UAD October 2012 by Uncle Andy's Digest

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

.com

THE MOST UNUSUAL DIGEST IN AMERICA

FREE October 2012

RATES ARE LOW Call for your purchases or to refinance today!

Conventional ★ FHA ★ VA ★ MSHA ★ RD

A local lender you can trust! Debbie Bodwell, Vice President NMLS# 280336

Residential Mortgage Service, Inc. 777.1551

181 Center St.; Auburn, Maine 04210 www.rmsmortgage.com •dbodwell@rmsmortgage.com

This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions. Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537

Armandsab@aol.com

Shown: One-of-a-kind Watermelon Tourmaline

Maine Gemstone Headquarters Come see us at our NEW location at 145 Main Street in South Paris! (across the street from our old location)

145 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com

New Patients Always Welcome! Preventative dentistry cleanings and fillings

Complete, comprehensive dentistry for ages 3 to 103

Cosmetic dentistry whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more We accept most insurances Financing available EXPERIENCED STAFF Doctors: 56 years combined Hygenists: 151 years combined Assistants: 98 years combined Office staff: 89 years combined

TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES

27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN • 784-1577 TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM

Sensitive Men

Prison Library Books: THE GANGSTERS by Robin Steele

Submitted by Jimbo

WEBSTER’S TRADING CO. BUY • SELL • TRADE • PAWN 150 Minot Ave, Auburn • 795-6402

She said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand. “Yes, answered the Instructor. “I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries my golf bag while we walk?” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

We Rent Budget Trucks! Get a quote from another company, bring it to us

& WE’LL BEAT IT!

✁

She looked at the men in the room, “and Gentlemen, remember — You’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her.”

HUGE SELECTION OF GUNS

CHRISTMAS IN OCTOBER

10% OFF

EVERYTHING IN THE STORE! ✁

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of their pregnancy.

Must show coupon • Limit one per customer • Not including Budget Rental Trucks • Expires 10.31.12

WE’RE ALWAYS BUYING AND SELLING!

Gold, silver, firearms, estates or anything you might think has value!

Stop in – Let’s talk!!

www.websterstradingcompany.com Uncle Andy became a realtor because he had lots on his mind.

Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA OCTOBER 2012 October 6th thru October 31st Pumpkin Land Saturdays and Sundays 11am – 6pm (Chapter 10929) Harvest Hill Farm, Rt 26 Poland Adults $3 Kid’s $7.50 (17/under includes pumpkin) Saturday, Oct 6th Member Appreciation Day 11am – 1:30pm (Chapter 12907) Modern Woodmen Office, 184 Webster St, Lewiston FOR MEMBERS ONLY – FREE Saturday, Oct 6th Holy Cross KC Bean Supper 4:30pm – 6:30pm (Chapter 12749) 607 Lisbon St, Lewiston $4.50 Member $6 Guest Sunday, Oct 7th Sabattus American Legion Post 135, Breakfast 7:30am – 10am (Chapter 14437) Island Rd, Sabattus $4 Member $5 Guest Tuesday, Oct 16th Sam’s Noon – 7pm (Chapter 10589) Market Place Mall, Lewiston $3.50 Member $4.50 Guest Tuesday, Oct 23rd Roy’s 7am – 10am (Chapter 8609) Washington St, Auburn $2 Member $3 Guest Saturday, Oct 27th Portland Pirates 7pm (Chapter 14346) Colisee, Birch St, Lewiston $10 for 12/up $7.50 for 11/under Sunday, Oct 28th KC Breakfast 8am – 10am (Chapter 7938) Columbus Drive, Brunswick $4 Member $5 Guest Child / 10 free

Prison Library Books: MY LIFE IN CRIME by Upton O. Goode

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed. ************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

Uncle Andy became a pharmacist because he was a real pill.

QUALITY CUSTOM DENTURE WORK Affordable Dentures

www.UncleAndys.com

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

OCTOBER 2012

FREE CONSULTATIONS

Staff

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

JIMBO

Most Dental Insurances Accepted • We also accept Credit & Debit Cards

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

Allure of the Sea

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

TRAVIS

514-0660

Hunter

UNCLE ANDY

www.smileagaindentures.com

Lumber Jack

See us for: • Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures

MAGGIE

• Rebases • Relines • Repairs

Juggler

MARTY

Uncle Andy became an explorer because he wanted to find himself.

Bump ‘n Run

ANGIE McDreamy Fever

TOM SEO Pro

ur Little Ninjas program has been carefully developed for children, ages 3 to 6, to introduce and reinforce the important life lessons you want them to learn.

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212 While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

We start with fun, promote teamwork and friendship and help to create strong individuality and the selfesteem necessary to succeed. Call or visit our school today to enroll your little one! Self Defense Course for Women Saturday, October 6th 11:00 - 12:30

FREE UNIFORM 1ST MONTH • Karate for Kids & Adults • Self Defense for Men & Women • Yoga • Fitness Kickboxing

Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: pelledojo@aol.com • www.pelletierskarate.com

786-3731

Uncle Andy became a baker because he loved loafing.

Prison Library Books: BAD MONEY by Count R. Fitz

! h t e e t r u save yo r u o y s u Bring ! y d n a C t r-Trea

Trick-o

Earn cash for YOU and for your SCHOOL!

How it works:

For every pound of candy brought in: YOU get $1.00 – Your SCHOOL gets 50¢ Where: Center Street Dental 26 Cross St. Auburn, ME 04210

When: Thursday, Nov. 1st 5:00 – 7:00 PM

ALL CANDY IS DONATED TO OUR TROOPS!

207-784-2211 www.centerstreetdental.net Find us on Facebook!

Rosemarie G. Sheline DDS James P. Dunn DMD

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

Out ’n About at The Y for their anti-bullying kick-off event

Emma Galipeau & Dax Catalano (Dax was the Keynote Speaker) Dax was the victim of a brutal beating at 16 years old. Close to death with a brain injury, a severed artery and had blood filling into his brain cavities. Catalano was attacked in the parking lot at the Lewiston Mall. He under went life-saving surgery to repair his broken skull and blood clot in his brain. Dax had been receiving threats from a cyberbully for two months. He had a new girlfriend and had a private message on his Facebook account from someone he didn’t know. Dax wrote it off and didn’t think he was in danger. Today, Dax has made a near full recovery. There is still some emotional healing necessary. Part of that healing is him and his parents, Ron & Maureen sharing their story and helping other families who may be going through the same thing. Jason Gibbons, who plays comedy basketball with the Harlem Superstars and works with the Maine Red Claws has organized “Bouncing Out Bullying”. This show features showtime basketball, martial arts, prizes, the ‘Hometown Hero’ awards and a presentation from a therapist who deals with bullying. "If I can help other kids going through the same situation, to let them know that they're not alone," said Dax. "There are other people going through the same situation, and that they can talk about it. It's ok." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Mean Bug

Prison Library Books: YOU ALWAYS GET CAUGHT by Sue Nora Later

Submitted by Maggie Joyce

One night, as Uncle Andy was watching TV, the doorbell rang. He went to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar, threw him across the room, and then left. Uncle Andy picked himself up and phoned his friend Travis to tell him the bizarre story. "That's amazing," said Travis. "The same this happened to me an hour ago! This huge cockroach rang my doorbell, and when I answered, the bug punched me in the gut and left!" Uncle Andy and Travis decided to visit their buddy Jimbo and get his advice. When they finished telling their tales, Jimbo said: "This is too weird, guys. When I got home from work this afternoon, a huge bug was waiting for me at the door. He beat me up real bad! I think we better go to the cops and get this settled." So the three men went to the local police station and reported their experiences. The desk sergeant just shook his head. "Sorry, fellas, there's nothing we can do. There's just a nasty bug going around." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

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TRY THE Y FOR FREE FREE 2 Week Trial Family Membership Visit the Y between October 8th and the 21st and receive 2 free weeks from that day on. Enjoy all the benefits of a full privilege membership and experience all that the Y has to offer.

SWIM FARTHER FASTER Twin Cities Swim Team (ages 6 & up) Season runs October 10th to March 2013 JOIN THE FUN! REGISTER TODAY!

FUN, WITH A SPLASH OF CONFIDENCE Youth Swim Lessons (ages 6mo. & up) Member registration Oct. 8th; Open registration Oct. 10th Session (2) starts Oct. 29th Inquire about our Youth Basketball Programs Grades K to 6

Auburn-Lewiston YMCA • Next to County Building in Auburn 795 4095 • www.alymca.org

If coffee were blood, I’d be Count Draculatte.

I think my girlfriends hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.

Out ’n About at The Y for their anti-bullying kick-off event The Auburn-Lewiston YMCA is the first Y in the state to implement the OLWEUS BULLYING PREVENTION PROGRAM

I heard Uncle Andy thinks he’s pretty talented. Let’s see him do this...

Jason Gibbons of The Harlem Superstars representing Teens of America

Hobby Books: BAND PLAYING by Clara Nett

Jason with Dax

‘Tis almost the season to turn in score cards. Van Kim receiving recognition from Coach, Jess Hartford, for her 257 points on a Vegas target.

Central Maine Archery The place to go for: Archery lessons, lanes, rentals, sales, service, & custom strings.

Double Drop Gun Shop’s first firearms deal, a .357 Magnum (shown here with shop owner, Tom Hartford) for a Glock (shown with Cliff Martin). We buy and sell used firearms and look forward to doing business with you.

Double Drop Gun Shop Handguns • Rifles • Shotguns • Ammo

213 Washington St. • Auburn • 783-3060 centralmainearchery.com Uncle Andy became an electrician because he was such a live wire.

Mackenzie & Alliyah Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out â&#x20AC;&#x2122;n About at The Y for their anti-bullying kick-off event The Auburn-Lewiston YMCA is the first Y in the state to implement the OLWEUS BULLYING PREVENTION PROGRAM

Food for bad dogs is bought by the pound.

Comprehensive Family Dental Care in a relaxing, comfortable atmosphere

Breanna, Jean & Harmony I wish I was a little taller like Brian...

Now Accepting New Patients

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D. 1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston (lower level)

Jason Gibbons Harlem Superstars

376-4977

& Brian Dubois Executive Director of The Y

Financing options available Same Day Emergency Care

Lewiston PD Chief Mike Bussiere & Auburn Mayor Jonathan Labonte Uncle Andyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

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www.kevinconnellydmd.com The author considered his wine collection a best cellar.

Hobby Books: JAZZ MUSIC by Tenna Saxe

Pick Up & Go!

Having a get-together and don’t have time to cook? We’ve got the answer! Meatballs Lasagna Platters Smoked Pulled Pork Baked Ziti

Chicken Pot Pie

• Finger Roll • Sandwich • Meat & Cheese • Veggie • Fresh Fruit • Wraps • Dessert

There’s NO PLACE like...

Wings Baked Boneless Chicken Breast

Shepherd’s Pie Chicken Pot Pie Pasta Salads

And Much More! Ask Dad for a menu!! * Please allow 24 hours notice for cold pick-up, 48 for hot

Dad’s Place

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • www.dadsplace.info

Hobby Books: CUDDLY TOYS by Ted E. Behr

FRESH Made to order when you order it! Subs • Sandwiches • Wraps Burgers • Italians Daily Specials • Breakfast items Cold beer • Agency Liquor Store and so much more!

75¢ OFF Any Large Steak Sub Must present coupon Cannot be combined with any other offers UAD

50¢ OFF

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • www.dadsplace.info

Expires 10.31.12

Any Large Italian Must present coupon Cannot be combined with any other offers UAD

The child had his mother's eyes, his mother's nose and his mother's mouth. Which left his mother with a pretty blank expression.

Expires 10.31.12

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About at The Y for their anti-bullying kick-off event The Auburn-Lewiston YMCA is the first Y in the state to implement the OLWEUS BULLYING PREVENTION PROGRAM

The majority of HMO plans I've seen can be likened to hospital gowns -- you only think you're covered.

YOUR TACTICAL WEAPON HEADQUARTERS SIGHTS, SCOPES & LASERS, GRIPS & MORE AMMO OF ALL TYPES, CALIBERS & QUANTITIES

Picture This

Chris Shea of the Y

Buckle Up Submitted by Jimbo

A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.

AK’s & AR15 RIFLES

PISTOLS & SHOTGUNS

Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com

I spend half my time being witty. That's why people call me a half wit. – Uncle Andy

Out ’n About at The Y for their anti-bullying kick-off event

The Y’s have it!

After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

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Michelle Cyr, Annette Masselli, Mary Murphy, Kate Hiss & Kristin Melville A cabbie is a fare-minded person.

Duo joins Perfect Image Salon & Spa

Hobby Books: THE STARS TELL IT ALL by Horace Cope

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

NO PROBLEM!

Call us today!

• Appointments required, please call first • Fully warranteed & certified • $55/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364

Brad Johnson

Attention Chowda Heads! LOBSTER & CLAM BAKE Includes: 1-1/4 lb. Lobster 1 lb. Clams

1 Ear of Corn 2 Red Potatoes Side of butter

All cooked! (Please call one hour before pickup)

shell 13 soft $ shell 16 hard

Fall means: Clam Chowda, Fish Chowda, Seafood Chowda & Lobster Stew!

