Uncle Andy's Digest

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST The Most Unusual Digest in America

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE

.com

FREE OCTOBER 2010

WOOD PELLET BLOWOUT SALE! 100% Maine Wood Pellets $ave on heating costs Environmentally Friendly Normally $239/ton

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31 Blake St. Lewiston

782-7113 Call Dan Dumont for your FREE Estimate!

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Mathematically Speaking

Uncle Andy is wondering how he can remember lyrics to a song he hasn't heard since 1986. But then can't remember why he just walked into the kitchen.

Submitted by Jimbo

Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol. The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it.

"I teach math there," I explained.

The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here's a problem. A teacher is speeding down the highway at 16 m.p.h. over the limit. At $12 for every mile, plus $40 court costs, plus the rise in her insurance, what's her total cost?"

I replied, "Taking that total, subtracting the low salary I receive, multiplying by the number of kids who hate math, then adding to that the fact that none of us would be anywhere without teachers, I'd say zero."

He handed me back my license. "Math was never my favorite subject," he admitted.

"Please slow down."

In 1775, representatives from the 13 original colonies signed a petition (the Olive Branch Petition) to King George III as a final attempt to avoid a complete break of the U.S. colonies from England.

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Free intro to Karate for kids Wednesday, Oct., 20th 4:30-5:15

FREE Womens Self Defense Class Wednesday, Oct. 27th 7:30 - 8:30pm

Call for more information

Call for more info

MEMBER: NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF PROFESSIONAL MARTIAL ARTISTS

Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: pelledojo@aol.com • www.pelletierskarate.com

786-3731

Life is too short to worry about what others say or think about you.

So have fun and give them something to talk about.

Jimbo has learned that pleasing everyone is too hard, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA OCTOBER 2010 October 1st thru October 31st Pumpkin Land (Chapter 10589).

125 Pigeon Hill Rd (Rt26) Mechanic Falls Adults $6.50. Kids $7.00 (includes haunted hayride and pumpkin) Saturday, Oct 2 Holy Cross KC Bean Supper (Chapter 14346). 607 Lisbon St, Lewiston.

4 – 6pm. $4.50/Member. $6/Guest Tuesday, Oct 5 Sam’s (Chapter 8609) Market Place Mall, Lewiston. Noon to 7:00pm. $3.50 per Member. $4.50 per Guest Tuesday, Oct 12 Dairy Queen (Chapter 12907) 661 Minot Ave, Auburn.

4 – 7pm. $4/Member, $4.75/Guest Wednesday, Oct 20 Chick-A-Dee (Chapter 14346) Rt 4, Turner. 4:00pm – 7:00pm. $7.50 per Member, $8.50 per Guest Sunday, Oct 24 KC Breakfast (Chapter 7938) Columbus Drive, Brunswick. 8:00am – 10:00am. $4/Member $5/Guest, Child / 10 free Tuesday, Oct 26 Dubois Café Breakfast (Chapter 14437) 906 Sabattus St, Lewiston.

7:00am – 10:00am. $3.50 per Member, $4.50 per Guest Wednesday, Oct 27 Pizza Hut LUNCH (Chapter 10929).

Rt 26 St, Norway. 11:30am – 1:00pm. $5.00 per Member, $6.00 per Guest Please Note: Dates, Prices and Menu are Subject to Change without Notice Dates and Prices are subject to change Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Mon - Thurs from 9:00am - 4:00pm (excluding Holidays). FMI call 782-1833.

Auburn Office Activities Saturday, October 23 Georgio’s, Minot Ave., Auburn $2.50 off your menu choice Sunday, October 24 8:30-10:00am. Crepe Breakfast.

St. Louis Parish Hall, Auburn.

Adults $2.50 12 & under Free

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

Thursday, October 28 5:30-7:00pm. Cooking with Whole Grains-Make your own Dough.

Delicious Bread Samples First Congregational Church.

17 E Main St. South Paris.

Wednesday, November 3 Maineiacs Hockey Tickets $6 per ticket-limited number available Tickets must be picked up @ MWA 67 Minot Ave., Auburn, or you may call MonThur, 9:00am to 5:00pm; at 207-783-8804 or 1-800-561-8506

Why is it after I push ONE for English I still can't understand the person on the other end?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Uncle Andy’s Digest

Uncle Andy wants to know how the heck does paper beat rock? Stand in front of me and Iʼll throw a rock at you while you protect yourself with a piece of paper.

MAILING ADDRESS:

PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL:

editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 FAX: 207

783-7039 777-3898

www.UncleAndys.com

OCTOBER 2010

Staff UNCLE ANDY Chip & Putting King

Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted

Smile Again Dentures 801 Webster Street, Lewiston

JIMBO Banana Curl Master

Travis Dow Driving the Green

514-0660 www.smileagaindentures.com smileagaindentures@gmail.com

Maggie Joyce Keeping Score

Marty Dow

Joe & Mike Adkins

The Dust Bunnies have taken the Cleaning Fairy hostage and Mr. Clean quit on me after the Scrubbing Bubbles accidentally drowned Snuggles in the bath tub!

Golf Guru

Michele Farrar Birdie told Her

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu

What a great way to start my 80th birthday… a super breakfast at Rolly’s!

Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

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Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

Loretta Boshey & Monique Jalbert (the Birthday Girl)

87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out) Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

Why complify things when you can keep them simplicated!

Jimbo to Uncle Andy: If you can't laugh at yourself...I WILL!

Signs - Theyʼre everywhere

Morning people say: "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." Night people say: "Anybody who goes to bed the same day they got up is a quitter."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out & About at The Cage’s Annual Pig Roast

My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself. – Uncle Andy

I’m so happy I feel like singing...

FOR YOUTH DEVELOPMENT FOR HEALTHY LIVING FOR SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

ONCE...

OPEN HOUSE WEEK October 11th-16th Try the Y for FREE all week 2 week trial memberships for those new to the Y* Includes group exercise classes, fitness center, pool usage & gym *Must stop by during open house week Rodney & Michelle

TWICE...

Norm, Michelle & Rodney

UPCOMING EVENTS & ACTIVITIES Oct. 8th Family Fun Night (please pre-register) Oct. 19th Home School Sports Gym Class (Tuesdays 1:30-2:30pm) Oct. 18th Kids & Family Programing, (ages 18 months & up) – Register today for Session (2) Starting Nov. 1st.: – Messy play • Tumbling • Little chefs • Storytime movement Oct. 18th Swim lessons, (ages 6 months & up) Registration for Session (2) begins today. Classes start Nov. 1st – We also offer Adult Lap Swim, Water Exercise, & Family Swims Oct. 30th Halloween Party - 3-5pm (please pre-register)

YOUTH BASKETBALL Register today!

• SKILLS & DRILLS: Ages 4-6, starts Oct. 18th • ROOKIES: Grades K-1, starts Nov. 6th • BIDDY LEAGUE: Grades 2-6, starts Nov. 6th THREE TIMES A LADY!

AUBURN-LEWISTON YMCA 62 TURNER STREET, AUBURN (Next to the county building)

Iʼm happier than a turtle on an escalator!

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795-4095 • www.alymca.org Like the Auburn-Lewiston YMCA on Facebook!

My "check engine" light came on the other day. I popped the hood, and looked, the engine is STILL there! Silly light.

My house was clean last week. Sorry you missed it.

• Plenty of off-street parking • Plenty of seating in our dining room

WEEKLY SPECIALS Mon: 2-14” Pizzas & Pint of Fries $18 Tues: Buy 2 Ham or Salami Italians, get 3rd FREE

Brycin Burger

Wed: FREE Quart of Fries with purchase of a Jumbo 17” Pizza Thur: FREE Cup of Fries w/ any 10” Pizza Fri:

Fried Dough… $2

Sat: 2 Cheese Slices & Cup of Fries… $4.49 Sun: Cheese Camzone… $4.25

Out & About at The Cage’s Annual Pig Roast

3/4

lb. Double Cheeseburger w/ OOB Fries

Hurricane Soups are back!

Haddock, Clam & Corn

$

5.59

777-1911 Open daily 11am – 9pm 365 Sabattus St., Lewiston

Jayce

w/ coupon

Expires 10/30/10

Affordable! Really!

Michelle, Gerard & Veronica

Three meals a day Plus snacks Weekly housekeeping - 24 hour call buttons Transportation to doctors appointments & shopping

All for $1,300 per month!

Openings Available Now! Call for a tour today!!

#433 Rt. 202, PO Box 629, Greene

946-3007 “Maine’s Most Affordable Senior Living Center”

www.mainemeadows.com

Norm & Mark

Rachel

Often, the only way to comfort the suffering is to understand that you can't understand and just be there.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Name Calling

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. – Uncle Andy

On my first day in basic training, we were lined up in a row, each of us in turn having to shout our last names.

After the guy next to me had yelled, "Florence," it was my turn.

I had no sooner called out my name when the training instructor was in my face, demanding to know if I was some kind of smart aleck.

Satisfied that I wasn't, the red-faced TI told me never to stand next to that guy again. ~ By Charles W. Nightingale

Oh Lord, help me to keep my big mouth shut until I know what I'm talking about.

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.

On a front door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.

Yearly Exam Submitted by Brenda Tarmey

ATTENTION MECHANICS

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.

The nurse started with certain basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asked.

3 Bay Garage with lifts for rent

Route 4 Turner Lots of traffic, very busy location.

Very reasonable rent.

754-5994 One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

"135," I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked, "Your height?"

"5 foot 5," I said.

The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5' 2".

She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" I screamed, When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and overweight!"

During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation.

"People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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One good thing about forgetting is that you can no longer worry about what ever it was you forgot.

Eye Exams & Contact Lenses!

New Native Produce Arriving Daily • Fresh vegetables • Fresh Picked Apples • Cider • Fresh Cheese • Smiling Hill Farms milk ...and more!

72 Lisbon St., in Lisbon

EBT Accepted

& Farm Stand

Fresh homemade pies, bread & donuts on the weekends!

for the whole family

Auburn Mall Eye Care 550 Center Street, Auburn (inside the Auburn Mall)

Open 7 Days a Week 9am-5pm

DR. MICHAEL METAYER, O.D.

(207) 782-5030

How Do I Get Rid of Fleas?

CALL THE FLEA FUNERAL SPECIALISTS!

Out & About at L-A Harley for the 9/11 Remembrance Ceremony

PAWS IN MOTION GROOMING 72 Marston Hill Rd., Auburn PawsInMotionGrooming.com

784-3676

An earthquake on Dec. 16, 1811 caused parts of the Mississippi River to flow backwards!

AUDI & VW SALES & SERVICE

FREE Maintenance INSPECTION on VW & Audi’s with this coupon Appointment required

1164 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-9810

Expires 10/30/10

dealerworxautosales.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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One half of the world will never understand the other half, and it doesn't matter which half you're in.

AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE

Out & About at The Cage’s Annual Pig Roast

Diamond Snowplows Tim & Adrian Mercier

Morrison & Sylvester, Inc. Just call me Jim

1175 Minot Ave. • Auburn, ME 04210 207-783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net

I was thinking James, or Jimbo, or Jimmy. Jim it is...

Diane & Don Webber

One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

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One reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.

www.emerso The Back Forty O

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

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& Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010 783-7039

One time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it is holding a parking ticket.

Our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

ontoyota.com October Specials

T hese deals and a whole lot more!

One who looks for a friend without faults will have none.

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Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research. – Uncle Andy said this back in 1996

Quality Service at an Affordable Price!

We are a complete auto service shop • Diagnostic Specialists • State Inspections • Much, much • Tires & Tire Service more!

• Full Brake Service • Complete A/C Service • Alignments

Rick

Ron

Jeremy

Joshua

Don Gilks

Owner

Adv. Master Tech

Technician

Technician

Operations Manager

NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 • www.majorauto.net

Formality Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh weather combined give me very dry skin.

One night as I prepared for bed, I rubbed my hands with petroleum jelly and covered them with an old pair of white gloves. As I sat in bed reading a book with my gloves on, my husband finished showering and came into the room wearing a towel.

Drying himself off, he went to the closet, selected a tie and put it on.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Well" he replied, "if you are going to be formal, so am I."

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On the other hand, you have different fingers.

