so I took him down to the automobile department and sold him a 4x4 truck with all the bells and whistles." "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?!"
GOT GOLD? GET CASH IMMEDIATELY The highest prices paid! Stop in with your unused gold and walk out very happy!
DiamondCut
Jewelers
1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford • 739-2300 Mon-Fri 9-6; Sat. 9-3 • diamondcutjewelers.com
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. ~ Charles R. Swindoll
"No, the guy came in here to buy feminine products for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot. You should go fishing.'"
Solution Oriented In bygone days, a thin man insulted a large man. The large man challenged his tormentor to a duel with pistols. On the day of the duel a debate ensued about the unfair advantage held by the thin man because he was a much smaller target. Finally the thin man came up with a solution. "Let the outline of my figure be chalked upon your body," he said to his opponent, "and any shots of mine that hit outside the chalk lines, we won't count." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out & About at Fenway Park
Sing out loud in the car even, or especially, if it embarrasses your children. ~ Marilyn Penland
Pre-game warm ups Adrian takes grounders
BREAKFAST SPECIALS “All breakfast specials include coffee.”
Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am You asked… we listened! A new brand of coffee!
Fresh steak cut and ground daily. Open Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm
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Adrian Beltre Red Sox 3rd baseman
MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast.............$3.55 TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast.....................$3.55 WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes ........................$3.55 THURSDAY: French Toast .....$3.55 FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette..$3.55
783-4304
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Children are a great comfort in your old age - and they help you reach it faster, too. ~ Lionel Kauffman
Open on Mother’s Day, MLB Package in HD Sunday, May 10th We’ve got all the games! Full menu & Mother’s Day specials 71” Plasma 13 Plasma TVs in all
VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area
Josh Hamilton Texas Rangers star outfielder takes time to autograph
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Come early to get your seat! 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age. ~ William Feather
You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job. ~ Laurence J. Peter
Out & About at Fenway Park
Upcoming Outdoor Events
The view from the Pavillion above home plate
100% of proceeds benefit the Maine Breast Cancer Coalition
May 14th, 15th & 16th
Josh Beckett
Breast Fest 2010 May 16th - Outdoor BBQ & Live Music
Party starts at 1pm
l 2nd Annua Saturday, May 22nd
Rites of Spring Party 2 Bands
Party starts at 4pm
Veggies By Day & Luke Mulholland Starting at 5pm and playing until close
Saturday, June 5th
BBQ
Live Music Party starts at 4pm
Outdoor Party & Barbecue
Outdoor Party
Yooooouk! Kevin Youkilis
Live Music from Chad Porter Starting at 5pm and playing until close Proceeds to benefit adults with developmental disabilities
Food & Drink Specials Tuesday
Wednesday
Buy 1 Pizzas, get 2nd Pizza FREE $1.50 Cans Open Mic 7pm
1/2 Price Appetizers Karaoke starts at 8pm LADIES NIGHT
Offered from Open to Close Thursday
75¢ Tacos • 75¢ Jumbo Wings $2 Microbrews
Fri. & Sat.
Jonathan Papelbon “Pap” with the stare down
Rotating Food & Drink Specials #4 Well Drinks for Ladies Only! Live Bands ! No cover charge EVER!!
Irish Twins Pub Fall/Winter Hours: Mon.-Wed., Sat. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close
743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s) • www.myspace.com/irishtwinspub Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. ~ Marcel Proust
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Dreadlock Trivia at Gregory’s Hair
Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. ~ Thomas à Kempis
Uncle Andyʼs asked: How many years do you recommend one growing there hair to achieve the perfect dreadlocks length?
I haven't cut my hair since I was 13! I'm 18 now, so 5 years I think works perfectly!
Justin Hausman of Turner Uncle Andyʼs asked: Justin, we hear that you turned 18 on the day of your photo shoot. How will you celebrate?
What better way to enjoy your birthday then to get dreadlocks at Gregory's and read Uncle Andy's Digest at the same time!
May!
Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree. ~ Jim Rohn
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Dreadlock Trivia at Gregory’s Hair Advertise your special discount here! Call us today at 783-7039.
Uncle Andyʼs asked: How many stylists does it take to get the perfect dreads? Well, they have to be great stylist like these ladies at Gregory's... and I think 3 is the magic number!
Gregory’s Stylists (l to r):
Kathy, Nuria & Linda with Justin
Eggs In One Basket
See everything; overlook a great deal; correct a little. ~ Pope John XXIII
Submitted by Jimbo
Quality, reliable service on all heavy equipment
A newly ordained preacher and his young wife were talking about being more considerate of each other. The good wife promised that she would stop being so critical of his sleep inducing sermons. He, in return, promised to honor her privacy and stop looking through her dresser drawers. The preacher was true to his word, and never looked through his wife's dresser drawers; the good wife was never openly critical of her husband's sermons; and their marriage progressed smoothly. After 50 years, their children gave a great party to celebrate the golden anniversary of the preacher and his wife. Many people came to congratulate the happy couple, and brought lovely gifts. That evening, as they were putting the gifts away, the preacher saw that his wife had left one dresser drawer slightly open. He tried as hard as he could to withstand the temptation, but he finally opened the drawer and looked inside. There he found 3 eggs, and $10,000. in bills of var-
• $65 per hour on Heavy Duty, Trailers and Equipment • $50 per hour on Light Duty
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In what you say of another, apply the test of kindness, necessity and truth, and let nothing pass your lips without a 2/3 majority. ~ Liz Armbruster
(continued from previous page)
Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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ied denominations. He was greatly puzzled by this, and went to question his wife. "Oh," she said. "Well, you remember when we spoke of being more considerate with each other all those years ago?" The preacher, feeling profoundly guilty, answered "yes." "Well," she continued, "I promised to stop criticizing your boring sermons, but every time you gave a sermon that was a real snoozer, I put an egg into that drawer." The preacher smiled. "Well, that's not so bad. 50 years of sermons and only 3 eggs! But what about all that money?" His wife quietly responded, "Every time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them."
Kitchen Tips Martha Stewartʼs way: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stovetop.
St. Laurent & Sons Excavation, Inc. 20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 784-7944 www.stlaurentandson.com
Uncle Andyʼs way: Eat at a different restaurant every night and avoid cooking.
Medical Term Definitions by Uncle Andy: Secretion......................Hiding something
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Congrats on a great year of cheering
Medical Term Definitions by Uncle Andy: Recovery Room...........Place to do upholstery.
Julia Wing Daughter of Tanya and Eric Wing
Debra, Kelly, Tanya & Julia at Old Orchard Beach
Kitchen Tips Martha Stewartʼs way: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. Uncle Andyʼs way: Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now blind. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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Medical Term Definitions by Uncle Andy: Outpatient....................A person who has fainted.
…would like to wish all our moms a very special Mother’s Day! Honor her with a gift card for any of our professional services.
Happy Mother’s Day
We are a full service salon! • All waxing services • Licensed Aesthetician • Licensed Massage Therapist including Brazilian Wax • Tinting - eyelashes • Full range of skin care & brows including Glycolic Peels
Kim Galgovitch
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Ann Dumais
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14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A • Highland Spring Road, Lewiston www.kutterskornerstylingsalon.com
786-4311
Hours: Tues. 9am - 8pm • Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm
Out & About at Courtney Marston’s 15th birthday party
Medical Term Definitions by Uncle Andy: G.I.Series........World Series of military baseball.