“If we were any fresher you’d have to slap us!” We ship anywhere in the US

22 Mill St., New Auburn • 782-3150 • Open daily 9am-6pm

WOW!

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

Hobby Books: SCULPTING THE GODS OF GREECE AND ROME by Jove

Amanda Wilson (left) & Jessica Russell, formerly of Madison Avenue Salon have recently joined the team at Perfect Image Salon & Spa. Amanda Wilson is a Hair Stylist who has been doing hair for over 8 years. She loves helping her customers look their absolute best. "I'm very excited about this new opportunity at Perfect Image and I know my clients are going to love the atmosphere & look of this salon/spa, and all of the additional services now available to them as well." Mrs. Wilson stated. Amanda lives in Buckfield with her husband and 3 boys. Jessica Russell is a Nail Technician with a total of 10 years of experience. Her specialities are unique inlayed acrylics, custom made acrylic colors, nail art and all kind of shellac, gels, & pedicures. "Basically if its Nail related, I do it! I'm really excited about this growth for me, and am especially excited about the new spa pedicure chairs at my disposal now. I think my clients are going to love it, too! Also, now being able to offer my clients other services, such as facials and body scrubs, is an added benefit to them to help make them look and feel Perfect," Mrs. Russell proclaimed. Perfect Image Salon and Spa is locally owned and operated by Darcy Ames. It is located at 336 Center St in Auburn, in The Harvard Mall Complex. The salon/spa offers a full array of hair services, manicures pedicures, waxing, facials and body scrubs. To make an appointment with either Amanda or Jessica, please call the salon at 777-1611. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Short Answer

I've been working on my budget. Line one is my fixed expenses, line two is my fixed income and the difference is the fix I'm in.

Submitted by Jimbo

A psychology professor at the University of Miami knew his students expected a terrifyingly long final exam. To play with their minds a little (what do you expect from a psychology professor?) he only put ONE question on the final exam. He watched the reactions of the students as they all opened the exams and saw the one question. Initially they all looked relieved, but as the difficulty of the question began to sink in, those relieved faces sagged to confusion and consternation. All, that is, except for one student. He read the question, tapped his pencil into his palm a few times, then jotted something down on the test paper. He walked up to the professor, handed him the final, and walked out. The professor blinked in surprise, looked at what the student wrote, and smiled. The professor wrote "100%" on the top of that student's test. The question: What is courage? The student's answer: This is. Uncle Andyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Digest ...witThravis

& Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012 783-7039

What did the mama buffalo say to the son buffalo when he went off to college? Bison.

Needless to say, one of the most successful inventors of all time was the man who invented the hay-bailing machine. He made a bundle.

New Hire at Rainbow Federal Credit Union

• Ice cold beer • Great wine selection • Snacks & more! • The area’s ONLY salt water fish, tank & supplies store around Stop by & say hi to the friendliest Kat in Central Maine! Even the fish here love me. My staff will take care of all your beer, wine, snacks & saltwater fish needs...See you soon!

Muma Kat (aka - The Boss)

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies

272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372

Out ’n About at The Y for their anti-bullying kick-off event Sarah Agren, Ellie Russel, Crusher from The Maine Red Claws & Madeleine Dubois

Stop by and get a complementary pink clip-in-streak to show the world why PINK is your color with limited edition products for a great cause!

All About You 41 Broad St. • Auburn, ME Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

Enter to win a Paul Mitchell Hope Basket ($100 value) with any services

784-5407

Lizzy Snyder Rainbow Federal Credit Union is happy to announce the hiring of Lizzy Snyder as the Director of Marketing at the Lewiston office. Snyder, 27, graduated from Central Maine Community College in May 2011 with her associate degree in business administration and management with a concentration in marketing. Snyder is a singer/songwriter who has competed and won many competitions. She is a pianist and can best describe her style to Adele. Lizzy is one of the youngest Marketing Directors in Maine. Formerly with Maine Family Credit Union as the Assistant Marketer. Marketing is her passion. She says there is nothing like coming up with a creative idea and then seeing that idea come to life on print, TV, or radio. She is motivated and can accomplish anything. If you see her don’t be a stranger, Lizzy loves meeting new people. Maybe, she’ll even sing for you! She gives many thanks of her success to her family, Fiance Janelle, but mostly her Greek Goddess of a mother, Pam. Who without her, she’d be nothing. As Lady Gaga says, “I am obsessively opposed to the typical” and that is exactly what Lizzy represents. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About for a benefit for Jim Roy at the Elks Lodge in Lewiston. This benefit was to help defer the overwhelming medical costs of Jim’s battle with cancer. Feel free to contact Sue Dube @ 240-2613 to make a donation.

The fifty-first state will be called San Andrea because when southern California separates from the rest of the mainland it will be San Andreas fault.

FOOTBALL SPECIALS $ .00 5 Quesadilla 5 Cheeseburgers Happy Hour Mon-Fri 2-6pm

Tues. Bates Nite Wed. Open Mic Nite Fri. Ladies Night Sun. Brunch 10-2

8 Pitcher of Beer Join us

October 27th For our first Halloween Party! 7pm - 1am (Call FMI) $20pp

Bean Suppah

Sue Dube

47 Broad Street, New Auburn

376-4959 thefirehousegrille.biz

Every Saturday Large “Andy’s Baked Bean” special

7.50

OFF Any purchase of $5.00 or more (food only) with coupon cannot be combined with any other offers

Expires 10/31/12

Roller Skating = Family Fun Skate Schedule Names or not, we appreciate the coverage the Digest is giving us for a great cause.

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940

www.rollodrome.com

Thursday Night

Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Night

All Skating 7:30 - 10:00

Sat. & Sun.

1:30 - 4:00pm

Saturday Night

Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night

All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

Find us on Facebook Dan Larrivee & Rachel Potvin, Owner/Operators

GREATER L/A’s SOURCE FOR: Tactical Weapons • Rifles & Shotguns Hand Guns • Personal & Concealed Carry Guns Ammo & Targets • Special Orders

32 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-6569 Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm • Sat 9am - 2pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

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Stress management: What many employees like to do on purpose.

"Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds." – Gordon B. Hinckley

Just Plain Bull Submitted by Jimbo

Have you heard about the five young bulls standing in the pasture discussing what they wanted to be when they grew up. The first said he wanted to go to Rome and become a papal bull. The second said he wanted to go to New York and become a bull on Wall Street. The third wanted to go to the windy city to become a Chicago Bull. The fourth said he wanted to go to Beijing and be a bull in a China shop. "Winners take imperfect action while losers are still perfecting the plan." – Tony Robbins The fifth said he was just going to stay in the pasture for heifer and heifer and heifer.

WE HAVE THE AUTO LOAN FOR YOU!

VEHIC L LOANS E SPECIAL RATES!

Break Out Submitted by Jimbo

The prison officer tells the warden, “Sir, I have to report that ten prisoners have broken out.”

AS CHRISTM

LOANS

FUEL LOANS

Great Falls Federal Credit Union 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 760 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 753-0500 www.greatfallsfcu.com

My mother was so overprotective we were only allowed to play rock, paper.

The alarmed warden says, “Blow the whistles, sound the alarms, alert the police. With a surprised look the officer says, “Shouldn’t we call the doctor first it looks as if it might be measles. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About at Lisbon Community Credit Union’s Member Appreciation Day

If money won't make you happy, you won't like poverty either.

Pumpkin Donuts, Muffins & Coffee...YUM!! We have wholesale

FINGER ROLLS for your holiday parties! $2/dozen unfilled $799/dozen filled

Breakfast e$ s Sandwich

Fall is an awesome time to come into Georgio’s! Hot soups, daily specials & more!

(chicken, tuna, egg or ham)

Come meet our new manager

Jon Jordan

One can never have enough coffee mugs! Locally owned & operated

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 Open daily 5am-9pm • www.mygeorgios.com

Bumper sticker on Wall Street: My other Porsche is for sale.

Our members always get two thumbs up!!

Hair • Nails • Massage Organic Spray Tanning

784-3522 1117 Center Street • Auburn (in MetLife Plaza)

Now offering Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

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urbanedgehairstudio.com

If it is true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why mothers cry at weddings.

Out ’n About at Lisbon Community Credit Union’s Member Appreciation Day

You can train a cat to do anything it wants to do.

iness Get Your Bus a Noticed with P! Custom WRA

Signs - Banners - Truck Lettering - Decals

HOT DOGS! GET YOUR HOT DOGS HERE!!

for a Call us quote FREE today! 1052 Sabattus St. Lewiston

783-9021

eastcoastsigndesign.com I’ve always wanted to shout that...

Now Enrolling! Mention this ad to have your $35 enrollment fee waived • Clean, friendly • Centrally located, environment minutes from L/A area • Full curriculum for all ages

Open House October 7th

375-4500

Look! It’s the Wheel of Fortune... and fame!

820 Sawyer Rd., Greene

Perfect for storing your hunting equipment!

Du-Ha Pick-up Box $ 179.95

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of your pumpkin by its diameter?

NEW & USED TRUCK CAPS & MORE!

980 Pond Rd. • Wales, ME • 933-2493

The proper response to Good morning, is not Prove it!

A: Pumpkin Pi

This month only!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About for a benefit for Jim Roy

"Make a habit of two things: to help; or at least to do no harm." – Hippocrates

at the Elks Lodge in Lewiston. This benefit was to help defer the overwhelming medical costs of Jim’s battle with cancer. Feel free to contact Sue Dube @ 240-2613 to make a donation.

Mike Morin’s

Auto Center “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

VOTED BEST OF THE BEST 13 YEARS RUNNING (Market Surveys of America)

FRONT END ALIGNMENT

OIL CHANGE

$75.95 Most Vehicles

We’ve gone high tech! Scan this QR code with your smart phone:

$24.95

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 www.autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

The first line of the notice said, "Please Take Notice," so I took it.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 OUR TIRES

Rod Cameron & Ben Britton

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections

60 Minot Ave • Auburn

782-6666 or 783-2026 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

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A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

The meeting of the clairvoyant society has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

I like pigs - dogs look up to us and cats look down on us but pigs treat us as equals.

Takes on OCTOBER!

Out ’n About on vacation in Florida with Sarah Jeanne’s I just feel like singing that song... you know the one about the cup?

Come see what all the ‘SPRQ’ is about! Saturday. October 13th

Dempsey Challenge ZUMBATHON at the Lewiston Armory! Sunday, October 21st

Party in Pink ZUMBATHON

Tony Landry & Sarah Kyllonen One of my favorites is the one about it being 5 o’clock somewhere...

at the Silver Spur, Mechanic Falls

...and at our own SPRQ Sabattus: Wednesday, October 31st 5-7 pm FREE FAMILY FUN Traditional Halloween GYM Games! 7-9 pm SCARY HAUNTED HOUSE Our Fall class schedule is jam-packed with SPRQ-tacular options for every age. shape & size! Locations in Sabattus, Lisbon Falls & Poland/Minot! Check us out online at www.SPRQStudio.com or on Facebook 20 Main St., 2nd floor • Sabattus

207. 754. 9411 This is precisely the sort of thing that people who like this sort of thing will like.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning." – Albert Einstein Beal’s Laundromat & Cleaners I

Beal’s Laundromat & Cleaners 51 Hampshire Street, Auburn you like this • 51 talking about this

GOT HEAT?? FREE Pre-winter Checkup With Ad

Get special offers and discounts on dry cleaning & laundromat services!

LAUNDROMAT • CLEANERS • COIN-OP

51 Hampshire Street, Auburn • 784-8581

Mon.-Fri 7am-9pm Sat. & Sun. 8am-9pm

The Dalmatian dog is named for the Dalmatian Coast of Croatia, where it is believed to have been originally bred.

LOWER HOME HEATING COSTS! Energy Audits • Infrared Imaging • Blown-in Cellulose Insulation

Be prepared this winter. An energy audit now could save you money later!

Uncle Andy’s Digest

sales rep about our...

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Our Exceptional Service!

Marketing Package!

Ask Your

Large Pastrami & Cheese Sub $4.99

There is a difference...

Contact Rudy 576-0847

HomeEnergyTechs.com

Homemade Soups Daily!

BUDGET PLANS AVAILABLE

It’s NEW, it’s HOT!! FMI Call us at 783-7039 or email:editor@UncleAndys.com

Roadies 3-pc Bone-in Chicken Snack (thigh-leg & wing)

$2.99

As soon as I get some grip on reality, I'm going to choke it.

Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment: I don't know what we'll do without you, but we are going to try!

Out ’n About for a benefit for Jim Roy

10% OFF with this ad

at the Elks Lodge in Lewiston. This benefit was to help defer the overwhelming medical costs of Jim’s battle with cancer. Feel free to contact Sue Dube @ 240-2613 to make a donation.

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

• Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

Ron Moon, Manager

207-657-5000

Remote Starters! Remote Starters! Remote Starters!

216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry Parking in back of building www.soundeffectsmaine.com

777-3339

GET THE MOST MPGS OUT OF YOUR VEHICLE Get your winter tune-ups now!