OUT ʻN ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE Digesters, digesters, digesters…. you are currently reading the newest volume of Uncle Andyʼs Digest. Yes, I know what you are thinking, “Thank you Captain Obvious”. No I am not Captain Obvious, but he is possibly my Uncle, and Iʼm your Miami Mike. Football season is here and Tom Brady has made it through at least 1 full game which is twice as much as he played 2 years ago year, not to mention he is now the highest paid football player in the world… a long way from his college gridiron days. This picture is in front of the University of Louisville Football stadium. I was in Kentucky for the NBL BMX National Championship and you know I never leave home without an Uncle Andyʼs Digest and nor should you! I did quite well, winning the Rookie 17+ National Championship, but I think next year I will stop by Central Maine Power Sports, they will be able to slip something between my thunder thighs that has a few more ponies than I could ever muster on a one speed bicycle and increase my chances for a repeat. If Iʼm feeling my moxie, Iʼll might even run by Sure Start and get a remote starter on my new little toy, and you know it will come in handy for those cold Miami winter nights. Once again Digest Nation I bid you ado…. until the next volume!

Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth - a sense of humor.

Weighing In

Remember, your relatives had no choice in the matter either.

Submitted by Jimbo

Top 6 reasons to choose Mike Morin’s

Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing of the hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to me was the only male to venture a number.

The Farmer’s • Expert service & highest quality Almanac predicts a very cold winter...

• Accurate diagnosis of problems Get your FREE • Fair & honest quotes winterization • Great customer service check here!

• Full service garage, no problem too big or too small • Best of the best 10 years running for automotive service

FOR SALE AT MIKE MORIN’S 2006 Harley-Davidson Ultra Classic $

ONLY 18,500 Cobalt blue & silver, air ride seat, GPS, AM/FM stereo, extra chrome, 2 windshields

"Looks like 9 pounds," he offered confidently.

"This must not be your first," I said.

"Oh, yes," he said. "It's my first."

"Then how would you know the weight of a baby?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I'm a fisherman."

Complimentary Coffee & Donuts while you wait • FREE Shuttle Service In L/A

Mike Morin’s Auto Center 1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power."

“A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

– Lao-Tzu

VW & AUDI SERVICE See us for Timing Belt & Brake Specials

Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery

459 Washington Street in Auburn • 878-9088 • www.rennen.us

Reputation is made in a moment: character is built in a lifetime.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out & About at The Cage’s Annual Pig Roast

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 26 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems

OUR TIRES

That’s Mr. Purcell to you...

Rod & Beth Cameron, owners

60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210

782-6666 or 783-2026

Beth & Jessica

Check out that bicep baby!

John & Jill Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

733 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 777-0047

www.laautocompany.com

Servicing All Makes & Models Maine State Inspection Station 2004 Audi A6 AllRoad

2005 Jeep Grand Cherokee

• 2.7T • 80k • Auto

• Limited • AWD • V8

• Leather • Loaded • AWD

$

12,900

2003 Honda Civic EX

• Sedan • 95k • 5-Speed

• Loaded • Roof • 4-Door

$

6,988

2006 Honda Civic

• Coupe • CD • Automatic • Keyless Entry • 93k • 2-Door

$

9,988

• Leather • 89k • Automatic

$

14,488

2004 Lexus ES330

• Leather • ABS • Automatic • Traction • 80k Control

$

13,988

2003 VW Passat GLX

• 94k • V6 • AWD

• Automatic • Leather • Loaded

$

8,988

2005 Volvo XC90

• AWD • Automatic • Leather

• 87k • Tow Package

$

14,988

2005 Ford F150

• Supercab • Automatic • 4x4 • 97k • Tow Package • Bedliner

$

14,988

2006 Nissan Altima S

• Automatic • 87k • 29MPG

• 175HP • Cruise Control

$

9,988

FREE INSPECTION STICKER* *Must present ad. Vehicle must meet Maine State Inspection Requirements before receiving sticker.

Out & About at Rowe Auburn with the Maineiacs

AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE

Where are the rest of my band members?

AMES AMES Littlefield Road • Auburn • 782-4917 SPORTS SHOP SHOP (off 84Hotel SPORTS Road & across from Merrow Road)

Refusing to have an opinion is a way of having one.

with a remote starter Mr & Mrs. Anthoine

Ask about starting your vehicle from your Smartphone

Lifetime Guarantee

Starting at $149 Installed

Sabattus St. Lewiston

754-7873 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Revenge has no more quenching effect on emotions, than salt water has on thirst.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. – Uncle Andy

www.MandPautosales.com

$

$

9,500

2,495

2007 Pontiac Grand Prix

2002 Dodge Caravan

62K, Silver, Sharp Car, Aluminum Wheels,

180K, Runs Good

2004 Chevy 2400 HD, Extended Cab, 4WD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13,500 2002 Ford F350 Superduty, 109k, Auto, 8 ft. Minute Mount Plow . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,000 2002 Chevy Shortbox, 4WD, Rg. Cab . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,500 2002 Chevy Silverado, 4X4, Extended Cab . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,500 2001 GMC 3500, Rack Body, 2WD, No Dump, 42K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,500 1999 F350 Superduty, 230K, 7.3 Diesel, Previous Ambulance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,500 1994 Chevy Rack Body, 2WD, 6.5 Diesel, 87K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,500

M & P AUTO SALES Roosevelt Trail, North Windham • Call Scott Rioux at 892-0932 or 754-4867 Roses are red. Violets are blue. Most poems rhyme. This one doesn't.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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What the tooth fairy does with all those teeth

Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.

October Special

2004 VW Passat Wagon 4 Motion, 60K . . .$9,995 2003 VW Jetta Wolsfburg Edition, 60K . . .$7,495 2003 VW Jetta GLS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 2002 VW Jetta, 90K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,995 2002 Jeep Grand Cherokee . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,495 2001 VW Jetta, 80K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 2001 Nissan Altima GXE, 1 Owner, 80K . .$5,495

$13,995

2001 Audi A4, 2 to choose from . .$5,995/$5,495

2006 FORD RANGER XLT Extended Cab, Black, 1 Owner, 80K

2004 JEEP WRANGLER RUBICAN

2004 VW PASSAT

One Owner

Wagon, 4 Motion, 69K

$15,500

$9,995

2007 VW JETTA

Surround Sound

In England, in the 1880's, "Pants" was considered a dirty word!

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Realal e D AUTO

DUKE & KEVIN 2005 SUBARU LEGACY

Wolfsburg Edition One Owner

SALES

$11,995

275 Washington Ave • Auburn

784-5114

$8,495/$7,995

2005 VW BEETLE

2006 DODGE RAM 1500

2001 VW GTi

Crew Cab, 1-Owner,

VR6, 5 Speed

One Owner

$7,995

2 to choose from!

Southern Truck, never seen snow!

$13,995

$5,995

www.realdealmaine.com Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off.

AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE

Out & About at Rowe Auburn with the Maineiacs Words can’t describe having my photo taken with George!

Patti Gagne & George OʼConnell

Amanda “Hilton” Flint

Anybody see Brian?

Brittney Sign at a crematorium: Urn more. Pay less.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Sign at animal shelter: Children left unattended will be given a puppy or a kitten.

GOT HEAT?? FREE Pre-winter Checkup With Ad

Expert Volvo Repair and Complete Volvo Service!

FOREIGN CAR SERVICE CO. 140 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-9300 VolvoSpecialist.net • Dave Sheloske, Owner

Out & About at L-A Harley for the 9/11 Remembrance Ceremony

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.

– Ronald Reagan

Any Make, Any Model Any Problem…

Full recons available. Call for an appointment

NO PROBLEM!

$

55/hr. LABOR RATE Fully Warranteed & Certified

865 Sabattus Street, Lewiston 333-3004

Steve Dubois Owner

liquidsunshinecarwash.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Brad Johnson

Brad’s Precision Auto 333-0364 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

Silence is the only thing that can't be misquoted!

AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE

Out & About at Rowe Auburn with the Maineiacs

10% OFF with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

• Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

Ron Moon, Manager

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

207-657-5000

ow doing N • Boat Seats and Interiors

Check! us out

• Motorcycle Seats Mr. & Mrs. Gagne

• Convertible Tops

CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY

For all your upholstery needs FREE ESTIMATES 28 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-3822

A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR WE ARE THERE FOR YOU!

Radiator Flush Special only

$

75

Call our dad to get your car ready for winter!!

Jake Anderson

for a limited time only!

786-0522 41 Millett Drive, Auburn Located in the former Hebert’s Auto Building

Cayden & Chance

Smile! It increases your face value.

On August 27, 1929, Popeye and Olive Oyl had their first kiss in the comic strip Thimble Theater when Olive Oyl planted a big wet one on Popeye's nose.

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Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying to enforce the 10 commandments.

l a u n n A h t 7

Open House

Some days itʼs just safer to strap in.

SATURDAY, OCT. 23RD 9AM - 3PM

Deeply discounted merchandise to make room for new inventory

The original cell phone

Take

ALL in stock Seiko & Pulsar watches

40% OFF

ALL in stock Luminox watches

Additional 15% OFF already 30% off

TRIP GIVEAWAYS $

FREE jewelry cleaning

3 watch battery replacements ONE DAY ONLY

Exceptional Quality Jewelry u Maine Gemstones Layaway Options Available u Instant Approval Financing

Your one-stop Jewelry Store

DiamondCut

On-site Jewelry repairs & appraisals!

Jewelers 1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford

A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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739-2300

DiamondCutJewelers.com

Aubrey, our lil greeter

Thought of the day: “Don't insult the alligator till after you cross the river.”

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today...

Classic Car Rebuilds, Restorations & Service • Brake Service • Custom Exhaust • Shocks & Struts • Used Car Sales • Tires • Tune-ups • Rust Repair & Body Work • Engine Overhauls • Transmission Overhauls • Custom Paint • Motorcycle Tanks & Fenders • Restorations & Rebuilds

Bring your classic car to...

THE SHOP

304 Lisbon Road • Lisbon

353-6100

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

Come see the Donkeys at Benoit’s!

And I don’t mean the people... I mean real life donkeys!!

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?

That's my idea of a perfect day!

Dr. Curious A four-year-old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked in her ears, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"

The little girl stayed silent.

Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"

Again, the little girl was silent.

• Pick your own apples • Hand picked bags available too • Freshly made donuts & pies every Saturday & Sunday • Come see the donkeys • Cider • And much, much more!

Open 7 Days a Week 9am-5pm

Corner of Ferry & Cotton Road Lewiston

783-0875 "Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash."

– Rita Mae Brown

Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heartbeat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"

"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."

"A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike.

And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us."

– John Steinbeck Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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Out & About at The Cage’s Annual Pig Roast Thanks to everyone who helped make the 11th annual pig roast a huge success! Come check out our live music every weekend!!

Great job, Denis!

“A farmer called his pig Ball Point. Well, it wasn't it's real name, just a pen name.”

GET THE MOST OUT OF YOUR VEHICLE Keep it running smoothly & in tip-top shape

Engine Work • Brakes • Suspension

Your complete auto sHop Collision Repair & Complete Restorations Available!

782-5500 Denis & Audrey

845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500 “You're not shy: you're conversationally selective."

Vinnie

Jim, a walking library & juke box hero

Winter’s Coming!

Think Sound Effects…

Now taking appointments for remote starters.

777-3339 625 Washington Street, Auburn Jim Greene

www.soundeffectsmaine.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

“If all else fails, stop using all else.”

& Jimbo

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Don't bother me; I'm living happily ever after.

Most Offers Come with a Hook This is Ours.

Bring your next framing job to D&R Framing and get

FREE Glass

*Regular glass - up to 24”x30” • A $22 Value!

*

Out & About at The Cage’s Annual Pig Roast Awww....

Shucks!

CUSTOM FRAMING FOR: Prints, Pictures,

Needlework, Diplomas, Sports Memorabilia

Expert Custom Framing Quality Personal Service at affordable prices!

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333

Gram & Dan Williams

EXPERIENCED QUALITY SERVICE QUALITY REPAIRS SINCE 1979 Maineʼs AAA Approved Repair Facility since 1990!

CARS • LT. TRUCKS • SUVs – We service them all We perform manufacturer’s vehicle maintenance and scheduled services • Transmission Flushes

• Chassis, alignment

• Fuel systems

• Shocks, struts

• Engine performance

• And more!

• Brakes, exhaust

• State Inspection

HORSEPOWER AUTOCARE, INC. 44 Roosevelt Trail, Rt. 302 • Windham • 892-9420 • 1-800-339-9420 Monday - Friday 8am-5pm • www.horsepowerautocare.com

Bob & Bonnie Merrill, owners

THE CUMMINGS AGENCY, INC. INSURANCE 9 South Main Street Mechanic Falls, ME •

My daughter is above me and I sure am glad she tagged along!

