UAD 9.12

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

.com

THE MOST UNUSUAL DIGEST IN AMERICA

We buy: Brass Copper Aluminum Wheels Radiators Batteries Catalytic Converters Cell Phones Tin Steel And More!

Harvey Metals

FREE September 2012

Buying from the public!

Superior Grading & Pricing Maine’s Largest Catalytic Converter Buyer Family Owned & Operated

TOP PRICES PAID! Hours: Monday - Friday 8-5; Saturday 9-3

41 Capital Avenue, Lisbon Falls

Buying B2B!

(off Rt. 196, near Rite Aid)

353-JUNK (5865) • HarveyMetals.com

Armandsab@aol.com

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D. 1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 376-4977

Now Accepting New Patients See page 8 FMI

Dinner reservations start at 4pm

Japanese Cuisine Experience a dinner that is unique to L/A

Crazy Wednesdays $3 Crazy Sushi Rolls 4-7pm Open Mic Night 7-10pm

www.sea40me.com

40 East Ave., Lewiston (Lewiston Mall Shopping Center)

795-6888

Letter Sorting

Fun Fact: It takes seven years for a lobster to grow 1 pound.

Submitted by Jimbo

Uncle Andy had gotten a part time job at the Post Office and the supervisor there had been warned that he was somewhat of a dullard, but the supervisor took a liking to him and agreed to let Uncle Andy help him. If nothing else, he would be an extra set of hands.

The supervisor gives Uncle Andy the job of sorting, and much to everyone's surprise, he separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur.

Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Uncle Andy at the end of the day. "I just want you to know," he said, "that we're all very proud of you.

You're one of the fastest workers we have ever had."

"Thank you," said Uncle Andy, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."

"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do better?"

Uncle Andy replied, "Tomorrow I am going to read the addresses."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

2 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Abundant poverty

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Absolutely unsure

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA SEPTEMBER 2012 Wednesday, Sept 5th Luiggi’s 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 12907) 63 Sabattus Street, Lewiston $4 Member $4.50 Guest Saturday, Oct 6th Member Appreciation Day 11am – 1:30pm (Chapter 12907) Modern Woodmen Office, 184 Webster St, Lewiston FOR MEMBERS ONLY – FREE Sunday, Sept 9th KC Breakfast 8am – 10am (Chapter 7938) Columbus Dr, Brunswick $4 Member $5 Guest Child/under 10 free Tuesday, Sept 11th Schemengee’s 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 10589) 551 Lincoln St, Lewiston $7.50 Member $8.50 Guest Thursday, Sept 13th Center St Café 7am – 10am (Chapter 12749) 945 Center St. Auburn $4 Member $5 Guest Sunday, Sept 16th Flagship Cinema (Chapter 14346) Lewiston/Auburn $4.50 Member $5.50 Guest Wednesday, Sept 19th Grid Iron 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 14437) 1567 Lisbon St. Lewiston $8 Member $8.50 Guest Tuesday, Sept 25th Dubois Café 11am- 1pm (Chapter 8609) 906 Sabattus St., Lewiston $4 Member $4.50 Guest Wednesday, Sept 26th Pizza Hut 11:30 – 1pm (Chapter 10929) Rt 26, Norway $5 Member $5.50 Guest

I was gonna tell a hoarding joke....but I think I'll keep it to myself!

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed. ************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

The Metro Goldwyn Mayer lion lived in Memphis, Tennessee.

QUALITY CUSTOM DENTURE WORK Affordable Dentures

www.UncleAndys.com

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

SEPTEMBER 2012

FREE CONSULTATIONS

Staff JIMBO

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

Most Dental Insurances Accepted • We also accept Credit & Debit Cards

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

On Par

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

TRAVIS

514-0660

First & Ten

www.smileagaindentures.com

UNCLE ANDY

See us for: • Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures

Vino & Reno

• Rebases • Relines • Repairs

MAGGIE The Saint

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Accurate rumor

MARTY The Ace

ANGIE The Mobber

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212 While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

4 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

O

ur Little Ninjas program has been carefully developed for children, ages 3 to 6, to introduce and reinforce the important life lessons you want them to learn.

We start with fun, promote teamwork and friendship and help to create strong individuality and the selfesteem necessary to succeed.

Call or visit our school today to enroll your little one!

FREE UNIFORM 1ST MONTH We are the only Certified OKINAWAN KENPO SCHOOL in the Twin Cities

• Karate for Kids & Adults • Self Defense for Men & Women • Yoga • Fitness Kickboxing

Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: pelledojo@aol.com • www.pelletierskarate.com Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Big sip

786-3731

"The best things happen at the exit ramp of your comfort zone." – Karen Salmansohn

Out ’n About at the Cash Mob Event - part deux I deny all rumors that I’m turning 50 in September!

Beryle Martin & Eric Cobb

Alex Jacobsohn & Angie Lafrance (Angie is co-organizer of the L-A Cash Mob)

I’m not quite ready for the price of fame...

Marcel, Maya & Sharon Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

SEPT. 2012

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Out ’n About at the Firehouse Grille

Potential Golf Scramble Team Names: Hole in Ten

This is how the Firehouse rolls...

BACK TO SCHOOL WITH THE Y John & Kathy Roy Co-owner of Firehouse Grille

SCHOOL AGE CHILDCARE • At the Y (Before & After School) • Geiger Elementary (After School) • Montello Elementary (After School)

Convenient • Fun & Productive • Safe & Reliable

COMMITTED TO OUR COMMUNITY Sparks The Rescue is a great band!

Mckenzie Roy & Eric Morin

3rd Annual NAPA Golf Tournament September 20th at Martindale Country Club

9:30am shotgun start

Help support our cause, providing opportunities for kids to LEARN, GROW, and THRIVE

OLWEUS BULLYING PREVENTION PROGRAM Kick-off Event Friday, Sept. 7th, 6-8 pm at the Y. I love retirement!

I want to be retired.

6:00 Welcome & OBPP Kick-off 6:30-8:00pm Family Swim & Children’s Activities 1st Y in the state to implement OBPP!

FREE EVENT Pre-register at the Y

Celeste & Vic Mathieu Co-owner of Firehouse Grille Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

6 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Auburn-Lewiston YMCA • Next to County Building in Auburn 795 4095 • www.alymca.org

If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

A verbal agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. – Samuel Goldwyn

Out ’n About at the Cash Mob Event - part deux

Marilyn, Lisa & Joan Yeah, I’m cool and I’m ready to CASH MOB!

Great golf excuses to use next time you hit a bad shot: "I drank too much coffee - I have the shakes."

Family owned & operated local area business for over 10 years.

Angela & Mason What a great event for supporting the community

Brooklyn Brown, Olympic Bronze archer, is checking her indoor target with her Dad, Mark.

He is the bowhunter in the family, whereas Mom, Kathy, is all about recreational archery with an instinctive recurve.

Archery lessons, lanes, rentals, sales, service, & custom strings.

Handguns Rifles Shotguns Ammo

213 Washington St. • Auburn • 783-3060 centralmainearchery.com Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms per day.

Mary Lafontaine & Jules Patry Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Cash Mob Event - part deux

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Seriously funny

Comprehensive Family Dental Care in a relaxing, comfortable atmosphere

Calvin Rinck LAEGC and fellow cash mobber This is great!

We can’t wait to hear about the next mobbing...

Cash Mob part trois?

Now Accepting New Patients

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D. 1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston (lower level)

Pauline, David & Joan

376-4977 Financing options available

Keep reading to find out more about this Cash Mob’s highly secret location...

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

8 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Same Day Emergency Care

www.kevinconnellydmd.com Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Clearly confused

Golfer: "Well Caddy, How do you like my game?"

Caddy: "Very good, Sir! But personally I prefer Golf."

Pick Up & Go!

*

Having a get-together and don’t have time to cook?

We’ve got the answer!

Meatballs Lasagna Platters Smoked Pulled Pork Baked Ziti

Chicken Pot Pie

• Finger Roll • Sandwich • Meat & Cheese • Veggie • Fresh Fruit • Wraps • Dessert

There’s NO PLACE like...

Wings Baked Boneless Chicken Breast

Shepherd’s Pie Chicken Pot Pie Pasta Salads

And Much More! Ask Dad for a menu!! * Please allow 24 hours notice for cold pick-up, 48 for hot

Dad’s Place

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • www.dadsplace.info Golfer: "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake."

Caddy: "I doubt you could keep your head down that long."

FRESH Made to order when you order it!

Subs • Sandwiches • Wraps Burgers • Italians Daily Specials • Breakfast items Cold beer • Agency Liquor Store and so much more!

75¢ OFF Any Large Steak Sub Must present coupon Cannot be combined with any other offers UAD

50¢ OFF

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • www.dadsplace.info

Expires 9.30.12

Any Large Italian Must present coupon Cannot be combined with any other offers UAD

Great golf excuse to use next time you hit a bad shot: "Damn it, have you no etiquette? Quit breathing when I swing."

Expires 9.30.12

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Wrinkled Pants

St. Bernard dogs do not carry kegs of brandy, and never have.

Submitted by Jimbo

Doug had always been teased by his friends that his wife was more successful than he was. Some even went so far as to insinuate that he was henpecked.

Doug had a sense of humor and always laughed it off. One day, one of his fiends asked the tiresome question again, "Who wears the pants in your family?"

"I do," Doug answered.

Then, after a pause, he added, "I also wash and iron them."

Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.

Benefit Softball Tournament Mechanic Falls Firefighter/EMT-I Jon Damon suffers from Keratoconus which means, Lieutenant Damon’s corneas are thinning causing blisters to form. This is painful and will eventually result in him going blind, if they are not fixed. The only cure is a corneal transplant which will cost about $22,000 for both eyes!

TOURNAMENT INFORMATION • September 15th • $200 Entry Fee • One Pitch Tournament • Location: Mechanic Falls Rec Fields

• Start Time: 8am • Double Elimination • Spaces Are Limited, Sign Up Now!!

• Rain Date: Sept 22nd

LET’S PLAY BALL! To sign up or request more information please feel free to email us at: eyes4jon@hotmail.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

10 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Potential Golf Scramble Team Names: The Hole in Fun Gang

Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!

Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, Sir."

Out ’n About at the Firehouse Grille

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

Our first “Out ‘’n About” event! More to come!!

Call us today!

NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required, please call first • Fully warranteed & certified • $55/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto

There’s a lot of Roy’s going on in this column!

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364

Brad Johnson

LOBSTER & CLAM BAKE Includes: 1 Ear of Corn 1-1/4 lb. Lobster 2 Red Potatoes 1 lb. Clams Side of butter

All cooked!

(Please call one hour before pickup)

$

13 $ 16

soft shell

September is the best time to hard eat lobstah!

This guy is a singer from the band Sparks The Rescue and has appeared on MTV!

Always Fresh LaRochelle’s Seafood

shell

“If we were any fresher you’d have to slap us!”

We ship anywhere in the US

22 Mill St., New Auburn • 782-3150 • Open daily 9am-6pm

Madison Roy & Tobie McCallister

WOW!

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

$

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

12

Alex, another singer in the band. I can’t believe these guys are locals from Poland!

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

Potential Golf Scramble Team Names: Dirty Birdies

Madison Roy & Alex Roy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Bilingual Parrot

The human brain uses approximately as much energy as a 10 watt light bulb.

Submitted by Jimbo

Uncle Andy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.

He sees one on a perch with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg.

Uncle Andy asks the owner the significance of the strings.

"Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" the curious Uncle Andy inquires.

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu

We come here every week. The food is great, the customer service is fantastic, and we love the diner atmosphere!

Janice & Carol Dumais

ut Check o ew n Rolly’s ! u n e m

87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out) Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

The world camel population is 19,627,000. (last we counted anyway) "I fall off my perch you goober!" screeches the parrot.

Clean Slate It was raining quite hard as U.S. Marine trainees assembled outdoors for a briefing.

On a blackboard, the lieutenant instructor had prepared a detailed drawing of the tactics he wanted practiced.

"Don't think we're going to call this off just because of a little rain," he said.

Then he turned to the blackboard which had been washed clean.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

12 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

NO ORDER TOO SMALL And no minimum purchases! Call us for a FREE quote!!

Textile & Paper Wipes

• Sorbents & Safety Supplies • Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners • Breakroom & Food Service • Chemicals & Cleaners • Packaging • Skin Care • And More!

Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

NEXT DAY DELIVERY IN L/A! 120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com Vegetarian - an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course."

Caddy: "Try heaven," advised the caddy. "You've already moved most of the earth."

Tropic al Har mony

There’s a Lot of Plus working with Auto Cores Plus

All your salt water tank needs right here!

ICE COLD BEER! Snacks & more...