We are the home of the
A day spa right at home. Facials all around.
$19.95
Ann’s Flowers Courtney
"It's a lovely picture,” prompted the teacher, “but which story does it tell?” The little boy seemed surprised at the question. “Well,” he exclaimed, “doesn't it say in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden?”
Katie Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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Cash & Carry
14 Millett Drive, Auburn
782-3457 www.annsflower.com
Don't wait for the Last Judgment. It happens every day. ~ Albert Camus A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story. As she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across the drawing of one little boy. He was busy drawing a man driving an old car. In the backseat were two passengers—both scantily dressed.”
Paxton
Friday Dozen Rose Special
Auburn Lions Club gives $1000 to Good Shepherd Food Bank Generator Project
Pictured are members of the Auburn Lions Club: Adam Smith President, Leo Levesque, Cheryl McKeone, Celeste Yakawonis, Nancy Bard, Cheri Bonawitz, Lou Small and Rick Small with a starting donation for the Good Shepherd generator. Auburnʼs Lions Club accepted the challenge to raise money toward the Lions Club of Maine project for the purchase and installation of a 500 kilowatt diesel fuel generator to provide emergency backup power for the Good Shepherd Food Bank. Matching Funds of $75,000 will be donated by the Lions Club International Foundation once the Maine Lions meet their goal of $76,000. The Auburn Lions invite other organizations, businesses and individuals to join in this cause in helping to insure a steady electrical power supply to the Good Shepherd warehouse in Auburn. Checks may be made payable to Great Falls Federal Credit Union, 34 Bates Street, Lewiston, ME. Attention Lions Good Shephard Generator fund. The Auburn Lions meet the first and third Wednesday at The Falls Restaurant in Auburn.
Medical Term Definitions by Uncle Andy: Dilate...........................To live long.
Medical Term Definitions by Uncle Andy: D&C.............................Where Washington is.
ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!
Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.
2 for 1
Monday Night Scrambles
Must present this coupon to receive one free green fee for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Mon. thru Thurs. all day, Fri. thru Sun. after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play.
Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586
Make your own team or sign up as a single Call the club for more information
Senior League
A man walked into a shoe store, and tried on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asked the sales clerk. "Well they feel a bit tight," replied the man. The assistant promptly bent down and had a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk said.
EVERY TUESDAY MORNING
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
Call the club for more information
GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com
“It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner.” – Ben Bergor
It feels like my face is cracking...
Out & About at Courtney Marston’s 15th birthday party Katie
Courtney
Paxton
A day spa right at home. Facials all around.
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Courtney after the facial. Beautiful!
Medical Term Definitions by Uncle Andy: Colic............................A sheep dog.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Stop & Go
Medical Term Definitions by Uncle Andy: Barium........What doctors do when patients die.
Submitted by Jimbo
A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way. The only way to make the donkey go, is to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!" The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!", shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!", shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. "This is great!", said the man. With a "Hallelujah", he rode off very proud of his new purchase. The man travelled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading towards a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. "Stop", said the man. "Halt!", he cried. The donkey just kept going. "Oh, no...'Bible!....Church!... Please Stop!!", shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge. Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer... "Please, dear (continued on next page)
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Medical Term Definitions by Uncle Andy: Benign.............What you be after you be eight.
(continued from previous page)
Medical Term Definitions by Uncle Andy: Seizure.........................Roman emperor.
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Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN". The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff. "HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man.
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783-7126 www.electricalsystemsofmaine.com You Know youʼre getting older when... Your "get-up-and-go" got up and went.
While touring the University with some college-bound friends, I saw an advertisement that summed up the pre-college anxieties we were all feeling. Posted in a campus restaurant was this sign for a credit-card company: "Accepted at more colleges than you were." Uncle Andy was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area. Uncle Andy exclaimed, "Wow. I can't believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!" "The battles that count aren't the ones for gold medals. The struggles within yourself -- the invisible, inevitable battles inside all of us -that's where it's at." – Jesse Owens Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Sometimes the only way you can take a really good look at yourself is through somebody else's eyes.
Holly’s Own 3rd Anniversary
Party! May 15th
In training at DiamondCut Jewelers Mommy always tells me that it’s easier to sell after a nice bath. Does it matter whether I’m in the tub or the kitchen sink?
with Five Face North Band 5:30pm - close
Live Entertainment Sat. May 1st Sat. May 8th Wed. May 14 Sat. May 15th Sat. May 22nd Sat. May 29th
Steve & Remo Jerry Joe & Jan Carol Wise Five Face North Okbari Belly Dancers Vegetables By Day
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Thank you for all your support... it’s time to celebrate!
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Aubrey Fortin Holly Mireault, Owner
Ways Uncle Andy Annoys People: Hollers random numbers while someone is counting.
"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker." – Woody Allen Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Broccoli Ears Because of an ear infection, my young son, Casey, had to go to the pediatrician. I was impressed with the way the doctor directed his comments and questions to my son.
Ways Uncle Andy Annoys People: Replies to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Prescription Sunglasses!!
When he asked Casey, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Casey nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to me. Without looking at it, I tucked it into my purse. Later, the pharmacist filled the order, remarking on the unusual food-drug interaction my son must have. When he saw my puzzled expression, he showed me the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read: "Do not take with broccoli."
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Ways Uncle Andy Annoys People: Disassembles his pen and "accidentally" flips the cartridge across the room.
Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!
Kitchen Tips Martha Stewartʼs way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling. Uncle Andyʼs way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
62
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
Home of the Double Yolker
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5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 Ways Uncle Andy Annoys People: Repeats the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Be nice to people on your way up because you'll need them on your way down. ~ W. Migner
Free Wi fi
LIVE BANDS May 14th
John Moran Trio May 15th
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97 Ash St., Lewiston 783-0668
TABERS OPEN for the Season! Re staurant • Dri ving Range • Mini Golf • Ice Cre am L/A’s Best Onion Rings!
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Hair © Nails © Massage www.shearmadnesshair-studio.com 1117 Center Street, Auburn • 782-3848
Hair Studio
When you throw dirt, you lose ground. ~ Texan Proverb
Mother May I Submitted by Maggie Joyce
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long." He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out." The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap." The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..." The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen."
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out & About in the Bahamas
Ways Uncle Andy Annoys People: Sing along at the opera.
Well look at that, Gilman Electric is having a chili cookoff. I think I’ll go when I get back!
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A salt water tank with marine fish is colorful, exciting and will last for years to come!
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Hi Uncle Andy!
Vacationing Buddies: Steve & Rachel Goulet, John & Helen Belisle, Paul & Pat Roy and Lindy & Barbie Sargent As you can see, my fire is far superior. My secret? A good stack of old Uncle Andy’s Digests!
“A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.” – Marty Allen
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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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783-7039
Recommended age: 7 & up
Dig the well before you are thirsty. ~ Chinese Proverb
The future lies before you, like paths of pure white snow. Be careful how you tread it, for every step will show. ~ Author Unknown
Watch This Submitted by Jimbo
A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train which leaves at 6:00 PM but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots this guy walking past carrying 2 suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time. The guy replies "Sure, which country?" The fella asks "How many countries have you got?", to which the reply is "All the countries in the world!" "Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there." "That's nothing. This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!" "Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?" "Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours." The watchless traveller can hardly whip out his check book fast enough, and hands over a check for $900. The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch" and then, handing the 2 suitcases over as well he says, "and here are the batteries."