(207) 345-8711 • 1-800-339-0414

Jeffrey R. Cummings • Nora W. Cummings

Dog gonnit…

We want your business!

Porter

Nessie

Boo

AUTOS • HOMEOWNERS MOTORCYCLES • BUSINESS

CHECK OUT www.secondchanceboxer.com

“A job at the nursery can lead to a budding career.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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Out & About at The Cage’s Annual Pig Roast

It's not so much about "Why this?" as "What's next?"

Uncle Andy, call me...

Aaron

...or meet my 5 brothers!

Allen

Pam

Debbie

Kimmy Bonney

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website

www.donovansauto.com Denis Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856 “Those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it.”

It's easier to go down a hill than up, but the view is much better at the top. – Arnold Bennet

Jeremy Marchessault, a member of the team at Austin Associates, received his Certified Public Accountant (CPA) designation from the Maine Society of Certified Public Accountants. Maine requires that applicants attain a Bachelor’s Degree++ or earn a Master’s Degree, pass all four written parts of the Certified Public Accounting exam and demonstrate two years of experience in public accounting.

Austin Associates works closely with clients from many industries, some of which include: agriculture, tourism, medical, construction and non-profit. Jeremy Marchessault, CPA, is responsible for financial statements, tax planning and tax preparation for partnerships, individuals, corporations and S-corporations in multiple industries.

Marchessault, an Auburn resident, joined the firm in 2005 and has managed a progressive comprehensive technology plan to move the IT infrastructure of the firm into a competitive position for the future. Jeremy is a native of Auburn and a graduate of the University of Maine. Now accepting new clients, Jeremy may be reached at 783-9111.

Without the rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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Out & About at The Cage’s Annual Pig Roast

Do right. Do your best. Treat others as you would want to be treated. – Lou Holtz

I just have to say that Matt and the Barnburners rocked the house!

Jessica Hines Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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“A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.”

THURSDAYS Line Dancing Lessons 6pm Karaoke 8pm Beer Pong Sign-ups 9pm

Action-packed Thursdays with DJ B-Set at 9:30pm

FRIDAYS

SATURDAYS

LADIES Night Drink Specials

DJ & your favorites in Tribute Bands, Comedy Acts & More!

DJ & Live Local Entertainment

ENTERTAINMENT LINE-UP Fri. Oct. 1st Sat. Oct. 2nd

HOTTER THAN HELL - Kiss Tribute Band Land Slide - 70s & 80s classic rock Mechanical bull Frank Santos Jr (see more info below) Marble Socket & Guests Twyce Shy - Hair Band Rock The Grumps & Guests Tickle - Modern Dance, Pop & R&B music

FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS ALWAYS A DJ IN THE PUB !

Every Friday night!

Sat. Oct. 9th Fri. Oct. 15th Sat. Oct. 16th Fri. Oct. 22nd Sat. Oct. 23rd Fri. Oct. 29th Halloween Party w/local rock bands (see below) Sat. Oct. 30th Halloween Party with Strict 9 & DJ B-Set Saturday, October 9th Frank Santos Jr R-Rated Hypnotist Doors open at 7pm Show starts at 8pm

$

10 pp Call Club Texas at 784-7785 or stop by to book your reservation and purchase tickets

H a l l o w e e n Pa r t y

Friday, October 29th & Saturday, October 30th Cash Prizes • Drink Specials • Costume Contests DJ B-Set in the pub both nights!

Friday, Oct. 29th • Local bands: Steve vs. the Volcano, Sinfist, Blood Red Thrust & Ascent to Power Vendors: Artistic Creations, Studio 2, Professional Piercers of Maine & Captive Elements Art House

Who do to be you want n? ee for Hallow 150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info

Trick or Treat

“The cynic and the optimist both think they are observing reality.”

HUGE GOLD BUYING EVENT! 3 DAYS ONLY THURSDAY, FRIDAY & SATURDAY OCTOBER 7TH, 8TH & 9TH

9am to 6pm

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND

GOT GOLD? GET CASH IMMEDIATELY The highest prices paid!

Stop in with your unused gold and walk out very happy!

DiamondCut

Jewelers

1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford • 739-2300 Mon-Fri 9-6; Sat. 9-3 • diamondcutjewelers.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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“A guy goes into a second hand shop to buy one for his watch.”

“I smile because I have no idea what's going on.” – Uncle Andy

2004 Chevy Trailblazer

$

8,495

2004 Chevy Crew Cab

$

Out & About at The Cage’s Annual Pig Roast

15,995

4X4

Leather, Loaded

2004 Volvo XC90

2005 Audi Ultra Sport Just kickin’ back with my peeps...

$

12,995 $14,500

AWD, Navigation, 3rd Row

RARE, 75K, Auto

Other Inventory 04 Audi A4, Automatic, 56K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13,495 04 Suzuki XL7, 89k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,995 04 Hyundai Elantra GLS, 88K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,295 03 Saab 9-3 Convertible, 5-Spd, Leather, 88K, 1-Owner .WINTER . . . . .BLOWOUT! . . . . . . .$6,995 02 Nissan Xterra XE, V6, Power Everything, 4X4 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,495 02 Hyundai Accent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$2,995 02 Chevy Cavalier, 76K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,495 01 Volvo S60 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 01 VW Jetta GLS VR6 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,995 01 Audi A4, 1.8T, Auto, 18” Wheels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 01 Audi A4 Sport, 2.8L, 5-Speed, New Timing Belt, 96K . . . . . . . . . . . .6,995 01 Audi A4 Wagon, 5-Speed, Leather, Loaded, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,495 01 Audi A6 Wagon, 3rd Row Seat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 01 BMW 330xi AWD, Leather, 87K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,995 01 Saab 9-3, Leather, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,495 01 Ford Focus, 4-Door, 108K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,495 01 Nissan Xterra . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 01 Ford F250, Low Miles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for price 00 Jeep Cherokee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 99 Saab 9-3 Convertible, 108K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3,995 99 GMC Sierra, Extended Cab . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6,295 99 Audi A4, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,295 99 Audi A4 1.8T, parts car . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for price 99 Audi A4 2.8T Wagon, parts car . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for price

98 Audi A4 2.8T, V6 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,495 98 Audi A4, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3,995 97 Acura CL Coupe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$1,995 97 Audi A6 Quattro Wagon, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . .$2,995 97 Audi A6 Wagon, parts car . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for price Volvo 17” Gunmetal Gray Rims . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$500 Mille Miglia 18” Rims . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$500 New Wheel & Tire Packages . . . . . . . . . . .Call for pricing

Tim Bellmore

INDEPENDENTAuto Scott McFarren & Tim Bellmore

1298 Sabattus St. Lewiston

786-7744

“Those who wish to sing always find a song.”

Bobby Raymond

Uncle Andy, you’re #2 in my book!

The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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Go Cruisin’ on the Caribbean with special pricing secured for fans of Uncle Andy’s Digest

aboard the Radiance of the Seas Radiance of the Seas is a classy, savvy lady. It incorporates the best features of its predecessors: the variety of activity and entertainment options of the Voyager class (like rock climbing), the sleek profile of the Sovereign class, and the global itineraries and wealth of windows, glass doors and canopies of the Vision class.

February 27 to March 5, 2011 Cruise itinerary: Feb. 27 Feb. 28 Mar. 1 Mar. 2 Mar. 3 Mar. 4 Mar. 5

Air from Portland to Tampa – transfer to hotel for pre-night Transfer to ship – Ship departs port at 5 pm Day at sea Costa Maya from 8 am to 6 pm Cozumel from 7 am to 5 pm Day at sea Back in Tampa at 7 am

Check out the great pricing we got just for our friends...

This doesn’t happen everyday!

Pricing starts at: SHIP HIGHLIGHTS: Rock-climbing wall • Many restaurants • Themed bars and lounges • Casino RoyaleSM The Colony Club, a unique British colonial-style lounge with self-leveling pool tables African safari-themed Solarium • Indoor/outdoor country club with golf simulator Adventure Ocean® youth facilities • Day Spa and Fitness Center • Sports court with basketball/volleyball court

For more information or to reserve your space contact:

Inside cabin $1224 per person Oceanview cabin $1324 per person Balcony $1414 per person Prices are based on double occupancy.

3rd & 4th person available upon request

Pricing includes: 250 Center Street, Auburn 784-2916 or 1-800-879-3823 or email: tcarpentier@dubetravel.com

• Roundtrip air from Portland to Tampa • Pre-night Tampa • 5 night cruise on board the beautiful Radiance of the Seas • Shipboard gratuities • All port charges and taxes • All transfers

Benefit Bash

Can laundry breed? It sure seems that way.

Check out our new food menu!

Miller High Life 16 oz. Draft

$

1.00

All day Everyday!

Saturda y Special 3pm - 8 pm

All Cann ed $

at Lost Valley

Beer

1.00

Watch football games right here on our Big Screen TV!

Now 2 courtesy vans at Big Daddy’s!

FREE Pick-up and drop off available within a 10 mile radius

for the Dempsey Challenge sponsored by KRY Auto

Plenty of parking out back Handicap ramp to bar & deck Air conditioned • Darts Pool • Free Wi-Fi

Karen & Kurt Youland

5 North Main Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-3782

Linda

Gina

• Delicious home cooked meals • Hot soups & chowders • Everything made from scratch • Incredible crepes

Turkey dinner every Thursday!

Biscuits & gravy!

Yummy!

• Fresh baked pies & Desserts

Tim Luttrell

1485 Lisbon Street • Lewiston (next to Tire Warehouse) • 786-0667

Tuesday & Thursday Specials!

9pm-Midnight Well Drinks

$ 00

4

Don’t forget! Jello Shots Always $1 Any Domestic

$ 00

2

69 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-3287 Hours: Mon.-Sat. 10am-1am • Sun Noon-1am Too Bad! is my new life motto. Don't like me? Too Bad! Want something from me? Too Bad! Mad at me? Too Bad! I think I'll keep it. Don't like it? TOO BAD!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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I'm lost. I've gone to Look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait. – Uncle Andy

Trick or Treat

845 Main Street, Lewiston • 689-2345

WE’VE TAKEN ON

TRUCKLOADS OF INVENTORY AT A GREAT PRICE AND IT’S TIME TO PASS THE SAVINGS ON TO YOU!

www.centralmainepowersports.com

“Worry is like a rocking chair; no matter how much you rock, you get nowhere.”

Nose prints are used to identify dogs, just like humans use fingerprints!

"I took my parents back to the airport today. They're flying home tomorrow."

– Margaret Smith

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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We’ve Moved!!

Check out our new location!

81 Manley Rd., Auburn New services coming soon, too!

Call FMI For Those Who Like it HOT!

Hot Stuff

“We cannot avoid growing old, but we can avoid growing cold.”

Our Online Tools and Services for the Entire Family • Convenient Access To Your Account - Home Banking - CUe-Statements - Bill Payer • Promotional Information - Notices right to your inbox on our latest promotions and events • Wealth of Educational Information

3 websites for K-12 students

website for young adults 18-30

website for consumers 18-60

website for Baby Boomers 40-60

Tanning Salon & Wellness Center 81 Manley Road, Auburn

784-8900 3rd Grade Assignment My daughter's thirdgrade teacher had assigned the children to write a story titled "My Biggest Surprise." Not until the end of the school year did we see Marina's work. It read: "I got up this morning and I ran into Mommy and Daddy's bed and hopped in. But it wasn't Mommy at all. It was Mrs. Del Campo!"

What her essay neglected to say was that we had called Mrs. Del Campo late at night to stay with our children while I took my wife to the hospital to have our third child.

And what were you thinking?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Go to

www.CommunityCreditUnion.com

Enter to Win our Special Giveaway for October Join our email list in the month of October and we’ll enter you to WIN a $50 Gift Certificate to a local restaurant plus 2 tickets to the Lewiston MAINEiacs!

Go to our website and click on Join Our Email List!

COMMUNITY CREDIT UNION Member eligibility required. Some restrictions may apply

"You just can't beat the person who won't give up." – Babe Ruth

No one would ever have crossed the ocean if he could have gotten off the ship in the storm. – Charles Kettering

Student of the Month

Blackie’s Farm

Now accepting students Learn to play THE RIGHT WAY

Fresh Produce

Open Year Round

Mention this ad and your first drum lesson is FREE* Zack Albert w/ Dick Demers

*with your first month of lessons

DICK DEMERS SCHOOL OF DRUMMING

996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 783-7020 Hours: 6am - 8pm

966 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005

25 Mary Street, Lewiston • 786-6861 • dickdemersdrums@hotmail.com

Rose accompanied her husband Tom to his annual checkup.