Not to mention all the salt water fish & supplies you’ll ever need

Ron Childs

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies 272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372

Roller Skating = Family Fun September 8th & 9th afternoon sessions start

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940 www.rollodrome.com

Skate Schedule Thursday Night

Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Night

All Skating 7:30 - 10:00

Sat. & Sun.

1:30 - 4:00pm

Saturday Night

Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night

All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

Find us on Facebook Dan Larrivee & Rachel Potvin, Owner/Operators

Assisted Home Care II “Our Family Assisting Your Family.”

Assisting Families since 1997

Who we are...

• • • •

Registered home health care service agency 24 hour personal care and response team Guarantee continuity of caregivers Assist with independent living at home

550 College St., Lewiston • 783-7375 • www.assistedhomecare.org Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

is the owner/operator of Auto Cores Plus, a mobile auto core buying company. His family has been in the junk auto business for over 40 years. “I think it’s safe to say we totally understand how hard the junk guys work for a living,” says Ron. The biggest thing that sets Auto Cores Plus apart from the rest is that Ron has very little overhead. He does all the work himself, traveling to pick up junk cars and scrap metals from his customers. Because his business is mobile and he doesn’t employ a staff he is able to pay customers more cash for their old batteries, catalytic converters, starters, alternators, radiators and more.

“I thought there had to be a way to sell my cores and cut out the large warehouses that were playing the middle men and making a living off my hard work.” Ron figured out that he could pay higher prices to junkers and junkyards in the area for their cores and up the volume of what he was selling to the large refineries. This way he could offer the most money for cores but wouldn’t have to become another large warehouse buyer and could keep his overhead low.

If you want to get top dollar for your aluminum rims, batteries, alternators, junk vehicles, and more, call Auto Cores Plus at 240-8798. Ron will pick it up, give you cash, and haul it away!

“I offer the best and most honest grading in the business, period!” says Ron. “Sell to me once and you’ll become a lifelong customer.” See his ad on page 77 for more info.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Irish Twins Pub for a Dempsey Challenge Fundraiser

Say it loud...

I’m 50 and I’m proud!!!

A dog's mucus membrane is the size of fifty postage stamps.

NEW LUNCH MENU STARTING AT $4.99 $ .00 Come Enjoy our Outdoor Patio!

Wed. Open Mic Nite

Bean Suppah

Thurs. Karaoke Nite

Every Saturday Large “Andy’s Baked Bean” special

Sunday Brunch 10-2pm

$

7.50

Happy Hour Mon-Fri 2-6pm

376-4959

47 Broad Street, New Auburn thefirehousegrille.biz

1

OFF Any purchase of $5.00 or more (food only) with coupon cannot be combined with any other offers

Expires 9/30/12

Lobster & Steak Feed

aine Sept. 9th M h s e Fr obster 3:30pm Tickets on sale NOW! L

New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn 782-9039

$10 Members • $15 Guests All Sports Leagues Starting Up! We’ll keep you posted with informational meetings throughout the month.

GREATER L/A’s SOURCE FOR: Tactical Weapons • Rifles & Shotguns Hand Guns • Personal & Concealed Carry Guns Ammo & Targets • Special Orders

32 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-6569 Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm • Sat 9am - 2pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

14 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Golfer: "Caddy, Do you think my game is improving?

Caddy: "Oh yes, Sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to."

The density of Saturn is so low that if you were to put it in a giant glass of water it would float.

Davis Chiropractic

Getting with Davis Chiropractic

SEPTEMBER SPECIAL

Out ’n About at Hair by Gregory’s Open House of their new location

New patients receive a FREE* 25 minute massage *Mention this ad when scheduling.

Limited appts. available. Call today!

782-3330 www.healthdavis.com 16 Highland Spring Road Lewiston, ME 04240 Insurance accepted Office Hours: Mon.-Thu. 8-5:30

(Kim Lacasse, CA, Michelle Davis, Jason Davis, DC, Christa Burpee, LMT)

The staff at Davis Chiropractic after the 2012 Spartan Race in Amesbury, Mass. on Aug. 12th. The 5K+ trail race included obstacles like mud pits, monkey bars, hill climbs & barbed wire.

Check out our website for more pics! www.healthdavis.com

Dr. Jason Davis Chiropractor & Pain Specialist

Andrea Tedesco Cellist

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Definite maybe

Great Rates & Terms, Fast Approvals too!

Call Us Today

Great Falls Federal Credit Union 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 760 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 753-0500 www.greatfallsfcu.com *Restrictions & qualification apply

8 out of 10 people think that the first kiss indicates how the rest of the relationship will be.

Chip Palmer & Kelly Sorraco Trivia Q: What, if dead, has a longer life and if alive, has a shorter life?

A: Candle

I got my loan with Great Falls Credit Union!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow

Golfer: "Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?

Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a crime any day of the week!"

All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

It’s all about the Benjamins baby!

Italians Only $3 Sat. & Sun. Only

Locally owned & operated

Cleanliness is next to Godliness...

Grampy, how many people did you say would see this photo?

Lost Valley

$1.50 Breakfast Sandwiches

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 Open daily 5am-9pm • www.mygeorgios.com

Grayce Goldberg

Fred Addi & Salat Assan

Connie King

Apple Cinnamon Donuts are back!

is very photogenic, shown here posing (or picking?) in Zeb’s General Store in North Conway, NH Submitted by our long time friend and Grayce’s grandfather, Duncan Webster

1,000 SF of Professional Office Space Available Immediately

Everything Included in Rent: Heat, hot water, sewer, electricity, internet, plowing, trash removal & off-street parking.

Call 576-4844 FMI Bretton Campbell Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

16 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Ask about getting first month FREE! In medieval Italy, if a man was caught kissing a woman in public, he had to marry her whether he liked it or not.

"Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it." – John Maxwell

FALL in Love with your color.

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

Try some lowlites or an all-over color this season.

(Back, l to r) Heather Heckbert, Erica Bolduc, RaeAnne Latouche, Angie Lenhert. (Front) Linda Thompson (owner)

Now offering 1117 Center Street • Auburn (in MetLife Plaza)

784-3522 I didn’t realize you guys delivered the Digest up here!

Don’t you just love a well trained dog?

urbanedgehairstudio.com

Go take a hike!

Shannon Wilson on Streaked Mountain

Those are pretty good disguises up there...

Marc Lajoie & Tessa Albee Double R Crane

Front Set Floor Liners $

97.95

No Drill Mud Flaps Starting at

$

39.95 a set

NEW & USED TRUCK CAPS & MORE!

980 Pond Rd. • Wales, ME • 933-2493

"Speak little; do much. Well done is better than well said." – Benjamin Franklin

Cullen & Adrianna Couture Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Irish Twins Pub for a Dempsey Challenge Fundraiser

Golfer: "That can't be my ball. It looks far too old."

Caddy: "It's been a long time since we started, sir."

Mike Morin’s

Auto Center “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

VOTED BEST OF THE BEST 13 YEARS RUNNING (Market Surveys of America)

FRONT END ALIGNMENT

OIL CHANGE

$75.95 Most Vehicles

$24.95

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

It’s never too early to get your vehicle ready for winter! Come see us today!!

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Soft rock

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 OUR TIRES

Rod Cameron & Ben Britton

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections

60 Minot Ave • Auburn

782-6666 or 783-2026 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

18 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?"

Caddy: "Eventually."

Being vague is just as bad as that other thing.

STOP BY OUR 2 DEALERSHIPS AT 1298 & 1317 SABATTUS ST. LEWISTON

Inventory

Out ’n About at the B2B Tradeshow All photos by Port City Photography portcity-photography.com

New Inventory Arriving Daily!

06 Audi A4 Quattro 2.0T, AWD, 6-speed, Gold, . . . . . $10000

05 Scion TC, Auto, 118k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995

05 Audi A4 Quattro 1.8T, AWD, Auto, 136k, Silver . . . $8995

07 Toyota Corolla, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8495

Jody Shimamura

04 Audi A6, Wagon, Auto, 114K, Grey . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995

06 VW Jetta, Silver, 119K, Manual . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8995

SymQuest

02 Audi A4, 1.8T, 5-speed, 110K, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995

05 VW Jetta, Silver, 115K, Auto. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995

81 Chevy Camaro, Z28, 377 Stroker, 5-speed . . . . . . $14000

05 VW GTI, 109k, Silver, 5-Speed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8000

50 Chevy Deluxe, Black, 2-Door . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $14000

04 VW Passat, Turbo, Green, Manual . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6495

07 Dodge Nitro, 90K, Black, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9990

04 VW Golf GLS, Auto, 133K, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6495

08 Ford Taurus X SEL, Auto, V6, 113k, Maroon . . . . . $10999

03 VW Jetta GLS, 5-Speed, 104k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . $6495

05 Ford Escape Limited, 4x4, V6, Auto, 103k, Black . . $8995

02 VW Jetta 98K, Green. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5500

06 GMC Envoy, Black, 105K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $11995

00 VW Passat GLX VR6, 5-Speed, 114k, Silver . . . . . . $5500

04 GMC Yukon, Charcoal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9500

00 VW Passat GLS, Auto, 4Motion, 135k, Silver. . . . . . $5000

96 GMC Sierra 2500, Maroon, 115K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5290

00 VW Passat GLX, 5-speed, 114K, Silver . . . . . . . . . . $5500

04 Honda Accord EX, 5 Speed, 2 Door, 106k , Silver. . $8995

05 Volvo S40 T5, Turbo, 5-Speed 115k, Gray . . . . . . . $9995

06 Hyundai Sonata, Burgundy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6300 08 Mazda 3, Electric Blue, Manual . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8500 03 Mercedes ML500, Black, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9995

Other

06 Nissan Altima, Auto, 110k , Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8550 04 Nissan Maxima SE, Auto, V6, 125k, Silver . . . . . . . $8495 06 Saab 9-5, Auto, Turbo, 118k, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7495 03 Saab 9-3 Vector, 6-Speed, 115k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . $6995 03 Saab 9-5, Brown, 102K, Auto. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6495

23’ Baja Outlaw Boat, ‘07, 496 Magnum, Loaded . . . $44,995 ‘08 Yamaha Grizzly 700 ATV, red. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6000

786-7744

1298 Sabattus St. & 1317 Sabattus St. • www.independentauto.me Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Numb feeling

Michelle Herman SymQuest

Speeding Gallop In 1652, New Amsterdam (now New York City) passed the first speed limit law in the colonies. The decree stated that: "no wagons, carts or sleighs shall be run, rode or driven at a gallop" at the risk of incurring a fine starting at "two pounds Flemish," or about $150 in today's currency.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Great golf excuses to use next time you hit a bad shot: "A fly landed on my ball right when I hit."

SAM’S BODY SHOP GOT HEAT?? FREE Pre-winter Checkup With Ad

Custom Trailer Hitches Sold & Installed Trailer Repairs 886 Main St. Lewiston • 784-0015 • Open Mon. Wed. Fri. 8:00-4:00

I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much. – Mother Teresa

LOWER HOME HEATING COSTS! Energy Audits • Infrared Imaging • Blown-in Cellulose Insulation

Be prepared this winter. An energy audit now could save you money later!

HomeEnergyTechs.com

Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery

Contact Rudy 576-0847

Out ’n About at the Irish Twins Pub for a Dempsey Challenge Fundraiser

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know.

And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."

– Dr. Seuss Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with s & Travi Jimbo

20 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Yvon’s Car Wash n’ Lube Tuesday: Seniors’ Day Wednesday: Ladies’ Day Thursday: Veterans’ Day Yvon’s Car Care Centers

Receive FREE

Automatic Car Wash

$

3 OFF

Basic Oil Change

$

5 OFF

Premium Oil Change

with Oil Change

698 Main Street • Lewiston • 777-3600 (Between ROOPER’s and BURGER KING) Hours: Mon-Fri: 8am - 5pm • Sat. 8am - 2pm

Limit one coupon per customer.

Expires 9.30.12

Out ’n About at the Irish Twins Pub

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Long shorts

for a Dempsey Challenge Fundraiser

10% OFF with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

• Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

Ron Moon, Manager

207-657-5000

Remote Starters!

Remote Starters!

Remote Starters!

216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry Parking in back of building www.soundeffectsmaine.com

777-3339

COMPLETE AUTO REPAIR FACILITY Body Work • Complete resprays starting at $500 • Custom Paint • Collision repairs • Full spray booth 845 Washington St. North Auburn

24 Hr. Towing State Inspections

Mechanical Repair Brakes • Engine Suspension Tuneups Diagnostics & More

782-5500

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Spectator sport

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Androscoggin Bass Masters Tournament

"Success is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don't quit when you are tired -- you quit when the gorilla is tired." – Robert Strauss

in Turner with Community Credit Union, sponsor of the food booth which benefited the Children’s Miracle Network

Established in 1984

‘95 JEE WRANGLP ER Only 51K!!