Sandwich every bit of criticism between two thick layers of praise. ~ Mary Kay Ash
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Out & About at Courtney Marston’s 15th birthday party
It isn't hard to be good from time to time. What's tough is being good every day. – Willie Mays
www.colefarms.com
Even her brother Tanner was willing to tolerate his sister... for a minute anyway.
A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! Portland-Lewiston Road, Gray, Maine
JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE
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MORE THAN 60 DESSERTS TO CHOOSE FROM!
Plotting Pastor A newly appointed young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a graveside service at a small country cemetery.
We come here every chance we get, for more than 9 years! Good food at a reasonable price!
Served from 10:30-3:30
DAILY SPECIALS
There was to be no funeral, just the committal, because the deceased had no family or friends left. The young pastor started early to the cemetery, but soon lost his way. After making several wrong turns, he finally arrived a half-hour late. The hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were relaxing under a nearby tree, eating their lunch. The pastor went to the open grave and found that the vault lid was already in place. He took out his book and read the service. As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say, "Maybe we'd better tell him that's a septic tank." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
66
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
WEEKDAY LUNCH SPECIALS Monday - Maine Fried Shrimp Tuesday - Fish & Chips Wednesday - Steak Sub Thursday - Grilled Reuben Sandwich Friday - Fried Haddock Sandwich
Monday - 2 Crab Rolls . . . . .$7.95 w/Salad & Chips
Tuesday Yankee Pot Roast . . . . . . . .$7.95 w/Carrots, Potato & Gravy, Rolls
Robert & Ronnie Mackenzie with Joan Cilley from Gray (l to r)
Wednesday Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . . .$6.75 w/Potato & Rolls
Thursday 2 Lobster Rolls . . . . . . . . .$12.95 w/Salad & Chips
Friday - Lasagna . . . . . . . . . .$8.75 w/Salad & Rolls
BREAKFAST BUFFET
Sunday - Roast Pork . . . . . . .$8.75 w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls
SATURDAY & SUNDAY
Served from 7am-10:30am Adults . . . . .$6.50 6 & under . .$3.50
Friday & Saturday -
After 4:00 PM
Prime Rib Au Jus w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls
Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried or Baked Stuffed Haddock
God is good, but never dance in a small boat. ~ Irish Saying
"The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn." – David Russell
Tuesday & Thursday Specials! 9pm-Midnight Well Drinks
$ 00
4
Don’t forget! Jello Shots Always $1 Any Domestic
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2
69 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-3287 Hours: Mon.-Sat. 10am-1am • Sun Noon-1am
Kitchen Tips Martha Stewartʼs way: To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted water. If it sinks, it is fresh, but if it rises to the surface, throw it away. Uncle Andyʼs way: Eat, cook, or use the egg anyway. If you feel bad later, you will know it wasn't fresh.
Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps, if you are not willing to move your feet.
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782-9046 ORBIT HAIR STYLING 124 Ash St. Lewiston Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one. – Benjamin Franklin
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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This older man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renown surgeon, perform the operation.
He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. – Roy L. Smith
May Special Pedicure* and Manicure* Combo…
As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
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Out ‘n About at Altered Image Tattoo On one of his recent tours through Maine, rumor has it that Bob got inked while at Altered Image Tattoo.
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I’ll be headin’ Upta Camp after this wicked awesome photo shoot.
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Richard Conway
Pat’s Pizza 784-8221 85 Center Street, Auburn
Able Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
"A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
Where you find quality, you will find a craftsman, not a quality-control expert. ~ Robert Brault
Bucket Brigade Submitted by Jimbo
Wed., May 5th
Come e Celebrat with us!
After retiring from Uncle Andyʼs Digest, Uncle Andy got a job with Public Works. He was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told him that he was on probation and that he must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed.
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Treat Mom on Mother’s Day 10 oz. Prime Rib Dinner
782-2135 Mon. - Sat. 10:30am - 9 pm • Sun. 11am - 5 pm
w/garlic butter potatoes, steamed broccoli and corn & garlic toast
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You Know youʼre getting older when... You were alive when crayolas only came in eight colors.
DAILY SPECIALS
Open Cribbage
• Mondays: Chicken Caesar Wrap ................$4.99 • Tuesdays: Fried BBQ Chicken wrap ........$3.99 (add Fries for $1 more) • Wednesdays: Pizza Day! Small Cheese or Pepperoni ........................$3.99 2 Hot Dogs..................................................$2.99 Chili Dog ....................................................$3.99 • Thursdays: Buffalo Chicken Quesadilla....$3.99 • Fridays: Fresh Haddock Fish-n-Chips.......$7.99
Deck is Open!
Every Wednesday 6pm
LIVE MUSIC Fri.May 7 . . . . . . . .Veggies by Day
Call for other band dates
Call for Takeout Free Delivery
EVERY SATURDAY
Every Friday in May
Surf & Turf
Fish & Chips . . . . . . .$7.99
Scallops & Steak
w/ cole slaw
$10.99
Lobster Roll . . . . . . .$9.99
with $25 order
w/ fries & cole slaw
Baked Scallops . . . . .$9.99
30 Lowell Street, Lewiston
312-5100
You Know youʼre getting older when... You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
Uncle Andy agreed to the conditions and starts right away. The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the he had completed 4 miles on his first day, double the average! "Great," he told him, "I think you're really going to work out." The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that Uncle Andy only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well he's still at the average and I don't want to discourage him, so I'll just keep quiet." On the third day, Uncle Andy only did one mile and the boss thought, "I need to talk to him before this gets any worse." The boss pulled the new employee in and says, "You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?" Uncle Andy replied, "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the bucket."
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Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. – Frank Outlaw The first ever 3D movie was in 1953. Vincent Price starred in "The House of Wax," the first full-length movie in 3D. Trivia fans: it was also one of the few horror films of the period to be shot in color.
You Know youʼre getting older when... You have ever used the word NOSIREEBOB.
Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market! Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping! Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More! VISIT
“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $
3.50 each for most Hardcover Books
Selective Hard Covers $2 In 1868, a native Hawaiian successfully surfed one of the highest waves ever, a 50 foot tidal wave. A man named Holua of Minole, Hawaii, was washed out to sea in his house as a tidal wave receded. He succeeded in wrenching off a rafter and boldly struck out for shore and landed safely with the return wave. The feat was witnessed by several people onshore. "If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it." – George Burns Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!
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Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area! You Know youʼre getting older when... You get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours. ~ Swedish Proverb
Bus Stop Submitted by Jimbo
For Your Perfect New Look This Spring…
336 Center St. • Auburn
777-1611 Call today for your appointment • Walk-ins welcome
at:
L to R: Candice Lamontagne, Mel Cote, Darcy Ames & Hannah Greene
Food served open to close! Bottled Beers • Mixed Drinks • Pool & Darts
Try our unique drinks Twisted Buda • Candy Chocolate Covered Cherries • The Dirty Dawg Shot 1018 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 795-7934 Mon - Sun: Noon - 1:00am
DAILY DRINK SPECIALS
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We Buy, Sell & Trade Buying small & large firearm collections Check us out!