Coming Soon! Full Service Spa New Services: Facials & Skincare Products Massage Services Body Treatments • Body Waxing

L to R: Candice Lamontagne, Mel Cote, Darcy Ames & Hannah Greene

NOW HIRING 336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611

Aesthetician • Massage Therapist Nail Technician • Stylist

While Tom was getting dressed, the doctor came out and said to Rose, “I donʼt like the way he looks.”

“Neither do I,” she said.

“But heʼs handy around the house.”

A Bowl Full of Cherries In 2000, two Swiss set new world records for cherry pit spitting. Conchita Kohler set the new women's record of 62 feet, 4 inches, while Thomas Steinhauser set the men's mark with a launch of 82 feet, 9 inches.

Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair

• Guitar • Piano • Bass • Voice • Banjo • Mandolin • Violin • Music theory • Brass & woodwinds We also sell and service all types of instruments

Main St. Music Lessons Authorized Service Center

& Instrument Repair

376-3376

134 Main Street, Auburn www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com

“Everyone is on this low-fat craze now; the Mayo Clinic just changed its name to the Balsamic Vinaigrette Clinic.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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Out & About at Rowe Auburn with the Maineiacs

“It is good to be saved and know it, but it is better to be saved and show it.”

This Month’s Specials Bill Schurman The Maineiacs Governor

2 Large 1-Topping Fresh Dough Pizzas $

17.76

Hang on a second, let me ask my agent...

Large Chicken Tender Sub w/ Cheese $

4.99

Breakfast Sandwich $

1.87

Bacon, Ham or Sausage on an English Muffin

"The Insomniac," by Eliza Wake

Al Harvey & Brian Morrison

Coolest Fan Award Hey look, here come the MAINEiacs!

Danny Auger Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

– Will Rogers

Everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was. – Richard L Evans

Happy Halloween!

Pumpkins aren’t the only things that come in orange, ya know…

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies •

272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372

WE DELIVER! $20 min. order

Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom.

Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains.

It read, "Thank you for not looking in the bathtub."

No delivery charge for the month of October!

Within Auburn city limits

Family Cleaning

Restricted

To any Lewiston business

$30 min. order We’ll deliver anything we have in our store! Milk, soda, breakfast sandwiches, pizza, sandwiches!

ANYTHING!!

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 Hours: Mon-Sun 5am-9pm • www.mygeorgios.com

*full menu price

As Bill grew old, physicians greatly restricted his activities, and it irked him enormously.

A nurse had been hired to tend to his needs as he had now been confined to total bed rest.

ATTENTION BUSINESS & COMMERCIAL PROPERTY OWNERS

"Nurse, I would like to do some reading," Bill said.

Be Clean & Be GREEN!

"Fine," the nurse replied, "What kind of reading would you like? A magazine, a book?"

We’re budget friendly and offer free estimates!

Go Green! All Natural Cleaning Products

www.KandLGreenClean.com

K+L GREEN CLEAN, INC 577-8725 "Helping the environment one job at a time"

OWNERS: KRISTIE MORIN & LAUREN SIMPSON "Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby."

– Ruth Renkel

"Well with the way the doctors have limited my activities," he replied, "Why don't you just bring me a postage stamp."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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Decisions, Decisions...

What to be for Halloween

"How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." – Trina Paulus

Anything you can imagine right at Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine in Lisbon Falls. Call them at 353-2216

The Little Mermaid

The Fairy Godmother Tootsie Rolls were the first wrapped penny candy in America.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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“The dead batteries were given out free of charge.”

Actual Church Bulletin Bloopers: A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

Earn

CHECK OUT 20% MORE Earn OUR NEW 10% MORE LOCATION! with $20 or more in bottles

Expires 10/31/10

Decisions, Decisions...

What to be for Halloween Anything you can imagine right at Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine in Lisbon Falls. Call them at 353-2216

with any amount of bottles with this coupon

We’re across from the car wash, just down from Future Foods.

And definitely worth the trip!

Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm

Little Bo Peep

Richard Conway, owner

You Know youʼre getting older when... You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Home of the Double Yolker

Cat Woman

DAILY SPECIALS Breakfast & Lunch Open 7 Days 6am-2pm

& Bakery

Handicap accessible • Breakfast served all day • Superb service Comfortable family atmosphere

5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 You Know youʼre getting older when... You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.

Good Witch vs.

Bad Witch Halloween candy sales average about 2 billion dollars annually in the United States.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

783-7039 43

Skydiving 101

You Know youʼre getting older when... You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

Submitted by Jimbo

Uncle Andy, a new skydiver and his instructor were high in the air when Uncle Andy was getting ready to jump.

Just before he was ready to leap his teacher gave him some final instructions.

784-5788 or 1-800-377-9433

22 Albison Way, Auburn

"Listen carefully! You jump...count to 3...and pull your rip cord! If that doesn't work, pull the cord on your reserve chute! There will be a truck down there to pick you up!"

Uncle Andy took a deep breath and plunged into the open air. After free falling he counted to 3 and pulled his ripcord. Nothing happened. He pulled the cord on his reserve chute, and nothing happened. Totally disgusted, he said...

"I'll bet that stupid truck's not down there either!"

Halloween was brought to North America by immigrants from Europe who would celebrate the harvest around a bonfire, share ghost stories, sing, dance and tell fortunes.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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OCTOBER 2010

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• 1/2” (12mm) recommended cut capacity • 1 1/8” (30mm) maximum cut • Auto pilot restart for expanded metal • Front panel LEDs indicate status conditions • Storage compartment for convenience • True Guard roll bar provides easy transport • Multi-voltage allows operation from 208 to 480 Volts • Duty Cycle 40% @ 60A Introductory • Weighs 43 lbs Price $1,650 • 60 Amp drag tip Suggested List $2,173.35 • 20-60 Amps adjustable

You Know youʼre getting older when... The waiter asks how you'd like your steak... and you say "pureed".

You Know youʼre getting older when... The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

We can ship anything... Anywhere! (well, almost anything)

TIME

Man of the Year

• UPS, FedEx & DHL shipping • Packaging Services • eBay • Mailboxes and more!

Rob Mainville Lewiston MAINEiacs love it here in L/A See the exclusive photo shoot from Uncle Andy’s Digest

120 Center Street, Auburn

www.AuburnGoinPostal.com

784-9900

Out & About at Rowe Auburn with the Maineiacs

SIMPLICITY g FLEXIBILITY

g

EASE

Your local option for outsourcing your payroll...

Check us out for all your payroll needs!

So, you say your name is Top Dollar Dave, is that with one or two “L’s”?

PAYROLL MANAGEMENT, INC.

100 Manley Road, Auburn 783-6880 or 800-734-6880 • www.payrollmgt.com

Ernie “Frenchie” Gagne & “Top Dollar Dave” Gervais

The first tiered wedding cake was made by a London baker who duplicated the spires of a nearby church. The church name was - St. Brides!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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Decisions, Decisions...

What to be for Halloween

"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." -- Dennis P. Kimbro

BREAKFAST SPECIALS

Anything you can imagine right at Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine in Lisbon Falls. Call them at 353-2216

“All breakfast specials include coffee.”

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am You asked… we listened! A new brand of coffee!

Fresh steak cut and ground daily.

Open Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm

5 Washington St., The Wizard of Oz

MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast.............$3.75 TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast.....................$3.75 WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes ........................$3.75 THURSDAY: French Toast .....$3.75

Auburn

FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette..$3.75

783-4304

SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage ......$3.75

Phone Orders Are Welcome

SUNDAY: French Crepes .......$3.75

✁

Expires 10/31/10

$

1 OFF Any Purchase of $500 or more 1 coupon per order

Prices do not include tax.

The wedding cake dates back to ancient Rome, when couples shared cakes of wheat flour with their guest as a symbol of their unity.

VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

50ʼs Poodle Girl

Batman & Robin Chocolate candy bars top the list as the most popular candy for trick-or-treaters with Snickers as #1.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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in HD e m a g y NFL r e v e V’s! w We sho r 15 plasma T in HD e m a g on ou s atriot P y r e v a!!

Watch e our 71” plasm on Book our 80-seat Private Function Room for your parties & functions 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com Then give to the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you.

– Madeline Bridges

Make visible what without you, might perhaps never have been seen. – Robert Bresson

CNA’s

Decisions, Decisions...

What to be for Halloween Anything you can imagine right at Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine in Lisbon Falls. Call them at 353-2216

WANTED NOW! GREAT PAY! GREAT WORKING CONDITIONS!

Crazy Scotsmen

Assisted Home Care Home Care Means...

• More privacy - you get personal care in your own home.

• Convenience - continuity of care.

• Comfort - being in your own home.

• Shorter Recovery Time - people recoup better at home.

• Nursing care by qualified caregivers.

Home C d e t s are si s A For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston

783-7375 We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

“Time is fun when you're having flies.” – Kermit the Frog

Dead Bride

Southern Belle & Civil War soldier Halloween is the second most commercially successful holiday, with Christmas being the first.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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Colorful Analysis

“You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!”

Submitted by Jimbo

We work on all equipment… not just ours!

Little Johnny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten every day since he started a month ago.

Each day his mother admired the pictures and hung them on the refrigerator. One thing started bothering her. Little Johnny only used black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decided to take him to a child psychologist.

The psychologist delicately went to work. He gave Little Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chatted with Little Johnny. Everything seemed perfectly normal. Every day for two weeks, the tests continued. Yet everyday, Little Johnny continued to bring home drawings in only blacks and browns.

Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something was terribly wrong, the child psychologist decided to give Little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happened.

Little Johnny opened the box of crayons and said, "Oh, Boy! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes.

The only ones left in mine are black and brown!"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

48

& Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

783-7039

“Dependable, quality service at an affordable price!”

Light/Heavy Duty Trucks, Tractors, Trailer, All Plow Equipment Repairs & Service

HEAVY DUTY & EQUIPMENT ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE AVAILABLE RATES: • $50/hour on light duty cars & trucks • $65/hour on heavy duty trucks, trailers & equipment • $75/hour on roadside assistance (includes mileage) • Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks • Licensed Inspection Station • Hydraulic Hoses made on-site • Light Duty/Heavy Duty Trailers • We Machine Rotors & Drums for Light Duty

Maine Heavy Equipment Service 20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

333-3707 • www.MaineHeavy.com “I can see how astronomers figure out the distance of the stars and their size and temperatures and all that, but what really gets me is how they find out what their names are!”

“The more you have, the less likely it is to be enough.”

Smart Pills Submitted by Gene Couillard

CELEBRATING 40 YEARS IN BUSINESS! Locally owned and operated since 1970!

RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL

NO JOB TOO BIG OR TOO SMALL Competitive Pricing on

RESIDENTIAL PROJECTS rn City of Aubunstruction Reco ge id Br r ne Gardi

ool h Sch ing d on Hig Lewist ry Arts Buil Culina

Lewiston Ec onomic Grow th Lincoln St. Building Dem Council, olition

City o Curb If Lewiston nstalla tion

v Site Work v Water, Sewer & Septic v New Driveway Installation v Demolition v Retaining Walls v Drainage v Concrete Foundations & Floors

CALL US FOR YOUR FREE QUOTE!

Call early for your plowing, sanding, & snow removal quotes!

RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL Competitive Pricing!

St. Laurent & Sons Excavation, Inc. 20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 784-7944 www.stlaurentandson.com One must care about a world one will never see. – Bertrand Russell

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.

The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature."

The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature! "What else do you have?" asks the student.

"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, swallows them, and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"

The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," and goes back into the storeroom. He brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.

"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.

The pharmacist replies, "Well, you know... math always was a little hard to swallow."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Decisions, Decisions...

What to be for Halloween

While walking to the lake with my fishing pole and bait box, someone asked me if I was going fishing. I said "Nope, just taking my worms for a walk."

Anything you can imagine right at Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine in Lisbon Falls. Call them at 353-2216

The Cat in the Hat with Thing 1 & Thing 2

Beauty & The Beast

Big Bad Wolf Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Uncle Andy is wondering if Purple People Eaters are purple and eat purple or it they eat purple people.

it's been a really good day..I'm going to bed before someone screws it up.

Come check out our new 50” Plasma TV in the Dining Room!