Hungry fishermen don’t catch any fish...

Truck Caps

Janice Lare serving breakfast sandwiches at 5AM

SEPT. SPECIAL$

4,995

JAZZY SELECT 14XL POWER CHAIR

WAS $5200 NEW

Used Fisher Plows

ASKING $2000

– PARTIAL LISTING –

New inventory arriving daily!!

Michelle St. Hilaire, Michelle Green & Laurie Pelletier

Mommy, this event has been reel fun!

Jen & Chase Hogan Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

22 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

07 Jetta, Wolfsburg Edition, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9995 ‘07 Ford Escape XLS, Loaded, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . only $4995 ‘06 Jeep Commander, Alloys, 3rd Seat. . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8995 ‘06 Chevy Trailblazer LS, 132K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6995 ‘06 Dodge Short Box 4X4 Sport, HEMI, Nice!! . . . . . . $14,995 ‘05 GMC K1500 Crew 4X4 2-71, Loaded . . . . . . . . . $12,995 ‘05 Chevy K1500 Crew X4 2-71, Loaded. . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘05 Chevy Trailblazer LT, DVD, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . only $5,995 ‘05 Chevy K1500 X-Cab 2-71 4X4. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘05 Ford Explorer LT, 3rd Seat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6995 ‘05 Toyota Corolla S Roof, Alloys, Wing . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘04 VW Jetta, St. Roof, Alloys, Only 74K . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘04 Toyota Camry LE, V6, Roof, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘04 Mitsubishi Ralli EDT. ST., Alloys, Roof . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘04 Ford F-150 X-Cab 4X4, 106K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘03 Toyota Corolla S, Auto, Roof, Wing, 92K . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘03 Jeep Liberty Sport, Loaded, 78K. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘03 Dodge Grand Caravan EX, Power Doors . . . . . . . . . $3,995

‘02 Chevy K1500 Reg. Cab 4X4, 67K . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8,995 ‘02 Chevy Suburban LT, 3rd Seat. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘02 Chevy S-10 Crew 4X4 LS, Only 69K . . . . . . . . . . . $7,995 ‘02 Jeep Grand Cherokee 4.0, 6 Cyl., Extra Clean . . . . $4,295 ‘02 Dodge Short Box 4X4, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6,995 ‘02 Chevy Trailblazer LTZ, Leather, Roof . . . . . . . . . . . $5,295 ‘02 Toyota Tundra SR5 X-Cab 4X4, New Frame . . . . . . $7,995 ‘01 Chrysler PT Cruiser Limited, 6K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,995 ‘00 Dodge Caravan 3.3 V6, Extra Clean, Fla. Title . . . . $3,995 NEVER A DOC FEE!!

Find us... it’s worth the ride!!

TRUCK RACKS

28 Soper Road, Durham

If we don’t have it, we can get it!!

Jeff & Rick Roy

353-2538

Potential Golf Scramble Team Names: Where's the beer girl?

The SIGNS are everywhere

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Among the first

We are now located 1/4 mile from the NEW OXFORD CASINO, same side.

SEPTEMBER IS 4X4, TRUCK & SUV MONTH Time to get ready for winter!

LOTS OF TRUCKS & SUV’S ARRIVING DAILY!

HART’S CLASSIC AUTO

inc.

334 Maine St., Oxford / 740-1938 • 777-4847

Your One Stop Shop for Motorcycle Insurance 9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls (207) 345-8711 or 1-800-339-0414 www.CummingsAgency.com

Jeff & Nora Cummings Diane Morissette Leanne Cram

Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!

FREE!

COMPUTER SYSTEM DIAGNOSIS

• Check Engine Light • Airbag Light • Antilock Brake Light • Traction Control System Light Ron Major

*By appointment. Limit one per customer. Offer includes plugging into vehicle computer for testing and diagnosis to determine if more extensive testing is needed. Expires 9.30.12

We are fully ASE Master Certified electrical specialists Let’s get serious!

We’re not farmers, we’re car repair specialists!

Tony Doyon (Owner)

183 Lisbon St., Lisbon We are serious... about our good old fashioned quality service!

Tony Girourd (Service Manager)

353-9862 qualitycareautorepair.com

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Artificial grass

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at Hair by Gregory’s Open House

Potential Golf Scramble Team Names: The Shanksville Duffs

of their new location

I’ve gotta look sharp while I tear it up on the soccer field.

Alex Tedesco A girl’s gotta eat ya know!

Shaina Clark with Kathy

Trivia Q: What did the calendar-maker name his three daughters?

A: April, May and June Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

24 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Initial conclusion

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Tragic comedy

Out ’n About at Hair by Gregory’s Open House of their new location

I think it’s time to pump up the volume...

Anthony Tedesco shows off his Fat Albert Afro

The shortest human we have documented evidence on was Pauline Musters of the Netherlands. She measured 12 inches at her birth in 1876, and was 23 inches tall with a weight of 9 pounds at her death in 1885.

If you look at zero you see nothing; but look through it and you will see the world.

– Robert Kaplan

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion Come on Rene, my shirt is way louder than yours...

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Blind eye

Don’s DBA...

MORRIS AUTO PARTS 940 Washington St. North • 784-7374 or 800-730-7374 • Mon. - Fri. 8 - 5 • Sat. 8 - 12

Why buy new, when used will do AND save money?

We recycle 99% of all our products, offering almost any year, make, or model, foreign or domestic, auto or truck.

Rene Gaudette & Jack Jalbert

One coupon per customer

Try us out and SAVE

20

% OFF

In-stock auto & truck parts

Together Let’s Think Green and Recycle!

DON’S NO PREFERENCE TOWING CO.

24/7 WRECKER SERVICE Karen Hatch Gagne

Call us if you are broken down.

Ask for Don or Debbie for all your towing needs

940 Washington St. • Auburn • 784-4619 If I won't be myself, who will? – Alfred Hitchcock

REMOTE STARTERS Starting at

$ Jim & Michelle Nutting

14999 installed

1,000’ Range

Many other models available Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

26 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston 754-7873

Each starter comes with: • Lifetime Guarantee • 2 Remotes • Expert Installation

The average woman uses her height in lipstick every 5 years.

Out ’n About at the Mac’s Grill Deck Party Sponsored by Geary’s and live music by The Work Trucks

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Presently gone Great golf excuse to use next time you hit a bad shot: "Bermuda grass sucks.

My club keeps getting stuck."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion

$

✂

Can you hear me NOW!!!

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Clean toilet

30

OFF*

*ANY BILL $250 OR MORE

✂

Complete Auto Repair SAVE $$ ON GAS Ask about a Fuel Injector System Cleaning

THE SHOP 353-6100

with this ad Expires 9.30.12

CLASSIC CAR PERFORMANCE UPGRADES & RESTORATION

304 Lisbon St., Lisbon

www.theshopclassicrestoration.net

Karen Nichols

HIT THE TRAILS IN YOUR NEW ARCTIC CAT ATV!

SHARE OUR PASSION

AMES SPORT SHOP, Inc 84 Littlefield Road, Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

Tim Walker

828 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME • 795-6666 / Fax: 795-8983

We do: State Inspections • Minor Repairs

Labor Rate $48/hr

Now Offering All New Services

Lynn Lohfeld, Dennis Callahan & Susan Moyes Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

28 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

•Tune Ups • Brakes • Belts • Windshield Chip Repair • Headlamp Restoration • Complete Engine Flush

Labor Rate Only $ 48/hr

OWNER BILL ROY

• Fuel Filters • Deluxe Oil Changes • Sate Inspections • Wiper Blades • Interstate Batteries

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Annual lighting of the eternal flame

The population of Colombia doubles every 22 years.

Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion

Pat Hall St. Hilaire, Dan Leclair & David St. Hilaire

Jack Jalbert, Tom & Debbie Pontbriand & June Kordalski

Why is it there’s always one guy not paying attention?

Peter Manders, Uncle Andy Marsh, Wayne Galarneau & Ross Bonney

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles visit our website:

www.donovansauto.com Stop by, call or click today!

946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856

Nanette Dupont Creamer (& husband) and Connie & Larry Duchette

The average New York City household generates 6.2 pounds of garbage each day.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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4th Husband

With 382,650 babies being born each day and 144,902 people dying daily, the world population increases about 237,748 people a day.

Submitted by Gene Couillard

Channel 8 news was interviewing an 80-yearold lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married... one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

ANXIETY-FREE DENTISTRY Fear doesn’t have to keep you from getting the dentistry you need and deserve.

• 0% Financing available

• Option of conscious oral sedation or IV sedation

SAME DAY EMERGENCY CARE

THE CENTER FOR ADVANCED DENTISTRY 220 Main Street, Auburn

784-7355 or 866-716-6128 Dr. Robert D. Limoges D.M.D. & Dr. Jonathan A. Bernstein D.D.S.

www.AuburnDental.com Like us on Facebook! We often post coupons and special offers on our page.

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

"Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light." – Groucho Marx

BRING IN YOUR PHOTOS FOR FRAMING &

Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion

GET 25% OFF (Must mention this ad for discount)

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333 • www.DandRFraming.com

XTREME HIP-HOP Who: Kids ages 6-11 When: Classes start Sept. 11th at 4:30-5pm, every Tuesday for 6 weeks

Beautiful Women Uncle Andy, I’ll bet you five bucks that I out live you!

Cost: Just $45

Call 786-9100 to register ASAP

XTREME ATHLETICS www.xtremeathleticsmaine.com 18 Highland Spring Rd. • Lewiston

Phone: 786-9100 Fred Redmun

FALL into a NEW CAREER! You can help enrich the lives of others.

WE HAVE OPENINGS IN CENTRAL MAINE

Benefits Include: • Time-off program • PAID TRAINING

• Medical, dental & vision • And more!

Contact Kim Dionne kdionne@supportsolutions.org We are an Equal Opportunity Employer

The mission of Support Solutions is to inspire and support a culture of possibilities.

124 Canal St., Lewiston • 207-795-0672 ext. 2108

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Smaller half

Scott Belanger Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Neat Photography

You always hear people using the phrase “working like a dog” but when is the last time you saw a dog doing any work?

Bakery &

Cheese Fudge Pastries Breads Wine tastings & more

Over 500 labels of wine

r a l l e C e n i W

Search: Benoit’s Bakery

Featuring Donuts by John Frost

• Pick up your Holiday Pie order forms • Many different kinds of pies

Call or stop by for more info 72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine • 353-7552

www.benoitsbakery.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

32 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Never again

Great golf excuses to use next time you hit a bad shot: "I don't have a sand wedge. I lost it in the lake last time I played."

COURTEMANCHE ACHIEVES MEMBERSHIP IN MILLION DOLLAR ROUND TABLE

Michael Courtemanche,

Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.

– Pete Seeger

It’s time

for a change!

You have a professional image to protect, and you couldn’t do it any better than with Scruples. Scruples styling products add flexibility and shine to your hair.

You’ll look good, be confident and feel successful.

Make an appointment at your salon today - it might change your life.

782-5920

170 Main Street • Auburn

Great golf excuses to use next time you hit a bad shot: "Hackers tore up the green.

I can't play competitively under these circumstances."

a representative for Modern Woodmen of America, is one of a small percentage of life insurance agents worldwide to achieve membership in the prestigious Million Dollar Round Table (MDRT) this year.

MDRT is an international, independent association of more than 35,000 members, or less than 1 percent, of the world’s best life insurance and financial services professionals. Membership is one of the highest professional honors a life insurance representative can obtain. MDRT members demonstrate highlevel client service and production.

Founded in 1883, Modern Woodmen of America touches lives and secures futures. The fraternal financial services organization offers financial products and fraternal member benefits to individuals and families throughout the United States.

Michael can be found at their Lewiston office located at 184 Webster Street. Call 782-1833 or see their ad on page 3 for more information.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Horse fly

I lost at rock, paper, scissors; so I’m the one who has to look at the camera.

Dave Sheloske

Jamie Isaacson Hey Digest Nation, remember me?

PARTS • SALES • SERVICE WE FEATURE: • Service For All Makes • Parts For All Makes • Sales of New International Trucks • Sales Of Used Trucks Of All Makes

Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 Big Gare

783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net

(aka Gary Dow) Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

34 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Beyond infinity

Neat Photography

Love means nothing to tennis players.