Supporting a good cause, I’m all in!

Your complete auto shop. Collision Repair & Complete Restorations Available!

782-5500 845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn

24-Hour Towing Available

Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment: We told everyone you are leaving because of illness. The truth is I'm sick of you.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About on vacation in Florida with Sarah Jeanne’s

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

Established in 1984

I’m so glad you talked me into this, honey!

‘01 PT CRUISER

5,995

7,995

Like New

Truck Caps Used Fisher Plows

‘04 CROSS

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FIRE

60K - 1 OWNER LOADED

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– PARTIAL LISTING –

I pick things up. I put them down.

Sarah Kyllonen & Tony Landry Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

‘09 KIA Sportage LX, FWD, Only 10k . . . . . . . . . . . . $14,995 ‘07 VW Jetta Wolfsburg Edt., One Owner . . . . . . . . . . . $9,995 ‘07 Hyundai Elantra, 87k, One Owner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘07 Ford Escape XLS, Loaded, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . only $4,995 ‘06 Jeep Commander, Leather, 3rd Seat . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘06 Dodge Dakota X-Cab, V6, 6 Spd., One Owner . . . . $6,995 ‘05 Chevy Crew Cab 4x4 Z 71, Leather. . . . . . . . . . . . $12,995 ‘05 Ford Escape XLT, Loaded, Extra Clean . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘05 Ford Explorer XLT, 3rd Seat, 115K . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6995 ‘05 Dodge 2500 Crew 4x4, Fisher Plow, 84K . . . . . . $15,995 ‘05 Dodge Grand Caravan, SXT Stow N Go . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘05 Chrysler Town & Country Van, Loaded, 99K. . . . . . $5,995 ‘05 Toyota Matrix XR, 4X4, Auto., Roof, Loaded . . . . . $7,995 ‘04 Ford Explorer Sport Trac, XLT, 4X4 . . . . . . . . . . . . $9,995 ‘04 Chevy Trailblazer LT, Loaded, 97k . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘04 Toyota Camry LE, V6, Roof, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘04 Mitsubishi Ralli EDT., ST. Alloys, Roof . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘06 Dodge Grand Caravan, 3rd Seat, Loaded. . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘03 Jeep Liberty Sport, Loaded, 78K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘03 Toyota Corolla S, Auto., Roof, One Owner . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘03 GMC Yukon, 3rd Seat, Rear Air, 92K . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995

‘03 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 6 Cyl., AC, Loaded. . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘02 Chevy Suburban LT, 3rd Seat, Loaded. . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘02 Pontiac Sunfire, Auto., Only 51K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘01 Nissan Xterra SE, 4X4, Auto. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘01 Pontiac Grand Prix GT, One Owner . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘01 Chevy Impala, 83K, One Owner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘01 Honda Accord EX, 4 Dr., Leather . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘00 Toyota Tundra SR5, XCab, 2WD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4,995 ‘00 Toyota Tundra SR5, XCab, 4X4, Black . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘00 VW Passat S/W, V6, AT, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $3,995 ‘98 Ford F-150 XCab, 4X4, Sportside, 96K . . . . . . . . . $4,995

Many more arriving daily!! All come with new Inspection, 14-Day Plate and Warranty NEVER A DOC FEE!!

28 Soper Road, Durham

TRUCK RACKS

If we don’t have it, we can get it!! Jeff & Rick Roy

353-2538

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?

REMOTE STARTERS Starting at

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149

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• Lifetime Guarantee • 2 Remotes • Expert Installation

installed

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1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston 754-7873

We Insure ALL Your WINTER TOYS 9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls (207) 345-8711 or 1-800-339-0414 www.CummingsAgency.com

Jeff & Nora Cummings Diane Morissette Leanne Cram

We’ve detected something

MAJOR...

Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!

Prepare for the cold winter weather Battery and Charging System Test

Cannot be combined with any other offer. Must be present at time of appointment. Expires 10.31.12

Tony Doyon

We are fully ASE Master Certified electrical specialists Ron Major

Submitted by Jimbo

A husband is advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself, "You don't have to let your wife henpeck you. Go home and show her you are the boss." Of course, the husband takes the doctor's advice. He rushes home, slams the door, shakes his fist in his wife's face, and growls, "From now on, you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my best clothes. Tonight, I'm going out with the boys and you are going to stay at home where you belong. And another thing ... you know who's going to comb my hair, adjust my pants, and then tie my bow tie?" "I certainly do," says his wife calmly ...

FREE!

Tony Girourd

Who's the Boss?

183 Lisbon St., Lisbon

353-9862 qualitycareautorepair.com I went to see Pavarotti once and I'll tell you this much, he doesn't like it when you join in.

"The undertaker!" One of the original 13 states, Rhode Island was the 13th state to ratify the U.S. Constitution on May 29, 1790. Trivia buffs: Rhode Island is home to the Tennis Hall of Fame and was home to the first National Lawn Tennis Championship in 1899. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About on vacation in Florida with Sarah Jeanne’s

"Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears." – John Lennon

With their favorite publication in hand, the Kyllonen’s had some fun with the Digest.

Ron Kyllonen

Jane Kyllonen A Maine State trooper pulls over Uncle Andy on I-95. He approaches his vehicle and says, "Got any ID?" Uncle Andy says, "Bout what?" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

I just got out of the hospital. I was speed reading and I hit a bookmark. – Steven Wright

Actual Sign on a Supermarket Door: SHOPLIFTING IS A CRIME. PROSECUTORS WILL BE VIOLATED.

Out ’n About on vacation in Florida with Sarah Jeanne’s Ron was on a mission while vacationing in Florida. His goal was to find someone who appreciated a great Maine publication. The search only took him a matter of minutes.

Ron Kyllonen and new fan of Uncle Andy’s Digest

The Digest was caught napping on the job. Jimbo said even the Digest deserved a vacation once in a while. Thanks for taking us along, guys!

An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?" To which a small voice from the back of the room responded "The small investor." There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About for a benefit for Jim Roy

Arlington National Cemetery sits on land once owned by Robert E. Lee.

at the Elks Lodge in Lewiston. This benefit was to help defer the overwhelming medical costs of Jim’s battle with cancer. Feel free to contact Sue Dube @ 240-2613 to make a donation.

I want you to sing Unchained Melody to me.

s ’ d i e R T J

GUN SHOW

OCTOBER 20 AND 21 SATURDAY 9-4 • SUNDAY 9-3

ELKS LODGE 1675 Lisbon Road • Lewiston, ME Ooooooh my love, my darling, I’ve hungered for your touch...

$5 per person • Under 16 Free

BUY - SELL - TRADE COMMISSIONS - RAFFLES This is a guns and ammo show featuring dealers from throughout New England Concealed firearms prohibited on show grounds even with permit Look for list of dealers on our website:

www.jtreidsgunshop.com jtreidsguns@yahoo.com • 207-777-3579

Reid’s Gun Shop is overstocked on all firearms BIG SALE for the month of October Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

For those interested Radio Shack is giving away dead batteries today free of charge.

Back To School

I try to sell insurance to every telemarketer that calls me.

Submitted by Jimbo

with ! Sarah Jeanne’s Come see our brand new salon! All new top to bottom!

Now featuring Surface Natural Organic based hair care products! Gluten-free, sulfate-free, paraben free, and 100% Vegan. All of our stylists are certified in Surface Glam Rock Cutting techniques and hair care products

Sarah Jeanne’s Family Hair Care, Day Spa

Tuxedo & Limo Service

795-6778

FREE

Please make appointment with any color or foil

October Special #2

2 for 1

The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books over the course of the semester, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. He ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book, and began "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • www.sarahjeannes.com

October Special #1 Surface Conditioning Treatment

After raising 4 kids, and losing one husband, I decided to return to college and get the degree I had started, but never finished. And so, on my first day of college, eager with anticipation, and more than a little nervous, I took a front row seat in my first class in over 40 years, a literature course.

Please make appointment

Bring a friend for an Ombre or Balayage foiling with organic color

The student behind me whispered, "Slow down! He's just taking attendance!" Q. What looks just like half an apple? A. The other half.

I used to work in a plant crushing pop cans: It was soda pressing.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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at the Elks Lodge in Lewiston. This benefit was to help defer the overwhelming medical costs of Jim’s battle with cancer. Feel free to contact Sue Dube @ 240-2613 to make a donation.

"Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them." – Bruce Lee

✂

Out ’n About for a benefit for Jim Roy

OFF*

*ANY BILL $250 OR MORE

✂

Complete Auto Repair SAVE $$ ON GAS Ask about a Fuel Injector System Cleaning

THE SHOP 353-6100

with this ad Expires 10.31.12

CLASSIC CAR PERFORMANCE UPGRADES & RESTORATION

304 Lisbon St., Lisbon

www.theshopclassicrestoration.net

SHARE OUR PASSION

84 Littlefield Road Auburn • 782-4917

AMES AMES

(off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

SPORTS SHOP SHOP SPORTS

828 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME • 795-6666 / Fax: 795-8983

I don’t look as tall in person...

We do: State Inspections • Minor Repairs

Labor Rate $48/hr

Now Offering All New Services •Tune Ups • Brakes • Belts • Windshield Chip Repair • Headlamp Restoration • Complete Engine Flush

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Labor Rate Only $ 48/hr

OWNER BILL ROY

• Fuel Filters • Deluxe Oil Changes • Sate Inspections • Wiper Blades • Interstate Batteries

A recent survey found that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population."

I never make misakes. – Uncle Andy

Out ’n About at the annual Gippers Golf Tourney

the “Baby Face” award winner

the “Curly Hair” award winner

the “Best Looking Couple” award winner

the “Hatless” award winner

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles visit our website:

www.donovansauto.com Stop by, call or click today! 946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856 "Happiness held is the seed; happiness shared is the flower." – John Harrigan

the “Best Smirk” award winner

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Faking It

"Defeat doesn't finish a man, quit does. A man is not finished when he's defeated. He's finished when he quits." – Richard M. Nixon

Submitted by Jimbo

Several years ago, Uncle Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden knew that, deep down, Uncle Andy was a good person. So, the warden made arrangements for the inmate to learn a trade while doing his time. Some three years later, Uncle Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often, he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for citizens of the community. And he always reported back to prison by early Sunday evening. Uncle Andy was a model inmate. One day, the warden considered remodeling his kitchen, though he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large countertop. So he called Uncle Andy into his office and asked him to do the job for him. To the warden's surprise, Uncle Andy simply refused to help.

ANXIETY-FREE DENTISTRY Fear doesn’t have to keep you from getting the dentistry you need and deserve.

• 0% Financing available

• Option of conscious oral sedation or IV sedation

SAME DAY EMERGENCY CARE

THE CENTER FOR ADVANCED DENTISTRY 220 Main Street, Auburn

784-7355 or 866-716-6128 Dr. Robert D. Limoges D.M.D. & Dr. Jonathan A. Bernstein D.D.S.

www.AuburnDental.com Like us on Facebook! We often post coupons and special offers on our page.

(continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

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Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment: Tell me - how long have you been with us not counting tomorrow?

BRING IN YOUR PHOTOS FOR FRAMING &

GET 25% OFF (Must mention this ad for discount)

(continued from previous page)

"But you're an expert, Uncle Andy, and I really need your help," said the warden. "Well, warden, I'd really like to help you, but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

Out ’n About at Beryle Martin’s 50th Birthday Bash 23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333 • www.DandRFraming.com

Yvon’s Car Wash n’ Lube

$ $

Receive FREE

3 OFF

Basic Oil Change

Tuesday: Seniors’ Day Wednesday: Ladies’ Day Thursday: Veterans’ Day Yvon’s Car Care Centers

5 OFF

Premium Oil Change

Automatic Car Wash

It’s great seeing all the old timer* volleyball players here at Beryle’s party.

with Oil Change

698 Main Street • Lewiston • 777-3600 (Between ROOPER’s and BURGER KING) Hours: Mon-Fri: 8am - 5pm • Sat. 8am - 2pm

Limit one coupon per customer. Expires 10.31.12

Keith Levesque & Jason Hall *Jimbo took offense to the ‘old’ statement. So he returned the compliment with a ‘cute couple’ comment.

Thanks a lot, guys!

FALL into a NEW CAREER! You can help enrich the lives of others. WE HAVE OPENINGS IN CENTRAL MAINE

Benefits Include: • Time-off program • PAID TRAINING

• Medical, dental & vision • And more!

Contact Kim Dionne kdionne@supportsolutions.org We are an Equal Opportunity Employer

The mission of Support Solutions is to inspire and support a culture of possibilities.