Enjoy our new Appetizers, Beers & Homemade Roasted Peanuts for Sports Events

Pumpkin Carving Contest Prizes for all participants

Rt. 100 • New Gloucester

Anything you can imagine right at Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine in Lisbon Falls. Call them at 353-2216

Also

The Little Place with the Great Taste at New Gloucester Hours: Mon-Fri 8am-10pm • Sat-Sun 7am - 10pm

Decisions, Decisions...

What to be for Halloween

Stop by on Halloween…

Treats for trick-or-treaters!

926-3434

Breakfast Served until 11am Walk like an Egyptian

Did you know: Pumpkins also come in white, blue and green.

Great for unique monster carvings!

SCHOONER’S ANNUAL CRAFT FAIR The most eagerly anticipated event of the season for crafters and knitters alike is upon us! On Saturday, October 23rd from 10am to 3pm the Schooner Estate’s Craft Group will host the second annual "Schooner Craft Fair" in the Village Green at 200 Stetson Rd. in Auburn (off Center St), and is open to the public

Monk & Lady

The needlecraft group made up of 15 or so women from Schooner Estates have been knitting preemie baby hats for the area hospitals birthing units for over 20 years. They recently took up making Afghans and lap blankets for the Hospice house next door and knitted pet blankets for the Androscoggin Animal Shelter, as well as hand-sewn dolls for the children's ward at both hospitals. The ladies have been working on lots of crafts to sell on that day. (Hand knit hats, mittens, scarves, baby bibs, teddy bears with sweaters, Christmas stockings and quilts). There will also be tables with hand made greeting cards and Christmas decorations, quilted handbags, pictured cards, scented candles and lots more.

THE PUBLIC IS INVITED TO THIS EVENT! Anyone interested in having a table at this event should contact Mark Prevost at 513-5055. All proceeds from this day are collected and given to Camp Sunshine, by the Tenants Council.

Grim Reaper There really are so-called vampire bats, but they're not from Transylvania. They live in Central and South America and feed on the blood of cattle, horses and birds.

Travis doesn't understand why the letters on the keyboard spell QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM when it is really supposed to be ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Christine

Emily

Cindy

Lynn

Michelle

Daniel

Elizabeth

Jen

Our Services Opportunity to succeed in a successful, professional salon

Now Seeking Professionals for Booth Rental Opportunities

Aesthetician Manicure & Pedicurist Join now before the holiday rush!

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

Cuts, Styles Colors & Highlights Perms Extensions Manicures Pedicures Artificial Nails Facials Massage Reflexology Waxing Eyelash Tinting Arbonne Make-up

782-9009 • 20 Coburn Street, Auburn (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday • www.panachehairandnailstudio.com

Come see our completely renovated restaurant Voted L/A’s Best Seafood Chowder 2004 - 2007

Join us for fantastic food & service!!

WE’RE BACK ON COURSE! The Vallee family: Norm, Connie, Belinda & Mick

If you think we’re only about seafood…

Think again! We have something for everyone!

Like one of these menu items…

Steaks & Prime Rib

Pasta Dishes

Ham & Turkey

Chicken

Delicious Appetizers

Sandwiches

It’s like coming home for dinner.

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com

"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."

– Dr. Suess

HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268 Call us!

No Separating Required!

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

Decisions, Decisions...

What to be for Halloween Anything you can imagine right at Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine in Lisbon Falls. Call them at 353-2216

Halloween is on October 31st, the last day of the Celtic calendar. It was originally a pagan holiday, honoring the dead. Halloween was referred to as All Hallows Eve and dates back to over 2000 years ago.

Zout Flapper

Make their day… treat them to an autumn bouquet!

Ann’s Flowers

Visit our web site for many other options!

14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457 • www.annsflower.com

Zout Flapper 2 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Today is just one of those days when I feel like the hydrant in a world full of dogs!

MORE Silly Laws! Tennessee: Itʼs illegal to drive a car while you are asleep.

Live Entertainment

Decisions, Decisions...

What to be for Halloween Anything you can imagine right at Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine in Lisbon Falls. Call them at 353-2216

Sat. Oct. 2nd - Brian Patricks Fri. Oct. 8th - Mike Krapovicki Fri. Oct. 15th - Jesse May & Steve Bailey Sat. Oct. 23rd - Okbari Belly Dancers Sat. Oct. 30th

Halloween Party Dance • Party • Costumes • FUN, FUN, FUN!

Deli Downstairs Dining Room Upstairs

Mon-Tues. 7:30-4:00 Wed-Fri 7:30-10:00 Sat. 11:00-10:00

Scotsman 84 Court St, Auburn

333-3041

www.hollysown.com

Check us out on Facebook!

Holly Mireault, Owner

The name "pumpkin" comes from the Greek word "pepon," meaning a large melon.

Witch

Witch 2 The ancient Celts thought that spirits and ghosts roamed the countryside on Halloween night. They began wearing masks and costumes to avoid being recognized as human.

MORE Silly Laws! Carmel, CA: Itʼs against the law for a woman to take a bath in a business office.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven."

If you see a spider on Halloween, it is the spirit of a loved one watching over you.

"I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him.

"What is your first name?"

"It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph."

Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"

Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."

Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50."From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only 50 cents?"

Movie Fact: “Halloween” was made in only 21 days in 1978 on a very limited budget.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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✂

FREE

100 min.

Tanning Pkg with all chemical services $60 or more We use ABBA products so no animal testing!

Coupon good Oct. 1 - Oct. 30, 2010

$

2 OFF

Men’s Cuts or ✂ 1/2 Price

✂

Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"

✂

Mother: "Oh, really?

What was the question?"

Styling Product Coupon good Oct. 1 - Oct. 30, 2010

SHEILA’S HAIR SALON

Hours: Tues. - Fri. 9am-7pm • Sat. 9-2

5 South Main Street, Mechanic Falls

345-3819 Bobbing for apples is thought to have originated from the roman harvest festival that honors Pamona, the goddess of fruit trees.

Uncle Andy to Jimbo: Let's just start with the assumption that I am right and go on from there.

Benefit Bash for the Dempsey Challenge sponsored by KRY Auto

Baby Boomers!

Are You Experienced?

at Lost Valley

Take a psychedelic journey through the rock & roll years of 1967-1971, when music mattered!

Strobe Lights

Saturday, Oct. 30th Doors Open at 8pm Show starts at 9pm

Tickets only $12

FULL BAR

vivid c olors

Dance Party

!

Dan Carroll

Join us at the Franco American Heritage Center’s newly-renovated Heritage Hall on the lower level. It will be vibrating with the sights, sounds & smell of the golden age of rock!

Guys - dig out your bell bottoms & paisely shirts!

Ladies - find your miniskirts & go-go boots!

Songs like: White Rabbit,

Groove to music by Flashback* All-star local musicians:

(l to r) Arthur Melendy, Todd Corey, Remo Lefebvre, Steve Grenier, Nate Telow, Randy Donovan

My Generation, Sympathy for the Devil, Crimson & Clover, plus many, many more classics!

*Flashback is a pseudonym for this bunch of all-star musicians

Oct. 5 Oct. 8 Oct. 9 Oct. 10 Oct. 19 Oct. 23 Oct. 30 Oct. 31

Calendar of Events

Celtic Tuesday with Outside Track Mauro Bertoli - piano concert Medieval Feast Lenny Breau Tribute Celtic Tuesday w/ Annalivia 7th Annual Gala & Benefit

Rock & Roll Flashback ‘67-’71 (see above)

Fiddle-icious

Franco American Heritage Center

Chris Bain & friend

46 Cedar St., Lewiston • 689-2000 See our website for more info!

www.FrancoAmericanHeritage.org Silence is golden but duct tape is silver, It's going to be a duct tape kind of day.

Jeff Hebert Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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Benefit Bash for the Dempsey Challenge sponsored by KRY Auto at Lost Valley

Travis has gone over to the dark side. Don't worry... he brought a flashlight.

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each

Pat Henry

$

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

of Fenton Glassware!

Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks

START YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING EARLY!

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

20% - 50% OFF

20 OFF %

all Audio Books (books on tape & CD)

Christine Henry

Large Selection

Featuring

131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

8 AM - 5 PM We honor:

Many people still believe that gargoyles were created by medieval architects and stone carvers to ward off evil spirits.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

Can someone please show me the shortcut to Friday?

s Alway g n i Buy

Uncle Andy doesn't mind going to work, it's the 8 hours until he leave that bothers him.

The New England School of Metalwork 5th Annual

Charity Car Show

Saturday, Oct. 9 Columbus Day Weekend

Event Schedule

Hosted by MAINE OXY 22 Albison Way • Auburn

$10 Registration Fee FREE ADMISSION for spectators

7am 8am 9am

Registration Begins Gates Open to the Public Live demo’s start & run throughout the day 11:30am-12:30pm - Judging of Cars 12noon 50/50 Drawing 1pm Trophies Presented We anticipate over 100 cars and we will have many events and vendor demonstrations to make the day a yearly event for you and your family.

ALL PROCEEDS donated to Pine Tree Society The Pine Tree Society helps people in Maine with disabilities lead richer, more socially connected lives. Too often, people with disabilities feel left out, even isolated.

With the help of Pine Tree Society, they’re not alone. Pine Tree Society shares a spirit of innovation and desire to discover new ways to break down barriers that many find insurmountable. It started as a bold new idea in 1936 and continues every day. Whether it’s a child discovering her first best friend at Pine Tree Camp, or an adult finding his voice with customized assistive technology, Pine Tree Society changes lives. For more information, please call

(207) 443-3341

Tour the New England School of Metalwork Mobile Training Center, and you can even lay down a weld bead. The Blacksmithing School will be conducting demonstrations as well.

FMI Call 207-784-5788 Jimbo to Uncle Andy: Just because there is a hole in your head and the sun shines through...doesn't mean your bright!

Diane Bryant is announcing the opening of her salon, DIANE & FRIENDS FAMILY HAIR DESIGN at 75 Crest Ave in Auburn, off of Hotel Rd. If you were told she retired, she did indeed retire... from JC Penney...and has been at Hair Connections in Auburn for the past year. According to Diane, "It will be a long time before I'm ready to retire!" She went on to say, "I look forward to catching up with old FRIENDS and is always looking forward to making new FRIENDS to help them look and feel great!"

The salon is for the entire FAMILY, offering cuts, colors, perms, shampoo sets & waxing. The hours of operation are Tues 9-7, Wed 9-3, Thur 1-8, Fri 9-5, Sat 8:30-3. Diane can be reached by calling 376-4276.

The Ouija Board ended up outselling the game of Monopoly in its first full year at Salem. Over two million copies of the Ouija Board were shipped.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Uncle Andy has the ability to say out loud what other people are thinking!

And usually monopolizes most conversations...

We Give You A R

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Your children weren't made to like you. That's what grandchildren are for.

Grant me the patience of a saint and the nerves of a cast iron skillet...and pray that I don't whack somebody on the back of the head with the skillet!

Reason To Smile Now Accepting New Patients v Preventive Dentistry - Cleaning and Checkups v Cosmetic Dentistry - Veneers, Bonding, Bleaching v v v v v

Crowns, Bridges, Dentures (Complete or Partial) Extractions Periodontics - Treatment of Gum Disease Root Canal Therapy Surgical Placement / Restoration of Dental Implants

TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES

27 Millett Drive, Auburn • 784-1577

TaylorBrookDental.com Last week the "trick candle" warehouse burned down... 37 times.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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Benefit Bash for the Dempsey Challenge sponsored

by KRY Auto at Lost Valley

I just want to win the lottery one time, I promise I won't waste it like a lot of people do!

Free Wi fi

LIVE BANDS

Upcoming Entertainment Thursdayss Open Blue

Mary Dempsey

Fri. Sat. Fri. Sat. Fri. Sat. Fri. Sat. Fri. Sat. Fri.

Oct. 1st Oct. 2nd Oct. 8th Oct. 9th Oct. 15th Oct. 16th Oct. 22nd Oct. 23rd Oct. 29th Oct. 30th Nov. 5th

Paper Street Veggies by Day Ruckus Black Cat Road Matt & the Barnburners TBA (Call) Delta Knights TBA (Call) Thunder Road Halloween Party Spawn of Man Oct. 30th Veggies by Day

97 Ash St., Lewiston • 783-0668 SIGNS: Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it.

Gary

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!

Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

2 for 1

Monday Night Scrambles

Must present this coupon to receive one free green fee for each paid green fee.

Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Mon. thru Thurs. all day, Fri. thru Sun. after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play.

Hi MOM!