J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager
A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. "Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!" The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, "Ah, Mozart. You're so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island." There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, "We're leaving right now. Get your coat and let's get out of here." As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally his wife turned to him. "You're angry about something." "Oh really? You noticed?" he sneered. "I've never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Coney Island? You goober! Don't you know the No. 5 bus doesn't go out to Coney Island?"
9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat
"The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but you still have to mow it."
John Reid, Owner
- Anonymous
Hours:
A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone. ~ Henry David Thoreau
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Long Answer
Go with your heart, buddy. Our brains only screw things up. ~ Chris Fedak and Allison Adler
Submitted by Jimbo
Use your tax dollars wisely by investing in a
A fella walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
Whole Home Generator
He said, "Shingles." So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room. A half-hour later, a nurse came in and asked him what he had.
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He said, "Shingles." So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles."
He said, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo
MAY 2010
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www.electricalsystemsofmaine.com It is better to sleep on things beforehand than lie awake about them afterwards. ~ Baltasar Gracian
You Know youʼre getting older when... You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
Easy Money Submitted by Travis Dow
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The owner of a manufacturing firm decided to make a surprise tour of the factory. Walking through the warehouse he noticed a young man lazily leaning against a packing crate.
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The factory owner angrily said, "Just how much are you being paid?"
SHOWROOM 995 Center Street, Auburn Phone: 786-5556 • Fax: 786-5557 www.granitemarblecountertops.net Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm
You Know youʼre getting older when... You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
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The owner pulled out his wallet, peeled off five $20 bills and shouted at the young man: "Here is a week's pay--now get out and don't come back!" Without a word, the young man stuffed the money into his pocket and left. The warehouse manager, standing nearby, stared in amazement.
John Rac, owner
946-2162 Hours: Hours: Mon-Fri Mon-Fri 10-6; 10-6; Sat Sat 10-2 10-2
The young man replied, "A hundred dollars a week."
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"Tell me," the boss asked him, "How long has that guy worked for us?" "He didn't work here," replied the warehouse manager, "He was just the Fed-Ex guy delivering a package." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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After I watched the Squirts from Auburn beat Lewiston we ate at our favorite Sam’s. In the Market Place Mall!
You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was. ~ Irish Proverb
Lily Gagnon poses with a hockey trophy from the Lion’s Tournament
The best way to predict your future is to create it. ~ Peter Drucker We are the champions, my friends!
For your personal or commercial needs contact
BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY
Matthew & Brian Gagnon Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
74
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
LEWISTON
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541 Lisbon Street Lewiston, ME 04240 784-4029 • Fax: 784-2360
92 Pleasant St., P.O. Box 679 Brunswick, ME 04011 725-2797 • Fax: 725-6001
Watch the little things; a small leak will sink a great ship. ~ Benjamin Franklin
Don't get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it just makes you walk funny. ~ Kathryn Carpenter
Out & About at the Hairem for the Day’s Jewelers Chamilia Party Chamilia choices are endless.
Sue Wiers
$
23
99
per gallon
$
24
99
Amy Bergeron
per gallon
Handy Hardware 9 Depot Square, Mechanic Falls
345-2091 Hours: M-F 7am-5pm; Sat/ 8am-5pm; Sun 9am-1pm
The essential question is not, "How busy are you?" but "What are you busy at?" ~ Oprah Winfrey
Brooke Mathieu (front) Tami Mathieu (back) Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Animal Thoughts
There are two kinds of light - the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. ~ James Thurber
Dog: "They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl." Goldfish: "Just because I have a threesecond memory, they don't think I'll mind eating the same fish flakes ... Oh boy! Fish flakes!" Dog: "Man, why do they keep rubbing my nose in it? I already KNOW whose it is!" Goldfish: "The knight never comes out of the castle to fight me for dominion over the fish tank. So I must continue patrolling, for I am lord and master!"
Professional Home Inspections, Inc.
RP R
Complete Home Inspections Water Testing • Water Radon Air Radon • Lead Paint Testing • Mold Testing Infrared Thermal Imaging
Certified Inspector 72 Old Lisbon Rd. • Lewiston, ME 04240
Tel. 207-782-9663 • Fax 1-207-514-8058 www.RPRPROHOMEINSPECTIONS.COM Email: Roger@RPRprohomeinspections.com
Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? ~ Abraham Lincoln
ANDY’s Baked Beans & Tavern While Bev’s away, the rest will play
Parrot: "Tease, tease, tease! But do those greedy clowns ever really give me a cracker? I DON"T THINK SO!"
Andy’s presents Bev’s
VACATION PARTY Saturday, May 15th
Cat: "Why are these people in my house?" Goldfish: "Oh, tap-taptap! There's a new one!"
Drink Specials & Prizes All Day!
Twisted Tea bottles $2.50 47 Broad Street, Auburn • 782-9044
HOURS: Tues. & Wed. 10am-8pm • Thurs. & Fri.10am-Close • Sat. 8am-Close
SPRING CLEAN UP!!
Serving Greater L/A and the surrounding communities
Call us to remove your: Brush • Bulk Items • Scrap Metal Building Materials and other miscellaneous waste
DON’S HAULING Debris Removal
689-5297
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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& Jimbo
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Apartment Complexes Residential/Commercial Properties
LEXOPHILES (Lover of Words): A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
Make somebody happy today. Mind your own business. ~ Ann Landers
MELANSON CONSTRUCTION, INC.
• Residential and Commercial Paving • Sweeping • Seal Coating
84 No Name Pond Road, Lewiston, ME • 784-5899
PAVING
Out & About in the Lakes Region for Kalor Plummer’s 13th B’day
Call for FRimEatEes Est
Nick & Whitney
784-5899
A day at the Uncle Andy’s Digest office
I’m the birthday girl!
Put me in there coach. I can hit better than Big Papi! I’ve been taking extra batting practice with my great gramps, Marty Dow!
Maggie Joyce & Blake Dow
Daron & Kalor
MACHINE GUNS • SILENCERS • NFA TRANSFERS SHORT BARREL RIFLES/SHOTGUNS Come check out our inventory… you’ll be blown away! We do special orders too!
We also carry: All other types of firearms Knives • Ammo by the case We Buy - Sell - Trade Finders fee for collections
Chris Jordan, Owner
Call Matt, Drew or Chris at
Rt. 4 • Turner, ME
225-3432
Just past Twitchell’s Airport
Chris Jordan, owner 577-0210
g3firearms@megalink.net
LEXOPHILES (Lover of Words): A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Shawn & Quinn Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039 77
Out & About in the Lakes Region for Kalor Plummer’s 13th B’day
You want to run out in front, prepare to be tripped from behind. ~ S.A. Sachs
Kalor’s mom flew me in as a birthday gift to Kalor... we’re BFF’s!
at the Windham High School Grounds Route 202, Windham
Business Expo
Saturday, June 19th, 2010 Chelsea Yep, we’re hanging out with a bunch of 13 year olds and we’re still smiling!