Out ’n About at Hair by Gregory’s Open House (l to r) Cory,

Terry & Nuria

Come see our brand new, totally awesome location! We’re now at 392 Center Street in Auburn.

new em! r u o st Try ing sy iten wh

willowrundental.com

Willo w

Geraldine Schneider, DMD Scott Beckerman, DMD Jeffrey Sloan, DDS

n Dent Ru

• Family cosmetic dentistry • Emergency same-day care • Most insurance plans accepted

soc.

As al

Now accepting new patients

Willow Run Dental Association

783-0261 One Willow Run Unit 1-B Auburn, ME

I used to be a people person but people ruined that for me.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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TIME TO CASH IN! Special pricing for quantities and contractors!

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Automobile & Truck Batteries Die Cast Alloy Rims #1 Steel Prepared/better grading/better payout Catalytic Converters d e close We’ll b th 4 1 Cell Phone Scrap 0th Sept. 1 vacation! mily for a fa Computer Towers Stainless Electronic Scrap Mother Boards • Core’s Brass • Alternators • Starters • Motors • Pumps Computer Board Scraps Copper • Aluminum • Insulated Wire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

OPEN SATURDAYS STARTING OCTOBER 1st!

Always paying the best prices!

We’ll help you unload.

We look forward to seeing you!

(prices subject to market changes)

Nobody pays higher prices My job then us. Stop by is to write YOU and see for a big check! yourself.

15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm Gary McCraw (L) Lennie Shanahan (R)

615-7057 or 795-8887

Bev & Peter

The lifespan of a squirrel is about nine years.

Out ’n About at the Mac’s Grill Deck Party Sponsored by Geary’s and live music by The Work Trucks

I wish my website was mobile friendly...

You can house break an armadillo. (Uncle Andy said it, it must be true)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Mac’s Grill Deck Party Sponsored by Geary’s and live music by The Work Trucks

Great golf excuses to use next time you hit a bad shot: "I get nervous shooting last all the time."

POOL B UILDERS OF MAINE Q W , UALITY ORKMANSHIP OUTSTANDING SERVICE.

We came for the great food and stayed for the Geary’s and live music!

25 Years Experience We Service all brands of hot tubs!

$ Two of my favorite four letter words: Golf & Deck (party).

500 OFF

Above Ground Pool Kits

CALL NOW TO SCHEDULE YOUR POOL CLOSING

BEST PRICES GUARANTEED!!

NEW LOCATION (across from Coleman’s Collision) Mon-Sat 9-5

1525 Minot Ave. Auburn

795-7222

www.poolbuildersofmaine.com Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

38 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Potential Golf Scramble Team Names: The Bogeymen

Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it. – George Halas

We are a game tagging station!

Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion

Hunting Season start dates: Bear ....Sept. 1st Goose..Sept. 1st Bird .......Oct. 1st Deer......Nov. 1st Available at...

WE BUY, SELL & TRADE

Peter Manders & Linda Berube

481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806 Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm

Great golf excuses to use next time you hit a bad shot: "I am allergic to the pesticide spray. My eyes are watering and I can't see the ball."

Mr. & Mrs. Don Martel

Danny Biron & Cindy Sloat

Brad Sloat Silly Things Actually said by Commentators in the World of Soccer: He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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It’s a Cats World

Local Restaurants & Entertainment BOX LUNCHES The Uptown and Executive boxed lunches are served on our famous assorted breads and accompanied by potato chips, a pickle spear and a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie.

Uptown Boxed Lunch................$8.99pp This. is. purrrfect!

Roast Turkey, Roast Beef, Ham and Cheese, Tuna Salad, Egg Salad, Veggie

Executive Boxed Lunch .............$9.99pp Italian Sub, Heidi’s Club, Chicken Salad, *Transplanted New Yorker, *Cajun Turkey with Avocado, *Hell’s Kitchen, *Fresh Mozzarella

1/2 Sandwich Boxed Lunch Available..$6.99pp Boxed Lunch Sandwiches limited to above menu (no hot sandwiches available). Sandwiches made with lettuce, tomato, mayo and mustard packets on the side. *Sandwiches contain additional condiments.

Na, na, na, na, na

PA R T Y P L AT T E R S Heidi’s Sandwich Platter An assortment of Heidi’s Favorite Sandwiches: Roast Turkey, Roast Beef, Ham & Cheese, Awesome Chicken Salad, Fresh Mozzarella, Cajun Turkey with Avocado & Hell’s Kitchen.

Medium and Large platters also include: Club Sandwich, Transplanted New Yorker, Veggie & Tuna

Heidi’s Signature Wrap Platter Assortment of Turkey, Ham & Cheese, Roast Beef, Awesome Chicken Salad, Brooklyn Veggie and Tuna made on white, wheat and tomato basil wraps.

Or try a Combination Platter A combination of Sandwiches & Wraps.

Small (feeds 8-12) $85; Medium (feeds 12-18) $135; Large (feeds 18-25) $185

2016 Olympic Gymnastics hopeful

D E S S E RT S Freshly Baked Cookie Platter ..............$1.59pp Dessert Platter ...............................$3.95pp An assortment of cannolis, cookies & brownies

Freshly Baked Brownie Platter ............$2.09pp Freshly Baked Cookie & Brownie Platter ..$2.19pp Made to Order: Mini-Cannolis Platter ....$1.79pp Individual Large Cannoli .....................$2.99 Cakes: Carrot Cake, Cheese Cake or Ultimate Chocolate Cake!

Whole Cake (14 slices).......................$49.99 By the Slice ......................................$3.99

B R E A K FA S T

Meat & Cheese Platter

Brooklyn Breakfast Platter .........$4.59pp

Guests can make their own sandwiches from an assortment of ham, turkey and roast beef along with a variety of sliced cheeses. Platters come with homemade ciabatta bread, veggies & condiments. (This platter requires 24hr notice)

An arrangement of bagels, scones and croissants accompanied with cream cheese, butter and jelly.

Small (feeds 8-12) $115; Large (feeds 12-20) $175

600 Turner Street Auburn

784-3434 www.HeidisAuburn.com

Fresh Fruit Platter ...................$5.99pp Juicy pineapple, honeydew, cantaloupe and other seasonal fruits. (Fruit platter require 24hr notice. Min order 8pp)

Susie’s Breakfast Burrito or Breakfast Sandwich Platter ........$5.99pp Burrito: Scrambled eggs, ham, bacon or sausage, potatoes, green chili and cheese all wrapped in a flour tortilla.

Sandwich: Scrambled eggs, cheese, with bacon, sausage or ham on a freshly baked bagel or croissant.

Add Coffee to Go .............$14.99 per gallon

HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm; Sun 10am-8pm

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

40 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

More types of fish live in one Amazon River tributary than in all the rivers in North America combined.

Local Restaurants & Entertainment VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

t NF L Tic k e

e as o s l l a e m er y ga v e g n i w Sh o HD ! lo ng ... i n

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80-Seat Private Function Room Available

Follow us on Twitter @gipperssportsgr

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm • Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com Humility does not mean you think less of yourself. It means you think of yourself less.

– Ken Blanchard

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!

Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

2 for 1

Monday Night Scrambles

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BUY A 2013 MEMBERSHIP NOW!

5:00PM Shotgun Start - Every Monday Singles or full teams are accepted

Must present this coupon to receive

for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thru Thursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play. ✃Expires 9.30.12 ✃Expires 9.30.12

Golf the remainder of 2012 FREE!!

A variety of memberships are available.

Call or visit our website for more info.

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com

Chicken Surprise Submitted by Jimbo

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise.' The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly, and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot.

He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

"Please, sir," says the waiter. "What did you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

"Ah! So sorry," says the waiter. "I brought you Peking Duck!"

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Recorded live Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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It’s a Cats World

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Really?

My best prairie dog impression

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

42 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Twelve-ounce pound cake

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: I am sorry, but I never apologize.

Pricey Lemonade Submitted by Richard Collins

It was a hot summer day and a young boy set up a lemonade stand on his front lawn.

There were two overturned trash barrels, a board, cups, cold lemonade, and a sign which read LEMONADE $10,000 a glass.

Authentic Thai Cuisine www.purethaikitchen.com

Show your Student ID and receive 15% OFF your dinner

Lunch Special

Only

$

6.99 pm Every day 11am – 3 tizer Includes FREE appe

See our many mouth watering menu items on our website!

Shown: Hawaiian Cashew Nut

65 College Street, Lewiston

376-4852 www.purethaikitchen.com Mon - Thurs 11 AM - 9 PM • Fri - Sat 11 AM - 10 PM • Sun 12 PM - 9 PM

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

15% OFF Your total bill for dinner Limit one coupon per customer

✃ Expires 10/1/12

A man stopped and walked up to the kid and asked, "How’s business?"

The kid replied, "Not too good."

And the man said, "Do you think that it might be that your price is a little high?"

The kid said, "Maybe, but all I have to do is sell one.

First Supernova In 1181, a supernova was first observed by Japanese and Chinese astronomers. The astronomers recorded the supernova, now known as SN 1181, in eight separate texts. One of only eight supernovae in the Milky Way observable with the naked eye in recorded history, it appeared in the constellation Cassiopeia and was visible in the night sky for about 185 days.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion A $1 off!

Heck ya, I’m heading to Roy’s. Who’s coming with me?

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am (All breakfast specials include coffee)

$

5 Washington Street, Auburn • 783-4304 Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome

Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

Nancy Williams Taylor

I am the mailman...

Ross Bonney Their reaction after a conversation with fellow classmate, Uncle Andy*

1 OFF 00

Any Purchase of $500 or more 1 coupon per order

✁

Expires 9.30.12

Bobby Cox, most famous for his Atlanta Braves coaching days, is the fourth most successful coach in baseball history.

Bobby Cox started his coaching career in the NY Yankees farm system, where one of the players he coached was Larry Gowell from Auburn, Maine in Double A and Triple A with the Yankees in the late 1960s. Larry was called up to the big leagues for the Yankees in 1972.

Shown here is a photo of Larry Gowell & Bobby Cox which was taken at a Celebrity Golf Tournament in Helen, Georgia in April of this year.

Larry & Bobby reminisced about baseball stories from 40 years ago. Bobby recalled a game where Larry threw 235 pitches in a double A game in Elmira, NY. Gowell pitched 14 innings and won the game 3-2. It quite possibly could have been the most pitches ever thrown by a major leaguer. These (l) Larry Gowell, Auburn native, EL baseball standout & previous Major days they may throw 100 pitches before the bullpen League Baseball pitcher for the New York Yankees, shown here with MLB takes over. coaching great, Bobby Cox.

L/A’s Full-line Musical Instrument Store!

New gear by Ibanez, Tama, Schecter, Alvarez, Orange, Peavey & More TRADES!!

Lessons • Setups • Repairs • Buying Used & Vintage Gear • 120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn

Scott Thayer & Danny Biron *Jimbo has that same look almost every time he converses with Uncle Andy.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

44 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Hours: Mon.-Wed. 10am-6pm Thurs.-Sat. 10am-7pm • Sun. by appointment

mymusicianshub.com • 333-6700 Find us on Facebook facebook.com/mymusicanshub Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Altogether separate

Trivia

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Temporary tax increase

Sat. Sept. 22nd First Annual Country Music Festival Sat. Sept. 29th Cancer Fundraiser 5 BANDS Now serving Prime Rib Thur. - Sat.

Food & CateringBAeverage v Tent Renatailable Call FMI l

LIVE ENTERTAINMENT EVERY WEDNESDAY - SATURDAY

A: She knew it was only a coin.

September Outdoor Tent Parties Sat. Sept. 8th METAL ON FIRE 10 BANDS Fundraiser to benefit victims of Little Canada fire

Q: While on Safari in Africa, Savannah woke one morning and felt something in the pocket of her pajamas. It had a head and a tail, but no legs. When Savannah got up she could feel it move inside of her pocket. However, she showed little concern and went about her morning activities. Why wasn't she concerned?

Irish Twins Pub

"There isn't a single human being who hasn't plenty to cry over, and the trick is to make the laughs outweigh the tears."

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s)

– Dorothy Dix

Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close

The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.

– General Norman Schwarzkoff

2-Fer Specials Available Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday

2 Fer $14.95

2 Fer $16.95

Chicken Cordon Bleu *Chicken Tenders *Clam Cakes Liver & Onions Roast Stuffed Turkey Virginia Baked Ham Steak Chopped Sirloin Steak **Manicotti w/ garlic bread

Village Inn Baked Scrod *Fish & Chips *Fried Maine Shrimp Baked Haddock Special Baked Stuffed Haddock

You may mix meal choices at the 2 Fer $16.95 price

**Shrimp Salad or **Chef Salad

w/ shrimp stuffing

Broiled Haddock Steak Tips

Outdoor Patio

w/onions (plain or teriyaki)

All meals served with choice of potato & vegetable with the following exceptions: *served with french fries & cole slaw • **served as is (no sides) All meals served with rolls & butter

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com Potential Golf Scramble Team Names: The Waterballs

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Goulet joins Studio C Salon & Spa

Silly Things Actually said by Commentators in the World of Soccer: With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header.

DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCH Wall of Fame Inductees!

Now offering beer & wine.

And – A New Dinner Menu!

It’s true.

He ate the whole thing. I couldn’t be more proud.

Open from 7am - 2pm every morning, and also 3 - 8pm on Fridays & Saturdays.

Kevin Smith of Auburn

Ashley Goulet Aesthetician

Ashley Goulet has joined Studio C Salon & Spa, located at 20 Union Street in Auburn. Goulet, formerly of Cassiel's Day Spa & Dragonfly Day Spa, brings six years of Aesthetician experience to the team. She offers all types of facials with a specialization in AntiAging, and also offers body scrubs, eyebrow & eyelash tinting, facial & body waxing with a specialization in Brazilian waxes.

Ashley is looking forward to seeing all of her past clients as well as meeting new clients. To make an appointment with Ashley call Studio C Salon & Spa at 782-3848.

The first crossword puzzle appeared in 1913 in an American paper called "World." It was devised by its editor Arthur Wynne. It was of 32 words and diamond shaped.

There were no black boxes in the puzzle.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

46 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Join us for dinner!

Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11 , Mechanic Falls • 998-5577

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Constant variable

Catch a Rising STAR 11 year old Jackson Castronova knows the value of music education first hand. He’s in his second year of studying guitar at Main Street Music Lessons, and his first year of playing the saxophone. This year he’s attending Camp of Rock, and in the fall, he’ll be bringing his sax skills to the Farwell School Band.

In recognition for his dedication, hard work, and overall musicianship, Jackson received a scholarship from Main Street Music Lessons to Camp of Rock, tickets to see Travis Tritt on July 28, a full setup on his guitar, and a “S.I.T. Strings” care package consisting of a tee shirt and new strings for all his instruments.

(l to r): Brian

Gagnon, Jackson Castronova, Steve Grenier & Arthur Melendy

Camp of Rock, started in 2007, is a 2-week music camp for kids ages 7-17 and is run by Brian Gagnon. The program culminates in a live performance on Saturday, August 18 during the annual Dempsey Challenge. For more information visit: facebook.com/CampofRock Main Street Music Lessons is in its fourth year of providing private music education to the community and supports Camp of Rock with a scholarship every year. It is run by Steve Grenier and Arthur Melendy, and offers lessons in Guitar, Piano, Voice, Woodwinds, Strings, Banjo, and Mandolin, and Ukulele. For more info visit: facebook.com/MainStreetMusicLessons.

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Whole hemisphere

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

Since 1953

www.LuiggisPizzeria.com

Trivia Q: I can sizzle like bacon, I am made with an egg, I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg, I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole, I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole. What am I? A: A snake

MONDAY The Fergy

TUESDAY Meatball Subs

WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners 1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

THURSDAY Mini Pizza

FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians with 1.5 Liter Drink

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99 Silly Things Actually said by Commentators in the World of Soccer: Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of color: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts.

On June 10th 1752, Benjamin Franklin flew a kite during a thunderstorm and collected a charge in a Leyden jar when the kite was struck by lightning, enabling him to demonstrate the electrical nature of lightning.

Franklin coined a number of terms used today, including battery, conductor and electrician.

Every Monday throughout September!

beer special $ 50

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 www.macsgrill.com

Call us for your catering needs!

2 Pints $ 20% OFF 2 OFF

all burgers

Any Lunch Special with this coupon Cannot be combined with any other special.

One coupon per person.

✠Expires 9.30.12 The giant Pacific octopus can squeeze its entire body through a hole the size of its beak.

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Out ’n About with the L-A Harley Band in Rangley where they opened for Travis Tritt in July

Potential Golf Scramble Team Names: Hack Attack

$

5 OFF

Purchase of $20 or more Limit one per visit Expires 09/30/12

Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi Bert on guitar

730 Center Street, Auburn Auburn Plaza NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA

376-4855

jasminecafemaine.com

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

Team Hot Sauce Jammin’

That L-A Harley band had me doing a little toe tappin’...

Steve Grenier with his daughter, Amanda Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

48 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

These three soccer players recently stopped by the Uncle Andy’s Digest office to see if we had any returnables we could donate for their fundraiser. They represent the Edward Little High School girls soccer team.

But as you can see on their shirts they are “Team Hot Sauce”, a mini-team banding together vying for the top spot of bringing in the most fundraised dollars.

Nickel by nickel, they were all smiles and confident they would be the top tamales in their quest. Good luck ladies.

Kylie Bosse, Hannah Smith & Sabryna Montminy Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Required elective

Great golf excuses to use next time you hit a bad shot: "I can't shoot well unless a crowd of people is watching."

BACKGROUND CHECKS

Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion

Pre-Employment Local, State, National and Federal Criminal History

includes: • SSN Verification/Address Verification • InstaNational Criminal History • Federal Criminal History • Maine SBI Criminal History • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list

$45.00

Tenant Screening

$49.99

State and National Criminal History

Uncle Andy, I can’t believe you’re Andy Marsh!

Christine Redmun & friend Which way did he go?

includes: • SSN verification/Address verification • InstaNational criminal History • Maine SBI criminal history • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list • Trans Union Credit Report w/ credit score • National Eviction Check (Civil courts, all states)

A La Carte Pricing National Criminal History including Sex Offender all states ................................$18.99 SSN Address Verification.................................................2.75 Employment Credit report ...............................................9.00 Tenant Credit Report w/ score ........................................9.00 State of Maine SBI check...............................................24.00 State of ME drivers license history .................................9.00

Personal and professional reference checks ..............$10.00 Education verification....................................................15.00 Prior Employment verification......................................10.00 Professional License verifications.................................10.00 Single state Eviction check...............................7.00 per state National Eviction Check ................................................11.00

Other verification and Private Investigator services are available.

All searches are conducted and filtered by a licensed private investigator to meet FCRA regulations to reduce your liability.

Pre-adverse and adverse action letters and consumer copies provided at no extra charge to help you stay compliant with current FCRA regulations.

Volume pricing is available. Volume customers can be set up to run reports right from their own office for their convenience.

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com Potential Golf Scramble Team Names: Fore Play

Bob Sawyer & Ken Gardner Does this shot make my nose look big?

Jim Nutting & fellow classmate Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Savings and loan Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About with the L-A Harley Band in Rangley where they opened for Travis Tritt in July

The average giraffe has a blood pressure two or three times that of the average human.

What’s Going On In September at the Chick?

Super $5.95 Lunch Specials served 10:30-4 (except Sun. & Mon.) Awesome $7.95 & $8.95 After Church Specials (every Sunday) Every Tues. & Wed. is SUB DAY at the Chick - Best Subs Around

Businesses – For sizeable takeout orders we will DELIVER FREE OF CHARGE We also have large or small platters available –call for a fax menu

Hospitals & Doctors Love Our Service & Delivery

3 Great Specials During September

Steve on violin

1. Mariner’s Platter: Scallops, Haddock, Shrimp, Fries & Coleslaw . . $11.95 2. Lobster Sub Shore Dinner: Crusty Lobster Sub, Cup of Haddock Chowder, Fries & Coleslaw . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $14.95 3. Baked Stuffed Jumbo Shrimp Topped w/Lobster Sauce, choice of Potato & Hot Veggie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8.95

Disetoen Gotta Love the Chick!

AL-ew Chick-of 376-3870

You’re gonna like it! 1472 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Random logic

Frank on guitar

Join us!

Sign up today!

Steve Grenier on guitar Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Press release Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

50 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Call now to register for short season and novelty leagues

786-2695 visit sparetimerec.com for details Great golf excuses to use next time you hit a bad shot: "I play better in tennis shoes.

These cleats have too much grip"

Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Mild abrasive

Karen Nichols, Ellen Clark Pratt & friend

Cindy Sloat, Gay Peterson Metevier, Gayle Johnson, Ken Gardner & Patti Levenson

Debbie Philbrook Belanger, Linda Larue, Poppy Thatcher Arford, Gay Peterson Metevier & Martha Powell Burnell

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages

We love each other as much as we did back in high school.

Call us for your FREE quote!

“The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Uninvited guest

Mr. & Mrs. Roger Libby Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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"Farming looks easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from a cornfield." – Dwight D. 'Ike' Eisenhower

Can you guess who they are?

Neat Photography

Pre-book with your favorite stylist & enter to win a FREE gift basket ($135 value)

1

2

4

3

5

9 8 6

7

786-0112 392 Center Street

See answers on this page

What a hotel! The towels were so fluffy I could hardly close my suitcase.

Where’s Waldo Jimbo

Hair by Gregory’s Childhood Photo Answers

If you guess correctly you’ll win a free Digest every month for the rest of your life.* *To be picked up at your favorite place of business or our office. Cannot be combined with any other offer. Limit one per customer.

"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography." – Steven Wright

1. Kathy 2. Cory 3. Kellyann 4. Linda 5. Terry 6. Nuria 7. Michael 8. Tina 9. Kelly Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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TV Show Cheers Classic

"Music hath charms to soothe a savage beast, but I'd rather have a gun."

– Josh Billings

Norm walked into CHEERS and Sam said, "What are you up to, Norm?"

Getting Ready for Hunting Season?

"My ideal weight if I was 11 feet tall."

– Submitted by Richard Collins

Frederick Banting, a Canadian doctor, and his assistant Charles Best discovered insulin in 1921. On January 23, 1922, the first successful test on a human patient with diabetes occurred. Insulin was given to Leonard Thompson, and his condition improved dramatically in just a few hours.

Don’t Miss our Fall Sale!

We buy, sell & trade

J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn 777-3579

Call for N.R. the nex A. P t Cou istol rse

Full Line Gunsmith Service

Jamie Pelletier, Manager

jtreidsgunshop.com

9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

Our Ace MARTY DOW is a well known former banker. He is even more famous for his efforts at Uncle Andy’s Digest. But when he recently made his second hole-in-one in his lifetime he immediately shot up the ranks to Golfing Guru.

Marty accomplished this elusive feat on Saturday, August 18th 2012, about 30 years after his first hole in one. The Ace was made on hole #9 at Martindale Country Club in Auburn by the 84 year old golfer.

He was immediately showered with gifts by his friends and coworkers. He now has the privilege of giving private lessons to Jimbo and to his grandson, Travis.

Congratulations, Marty! Great job!!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

54 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Fast idle

Out ’n About at the Mac’s Grill Deck Party Sponsored by Geary’s and live music by The Work Trucks

Life is fantastic!

Hi, my name is: Arthur Auger

I’m sure Uncle Andy’s Digest will keep things ‘G’ rated.

Trivia Q: What do frogs wear on their feet in summer?

A: Open toad shoes!

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Government organization

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Chicken Little

Hair Massage Facials Manicures Pedicures Nails Waxing Lash Tinting

Submitted by Richard Collins

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read...

"The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused and asked the class "And what do you think the farmer said?"

Back row, l to r: Marcie Buck, Kristen Lampron, Ashley Goulet, Tiffany Parsons & Terri Heathco. Front, l to r: Alicia Parrot, Carla Martin, Christine Laliberte & Shayli Poulin

Spa Packages & Gift Certificates Available

20 Union St., Auburn

782-3848

One little girl raised her hand and said, "Holy crap, a talking chicken."

www.StudioCSalonNSpa.com

We Make Fall SPRQ-Le FALL FITNESS CLASSES beginning Sept. 10th • Zumba • Kettlebell • Tabata • Burlesque • Kickboxing • & more!

Visit SPRQStudio.com for class schedules

STRENGTH, INTEGRITY & ENDURANCE THRU ZUMBA®

754-9411

MUGSHOTS??

OUR TEACHERS

NO! This is the teaching and instrument repair staff, here to teach you how to play & to make sure your instrument is in tip-top shape!

Arthur Melendy

Dan Quinlan

Troy Hanscom

Ann Breau

Dick Demers

Rich Keene

Barbara Chapman

Sumner Elwell

SHOP STAFF Steve Grenier Carrol Poulin

376-3376

Paul Moreau

Main St. Music Lessons 134 Main Street, Auburn & Instrument Repair

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

56 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Todd Corey Authorized

Service Center

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com

Would the person who lost a fat roll of hundred dollar bills, wrapped in a rubber band, please report to the Lost & Found Department - we found your rubber band.

Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.

Out ’n About at the Mac’s Grill Ya, we do steak, but we also do cheesecake! We’ve got a piece here with YOUR name on it!!