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Make your own team or sign up as a single Call the club for more information

Senior League EVERY TUESDAY MORNING Call the club for more information

GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com

Chinese Lesson 7: I think you need a facelift = Chin Tu Fat

After all these years, Uncle Andy finally figured out the Rubik's cube.

If he could just figure out how to make the stickers stay on again heʼd be happy.

CRAFT FAIR OAK HILL HIGH SCHOOL

Lunch with our Favorite Firefighters

All proceeds to benefit the Class of 2013

The 8th Annual Holiday Craft Fair at Oak Hill High School, Saturday November 6, 2010 9:00am – 2:00pm

Remember October is Fire Prevention Month

ite r o v a f r u o y Hug firefighter!

Table rentals are $25 for a 10 foot space, 6 foot long tables are available.

Please call 375-4950 extension 130 to reserve your spot!

FREE ADMISSION Donations of crafts are welcome

Great holiday gifts!

My favorite firefighter is right over there on page 62 on the back of that bus!

Refreshments Choose your own raffle item 50/50 Raffle and more.

ITALIAN PASTA DIET IT REALLY WORKS!

1. You walk pasta da bakery.

2. You walka pasta da candy store.

3. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

111 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 782-4104 Q: If I had 10 fish and 5 drowned, then 3 of them came back to life and we sold 2, how many fish are left? A: STOP COUNTING FISH CANT DROWN!

4. You walka pasta da table and fridge.

You will lose weight!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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Benefit Bash for the Dempsey Challenge sponsored by KRY Auto

Chinese Lesson 6: I bumped into a coffee table = Ai Bang Mai Ni

MELANSON CONSTRUCTION, INC. 84 No Name Pond Road, Lewiston, ME • 784-5899

at Lost Valley

• Residential and Commercial Paving • Sweeping • Seal Coating

Call for FRimEatEes

PAVING

Est

784-5899

L/A’S LARGEST SELECTION OF BEER! Walk-in Beer Cave • 30 door cooler Huge selection of Fall Brews & Ciders! If you can get it in Maine, you can get it here!!

Also: Kegs, growlers & mini kegs

Great pizza selection! Try our Taco & BLT Pizza!

Check out our daily specials

Call for commercial & residential bottle pickup Find us on Facebook & Foursquare

We have wine & liquor, too!

F~lorian’s Market ~

301 Main St., Auburn 783-9098 / Open 7 Days a Week

WE’VE GOT HANDGUNS! HUGE SELECTION! FREE Bottle of Pepper Spray with any handgun purchase!

Just a small sample of our inventory

Call Matt, Drew or Chris at

Rt. 4 • Turner, ME

225-3432

Just past Twitchell’s Airport

Chris Jordan, owner 577-0210 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

64

OCTOBER 2010

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g3firearms@megalink.net

The more you study, the more you know, the more you know, the more you forget, so why study?

I'm not getting old I'm increasing in value.

Benefit Bash for the Dempsey Challenge sponsored by KRY Auto at Lost Valley

Mike Belanger

Dave Baab

Donna

Upcoming events: March of Dimes Auction, Ladies Night & Men’s Night • Call for details!

Shop Local!

Use our advertisers!!

Jimbo believes everything happens for a reason... heʼs not sure yet what the reason is but believes there is one!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

783-7039 65

Benefit Bash

Uncle Andy decided to take the road less traveled and got lost.

Maybe that's why no one goes that way?

for the Dempsey Challenge sponsored by KRY Auto

dition a r T e n i a AM unt On! o C n a C u Yo

at Lost Valley

Hours: Monday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday 6am – 9:30pm; Saturday 6am – 9:30pm; Sunday 6am – 9pm

WEEKDAY LUNCH SPECIALS Served from 10:30-3:30 Monday - Maine Fried Shrimp

Come to Cole Farms and try our delicious homemade pies, cupcakes, muffins, puddings, custards, apple crisps and more!

Tuesday - Fish & Chips Wednesday - Steak Sub Thursday - Grilled Reuben Sandwich Friday - Fried Haddock Sandwich

DAILY SPECIALS Monday (until 10/17) 2 Crab Rolls . .$7.95 w/Salad & Chips

Beginning 10/18 -

Turkey Dinner . . . .$9.25

w/potato, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls

Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . .$7.95 w/Carrots, Potato & Gravy, Rolls

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . .$6.95

Jessica Field of Auburn

w/Potato & Rolls

Thursday -

2 Lobster Rolls w/Salad & Chips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.95 Beginning 10/21 New England Boiled Dinner . . . . . .$9.25 Rick & Cheryl Bretton

(until 10/20)

w/corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls

Friday - Lasagna . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.75 w/Salad & Rolls

Sunday - Roast Pork . . . . . . . . .$8.75

Friday & Saturday After 4:00 PM

Prime Rib Au Jus w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried or Baked Stuffed Haddock

w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

BREAKFAST BUFFET

Adults .............$6.75 6 & under .......$3.75

SATURDAY & SUNDAY

Now open from 7am-11am

Portland-Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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M is for Mom, not Maid!

A wise man once said, "Ask a woman."

Out & About at Rainbow Credit Union’s Auburn location Knowing they like to use pen names in Uncle Andy’s we came up with our own pen names....

10/30/10

Frick and Frack “Notice! Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!”

CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THE DIGEST!

Joe Willis of Auburn

I love everything about Uncle Andy's, the one liners, the stories, the pictures with the captions and all the ads too....I find out about a lot of new businesses by reading the mag. I can't get enough of it!

Out & About at Gregory’s Hair & Nails Lungs & Roses Cystic Fibrosis Cut-a-thon money raised to benefit Greg Lambert, who is in need of a lung transplant

What a great cut-a-thon... If you couldn’t be there you can still help Greg’s cause! Please call 344-9391 for ways to donate.

Rosie

Jennifer Jacobs of Stylz Salon & sister of Greg Lambert with Linda of Gregory’s Hair & Nails

Deb

A husband is the only one of your children that does not grow up and move away!

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WINTER IS COMING! Remote Car Starters Stereos • Speakers • Amps Auto/Truck/SUV Accessories Car Alarms Leather Seats and Heated Seats Navigation Systems Window Tinting Satellite Radio • Mobile Video Bluetooth Hands Free GPS Systems

Remote Car Starters starting at $159.00

1009 Center St. Auburn • 333-3390 • Fax 333-3000

✁

✃

FREE T-Shirt FREE Sweatshirt

with $100 purchase

with $300 purchase

with this ad / or mention Uncle Andy’s Digest

Expires 10/31/10

We have over 40 quality pre-owned vehicles available now!

Ray Berube, owner Find us on Facebook

Monday - Thursday 8-6 Friday 8-5 Saturday 9-2

Benefit Bash for the Dempsey Challenge sponsored by KRY Auto at Lost Valley

Some people live life in the fast lane - I live in oncoming traffic.

OCTOBER IS BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH We are giving away one free pink hair extension in October with a $5 or more donation to Breast cancer 100% of the proceeds goes to breast cancer A Paul Mitchell Color Salon

Penny & Jim Myrick

782-0202

D’Avanti Salon

in the Lewiston Mall • www.davanti-salon.com

Hours: Tues - Fri. 10-6 • Saturday 10-4 (closed Sun. & Mon.) • Appointments Appreciated • Walk-Ins Welcome

CALL FOR NEXT NRA PISTOL COURSE DATES!

We Buy, Sell & Trade Full Line Gun Smith Service Buying small & large firearm collections Barry Richardson

Check us out!

The Perfect Place to Dine anytime of the day!

Deb Bugel

Open Sun. - Thur. 10:30am - 10pm Fri. & sat. 10:30am - 11pm David Bugel Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager

Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

EAT IN OR TAKE OUT!

784-8221 85 Center Street, Auburn

If you know someone in your life that's being a poop, flush ʻem!

I know karate, kung fu, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 27 other dangerous words.

Benefit Bash for the Dempsey Challenge sponsored by KRY Auto

Fabulous Fall Packages

at Lost Valley

New Herbal Body Wraps New Pumpkin Sugar Scrub New After Sun Treatment New Autumn Package New Harvest Package • Hair • Body waxing • Facials • Pedicures • Spa Packages

• Massage • Electrology • Manicures • Bridal Packages

71 East Ave., Lewiston

Permanent Make-up

www.cassiels.com

We sell a full line of Bare Escentuals Mineral Makeup

783-3321

Connie King

Did You Know: The 2001 Federal Tax cut added 14,368 pages to the U.S. Tax Code.

ATTENTION LANDLORDS & PROPERTY MANAGERS Complete Tenant Screenings Includes: • Instant National Criminal History Check • Social Security Verification • Instant Eviction Check per • Sex Offender Registry Check

$

19

screening

We also perform Pre-employment screenings, Paternity tests, Drug Screenings & Private Investigations *All reports are verified by a licensed Private Investigator

A La Carte Pricing Available

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator 577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com Did You Know: The origin of the term bridal shower comes from English brides who used to buy "bride ale" for their wedding guests.

One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door.

"Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked.

"Sure is. He's over at the cow barn."

"Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am.

Will I have any difficulty finding him?"

"Shouldn't have any difficulties... He's the one with the beard and mustache."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Trick or Treat

Women's hearts beat faster than men's.

INDUSTRIAL & COMMERCIAL ELECTRICAL SPECIALISTS ‹ Electrical Installations, Service & Maintenance

Thermal ‹ Imaging • Reduce Risk • Decrease machinery & system downtime • Improve safety

Electrical ‹ Engineering ‹

Control & Automation Systems

Estimating and project management

• Software/Hardware Development • Troubleshooting • Drafting

Back-up Generators

Custom ‹ Control Panels Design & Fabrication

On October 6, 1683, 13 families from Krefeld, Germany founded Germantown, Pennsylvania. The month from September 15 to October 15 celebrates the history and culture of German-Americans.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Call about our FREE Energy Audits & Estimates

ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS 1200 Minot Ave., Auburn OF MAINE 783-7126 ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS www.electricalsystemsofmaine.com Women burn fat more slowly than men, by a rate of about 50 calories a day.

Recycling

Three-hundred-million cells die in the human body every minute.

My friend's father is a locksmith in a resort town. Once he saw a group of beach goers park near his shop and dump trash from their car on his property.

NEW!

Try our new

TOASTED TURKEY PESTO SANDWICH!

$

2.99 www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

Turkey, pesto, mayo, cheese, onion & peppers on toasted Italian bread

Only

Brian & Jacob

Grandsons of Beverly at Luiggi’s

As soon as they were out of sight and walking toward the beach, the locksmith picked the lock on their car door, put the garbage back inside and relocked the car.

Costume RESERVE YOUR COSTUME NOW! Halloween Rentals and Sales • 50 different genres of costumes • Plus sizes • Kids costumes • Hand-made costumes • Make-up, wigs & accessories

If you can think of it, we probably have it!

Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine Costumes may vary from this advertisement

20 Main St. Lisbon Falls

www.CostumesofMaine.com The largest human organ is the skin, with a surface area of about 25 square feet.

353-2216 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Benefit Bash

Did you know 90% of a pumpkin is made up of water?

for the Dempsey Challenge sponsored by KRY Auto

Out & About at Madison Ave Salon

at Lost Valley

Will someone come up and sing with me...

I love looking at and reading everything in Uncle Andy's Digest! It's the best mag around!

Chad Porter

Thank you, Dan. But I was hoping for Celeste!

Albert Kaechele, Sr. of Auburn

Mommy says I'm still too young for foils

Lori Lavoie with her daughter Grace Lynn Lavoie

In the late 19th century, millions of human mummies were used as fuel for locomotives in Egypt where wood and coal was scarce, but mummies were plentiful.

• • • •

Thanks, Chad.

Think we can get Uncle Andy to join us, too?

Hot & Cold Sandwiches Soups • Salads Espresso Drinks • Gelato Dessert Items & More

~ Order here & take it to go ~ ~ Eat in our café area ~ ~ Call ahead for takeout orders ~

376-3303 Located inside DaVinci’s Eatery 150 Mill St. • Lewiston • Mon-Fri 7:30-2pm Celeste Onofrio Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Did you know the yellow-orange flowers that bloom from a pumpkin vine are edible?

Trick-or-treating is thought to have its origins in a European custom called souling where people would beg for "soul cakes."