124 Canal St., Lewiston • 207-795-0672 ext. 2108

The more you have, the more you're occupied; the less you have, the more free you are. – Mother Teresa

Beryle Martin The Birthday girl holds up one of the party props Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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The Aesthetics at Sarah Jeanne’s

"If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today." – E. Joseph Cossman

Pre-order your Holiday Pies now! Seasonal Fudge Coming Soon! Donuts by John Frost Bean Specials Katie Coolidge Katie joined the Sarah Jeanne’s Day Spa team a year ago. She is a licensed Aesthetician who graduated from Spa Tech Institute in Westbrook, Maine. Coolidge is well trained in Kinetic Dermabrasion, Full Body Waxing and Laser Hair Removal. She also enjoys doing nails and is currently apprenticing for her nail technologist license. Katie is an independent distributor for It Works Global. Their holistic body wraps and products produce amazing results. For more info on any of these services Katie offers, contact her at Sarah Jeanne’s, located at 77 Sabattus Street in Lewiston. Call 795-6778 or visit them online at www.sarahjeannes.com. See their ad on page 27.

Lady of the house: "I want you to stand at the front door and call the guests' names as they arrive." Butler: "Very well, madam. I've been wanting to do that for years." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

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Every Saturday

& y r e k a B r a l l e C e n i W

72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine • 353-7552

www.benoitsbakery.com

S AVE THE Thursday DATE Nov. 1st

–1 Year Celebration All Day Long– Special Discounts & Offers

FREE Wine Tasting, Open to the Public 4pm-7:30pm Featuring Cameron Hughes Wines

Potential Golf Scramble Team Names: The Woodsmen

Ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water.

Out ’n About at the Varney Agency Open House

Ann Crocker & Susan Bowie

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit. – R.E. Shay

What’s Going On In October at the Chick? Super $5.95 Lunch Specials served 10:30-4 (except Sun. & Mon.) Awesome $7.95 & $8.95 After Church Specials (every Sunday) Every Tues. & Wed. is SUB DAY at the Chick - Best Subs Around

John Rothwell & Evelyn Bilodeau

Got Water Damage?

Businesses – For sizeable takeout orders we will DELIVER FREE OF CHARGE We also have large or small platters available –call for a fax menu

Hospitals & Doctors Love Our Service & Delivery

Columbus Day Monday, Oct. 8th New England Boiled Dinner $8.95

Halloween Wednesday, Oct. 31st All Day & Night -- 10% OFF For Seniors

Disetoen Gotta Love the Chick! AL-ew Chick-of 376-3870

You’re gonna like it! 1472 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Assistant supervisor

Google Rainbow International. Brothers

Ben & Taylor Barringer Rainbow International Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About at the Habitat for Humanity Golf Tourney

Want Ad: Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks "frog."

at Springbrook Golf Course in Leeds

It’s true... We anchored the Digest golf team.

Jimbo was ok at times. Uncle Andy on the other hand... well I can’t even find the words to describe how his golf game was.

Joe Adkins of Smile Again Dentures &

Dick Courtemanche Modern Woodmen of America

Dick is too kind. Uncle Andy was shanking them all over the course. He spent most of the day in the woods!

PARTS • SALES • SERVICE We are the area’s newest distributor for Fisher Plows. We have a large selection of parts and entire plow assemblies. Whichever you decide, we are now under one roof and our service is second to none!

Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 Larry Baril

783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net

Advertiser Democrat Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

When the solution is simple, God is answering. – Albert Einstein

Out ’n About at the Varney Agency Open House

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Required option

Kerrie Robbins & Dede Libby

Facebook Fan Pick of the Month

Coney Island Reuben Your choice of corned beef or pastrami with sauerkraut, Swiss cheese & thousand island dressing

I voted on Facebook & won free lunch!

Have you liked us on Facebook yet? All sandwiches are served with choice of potato salad, coleslaw or chips and a pickle spear HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm Sun 10am-8pm

Locally Owned & Operated

Michael Hynes Coney Island Reuben Fan

600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • www.heidisauburn.com

new em! r u o st Try ing sy iten wh

willowrundental.com

Wingnut The Clown & Logan

Willo w

Geraldine Schneider, DMD Scott Beckerman, DMD Jeffrey Sloan, DDS

n Dent Ru

• Family cosmetic dentistry • Emergency same-day care • Most insurance plans accepted

soc. As al

Now accepting new patients

Willow Run Dental Association

783-0261 One Willow Run Unit 1-B Auburn, ME

William Whipple, one of 53 men who signed the Declaration of Independence, was born in Kittery, Maine.

Sue Kane, Stacey & Evelyn Bilodeau Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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TIME TO CASH IN! Special pricing for quantities and contractors!

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Automobile & Truck Batteries Die Cast Alloy Rims #1 Steel Prepared/better grading/better payout Catalytic Converters Cell Phone Scrap OPEN W O N Computer Towers Stainless URDAYS T A S Electronic Scrap Mother Boards • Core’s Brass • Alternators • Starters • Motors • Pumps Computer Board Scraps Copper • Aluminum • Insulated Wire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

Always paying the best prices! We’ll help you unload.

We look forward to seeing you!

(prices subject to market changes)

Nobody pays higher prices My job then us. Stop by is to write YOU and see for a big check! yourself.

15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm Gary McCraw (L) Lennie Shanahan (R)

615-7057 or 795-8887

Bev & Peter

Camping Trip

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Minor miracle

Submitted by Jimbo

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

Whenever I eat breakfast at Rolly’s, I’ve gotta have the Big Breakfast. It’s delicious & filling!

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)

ut Check o ew n Rolly’s ! u n e m

David & Titan Briggs with Robert Sparks

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

It was the first camping experience for Jed. As soon as he had pitched his tent, he went for a hike in the woods. In about fifteen minutes he rushed back into camp, bleeding and disheveled. "What happened?" asked a fellow camper. "I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Jed. The camper laughed and retorted, "A black snake isn't deadly." "Listen," groaned Jed, "If he can make you jump off a fifty-foot cliff, he is!"

Gossip : Letting the chat out of the bag!

Mama’s Boy

NO ORDER TOO SMALL And no minimum purchases! Call us for a FREE quote!! Textile & Paper Wipes

• Sorbents & Safety Supplies • Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners • Breakroom & Food Service • Chemicals & Cleaners • Packaging • Skin Care • And More!

A young man was visiting a psychiatrist, hoping to cure his eating and sleeping disorder. "Every thought I have turns to my mother," he told the psychiatrist.

Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A! 120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Minor crisis

Submitted by Jimbo

"As soon as I fall asleep and begin to dream, everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up so upset that all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast." The psychiatrist replied, "What, just one piece of toast for a big boy like you?" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About at the Varney Agency Open House

Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns.

October Special Events!

The Gun Show

Sun. Oct. 14th

Fundraising event benefiting family members of Chad Porter, who are stricken with cancer. Benefit for race car driver Kyle Hewins, who was badly burned while racing at Oxford Plains Speedway.

starts at 3pm

Sun. Oct. 28th starts at 3pm

Saturday, Oct. 27th

HALLOWEEN BASH!

8pm-Close Prizes For Best Costume Drink Specials Now serving Prime Rib Thur. - Sat.

MUSIC BY RANDOM ORDER

Happy Hour Every Day 4pm-7pm

LIVE ENTERTAINMENT EVERY WEDNESDAY - SATURDAY

Irish Twins Pub Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s) Sharks and rays are the only animals known to man that don't get cancer. Scientists believe this has something to do with the fact that they don't have bones, but cartilage.

2-Fer Specials Available Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday

2 Fer $14.95

2 Fer $16.95

Chicken Cordon Bleu *Chicken Tenders *Clam Cakes Liver & Onions Roast Stuffed Turkey Virginia Baked Ham Steak Chopped Sirloin Steak **Manicotti w/ garlic bread

Village Inn Baked Scrod *Fish & Chips *Fried Maine Shrimp Baked Haddock Special Baked Stuffed Haddock

You may mix meal choices at the 2 Fer $16.95 price

**Shrimp Salad or **Chef Salad

w/ shrimp stuffing

Broiled Haddock Steak Tips w/onions (plain or teriyaki)

All meals served with choice of potato & vegetable with the following exceptions: *served with french fries & cole slaw • **served as is (no sides) All meals served with rolls & butter

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Outer core

The letters in DEBIT CARD can be arranged to spell BAD CREDIT.

Available at...

Hunting Season start dates: Bird .......Oct. 1st Deer......Nov. 1st

WE BUY, SELL & TRADE WE BUY GUNS 481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806 Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm

When John Kennedy was assassinated, it was not a federal crime to kill a president.

BE SECURE!

LOCAL!

SHREDDING SERVICES Confidential Information Destruction Services provided by SecureRMS in Sanford, Maine! All proceeds staying in Maine to support adults and children with disabilities at Waban Projects. Get rid of all your confidential information at your home or business for a low price and for a great cause! Please contact Greg Dumais, VP of Sales at gdumais@securerms.com for more information on our shredding services and how you can receive this very important service while helping those in need in our own state!

Old Invoices, Statements, Confidential Information, Stationery, etc. A Social Enterprise of Waban Providing opportunities for people with disabilities for over 40 years The lion that roars in the MGM logo is named Volney.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

Out ’n About

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

at York’s Wild Kingdom I hope this shot doesn’t make my butt look big...

Don’t tell anyone I’m outside the fence. What happens at York’s Wild Kingdom stays here, right?

Steve Rioux

Crazy Wednesday, Oct. 31st

N E E W O L HAL

BASH

$3 Crazy sushi rolls 4-7pm • Open mic 7-10pm Bar games • Specialty drinks • Costume prizes

feeding the animals

Try our Spooky Eyeball & Fog Martinis! Book your corporate holiday party with us! Reserve your spot today!

I’ll bet Uncle Andy would make a savory little snack. But I’d rather go to Sea 40. "Something I learned early is to not worry about what I can't control... But what I can control is my attitude, my effort, and my focus every single day."

Japanese Cuisine 795-6888 40 East Ave., Lewiston

Sea40 Japanese Cuisine

– Tim Tebow Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

(Lewiston Mall Shopping Center) www.sea40me.com Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Terribly nice

All Major League umpires must wear black underwear while on the job in case their pants split.

MAINE’S LARGEST COSTUME RENTAL SHOP Pirates • Super Heros • Medieval • Western Movie Characters & Much More

Drapeau’s

Costumes of Maine

Over 3500 in Stock

Costume rentals, sales, make-up, wigs & accessories 20 Main St., Lisbon Falls • 353-2216

“because life is more fun in costume!”

w w w. C o s t u m e s o f M a i n e . c o m

Lunch $ Special 6.99 Only

Out ’n About at the Varney Agency Open House

Every day 11am – 3 pm Includes FREE appetizer

Show your student ID card and receive

15% off your dinner. 65 College Street, Lewiston

376-4852 www.purethaikitchen.com Mon - Thurs 11 AM - 9 PM • Fri - Sat 11 AM - 10 PM • Sun 12 PM - 9 PM

15% OFF Your total bill for dinner Limit one coupon per customer

✃ Expires 10/31/12

Tom & Terri McNamara My dad always make me work at these events but he never pays me! What’s up with that I ask?

Blake & Travis Dow Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About for a benefit for Jim Roy

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

at the Elks Lodge in Lewiston. This benefit was to help defer the overwhelming medical costs of Jim’s battle with cancer. Feel free to contact Sue Dube @ 240-2613 to make a donation.

Outdoor Tailgate Party Sunday, Oct. 21st Doors open at 11am

In the Gipper’s Rear Parking Lot

PATS kickoff at 4pm

Cold Beer • Hot Dogs • Italian Sausage • & More!

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight

VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com About 200,000,000 M & M’s are sold in the United States every day.

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!

Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

2 for 1 Must present this coupon to receive

ONE FREE GREEN FEE for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thru Thursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play. ✃Expires 10.31.12

and

for the remainder of 2012

✃Expires 10.31.12

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Golf FREE

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

New membership plans include Young Adult 19-39. Call the shop or visit www.springmeadowsgolf.com for more details.

GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com

Notes Found On Hospital Charts: Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

New Addition at All About You

Ages 18 & Up

SESSION 3 Starts Wed. Oct. 3rd

Marlo Hewitt

Runs for 8 weeks

Cosmetologist

$600 in CASH prizes

Marlo has recently joined the All About You team. After obtaining a BSBA at the University of Southern Maine she studied at Spa Tech Institute in Westbrook, Maine where she graduated at the top of her class. Always having a passion for art she now transforms it onto a living canvas. Nothing is more rewarding to Marlo than making people look and feel their best. She is a third generation stylist, and her willingness to listen to her clients needs make every visit personal and enjoyable. She absolutely loves every aspect of her job and takes great pride in her work. Marlo is welcoming new clients, friends and family to stop in and say hello. Call 784-5407 for your appointment today. Marlo is looking forward to taking care of all of your Hair and Nail needs. All About You is conveniently located at 41 Broad Street in Auburn. See their ad on page 13.

Karaoke Every Wednesday @ Ramada Inn 490 Pleasant St. Lewiston

576-6384

If Men Ruled the World... It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

HALLOWEEN Saturday, October 27th CASH PRIZES FOR BEST COSTUME

@ Ramada Inn 490 Pleasant St. Lewiston

576-6384

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Middle East

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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If Men Ruled the World... At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car.

Wall of Fame Inductee!

GOING TO THE CASINO?

STOP HERE FIRST!

Another thing off my bucket list!