Stop by the Business Expo booths to see what the Lake Region has to offer and visit with the special businesses that help make this event possible! Supported by: Sebago Lakes Region Chamber of Commerce Windham Economic Development Corporation
Christina & Aaron
Windham Summerfest Committee
Uncle Andy’s Digest "Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." – Nathaniel Hawthorne
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
78
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Come and enjoy the many Summerfest events on Saturday, June 19th including
Parade at 10am Food booths Games Entertainment
See you there! Fireworks at Dusk! It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
Every day is conquerable by its hours, and every hour by its minutes. ~ Robert Brault
Located
5 in
on Rt. 11
indham North W
20
• 892-82
Out & About at the “Celebrity Chef” event at Club 302
Sheri Huff Lee’s Family Trailer
While seeking revenge, dig two graves - one for yourself. ~ Doug Horton
• Easy on the pocketbook • Great for the whole family • Full menu always available
Stan Rintz Activities Guide of Maine
Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere
RESTAURANT 892-9922
Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm Sun 12 - 8pm
Located at 907 Roosevelt Trail
Donny McCarroll Dave & Maggie Garry, Owners
LEXOPHILES (Lover of Words): He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Irish Corned Beef Specialist Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039 79
Valuable Time A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left it on the nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"
LEXOPHILES (Lover of Words): The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
SPARITUAL $5 Off
This customized healing hand or foot ritual uses an organic blend of herbs to exfoliate, mask, massage & polish, leaving your hands or feet neatly rejuvenated.
$10 Off
any service up to $50
any service over $50
Limit 1 per person • Expires 5/31/10
Limit 1 per person • Expires 5/31/10
Harness the Power of Color
Our vegan nail elixirs are free of DBP, formaldehyde & toluene.
Now featuring Infinity Sun The first anti-aging & hydrating sunless tanning system Where Sunless Tanning & Timeless Beauty Unite
Healthy Beauty Wellness Spa “For the best You inside and out” 643 Main Street, Lewiston • 333-3235 Check out our website for monthly specials • www.healthybeautywellnessspa.com Diane Letourneau, owner
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~ Buddha
SPRING OPEN HOUSE now thru May 15th
"I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was."
Kitchen Tips Martha Stewartʼs way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up" Uncle Andyʼs way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
80
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
Register to win a 7 day/6 night trip to Florida or a Romantic Getaway in Maine. Open House Hours: Mon.-Thurs. 7:30pm - 5pm Friday 8am - 3pm • Sat. 9am - 1pm
• Tour our Wood-Mode and Brookhaven cabinet showroom. • Over 100 interior and exterior doors • Windows from Peachtree, Norwood, Mathews Brothers, Parrett and Jeld-Wen • Huge selection of decorative door and cabinet hardware
353 Riverside Drive • Auburn, ME 04210 • 800-607-1990 / 207-783-3881 To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy. ~ Hippocrates
THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY: Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
A Winning Team
TEAM CURE
Beginners Luck Submitted by Jimbo
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he went to Spring Meadows in Gray and asked Ben Morey, the course pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. Ben showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?", the fellow asked the speechless pro.
is hosting a HUGE yard sale When: May 15th (rain date May 16th) Where: Courtemanche & Associates Modern Woodmen of America 184 Webster St., Lewiston Time: 8:00am - 2:00pm CMMC's Oncology/Infusion Center staff has created Team CURE which will be participating in the 2010 Dempsey Challenge this October. They have been busy with a variety of fundraisers to raise money for the team and the Challenge. ALL proceeds will go directly to Team CURE and in turn to the Dempsey Challenge that benefits The Patrick Dempsey Center for Cancer Hope and Healing at CMMC.
THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY: Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, "Oh great!" NOW you tell me!"
Kitchen Tips Martha Stewartʼs way: Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains. Uncle Andyʼs way: Feed your garbage disposal and there won't be any leftovers. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Baseball Stories as told by Marty Dow who played his college career at UMO
THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY: Law of the Theatre At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
During the summer several UMO baseball players were working at the Mill in Bucksport and playing on the Bucksport team. They won their division and were playing in the championship game and Marty was the pitcher. He had never had any major problems with an umpire before or had he ever been tossed from a game. It was in the third inning and Marty was pitching. There was a player at bat with a runner on third. The batter bunted and the runner went home. The umpire called the runner from third base safe at the plate and Marty ran to home plate and yelled to the umpire, “if you’re calling him safe you must be a blind S.O.B.” The umpire shouted, “you’re out of here!” He sent Marty up into the stands. The centerfielder/Manager, Joe Nickliss, came charging in from center field and asked the umpire, “what the heck did you just do?” The umpire said, “he called me a blind S.O.B. and I threw him out!” Joe then said, “If you threw him out you must be what he said you were!” and the umpire immediately threw Joe out too. Both of them were sent up into the stands where they watched the rest of the game with their wives. They lost that championship game. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
82
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY: The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
REAL ESTATE • HOME IMPROVEMENT GUIDE
ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings
Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413
Out & About in the Lakes Region for Kalor Plummer’s 13th B’day
Nikki, Abby & Ashley "When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped. – Marcel Achard
Baseball Facts
Sabattus Home For Sale
about Marty Dow 2010 Auburn Lewiston Hall of Fame inductee Marty Dow played baseball with Ted Lepcio; Harry Agganis; Jimmy Piersall and Haywood Sullivan. They all went to play for the Red Sox. Later on Haywood Sullivan went on to become the owner of the Red Sox.
3 bedroom, 2.5 bath Log home with indoor pool with ion pool system (no chlorine - odorless). Master bedroom with bath, cathedral ceiling, walk out basement. 2,600 sq. ft. on 1.5 acres. Must see! $229,900
Call Bert Cote to set up a showing!
754-5600
Lend, by your imperfections, self-esteem to others, and you will be invited everywhere. ~ Robert Brault
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039 83
Tools of the Trade Submitted by Maggie Joyce
Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain. The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer?"
THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY: Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
#
$
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Stop waiting in line at the Big Box stores for your paper and janitorial supplies! Just call in your order...it’s that SIMPLE!!
A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom. A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?"
Please mention Uncle Andy’s Digest
wiper & paper
No m Minimu Order
120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com I’m definitely the luckiest guy here!
Out & About in the Lakes Region for Kalor Plummer’s 13th B’day I’m only feeling like about 50% today.
Mr. Tuttle complied with the request. In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers, a screwdriver, and a hacksaw. The last request got to Mr. Tuttle.
Meghan, Kalor, Nick, Chelsea & Angel
STILL LOOKING FOR ME?
He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?"
CCURATE CCOUNTING
"Not a thing," replied old doc Carver. "I can't get my instrument bag open." This heart, my own dear mother, bends, With love's true instinct, back to thee! ~Thomas Moore Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
84
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
& Tax Services, P.A. • Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes
JASON HALL
• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems
922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 (Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer)
THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY: Jimbo's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
REAL ESTATE • HOME IMPROVEMENT GUIDE
Let my Daddy make your new kitchen dreams come true!
That Smell Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began. "You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. "I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued. "The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.
Corinne Rose Lebel
Does your kitchen beg for a new makeover? Come in and let us show you what the power of buying locally can do for you!
"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on. "That would be the usher," Charlie explained. "Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said. "You mean the aisle," Charlie said. "Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued. "Pew," Charlie retorted. "Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."