JOIN US! October 9, 2010

For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs In loving memory of Dakota Cunneen

BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY 2 locations to serve your needs

LEWISTON 541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029

BRUNSWICK 92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797

Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death. – Earl Wilson

Where: Elm Street School, Mechanic Falls Starts @ 11:00am Ends @ 1:30pm Check-in time: 10-11am Contact: Hillary Groves Phone: 207-713-6142 E-mail: Outofthedarknessmaine@gmail.com Anyone who would like to participate can register in person at the walk! Please know that walk donations are accepted until December 31st, 2010.

Suicide affects everyone.

Yep. Just picked up this bad boy over at Reggie’s!

Owen Gardiner Grandson of Reggie and Cathy Emery of Reggies Sales and Service

Help whoever you can, whenever you can, where ever you are, with whatever you’ve got.

Paul “Barn Rat” Bernat found at Dadʼs Place in Mechanic Falls

Legendary magician Harry Houdini died in Detroit from a ruptured appendix on Halloween in 1926.

Please help!

The Out of the Darkness Community Walks are 3-5 mile walks taking place in over 200 communities across the country this fall, with the proceeds benefitting the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP).

By walking in the Out of the Darkness Community Walks, you will be walking with thousands of other walkers nationwide to raise money for AFSP's vital research and education programs to prevent suicide and save lives, increase national awareness about depression and suicide and provide support for survivors of suicide loss. In deciding to walk you are taking us a step closer to making suicide prevention a national priority.

Millions of People, One common goal: SUICIDE PREVENTION Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out & About with the Rockin’ Redhatters Submitted by Barbara Beaucage

"Toss your faded dreams not into a trash bin but into a drawer where you are likely to rummage some bright morning."

Give Back with Gregory’s!!!

Come in for your service in October wearing PINK and we’ll donate 10% of the service cost to the Cancer Society Join Gregory’s in making a difference in our community each month

at Gregory’s Salon, 600 Center St., Auburn (Shaw’s Plaza) 786-0112

FIRESIDE STOVE SHOP AND FIREPLACE CENTER

WOOD • PELLET • GAS STOVES & FURNACES Vermont Castings Sale

Up to $250 OFF My five-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher what her father does, and she replied, "Whatever my Mom tells him to."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Limited Time Offer

784-9249

$1500 tax credit ends 12/31/10

1220 CENTER ST. • AUBURN • Near Lake Auburn on Rte. 4

1-800-224-9249 • www.firesidestoveshop.com "My quest for cosmic understanding is a book I have picked up and put down many times, each time failing to insert a bookmark."

"I enjoy many silent moments with my cat, a conversation always resumed exactly where left off."

Divine Instruction

Ray The Electrician LLC

Submitted by Jimbo

RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL “My Prices Won’t Shock You”

Office: 225-3360 • Cell: 576-6643 rayele@roadrunner.com

Fully Insured • All Electrical Service Work • Houses • Cottages • Dormitories • Campgrounds • Schools

• Phone Cable • Camera Security • House Alarms • Lead Certified Renovator

PLUS: • Install all sizes of generators, from portable to stand-by generators • Install permanent line poles for new housing developments

We answer any emergency call 24 hours a day / 7 days a week Licensed in Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts and Vermont

A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play one hole at Pebble Beach, California the way the pros do it.

The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is on a spit of land that juts out off the coast.

It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success.

His ball always fell short, into the ocean.

Because of this he never used a new ball on this particular hole.

He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick.

Recently he went to Pebble Beach to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball and said a silent prayer.

Before he hit it however, a powerful voice from above said, "WAIT...REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND-NEW BALL." He complied, with some slight misgiving, despite the fact that the Lord seemed to be implying that He was going to let him finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

Financing Available • Some Restrictions Apply (continued on next page)

Bald eagles have 7,000 feathers.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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(continued from previous page)

As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again: "WAIT...STEP BACK... TAKE A PRACTICE SWING." So he stepped back and took a practice swing.

The voice boomed out again, "TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING." He did. Silence followed.

Then the voice spoke out again: "PUT BACK THE OLD BALL."

Out & About with the Rockin’ Redhatters

✃

The bald eagle became the National emblem in 1782 when the great seal of the United States was adopted.

$

Spend 50 or more

Please mention Uncle Andy’s Digest

Get $10 OFF any order!

ROLL TOWELS - ALL TYPES Bathroom Tissue, Trash Liners, Plates, Cups, Napkins, ETC. • Cleaning Chemicals & Janitorial Supplies

NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A AREA!

Stop waiting in line at the Big Box stores for your paper and janitorial supplies! Just call in your order...it’s that SIMPLE!!

wiper & paper

No m Minimu Order

120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com

Submitted by Barbara Beaucage

Saturday mail delivery in Canada was eliminated by Canada Post on February 1, 1969.

Wood Pellets $199 a ton!

PREMIUM WOOD PELLETS MADE IN MAINE

Call for more information

BRYANT ENERGY 33 Elm Street, Mechanic Falls

345-4301 or 1-800-698-0032 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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In Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less than 50 minutes.

There are 18 different animal shapes in the Animal Crackers cookie zoo.

Although Bob The Screenprinter is being considered to be the 19th.

Out & About at Gregory’s Hair & Nails Lungs & Roses Cystic Fibrosis Cut-a-thon money raised to benefit Greg Lambert, who is in need of a lung transplant

It takes a real pro to use these giant scissors, Terry...

indham •

Located

orth W . 115 in N

0

892-822

on Rt

Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per second!

...oh, cut it out Kathy!

Kathy & Terry

RESTAURANT 892-9922

All witches, vampires and other ghostly goblins are welcome here!

907 Roosevelt Trail, Windham Trick or treat, Smell my feet, Take me to Thatcher’s for something good to eat!

Thank you to everyone who came out to support the cut-a-thon, check out our ad on page 76 to see how we’re giving back this month.

✹ Easy on the pocketbook ✹ Great for the whole family ✹ Full menu always available

Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm • Sun 12 - 8pm

Linda & Terry Maggie & Dave Garry, Owners

Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere

The next full moon on Halloween night will be October 31, 2020.

Every day 20 banks are robbed. The average take is $2,500.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Tablecloths were originally meant to be served as towels with which dinner guests could wipe their hands and faces after eating!

NOW OPEN! Featuring Sam Adams Seasonal Brews All Month Long

• Casual Dining & Classic New England Fare • Tender & Juicy Steaks • Mouthwatering Burgers • Certified Angus Beef • Splendid Seafood • Full Bar • TVs • Eat in or Take out

Check out our Bar

• Mon.-Thurs. $2 domestic drafts Happy Hour 4pm-7pm 1/2 price appetizers • 29 Bottled beers & 10 beers on tap • Wine, mixed drinks & liquor Sunday & Monday Friday Night NFL FOOTBALL KARAOKE Tuesday Night: Sports & Music Trivia

Inside the Lewiston Mall

Serving Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner 333-3053 • Open 7 Days a Week Breakfast & lunch served 7am-4pm • Dinner served 4-9pm Lounge hours: 11am - 11pm

86% of Americans decorate their homes for Halloween.

www.wildseasonsinc.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!

& Jimbo

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Out & About at Gregory’s Hair & Nails Lungs & Roses Cystic Fibrosis Cut-a-thon money raised to benefit Greg Lambert, who is in need of a lung transplant

Snow plowing

It always feels good to know you’ve helped someone!

Cori with Terri Ham of Turner

OPEN HOUSE Sat. Oct. 16th & Sun. Oct. 17th BBQ on Saturday!

Giveaways!

! e l a S Big

Nuria with Megan

See details on our website 1 Garfield Road, Auburn • 344-6622

I never would have guessed that helping people could be so much fun!

ridebackwoods.com

Halloween is the third biggest party day of the year behind New Yearʼs and Super Bowl Sunday, respectively.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Uncle Andy’s Digest

A Boeing 747 airliner holds 57,285 gallons of fuel.

Pix from the past The last couple of months we’ve shared some blast from the past photos as we celebrating our 15th anniversary. They were such a big hit we decided to do just a few more...

Improve the comfort and beauty of your home by creating OPEN SPACES. Our creative team can help raise the value of your home.

With our affordable prices, you might be pleasantly surprised by the outcome, and may never want to sell your home.

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Think Decks, Garages, & Sunrooms, too!

“The Difference is in the Details”

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

Brad & Cindy Sloat 15 years ago, Uncle Andy told Brad to just wear a pair of dark shades and no one would be able to tell who he was. Cindy said that was ridiculous and chose not to wear any dark shades. We know that is Cindy. We think that might be Brad, but canʼt be 100% sure...

Out & About with the Rockin’ Redhatters Submitted by Barbara Beaucage

halloween party Saturday, Oct. 30th Rick & Alina Burke Of the pumpkins marketed domestically, 99% of them are used as Jack-o-lanterns at Halloween.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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Plus: Pool • Darts • Shuffle Bowling New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn

Outdoor Horsesho es all the tim e

FMI Contact Leroy Walker 577-2694 • email: dmusicman5060@yahoo.com

A car uses 1.6 ounces of gas idling for one minute. Half an ounce is used to start the average automobile!

Ann Dumais

Paula Tantillo

Kim Galgovitch

Pauline Guimond

Lisa Olmstead

Celebrating Fall Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

N N N

Licensed Aesthetician Licensed Massage Therapist Full range of skin care including Glycolic Peels

N

All waxing services including Brazilian Wax

N N

Tinting - eyelashes & brows Mens & Womens Cuts

Lysa Ronan

N N N N

Valerie Kelshaw

Children’s cuts Colors N Foils N Perms Manicures Pedicures

We are a full service salon

786-4311 Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm 14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A • Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

Welcome to the team!

OFF 5

$ Jacinta Labbe (formerly of Sarah Jeanne’s)

Jacinta specializes in color, cuts, & perms. She welcomes all former & new clients.

Any Chemical Service

Call today to book your appointment

expires 10/31/10

786-4311 14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A • Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

with Jacinta Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

Holiday Catering From 10 people to 300…

No job too small or too big!

Holiday Parties • Company Christmas Parties Buffet

Platters

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering Professional service at an affordable price Try Dad’s Place for your next event!

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing

345-9009 There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place Catering Division

www.dadsplace.info

Water Damage

The Philadelphia mint produces 26 million pennies per day!

A New Room in Every Can For a smooth, rich finish of exceptional beauty, depend on Manor Hall® premium interior latex paints. The washable, durable finish makes Manor Hall ideal for walls, ceilings, doors and trim.

Highly Scrubbable • Provides A Rich Finish • Excellent Coverage

$

6 OFF

per gallon

with this ad Limit 4 gallons Expires 10/31/10

"We're a paint store, not a paint department"

Hours: M-F 7am-5pm Sat. 7:30am-1pm

A mother was watching her four year-old son playing outside in a small plastic pool halffilled with water. He was happily walking back and forth across the pool, making big splashes.

516 Sabattus Street • Lewiston • 784-1993

www.lewistonpaint.com

Suddenly, the little boy stopped, stepped out of the pool, and began to scoop water out of the pool with a pail.

"Why are you pouring the water out, dear?" asked the mother.

"Because my teacher said Jesus walked on water, and this water doesn't work," he replied.

Driving Distance

Now Accepting Snow Plowing, Snow Removal & Sanding Accounts

Also Offering: Excavating • Demolition • Yard Maintenance House Lots • Commercial/Residential Site Work & More!

Est. 1945

CALL US TODAY FOR YOUR FREE ESTIMATE!

1331 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 782-3617 • lppoirier@myfairpoint.net A lightning bolt generates temperatures five times hotter than those found at the sun's surface!

As the boss was leaving the office to play golf, he instructed his secretary to tell all callers that he was away from his desk.

Shortly after he left, a member of his foursome called to find out which course they were playing that day.

The loyal girl would only reply that her boss was away from his desk.

"Just tell me," the golfer persisted, "is he five miles away from his desk, twenty miles away from his desk, or thirty miles away from his desk?"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out & About at Rowe Auburn with the Maineiacs

A violin contains about 70 separate pieces of wood!

Lewiston High School ROTC

Honey, Uncle Andy is here and he is a major meathead.

Let’s act like we don’t see him...

According to the U.S. Census there is an estimated 106 million potential treat-or-treat stops.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Pix from the past The last couple of months we’ve shared some blast from the past photos as we celebrating our 15th anniversary. They were such a big hit we decided to do just a few more...

We love our advertisers!

Thanks for choosing us!!

STILL LOOKING FOR ME? CCURATE CCOUNTING & Tax Services, P.A. • Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes

Bridget Callier The Hairem owner Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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JASON HALL

• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems

922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 (Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer)

It is estimated that 4 million "junk" telephone calls, phone solicitations by persons or programmed machine are made every day in the United States!