You’ll have better luck on a full stomach... guaranteed! Mike Dumais of Auburn

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

We approve this message! Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 If Men Ruled the World... Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

Out ’n About at the Habitat for Humanity Golf Tourney at Springbrook Golf Course in Leeds

Jimbo & Uncle Andy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

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Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Climb down

The boys from Uncle Andy’s Digest stopped to get a picture with the back nine sponsor sign after finding Andy’s golf ball in the bushes. After 18 holes Uncle Andy had lost every ball he had in his golf bag and proclaimed, “This is it, I’m never golfing ever again!” He seems to have a short memory as he says the same thing every year.

Seals get extremely sick when taken aboard ships.

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am (All breakfast specials include coffee)

5 Washington Street, Auburn • 783-4304 Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome

1 OFF 00

Out ’n About at Beryle Martin’s 50th Birthday Bash Wait till my husband sees this!*

Any Purchase of $500 or more

Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

1 coupon per order

✁

Expires 10.31.12

Out ’n About at Beryle Martin’s 50th Birthday Bash

Sue Marcoux *Sue explained to Jimbo that her husband, Rick Marcoux, was an avid fan of the Digest and would be surprised to see her photo in the mag. Well Sue, we’re hoping for a “shock and awe” effect!

We even postponed our honeymoon to make it to Beryle’s 50th!

(front) Newly weds Kevin & Amanda Mitchell & Kelly Brown. (back) Willie Sproul, Beryle Martin, Maureen Sproul, Paula Rousseau, Joe Perryman & Scott Brown

Jimbo asked if he could take my picture for the Digest, I said ‘No Swett!’

SNOW PLOWING & REMOVAL COMMERCIAL ONLY Affordable & Dependable

• Draining • Driveways • Septic Systems • General Excavation

CHENARD EXCAVATION Gerry Greg 576-3914

576-2778

Young beavers stay with their parents for the first two years of their lives before going out on their own.

Brenda Swett Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About at the annual Gippers Golf Tourney

Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment: Today I'm going to mix business with pleasure. You're fired!

K N I TH

the “Teeth Clench” award winner

the “Best Sunglasses” award winner

the “Nap Time” award winner

USE OUR

ADVERTISERS the “Non-striper” award winner

Tell ‘em Uncle Andy’s sent ya!

the “No Sunglasses” award winner Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

FIRST

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Round corner

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Top floor

Out ’n About at the annual Gippers Golf Tourney

the “Tom Tom” award winner

1,000 SF

the “Ladies Tees” award winner

of Professional Office Space right off Center Street in Auburn

the “Best Snowboarder” award winner

Available Immediately Everything Included in Rent: Heat, hot water, sewer, electricity, internet, plowing, trash removal & off-street parking.

Call 576-4844 FMI

the “Tri-four” award winner

Ask about getting first month FREE! Notes Found On Hospital Charts: Skin: somewhat pale but present.

the “Best Moustache” award winner

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Teddy Ballgame – Submitted by Richard Collins

When he was 34 years old, Ted Williams, baseball great and Marine combat pilot, flew 39 missions over North Korea in a F9F Panther jet. On the last 20 of those missions, he was John Glenn’s wingman. Glenn later said that Ted Williams was the best wingman he ever had. Ted returned to the Red Sox at the age of 35, an age where many ball players had left the game, or were winding down their careers. But, Ted Williams gave the Boston Red Sox 7 more productive years, including winning the American League batting title when he was 38 and 39 years old. Many years later, when he was elderly, and his great achievements were long in the past, he was asked what in his life was he the most proud of. He answered without hesitation, "BEING A MARINE." In 1990, the Seattle Mariners became the first professional team to have a father-son duo play as teammates when Ken Griffey was hired to play along side his son, Ken Griffey, Jr. Gives a whole new meaning to Take Your Child To Work Day! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Local Restaurants & Entertainment DEMPSEY CHALLENGE SPECIAL *

FREE APPETIZER Dempsey Challenge Weekend Only Friday, October 12th - Sunday, October 14th, 2012 *

Limit one per table • Valid Oct. 12th-14th, 2012 only

Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi 730 Center Street, Auburn Auburn Plaza NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA

376-4855

jasminecafemaine.com

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

BOWL GLOW D E T N HAU $ 2 5 October 31st, 5pm-10pm

COSTUME CONTEST best costume wins a Pizza, Pins & Pepsi Prize Pack!

per person for 1 hour

Menu Items

Short Season Leagues

786-2695 24 Mollison Way • Lewiston

now forming call for details

sparetimerec.com

On average, dogs have better eyesight than humans, although not as colorful.

Out ’n About at the Varney Agency Open House

Notes Found On Hospital Charts: She is numb from her toes down.

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

MONDAY The Fergy

TUESDAY Meatball Subs

WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners

Reid, Betsy & Trent Sibley

1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

THURSDAY Mini Pizza

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians with 1.5 Liter Drink

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99 Isabelle, Sharon & Austin Gates

Relative to their weight and size, birds are stronger than people. Luckily, they don't tend to throw their weight around.

Every Monday throughout October!

beer special $ 50

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 www.macsgrill.com

Dinner & Beer Tasting November 6th

2 Pints $ 20% OFF 2 OFF

all burgers

Call for more info

Any Lunch Special with this coupon Cannot be combined with any other special. One coupon per person.

✁Expires 10.31.12

UAD

Notes Found On Hospital Charts: She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Welcoming 2 New Teachers to our Staff Sam Berce - Guitar Instructor

Jason Paquette - Vocal Instructor

Sam is no stranger to Main Street Music Lessons – he studied with Steve Grenier at an early age and moved on to study with Bob Thompson (adjunct professor at UMA). Next, he enrolled at UMA, majoring in Jazz & Contemporary Music/Performance & Music Education. Sam comes to us in his final year at UMA while performing in numerous local bands. He is well versed in many styles of music such as funk, jazz, blues and R&B, and excels at slide guitar. All this experience has led him to win the Maine Blues Competition, enabling him to perform at BB King's blues club in Memphis, TN representing Maine.

134 Main Street, Auburn

As the chorus and general music teacher at Auburn Middle School, Jason is a welcome addition to MSML as a diverse vocal teacher. His experience with piano, guitar, saxophone, ukulele and even accordion makes his teaching style unique beyond comparison and invaluable to students. Jason's education comes by way of the University of Maine, where he earned a 4-year Bachelor's degree in Music Education. L to r: Steve Grenier, Sam Berce, Jason Paquette & Arthur Melendy

376-3376

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com

Authorized

Service Center

Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair

Notes Found On Hospital Charts: While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

(L to R) Luiggi Telericco Jr, Chiara Ferrente (Susan Collins), Marc Frenette, Frank Telericco, Andrea Quaid (Mike Michaud), Diane Jackson (Olympia Snowe), Kelley & Dennis St. Hilaire, Earle & Angie St. Hilaire, Mayor McDonald, Chip Morrison, Calvin Rinck, and all of the children of the St. Hilaire and Frenette families.

Luiggi’s Pizzeria Holds L/A’s Biggest Pizza Pasta Party Luiggi’s Pizzeria, a landmark in Lewiston since 1953, held L/A’s Biggest Pizza Pasta Party on Saturday, September 22 from 9 a.m. to midnight in celebration of the shop’s new owners. “L/A’s Biggest Pizza Party featured prize drawings throughout the day and a 10% discount on all purchases,” said Angie St. Hilaire. “There was free cake, we be handed out a free tee shirt with every $40 purchase, as well as free tee shirts to some lucky random customers throughout the day.” As the pizzeria celebrates its 60th year in business in 2013, it is now under the ownership of the St. Hilaire and Frenette families. This is the first time that the pizzeria will be operated under new ownership, not related to the original family, since the shop was opened in 1953. Well known for its pizza and pasta selections, Luiggi’s is also the home of a fresh array of sandwiches including the locally famous sandwich, “The Fergy.” The Sabattus Street location is well known to locals for its decades old Luiggi’s sign in front of the shop and its location next to another local landmark, The Blue Goose Tavern. “We plan to continue the tradition of quality food at a great price that Luiggi’s has offered since 1953,” said Kelly St. Hilaire. “We can only hope to continue the great work of three generations that have built Luiggi’s reputation through the years. Many ask if we will be changing anything and we can assure the community that we will be keeping the meat.” Luiggi’s Pizzeria is located at 63 Sabattus Street in Lewiston. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Company Car Benefits: They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.

Company Car Benefits: They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.

Out ’n About at Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine for College Night

Ladies love a man that can cook!

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages

Is it hot in here or is it just this Volcano Bowl?

Call us for your FREE quote! “The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Original copy

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About at Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine for College Night

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

BACKGROUND CHECKS Pre-Employment Local, State, National and Federal Criminal History

includes: • SSN Verification/Address Verification • InstaNational Criminal History • Federal Criminal History • Maine SBI Criminal History • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list

$45.00

Tenant Screening

$49.99 It’s never too late for college

State and National Criminal History

includes: • SSN verification/Address verification • InstaNational criminal History • Maine SBI criminal history • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list • Trans Union Credit Report w/ credit score • National Eviction Check (Civil courts, all states)

A La Carte Pricing National Criminal History including Sex Offender all states ................................$18.99 SSN Address Verification.................................................2.75 Employment Credit report ...............................................9.00 Tenant Credit Report w/ score ........................................9.00 State of Maine SBI check...............................................24.00 State of ME drivers license history .................................9.00

Sushi is brain food!

Personal and professional reference checks ..............$10.00 Education verification....................................................15.00 Prior Employment verification......................................10.00 Professional License verifications.................................10.00 Single state Eviction check...............................7.00 per state National Eviction Check ................................................11.00

Other verification and Private Investigator services are available. All searches are conducted and filtered by a licensed private investigator to meet FCRA regulations to reduce your liability. Pre-adverse and adverse action letters and consumer copies provided at no extra charge to help you stay compliant with current FCRA regulations. Volume pricing is available. Volume customers can be set up to run reports right from their own office for their convenience.

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment: I've got good news for you. You won't have to worry about being late for work ever again.

Out ’n About at Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Small crowd

ua 3rd Ann

New Auburn’s

for College Night

Chili/Chowder Challenge

Saturday, Oct. 13th 2-5pm at the Boys and Girls Club 43 Second St., New Auburn

Donation $10 at the door

to benefit the restoration of the

Marshall Popcorn Truck

open to the public

PRIZES FOR PRO & AMATEUR FMI 615-6957 or New Auburn Chili Chowder Challenge on Facebook

y t r a P n e e w o l l Ha

Saturday, Oct. 27th • 8pm

Pumpkinhead Beer

prizes • contests • drink specials • food • dj

Breast Cancer Awareness Month $1.00 Donation for every Mike’s Pink Lemonade sold $1.00 Donation for every Baja Rosa Shot sold

Help us for a great cause!

Party

New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn 782-9039

Friday, October 5th

Sucking on a straw long enough to pick up this cherry is harder than it looks!

Come down and have some fun with family & friends!

7pm-midnight

Sunday, Oct. 7th

CHILI CONTEST to raise money for Dustin, who was injured in a biking accident. For more details call Dennis Boucher at 576-0601

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

Music by 4 Play

New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn 782-9039 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Gorilla Removal

Company Car Benefits: They enjoy a much shorter braking distance.

Submitted by Jimbo

Did I tell you the story about the day I arrived home from work and discovered a gorilla sitting on my roof? Not knowing what to do, I opened the Yellow Pages and looked up "Gorilla Removal." I called the only listing. A man quickly arrived and removed the following equipment from his truck: a ladder, a bunch of bananas, a big stick, a pair of handcuffs, a Chihuahua and a gun. As I was appropriately curious, I asked him what he was going to do with all that stuff. The man replied: "I'm going to use the ladder to get on the roof, then I'm going to throw the bananas to the gorilla. While he's busy eating them, I'm going to knock him off the roof with this stick. When he hits the ground the Chihuahua is going to bite him in the groin, at which time the gorilla will throw his hands in the air, and you slap the cuffs on him." I asked, "What about the gun?" The man handed the gun to me and said, "Sometimes the gorilla knocks me off the roof. If that happens, you shoot the Chihuahua!" Uncle Andyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Unthaw

Company Car Benefits: They can take bumps at twice the speed on private cars.

Enjoyable Eats For All Occasions

Carnival Catering

We Do

• Weddings • Birthdays • Reunions • Grand Openings • Showers and other special events

Out ’n About at Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine for College Night

Soft Pretzels Funnel Cake Popcorn Cookies Cotton Candy Nachos ...and More!

Special Offer on Cotton Candy Birthdays

577-8725 yummocarts@yahoo.com

Yummo Carts

Out ’n About at Beryle Martin’s 50th Birthday Bash

I just want to fit in... the picture that is! Laura McFarlane, Beryle Martin, Beth Gallagher, Jeremy McFarlane, Eric Cobb & Karen Loggins

Building Packages starting at

$149,900 • Custom Homes & Remodeling • Energy Efficient Homes & Projects • Energy Audits

Company Car Benefits: They have a much tighter turning radius.