Abigale Drew

Paul Deschene "aka Pauly D" & Kim Stetson Finally making it in Uncle Andy’s Digest! I better prepare for the celebrity life!!

Wife to husband: "This Christmas let's give each other sensible gifts... like ties and fur coats.

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Out ’n About

"The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy." – Kalu Kalu

Interest rates are still under par.

It’s a great time to buy or refi. Call me today after you’re done golfing.

Debbie Bodwell of Residential Mortgage Services sponsored the front nine at the annual Androscoggin Valley Realtor's Affordable Housing Golf Tournament held at Martindale Country Club recently.

Chrissy & Darcy from Republic Jewelry on the set of Kelly Live!

Pat and Claire from Republic Jewelry Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

58 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

The bottle-nosed whale can dive to a depth of 3,000 feet in two minutes.

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Growing shortage

Just Another Day at the Office The Edward Little HS football coaches paid a visit to Uncle Andy’s Digest office trying to sell an ad in the EL home game booklet. Jimbo tried to weave and dodge but was sacked and fumbled the ball. Dave and Don are obviously pros and Jimbo had no chance. He signaled for a sub and went and wrote the check.

Best of luck to the EL football team this year. Uncle Andy’s Digest is proud to support the team. See our ad on the back page of their home game booklets all year.

We showed him huh, Don?

PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING?

Like taking candy from a baby...

Ask about our signature models!

CALL FOR PRICING

G.A. DOWNING 782.4508 or 800.924.4500

Dave Sterling & Don Morency Edward Little HS football coaches

Out ’n About

Service Rental Sales

111 Woodman Hill Road, Minot www.gadowning.com

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Required donation

Fran, Carlene and Chrissy of Republic Jewelry I prefer to remain nameless.

Pool Sharks Jose, Chrisy, Ron, Fran, Stacy, Larry & Lindsey

If God intended us to eat seafood, why did He hide them underwater?

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An elderly lady was having a medical check up. "Big breaths," said the doctor.

"They used to be," sighed the woman.

2030 Headlines: Average worker's Social Security (FICA) contribution hits $12,000 per week. Protests planned.

Like Uncle Andy’s Digest on Facebook and enter our contest!

– Submitted by Richard Collins

Barbed Wire In 1867, Lucien Smith of Ohio became the first person to patent barbed wire. With its ability to keep cattle fenced in, barbed wire changed the character of the old west from free range to established ranches.

In 1974, the first Universal Product Code bar code was scanned at a Marsh's Supermarket in Troy, Ohio.

And what was the product? A pack of Wrigley's Juicy Fruit gum!

an d

Japanese Cuisine

Want YOU to win a

$100 Gift Certificate to Sea 40!

Go to facebook.com/UncleAndysDigest 1) Like Uncle Andy’s Facebook page. 2) Like Sea 40’s Facebook page.

3) Share with your Facebook friends to increase your odds of winning!

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Brotherhood During prohibition, Al Capone made millions dealing in illegal booze and other illegal activities. His brother, Vincent, was a United States Government prohibition agent in Homer Nebraska. After the repeal of prohibition, Vincent Capone was elected sheriff by the citizens of Homer, Nebraska.

– Submitted by Richard Collins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

60 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Why should I learn algebra? I have no intention of ever going there.

Elephants often communicate at sound levels as low as 5Hz. This means that if you flap your hands back and forth faster than five times a second, an elephant can actually hear the tone produced.

Cindy

Lynn

Heather

Michelle

Elizabeth Emily & Christine, Co-owners

Renew your look from head to toe with new fall colors & styles cuts, colors & styles

manicures studio for hair, nails & massage

Micaela

20 Coburn Street, Auburn (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday pedicures

Kathy

782-9009

www.panacheauburn.com Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Stainless steel cleaner

(l to r): Auburn City Councilor Joshua Shea; Auburn City Councilor Leroy Walker; City of Auburn Economic Development Assistant Keith McBride; Owner Dana Hartwell; City of Auburn Mayor Jonathan LaBonte; City of Lewiston Mayor Robert Macdonald; Androscoggin County Chamber of Commerce President Chip Morrison. (Photo courtesy of the LAEGC)

Musician’s Hub recently celebrated their grand opening with a ribbon cutting. Located at 120 Center Street at the Center Street Plaza in Auburn, Musician's Hub is Maine's premier independent musical instrument store. Offering new, used and vintage instruments as well as tube and solid state amplifiers, PA systems, percussion instruments and accessories, guitar and vocal accessories, lesson books and much more.

Musician's Hub also offers setups, repairs and music lessons as well as a local band merchandise showcase at the front of the store. So stop by for your music gears needs, to ask questions - or just to hang out. Because at the Musician's Hub, it's always about more than the gear. It's about the music. For more information visit www.mymusicianshub.com or call (207) 333-6700. See their ad on page 44.

Birds of a feather flock together and aim for your car.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Neat Photography

If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration then evidentially I keep sharing elevators with a lot of very intelligent people.

ALL MONTH LONG!

New PLOWS have arrived and are ready to go!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

62 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Why does the label on Children’s Tylenol tell you not to operate heavy machinery or vehicles?

THEY’RE HERE!!!

Who says size doesn’t matter?

80 LB. CAPACITY WASHERS!!

LARGEST WASHERS IN L/A

Search: Beal’s Laundromat & Cleaners

Mon.-Fri 7am-9pm Sat. & Sun. 8am-9pm

LAUNDROMAT • CLEANERS • COIN-OP

Frogs never drink. They absorb water from their surroundings by osmosis.

Quilters & Kni tters!

Check out our: • 2000+ bolts of contemporary quilt fabrics • Custom cut jelly rolls, layer cakes & charm packs • Lots of batiks, brights, polka dots & stripes • Huge selection of sock yarn & Maine yarns • Basketry supplies Hours: Mon-Fri 10 to 5; Sat 10 to 4; Tues ‘til 8

BUDGET PLANS AVAILABLE

Are you getting the INTEGRITY, STABILITY, AND SOLUTIONS you need from your oil heat or propane provider?

Call us today at 225-3000 for creative energy solutions!

909 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-4486 Quilt-Essentials.com

NOW LEASING - Healy Terrace

Visit us online:

81 Ash Street, Lewiston

myselco.com

Spacious, contemporary 1 and 2 bedroom units in newly renovated historic building. Elderly 55 plus, non-smoking, Section 8 assisted, elevator, laundry, free parking on site. Fully applianced, heat, hot water, wireless internet included. Accessible units available.

Apply at Lewiston Housing Authority

WOOD & PELLET STOVES

ON SALE NOW

1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4

1 College Street, Lewiston

207-783-1423 8:00am - 5:00pm, Monday - Friday

HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Call us!

No Separating Required!

743-3891

FOUR SEASON SERVICE

Downeast Sharpening Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment

HARRIS BROS.

Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

DOLMAR

7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond

Walk-ins welcome

Try our Chicken... it’s good to go!

$

shindaiwa

655-4635

www.downeastsharpening.com

1 OFF Any Cut Men’s, Women’s & Children’s

10” 1-Topping Large Fresh Dough Pizza Turkey & Cheese Sub $5.99 $4.99 Roadies Chicken Combo #5 4 Tenders & 4 Jo-Jo’s $5.89

(Reg. $10)

That Little Barber Shop 9 Acadia Ave., Lewiston (off Lisbon St.) Cosmetologist Brittany Legare

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

64 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

312-5478 Hours: Tues, Thurs, Fri. 9am-5pm • Wed. & Sat. 8am-noon

Ideas are great provided they don't degenerate into work.

Riley C

Teddy

Since July 3 2012

Since Mar. 27 2011

Summer

Since June 19 2012

65 Washington St., Dog Grooming Auburn, ME 04210 Daycare & Boutique (207) 333-3640 The only fully-staffed, cage-free, one-stop shop doggy daycare facility that offers 6,000 sq. ft. of climate-controlled indoor play area, and 20,000 sq. ft. of outdoor play area for small, medium and large dogs!

Est. 2008

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT

thedoggzinn@gmail.com • www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn

http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

Since Nov. 10 2010

Since June 26 2012

Since June 6 2008

Tank & Tonka

Betty

Moxie

OUT ’N ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE

Hello my fellow Uncle Andy’s Digesters. Summer has come and gone yet again which means the kids are back in school, the days are growing shorter, and major league baseball games are once again going to mean something. Though I love autumn and the cool crisp air which accompanies this glorious season, my favorite attribute is football: high school football, college football and professional football – heck, even the championship to MLS Futbol.

Now I know all of you are losing countless hours of sleep trying to devise a plan for how you will watch every game on television. I’m going to let you in on a little-known secret.

Gipper’s Sports Grill in Auburn has all of the football action you need to make it through the fall. Whether you are a Patriots fan or a fan of one of the other teams in the NFL (It’s ok if you are not a Patriots fan, no one is perfect) Gipper’s has the atmosphere you’re looking for to watch the big game. Their excellent food and beverages are just the icing on the cake.

If you are not going to be out watching the game because you are at home dealing with mother nature and her ever constant Maine seasonal changes, then you may want to visit Reggie’s on Minot Ave in Auburn for all your fall and winter needs to handle anything the good old weather page is predicting. I recall going out to Reggie’s with my old man to get the chainsaw blades sharpened. I almost wouldn’t recognize all the new Husqvarna chainsaws because Big Lare was still using some old beat up 1970’s model that truly belonged in a museum somewhere in the Yukon. I am, however, happy to report he did buy a new saw from Reggie’s, due to the fact his old beater finally died and could no longer be reincarnated.

Well, Uncle Andy’s Digesters I have once again given my personal seal of approval to two excellent local establishments! So 2 thumbs way up for Reggie’s and Bottoms up to Gippers’! Until next month, keep in touch with me via email (uncleandysdigestmiamimike@aol.com) or on twitter (UADMiamiMike)!!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

66 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Intimate strangers

September 30, 2012

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Death benefits

Things Kids Say in Science Class: Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I never have been able to make out the numbers.

Neat Photography

Sensational smiles are our business!

Preventative dentistry - cleanings and fillings Cosmetic dentistry - whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more We accept most insurances Financing available

New Patients Always Welcome

TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES 27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN We accept Northeast Delta Dental, State of Maine & Cigna Insurances

784-1577

TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM Before you criticize someone, make sure you've walked a mile in their shoes.

That way, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes!

Did You Know?

Al Gore and Tommy Lee Jones were roommates for all of their four years at Harvard.

They are still fast friends.

– Submitted by Richard Collins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Cash Mob Event - part deux

I worry we are spending so much time on the Internet we are losing our ability to connect with people on TV.

CANCER BENEFIT for

Cheri Sargent Tim Spohrer

Saturday, Sept. 15th 8pm - midnight Lewiston Elks Lodge 1675 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston

Dube Flower & Gift employee

Join Us! $10/per person $15/per couple Sandi Wood Dube Flower & Gift employee What an amazing event this was. We were totally blown away! We’re proud to have been mobbed!!

to Cheri’s family (left right): Anna, age 7; Cheri, Trevor, age 9; husband Dean, Nicki, age 12; Gabbi, age 14.

LIVE RAFFLES

Skip & Debbie Girouard

Red Sox Items Ski Passes Golf Greens Fees White Water Rafting Tickets Free Massage & much, much more

Cheri Sargent of Turner, married to her high school sweetheart and mother of 4, was diagnosed earlier this year with stage 4 colon cancer.

Music by Not For Hire Band FireWater Creek

L.L. Bean Kayak Package will be auctioned of f during the benefit

Dube Flower & Gift owners Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

68 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Potential Golf Scramble Team Names: The close enoughs

The L/A Cash Mob struck the Twin Cities again, this time supporting Dube’s Flower Shop in downtown Lewiston A locally owned and operated business since 1936, Dube’s Flower Shop, located at 195 Lisbon Street Lisbon Street, saw the support of over 30 cash mobbers last month. “I think the news is out,” said co-event organizer Travis Dow. “When you support local, the money stays in the community. Money that stays in the community gets circulated, supports neighboring businesses, and acts as a clear economic benefit to the area.”

Designed to provide an economic boost to a local business, cash mobs consist of shoppers patronizing the business with cash in hand. Primarily organized through social media, the secret of the location isn’t revealed until just minutes before the event. “This is one of the easiest ways to energize the local economy,” added co-event organizer Angie Lafrance. “Supporting a community anchor and mainstay with the power of our wallet is influential, especially if it’s been awhile since the consumer has been inside the store.”

Prior to the event, participants were notified to meet downtown and have $20 ready to support a business within walking distance. Once assembled, the collective group marched to Dube’s Flower Shop where just moments before the business had been revealed to laughter and applause from the crowd.