550 Lisbon Street, Lewiston, ME • 782-0831 Hours: Mon. - Fri. 8 to 5• Sat. 9 to 2
Remember, if youʼre headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!
www.shermarnolds.com
~ Allison Gappa Bottke
THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY: Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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If you have to do it every day, for God's sake learn to do it well. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
Come on, rescue a friend today! These animals & more are available for adoption at the Greater Androscoggin Humane Society
BROTHERS CONSTRUCTION
Butters
Voted “Best of the Best” 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 & 2009 Greater L/A
Tyra
Replace your Roof Today! WHAT’S INCLUDED IN ALL OF OUR QUOTES! • Remove and haul away all roofing debris! • Apply 6 feet of Certainteed ice shield. • Apply 15lb. felt paper on entire roof area. • Install a 30 yr. Certainteed architectural shingle on entire roof! • Installation of ridge vent on entire ridge.
Holly
Juju-Bee
We have Workers Compensation
Pelky
DO THEY?
783-7299 Senior Citizen Discount
Email: roofnfools@yahoo.com web site: www.LessardRoofing.com
Leonard
Order your new roof today and receive Gunny
Polly
FREE LEAD FLASHING for around the chimney
Rinker
(one chimney only)
Bling
783-2311
Androscoggin Humane Society • www.gahumane.org
783-2311
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& Jimbo
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Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
Ways Uncle Andy Annoys People: Sits in his yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Poland Regional High School Knights Baseball
Out & About at the “Celebrity Chef” event at Club 302
GOLF TOURNAMENT Saturday, May 22, 2010
New Gloucester Town Manager Sumner Field gets a taste from Club 302’s sous chef.
12:00 noon check-in • 1:00 p.m. start time
Teams of four $50 per player $200 team
Fairlawn Golf Club
Includes greens fees, cart and dinner!
Contests • 50/50
Deb, Jimbo isn’t here, so I can act as crazy as I want. Knowing that this photo will never end up in Uncle Andy’s.
Poland, Maine
Lee Lee, don’t be so sure!
Lee Ann Sanborn & Deb Wardwell
Prizes include a 2010 Toyota Yaris from Emerson Toyota, Golf Clubs, a Trip to Hilton He ad, and more!
Key Bank of Windham In the headlines today... the Celebrity Chef event in Windham. Details at 11:00.
Registration and payment must be received by May 18th! Dave Winsor
To register, please contact Colleen Quint at 754-1356 or cquint@mitchellinstitute.org
99.9 The Wolf & Gregg Lagerquist WGME 13 ham it up as impromptu entertainers
THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY: Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Dear ________________: Thank you for leaving one [1] tooth under your pillow last night. While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below: ( ) the tooth could not be found ( ) it was not a human tooth ( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny ( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor ( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash ( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you ( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails ( ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action ( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy ( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received ( ) the tooth is still in your mouth ( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit ( ) no night light was on at the time of our visit ( ) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing ( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows: [ ] string [ ] pliers [ ] gunpowder [ ] hammer marks [ ] chisel [ ] part of skull attached to tooth [ ] no dental care ( ) other: Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future. Sincerely, The tooth fairy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
88
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
In this age, which believes that there is a short cut to everything, the greatest lesson to be learned is that the most difficult way is, in the long run, the easiest. ~ Henry Miller
Est. 1945
1331 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • lppoirier@myfairpoint.net
782-3617 Specializing in: House Lots • Excavation Paving • Demolition • 4 Season Yard Maintenance Emergency water/sewer Repairs & More!
May Special: 1 yard of material FREE when your name is listed as a referral on a signed contract.
5% off 10 yards or more of mulch Commercial • Residential • Industrial Call 782-3617 for a Free Estimate "This door must not be opened under any circumstances." – Sign outside a fire exit in a hotel
Out & About in Taiwan with Ralph Fletcher
Even their website is great! UncleAndys.com
We’re having a great time here in Taiwan. My son Ben is forcing me to drink beer and some of the food that makes up the four basic groups here will probably never grace my table at home. Enough about me... I need to get caught up on my reading!
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nature gave man two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most. ~ George R. Kirkpatrick
Thinking of new windows and doors?
Congrats Marty Dow 2010 inductee into the Auburn-Lewiston Hall of Fame
Then you just made $1500! (A government tax rebate is still available)
Best prices with the highest quality workmanship. Think Decks, Garages, & Sunrooms, too! “The Difference is in the Details”
Call 753-9887 or 576-8528
OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available
Daisy Girl Scouts from Greene, Troop #277 took a field trip recently to the Lewiston Police Department. They all earned the Daisy Petal Patch for, “Respecting Authority.” L to R: Detective William Brochu, Mia Donoghue, Carolyn Pray, Abigayle Lavoie, Jaidyn Negley, Katie Morin, Zoe Short, Morgan Bilodeau & Reese Morin
Why more people choose the Fontaine Team to get their homes SOLD! Broad St . . . . . . . .Auburn . . . .SOLD Minot Ave . . . . . . .Auburn . . . .SOLD Western Ave . . . . .Auburn . . . .SOLD Sunderland Dr . . . .Auburn . . . .SOLD Birch Ridge Dr . . . .Hartford . . .SOLD Kevin St . . . . . . . .Lewiston . . .SOLD Dow Ave . . . . . . . .Lewiston . . .SOLD Verdun St . . . . . . .Lewiston . . .SOLD Lafayette St . . . . . .Lewiston . . .SOLD Donnelly St . . . . . .Lewiston . . .SOLD
. .in 18 Days . .in 11 Days . . .in 3 Days . .in 19 Days . .in 16 Days . . .in 7 Days . .in 22 Days . .in 25 Days . . .in 3 Days . . .in 5 Days
No Name Pond Rd .Lewiston . . .SOLD Bartholomew St . . .Lisbon . . . .SOLD Lisbon St . . . . . . .Lisbon . . . .SOLD Zamore St . . . . . . .Lisbon . . . .SOLD Ridley Lane . . . . . .Litchfield . .SOLD Garfield Rd . . . . . .Auburn . . . .SOLD Ruby Lane . . . . . .Wales . . . . .SOLD Vance Dr . . . . . . . .Windham . .SOLD Maplewood Ave . . .Windham . .SOLD Hill Valley Rd . . . .Poland . . . .SOLD
. . .in 6 Days . .in 12 Days . . in 29 Days . . in 30 Days . . in 33 Days . . in 12 Days . . in 14 Days . . in 11 Days . . in 13 Days . . in 35 Days
These are just a few of the properties the Fontaine Team has SOLD!
Call 784-3800 to list your property with The Real Estate Leader 336 Center St., Auburn In the Harvard Mall •
www.fontaineteam.com
In the year 2000, Tiger Wood's caddie made $1 million.
CONGRATULATIONS
MARTY! From all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Good for the body is the work of the body, and good for the soul is the work of the soul, and good for either is the work of the other. ~Henry David Thoreau
Auburn-Lewiston Sports Hall of Fame Marty Dow
Baseball stories as told by Marty Dow
It was 1955 and Marty was playing for the Waterville Wrens against the Auburn ASAS at Pettingill Park in Auburn. When Marty got up to bat one of the guys in the stands, a former umpire who knew Marty yelled, "I bet you $10 bucks you can't hit one out of here."