Sea 40 has something for everyone! Try us for steak, seafood, vegetarian and more. You won’t be disappointed! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About at the Varney Agency Open House

"While people may not be a great deal wiser after my sermon, but they are always a great deal older." – W R Inge

POOL BUILDERS OF MAINE QUALITY WORKMANSHIP, OUTSTANDING SERVICE.

25 Years Experience

CALL NOW TO SCHEDULE YOUR POOL CLOSING Karen Shaw, Alicia Dunn & Tracey Treadwell

BEST PRICES GUARANTEED!! We Service all brands of hot tubs!

SPECIALS ON POOL SAFETY COVERS Landon & Nicole Arsenault & Haley

500 OFF

Above Ground Pool Kits

NEW LOCATION (across from Coleman’s Collision) Mon-Sat 9-5

Alden Nickerson & Kerrie Robbins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

1525 Minot Ave. Auburn

795-7222

www.poolbuildersofmaine.com Company Car Benefits: Oil, battery, tire pressures and fluid levels do not need to be checked nearly so often.

All shrimp are born male, but slowly grow into females as they mature.

Out ’n About at Blush Salon’s Grand Opening

I don’t know how Travis did it, but he made us look like we are all BLUSHing...

Erica Roy, Elizabeth Betsch & Ashley Alexander (Co-Owners)

Stacy Trundy & Chelsea Dionne

Brie & Charlotte Bell & Janet McCarthy (Grammy)

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Oddly appropriate

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the annual Gippers Golf Tourney

Humans have three color receptors in their eyes, while goldfish have four, and mantis shrimp have ten.

the “Cowboy Up” award winners

the “Wet T-shirt contest” award winner

PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING? Ask about our signature models!

CALL FOR PRICING

G.A. DOWNING 782.4508 or 800.924.4500

the “Hatless Runner-up” award winner

Service Rental Sales

111 Woodman Hill Road, Minot www.gadowning.com

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Partially destroyed

the “Black Shirt” award winner

the “Goober Faces” award winners

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Notes Found On Hospital Charts: Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

A winkle is an edible sea snail.

Out ’n About at Blush Salon’s Grand Opening I'm very proud to have worked with these two women to help bring their dream to life, by using the resources that AVCOG has available. I wish you all the best in your new endeavor in Downtown Lewiston!

Mary Lafontaine Auburn City Councilor

& Bob Thompson of AVCOG

Rosalind Alexander, Bob Grenier & Nancy Helms A man gets into a fight with Batman, who hits him with a vase and goes "T'PAU!" "Don't you mean 'KAPOW!'?" asks the man "No", says Batman, "I've got china in my hands" Lobsters can move up to 25 feet per second underwater.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Out ’n About at Sea 40 Japanese Cuisine

Company Car Benefits: No security is need. They may be left anywhere, unlocked, with the keys in the ignition.

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! DAILY SPECIALS

for College Night

Monday as of 10/15 - Turkey Dinner

ask for details

Monday - 2 Crabmeat Rolls . . . . . . . . .$8.95 w/salad & chips

Tues. Wed. & Thurs. Fried Clams - sm. $11.75 . . . .lg. $15.25 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . .$6.95

Friday & Saturday After 4:00 PM Prime Rib Au Jus*

w/potato & rolls

Thursday as of 10/18 - New England Boiled Dinner ask for details Thursday - 2 Lobster Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.95 w/ salad & chips

Small $13.50 • Large $16.25

Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried Haddock* $11.65 Fried Seafood Combo* $16.95

Grilled Salmon $11.25 includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Coleslaw *with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm

We’ve got to get our fill of Cole Farm’s pancakes for breakfast & fried clams and shrimp for dinner, before we head to Florida this winter.

Ralph & Nancy Burnham of Windham

64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.com JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

PAVING & SEALCOATING Residential & Commercial Call for FREE Estimates

MELANSON CONSTRUCTION, I NC. 84 No Name Pond Road, Lewiston • 784-5899 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

The longest recorded life span of a camel was 35 years, 5 months.

Company Car Benefits: The suspension and trunk floor are reinforced to allow concrete slabs and other heavy building materials to be carried.

Cindy

Lynn

Heather

Michelle

Elizabeth

Come cheer on Team Panache at the Micaela

studio for hair, nails & massage

Dempsey Challenge this month!

Kathy

Emily & Christine, Co-owners

Find us on Facebook

20 Coburn Street, Auburn (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday

782-9009

www.panacheauburn.com

Giraffes are the only animals born with horns. Both males and females are born with bony knobs on the forehead.

Ear Piercing Submitted by Jimbo

Out ’n About at The Y for their anti-bullying kick-off event

The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun."

Nick Hartley, Keegan Pelletier, Joey Shea, Slugger The Sea Dog, John Shea, Joshua Murphy & Crusher from The Maine Red Claws Notes Found On Hospital Charts: Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

Out ’n About with Support Solutions for some Fall fun I took Charlie Brown’s great pumpkin and there’s not a thing he can do about it!

The giant crab of Japan can be as large as 12 feet across.

ALL MONTH LONG!

New PLOWS have arrived and are ready to go!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Company Car Benefits: They can be driven up to 100 miles with the oil warning light on.

The East Alligator River in Australia's Northern Territory, was misnamed. It contains crocodiles not alligators.

is October 8th Come Celebrate with Us!!

Yarn Tasting! • Door Prizes! • Demonstrations! • Refreshments! Call for more information

NOW LEASING - Healy Terrace 81 Ash Street, Lewiston Spacious, contemporary 1 and 2 bedroom units in newly renovated historic building. Elderly 55 plus, non-smoking, Section 8 assisted, elevator, laundry, free parking on site. Fully applianced, heat, hot water, wireless internet included. Accessible units available.

Apply at Lewiston Housing Authority 1 College Street, Lewiston

Hours: Mon-Fri 10 to 5; Sat 10 to 4; Tues ‘til 8

207-783-1423

909 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-4486 Quilt-Essentials.com

It may not show, but I am very excited for fall. It’s my favorite time of year!

8:00am - 5:00pm, Monday - Friday

Visit us online:

myselco.com

WOOD & PELLET STOVES

ON SALE NOW

1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4

FOUR SEASON SERVICE

Downeast Sharpening Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel

DOLMAR

7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond

HARRIS BROTHERS

PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Call us! No Separating Required!

743-3891

shindaiwa

655-4635

www.downeastsharpening.com

Any Color Service

5 OFF

That Little Barber Shop

HARRIS BROS.

9 Acadia Ave, Lewiston (off Lisbon St.)

312-5478 SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

Cosmetologist Brittany Legare

78% of cats never travel with their owner.

Tues, Thurs, Fri. 9am-5pm • Wed. & Sat. 8am-noon

Walk-ins welcome Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment: Its not that you aren't a responsible worker. In fact, you've been responsible for more disasters than any one else in the place.

Out ’n About with Support Solutions for some Fall fun Halloween is one of my favorite holidays!

REFURBISHED SPA SALE with prices as low as $

2,195

Brand new PDC spas in stock too! 1975 LISBON ST., RT. 196, LEWISTON Just 2 miles east of Exit 80 Open Year Round, Since 1962 • Mon-Fri 9-5 • Sat 9-4

ABCPOOL.COM • 783-0858 • 1-800-244-0858

OpporTUNEity Submitted by Jimbo

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them. The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them. "This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Irate patient

It’s Ladies’ Night Thursday, October 18th from 4:00-7:00 PM Come join us for an evening of fun and shopping, as we will be hosting live music, refreshments, many talented artists, hand-made jewelry, and make-up! If you pre-book your next appointment, you’ll be entered to win a FREE haircut! Join us!

786-0112 392 Center Street • Auburn Company Car Benefits: They are adapted to allow reverse to be engaged while the car is still in forward motion.

WANTED

WANTED For Having the Biggest Smile Tyson

For Being Too Cute Louis and Joey

attending since April 2012

Est. 2008

attending since May 2012

65 Washington St., Dog Grooming Auburn, ME 04210 Daycare & Boutique (207) 333-3640 The only fully-staffed, cage-free, one-stop shop doggy daycare facility that offers 6,000 sq. ft. of climate-controlled indoor play area, and 20,000 sq. ft. of outdoor play area for small, medium and large dogs!

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT thedoggzinn@gmail.com • www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn

http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

WANTED For Destruction of Property Diego and Gucci attending since April 2012

WANTED

For Being a Little Devil Ledger

attending since Dec. 2010

OUT ’N ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE

Digesters, it’s officially fall…or autumn if you prefer. With this statement I am clearly eluding to all of you raking leaves, gathering firewood and whatever else you need to do to get prepared to hunker down for the winter. So this being October I know you all are either thinking Halloween Party or the super value Ironman costume from the local mega mart for Jr. Don’t bother with the mega marts, bring Jr. to Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine. They have the whole range of costumes from big to small for young and old so pick something more age appropriate for Jr. Now on the opposite side of the spectrum October for many of you digesters is a time to binge on football action and prepare for hunting season. Now I am also well aware that many of you never bothered to disassemble the gun rack in the rear window of your 1993 Silverado. Furthermore you seem to think your blaze orange ball cap is in fashion year round. But for the record we both know you don’t even wear that hat hunting because it is too darn cold and your ears always go numb. So back to the point, I realize I tend to ramble but I like it so you will live, any how go see JT Reid’s Gun shop for all your hunting needs from solvent to shells they got what sells! While we are on the topic of hunting I figure I will take this time to remind you that just because JT Reid’s Guns had the hollow points on sale, and you just had to buy them with a deal that good, you still have to hit the 12 point buck to drop it and since even a 12 pointer isn’t the same size as the broad side of a barn, you may even want to enquire about a personal guide who is able to shoot for you too, but this is simply advice coming from a soda can assassin. I have absolutely dropped my share of soda cans in my day, but these days I can’t take the immense recoil of a moderately powered BB gun, so I have retired leaving the game and soda pop cans to you. As always digesters feel free to email me at UncleAndysDigestMiamiMike@aol.com, follow me on twitter at UADMiamiMike. Until next month be safe, be happy, be Uncle Andy’s Digesters!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Silly Things Actually said by Commentators in the World of Soccer: You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight.

October 31, 2012

Silly Things Actually said by Commentators in the World of Soccer: I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win.

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Instant classic

October Specials! Breast Cancer Awareness Month Discount $

5 donated to Breast Cancer Foundation with every pink frame purchased.

• Down Syndrome Awareness Month Special $

We accept most major insurances

179

Erin’s World Glasses - Complete frame & polycarbonate lenses Eyeglasses specially made to improve the sight and quality of life for children with down syndrome.

• Progressive No-Line Bifocals Frames & Lenses Complete $ *Specialty lenses & enhancements are extra. Not to be combined with other offers. See associate for details.

99*

120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn Mon - Fri 9:30 AM - 6:00 PM Sat 10 AM - 3:00 PM

Vision at a Value Search VIPEyes Auburn

783-4226

Notes Found On Hospital Charts: Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Graziano’s Restaurant Boxing And Antiques Collection

Available from

DANIEL BUCK

APPRAISALS 212 Center Street (inside Republic Jewelry)

Auburn • 407-1444

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Young birds such as ducks, geese, and shore birds are born with their eyes open.

Sharks never stop moving, even when they sleep or rest.

Does Your Business need help building or maintaining a 21st Century Website?

Out ’n About at Beryle Martin’s 50th Birthday Bash As your little sister it my responsibility to ask how does it feel to be FIFTY SOMETHING?!

We specialize in:

> Wordpress > SEO > SEM > Email Marketing > Web Hosting > Logo Design > Adobe Classes > Photography > Video Production

Call 809-2484

Maine’s ONLY female owned New Media Company!

Scan this QR code with your smart phone to learn more!

Angela Lepore, Kristina Jackson & (back) Beryle Martin

A large kangaroo would make a great long-distance jumper, covering more than thirty feet with a single jump.

Be Fashion Forward this Fall Come see any one of our expert stylists!

We are a full service salon...

• Colors • Cuts • Foils • Pedicures

Ann Dumais

Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw

• Manicures Get Your Hair Done Before Work! We’re open at 6:00am 4 days a week!! Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

• Waxing • Eyelash Tinting

786-4311

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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New Cosmetologist at Sarah Jeanne’s

When reflected from bright lights (head lights) deer's eyes are orange, whereas cats and dogs are green. Rabbits eyes remain black.

Desirae Beaule Desirae recently joined the team at Sarah Jeanne’s Day Spa. She studied Cosmetology at Spa Tech Institute in Westbrook, Maine. She is two years into her career and knows she has found her passion. Beaule specializes in color and cutting. She has taken many cutting classes to stay up with all the new trends such as Paul Mitchell mens cutting, Surface cutting and Pivot Point cutting techniques. Desirae really enjoys doing color. From Ombré to Dimensional foils to Pravana Vivids with many fun, bright colors to choose from. Updos for proms and weddings are another speciality by Beaule. Desirae shared this with Uncle Andy’s, “I pride myself in keeping up with fashion and the latest trends in the hair industry.” For more info on any of these services Desirae offers, contact her at Sarah Jeanne’s, located at 77 Sabattus Street in Lewiston. Call 795-6778 or visit them online at www.sarahjeannes.com. See their ad on page 101.