The event wasn’t a total surprise to owners Skip & Debbie Girouard, who had been contacted the week before by organizers and notified to be ready for a large crowd. “I’ll have to check my records, but I don’t think we’ve ever had a day where a bunch of people walked in waiving twenty dollar bills demanding to buy everything off the shelves,” said Debbie Girouard. “As a small business, this type of support and energy is certainly welcomed.”

Although no dates have been set for the next mob, Dow and Lafrance said plans are already in the works for another event in the Twin Cities. FMI about the L/A Cash Mob or to become a sponsor, contact Angie Lafrance or Travis Dow at Uncle Andy’s Digest at (207) 783-7039, or visit the L/A Cash Mob on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/LACashMob.

Ask me about my vow of silence.

Be Fashion Forward this Fall Come see any one of our expert stylists!

We are a full service salon...

• Colors • Cuts • Foils • Pedicures

Ann Dumais

Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw

• Manicures Get Your Hair Done Before Work!

We’re open at 6:00am 4 days a week!!

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

• Waxing • Eyelash Tinting

786-4311

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the Cash Mob Event - part deux

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me and I said, "What do you need?

I always get a rise from Red Sox fans when I wear my favorite hat!*

Skip Girouard Dube Flower & Gift owner *Jimbo asked Skip if he was bowing in gratitude for the great turn out from the Cash Mob that just took place at his business or was he bowing the Yankees out of playoff contention. Either way, we think Skip and the gang at Dube’s are great. We had a blast mobbing them!

Up, Up & Away In 1982, Larry Wadsworth made the first airborne flight in a lawn chair (lifted by a dozen plus balloons).

He got as high as 16,000 feet before he began shooting down a few balloons with his BB pistol so he could descend. He landed safely.

1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway

596 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-8811 www.maine-lyaction.com

Kids, don't try this at home!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

70 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Negative momentum

Lampron joins Studio C Salon & Spa

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Well known secret

indham •

Located

orth W . 115 in N

0

892-822

on Rt

As soon as I get some grip on reality, I'm going to choke it.

“Feels Like Home!”

Our 2012 Donations to date: $

Over 7,000

Sunday at 6:00PM • Monday thru Friday at 6:30PM $

10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $50 - $100

Fridays: 1/2 of all packages goes to W.T.A.

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394 www.LYAFBingo.com I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those smart phones that everyone has clipped on, but I can't afford one so... I'm wearing my garage door opener.

Kristen Lampron Licensed Cosmetologist

Kristen Lampron has joined Studio C Salon & Spa, located at 20 Union Street in Auburn. Lampron, formerly of Cassiel's Day Spa, has three year experience in Hair, Makeup, Facial Waxing, pedicures & manicures.

A graduate of Cosmotech in Westbrook, Kristen looks forward to continuing to provide her clients with the great service and results they expect. She is also welcoming any new clients to call for an appointment. She is available Wednesday through Saturday. To make an appointment with Kristen call Studio C Salon & Spa at 782-3848.

Star Trek Trivia Why did the chicken cross the road?

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

– James T. Kirk Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

“Beginning Traditions”

It’s a Cats World

Tired of renting?

Outgrowing your home?

Ready for a change?

From Biddeford to Bangor... we can show you any listing you desire!

Give us a call to sell your home and to view any property in Maine.

Brian & Tracie Vye 207.713.1618

Legacy Realty 681 Sabattus St, Lewiston 207.376.4830 Email: Brian-Tracie@Legacy-Realty.net

At the Helm

Stop in and say hello.

We’d love to see you!

Dave Gagne, Gerry Gagne & Mike Peters The new owners of Mac’s Grill in Auburn

Let us do what we do BEST So you can do what you do BEST Call us today for a no obligation consultation to see if we can help you do business better!

RCC Business Services, Inc. Financial & Advisory Services for Small Businesses 143 First Flight Drive, Auburn • 795-0663 www.RCCmaine.com

Why I otta...

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

72 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

 QuickBooks Consulting  QuickBooks Hosting  Bookkeeping  MaineCare Billing  Accounts Receivable Management  Financial Reporting

Proadvisors, for confidence Certified Staff, for training Hosting, for virtual support

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive . . . so I took her to a gas station.

I want my children to have all the things I never could afford - then I want to move in with them.

Power your whole house • Keep medical equipment running • Keep food cold & your home warm • Keep well pumps & sump pumps working •

And Much More!

FULL INSTALLATION AVAILABLE! CALL FOR MORE INFO ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS

1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

ElectricalSystemsOfMaine.com

Belize is the only country in the world with a jaguar preserve.

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Second best

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Poulin joins Studio C Salon & Spa

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413

Shayli Poulin Cosmetologist

Shayli Poulin has joined Studio C Salon & Spa, located at 20 Union Street in Auburn. Poulin, formerly of Sarah Jeanne's, offers Hair Services, with a specialization in color, as well as offering nail services, manicures, Pedicures & Facial Waxing.

Shayli looks forward to seeing all of her current clients and is also welcoming new clients as well, she is available Tuesday through Friday.

To make an appointment with Shayli call Studio C Salon & Spa at 782-3848.

BE SECURE!

LOCAL!

SHREDDING SERVICES Confidential Information Destruction Services provided by SecureRMS in Sanford, Maine! All proceeds staying in Maine to support adults and children with disabilities at Waban Projects. Get rid of all your confidential information at your home or business for a low price and for a great cause!

Please contact Greg Dumais, VP of Sales at gdumais@securerms.com for more information on our shredding services and how you can receive this very important service while helping those in need in our own state!

Old Invoices, Statements, Confidential Information, Stationery, etc.

In 1967, Fleetwood Mac appeared at the British National Blues and Jazz Festival in Windsor, England. That appearance was their first time on stage.

Trivia buffs: Due to numerous line-up changes, the only original member present in the band is its drummer, Mick Fleetwood.

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Global village

A Social Enterprise of Waban Providing opportunities for people with disabilities for over 40 years

Boat Shrink Wrapping Indoor & Outdoor Storage • Winterization

$

9

Call Now!!

65 North River Rd., Auburn Open 7 days a week: M-S 8-7; S 9-4

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

74 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

www.auburnmarineandsmallengine.com

784-3888

/ft.

When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

FREE WHITENING FOR LIFE! Contact us to find out how.

This baby is so much more responsive since you installed that Hemi.

You da man, Pépère!

Pierre Cadorette of Pierre’s Autobody with his grandson, Jacob

Neat Photography

I want instant gratification no matter how long it takes.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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NEXT Level Business Coaching We Will Make Your Business Better in 90 Days – Guaranteed!

Call 207-376-3239 for a free, confidential 90-minute coaching session on any two business issues you are facing.

Come experience business coaching at NO RISK.

What makes airport security think they can find something in my wife's purse when she can't?

AUTO CORE PLUS Highest price paid... period

Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion We heard there was a celebrity in our class. At least that is what he told us.

More like a legend in his own mind!*

Lowest overhead in the industry!

That means more

Candy Gleason, Linda Larue & Poppy Thatcher *See page 79, bottom pic

CA$H for you!

CALL US AND WE’LL COME PICK UP YOUR: Junk Cars • Trucks • Vans SUVs • Batteries Aluminum Rims • Catalytic Converters Radiators • Starters • Alternators Copper • Brass

Paula Cowles Mikkelson

Ron Childs Owner

Call

Gotcha!

240-8798 Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Boneless ribs

Christine Redmun Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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9

September 29th, 2012 Saturday, 12 - 3 pm Lewiston High School

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Books on tape

Stop by our new location!!

Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion

1220 Lisbon Street LEWISTON Mon-Fri 8am-5pm 24 HOUR ON CALL

784-5085

Fortier Security Center

Dan LeClair & Pam Rowe LeClair

Residential • Commercial • Sales • Locks & Keys • Access Control

Sweet Pea Designs Wedding Planner & Flower Shoppe 777-1520 or 577-2130

Gail Charpentier & Friend

Free Delivery in L/A

sweetpeafloraldesignsme.com Sherry Poole Giberti (r) and Friend

563 Painters Primer • The Original Painters Primer • Adheres to glossy surfaces • High hiding formula • Use it inside or out

Yeah...

I still got it, just ask me.

r i a 516 Sabattus Street • Lewiston • 784-1993 • M-F 7am-5pm, Sat. 7:30am-1pm

www.lewistonpaint.com Allowance is what you pay your kids to live with you.

Uncle Andy Marsh & Jim Chervenak These guys share the same birthday.

Brothers from different mothers.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Time "Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein."

– H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Alaska In 1791, Danish navigator Vitus Jonassen Bering, one of the world's most famous explorers, discovered the land of Alaska. The Bering Strait, the Bering Sea, Bering Island, Bering Glacier and the Bering Land Bridge have since all been (posthumously) named in honor of the explorer.

Debates The first of the seven famous debates between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas, both senatorial candidates from Illinois, took place on August 21, 1858.

Trivia buffs: The format for each debate was: one candidate spoke for 60 minutes, then the other candidate spoke for 90 minutes, and then the first candidate was allowed a 30-minute "rejoinder."

The candidates alternated speaking first.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

80 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

We're looking for interested folks who would like to join 'Time Travelers for a Better Yesterday' last week.

THE KIDS ARE BACK IN SCHOOL, NOW IT’S TIME TO GET BACK TO YOU! Fabulous Fall Packages ❧ Herbal Body Wraps ❧ Pumpkin Sugar Scrub ❧ After Sun Treatment ❧ Autumn Package ❧ Harvest Package Book your appointment & buy gift cards right on our website!

24/7 available Gift Cards om! .c ls ie ss at ca

We are a full service salon ❧ Hair ❧ Body Waxing ❧ Facials ❧ Pedicures ❧ Spa Packages ❧ Massage ❧ Electrology ❧ Manicures ❧ Bridal Packages ❧ Permanent Make-up

We sell a full line of Bare Escentuals Mineral Makeup www.cassiels.com 71 EAST AVENUE • LEWISTON

(207) 783-3321 Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Preliminary conclusion

Specials

It’s a Cats World

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Constructive criticism

Trenchless Sewer and Drain Rehabilitation Call today to have a Clear Drains of Maine technician perform a site evaluation and provide you with a detailed estimate for rehabilitating your failing sewer or drain line with our

PERMA-LATERAL

TM

TRENCHLESS PIPELINING SYSTEM

NO DIG TRENCHLESS TECHNOLOGY! Visit us online:

ClearDrainsofMaine.com

Seals broken areas in Cast Iron, PVC, Orangeburg, Clay Pipes & More!

521 Federal Road, Livermore • 207.320.2177 All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and unlimited power.

For All General Home Repairs & Improvements

HOME IMPROVEMENT SERVICES Quality work • Fair prices • Great service

r Call us today fo a FREE quote!

• Carpentry • Roofing • Plumbing • Flooring • Painting • Plowing & much more!

784-8922 I used to watch golf on TV but my doctor told me that I need more exercise, so now I watch tennis.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion

Find Your Favorite Restaurants! Log On to

Trisha Hancock Bellenoit with her husband

Gail Charpentier & Jackie Labay I don’t know how I do it either...

Mike Farrell & Doris Auger

Handy Hardware 9 Depot Square, Mechanic Falls Paula Berge Fortin & Dan Fortin Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

82 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Hours: M-F 7am-5pm; Sat/ 8am-5pm; Sun 9am-1pm

345-2091

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Bigger half

An iguana can stay under water for twenty-eight minutes. (Uncle Andy timed it himself)

Amazing Photography

Above the canopy

Come join Varney Agency, formerly known as Northeast Bank Insurance Group, for an afternoon of fun!

Saturday, Sept 15th, 2012 11am - 2pm • • • •

Hamburgers Hot dogs Face painting Glitter tattoos

• • • •

Cotton candy Popcorn Balloon animals Games & more!!

Receive important tips from

of Greater Portland, regarding steps to take following a loss.

Have your picture taken while

Colliding rivers in Geneva, Switzerland

Out ‘n About by

Enter for your chance to win a 32" FLAT SCREEN TV!

Uncle Andy’s Digest Balloon Twisting with

The stunning green vine snake

Allow Varney Agency to save you money on your current insurance. The first 50 people who bring in their current Declaration Page the week or day of the open house will be entered into a drawing for a 32" Flat Screen TV and will receive a $10 gift certificate to Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli Contact Kerrie Robbins with any questions at (207) 786-0417 or by email: krobbins@varneyagency.com

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Wholesome

Moon bridge in Dahu Park, Taipei Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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Out ’n About at the ELHS Class of 1972 40th Reunion

A woman's work is never done. So why bother?

ATTENTION WE ARE GOING TO BE

MOVING

I hear Uncle Andy’s Digest is looking for a new photographer.