2010 inductee, Marty Dow was a standout baseball player at Cony High School and continued to shine at the University of Maine at Orono where he graduated from in 1951. In his senior season at UMO, he posted five wins with an ERA of 1.20, he also pitched a no-hitter that year. Marty continued his baseball career playing semi-professional baseball with a variety of teams, including the Augusta Millionaire's and the Auburn Asas. In 1951 and 1952 he helped the Asas team to league titles. He was known to have a fantastic curveball and deceptive fastball and was also considered a great hitting outfielder. After giving up baseball at age 42 due to a back injury he turned his interest to golf. In the mid 1980's he won the prestigious Martindale Calcutta golf tournament along with his long-time friend and golfing partner, Al Stasulis. These days he stays busy helping out at the Uncle Andy’s Digest office picking up the mail, running errands, filing and delivering Uncle Andy’s. When the weather turns nice you’ll usually find him on the golf course at Martindale.
Marty's wife, Phyllis, was in the stands. Marty looked over to her and asked "do you have $10 on you?" Phyllis replied that she did. Marty yelled to the guy in the stands, "you're on!" With a count of three and two Marty fouled off three consecutive pitches before hitting one over the left field fence. Next time up the same fella yelled, "I got another $10!"
Marty Dow
Marty replied, "no way!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
90
& Jimbo
MAY 2010
783-7039
A man once lost his car in a parking garage for two years. The tab: $3,400.
If you count one star a second, you won't get out of our own galaxy in over 2,000 years.
May 14th, 15th & 16th
Breast Fest 2010 Friday, May 14th - Kaining Amy Saturday, May 15th - Bike Run Sunday, May 16th
9pm - close
Miami Mike
Party starts at 1pm
Outdoor Party & BBQ
Live music starts at 2pm
Live Music from Boston’s own Sly Green 100% of proceeds benefit the Maine Breast Cancer Coalition
Irish Twins Pub
No cover charge! EVER!!
Fall/Winter Hours: Mon.-Wed., Sat. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close
743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s) • www.myspace.com/irishtwinspub On Mother's Day I have written a poem for you. In the interest of poetic economy and truth, I have succeeded in concentrating my deepest feelings and beliefs into two perfectly crafted lines: You're my mother, I would have no other! ~Forest Houtenschil
There are only four countries on Earth with one-syllable names: Chad, France, Greece & Spain.
Good morning Di-gest-ers! Another month has come and with it another smoldering edition of Uncle Andy’s Digest. It has been an eventful month from the Celtics embarking on their playoff run against Dwayne Wade, oops I mean the Miami Heat, to your own Portland Sea Dogs uncovering the diamond at Hadlock Field for another exciting season of baseball. I figured I would share a little story with all of you digesters and hopefully you enjoy it. I was in the car on the way to work. It was a drizzly Monday morning and I could not seem to wake up. I literally do not remember half of my commute. I was sitting at a traffic light with a line of cars, which looked as long as the UCONN women’s basketball team’s winning streak, when out of the drizzle appeared a police officer, standing in the middle of four lanes of traffic pointing at me. I quickly pinched myself to make sure I was not amidst a moment of comfortable R.E.M. sleep, but actually awake sitting on the business end of a cop’s finger. Sure enough, it was the latter of the two. I thought for a moment, either he is a huge fan of Uncle Andy’s Digest and wanted to meet Miami Mike, or possibly was looking for directions to Pat’s Pizza …nope, long story short he nabbed me for neglecting to wear my seatbelt. Moral of the story Digesters: wear your seatbelt if for no other reason than you have $125 you would rather spend on anything but traffic citations. Besides, it could save your life and everyone knows the world needs as many Digesters as possible. Until next month here’s lookin’ at you Digesters! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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If you hate your lot but wouldn't trade it, it's not your lot you hate. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
Out & About at Fenway Park
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Thanks a million, Dan! A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation frequencies. It was his first time approaching a field during the night time. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?" The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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Tanner Marston, Alex Biron & Corey Cunliffe
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I make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes. ~ Sara Teasdale
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Dennis the Menace March 12th was the birthday of the Dennis the Menace comic strip. Created by Hank Ketcham, it first appeared in newspapers in 1951. Trivia fans: The inspiration for the comic strip came from Dennis Ketcham, the real life son of Hank Ketcham, who was only four years old when he refused to take a nap and somehow messed up his whole room. Hank tried many possible names for the character, and translated them into rough pencil sketches. But when his studio door flew open and his then-wife Alice, in utter exasperation, exclaimed, "Your son is a menace!", the "Dennis the Menace" name stuck.
Curses! Foiled Again! This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p.m. for anyone under seventeen years of age. He told his Dad how happy he was that now he could stay out until 3:00 a.m. if he wanted.
*To be eligible for cash prizes: You must be 18, live, work, or go to school in Androscoggin County. Other prizes available to those who donʼt fit that criteria.
Whatever we worship, short of God, is sure to be our undoing. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
"Yes you can stay out as late as you want, but the car is under seventeen and it has to be in the garage by eleven," his father said. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Noahʼs Wife Submitted by Jimbo
REAL ESTATE • HOME IMPROVEMENT GUIDE
Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together. The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high."
A day is Eternity's seed, and we are its gardeners. ~ Erika Harris
He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it silently, and turned the page again. Then he looked up at his congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it that are hard to believe." Toss your dashed hopes not into a trash bin but into a drawer where you are likely to rummage some bright morning. ~Robert Brault Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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Actual sign at a railroad station: “Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.”
Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. ~ Jonathan Kozel
Introducing the Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge software: B.O.O.K.
Your kids will always have “Something to do” on those hot summer days. And because your ABC Pool is virtually maintenance free youʼll enjoy it even more. We offer a full line of above ground pools with a price thatʼs right for any budget.
I would not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum. ~ Frances Willard
Happy Mother’s Day!
Love your daughter, Nancy Joan Merrill
BOOK is a revolutionary technological breakthrough: no wires, no electric currents, no batteries. Nothing to be connected or switched on. So easy to use, even a child can operate it! Compact, portable, it can be used anywhere -- even on a beach, yards from a power point. Yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc! Here's how it works: BOOK is constructed of literally hundreds of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom fit device (a "binder") which maintains each sheet in its correct sequence. Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows the manufacturer to utilize BOTH sides of each sheet, thus doubling information density while cutting costs. Sheets are scanned optically, registering information directly to the brain -the most efficient interface yet developed! And simple: a flick of a (continued on page 97)
You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him. ~ Leo Aikman
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Dance, Dance, Dance The first dance marathon in the United States was held in New York City in 1923. Alma Cummings danced non-stop for 27 hours, wearing out six different partners, breaking the previous record set in Britain and gaining brief national acclaim for her feat.
Now that it's all over, what did you really do yesterday that's worth mentioning? ~ Coleman Cox
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Out & About at Central Maine Powersports Open House & Tent Sale
www.lewistonpaint.com
From the makers of Spackle®
Thank you Central Maine Powersports for allowing us to raise money for the Trek Across Maine and the American Lung Association.
Go see Gilly for a great deal on a new or used motorcycle. We sure are glad we did!
Central Maine Powersports always has the parts I need in-stock!