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep? A. He sleeps at night. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

The flying snake of Java and Malaysia is able to flatten itself out like a ribbon and sail like a glider from tree to tree.

We LOVE Uncle Andy’s Digest!

I’m not quite as excited as my friends here. I guess the Digest is okay.

Abigail, Anabelle, & Natalie Abigail is the daughter of Darcy Pabst at Republic Jewelry Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Terribly good

Out ’n About for a benefit for Jim Roy

Company Car Benefits: The floor is shaped like an ashtray.

at the Elks Lodge in Lewiston. This benefit was to help defer the overwhelming medical costs of Jim’s battle with cancer. Feel free to contact Sue Dube @ 240-2613 to make a donation.

indham •

Located

orth W . 115 in N

892-822

on Rt

Things Kids Say in Science Class: To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

“Feels Like Home!” Our 2012 Donations to date: $

Over 8,000

Sunday at 6:00PM • Monday thru Friday at 6:30PM

10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $50 - $100 Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394 www.LYAFBingo.com

Things Kids Say in Science Class: For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the victim is dead.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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A Helping Hand

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Assisted Home Care II “Our Family Assisting Your Family.” Assisting Families since 1997

Who we are... • • • •

Jeanie Cote All About You Styling Salon welcomes Jeanie Cote of Jeanie’s Salon in Minot. On August 22nd Jeanie suffered a fire that resulted in a complete loss of her home and business. We at All About You are delighted to support Jeanie during this trying time in hopes this aids in a smoother transition. Jeanie welcomes all her existing clients as well as new ones. She has 15 years in the industry and has attended many shows and classes. Ms. Cote is a CHI Color Specialist who has also used Paul Mitchell color for the last 12 years. Please help us support Jeanie and contact her at 207-966-3100. You can also visit All About You at 41 Broad Street in New Auburn. Or call them at 784-5407. See their ad on page 13.

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

Registered home health care service agency 24 hour personal care and response team Guarantee continuity of caregivers Assist with independent living at home

550 College St., Lewiston • 783-7375 • www.assistedhomecare.org

Out ’n About at Blush Salon’s Grand Opening

Jeannine Betsch, Louise Chabot, Georgette Berube & Jim Betsch

Let us do what we do BEST So you can do what you do BEST Call us today for a no obligation consultation to see if we can help you do business better!

RCC Business Services, Inc. Financial & Advisory Services for Small Businesses 143 First Flight Drive, Auburn • 795-0663 www.RCCmaine.com

 QuickBooks Consulting  QuickBooks Hosting  Bookkeeping  MaineCare Billing  Accounts Receivable Management  Financial Reporting

Proadvisors, for confidence Certified Staff, for training Hosting, for virtual support

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Altogether separate

Uncle Andy wonders how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Sound Testimony

WOOD PELLETS 225/ton

Submitted by Jimbo

✂

$ OFF /ton 100% Maine Wood Pellets

✂

Must present coupon at our office One coupon per person/Expires 10.31.12

$ave on heating costs Environmentally Friendly

ESMPELLETS.COM ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS

1200 Minot Ave., Auburn 783-7126

Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence...I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

The black bear is not always black. It can be brown, cinnamon, yellow, and sometimes a bluish color.

Did you drive by your dream home? From Biddeford to Bangor... we can show you any listing you desire!

Brian & Tracie Vye 207.577.7937

Legacy Realty 681 Sabattus St, Lewiston 207.376.4830 Brian-Tracie@Legacy-Realty.com

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

The Digest has been my favorite magazine for years. But discovering Sea 40 thru the mag was a great find!

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Better Than Average LLC Maine Made Gift Shop Jams • Jellies • Sauces

All made fresh & local “Come try us out, you won’t be disappointed!”

ANDY UNCLE IT RATES IC! T S FANTA

Mon.-Sun. 8am-2pm

$ OFF ✂

Shannon Bissonnette, Owner

For Breakfast and Lunch!

✂

NOW Open

& Café

Any purchase of $5.00 or more. 1 coupon per order. Expires 10.31.12

1 North Main St. • Mechanic Falls • 251-3166

See our menu online: www.betterthanaveragellc.com

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Conner Boulay son of Brian & Kristin Boulay

Bart Kelsea, President

I’m here mostly to keep guys like Uncle Andy honest.

(207) 784-6413

Looking for us? Now proudly serving our customers at a new salon! Call for your appointments

For All Your Salon & Spa Needs

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1611

Scooter is the new greeter at Cameron Tire in Auburn Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

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Amanda Wilson - Stylist

Jessica Russell - Nail Tech

Tuesday - Friday 9am-7pm • Sat. 9am-2pm

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Sugarless candy

FREE WHITENING FOR LIFE! Contact us to find out how.

New Massage Therapist at Sarah Jeanne’s

Sandra Barnich Sandra recently joined the team at Sarah Jeanne’s Day Spa as their new massage therapist. She graduated from Synergy Massage School and Wellness Center. An accredited school in Blue Ridge Summit, PA. Barnich offers Swedish Massage that is integrated with several different modalities such as deep tissue, sports massage and joint mobilization. Sandy told Uncle Andy’s, “I am so excited to be given this opportunity to share my love of massage! It’s such a great way to reduce stress along with promoting a sense of well being.” To book a massage appointment with Sandry, contact her at Sarah Jeanne’s, located at 77 Sabattus Street in Lewiston. Call 795-6778 or visit them online at www.sarahjeannes.com. See their ad on page 27.

In 1977, Marvel Comics published a comic book, the "Kiss Book," that featured the band members of Kiss as superheroes, the first rock stars to be turned into superheroes. Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Friendly fire

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

NEXT Level Business Coaching We Will Make Your Business Better in 90 Days â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Guaranteed!

Call 207-376-3239 for a free, confidential 90-minute coaching session on any two business issues you are facing.

Come experience business coaching at NO RISK.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

AUTO CORE PLUS

Highest price paid... period

We pay more $$ than ALL the hubs, yards, and warehouse buyers! PICKING UP AND PAYING TOP $$ FOR: • Batteries • Aluminum Rims • Radiators • Catalytic Converters • Starters • Alternators • Copper • Brass

Also buying all vehicles and heavy equipment

Call

240-8798 If Men Ruled the World... Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

College Daze

If Men Ruled the World... Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

Submitted by Richard Collins

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters." said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student.

Find us! Like us on Facebook! Search for Uncle Andy's Digest or use this QR Code

• Get updates on local businesses • Get your dose of humor • See local & funny photos • Be part of special promos, giveaways and MORE!

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

Go to UncleAndys.com and click on the facebook icon

"Elation," she said.

If Men Ruled the World... The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what would be the opposite of woe?" The Texan replied, "Sir, I belive that would be giddy up."

JOIN THE MOB!

Back To School Notes A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

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When: Where:

Friday, October 12th @ 5:30 PM Meet in Journal Alley

(little park next to Adroscoggin Bank, lower Lisbon St. in Lewiston

What:

Bring $20 cash to spend at a surprise locally owned business!

FMI: LIKE L/A Cash Mob on Facebook or Contact Angie Lafrance or Travis Dow at 783-7039

If Men Ruled the World... Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

Stop by our new location!! 1220 Lisbon Street LEWISTON Mon-Fri 8am-5pm 24 HOUR ON CALL

784-5085

Fortier Security Center Residential • Commercial • Sales • Locks & Keys • Access Control

SELF PRIMING.

For over 115 years, Muralo Paints has engineered innovative products to satisfy the most discriminating customers. Muralo’s Breathe Safe™ line is no different.

Lovin’ it!

L/A’s Full-line Musical Instrument Store! New gear by Ibanez, Tama, Schecter, Alvarez, Orange, Peavey & More TRADES!! Lessons • Setups • Repairs • Buying Used & Vintage Gear • 120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn Hours: Mon.-Wed. 10am-6pm Thurs.-Sat. 10am-7pm • Sun. by appointment

mymusicianshub.com • 333-6700 Find us on Facebook facebook.com/mymusicanshub What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

Amazing Photography

A pod of sleeping sperm whales

If Men Ruled the World... Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

THE KIDS ARE BACK IN SCHOOL, NOW IT’S TIME TO GET BACK TO YOU! Fabulous Fall Packages

Pixel people perfection

❧ Herbal Body Wraps ❧ Pumpkin Sugar Scrub ❧ After Sun Treatment ❧ Autumn Package ❧ Harvest Package

Book your appointment & buy gift cards right on our website!

24/7 available Gift Cards ! om .c ls ie at cass

We are a full service salon ❧ Hair ❧ Body Waxing ❧ Facials ❧ Pedicures ❧ Spa Packages ❧ Massage ❧ Electrology ❧ Manicures ❧ Bridal Packages ❧ Permanent Make-up

We sell a full line of Bare Escentuals Mineral Makeup

www.cassiels.com 71 EAST AVENUE • LEWISTON Putting the size of a whale in perspective Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

(207) 783-3321 Fish travel in schools, whales travel in pods or gams.

Specials

A Dieter’s Psalm

Flamingoes live remarkably long lives: up to 80 years.

Trenchless Sewer and Drain Rehabilitation Call today to have a Clear Drains of Maine technician perform a site evaluation and provide you with a detailed estimate for rehabilitating your failing sewer or drain line with our

PERMA-LATERAL

TRENCHLESS PIPELINING SYSTEM

NO DIG TRENCHLESS TECHNOLOGY! Visit us online:

ClearDrainsofMaine.com

Seals broken areas in Cast Iron, PVC, Orangeburg, Clay Pipes & More!

521 Federal Road, Livermore • 207.320.2177 The Pastern is the part of a horse located on the foot between the fetlock and the hoof.

Go Pats!

Are You ready for some football with the real refs?

We are!

Strict is my diet. I must not want. It maketh me to lie down at night hungry. It leadeth me past the confectioners. It trieth my willpower. It leadeth me in the path of alterations for my figure’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the aisles of the pastry department, I will buy no sweet rolls for they are fattening. The cakes and the pies they tempt me. Before me is a table set with green beans and lettuce. I filleth my stomach with liquids. My day’s quota runneth over. Surely calories and weight charts will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the fear of scales forever. Submitted by Richard Collins

In 1802, Robert Rusticoat's "The Wasp" was first published in Hudson, New York. It was the first comic book ever published. Actual quote from a city councilman during a debate: "I move, Mr. Chairman, that all fire extinguishers be examined ten days before every fire. Submitted by Richard Collins

When a hippopotamus exerts itself, gets angry, or stays out of the water for too long, it exudes red sweat-like mucus through its skin.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards.

Amazing Photography

Buy any pink ribbon donut during October and

15% of the sale will go to benefit the The most incredible aurora of 2012

Susan G. Komen Foundation

Bakery &

Different donut types every day, all month long!

ineCellar W Buy any yellow ribbon donut The Waterfall Island at Iguazu Falls

during October and

15% of the sale will go to benefit the

Wounded Warrior Project Join us on Thursday, Nov. 1 at 6:30pm for the check presentation to these two deserving organizations. This will coincide with our 1-year celebration. 72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine • 353-7552 Overgrown railroad tracks in the forest Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

www.benoitsbakery.com How do you make a hot dog stand? Steal its chair.

Out ’n About for a benefit for Jim Roy

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

ARE YOU IN THE MARKET TO BUY A NEW CAR? Rainbow

at the Elks Lodge in Lewiston. This benefit was to help defer the overwhelming medical costs of Jim’s battle with cancer. Feel free to contact Sue Dube @ 240-2613 to make a donation.

This benefit event gets my approval!

Federal Credit Union is here to help. Come in today to apply or apply online at: RainbowFCU.com

Federally insured by NCUA Main, Rainbow FCU Office 381-391 Main St. Lewiston 207-784-5435 Fax: 207-795-6238

Mechanic Falls Branch 1 Lewiston Street, McFalls 207-346-3001 Fax: 207-346-3012

South Paris Branch 172 Pine Street, So. Paris 207-743-5410 Fax: 207-743-9331

Auburn Office 20 Washington St., Auburn 207-783-0351 Fax: 207-786-0523

If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor? Silverware.

Your Concept...

...Our Design

10’x12’ Oak Kitchen with countertop $1,99999 10’x12’ Birch Kitchen with countertop $2,09999 1766 Federal Rd. (Rt. 4) Livermore

897-3400 or 1822 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston

784-3100

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com What bird can lift the most? A crane.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

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Amazing Photography

If Men Ruled the World... The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

READY OR NOT. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s NOT too early to start thinki A sea of purple in the badlands of Utah

Attention Landsc apers & Contractors!

We sell bulk san d/salt and straig ht salt. Call us for yo ur snow removal needs!

After an ice storm in Switzerland

Beautiful Bern from above

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston The Hamilton Pool Nature Preserve Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. It becomes wet. Uncle Andyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

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784-7944

www.stlauren If Men Ruled the World... Tanks would be far easier to rent.

If Men Ruled the World... Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

Amazing Photography

... IT’S COMING!

ng about the upcoming season!

Not so amazing, this little guy already takes a better photo than Uncle Andy does.