NOT CLOSING

Jeff Taber

As of September 1, 2012 we will be relocating to our final home.

300 Cressey Road • Monmouth, ME To Winthrop/ Manchester

Pat Gagnon Pelletier & husband Highmoor Farm

Leo’s Reggie’s Wow! I can’t believe how old you look Uncle Andy.

Springbrook Golf Course

To Lewiston/ Auburn

Steve Jordan

For All Your Custom Upholstery Needs

Leo Beaudin

Jame Stevens with his wife Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

84 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY

782-3822 • cell: 713-5491 A watched clock never boils.

28 Riverside Drive, Auburn

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Primitive technology

The SIGNS are everywhere

ARE YOU LOOKING TO BUY A NEW HOME? OR REFINANCE AN EXISTING HOME? Come see what we can do for you!

Call for a mortgage appointment or apply online.

Main Office for Rainbow 381-391 Main St. Lewiston 207-784-5435 Fax: 207-795-6238

Mechanic Falls Branch 1 Lewiston Street, McFalls 207-346-3001 Fax: 207-346-3012

South Paris Branch 172 Pine Street, So. Paris 207-743-5410 Fax: 207-743-9331

Auburn Office 20 Washington St., Auburn 207-783-0351 Fax: 207-786-0523

Member Eligibility is required. This Credit Union is federally insured by the National Credit Union Administration.

Elephants have been found swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean.

Your Concept...

...Our Design

10’x12’ Oak Kitchen with countertop $1,99999 10’x12’ Birch Kitchen with countertop $2,09999 1766 Federal Rd. (Rt. 4) Livermore

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www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com Two things hard on the heart: running up stairs and running down people.

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The Genius Duck Hunters

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Modern history

Submitted by Richard Collins

A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $57,000 with monthly payments of $560. He and a friend go duck hunting in mid-winter, and of course, all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys drive out on a lake with their guns, a dog, and the new Navigator.

They decide they want to make a natural looking water area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Now making a hole in the ice is going to take a little more power than the average ice auger can produce. So out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second fuse.

Now our two rocket scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse, decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse, then, with a mighty heave, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the dog? Let’s talk about the dog. A highly trained black lab used for retrieving, especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it.

The dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs

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Hitting the

BIG time!

These local guys who form the L-A Harley Band recently opened for Travis Tritt in Rangley, Maine.

Band members (l to r): Frank Coffin, Arthur Melendy, Randy Donovan, Reynald “Remo” Lefebvre, Steve Grenier, Bert Asselin

DO YOU LOVE THE DIGEST? Do you have a family member living away who also loves it?

Buy yourself or them a subscription to Uncle Andy’s Digest!

Only $30 for the whole year (12 editions).

We’ll mail it directly to their residence each and every month! Perfect any time of the year...

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Uncle Andy’s Digest, PO Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212 • (207) 783-7039

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86 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

Give us a call!

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Only choice

(continued from previous page)

I use my cookbook often -- to throw at people who suggest I cook.

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To lead the orchestra, you must turn your back on the crowd.

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the stick of dynamite with the burning 40 second fuse just as it hits the ice. The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms, and with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks or rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, apparently being cheered on by his master, keeps coming.

One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots over the dog.

The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused then continues on. Another shot over the dog, and this time he becomes really confused and, of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator. The men continue to scream as they run. The hot exhaust pipe on the Navigator touches the dog’s rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite, and takes off after his master.

Then___Ka-BOOM!!

The Navigator is blown to bits and slowly sinks to the bottom of the lake. The men just stand there with a ‘can’t believe this just happened,’ looks on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered by the policy. He still had not made the first payment.

The dog is OK. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

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More Amazing Photography

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A sunset eclipse Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

88 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

www.glamourpools.com When two zebras stand side by side, they usually face in opposite directions.

They say this is so they can keep an eye out for predators.

Androscoggin Habitat For Humanity 2012 Annual

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Proceeds benefit Androscoggin Habitat for Humanity and its continuing effort to eliminate substandard housing in Androscoggin County

You Might be a Wingnut if...

Silly Things Actually said by Commentators in the World of Soccer: And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record.

Submitted by Glen Gisel

Out ’n About at the annual Gippers Golf Tourney Tom & the Gipper Girls

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

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A key ring is a gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

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is accepting applications for Package Handlers & Truck Loaders in our Freeport warehouse. 1st & 2nd Shift $11 - $11.50/hour. Must be able to pass a background check & be able to lift 50 pounds.

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This second floor office space is perfect for a professional office setting. It has 3 separate offices with waiting area, private full bath and full kitchen. Hardwood floors throughout.

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Scan the QR Code below or find us on facebook @ facebook.com/ UncleAndysDigest

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Out ’n About at the Androscoggin Bass Masters Tournament in Turner with Community Credit Union who sponsored the food booth which benefited the Children’s Miracle Network

L to R: Michelle & Rodney Green,

Jen Hogan, Laurie Pelletier, Andrew Lunn, Michelle St. Hilaire, Shelby & Kerry Wood, Janice Lare & Betsy Sibley There's a sign above the scale in my doctor's office that says, "Pretend it's your IQ.

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You Might be a Wingnut if...

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Half dead

Submitted by Glen Gisel

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I thought about taking up snowboarding, but then I figured, why not just ram myself into a tree and save that long trip to the mountains.

There was once a movie entitled, How to Irritate People. It is obviously the employee training film at my local bank.

You Might be a Wingnut if...

Submitted by Glen Gisel

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Big baby

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Proud Grammy

I think there is insanity in my family - they keep asking me for money.

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! DAILY SPECIALS

An elderly, wealthy woman in Florida was boring fellow beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two remarkable grandchildren.

Monday - 2 Crabmeat Rolls . . . . . . . . .$8.95 w/salad & chips

Tues. Wed. & Thurs.

Fried Clams - sm. $11.75 . . . .lg. $15.25 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted her.

"Tell me, how old are your grandsons?"

The grandmother gave a grateful smile and replied, "The doctor is four and the lawyer is six..."

On a chilly winter evening, my husband and I were snuggled together on the floor watching television.

During a commercial break, he reached over and gave my foot a gentle squeeze.

"Mmmmm," I said.

"That's so sweet."

"Actually," he admitted sheepishly, "I thought that was the remote."

In 1967, Pink Floyd released its debut album The Piper at the Gates of Dawn, the first of many incredible albums. In 2012, The Piper at the Gates of Dawn was voted 347th on Rolling Stone magazine's list of the "500 Greatest Albums of All Time."

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Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . . . . . . .$7.95 w/potato, carrots, gravy & rolls

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Grilled Salmon $11.25 includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Coleslaw

It’s great seeing all the happy, satisfied customers each day, and working with such great people... except the person who nominated me for this photo!

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The Penguin is the only bird that can swim, but not fly. It is also the only bird that walks upright.

Office Space for Rent

You Might be a Wingnut if...

Submitted by Glen Gisel

1,000 SQ. FT. OF PROFESSIONAL OFFICE SPACE This second floor office space is perfect for any business needing professional office space. It has 3 separate offices with waiting area, private full bath and full kitchen. Hardwood floors throughout.

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This prime office space is available NOW! Call 576-4844 FMI or to set up a viewing.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Quiz There are about 50 million American children enrolled in elementary school and high school. They are taught by a little over 6 million teachers, who earn an average salary of about $42,000 a year.

If each child brings an apple to the teacher once a week, by how much would the average teacher’s after-tax income be decreased as a result of gift taxes on the fruit?

Major Edward White II opened the hatch of the Gemini 4 and stepped out of the capsule, 120 miles above the earth, becoming the first American astronaut to walk in space. White had been preceded by Soviet cosmonaut Aleksei Leonov, who on March 18, 1965, was the first man ever to walk in space.

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Baseball 101 Submitted by Jimbo

This is a game played by two teams, one out the other in. The one that's in, sends players out one at a time, to see if they can get in before they get out. If they get out before they get in, they come in, but it doesn't count.

If they get in before they get out it does count.

When the ones out get three outs from the ones in before they get in without being out, the team that's out comes in and the team in goes out to get those going in out before they get in without being out.

A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

READY OR NOT. It’s NOT too early to start thinki Attention Landsc apers & Contractors!

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When both teams have been in and out nine times the game is over.

The team with the most in without being out before coming in wins unless the ones in are equal. In which case, the last ones in go out to get the ones in out before they get in without being out.

The game will end when each team has the same number of ins out but one team has more in without being out before coming in.

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20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

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www.stlauren Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Assistant head coach

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Sweet tart

Jail Time Submitted by Jimbo

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An 80 year old woman was arrested for shoplifting.

When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" she replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "Six." The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

He said, "What is it?"

The husband said "She also stole a can of peas."

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In 1762, Ann Franklin became editor of the Newport, Rhode Island Mercury newspaper, the first woman in the United States to edit a newspaper. She inherited the business from her husband, James Franklin, brother of Benjamin Franklin!

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The sun's warming rays travel through 93 million miles of space to reach Earth. Moving at the speed of light, they make the trip in just eight minutes. A jet airliner would need more than 18 years to complete the same journey.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night - they sent me a wake-up letter.

Trivia Q: What do you get when you cross a mink with a kangaroo?

A: A fur coat with pockets.

The thirteenth of the month falls on Friday more often than on any other day of the week.

In a 400-year period, there will be 688 Friday the thirteenths, as compared to 687 Sundays or Wednesdays, the next highest number.

Trivia Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?

A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

At the Atlanta Olympics in 1996, Carl Lewis won the gold medal in the long jump for the fourth straight time, thus making him one of only two people to win nine gold medals as well as winning gold medals in four straight Olympics.

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Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Undocumented report

The SIGNS are everywhere

Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Waste management

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Summer Job

You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

Submitted by Jimbo

My brother wants me to find him a summer job. He asked me to check with my boss, my friends, my business associates.

Then he asked me to run off 100 copies of his resume, call up the employment agencies, and write an ad for the Positions Wanted section of the newspaper.

I asked him what he wanted to call himself in the ad.

He said, "A self-starter!"

Trivia Q: He has dust in his eyes and a fan for a wing. A leg akimbo with which he can sing; And a mouthful of dye stuff instead of a sting.

A: Grasshopper "Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.

Anyone who keeps learning stays young.

The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young."

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A: Just the bear necessities.

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Trivia Q: What did the panda take on its holiday?

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Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Realistic fantasy

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Career Day Submitted by Jimbo

It's career day at school and the teacher instructs his students each to stand up, state their parents occupation, spell it and then tell what their parent would do if they were here today.

Little Rodney stands up and says, "My father is an accountant, A-C-C-O-U-N-T-A-N-T, and if he were here today, he would help you balance your checkbook".

"Good Rodney." says the teacher, "How about you, Johnny?'"

Johnny stands up and says, "My father is an electrician, E-L-E-K-T, no, no, E-L-E-C-K-T no ....L-E-C-K- no....

The teacher interrupts, "never mind Johnny, sit down, how about you Vinnie?"

Vinnie stands up and says, "My dad's a bookie, that's B-O-O-KI-E, and if he were here today he'd give you ten to one odds that there's no way Johnny's ever gonna spell electrician!"

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Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Friendly takeover

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

Glenda Mitchell: 514-1136 • gmitchell@redlon-johnson.com Tim Fox: 514-1137 • tfox@redlon-johnson.com

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a “World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

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Door Troubles

By Natasha Piirainen

Pamela is our nine year old adopted sister. She is a sassy, adorable, monster of a little girl who we cannot help but love to death. Being the youngest by eight years, she often times copies us older siblings in surprising and usually hilarious ways. Sometimes we like to take credit for those traits (she gets her brains from me, of course) and other times we’d rather blame them on other people (her occasional bratty attitude must have come from another sister, but definitely not me).

While we aren’t sure where she got her clumsiness from, it never fails to entertain.

Once while walking towards the entrance of K-Mart with my parents, she noticed them heading towards a manual door and, deciding to be independent, she headed towards what looked like a large mechanical door. “Hey guys!” she shouted, “Why are you using those silly doors? These ones open all on their own…”

BOOM! Pamela smacked right into what was actually a giant glass window, not a manual door at all. She plops down onto her butt, bewildered for a moment, and then bursts into laughter (she’s usually a good sport).

Like any good family, we of course won’t let her live it down. Now whenever we go into a store with manual doors we point towards a window and say, “Hey, Pam, aren’t you going to use that automatic one over there?”

Needless to say, she has some issues with automatic doors now. But just wait till we catch her accidentally pushing a door that you are supposed to pull!

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I put all my money into taxes; that's the only thing that's sure to go up.

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Uncle Andy (is an) Oxymoron: Extra ordinary

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104 SEPTEMBER 2012 783-7039

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