Don & Laura Bradman with Gil Steward of CMPS
Katie, Glenn & Christine Wilbur of Greene
Karen & Bill LeBlanc of Mechanic Falls
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G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. Mackenzie Grace Begin (2 months) & Libby Goldman (1224 months or 102 years) Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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& Jimbo
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783-7039
111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500
We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.
If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it. ~ Toni Morrison
(continued from page 95)
Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow. ~ Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros
Heating, Air Conditioning & Plumbing 137 Spring Street, Auburn
1-800-287-3246 or 786-3246
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finger takes you to the next sheet!
A fellow cop from our precinct had only a few months left on the job, and he could always be heard ticking off the weeks, days, hours, and minutes. Our chief was not amused. "I've been on the job for 43 years, and I've never counted off the days until I'm outta here," he said to me.
Paxton Arsenault, Courtney Marston, Amanda Gibson & Katie Wallingford I have learned through bitter experience the one supreme lesson: to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmitted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmitted into a power that can move the world. - Mahatma Gandhi
I couldn't help agreeing with him. "That's because everyone else is counting for you."
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BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it! BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting. The "browse" feature permits you to move instantly to any single sheet, AND move forward and backward as you wish. Forget scrolling arrows or multiple key commands! BOOK often comes with an "index" feature which pinpoints the exact sheet location of any selected information for instant retrieval. An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open book at THE EXACT PLACE YOU LEFT IT IN A PREVIOUS SESSION ... even if BOOK has been closed! Best of all, BOOKmarks fit universal design standards ... any BOOKmark can be used in any BOOK by any manufacturer! A brand new BOOKmark can even be used in a BOOK that predates it by months, even years! Should you wish to store numerous views in a single book, multiple BOOKmarks can be used.
RachelGendron@HollysOil.com • www.HollysOil.com
On the door of a photographerʼs office: “Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also.”
(continued on page 99)
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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REAL ESTATE • HOME IMPROVEMENT GUIDE Helping Central Maine with all its electrical needs
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Call 345-9586 or 754-9586
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If you ever wanted to try Scuba Diving, here’s your chance. Come join us in confined waters using the latest gear.
Call 784-7300 for an appointment
Barclay s Skindivers Paradise www.skindiversparadise.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it. ~ Author Unknown
REAL ESTATE • HOME IMPROVEMENT GUIDE
CABLE SNAKES DO NOT CLEAN SEWER LINES ALWAYS
Cable snakes make a hole through the solids... but it will soon have to be done again!
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(continued from page 97)
You also have the option to make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with an optional programming tool, Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus (PENCILS). Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as the precursor of a new information-delivery wave. BOOK's appeal is so certain that thousands of self-employed content creators (like me) have committed to the platform, and edit technicians are evaluating their submissions. Life is short. Information is dear. When deciding to access information, think BOOK. Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Presently everything was on, the guest came in, and everyone sat down. Then Mother noticed something was missing. "Susan," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smith's place."
We’re a Lead Safe Renovator. Are they? Owner: Ric Montminy
Life is like riding a bicycle - in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving. ~ Albert Einstein
"I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susan. "Daddy says he always eats like a horse!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
MAY 2010
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Years ago when my two girls were small, they were taught how to say their blessing before eating their meal. One night as I was busy scurrying around the kitchen, I told them both to say their blessings without me. I took a moment to watch them as they both squeezed their eyes tightly shut over folded hands. As my 4-year-old finished, her 3-year-old sister kept on praying.
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up. ~ Robert Frost
Another minute or two passed before she lifted her head, looked at her plate, and in an indignant voice said, “Hey! My peas are still here!”
Out & About at L-A Harley We hope to see you at the next outdoor Bike Night at L-A Harley, Sat., May 22nd at 6pm
Stormie & Mike We rode from Rumford to check out L-A Harley Davidson... and it was well worth it!
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The biggest problem in the world could have been solved when it was small. ~ Witter Bynner
When you lose, don't lose the lesson. ~ Author Unknown
LAs&of 4/22/10 S Windows is Lead Certified all renovators & builders had to be lead certified… is yours? We’re lead • Windows: New construction - Replacement: certified… Many brands & styles are they? • Roofing: Asphalt - Torchdown - Rubber- Metal • Siding: 17 colors starting at $65/sq. 0.44 thickness • Coil: $75/roll white; other colors Vinyl Replacements available Logan Warner installed Son of Scot & Laurianne Warner, starting at $
175
Owners of L&S Windows
L & S WINDOWS Come visit our showroom at 884 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Hours: M-F 8 to 5, Sat. 8-1
783-9200 or 1-866-989-9155 • email: LandSWindows@gmx.com
Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you. ~ Frank Tyger
HOUSE FOR SALE 3 Fifth Ave., Mechanic Falls
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Newly remodeled Buy now & pick your own room colors or Century 21 First Choice Realty at 839-2188
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There is often less danger in the things we fear than in the things we desire. ~ John C. Collins
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo
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Miss Jones had been giving her secondgrade students a lesson on science.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done. — Dwight D. Eisenhower
She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!" A street person approached a passer-by and said, "Sir, would you give me $100 for a cup of coffee?" "That's ridiculous! Do you think anyone would really pay that much for a cup of coffee?" said the man. "Just a yes or no, buddy," the beggar growled. "I don't need a lecture about how to run my business."
Uncle Andyʼs Camping Tips: You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
Uncle Andyʼs Camping Tips:
Trash & Garbage • Furniture & Appliances • Construction & Demolition Debris Boilers & Scrap Metal • Brush & Trees • Buildings Demolished & Removed
Spring is a great time to clean out attics, cellars & garages! Over 10 years making unwanted stuff go away!!
Property Services Especially Foreclosures Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs
Farrell Enterprises Geez, Dad is always on the phone!
Great! You saw my ad in Uncle Andy’s Digest!! We’ll be right over...
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The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
782-5300 or 576-2501
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
I used to believe that anything was better than nothing. Now I know that sometimes nothing is better. ~Glenda Jackson
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Paul & Mike Farrell
Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. ~ Malcolm S. Forbes
"Daddy," said my 11year-old daughter, "I think I want to join the Army." "Baby," I answered, "I think the Air Force would be a better option for you." "But I don't want to be a pilot." "You don't have to be a pilot," I told her. "There are other jobs in the Air Force." Her answer: "I don't want to be a flight attendant either." After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight." he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams." A fellow went into a restaurant and asked, 'What's the special of the day?' The waiter replied, 'Beef Tongue.' The fellow said, 'Ugh! I don't want anything coming out of a cows mouth . . . Fry me up a couple of eggs!'"
To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. ~ Chinese Proverb
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Summer is coming!
BOAT RECONS Call for quote
Remedy it, or welcome it: a wise man's only two choices. ~ Terri Guillemet
SAVE MONEY with one of these fuel efficient vehicles Colin Dube, son of Derek Dube, Lake City Exports Owner
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Many other vehicles available Check out our website Adam Raymond, Owner Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis
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783-7039
LakeCityExports.com LakeCityExports.com
Black, 88K, Auto w/tiptronic, Turbo, Leather, 180HP, 31MPG, ABS & Traction Control, CD & Premium Audio $
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867 Center Street, Auburn
753-0033 753-0033
Be pleasant until ten o'clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself. ~ Elbert Hubbard