It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times.

CLOSEOUT SALE!!

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Pix from the past The last couple of months we’ve shared some blast from the past photos as we celebrating our 15th anniversary. They were such a big hit we decided to do just a few more...

Only

Complete Frame & Single Vision Lens

$

35

Must present coupon • While supplies last. • Restrictions may apply. See associate for details. • Expires 10/31/10

Now accepting most major insurances

Vision at a Value

Visit us on Facebook

UA

120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn Mon - Fri 9:30 AM - 6:00 PM Sat 10 AM - 3:00 PM

Jann Poland Perkins

783-4226

Associate Broker/REALTOR

*Basic prescription, some limitations may apply, see associate for details

15 years later she still says, “I love referrals.”

Forest fires move faster uphill than downhill.

Plummer Composites Fiberglass Boat Repair

ain”

“We can

new ag t a o b r u o y make

Structural to Scratches Blister Repair Bottom Painting Gel-coating & Painting Detailing

207-650-6485 Almost half the newspapers in the world are published in the United States and Canada.

When Jeff

& Nora Cummings start missing their dogs, they can always pick up a copy of Uncle Andyʼs Digest to see them. Thatʼs because theyʼve featured their dogs in the advertisement theyʼve had in the ʻDigest for 15 straight years. We certainly appreciate their support and are very happy to keep the dogs nearby for them.

What is a vampire's favorite sport?

Casketball Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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GARY BAIN Leadership.

376.3007

East Coast Mortgage Group, LLC 316 Center St. • Auburn

866.579.ECMG

I have an uncle down at Wall Street. He used to have a corner on the market. Now he has a market on the corner.

CHRIS BAIN

Q: What is a vampire's favorite holiday? A: Fangsgiving

One ragweed plant can release as many as one billion grains of pollen!

Customer Appreciation Event Fri. Oct. 8th & Sat. Oct. 9th Free donuts & coffee in the morning, hot dogs & burgers at lunch!

10% OFF all chemicals & winterizing supplies

www.abcpool.com

"If you want happiness for an hour -take a nap. If you want happiness for a day -- go fishing. If you want happiness for a month -- get married. If you want happiness for a year -- inherit a for-

tune. If you want happiness for a lifetime -- help someone else."

– Chinese Proverb

Determined.

376.3007

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

Service Rental Sales

Do not neglect your Septic System For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT

East Coast Mortgage Group, LLC 316 Center St. • Auburn

866.579.ECMG Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. 111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.

A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group of geese in the air is a skein.

A leech is a worm that feeds on blood. It will pierce its victim's skin, fill itself with three to four times its own body weight in blood, and will not feed again for months. Leeches were once used by doctors to drain "bad blood" from sick patients.

Customer Appreciation Weekend October 8th & 9th

Available at:

Clarence & Irene Letourneau Come meet the original founders of ABC Pool & Spa on Saturday October 9th, Clarence & Irene Letourneau, during the Customer Appreciation Weekend, which runs October 8th & 9th, at ABC Pool & Spa Center, 1975 Lisbon Road in Lewiston.

Heating, Air Conditioning & Plumbing 137 Spring Street, Auburn

1-800-287-3246 or 786-3246

Holly’s Heating Oil • Vacuum Packaging or Wrap • Made to order Sausage

Now serving Lewiston/Auburn!

Mention this ad and receive

5¢ per gallon discount New Lewiston/Auburn accounts only

Expires 10/31/10

380 Main Street, Westbrook & 38 Elm Street, Biddeford

1-800-554-6559 or 854-5035 RachelGendron@HollysOil.com • www.HollysOil.com

Q: What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?

A: A cereal killer.

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413 There are more than 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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REAL ESTATE • HOME IMPROVEMENT GUIDE The Statue of Liberty arrived at its permanent home at Bedloe's Island in New York Harbor on June 19, 1885, aboard the French frigate Isere. A gift of friendship from the people of France to the people of the United States, the 151foot-tall statue was created to commemorate the centennial of the American Declaration of Independence.

225-6104 or 713-0067

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Pix from the past The last couple of months we’ve shared some blast from the past photos as we celebrating our 15th anniversary. They were such a big hit we decided to do just a few more...

15 years ago Uncle Andy asked Stavros what he saw in his future...

Mark my words Uncle Andy... there will be a casino in the LewistonAuburn area.

600 Turner Street, Auburn 784-3434 • www.heidisauburn.com

Hell’s Kitchen Sandwich

Serving BREAKFA ST & LUNCH a ll day!

HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm Sun 10am-8pm

Egg salad, bacon, swiss, avocado & cajun sauce

Try a Hell’s Kitchen this month!

$ .00

1 OFF in October

Locally owned and operated

VOTE ONLINE NOW for Lewiston/Auburn Stavros J. Mendros

www.bestofsurveys.com MARKET SURVEYS OF AMERICA

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion!

& Jimbo

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Alcatraz

The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!

Hot Air & Boiler Cleaning Special Includes:

Oil Filter • Pump Screen • Nozzle • Efficiency Test

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95

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If you haven’t had your heating system cleaned in the past 12 months this is what it may be costing you… 15% efficiency loss of 1000 gallons of heating oil at $2.70/gal (.15%x1000/gals.x$2.70/gal.=$405.00) or pay $149.95 and help yourself!

Meeting your needs in Air Conditioning, Ventilation, Heat and Refrigeration.

Owner Al Hamel • Lewiston, ME 782-6336 • www.alshvac-r.com Email: alshvac@gwi.net

Specialists for installing Rinnai Monitor Heaters LP, Natural Gas & K-1

Alcatraz, the island prison in San Francisco Bay, received its first prisoners in 1934.

Alcatraz, which is no longer a prison, was (and probably still is) the best known American prison. Trivia fans: Alcatraz was given its name by a Spanish explorer Juan Manuel de Ayala. In 1775 he discovered the San Francisco Bay, mapped it and named one of the islands Isla de los Alcatraces, after the birds that inhabited it -- the pelicans.

Halloween Tip: Do Not Spook unless you are Spooken to!

In 1921, Anoka, Minn., held the first official, citywide observance of Halloween in the U.S.

Monitor Heater Sale

FALL VACATIONS ON SALE NOW!

Gas units only $

50-100 OFF

Gf1800 -

Gf3800

Ends Oct. 15, 2010 See store for details 1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4

FOUR SEASON SERVICE

Downeast Sharpening

Go to some really cool places!

www.dragonflytrips.com • 1-888-222-6846

FREE Discover Scuba Session Emma on her first dive

Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel

7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond

DOLMAR

Call NOW for a great price!

IT’S TIME. KICK BACK. RELAX.

with this Ad

If you ever wanted to try Scuba Diving, here’s your chance. Come join us in confined waters using the latest gear.

Call 784-7300 for an appointment shindaiwa

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www.downeastsharpening.com

The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1!

Barclay s Skindivers Paradise www.skindiversparadise.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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Thought of the day: If heat makes things expand...I don't have a weight problem...I'm just HOT!

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Pix from the past The last couple of months we’ve shared some blast from the past photos as we celebrating our 15th anniversary. They were such a big hit we decided to do just a few more...

Windmills always turn counter-clockwise. Except for the windmills in Ireland!

FAMILY OWNED AND OPERATED! Over 200 colors from around the world!

Also offering Quartz countertops Cambria, HanStone, Silestone, Zodiaq, Caesarstone, Viatera

786-5556 995 Center 995 Center Street, Street, Auburn Auburn Hours: Mon-Fri Hours: Mon-Fri9am-5:30pm; 9am-5:30pm; Sat Sat 9am-2pm 9am-2pm

www.granitemarblecountertops.net www.granitemarblecountertops.net

Reggie Emery III The 3rd generation of chainsaw specialists from Reggieʼs Sales & Service. Heʼs was 18 years old in this photo.

Jimbo told Uncle Andy that Reggie III would want to kill him for running this photo again.

We tried to defuse the situation by asking the following questions...

Is a chainsaw in hand worth two in the bush?

Also we need to know why George Washington didnʼt use a chainsaw when he cut down that cherry tree. Reggie Sr. says it might be because George, even though he was brilliant, probably didnʼt know to sharpen the chain properly.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet at all times.

For All General Home Repairs & Improvements

HOME IMPROVEMENT SERVICES Paint Man & Roof dawg are ready to save the day!

Interior & Exterior Painting Roofs of all sizes

FREE ESTIMATES • • • •

Carpentry Sheetrocking Plumbing Flooring

784-8922 The male penguin incubates the single egg laid by his mate. During the two month period he does not eat, and will lose up to 40% of his body weight.

Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks.

A classic story from 15 years ago...

Life With Ski-doo

by Frenchie Gagne

Taxi?

Trash & Garbage • Furniture & Appliances • Construction & Demolition Debris Boilers & Scrap Metal • Brush & Trees • Buildings Demolished & Removed

Fall is a great time to clean out attics, cellars & garages!

Over 10 years making unwanted stuff go away!!

Property Services Especially Foreclosures Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs

Farrell Enterprises Geez, Dad is always on the phone!

Great! You saw my ad in Uncle Andy’s Digest!!

We’ll be right over...

CALL US FOR A FREE QUOTE!

Fully Insured

782-5300 or 576-2501

Paul & Mike Farrell

Uncle Andy has rocks in his head.

This is another story about my dim-witted cousin, Rejean Samson Ski-doo.

I wasn't aware that I even had a cousin named Rejean Samson Ski-doo until I needed a taxi many years ago.

Ski-doo was a cab driver, one would never forget.

As we approached a red light in a busy part of the city, I realized that he had no intentions of stopping. When I scolded him for going through a red light, he just told me to relax. He said that he and his "best friend" do it all the time. It was obvious that this ride would be dangerous. As we neared another set of traffic lights, I held my breath as we again zipped right through it. He assured me that this was okay as he and his "best friend" do this all the time.

I began to relax as we came to the next set of lights because the signal was green. This time, however, Rejean Samson Ski-doo stopped!

I screamed at him! "The light is green, why are you stopping?"

As he looked both ways he replied, “Hey, you never know when my best friend might be around.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

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A classic story from 15 years ago...

REAL ESTATE • HOME IMPROVEMENT GUIDE

Life With Ski-doo

by Frenchie Gagne

The Mill Brothers This is another story about my dim-witted cousin, Rejean Samson Ski-doo.

One day at the mill, Emile and Ski-doo were working side by side, telling each other tall tales and lies. Just as Emile was about to tell his own tale, he was told to pick up the telephone.

He spoke for only a moment, and began weeping immediately after hanging up.

He told Rejean that it was bad news, that his father had died. Rejean instructed him to go home, be with his family, and begin funeral arrangements. Emile said he would finish the day and then take some time off.

About twenty minutes later, Emile was told that he had another phone call. After hanging up from this call, he began to cry again!

"What's wrong now?" asked Rejean Samson Ski-doo.

"What a bad day," replied Emile. "That was my brother. His father died, too."

Q: What is a Mummy's favorite type of music?

A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night!

FALL & WINTER PROJECTS Twin Construction can do it!

New construction • Remodeling • Roofing Flooring • Windows • Light excavation & more!

Certified Lead Safe Renovator

TWIN

CONSTRUCTION

Call 345-TWIN or 576-5494 or 740-0040

Get ready for winter! Call us for a FREE plowing quote. Residential & commercial

A: Wrap!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside!

The Earth weighs around 6,600,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons.

Guilty Pleasure Submitted by Jimbo

It was moving day. The previous owners were going to finish moving out that morning, and we were going to start moving in that afternoon.

We showed up just as they were finishing up, around lunchtime. The couple was sitting down for a breather before they left. The wife suggested to her husband that they go to McDonald's for lunch.

She told us with guilty pleasure, "I know it's not good for me, but I just love burgers and fries."

Her husband had a somewhat disgusted look on his face. He told us, in all seriousness, "Not me. I'm a meat and potatoes man."

"Women have to harness their power -- it's absolutely true. It's just learning not to take the first no. And if you can't go straight ahead, you go around the corner."

– Cher

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.

– James Dent

Q: Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?

A: He didn't have a haunting license.

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCTOBER 2010

783-7039 95

Uncle Andy wants you to check out his new website: www.wwwdotcom.com

OCTOBER

SPECIAL UNCLE ANDY’S READER’S SPECIAL!

FULL AUTO RECON

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Adam Raymond, Owner Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

96

& Jimbo

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LakeCityExports.com

753-0033 867 Center Street, Auburn

Due to intense mind fog, all thoughts have been grounded.