Commercial Plowing Sanding, Salting Snow Removal Call us for a FREE Quote!

Locally owned and operated since 1970! Fully Insured • EOE

ntandson.com If Men Ruled the World... Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

What did one magnet say to the other? I find you very attractive.

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market! Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

He’s a lucky guy isn’t he?

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More! VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20% OFF all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!

START YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING EARLY!!

20% - 50% OFF

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Featuring

131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

8 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

What do you call a calf after it's six months old? Seven months old.

s Alway g n i Buy

If Men Ruled the World... It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

Amazing Photography

COLOR THEIR DAY…

Treat them to an autumn bouquet!

Call or order right from our website!!

Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457

www.annsflower.com

INSURANCE & BONDING

Life & Health Insurance Commercial Insurance Recreational Insurance Personal Insurance

hat’s w t c e t pro Let us to you t n a t r impo Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm

232 Center St. • Auburn • 786-0417 (2nd floor, above Northeast Bank)

VarneyAgency.com

DO YOU LOVE THE DIGEST? Do you have a family member living away who also loves it? Buy yourself or them a subscription to Uncle Andy’s Digest! Only $30 for the whole year (12 editions). We’ll mail it directly to their residence each and every month! Perfect any time of the year... Birthday, Anniversary, Christmas or just because!

Give us a call!

Uncle Andy’s Digest, PO Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212 • (207) 783-7039 The underside of a horse's hoof is called a frog. The frog peels off several times a year with new growth.

Thanks for choosing Uncle Andy’s Digest! We couldn’t do what we do without YOU!! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia!

K N I TH

USE OUR

Out ’n About on vacation in Florida with Sarah Jeanne’s I was told I had to pose with these ladies. And I always follow instructions...

Ron Kyllonen Yeah! Me too, Ron!

ADVERTISERS

FIRST Tell ‘em Uncle Andy’s sent ya! Jane Kyllonen Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook? Wet feet.

Out ’n About at the Varney Agency Open House

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Partially completed

OOD PRODUCT W E S AND FIN

STOVE SALES

ELEMENT with integrated hearth pad

Perfect for tight spots, corners or smaller rooms and cabins that still call for ample warmth, the Element stove steps up to the challenge with big heating performance. Equipped with electronic ignition and a generous-for-its-size 45-pound hopper, it delivers all the features and reliability of a genuine St. Croix stove in a more compact footprint.

2495

Crystal Reed, Wendy Ayotte & Sydney Reed

224-7239

2742 Auburn Rd., Turner (1 mile north of intersection of Rt. 4 and 219)

www.finewoodproducts.net robm@finewoodproducts.net

Alicia Dunn Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Wet drywall

in a sticky situation

e e t th Hous a t ou pen b A O t ’n ency u O Ag y rne

Gettir' Dun

Back: Shane Arsenault, Megan Arsenault & Michelle Arsenault. Front: Tommy

Casey, Landen & Logan Arsenault

Thank your Varney Agency for sponsoring our team, The Turner Pirates Football Team!

Landen Arsenault, Tim Varney, Tommy Casey & Pete Casey “This was sort of like a Varney Agency tailgate party!”

Fletcher Mona, Phil, unn & Norma D

Camera guy or not, no one messes with my hot dog.

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Mutual differences

Randy Langley, Ruthann Robbins, Guy Lemiux, Katie Landley, Alden Nickerson & Gabe Langley

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

Low Ceilings By Natasha Piirainen

My boyfriend, Alex, is very tall, thirteen inches taller than me to be exact. His official height measurement is six feet and six inches, which is good for making him reach things on high shelves, and picking the highest apples when apple picking. He is so tall that when he came to visit my house for the first time last autumn, he had to duck under our doorways to get from room to room. One evening he decided to play with my nine year old sister, Pamela. Don’t tell Pammy I said this, but she is very short, and next to her Alex looks even more like a giant than usual. The two of them chased one another around the house, teasing each other, all in good fun. Finally Alex caught Pammy, picked her up, and placed her on his shoulders. She giggled and screeched, excited to be lifted up so high, and as Alex helped her fit comfortably on his shoulders he stood up on his toes and BOOM, he smacked Pamela’s head right on the ceiling. Luckily Pammy wasn’t hurt, but Alex was a bit embarrassed that his first time visiting my home included him smacking my youngest sister’s head on the ceiling in front of my entire family. It’s been a year since it happened and he and Pammy get along just fine, she even still lets him put her on his shoulders, as long as they are outside and far away from ceilings.

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.

Harvey Metals Superior Grading & Pricing Maine’s Largest Catalytic Converter Buyer

Family Owned & Operated

TOP PRICES PAID! We buy: Aluminum Wheels $14/each Batteries $10/each Brass • Copper • Radiators Catalytic Converters Cell Phones • Tin And More!

Hours: Monday - Friday 8-4; Saturday 9-3 Other times by appointment

41 Capital Avenue, Lisbon Falls (off Rt. 196, near Rite Aid)

353-JUNK (5865) • HarveyMetals.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.

➢ UNCLE ANDY’S CLASSIFIED ADS ➢ AUTOMOTIVE TOM’S AUTO PARTS Prepare your vehicle for winter. Large selection of new and used parts. Shipping available in USA. Call us for your needs!

$3 OFF Basic oil change. $5 OFF Premium oil change. See our ad on page 14 FMI 698 Main St., Lewiston • 777-3600

Armand’s Autobody Free Estimates Satisfaction Guaranteed 31 Blake St., Lewiston 782-7113

HELP WANTED

is accepting applications for Package Handlers, Sorters & Truck Loaders in our Freeport warehouse. 1st shift $11.00/hr 2nd shift $11.50/hr 3rd shift $12.00/hr Must be able to pass a background check & be able to lift 50 pounds. FMI call 782-2882

FOR RENT

R.L. Builders

1,000 Sq. Ft. of Prime Office Space For Rent

Thinking about building a new home? Call about our complete custom built home packages. Also remodeling and additions Call Rudy at 576-0847

FITNESS

Join

375-4475 Yvon’s Car Wash n’ Lube

CONSTRUCTION

Try it for FREE with a 2 week trial Family Membership. Visit the Y between Oct. 8th and Oct. 21st and receive 2 FREE weeks from that day on. The Y is at 62 Turner St. in Auburn. Call 795-4095 FMI

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Classified ads work! Call 783-7039 to get yours.

This second floor office space is perfect for a professional office setting. It has 3 separate offices with waiting area, private full bath and full kitchen. Hardwood floors throughout.

EVERYTHING IS INCLUDED IN YOUR RENT: Heat, hot water, sewer, electricity, internet, plowing, trash removal & off-street parking for you and your clients.

All for $800/month Ask about getting the first month

SHIPPING Goin’ Postal Let us take care of the headaches of packing and shipping your items. We specialize in holiday shipping and can ease your pain. Call us at 784-9900 or visit us online at AuburnGoinPostal.com

“LIKE” Uncle Andy’s Digest on Facebook to hear about upcoming events, promotions, giveaways and even get a chuckle from one of our jokes or one-liners! Scan the QR Code below or find us on facebook @ facebook.com/ UncleAndysDigest

FREE Great visibility from Center Street in Auburn.

Call 576-4844 FMI

The Mouths of Babes

You'll Laugh

You'll Learn

With lots of humor, Imus is joined by Imus asks tough questions of celebrities, politicians Warner, Bernie, Lou and Dagen. and media stars and they still come back for more. Add comedians Tony Powell and Rob Combine that with our award winning local news Bartlett, starting your day is more fun. and your mornings are complete.

L-A’s

WEZR RADIO

1240

Listen to AM 1240 weekdays 6 to 10 AM

What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air? A dead centipede.

A 10 year old boy was asked what he thought was the secret to a good marriage. And he replied, "Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." – Submitted by Richard Collins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

The cells which make up the antlers of a moose are the fastest growing animal cells in nature.

WE’V E GOT YOU COV ERED! Commercial • Residential • Industrial Driveway Paving • Asphalt Repair • Asphalt Removal • Parking Lot Paving Free Arborist quotes • Snow Plowing • Snowblowing • Snow Removal • And More!

Winter Plowing slots filling fast, Call NOW!

Superior Paving Company

782-4010

Call us today for your FREE quote TODAY!

Serving all of Maine for over 40 years! Mediterranean divers, before the Middle Ages, used to gather the golden strands of the pen shell, using them to weave a very fine cloth for the purpose of making womens' gloves. The cloth was so fine, in fact, that a pair of these gloves could be packed into an empty walnut shell, or anything of comparable volume.

Out ’n About at Blush Salon’s Grand Opening Blush Boutique has set the bar for premier Salons in the L-A Area. The space is amazing, we wish you the best of luck!!

Kerry & Tyler Sullivan

Visit Blush Salon at 140 Canal Street in Lewiston or online at blushbeautyme.com

iuex, helle Lem ic M r, ie s s a Amber Lu ussier, Tin ier, Vicki L s t s n u ro L F b o & B ins adlyn Atk Nason, M ieux m e L Cameron

Naw, w e’re no hitcht hiking , we’re really excite just d to f inally seen “ get Out ‘n About !”

Jenn Tricia y Bush, Ale Andre xander & a Ben nett

Co-Owners of Paul Mitchell of Northern New England

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

What's round and bad-tempered? A vicious circle.

Amazing Photography

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Pronounced silence

l a u n n A 9th

Open House

SATURDAY, OCT. 20th 9AM - 3PM Drawing for Diamond Earrings ($600 Value)

Buy One Item, Get 30% Off a Second Item!

25% OFF

All Estate Jewelry

TONS

(of equal/lesser value)

OF JUST-ADDED

NEW & ESTATE PIECES! Lots of giveaways and drawings!

ONSITE GOLD & SILVER BUYING

Your one-stop Jewelry Store

All Zable Beads Buy 2 Get 1 FREE! (of equal/lesser value)

ONE DAY ONLY

Spend $100 or more and get $25 off a future purchase

FREE jewelry cleaning/ inspections

FREE watch battery replacements

(limit one per customer)

Exceptional Quality Jewelry ◆ Maine Gemstones Layaway Options Available ◆ Instant Approval Financing

On-site Jewelry repairs & appraisals!

Mindy

1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford • 739-2300 Mon-Fri 9-5; Sat. 9-3 • diamondcutjewelers.com

Tanya

If Men Ruled the World... Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

You can find Lilly & I at That Little Barber Shop in Lewiston when we’re not on our yacht

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

Jack That’s my guy! Isn’t he cute?

Lilly Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

What do you call a camel with 3 humps? Humphreys

Kitchen and Bath

Center

WANTED* Do I look guilty to you?

Partnering with Professionals

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a “World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

Glenda Mitchell: 514-1136 • gmitchell@redlon-johnson.com Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail Tim Fox: 514-1137 • tfox@redlon-johnson.com Showroom Hours: Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. 8AM - 4:30PM

3 Middle Street, Lewiston showroom.redlon-johnson.com

Open Thurs. until 6PM APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Now, then…

Mike Farrell Either Mike has big, bushy eyebrows or this is his Halloween costume. *He is wanted at every salon and day spa in Lewiston/Auburn. They all have a cure for his ailment. May we suggest a Brazilian wax?

Bailing A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning service. "I'm sorry I missed you this morning," the pastor said.

2 Cedar Street, Lewiston • 577-0312 If Men Ruled the World... When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

"Well, Reverend," the farmer replied, "I had some hay to put up. I figured it was better to sit on a bale of hay thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about hay." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

OCT. 2012

U NCLE A NDYS . COM

Introducing our New General Manager

Brian Desjardins We want to pamper your ride. I’m committed to being here for our customers and delivering the highest quality service and attention to detail with their vehicle.

I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.

GET READY FOR WINTER WITH ONE OF THESE TRUCKS Lift Kit Keyless Entry Bed Liner 4WD 5.7L HEMI

2006 Dodge Ram Mega Cab 1500 SLT

$15,990

2005 Nissan Frontier

$13,490 Brian Desjardins - GM

We offer basic washes to full reconditionings. Now also offering stone guard applications & other specialty treatments. Call FMI

2005 Dodge Dakota Laramie

$13,490

4Dr., 4WD, CD Changer, 6 Cyl., Sunroof, Roof Rack

Tow Pkg., Bed Liner, Running Boards, 4.7L 8Cyl., Leather, 82k

2005 Ford Ranger XLT

2008 Ford F250 XLT Super Duty

$11,990 6cyl., Bed Liner, Running Boards, 81k

$15,990 4x4, Tow pkg., 8 cyl., 4x4, 97k

2007 Chevy Tahoe LTZ

2006 Ford Expedition

$21,990

$12,490

LIQUID SUNSHINE CAR WASH

& DETAIL 865 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 333-3004 liquidsunshinecarwash.com Hours: Mon- Fri 9:00am - 5:00pm Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

OCTOBER 2012

783-7039

4x4, Tow Pkg., Roof Rack, Running Boards, 92k

Eddie Bauer Edition, 3rd Row, 4WD, Leather, CD Changer, 103k

867 Center Street, Auburn • 753-0033 WWW.U NCLE A NDYS . COM